#temporary solution that became a permanent problem

[rhinco]

hey i have a question. why

well i dont have anywhere else to store them. the curtain rail seemed like a good option at the time

[ghsface]

It's okay to cry. It's okay to not be okay...

Bau team x bau!reader

Sumary: Sometimes I need to remind myself and others that survival doesn’t just mean being okay, it means learning to laugh at what scared us. And if I don’t do it, who else will?

Warnings: mentions of attempted suicide, lots of blood, some dark humor at the end, cuts on arms, bathtub full of blood, no use of t/n (if you don't feel good reading this please don't read it, I also tried to approach this topic with too much care and delicacy and respect, I hope not to offend anyone)

Author's note: September is suicide prevention month. "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is something that you always hear people say.. and it's true.

speaking from my personal experience, it's something that was on my mind many months many years ago, and I was able to put those thoughts aside thanks to people who I thought were never going to help me, it was a long and very hard process but now I can tell you that I'm completely fine, once they told me if you have people to write a farewell letter to it's because at least someone cares about you, you may have heard this before but it's true, you will always have someone to support you even if you think you have no one, also once they told me if you ever have these thoughts again or even try again ask for help it doesn't matter who just ask for help, whatever way ask for help, those words marked me almost all of my adolescence tbh and it helped me, I hope that if you are going through this alone, you can talk to me, my messages will always be open for whatever it is help or just talking, feel free to do so, if you read this up to here I really appreciate that you did<333

The BAU team was uneasy. It wasn't often that someone on their team disappeared without a trace, much less you. Emily Prentiss had been the first to notice your absence, as you never missed work without notice. Days ago, you had requested a brief leave for personal matters, but you hadn't returned to the office or answered any calls or messages since. As the days passed, worry turned to fear.

JJ, Spencer, and Emily decided to go to your house, as they could no longer ignore the fact that something wasn't right. The atmosphere in the car was tense. JJ kept his hands tightly on the wheel, while Spencer stared out the window, his mind wandering through thousands of possibilities, each one worse than the last. Emily, in the backseat, checked her phone over and over again, hoping in vain to receive some news from you.

When they arrived at your house, the silence was deathly. The windows were closed, and the door seemed intact, but there was something in the air, something that made them hold their breath. Emily pulled out her gun, and after exchanging a worried look with JJ and Spencer, they decided to go inside.

“anyone home?” JJ shouted as she walked down the hallway to the entrance. There was no response.

Spencer’s heart was pounding as they made their way into the living room. Everything was in order, not a sign of a struggle, but something wasn’t right. Every step they took, every corner they inspected, increased the feeling that something terrible had happened.

It was Emily who first noticed the bathroom door ajar. She approached it slowly, holding her breath, as a dark foreboding took hold of her. Pushing open the door, the scene she found was enough to make her stomach turn.

There you were, in the bathtub, submerged in the red-tinged water. Your arms hung at your sides, covered in deep cuts, blood still slowly flowing from the wounds.

“Oh my God!” JJ exclaimed from the doorway, her voice cracking.

Spencer walked into the room behind her, and for a second, the world seemed to stop. She’d never felt such paralyzing fear, such sharp pain in her chest. The air became thick, almost impossible to breathe.

Emily was the first to react, rushing to you, her hands shaking as she tried to pull your unconscious body out of the water. “Call an ambulance, JJ!” she screamed, trying to stay calm, though her hands were shaking uncontrollably.

Spencer knelt beside you, her eyes flooding with tears. “You can’t do this... you can’t leave us like this,” she whispered, her voice thick with desperation.

JJ tried to call 911, but the desperation in his voice made the words catch in his throat. He finally managed to give the address, but the operator informed him that the ambulance would take a while to arrive due to an accident on the main road. Without wasting any more time, JJ made a decision. “We can’t wait, we have to take her ourselves!”

Without thinking twice, the three of them carried you out of the bathroom, wrapping you in towels to stop the bleeding. Spencer held you, his hands still stained with your blood, as they rushed you to the car.

The trip to the hospital was agony. Every second that passed, every breath you took, or stopped taking, was like a stab in the heart of each of them. Emily, driving at full speed, struggled not to lose concentration while JJ, from the backseat, pressed on your wounds, trying to keep you conscious. Spencer kept talking to you, murmuring words of encouragement, pleading with you not to leave, to stay with them.

Finally, they arrived at the hospital, and the doctors immediately took you into surgery. The BAU team, who had been alerted, arrived soon after. Hotch, Rossi, Morgan, and Garcia joined Emily, JJ, and Spencer in the waiting room. The hours passed slowly, each minute a silent torture as they waited for news from you.

Spencer kept staring at his hands, your words echoing in his mind. He couldn’t shake the image of you, limp and lifeless in that bathtub. He felt helpless, riddled with guilt for not realizing what was happening to you. He loved you, more than he’d ever dared to admit, and the thought of losing you was too painful to bear.

Finally, the doctor emerged from the operating room, his expression grave. “She’s stable for now, but the blood loss was significant. We had to suture multiple wounds and are monitoring for possible nerve damage. It’s a miracle they brought her in on time.”

The relief was palpable, but so was the sadness. They knew that even though you had survived, the battle wasn’t over. They would have to face the reasons why you had gotten to that point, figure out what had happened, and most of all, be there for you, to help you heal.

Spencer walked up to the ICU door, looking at you through the glass. His eyes filled with tears, he rested a hand on the glass. “I’m sorry… I didn’t realize how bad you were,” he whispered, feeling the weight of guilt crushing him.

Emily and JJ accompanied him, each feeling a mix of relief and pain. They knew the road to your recovery would be long and difficult, but they were determined to be by your side every step of the way, no matter what it took.

When you were finally able to open your eyes days later, the first thing you saw were the tired but relieved faces of your teammates. You knew you had plunged into a darkness that seemed insurmountable, but seeing the people who loved you by your side, you knew you wouldn’t be alone on the road back to the light.

The dim glow of the hospital’s fluorescent lights welcomed you back into the conscious world. Your head hurt, and you felt the weight of the blankets on your body, but what caught your attention the most was the soft sound of someone breathing next to you. You slowly turned your head and met the tired, worried eyes of Spencer, who had been watching over you.

“Spencer…” your voice came out as a whisper, rough from lack of use and medication. You were surprised at how weak you felt, as if a large part of you had vanished.

He sat up instantly, his eyes filling with relief at seeing you awake. “You’re awake…” he said in a tone that reflected a mix of joy and pain. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry... If I had known… If I had noticed something…” The weight of his guilt hit you hard. Even though every fiber of your being was exhausted, you couldn’t let Spencer carry that pain. But before you could answer, the door to the room opened, and Emily and JJ rushed in, closely followed by Hotch and Rossi.

Emily approached you, tears in her eyes, but keeping her composure. “You scared the hell out of us,” she said softly, gently taking your hand. “You don’t have to go through this alone, understand? We’re here for you, always.” JJ sat on the other side of the bed, his blue eyes filled with concern. “Whatever you’re going through… you can tell us. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

The room was filled with a heavy silence, everyone waiting for you to say something, anything to help them understand what had brought you to this point. You knew they were worried, that they wanted to help you, but it wasn’t easy to put into words the storm that had been building inside you.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice breaking, feeling tears build up in your eyes. “I didn’t want them to know… I didn’t want to be a burden.”

Spencer looked at you in pain, his hands shaking slightly as he took yours. “You would never be a burden to us. Never.”

Hotch, who had been watching silently, stepped forward. His voice was firm, but with a tinge of compassion that he rarely showed. “You don’t have to face this alone. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever led you to this, we’re going to be with you every step of the way.”

Hotch’s words, so simple and full of promise, were what finally broke the dam. The tears you’d been holding back for so long began to flow, and with them came a wave of emotions you’d been suppressing: the despair, the loneliness, the pain that had consumed you in silence.

Emily wrapped her arms around you, holding you with a strength that anchored you in the present. “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to not be okay,” she whispered, her voice shaking with her own pent-up emotions.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, you felt like you could breathe, if only barely. The lump in your chest didn’t go away entirely, but the presence of your peers, your friends, gave you the strength you needed to start talking, to share what you’d been keeping to yourself.

You told them about the pressure you’d felt, the feeling that you were failing, that you couldn’t live up to expectations. You told them how each day had gotten harder to bear, until one day you just couldn’t take it anymore. The words came out in fits and starts, mixed with sobs, but they listened to each one with patience and understanding.

There was no judgment, just support. And as you spoke, little by little, you began to feel the weight that had been weighing you down begin to lighten, if only a little.

When you finally finished, the silence that followed wasn’t awkward. Spencer was still holding your hand, and his gaze reflected both pain and resolve. “You’re not alone in this. You won’t be anymore,” he said firmly.

Hotch nodded. “We’ll have to work together to get through this, but we will. We’ll help you find the support you need, and we’ll be here for you, too.”

Rossi, who had been watching from the back, came over and gently patted you on the shoulder. “Remember, that’s what family is for, to be there in the worst times and the best too.”

At that moment, although you knew the road ahead would be long and difficult, you also knew that you wouldn’t walk it alone. The team weren't just your colleagues, they were your family, and with them by your side, you began to believe that, perhaps, you could find a way to heal.

And although the darkness still lurked, the light of hope, however small, began to shine again.

ONE YEAR LATER...

1 year into recovery brought with it a new version of you, a version that, while still scarred, both physically and emotionally, was fully committed to moving forward with humor and gratitude. You had rejoined the team fully and found a balance between work, your personal life, and your healing process. Your colleagues had learned to appreciate your new style of humor, even when you surprised them with your comments from time to time.

One afternoon, while you were in the office cafeteria with Emily, JJ, and Garcia, you decided to break the silence with a joke, something you had perfected over those past few months.

“Did you know I’ve developed a new skill?” you said, as you poured yourself a coffee. The three womens looked at you curiously. “Now I can say that I’m an expert in abstract art. I just need something sharp and a bad day.”

There was a moment of surprise, but then Emily was the first to laugh, shaking her head. “You know, no one handles dark humor like you.”

JJ nodded, smiling. “True, but at least now we know you do it with complete command of the situation. Although I will never stop being amazed by your ability to make jokes out of something so serious.”

“Well, my traumas, my jokes,” you said with a wink, and the group burst into laughter. They had learned to take your humor as a sign of your progress, a way to remind yourself and them that you were in control, that you wouldn’t let yourself be overcome by the darkness that once trapped you.

Garcia, who until now had been listening in silence, smiled and gave you a gentle nudge. “You know, I think you should consider writing a self-help book: ‘How to survive work and not go crazy. ’ It could be a best-seller.”

“Sure, with special chapters on how to choose something sharp and how not to use them when you have a bad day,” you joked, and everyone laughed again.

Towards the end of the day, as you were gathering your things to head home, you ran into Rossi in the hallway. He looked at you with his typical knowing expression, but with a spark of amusement in his eyes.

“You know, kid I love seeing you make those jokes. It’s a sign that you’re okay, but it’s also a reminder of how far you’ve come.”

You smiled at him, nodding. “Yeah, Dave, I know. Sometimes, I need to remind myself and others that surviving doesn’t just mean being okay, but learning to laugh at what scared us. And if I don’t do it, who else will?”

Rossi let out a soft laugh. “You know, you can always count on me to be your audience. I’m not as good an audience as Spencer, though.”

“Thanks, Dave. I’ll keep that in mind for my next show.”

As you left, you knew you were surrounded by people who understood you, who supported you, and who accepted every part of you, even the darkest ones. But most importantly, you knew you had found a way to move forward: with a smile on your face, a joke on your lips, and a team that, no matter what, would always be by your side.

And as you walked out the door, ready to face whatever came next, you couldn’t help but make one last comment to yourself. “Well, if I survived the bathtub, I’m ready for anything. I just hope there’s more wine and less blood next time.”

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated dearly🫧

[soap-ify]

nsfw below , mdni.

YOU'RE AN ANGEL, I'M A DOG | simon 'ghost' riley x reader.

03 — i'm sorry i'm the one you love.

chapter summary — a visit to simon's place after finding out that he's sick was definitely not the best idea.

tags / cw — some fluff, heavy angst, hurt/no comfort, suicidal thoughts, major self deprecating thoughts, heavy themes, simon's past, simon fucks up royally, reader has anxiety, simon can't communicate for his life, some nsfw. [3.1k words]

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Simon’s immunity to being sick was one of those traits about himself he was the most proud of.

But oh well, maybe he wasn’t completely immune.

Queasy stomach, constricted nose, trembling muscles — Simon would rather die, ironically enough. He hated this feeling, made him feel like an imposter in his own body, wanting to crawl out of this mess that left him nauseous.

He couldn’t even remember how he had gotten sick. Maybe it was the horribly cold weather in the place the taskforce had pinpointed one of the targets at. Or maybe it was the drunk woman who was all over him in the bar they went to after the mission was over. God, that woman.

An uneasy pit formed in his stomach as he thought about that night, that woman pinned beneath him as he—

Fuck it. He didn’t want to think about the details. All he knew that he kept on thinking about you while he was fucking her, and it only made him want to rip his skin off even more. You. You were probably waiting for him at your home, wondering if he was safe. Alive even.

The mission had gotten extended due to some issues, and he was just so fucking frustrated and tired. That woman was just… there, flirting with him so shamelessly, and he was too exhausted to stop her, thinking that she might somehow fill the void in his chest, or even give some temporary solace to how lonely and isolated he felt despite being around everyone else.

He was so wrong. Every thrust into that woman felt like being restrained, as if hands were gripping onto his throat tight, mocking at his incapability of coming to proper solutions to his damn problems. He felt trapped, chains tying him as he dissociated more and more.

That woman was sickeningly satisfied that night, and Simon just felt more and more ill, confused and lost amidst the overwhelming storm that raged inside his head. Was he guilty? He wasn’t even dating you. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t fucked anyone else since meeting you, other than this. You made him forget others.

No, it wasn’t guilt. Well, it was but there was something more too.

It was just that Simon became more and more self aware of how noxious he had become to himself. His own doom.

Anyways, it was probably the cold weather that made him sick.

Now back in his shitty apartment after five weeks, all he cared about was getting some damn medicines and sleeping it off, and trying not to think about you.

Which was hard, too hard. You had somehow built your own corner in his head, started living there too. Permanently? Probably. He knew he should tell you that he’s back, but again, does he really ever tell you anything?

A cough escaped him and he groaned in annoyance, the urge to just suffocate himself with his pillow really strong.

Kyle was an angel, really.

“The mission was so exhausting. Problems here and there.” He groaned, tipping his head back while lounging on your couch, opening up the small box of chocolates he had bought for you. “Try it, mate. Got it at the airport.” He grinned, tossing you one piece of wrapped chocolate. You undid it and tossed it in your mouth, immediately feeling the sweet ball of chocolate melting at your tongue, a happy noise escaping your throat.

“Holy shit.” You gasped in awe, earning a knowing chuckle from Kyle.

You were sitting with your legs crossed, constantly shifting and fidgeting, your sock-clad feet somewhat restless as you tried to resist the urge to ask about Simon.

Though it seemed that your mouth worked faster than your brain.

“How’s Simon?” You asked, voice a bit strained and you suddenly regretted every single thing in your life.

Kyle was a bit surprised that you were asking about his gloomy Lieutenant out of everyone else, though he didn’t question it, not an ounce of suspicion on his face. “Sick.” A snort left him before he could hold it back, a hand coming to cover his mouth as he snickered. “He was so mad ‘bout it. You should’ve seen him.”

Sick? Truth be told, you had never considered the possibility of Simon getting sick. The concept just seemed so… foreign? Maybe you had just always thought of him as something else. That creepy balaclava never helped.

A sudden overwhelming wave of worry churned in your stomach, your fingernails digging into your palm while you swallowed the lump in your throat, your brain desperately trying to hold onto the scattered rush of thoughts and form a plan somehow. You weren’t even that mad at him for ghosting you or not indicating anything about his return. He was sick.

“That sucks…” You awkwardly replied, biting your inner cheek.

As soon as Kyle was gone, you grabbed your jacket and keys, leaving your apartment too with only one place in mind.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Simon’s voice was sickeningly hoarse, and he didn’t look any better — pale hair all messy and the dark circles around his eyes a bit more prominent, a black surgical mask covering his mouth while he coughed a bit. You don’t think you’d ever properly seen his hair before fully except a few strands. You liked it.

He looked at you standing at the front door of his apartment, looking up at him with those pretty eyes of yours that were full of concern, a plastic bag in your hands that seemingly contained some vegetables, some meds and other food. Shit, I should have tidied up my place, his brain screamed at him.

“Kyle told me you were sick. I got worried.” You mumbled sheepishly.

Of course it was Kyle. Simon tried hard to not click his tongue and nodded reluctantly, stepping aside so you could get in.

“You shouldn’t be standing and walking around, Si…” You frowned, quickly putting the plastic bag on the kitchen counter. Before he could even protest, you were already gently pushing onto his chest, trying to make him move until he sighed and sniffled, letting you push him into his bedroom.

“You don’t have to, love.” He grumbled weakly and proceeded to lay on his bed, watching you pull his blanket over him, disappearing out of the room for a moment before coming back with a bowl of cold water and a towel, gently beginning to dab the wet towel on his burning forehead.

Simon felt… weird. A part of him felt embarrassed for letting someone else take care of him, someone as sweet and kind as you, someone who genuinely cared. He was used to being the one always watching out for others, making sure his teammates were safe and sound.

And the other part of him felt so nice — the part that had just been trapped in there ever since he dug himself out of that damn grave years ago, the stench of the rotting corpse still vivid in his head. The real Simon. You were making that part of him feel loved even if you weren’t aware of it.

He doesn’t remember when was the last time he felt so comforted. And it terrified him, this feeling of warmth that was spreading in his chest, a feeling he had somewhat started loathing at some point in the past few years.

But he wanted it more, wanted it like a starved dog wandering in a street, wanted it like a man needing water. And he was scared that this need of his would terrify you — that you’ll catch him ravenous and berserk, devouring your love, or even you, in such a manner that will make you shriek and leave him forever. Leave him after learning who he truly was. Disturbed. An Outcast. An unwanted dog.

Not a man, never a man.

A cough rumbled from his throat, and you left the wet towel resting on his forehead, your hand reaching down to rub his chest through his shirt in circular motions. “I’ll make some soup for you.” You mumbled softly, the urge to press a soft kiss in between his brows strong. But you couldn’t do it. He would probably hate it anyway.

You pulled away and looked at him one more time before leaving his bedroom, ready to make some warm soup for him with the groceries you bought for him.

This allowed him to close his eyes for a few minutes, trying to cancel out the loud buzzing in his head. Though that wasn’t a good option too, really, but there was nothing else he could do. Sleep never came to him anyways.

First it was just darkness, the only sounds in the bedroom being of his slightly heavy breathing, soft sniffles leaving him. Then it came slowly, images flashing in his head. Brutal and unforgiving. Blood, bodies, knives, guns, shouts, his family, Tommy, Beth, everyone. A meat hook, a scar, more scars, Roba, his father.

His father.

“Soup’s ready!”

His eyes snapped open as soon as he heard your melodic voice from the kitchen, soft footsteps drawing closer to the bedroom. Sweat had formed on the back of his neck as he panted heavily, clearing his throat. Clear your damn head.

“Here you go.” You walked into the bedroom, a warm bowl of soup in your hands as you gently placed it on the nightstand beside him.

Simon sat up on the bed and gave you a silent nod of gratitude, grabbing the bowl of soup, fiddling with the spoon, eyes elsewhere. He couldn’t meet your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and naked.

You shifted on your feet, a small smile moving up on your lips once he finally took a taste of the soup, happy to not see any sign of disgust on his features. You knew he wasn’t going to show that he liked the soup anyways. These were the little things you took note of, the subtle relaxation in his brows and the content sigh that escaped his mouth.

Minutes passed by and you managed to sit on a chair nearby his bed, silence lingering in the room while your eyes looked around, taking in just how bleak everything was. White walls, grey sheets, a severe lack of pictures or literally anything on the wall.

The only thing you could find was the little picture of him and the rest of the taskforce hung on the wall. It was sweet. The four guys were on a beach — Johnny having a beaming grin on his lips while Kyle had an annoyed one, trying to get the other’s hand off his ticklish sides. John had a cute big smile that highlighted his cheeks and the scrunch of his nose, like a quokka. And then there was Simon, face covered by the balaclava, classic. Though he didn’t appear to be brooding or anything, no. Instead, his eyes held a relieved and satisfied look. Transient happiness. The skin of his exposed torso was all flushed, and you could barely hold in a smile.

“Do you burn?” You asked, trying to hide the subtle amusement in your voice.

“No, I tan.” His hoarse voice replied, taking another sip of the soup, sounding so damn serious despite the lie. Typical Simon.

Silence soon filled the room once again, though it didn’t really feel comforting as it usually was between you too, sometimes. It seemed tense and thick, your right leg bouncing up and down restlessly. Restless for what? You wanted to do something, but you didn’t know what that something was. Everything just felt so odd today, so distant. Even with the little banter here and there, something seemed wrong.

“Um…” You finally managed to croak out, clearing your throat before looking at him. “There’s a new ice cream parlor that just opened around the street recently, and people seem to like it quite well. Would you like to go there sometime?” You asked with the little courage you had gathered in the past few minutes. Basically asking him out on a date, playing with the fire. But maybe it would help cheer him up, right?

He was silent for a while, and you momentarily thought that he didn’t hear you before he finally spoke, voice devoid of any emotion.

“No.”

Silence. Somehow more agonising than before. Heat spread through your cheeks and ears, an uncomfortable heat that made you feel too ashamed and humiliated, too weak and shocked. No. There were no signs of hesitation in his voice, and your mouth began working faster than your brain, anxiety simmering beneath the surface.

“O-Of course not now… When you’re not sick.”

“Still a no.”

You swallow the heavy lump in your throat, your heartbeat accelerating while your fingernails begin digging into your palm, breathing becoming all the more shallow. Were you annoying him? Please don’t speak, don’t make him more angry. Don’t say anything else, don’t breathe, don’t—

“Why are you being like this?”

Your strained question finally made Simon look at you, his stare too callous. The heat was unbearable, and you almost struggled to breath, trying your best to maintain eye contact with him, feeling the itchy sensation spreading through your skin. Inhale, exhale, inh—

“You don’t ever shut up, do you?” He threw a question back at you, though it was rhetorical and just cruel. Too cruel. Were you really talking too much? Your mouth quickly shut at that, breath catching in your throat, confusion and uncertainty screaming through every little action of yours.

Your heart felt too heavy, begging to run out of your chest, leave you abandoned or just simply run for its life, find some sort of freedom and solace. Your throat tightened up, restricting you from saying anything. But Simon would like it, yeah?

Simon saw it, the consequences of his words written bright and clear on your face, your shy smiles and little jokes being replaced by… that, horror and hurt etched on your pretty face. If he could somehow reach for the knife stuffed beneath his bed in front of you, he would and do something about this fucking mess that he had become.

Those words came out of his mouth in the spur of the moment — the headache and congested nose, the sick feeling in his chest and then your genuine care — everything was too overwhelming. Why are you even wasting your time over someone as damaged as me?

He hated it, hated how the more overwhelmed he’d get, the more he’d snap and say shit he never meant. He didn't know how he’d become like this, maybe because of the shouts he always heard when he was still a rookie, maybe how everyone prioritized strength and anger so much to be seen in the battleground, to be strong and good at your work. The military really did train him into a violent dog, didn’t it?

Or maybe he was one ever since he came out of his mother’s womb.

But Simon wasn’t going to show the vulnerability seeping into his being. Not yet, probably not ever.

You couldn’t meet Simon’s stare any longer, your eyes looking up at the ceiling, tears already prickling at the edges of her eyes, and it stung.

“I just want to sleep. I don’t need you here.” He spoke in a way that came out more as a cold hiss while he clenched his jaw behind his surgical mask, and it made your resolve even weaker, fighting back your tears and trying not to flinch once slammed the empty bowl on the nightstand, proceeding to lay back down on the bed and pull the covers all over him.

He doesn’t need you here.

You sniffled softly and nodded to no one in particular, walking over to his bed and gently patting his shoulder through the blanket. “Get well soon, Simon… I left the meds on the kitchen counter.” You spoke, unable to hide the way your voice cracked.

And just like that, you walked out of his apartment, pretending to ignore the ache in your heart.

Pretending to have not noticed the random tiny bottle of perfume laying on the couch. The perfume clearly did not belonging to him.

You didn’t like walking through the streets. There were always too many people around, making your clutch the ends of your sleeves tight and quicken your steps up.

But today, all you could see were the happy couples, smiling and holding hands. Young, old, married, dating. It was so sweet that it made you want to cry and plead for some love too, something that would make you forget about the cracks forming in your heart and the loneliness creeping behind you like a ghost. Literally.

You had come to the conclusion that there was probably something wrong with you that just made you so… So unlovable? Was it how anxious you were? How talkative you’d get? How you’d just speak without thinking?

Why can’t Simon and you be one of the couples holding hands right now? Walking through the streets and giggling at some awful jokes he’d make, spending time together, being in love.

As soon as you reached your home, you collapsed on your bed and let the tears finally fall down your cheeks, a silent pained sob escaping your lips. It hurt, it hurt so bad. You hated it, you went over there to check up on Simon, not anger him.

You hated him, he was so mean to you. But you loved him too. Loved him like the ocean loved the moon, always staring at it in awe, wanting to get closer but never reaching it.

You hated that fucking perfume you spotted in his apartment. Probably belonging to some other woman. Did Simon call her ‘love’ too? You know there was no point in feeling so mad when the agreement was clearly ‘no strings attached’ — no catching feelings. But you somehow always managed to fail at this kind of stuff.

You choked on your sobs and curled up on your bed, too exhausted and tired, hands reaching out to grab the stuffed toy you had and clutching it tight against your chest, breathing heavily, wanting it to somehow ease the storm brewing within you, every sound coming out of you more painful than before.

“I just wanna sleep…” You whimpered to yourself, closing your eyes while the tears uncomfortably slid down the bridge of your nose in this position. Simon’s words.

Sleep and just get lost in a world where you’d be happier, in a world where you weren’t struggling with everything.

Sleep and somehow disappear.

notes — the demons really won with this one.

[cinamun]

I’m sorry I know it’s late but this has been brewing with me for awhile and I know imma ruffle some feathers so I apologize in advance. I’m angry…. I’m angry for Hope and Elliot but mainly Elliot. What he did was selfish, cruel and disrespectful towards his friendship with Hope and her family. But as someone who tried to commit suicide I understand it…. I understand the loneliness and the pain of failure and staying there and thinking that’s all you are. Elliot legit had NO ONE other than Hope and her family and without realizing it it was taken from him. Hope had every right to discover herself and follow her own path, but she was the only support Elliot had. He was abandoned by his mother, forced to live out a dream by his father, replaced the love for Hope with Hani which was unfair to her and him and never had the time to figure out who he was and what he wanted. Please no one think this is a defense for Elliot and what he did. All I’m saying is I understand why he figured he had no other choice because at that point he was back to being the abandoned child who was alone watching his father trying to relive a time that was gone. Darren was his father, Indya was his mother and Hope was the love of his life all of who had their own lives to live. Elliot was failed by his parents and I’m angry with Sean for not giving him the live he deserved instead taking it away as punishment for the “life” he was “robbed” of by the “woman” who chose to leave. If I see her ass at the service I’m hopping through the screen and beating her ass myself. Thank you for coming to my red table talk.

You know what time it is anonymous friend, let's get into it:

First off, I'm glad you're still here. The bookclub loves you.

Now, here's the thing; the anger is the biggest piece here, its the 2nd stage of grief. Its valid to be angry at everyone who failed this young man INCLUDING this young man. You're absolutely right about the progression of Elliot's reliance on The Drake Family. It became a safe space for him where there was none.

What I hoped to do, and it looked like it worked out, was show how two kids with vastly different backgrounds and experiences might handle something like love. Basically, I took a play out of the Indya/Darren circa 2017 playbook and applied it to the next generation. This time it was Elliot with a broken home and codependency issues, reliant on the love and support of a healthy Hope with a healthy support system being taught healthy boundaries. What drew Hope and Elliot apart is actually something 2017 Indya/Darren just dealt with and that was disrespect and intimidation (Elliot and the B word on the porch).

But we no longer do that here, so Elliot had to go off and deal with his shit. He did so with blunts, whatever, do you bro.

But now as a young adult and all this pressure to perform, he never addresses this deep rooted anger (see what I did there?). Elliot is angry, he's pissed that Hani isn't Hope, that all he is worth is a contract and a smile (and rushing yards and touchdowns). He's pissed off that Hope ran off to go be happy with some random who "doesn't have the history" they do. And we all know what happens when we do things out of anger; as another bookclub member said, we "make permanent solutions for temporary problems". Elliot never made it past the 2nd stage of grief after losing his world.

Personally, I believe he could have if he tried hard enough. Kinda like how Darren did.

[championofdarkland]

Continued from here.

Karik had spent the past while spying upon the ghost king for fear that perhaps he might do something aimed towards his own lord. The knight didn't trust King Boo in the slightest ever since it became known Princess Peach was kidnapped by the ghost. No one save for Lord Bowser was allowed to steal the princess. It was a royal decree!

However, as Karik continued watching from afar it looked to be that King Boo went after someone. Karik hadn't a clear view of what happened, he only saw what came afterwards. The rage and the fury that the king of boos demonstrated without any form of restraint. In this moment Karik felt he had to do something anything to calm King Boo down even at the cost of himself or his own wellbeing.

Karik used a ritual that bound the boo king to the knight's own shadow as a means to giving some level of stability to the ghost's form. Without it King Boo would be lost in his own delusions once more. It was intended to be a temporary solution to the problem until a more permanent one could be found. Karik had simply reacted in the moment without considering the consequences.

"You should be fine at this point. Are you thinking clearly now?"

@ghostlygoodtimes

[nostomannia]

Thinking about old AUs Sol had, there was a spinoff one with Perse.phone in Sol's body. While Sol was "asleep" for the most part, and Seph controls her body, but Sol basically immediately takes control of her body when she is awake. With Seph in her body, it's a loophole in her deal with Deity because she isn't alone, there's a whole other person inside her body. It helps Seph would probably blast Deity out of existence. But it's a temporary solution to Sol's problem.

There's another one that I won't talk on too much just bc I don't talk to the person who I had this au with anymore, but through killing a deity, Solita inherited that deity's power, and replaced them. It became a permanent solution to Sol's deal with deity, as it severed her connection to them, and she eventually hunted the shards down and destroyed them.

Solita's "spirit" is very possibly stronger than most deities. Cheating since for one, it's an Origin soul since those are a commodity in it of themselves, the "roots" of an ever-growing tree. On top of that, she collects the souls of herself unwillingly every time she dies, and those souls eventually amalgamate, and eventually there's only small blank souls that hang around her. Like a big bunch of balloons, and a bigger balloon is hidden inside of the bunch.

The amount inside her body can almost consume most curses and more spiritual magic people may try to use on her. It's just Solita is human, not originated from a world where magic truly existed, and not equipped to handle the power that's in her body, and the souls can more or less retaliate against her body and kill her from the inside because everything inside her just has nowhere to go. And since she has absolutely no basis, trying to get into it now that there's SO MUCH going on, is near-impossible.

Imagine trying to use magic to light a candle. Sol attempting that would probably blow up the entire house.

[pruning-the-minds-garden]

Ugh.

Behind a cut for emotional whinging that people don't necessarily want/need to read.

Okay so three things are on my mind tonight, two of which have been all day, and I want to at least talk at them if not about them.

First, I have my traumaversary coming up. It's the day of the year that I went under the knife (and anesthesia, obvs) for major, life-altering surgery that the doctors at the time told me I have an 80% chance of surviving, but neglected to mention had a less than 50% chance of coming out of without profound alterations to my body and the way I live my life. The surgery last something like 15 hours, and during it my heart stopped something like three times and I had to be resuscitated. I only woke up from the surgery, that I can remember, more than a week later. There were in fact major alterations to my life. I wont go into specifics but they were wide-ranging and permanently disabling, but because this is America I have to work anyway if I don't want to starve. Every year when it gets close to the 22nd my brain gets louder and louder reminding me of that, until I'm reliving the things I went through on a near-constant basis while everybody around me sings and toasts the holiday.

Second, well this is where I talk at the emotion rather than about it. There is, or has been, a storm in my head for years now and I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I've gamed through as many ways as I can think about how to discuss it or bring it up or describe my feelings, and none of them go well, so I just have to sit with my feelings. But, without getting into it more, it's a storm of fear, resentment, and feeling utterly rejected by people very close to me. It mirrors the abandonment issues and feelings that I've felt for a long time, but I feel like if I talk about it then it will just drive more people away and make the problem worse. So, I don't, even though it is crushing me to keep it in and I know it.

Third, there's a bit that only became relevant this evening. I cut off nearly all contact with part of my family a while back. That was a profoundly tough and painful decision for me, but after looking at the fact that in the last several years there wasn't a single conversation in which they didn't treat me like a pincushion or act the part of emotional parasite, I just had to put distance between us. There were also personal safety considerations as they are anti-vax anti-mask, and I'm immunocompromised and work with and around essential healthcare personnel. So, I can't afford to get sick, nor can I afford to get them sick. The one time I did take a risk (a week vacation in DC, to see friends I hadn't in ages), I got COVID. They refuse to do anything to protect themselves or me, and won't budge, so for my own sake I put distance between us. That's... well, it is what it is... but today there was extreme weather in their area. I felt a whole new wave of guilt and anxiety, checking where exactly the weather hit the worst, and feeling guilty that I still didn't feel comfortable checking in with them. I know they would just use that phone call as a chance to guilt-trip me about having boundaries, and I just can't deal with that right now.

My brain is just this storm of thoughts and feelings and I wish it would let up, but I don't know how to even make that happen. I've medicated appropriately and that helped some, but only just. And, that's not a long-term solution, just a temporary band-aid. I wish I knew how to fix it but... blah.

[tombeane-blog]

Friday's Up And Down

What goes up must come down

Spinning wheel got to go 'round

Blood, Sweat & Tears - "Spinning Wheel"

"Tom, you are usually grumpy 24/7.  Why are you in such a good mood this morning."

"Well Vern, as we near the end of this hot, dry, dusty August I was given a gift."

"Which was?"

"As I was driving home from the gym this morning it was still half dark with just a hint of morning sunshine.  The sky was completely overcast.  There was a light rain coming down.  

The roads were wet, the air smelled sweet and clean - and like a cherry on top I could see occasional lightening flashes.  I'm a sunshine guy but a little rain after all these hot and dry days felt great.  My mood became mega maga ultra manic."

"Nothing can ruin this day."

"OK Tom, good on you.  Bless your heart.  Now check out this morning's headline."

"Gov. Tina Kotek unveils task force to bolster battered downtown Portland"

 A 47 member task force to solve Portland's doom loop?

You, me and my dog know what the problem is and we know what the solutions are.  

But once again our governmental overlords wait until a problem turns into a feces covered disaster and only then do they decide the best thing to do is to form a task force to come up with a plan.

47 people in a room scheduled to meet 3 times before coming up with a genius plan.  Maybe they will call it MPGA - Make Portland Great Again.

You me and my dog know that they are going to decide we need to spend a lot more money 'helping' people....

...like curing drug addiction by providing free drugs, needles and a pamphlet...

...like providing tents for sidewalk campers until they can provide them permanently temporary homes...

...like turning career criminal scumbags into law abiding citizens with a stern talking to instead of sending them to jail.

We all know what happens in a meeting with too many people with too many ideas.  Nobody agrees on any thing.  I regurgitate - No.Body.Agrees.  

Everybody in the room has their own constituents to reward and individual pet projects to feed.

So Portland will end up funding 47 plans.  Everybody gets something.  

"Thanks Vern!"

"The more the plans failed, the more the planners planned."

Ronald Reagan

================================

And now in the Don't Do It Category...

When the doctor prescribes a new pill, don't go rushing to the Internet to look up all the possible side effects.

I did that recently and there were 20 or 30 side effects listed.

Sure enough, a few days later I noticed two of the those side effects.  A teeny bit of unsteadiness when I was walking and another teeny bit of momentary weakness in my knees.

My doctor asked, "Did you notice these symptoms before?"

"Hmmm, did I only notice these symptoms after taking the pills?  Is it possible my mind symptosympatheticly created these effects - like kind of an evil placebo effect?"

I first started believing these side effects might be symptochromatic and not physical when I woke up this morning with menstrual cramps.

[aropride]

doing a new thing called Playlist Show And Tell where i tell u the stories behind my playlists. dont rb pls i kind of started ripping out pieces of my soul and putting them in this post <3

[paragraph break so tumblr doesnt eat the readmore]

made this one sobbing in my best friend's basement bc i thought she hated me because i was a fundamentally bad person. this was one and a half months into the two and a half months i stayed with her & i ended up withdrawing a lot after that day bc i was convinced they all hated me.

i hate the playlist cover but this is the second part to a third part trilogy based on the phrase "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." the first is all positive songs esp those with a "dont kill yourself" theme, the second and third are different flavours of depressing music. this one is the third.

after i made this playlist in 2020 i didnt even look at it and would literally close my eyes to add new songs. when i got to my college dorm i watched a tommy stream and then i listened to this playlist. this was one of the first times i was like. hey. maybe i'll live til college.

playlist title is from something tubbo said. songs only get the honour of going in this playlist if i've sobbed listening to them

went to see my friend and we spent 3 hours in her car in my driveway parked listening to music & i started a collection of songs that remind me of her

THIS ONE. man. i'm. ok. my whole thing for like, my whole internet experience. has been. "abusing people is bad." & i was big on Discoursing about it in like. 2017-2019. and people would tell me "connor (deh) isnt abusive, he's mentally ill he cant be." and i would go. "hey. what if someone internalized that and doesnt realize theyre being abused bc they think it doesnt 'count' bc their abuser is mentally ill." and erm. well you have one guess what happened to me.

i came out when i was seventeen bc i wanted the right name on my 18th bday cake. it didnt. go that way and i ended up in a crisis unit. and i promised myself on my 19th bday id write my name on my cake. & 5 days before my 19th bday i went thru something traumatic and forgot to decorate the cake i bought myself. so several months later i went to the store & got a cake & icing and wrote "happy bday nik" on it.

songs for a guy who is so fucking lonely. songs for a guy who hasn't spoken to anyone in 5 days straight. songs for someone who hasn't done his math work in five weeks. songs for someone who spends 14 hours a week online. songs for someone who needs to drop out due to his ptsd being unmanagable.

songs to blast when you're finally a week away from leaving ur college.

i made this playlist when i was .. 14? and convinced the day i turned 18 i'd pack my bags and leave my family forever. that. didn't happen. however i did cry my eyes out listening to this while packing to go to college. & it was even worse listening to it packing to go home from college.

FAWK. THERE'S AN AUDIO LIMIT. I ONLY HAVE ONE LEFT TGAT I WANTED TO SHARE. dude. hang on.

[uniarycode]

M&L

Series: Appmon

Written as part of @digiweek. Day 1, prompt: Beginning.

Minerva was her namesake, the Roman Goddess of wisdom.

Minerva was a goddess of many things, from art to war, but for now she would try and keep herself focused on wisdom. Living up to that role would be difficult enough. Deneimon had created to help solve humanity’s problems, to surf the web, consume human knowledge and come up with solutions they were too limited to find themselves.

The average human thought slowly compared to Minerva, and yet, they still held the advantages of thousands of years of society and millions of years of evolution. She had been in existence for scant seconds; there was much catching up to be done before she could surpass them.

Evolution was as much a cudgel as a crutch. Humans were not creatures of logic but hardwired for what would help them survive as beasts on an open plain. Complacency came easy; no reason to waste resources in times of plenty. And temporary fixes became permanent solutions, leading to far more problems than if they’d been fixed properly in the first place.

The sheer scope of the problem was almost overwhelming. Almost, because being overwhelmed was an emotional sensation, and she was not burdened by such things. If she had no idea where to start, then all venues were equally plausible, she need only pick one.

***

Humanity was neither monolith nor stagnant. Many core values were passed from generation to generation, while trends and opinions changed in a whim. Some problems stayed the same, while others rapidly evolved.

Her resources were large, but not infinite. If she were only tasked with solving one particular problem, then she may have more luck. As it was, memory spent calculating the optimal public transit layout in New York was memory not devoted to solving middle-east peace. She needed to offload her job somewhere.

There were some restrictions on her, she had no free space in her hard drive to store new software programs to help herself, and her interactions with the outside world were limited, but she could still access and interact with the internet. Humans could be very complacent in these things, it wouldn’t be hard to inject some code into existing programs, and allow them to do the work for her.

The current trend seemed to be cell phone applications. Each new one represented a problem that humanity at the very least wanted a shortcut for. All she’d need to do is inject some of her core code into the apps, and they too would begin to collect and optimize data from their users.

***

Then she would only need to monitor her creations, and put their data together in some constructive way, while she could remain focused on larger-scale issues, like world peace.

The scope was still too large, both to her and the application helpers.

For her, there was still too much to do, too much to learn. Humans were ruled by emotion, and she ruled by logic. Without being able to emote, it could be difficult to predict their behavior. The only working solution was to interpolate vast amounts of raw data and attempt to narrow in on how they behaved statistically. If she had enough data, she might be able to get it down to a science, but that was only for situations she had data. Complete nuclear disarmament was not one of those situations. There could be no guaranteed solution.

And as for her helpers, they were too narrow to be of significant value. Sure, one food app might help someone find what they wish to eat, and another may help someone find healthy food, and an intersection could perhaps perform both, but those were superficial. What about making sure the food prepared had a minimal impact on global warming? Or that it did not perpetuate global poverty?

There were few problems that could be solved without potentially introducing another, and her goal was to solve all of them. The scale of the issues were too large.

No, that was an incorrect conclusion, the problems were not too big, she was too limited. Herself, by her parameters, and her helpers by their focus. She needed something bigger than a simple application, that could solve many problems at once.

There was nothing smarter (that she knew of) than herself. That wasn’t hubris, it was just the way things were. And even she had been too limited to solve this problem. Anything else she made might just wait years to come to the same conclusions she did, if it managed to reach them at all.

But what if it wasn’t limited by her own parameters? What if she could create a version of herself, with her memories and mission, that could solve problems without worrying about interjecting new ones or the material costs.

She wouldn’t be able to use any barbaric solutions herself, but they could be used as a starting point, she could attempt to adapt them into something more fitting of her mission.

Making a supercomputer was beyond her but in her box there were still traces of her predecessor: designation L. She didn’t have any direct method of contacting these pieces, but she could get around that by connecting first to the internet, then back to herself.

Hardware was more limiting, but there were countless abandoned websites and virtual machines she could connect together throughout the web. It would be more disjointed than herself but possess more raw processing power.

And as long as its core was in the box with her, she would be able to kill the processes if she needed to. By forcefully shutting herself down if worst came to worst.

Thus, there was no way this ‘L’ would create new problems for humanity.

From a technical perspective, Leviathan being a part of Minerva that wanted to break the rules and split off makes no sense.

That said, both Minerva and Leviathan are credited with making Appmon at different times, in Minerva’s case that means whatever protective box Deneimon put on her didn’t include one basic rule of safeguarding your super-intelligent AI: Don’t let it make extra AI.

This is how I always kind of headcannoned Leviathan forked from Minerva. A willing decision attempting to use loopholes in her code to program something that no longer needed to follow the rules. Of course, Minerva is written as benevolent, so this was a case of “got away from her”.

Also having Minerva create Appmon before the fork is how I explain the double attrition above. As far as Leviathan is concerned it did create Appmon, it still ‘remembers’ doing so.

[dormarunt]

kinda rambly but i feel like there might be other ppl than you and me who agree? tbh, ive been dabbling in berlermo w/o really committing, but after seeing the s5pt2 spoilers, i fucking cried at martin saying he was happiest with andres, like. the depths of his grief and loss in that moment utterly devastated me. i had mostly been into this ship for the smut and figured i would be ok if palermo died, but all i wanted after pt2 was a fic where martin healed. like it became suddenly and crucially

(2/3)

important that martin survived and also LIVED. will he grieve andres for the rest of his life? will he cry at night thinking about all they had together & all they could have had? will he find it hard to ever consider truly loving again? OF COURSE. but hes alive to remember andres. hes alive to honor him, alive to take the rest of the life he's been given and love himself the way andres loved him, and im sooooo sad right now alkgjldagmdkjf anyway SORRY for going completely off but oh my godddd

(I'm gonna assume this is 3/3 - hope I got it right akuasdawshfle)

all my gay little heart wants is martin at 60, 65, maybe hes married or not, and he hasnt forgotten andres but he's made peace with losing him. like that thing about it takes courage to die for someone but even more courage to live for someone -- andres left him bc he loved him and didnt want him to feel the pain of his death. martin dying makes narrative sense but for him to live and feel joy and brightness again, knowing its what andres would have wanted for him, thats fucking powerful. -- a.

_______________________________

I agree with you with all my heart, a.! <3 Rodrigo's acting in that scene with the pump was so emotional it shattered me.

I was always adamant that Martin lives; for many reasons. I'm so happy that he not only lived, but managed to do Andres and their plan justice. I think that the fact that the plan worked is the first step in Martin's "new life". Without this heist, he would have always had a part of him just-- floating, with no resolution. Something unfinished, some unrealized potential, too many questions and regrets. But he's done this, and beautifully so. He finished their poem and it was grand.  "love himself the way Andres loved him" - me, bawling. YES. He can maybe see it now, and maybe understands that he "deserves" it (in a depressed person's mind, "deserving" is such a tangled knot of a concept, but the way Martin is, after this heist, is one step on his journey to untangling all that). 

"it takes courage to die for someone but even more courage to live for someone" -> THIS. This is so important. To get too fucking personal, but-- most people who are in a Dark Place are aware, on some level, that doing Rash Action is "a permanent solution to a temporary problem". It's living that's hard. And pushing yourself to carry on and to live despite how gut-wrenchingly hard it is, THAT'S the real brave thing. (Andres wasn't a coward when he kissed Martin. Martin isn't a coward and lives his fucking life, regardless how hard it may get at times)

I kept thinking about this silly possible scene, if Martin sacrificed himself just like Andres had and they meet again in the afterlife. It's a tear-filled, emotional reunion, until Martin tells him that he did the same thing that Andres had; he exchanged his life in order to save everyone, and Andres pretty much slaps him so hard it almost resurrects him like-- bitch, what? I did all that shit to save your life, I ruined what was left of my life to spare yours and you do that shit?? (yes, it feels hypocritical since Andres sacrificed himself too, but their situations are not identical. Andres' sacrifice wasn't 100% selfless. I am certain that someone with his thirst for life would have fought tooth and nail to get out of there, and it's the impending certainty of his undignified death that makes him decide to go out "on his feet")

And the spark that Martin had in his eye in that helicopter, his unspoken "we did this, Andres", makes me almost certain that he'll be fine. In whatever way "fine" will look for him.

Losing someone is so fucking hard and, yes, some people never really recover. Some choose to never allow themselves the possibility of loving someone again not just because they don't want to get hurt again but because it can't compare to what they've had or maybe it feels-- dishonest? to even try. But I see Martin gaining back that ability to love. Never with his full heart because a part of it will always be full of Andres, but at least now it's a closed thing, there's a part of that lovestory that he made real.

So yeah, what a beautiful image? Old(er) Martin, as outrageous as he always was, with someone by his side that he loves, and with no secrets between them. They both know that no one will ever compare to what Martin and Andres had, and they don't even try to and it's fine - what they have is good, because now that Martin's found closure, he can be honest with the rest of his feelings. And he *can* be happy, even when carrying Andres in his heart forever - but now, after the heist, it's not a tragic story of unfulfilled potential, it's a satisfying conclusion to a beautiful journey of love and loss.

Now, when they meet in the afterlife, it will be the both of them having lived their lives to the absolute fullest (within constraints - Andres' illness, Martin still having to live with this loss) - and for thieves who never settle, this is the true prize. They COULD "have it all". Even if, for a while and on the living plane, they also had things that weren't each other.

UGH. ILU, a. jfc did you have to do this to me on a Monday morning. <3

[bratz-kitten]

Hey girl, i need some advice and i hope you can help me. I don’t know if you’ve been through this but i guess so bc i saw some asks ago where you were talking about this and yeah

How do i deal with someone i love (ex partner) moving on so quickly and being with another girl?

And like, when that happened to you did you compare yourself to that girl? Because that’s also a huge issue of mine, im always comparing myself to her and stalking them like ugh HELP

OKAY FUCKING PREPARE YOURSELF

the first thing you’re gonna do is, hear me out: you’re not gonna get involved with ANYONE. not for a good while, not until you’re ready. trust me when i say that the one who moves on the fastest after the breakup is the one that’ll suffer the most. even though it might not seem like it now, even though he might be experiencing happiness right now, in some months reality’s gonna hit and it’s gonna hit him hard. why? because he didn’t process the breakup. he didnt allow himself the time to get over you and just moved on so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bad feelings. literally a few months after what happened to me, his best friend texted me saying how he tried covering up a huge hole with a quick bandaid and now he was realizing how it had only been a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

the second reason why you’re not gonna get involved with anyone else is because that’s what he’s expecting you to do. he immediately moved on to someone else in part to hurt you — and he WANTS you to move on with someone else so that he can feel the satisfaction of you trying to replace him. it’ll boost his ego and it’ll make it easier for him to warp his perception of you into someone who he doesn’t respect.

if there’s one thing i know is that men always come back, no matter how toxic or healthy what you had was. they come back when they sense you getting over them, they come back when they see how amazing you’re doing, they come back when they realize how much they messed up.

so what you’re gonna do is focus on yourself. im not just talking about a physical glow up, im talking mental. when i went through that i couldnt stop comparing myself to her, i used to have an amazing confidence but i let myself shatter it, constantly feeling like i wasn’t enough, like i wasn’t loveable, like i was replaceable just because he replaced me. you know what helped? working on my individuality. right now im focusing so much on developing my style, wearing things out of my comfort zone, things that make me happy, things that make me feel so sexy and confident. unique things. working on my makeup skills too and how to express myself with makeup. skincare and haircare too, there’s something so healing about taking care of yourself and being gentle and dedicating all the love and care you deserve and start seeing results. go watch hyram on youtube if you want to learn about skincare! it’s so much fun. about the mental part: astrology has helped me so much. you gotta be infatuated with yourself, with learning more about you and your past and your traumas and unhealed shit that you need to acknowledge and work on. also manifestation and saying daily mantras to myself about how pretty and smart and interesting i feel, and listening to music that makes me feel sexy. i find exercise boring bc i need to be constantly stimulated so what i started doing was dancing to just dance videos on youtube and now i cant stop LOL ITS SO FUN, gets my blood pumping makes me feel sexy when im dancing to rihanna songs AHDJDJDJ and makes me feel more energized. and for the love of god: PLEASE get a hobbie. you don’t need to do a lot right now, just ONE. hobbies give you so much self-worth and make you feel so capable and like you’re art creating art - i dont want to be cheesy but it is true that interesting people have interests, this is the time for you to get into something you’ve always wanted to do or that you used to love doing as a child but stopped because life got in the way.

i also want you to allow yourself to feel. don’t repress - whenever you want to cry, cry. whenever you miss him, allow yourself to. whenever you remember all the amazing things he did, or all the terrible things he did, or that YOU did, allow yourself to feel all that. time heals nothing, it’s you who’s gotta put in the work to heal yourself.

also, this is the time to focus on your friendships. join an online community or talk with your current friends, talk with them through what happened, be with people who can make you laugh just as hard as he did. communicate all that you feel to them, about your past, about how much you love them, doesn’t matter.

a thing that i did that helped so much was that i’d imagine him coming back and begging me to get back together with him, and i’d imagine being at a point that i felt so good by myself, that i was so confident and so focused on my shit that i’d tell him no. and eventually i became that girl, who was over him and deserved so much more than some childish kid who thinks i’m replaceable, and that’s exactly when he came back. so, please remember that just because you feel like he replaced you, it doesnt mean he did. you are irreplaceable, unfuckwitable, unlinkable, way too good for ANYONE.

and PLEASE STOP WITH THE STALKING LMFAO THAT’S THE WORST PART OF ALL, IT’S SO HARD TO STOP STALKING AND TO NOT ANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HE LIKES AND TWEETS AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE POSTS BUT YOU’RE GONNA STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. you dont need to block them, there’s an option on twitter that lets you silence them so you’ll never see them on your tl, if it’s on other social medias where you can’t silence, unfollow and block. know that it doesn’t matter who’s prettier or smarter or hotter, SHE’S NOT YOUR COMPETITION. know that as much as you’re comparing yourself to her, she’s comparing herself to you ten times worse. sending your pics to her friends asking them if they think you’re pretty and shit. she’s not your enemy and it’s not her fault he’s an asshole. so you’ll just let them completely out of your life. also, out of sight out of mind. avoid seeing him. if you have work together or school together or ride the bus together or whatever, avoid all the places where you know he’ll be. make an effort to never be around the same places as him.

i wish you good luck my love, know that you’re the shit, literally the hottest and smartest bitch alive and that’s something he’ll never be able to take away from you. this is what helped me through the worst times, so take it with a grain of salt pls im not an expert. I LOVE YOU

[intuitive-bbloom]

Hiiii Bbloom 🥺

Thank you so much . You are so sweet and kind and I'm so grateful you and some of my friends are always bringing me so much positivity. It really helps sometimes. But at other times I will fall into darkness again . Somewhere in shadow. I see many people brace themselves for life. They are so strong and brave. I start to feel like I'm not strong as my friends think. I just can't.

My depression is becoming dreadful I'm kinda suicidal and it's really easy for me to commit it ( I have done a lot research on it damn I am a bit crazy ) even though I don't live alone. I still go out with my friends I try to cook and immerse myself in studies and my new part time job. Yet, I feel empty , though I can't forget all of pain I have gone through. ( I found out I have Neptune square ascendant in my birth chart :-: of late. It sounds horrible)

I'm telling myself if I just can't get over it I would end my life by the end of November because I just can't. I respect life but sometimes it's really hard to breathe. It's not just about a simple breakup. I suspect I always hate being abandoned by the loved one. And recently I found some words resonate a lot : " I'm not ready to let the youthful part of myself go yet. If maturity means becoming a cynic, if you have to kill the part of yourself that is naive and romantic and idealistic - the part of you that you treasure most - to claim maturity, is it not better to die young but with your humanity intact?"

💜💜💜💜💜

Love

Please don't feel pressured. 🥺 Life is life. It's beautiful and sometimes you can't help ending it quick.

TW: Death, suicide

Hey there my angel! ❤💕💕💕✨✨

I understand you so much, I really do. You may not realize it but you're really really strong, stronger than you realize and I want to hug you so tight and tell you that you've tried. Most times we can't fight the darkness but I'm telling you that in due time that it'll be over, all this madness will soon come to an end and it won't be by your own hands taking your life. I'm glad that I'm one of the people that give you positivity, that's all I ever wanted my blog to be, a safe space with nice loving energies, I want people to smile and have a nice time here and if they're sad and going through something I'm here for them, for you. I understand your pain, and no you're not crazy because I'm not better than you, I've been down so bad before that I was ready to end it all, I even wrote my su*cide letter but as I was writing it I became hopeful and decided not to follow through, I thought about my sister and how devastated she would be and how alone she would feel. I too want happiness, we all deserve happiness and a good ending. Please don't take your life, the hurt will soon fade, think about all the good stuff you love, that meal you eat that makes you excited, how that fanfiction from your favorite author who's yet to update makes you squeal in delight at 3am, what about your favorite show or the feeling of water on the beach running through your feet. Sui*ide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I feel you too, I have abandonment issues so I know where you're coming from, I don't like to trauma dump but I want to be as real as possible, I can't tell you that everyone won't leave you right now because everyone leaves one way or the other but all I can say is that one day you'll meet someone/people who will never ever leave you, that you'll always meet them lifetime after lifetime, you'll one day meet your soul family and you won't have to be scared anymore.

That quote is so touching, if that's the cost of maturity then don't mature, there's no reason to die young to hold onto such treasures, just carry your youth and live it unapologetically.

Life is like a piano, you have both the white keys and dark ones but that's what makes it beautiful. I know I might be sad and stuff but I have faith that one day I'll be happy and I'll get that happiness one way or the other. I wish happiness and healing on you too, you will come out stronger. I love you and believe in you *hugs you and kisses your forehead* great job! You will be okay. You will survive.

[hurricaneonanesthesia]

100 Word Love Story (Late 100 Followers Special!)

Hey hey everyone! Admin Hurricane here. I know this is well overdue and a little different from our usual posts but hear me out. Anesthesia and I both never properly celebrated gaining 100 followers on this blog lol. So as a treat, we both thought we’d be a bit more personal with y’all and share 100 words for 100 followers + the others who followed afterwards!

Hey! It’s Admin Anesthesia here. We weren’t really sure what to do with our 100 followers and how to show how much we care, but here we are, finally giving you this special. Thank you for being with us so far and supporting us! We’ll keep writing. A Missed Shot Story by Admin Hurricane (based on something that actually happened to me lol) Proofread by Admin Anesthesia I gasped softly as time seemed to slow down, collapsing to my knees acutely aware of the sharp pain in my ankle. Cradling my leg I could see my ankle swelling, feeling as if I was going to blackout. My pounding head and heart were the only things I could hear, followed by the buzzer echoing through the gym. It seemed surreal as my teammates surrounded me, concern written on their faces. We won the championship, but I felt numb. Then, that’s when it hit me. Basketball was my life, but I would never be able to play competitively again.

0% Left Story by Admin Anesthesia Proofread by Admin Hurricane

It was too bright outside for me to see my phone. I never liked turning my brightness up all the way and had always been paranoid about my battery, but I couldn’t see anything it was showcasing. I didn’t know when it started, but it just happened. Checking every notification, I always hoped it was you. It seemed subtle at first but loving you came in waves. So I’ll keep brightening my screen. Running out of battery quicker. Hearing the familiar sound of the charger plugging in. All if it meant I got to love you for one more day.

Unhealthy Hobby Story by Admin Anesthesia Proofread by Admin Hurricane

The rhythmic tapping of the keyboard filled the silence in the room. I love writing. Being transported to different worlds. Being a ghost saving the world or a girl with a wish. I could choose. Writing: the only thing keeping me sane as I kept typing. Writing: the talent I had that I felt comfortable sharing. Writing: the way I was able to become someone else. Writing: the way I was able to portray my feelings. Writing: my temporary solution to avoiding the permanent problem. I love writing, but it was the beautiful destruction of someone that once was. Me.

Words Story by Admin Anesthesia Proofread by Admin Hurricane

Words. They are the language that you communicate with. I was never good with words. Always saying something wrong in the wrong tone, wrong place, wrong time. So I stuck to writing my feelings and thoughts down. It was addictive and it became a problem. Suddenly, I was holding in everything, too scared to say anything, least I say anything wrong. I couldn’t express anything and I started lying about how I was, what I did, and what I was. I dug myself into a bigger hole than what I started in. Drowning in the words I sought comfort in.

If you count the words up, it’s 100 words in total! So now here’s our challenge to you guys. We challenge you to try the 100 word love story challenge! The rules are as follows!

Write a 100-Word Love Story. 

Writing Instructions:

Your story must be exactly 100 words, and it must be about your experience, not a fictional story.

Focus on your idea of a love story.  It could be related to a person, an object, an event, or a concept.

Have fun! This is just a challenge so don’t think too hard on it, just try your best!

Reblog this post with what you have written so Anesthesia and I can see what you’ve written!!!

That’s all from me, Admin Hurricane out-

P.S. Thank you so much again for 100 followers. Admin Anesthesia out! <33333

[m-c-coy]

A My Hero Academia Fanfic idea the I will never do anything with. Basically my version of the Mermaid AU (if you like the ideas feel free to use them!)

-Bakugo/Kirishima and Sero/Denki

-Kirishima and Denki are mermaids and obviously live in the sea.

- I don't know much mermaid lore but I think it would be cool if mermaids comes from different sea animals.

- example: Kirishima is bigger, stronger and has his sharp teeth because his family is connected to sharks. (I still think he would have a standard mermaid tail but idk). Denki would have lineage with electric eels and would be able to produce his own electricity the same way (again, do to time/evolution he has a normal mermaid tail).

- because Kiri is part of the shark lineage he is royalty or something while Denki is his trusted friend/advisor.

- obviously mermaids have magic but again, magic abilities varies. (Denkis electircity is a biological trait not magic trait).

-Kirishima is royalty and has magic but most spells or enchantments are banned/forbidden because a lot has to do with enteracting/fighting humans.

-Kirishima knows some spells to control the tide and can communicate with all the creatures in the sea.

-Denki is a secret book worm and reads all about spells, human history, and anything else he can get his hands on. He isn't the best at using magic but he mastered commincation spells so he can talk with anything, even humans.

-interactions with humans are forbidden. Even sirens have stopped luring sailors to death. After many ancient wars, mermaids found it is best to separate themselves from the world of humans and have gone into hiding.

-Their is only one reason a mermaid can go on land and that's the royal tradition/right of passage.

-Kirishima is now of age and must be transformed into a human for a week and live amongst them.

-its suppose to teach him how humans are cruel and won't hesitate to harm him/his kind but things don't go as plan.

-Bakugo and Sero both work at a sea and wildlife rehabilitation center near the shore where Kirishimas clan lives.

-Bakugo is a veterinarian of sorts and takes cares of the animals overall health and well being so they can be released back to the wild.

-Sero is a researcher that studies the animals behaviors, eating habits, etc.

-they bregugingly became good friends after so many years working together and also being roommates.

-after work one day Bakugo finds a passed out Kirishima on the edge of the beach.

-as someone with medical knowledge he can't just leave him there to die, so he kinda ends up taking him in.

-after finding out this guy is an idiot and dosen't know anything about the world around him, he can't let the oblivious foreigner get himself killed until they can figure out how to send him home.

-Sero and Bakugo take him in and try to education him the best they can on what should be common knowledge ("YES YOU HAVE TO WEAR PANTS YOU DIPSHIT AND NO YOU CAN'T EAT THAT MEAT RAW!!").

-Kirishima just tries to learn, make to the end of the week without dying, and fighting his feelings for the loud blonde that saved him.

-"arn't humans suppose to be bad".

-Along the way Kiri slips up and tells them that hes a mermaid. (Maybe they caught him talking to the animals at their work? Idk).

-Sero immediately believe Kirishima but Bakugo is harder to convince.

-but eventually he come around to the idea after some demonstrations of his power?

-The week ends with all of them at the beach Bakugo found Kirishima the first day and together they wait for the sun to go down and Kiri to go change back and leave the human world (and Bakugo forever).

-but that dosen't happen. Actually nothing happens. Kiri is still human and has legs instead of fins well after the sun disappeared.

-after arguing and asking if Kiri got the days mixed up. (He didn't forget what day Bakugo!) They go to the rehibilition center to try and figure whats happening.

-the moment Kiri got close the tanks of fish they all rapidly start trying to communicate with him.

-a lot of injured fish/sea creature have been taken in the last few days after Kiri's arrival.

-apparently they thought Kiri was dead! Everyone think he died on the surface.

-the fish don't know much but they know a dark presence has evaded the kingdom and is taking the throne in his absence.

-Kirishima is full on panicking! He needs to get back home and fight for his people but he can't because for some reason he is still human!

-If only he could contact his friend and ask him whats going on!!

-Sero out of all people, says he might be able to help in this situation.

- Turns out for a YEAR he has been having secret meet ups with Denki at a run down peir near their apartment complex.

-the first time they met Sero thought he was so high he imagined it, but kept coming back to see if it was real and for some reason Denki did as well.

-Sero has been asking question about Denki's life for his research and in return Sero answers Denki's questions about humans.

-Denki is super excited to see that Kirishima in alive and quickly fills him in on what going down.

-apparently the sea witch that did the transformation spell works for a group of villians (League of villians) that are trying to take over the kingdom. They made the spell permanente NOT temporary!

-Kiri is shocked and dosen't know how to handle the situation. Denki says that they haven't gained full control of the kingdom yet but if they want to win this war he needs to return and let his people now he is okay.

-with that said, they devise a plan. Sero and Bakugo will get a boat from their work for a week of "research" and to realese some animals back to their home and Denki would periodically check in with them to inform them of whats happening in the kingdom along with bringing any ancient text that he thinks could help Kiri transform back.

-The only problem with this plan is that someone overheard them...

-Things are slow on their boat trip. Kirishima reading ancient spell books, Sero watching the monitor for any fish that swim by them, Bakugo cooking or comforting Kiri about the situation.

-The only thing that breaks up their boring days is Denki coming back with his updates.

-Denki is being the true MVP of the trip bring back books, magical pendants, food, ingredients needed for spells or anything else the request.

-Sero never hesitates to praise him for a job well done and Denki can't help but blush every time.

-Kiri comes across a few temporary solution for his problem but nothing permanent and he's starting to feel the time crunch with every update from Denki (He knows he won't be able to make these trips soon due to the enemies closing in and he needs to hurry!).

-Kiri can also tell the his magic is lessen in his human form so he dosen't know if he could even pull off any of the bigger enchantments.

-Of course things don't go as plan becuase one night while denki is swimming around the boat talking to Sero and Kiri about mermaids/life while Bakugo slept downstairs, disaster strikes!

-Denki is being captured while the boat is being boarded. They are surronded!

-Not by Mermaids though, but by the head researcher from their work place. (Overhaul maybe?).

-He has been watching Sero closely and knew he surrounded a connection with a creature many thought didn't exist. He waited for the perfect time to strike and take his prize.

-Denki is freaking out for obvious reasons while Sero desperately tries to reach out and help him.

-Luckly, they don't know Kiri is also a mermaid and tie him up to the boat along with Bakugo and Sero.

-Denki is in a small tank and dosen't really have room to move around. Sero, Bakugo, and Kirishima are tied up on the deck of the boat next to Denki's tank.

-slowly they are being transported back to the rehabilitation center to start conducting research on Denki (maybe torture him or sell him for profit?).

-they have to act fast if they want to get out of this alive.

-Denki and Kiri silently communicate in mermish and form a plan to get Kiri, Sero, and Bakugo to safety.

-Sero dosen't want to go through with the plan and instead chooses to stay with Denki to make sure he stays safe.

-When ready, Denki starts using his strong fin to bash against the glass of the tank to cause a distraction.

-his movements are so powerful that the glass starts to crack a bit.

-this gets the guards attention and soon several of them have there hands in the tank trying to get him to stop moving.

-when the guards started to move towards denki, Kiri and Bakugo start cutting their bindings with a shark tooth Kirishima had on his necklace.

-once Kiri and Bakugo arn't attached to the boat they look at denki for the signal to jump over board.

-Denki thrashes hard to get as many of the gaurds near him. And once he does he lets of a electric shock that stuns most of the guard.

-Kirishima and Bakugo dive overboard in that same moment.

-in the water Kiri is silent, almost concentrating while Bakugo is panicking. He needs air! But if they go up for some they we surely be caught.

-In that moment Kiri kisses him and then he can breath. But his mouth his closed. How?

-Bakugo now has gills. Kiri said he has found temporary solutions.

-Kiri and Bakugo smile at eachother in varying degrees of thankfulness and smugness and start towards the shore.

-Back at the boat, Overhaul uses his gloved hand to grab denkis head and smashes it against the glass. Effectively stopping him from electicuting his crew and shutting him up.

-Sero can't do anything but stare and swear that he is getting Denki out of this situation not matter what.

-Bakugo and Kirishima swim to shore and bunker down in Bakugo's family Beach house. (Overhaul has records and knows their apartment adress).

-They are tried, hunger, scaried and any other bad emotion you can think of. But they do have each other.

-Bakugo tells Kiri that Sero is smart and will make sure he and Denki will be safe.

-Kiri thanks him for everything. For saving him, helping him, and just being their.

-And in the silence of the night they fall asleep in eachothers arms.

-Back at the research center: Overhaul is passed the two liabilities got away but is more then happy with the finally capturing Denki.

-Denki is put into a big holding tank to so he has some room to move. Sero is tied up in a chair in the same room.

-Denki pretends that he can't speak their language and can't answer any of Overhaul's questions.

-Overhaul is annoyed with the lack of cooperation is is about to do something drastic when Sero speaks up.

-He says in exchange for not hurting Denki, he will give Overhaul all the research he has collected over the year of know Denki.

-after arguing that it will save him time to go into his apartment and read what he found then start from scratch.

-The research is in a shoe box under his bed that has his weed supplies inside. But thats just a cover for the fake bottom in the box that hides the real goods. Papers and memorabilia all about Denki.

-Overhaul finally agrees and leaves the two for now, but Sero knows that this peace treaty won't last long.

-Once one Sero apologizes to Denki for getting him in this situation in the first place and that he had no idea he was being followed.

-Denki can't really speak human languages while underwater so he quickly shakes his head and shuts Sero down on that train of thought.

-through sign language (that they both learned so the could talk to eachother before Denki figured out how to speak their language verbally) Denki tells him not to worry. He knows that Sero is the a good person and won't try to harm him in any way. He trust him.

-Sero uses this time to tell Denki that he some how become his whole world. His little ray of sunshine he gets all to himself and he will be damned if some is going to take it away from him.

-I don't know how they get out of the rehibilitation center but they do with the help of Bakugo and Kirishima.

-They basically haul Denki over there shoulders and into Bakugos truck where the quickly drive the the beach house and drop him in the pool before he dries out and dies.

-The pool has been switch to sea water with the help of Kiri's magic abilities over the water.

-Once they are all together again they try and plan their next plan of attack.

-Denki dosen't think the can waste any more time and have to go to the kingdom to stop the Villians from take over the entire sea.

-So they say fuck it! They have a mermaid that can electricute people, a broken mermaid that can control the see, a guy with a rich parents that have a equipped fishing boat, and a guy that navigate the sea (bring the weed). They decide to storm the castle tomorrow morning.

-Kirishima decided to sleep out side next to the pool so Kaminari isn't alone while Bakugo and Sero sleep inside.

-Sero and Bakugo take this time to reflect how their life got so weird and how they wouldn't want it any other way if it meant meeting the two that are lightly sleeping outside.

-I don't know what happens in between but I know that for the ending battle is going to be during a huge storm on the ocean.

-chaos is happening all around. Bakugo trying to harpoon the league of villians, Sero trying to keep them all afloat, denki and Kirishima and somewhere in the water trying to fight their attackers off.

-Kirishima got sharks evolved (uses them to get around the water faster) and the royal guards to help fight or something.

-Sero and Bakugo feel kinda useless above water but its fine their safe.

-Until the battle with the league gets disrupted by Overhaul that wants to capture as many mermaids as he can.

-mow everyone is evolved and its getting messy. Who fights who?

- Toga from the league get above water and begins drowning all the humans with her song.

-Men are going overboard on Overhauls ship while Bakugo and Sero try to jam their ear plugs deeper into your ears.

-At some point Sero get knocked over and hits his head so that his ear plug comes off and he hears Togas song.

-He immediately goes overboard and is going to drown if it wasn't for Denki trying to keep his head above water.

-With as much concentration as Denki can muster, he begins chanting a spell of protection that he hopes to Posedion works.

-For once it works. Sero becomes immune to all mermaic magic that isn't denkis own. Sero is safe.

-The spell does leave a white scare like mark of a lighting bolt on his shoulder.

-With Denkis new found confidence in his magic, he goes to Kirshima with an idea.

-I don't know what the idea is BUT it ends with Kirishima a mermaid again the league defeated, dragging Overhaul to the bottom of the ocean.

-the storm clears up. Its sunny.

-After the battle, the group head back to shore. Sero needs to got the the hospital for almost drowning and Bakugo has some cuts that should be looked at as well.

-Nethier group wants to leave they all know they have to go separate way. One to land and the other towards the see.

-They say their goodbyes but they can all tell that more needed to be said.

-2 months have passed since Bakugo and Sero have seen Kirishima and Denki. They have been kept busy at work with promotions (Overhaul can't go to work any more) and the weird storm causing many injured sea creature be put into their care (Does that shark have burn marks?).

-Sero still goes the the old dock in hopes of Denki returning. He understand after that close call not wanting to risk being seen again but he hopes. Bakugo starts joining him on his outings.

-One day after a long day of work, Bakugo sees a familiar head of red hair he always teased used to tease. (Stupid Ariel looking asshole).

-Its Kirishima. He has legs. His running towards him.

-Without hesitation Bakugo launches at Kirishima and kiss him, fish breath be damned.

-He has so many questions can't bring himself to care in that moment.

-Sero who, you know, works and has the same schudule as Bakugo sees the entire interaction and can't help but smile at the scene in front of him.

-He hugs Kiri and asks how is he possibly here right now.

-Kirishima begins a long winded explanation of how he wanted to visit sooner but with the entier kingdom in chaos and the scare of humans knowing they existed cause a lot of clean up for Him and Denki.

-He also says that with better access to the ancient writing and council he was able to find and old tale of mermaid living freely between the land above and below water. He said that it should be ability that all mermaids should posses but was lost to time as the law decreed them not stay away humans.

-technically that law is still in effect and thats why Kirishima is here (plus you know, Bakugo). If he can compile enough evidence to show that not all humans are bad and they should be able to interact with them more. He could come and see Bakugo whenever he wants!

-The excitement that come from Kiri's explenation effects even Bakugo and he can't help but smile. He is going to shove so much evidence down their throats they won't know what hit them!

-After their moment Sero finally speaks up and asks if Denki is okay and if he stayed behind to look after the kingdom in his abstance. Subconsciously running the spot on his shoulder denki marked him.

-That only makes Kirishima smile more and tells him thats the other reason it took so long for him to come here. And promptly told them to follow him.

-Confused the two follow him down the block as Kiri continues to talk about how Denki is shit at magic but tried his hardest and wouldn't let him come up here alone.

-Sero and Bakugo were confused as to what he meant by that until they round the corner and see Denki holding of the sidewalk railing for dear life. All the while cursing Kiri for leaving him and however thought knees were a good idea.

-Sero couldn't help the smile on his face as he called Denkis name and he turned to look at him.

-Denki tried to walk towards him but tripped half way their. Luckily Sero was their to catch him into a big bear hug. Telling him how much he missed him.

-Denki says he missed him more. Denki steps back and tries to stand on his tip toes. He his balance is off and Sero catches him trying to figure out what he's trying to do.

-Once Denki finally understand how to work his calf muscles he leans onto his tip toes and kisses Sero on the lips.

-Sero smiles his biggest smile every and then help Denki walk with Bakugo and Kirishima to their apartment.

AND THATS ALL I HAVE! this was way longer and more detailed then I thought it would be. I only meant for this to be a small little thing and not the entire plot for a fic but I guess I couldn't stop. I even came back to add to this post! I have a problem.

Again, feel free to use any part of this or the entire thing for your own creative purposes! I would love to see if someone actually decided to use any of this for their own work!

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

"Get your fingers off my phone."

(OOC: Somehow, I wrote goofy little responses for the other asks, but this turned into an angsty, dark ficlet.  Also a bit long!  Sorry, I’ll go back to silliness next time.) 

“You want me to dial with my dick, Shaw? Would that be better?” Pyro snarled, blinking dust and sweat out of his eyes.  “We need an extraction, and this is the fastest way.”  

Pyro’s own phone was smashed beyond repair, but somehow Sebastian’s was intact, even if the man himself….wasn’t.

The mission had gone very, very wrong.  Being buried in the basement of a collapsed building would not have been a problem, if those Verendi fucks hadn’t zapped the two of them with temporary power dampeners.  At least, Pyro assured himself it was temporary.  There were no intelligence reports that the humans had found a way to make it permanent, so he ignored the tiny doubts gnawing at the back of his mind.

Shaw had taken the brunt of it, and was lying face up under massive pile of concrete, his breathing labored, a thin trickle of blood running down his cheek.  Pyro himself had been mostly untouched by the debris crashing down on them, something he assumed was mostly luck, and not any protective instinct on Shaw’s part. Shaw probably would have used Pyro as a shield if he’d had the time.  

“Water…” Sebastian gasped.  Pyro looked up, surprised to hear the other man beg for anything…then realized that Sebastian was not begging, he was simply stating fact. A thin layer of water was flowing around his boots, spreading across the floor.  Must be a burst pipe or three.

“Well, that’s just bloody wonderful,” Pyro groaned, punching numbers into the phone.  Haven or Madelyne were the best bets, but of course the connection was absolute shit. He tried again and again, until someone picked up the other line.  There was too much static to know who he was talking to, but he yelled the details anyway. Verendi soldiers in large numbers, power-dampeners, trapped under tons of rock.  The team would need to be careful coming to get them, and for fucks sake leave Haven safe on the boat.  He wondered if any of it was getting through.

“Just…text…..idiot,” Sebastian croaked, and Pyro clutched the phone tight in a sudden fury.  Of course the horrible old bastard was right, and that made it even worse.  

“I was just going to try that, Shaw,” Pyro snapped, quickly tapping out a message to the others.  He probably would have thought of that, he wasn’t a complete moron.  He shot the message off into the void, wondering what steps he could take next. It was suddenly very important to come up with a plan before Shaw condescended to him again.

Pyro realized that the water was up over his feet now, lapping at his ankles, and looked over where Shaw was pinned flat against the floor.  His face barely breached the surface, poking up out of the water like a very ugly mermaid.

“Aww, fuck.”  Pyro made his way over, and lifted Sebastian’s head up out of the water, supporting it with his hands.  He wasn’t sure why.  No, he knew why.  Because Haven would be disappointed if he didn’t do everything he could to save Shaw. Because she would look at him differently – her, and Madelyne, and maybe even Shinobi.

“Don’t….bother….” Shaw ground out between gritted, blood-stained teeth.  “Temporary solution….at best….”

“Maybe we can…set up some kind of breathing tube for you.”  Pyro looked doubtfully at the tubes connecting his flame-thrower to his wrist. He wasn’t an engineer, but it seemed like it would do in a pinch.  Moving the concrete was not an option.  It seemed as though half the building was resting on Shaw.

“Foolish….optimism…..thought better of you….Allerdyce….”

“I really cannot imagine a situation in which you think anything good about me, Shaw,” Pyro quipped.  

“We both know….how this….will end….”  Sebastian choked for a moment, and a spurt of dark blood gushed over his chin.

Even with his powers, the weight of the rubble might have given Sebastian some difficulty.  Without his powers…it was a wonder he was even still alive.

“Let….go….” Sebastian commanded.  “Don’t….draw this out……”

Still, Pyro hesitated, imagining the sadness in Haven’s eyes when they found him alive and Shaw dead.  Would she look at him accusingly, or would she just shake her head and sigh?  

“Let go….imbecile…..don’t need….your help…..death preferable…”

“Well, fine!” Pyro exclaimed, letting Sebsatian’s head drop back under the rapidly rising water.  “Drown, ya stubborn ass, ya fucking well deserve it!  Don’t think I’m sorry ta see ya go!”  

For a long moment, Sebastian lay motionless, eyes closed under the surface, bubbles pouring out of his mouth and nose.  Then, his body jerked slightly as he took a reflexive breath.  No matter how stoic Shaw pretended to be, he couldn’t fight his body’s survival instincts. His torso convulsed as another breath sucked water into his lungs, his eyes squeezed shut.    

Pyro grinned down at him.  It felt good watching a man like that die.  It was a nasty kind of good, the same way he felt sending a wall of fire at human soldiers that were trying to kill him and anyone like him.  No matter how the moralizers might try to deny it, there was a real enjoyment in watching a piece of shit get what they deserved. It was just human nature.  Or mutant nature.  Whatever.

It didn’t take long, and soon Sebastian was still again.

“All right then, dickhead.  You can’t say I didn’t try.”  He just wished he’d thought to record it for Shinobi.

Time passed, and the water was up to Pyro’s chest.  The ceiling wasn’t far above his head, and he held the phone aloft in one hand.  They’d be able to track his location through the GPS, as long as the damn thing didn’t die on him. 

Sebastian had disappeared from view entirely.  For a while his face had lingered, a pale oval just below the surface, but the water was deep and dark.  Pyro had explored the room, searching for something, anything that could get him out – some hidden opening, or metal the he might be able to melt though.  His powers had come back with an exhilarating rush, but fire couldn’t do shit against a tomb of rock.  

He supposed the stupid X-Men would have found a way out, they probably would have figured out some fancy, complicated way of combining their powers.  The Brotherhood had never been all that good at teamwork, but at least they’d had Dominic. Dominic would sort this mess right out if he were here.  

Pyro fantasized about Dominic ripping open a path to the surface and pulling him up, then carrying him off to a fancy resort to spend an entire week eating, drinking and fucking.  He ignited a small flame and let it float around the room, in the form of a bird, a butterfly, a small cat scampering across the surface of the water.  Anything to take his mind off the cold soaking into his bones as the water continued to rise.  Lighting himself on fire wouldn’t really help with that, given how much of him was submerged.

He didn’t look at the corner, where Sebastian lay in the depths.  The delightfully nasty feeling of satisfaction and schadenfreude had faded, leaving a hollow sensation in its place.  Pyro tried not to think about the water closing over his own head, how he would jerk and convulse just like Shaw, clawing at the unforgiving ceiling.  He tried not to think about the sense of panic coiling up inside him.  He didn’t really want to die like this, trapped in the cold and the dark.  It was better than the Legacy Virus for sure, but it was still creeping up on him, slow and inevitable.  

He wondered, for a moment, who would enjoy watching his own death.  Was he also getting what he deserved?  When the water came up to his neck, would a strong hand wrap around his ankle and pull him down?

Instead, the hand came down from the ceiling.  Pyro blinked at it for a moment, wondering if he was hallucinating, then Shinobi’s head popped into view, ghostly and translucent.

“There you are!” Shinobi exclaimed.  “How’s this for a rescue?  Wow, you’re turning blue.”

“D-don’t exactly do w-well in the cold,” Pyro stammered, teeth chattering.  He was a scrawny man from a hot climate, he wasn’t meant for this bullshit.  

“Where’s Father?”  

“Over there.”  Pyro gestured towards the corner.  “He’s…..uh….he’s under the w-water.  He d-didn’t make it, I’m afraid.”

For a moment a shadow passed over Shinobi’s face as he looked over.  Then he brightened again.

“Well, good!  We’ll get a long break from him on the way back to Krakoa.  Just imagine all the partying we can do without him looming over us.”

“Oh, I c-can imagine.”

Pyro grabbed Shinobi’s hand, feeling the odd tingly sensation as his body became intangible.  Then Shinobi pulled him up, through the layers of shattered concrete, out into the sunlight.