#tell them exactly what your favorite parts are to focus on like dialogue or how you came up with the part you had the most fun writing

[axolotluv]

What's with art communities and forgetting people can just do things for fun and not be professional about it??

[castielific]

20 questions for fic writers

How many works do you have on A03? 25

What's your total word count? 454 434 words

What fandoms do you write for? Supernatural. My first english fics were about Teen Wolf. Before that, I wrote in french about House MD and Stargate Sg1.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

Baby One More Time (sterek): 4 142 kudos

Carry You Home (sterek): 2 157 kudos

Fancy and the Tramp (destiel): 1 147 kudos

But she's the Devil in Disguise (sterek): 1 030 kudos

Grace my Soul (destiel): 891 kudos

Do you respond to comments?

Not all of them. Mostly because sometimes I'm not sure how to respond and feel ridiculous saying the same thing again and again. I appreciate them all though. They all make me so happy and I'm grateful to those who takes the time to leave one. They always make my day.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Like Clipped Petunias (destiel). This is my darkest fic. I've had people telling me they had PTSD from it. The end is really angsty and horrifying. It was not supposed to end this way, but this is where the story took me. In the end, I think it fits.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Grace my Soul (destiel) comes to mind. Baby Jimmy is such a delight and the last chapter of that fic is my favorite one.

Do you get hate on fics?

I don't remember ever getting any. I did have a few problems with people stealing my stories or posting them elsewhere. In the past, I also had a few stalkers/stans sending messages that creeped me out (especially for my french fics).

Do you write smut?

Yes! I didn't used to for Teen Wolf, but I've realized that fic with a higher rating tends to get more views (which I get because I rarely read pg13 or under myself), so I started writing it. I both love and hate writing those parts. It always feels kind of awkward to share those imageries, I'm never sure what words to use or how far I should go.

Craziest crossover?

I have a WIP that was a Psych/Teen Wolf crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. More than once. I've had a few cases of people putting their own name on my stories, but mostly people repost it without my consent on other websites such as wattpad. Ao3 is the only place I post, so if you see one of my story elsewhere, it's been stolen. Please warn me if you do.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! It's such an amazing thing to think about! I have had translations in spanish, russian and chinese.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once or twice. To be honest, I think I'm too OCD for it to work, I want it exactly as I want it lol. Help from betareaders is precious though, sometimes they write a couple paragraphs for me, or help me reformulate some things better, or just brainstorm the stoyline with me and give me brillant ideas. Fics are always better with some help.

All-time favorite ship? Destiel forever bb

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Frozen Inside (sterek) is the only WIP I've ever posted. I feel terribly guilty about it because it's been more than half a decade now and people are still asking me for a sequel. Sometimes I read it over and try, but it's just...done. Thankfully, the last chapter could be taken as a end. Kind of. God, I feel awful and I'm so sorry.

I also have tons of unpublished wip that are nearly over. I wish I'll be able to end them, because there are some stories I really really like.

What are your writing strengths?

Hyperfocus. My best stories come out that way. I'll write fifty thousand words in two days or not at all. Sadly, I can't control it. Inspiration also tend to come at the exact moment I can't possibly write, which is sooo frustrating.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description and world building. I tend to focus too much on the action and dialogues, but forget to tell about where they are and when. I let readers fill the blank way too often, which is something I really need to work on. I've been trying to rewrite some of my fics into original stories and that made it very obvious to me.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

It depends. Sometimes the translation is in the end note and it can put me out of the story, especially if it's an important part of the dialogue. If it's just a few words or if it's done in a way you understand it anyway, it can be beautiful!

First fandom you ever wrote in? Stargate SG1.

Favorite fic you've written?

The Guy Next Door (destiel), I think. I laughed, I cried, I squealed, I facepalmed. I must have looked like a maniac writing that story. Castiel was very fun to write for that one. Dean...I wanted to slap Dean so many times while I wrote. I had no control over him, I swear, he kept on being an idiot and made me scream at my screen.

I was surprised earlier, that this fic is not in the top five stories because it's one of my personal favorite.

This exercise was very fun to do. I won't tag anyone, if you feel like doing it, just do it, I'm curious to read about all of you!

[heartstringsduet]

Saw a post about AI writing fanfiction and i was like. you know what? Let me see what AI thinks a dialogue scene between TK and Carlos could be like regarding kids. Beside the way this could be two robots talking to each other, not remotely what they said in S4 which I added to the prompt and yet... agreeing on everything, there are some aspects where I'd hopes it'd be worse. But even it had been the best dialogue I ever read, I'd never be over it being STOLEN and SOULLESS. My favorite part about this is how GENERIC it is. It's like they're TRYING at a conversation. What irks me is that AI is better than me at at least keeping the focus on the topic. Couldn't ever be my brain LOL. Anyway kids, don't do this at home <333

TK: Definitely. And I think it would be amazing to give a kid a loving home, the kind of home I didn’t always have growing up.

Carlos: Me too. We could give them everything we didn’t have. Plus, think of all the stories we’d have to tell. The adventures, the lessons…

TK: Like the time we faced down that tornado together. Or when you taught me how to properly cook a steak.

Carlos: Exactly. And who knows, maybe they’ll take after you and join the fire department.

TK: Or they might want to follow in your footsteps and become a cop. Either way, we’d support them.

[ohbo-ohno]

How do you write fanfiction without going ooc?

Personally I think you're the best cod writer, I'm considering writing some fan fiction but I'm scared the characters arent in character

"best cod writer"??? when i haven't posted in like a month?? oh babe we are getting MARRIED ilysm thank you <3

im actually like fucking terrible at giving advice (i am not a well spoken person lmao) but i can talk At you for a bit about this!!!

grasping a character's voice is actually like. deeply difficult, and it's maaaaybe the thing i struggle with most when writing (or at least one of the things lmao). especially bc literally every single writer has a different voice for every character, so you have to find what works best for your story and your style. your ghost shouldn't look/sound exactly like someone else's ghost, because he's yours, yk?

that also being said - things that are ooc to me aren't necessarily ooc to someone else. the ghost in my mind would never let you call him a cheesy pet name like "sisi", but that doesn't mean that someone else's ghost wouldn't, yk? and to them, they're in character! so you've kinda got to decide what you think being in character is, if that makes any sense

i read a looooot of fanfiction before i started writing my own cod stuff. i've only watched the full campaign once, but i've read what's probably dozens of fics lmao - my ghost and soap are an amalgamation of the things i enjoyed most in other people's fics. think about the things that you love the most in your favorite fics, and see if you can replicate that tone/vibe

i also think that getting a character's Voice is a lot more than just dialogue. i write in either second person or third person limited, but for the sake of this i'll talk a bit about third person limited

if i'm writing smth like i'll eat you whole, im technically writing from johnny's perspective, right? so i don't write his internal monologue in his accent, but i do use certain adjective he would - like instead of describing ghost as "broad" or "hulking", i said he's "a big motherfucker" bc that's how i think johnny would talk. this doesn't matter nearly as much with second person, but letting johnny's voice float into the internal monologue helps keep me in the right headspace for the fic. it's easier for me to maintain his voice if i never really let it go, yknow what i mean?

also i know this sounds sooo stupid but i think a big part of writing in character is literally just thinking "can i see them saying this? would a person like this do this?"

like. okay. ghost is a 6'4 special forces lieutenant who is willing to do literally anything if it means completing his mission. he's a big man with an even bigger reputation. can you see him begging for your forgiveness at the slightest argument? can you see him stuttering on a first date?

and soap is an incredibly accomplished sergeant who's set records in the military, he's a demolitions expert and a skilled sniper with a hell of a temper. can you see him giggling? can you see him crying when his girlfriend is mad at him?

sometimes making sure you're not writing ooc is as simple as "They Would Not Fucking Say That", and as unhelpful as it is, that's literally just based on vibes

is any of that coherent at all?? i genuinely don't know. hope i didn't make things worse! ily!

(also just as general writing advice - practice!!! don't post everything you write!! i cannot tell you how many things i've written will never see the light of day, but all my little failures in writing have given me a better grasp on the characters, yk? you have to do badly and recognize what's bad before you can be super happy with your writing. write something and then focus on exactly what feels off to you, and change only that. idk. maybe im spouting bullshit)

[helmarok]

me & my friendgroup were hoping ganon would get more backstory and humanization in totk for the entire time since the sequel was announced :( the idea that he might get revived was so exciting. i didnt think it would happen but i hoped for a sequel where youd switch between link and zelda at different points- zelda being more lore and archaeology/exploration focused so youd learn more about ganon and the events causing the calamity and how to stop future ones as you also tried to understand why he was so enraged and what exactly happened to him and link engaging in direct dialogue and confrontation with ganon so the player can see his pain and character depth. the game wouldve been more about defeating the calamity possessing him vs ganon himself being bad and acknowledging that hyrule never really tried that route which lead to the constant devastation...sorry for rambling but tldr i feel you 🫡 ur ganons strongest soldier

literally this entire ask. i don't know why i had my hopes up cuz now i'm disappointed over something that was gonna happen anyways... i just wish that after throwing in the excuse of "oh well we use the same formula over and over because DEMISE'S CURSE causes hatred to reincarnate!" they actually built upon that, but they only focus on how the curse affects the chosen hero and zelda. like they never actually go into how the curse affects the man who is born asab (assigned satan at birth 😢)

heres what i think under the cut if youre interested, it's kind of a long story so whatever

my personal hesdcanon completely and totally disregarding anything totk says is that hylia chose ganondorf to be her hero. she chose him and the 'calamity' wasn't actually ganondorf himself based on the more lizard-like appearance of it in the tapestry: it was demise, hence the reason why it not only took a hero and princess but the divine beasts as well.

based on his outfit in the original trailer, i think he was invited to the castle. but while he went dressed his best, it was a trap. throughout his time as hero the kingdom questioned it because of their awful history. after defeating the calamity, ganon was invited for dinner and was betrayed. being poisoned by people he loves and cared about who he thought cared about him but their generational hatred just... led to this.

it broke his heart when they broke his trust because the male gerudo 'king of evil' could never be our chosen hero, the symbol of courage in the kingdom. he's the bad guy, and always will be even if it's a different man from the one in OOT and TP entirely. his broken heart turned into anger and rage while he was coughing and dying at the table as people he cared for watched it happen. his eyes turned red, his mane and tusks grew and his triforce shined. when he tried to grab the sword it burned his hand. hatred took over and changed him- keep in mind that demise's entire being relies on the existence of hatred. with so much hate in his heart the demon was able to grab ahold of it and use that as a second chance to win.

nobody could stop him but the princess, who did with hylia's help. his body and spirit was sealed under the castle before it got too bad. but over time, the betrayal ganon felt had 10k years to brew and demise used it to his advantage. ganon's hurt combined with demise's raw energy- malice- created what we see in botw as that ugly beast calamity ganon.

now here's my favorite part! everyone had to have wondered why the fuck hylia wasn't willing to help zelda this time around when zelda was unable to use the powers in her blood that her mom could use, and hylia never bothered to help her awaken them. well the reason for this is because hylia felt betrayed by her people. her people were so full of hatred that they tried to murder the hero SHE chose! not only that, but after ganon's murder, the sheikah strongly opposed, which led to what you can see in the tapestry- sheikah being pushed by guards, and then the game tells us their technology was destroyed and sealed away.

as punishment for the problems her children were causing, she decided to abandon them. they would get no help from her. no prayers would be answered, no assistance with light magic- they were on their own now. there wouldn't even be a chosen hero- link was actually chosen by fi when fi knew a hero had to come but hylia wasn't going to bother.

hylia only decided to step up after she felt sorry for zelda. when zelda prayed and begged her she ignored her until the hero died and she felt her child's pain. she finally decided to be a mom and make zelda's powers fucking explode. zelda walked into that castle and sealed the demon the best she could without the assistance of a hero. from then on after a hundred years, hyrule basically accepted the flying boar demon cloud over the castle as part of their life along with corrupted guardians and such.

basically i think ganon's story was about hatred and betrayal and that the reason calamity ganon is so insanely powerful, and the reason he takes on a more demonic form not made of flesh but physical hatred, is because of how much it hurt him. he is hurt and hatred took advantage of that.

demise's easy control of ganondorf is kind of a nod at how you'll see that hurt people can often get easily taken over by hatred. a wife who is cheated on might kill her husband. a trans man who has suffered his whole life might bully trans men who are happy. a victim of misogynistic culture might be manipulated by others into becoming a terf. it's sad how easily hate can take over hurt people.

for the hylians, it's how for generations their kingdom was destroyed by a ganon, so they can't think of him as anything other than a threat even if he is a good man.

so yeah, there's my ganondorf take. he's just some guy who is stuck in a cycle and i wish nintendo would stop acting like hyrule is a perfect kingdom and the royal family has no flaws because theyre the Goddess Children when time and time again there's been hints in the games at their treatment of others, especially the sheikah. basically what i want is for them to give their special little good guys and special little race of blue eyed bitches some more depth instead of just being like "theyre good and nothing more because they're the Good Guys so they can't do anything wrong and opposers like ganon are the Bad Guys". cuz it's 2023 and we deserve more advanced stories than "hero and princess defeat the big bad evil and save the day!"

[robzombies-hotwife]

I have a fun trick for you for when you want a new movie experience but don't have the energy to actually find and watch a new movie: consciously decide to Deep Watch your favorite movie.

How To Do A Deep Watch

Do this alone, in your home, and set aside time where you won't have other obligations. Put your phone away and pay close attention. While you watch the movie, try to notice every single detail on screen. Focus on the actors, but also focus on the sets and costumes and lighting and camera movement. Open your heart to the joy and excitement and beauty and love and anger and tragedy you're seeing on screen and truly let yourself feel whatever you're feeling with no judgement or shame.

I did this the other day with Moulin Rouge, a movie I've seen 30+ times, and I was locked the fuck in. I let myself be swept away by the dazzling world the director, Baz Luhrman, created and it was like seeing it with brand new eyes. I fell in love with Christian and felt every part of Satine's agony and hated The Duke. I became completely invested in their whirlwind romance all over again. I laughed with the Bohemians and watched the lovers' fight backstage with tense heartache and felt the soaring joy of their reunion. And I sobbed and sobbed with Christian at the end because I had let myself hope, foolishly, that the movie would end differently this time and that their triumph and love would be strong enough to let them be together forever. But it ended the way it always does and I felt like I was watching the ending for the very first time.

Friends, I walked away from that experience with a brand-new understanding and appreciation of a movie that was already a longtime favorite and I love it even more now.

Now, you can lock into the empathy and feelings of the film like I did, or you can do other things during a Deep Watch. I also love doing technical Deep Watches. You can focus on the dialogue, what you like about it and what the actors did to make it shine. You can focus on sound design. Animated movies are no exception to a good Deep Watch and have additional aspects to focus on. If it's a comedy film, you can focus on dissecting what, exactly, makes it funny. Let yourself focus on special effects and let yourself wonder how they possibly did that (and maybe look it up later). If it's a movie with a huge cast, choose one or two actors to focus on as you watch the film and look at their facial expressions, body language, and their dynamic with other characters. What do they silently tell you about their character's inner world? For me, technical-focused Deep Watches do not detract from the movie magic at all and actually enhance my appreciation for film as an art form.

This is seriously super fun to do and lets you fall in love with your favorite movie all over again (and with the beauty of cinema in general).

[raelle-writing]

Just wanted to drop a message to let you know how much I enjoy reading your fics! (Have not read the AU Hogwarts one, but that is more because of personal preferences, maybe in the future though) but I have read and loved everything else!

I read Tender Like A Bruise some months ago, as a stand-alone and really liked it. But then I read all of the Love & Blood series in order and re-read Tender Like A Bruise, and it added a whole new level. The way you continued their story after the hospital scene, is really how I could also imagine it to continue. It fits so well to their characters.

I pretty much inhaled your fics and these days I am impatiently waiting for the new chapters of If You Had Something To Lose. That story is just ugh so good!!! The last chapter went exactly into the direction I had hoped for, well not for our boys because that was brutal and emotional for them, but in terms of story telling and plot it was exactly what I wanted to read.

Love your writing, and how you bring out their thoughts and emotions through the POV changes, and with some really great and honest dialogues. And also your focus on “choice” because for me that was such a big part of VP in the series.

Really looking forward to the rest of this fic and any new ones you might start.

😭😭 ahhhh thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed to hear this today 🫂

No problem about the Hogwarts AU! When Kerri and I wrote it we knew some people wouldn't want to read it because of JKR and that's totally fair and valid. It was fun for me to get to write a cute gay romance in JKR's world, and that's enough for me :3

Thank you so much for the compliments about Love & Blood - those boys are still my first loves and I still have stories I want to tell with them, and I'm so glad to hear you've enjoyed it all! I like Tender Like a Bruise, but I wasn't sure about it at first because it was so soft... but it's become one of my favorites, because VegasPete can be just as soft as they can be tough and that's what we all love about them!

IYHSTL is my baby though, my brainchild, and arguably the best thing I've ever written in my entire life! I've known since the beginning that I wanted to delve into the issues in the last chapter - and like you said, it was really heavy and emotional for the boys but it's something I've wanted to see done in a fic for a loooooooong time, and explore how that history affects Vegas to this day (as well as Pete of course).

Again, thank you so much for this message 💕💕 I was feeling kind of down today about having to take a week off of IYHSTL to catch up and stressed out about continuing it etc etc and this was a very lovely message to get while I was so in my head. So thank you again 🫂🫂🫂

[mandareeboo]

E: If you wrote a sequel to "I don't need the world to see, I've been the best I can be"

what would it be about?

And/or?

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

E: If you wrote a sequel to "I don't need the world to see, I've been the best I can be" what would it be about?

I have some ideas, actually! It'd be less text 'fic and more exploratory, but mostly about Steven taking Sadie and Shep to Homeworld and them being like "damn binch you live like this???" Concepts include:

Picks up where the original story left off, with Steven giving a vague story in the hotel room over continental breakfast.

Steven tries to get Sadie and Shep’s mind off his mental problems via taking them to Homeworld

Humans are a BIG deal on Homeworld. After all, the Steven Universe has decided to live amongst them!!! So a lot of Gems are really excited to meet them and have very little understanding of personal space

Walk in on Yellow giving a big-boobed Gem a reduction and Steven is like “you know some humans pay, like, thousands of dollars for that” and Yellow scoffs and says “you all still work with currency? We voided that shit like 10,000 years ago.”

Steven spends a lot of time with Blue getting high being in the clouds to try and force himself to find happiness so Sadie and Shep meet Spinel and White Diamond solo. Neither of whom are trying to make it weird, but neither of them have the slightest idea how to talk to people who aren’t other Diamonds/Steven, so things get awkward fast.

Sadie and Shep learn the origins of the Diamonds- White, who used to be a Rainbow of colors, separated parts of herself to make co-rulers. Yellow was the first, to oversee production. Blue was the second, to oversee high court. And finally little Pink, made to help White focus and eliminate “her flaws”. 

Sadie and Shep, disturbed, go to Steven and tell him he’s doing exactly what White has done- take herself apart until nothing remains but a skeleton. Steven realizes he needs to actually heal via therapy, which is what he’s been avoiding. 

I started writing the first chapter a while ago and only got a sentence or two in lol. But I'll probably get around to it someday! Here's what I had:

"I'm just saying-" Steven was just saying as Sadie entered the hotel room, vending machine water bottles procured- "It's not an easy question!" Shep hummed, pointer fingers holding their chin. The squint made Sadie think they felt his reply was sus. "Hmm, but have you ever considered that it's literally not?" they suggested.

[unknownuser19970330]

Women talking/女人们的谈话：Rant

I love movies that are subtle in their storytelling and this movie is most definitely one of those, Power of the dog and Tar have been my favorites for their ability to illustrate someone’s past story or even emotional experience through visuals, dialogue, and extremely subtle acting. Women talking achieved it astoundingly through its illustration of sexual assault. Statistically, men writers often like to portray sexual assault of women as accurately as possible ( or not exactly accurate even depending on your pov open to debate), regardless of what their intention is (good or bad), sometimes it provokes more fear, numbing emotions, or even fetishization if you really want to argue it. I would give these creators benefits of doubt and say that their goals are to create empathy and a sense of understanding, but this movie was able to achieve so without the gruesome process and visual scenes, with the use of score, incredible acting, and cinematography the movie tells you how traumatizing and how emotionally impactful sexual assaults are, while being extremely respectful.

The movie's commentary on the impact of patriarchy has on men’s emotional experience. That scene with Claire Foy and Ben Whishaw, first of all fucking incredible on the use of subtleness, when Claire foy asked ben’s character on why he has a gun, Ben’s acting and change of facial expression immediately allows you to know that he probably has the gun so he can kill himself and that one scene illustrates patriarchy’s negative impact on men so accurately and perfectly and so incredibly emotionally (that scene ruined my fucking eye makeup), the focus on masculinity in patriarchy deprives of men on different expression of gender, and deprive them of emotional connections and expression of emotions, and emotions are basic human instincts, how do you view a society format that deprives a gender of emotional expression? And I just love how that scene also reflects that men’s suicide rate is higher than women, even tho women have higher rate of depression.

I am fascinated by how they have divided the women into three groups: stay and fight, leave, and stay but do nothing. This separation shows how women are affected very different under patriarchy, and this not only applies to gender inequality, but racial inequality as well. When an individual is oppressed by an overarching system, every individual is affected very differently (for example, asian people are probably affected very differently from black people). Being mindful that this movie has a religion component, and I lack experience in understanding this part as I am atheist, I would like to write down my opinions on how it reflects women within patriarchy. Women within a patriarchal society can be split into the three groups: stay and fight can be associated to the "angry feminists" aka "女拳" within the context of Chinese society, these women are not necessarily dismantling the current patriarchy through a systematic manner, but rather they express their anger and frustration towards the patriarchal system without necessarily with a goal in mind. Stay and stay silent can be viewed as the women that has adopted internalized misogyny, 一个社会里融入并且identify with 男性社会下的女性规则的女性，例子包括 “绿茶婊”，“汉子婊”，“娇妻". I personally think that the group of women that choose to leave can be viewed very differently depending on one's view on feminism and perspective and experience, but in my personal opinion, I view women that choose to leave to be the women that are attempting to reform and actively dismantle the patriarchal system systematically. These women appear to be leaving because they are leaving the rules and the power that led to the establishment of the institution.

Rooney Mara's character has one piece of dialogue in discussing forgiveness within the patriarchal system. She said something along the line of "maybe we will learn things that will allow us to learn to forgive". I see this action in so many ways, and in the life of my clients. Sometimes, we learn our behavioral and thought pattern through leaving a relationship and process the relationship. By achieving so, we learn to adopt new ways of interacting with the world. Similarly, when we leave patriarchy, we are able to "leave" our immediate emotional reactions or autopilot behavior in response to patriarchal system. Only by doing so, we are able to learn about patriarchy through a third person view, and learn to dismantle it, or to forgive it through the understanding that men can also be victims of patriarchy. Through a combination of factors, maybe eventually women are able to forgive. However, this movie also emphasizes that forgiveness does not mean that they did not make a mistake. I think to this society and to a lot of people, forgiveness means to forget, or to mean that acknowledging that another person did not make a mistake. That is not true, men most definitely have made mistakes, and that women are able to forgive men, but it does not take away the fact that they made mistakes and have caused oppression to women.

The movie also explores the harm inflicted from women to women within a patriarchal system, specifically characterized by the scene of Jessie Buckley's character telling Mejal that "why are you special" when she has a panic attack (PTSD symptom) in response to the nightfall, which has been associated with her sexual assault. This reminds me of how mother and daughter often have such different relationship from mother and son, mother and daughter often hate each other while mother son love each other. Mother and daughter relationship are different because mother went through the same trauma but they managed to cope through them, and now they invalidate daughters' struggle without realizing that everyone has different biological vulnerability. Just because something does not hurt you the same way that it did to you, does not mean that they are not hurting right now. Similarly, Greta used to tell her daughter (Jessie Buckley's character) that she should stay in the abusive relationship, forgive that abusive husband one time after another. This type of "violence" continues to be inflicted on women, maybe less in Western society now, but it is still very much present within Chinese society. 例如当女儿的丈夫出轨了，母亲会说 “他只是犯下了所有男人可能会犯下的错误”，但是说这句话的母亲有错吗？可能有，但她的丈夫同样也是女儿的父亲，当初也出过轨啊。若女儿离开了丈夫，那这会给这位母亲带来什么样子的心理影响呢？

[mercy-burning]

Win Me Back

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: When Reader’s ex-boyfriend comes back to town, he finds a way to make amends— with a little help from her niece.

Category: FLUFF

Warnings: None other than a few swears :)

Word Count: 3k (I barely made the limit, folks, that was hard lol)

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is my entry for @homoose ‘s 2k Celebration!! And if this fic seems familiar, that may be because it’s a re-telling of the car-wash scene from Ramona and Beezus 🤭😂 It’s one of my favorite movie scenes of all time, it never fails to make me squeal, and I had SO MUCH FUN writing this!

Also! I tried very hard to find the scene for you to watch incase you haven’t seen the movie, but the ones I did manage to find on YouTube cut out THE BEST PARTS, so I’m sorry 😭 But in case you want to know the ~vibes~ I tried to capture and don’t feel like watching the movie, I made THIS post last night with some dialogue/background from the scene if you’d like to read it! Obviously it’s not required since what I’ve written is quite different, but it is encouraged 😊

I hope you like it!! And if somehow you haven’t followed Moose yet, you should! She’s the sweetest ❤❤❤

***

Y/N found an abundance of upsides to taking neighborhood walks with her niece. For one thing, it gave her a distraction, something to focus on as she made sure eight-year-old Piper wouldn't wander too far from the sidewalk. She found solace in quizzing her on the multiplication table as they made their way around the block, an activity in which Piper enthusiastically flaunted her love of numbers.

It was also nice to stay outside and take in the warm sun and soft rustling of the trees, though every once in a while all of it wasn't enough to keep the memory of Spencer at bay.

After all, it was kind of hard when he was back in town, and after all these years he was reaching out to her like he hadn't broken her heart in the first place.

"You seem sad, Auntie," Piper said, grabbing Y/N's hand as the turned the corner.

Y/N swung their arms together gently, smiling down at her with a tilt of her head. "Why d'you think that, hon?"

Piper gave a little shrug, her ponytail blowing softly behind her. "You don't smile as much. And you always smile when you're with me... And you asked me the same times equation 3 times in a row just now. You're distracted."

Y/N couldn't help the breathy laugh that escaped her. You sound just like Spencer... Instead, she told her, "Aw, I'm sorry, Kiddo. My mind is just in a... confusing place right now. But I'm very happy that you got to come stay with me this weekend, you always brighten my day." She punctuated her sentence with a little boop on Piper's nose, to which she giggled and asked for another math equation.

The two of them continued around the block a few rounds, though on their fourth and final one, Y/N noticed very familiar car parked just outside her house.

Heart jumping into her throat, she stopped in her tracks, and Piper kept going only to be pulled back slightly. The girl turned to her aunt and furrowed her brow. "Auntie, why did we stop?"

"Um... I just wasn't expecting any company today besides you..."

Y/N certainly wasn't ready to discuss everything that was going on with Spencer to anyone, let alone her eight-year-old niece who wouldn't probably understand or care anyway. So she explained it the best way she could, quickly coming up with a plan to avoid him as long as possible.

"See the car parked over there?" Y/N asked, and Piper nodded. "Well, that's an... old friend of mine... And we haven't talked in a long time because we don't really get along anymore. So when we get up to the house, he might try to talk to us, and I'm going to tell him that we're busy."

"He's not mean, is he?"

Sensing Piper's reservations, Y/N reassured her while letting her own contempt for her ex fuel the conversation. "No, but... He broke my heart. And he—"

"Y/N... Hi..."

She nearly jumped, mostly from surprise, but also at the fact that hearing her name coming from his lips and his voice and just him brought back a flood of feelings she'd rather have forgotten. Still, she turned to him and cleared her throat. "Spencer... Hi."

Piper suddenly let go of Y/N's hand, a small scoff escaping her. "Oh. Spencer..."

The two adults turned to look at her with surprise, though it was Spencer who spoke up. "You... know me?"

"Mhm," Piper returned with a nod, crossing her arms. "I heard Mom and Auntie talk about you yesterday, and she says you have a stupid, beautiful face."

"Piper!" Y/N screeched, heat rising to her face. "I... You can't tell people that, I— That's not... I..."

"Oh... I'm sorry, Auntie," the little girl said quietly.

Y/N was fully prepared to dig a hole and stay buried in it forever, and her embarrassment grew even stronger when Spencer spoke up again. "It's okay," he reassured gently, a small laugh sounding from his throat that regrettably gave Y/N butterflies. "You're auntie's definitely right, I do have a stupid face."

Before Y/N could stop the conversation altogether, Piper cut in quickly, being sure to add, "And beautiful."

Spencer's eyes flicked up to Y/N, drawing her in with amusement and charm, a fact which she hated to her core. Because it was working, and that was annoying as hell. "Yep," he said, never taking his eyes off of her. "And beautiful."

And then the corner of his mouth turned up slightly, flashing her the most amused, stupidly perfect smirk.

Piper started talking again, and for the second time that day, Y/N wished she hadn't even said anything at all, keeping this whole situation to herself.

"But we can't talk to you, because you broke Auntie's heart, and we're busy. C'mon, Auntie. Let's go." Piper grabbed Y/N's hand and led her up the rest of sidewalk until they got to the driveway. And even though it might have been childish to completely ignore Spencer as they walked past, not giving him a second glance, quite frankly she was quick to abort the situation as soon as possible.

Unfortunately for her, Spencer was persistent.

They were almost to the steps up to the door when he called out. "Piper! Can I ask you something?"

The little girl turned around, losing grip of Y/N's hand and greeting his gaze without batting an eye. "Sure."

Damn kids and their willingness to be nice to strangers, Y/N grumbled in her head.

"I know... your auntie is an important person to you, right?" Spencer inquired, walking up the driveway with his hands in his front pockets. Y/N swallowed, most certainly not noticing how the sun perfectly highlighted him in a glow that made him look more beautiful than stupid.

Piper nodded.

"Well... She's important to me, too. And I really hurt her feelings, but I want to make it up to her. Would you be kind enough to let me try?"

Damn him, Y/N grumbled yet again. Damn him, damn him, damn him to hell... Why was he so charming?

He'd always known that kids were a soft spot for her, and when they'd dated, they talked a lot about having some of their own  one day. Every time they took a walk in the park and they passed a kid, they always gravitated to Spencer, giving him the biggest smiles, and in turn he would give them a high five or perform a little magic trick to make them smile even wider. And Y/N melted into a damn puddle every time.

He knew exactly what he was doing, using Piper as a means to win her back, but even still, she knew that because of his gentle nature, most of it was... well, nature. Deep down, as much as she hated to admit it, she knew that he was a kind person. They may have ended things on bad terms, sure, and Y/N could pretend he was cruel all she wanted— The truth was that no matter how their relationship ended, he was a good man at heart.

And that's why it hurt so much.

Y/N thought for sure Piper would fall into his web, but she was pleasantly surprised when the girl responded with, "I don't know... I don't know if I trust you yet."

You and me both, Kiddo, Y/N thought to herself.

Spencer laughed again. "That's fair. Look, you can say no, but... How about I give you something in return?"

"Spencer, that's no—"

Piper crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side, interrupting Y/N before she could finish protesting. "How much we talking?"

"Piper!"

"Well, I was going to offer to show you a magic trick, but I suppose I could work you a deal... I only have a hundred bucks on me, would that be enough?"

Sure enough, Spencer pulled a one-hundred dollar bill from his pocket, and the young girl's eyes went wide. Y/N's did, too, but more likely than not it wasn't a means of excitement.

"You have yourself a deal!" Piper squealed with a jump. She ran over to take the money, meanwhile Spencer looked up at Y/N with a smile.

She didn't return it.

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" he asked softly. Kindly.

"Well, I'm babysitting Piper today, so you'll have to come back another time," she returned a little coldly, hoping that she and Piper had just scored a free Benjamin to pig out on ice cream while Spencer was left waiting forever for a conversation that was never going to happen.

Funny how eight-year-olds always had a way of making things more difficult for you.

"Auntie, Spencer and I made a deal. He gave me money, and now he has to make it up to you. Remember?"

Y/N groaned. "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."

"Well, how about I... take you guys out for lunch? My treat? If it's alright, we can go to McDonald's..."

"The one with the play place?" Piper gasped, immediately turning to Y/N. "Oh, Auntie, please can we go? Please, please, please?"

She looked up at Spencer, shaking her head in exasperation as he smiled at her, those sparkling honey eyes reeling her in whether she wanted them to or not. Then she turned to Piper and sighed.

"How fast do you think you can eat?"

***

Y/N was surprised Spencer didn't try to talk to her more on the drive over. Though, Piper did most of the talking, telling Spencer about how much she loved numbers and math, and he even quizzed her on some multiplication equations on the way.

If she wasn't so annoyed with him, Y/N would have melted completely.

It was the getting into the restaurant that worried her the most, though. She knew that once Piper ran off to play while they waited for their food, he would spend whatever short amount of time he had trying to win her back. And she was afraid of two things, mostly that she would end up crying in the restaurant, making a scene and wishing she'd never agreed to go, no matter how heart-broken Piper might have been. But there was also a small part of her, nestled deep into her heart, that was afraid she'd fall for him all over again.

He certainly made falling easy.

When the three of them stepped into the restaurant, it was easy to see how excited Piper was to be there. She gently tugged on Y/N's sleeve before looking up at her. "Nuggets, fries, and Sprite?"

"Apples, too, and you've got yourself a deal," Y/N said.

Piper nodded, not really caring but eager to go and play. So she sighed and nodded, leaving her with a, "Be careful!" as she saw the girl quick-walk over to the play area. There was a decent crowd that day, but thankfully no one in the restaurant seemed to have any grievances or knacks for trouble.

Spencer on the other hand... Y/N scoffed to herself, thinking how he was the most troublesome person in the area.

He proved her point by nudging her with his elbow. "She's a fun one."

"Yeah, she's somethin' alright," Y/N grumbled. "I can't believe you bribed her just to talk to me... If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you were being romantic. But I do know better, and you're just stubborn."

Spencer laughed, but she refused to look at him. "Aw, come on, give me some credit. You know I can be a little of both."

This time Y/N did look at him, squinting in a glare, like she was contemplating. "Eh... five to ninety-five. Leaning in favor of stubborn, of course."

"Obviously." The amusement in his voice made her hate his stupid, beautiful face even more than usual.

Thankfully he kept the conversation short after that, at least until they ordered. Since it was Spencer's treat, she milked his wallet for as much as she could afford to on fast-food. She ordered a large chocolate milkshake and enough food for her and Piper to share for dinner later— and probably lunch the next day, too. The amused chuckle Spencer let out as she was ordering did have her believing maybe she was being a bit childish. But the longer she thought about it, the more she stood by her actions.

He did break her heart after all. The least he could do was compensate through chicken nuggets and French fries.

The only thing she didn't count on, though, was how long it was going to take to make all her food, not to mention getting things done for other people. As she and Spencer made their way to the table, she realized she'd have to talk with him longer.

Spencer took advantage of this, naturally.

"So... How've you been?"

Y/N scoffed. "You show up out of the blue five years after you break up with me, and then have the nerve to ask me how I've been, in a McDonald's? Yeah, I've been great."

He sighed, his eyes flitting down to the table. "I know, I'm... I'm sorry. And I know I should have—"

"Spence, please don't... Look, I know... I know why we broke up, and I came to terms with the fact that your job was just to dangerous for us to be together, but... I mean, you weren't even willing to work it out, you just... ran away. That hurt."

"Y/N... I'm so, so sorry that it happened that way. I think about it almost every day and how much I wish I could have changed it..."

"But you can't change it. And now you... you show up here after all this time to—to what? Win me back? Use your kindness and your charm to reel me back in, like that'll somehow make everything better?"

He looked up at her through his eyelashes, the sight almost breaking her. "Maybe..."

"It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, Spence, because I do... I've dreamt about the day you'd come back and apologize, begging me to take you back... But I can't get hurt again. And you have to understand that."

"I do... Just..." His hands reached out across the table, gently touching hers. The feeling sparked something in her, something nostalgic and warm...

Something that felt a lot like home.

He was going to continue his speech, but a knock on the glass separating them from the playroom on the other side jolted them apart. It was Piper, a stern look on her face. "Don't try anything, Mister... You're still on thin ice."

She turned away then, running back to the slide when Spencer sighed. "I thought we had a deal."

Y/N laughed, nodding at Piper through the glass. "Even a hundred bucks and free food isn't enough to win someone's trust." Spencer looked over at her and waited, visibly swallowing. But Y/N flashed the smallest of smiles before finishing, speaking quietly, yet with all the truth and firmness in the world. "You have to work harder than that."

"Duly noted," Spencer replied, his gaze never straying from hers. "Looks like me and my stupid, beautiful face have some work to do."

Y/N rolled her eyes, leaning back in the chair as Spencer grinned like a fool... A stupid, beautiful fool. "Oh, alright... You know what... If you weren't paying for my mountains of food and giving me a ride home, that thin ice you're on would have just shattered under the weight of that comment."

"Oh, come on, it was funny."

"No, it really wasn't."

"Yeah, it was."

He stared at her, smiling until her forced frown slowly and reluctantly transformed into a smile of her own.

***

"Thank you for lunch, Spencer! And for the hundred dollars!" Piper skipped past him and up the driveway, stopping to turn and wave with her Happy Meal toy in hand. Y/N was carrying a bag of leftover food and half a milkshake, her stomach already regretting every choice she'd ever made.

"You're welcome, Piper," Spencer said, smiling at the girl. "And thank you for letting me get a chance to set things right with your auntie. You really helped me out today, I appreciate it."

"Sure thing. Just don't break her heart again, or I'll break your stupid, beautiful face. It'll turn into a stupid, ugly face then."

Y/N mentally face-palmed herself, turning to Piper and telling her to go inside and wash up. The girl gave Spencer one final wave and a smile as she did so, leaving the adults alone once again.

"Thank you..." he said quietly, shifting on his feet. "For giving me a chance. I really want to make things right with us... Make up for the way I hurt you, and... try harder. You deserve that much."

Years of heartache and trying to get over him begged Y/N not to believe it, but deep down she knew he was being truthful. He wasn't the type of guy to come around like this—especially with all the work travel he did—just to manipulate her into heartache again, with empty promises and hurtful intent.

She knew he was really willing to try to make things right, and that was a big start.

"Thank you... for saying that... And for making Piper's day. I know you didn't really mean to bribe her, but the fact that you did it anyway is absurd, so... I guess I have to give credit where credit's due."

Spencer laughed, and this time Y/N didn't hate the feeling of the butterflies in her stomach fluttering at the sound. "Well, I'm glad I could at least amuse you today. Does... this mean my romantic to stubborn ratio shifted a little bit?"

Y/N rolled her eyes affectionately, taking a sip of her milkshake. "Hmm... twenty to eighty."

"Still leaning in favor of stubborn, I suppose..."

The smile they shared in that moment felt more like the ones they used to share back then, officially kickstarting the slow, meticulous mending of their love.

"Obviously."

***

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[camgoloud]

for the fanfic ask game: 7 for shovel talk (in f major) and 2 & 4 for do my friends think i'm dying (or do i just need to go to sleep)

thanks for the ask! Sorry in advance, this one is a bit long—I went on about shovel talk for Definitely Longer Than Necessary… I’ll start with the answers for “Do my friends think I’m dying? (or do I just need to go to sleep?)” because those will be quicker:

2: What scene did you first put down?

Ahhh so this one is a bit weird to think of in terms of scenes because it is. a mocked-up reddit post lol… I know that the Very first thing I wrote was Colin’s initial “post” outlining the situation… but then when I was trying to come up with various Types of comments that should go on the post and work out a logical order for them to show up in, I think the first group of comments I actually planned and wrote out in real detail was maaaaybe the one starting with u/oliver_bongwell like “sorry but can anyone else not focus on op’s question because they’re too weirded out by his descriptions of his workplace environment,” which then sparked a whole series of replies from redditors trying to figure out what Colin does for a living lmao

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Oh, HANDS down “Hey op, dm me, I have a question” from u/baz_richmondtillidie just because I was so delighted with myself when I was trying to figure out how on earth to conclude a “fic” without a real narrative and then suddenly had the Best Possible Idea… but honorable mentions definitely go to our friend u/oliver_bongwell’s “jesus op it's a good thing you've been in therapy. maybe take this problem back there though. not that I’m not living for this drama because I am but I’m just saying it seems like there’s a Lot going on here. lot of words etc” and Colin’s “No one is listening to me, I'm like at least 70% sure I'm not getting fired.”

And now, regarding “shovel talk (in f major)”:

7: Where did the title come from?

Ah, yes, this one 😂 short answer: I was trying to be funny; medium answer: I was trying to be funny and a bit heartbreaking at the same time; long answer requires a bit of context, probably, because I know this isn’t your fandom… (also, it’s going to contain spoilers for series, so if you don’t actually want those you can just skip the rest of this post and I’ll give you a shorter version in dms or something lol)

So, the character Juno Zeta is the mother of another character named Palamedes Sextus, to whom the narrator of this fic, one Camilla Hect, is about to swear what is essentially an Oath Of Lifelong Companionship And Servitude that is taken VERY seriously in-universe (as in, part of the ceremony is going to involve Camilla and Palamedes telling each other “one flesh, one end” in front of a bunch of witnesses, and those words AREN’T ALWAYS MEANT METAPHORICALLY :/). Palamedes is very much a child-genius-do-the-impossible-type character (this fic is set when he and Cam are twelve; he’s basically in charge of Planet Academia by two years later) and in this he canonically takes after his mother a lot. This fic is basically Juno Zeta telling Camilla, only mostly-jokingly, “are you SURE you want to commit to my disaster son? You have so much potential and I’d hate to see you tied to the kind of person who I know from personal experience might very well get you killed with his reckless can-do attitude—or, at the very least, he will get HIMSELF killed, and then you’ll have to deal with the consequences and be very sad about it*”.

*SPOILER ALERT: He does, in fact, do exactly this. It is, in fact, EXTREMELY tragic, and Camilla is VERY very sad about it, and it kind of ruins the entire rest of her life in many ways. Juno Zeta doesn’t want to say she told you so, but…

Anyway. So, on the most basic level, the fic is a “shovel talk” in the sense that the whole thing is a conversation in which someone’s mother gives someone else a warning about What Might Happen To You If You Get Involved With My Son. But it’s a shovel talk with a major twist, in that the mother is saying all of this NOT for the benefit of her son (she has reason to believe that her son would actually be a lot better off in the hands of Camilla, who is a dangerously competent individual) but for Camilla’s sake. Hence the humor; the tragic part is that Juno Zeta says a lot of Eerily Prescient things as she is shovel-talking that reflect the actual canon ending of Palamedes and Camilla’s story, and that those warnings go LARGELY UNHEEDED… This is where the “(in f major)” half of the title comes in, which I suspect is the part you were actually curious about. Unfortunately, Juno Zeta fails in her mission: f for failure; f also for “F in chat,” pay respect to Zeta, who tried so hard to intervene in the tragedy of Camilla-and-Palamedes and wasn’t able to stop things from going exactly as she was afraid they would anyway. (Lol—really I just liked the sound of it; I thought it sounded funny and charmingly whimsical tacked onto the end of the title, and I was in a VERY weird mood at the time of posting, because it was the night before the latest book in the series came out and I was high on adrenaline from anticipation and from having spent literally all day at the computer trying to finish banging out my last Camilla Hect tribute fic before who-knew-what-shit went down in the next book)

Thanks again for asking!

(ask game here)

[youamongthemelissas]

hi mwah <3

may i have a scenario with zoro being a brat who doesn't want to go down on his girl, but she just puts in his place by sitting on his face? 👀

ara ara, it seems that the fifteen hours I've been sleeping have made me reap the rewards uwu

well, I really hope you like the result and that those 3,3k words make up for the delay in my writer's block. i've only reviewed it a few times because i'm really really sleepy right now, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes! :(

warning: oral sex (giving and receiving), fingering, face sitting, etc. only for +18. smut everywhere

Zoro and I had known each other for almost two years, but he changed his position from hookup to boyfriend two months ago. Our chaotic relationship started at a horrible party. Everything that night was horrible, except when the handsome guy approached me offering his help when some ramshackle human being spilled water on my shirt. To complete my disaster, the outfit I wore was white and cotton, so it marked the contours of my breasts just right. Damn day I decided to leave my house without wearing a bra. Too embarrassed, I just crawled into the bathroom – which didn't even have a lock – and waited for the crowd to dwindle or for my shirt to dry so I could get out of that unhealthy place. But fate didn't have the best plans for me, as I saw the bathroom door open and a man enter that cubicle.

"This is the ladies' wc, you know?" I informed the guy angrily.

“I know,” he replied simply. "I saw the whole scene, so I decided to come make sure you're okay."

I arched my brow and stared at him with half-closed eyes. Was he feeling okay? I looked for signs of drunkenness in him, but his voice was steady and he looked too sober.

“Very nice of you, but you can't just lock yourself together with a strange woman in a cubicle. You know, I can interpret this as sexual harassment!” I snapped.

“Oh, fine. I was going to lend you my shirt so you could wear it and wouldn’t have to wait for yours to dry, but I see you don't need my help. Bye and sorry for the inconvenience,” and so he left, not giving me a chance to respond.

I cursed the Universe, but then I stopped myself because a tarot reader had informed me that a situation like this could happen throughout the week and I didn't listen. In the end, it was my fault for being a stubborn and skeptical one.

I really couldn't tell how long I was locked in that fetid cubicle, but when my t-shirt dried enough not to leave me practically naked from the waist up, I walked out and saw the same guy as before, he was talking to a red haired girl, actually it looked more like an argument was going on between them by his annoyed expression and her restless gestures. Would she be his girlfriend? Was the discussion focused on me and the bathroom incident? Well, I wouldn't stay there to find out and risk getting hit by the girl for something that wasn't my fault. He was the one who entered the ladies' room with an unknown woman!

And my disastrous night ended when I lay in my bed and turned off the light to finally sleep and erase all memories of the party from my head. But that boy's face has not left my mind.

The days followed normally, and when I was already forgetting the cool guy, I saw him for the second time in a bakery. He wore the same shirt that day of the party and sweatpants. His sleepy face gave away that he had just woken up and had just left the house to go buy bread for breakfast. He saw me but pretended not to. I got the feeling I should have apologized for the misunderstanding, but he was already making the request. Luckily, we were assisted together as soon a second attendant appeared who assisted me as well.

As soon as we paid the bill, we silently left the place and I got a chance to talk to him as we were heading in the same direction.

“Hey,” I called him, being ignored. "Boy, wait a minute"

“What is it, girl?”, he snapped at me sharply.

“I wanted to apologize for the misunderstanding… Seriously, I was just freaked out by a guy walking me into the bathroom…”, I was sincere.

"It's all right. Go on with your life in peace.”

“And you had a girlfriend, right? Like, you were still wrong in the end…” I couldn't hold my mouth before needling him.

This time he stopped abruptly and turned to me, making me smack my face into his chest.

"Girlfriend? First you accuse me of sexual harassment and now besides being a harasser you think I'm a traitor?”

“I didn't accuse you of anything! Except the girlfriend part. You and that red haired girl seemed to be fighting really bad, like boyfriends do,” I clarified.

“Redhead girl?” he seemed to search his memory for what I was referring to. “Nami? God forbid me dating that devil woman! She's not my girlfriend, and we were fighting because…”, he stopped mid-explanation. “This is none of your business, girl. But she's not my girlfriend,” he ended the pseudo-argument.

I nodded and went on my way.

“How long will you follow me? Now I can interpret that you're a deranged stalker”, he told me right after we turned down the same street, after walking close for a few meters.

“I'm not following you, my house is on this way”, I replied.

And that's how I found out that we lived in the same condominium.

Although I clearly remember the first two times we met, I can't say when exactly we started to change our cat-and-mouse relationship and elevate it to a more intimate one. Maybe it was when he fucked me for the first time in the laundry room in the building. I was taking my clothes out of the machine while he put his clothes in another one, and then we looked at each other and as if we had the same idea, he grabbed me around the waist and lifted me up to put me sitting on top of the machine he had just finished stuffing with his own clothes, putting it to work and taking me in a kiss while taking off my panties. When he entered me, I moaned loudly, but the sound was drowned out by the shrill noise of that old machine. Zoro confessed to me later that he chose precisely that one so my moans could not be heard. I think it was the most insane thing I did, because at any moment someone could come and catch us, but luckily for us that only happened after Zoro had cum on my thighs and taken me off that old thing. It was weird walking with my legs sticking together because of his cum, but I didn't have time to clean up, just lift my panties and straighten my skirt before passing the newcomer, who didn't seem to have noticed our presence.

After our first sex, we didn't get apart anymore. We couldn't be alone as we caught fire and had sex wherever we were.

As time went by, we calmed down and our meetings became more spaced, but our chemistry didn't extinguish even a little bit during these almost two years, on the contrary, it only earned us the beginning of dating. And we became more than just hookups, we became friends too, those who know about each other's lives and I got to know Nami, the red-haired friend he was fighting that night at the party. I came to discover that they could never be boyfriends, because she loved money and women.

Everything with Zoro was almost perfect. He was a good boyfriend, and even though we're two hotheads, we never fought. There are always dialogues in our relationship and this helps a lot to avoid unnecessary fights. Besides, sex is wonderful, everything just right, except for one small thing that bothers me. We combine a lot in bed, I always try to please him and give him pleasure at all times. I've lost count of how many blowjobs I gave him and how many times I let him cum in my mouth, but the problem is that he never even gave me oral sex. And that makes me a little frustrated and scared. Was the problem with me? I took good care of myself, but he always shifted position when I tried to get him down on me.

One day, while I watched him playing his favorite game, I stroked his hair.

“Babe?”, I called him.

“Hm?” he mutters, not moving an inch.

“Do I disgust you?” I asked bluntly.

"What? Where did you get this ideia?”, he turns abruptly to face me, doing something wrong in the game because soon there are some curses directed at him in the chat.

“It's just a question.” I shrugged.

“It can't be just a question. For you to ask me that, there's definitely a reason behind it,” he replied, no longer looking at the TV screen, and not realizing that he was being offended by the other players. Damn virgins.

“Nevermind…”, I hesitated, unable to let myself be affected by the comments, which weren't even for me. "Your game friends are very angry with you."

"Fuck them, the issue here is you.", he held my face with both hands, making me look at him. “Tell me what made you think about it,” he looks deep into my eyes, almost reading my soul and I immediately regret opening my mouth. But it was too late, lying was out of the question, because he knows very well when I lie, so I had no choice but to tell the truth.

“You never gave me an oral. So I deduced that the problem is with me”, I said at last and he let me go.

It was his turn to shift the focus to another corner.

“It's nothing to you, it's me who is the problem. I've never done that to any women, and in the movies I see them “squirt”, what if that happens?” He looked a little frustrated and embarrassed.

I got up from my seat and stopped standing in front of him, making him glare at me.

“You have to stop thinking real life is a big porn movie, Roronoa,” I said, putting my index finger on his forehead. “I really admire you knowing how to fuck without looking like a caveman”, I said that last sentence more to myself.

“Hey!” he heard and seemed offended. "It hurts, okay?"

“Sorry, but that is nothing but the truth”, I rolled my eyes.

Even though he didn't suck me when we had sex later, the seed of doubt was already planted in his head.

I know this, because days later he was more committed to making me cum. Before he seemed to care only about his pleasure, but after our conversation, he even put his fingers to work on my clit – which were presented by me –, as he moved in and out of me, until I came on his fingers. It felt good, but I wanted to feel his tongue down there, and wanted to see his head between my legs. I wanted so badly to squirm in pleasure beneath him as he sucked everything I had to offer him.

When the dream day finally arrived, all my thoughts turned opaque as I felt him hug me from behind and lean his body against mine as his lips found the skin of my neck.

“Do you know how hot you look wearing my shirt?” he asked huskily, pressing me closer to his body, making my ass fit into his crotch. And I already felt it was hard. "Even more so I know you're not wearing anything under it."

I couldn't hold back the moan as I felt his fingers travel up my waist until they reached my breasts under the fabric. He squeezed it first and then circled the nipple with his finger, making it hard. He knew how sensitive I was in that area. And to my delight, he lowered his other hand to between my legs, and slid it to find my sex, which was already starting to get wet.

When I was in his apartment, I liked to have just one piece of clothing. Walking around his house half-naked was one of the most satisfying things for me, because I knew that anytime we were going to get laid and being too undressed would get in the way of the process. So I opted to wear just a pair of panties or a T-shirt with nothing underneath, as was the case now.

He removed his hand from my body and pulled me away, but only to pick me up and take me to his bed, where he laid me down and leaned over me and started kissing me.

His kiss tasted like the whiskey he drank a few minutes ago. I ran my hands over his body and scratched him lightly on his back, inside his shirt. He ended the kiss and rolled off of me, but only to undress. I watched the scene intently, looking at each piece of skin that was revealed to me little by little. When he took off his underwear and his cock popped out, I felt my mouth water. He was there in front of me, completely naked.

I got rid of his t-shirt I was wearing and crawled until I was close to his body, took his hard member in my hands and started masturbating before putting it in my mouth. Unconsciously, I reared my hips up, and ran my tongue over the glans, tasting the pre-cum. Without waiting, I felt him lean over to smack my ass, and it made his cock almost hit my throat, making me gasp. I pulled it out of my mouth, gasping for air, but went back to sucking on it. When I relaxed, I put him in one piece and this time I got used to that intruder so deep, and I heard him grunt. He loved when I swallowed him like that, but before I could make him cum, he gently withdrew from my mouth and lay down on the bed, turning me to stand beside him.

He kissed me again and wrapped his hands around my waist and slid them to my ass, where he slapped my ass, making me moan into his mouth.

We made out until he was on top of me, making me feel his hard cock on my thigh as he kissed my neck and played with my nipples.

I was already throbbing with lust, and it got worse when he slid his fingers to my clit and touched his fingertip to that sensitive spot, making me arch into him. But he did nothing but tease me, and I wanted him to use his tongue this time to bring me to orgasm. For that reason, I forced his head down and he got the message, surprisingly trailing kisses down my body, but before he got there he stopped and returned the kisses to where they were before, leaving me frustrated.

I sighed in annoyance, and shifted our positions, getting on top of him. I positioned myself right on top of his cock, and I fit my pussy there, not to slide him inside, but to rub myself there. He liked my boldness a lot, but I abruptly left the place until I was positioned right in his mouth. I felt him startle under me, but it was too late because I was already sitting pretty well in his face, with my cunt snug in the place where I always wished it was. He showed no resistance, just ran the tip of his tongue over my clit and I closed my eyes, sighing.

At first, he was stuck and a little lost, but little by little he got used to it and now his whole tongue passed through my intimacy, sometimes sucking painfully. It was good for me and it was good for him too, because I felt him grip my thighs tightly, holding me in place as he penetrated me with his tongue. I saw stars. When he smeared the entire place and when my body showed signs of the first orgasm, nimbly and using a little force he took me off him and put me back on the bed, with my back to the mattress. I thought he had given up, but he again slid down my body and positioned himself between my legs, giving me that wonderful sight. Again he pressed his tongue against my clit.

Seeing him there, with his head buried in the place I'd always dreamed of, made a fire burn in my stomach, and my brain worked tirelessly on the new sensations his mouth was gaving me me.

And he looked very committed and thirsty. He was like someone who had gone days without even a drop of liquid and who had just found an inexhaustible source of pure water. And I was that source. And just the thought of having him thirsty for me was enough to give my boner more ammo and make my hips start working nimbly, looking for more contact. Zoro shaved every day, but there were already two that he didn't shave, so the growing hairs scraped the inside of my thighs when I moved my hips, leaving goose bumps.

His tongue explored every corner of my intimacy and his arms closed tightly around my legs as he brought one hand to one of my breasts and rested it there, squeezing every now and then as my body showed signs of orgasm.

He didn't let go of me when I came for the first time or when I screamed for the second. Instead, he circled my waist with his arms and held me immobile in place as he sipped every drop that dared escape from me. He showed no signs of satiating even when I scratched his shoulders or slapped him in the arms to get him to let go. In fact, it felt like it was just an extra boost for him when I was on the verge of madness, writhing in his mouth and thrashing around aimlessly for support and control of the spasms in my body.

He was both a sadist and a masochist at the same time, which is why I was so attracted to him.

When he released me, I was almost voiceless and completely shaky. I wouldn't be able to form an intelligible word, and his playful smile, which I saw blurred due to the tears pooling in the corners of my eyes, gave away his satisfaction at seeing me in that state.

When I finally composed myself and my heart stopped beating in my chest, pulse, and throat, I took a deep breath and stared at him. He was lying beside me, looking at me and running his hand down my face, lovingly.

“You look beautiful when you're coming”, was the first thing he said.

“You look handsome between my legs”, I returned the answer in the same tone.

He smiled and massaged his jaw, as if in pain.

“Too bad it takes so long to cum, my chin hurts”, he complained and I rolled my eyes.

“You didn't leave me after my first orgasm,” I accused. “For those who were afraid of giving me oral sex, you seemed to enjoy it a lot”, I continued, with a pout.

“I had no idea you were that tasty,” he said, smiling slightly. “Now you better get ready, because your taste has gone straight to the top of my favorite flavors”, he assured me, as he pulled me by the waist to glue my body to his.

I kissed his lips softly, and touched our foreheads, and he kissed me again, obscenely. It didn't take me long to be on my knees for him, determined to reward him for the multiple organs he gave me.

Seeing him from above, with his eyes closed and his expression filled with pure delight, made me want to feel his cock in the back of my throat to the point of gasping for air. But he refused to cum inside my mouth. He lifted me up and positioned me on all fours on the bed and placed the condom on his cock.

When he sank into me, I moaned loudly, too happy that my sex life with my boyfriend was perfect.

[junjungsunwoo]

I can’t fall in love without you.

-> Sunwoo x reader

-> slight fluff, heavy(ish) angst

-> 1.7k (went a little crazy with this sorry not sorry.)

-> TW! Talks about a disease, major character death, lots of sadness and crying

-> @geniejunn @kvydence

-> @knet-bakery @k-dinernet @tbznetwork @foreverkpop-net @kpop-script

-> Please note that I am in NO WAY a professional in ANY field of medicine so please, off something sounds wrong to you, I’m sorry! 😭 also, rushed this once again during midnight, so it might be a bit messy! I hope it’s still good though- had a good cry writing this 💔

-> written for @yuta-senpai’s request for the tittle “I can’t fall in love without you” with the dialogue “please don’t fall in love without me” and the genre of angst. I hope you like this Sierra! I put lots of effort into this! Sorry if you don’t like it tho

-> main masterlist | the boyz masterlist

Laying down on your bed, you keep your small grip on Sunwoo’s hands not wanting to let go. 

Never did you think you would be in this situation. You were always known as a very healthy and happy person so what happened that made you this way? Maybe this was God punishing you for being selfish for wanting Sunwoo all to yourself.

As you laid there helplessly with Sunwoo beside you quietly rubbing the back of your hands with his thumb, you couldn’t help but think back to when everything was okay- when you were still kids. You close your eyes and began to take deep breaths you begin to take a trip down your memory lane.

It didn’t take long before you started to cling onto him and following him where ever he goes. Sunwoo never minded and he had always thought it was super cute.

It didn’t take long before you started to cling onto him and following him where ever he goes. Sunwoo never minded and he had always thought it was super cute.

It didn’t take long before you started to cling onto him and following him where ever he goes. Sunwoo never minded and he had always thought it was super cute.

Every adult that saw you both would always compliment you two, saying how cute you’d look like a couple. Their words stuck to you as you soon started to develop more and more feelings for him, and before you knew it- you were in love.

Your best friend, your soulmate- you were in love with him. You knew all of his flaws and you were there when he was at his lowest, and yet you still loved him with your whole heart.

You don’t remember exactly when you started to have feelings for him, but all you know is that you will never tell him. Sunwoo could never know about your feelings- he can’t. 

You were too scared that you would lose him when you confess, and losing him is like losing a part of you. Sunwoo was your other half- without him you would feel lost.

Your memories bring you back to the last day of kindergarten. It was a day you could remember clearly as you were sure this was the day you started having feelings for Sunwoo.

It was a bright and sunny day, the sky was blue, and laughter could be heard everywhere in the school. It was that day where a boy had called you ugly and told you that no one would ever want to have a girlfriend like you.

You had cried a lot that day- hiding under the big tree in one of the corners of the garden sniffing and sobbing quietly when Sunwoo came out of nowhere with candies in his hands. He opened the package of your favorite candy before he motioned you to open your mouth and putting it into your mouth.

“Don’t listen to that big bully!” He exclaimed as he took a seat beside you. “I think you are suuuuuper pretty!” He beams a smile at you.

“Re-really?” You asked him trying to contain your sniffs and tears. 

“Of course! Other than my mommy, you are the most pretty girl I know!” He takes your hands in his, before gripping them tightly.

“You really think so?” You asked him as he gave you a firm nod. “But-but what if no one likes me like what he said? Then-then I’ll be lonely!” Tears begin to gather up in your eyes again, and Sunwoo panics, trying to stop you from crying.

“How about this?” He begins as you put your focus on him. “We’ll marry each other once we are old enough! Then we won’t have to be lonely!” He beams at you as a blush creeps onto your face unconsciously. 

“You promise?” You asked him, your eyes big and wide staring at him with wonder in your eyes.

Sunwoo coos at them before holding up his hand, his pinky extended out.

“I promise!” He giggles as the smile never dropping once.

“Then-then,” you begin staring at his hands in curiosity before looking up and staring into his eyes. “can-can you promise that you won’t fall in love without me?” Your eyes sparkle in anticipation.

Sunwoo giggles before he forcefully hooks your pinky with his before sealing with your thumbs.

“I promise!” 

You get snapped back into reality from your memories as it begins to feel more and more difficult to breathe. You couldn’t hear anything clearly, everything sounded as if your head was underwater. You open your eyes slowly to find that you were still faced with the white walls of the hospital. 

You look around trying to see if anyone was in the room with you. You turn your head slowly to your left only to see Sunwoo sobbing quietly while his hands hold on to yours tightly. 

Your hearing begins to slightly clear up as you finally understand what your doctor was talking about.

You didn’t have much time left.

You could feel it as you felt as heavy as a rock, not being able to move at all. You could barely keep your eyes open.

It felt like it was only yesterday when you had found out about this disease in you. At first, you were so confident that you could get over it as you were still really young, but when more and more time pass and you feel weaker and weaker, it felt as if death was just knocking on the door every day just waiting for you to give in to your death.

Beginning to tear up, you try to move your fingers slightly. Sunwoo looks up in shock as he feels the slight movements from your fingers as he tries to put on a small smile to cheer you up.

He goes up to you to caress your hair softly while trying to contain his sniffles and his tear.

“Everything will be okay,” he continues to stroke your head, “I promise.” His voice cracks in the end as he couldn’t help but break down again.

“I’m...sorry.” You whisper out, your voice barely audible. “I’m sorry...I can’t keep...our promise.” You feel your own tears begin to slide down the side of your face. 

Sunwoo wipes the tears away as his own begins to fall. He tries his hardest to keep his smile going as he can hear his own heart starting to break.

“Do...do you remember our...promise? Back in Kindergarten?” You asked him slowly taking deep breaths in between words. Breathing and talking starting to get more and more difficult. Sunwoo mods quickly, his left hand still holding onto your hands tightly and his right hand still caressing your head.

“I...I take it back.” You wheeze out before taking in a big breath of air and continuing. “Go fall in love without me…be happy...forget about me,” more tears run down your face as Sunwoo finally lets out uncontrollable loud sobs.

“Please-“ he begs you, “please don’t leave me- I-I can’t fall in love without you!” He grabs your hand and puts it to his mouth, kissing you on the back of the hand as he begs and begs you to stay.

“I’m sorry...for wasting your time for all...these years.” You continue as your eyes begin to feel heavy.

“I’m sorry I never...told you that I’m...really thankful for having you...here.” You take a deep breath.

“I’m sorry...I never told you that…” you take another deep breath, your eyes slowly closing despite all your efforts to keep them open.

“I love you.” Your hands slip from his grip and you stop breathing. A single, lonely tear runs down your cheek as you finally close your eyes, never to open them again.

Sunwoo freezes as he slowly takes in the situation. His head was spinning as your heart monitor displayed the flat line and doctors and nurses rush him out of the way to give you defibrillation- sending shocks to your still-warm body, and yet- nothing happens. Silence filled the room as the sound from the heart monitor echoed in the room.

“I'm sorry for your lost.” He tells your parents as they sob in each other’s arms. “But we tried our best.” He then hurried out of the room with the other nurses following after him.

Tears began to fall down uncontrollably as Sunwoo finally get a grasp on the situation.

You were gone.

You are really gone.

Sunwoo felt as if the sun in his life was taken away from him. He felt cold and sad as if there was nothing left in the world that could warm him up and make him happy again.

Memories of all the time he spent with you all replayed in his mind. He could never forget even a single memory made with you. You were his best friend, his soulmate, his other half- you were his everything in this cold world, and now that you were gone, Sunwoo feels as if there would be no more good in the world.

Waking up to your peaceful body, Sunwoo carefully touches you, treating you as if you were some porcelain doll. He takes your left hand and puts it to his face only to find it cold and stiff- unlike your usual hands that were always warm and soft.

He closes his eyes as he tries to imagine you smiling at him again and he feels another wave of emotions hit him. Opening his eyes he carcasses your hair once again before removing the oxygen mask from your face. 

Placing a gentle kiss on your forehead he looks at your face once again before placing a delicate peck on your cold lips. He wipes your now dried tears off your face as his own tears begin to fall into you.

Taking in a small breath, Sunwoo let out a small whisper- as if the thing he was about to say was for the two of you and the two of you only. 

Trying to contain his sobs his bites his lips as he closed his eyes and lays his forehead against yours.

“I love you too.” He gently whispers to you, although you will never be able to hear his words. “So much…” he sobs loudly and painfully. Anyone that hears him can feel their own hearts breaking.

“I love you.” 

@ junjungsunwoo, all rights reserved.

[wyn-n-tonic]

We Can Stay Like This Forever

Word Count: 2,385 Warnings: Uh... yearning. A crumb of smut. Dialogue heavy bullshit tbh. Author's Note: God okay, I've been sitting on this for like a month now? I wrote this when I couldn't focus on my own characters anymore and my brain needed to visualize parts of the scene I was trying to write using the body language of a character I already know and love so well. This is written in second person but the reader has a name. It was an experiment dashed out in a drunken fervor that made my editor weep. Anyway, if you see any of these lines in a book one day... no you don't.

MASTERLIST

“Javi, I haven’t loved you since I was twent—“

“That's bullshit and you know it,” he interrupts, voice coming out hard but arms crossed tighter than they have been all night, replacing the pressure of kevlar he’s so used to. Protective, defensive, stopping the bullets from reaching him where it matters the most.

Your lips are raw from dragging your teeth across them but biting down is the only thing that stops the tears from springing to the surface. You never thought you’d see him again, you never thought he’d be standing in your kitchen only strides away; two for him, four for you. You saw the news coming out of Colombia, heard it in the supermarket passed from ear to ear straight from his dad’s mouth. Javier Peña was the walking dead.

Javi left Lorraine for you. You gave him a choice and he made it and you, being certain he’d lean the other way, couldn’t live with that guilt. When you wrote that first letter, you didn’t expect a response. You just wanted to apologize, you wanted him to know that you were sorry. You didn’t expect to hear his voice on the other end weeks later when you picked up the phone. Hell, you had pushed the letter so far out of your mind that you’d forgotten you’d included your number.

And now he’s standing in front of you, tangible as ever. No longer just the boy you loved but a man aged so roughly by sun and stress that you are breaking within wishing that you had been there to smooth it all over.

“Goddamn it, Clara,” that hard tone reaches towards you again but he loosens his stance, the toned arms still holding close to his body but the tension bottoming out to his exhaustion, “are you going to say anything or are you going to just keep looking at me like I’m a fucking ghost?”

“Is that not what you are?” Your voice is broken when you find it again, the tears really do come now. “A ghost from my past come back to haunt my bad decisions? Tell me I fucked up?”

“Is that what you think I’m here for? Is that why you think I came to you first thing instead of my family?” He exhales a breath you didn’t realize he was holding and drags a hand through his hair, pinning you in place with his eyes. “Can I smoke in here?”

“I thought you quit.”

“Yeah well,” another exhale, the slightest hint of laughter on his lips, “I thought a lot of things I’ve been wrong about too.”

And god, those eyes. Simultaneously the warmest, softest brown but so black they look like blown out pupils. Like he’s the one who’s been snorting the cocaine, not busting those that do. You don’t even register the insult before nodding your head. What’s a little cigarette smoke when you run the risk of him walking out that door and not coming back?

But isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that the purpose of this conversation? Are you not being the same bitch you were all those years ago praying that he’ll be the one to walk out on you this time? Bringing it back full circle to that decision you forced on him half a lifetime ago?

“Yeah?” He doesn’t sound sure and even though your eyes are anywhere but on his now, you haven’t felt his leave you this whole time.

“Yeah,” you whisper to your feet like they’re the most interesting goddamn thing in the world.

After years of practice, he’s quick about it, you don’t even realize he’s lit up until he lets go of that first puff and, with it, the entire room changes. It’s not angry, it’s not hard, it’s… twenty years of heartache and longing compounding, neither party believing they’re good enough for the other.

You look back at the tired man standing in front of you, “Javier, I—“

“No. No, let me talk,” he rubs his eyes with his free hand, drags it down his golden cheek and smirks. Another inhale and, “I didn’t come here to tell you that you fucked up, you’ve said it plenty. We’ve been talking for months, we fell back in stride like nothing ever happened, like I hadn’t spent years pretending every woman I fucked was you because it was like you’d never left my side. Almost twenty-five hundred miles, Clara, I was a world away from you and when I came home at the end of the day the last six months…” he’s the one biting his lip now, “I could call you no matter the time and the sound of your voice made me feel like a normal person. Like I still had a shot at this world beyond the bounty on my head.”

His exhaustion, his softness, is palpable now as he stops to suck in a breath like he hasn’t taken one this whole time and then…

“If you didn’t love me, you wouldn’t have written. If you didn’t love me, you would’ve hung up. If you didn’t love me, you wouldn’t answer the phone at one o’clock in the fucking morning to tell me to breathe through the anger and the sadness and the horror I witnessed. But if that’s the story you want to stick with, I’ll go. I don’t expect anything I just…” his voice hitches, the cigarette long forgotten between his fingers, “I just wanted to see if your face still lights up when you laugh or if that had changed after two decades. It hasn’t and it’s still both my favorite sight and sound in the world. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder to watch it grow through the years.”

He looks to the right of him and throws the cigarette in the sink. Pushing off the counter with his other hand, he takes one step forward and fixes his eyes on yours again. “Tell me I’m wrong, Clara. Tell me you don’t love me and I won’t ever darken your home aga—“

“I love you.”

And he’s on you. Just like that. Just one more step to close the distance and his body presses to yours. His large hands come up to cradle your jaw and his nose slots perfectly into place against yours and his lips touch down like a plane with faulty landing gear, crashing against yours all hot breath and stale tobacco and, oh god, the smell of him. Soap and sweat, the chemical make up of his scent flooding your senses to make you feel whole again when you didn’t even know how much you missed it.

His hands are sliding down gently, wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer. With his strong arms lifting you away from the counter, you no longer need to support yourself against it and you’re grabbing for him, trying harder to wring the space from between you like a worn rag but nothing is left.

The feel of him is something new, however. He’s not that scrawny kid who awkwardly held you to him, unsure of how his touches were affecting your body and pleasure. No, this Javier is different. Older, experienced, more tender than you remember him ever being, so sure of himself and just… thicker. Two shirt sizes up from the man you walked away from, his formerly wiry muscles are almost bubble wrapped in a way. What used to knot against you in hard planes of flesh and bone now give quietly against your touch as you’re pulling at the only thing that separates you now.

But suddenly, he’s breaking away. All heavy breaths and wildly flushed cheeks, his lips have left yours and the ache you numbed in his absence returns like a migraine after sleep. You need him and he’s gone again and you’re chasing his kiss with a whine as he replaces his lips with a thumb, cradling your face once more and shushing you, “Cálmate, mi amor. Está bien. Are we moving too fast right now?”

And you are breathless as you answer, “We are not moving fast enough, Javier.”

“I just don’t want you to think that this is all that I want. That you will wake to find an empty bed tomorrow.”

“If I woke to find an empty bed tomorrow, that’s exactly what I’d deserve.”

Those eyebrows knit up in confusion, the lines that have made their home on his forehead making you simultaneously weak in their beauty as evidence of his life and sad in the tragedy that you weren’t there to watch him earn them.

“Clarita,” his tone is so soft, the endearment coming to him as naturally now as it did in the before, “If it’s punishment you think you deserve then I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. I chose you, you didn’t beg for it. I did that of my own accord. And when you chose to walk away because you felt guilty, I did beg you. I’ll own it, I begged and pined but you couldn’t get out of your own head long enough to see that you were never the issue, you were the solution. You still are. I have searched for you in everybody I’ve ever met. So tell me,” his hands are wrapping around your arms now, “Are you ready to forgive yourself and find me in your bed tomorrow morning?”

“Yes,” comes barely audible through parted lips as his find yours once more, knocking the breath from your chest as his hands slide down to your hips. He digs his fingers into the denim there and slowly starts to guide you through the home that’s not his thinking, correctly, that the only door at the end of the hallway is the destination he really booked from Bogotá.

And he is burning a hole through you, his entire being set on fire against you in the already blazing Texas heat. He is gentle as he pushes you down, climbing on top with one arm out to break both your falls. His shirt was abandoned somewhere in the kitchen, shoes kicked off in the hallway with your shorts not far behind. His belt buckle is riding against you as he rocks his hips down, forgetting the metal between you in his hunger for you to feel him.

He feels you wince, the whine swallowed between his lips but he’s pulling back like he’s electrocuted you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” your hands are shaking as you take advantage of the space between, “just take your pants off.”  

He hits you with that crooked smile and meets your hands where they’re still trembling at his hips and, god, he’s swift. He wastes no time kicking off his jeans and falling back into you, pressing back into you. You can feel him straining against his briefs but his patience is unmatched as he savors every taste of your mouth, every nip at the warm skin of your neck and chest. His hands are exploring the years that have marked your body as you mentally catalogue the scars that have taken over his.

He’s pushed your shirt up as far as it will go without leaving you but when he finally does to lift it away, the separation is so quick that it feels like nothing. He’s everywhere and you’re delirious, half thinking you’re imagining him moaning into you as he takes your hand in his to put it where he wants it.

You almost think…but, no, that’s not how that works. Your brain is fucking with you, unable to reconcile the man on top of you with the memory of the boy you loved once upon a time. But you swear, he’s bigger. He holds his breath as your hand slides between him and his waistband and he’s looking down at you like he’s never been touched at all. The sadness showcased across the softness of his face is made worse by the sheen of sweat and blush across his nose. You’d almost believe it if you couldn’t feel the heartbeat in his hardness, waiting for you to make the next move.

After two beats of aching silence, looking up into the galaxies he has the audacity to call eyes, your other hand moves to push at his waistband. If you thought he was urgent before, the graceful rush to join your efforts is gold medal worthy. Your senses are delayed, you’re not sure if the sound of fabric hitting the ground comes before or after he’s ripping at the only bit of fabric that separates you now.

“Fuck,” he rests his forehead to yours, “I'll buy you another pair.” The confusion bubbles into laughter as you realize that, yes, he actually tore them from your body.

But the bubbling laughter in your throat squeezes into a tight gasp, the air punched from your lungs as he steadies himself against you. His long fingers are brushing your hair to the side as he leans down and whispers against your lips, “Can I?”

“Please,” but your begging is lost in his response before the word has fully left your lips. He is grabbing in a way you haven’t felt in years. Hungry, like he can’t get enough, like it’s all he needs.

It is devastating, the build up. He’s ripping through the deepest parts of you and you’re convinced, wholeheartedly, that the only truth you’ve ever known rides on the waves of his name. His grip tightens, his teeth dragging down your jawline and warmth takes over as an earthquake shatters what little composure you’ve kept.

He moans low in his throat once.

Twice.

Three times it dies out against your ear like it’s only meant for you. Like it was all only meant for you.

He’s smiling as he softens, you can hear it in his voice as he slowly asks, “Can we just stay like this for a minute?”

You press your lips to that dimple, singular and lonely on the right side of his face; so far gone from a five o’clock shadow, you’d almost think he’s been forty all his life.

“Javier,” your fingers wind tighter through the sweat slick curls at the crown of his head, “we can stay like this forever.”

TAGLIST: @justanotherblonde23​ | @greeneyedblondie44​ | @icanbeyourjedi​ | @princess76179​ | @bbuckysbeardd​ | @notcookiebelle​ | @knivesareout​ | @empress-palpat1ne​ | @phoenixpascal​ | @lexi-b-writes​ 

[nytech]

Teaching Entrepreneurship with Shaun Johnson

This interview is part of our “Getting to Know You” series, featuring brilliant entrepreneurs from the NY Tech community.

Shaun Johnson is an experienced entrepreneur who has worked across the fields of technology acceleration, early-stage investment, and ecosystem development. He lives in New York City and teaches entrepreneurship at Fordham University & Parsons School of Design. Shaun is also a Board Member of the NY Tech Alliance. He agreed to speak with us about his career journey, the lessons learned along the way, his take on diversity in tech, and what makes a successful entrepreneur.

“One piece of advice I’ve been given and still sticks with me in a perplexing way would be to say that perception equals reality. Even though this isn’t always a universal truth, I often wonder if it’s true, untrue, or sometimes true — as there are times one can influence the other, and other times, not at all.”

Tell us about yourself

I like to describe myself as a helper of people, and that has taken a lot of different shapes and forms. I actually started my career in the federal government, then as a management consultant, and finally transitioned into the world startups as an early employee at Techstars, where I ended up spinning out a company called Startup Institute — a career accelerator aiming to equip people with the network skills and mindset to be immediately impactful in the startups that they join.

You teach entrepreneurship ー according to you, what are the skills one must develop to become a successful entrepreneur?

In teaching entrepreneurship, there are a lot of things that are important, especially at the university level because there’s always this tension between “can entrepreneurship be taught?” or “should you just go out and do it?”

The mentality of doing and learning through action is definitely a skill worth acquiring, whether in the field or the classroom.

There will always be a lot of little failures along the way, and that’s actually a good thing, but it can be counterintuitive for folks who aren’t used to accepting failure on their way to success. Grit is also another important factor. And then the last one, just because I want to leave it at three, is empathy. To have a deep understanding of your customer, the mission that you have, and the people that you’re building around helps you to build exceptional teams, exceptional products, and ultimately, address your market in an exceptional way.

What’s your favorite thing about teaching entrepreneurship?

The people. Students are always so different. People come from multiple backgrounds, different parts of the world, different industries, and with different perspectives. Even if you are teaching one specific course on entrepreneurship, it’ll never look the same because it’s always dependent on the people who are there. Everyone brings their unique personality, and the diversity and plurality come together to create a unique experience.

My desire and appreciation for plurality reflect my sentiments about New York City itself. The city is made of 8 million people coming from different backgrounds and places, who all have unique personalities, desires, hopes, and dreams.

We all have to interact with each other and try to build a better future. Whether it’s through entrepreneurship or just our own coexistence, I think that there’s something productive and meaningful about that.

How do you think the tech industry can become more diverse?

I think one of the challenges is that we tend to take one shade or one arc of diversity, drill in on that and assume that we’ve done our job. For example, one aspect of diversity can be ensuring your company hires people of color, or getting women into the tech ecosystem and make sure that there’s equal pay and that gender rights are respected.

But can you actually look at this kaleidoscope and not just say, ‘Hey today we want to focus on, like, LGBTQ rights?’ Or ‘today we want to focus on Black people or women.’ But instead, the dialogue has to answer the question of: “How can we actually approach inclusion and value creation that is accessible to all?”

Rather than trying to identify a specific group on its own, let’s actually think about how we can lift everyone up together while also valuing their uniqueness.

Is this part of the reason or the reason why you wanted to become involved with the NY Tech Alliance?

I’ve been a huge fan of the NY Tech Alliance since my career in startups has begun. Before I was living in New York City, I would take a bus from out of state to attend NY Tech Meetups, to see that the energy in the room with so many different people there.

It just felt like a panorama of what the startup ecosystem has to offer. It was a great entry point for me. And the NYTA still serves in that capacity for others and provides a jumping-off point, an entry point, and a point of connection, learning and motivation for people.

When given the opportunity to serve on the board, it was something that I couldn’t pass up.

Which trends do you think will emerge in the tech industry in the near future?

You know, I never pretended to be a fortune teller, but I think the year we just survived showed us that despite quarantine and isolation, we still need to connect with each other and be productive. It has been great for Zoom but so many people are zoomed out and looking for different ways of connecting with people that may not just be from the shoulders up.

You’re also seeing some trends around climate tech. The conversation is now rightly shifted from climate change to the climate crisis, and it is attracting a lot of bright minds and big dollars. And I think that’s great because it’s imperative for our survival as human beings.

How has a past failure set you up for success?

I mean, I guess I’m always failing at something. If you’re not failing, you’re probably not trying hard enough. I think the little failures along the way are indicative of trying to do something audacious or something that you’re unsure of. I couldn’t point to one specific failure because there’s just a butterfly effect of one thing leading to the next thing. But overall, the lesson in failure is really to process it and move on to the next thing, ideally in an upward fashion.

As New Yorkers, there may not always be the time or space to do that. You know, we move so fast. We break things, we execute, and there’s so much going on that we can forget to stop and reflect for a minute, look objectively at failure and ask “What could I have done better? What did I learn here? What would I do next?”

It’s important to reflect in a way that builds off of that failure rather than just repetitively coming right back at the same scenario, which is likely to lead to the same outcome.

What was the biggest challenge that you faced in your career?

Walking away from something that just wasn’t for me at the time. With an early career as a management consultant, a lot of things about that job were great: the prestige, the nice fancy suits, the travel.

But then you start to just understand what your calling is, what motivates you or what nourishes you. Changing your career to pursue your calling can be risky, but it ultimately is good for the soul. At the time, I didn’t know exactly what my calling was going to be. And it took courage and conviction to just say “Ok, all these things are good and everyone else loves them for me. But I just don’t love them as much, and I’m willing to look out into the abyss and seek out something that actually is more aligned with who I am and who I want to be.”

It was really scary and that’s one of the biggest moves I’ve made. That’s the advice I give to my students. Do what you love. Life’s too short!

What was the best advice you’ve ever been given?

One piece of advice I’ve been given and still sticks with me in a perplexing way would be to say that perception equals reality. Even though this isn’t always a universal truth, I often wonder if it’s true, untrue, or sometimes true — as there are times one can influence the other, and other times, not at all.

I apply that saying as a prompt for a lot of different things, from looking at analytics and wondering what’s going on with your company, checking in with your mental health and wondering if all of this anxiety or depression is actually real or if your perception influences what you’re feeling. And it’s also a way to keep yourself grounded.

Any final words?

Yeah. If Alicia (interviewer) says or types anything that makes me sound stupid, that was her edit. Everything that I said was brilliant (laugh). And she’ll make sure that it comes across!

To connect with Shaun on LinkedIn, click here.

To learn more valuable lessons from Founders, watch our NYTA Founder Spotlight series on YouTube.

[dreamii-yume]

not a request but, Idia seems like the type to make a hentai game based on his darling correct? so he uses that as a base to have experience to woo his darling. but now as he tries it irl, he's confused it worked in the game. so why is the darling crying? is there a glitch somewhere? thoughts?

It all started when he thought that you looked like a character from an anime he watched once. He was a fond of the character so, he couldn’t help but to observe you more than he should, hiding his excitement throughout. There, he found out that you don’t just share a similar appearance but a similar personality as well, the perfect embodiment of that character. Idia almost thought that you were some kind of base for that character, cosplaying even, but you were from another world, weren’t you? Could it be that you’re actually that character and just got reincarnated into his world without knowing that you’re an anime character yourself!?

Reverse Isekai, was it? A twist in that overused genre where the fictional character is the one who gets to be trasported to the normal world. Idia was there on the peak of its popularity, reading all the manga, novels that he can find, watching all the anime adaptations along the way. Then the premise just gets redone over and over again that it slowly became boring. Even if they add twists here and there, it still ended up the same.

But now comes you, a real person that got transported into his world! A person who just happens to look and act like the character from one of his beloved shows! You can’t blame him for being this intrigued by your existence! Because how can he not!? This is an otaku’s dream coming true right here!

And best of all...You have his favorite character archetype! How awesome is that!?

Before he knew it, he was all over you. Well, not really...Since he was too shy to actually talk to you, and all he was just doing is either hide behind that tablet of his and a wall at least five meters away. He had already embraced the joys of being a loner and is practically a master of running away from social gatherings or talking in general, but now that it came to this, it became a double-edged sword.

Ortho said to just build up the courage to talk to you if he so badly wants to and he does. He really, really wants to talk to you, at least once...Or twice...Or thrice- The point is that he really wants to. But as supportive as the little brother of his is, he makes it sound so easy. Of course, someone who doesn’t know jackshit about making friends would never be able to master that skill that easily. He cringes at the thought of doing so without any experience, you’d probably see him as another creepy otaku.

Then, it came to him...A thought that proves that he was actually the genius that everyone claims him to be.

Experience. Of course! He’ll just have to gain experience so he can level up! With that, he can conquer your route doing just that! And what better way to do this than to combine it with something what he’s well-experienced with?

So, he started working. His fingers worked on the holographic keyboard faster than he’d ever been, creating a dating simulator game in less than three days. Ortho himself was surprised to see his usually unmotivated and borderline depressed brother having this intense look in his eyes. Idia barely ate or sleep during all of that, but he doesn’t care, what matters is that he finished it.

He finished the game that can finally help himself out, a dating simulator with only one character to focus on. A character who’s basically a spitting image of you and named after you, he even sneaked in some voice lines that he secretly recorded you saying. Idia had observed you longer to know what to write in the game script, which choices you would make, which words you would say, there was even different sprites and assets of you, depending on your emotions! Though, his hand seems to have slipped and before he knew it, he had already hired some Top-tier doujinshi artists to draw some Not-Safe-For-Work CGs of you for some Not-Safe-For-Work scenes. Yeah...He thought so far ahead that it just kinda turned into...Those kinds of simulation games.

But he regrets nothing.

...Other than the fact that he should probably keep this game away from Ortho as much as possible.

Anyway, it was probably one of the games that he took his sweet time with. Even though it was a game that he himself created, it was like he had developed some form of amnesia and was marvelled at his first time playing such masterpiece. All the twists and events left him in awe, squealing at every single CG when your character goes as little as holding his in-game character’s hand. The more...special scenes had him gulping down his own saliva as a physical reaction, the moans and groans that he recorded from you was when you were stretching in the morning, or when you’re startled or exercising, and yet, it fits so well with each sex scene. His face flushed and his pants felt so tight as he read through the dialogue box, his hand later slipping underneath them just so he could relieve his excitement.

“(Y/N)...Hehe, (Y/N)...♡” He blissfully moans as his hand goes up and down his cock, biting his blue lip in anticipation. Sweat was dripping down his forehead and his flaming hair burned a brighter blue, expressing his excitement. His imagination was going ballistic, imagining your own tightness around him as he slid in and out of your slick insides. The closer the scene reached its climax, the faster his hands became, determine to release at the same time as your character. “Haa...(Y/N)~♡ It feels so good...So good...Haha...”

With a satisfied moan, his own strings of semen shoots against his screen, perfectly coming just in time as your character appears, all flushed and exhausted. Idia let out a sigh, calming down from his high with a few strokes here and there to make sure of a satisfying release.

“Haa...Idia-kun, I love you ♡”

That was his favorite dialogue, no matter how many times he replayed this scene, it never fails to arouse him, making him all warm on the inside. A huge blush covered his cheeks as he smirked, slowly building up into an unhinged chuckle. He brushed his hands down the tainted screen, smudging his cum even more as he imagined it as your face. “Aah...Me too...I love you too, (Y/N)~” He whispered, shivering in excitement. “Aw...I can’t wait to have you for real...Wait for a little while, ‘kay? Hehe...”

This plan was a success and certainly helped him gain the confidence and experience that he needed to finally talk to you properly. Memorizing all the available scenarios and route he can go to, he just felt like he can do just about anything right now. With all these knowledge in mind, you surely won’t be weirded out and things wouldn’t be as awkward as he had already formulated a full conversation on his head. A bad end flag was still left arise, but it was placed so low that Idia can’t just spend another batch of his precious time with it, nothing would go wrong if he just do what he practiced, right? For that reason alone, his birthday was coming up and for the first time in forever, he could use a party as an excuse to talk to you. It doesn’t matter who comes anyway, he’ll have Ortho to accommodate them, Idia’s main focus should only be directed at you.

Plus, if he was going to confess on his birthday, then that’s just a major advantage! Plenty of stuff happens when it’s your own character’s birthday in any game, developers becomes extra generous with the drop rates in gachas, they give you more game currency to spend, and extra scenarios with your favorite characters! Sometimes even free stuff of your choice! This would definitely put his chance rate well above what he expected, it’s you after all!

“Happy birthday, Idia-senpai. I brought this gift for you, I hope you like it.” Ah, there it is, his goddess’ voice echoing through the walls. You said that you were going to conduct a birthday interview with him which got his heart beating like crazy. W-Were you going to start the confession event here!? With all these people!? That’s too daring! Though, that’s really charming of you, and a part of him actually wanted that to happen so he could finally point his fingers to these losers-

But no, unfortunately, he doesn’t have that much confidence to give and so, he ended up having to push you somewhere more secluded. Somewhere more...private. Like his room for example- that’s a good place, right~? Nobody can interrupt this interview that way and...and they can do play all sorts of games right after too...That’s fun, isn’t it!?

The interview was surprisingly fun, although it really just consisted of him ranting to you all about his interests. He ended up spilling all facts about his favorite idol group, games, and movies, his big mouth going off on a tangent once again because of that one question. This wasn’t exactly part of the plan, he was planning to give off a smooth vibe to it but he guessed he was just a tad bit under-level for that. Anyway, you ended gracing him with an adorable giggle so, it doesn’t really affect his motives! He’ll still conquer your route like he did with the game!

A few more questions about his favorite and least favorite food comes, Idia couldn’t help but be impatient. When were you going to activate the scenario, huh? The love confession event, it was the one question that he was waiting for. His heart was ready, his body was ready, his everything was ready...So, why were you standing up with a satisfied look on your face? Aren’t you forgetting something here?

“And that concludes our Birthday Celebration Interview! Idia-senpai, thank you for answering all my-“ Idia’s heart skipped a beat as his hands automatically grabbed your hand and pulled you down, rather aggressively.

“W-Wait! Wait, wait, waitwaitwait-“ Idia stumbled over his words, his face flushed as he stared at you with a crooked but nervous smile. “U-Um...! T-There something else...That I want to tell y-you...”

Oh, no...This was that one scenario in the extreme difficulty mode of the game, where you’re not triggering the confession event at all. You’re probably so conflicted with your emotions that he has to do it himself as the main character. It’s not the original route that he’s going for, but it’s fine, he has the script of this mode in memory too, he should be able to pull it off...That’s weird though, he never remembered activating anything to play in this difficulty...Whatever, real life really is something else, isn’t it?

You were surprised and quite honestly, bothered at his sudden outburst but that’s fine. You were the same in the game too, he just had to take control of the situation. “I-I...” He gathered the words in his head, his face heating up than it ever did before.

“(Y-Y/N)...I like- No...” He stammered as he tries his best to form a nervous smile, his heart was beating so fast but that’s not really something new. “...I love you, (Y/N)...”

Idia heard a slight gasp from you but delusions took over his mind before logic can come bursting through, rendering him practically heart-eyed at the situation. He was distracted, but he still waited for your response even if he was already a hundred percent convinced that his confession was a success. It has to be, he had already seen this exact scenario in the game for a millionth time. “...D-Do you...love me too, (Y/N)...?” He fiddled with the tip of his burning hair, leaning close to you as he knows that it’s a special skill that increases his success rate up to at least twenty percent. “...You l-love me too, don’t you~? Hehe...♡”

Yes. You’re going to say yes. You always had said yes in the game as there was absolutely no reason for you to say otherwise. Everything that happened before this went according to plan, he followed every route, said the correct dialogue choices, so there’s no way that he can fuck this one up. He had definitely conquered your route for real this time!

“Ah...” But he had to wonder though, why were you averting your eyes for? That’s cute, but you don’t have to be shy...Just say that you love him too, he can hardly wait! “Idia-senpai...”

“...I’m sorry.”

Idia blinked, his body freezing on its spot as you bowed in front of him so respectfully. Your mouth began to move to deliver more words of explanation for him to understand, but he just couldn’t hear anything else anymore.

What did you say? You’re...sorry? Haha...For what though? That’s weird, that’s not what you were supposed to say, even if this was set in extra hard mode. He did everything correctly so, no matter what difficulty he’s in, you should be able to accept his confession every time.

...Is it a bug in the system? A glitch that he didn’t see?

You called out to him once again, you called out his name and upon looking up, he could only see your face. So full of concern and pity, but no signs of falling in love whatsover. No...You shouldn’t be looking at him like that, what the hell just happened?

This is all wrong...!

Before Idia could even properly process anything, he had found himself on top of you, both frustration and anger building up inside him. His hand, albeit really shaky, had found itself a dangerous clasp around your neck and your expression suddenly turned white. You’re struggling underneath him, like a deer caught by a hunter, kicking and scratching his arms away. But you were scared, he could tell by that look in your eyes, he could easily squeeze your neck in this position after all.

“I-Idia-senpai...!” He heard you call out but your voice just bounced off his ears, he was too distracted by his own shock. This was not in any of the scenarios that he formulated inside his mind, and he created thousands, for Hades’ sake! His breathing became unstable as he began to hyperventilate, sweating immensely as he tries to wreck his brain for whatever the hell he was supposed to do in this scenario. This wasn’t how the game continues after a confession event! Was he too inexperience or under-level to conquer your route? Did he miss a side quest from you or something? What did he do wrong? Was it the lack of gifts of affection? Normally, you were supposed to say that you love him too, embrace him before the two of you share a kiss and-

...A kiss?

Oh...Oh, that’s right! Maybe this is where the code got rewritten and that the kiss should come first now? Maybe your character was taking a different turn, you were probably shifting to other character types to accommodate your new-found feelings...You’re being a Tsundere, aren’t you~? So cute, but you don’t have to push him away though, he’ll keep coming back to you anyways.

...And so, in hopes of desperation, that’s exactly what he did, he leaned down at you as he smashed his lips onto yours. You widened your eyes with a muffled scream coming out of you, but Idia kept your mouth busy as it is. He was on cloud-nine, enjoying your soft lips against his chapped ones so much so that he just instinctively started grinding his hips against yours. You were starting to panic, but that’s fine, that’s a normal reaction. Both in real life and in-game.

By the time that he finished selfishly sucking up your lips, ultimately creating a little bruise on the side, he pulled away with a string of saliva connecting both your tongues together. Idia giggled to himself, the feeling of your lips and tongue was still lingering on his that he can’t help but be hungry for more. However, looking back at you, he blinked as tears suddenly began to stream down your cheeks. Your chest heaving up and down as small hiccups comes out of your every sob.

It made him panic slightly at first, but then remembered a scenario like this once in the game...Though, it wasn’t a scenario as drastic as this one, that he’ll admit. “A-Ah, you shouldn’t cry...” He tried comforting, letting go of your neck and wiping your tears away with a nervous smile. “Y-You’re not supposed to cry after a c-confession event, it’s not in your file...”

You flinched at his touch. “S-Stop, please...L-Let me go...” You whimpered, lifting your arms up to try and shield yourself away from him. “I-I won’t tell anyone, I-I swear-!”

Idia’s hand twitched, quickly covering your mouth as a nervous rection so that he wouldn’t hear the words that he doesn’t want to hear anymore. He felt scared to touch you now, seeing how defensive you got, his little angel’s crying and it’s all because of him. Your words certainly impacted him, but he shook his head instead, he has to keep himself from looking down.

“...You shouldn’t say that either, that’s not in your script.” He said with a bit of stricter tone onto it, attempting to show you how capable he can really be. He grabbed your wrist and forced your hands open, revealing your terrified expression. “Don’t worry...It’s just a little twist on the story, I’m sure. I just have to restart the system, right...?”

“I-I’ll fix you up soon enough, H-Honey~” You watched him with eyes slowly widening in realization and terror as he started to untie his tie, to remove the birthday outfit that he clearly dislikes. You were frozen, you can’t move, not like you could do much with someone as big as Idia straddling above your stomach but you were left immobile with fear. His use of love words sounds extremely clumsy and Idia himself cringes at the sound of it coming from his own mouth but he’s enthusiastic. That doesn’t make it any less terrifying for you at all.

The game’s not finish yet. It’s just as he expected, there was a little glitch that needs a little fixing. It was the cause of a scenario as unreasonable as this one to appear. But it’s fine. He can fix it all up, he can fix you all up and when he’s done with that, he’ll definitely conquer your route for real this time.

After all, there’s no game that he can’t finish, that would be a shame to his Otaku title! It doesn’t matter if it’s his birthday, he’s going to work all night to fix this very unpleasant glitch in you. What a pain~ Idia wonders what kind of price he’ll get from you after this.

...Not that he’s going to complain anytime soon lol

Idia has the personality of an ugly bastard. Just saying *cough*