#technically about lxy/llh

[markiafc]

not sure how to put this into words. but buddhism (literature, figures, history, etc.) is queer and has been queered over the years. and when a chinese story embarks on a daoism-buddhism-confucianism study, there are echoes of similar themes, devices, techniques, allusions. by nature of being a chinese story, the frequent heart of it is a daoism & buddhism vs. confucianism ideological battle where the latter is rules and conventions and social expectations. and the former is liberation, a queered deviancy because it advocates for plurality and fluidity.

the lotus sutra has a prominent gender-change motif so as to present freedom... the buddhist ideal to emancipate oneself from mainstream society is often realized as a release from the gender hegemony. non-duality teachings in buddhism encompasses all of this.

in the lotus sutra, the dragon girl turns into a male and then proceeds to attain enlightenment - in direct response to the men telling her she cannot do so, that women are spiritually disadvantaged. transitioning is a queer act but also a buddhist achievement: an entity letting go of their body and subsequently their confucian identity of "father", "son", "wife", "mother", "daughter", etc. through this they learn non-duality & non-self & abandoning illusions, the primary concepts to buddhism.

in the lotus sutra, bodhisattva guanyin also notably underwent a male to female transformation. back in the day, guanyin's male form was at first more popular and their masculine image dominated. today it's an androgynous woman in white robes that's become iconic. this gender fluid nature again stands for liberation; guanyin is a beloved figure for women because they depict a breakaway from male-oriented society and the patriarchy. from the sanskrit name "avalokitesvara" (lord who looks down) to the chinese "guanyin" (one who observes the sounds). the chinese symbol of mercy is necessarily linked to a male to female trajectory, described to have a total of 33 male and female forms. for artistic depictions, guanyin has a feminine face but a masculine body (typically an exposed flat chest) too.

even when imagined as a girl without a history of gender swaps, they were still an antithesis to the male-dominated confucian scene. 妙善 miao shan is guanyin's other popular myth: the princess at odds with her royal father. she refuses his demands to marry until he ultimately executes her. it is a narrative negating the confucian relationships, (a) father/son or child, (b) ruler/subject, and (c) husband/wife. this is the constant of guanyin. a direct challenge to chinese patriarchal ideals.

as an aside, post-execution miao shan becomes a bodhisattva in the mountains through one spiritual miracle or another. in the mean time her father grows ill and the only cure is the eyes and arms of a person without anger. they seek out miao shan, not knowing who she is, and she gives up both arms and eyes for her father. after his recovery, the true identity of the bodhisattva is revealed and the father changes his ways. and miao shan ascends to become guanyin. related because an elusive figure amongst nature, blind and physically impaired, is also.... a prevalent trope for enlightened peoples.

overlapping the feminine and the masculine, a presence that has one foot in both categories, is the buddhist language for enlightenment + a manifestation of core buddhist teachings. when you are outside the gender regime and when you are outside human society, when you're beyond a cogent and organized identity, you are free. you are happy. which also means you are queer!

[yeonbam]

au where a 50+ year old fdb transmigrates to himself in his 20s after his death and tries to gently draw llh away from his mission to save everyone but himself by smoothing down the harsh hands of fate that llh had to face— literally one blow after another— in his little life. fdb can't reverse the clock that was already set, but he can let it's impact soften a bit by playing on the knowledge he already has.

au where fdb can finally confront llh with double the rights to do so now that he is technically 'older' than him too.

au where he's already been lxy's disciple for longer than lxy was alive and had the chance to perfect Yangzhouman in a way lxy didn't have the time to. If the "young" fdb was unable to save llh because he was simply too far from the baggage of llh's existence, what about the fdb who has lived through his loss for long enough to become a sort of ghost of llh himself? As if coming from the future, with the goal of making him live and to let llh know the kind of self-destructive devotion he is capable of inspiring; and dare I say, he passed on actually.

[languidlotus]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook, also known as 'Fang Duobing will protect and care for Li Lianhua!'

(A protective!Fang Duobing collection.)

"His life matters."

Part Six: Episodes 18 - 21 (*I added gif 5 and 6 even though they're technically about LXY and not LLH. While I haven't added gifs of FDB defending LXY before, I did it this time because I think in that moment it did LLH worlds of good too to be seen and understood like that.) (Note: I'm getting back into giffing after a very long absence and a drastic shift in equipment. I'm using this series to get used to the controls and to get into the swing of regularly making something again, so they will be shitty, I will be experimenting, and the colours will be off. Please be kind.) @fan-man-huaisang @wuxia-vanlifer

[rose-tinted-vision]

1, 11, 14, 16, 17, 19 for the behind the scenes of fic asks! ((this is hualianisms, i can't send asks from my sideblog🥲))

Hello @hualianisms!! Thank you for the asks (๑>◡<๑)

What was the first fandom and/or pairing that you wrote fic for?

(／。＼)...am I going to embarrass myself on main today because the first fic that I published on ao3 was for the ReoNagi pairing from Blue Lock, but I technically wrote fic for Inazuma Eleven when I was a wee little child. What was yours?

If you could only write angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your life, which would it be?

Definitely angst, it comes easier to me than fluff or smut 〜(＞＜)〜

If you were stuck on an island with only two characters, who would you pick?

Only two? That's a hard choice >_< Shi Qingxuan (TGCF) and Yu Shisan (A Journey to Love), probably. SQX can just whisk us away~

What is your most underrated fic?

I'll take underrated to mean not doing as well as I thought it would since I really liked this? It's a toss up between one of my Link Click fics (Qiao Ling centric, S2 canon compliant) and one of my earlier Mysterious Lotus Casebook fics (Gen, LXY/LLH centric). I really enjoyed the process of exploring what went on in Season 2 of Link Click through Qiao Ling's eyes, and thought that there weren't enough fics featuring her, which is why it's a fic that's really dear to me. As for the Li Xiangyi centric fic (i must admit that imagining pre-canon stuff is a favourite of mine), I wanted to explore the process of Li Xiangyi becoming Li Lianhua, and how he had changed so much over ten years. It was fun to imagine him traversing the jianghu and picking up various skills along the way! But I do understand that Genfics aren't for everyone, so it's okay. I do have more recent ones that aren't doing that well but I have...complicated feelings regarding those

What fic are you most proud of?

(I also cannot simply choose one, my bad).

I have this ShiGuang fic that was loosely inspired by a manhwa called "The tale of the Yellow dragon", that was nearly complete by the time the S2 finale came out and I figured, why not throw Lu Guang's lines in there? and it fit, so I was really happy with how it turned out :D Another fic that I'm proud of is Tales of Tianji Manor, mainly because I wasn't sure that people would enjoy a fic told from Madam He's pov, but the fandom was so nice about it ^^ and it was fun to explore the OT3 dynamics from her pov!! and (last one, I promise!!) I was really happy with how the ZhanHua fic turned out :D Zhan Yunfei was one of my favourite side characters, and explore his ten years of yearning and devotion was interesting.

Who is the easiest/hardest character for you to write about? Why?

I'd say the hardest is Di Feisheng's (MLC) pov for me, I'm not sure if it's writers block or burnout, but trying to wrangle his character has been a challenge lately. Another would be Ning Yuanzhou (A Journey to Love), because the man thinks so damn much, and he has to be a leader, a lover, a father and a brother all at the same time. Oh and Yi Zhi Hua's (White Cat Legend) tone is quite tricky for me to grasp...

easiest would probably be what I call the "simp characters" (not that I'm calling them one-dimensional, it's just that they have Prioritised that One Special Person): Fang Duobing for one, he has a rather straightforward personality, he places his family and Li Lianhua first, and he's honest about his feelings. Qiu Qingzhi is another. (it's harder to see beneath his layers but) imo his motivations were mainly to protect Li Bing. and I just really like to write Yu Shisan, the man loves so deeply and freely.

[kingsandbastardz]

consolidating posts and tags from other ppl that I thought were interesting to add:

@anndramarama

Stick their hands through the walls, or through the bars of the cage that DFS was raised in and carries around with him. And I do feel he's neurodiverse and traumatized, and that his neurodiversity probably helped him survive the trauma. Also would love to get wuyan's backstory because they seem to convey that he really gets his boss and is deeply loyal to him.

@nutcasewithaknife

#its the way they hurt each other because they cannot bear the fact that (in their mind) the other betrayed them#They're cruel to each other in such specific ways with and without knowing#but it all stems from the undeniable fact at the root of it all: they meant something to each other that nobody else ever has or ever could

at its core, communication stems from shared vocabulary but -- i forget what sci-fi series it is but the core theme in a story I read years ago: How well can you translate things if you don't think the same way at your core, and you can't be 100% certain the vocabulary you use means the same thing to each other?

It's easiest to see this break down during arguments and stress because people stop mentally calculating meanings and start operating on instinct. DFS essentially broke LLH down to his core by being helpful - but in actuality - torturing him.

LLH may on some level understand that DFS is trying to help him, but doesn't understand WHY he's helping him in this way and only feels pain (physical and emotional) so the way he lashes out is paying like for like.

DFS, though, never stops calculating because I think for him - communicating requires that. It's exhausting and he has to go that far because he's living an experience where people won't understand him if he doesn't repeatedly try to make himself understood. The problem is his calculations are often wrong before he figures out how to be right and his solutions often only make sense to him.

But one thing is clear to both of them by this point, imo - there is only pain if there is something of value there. So pain is still a basis for a relationship.

re Wuyan: We know he's followed dfs since pre-jinyuan. We know he's the last of the loyal men who knew about dfs' goals in forming or taking over jinyuan alliance. He withdrew himself from a higher position within the alliance in favor of forever being DFS' personal guard -- a guard dfs doesn't technically need. IMO with the brief amount of time we see him, he's painted as the loyal retainer that will die for his lord. That he's very logical, capable, and knows how to antipicate DFS' needs. Which one can infer means he's devoted himself entirely to understanding DFS because you can't serve if you don't understand how and why and what your leader wants. This is something jlq ultimately failed at because she refused to understand or accept why dfs cared about lxy. And Wuyan did and does and fully supports him in it.

Dfs' expression of connection to lxy through a shared interest really hit home to me, however. It makes so much sense and explains a lot why he's so insistent that they fight. He's just not translating it very well and I wonder if, in the end, llh ever fully gets the message?

It seems to me that from this cruel healing scene starts some misunderstanding between them, which will play a role in the tragic ending of Li Xiangyi.

Misunderstanding is very natural when you have a couple with a person with a deep personal crisis, confused in himself. And another person who cannot even imagine what a personal crisis is. He simply does what he feels is right. Without reflecting in any way what he feels and why he feels.

Di Feisheng is clearly struggling with deep despair that he cannot save Li Xiangyi .

But then he says a very cruel thing - "I don’t need you to live long, just enough for one fight" .

This is very cruel if you look through the eyes of a normal person. But Di Feisheng grew up in the damn gladiatorial arena. He looks at life from a specific angle.

If Di Feisheng were in Li Xiangyi's place, he would definitely choose to live one day with his power and die rather than live as a cripple for decades.

"A martial artist should have no weaknesses" . Not because weakness kills. But because weakness makes you a slave, which is much worse than death.

So Di Feisheng projects a lot by seeing in Li Lianhua the despair that he saw in his "cage mates" as a child - and he got used to being afraid of this despair more than anything else.

He also unconsciously feels abandoned, and therefore gets angry. He was alone until Li Xiangyi appeared. And then Li Xiangyi became the only person with whom he correlated his life. And when Li Lianhua doesn’t want to be Li Xiangyi, it feels like... a betrayal. And rejection.

[rinbylin]

(thanks ana you get it even though i know you know nothing about hlht and i'm just subjecting you to this but i want you to know that your contribution is immense <3)

studying lwx and lxy in parallel with each other is really helping to understand their respective characters at greater depths than i ever have. particularly in the gender reading. a lot of this is in fact a huge bulk of the gender meta i have for lxy too.

[calling in my hlht/lhl partner-in-crime @markiafc for this. this is literally for you ok <3 warning for full spoilers ahead]

lwx is actually a girl of jianghu but not in the we-have-a-combative-fighting-rank wulin definition. it's the opportunity of having been raised carefree far away from the capital - among the mountains, rivers and lakes (jianghu) LITERALLY - even despite having a government official father. (it's the same sense of jianghu that xu changping described himself to be of. that is the definition of jianghu that exists in hlht's world which is 100% correct.) she's also the only woman in her tight-knitted, loving family; grew up with all men (father, older brother, kid brother). because of that, she is gutsier and more learned and knowledgeable in worldly current affairs than her female counterparts like nianzhi who were raised deep in the chambers within the capital. yet being the only girl at home meant she had to inadvertently play the feminine role of the caretaker.

it's this deep-seated sense of responsibility to care for her loved ones combined with the capacity to traverse beyond the gendered sphere of her own that had set her off on a journey of tragedy over the course of the story - that is not terribly unlike lxy's own if you think about it.

i've briefly established that lxy undergoes a very similar journey of identity transformation that is premised on traversing the gendered spheres - except it's the other way round to lwx's.

lxy is also one who came to bear a great sense of responsibility for the wider wulin community - but not in a way that's characterised by masculine competitiveness and aggression, and instead a desire to protect and make peace. (the paradox is that, based on my theory, he rose to power in a competitive aggressive space precisely for the feminine qualities in his powers - but won't be elaborating here.) and more importantly, what is more true to his instincts is his desire to protect his adoptive family - as such, going out of the way to fight for justice for his presumably dead shixiong (and later for his shifu).

when lwx's family fell apart at a wholly unanticipated rate before she could even be married into another family, she becomes displaced from the society as a person in the confucian sense. without any familial ties to call her own. neither at home nor able to establish a presence out in the world but to become a lowly palace maid, she's stuck in a purgatory of queerness between feminine and masculine spheres. she had to reinvent her identity. she takes up a name that's actually a nickname that happens to belong to another man and dresses like (not as) a man.

the same when it all went wrong for lxy, he by chance adopted an extremely feminine name (as far as gendering in chinese names go) and focused on a domestic lifestyle when he isn't doing harmless scamming.

and when looking back at his backstory, he's an orphan living outside of mainstream society with no biological/marital familial ties. his adoptive family fell apart too - and there he went on the path of identity change like lwx too, in search for justice for them even despite clearly knowing there's not gonna be any real relief from it. he as li lianhua too is as displaced from society as lwx is if lxy wasn't already technically considered a misfit in the eyes of a confucian society (boy with a royal lineage and biological family including an older brother yet completely wiped out from his memories). even more so, llh defined his own space outside of a mainstream society, resisting to conform to the rules of neither mainstream nor wulin society. it's a similar sense of greyness he and lwx share in terms of their places in the world.

she's trapped in the palace, especially so after becoming involved with the crown prince in the most ambiguous sense. she stayed for him (regardless for love or not), but was never really given a proper name even until a long time after. while he, by the people and even himself from his past consistently intruding on the boundary he had drawn up, pinning him against walls and forcing him to meet a bloody end.

-

(something something about the men, who claimed to have admired them in their past based on the most tangential exchange - finally recognising them in their new identities by abstractions of their past selves despite pretty much looking and sounding the same as they did. because they've also been irrevocably altered and subsumed under the alternate identities they have forged for themselves in the process of attempting to survive from immense grief and mortal danger)

in that scene, xdq asks lwx who she is and have they met before. and lwx was like. your highness i'm still the same person - specifically 妾还是妾 (me your not-official-but-de-facto-concubine whom you're in a relationship of mutual psychosexual torture with i'm still yours you know). the 'same person' referring to the gu ah bao who xdq has known for longer than he knew lu wenxi. not the 'same person' as in the lu wenxi you fell in puppy love with because you admired my peerless courage. she has buried lu wenxi with her bare hands, handful of soil by handful of soil over the course of the story. by then, lwx's dead and everyone who knew lu wenxi is dead as far as she is concerned.

xdq came so close to recognising her in that moment but failed to only be ran over by the truth later like being hit by a truck. after months and months of being around her he did not know, nor did he come to know at that crucial point. just like how fdb came close to the truth over and over but still not being able to face it even when fully witnessing him fight until someone had to literally say hey that's li xiangyi.

idk what this fully means yet but there's something about someone's stubborn insistence that llh is llh and not the lxy the rest of the world remembers him and wants him back as vs. the whole world no longer remembering lwx except for this one guy who was torturing her over his own refusal to believe she's lwx then refusing to see her as lwx ever again out of guilt...

(no coherent thoughts on this comparison except xdq sadly asking can i touch you to lwx in order to free her...the moment after he finds out she's lwx... giving the same vibes as the lingering touch of fdb over llh after he collapses as his identity is revealed...)

-

AND lastly. even the way they exited the story... i've always viewed hlht's ending in the frame of xdq and xdq only, and never lwx. but because of lxy now, i'm finally seeing it for her for the first time. their endings are quiet and understated mysteries. nobody knows what really happened to them after they expressed the desire to leave the world. or precisely in lwx's case, i'm not even sure if anybody is left in the world who would search for her till the ends of the earth like dfs and fdb did (maybe her little brother? but he's more likely to have turned out to be another lxy traumatised into sealing off memories of his massacred family bc they were too young to bear it all) - so who would be left to care knowing where she went? the key difference between them is that the world casts their eyes on lxy while nobody knows about lwx - to the extent she is hidden in plain sight even for the audience (eg. me).

regardless, they are desperate to escape and obscure themselves from the world. the last we as audience see of them is a mirage that they're still alive and reunited with the rivers and seas they belong to. if identities and being perceived by others are so hard, then it's much easier to just go "home" (not to any person bc they're all gone, but in the way xdq literally equates lwx to the world of rivers and mountains outside...). after all, they've struggled their whole lives to the point it stopped mattering to them who they really are to the world. and that's how i personally want to remember them. not just as gu ah bao or li lianhua (shoutout to someone somewhere saying this llh on the shores look like the styling of neither llh or lxy), but the lu wenxi before leaving huating for the capital for the first time and the li xiangyi before leaving the mountains and emerging as top of wulin. back to the very beginning.

阁下！不用理由就会相信、没有力量也要保护的人，阁下难道没有吗？ your excellency! someone you would believe regardless of reason and protect despite being powerless - does your excellency not have someone like that?