#technically . i should probably be packing or working on my summer course assignment

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

mrowwwwww i need to . work on my satoru drabble……. but i should also get started on mer!sugu soon :< my brain is itching to write

[prophetandprincess]

X X X X X X X

Two updates in less than a month? Madness.  Hope you enjoy

“Today is an exciting day,” Dr. Banner said with a smile as he paced between the lab tables. “You all have gotten through the boring orientation stuff and into what we’re going to be focused on this year. How much do all of you know about organ transplants?”

There was a murmur about the lab, but no one said anything right away. Alex didn’t know much, but she did know that there were medical researchers in the room who could answer the question. She also wasn’t exactly working on a full night’s sleep and she hadn’t been able to talk to Peter that morning about the whole Spiderman business, so she had some things on her mind. Warren was watching them like a hawk, lab was cancelled, and Peter disappeared before Alex could even take a breath. Concentrating was not easy for her today, but then again, that wasn’t exactly new.

“Alright, that is a very broad question, let me change it. What is the biggest risk in organ transplants after the surgery is done?” Dr. Banner reached into his desk drawer and started to pull out piles of folders

This was an easy question, but Alex looked around at the other interns instead of making eye contact. She didn’t want to be a teacher’s pet, especially after already being singled out by Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner that first day of orientation. It would be nice to make friends with at least one of the other interns, or at least have them want to talk to her during work. Then again, with how her luck was going, whoever spoke to her would probably end up having some sort of superhuman abilities, so maybe she should appreciate that no one noticed her.

“Organ rejection,” Zachary finally spoke up. He was a Ph.D student from Atlanta that loved to sing along with his iPod softly as he worked. Alex would sometimes walk by his desk just to listen to him sing as his finger flew across the keyboard. He had a beautiful tenor voice.

“Exactly,” Dr. Banner smiled as he walked between stations, laying folders on the corner of each. “People wait for years for a matching organ to become available, survive the surgery, and then their own body betrays them because it thinks that the foreign body is well…a foreign body. This is devastating to both patients and the family and leads to people having to be added to the list and wait for another miracle.”

“It also sounds like a problem that a multidisciplinary team like this one, without any pressure from the people who make immunosuppressant drugs, can work to correct. We have some of the brightest minds in medicine, biochemistry, biology, and other areas that I am forgetting right now. I have the base of a serum that will keep the white blood cells from attacking the new organ and allow the patient to stay healthy for years to follow. I need your help to perfect it and get it ready for human trials. Everyone ready to start?”

There was a general murmur of agreement as Dr. Banner finished placing the folders and made his way back to the desk at the front. Alex’s fingers itched to open the folder and see what was inside, but no one else had touched theirs, so she sat on her hands instead. Patience might not be one of Alex’s virtues, but in the last twenty-three years of her life she had learned a very small bit of restraint when the occasion called for it.

“Inside the folders will be the names of your team members, these are the small groups that you will be working with before we come together as a larger task force. The lab assistants will head each group and be my eyes and ears,” Dr. Banner waved his hand to the four people who walked into the lab, all smiling. “There is also a list of studies that I want you all to read. It is important to know what has come before our research to make our serum as successful as possible. Today will be introducing yourselves to your groups and then I want you looking at those studies.”

Everyone flipped their folders open as if it was the first day at summer camp. Alex smiled when she saw that Zachary was part of her pod, along with someone named Zaria, Kyle, and Isabella with Liam as their assistant. Everyone looked up after reading their list, as if attempting to figure out who was who. Zachary met Alex’s eye and smiled.

“Alright, five minutes to introduce yourselves and then get to reading,” Dr. Banner looked toward the door, blushed, and then waved his hands that the group should get on with it.

Alex looked over her shoulder to see Natasha leaning by the door, smiling as Dr. Banner walked over to her. While there were very few people, man, woman, or something else, that wouldn’t be flustered by Natasha smiling at them from the door, but there was something extra cute about it being Dr. Banner. Here was a man with seven Ph.D’s acting like a high schooler with a crush.   

“Miss Harper, is it?” Liam asked as she moved over to her pod, a soft Irish accent caught Alex by surprise. “Well, the pods all here. I expect you all to keep up with the reading and pull your weight. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t have a wee bit of fun kicking the other pods asses as well.”

“I thought we were all a team,” Zachary said with a wide smile.

“Oh, we are, but we’re just going to be the best part of that team,” Liam winked. “Now let’s all share numbers and then you best get reading.”

It only took a few minutes to set up the group text message before they dispersed back to their desks. Alex looked through the list of five studies that they were supposed to read through before flipping open a page in her notebook to take notes. It wasn’t lost on Alex that she was now being paid to do what she was doing during her insomnia fueled nights, only a different topic.

“Miss Harper, Jarvis tells me that you haven’t finished all the orientation modules yet. Is something wrong?” Banner asked softly as he walked over to her table after finishing his conversation with Natasha.  

“I’m just having some problems with learning the computer programs is all, tech isn’t my thing.” Alex looked around and was glad to see that no one else was paying attention to the conversation. “I just need more time figuring out the programming since I have no experience.”

“I could help you if you want, or-”

“No,” Alex cut him off, then winced at how ungrateful she sounded. “No, thank you. I’ll get it, I just need some time with it.”

“Alright, well, if you need something just let Liam know. He’s well versed in the programs and it’s kind of his job.” Dr. Banner gave her a small smile before moving through the rest of the lab, making sure everyone was hard at work.

Alex knew that she was being stubborn, but she was telling herself it was because she didn’t want to be singled out any more than she already had been. The rest of her shift was spent reading through the studies and trying to move through another one of the modules. By the time everyone started heading out, there was one study left and three modules. As she moved to close the research study, the search bar caught her eye.

There was a good chance that Stark Industries had access to far more journals than her college library. Technically, she was off the clock, so there would be no harm in seeing what would pop up if she typed in something, like, say, PTSD. Thousands of results popped up on the screen, some titles she hadn’t seen before.

“Is there something I can help you with, Miss Harper?” Jarvis asked, making Alex almost fall out of her chair. The few interns that were still in the lab looked in her direction as they left.

“Not scaring me to death would be a good start, Jarvis,” Alex sighed as she closed out of the search window and started to pack up for the day.

“PTSD is not in the scope of the project that you are assigned,” Jarvis pointed out as Alex logged out of her terminal and went to hang up her lab coat. “Is there is something else you are researching, I would be happy to help narrow down the search, after clearing it with Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark.”

“What you mean is that I shouldn’t go poking around the Stark Industry databases without a chaperone,” Alex laughed as she slipped on her flip-flops and headed out of the door. “I promise you that there is no way in hell I could stumble onto something classified.”

“That was not my concern, I have been tracking your progress through the orientation modules after all.” Jarvis’s voice had a lot of personality for something that was supposed to be monotone and automated, snarky bastard. “I was just offering my assistance for any other projects so that it would go quicker.”

“As if my self-esteem couldn’t get any lower, you swooped in to kick me while I’m down. Thank you for that Jarvis,” Alex shook her head as she headed for the elevator, but then sighed. “Can you ask Dr. Banner and Mr. Stark if I’m allowed to go outside research, off the clock, and get back to me?”

“Of course, Miss Harper.” Jarvis almost sounded amused. “Have a nice evening.”

“You too, Jarvis.” Alex realized as she stepped into the elevator that she was thanking an inanimate object. At least this object talked back.

Instead of a straight descent to the lobby, the elevator stopped. It was past five, so she wondered if someone was working late or if it was environmental services employees making the whole Tower sparkle. Alex had never seen a handprint on any of the bits of glass or metal in the place, even with all the people in and out. The doors slid open and Alex couldn’t help but smile. She should have known.

“Well,” Steve smiled as he stepped in and stood beside her, “how about we cash in that rain check?”

“So, did Jarvis tell you that I was leaving or have you been stalking me all by yourself?” Alex laughed as the elevator continued it’s descent.

“Neither, it was a happy coincidence.” Steve laughed when Alex gave him a look. “I was alerted to a news report about a woman being accosted in an alley and saved by Spiderman that I wanted to talk to you about, but mostly it was just dinner.”

“Right,” Alex rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t help but smile. “You’re in luck though, as I am avoiding my Russian homework and am a sucker for free food, but you’re on thin ice Rogers.”

“I guess I’ll have to throw in dessert as well then.” Steve waved a hand to show that she should exit the elevator first. “Though I am going to warn you, Jarvis has probably already told Tony that we’re going to dinner together. It will start the rumors again.”

“I can tell that you’re devastated about that.” Alex couldn’t really bring herself to care all that much about it. All the other interns were gone so it wasn’t like any of them would see her with Steve. It wasn’t like he was a movie star and she had to worry about the paparazzi following him around. So the Avengers would think they’re dating, she could deal with that.  

“Hey, if they think I’m interested in you, they’ll stop trying to set me up with Roberta in accounting. Humor me.” Steve directed her over to his motorcycle that was parked right in front of the Tower and held out the helmet to her.  “At least you’re dressed for a ride today.”

“Is that an innuendo Mr. Rogers?” Alex took the helmet and slipped onto the back of the bike, ignoring how comfortable it was to lock her arms around his waist and press against his back. How many women would kill to be in the exact same place?

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Miss Harper,” Steve laughed before the motorcycle reeved to life underneath them.

There was something very comforting about being on the back of a motorcycle for Alex. Even if it wasn’t the open road, just being in the flow of traffic and not having to think about anything was a nice respite from the normal chaos of her life. Just resting against Steve, the motorcycle rumbling, and knowing she was about to good food was the lightest she had felt in about a year.

Steve stopped the bike and kicked down the stand in front of a small store that read Eisenberg’s Sandwiches, proclaiming that it had been around since 1929. This was the type of place that Alex loved to go to in New York City, not the Michelin star eating, but the little holes in the wall that were tucked away from the tourists. These tiny pearls waiting for someone with five bucks and an empty stomach.

“This is one of the only places in the city that is still here from when I was a child,” Steve explained as he helped her off the bike. “Luckily, the sandwiches are still amazing and you look like you need some food.”

It was a tiny store, there was barely enough room to walk between the two person tables and the counter with red stool seats. Some of the equipment being used didn’t look like it had been updated since 1929, but it also added a bit of charm. Alex really couldn’t see much else as there was a bustling dinner crowd, but Steve managed not only to move through the store, but find a table for two.

“Did you come here a lot when you were a kid?” Alex asked as she looked over the menu, which had an impressive selection for being so small.

“A poor kid from Brooklyn? Nah, but Buck did take me here if either of us got some money from something, which wasn’t often. He took me here the day he told me that he got drafted and was leaving soon.” Steve had a soft smile on his face, but his eyes were sad. It killed Alex that she was so wrapped up in her loss of James that she hadn’t checked in with Steve about how he was feeling. Then again, even when she did, he rarely talked about what was going on with him. She wished he would, it would be nice to talk to someone else who loved James.

“You know, I forget that he was in the military all the time, isn’t that weird?” Alex said, trying to start the conversation in the most awkward way possible, but deciding to push ahead. “I mean, like, I know that Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was in the military, obviously, but I forget that the guy I read about in history books is the same guy that lived in my apartment for a week. I mean, it happens with you too, but not to the same extent.”  

“That’s just because I’m pretty disappointing in real life,” Steve laughed as he leaned back in his chair.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Alex folded up her menu and smacked his arm with it. “It’s just, you seemed so…proper in the history books, not someone I could have dinner with in a tiny sandwich shop in Manhattan. The couple decades age different notwithstanding, of course.”

“Speaking of dinner, what do you want?” Steve gave her a real, open, and bright smile. While he usually had a smile for her, it had been a while since she had seen one this relaxed. It lifted her heart a little bit. Steve deserved some happiness.

Alex ended up getting a chicken salad sandwich with bacon along with a strawberry milkshake and an order of onion rings. Steve got a tuna melt, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. All that was missing was a poodle skirt, since Steve was already in a brown bomber jacket and white T-shirt, and they could have been on a date back in the fifties. While Alex didn’t want everyone in the tower thinking that she and Steve were an item, it wasn’t an unpleasant thought that these random strangers could wonder if the two of them might be dating.

“So,” Alex crunched into one of her onion rings, “I know that you didn’t ask me here just to show me a restaurant from your childhood. Let’s get to the nitty gritty of it all? Everything alright?”

“Define alright,” Steve gave her a small smile, but it slipped off his face when Alex gave him a look over his sandwich. “I just…after that call I wanted to make sure that you were going okay, honestly doing okay. And then Hill told me that there was another Spiderman incident and while the female victim was kept anonymous, I thought it might be you.”  

“Hill has a big fucking mouth,” Alex muttered into her milkshake, ignoring Steve’s gaze as she attempted to come up with a diplomatic answer. After a couple seconds, she decided that the truth was the best way, especially with Steve. “I was attacked yesterday, but it wasn’t anything too serious, and I was saved by Spiderman. The police are handling it and other than being tired, I’m doing fine.”

“Really, because you don’t look fine. No offense,” Steve added quickly. “You are very pretty, but an exhausted pretty. Are the nightmares worse now that you’ve been in a dangerous situation again? Do you need help? Also, who is this Spiderman guy? Can you trust a vigilante who wears head to toe spandex?”

“Steve, technically you are a guy in a spandex suit too, remember?” Alex was attempting to lighten the mood, but it was Steve’s turn to give her a look. “It was the same assholes from the Marquee club, they weren’t that happy that someone was witness to their assault and wanted to make me not remember much. Spiderman had been following them and stepped in. I think Spiderman just wants to help, being somewhere the police can’t and the Avengers are too busy to handle, ya know?”

“I appreciate what this guy is trying to do, but he’s going to get himself or someone else hurt.” Steve shook his head but then he gave her a hint of a smirk. “What is it with you and dangerous alleyways anyway?”

“What can I say, I like a bit of danger,” Alex returned his smirk.

“I know, you’re causing me to have grey hairs, which is impressive with the super soldier serum and all.” Steve grabbed a napkin to wipe something off his cheek. “I know that I’ve been busy recently, but I want you to call me if you need help, or Sam, alright? What’s the purpose of being friends with superheroes if you don’t let them help?”

“Getting them to buy me dinner now and again?” Alex said, which got Steve to laugh. After that, the discussion turned to her school work and working with Doctor Banner.

“I have to admit, a lot of this is going over my head. Buck was the science geek, I was more of an art kid. When Bruce and Tony start talking, it’s a different language and I don’t understand it. I’m just a simple boy from Brooklyn and the best I could manage was memorizing the periodic table,” Steve laughed as he finished off his sandwich.

“If it makes you feel any better, I am two semesters away from having my degree in Biochemistry and I don’t know what Dr. Banner is saying sometimes,” Alex waved an onion ring about as if that didn’t matter. “I don’t even think if I get my Ph.D, and I have to graduate first, I’ll be a fraction of as smart as he is.”

Alex pushed away the bubble of anxiety that came when she thought about graduation and focused on Steve instead. She never really thought about how Steve would feel out matching intellectually at the Tower with Banner and Tony. True, Steve was technically genius and a photographic memory, but it took more to be as innovative as Tony and Bruce. It had to be annoying to feel inferior all the time.

“Hey,” Steve nudged her leg with his knee under the table, pulling her out of her thoughts. “Whatever you’re thinking about, stop it. You’ll develop wrinkles.”

“Thank you for your concern,” Alex slurped up the rest of her milkshake and pushed it away. “I was just thinking about annoying if must be to live with people who don’t talk about the same interests that you have, nothing serious.”

“Which is why I asked you out to dinner,” Steve winked.

Alex felt herself blush a little and focused on finishing off her onion rings. She knew that Steve wasn’t flirting with her seriously, just being charming, and it was annoying that it was working. It didn’t help that Steve was also extremely attractive while also being kind and caring. Why wasn’t he dating someone?

“Any news about our favorite world traveler that I should know about?” Alex didn’t look up from her food, both to help hide the fading blush and also so that Steve’s expression wouldn’t betray him before he answered. “Did that phone call get you guys anywhere?”

“We traced the call to Europe, but that’s about as far as we got before it was lost. Sam’s gone over there to see if he can pick up the trail, but he hasn’t found much,” Steve sighed as he polished off the last of his food. “I feel selfish sending him out on these wild goose chases, but it’s not like I have the time to go with…everything.”

“Do me a favor? Whenever Sam gets back, don’t tell him about the Spiderman thing? I’d rather not get lectured again.” Alex missed Sam and the clarity that he brought to her life, but she could do without the judgement of her life choices. If she wanted that, she would call her brother, who she needed to call and finalize plans for when he was coming to visit her. Another thing to add to her ever growing list.

“Maybe you shouldn’t keep getting into trouble and you wouldn’t get lectured,” Steve said with a giant smile.  

“It took us weeks to even get together for dinner. If I didn’t get into trouble I would never see you,” Alex pointed out with a laugh.

“You also wouldn’t see that police officer that you keep mentioning. Michael was it?” Steve had a sly smile on his face as he sat back with a sigh. “First name basis with the law, it must be serious.”

“He had the misfortune of being one of the officers that helped me with the Marcus incident last year and then happened to be promoted to the vigilante task force, as apparently they are starting to become a problem in New York. Nothing serious about it at all.” Michael Sousa was a good man, one of the few that Alex knew, which meant that she would never date him. While he was a police officer, he really didn’t deserve any of the mess that seemed to find it’s way into her life.

“A police officer would be a step up from your previous boyfriends,” Steve pulled out his wallet and slid out a couple bills. “Why not give the poor boy a chance?”

“Why don’t you give one of the poor girls that Natasha throws at you a chance?” Alex countered with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sure one of them is interesting enough to take out to dinner, especially if you’re slumming it with me.”

“Why do you do that?” Steve’s voice had an edge to it.

“Do what?” Alex was startled by the sudden frustration in Steve’s voice.

“Act like you’re not good enough to be with me, as if it is some hardship for me to spend time with you?” Steve leaned forward so that she had to look him in the eyes.

“It’s just…” Alex had to look away, fingers coming up to play with her earrings as she attempted to come up with a good answer.

“You could be, like, having dinner with dignitaries or the president or Tony Stark and Bruce Banner or being briefed on national security matters. People who are way more important and interesting than me.” Alex shrugged at her very inelegant explanation. “Do you think if anyone in the restaurant knew who you were and who I was, they wouldn’t wonder why you were out with me?”

“Alexandra, if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people’s opinions are far less important than your opinion of yourself.” Steve reached out and grabbed her hand so that she had to look at him. “No one has ever made me do something I didn’t want to do, including coming out and having dinner with you. If I’m here, I want to be here.”

“Is this the part where you confess your undying love for me, right?” Alex leaned forward with a dramatic flutter of her eyelashes, the conversation becoming too serious for her to handle with no sleep. “And don’t call me Alexandra.”

“You’re hopeless,” Steve threw his napkin at her before getting to his feet. “Come on, let’s get you home so you can get some sleep.”

The night air was colder now that the sun had set, making the ride back to the apartment extremely enjoyable. She had forgotten how much she loved being on a motorcycle. Raphael, her first serious boyfriend, had given her one of the ones from his garage to use, but obviously that had been taken back when he went to jail. Then there was that one time that she snuck out at sixteen and was gone for three days because she almost joined a motorcycle gang she met at the bar. When she finally came home, Grace Harper didn’t even looking up from chopping potatoes, and told Alex that the trash needed to be taken out and her laundry was on her bed. Somehow, the fact that she never even rose her voice stung more than if she had screamed at Alex.

“Do you need me to walk you up to your place?” Steve asked when he parked out in front of her building, turning off the engine, and looking over his shoulder as Alex undid the helmet.

“I’m pretty sure I can get up to my apartment without being shot, stabbed, or assaulted in some fashion, but thanks for the offer,” Alex laughed as she swung off her bike as her phone started to ring. “Unless there is a Hydra threat that you didn’t tell me about.”

“That’s not funny,” Steve said. “You should get that.”

Alex rolled her eyes as she picked up the phone, not even looking at the screen, and said hello. There was nothing but static on the other end and Alex was about to hang up, figuring it was a telemarketer, when she heard an intake of breath.

“Alex, is that you?” James’s voice sounded far away, but the way her heart went into her throat, she knew it had to be him.

“Yes, yes it’s me. Where are you?” Alex spoke rapidly, looking up at Steve. It had to be something in her voice because Steve was off his motorcycle in a moment and beside her, leaning down to attempt to hear the conversation.

“I think…I think I might have called you before. I can’t really remember,” there was a sigh on the other end of the line. “I’m sorry about that. I know you didn’t want to hear from me again.”

“No, no, James, that’s not…that’s not true,” Alex closed her eyes, her thoughts in chaos. “Where are you, are you okay?”

“I will attempt not to bother you again, but…it is nice to hear your voice,” James admitted slowly. “I’m just trying to stay away from those who would use me or imprison me. Don’t come looking for me, please.”

“James wait!” But the other end of the call has already gone dead.

“I’ll get Tony to trace the call, maybe this time-” Steve is already pulling his own cell phone out and putting it to his ear.

Alex just stood there, not hearing Steve’s conversation, trying to not start sobbing in the middle of the sidewalk. James thought she hated him, that she never wanted to talk to him again, because of how they left things last year. Sure, that the time she stated that it was better if they goodbye, but that was before she realized just how deeply he had gotten under her skin in just a week. It wasn’t because she hated him that she told him to leave, it was because she was in love with him, and that scared her as much as the threat of death.

“Hey,” Steve put a hand on her shoulder, seeing the tears in her eyes, “we’re going to find him. He’s alright and lucid, that’s a good sign. Try not to worry about it.”

“Yeah, right,” Alex gave a shaky smile as she hastily brushed away some tears. “Not worrying about a super soldier assassin with a spotty memory out in the world all by himself. Why would I worry about that?”

“Come here,” Steve pulled her into a tight hug. “Buck can take care of himself, always has been able to, even before the metal arm. I’m going to find him and bring him home, but he’ll be fine until then.”

“He asked that we don’t come looking for him,” Alex said against his chest, finding comfort in his arms.

“Yeah, well, remember when I said that no one has ever made me do something I didn’t want to do,” Steve pulled Alex away a little so that she looked up at him, gently wiping away a tear. “I’ll find him. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” Steve was probably the only person she trusted implicitly.

“Alright, now get upstairs and get some sleep. I’ll call you when I know something.” Steve gave her another tight hug, resting his cheek against the top of her head, before letting her go.

“Just…be careful out there, alright?” Alex let go of him and wrapped her arms around herself.

“You too,” Steve gave her another smile.

Alex gave him a little finger wave before heading into the apartment building, Henry opening the door for her. She looked over her shoulder to see that Steve waited until she was inside to get onto his bike and roaring off. Always the gentlemen. She was surprised he didn’t walk her up to her apartment even against her protest.

While it was cooler outside, the apartment was stuffy from the windows being closed since she left that morning. Steve was right, she should sleep, but there was so much nervous energy in her body that she could barely sit. After pacing the apartment for a few minutes, she pulled out her cell phone and hit Jake’s contact picture. It took him three rings to pick up.

“Lexie, everything okay? I’m about to go to work,” Jake sounded a little breathless, as if he had to run and grab his phone.

“Right, night shift, sorry about that.” Alex moved through the apartment, opening windows, needing to do something.

“No worries, it’s better than me having to send out a search party to get you to return my text. What have you been up to?” Jake was speaking as if he was doing something, like putting on his work boots, while talking to her.

“Oh, you know…” Alex trailed off, figuring telling him about the super soldiers and the fact that she was assaulted last night was not a good idea. “Just my internship and class, trying to be social when I can. I’m starting an extra credit assignment on Saturday. Nothing too exciting.”

“Nothing exciting? When do you sleep, Lex?” Jake’s voice had a joking tone to it, but after this summer she knew he was worried.

“I’m a big girl, Jake. I can take care of myself. How are things in the sunshine state?” Alex felt a little calmer talking with Jake, enough that she could flop onto her bed. There were articles that needed to be read, papers that needed to be written, and about a million other things she should be doing, but there was no way she’d be in the mental space to do them tonight.

Jake filled her in about the waves he tried to catch that morning and Felix, the stray cat that decided to live around his condo. It was also so nice to hear a smile in Jake’s voice and hear about normal problems. It had always been a carefree soul and the beach bum lifestyle seemed to really suit him.

“I’m gonna have to go in a minute, so we’re on for around midterms right? Before the weather gets bad?” Jake asked. “You work way too much and need someone to take you out onto the town.”

“That sounds great Jake,” Alex said and actually meant it. It was weird to think about her family in the city, they were such separate entities, but she did miss her brother. Besides, it wasn’t as if Alex would ever get to show her parents the city as her mother refused to step foot in New York.

“Great, I’ll book the flight and then give you the details,” Jake sounded relieved, as if he expected push back. “Now I really have to go, Lexie. Talk to you later, be good.”

“I’m always good. Stay out of trouble Jake,”

Alex knew that she should get out of bed, but her whole body was heavy. Hadn’t Steve told her to get some sleep? Maybe, for the first time ever, she should take his advice. Besides, it wasn’t like she wouldn’t be woken up at three in the morning with heart pounding nightmares. Might as well take the rest while she could.

[v-le]

Ktravels/Klife: Halfway through it all / 첫 학기 끝 !

Foreword: I am almost done! I am almost done with my first semester at Yonsei… damn.

I honestly cannot believe that time flew by so fast. I’ve mentioned this before, but I had been thinking about studying abroad for over a year before coming here. And now that I am about halfway through with this experience… damn, I just have no words. Jk I do, which is why I’m writing this right now lol.

My favorite parts about Korea so far: it is my emotional, musical wonderland. More on that later, but… it’s heart-warming to hear so many of my favorite, treasured artists occasionally on the streets or in a café. And no, not K-pop lol I know nothing about K-pop anymore. In terms of café culture, it’s a love and hate relationship because some of them are just so expensive sigh. BUT, after going to so many different cafes like all around Seoul, I have come to actually have specific preferences for what constitutes a gr8 café (for studying specifically bc that’s all my friends and I mostly do at cafes anyway LOL) hehe:

AFFORDABLE!! No normal person should be paying like 7 or 8 bucks for a goddamn coffee. Base price for drinks should be around 5,000 won. If their iced caramel macchiato costs more than 5,500 won, the place is too expensive.  If it’s less than 5,000 won,

Reasonable cup sizes! Or better, LARGE ONES! (안녕, 낯선 사람 in hongdae has some super bang-for-your-buck coffee drinks, the best I’ve seen!! :^))

Music that isn’t too loud

OUTLETS. OUTLETS ARE A MUST.

Plentiful seats so that it’s never too packed & large-enough tables

Nice temperature (aka not too cold in the winter, not too hot in the summer)

You can sneak in outside food & eat it blatantly even if there are signs saying not to, and no one will ever say anything

Not too crusty: cozy, but clean

A nice, well-maintained bathroom

It may seem impossible to find the perfect café that could meet all of these expectations, but honestly there are just SO many cafes in seoul, that if you search hard enough or have enough luck, some will be out there somewhere :^)

ALSO can I address the business turnover rate here?? Is this why Seoul is considered a fast-paced city?? So many times, my friends I have tried to go to cafes or restaurants or stores we’ve seen online or found on Kakao/Naver Maps, only to arrive and discover that THEY’RE GONE. Even if I did thorough research and found a blog post of a place from 2 months prior, the place is just POOF, disappeared into thin air. This has literally happened countless times and we are flabbergasted each time LOL. As limited as the database of 맛집’s and cafes already is online, the Internet & maps can’t even keep up to date with information either. Businesses open up so randomly fast, too it’s crazy… Mangoplate, the supposed “yelp” of Korea honestly is not that useful either LOL it usually has places on the pricier side, it is also not always up to date, and I just feel like Seoul/Korea has way too many places & businesses worth trying that they can’t even all fit into one database. There are just so many of those un-documentable places. So I suggest: find a neighborhood, go with your friends, take a stroll around the place, and try to stumble upon a place of your liking. Unless you can read Korean & utilize naver blogs (slightly more extensive and useful than mangoplate but still not 100% reliable all the time), then walking around is probably your best bet rather than attempting to do research online. Trust me.

Hmm what else is there… It’s really nice to be able to get/buy anything pretty easily, with convenience. I am afraid I will get too used to this once I go back to the states.

I think once the work started to pick up later in the semester, I definitely started falling into a routine of going to my morning class & then leaving sinchon to run errands elsewhere in Seoul, or simply doing work in the business building which quickly became my go-to spot because 1) outlets, 2) can eat food 3) very nice facility, literally sparkling 4) on campus. It kinda hurts to think that this short-lived routine will be over quite soon, but maybe next semester will be a little more exciting.

Although I haven’t been speaking as much Korean as I would like to, I do feel like my Korean has improved to an extent: (very slightly) vocab-wise, reading-wise, and writing-wise. It is honestly SO refreshing to finally be learning Korean in a formal, classroom setting. It honestly makes me regret not doing it sooner. Why did I lock myself up in my room for 8 years and only settle for learning on my own?? Sigh, it’s okay. I can only get better from here, right? As much as I hate the timing of KLI, I still really do enjoy the class nonetheless and I feel some sort of… growth? I appreciate how all my background knowledge of Korean has helped me up to this point as well. That at least, I can be proud of lol.

With languages and culture in general, throughout the semester, for the first time ever, I got to reflect on how valuable languages are. It is so interesting; I’ll try my best to explain my realizations, but it might come out as gibberish in the end… I really think anyone that has been born & raised in the US should spend a prolonged amount of time abroad. As homogeneous of a society Korea is, being here has opened my eyes to the global society. The society in which multiculturalism is embraced, there is no one correct language of communication, and every member listens to the various cultural values of one another without judgement. I never thought of English as being a powerful language. In fact, I honestly think I have been taking English for granted. I have never realized the immensity of the English language, how the rest of the world vies to master it, and how I have been blessed to have grown up with English as my native tongue. But on the flip-side, learning other languages is just as worthwhile. Communicating in a different language is literally honing a different perspective, mentality, and set of values. You can try to translate target languages into your native tongue for ease of comprehension. Or, what I have come to deeply appreciate and understand is, you can and should take the target language as it is. In order to connect with the language and consequently the culture, stop thinking in terms of your native tongue. Doing this to a deeper extent in Korea than I ever did before has felt extremely rewarding: it makes the language dynamic and exciting to learn. It has led me to cherish specific words or phrases, more so than I already did before arriving here. And it really is just… beautiful. LEARN A SECOND LANGUAGE! EXPLORE GLOBALIZATION!

Quite frankly though, I am disappointed that I haven’t been able to go to as many places as I would like, within in Korea. Okay more like: I am super grateful for the gorgeous places I have been to, but I also wish I could’ve visited those classic, “must-see” places like Busan, Jeju-do, Jeonju, Daegu, etc. I did however, visit lesser known, less expecting (??) places like Gangwon-do (Jumunjin Beach, Gangmun Beach, Gangneung, Yeongwol, Jeongseon, Pyeongchang) & Gyeongju & like Anyang & Seongnam…? Do these last two even count LOL theyre just smoller cities outside of Seoul… but yeah, I guess I’ll just have to save Busan and Jeju and the others for next semester… when I’m not as broke hopefully lmao.

But forreals, I actually really appreciated my trip to Gangwon-do even though it was technically an assignment for one of my courses called “New Media and Digital Storytelling” (shoutout to prof ted for supporting us with this valuable experience!!) because it was literally a breath of fresh air. Seoul is constantly jampacked with people and cars and smog and noises, but Gangneung was still a city, still just as civilized, but much quieter. Granted, nothing much happens out there and some parts are straight up just farming grounds, but the beaches have these stunning sunsets that look like they’re straight out of a graphically-altered fantasy movie. It was stunning and the image still lasts behind my eyes to this day.

One of the other things that I have been struggling to accept is that fact that I feel… unproductive in life? I wish I put myself more out there this semester. Even though I met a good number of locals and have had a few valuable conversations, I never deeply connected with any of them. Plus, almost all of them are going abroad next semester or graduating ☹. I also did not join any clubs or organizations or sports teams nor did I get a job or an internship or do any tutoring or volunteering on the side… I have just been going to class, occasionally spending a lot of money, and then spending some more. Last year at UCI, I feel like I ran into my freshman year with a fiery heart: I joined the badminton team, became a part of the Antleader Mentorship Program (AMP, which I miss so dearly with all of my heart) in fall & winter quarter, and took all upper division education courses my spring quarter as well as fulfilled my fieldwork major requirement by tutoring at a Kindergarten class for 6 hours every week. But coming to Korea, everything felt stagnant. Academically, career-wise, I feel like everything has been on a pause. Granted, many people could tell me that “Oh, you just being in Korea is already so much more than you need! You are doing more than enough, don’t worry”. But am I really?? I beg to differ. I am honestly pretty disappointed in myself and at this point all I can push for is to try to get more involved next semester. It has also been hurting to know that I have been digging into my precious savings that took over 2 long years to build up so quickly :(.

SO yeah, as great as Korea has been, it’s also been money-draining and disappointing from a personal-growth kind of view. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself, but that is also simply my reality. I think I am also choosing to be hard on myself because my luck with all my favorite artists has just been… totally undeserving.

I feel so blessed and “but why me??” at the same time. I have gotten to see Roy Kim four times live (fifth time will be this coming Sunday; the Seoul shows were blessedly scheduled the weekend right before I leave) & he released a new song in September. Eddy Kim, whom ive been waiting 4 years for to come back, finally did so right in the middle of my time here. Fromm, my extremely beloved indie goddess for YEARS now, released a new mini album in November; I got to see her 3 times live, and even attended her breath-taking solo?? Alone?? Personal? 그냥 단독 콘서트. Sam Kim, who I first listened to when I was 15, who has saved my life so many times with his music, finally released a FULL-length album 2 years and 6 months since his debut EP. Not only was I selected to go to his album’s release showcase, but I also got to a meet him through a fansign event. Oh yeah, I also met Fromm through a free fansigning & Eddy Kim through his new album’s fansign event, too. (I will post about these artist-meeting experiences separately because I feel like these three occasions alone have taught me so much). I saw DAY6 live for their third-year debut anniversary and I could feel the immensity and sincerity brimming from their voices, especially with an unfortunately missing member from stage; I will be seeing them soon for their newest music release, which also happened to come out this December. Nam Woohyun of Infinite, the group that I gave my heart to for over a third of my life, the group that I owe so much of my existence to, released another solo mini album, and I was lucky enough to even attend day 3 of his solo concert series; I saw a few other members of Infinite, I could feel my 12-year-old heart screaming & flailing & crying & apologizing from within because I’ve missed them for so long now, and I even heard a never-before released track from him as well. It was a miracle; I saw Woohyun & glimpses of the others on November 4th. Almost exactly 5 years ago in 2013, on November 11th, I went to a concert for the first time in my life and saw those very own loves with my own eyes: Infinite.

ALL OF THESE. ALL OF THESE EVENTS. Have been a blessing. Have been some sort of indescribable, boundless, breath-taking stroke of luck. I promise you, just luck. Roy just somehow decided to take a break from school at Georgetown THIS semester. Eddy Kim, Fromm, Sam Kim, Woohyun, and DAY6 all just somehow decided to release new music within the last half of this year. ME, I, just somehow decided to study abroad not as a 3rd year nor a 4th year, but a mere 2nd year. I decided to leave my home university barely 1 year in, and go to Korea. Just because. Because it felt right and I knew I wanted to, I knew I had to. But never could I have predicted any of these things to happen. Never in a million years. The very artists that I had only been listening to and watching from my computer screen for years as I hid beneath the deep blankets of my bed, the artists that have made me cry on cue because of how beautiful, meaningful, and healing their music is, the artists that seem to barely exist on the Internet, that are so lowkey and precious that I feel like I am the only that really listens to and loves them, the very artists that make my world revolve, that push me to go on when I want to give up, that I owe so much of my life to, all decided to release music, suddenly be active, hold events, and meet their fans in one way or another. Right. When. I am here, too. This sort of timing in life is nothing I had control of. It was all luck and I am just so deeply, infinitely, perpetually, until the end of this world, thankful. Every day I am so thankful. I didn’t ask for any of this, I didn’t hope for it, I didn’t even think about the possibility of these events happening in my life. But they did somehow. And for that, I am just so so so grateful. It’s just crazy to think that years ago, as a sophomore in high school. My heart would bulge with immense affection for these people & their music. They were unreal, almost-fantasy-like existences that made life-saving music and that I cherished so immensely. But little did I know 4 or 5 years later, this could happen to me. That there was actually a worth to loving these almost “nobody” musicians. I just constantly feel like I am always receiving from them, and never giving back. I really do owe them so much. Thank you, to my beloved artists. For everything.

Moving on to the people that have made my first semester here at Yonsei even brighter: our dumbass squad consisting of lil hoorey, 왕언니 ana, smol laura, dumbass closted weaboo Wilson, & even dumber josh LOL I am so blessed to have met such funny, stupid, understanding friends. Before arriving to Korea, I was STRESSED that I wouldn’t be able to find friends because I hate alcohol, I hate clubbing, I hate mainstream K-pop and simply many parts of popular Korean culture are things that I am not particularly a fan of. But thankfully, I have found an endearing group of friends that share these same sentiments. These reliable people have honestly shaped so much of my experiences here and I am forever thankful. IT JUST SUCKS THAT I AM THE ONLY ONE STAYING FOR A YEAR LOL. But yes, thank you friends, for everything <3 .

Have I exhausted all of my thanks at this point?? Probably not. But I’ll save those for my own heart and mind to cherish. Going abroad was and has been and will be an experience that I don’t think I could ever properly express with words alone. I think it’s always like that when it comes to these rants LOLLL. I rant because I need to vent these feelings and emotions and flaring thoughts. But I just end up struggling to articulate everything and get my heart across properly. Sigh.

Homesickness? Is this something I was supposed to address? Maybe exchange students are probably expected to always talk about this. But for me, it was a nonexistent notion. Being born and raised in the bay area, having lived in the same exact house, having slept in the same creaky, old bed for 18 years in a row, has provided me with a comfort that I probably take for granted more than I should, but has also left me with an intense urgency to explore more, see more, do more, and just breathe more. The Bay Area can be extremely toxic and suffocating in so many ways, and it a space that I know I can go back to whenever my heart desires, but it is also a space that I do not wish to prolong my stay in any further. My immediate family has also never been a significant part of my life: I have never relied on them for emotional nor mental support. Maturing into an adult with this sort of detachment has hindered and helped me in countless ways. There were definitely times throughout my life where I despised them for the way in which everything turned out. For how miserable or lonely or stuck or negligent I sometimes felt. But I know that without that detachment, I would not be where I am today. To my next semester at Yonsei, you look questionable, daunting, and exciting. I honestly can’t even begin to imagine what will be in store for me. All I can wish for is health & happiness.

가즈으으아!!~

[360digitmgba]

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[rbbalmung]

Disney High: Chapter 1

   Ariel Triton looked up at Disney High with a huge grin on her face. Despite not being huge on actually doing school work, she did grow to miss this place over the summer. Plus, going to school meant that she could finally get some privacy, something her six sisters never gave her. Seeing that Alana and Adella were the only other two of her sisters still in school, Ariel accepted the change with open arms.

    “Ariel!”

    The redhead flipped around just in time to have a pair of arms throw themselves tightly around her, the weight of her friend nearly tackling her to the ground,” Raz?” When the blonde girl squealed with excitement, Ariel knew her guess was right,” Oh my gosh, I’ve missed you so much! How have you been?”

    The girl groaned when she pulled apart and tilted her head towards her approaching mother. Ms. Gothel was Raz’s mother, but doubled as one of the teachers at Disney High. She was almost always breathing down her daughter’s neck, making sure she never went out past curfew or left the campus. Ariel had a feeling that there was something deeper going on between Raz and her mother, but whenever she brought it up, the blonde quickly changed the subject,” Terrible. She didn’t let me out of her sight all summer.”

    “Well, you’re here now,” The two girls smiled,” Oh, have you seen Moana around?”

    “Did someone say my name?”

    The two turned to face a girl sporting a hibiscus in her hair. She didn’t squeal in excitement like Raz had, but she still seemed ecstatic to see her friends. The blonde gave her roommate the same treatment as Ariel and tackled her into a hug,” Moana! Perfect timing! We were just talking about-”

    “Rapunzel,” The three froze when Mother Gothel’s voice rang out,” Don’t embarrass yourself, you’re acting like a child.”

    Raz frowned and pulled away from her friend,” Sorry, mother.”

    Ariel crossed her arms in annoyance and glared at her friend’s mother. While her dad could be pretty strict every now and then, she was sure that Mother Gothel was consistently crossing the line. Luckily for her, the woman left before Ariel could give her a piece of her mind,” How can you stand her, Raz?”

    The blonde shrugged, absentmindedly playing with her waist length hair,” I dunno. She’s all that I’ve got.”

    Moana took this as an opportunity to change the subject and threw her arm around her friend’s shoulder,” Hey, that’s not true! You’ve got us! Now, let’s drop our stuff off in our room so that we can get dinner!”

O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O     Katherine sucked in her breath, clutching her suitcases like life preservers. The door stood in front of her, separating her from private school in New York to boarding school near her mother. She could always turn back, but she wasn't that kind of person. Running away wasn't in her vocabulary.     Katherine flung open the door before she could talk herself out of it. Much to her relief, the room was empty. She released the breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding and threw her luggage to a top bunk, wandering to the desk without a second thought. She grabbed one odd shaped case and pulled her typewriter out, placing it on the surface as gently as she could. Her final act of making herself at home was opening the window, which thankfully had a fire escape. It reminded her of the apartment back in Manhattan.

      Manhattan. She had only been gone for a day and she already missed it terribly. Her father, discovering that she wanted to be a writer, shifted her from her old preparatory school to one closer to him to keep an eye on her. He didn’t mind her writing, no, but he was furious when he discovered she was writing for one of his rivals.     "And I said, I didn't shoot his portrait, I missed-" A girl with wild, orange hair walked into the room mid thought and froze," Where's Nani?"     Katherine nearly jumped out of her skin, but quickly recovered by crossing her arms," I don't know, but this was the room I was assigned. Maybe she transferred?"     The ginger scanned her, her eyes falling on the typewriter behind her," And I thought dinosaurs were extinct."     "What?” Katherine was taken aback at first, but relaxed when the girl pointed to her desk,” Oh, you mean the typewriter?” She unconsciously stepped in front of her precious antique,” I guess I may be a little old fashioned, but-"     Merida groaned,” Calm down, Dino, it was a joke. Can you take a joke?”

Katherine sucked in an annoyed breath through her teeth,” Of course, but only the ones that are actually funny.”

The two girls held each other’s stares for what felt like a full minute before Merida gave in a dropped her luggage near the bed on the opposite side of the room,” Please don't tell me you're one of the royals."     She furrowed her eyebrow in confusion," What's a royal?"     A brown haired girl strode in confidently, dropping her bags on the bunk opposite of Katherine," A royal is a girl that goes to school here and is treated like a royalty because of their money or relations to celebrities,” She smirked,” What our good friend failed to mention is that Merida is technically a royal because of her fortune, but we don’t quite...embrace royal culture.”     “That’s one way of saying it!” Merida laughed as she threw her arms around the girl," Rey! It took you long enough! Nani's not here, we get a dinosaur instead."     "Who are you calling a dinosaur?" Katherine replied, her Yorker temper leaking back into her speech. She had tried to hide it a little bit, but it only took an insult to bring her back," You should be one to talk! You look like one, big, orange dandelion!"     The two girls stared at Katherine in a mix of shock and respect, debating how to respond. Finally, Merida spoke up,"...Yeah, she'll be alright here."     "Better than alright," Katherine mumbled underneath her breath, the corners of her mouth tilting into a smile. O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O     "Cinderella! Don't you dare drop my bag! You may not be my maid during the school year, but classes haven't started yet!" Drizella cackled, strolling casually through the grounds. Ella, who was making an extraordinary effort to keep up, was holding a total of eight bags and trying not to topple over. Anastasia was standing behind Ella, making sure that she didn't (or did, the sisters loved to make Ella miserable) drop any of the luggage.     After what seemed like an eternity, they reached the sister's room. They made Ella stay and watch as they inspected every item, remarking that if they even had one scratch on it that they'd tell mother, and made fun of her to impress the other girl, Vanessa.     Finally, at around 8:00 p.m., Ella was released to find her room and unpack. She practically ran outside to escape the pair of devils, trying to hide how giddy she was now that she was finally free. When she was finally out of sight of the pair, she heaved a relieved sigh and collapsed on a nearby park bench. It was still light out, but the faint silhouette of stars were etched into the sky. A few students were wandering the campus grounds, but Ella figured that most of them were attending Aurora’s school year kick off party. Everyone was technically invited, but the overwhelming party environment was suffocating to her. She was better off catching her breath and watching the stars.

    The blonde released a tiny giggle, wondering how Annie and Driz would take care of themselves without her. Ever since her father died, she had been practically a maid in the house, hated by all of them. Sometimes she tried reaching out to them, but Driz always criticized her and Ana seemed to ignore her olive branch. Life had become a hell of sorts for Ella, and she was counting down the days until she could finally escape.     "Ella? What are you doing out here?"     She knew the voice by heart, and didn't need to turn around know who it was," I just had a long day of unpacking and carrying more than I weigh."     Tiana, one of her best friends and roommates, frowned and sat next to her. The girl was just as hardworking as Ella and strived to be a famous chef. What set her apart from her friend was her mother’s support in her dreams, making it hard for Tiana to understand where Ella was coming from," You got to stand up for yourself."     "If I do, they'll pull me from going to school here and I'd have to be a full time maid!"     "Run away then!"     Ella's shoulders drooped," I have nowhere to go. You live in New Orleans, and Belle just moved to Oregon! I live in Maryland! It’s not like I can just pack up my suitcase and catch a ride to one of you guys,” A bittersweet smile crossed her lips,” I couldn’t ask your parents to do that anyways. They’re struggling enough as it is; I can’t ask them to look after me as well with a good conscious.”     Tiana wasn't ready to give up yet," What about your aunt Fairy? She loves you!"     "She lives in Hawaii. Face it, Tia, the only chance I have is to graduate,” The blonde, who wouldn’t admit to how many times she had tried to come up with an easier solution, gave her friend’s shoulder a comforting squeeze,” I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve waited for freedom this long; waiting two more years is nothing.”     Tiana rolled her eyes, still not ready to give up on her friend," We'll figure something out later, but for now, you should probably head back to your room.”

“Why?”

“You’ve got to hear about the new students.”

[avecorviidae]

Fic: Three - Chapter Four

Fandom: Mob Psycho 100 Rating: G Relationship(s): Kageyama Shigeo & Reigen Arataka Word Count: 2678

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She’d thought that she’d see less of Shigeo, the next year. After all, his first year, she’d only seen him walking through the gates in the mornings, or on the rare occasions she’d popped into Toyoda’s classroom during the school day. The rest, she’d only heard about from break-room hearsay. Truthfully, she didn’t really see him on the first couple weeks of the year, beyond the usual mornings, where he always greeted her with a quiet, “Good morning, Miss Kano,” before breaking away from Ritsu to go and find either Tome Kurata or one of the members of the body improvement club. Kageyama Ritsu was in her class this year, and while, thus far, he wasn’t quite as eventful a student as Shigeo, it still served as a decent distraction. He was, inarguably, a perfect student, turning in assignments on time, raising his hand, giving concise, correct answers in class, and asking relevant questions during lectures. His papers were appropriately formatted and cited, and his theses and analyses were accurate, if on occasion two-dimensional. He did not chat, fidget, or sleep during lessons, and was never anything other than perfectly polite when she spoke to him.

There was something… odd, about him, though. Sharp, almost, like he was surrounded by barbed wire, especially considering the wide berth just about everyone but Shigeo seemed to give him. The formality of the way he spoke, not just to her but to the student council members, to his classmates, didn’t allow for personal conversation, didn’t allow for any kind of familiarity. He was always closed off, distant, and sometimes, if she probed his reasoning for an answer for too long, he’d start spitting back his answers, tone turning biting and defiant. It had taken her a while to notice, just like it had taken her some time to learn to read Shigeo and the subtler nuances of his expressions. The teachers have privately nicknamed the student council incident of last year ‘the Purge,’ as a sort of morbid joke, but it’s still fresh in her mind every time she looks at him, the way he’d stood behind Kamuro, stone faced and resolutely avoiding the questioning looks from his brother as a few of the resident fidgeters and slackers had been humiliated and pulled from the classroom.

She wonders about him, how he copes with what’s happened. Shigeo, she’s fairly certain, can rely on Reigen for support, and Ritsu, and to some extent, the body improvement/telepathy club as well.

Ritsu, though…

Some part of her feels sorry for the Kageyama parents, who have somehow manage to raise two children who are troubled in unique but equally extreme ways.

More of her feels sorry of the boys.

On Monday of the third week of school, while Katsuko is grading papers during lunch, she hears a soft knock on her classroom door. “Yes?” she asks, craning to see the figure peering in the doorway.

Shigeo, bag clutched in one hand and a piece of paper in the other, takes a few hesitant steps until he’s standing just inside the room, but still close enough to the doorway to make a retreat. He’s grown, just a little, over the summer, enough that he’s about level with Ritsu now, but he still carries himself with an unassuming smallness, like if he tried hard enough, maybe he could fold in on himself and disappear entirely. “Um, Miss Kano?” he says quietly, not quite meeting her eyes. She finds herself smiling at him, feeling oddly fond. “Yes, Shigeo?” she asks, as gently as she can manage, out of habit. She’d noticed at some point that raised voices, even if they weren’t directed at him, made the boy nervous.

He holds up the piece of paper as he explains, “I have, um, some math homework… Shishou helped me, so I think that I understand it, but, um, could I maybe work on it in here? It’s loud outside…” Katsuko stares blankly for a moment before the request sinks in. Technically, tutoring is offered after school exclusively, and students aren’t supposed to be in the building during lunch, but, well, this was Shigeo, and his nerves were easy to see if you knew how to read him even despite the vacant expression, there in the shuffling of his weight from foot to foot, the way he stared at some nonexistent point on the wall, and why has he come to her? 

“Oh. Ah, yes, of course, just let me know if you need any help!” Shigeo sits a few rows back and starts working, looking down at his scribble-covered paper with single-minded concentration. Katsuko almost suggests that he move to the front row of desks, so that he isn’t just plopped haphazardly in the middle of the room, but something familiar strikes her about where he’s sitting… oh, and she has to stifle a small laugh when she realizes that he’s sitting in his desk from last year. Creature of habit, indeed. 

He doesn’t ask her for help on his work, and they sit in oddly amicable silence for the rest of the lunch period, the only noises in the room being the constant scratching of a pen or a pencil, and the occasional turn of a page.

Two minutes before the end of the lunch period, he neatly puts his worksheet into a folder and tucks it into his bag. “Thank you, Miss Kano,” he says, as he weaves around the desks towards the door, voice failing to carry even in the almost-empty room. “Have a good day.”

It doesn’t become a routine, but it does become something, a couple of times a month at most, where Shigeo will knock softly on the open door of the classroom and take his old seat, and spends the lunch period frowning at his math worksheets, or mouthing stilted English to himself as he reads from a piece of paper. He’s never asked for help, which is probably just as well, because Katsuko isn’t sure she’s ever taught the boy a thing. So, she just provides the room and the peace and quiet, and grades essays as he takes up sheets of scratch paper with the algebra the Year 3s are suddenly expected to learn before they’re unceremoniously shoved into high school mathematics.

She looks over him every time he comes in, and finds the shadows under his eyes to be just a little lighter, sees that the recent bruises and colourful bandages he’d come in with last year are nowhere to be seen. Even his demeanor feels changed. Something about the way he speaks, the way he holds himself, comes across as more… reserved, rather than awkward or anxious.

After a certain point, the entire break room seems to breathe a sigh of relief when everyone realizes that they can begin swapping weird Kageyama anecdotes again, instead of trading injury descriptions.

A few weeks in, Ritsu misses a couple of days of school. She’d been nervous–there hadn’t been any Kageyama Incidents this year, but it was only a matter of time–until the office had informed her that he’d been called in sick by his parents, and that he should be back within the next two days or so.

It always takes a few minutes for the stragglers to pack up their things and clear out of the classrooms, so she almost doesn’t notice the unfamiliar boy leaning against her doorframe. He looks young, probably around Ritsu’s age, but he’s not wearing a school uniform, instead decked in an almost excessively green jacket and torn up skinny jeans. His shock of bright orange hair is gelled into wild spikes, and they bounce along with his head as he saunters into the classroom, shoulders set and chin up in the universal technique of teenagers who want to look much taller than they actually are.

“Hey, hey, Ritsu-kun’s teacher!” he says, and it’s only years of training in not making fun of children that stops her from bursting out laughing, because he’s trying to pitch his voice down to sound older, but his voice has only just started to drop, and he’s cracking on every other word.

She laces her fingers together on the desk. “Can I help you?”

The boy braces one hand on the edge of her desk, and his grin is lazy, catlike. “Yeah, I’m here for Ritsu-kun’s homework. He finally stopped trying to throw up his guts, so his parents are on him about being caught up before he gets back to school.”

She reaches for the folder balanced on her stack of ungraded essays, but hesitates before handing it over. On the few occasions that Shigeo had actually been sick last year, Ritsu had popped in at some point to collect his work. There’s something odd about this kid she’s never seen before, who doesn’t even attend this school, coming to get Ritsu’s homework.

Shigeo knocks on the door softly, speaking even as he walks into the classroom. “Miss Kano, is there any work Ritsu’s missed the past two days? He wanted to– Oh, hello, Suzuki-kun. What are you doing here?”

The boy–Suzuki, allegedly–freezes, and his grin and tone both take on a panicked edge. “Ha, hey, Kageyama-kun, fancy seeing you here!” “This is my school, Suzuki-kun. I go here.” It’s impossible to tell what Shigeo’s thinking. Based on Suzuki’s reaction, she’d think he was… angry? But his expression gives away nothing, and he doesn’t have any of his regular tells that would indicate he’s upset, instead just staring at Suzuki with wide eyes, head cocked to one side like a confused puppy. Suzuki barrels through the ensuing silence with a hurried, “Hey, Kageyama-kun, don’t worry about taking your brother his homework. I’m on my way there anyways, and you’ve probably got work, right?” Now seeming unsure, Shigeo starts to wring his hands, worrying his thumb as if he’s going to crack the knuckle, but never actually doing it. “Shishou said I could come in late today… Are you sure Ritsu would be okay with it?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course! We’ve been meaning to hang out for a while, and if I’m on my way there anyways, it’s waaaaaay easier if i just take his stuff to him, right?” Arm-wise, Suzuki is about as expressive as Reigen, waving his hands placatingly at Shigeo and moving wildly as he speaks. Shigeo is silent for a few moments longer, before he nods once. “Alright, that does make sense. Good afternoon, Miss Kano. Suzuki-kun, please don’t do anything too strenuous with my brother. He’s still kinda sick.” And then Shigeo is gone, leaving Suzuki spluttering and bright red.

“No way he actually meant…?” Suzuki mutters, probably to himself. “Jeez, some wingman he is.”

The inside of Katsuko’s cheek is sore from how hard she’s had to bite it to keep from laughing, but she still manages to keep a relatively straight face as she hands the homework folder to Suzuki, who grabs it and dashes from the room without another word.

She’s suspected for a while now. She bookmarks news stories, watches blurry phone-videos of entire buildings flinging themselves piece by piece into the sky, reads speculation about massive-impact craters left behind. She tries to match up dates in her head, lines up the bigger accidents with the days that Shigeo or Ritsu have missed school.

Halfway through the year, Shigeo and Ritsu are both gone, marked as unexcused absences. During lunch, the teachers huddle around the break room’s tiny television and watch as a hundred miles away, a city tears itself apart at the seams.

She recognizes the spiel by now, the “tragedy that’s shaking a city” speech, the psychic ‘experts’ talking about unexplained destructive phenomena, high concentrations of psychic energy, the footage of dust-covered people stumbling amongst the rubble trying to salvage some piece of their lives.

Butterfly stitches are holding the angry red gash on Ritsu’s forehead closed, and the scrapes on his cheek trail downwards, disappearing into the collar of his uniform. He spends the class staring at some point in the middle distance, with fingertips pressing into the already swollen bruise below his eye. His notebook lies on the desk in front of him, untouched. When she gets the students started on independent reading, she runs to the break room and digs around in the freezer, past Toyoda’s weird ice cube trays and Satoh’s frozen diet meals until she finds the cold compress she’d stashed in there last year. It’s an easy matter to subtly slip it onto Ritsu’s desk as she walks back to the front of the room.

She leaves Toyoda, now the master-teacher for the first year class, supervising her students when she has to run down to the office for some paperwork. When she steps out from secretary's’ office, pile of newly-copied papers in hand, she almost crashes head-first into Reigen.

“Ah, my apologies, Kano-san,” he says, and the cheeriness in his voice is strained. The energy she remembers vividly from the conference is dulled, the set of his shoulders just a little too sagged, the shadows under his eyes a little too pronounced. He doesn’t look injured, per-se… just tired.

One of the secretaries puts down her phone with a click, leans over the monitor of her computer, and says quietly to Reigen, “Shigeo should be down in a moment, sir.” He thanks her with a nod, and goes back to absently staring at the various flyers for school events displayed around the office. Katsuko makes as if she’s forgotten something, and weaves back behind the counter. None of the staff mention that she’s not actually doing anything as she attempts to make herself look busy; everyone’s played this game, at some point, and Katsuko is more invested than most.

The office is never particularly loud in the first place, but the silence grows oppressive when Shigeo walks into the room, the clattering of keyboards slowing and general chatter becoming muted.

She can’t quite register it as a whole, can’t put together the bruises, the swollen split slip still dribbling blood at the corner, the scabs, the scrapes, the burns, the little bright neon bandages littering fingers, his cheeks, as something that’s happened to this boy. When Shigeo sees Reigen, his eyes widen, grip on the strap of his bag going white-knuckled. “Shishou, is something wrong? Did we miss something, or-” Reigen has already stepped into Shigeo’s space, with a hand on his shoulder. “Oi, Mob, calm down, everything’s fine. I just came to check on you.” Katsuko is stuck with the distinct impression that they’re all listening in on a private moment, but after three years and virtually no glimpses into the Kageyama brothers’ lives, well. Reigen’s hand moves from Shigeo’s shoulder, ghosting over a particularly angry bruise at the corner of his mouth. “You don’t tell your parents about this stuff, huh?” Shigeo shakes his head, mumbles something that sounds like, “Ritsu helps make sure that they don’t notice,” and Reigen’s responding sigh is utterly resigned. “You should rest, Mob, you’ve been through a lot. Do you want me to sign you out?” Shigeo frowns, says, “If you need help at the office, then I could…” “I’m not opening up the office until you’re not limping anymore, Mob. But you’ve got to take care of yourself, alright? What kind of master would I be if I let my student sit around here trying to do math while he’s hurt, huh? You should rest up. We can go out to lunch and you can nap back at my place, yeah?” Shigeo hesitates a few more beats, and then he’s wrapped around Reigen’s waist, clinging with his hands fisted in the back of his suit. From this angle, Katsuko can’t see his face, but she assumes that he’s nodding, because Reigen quietly laughs, “Yeah, alright, thought so,” as he pats Shigeo’s head.

Shigeo stays attached to Reigen’s side while he signs him out, and Reigen keeps a hand on Shigeo’s shoulder as they’re walking out of the door.