#teaching me about death and feelings and childhood and adulthood and fucking shit that was so

[martinkate]

killer by phoebe bridgers while reading 17776 is something fucking else dude

[justarandomsideblog]

Okay I admit it I'm obsessed, just more Winged!Fundy AU stuffs

-Most of canon is side-stepped, using rough elements as a guideline (L'Manburg was a thing, it had its revolution, the 16th and doomsday, Wilbur died, Fundy and Phil are estranged/disowned, Fundy has his prophetic dreams which jumpstart his godly magic, etc) but Fundy is around the same age as Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo are physically (the former of the two being immortals and the latter having a naturally long lifespan), and it takes place in a world where the nuke wasn't stolen and Quackity gets to be happy okay. Fundy is still being haunted by his dreams and begins to suffer from derealization, though I have no intention of going into details about it.

-Dream himself is mortal and isn't the big bad, but DreamXD, his twin/doppelganger is a god of chaos and is the main antagonist, and Dream is working for DreamXD. DreamXD has noticed Fundy's powers awakening.

-Phil is one of a handful of Angels of Death, having been created by Death through magic. He is technically Death's son, and if Death ever falls is the next choice to become the god of Death. He is technically a god, but as the son of a god and having wings he is referred to more often as an angel. Wilbur and Tommy are his biological sons, though they have different mothers (who are mortal and lived roughly 100 years apart). So technically all three of them are Angels of Death, and all their wings are made of magic.

-Wilbur manifested his godly magic when he was 3, and had Phil there to guide him through it so that growing his wings wouldn't hurt. His wings were pepper gray and white, but when he was still a small child he had a traumatic accident that irreversibly damaged his wings, and his wings were magically removed since leaving them be would have caused more problems.

-Tommy was barely 6 months old when he manifested his godly magic and grew his wings, taking both Phil and Wil by surprise. His wings are pure gold, a stark contrast to his father and brother. He still has them, but he started hiding them when he got involved in wars since they would become a target for the enemy.

-Angels have a special magic called an Angel's Bond, where they can, only once in their lives, share a bond with a mortal and extend their immortal life to them. There's different kinds of bonds this can fall under, though the most common are familial bonds, often between a mortal who was taken in by gods or angels. It ties that mortal's life to the angel's, and until the angel dies the mortal cannot die and will only age at the same rate as the angel.

-Techno and Tubbo are Phil's adopted children. Techno was found as a young Piglin in the nether, and he was roughly the same age as Wilbur. Phil ended up using his Angel's Bond with Techno. Tommy brought Tubbo home one day, Tubbo an orphan trying to get by in the forest, and Phil welcomed Tubbo into their home. Tommy ended up using his Angel's Bond with Tubbo after finding out that Tubbo's going to grow old and die before Tommy ever even reached adulthood. Phil has concerns about Tommy using his One and Only bond so young, but it can't be reversed so...

-Sally is the daughter of a god, and was created through magic. She has many sisters. Their mother calls themself Mother Nature, even though they are more accurately Life (versus Phil's father being Death) and Fundy is the actual embodiment of Nature, being the one and only descendant of Life and Death.

-Wilbur and Sally knew each other were angels/spirits/the children of gods, and they knew they were the children of opposite gods, meaning that their love was technically a forbidden love as life and death magic was never meant to mix. They fell in love anyways, and though the god of Life disapproved, they just sat back and watched. Sally actually couldn't have kids, being a product of pure magic, and ended up asking Life for help, and in the process made a deal; she and Wilbur got to have a kid and in exchange, they could never awaken the kid's magic (thus, these two immortals' son would be doomed to mortality) and Sally had to return to the sea after the kid turned 5. Oh, and Sally had to take a different form after being pregnant because Life did not want their grandchild to appear human. Yea Life's a sick fuck. Wilbur actually wanted to disagree but Sally wanted to have a kid biologically (they did raise several adopted kids which was very fulfilling but Sally just... wanted to have a baby, idk why, couldn't be me) so she agreed. Wilbur cried the day he came in for breakfast to find his wife had transformed into a fox woman cause he knew the timer had begun.

-They didn't tell anyone, not even Fundy, who they intended to raise as a mortal. They took away all magic from their house and told Fundy that Wil was a musician and Sally was an accountant. It was after Sally disappeared that Wilbur built L'Manburg's walls.

-Wilbur managed to keep Fundy from manifesting his magic all throughout his childhood and teenagehood, and he never found out that Fundy figured out astral projection and shapeshifting. After Wilbur died, however, Fundy began exploring a little more and ended up discovering some of his other powers (prophetic dreams/dreamwalking, being able to mold the world around him to a degree, things like that) and Ghostbur didn't remember enough to keep an eye on him. Phil had no idea, since Wilbur never told him, he never met Sally and Fundy hadn't manifested his magic when Phil was around. This time, where Fundy is completely alone and has all the time to himself, is when he begins manifesting the magic his parents had tried so hard to keep him from manifesting, and it's when the phantom pains from wings that hadn't grown yet began. It is a PAINFUL process to grow wings, even magically, because it comes from under the skin/attaches to muscle and bone, and since he has no older or more experienced Angel with him he has no one to help him or guide him...

-Ranboo is there when Fundy's wings grow, a very traumatizing moment for both of them (blood and Fundy definitely passes out and all that fun stuff), and manages to convince Fundy to not immediately try to chop them off with an axe (Fundy was panicking) but Fundy refused to go to Phil or Tommy because he has Issues(TM). Namely, he didn't want his family to decide he's suddenly worth loving because it turns out he's just like them after all. In fact, he's terrified that if they find out, he can never have a relationship with them because he'll never be sure if they love him or just love that he's like them. He wants to be loved for who he is, not what he is...

-On the other hand, Phil and Techno threaten to kill Dream when Dream shows interest (/p) in Fundy, and Phil tells him to "stay the hell away from my grandson" because even if he's angry about the whole Butcher Army thing, still, he is NOT about to let some cretin near his grandson. They do love him. They're just mad and waiting for a proper apology. (Phil, of course, does not know Fundy is more god than mortal so the idea of him manifesting death magic and growing wings doesn't even cross his mind, and doesn't know he let Fundy go through the wing growing process all by himself.)

-Funboo (/p) shenanigans as they try to hide the existence of Fundy's wings from literally everyone else. Tommy and Tubbo finding out in possibly the worst way possible. Tommy freaking out because Fundy A) went through that painful and traumatic process without another angel there to help, B) is trying to teach himself how to fly and use magic, and C) didn't feel like he could go to his own family about this thing that everyone in their family has gone through.

-Emotional family shit as Tommy realizes just how alone and isolated Fundy felt, not even willing to go to his own family to learn more about his magic? Learn how to fly?

-Enter Tommy&Tubbo&Fundy&Ranboo (/p ofc) shenanigans as they, very specifically, try to hide this from Phil, Techno, Ghostbur and anyone else they think might even possibly let it spill to them. Also Tommy taking over teaching Fundy about his magic and flying, because "no offence Ranboo but this is very different from enderman stuff"

-Fundy trying to come to terms with the fact that his family's perception of him won't change just because it turns out he's not mortal

-Fundy figuring out how to astral project right out of the mortal plane and talk to his father in the afterlife. It's tense ofc their last meeting was not a good one but Fundy needs answers because nothing's adding up....

[phoebehalliwell]

Can you rank the Charmed Ones from your favorite to your least favorite?

oh boy

okay get ready for some hella long chronology of my life or whatever because i cannot just answer this question in a list. to begin:

era one: childhood

1. phoebe

2. paige

3. piper

4. prue

okay so i never technically like watched charmed proper as a kid as i was like born in the year 2000 but it was just,, always on. like my cousins loved it and talked about it a lot, my parents watched it, and reruns would play on cable in the afternoon after school, so i didn’t like watch it in order or like,, comprehend the plot and stuff, i was just having a witchy good time.

phoebe earned my favorite because she was the funny, cool one with the killer fashion sense (to an eight year old or whatever), but she never did it by pretending to be someone else. she was always true to herself and refused to take other people’s bullshit. she was a classic 90′s girl feminist, and personally, i thought she was a great role model growing up, teaching me that i don’t have to be sidelined by the boys, i can stand up and kick ass and still be classically feminine, which i think really shaped a lot of who i was as a kid.

last was prue because she was the straight man, she was the one to hold her sisters back (especially phoebe) and remind them of the responsibilities and dangers of the world. she was the one who saw it as it is, not as it could be, and as and eight year old i was like fuck that shit! responsibility? accountability? i don’t know her. i definitely viewed her as a representation of the limitations and bitterness of the world.

era two: teens

1. piper

2. phoebe

3. paige

4. prue

i found charmed on netflix the first summer of middle school and subsequently watched it every summer of middle school after that. this time, i was watching it in order, and remember episode that i had seen was i was little and realizing how absolutely batshit out of order it was the first time i was it.

piper became my favorite because she became the one i identified with the most, especially s4 onward. she was tough, and swore a lot, she got shit done, but she was still the glue, the peacekeeper, and she loved her family (& friends if they ever bothered to give her any) more than anything. she was great for that phase in middle school / high school everyone (?) goes through where they feel like they’ve got the whole weight of their future on their shoulders and every single move they make has repercussions and oh jesus what am i doing with my life because, for me, piper really embodied the strength it took to make it through. she suffered and she fought and she lost so much and there were points where she felt like she had fucked up beyond return, but she always made it back, she always kept fighting, and she got her happy ending, she got to live happily ever after, and for me, that was crucial.

prue, yet again, landed in my least favorite because she represented the flip side of this coin. she fought and she sacrificed and she worked so hard and she lost. prue didn’t die happy, and i hated that, so she was my least favorite character.

era three: adulthood (in the loosest terms possible)

1. prue

2. piper

3. paige

4. phoebe

so i stared college in twenty eighteen and as a film major there are a whole bunch of lower div courses you can take and one of them is tv studies. personally, i don’t think enough respect is put on tv as a cinematic art form, but also went we went around to say our favorite tv shows i did say riverdale so yknow maybe i’m not the best judge. for our term paper we had to pick a show and analyze it in respects to the course. i chose charmed, a show that i had not seen in about three years at the time, and began a rewatch. in the span of this rewatch i also started my next gen fic and this very blog.

here prue takes the lead because i feel like i have to pay penance for all those years of hating her. her only crime was being a bitch (read: in charge, content on her own, protective of her sisters from shitty men, a breadwinner, following her dreams), and in a man’s world (fuck you brad kern) that is very much punishable by death. in my essay i did a lot more research than i previously had into the behind the scenes drama in charmed and quite frankly i do think the shannen/alyssa drama was a smear campaign to distract from the uprooting of the shows core value in favor of a more flashy “youth-driven” dynamic. since i’m now like an adult who has to like buy my own groceries and shit (perishable good perish too fast and i hate it!!), i definitely respect her anal retentive ways that i hated so much as a kid. she’s willing the carry the weight that not many others can handle, and while i don’t remotely relate, i respect her a lot.

phoebe fell to dead last in the most recent rewatch because (seasons 4 - 8) she felt such like a character written by men that i really ending up hating a lot of her decisions. season seven in my opinion was her worst, the whole baby mania she was under felt like such a plot contrived by men. like, phoebe was twenty nine and so consumed by her biological clock running out that she brewed potions to force premonitions to have some future child i hated it. the carefree, loving, inspirational, heartwarming phoebe that i remembered inspiring me so much just became a caricature of how sexist men imagine women to be. our tiny little female brains can’t even process the idea of not having children before you’re 30 we simply shut down and forget every lesson we’ve ever learned so we can pop a baby out. and i hate “the bare witch project” she rides a horse naked and ends sexism like we know the writers just wanted alyssa milano naked. the more i watch phoebe’s character the more she feels like and insult than the feminist that inspired me when i was younger.

oof well that was a lot hope i answered your question!!!

[suicunesrider]

Hey everyone, remember that stupid “Is Rey a Mary Sue” debate?

So.... I’ve made it perfectly clear before that it doesn’t matter to me how and why a character HAS their "powers" or "skills" in the first place, or seeing some big “justification” for why they’re so good at something.... because what matters is what they use their powers FOR, and WHY. What their motivations are. How they feel about things. What actually makes an interesting character is motivation. But it can be hard to focus on these motivations when you’ve been peer-pressured into caring more about silly training montages and justification for every bit of skill and ability a character has.

But on the other hand...... I’ve seen some hilariously bad arguments for why Rey from Star Wars is “overpowered” or “figured something out too quickly”, etc etc. And though it may seem hypocritical for me to dwell on them, given my statement that these things don’t actually matter.... they’re such hysterical misinterpretations of what actually happens in these films, that I can’t help but tackle these little “arguments” in a text post, complete with rebuttals and explanations for why they’re bullshit.

So without further adieu, here it is:

THE most hilarious “Rey is a Mary Sue” arguments from around the internet!

Part 1:  “Rey’s too good at piloting things and knowing how things work!!!!”

Let’s start with her skills at flying, and related mechanical skills. This one’s particularly obvious. On Jakku, she literally spent all of her downtime flying a flight simulator to the point that it could no longer throw ANYTHING at her she couldn’t handle. Anything. For all kinds of ships. As for scavenging? She didn’t solely root around star destroyers. She spent her entire life scavenging every imaginable wreck on Jakku, and her survival depended on her learning what ships had what parts and what was valuable.

This, while competing with other scavengers, most of them working in teams. Which meant she had to learn how to fight as well, (and figure out how to make a weapon out of almost anything!) or else she wouldn’t have gotten out of childhood. But we’ll elaborate more on that further down.

Now let’s look back on the fact that Rey spends the majority of her life ripping apart abandoned Imperial ships for their most valuable parts in order to eat. Basically: she spends years training herself in the complex mechanics and layouts of the Imperial fleet (whose designs and ships are, obviously, used by the First Order), and therefore, Correllian ship-making (as they’re some of the galaxy’s most prolific ship-builders, Imperial ships were of Correllian design).  Her knowing the Millennium Falcon (A correlian design!) and being able to maneuver around the First Order base is not at all surprising: she’s being rooting around similar ships for years.

That’s not even mentioning her dialogue on how the Millennium Falcon got to the junkyards of Jakku and her disagreement with the modifications made onboard–it indicates that 1) she’s been in the ship before, probably more than once 2) she’s more than familiar with its history, to the point that she’s probably been used in official capacities to examine/work on the ship 3) though slightly on the outs with the proprietor/buyer in the junkyards, she was clearly trained by a group of people who stole the Millennium Falcon.

Her technical skills, knowledge of ships, circuits, and all that shit is plausible. She’s spent most of her life training in it.

People complaining that she can fix the Falcon better than Han? Dude, the Falcon was modified by Unkar Plutt after it was stolen and Rey knows how to work around the modifications so the ship works like Han expects it should. Also, Han is hardly an expert. Go watch the Empire Strikes Back before claiming Han can fix his ship. R2-D2 fixes the hyperdrive in that movie, not Han.

Basically, Rey had way more in-canon reasoning to be as good as she was than Luke Skywalker did–who basically went from never flying much out of atmo to piloting an X-wing under combat conditions and rocking it… apparently just because of genetics and the Force. Who then went on, only half-trained, into a fight that even YODA thought he was going to die in, and survived, against a man literally birthed by the Force, trained as both a Jedi AND a Sith, with about 25 years of combat experience under his belt, whereas Luke had had a lightsaber for about 3 years. What a Mary Sue he was, huh?

Rey had more reason to be what she was than Anakin Skywalker, who accidentally wound up in a fighter and accidentally destroyed a droid ship. Anakin who was such a Mary Sue he was LITERALLY A VIRGIN BIRTH. How Mary Sue is THAT?

Anyway, a “”Mary Sue’’ would not have dragged the Falcon through the sand and destroyed the entrance to the junkyard when she tried taking off. Who did that? Oh yeah, Rey.

Part 2. “She can use to force too well!!!!”

With a single exception, all of Rey’s extraordinary feats are stuff we explicitly see folks with no Force training do in the original trilogy.

Pulling a lightsaber to her hand? Luke did it before he ever met Yoda. Granted, Luke had a visibly harder time of it, but as he was concussed and suffering from mild hypothermia at the time, he jolly well should have.

Firing ranged weapons with uncanny accuracy? Luke again, in his famous trench run - and again, he was untrained at the time.

Resisting mental manipulation? Freaking Jabba the Hutt pulled that one off, and not only is he not trained as a Force-user, as far as we know he’s not even Force sensitive.

(Yes, the EU tries to wave that last one away by asserting that all members of Jabba’s species are naturally immune to mind control, but come on - that’s the same EU lore that insists that Rodians are literally a culture of bounty hunters because the single Rodian we see on-screen is a bounty hunter.)

Of course, there is one exception - one feat of Force manipulation that we’ve never seen an untrained wielder pull off before: Jedi mind tricking the First Order storm trooper. You know, a brainwashed child soldier conditioned nearly from birth to display reflexive and unthinking obedience to authority - the writers could scarcely have given her an easier target.

In sum, the stunts Rey pulls off are entirely within the demonstrable capabilities of an untrained Force user. Jeez, guys. It’s like you jokers have never seen the original films!

Part 3: “what about her crazy fighting ability!!! and her fight with Kylo Ren!!!”

Remember her staff? The first time we see Rey, she’s got that staff slung across her back. When Finn arrives at the scavenger’s camp, sees two thugs about to abduct BB-8 and attacking Rey, he rushes to help. Before he can get there, Rey takes out both men with her staff. When they leave Jakku, she takes it with her. When she has a choice, she always brings that staff–even if she has a blaster. It’s an extension of herself, and a strange sort of security blanket. My guess is that she’s had to use it a lot on Jakku, as a girl, alone. But my primary point is this: her decently handling a lightsaber is not quite unexpected. She’s already had her own version of combat training with that staff.

This could even tie in with her duel with Kylo Ren, and how it’s a plausible comparison, given that she’s spent years with that staff as her only weapon, and clearly used it often. While not exactly the same thing as a saber, there are similar principles, similar forms, and plenty of real life experience.

Also combine the last two subjects. Rey has spent years hauling herself up the interiors of crashed ships, ripping out their parts, and lugging them around. The girl’s probably ripped.

But more importantly….

Kylo Ren?

Not a Sith. Not even fully trained. Also: Injured by a bowcaster that we’d seen could take out several stormtroopers at a time. Not only that, but he wasn’t actually trying to kill her. Seriously, did you not think about the fact that he was trying to turn her over to his side? Fighting is one thing when you can aim to kill and get it over with. Defending yourself from your opponent, but holding back just enough, can’t be easy when you’re injured as fuck and trying to think of the right words for your little speech at the same time.

And comparing Rey and Kylo even further:

Jakku. Rey’s spent years there, living alone, with a discipline and work ethic like no nineteen-year-old normally has. There’s been nobody, really, to defend her and care for her. She’s had to do it all on her own, and had to grow up well before she reached adulthood–otherwise she would’ve starved to death.

Compare that with Kylo Ren: a boy who grew up privileged, the son of two generals, and technically royalty. Compare Rey’s attitude, ethic, and level-headedness with Kylo Ren’s temper tantrums, wild mood swings, and inability to follow through. Yes, he’s had some years of official training in the ways of the force, but he’s wildly undisciplined. He can’t focus. He has power, sure, but he’s not so great at controlling it. Think about Vader, Dooku, and Palpatine: they were shitbags, but they were shitbags who could focus and exercise a modicum of control over themselves. Kylo Ren’s greatest fear isn’t far-fetched at all: so far, he’s being a terrible excuse for a “Sith Lord.”

Coming face to face with Rey–disciplined, hard-working, smart, focused, devoted, driven Rey, ready to defend Finn, coming from a background that demanded so much more–only exposes that to even greater degree. His mental state is in shambles, compared to hers.

Rey being able to face off against Kylo Ren is plausible not simply because of her previous actions, but also because the life she’s lived has made her more disciplined and focused.

Part 4 / fuck it, this is all coming together in the end so who cares what part it is:

Now going back to all that force stuff!

Luke’s awakening in the force began with Ben teaching and coaching him, around age 18. The force began calling to Rey much earlier. And no, I’m not talking about her vision in the basement. When Kylo Ren probes Rey’s mind, he says that at night she imagines an ocean, and an island. ALL RIGHT FOLKS, WHERE DID WE FIND LUKE AT THE END? THAT’S RIGHT. AN ISLAND IN THE MIDDLE OF AN OCEAN. Coincidence? I think not.

Some people are also assuming that when Rey says, “I just knew how to do it, somehow,” in reference to certain gut-instinct aerial moves in the Falcon, it was the force sharpening her perceptions and helping her. It makes sense–if the force has been influencing her dreams and imagination for years, it’s probably been waiting for any moment it could bleed through more actively into her life. The force has been waiting for a long time, and it’s no friggin coincidence that Maz Kanata has Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber and that’s where Han Solo takes them.

After the vision in the basement, Maz Kanata is able to give Rey a brief moment of instruction–that Obi-Wan “shit’s about to go down get ready kid” kind of moment. Rey rejects it at first, freaked out, most likely because of y’know, reliving the most painful moment of her life and seeing a field littered with dead bodies as Mr. Scary Mask stands above her, but it’s ultimately what saves her. She’s spent her entire life blocking out the call of the outside world–force included. Letting go of what she was ushers in everything she’s been holding back. Considering that the Jedi Order, in its heyday, used to begin training force-sensitive individuals when they were children, it’s not crazy to assume that this has been building since she was a child, and has been fairly repressed and blocked since being placed on Jakku.

Now, let’s skip on back to Kylo Ren’s interrogation. Luke never had this moment. He never had a Jedi or Sith do an intrusive mind probe. What the hell kind of affect must that have on a force sensitive person, who’s had these abilities, never truly explored them, but reacts on instinct? I feel like it’s the equivalent of taking a can of soda, and shaking it until it explodes.

In the woods, as they duel, Kylo inadvertently reminds her of what wise-as-shit Maz Kanata said: let it in. She intentionally drops the barriers. Not simply to escape. Not as a small thing. Rey focuses on the force as a guide, and not a trick, and HEY HEY SHIT HAPPENS. And the aforementioned “shit” is not just the force, but the force building off of everything she’s ever gone through.

Rey’s force abilities are not just suddenly there; they’re awakened. Forcibly.(Pun!) and HENCE THE TITLE OF THE MOVIE! It’s plausible. Maybe, hey, more plausible than Luke making that one-in-a-million shot? He practiced shooting womp rats in Beggar’s Canyon, and it was the force, added on to that experience, that helped him “destroy” the Death Star in A New Hope.

Rey’s life has been much more difficult than Luke’s thus far. She hasn’t even had the leisure of avoiding a direction confrontation with a dark-side-fuelled bad guy: she was thrust into a force-ridden fight a helluva lot quicker. Who knows what Luke would’ve done in her shoes, had he had to go through the same things she did.

One thing is for certain, though.

The creators, in short, HAD TO GIVE REASONS for every single thing Rey knew how to do, because of the inevitability of people taking any special skill she had as proof that she was a “Mary Sue” just because she was a female character. None of the writers bothered to assign so many justifications for Luke or Anakin’s skills. Because they didn’t have to. They’re the hero. OF COURSE they can do the impossible. But Rey?

Jesus, what a Mary Sue.

This is what I mean when I talk about subconscious biases. Many don’t feel the need to scrutinize Luke’s or Anakin’s success. Or Superman’s. Or Batman’s. But for fictional heroines, they have to jump through loops. EVEN with an extensive background that makes her prowess feasible, she’s deemed not good enough a character because of being “too good.” (Jesus Christ, first Korra from The Legend of Korra isn’t perfect enough and has “too many” flaws, now Rey is “too perfect” and has “not enough” flaws… I’m getting whiplash, people.)

And these harsh standards are rarely applied to males. Are the people who complain about Mary sues openly misogynistic? Do they do this because they want to be sexist? No, probably not. They probably don’t consider themselves sexist. If you asked, they’d deny that they subject women to higher standards than men for half the credit. Yet we still do it! This is what we call a subconscious bias. You don’t need to know it is affecting you for it to affect you. Self-reflection is healthy.

And another conclusion to all this? The phrase “Mary Sue”…. just can’t be taken seriously. Not anymore, at least. It’s hardly EVER used in a way that can be considered valid critique of a piece of writing. It’s gotten so bad, that whenever someone uses it, it becomes much harder for me to believe said person knows how to engage in legitimate critical reading of a piece of writing, let alone achieve a professional or academic viewpoint.

And it will continue to lower the credibility of people who use it, until this stops.

.....So there it is. All of this, and people really think it’d be worth it to spend time on her training in The Last Jedi? I’m actually starting to say “thank god they didn’t”.

The worst case scenario for Star Wars would’ve been if the filmmakers themselves gave into the pressure to justify every insignificant damn thing, and wasted their time with these less important details. Especially when it did nothing to stop angry mobs on the internet from forming “mary sue” accusations in the first film. Luckily, they didn’t.

So in the end, I guess this became more of an “everything Rey did in The Force Awakens was perfectly plausible” essay, because the dumbest accusations against her character happen to be people raging at TFA. (Oh, don’t worry-- there’s stupid accusations against TLJ as well..... but you should honestly just watch this video for that. 

[eldritchsurveys]

329.

What is the most physically painful thing you have ever experienced? >> I assume it’s cramps because that’s the only painful experience I’ve had often enough to have a solid, semi-accurate memory of. Maybe, say, cutting my face (or getting my face stitched up) hurt a fuckton, but while I have a vague memory of it happening, I have no memory of the way it all actually felt. So it is for every possibly-painful event I can still recall... except for cramps.

What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you? >> *shrug*

What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? >> In person? I don’t know, probably something in the mountains in Colorado. Or maybe in upstate New York.

How old were you the first time you encountered God? >> I have never encountered the God you speak of, but the first time I encountered a god I was in my mid-to-late 20s somewhere.

Do you believe in miracles? >> Not really. I believe that strange things happen, but the only reason we think they’re so strange is because they go against our admittedly-flawed predictive models of how the world works.

What is your favorite color? >> Gold.

List three attributes you inherited from your mom. >> ---

Have you ever given your life to Christ? >> I tried. He didn’t take it. Which is good, because it actually doesn’t belong to him anyway, no matter what a bunch of puffed-up holy rollers try to tell me.

What is the best thing that's ever happened to you? >> *shrug*

Have you ever given birth to a child? >> Gods, no.

What are your dreams? >> I don’t have any dreams.

Are you living your dream? >> I’m living something better, a whole-ass real life.

What are three things you have been a victim of? >> *shrug*

What is your passion? >> I don’t have any passions, I don’t think.

When was the last time you truly felt alive? >> I don’t know how else I would feel??? What’s the alternative?

How many siblings do you have? >> ---

Are you married? >> Not currently.

Are you dating someone? If not, do you wish you were dating someone? >> I’m not dating anyone and I have no desire to be dating.

What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? >> Theme? The theme is just... ravens and death and... absinthe? The theme is New Orleans in general, because that’s where it’s being held. Also, Wednesday. He’s a theme too.

Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? >> It’s going to be outdoors.

What do you want to name your kids if you have a girl and a boy? >> ---

Do you like to read? >> Sure.

What are your top three favorite books? >> The Fountainhead, The Phantom Tollbooth, idk what’s third.

What are three of your favorite scents? >> Peppermint/menthol is the only one I can remember off the top of my head.

Is your birthday in your favorite season? >> Yeah.

What kind of car do you drive? If you don't drive, do you want to a car? >> I am only a Driver inworld. I never learned how to drive outworld and it really doesn’t bother me (although I’d like to do it for fun a few times).

Where do you live (state or country)? >> Michigan, United States.

What states (or countries) have you lived in? >> NJ, NY, CO, NC, MI.

What is your name (first and middle)? >> Mordred Shadow.

Does your first crush know you liked them? >> ---

What is your favorite type of seafood? >> ALL OF IT

Do you wish on stars? >> No.

Have you ever wished on the moon? >> No.

What color was your first phone? >> Grey, I think. Probably.

When is your birthday? >> 28 May.

What is your favorite season? >> Spring.

Who was your first roommate? >> IDK

Are you happier now than you were 10 years ago? >> Overall, probably. But I can’t really say because I don’t truly remember how I felt about my life ten years ago. I just know I’m happy now.

Are you happier now than you were 5 years ago? If not, why not? If yes, why? >> See above.

Do you live in your dream house? >> I don’t have a dream house. Also, I live in an apartment.

What hurts your heart? >> Stuff.

What are three of your favorite colors to wear? >> Black, grey, olive.

What color are your eyes? >> Dark brown.

What are your top three favorite colors? >> Gold, purple, green.

Who was the last person who said something that warmed your heart? >> I’m not sure what that feeling is. I mean, I’m not saying I’ve never felt it, it’s just that if I did, I didn’t recognise it as “my heart being warmed”, I don’t use that kind of wording.

Who was the last person who hurt you? >> Someone who didn’t deserve that power, so it’s really me that hurt myself in that case. I shouldn’t have put myself in the position to be hurt by someone who wasn’t providing any real tangible benefit to my life, no matter how I thought I felt.

What are you allergic to? >> Nothing.

Do you have neat handwriting? >> Sometimes. I used to have very neat handwriting when I did more actual writing, instead of doing everything digitally like I do now.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? >> ---

What are three things you hope will be different about your life in 5 years? >> That’s not something I think about.

Do you want kids? >> Not particularly.

What is your dream job? >> ---

Are you working your dream job now? >> ---

What was your first job? Did you like it? >> Food service and hell no.

What other jobs have you had? >> I was a merch boy for local bands for a while. Only job I’ve had as an adult, but god, it was the best.

What is something people may not know about you? >> There’s probably a lot of things people don’t know about me, but I don’t feel like trying to think of something now.

Have you been bullied? >> Yeah.

Do you get bullied a lot? >> Currently? I don’t get bullied at all. I doubt I’m even capable of being bullied at this stage, because I can just leave a place now. Adulthood is underrated for that point alone: I can just fucking walk out of a place if I’m being mistreated. Couldn’t do that in, say, school as a minor.

What would you say to someone who is being bullied? >> I wouldn’t say anything to them. Not about that, anyway.

What is your favorite magazine? >> New Scientist is kind of cool. IDK.

Do you feel like you are making the most of this season? >> Sure.

What season are you in now? >> Summer.

Do you take selfies? >> Not anymore. I know what I look like. (I might take some on special occasions, if I’m wearing something I don’t usually wear, or something like that. But otherwise, there’s no real point.)

What kind of phone do you have? >> Moto g6 or something.

Do you like your computer? >> Sure.

What is your favorite dog breed? >> Pit bull.

Do people respect you? >> I mean, yes? Not everyone, obviously, but in general I am usually treated respectfully.

What do you wish people knew about you? >> ---

What health issues do you have? >> ---

What is one thing you hate? >> ---

What is one thing you miss? >> ---

Who is one person you miss (or two or three)? >> ---

Who do you wish you could just start over with? >> No one.

Who is pregnant right now? >> Someone, I’m sure.

Who do you wish you could spend more time with? >> ---

Who do you wish you could talk to right now? >> ---

Share something deep and personal--a secret or a wish. >> No?

What does your heart long for? >> Sigh.

Do you still cross paths with your first crush ever? >> ---

What is your favorite Bible verse, and why? >> I don’t have a favourite.

What has God been teaching you lately? >> I don’t know if Wednesday (or Sunday) is trying to teach me anything right now. I think they’re just chillin’.

Do you beat yourself up a lot? >> I try not to, but I don’t always succeed. It’s a hard habit to break, considering I learned it at such an early age and didn’t start trying to break it until recently.

Do you call yourself stupid? >> Sometimes, but like I said, I’m trying not to.

Do you have a secret nobody knows? >> Not, like, intentionally.

Who are some of the most selfish people you have ever met? >> Oh, I don’t know. Most people are some form of selfish, and I expect that. It doesn’t bother me, and I don’t really know why it bothers anyone else. We’re all the same way.

Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? >> Maybe, I don’t know.

Is there anyone you want back in your life? >> No.

What color was the house you grew up in? >> I don’t remember. Beige, maybe.

What was your favorite class in high school? >> ---

Where did you go to college? What was your major? What was your minor? >> ---

What do your parents do for a living? >> ---

What was the name of the first pet that you loved? >> ---

Are you double-jointed? >> No.

What's one secret talent that you have? >> I have no secret talents. Surveys need to stop asking about “secret” this and “secret” that, it defeats the meaning of the word “secret” if I’m just going to go blabbing about it on tumblr.

What's the best compliment you've ever received? >> I don’t know.

Do you receive more insults or compliments? >> I guess compliments. I rarely get insulted to my face.

Do you feel like social media enhances your life or takes away from it? >> It was subtracting from it, which is why the only social media I have now is tumblr, which I genuinely enjoy being on.

Do you meditate? >> No.

Do you meditate on Scripture? >> No.

Do you pray? >> No.

Does God speak to you? >> Some gods do.

Have you ever seen a spirit/ghost/shadowy figure, etc.? >> Yeah.

Have you ever hallucinated? >> Yeah.

How much do you weigh? >> 146lb at last count.

How tall are you? >> 5′4″ or 5′5″ or some shit.

Are you happy with your weight right now? >> Eh. I’m trying not to have any feelings about it at all. It’s all arbitrary bullshit.

Who are your celebrity look alikes? >> I don’t know, but I’ve been compared to both Grace Jones and Harold Perrineau.

If you had a twin, what would he or she be named? >> How would I know? It wouldn’t be my responsibility to name them.

Do you pray regularly? >> No.

What color is your keyboard? >> Black.

Do you use your phone for an alarm? >> Yeah, on the rare occasion that I have to.

What was your favorite childhood family vacation? >> ---

What states have you been to (that you remember)? >> Meh.

What countries have you been to (that you remember)? >> None.

What are some places you would like to visit? >> All of them.

Do you like to make lists? >> I used to, when I was a kid. I mean, it’s still fun now, but less so.

What are you going to be for Halloween this year? >> Probably nothing special.

Do you have any weird habits? >> I don’t know, do I?

Are you a daydreamer? >> No.

What is your personality type? >> ...???

Would you rather be able to fly or swim underwater? >> Swim underwater, since I can’t swim period.

What superpower do you want the most? >> Meh.

What would you ask a genie for, if you had three wishes? >> I wouldn’t. I’ve read and seen enough horror stories about wishmaking to know better.

What is your favorite quote? >> I don’t have one.

Do you think it's ok to call yourself stupid? >> Of course not, otherwise I wouldn’t be actively trying to undo the habit.

Have you ever thought someone was ugly, but never said it? >> Yeah. Why would I say it, that’s just rude.

Do you like your natural hair color? >> Sure.

What is your natural hair color? >> Dark brown.

What is your favorite Disney princess? >> Moana. ...She counts, right?

Do you have a best friend you can tell your secrets to? >> ---

Does your life seem magical? >> Sometimes.

[the-vinedresser]

Good days and bad days; concept: Cody. LOL jk these are photos taken from my family group chat. Cody got a haircut today and was traumatized by bigger dogs? Not sure, that’s what my mom told me. Although he does seem more on edge than usual.

1. Today was a bad day. It was raining all day. Usually it doesn’t bother me, but I do notice that anytime I’m working on a rainy day, my body shuts off. I almost turn lethargic, and I’m hardly exaggerating. The fatigue is insane to the point where my eyesight sometimes gets blurred. I drink all the coffee but I still end up not being able to function, no matter how much I have to do or how much sleep I’ve gotten. But this whole season (do I really even want to call it that anymore?) has basically been me on edge of a breakdown and trying to hold it in all day and not fall into the deep end when I’m out doing obligatory things like school, work, errands, etc. But the rain, along with working with my mom, something about it all just triggered depression again and I couldn’t do anything. I was paralyzed and just wanted to cry.

2. In a way, I thought it was almost cool how connected I am to nature, but for the most part it just sucks because society doesn’t glorify stuff like that. They just like people who don’t feel as much and get the job done. I know that someday I’ll also give in and reach that point but I’m trying to delay it as much as possible.

3. Last year was interesting in part because I found myself trying to resist adulthood responsibilities as much as possible. While my friend was graduating early and asking me about my interviews for internships and all this stuff, I was fighting to keep my childlike and laid back attitude but I felt like shrewdness and worry just kept getting pushed onto me and force fed to me. I don’t want to wear loafers and be on edge all the time and become jealous of young people who don’t have any idea what’s coming to them. I mean, that was me less than a year ago.

4. I shut down and sat at my desk just thinking about how enormous life is (again) and how people are so selfish and hypocritical and how I would love to have a zombie apocalypse come in. I told my friend that and I realized then that I would actually be in the most in my element of a zombie apocalypse occurred because of anxiety. I told her that I definitely don’t want to die, but I also would not mind having a terminal disease.

5. I was angry at my mom because I felt forced into doing this job because she kept begging me to and my dad said I should help out my mom. All good intentions and that’s what I went into it with. But I started growing bitter because I feel like she has selective hearing and never truly hears what I’m saying. Is this a universal mom/parent problem? Why do I feel like it is? I’ll say something like hey mom, I really want to see a psychiatrist to get medication because I’m really struggling. I thought it out and I’ve tried a lot of things, but this is the step I want to take. However, I’m really scared to make an appointment. Can you help me out? This went on for a really long time. I had to keep reminding her which is fine because she’s busy, but she didn’t seem to have any problem calling massage parlors to see if they have any appointments available multiple times. That made me pretty angry. Because it’s honestly enough to feel like I’m going crazy and I’m making all this shit up and doing this to myself, let alone not getting help on something I made really clear. At work I kept telling her I feel really nauseous and I’m losing feeling in my hands and feet. I think I’m going to throw up. But she kept teaching me how to do this complicated work thing and I have no idea what’s going on and I’m only working there for three more days so why would she even teach me this when there’s someone who already knows how to do it really well? Also, why does it take crying and throwing a shit fit to get people to actually hear you out? Like why does it have to get to that point? Can’t people just listen when you say something to them is it really that hard I don’t understand

6. So I went home early. This is great, nobody knows enough about mental illness and it’s also on me too because I don’t know how to communicate my needs either. I just know someone is going to need help in the future with some sort of mental cloudiness and struggles and I’m going to tell them it’s ok to seek help and I highly recommend it and they’re going to immediately retract in repulsion because all society ever told them was that therapy was for crazies. I hate this. I know because I did the exact same thing instead of listening to the 4 people who told me it’s ok to seek help.

7. I don’t know why I don’t think of myself and why I constantly stretch myself too much and let myself be taken advantage of, even by my own mother. I used to think of it as sacrifices you take to make a relationship grow and to make other people happy, but now it just seems like people expect me to act this way to them all the time. You like going to the mall and that’s how you relieve stress? Ok, I’ll go spend the day with you at the mall even though I get really tired but I try not to show it too much because you’re energetic and you’re having a fun time. Why am I always thinking about ways to make my mother happy and feel like it’s my duty to put her needs before mine? She always brings up her childhood and then I just feel bad for her.

8. The weird thing is I would never like or hang out with or look up to people like my parents, if I just objectively look at them as people and not my parents. My mom is the neurotic boss who won’t leave me alone, is entirely insensitive to the nuance of feeling in other people, and makes it clear to everyone that’s she’s sad when we don’t do things as she expected, like going to the mall. My dad is the boss that makes sexist and racist jokes and pretends he knows everything by making vague, cryptic statements in a loud voice. But I can’t bash them, they’re great parents and good people and they have me a good childhood that could’ve been significantly worse. I just wish I could look up to them more as mentors because it was easier that way, but our interests and the way we deal with problems can’t be more different.

9. I’m not sure why, but another thing that really annoys me is how everyone I know seems to use my education at NYU as a thing for them. Like, oh I know someone who goes to this top-ish college like honestly I feel like nobody should care, especially because I personally don’t, but everyone does for some reason. Like does that grant me the access to be prideful and feel like I’m better than you just because I went to a college? Every time we meet a group of people, nobody else ever says anything more than their name or talk about what college they go to but somehow someone else always has to mention it. Like my dad was like oh she’ll get the job for sure, I mean, she went to NYU. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN. ARE WE REALLY ATTACHING VALUE JUST TO A NAME OF AN INSTITUTION. Like we’re all depressed and in debt I’m glad you like using the institution of college, a place that brutally preps people for nauseating adulthood and crushes people’s dreams, as a way to boost yourself up that’s great. Let’s encourage more people to hate their lives and work under insane amounts of pressure it’s great.

10. People are so stupid I can’t deal with the lack of knowing and disregard for other human life that is happening. Do you think videos about glitter on instagram are going to make your lives meaningful? THAT’S GREAT GOOD FOR YOU I am honestly so jealous, I’m not even kidding. People suck so much which was why being a Christian was so frustrating at times because they’re so exclusionary. They say, no gay marriage no this, no that but the Bible also says to be compassionate and giving, and they all of a sudden become so shy when it comes to outreach and showing grace to other people. I guess my perspective is just different because I don’t have those deep relationships where I can tell people anything on my mind and vent to, I’m too busy trying to just help other people who I barely know WHY DO I DO THIS

11. Life sucks and nowadays I’m drawn to topics about death, sex and drugs. Just stupid counterculture things because I feel like they hold more truth amongst whatever the fuck people are doing these days? My teenage angst seems to have delayed about 5 years it’s great. I mean, the later the better for this kind of stuff so in a way I’m thankful I guess. I just don’t believe in humanity or anyone anymore I hope we all die in some kind of natural disaster to be completely honest. Like I heard people all the time saying that politicians suck and the world is corrupt but it isn’t until now that I truly understand what they mean. Capitalism literally drives everything. This is why I would rather kill myself than go to most things that are business related. I refuse to be part of the problem just so I could live a quaint life, not unless I had my future children in mind or something more altruistic like that. Other than that, it’s terrible and takes advantage of the most vulnerable people. Our president is a narcissist. I want to just live on an island for a little while and do something like make surfboards or something this is bullshit