#tbh the only one im happy with is Carlisle

[via-l0ve]

Dating Carlisle Cullen HCs!

a/n: was the requested? absolutely not. am i a slut for daddy cullen? abso-fuckin-lutley

warnings: fluff, smut, swearing, im lowkey an edward hater in this i’m sorry, smut is fem!reader based!! dating daddy carlisle

- when you guys hang out at night /alone he’s all over you

- he holds you, lays on your chest, plays with your hair while you sit inbetween his legs SHSSUWHEISN

- he plays with your fingers while you guys are around other people and he gets a little nervous

- like if your hanging out with friends he’ll play with your fingers and hands, twist around your bracelets and rings

- i love him he’s so soft

- he desperately tries to stop you from popping pimples and blackheads

- “y/n sTOP”

- sometimes you’ll laugh at stuff he says bc it sounds so old fashioned

- he attempts to make you food and most of the time it’s amazing but usually when you two cook it almost always ends up burnt or undercooked or missing an ingredient

- bc he gets distracted by your stupid jokes that sometimes result in a food fight

- carlisle would do anything for you

- literally one time you brought up wanting to go to disneyland because they do a mardi gras parade and he almost bought plane tickets right then and there

- “what’re you doing?”

- “buying plane tickets.”

- “what??? STOP-“

- he loves how you hate when he spends money on you

- it makes him want to do it more

- you both have multiple matching things

- bracelets, rings, necklaces, etc

- he bought you this EXPENSIVE bracelet once and you almost passed out on the spot

- it has your and carlisle’s initials engraved into it and it’s your favorite color

- he lets you paint his nails frequently

- he loves when you do little designs on them too

- he loves being the person you feel comfortable ranting to

- it breaks his heart when he opens his door and sees you with puffy eyes and a red nose, tears reminiscent on your face

- he lets you in and picks you up, speeding you to his bedroom

- he grabs you a big t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and tells you to shower or change before talking about it

- and then after that he does whatever you want

- sometimes he’ll comb your hair while you rant to him, or make you some tea on the kitchen island while you talk to him about what happened

- he’d totally sit you on the counter and cut up + feed you fruit and clean the juice from your chin. im sobbing

- 100% takes care of your stuffed animals

- he would love how you bond with his “kids”

- you and emmett would totally play horror games together

- emmett and you are this clip:

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxJdszrIKDCtmfnyVLdhVwf2sGqLcJ6NBU

- honestly either of you could be rhett/link and it would still make sense

- you lowkey make fun of edward ngl

- i feel like he plays games with you and emmett too and he sucks ass

- carlisle looses his shit when he hears you make a gooddamn good roast of him and you can hear him laughing from upstairs

- alice constantly tries to buy you clothes she thinks not only you, but also carlisle would like

- Rosalie would confide in you a lot

- tbh it took her a hot minute to warm up to you but when she saw how happy carlisle was with you she gave you a chance

- jasper loves you tbh

- he games w/ u and emmett and you guys kick ass in rocket league

- sometimes Carlisle will just stare at you for no reason

- you’ll catch him and he won’t break eye contact and you get all flustered and look away

- and proceed to look back to see him still staring

- “what’re you looking at?”

- “just you. :)”

- “okay but why”

- “youre beautiful.”

- “get a room!” ~ emmett

- reminds your to take ur medication

- after meeting your family, he’s always down to babysit with you or go to family reunions or vacations

- if it’s a sunny place he’ll just busy himself with work inside

- always liking ur instagram posts

- he always comments on them too

- just a simple “i love you” or “gorgeous🩷”

——— smut time

- respect and consent king

- wouldn’t dream of hurting you/degrading you ever

- he loves tits. sorry not sorry it’s true

- he’ll play w/ ur nipples and leave hickeys on ur boobs

- fucking looses it when you moan his name

- like, if you do that he’s giving you literally everything he has

- his fav position is missionary or when you ride him but you face him

- specifically if he’s sitting in his office chair and you get ontop of him and-

- makes your legs SHAKE

- he has his hands on your hips while you ride him bc that’s hot

- literally adores your body

- he couldn’t care less of your stomach pokes out or if you have love handles or stretch marks

- he loves you for you

- PRAISE

- this man loves to make you blush and he knows exactly how to do it in bed

- master at giving you head

- literally knows exactly what to do and how you like it done

- fucking dies when you ride his face

- like it’s not a thing that he wants he NEEDS it

- he pays attention to your body movements and how you react to certain things

- he’s the typa guy to get on his knees and eat you out

- tongue around ur clit and fingers inside you pumping in and out and moving around inside to touch your g-spot

[cozy-possum]

The venom burns through some things quicker than others. When you’re born a vampire part of you dies. Pt. 2

Bella turns the water off and is about to call Reneesme to the bath when Edward pulls her back. She blinks at him.“It’s too hot.” She rolls her eyes.“It’s lukewarm at best.”“Bella can you not see the steam?” He glances to the bath and she nods.“It doesn’t feel hot.” Edward nods brow creasing as he tells her to wait. He hands her a raw steak and she holds it shrugging.“What was that for?”“That steak’s been in the deep freeze for months, can you not feel it?” Bella shakes her head and Edward brings her out to the living room having her stand in front of Carlisle. He glances up, watching her holding the now thawing steak.“Temperature then? Not surprising since you spent your human life in different climates. I’d imagine you being a shield has something to do with it as well.” Bella lets Carlisle explain whatever it is he’s talking about, waiting patiently for him to simplify it for her. He finally turns to Bella, it can’t have been more than five minutes but he smiles slightly.“When we become a vampire, the venom takes something from us.”“Our life.” Bella interrupts.“No something else, a price for becoming immortal and powerful. It varies for each of us. But is usually something that as a vampire, we don’t need.”

When Edward wakes Carlisle is surprised to hear him speak in monotone, nervously stumbling over the words as if he had forgotten how to say them. He makes sure Edward has far too many language and grammar books. As the days go on Carlisle is relieved the venom didn’t rob him of his speech, but the flat tone in his voice is worrying in a way Carlisle can’t place. It isn’t till Esme joins, asking Edward about where he grew up that it clicks. Edwards price was painfully obvious now. He can see his son recoil at the thought. Carefully answering Esme’s question and growing upset when he answers in the same flat monotone as he has been for the past years. When Rose and Emmett join it brings the frustration to the front of Edwards mind again, his voice almost scratchy from overuse, edging just on the side of husky, a byproduct of the venom constructing the lure from his voice for the predator façade they have. When Alice and Jasper arrive the anger is calmed, if only by Jasper’s gift. Edward still seethes, still hisses and goes quiet after certain phrases and sentences.

Bella questions it, when it happens after she wakes post transformation. She mumbles embarrassed how his voice had always sounded like music now sounds flat and strained. She worries Carlisle can tell which is why he pulls her aside. Explaining what she already knows. Edward is from Chicago. She laughs joking about him losing his accent after years of moving. Carlisle shakes his head as Edward scowls his voice a flat monotone as usual.

Emmett stands gripping the map the teacher had given him, the highlighted pathways she had drawn on it all merge together and he grips Rose’s hand as she leads him to their only shared class. They finish English and Emmett tries to calm the anxiety bubbling in his chest, he has no one in his next class and any classes they have are on the opposite side to where he needs to go. Rosalie watches him, before casually starting to walk with him. She kisses him at the door, wishing him a good rest of the day.

As Emmett settles into math he frowns, thinking about how when Rosalie’s classes have always been on the opposite side of the schools she still manages to make it to her classes on time. He hopes she hasn’t gotten caught running or using her vampire speed.

“Rosalie, we got another call from the school, if you’re late for anymore classes you’ll have to go to detention again.” Rosalie frowns as Carlisle scolds her.

“Detention?” Emmett turns looking worried to Rose.

“It’s nothing.” She smiles shaking her head. Carlisle watches eyes narrowed.

“You’ve been getting in trouble for walking me to class?” Emmett states.

“Jasper says you panic when you have to try to get to class alone, plus the first few times we had classes apart it took you ten minutes to find your class and that was after the teacher walked you to it. Also when it comes to following directions you’re not the best babe.” She shrugs a little and Emmett nods. Carlisle smiles.

“Well it seems a good sense of direction was your price.”

“Hah, yeah, I bet if I have know which way to go in the forest I wouldn’t’ve met any of y’all.”

Jasper knows he’s kept the lie up too long. He knows it will unravel soon enough. He sighs tucking his hands in his pockets and refusing to meet everyone’s eyes. He’d made the joke that eyes were the windows to the soul, and he got more than enough of the soul with feeling everyone’s emotions. No one questions his refusal to look at them and they allow him to exist in peace and further the lie.

Bella scowls, huffing as her voice pitches up, anger flowing from her like a broken dam.

“Jasper why don’t you ever look at anyone! It’s rude!” She’s worked up, she’s almost a year old, and he knows it’s the last of her newborn ability leaving her, the last big emotional snap before everything quiets into normalcy. Edward and Carlisle hover close to her, knowing what is happening. He can hear her moving, it’s slowed down her excess speed the first to fade. He can feel her hand, jerking his chin up and forcing him to stare at her. He cringes back closing his eyes desperate to erase her gaunt face and dead eyed stare. He covers his nose automatically not breathing in the scent of her blood, avoiding looking at the gash and bloody clothes that hang off her. He shoves her away opening his eyes and gluing them to the floor.

“If you touch me like that again I’ll snap Reneesmee’s arm off.” He deadpans. Everyone bristles shock still heavy in the air. Carlisle stares, eyes narrowing as the shock melts from him. Jasper hates the taste of pity.

“You can tell them.” Jasper growls standing slightly straighter, his posture tense. They can tell he’s prepared to run.

“His price. He’s looked death in the face so many times it’s all he can see.” Bella’s hand falters.

“Jasper, what do you see when you look at me?” Bella looks nervous now, Edward startles whimpering at the visual in Jaspers brain of the version of Bella he sees. He looks to each of them, Edward carefully projecting the images of themselves in their near death state. He does not look at Esme and she frowns.

“Jasper, it’s okay.” Carlisle adds in worried Jasper will feel bad. Jasper nods opening his eyes and choking little as he looks at Esme. She’s dressed in a nightgown, no blood or bruises on her, no bones jutting out, no swelling. Her feet caked in mud and dirt and wood under her fingernails.

“I hate this.” He mumbles to no one as he focuses on the blanket in her arms, her son wrapped carefully in it. He can almost smell the dirt; he can feel the ache in her chest as she curls her son to her. He turns his gaze down and the vision stops. He can still smell it, the faint dirt from Esme, the blood from Bella, the rotting food from Carlisle, the stench of bear from Emmett, beer and blood mixing when Rosalie steps in and the sickly sweet stench of sick as Edward steps closer. He closes his eyes stepping back as he turns and runs into the forest until he can no longer smell the antiseptic that wafts around Alice. He can’t get away from the stench of horse or heat that burns from him.

It surprises Bella when Jasper grips Alice’s wrist the first time. She thinks maybe he missed her hand. But as the day continues she notes he never actually touches her hands. He’ll brush his own against her body, up and down her arms, pulling her into him by her shoulders. Never touching her hands.

She asks Alice, when they’re alone, the only two not out a on a hunt.

“Oh, my price.” She smiles bubbly as always and says no more on the subject.

“I always though Alice’s price was her memories.”

“Ah, but what need does someone who can see the future have for touch.” Edward lounges on the couch reading.

“Touch?” Bella looks up from her book horrified.

“She cannot feel with her hands. They’re completely numb.” Edward shrugs returning to his books for a moment

“She tried to convince us it was just her memories, and we believed her for years, of course she ended up slicing her fingers off one day. Didn’t even notice until Carlisle panicked for her.” Edward laughs at the memory and Bella scowls, careful not to grab Alice by the hand anymore.

Esme and Carlisle rush towards the scream, slamming into the door and watching Rosalie glaring at the floor hands twisting in her hair.

“It won’t work!” She looks up; they know she’d be sobbing if she could. Carlisle approaches her.

“What’s wrong?”

“The mirror is broken.” She points to it and Carlisle looks into the smooth surface, seeing himself standing beside a panicked Rosalie. He watches it, pulling her towards him and notes how she squirms.

“I can see you fine. I’m just blurry.” She scowls and turns away from the mirror. Carlisle sighs.

“We’ve each forgotten something. We’ll never be able to get it back, a sacrifice for becoming.” Carlisle offers a sad smile as he gestures to himself. Rosalie shifts.

“I was trying to do my hair. And I looked up and it was all foggy, I couldn’t see anything.”

“Yourself. You’ve lost the ability to see yourself.” He grimaces as Rose curls onto her bed.

“It doesn’t come back ever?” He shakes his head and nudges Esme.

“May I?” Esme nods carefully sitting next to her holding the brushes and hair curlers rose had thrown against the ground.

“Now curl towards this side or the other?” Carlisle leaves them thankful Esme sits with her.

Esme sighs nervously running her hands over the cookbook. She looks up sheepishly to Carlisle.

“Yes dear?” He responds when he feels her eyes on him.

“Could you read this to me?” Carlisle nods worry creasing his brow as he reads the cooking instructions to the roast Esme was making for the neighbors.

“Thank you dear, for some reason I just couldn’t make sense of it. Maybe not needing to eat has muddled my brain.” She laughs and Carlisle swallows that this is the fifteenth time she asked him to read to her. He kisses her forehead and strokes her hair mumbling confirmation that she should accept what she’s forgotten. She nods eyes downcast.

“Well this makes cooking difficult. Not being able to read the cooking times and such.”

“It’ll be a memory soon enough, you won’t need the cook books.” Esme nods and Carlisle pretends not to see the recipe card in her own handwriting.

Carlisle closes his eyes and sighs nervously as he steps through into the cool marble of the building, he shuffles uncomfortably gliding past the rows and groups of people before settling into seat.

“I have not been in a church since before my father passed.” His voice is quiet, choking on every other word even though his ability to cry is gone.

“I find myself desperate for it, the smell, the memories, the comfort. My family doesn’t understand, none of them have the same upbringing I did.” He sighs twisting his hands against his shirt.

“Forgive me father-“ Carlisle coughs, the words stuck in his throat, his vision blurring and head spinning as he tries to recall what to say next. He knows this feeling and he retreats from the confessional booth rushing outside into the forest gagging and coughing as blood drips down his chin and onto his shirt. He returns home, his family commenting about how messy he is, joking his control does not extend to his ability to eat. He nods agreeing with the joke and vanishes to his study again. Edward finds him an hour later; he knew he waited to make it not suspicious.

Edward settles next to him, gripping his hands in his own and tangling them in the rosary that Carlisle holds onto.

Edwards voice both speaking and the voice he pulses into Carlisle head is soothing, it reminds him of his father before he grew twisted and dark. He lets his thoughts wander to the events of the past years, their moves and hunt, the friends they’ve made. Edward finishes the prayer, quietly untangling his hands and pushing the rosary around Carlisle wrist as he smiles at his father.

“God be with you.” Edward keeps his hand gripped on his shoulder. Carlisle chokes wincing as he spits blood into the trashcan.

“And also with you.” Edward carefully speaks with him, Carlisle smiles in thanks bowing his head as Edward leaves ignoring the thoughts Carlisle knows he can hear. He can hear Edwards voice faintly telling everyone he lost a patient earlier. His sadness and ache at what he lost from his transformation plays into the lie perfectly. Nobody bothers him in his study as he hacks blood into a trash can, desperately try to recite his father’s bible.

Coffee?

[infictionalwonderland]

Can you please write a headcannon of dating the twilight characters you write for ❤️

sure thing love <3

Dating the twilight characters headcanons !

warnings : fluffff, mentions of blood death etc etc, swearing

characters included : jasper, rosalie, emmett, alice, carlisle, edward

Jasper Hale —

i am so in love with this man

he’d be really cautious at first

he doesn’t trust himself at all and with something as precious and fragile as you he was even more anxious at harming you

i feel like he would feel better if he initiated all of your touches when your relationship with him becomes more romantic & intense

pls respect my baby’s boundaries

but when the trust between the two of you strengthens

he’s willing to let you be the one to initiate contact and such things

when this happens.. pda will be a regular occurrence tbh

when he gets used to your touch, he’ll find comfort in it

hand holding :))

head buried into your neck, and you silently cheering him on as he overcomes his blood lust

but that’s just what his love for you does.

it overpowers his desire for blood

‘darlin’

is his nickname for you

& in that accent

*swoons*

overall the cutest couple ngl.

Rosalie Hale —

MY MF WIFE 🙄✋

you’re the only one who she’s just soft with.

that’s a major flex tbh

she loves when you run your hands through her hair, brush her hair, style her hair just anything like that

it’s so soothing for her

she’s so protective of you

arm around your waist at all times and glaring at anyone who looks over to youse

forehead kisses >>>

she’s big spoon 😁

she secretly loves your cuddles and cuddling with you

no matter how much she jokingly complains

loyalty is also a very serious thing for her so if you betray her trust in any kinda way

.. let’s just say she won’t be pleased

you two the typa couple to dance around to absolutely no music

& to run around in the rain

we all know bae wants kids

so.. yh prepare to adopt

bye bye your sanity :)

Emmett Cullen —

underrated hottie

you two are the LIFE of the parties

one of youse is always ‘misbehaving’ as esme says

mama cullen even suggested a naughty step

she’s FED UP W UR SHIT

but like she loves you both, you’re her children, so it’s okay :))))

constant laughter

constant teasing

constant sexual comments

and to outsiders you two have the most confusing dynamic

one second you’ll be having a ‘fight’ and the next you’re literally jumping into his arms and he’s swinging you around happily

he loves to just kiss ALL over your face for no reason over than your laughter, his favourite sound

and you tend to just randomly jump into his arms or onto his back & he has to catch you

sometimes he purposely just lets you fall and laughs at you

what an ass 🙄 I know

Alice Cullen —

ALICE 💗💝💕💖

she’s so giddy and happy and UGH i love her

you’re basically her protector, not that she needs it, you just adore your bubbly fairy-like gf and never wanna see her in harms way

CHEEK KISSES

alice’s fav

can always catch the two of you cuddling wherever

constant adoring gazes

a lot of touching

lot of mushy-ness & soppy shit but it’s okay bc it’s alice

so so many compliments

she picks out your outfits for you sometimes and makes them match/coordinate with her own

best friends & lovers in one

she never fails to impress you

and you never fail to have her in sheer awe of you

cutest gfs

Carlisle Cullen —

okay im a dom

but this man 👀

anyway moving on

sorry sweetheart but you’re now the official mother of unstable dead bitches :)

have fun with that xoxo

i don’t really see a lot of pda with him

cuz idk i don’t think he’s the type

BUT i do however see him as the possessive type .. just me? mkay

he doesn’t really ‘mark’ you like in sexual way, cuz youse like with his kinda kids and they’d never let him live that down

but he does insist you wear his clothing, he’ll sometimes give you jewellery and perhaps even a ring with his initials

im here for it

lot of pet names

‘my love’

‘sweetheart’

‘dove’

‘darling’

WHEW 😩✋

lemme catch my breath

Edward Cullen —

i kinda have mixed ish feelings bout him but let me just proceed with this

lives to tease

idc what youse say

this man IS a tease

hand on thigh

tracing your arms & figure ‘n shit

cheeky fucker just winks and/or grins at you

he likes you reading to him

he’ll have his head in your lap and you can just read to him, it’s peaceful

also outdoor adventures are another thing he likes

now that really ain’t for me, i don’t ever leave my house unless im forced but if that’s what you like then .. so does he 😶

he finds silence peaceful

like you two can be in bed, you’re sleeping on his chest ( if your human ) and he’s just looking down at you so in love, feeling peaceful and happy

in a non creepy way..

let’s hope 😃

[spearxwind]

OOF... i dont even have a theme for the major extinction characters sjlklfdhk. i dont.. i dont have most minor characters planned out even 

I WILL GIVE YOU HOWEVER, a song that’s been inspiring me for certain worldbuilding things (though i cant say much bc idk if itll end up showing in the story at all but you can have it!) 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XciV8HuNQLw  [it’s realm breaker, by mechina]

Oh man, im influenced by a bunch of art and comics but i couldnt pin down specific inspirations for those haha

as for the more broad sense, i also have a bunch of things! significantly, physics and space. it might not look like it but i think a lot about the logistics of things and whatever rules would exist in my universes etc. it does suck sometimes bc it prevents me from doing things just for the hell of it, but i love applying knowledge to things. and space has always been something really close to me, my dad’s an astrophysicist so ive been exposed to all sorts of cool knowledge about it since i was a wee bab 

i also really really love metaphors and symbolism, but rather than take inspiration from things i just use my own personal symbolism x) i put a lot of myself in what i do. which.. i guess could be said for many artists too so its not too special haha

and also as with many other artists, i AM fueled by spite significantly. specifically 1. for the people who once thought or who still think id never be good to do art, or that id never get better at what i do. 2. for people who draw wings wrong (especially professional people? what’s wrong with you. im begging you to look at a bird) 3. for people and companies that make terrible designs with terrible decisions (they fuel me to do better than them) 4. for people who believe that the only way to be good at art and design is to make overly complex and visually charged, detailed designs with many colors/hues (all my ocs are fairly simple and have the most limited colors kffhk) 

im sure there’s a lot more but ive spent a lot of time writing this out already and i cant really think of anything else so i hope this is a good enough answer!! 

god i do NOT have enough knowledge for this but what the fuck was up with the volturi lol. like fuckin, vampire goth club over there did nothing to change over hundreds of years, all of them still stuck in their medieval ways. i remember a plot point that was touched upon was that they had a specific person lure in a bunch of lost tourists through the sewer entrance so that the volturi could drink them and like ?? bro. how is this not investigated at any point, ever. like a shit ton of tourists just disappear ??? all the time?? and no one gives a fuck?? no investigation?? what do they do with the bodies?????

also, they were willing to blast the carlisle family into fucking orbit over Turning A Child (tm) into a vampire, but they had absolutely no qualms about vampire wars/soldiers where a lot of people were irresponsibly turned into neophytes for their strength (like jasper) or people who turned others just for the fuck of it or bc theyd have sickass powers (like benjamin. that was the sole reason for benjamin being turned. bc the dude could feel that benj would have cool powers and he absolutely did... he was a fucking avatar. controller of the elements. and he did absolutely jack shit in the books. im still so mad) 

but yeah anyway the volturi are big hypocrites. got nothing to say about their lifestyle and aesthetic tho bc italians just be like that

his horns and the spikes on his forearms and tail are rly solid and rly pointy so theyre about as dangerous as a solid, pointy big thing can be

the spikes on his neck and back are a lot softer though. theyre flat scales and are probably bendy, but still sturdy. they don’t have edges or anything so you wont be sliced up if you touch them but touching them is probably not too comfortable

alex would probably be a crocodile tbh! it’s one of the things i based his dragon form off of for the latest iteration, and i just think it fits him a lot (also its funny that crocodiles are water creatures but alex has a Big Dislike of water)

also i literally cannot see adri as anything other than a snake sklhfsdk. its what he is!! this is like asking someone’s favorite color but not letting them choose their actual favorite. do you want me to lie? do you want me to say something not true??

Honestly i always loved deer but refused to acknowledge it, especially to myself, and much less thought about having one as a sona bc “prey animals are lame” was rly prevalent in my circles for the longest time. everyone was a dragon or a wolf etc bc they wanted to be cool and so did i but i never vibed with it it took me a rly long time to just accept that i rly liked deer haha and i think what made me decide on it in the end was ‘well i can make a deer more monstery if i wanted to, i have that power’ and so i did  then later i tied the whole ‘wrong deer’ aesthetic to my own personal symbolism of always being picked on by many until i got sick of it and learned to stand up for myself. my sona is something that’s not for people to prey on anymore, and so am i c:

honestly? ive never thought about it. im not too knowledgeable about dnd still so i dont think id be able to do them justice

ive thought about making dnd encounters based off of my ocs thought (like, how their powers would work turn/mechanic wise) but if i ever did i dont think id use them or talk about them :’) 

jkdg gosh thats so sweet thank you sm!! im so happy you enjoy my stuff :’DDDD 

WELL, in no particular order: 

1. several glass bottles 2. bei’s pet golem sierra (they got her back though) 3. a knife or two probably 4. an air conditioning remote 5. do sewer rats count? sewer rats. besides all the other rats i mean 6. homeless man who tried to rob his store at gunpoint 7. the gun  8. drank a bottle of cyanide once 9. a motorcycle (as collateral damage) 10. tbh he will eat any creature he finds while walking around that’s small enough to fit in his mouth and no one can rly stop him

DISGOSTING!!! not even bc of the flavor i rly dont care abt that but bc like... warm pineapple... that’s the real crime 

oh my gosh that’d be an honor tbh!! I’m not sure if i’d be a big help since i might be tied with school stuff at the time, but id definitely love to try!! ty!! 

[finding-the-daylight]

Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out): 

1. There’s a wedding.

2. There’s a honeymoon.

3. There’s swimming in the ocean.

4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.

5. The baby almost kills Bella.

6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.

7. The Volturi evilly laugh. 

Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.

A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.

- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.

- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.

- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.

- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck

- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive

- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).

- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN

- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?

- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi

- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE

- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz

- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough

- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up

- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk 

- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home

- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn 

- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT

- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe 

- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive

- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR

- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec 

- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG  FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO 

- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI  @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?

- carlisle is the love of y life

- sth is a lil ray of sunishen 

- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi

- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY

- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel

- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl

- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.

- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\

- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,

- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend

- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit

- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON

- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc

- jac0bs cryng my heart brke

- i love bineg dunk 

- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy

- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he

- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK? 

- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same

- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe

- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man

- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit 

- when he said it was the best night i cred 

- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut  i want a man to each me but not mansplin

- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?

- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas 

- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch

- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT

- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP

- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck

- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?

- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW

- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV

- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon

- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD

- ROSALEI IS THE EST 

- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT

- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT

- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON

 - this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh

- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious

- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST

- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH

- calisbe is fos unicngn hot

- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti

- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn

- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this 

- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter

- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE 

- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby 

- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi

- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl 

-  resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew

- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout 

- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!

- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch

- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER

- SO DID JACOB

- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE

- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick

- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL 

- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr 

- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober

- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]

- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals

- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao

- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo

- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?

- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers

- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR 

CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY

- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT

[sherlocks-emotional-hair]

The growing question meme game

Challenge Game with FIFTY some-odd questions wtf guys

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag people you want to get to know

Thank for tagging me @skyler10fic​ This was fun, lots of memoriess

1. Coke or Pepsi: coke 2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney 3. Coffee or Tea: both. 4. Books or Movies: Movies, but getting back into reading! 5. Windows or Mac: both.....bf would kill for saying that. mac for art, windows for gaming 6. DC or Marvel: Marvel! 7. Xbox or Playstation: playstation 2!!! 8. Dragon Age or Mass Effect: neither  9. Night Owl or Early Rise: Night owl 10. Cards or Chess: cards, but want to improve at both.

11. Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate!

12. Vans or Converse: Converse for certain. 13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar: who? 14. Fluff or Angst: both............. my life is angst so, some days I crave one or the other.  15. Beach or Forest: forest 16. Dogs or Cats: Dogs! 17. Clear Skies or Rain: Clear Skies 18. Cooking or Eating Out: .... depends.   19. Spicy Food or Mild Food: set. my. mouth. on. fire. 20. Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas: Christmas& halloween

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh little too hot (getting tired of the cold tbh) 22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? oooh...... teleportation or super strength. 23. Animation or Live Action: hm. depends. animated movies should stay animated, but most of my favorite films are live action. 24. Paragon or Renegade: what 25. Baths or Showers: bath!!! 26. Team Cap or Team Iron Man: Iron Man 27. Fantasy or Sci-Fi?  both. always 1000000% both, i love both genres equally. 28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes? If so, what are they:

"Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."

-Calvin and hobbes

"Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

-excerpt from William Butler Yeats' Poem

“If you battled the best you could,

If you played your part in the world of men,

Why, the Critic will call it good.

Death comes with a crawl, or comes with a pounce,

And whether he's slow or spry,

It isn't the fact that you're dead that counts,

But only how did you die?”

-excerpt from Edmund Vance Cooke’s “How Did You Die?”

“I want to feel sexy like those other girls, but I don’t. When I want to feel sexy I put on my high heels and I don’t care because I am the tallest in the building.”   -unknown

“Trust is when you can use your laptop alone at night.” -the most annoying but truthful 5 year old from class.

I know I have plenty more that speak to me, but these have been around with me for a long time.

29. YouTube or Netflix: Netflix for stand up comedy, youtube for markiplier and tutorials.

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson:

Harry Potter

31. When You Feel Accomplished: Rarely. 

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: Star trek!!! 2009!!!

33. Paperback Books or Hardback Books: Hardcover.

34. Handwriting or Typing: Depends

35. Velvet or Satin:

hm. cheap velvet, expensive satin

36. Video Games or Movies: hnnnnnngggggggggg..... both,, but movies.

37. Would you rather be the dragon or own the dragon? whaaaaaat own the dragon, fly off on that bitch

38. Sunrise or sunset: both, but sunrises are the loveliest, quietest moments and memories I’ve had.

39. What’s your favourite song? ‘the “Stairway to heaven” for millennials’:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE

buuuuuuut I just saw bring me the horizon in concert and goddamn they were good, but the arctic monkeys are still my fave band thus far.

40. Horror Movies yes or no: yeeeee

41. Long hair or short hair: long!! for me. different lengths for different people.

42. Opera or Theatre: Theatre

43. Assuming the multiverse theory is true and every story ever told has really happened somewhere, which one of the movie/book/tv show/game/etc worlds would you pick to travel to first?

doctor whooooooooooooooooo

44: If you had to eat only one thing for the rest of your life what would it be? gross. I hate this question every time because I get sick of foods so quickly. but........ pizza rolls have been there for me for a long time.

45: Older guys or young guys? a little older. never younger.

46: If you could erase any show from TV history, what would it be? reality tv

47: Singing or dancing? Dancing

48: Instagram or Twitter? Instagram

49: What quote or saying do people spout but is complete BS? SO MANY. That all people want sex. That all women long to be moms. That marriage = happily ever after. That it’s only men who spout this sexist bullshit. That other girls will always have your back (yeah, to stab a knife in it). That online friends aren’t real. I’ll always be there for you. anything along the lines of “the american dream”. there’s a lot. left op’s comment because I agreed so whole-heartedly.

50: If there was a time period that you would gladly time travel to to live or visit, what would it be?

....... the future, but only if i didn’t have to stay forever. otherwise, I am happy living in the 21st century (women’s/people’s rights, tech, the people i love, etc)

51: If you could take one fictional character into this world to live with you and what not, under the contingency that the movie/book/tv/game universe they came from acts as if they never existed, who would it be and why? 

uh oh. is it sherlock holmes or the doctor as a human or as a time lord. im not sure. or is is bones mccoy. the world is full of mystery

52: What’s the story behind your tumblr account?

yiiiiiiiiikes. ok, originally before I changed my url was a *cringe* twilight fandom blog. specifically for carlisle cullen! that was....... nearly 9 years ago? ? I was 13 I think? maybe ? ??? not sure now????? what the fuck

anyway!

abandoned tumblr for a bit,

then, became a diehard whovian, loved it,

then had friends on tumblr,

now just suffering through college/work/growing up and memes and life and all of my favorite fandoms in how i see fit.

53: If you could have the clothes/fashion of any character, who would you choose?  

hmmmm... good question! kermit the frog, be naked every day (or any fashionable politician from a tv show, I’d love to have lovely, tailored strong female character dresses and pant suits filling my closet).

MY QUESTION: 54. If you could identify the most with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

Tagging: @imaginationgirl1661 @crazykatnerd @the-eventual-psychologist @theblutomato @flarepie24 @ilovebutts420 @wherewildthingsrun@mizgnomer @voidrat @themansionconspirator and anyone else who would like to do it!