#tbh im more worried about whether i got all the dead ends because im sick of my hair not growing because my ends are dead and splitting

[kittyhazelnut]

I just cut a solid inch or so off my hair and I won't really know until I wake up with dry hair whether it looks good (or whether I got all the dead ends) and it's killing me

[sevngmin]

family doctor!seungmin

a/n:  it was hard to find pictures of clinics;-; so i tried to go according to colour scheme! this fic is also dedicated to the 2 seungmin stans, annie and jupiter,, i hope yall like it^^// request

seungmin... graduated at the top of his class for family medicine

cute looks+good grades?? destined to do well fam

eventually he became a doctor in seoul national univ. hospital, one of the top hospitals in seoul

his niche wasnt really paediatrics but he enjoyed the company of children that the ceo gave him the offer in the department

seungmin declined, choosing to stay in family medicine

however patients who are fairly young are always numbered to his room so its all good

sometimes he’s on ER(emergency room) duty and 80% of female patients develop an instant crush on him

its funny cause when he measures their heart rate it spikes abnormally high and he gets flustered, “why is your heart rate so high?”

and doesnt notice the growing blush in their cheeks

anyhow, that was on rare occasions when he needs to cover duties for his colleague and close friend, jeongin

seungmin always wears this white coat with pororo stickers decorated on his name tag

coat pockets filled with candy and stickers to reward the children for behaving well

really hates to administer injections as he really doesnt want to hurt the children

but for the sake of their health he had to

and shower them with loads of candies and stickers after that

sometimes he’s also a FPC(first patient clinic) doctor

fpc: a doctor assigned to a particular patient with complicated problems, to avoid confusion, these patients go to the same doctor consequently for their diagnosis and reports

and when he sees familiar faces his eyes light up 10 times more, eyes crinkling into crescents

he’s just so friendly, children dont even hate going to the doctor’s because of him

while checking their lungs seungmin would squat down to their eye-level to talk to them, to distract them

children willingly open their mouths to let him check their tonsils too

children rarely cry during his consulations, because seungmin is that good with children

and they go out happy

which makes you wonder what kind of spell seungmin casts on the kids to make them happy

you, a permanent in the ER, deal with all sorts of people everyday

frantically rushing in every minute, life and death right at its doorstep

sometimes you see seungmin in the ER for cover duty, and he was definitely a sight for sore eyes

but you never approached him, not wanting him to see you in messy hair and makeup almost all gone

you always see him cooped up in his room during lunch break, and you also didnt have the courage to ask him out for lunch, since the both of you werent close either

in reality, seungmin always cooks his own lunch and saves them in a bento to eat during lunch break

its much more economical and healthy, the only times he eats from outside are company gatherings or jeongin forcing him to come along which he would immediately agree imo

seungmin’s cooking is actually one of the best out of all of the doctors, since he lives alone and living on ramen wasnt exactly the healthiest

which lowkey explains why he’s so damn smart, both booksmart and streetsmart

strangely, he hasnt have much experiences with girls

all of his knowledge are from romcom kdramas btw

but he does know how to be a gentleman around girls,, a huge plus point

aNYWHO the gods decided to shine on you and seungmin was in ER duty for this whole month

because jeongin was down with pneumonia, and was unfit for duty

definitely not missing out naggings from seungmin saying he should stop eating churros

you knew jeongin fairly well, as your same-shift colleague in the ER with a very cute friend

and when he was down with pneumonia you didnt know whether to thank him or kill him

because, seungmin would take over jeongin, which meant he would be on the same shift as you

you got to see him, but also you didnt want him to see you

what will he think of you? will he hate you? many questions filled your mind

all of them were forgotten the moment seungmin approached you to say hi

“hi, im seungmin! im from the family doctors’ side, but im here to cover jeongin for the month. and ive seen you around, but i didnt really catch your name.”

“i-i’m y/n! im a permanent here. jeongin’s friend too.” you stuttered, which made seungmin giggle

you stared at him weirdly, which made him clear his throat, “im sorry i mustve offended you.”

“no... its fine. i understand that ER duty isnt the best and we’re on night duty too.”

seungmin looked slightly offended at your rebuttal, but still regained his composure

usually, there werent many patients at night but there was this one little boy who couldnt stop crying because of a high fever

you were flustered, as jeongin was the one who always tended to younger patients

just then, a knight in white armour(quite literally) came rushing by your side to placate the crying child

the child stopped crying as soon and seungmin tended to him, and the whole consultation was just a breeze

the poor child had suffered from chicken pox, and he had to be isolated in a different room in the hospital

both you and seungmin were sad, the child would be both lonely and in pain(?)

since the child brought down the mood for the both of you, you decided to get 2 cups of hot cocoa to cheer him and yourself up

“don’t worry. the child will get better.” you patted his arm(which was your boldest move of the day), handing him the hot cocoa

he looked at you with puppy eyes, the brightening up slightly, “i hope he will.”

“he will, with your expertise, im sure he will soon.” you comforted, unaware that seungmin’s heart was beating wildly at your comment.

seungmin was practically skipping back home when his shift ended

now night shifts wasnt as suckish anymore with you around seungmin

the both of you would always joke around with each other, you “accidentally” squirting saline solution onto seungmin and he’d be like

“hEy y/n this would be a good time to express my affection for you!!”

you’d be like nell ho bc 1. you didnt want to get soaked and 2. too close for your heart to function properly

mostly 2.

but the both of you stop your playful banter until chan came along to tell the both of you off to “stop acting like a love-struck couple”

even after his duty in the ER, seungmin would approach you for lunch break, to jeongin’s surprise

hes like, “hyung, you never ever ask me to go for lunch”

“im sick of my food anyway”

“sStop LyING i know you like y/n”

“i suddenly love jjangmyeon lets order some and share with her”

sometimes seungmin would cook you a bento too, knowing youre too busy

aww

tbh you were starting to catch on a lil but you didnt want to give yourself false hope

until one day jeongin steps in to play cupid

sOoooo jeongin tells you that seungmin needs help with some wound dressing thingy

which you nearly wanted to question him but went with it anyway

and when youre in seungmin’s room there was no patient, only seungmin attentively typing away on his desktop

and he was wearing black-rimmed round glasses with slightly curled hair

a whole boyfriend look ngl

but you shook that off, asking seungmin if he needed help with anything

seungmin tilted his head in confusion, “no..?”

just then, the lock of the door went click, signalling that it was locked

“jeongin.” the both of you sighed in unison, shaking your heads

you were unsure of what to do, so you just released your ponytail and sat on the examination bed

“rough day?” seungmin speaks up, gulping slightly

“yeah, there were so many patients today.” you sighed, “even the nurses werent enough to help.”

“stop talking and confess already!” you hear jeongin’s voice at the other side of the door, as the both of you widened your eyes

“confess... what?” seungmin laughed awkwardly

“yeah... what?” you smiled awkwardly, avoiding seungmin’s eyes

seungmin decided that he needed to man up and say something about it, so he just got up from his seat and brisk-walked towards you

and he cups your face ever so gently and says,

“can i kiss you?”

you were flustered, and nodded meekly

and yes that was you and seungmin’s first kiss and love

young love

when will i ever

anyhow!! seungmin would always pick you up from home to the hospital and vice versa

sometimes he stays over at your place,, your mom doesnt mind

because!whatta sweet man bringing my daughter home!!so that she saves on train fares

seungmin shocks you everytime you find out something new about him

just like at a company gathering, all of the doctors gathered at a karaoke and seungmin went up first with a day6 song

and his vocals?? sWOON

and next he sang stitches and had hes eyes on you all the time

but heres the thing... the both of you cant let the entire hospital find out about your relationship if you wanna live in peace

so the both of you are like business terms until you step out of the hospital lol

would make you food! Everyday!

and also eat with you during lunch

wouldnt mind ER duties bc ur there

highkey wants to send a complaint to make you work at paediatrics so yall can see each other more often

backhugs! are! a! thing!

be it seungmin hugging you or you hugging him... the both of you live for hugs

likes to link pinkies

star watching at the rooftop... peaceful

with hot chocolate in hands too

there was once you got really sick and had to stay home

seungmin was dead worried he even took days off to take care of you

doctor kim doesnt only take care of kids

his masters aint for nothing

people started to wonder why the both of you were off work at the same time lol but they just shrugged it off

except jeongin

jeongin wants the both of you to get married

and the both of you do

BONUS:

the whole hospital didnt know of your relationship until you started to send out wedding invitations

“youre getting married to dr kim?? seungmin?? from our hospital??” was prolly the most asked question after “congrats! when are yall having kids??”

you were lucky it was a secret till you marriage lol

fast forward to when you gIve birth wOOSH

isnt this bonus too much of one

seungmin didnt want to faint so he was just by your side helping you keep c a l m

you had much more strength than he thought you would so he smiled:)thru:)the:)pain:)

you were in more pain so he understood that

you gave birth to a lil bby girl aww

your husband couldnt be more happy

finally someone made use of his medical knowledge to take care of his daughter

subconciously mumbles medical terms to his daughter in attempts to make her fall asleep

“seungmin... if you continue doing this... our daughter will graduate med school at 5.”

it does work better than classical music tho ngl

your daughter indeed took after her dad.. learning how to walk at 8 months and talk at 10 months

you would sometimes bring her to work and people always tell you that shes a carbon copy of seungmin

big eyes, milky white skin... yeah

has a pic of the three of you on his desk its just so endearing

“is that your child?”

“yes its my daughter and beautiful wife!!!”

and you actually brought your daughter into seungmin’s clinic... he turned into a puddle of goo

such a fool for his daughter smh

and a fool for you too

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed.  The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters.  After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game.  The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly.  After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor.  In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play.  Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ.  Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS  11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in