#tbh i've had these recorded for over a month but only now got around to processing and uploading them

[peachymilkandcream]

Break Me Slowly|Part 25|Yandere Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: The fact we're almost done with the canon storyline is actually insane. There's only two specials left that I'll try and cover one per chapter in and then it's totally off of my own storyline (which I think you guys will really like tbh) How many chapters after the end of the canon line ends I'm not sure I'm still deciding. I would put a number but I don't want to force myself to finish at a certain number if I don't need/want to. Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

==============================================

Since the battle Levi had done nothing but insist Evelyn sat with him while he held her stomach gently. He would never admit it but he was worried sick that something might have happened to her. Might have happened to their child.

"After this is all over Levi, what will we do then? Go back to our house? Pretend like the world didn't almost end and live out the rest of our mortality."

"That's if we don't become fugitives."

"Exactly. What are we going to do."

"That house is my home. I'm going to go back there and live out the rest of my days with my wife in peace. Our children, and their children gathered around us. The Ackerman bloodline rebuilt, my legacy continued."

"What if we don't make it back?" She was hesitant to ask.

"We will. I promise you. I will not allow you to exist without me. The very idea makes me sick."

A soft scoff comes from her at his determined look, how easy it was for him to get into these fits. "If you say so Captain."

Neither had anything smart to say anymore so they relapsed into silence, until with some effort Levi stood, straightening his clothes, even now at the end of humanity he was determined to look clean and presentable.

"Where are you going now? Shouldn't you be resting?"

"Not a chance. I sleep when I'm dead. That bearded lady, she's healing up and it seems like she survived her infection. I'm going to make her tell us where Eren is going."

Evelyn stands with him, taking his arm. "Shall we?"

"Willing to touch me huh? What's with this sudden change in mood?"

"We're partners in crime. In all things I've got your back."

A small smile appears on his face before he forces it to vanish, kissing her forehead. "There's my girl."

=============================================

Levi's presence alone was intimidating enough for Yelena to talk. Spilling her guts on the excuse she wanted them to admit that Zeke was right in what he was doing. Although Levi's suspicion is she really didn't want to get any more bones broken.

Her calm explanation of the world's destruction didn't phase the Captain in the slightest. Just another thing that needed to be accomplished. Evelyn didn't even think he gave a second thought to her words until they were lying in the same bed last night for the first time in months. She had forgotten how warm and comforting it was to lay beside him and hear the rhythm of his heart.

"Hey."

"What is it."

"I told you I was going to get you out of this, but truth is, we could die tomorrow."

"I know."

"I want you to stay behind."

"You know I won't do that."

He sighs. "Not even if I tell you it's for your own good?"

"Nope."

"Good. Glad we got that out of the way so I can go down in the record that I did the gentlemanly thing and told you to save yourself."

"Record added." She looks up at him, his gruesome stiches hidden poorly under the cloth. "It's like you don't know me at all."

"Trust me I do. Wherever I go you're right behind me like a leech."

"I think you have that the other way around."

"Hm. Maybe I do."

Their breathing fills the room again until he breaks it by pulling her face up towards his and meeting her mouth in a fiery kiss, as if he was trying to sear the imprint onto her skin.

"What's gotten into you-" Her words and more breathless than she would've liked, her core clenching on nothing.

"We might die, so fuck it and lets have one last night to remember."

He was right, he always was. They could die tomorrow. So giving in at the end of all of this could be done guilt free.

Her body rose up to meet him, accepting his hips rolling onto hers with such desperation it made her shudder. His hands clawed and groped, wanting to touch every inch of her. His tongue and mouth tasted all they could, he just wanted to devour her. That's all he ever wanted since he laid eyes on her. To take everything she was, chew it up and savor how it broke and bent to his teeth before spitting her out, just bones of who she used to be.

Their clothes become nothing more than a discarded heap, soon she found her thighs over his shoulders while his tongue explored her folds, dipping eagerly in and out. He was famished, before he was incapable of making their reunion worth while. No more.

His arousal covered kisses trailed up her body, pausing to flick her nipples with his tongue while his fingers twisted and turned inside her. Speeding up until she threw her head back, moaning and clamping down on them, practically begging him for his dick.

"Tell me what you want honey."

Defiance flashed in her eyes, she was willing to work with him for the sake of their child but there was no chance she was going to submit to him. "Oh fuck you."

"If you insist." His hand slips behind her neck, then he flips her onto her stomach, landing a slap on her ass, admiring the ripples it makes.

Levi pressed his whole weight onto her, still holding her neck while squeezing slightly, his erection grinding into her and channeling all his desire into his thrusts. "You'll do as I say, got it? And you'll fucking enjoy it." Slowly he started to slide in, each inch he pushed punctuated his next words. "Every. Fucking. Inch."

Fingers down her throat kept the noises at bay while he thoroughly fucked her, setting his own rough and unforgiving pace until eventually she was sucking him in while she came, forcing every drop of cum to fill her cunt.

When he was finished with her he dropped her with a sigh. "That's a good girl."

==============================================

Something was different between them the next day, It was almost like how it was before the whole mess of marriage. Helping each other with their gear, sharing smiles, and joking with each other like that had back then. It was...nice. Oh how she missed it.

She added it up to the hope of what was to come. The flying boat nearly prepared and all filled with a sense of determination that they would be the ones to save humanity. And while the only gloom was the leaving of Annie, the fate of the world rested on their shoulders. They had a mission to finish. Then they could all go home, life would continue on, Commander Erwin would be finally freed once the Jeagerists realized there was no longer and hope. They would all be free.

Shots fired from within the hanger cut short their celebration. Floch's weakened body firing without thought before Mikasa's sword finally cut him up. A deserved death in Evelyn's mind, all he had caused was trouble on top of that arrogant attitude.

"Good riddance." She muttered under her breath.

"Hange, he shot up the tank- We're grounded-!" Onyankopon's eyes were filled with terror as he surveyed the damage.

"Don't give up." One of the engineers assured him. "It'll fly if we can just fix these holes."

Collectively, they scrambled to get the welding tools and begging fixing the damage.

"How long will it take?" Concern laced Hange's voice.

"Tin is the fastest way, it shouldn't take longer than an hour."

As he reached for a set of wire cutters the ground beneath them began to shake violently.

They were too late.

"We haven't got an hour."

Evelyn followed Reiner out to estimate how much time they had left, horrified when they saw they had no time. The Rumbling was here.

They continued to march forward, the Titans refusing to stop their assault. All of the former Scouts debating amongst one another who should stay and who should go with the others.

"Go, I can cover the rear." Reiner's gaze traveled to Evelyn unbidden, if she could make it out, his death would be worth it.

"You think that's any better?" Hange's voice came from behind them, her arms laden with thunder-spears. "If we're going to stand a chance we can't use any of our Titan power yet." She paused, a determined look in her eyes. "We wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me, I dragged you all here over the bodies of your comrades. It's time I made it right." Her gaze met those of her comrades. "When this is all over remember me when you all celebrate your victory and the end of The Rumbling. It was an honor to serve with you all." She gave them all a small smile. "Short retirement speech I know. Alright, bye guys." She turns to leave, facing her two oldest friends.

"Hey, that's your goodbye?" Levi seemed unimpressed.

"I know you get it Levi, I've been waiting so long for this. My time has come." She pauses, leaving the silence hang for a second. "So please, I want to ride the high to the end and make a really awesome exit! Let it happen, okay?"

Both the Captain and wife sort through their feelings all at once. This woman had been with them since the beginning. Teasing Levi for his quirks, daring Evelyn to do crazy stuns, dodging responsibility to research Titans. Their best friend.

A moment passes before Levi presses an enclosed fist to her chest. "Dedicate your heart."

She smiles slightly as Evelyn salutes her. "Captain."

A laugh escapes Hange's lips. "I didn't think I'd ever hear you say that. Take care of Evie for me Levi, or I might have to come back from the dead and take her myself." She tries to wink but with the loss of her eye it seems like a blink as she zips away to certain doom.

Hange's assault was taken advantage of, the Scouts only moving when told that the flying boat was prepared to move. They boarded with one last look on Hange as they took off down the runway. Her burnt body resembling that of a falling star.

Each grieved in their own way, sobbing, or silent thoughts of sadness. The only words spoken were that of Levi's.

"See you around, Hange. Just watch us."

[captainderyn]

Get To Know Me

Tagged by @tiredassmage, @elveny, and @anchanted-one thank you <3

--

Share Your Wallpaper:

My current laptop background is the art of Ryn I commissioned from @sbeep

And my current phone lock screen is this really cool piece of the Normandy:

I won't share my home screen but its a picture of my partner and one of our cats <3

Last Song Listened To: It was either Bite Me by Avril Lavigne or Tantrum by Charlotte Sands, can't remember lol.

Last Movie: I thiiink it was John Wick 3? We've been watching the John Wick movies after my partner learned I'd never seen them.

Craving: More sleep. I don't need more sleep but I really want more sleep. Also been really wanting some pickles/salty stuff the last few days.

What are you wearing rn? PJs/lounge clothes still! Flannel pj pants, black sweatshirt, and fluffy white blanket.

How tall are you? 5'6!

Piercings: I have my ears pierced, which only happened over the summer lol. I'd love to maybe get another piercing in each ear but don't feel inclined enough to go do it yet.

Tattoos: I have one! It's on my inner left bicep and its Mt Washington/the presidential range of the White Mountains with the Orion constellation above the peak. It's got some personal meaning to it but also just liked the way it looked. In theory I want at least one more tattoo, I want to shards of Narsil somewhere on my body but I can't decide where (Well, it makes most sense in my brain to get it on my inner forearm but I don't know if I want it there).

Glasses/contacts: Neither!

Last Drink: Technically water but I'm going to go make myself some earl grey tea with a splash of coffee (its really good, saw it on MorganDrinksCoffee's youtube channel).

Last Show: Uhh...I think it was an episode of The Circle on Netflix over dinner Sunday night because it was a stressful weekend and we just needed something super chill and ridiculous to watch.

Last thing you ate: I got dinner at Culvers last night because I wanted a salted caramel milkshake lol. And their cheese curds (Thank you midwest/south for introducing me to Culvers)

Favorite Color: Kinda swings around between a deep plum purple and a burgundy color.

Current Obsession: Still teetering on the obsession edge of Cyberpunk 2077, though its not got as much of a choke hold on me as it has the last like...two months. Elden Ring is lurking in the background menacingly.

Unrelated Obsession: The Exiled Fleet series by JS Dewes has taken root once again because her new book Rubicon comes out today. So I've been consuming a lot of recorded interviews/con panels/ect in anticipation.

Any Pets: In this household: one menace tuxedo cat pulled from a dumpster in Texas (Blasto) and my poor cinnamon roll of an orange maine coon mix (Atlas).

Honorary mention is Zeke, the 120lbs golden german shepard mix that was a stray down here last summer and I fell in absolute love with but couldn't feasibly adopt, who now lives with my parents up in New England lol.

Do you have a crush on anyone? My partner :P Also fictional characters/OCs

Favorite Fictional Character: HMM way too many to count tbh. Aragorn is probably the longest running fictional character because hooo boy. Can I say female V from Cyberpunk? I think the voice acting for her was done phenomenally. But if I had to choose from not toeing the OC line, probably Adequin Rake from the Last Watch (Js Dewes).

Last Place Traveled: Not counting the city for work or like...~moving~ out here probably to the other side of Kentucky to visit in-laws before I moved out of state. Or maybe back home to NH over the summer? Depends on technicalities of "travel" lol.

Tagging: @greyias annnd....anyone else who sees this and is inclined to do it!

[dearcl113]

014 - Ebay Guy/Organizing Music/Narrative Concept birth 2016-2025

Today I'm going to talk about how I got into the narrative concept, how I organized my 12+ old projects and the event that got me back into music. The next few days will expand on narratives and organization.

In March right before I recorded 'you're the voice' I was talking to some people about googling ourselves. I did it to me, and my name came back to the actress I share my name with (she seems like a nice person). I googled DEARCL, and I found a picture of the album 'Everybody's Dead But I'm Still Dying' I did in March 2016. We (my producer at the time and I) put a ton of work and effort into this project, it was supposed to be my 'break-out' and it kind of fizzled out even with all the energy put into distribution, pressing my own copies, etc. It was the final project made by us together after the original 'I'm a Ghost'. By the time I was done promoting it, I felt drained. A month later I was writing Manic and the original version of Seal Team Six. Nowadays it's not one of my favorites because of the events surrounding my life at the time even if a lot of people still like it. Still that album helped me out for along time, I'd sell extra copies whenever I could and sometimes I really needed the money so I appreciate it in the end. I think we pressed around 400 and in the end we only had around 10 left. The ebay one (shown above) might be a bootleg tbh. I clicked the picture and it sent me to a google link of a guy reselling my album, I reached out to him initially planning to ask him to take it down but he told me a story of finding it in some record store in Connecticut. This was weird to me, it had been like 5 years since I've been around especially music wise. I posted to reddit asking for advice on what I can do and people clowned on me for taking it negatively, which is funny to me now honestly it makes me laugh. So I took it as a blessing. One day around then Dontae told me 'Why don't you just upload all of your music online dude' or something and at first I was like 'well' but then I thought about it and he was right. I had my music stored away, and I really looked at it. The biggest thing that I had never done at that point was organize all of this music that over the years i've recorded, and there was a lot of it. It's hard to do it without a clear idea in mind especially with music when often concepts are just themes or things like that. I started with dates, then I expanded - I moved to what sounded good in between. The more I listened, the more I saw connections between each song. The little lyrics and pieces that repeat, that in hip hop usually are used for personification of the rap character but in my music propelled a story. And honestly, in everybody else's too. Once I realized that people won't listen to full extended versions of my projects with throwaways, I split whatever didn't fit on the Light Trilogy I released this summer/fall/winter into unreleased projects. They're not my favorite anyway. Those projects are more aligned by themes of sound, not really a story. I'm working on five projects right now with two recorded. The projects are expanding on the narrative concept, but I'm still learning. Compared to the Light Trilogy what I'm doing now amazes me, but today isn't about that. I understand how hard it is to organize music especially if you can't stop recording, and the narrative stuff helps me with that a lot. It's my own little sagas, with the stand-alone narratives helping me create the projects outside of my main storyline/sounds. The saga of 'Everybody's Dead' is that even if I didn't like it, I was reminded of all the people who did when I learned the story of how that guy got the CD. My co-workers who'd play it everyday, the random people who really liked the effort put into it, the shows, the clubs, all of it came back. My story was worthwhile even if at the time I didn't think so.

[capriciouscaprine]

happy new month to everyone!!!

I have SO MUCH to do for my coursework, but I wanted to take the time to write a post about what I'm up to currently, what this month holds for me, and what my goals are for the future as we all head towards summer

currently, I just hit a goal # this morning, although it didn't feel all that impactful, and I'm pretty sure that's bc I both didn't get enough sleep last night and bc I don't have any rewards set up for myself besides the emotional reward of hitting that goal; obviously, I need to be consistent about getting enough sleep and have rewards ready for myself, but both of these are uniquely tricky right now bc I have an absurd sleep schedule (6 pm-2 am), no time, and even less money

I'm coming out of a six week full time unpaid internship, so my hours were drastically cut at my actual job; instead of five days, I was down to just two, and they were the two days the least amount of work and thus fewest available hours to get paid; I got a boost from cat sitting for my neighbor, whose cat needs careful monitoring and specific medicine on a pretty strict schedule, but this pay cut was on top of paying tuition for the semester, so I currently have negative money aka am carrying a balance on my credit card, to the tune of $3.5k (oof)

the good news is that with spring pollen comes increased hours, as my job is on a farm with both plants and animals; we've got seedlings to water and plant, babies to feed, and field trips to prep for and manage, so I've jumped from 3-4 hour days to 5-6 hour days, five days a week; I get paid pretty okay ($16/hr after taxes), but I still typically get less than 30 hours a week, so my monthly pay is only around $1.5k (rounding down for safety, especially since this a very recent jump)

looking forward to things happening this month, I have my final paper for my most important class of my entire masters degree, due WITH a presentation and handout on April 10th, and then two weeks later (less than or exactly 14 days, iirc) I must give a comprehensive presentation (and possibly turn in some other stuff??) about myself, my internship, my previously mentioned final paper, and a problem from our final exam, which will determine if I get my degree or not

oh, and I need to plan and record another internship observation, which I had been under the impression that I wouldn't need to do, which is due by the 15th, right in between all of these other things being due

I am under immense pressure right now, and it's definitely having a negative impact on my mental health; I'm managing not to burst into tears constantly or run away to the woods (a very short distance for me, so particularly tempting) thanks to both succeeding at other goals and knowing that their are specific dates for all of this to be over by; all I have to do is turn everything in on time (even if it sucks), and I'll be done with this degree by the end of this month and officially graduate in early May (ugh, need to order and pay for my cap and gown this week (~$200))

heading into next month, after everything is turned in (seems impossible to imagine, tbh, which is why I'm writing this post), I'll be free to PLAN and SET GOALS

(I'm so excited!!!)

like I said before, my pay isn't high and I've got debt I need to address on top of more bills coming in the future (six months of car insurance D: ), but I have to believe that I can get everything paid for and still have enough money to have a tiny bit of fun, too; I need to still down and draw up a budget, ESPECIALLY for food since I'm going to finally have time to make more things for myself!!! which will absolutely be cheaper than all the pre-made and pre-portioned meals and snacks I've been buying

the last time I had a big goal, I had a bar and a line graph to track my savings (my house down payment! ty 2018 mini recession, you made home ownership possible); now it'll be the double whammy of 'saving' for bills and paying down the old debt, plus I'm genuinely at the point of needing a new phone WITH a case, and all the actually functional phones with enough storage space, etc run just under $350, so with accessories that could be $500 aka NOT an impulse purchase!

otherwise, my big goal is to clean up my house: it has been TRASHED by consecutive roommates, but particularly by the most recent one; I have bits of stuff taking up space from everyone who's moved in and then out again over the past 5+ years, but the last one (who I made a whole rant post about) was so filthy when it came to using the kitchen that they left me an infestation of MULTIPLE types of insects, some of which I've never even seen before!!!

here in the southern US, we already deal with some insect trouble bc it doesn't get cold enough to fully kill them off, plus they can always be brought into a clean house from our great outdoors, which we have lots of; it isn't unusual for even the shiniest of mansions to get a roach sneaking into a bathroom or a line of ants running into the kitchen

in comparison, my house is genuinely disgusting, and I haven't been able to DO anything about it since classes and thus deadlines started back in August; the good news is this project won't take, relatively, that much money, and I even have a pretty good idea of what all I need to do to almost completely fix this! the only real problem is that it'll take a fair bit of physical labor and thus energy, which I don't always have a lot of, so I'll need to be strategic and get things done in phases and also not give up!

there are a lot of expensive things that have gone wrong and need fixing around the house, and there are even more expensive changes I want to make; I need to remind myself that all of these will happen in time, and I need to not obsess over them or let them demotivate me as I'm working towards addressing the issues that I can

in the far-flung future (it feels like), getting my degree means I am qualified for teaching jobs!!! math and teachers in general are in pretty high demand in my area (where aren't they right now?), and the pay is relatively high, as in double the highest I've ever made before in my entire life; once I've got my degree, I can dedicate myself to getting one of those jobs at a nearby school, and at that point, once I start getting those paychecks (fingers crossed), a whole new world will open up for me!!!

[elliebear666]

Me, in school, daydreaming instead of paying attention and then getting in trouble for not paying attention.

It's funny, but... being homeschooled catered to my learning style. It was one on one and engaging. I liked almost all of the stuff we studied. It was genuinely interesting. When I got to public school, my grades at first were great and it wasn't terribly hard because, thanks to our homeschool curriculum, I knew most of the shit we were being taught.

However, as I progressed in middle school, my grades steadily declined until I was failing like one class with a D in another and mostly Cs or Bs. It was a nightmare in a few of the classes I was in. I'd daydream or zone out or dissociate. I had a lot of anxiety and, of course, gender dysphoria. I was miserable tbh. Being homeschooled, my mom would take us out to do stuff, she'd show us things and read books to us. She kept us engaged by speaking to us.

I can see how coming to an ADHD (inattentive) diagnosis could be difficult. I mean, there was a lot going on with me.

I think that my persistent day dreaming instead of focusing on the task at hand, forgetfulness, distractibility, and short attention span (unless engaged by something I really liked) are definitely indicative of that, though. I mean, I went through all of this with my psychiatrist. It wasn't like I just said, "So, I think I have ADHD" and he prescribed me strattera. We talked about this for a while.

I mean, I guess my forgetfulness could be chalked up to like dissociation. Like, I'll set down an object, turn around, and then literally forget where I put it. "Out of sight, out of mind." I've been doing this for as long as I can remember. I'm incredibly forgetful and disorganized. I can't manufacture the motivation to clean my room beyond basic tasks that still take a lot of gumption to get going. Like I got in trouble with my landlord because I wasn't keeping my apartment clean. Not because I was like, "I don't want to >:(" but genuinely because it seemed so daunting and overwhelming and difficult, and the very simple matter of manufacturing motivation made it seem impossible. Like, when my friend Lettii would come over, she would help me organize my space because when she'd leave it was nice but within a week or so it was a mess. All my shit is in a big pile in my closet. I have tons of odds and ends I've forgotten about tucked away in a multitude of bags and boxes in my closet.

I forget to change my cat's water, or to change her litter. To feed her, unless I see it is empty and act on it right away, or she wakes me up with her paws in my face.

I used to literally need my mom to remind me every single day to take my medication because I would forget. So I put alarms on my phone. I would still forget. Recently, however, I'm actually surprised at how well I'm doing with my meds. My alarm to take meds goes off and usually within a little while I'd have taken them. This is a development in my life that is actually awesome. It makes me feel so proud of myself lmao, that I can manage my own meds xD

But then there's the matter of bills. Maybe this makes me an absolute pathetic loser, but my mom helps me pay my bills because I keep forgetting. Like, the only reason my rent gets paid on time each month is because she will write the check, hand it to me and say "Go pay it now." The one time that she wrote the check and gave it to me a a day before I was supposed to pay rent, I forgot. It took me four days to realise that the baggy on my TV stand, which is cluttered with countless random objects, had a check in it. So I paid it like three days late and I got another mark on my record.

I literally pay my phone bill late almost every single month. The times I don't get it within four days of the due date, I usually get a message that says, "You need to pay your phone" or my mom says, "Did you pay your phone." I'll say no, and promise to do it when I get home. But I'll have forgotten about it within a few minutes at most. My mom will give me instructions for something, and I'll sometimes need her to repeat it. But about 70-80% of the time, by the time I get to where I need to be to deal with whatever it is I need to deal with, I've forgotten what I need so say. Like I had a thing I was doing a while ago and my mom gave me instructions and naturally I forgot what I was supposed to say so I awkwardly stumbled over my words until they figured out what I needed. They thought it was kind of funny but honestly it was fucking humiliating. I felt like a fucking stupid idiot. To top it off, most of the time I have an appointment, I'm either getting distracted or don't process what they say, or by the time I leave, I've forgotten everything that was said. My mom would ask me how things went and what they said and I'll just say, "I don't remember. I have bits and pieces, but I don't remember."

Like, this isn't a, "Shucks, I can't focus so it must be the ADHD :(" situation. This is a... my forgetfulness, inattentiveness, distractibility, and overall inability to manage my life has culminated in me being dependent on my fucking mom to keep me from becoming homeless lol.

Like this is bad. It isn't just anxiety or depression that makes me forget to pay my bills. I've actually reduced anxiety and depression by an enormous amount. I've transitioned. I'm on hormones. I'm taking my meds. No depressive episodes or mania in months. Only periodic BPD symptoms. And yet I still forget to pay my rent. Like... idk, man

It isn't like I WANT this to be a thing lmao, it isn't cool. It fucking SUCKS. This is absolute fucking ass, y'all. This blows donkey dick. My life is so difficult due my various problems that I genuinely can't function like a normal person.

Like, when I was little, I used to be so inattentive and distracted, whether daydreaming or whatever, that I'd put my dirty underwear in the freezer or the trash instead of in the hamper IN THE OTHER ROOM. Like ALL THE TIME XD. This didn't start in adulthood. So, maybe I was so anxious and depressed and traumatized by my family life. Maybe, sure. I could accept that. I just... I don't think that's what was going on when I was little. Like, most of the trauma came and got worse after those symptoms were noticed.

I told my mom about possibly seeing a psychologist to get an in-depth assessment beyond what I've already gotten and she said that like... well she basically said that my psychiatrist has already done that, and that my history is indicative of that too.

Idk. I get stressed and look for anything that this issue might he besides ADHD, and nothing really tracks. No other issue causes all of these symptoms besides being an absolute fucking idiot.

I mean, both my psychiatrist and my therapist agree on ADD, but again I guess I could go see a psychologist. Idk what that would change. It would be two or so sessions with someone that has never met me before and has no knowledge of my mental health history. They'd probably interview my mom I guess. She could tell them she pays my bills because I'm too stupid to do it myself, I guess. That I used to talk so rapidly and fast as a child that most people couldn't understand me. That I was so forgetful that she constantly made comments about it.

I'm honestly too tired to worry about this right now so I guess I'll just do something else instead of fretting over this shit.

I mean, I'll be fifty and still forgetting to take my brain with me when I leave the house.

[isabella-111]

Heyyy I've never done an ask thing on here before and I'm kinda scared so please don't bully me. And I saw you were shipping people together and I'm really bored so I thought I would submit something

I'm around 5'3, I'm on the skinnier side, AFAB, I use He/him pronouns. My sexuality's isn't really labeled but I would date any gender. My hair is shoulder length and its kinda curly, more like really lose curls that aren't really defined and its a light brown. I have mild heterochromia. One of my eyes is green grayish and the other is more brown. I'm an Aquarius too! I save everything. I'm a vegetarian too. I love ghost even though I have an extreme fear of them, I use an Ouija bored as décor. I love old things weird things that I get from Goodwill. My favorite Movie is Napoleon Dynamite I love the lack of a predicable plot. I'm also on the spectrum. I'm learning French. Also I love school very much its my definition of fun. I listen to really any kind of music I don't care (never modern country) I really love Christmas music though!! I'm a Hufflepuff too. I don't like being mean to people but when I get overwhelmed I can be very mean. I'm also quick to respond with something snarky but feel very guilty after. I really enjoy reading anything. I get hurt often, I chipped my tooth tripping on a computer cord last month and half my front tooth was gone. (Got it fixed tho) And my favorite hobby is just fallowing my friends around, I don't like to go places alone so I'm almost always fallowing someone. I also love people who are opposites of me, like loud and outgoing people that are 100% my type.

My favorite Fandom is really only Criminal Minds tbh

A/n : this is a safe space no need to apologize also omg stop i love your entire vibe also my grandma used to have a Ouija board that she used as decoration and like a tray which scared the shit out if me when i was little ( now i have have crystalsand tarot cards all over my room) anyways that just reminded me of that. Also I’m so so sorry that this took so long I had a rough 2 months but I’m feeling a lot better and got my motivation back sooo IM BACK hope you like it ;)

I ship you with Spencer reid

- Halloween is you and Spencer’s Holiday like no joke you guys go all out . Decorations EVERYWHERE. Couple costumes are a must im thinking Jorge and Napoleon one year and then zoo lander and Hansel the next.....has he seen those movies no but you’ll just have to put him on

- movie nights with Spencer are definitely funny especially when it’s a comedy

“But like why does his school ID Say 2004 - 2005 if it’s supposed to be In the 80’s” Spencer’s says as he paused the movie for the 20th time

“Spence maybe it’s like a Easter egg”

“It throws off the entire plot and time why would the director do that if it makes the entire film theoretically and periodically uncannon y/n it just makes no sense ”

“Just push play he’s about to dance “

“But the ID and- ”

“I Love you but please stop with the ID”

*5 minutes later *

“ kips a sadist” Spencer’s says super nonchalantly as he grabs a bit of popcorn

“ yah probably “

*movie ends *

so how’d you like movie”

“Solid 8/10 “

“ yay cause we’re gonna watch it at least once a week “ you say with a smile on your face that almost says I’m joking but not really

“ spencer please do the dance..... ik you remember it pleaseeee”

- 1000% bugged spencer to do the napoleon dance for like 2 weeks until he agreed

(When he did it was the best thing ever definitely a record moment )

- you probably met spencer through Penelope she Immediately saw the similarities and decided to work her Cupid skills and brought you to together

- you being clumsy and Spencer using his knowledge on medical stuff to help you out ( ice packs , stitched , home remedies whatever it is he knows what to do ) but he absolutely internally and not so internally panics when you get hurt

 -putting on Christmas music the day after Halloween and Spencer being like “ IT NOT EVEN DECEMBER YET”

- spencer being absolutely enamored with your eyes he can and will stare at them for hours . “ never seen such pretty eyes ya know like on such a handsome face”

Awkward flirtying >>>>>

[basicgrayson]

A couple of days ago was my 2 months on T! I didn't get around to posting because it literally fell on my husband's birthday and I was super busy (we had a big family BBQ and I did ALL the grilling lol rip legs). Anyway, here's the changes so far!

1. Muscle mass: still slowly getting bulkier, but my weight is fluctuating a lot. I keep gaining and losing the same 4 lbs lol I haven't been working out as much as I'd like to. Not even close. Oddly my muscles, especially in the arms, still feel sore? Weird.

2. Hair: Body hair is increasing very slowly. Anyone who isn't me wouldn't notice a difference. Most of the filling in is occurring on my legs, and the course hairs I already had seem to be longer now. As for my face, I shaved everything off about a month ago, and it seems to have fully grown back. My mustache especially is looking very full, though the hairs are still just peach-fuzz. My chin has a lot more hair now, though I still only have maybe 4-5 thicker ones. Here's a few progress pics:

3. Acne: there's more of it now, but it varies in where it pops up. One week it'll be my face breaking out, next week my back, the following week my chest, etc. Kind of grateful for that tbh... I prefer that to having it all over all at once lol right now I'm using a salicylic acid based face scrub combined with the toner and benzoyl peroxide lotion from a proactive kit. That seems to work better for me than benzoyl peroxide alone. Still not great though tbh 🙃

4. Bottom growth: it is still happening, but not nearly as uncomfortable as it was at first. I'd say it's maybe at least a 30% increase as of now.

5. Chest size: decreasing still, but at a much slower pace than month one. I'm so much more comfortable walking around in just a tank top around other people, and I will sometimes go topless when I'm alone. Most importantly, my chest is still PAIN FREE and it looks like it's going to stay that way!

6. Monthly cycle: is gone! The very last one happened about a week and a half after starting T, and notably, was a week early. Since then it's been nearly 2 months with no sign of it returning. Hopefully it stays that way!

7. Sex drive: there has been an increase lol I wouldn't say it's hyper-active... it's hard to gauge because I think I've always had a high sex drive tbh. However, I feel like huz and I are really just... enjoying ourselves a lot more lol. Like, the vibe is different if that makes sense.

8. Voice: has dropped quite a bit! I do voice recordings on the weekly and monthly marks. The one I did for the two month mark surprised me, and when I went back to listen to the very first recording I did, I was blown away! I can't believe I used to sound like that! The way I sound now just seems so natural to me... I feel like that's the way my brain always thought I sounded... Idk it's hard to explain lol but it seems like my voice and my brain are finally starting to align and I am over the moon about that.

That's about all I can think of at the moment. Still no appetite increase or mood swings. According to my doctor the dose I'm on is considered low (100mg/2 weeks) so I don't know if that's why. Honestly though, I'm fine with the pace of my changes right now.

On another note, I finally got a prescription for my T, so starting in late July I'll be poking myself, so that's fun. The needles they gave me are really long and scary and intramuscular is kinda intimidating lol so I'm probably going to get some smaller ones and do subq, as I think I'd be much more comfortable with that. So we'll see how that goes.

On to month 3!

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Distract me and tell me how it is like you haven't just got back there Buster: Summer ain't arrived here yet in any sense, I feel like I'm in a old school gothic novel, staring at the rain & brooding Rio: Awh, baby Rio: just don't go aimlessly wandering through it and catching your literal death Buster: I'm not an invalid 💪 nor an amateur, babe Buster: Just as well, 'cause I saw your snaps & you're obviously already surrounded by the latter Buster: I can easily make them into invalids for you though Rio: Oh, so that's what you were doing Rio: Mr Darcy approach Rio: be mean to girl at party BUT look great in a wet t-shirt = get laid Rio: fair play, babe Rio: 🙄 honestly do, it's properly dickhead night tonight, worse than usual for no reason 'cept I already didn't wanna come in Buster: You know it Buster: 'Prideful but nobel at heart' is basically a summary of me Buster: Is any night not dickhead night? Genuine question, like Rio: Can't argue Rio: so chivalrous 😍 Rio: You've been a punter in enough to know the answer to that Buster: So only when I'm there? Okay, I guess I'll have to come back Rio: Looks like it Rio: Tough job but someone's gotta Buster: Not afraid of hard work, don't worry Rio: Exactly Rio: you need a challenge Rio: school ain't it Buster: Can't argue Rio: How bad did all your mates miss you then Rio: not bad as me, obviously Buster: None of 'em wear lipstick so how bad they missed me is an easy secret to keep Buster: Unlike you Rio: 😏 Rio: Amateurs Rio: and I'll pay for your dry-cleaning, was worth it Buster: Telling me to get friends who do? Please, you'd be so jealous of any girl who got to spend the day with me Buster: Nah, you spent enough on the hotel & that was even more worth it Rio: 😒 Oh tah Rio: make me sound like that bitch 🐇 Rio: You can have whatever friends you wanna, including boys who might wanna glow up, no judgment 💁 Buster: 😂 Rio: I am jealous of anyone and everyone who gets to see you right now though Buster: Tell me about it, I'm even jealous of your undesirable customers Buster: I really miss you, you know Rio: You can tell me about that Rio: you better Rio: 'cos I miss you stupid amounts Buster: All I've done since I got back here is think about you Buster: I'm already in trouble, but I can't & don't wanna stop Rio: What kind of trouble Buster: I have to write lines & they ain't about how much I wanna be with you so it'll be a struggle Rio: I didn't know they still did shit like that Rio: I won't make you write it out but can think of lots of ways you can show me Buster: My school is stuck in a different century, I've told you before Buster: Yeah? Let me know when you've thought long & hard about it then Rio: Could at least make it fun and cane you though Rio: honestly Buster: Like I've also said, there ain't any young, hot female professors to make that a real shame Rio: I remember Rio: Just trying to get distracted, like I said Buster: I approve of how committed you are Buster: Keep trying Rio: 😞 Don't be mean Rio: I don't wanna go back to the flat after this shit either, I miss the hotel Buster: Not mean, motivational Buster: Come on Buster: You could go back to the hotel Rio: Live there Rio: my life ain't that goals yet that they're giving me permanent residency Buster: Well, I was thinking more like get the same room & stay a few more nights to remember & reminisce Buster: If they've fixed the bed Rio: 😏 Don't worry lads, I'm just here to 'reminisce' Rio: I wonder if I could go that hard alone Buster: You have to go & find out Rio: Well if I have to Rio: that settles it Buster: It's the only experiment that'll hold my attention so unless you want me uneducated Rio: Can't have that Rio: gotta keep everyone on side Rio: your parents and professors included Buster: Exactly Rio: 'cos you know I'm so good at keeping it secret, don't lie Buster: I know how good you are at everything Buster: You're a very talented girl Rio: 🤤 Rio: Please Buster: Please, what? Buster: Use your words, baby Rio: Please can this month be over so you can be here again with no need for excuses Buster: You don't need to wait that long, I'll come at the weekend if that's what you want Rio: I can come to you Buster: Whichever Rio: but you can be here all summer, right? Rio: or we can go somewhere Buster: Of course Buster: Think about somewhere you wanna go Rio: I'll start looking Rio: not getting shit for being on my phone enough, obvs Buster: Me too Rio: I don't care Rio: should consider themselves lucky, if you were here, I wouldn't be at work at all so Buster: They are lucky, there's nothing I wouldn't do to have you here right now instead Rio: I really miss you Buster: I know Buster: & You know I feel the same way too Rio: I know Rio: but always like hearing it Buster: Alright, I really fucking miss you, Rio Rio: Name too Rio: you really wanna make me happy 😊 Buster: Yeah, obviously, 'cause I like saying your name as much as you like hearing it Buster: & Making you happy is all I want Rio: It sounds good in your mouth, baby Buster: It tastes good, just like the rest of you Rio: Ugh Rio: you're so hot Rio: why can no one here get close to your level Rio: if they feel they've gotta try Buster: No one anywhere can get on this level Buster: It's only me & you Rio: Yeah Rio: I know that now Rio: had suspicions but now I'm sure Buster: You better, babe Rio: You know I do Rio: wasn't I vocal enough? Buster: You can always give me more Buster: I believe in you Rio: So encouraging Buster: Yeah Buster: [sends a selfie like oh hey to be even more encouraging] Rio: God Rio: This is gonna be so motivational when I finally get off this shift Buster: When's your next break? Rio: How inspirational are you planning to be? Buster: As inspirational as I always am Rio: Give me 10 then Buster: Okay Rio: Hey good looking Buster: 😏 Buster: You're the one who looks fucking beautiful Rio: I'm knackered Buster: Well, you don't look it Buster: What can I do so you don't feel it Rio: Tell me how you're gonna help me relax Buster: So many kisses, of course, I'm just debating where to start Rio: [selfie pointing to her pouting like here] Buster: Baby Buster: I'm gonna make it better Rio: I believe you Buster: Expect a delivery, you need all your other favourite things when you're done since I can't be there Rio: I just Rio: love you Rio: you know Buster: Where are you gonna be, I'll do it now Rio: The hotel Rio: I do want just one more night Buster: Easy then Buster: Prepare to be spoilt, babe Rio: You're the best Buster: I love you & it's even easier to do Rio: Is it so weird being back Buster: Weird ain't the word Rio: I've been worried about you Rio: Know I don't need to but Buster: You're right, you don't Buster: It's only a month, like Rio: I know Rio: but so many people around you suck Buster: I can be a bigger cunt than any of 'em, there's no contest Rio: No Rio: you're such a sweetie Buster: Shut up & keep my secret Rio: 😏 Rio: fine Rio: I like having it just for me Buster: Good 'cause I'm all yours Buster: & There's nothing you can't have, you know Rio: Really? Buster: Really Buster: Anything you want Rio: I just want you Rio: I should think of more but Buster: What more could you want? Like you said, I'm the best Buster: Come see me Rio: Exactly Rio: When? Buster: Whenever you can Rio: I have Wed-Thurs off this week but I can still come Rio: easy enough to entertain myself during the day, get some work done Buster: Be here then Buster: I'll come home for lunch Rio: Find me some cheap hotels that aren't a million miles from you Buster: You can stay, there's nobody in during the day Rio: Are your parents really not gonna realize Rio: or do I have to be really really quiet Buster: You're gonna have to be a good girl at night Buster: Quiet enough they don't hear us on their floor Rio: 😇 Rio: Always, you know that 😏 Buster: I'll take you out if you need to be loud Rio: See how long you last Buster: Always underestimating me, babe Buster: Worry about yourself Buster: But don't 'cause I can handle keeping you quiet too Rio: Nah, just miss your noises 💔 Rio: but that'll make it up to me Rio: I reckon Buster: [sends her a little recording so she doesn't have to miss his voice saying hot things at least] Rio: 🤤 Rio: your voice Buster: [even hotter things said in an even hotter voice] Rio: Daddy Buster: Call me Rio: [Does, obvs] Buster: Do you have to go back now? Rio: Yeah Rio: only got a couple of hours left Rio: but 😞 Buster: I'll be here with you Rio: How are you nicer to me than any boyfriend I've had tbh Rio: even the not crazy ones Buster: I told you, no half measures Buster: Everything I do is 100% or why would I do it, like Buster: & You're the best thing that's ever happened so obviously you're getting the most Rio: You'd have been such a good boyfriend Rio: no wonder they're raging, like Buster: Am I? Rio: Are you what? Buster: A good boyfriend Rio: Are you my boyfriend Buster: Yeah Rio: Oh Rio: then yes Rio: the best Rio: of course Buster: [a selfie that's trying to be OTT smug but just looks happy cos that's how he really feels] Rio: that's my boyfriend Rio: 😋 Buster: I like the sound of that Buster: I never thought I would, but coming from you, it's just Rio: Yeah? Good Rio: I didn't think I'd ever say it so Rio: headfuck but good Buster: Can I tell people I have a girlfriend then? Rio: If you wanna Rio: will make turning everyone down easier, for sure Buster: Not that that's the reason Buster: But agreed Rio: You're cute bye Buster: I'm in love, I don't wanna have to hide that as well as who with, that's all Rio: You don't have to Rio: Me either Rio: just don't make your fake gf absolutely nothing like me or I'll be fuming 😒 Buster: I mean, you've gotta be American, 'cause that makes the most sense Buster: Unlucky like Rio: Truly the worst Rio: I'll deal but it'll be a struggle, like Buster: Loads of 'em are always going on about their 1/9th Irish heritage & shit though so Rio: How do they even work that out Rio: I don't think they know how percentages work, tbh Buster: After having sat in many a maths lesson there, I can confirm Rio: 😂 Rio: You'll take my 1/4th and be happy with it Buster: What do you want your fake name to be? Paris? Sydney? Odessa? Vienna? Buster: So many possibilities, honestly Buster: 😂 Rio: World's your oyster, duh Rio: gotta be Paris Rio: really changed the sex tape game Buster: Have you been there? Rio: No, haven't actually Buster: I'll take you then Buster: You'll like it Rio: That's a trip sorted then Rio: still have to do a guaranteed sun getaway too, obviously Buster: We need at least a week alone somewhere hot & beachy, if not a fortnight Rio: Definitely Rio: Maybe we should save that for the end Rio: right before you have to go back Buster: Good idea Buster: One of the week's anyway, we can do another somewhere else if you have the days Rio: We're gonna go everywhere together Buster: Definitely Buster: I don't wanna go anywhere without my girlfriend Rio: There you go, making me weak Rio: baby 😍 Buster: Lie yourself on that bar, baby Buster: Take a moment Rio: Don't tempt me Rio: though the tips would be amazing Buster: But tempting you is my fave Buster: & You'd look so perfect up there Rio: But I want you here to see Rio: more than see Buster: You can show me Buster: & If I like what I see, when I'm back, I'll lift up there & show my appreciation in person Buster: you* Rio: Challenge accepted Rio: as I'm closing tonight Buster: Good Rio: if we can call it a challenge Rio: obviously, you'll like it Buster: I didn't reckon challenge was the word Buster: Unless you really are that tired Rio: I'm revived now Rio: not to fuel your god complex more than I already do Buster: It ain't your fault worshipping me feels so good that you wanna do it all the time Rio: Can't disagree Rio: just evangelical like that Buster: Yeah Rio: Hard work being an 😇 but I like it Buster: Not being my angel Buster: I'll make sure that's easy Rio: I don't mind if it's hard Rio: I can handle it Buster: I know you can Rio: You're worth any amount of bullshit, for real Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you too Rio: sleeping without you is shit Buster: It's worse here than when I was away, there was host families & shit around then Buster: I hate it Rio: Babe Rio: I'm sorry Rio: you know I'll always be here though, even though it's just on the phone Buster: Probably too late for me to move schools & to Dublin too, yeah? Rio: Probably Rio: you didn't put in all that hard work and as many years for nothing Rio: gotta let your school's clout work for you or else what was the point, yeah Buster: Obviously, it's just not how I thought it'd be, coming back Rio: What's different? Buster: Me Buster: Us Buster: But too much of the bullshit is still the same Buster: I've wanted to beat the shit out of half my friends today, just for being who they are & were, like Rio: Makes sense Rio: It happens Rio: some of my friends I've got nothing in common with now Rio: and lots of yours were already immature before you really started to change yourself so Rio: it's awkward when you still have to see them though Rio: be part of it and not feel it Buster: I don't know what the fuck to do & uncertainty ain't me Rio: Well Rio: what are your viable options Rio: you can pie 'em all but then, like it or not, you'll be more lonely unless there's other people you wanna be friends with but assumedly you would be already Rio: or you can deal for the sake of company but have to deal with their bullshit without smacking 'em one Buster: I'll just shut myself away studying when you aren't here then 🤓 Done Rio: 😏 Rio: Do you just play football for your school Rio: you should join a team if not, outside of it, they can't all be nightmares too Rio: you'll be fine, fuck them, like Buster: I have a team & all the boxing lads too Buster: Obviously, I'm a delight 👑 everyone loves me Buster: I'm gonna join a new gym for my general workouts though, further from school 'cause your point is valid Rio: As long as it's not as much as me, I'm happy about that Rio: good idea Rio: just do what you gotta to make day to day school bareable Rio: you'll be gone sooner than you know it so Buster: Rio Rio: yeah Buster: Cheers Buster: Shit was feeling like a lot there for a second Rio: 'Course Rio: I'm gonna try and be a good girlfriend too, like Buster: You are Buster: I mean it, I feel well better 'cause of you Buster: Having you here with me, on my side Rio: Get used to it Rio: 'cos that's how you've got it now Buster: I'm doing my best to Buster: At least it's a positive headfuck Rio: As long as it is Rio: I only wanna be good for you Rio: in all the ways I could mean that Buster: It is & you are Buster: I love you so much Rio: I love you the most Buster: There you go again with your underestimation of me, babe Rio: If you wanna make it a competition, babe Rio: don't see how I can lose Buster: You will but it'll feel like a win anyway Rio: Exactly Rio: I want you to love me best Rio: 👑 Buster: Don't I? Buster: You want better, yeah? Okay Buster: Noted Rio: You know you do Rio: I want it forever Buster: I'm yours forever Rio: You'll be hot when you're old Buster: Unless my kids age me horribly Buster: But then I'll go under the knife, like Rio: Would you Buster: With the size of my ego, obviously Rio: Don't get all plastic and non-moving Rio: that ruins the whole point Buster: I know you wanna see all my facial expressions, don't worry Rio: 😏 Buster: [selfie that's basically that emoji but sexier] Rio: rude Rio: indecent Rio: trying to concentrate Buster: Not yet Buster: [sends a pic that's actually rude & indecent] Rio: Well now you're just being Rio: ugh Rio: I can make everyone leave early right Rio: that'd go down well Buster: It's what they deserve for being cunts Buster: Concentrate on me Rio: I can't not Rio: tried that Rio: didn't work, not worth it Buster: I can't focus on anything but you either Rio: I really will have to start helping you study Buster: Please Rio: 🤤 I mean Rio: I was going to but since you were polite Buster: What can I say? You've taught me that much already Rio: You're a good pupil Buster: I'm a quick learner, yeah, but I'm an even better teacher Rio: Are you now Buster: Deny it Buster: You've never regretting following a single instruction from me, have you? Rio: No but Rio: if I started thinking about this fantasy I ain't gonna wait 'til they're gone Buster: Don't wait Rio: Is that an instruction or an idea Buster: I'm telling you, not asking you Rio: Yes sir Buster: Don't just say what I wanna hear Buster: Do it for me Rio: Everyone's looking at me Rio: but I am Buster: Everyone's always looking at you Rio: I can't handle it right now Rio: trying to focus Buster: So focus Rio: Okay Buster: Priorities, babe Buster: [sends her something motivational, wink wonk] Rio: I did promise I'd do better Rio: I meant it Rio: You deserve it, look at you Buster: You deserve it more, I don't even have to look at you to know or mean it Rio: [Sends 😳 pic anyway] Rio: I want you to look at me Buster: I can't look away now Buster: Fuck Rio: you are meant to be teaching me here Rio: lead by example Rio: show me how it's done Buster: [obviously shows her a lot of things but I'm loling imagining like an 80s instructional video] Rio: Good thing it is so loud in here Rio: oh my god Buster: & Warm 'cause you're gonna work up a sweat following my lead Rio: I'm already so red Rio: but I can get hotter Buster: Red suits you Rio: Yeah? Buster: Of course, that lipstick didn't just look good on my collar, like Rio: 🤤 Rio: If you like it that much I better show you what I'm wearing under what I'm wearing Rio: ['cos of course a bitch would wear red under white lmao] Buster: 😍 Buster: See, I'm always right Buster: You look so fucking good Rio: I feel it Rio: you're so right Buster: I can tell Buster: You're really making me feel better too Rio: Good Rio: Don't forget who you are Buster: How could I? I'm yours Rio: You're mine Rio: and I only deserve the best of everything Rio: that's you Buster: We've both got the best of everything, that's this Buster: I'm never gonna forget that Rio: Promise Buster: I promise you, Rio Rio: Not just for me, you know Rio: I never won't care about you Buster: Good, 'cause you're the only person I've cared about for such a long time Buster: I'll love you forever Rio: I'll love you forever too Rio: no matter what Buster: You can, you're safe with me, no matter what Rio: I trust you Buster: Even if you're the only person who ever says that to me, I don't care Rio: I won't be Buster: It's you I wanna hear it from anyway Rio: Easy Rio: it's true Rio: no matter how much I like making you happy, I'm never saying anything I don't mean Buster: Me either Rio: That's why I trust you Rio: you've definitely said some bullshit in the past but on the whole Rio: you don't lie like most people do Rio: without even knowing they are Buster: It's a self-preservation thing for me, but I'm developing better habits for coping now, like Buster: Loving you being the main one Rio: Beats heroin Buster: Good to know, babe Buster: Haven't tried it myself Rio: Shut up Rio: Idiot Buster: 😂 Rio: You think I'm so scummy 😒 Buster: No, I don't Buster: I think you're a goddess, you know that Rio: [sends dramatic pouty selfie] Buster: Baby Buster: How else can I treat you like one? The hotel's been sent so many treats for you Buster: Do you want more? Rio: You don't need to do that Rio: I'm only playing Buster: It's done Buster: [let's say he's also just sent flowers to arrive at the pub before she finishes cos extra like that] Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: You can't keep spoiling me like this Buster: Yes I can Buster: It's literally the least I can do Rio: You are so lovely Rio: too good Buster: You mean good enough for you Buster: That's what I am Rio: No, too good Rio: but I'll keep you anyway Buster: You're too good & I'm keeping you Rio: I need to up my game Rio: motivational always, babe Buster: Me too Buster: So much work to do Rio: Teamwork 💪 Buster: Cheers for the reminder I need to hit the gym as well Rio: Don't worry, all that we do 100% counts as a full body workout Buster: Only if you wanna go again for a few more hours Rio: Who do you think you're talking to rn Buster: An angel, obviously Buster: A good girl like you can't take the risk of getting fired Rio: They'd never fire me Rio: the only reason to drink here, like Buster: Oh so you wanna test the limits? Okay I'm good at that Rio: You know I like breaking boundaries Rio: that along with how much I always want you isn't exactly news Buster: Just 'cause I know it don't mean I don't wanna hear you say it again Rio: I wish you were here Rio: not just so I could tell you all the things I wanna Rio: but it's so rude I never got to close up whilst you were here Buster: Make sure you do in summer then Buster: Or give me a weekend sooner Rio: 'Course Rio: I'll get to more now Rio: Shona and Mark always wanted to do it 'cos they were having a really blatant affair but that's on the rocks so Buster: Their loss is our gain Rio: Soz babes Rio: they're both married so console yourselves with your neglected partners, like Buster: Or cheat outside the workplace Buster: Either/or Rio: Don't reckon we can judge anyone for doing things they shouldn't, babe 😏 Buster: Everything I'm doing I definitely should Rio: Hey, I think so too Buster: Though, it could be argued that my strong desire to say fuck it & catch a flight to be with you goes against that Buster: By several people if not me Rio: I've said it hundreds of times Rio: no need for school to be in person Rio: but you know Rio: 'til then, baby Buster: My school needs to stop being so old fashioned & let us study online Rio: We've all been socialized enough by our age, lbr Rio: ugh, real life Rio: what a drag Buster: Even my parents would struggle to deny how much socialisation I've had Buster: They've seen the aftermath of every house party, like Rio: 🙄😏 Exactly Buster: Your visit will keep me going though Rio: 'Course Rio: that's the plan, like Buster: Do you wanna stay in, go out or both? Rio: Hmm Rio: Should probably go out Rio: so we don't become hermits, for one Rio: and so I have things to post for all these weekends away Rio: besides pictures of you that are trying to look like not pictures of you Buster: Well, as long as we leave this postcode we ain't gonna run into the cunts I know Buster: The rest of London is all ours, babe Rio: Easy Rio: World definitely does not start and end in SW, like Rio: don't tell 'em or nothing Buster: I'll take you shopping, buy you more red Rio: 💖 Rio: We are gonna need city break AND beach resort wear so Rio: a must, really Buster: Exactly Buster: We're not gonna wear the shit we did last summer, fuck that Rio: Not even for the mems Buster: Okay, I admit I might keep some from this one Buster: 'Cause the memories will just be Rio: 😍 Rio: So adorable Buster: I'll probably give most of it to you for when you miss me though Rio: Why are you trying to kill me Rio: It'll be the best summer in Rio: forever Rio: I swear Buster: I haven't looked forward to going back there this much since we were kids, you know Buster: Unsurprising that again it's your fault, like Rio: I'll take the credit, happily Rio: even though I will have to share you some of the time so it's not suspect Buster: Yeah, I'll show up for granddad as per Buster: Be less of a drunken mess this time though maybe Rio: You what Buster: So you want me to get wasted then? Rio: Oh, I thought you was calling ME a drunken mess Rio: like rude and untrue 😂 Buster: I know my memories of fam functions ain't that reliable but I can safely say I reckon calling you out for that would make me a next level hypocrite even if you were Rio: You can try it like but I could be that bitch and scroll 'til I find evidence Buster: You're alright Rio: 😂 Rio: You don't wanna relive those memories, then? Rio: fair Buster: Are you telling me you do? Rio: Probably not Rio: I try not to think about before Christmas Buster: You don't have to, we're gonna make so many more good memories for you to think about instead of that bullshit Rio: It wasn't all bad Rio: idk Rio: a lot was but Buster: Regardless, I'm gonna do better Rio: Me too Rio: no more wasted time Buster: I love you Rio: I love you Rio: are you gonna invite me to your birthday this year or what Buster: Before I decide, are you gonna jump out of a cake for me or not? Rio: I know how you feel about being upstaged, babe Buster: You know you're the exception Rio: Then sure Rio: I'll stick to the strict non-costume dresscode this time Buster: Like I said, those rules don't apply to you, if you wanna wear a costume, I won't be mad Rio: 😏 Rio: Keep it as a maybe Buster: Alright Rio: is Halloween after-all Rio: how gutting, you have to share with your sister AND a holiday, like Buster: Don't Rio: Poor boy Rio: I'll make you feel special this year, don't worry Buster: Yeah, you will Rio: What did you do for your 16th anyway? Buster: I know you saw all my holiday pics, don't act like you didn't Rio: 🙄 Of course Rio: That one kept showing me how lavish he was living, even if I was trying to ignore you at the time Buster: You didn't post as much as I expected on yours though Rio: Meh Rio: Standard party Rio: can't drink, can't drive Rio: weird birthday to rate in this country, like Buster: Fuck that we're having another sweet 16 for you this summer then Buster: Me & you Rio: 😂 it's alright, you can say you don't fancy our chances of making it to december, like Buster: I'm serious Buster: Pick a day & that'll be your birthday re-do Rio: It wasn't THAT bad, babe Buster: You're really turning down a day of me doing whatever you say or giving you whatever you want? Buster: Who am I talking to right now, like Rio: I thought I got that all summer 😉 Buster: I like telling you what to do too much Rio: Lucky for you I like that too Buster: Lucky ain't the word Rio: I miss you Rio: you can still tell me what to do from far away but sometimes I just need you to make me, you know Rio: I can only be so good when you ain't here Buster: I miss you too, baby Buster: I'll see you really soon though, yeah? Buster: Book your flights Rio: Yeah Rio: I will Rio: everyone has finally pissed off, pretty much Buster: Good 'cause I was about to get on a plane & kick 'em out for you Rio: ♘ Rio: our security is laughable, like Rio: bless 'em Buster: Don't tell me that Buster: Now I really am gonna have to get you a new job Rio: You're so cute Rio: I'm just saying, I do a beter job of getting them to shift than Mike, who's probably starting a game of pool or something Buster: I'll have a word with him next time I'm there then Rio: He's pushing 60 Rio: you big bully 😂 Buster: An actual word not a word 🥊 Buster: Behave Rio: 😘 Rio: Not my fault you look hot in the ring Buster: I look hot whatever I'm doing & wherever I am, like Buster: I've got a fight coming up actually though, 'cause there weren't no time to do more than practice in the US, you can come if you want Buster: [sends her the deets] Rio: If you say so, baby Rio: Sure, I can bring Janis Buster: You should be saying so, babe Buster: Yeah, she'll be into seeing me win Rio: Come on Rio: have to tease you sometimes Rio: just keeping you on your toes, it's practice Rio: you're welcome 😉 Buster: I'll forgive you only 'cause of that seamless 🥊 tie in Buster: Not 'cause I like being teased, obviously Rio: 'Course not Rio: I'll never tell Buster: It gets hotter every time you say that Rio: You like secrets too Buster: I like our secrets Rio: They're the best kind, obviously Buster: 'Course Rio: What other secrets you got then 👀 Buster: You know I ain't ever been able to keep any from you Rio: 😏 Good answer Rio: you sure you've not had a girlfriend before, like Buster: Shut up, it's true Buster: Whether I've always liked or not Buster: You pay too much attention Buster: Such a mum, like Rio: How rude Rio: calling me nosy Rio: you just weren't that good at keeping secrets Rio: you've got better, all this practice Buster: 'Cause I wanted people to notice, obviously Rio: Yeah Rio: I know Buster: I can keep secrets when I want to, don't worry Rio: I know that too, baby Buster: Why do you think I keep telling you how smart you are? Rio: You love complimenting me Buster: Yeah, but not lying to you Buster: They have to be true Rio: You're just nice Rio: you think they're all true Buster: They are all true Rio: I'm not gonna fight it Buster: Good, don't Rio: I'm not stupid Rio: you can think whatever good thing you wanna Buster: Yeah, I can Buster: Clearly, 'cause I do Rio: Shh Buster: I'd like to see you try & make me Rio: That is a challenge Rio: if you wanted me to get you to make some noise Rio: no problem Rio: Hmm Buster: 😏 Buster: Well, if you can't do it, you can't do it Rio: Did I say that, boy Buster: It was heavily implied, but alright Rio: 😒 Buster: Calm down & rise to the challenge Rio: I am Rio: be patient Buster: Fine, I'll do my best Rio: You'll have to Rio: I'm busy Buster: Like I said, fine Rio: [video from on that bar like hey] Rio: don't you dare be anything other than speechless Buster: [reaction vid because they just that extra] Rio: I'm saving that for the hotel Rio: finally leaving Buster: It's only fair 'cause I'm saving yours forever Rio: Glad to know you aren't deleting everything now Buster: I never did Buster: I've still got it all Rio: Cheek Rio: you made me Buster: Did you actually? Buster: Come on Rio: What if I did Rio: you owe me Buster: If you did that's a rookie mistake Rio: Don't be rude Rio: meanie Buster: Don't be an amateur, you're better than that Rio: You're the one that freaked, boy Rio: I didn't delete it anyway 😏 Buster: Fuck off Buster: I did not Rio: You so did Rio: know it was a while ago but please Buster: You so did Rio: I don't recall bribing my sister Buster: Well, you should recall that it worked, first of all & second of all, that's not losing my shit that's handling it Buster: You were the one who looked like you were gonna puke or cry, babe, that's what I recall Rio: 🙄 Rio: You definitely weren't looking at me Rio: drama queen Buster: I shouldn't have been which you should know means I definitely was Rio: Mhmm Buster: & Don't call me a drama queen Rio: 😂 Rio: That's what you're taking issue with Buster: Yeah Buster: I already knew you weren't as good under pressure as me, like Rio: Fuck off Buster: Calm down, nobody is Rio: You're ridiculous Buster: Shut up Rio: You Buster: I'm not the one taking the piss, that's you Rio: Poor baby Buster: Stop Rio: I'm only joking Buster: 'Course Rio: Don't be moody Buster: I ain't Buster: I just don't need the reminders of how close we came to fucking everything up Rio: but we didn't Buster: Still Buster: We're gonna have an entire summer that literally starts with a fam function Rio: You worried? Buster: Obviously not, we can handle it, but Rio: It'll be easier, if anything Rio: if you think about it Rio: less tension Buster: That's true, finally getting to fuck you did clear the air, a little Rio: Lovely 😏 Rio: People were only looking 'cos we was making a holy show Rio: I still maintain she didn't see anything anyway Rio: it'll be good, promise Buster: I still maintain it's not my fault you're the most distracting person to ever exist Rio: Who's gonna blame you Rio: true Buster: Whoever wants to can try but I don't care Buster: Being your boyfriend feels right & is probably the best thing I've done Rio: Yet Buster: Yeah, so far Buster: We're gonna do epic shit together, remember Rio: Yeah Rio: and just in general Buster: That goes without saying, we are who we are, like Rio: Not staying in that pub forever Rio: not the plan Buster: You ain't staying in that pub a second longer than you need to Rio: I don't hate it Rio: just gets boring Buster: You don't have to hate something to want better than it Rio: Yeah Rio: it's just about getting out there Rio: getting known Buster: You know what you're doing Rio: Cheers Rio: you're probably the only one that reckons so but me Buster: I'm the only one who really knows you other than yourself, so it stands to reason Rio: Do you think that's fucked or normal Buster: It's normal for this family & that's the one we've grown up in Rio: Yeah Rio: it's just weird to think about Buster: You don't have to think about it Rio: It's not a choice, like Buster: Yeah, it is Buster: Change it or move on from it Rio: Again Rio: how is that up to me Rio: I'm not being fake Rio: I can't force people to look deeper if they don't want to Buster: It's up to you to accept it or not Buster: Most people you'd have to open up to in order to change things aren't people you'd have to force to listen Rio: It's not that deep Rio: people don't need to know people like that Buster: You're the one telling it's weird Buster: I didn't say it Buster: I'm alright with my own circumstances, cheers Rio: Weird doesn't equal bad Rio: it is weird Rio: I've got loads of friends Rio: almost as much family Buster: Weird has more negative connotations than it does positive but whatever Rio: Not in my fam Buster: 😂 Rio: I'm being disappointingly normal Rio: far as they're aware, anyway Buster: Plenty of time for you to change that Buster: You ain't even 16 until we have your birthday again Buster: Whenever that re-do is gonna be Rio: Really repping 'barely' legal Rio: probably boost the views, tah Buster: You're welcome Rio: 😬🤢 Buster: You know you couldn't be normal on any day though, yeah? Buster: Not on my level Rio: I can tell that was meant a compliment so Rio: thanks Buster: It is, you're literally extraordinary Rio: Shut up Rio: you're such a nerd Buster: I'm keeping up with you, I keep telling you Rio: I love you Buster: You'll love me more when you get to the hotel & see everything that's waiting there for you Buster: Miss me less too Rio: 😍 Rio: I'd run rest of the way if I had more sensible shoes on Buster: I'd carry you if I could, but alas Rio: When wouldn't you Buster: You love it almost as much as you love me so shh Rio: 👑 Buster: You're so cute Rio: Yours Rio: you gotta look after me Buster: When don't I? Rio: Don't forget, that's all Buster: I won't Rio: Good Rio: I wish you were holding me right now Buster: Me too, baby Rio: I feel lonely too Buster: Don't Buster: I'm always here even when I'm not there Rio: I'm just letting you know Rio: I feel it too Buster: I knew that Buster: It ain't opposites that actually attract, is it Buster: I told you before that we're the same Buster: & We are, about shit that matters Rio: Think what you wanna of my previous choices Rio: and it'd probably be fair Rio: but never been following that cosmo level of advice, like Buster: I don't reckon I'm the right person to judge any of your choices Rio: Where's that realization come from? Buster: I've never let it stop me before 'cause I didn't want it to stop me before Buster: Don't mean I wasn't aware of the fact it wasn't my place Rio: Fair enough Rio: it's not like I didn't know Rio: or others weren't Buster: Yeah well Buster: There's only one me & I'm responsible for myself so Rio: I don't care, don't worry Buster: I care Buster: About you Buster: & Doing better Rio: Okay Rio: then it's okay Buster: Good Rio: All that's in the past Rio: I don't think about it anymore Buster: Yeah Buster: I only think about the future too Rio: We can try anyway, yeah Buster: Of course Rio: Let's stop talking about it Rio: we're not meant to lie Buster: I haven't lied Rio: Alright Buster: Do you wanna try again? I reckon you could easily sound more like you don't believe me Rio: It's got fuck all to do with believing you Buster: What then? Rio: I said, I don't wanna talk about it Rio: think about it Buster: Fine Rio: No it isn't Rio: you don't get what I mean Buster: Well, either explain it to me or don't Rio: If you're gonna be like this about it then forget it Buster: Jesus Christ Buster: I'm not being like anything Buster: I'm just saying, if you want me to understand something, tell me about it Rio: I don't want to start shit for no reason Rio: but yeah now I am thinking about it Rio: and you've said a lot worse to me than about having shit boyfriends Buster: What's your point? Buster: I was there, I know I have Rio: My point? Rio: Maybe it ain't alright Rio: I don't know Buster: It obviously isn't Buster: I've never said it was Rio: I did Buster: Don't Buster: I'm not asking you to Rio: It isn't just that Rio: saying it Rio: it's everything Rio: everything I do Buster: Do things differently then Buster: You're not my doormat, you're not anyone's Rio: You're still telling me what to do Rio: that's fucked Rio: I'm fucked Rio: I've got to go Buster: Okay Rio: Don't Buster: What? Buster: If I tell you to stay that's telling you what to do too Rio: Don't say it's okay when it clearly isn't Buster: If you need to go, you need to go Buster: I'm not gonna say fuck you, am I? Rio: This is pointless Buster: What do you want? Rio: Maybe actually kill him Rio: that might work Buster: Alright Rio: Right Rio: I'm going home Buster: That's not gonna help Buster: You know that Rio: I don't want to be alone Buster: You're not Rio: I've got to be the one to say it, yeah? Buster: Apparently so Rio: Fine Rio: it's not always the same Rio: I need someone here Buster: I'll get on a plane right now Buster: Just wait Rio: You can't Buster: I can Buster: & I will Rio: No Rio: There's no need Rio: I just need to be around other people then I'll be fine Buster: You won't be fine, that's bullshit Rio: But I will be if you come, will I? Buster: Don't be stupid Buster: Obviously not Rio: That's me Rio: stupid doormat Buster: Fuck's sake Buster: That's not you, stop this Rio: You said it, not me Buster: I said the opposite actually Rio: No, you said that I needed to change Buster: No, I said you don't need excuse how much of a cunt I was Buster: & Yeah, you can always change if you want, which you said you did Rio: Well you implied plenty by telling me I WEREN'T your doormat Buster: I told you, you aren't anyone's so you don't have to act like you are & tell me what I wanna hear Rio: Are you seriously talking about that right now Rio: that has nothing to do with it Buster: It has to do with why I said it Buster: So don't put words in my mouth Rio: I wasn't acting like anything, that's bullshit Buster: Oh my fucking god Buster: You know exactly what I mean Buster: Pick your battles, like Rio: Shut up Buster: Don't Rio: Whatever Buster: I'm not gonna let you provoke me into having a fight with you Buster: Just go home Rio: I'm on my way Rio: this conversation can be over Buster: Consider it over then Rio: Yeah 'cos I'm the one that needs to Buster: With that attitude, yeah, you do Rio: I've got more to worry about right now than my attitude Rio: sorry Buster: All the more reason to go & focus on that Buster: So goodnight, like Rio: I'm in a cab Rio: too far to walk Rio: but okay Rio: night Buster: I never assumed you were walking in those shoes, babe Buster: But cheers for the clarification on that much Rio: Should've tried for a lift but you know Buster: Too late now Rio: Figured if he's not in and I have to text him, he'll already think I wanna fuck him Rio: can't risk it Buster: What are you talking about? Rio: Drew Rio: he's the only other person who knows enough about this to talk to Buster: So you're going home to talk to him Rio: What did you think I meant Buster: You said you wanted to be around people, not have a heart to heart with the local drug dealer Rio: if I just wanted oblivious people near me I'd go home home Buster: That could've been what you meant as far as I've been made aware Rio: You said the conversation was over Buster: It hadn't been a conversation before then Rio: It's hard to talk about this stuff Buster: So you'd rather talk to Drew about it? That makes sense Rio: Yeah, it does Rio: I've told you, it's embarrassing it's Rio: too much Rio: with you Buster: You also said you trust me Buster: But whatever Rio: It isn't about trust Buster: If you can't talk to me about anything, whatever it is, then yeah, this conversation is over Rio: Fine Buster: Of course it is, you'd rather talk to him anyway Rio: Yeah, was waiting for that Buster: Well, I aim to please Buster: You're not gonna be disappointed Rio: Cute Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: Don't worry about it Buster: Why would I? Buster: I'm only in love with you, like Rio: I am sorry about that Rio: really Buster: Don't fucking say that to me Rio: What do you want me to say, Buster Rio: I am Buster: You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know that Buster: Why would I ever wanna hear that? Buster: You're not a mistake I've made, none of this is anything to apologise for Buster: Fucking hell Rio: You might not want to hear it but I want to say it because Rio: it breaks my heart that that's true Buster: I don't wanna hear it 'cause it's bullshit Rio: Not to me Buster: Yeah to you, 'cause this isn't what you really think, it's what that cunt thinks & has tried to make you think Rio: I'm a mess Rio: why would I wish that on you Buster: You're got no more shit than anyone else has Buster: Why would you want me to be alone? Rio: I don't want you to be alone Buster: Well, I don't wanna be with anyone but you so if you're gonna push me away, you clearly do Rio: No I don't Rio: it's just not that easy Buster: I want you, forever, no matter what, it's that simple as far as I'm concerned Buster: There's nothing you can say that'll change my mind Buster: & There's even less that cunt could say Rio: I'm sorry Rio: everything is shit Buster: No it's not, he is Buster: But I'm gonna kill him Rio: He always knows what to say Buster: It's not gonna happen anymore Rio: It's like Rio: the way he says things Rio: like he knows me better than anyone Rio: even me Buster: He doesn't know you, Rio Buster: He's just knows what works Buster: On literally one part of you Rio: It shouldn't work Rio: I should be stronger Buster: It ain't about strength Buster: We've all got shit can be exploited Rio: I swear Rio: I ignore him so much Rio: whatever he's saying or doing Buster: I know Buster: That's strength, babe Rio: Just sometimes, when I already don't feel all that great Rio: it's easier to listen Rio: or harder to ignore, idk Buster: If anyone understands how easy it is to give into negative impulses or self destructive bullshit, it's me, yeah Buster: You can always talk to me Rio: It's like Rio: I just want to be better Rio: you've seen too many of my worsts Buster: Don't do it for me, I already think you're the fucking best Buster: Nobody has ever made me feel like you make me feel Buster: They've never even tried Rio: I want it for myself too, obviously Rio: I wanna be the person you see Buster: Then obviously I'll do whatever I can to help you Buster: I know I'm too blunt & I make everything black & white & I'll never understand what you saw in him or half the shit that's happened 'cause of but I'll do anything for you Rio: Attention Rio: that's what I saw in him Rio: he was always at the same parties, he was nice to me, you know Buster: Well, alright I'll correct myself then, 'cause I do understand that Rio: It wasn't supposed to be deeper than that Buster: Him wanting it to be more than that is the only thing I can't blame him for Buster: 'Cause you're perfect Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: I still don't know why you like me Rio: but I'm glad you do Buster: I love you & I'm going to forever Rio: you can't help that Rio: but you could choose not to like me Buster: That'd be a bad choice & I'm not making 'em anymore Buster: & You do know all the reasons why Buster: I'm not gonna let you forget just 'cause that's what he wants Buster: Who the fuck is he? We get what we want Rio: Yeah Rio: ugh Rio: no chance we can forget this ever happened, I suppose? Buster: Nah, but I won't hold it against you that it did Rio: Alright Rio: that's fair Buster: & It won't happen again after I kill him so Rio: I wanna think about you now Rio: not him Buster: Okay Buster: Are you back yet? Rio: Yeah Buster: Is that where you wanna be still? Buster: I can get you another cab if not Rio: I'll stay here Rio: I'd still rather have people nearby Rio: but I don't wanna talk to him now Buster: Is Indie home? Rio: Yeah Rio: school night Rio: must be planning on going Buster: Helping her with her homework won't be as fun but she'll cheer you up Rio: Yeah, normalcy is welcome Rio: if not the absolute ideal, obviously Buster: I'll allow it Buster: That kind of understanding god, like Rio: Why I love you Buster: Yeah Rio: You know I love you Rio: don't ever doubt it Buster: Don't you ever doubt it Buster: That I love you & you're worthy of me Rio: I know Buster: There's a reason you're the only girlfriend I've ever had & it's not that I just really wanted to keep it in the fam Rio: 😂 Rio: Don't make me laugh Buster: Your laugh is cute & you can't stop me Rio: You're cute Rio: I missed you Buster: I miss you Buster: Just come & move in for this month, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: sure Rio: we'd get away with it, easy Buster: We could Buster: Say yes for real & I'll make the rest happen Rio: Baby Rio: you know I wanna too Buster: Then why not? Your job is boring, he's there & it's nearly summer so Indie's as focused on that as we are Rio: There must be reasons Rio: though when you put it like that Buster: There are loads of reasons why you should Buster: I'll look after you & neither of us have to feel lonely Rio: Say I did say yes Rio: why do I need to be in London for a month Rio: and will your parents let me stay Buster: Tell everyone your boyfriend's here Buster: I'm letting you stay, I'm here more than they both are Buster: But I'll get you a hotel if you don't want the questions, like Rio: Not for a whole month you won't Rio: but it's feasible Rio: hmm Buster: Say yes then Rio: I would have to sort stuff first Rio: giving in my notice, for one Buster: Of course Rio: and tell Indie Rio: and all the others Buster: Yeah but then you'll come be with me Rio: Providing that all goes okay Rio: then yeah Buster: Alright Rio: is this stupid Buster: Stupid ain't the word Rio: It feels like this can't happen Buster: No risk no reward Buster: Trust me babe Buster: If you want it, you can have it Rio: 'Course I want it Rio: I always wanna be with you Buster: Then we'll sort it Buster: Easy Rio: We've still got to be good though Rio: you go to school, I'll work Buster: 😇 Rio: 😏 Rio: Convincing Buster: I'll be so good, I swear Rio: Yeah? Buster: Hold me to it, baby Buster: I'll make you feel so good too Rio: I need you Buster: You can have me every day Rio: All to myself Buster: Just me & you Buster: All night as well Buster: As soon as you're ready Rio: I'm gonna sort it Rio: fast as I can Buster: I know Buster: I just need you too Rio: You do Rio: you don't just want me to come 'cos of all this Ryan shit, do you Buster: Obviously I want to get you away from him, but I'd still need you here if he didn't exist Buster: That's about us, not him Buster: I love you & I want you Buster: Even more than I wanna kill him Rio: Okay Rio: I just had to ask Rio: I wouldn't want to come if it was just that Buster: It's never gonna be just that Rio: I know Buster: It is gonna be okay Buster: I promise Rio: Yeah Rio: he's just annoying Rio: that's all Buster: Annoying ain't the word Buster: But we don't need to talk about him anymore if you don't want Rio: I'm so excited Buster: Yeah? Rio: Obviously Rio: how could I not be when you've already promised to be so good to me Buster: I'll keep every promise Buster: But actions do speak louder so, just wait until you're here Buster: If you reckon you're excited now, like Rio: 🤤 Rio: You're hot Buster: You're hotter Rio: Gonna be Rio: you won't ever want me to leave, like Buster: I already don't Rio: Then I'll just have to stay Buster: Please Rio: Please what, babe? Buster: Stay forever Rio: Alright Rio: I will Rio: gonna need a bigger bag Buster: That's a given for summer anyway Buster: Do you have one? Rio: Yeah, at my parents Rio: I'll get it and tell them tomorrow probably Buster: Get some coke to help you pack, it really worked for me Rio: 😂 Rio: Not the worst idea you've ever had Buster: How many times do we have to go over the fact I have no bad ideas Rio: Keep proving me wrong, babe Rio: welcome it always Buster: Keep making it sound so hot & I won't be able to help myself Rio: Please Buster: Since you asked so nicely Buster: I'll lose control for you, babe Rio: Good Rio: it's all I really want Rio: today, anyway 😏 Buster: Tell me what you want tomorrow too & I'll get a headstart, like Rio: 😂 Rio: Be more you Rio: not necessarily tomorrow's request but wouldn't be mad Buster: I'm not mad that there's no challenge there Buster: Keep that secret for me though, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: not everything has to be one to be fun, yeah Rio: I coulda told you that ages ago Buster: I don't reckon I would've listened ages ago Rio: Probably not Rio: all talk, you were Buster: Shut up Rio: 😘 Rio: Bless Buster: Behave Rio: I don't wanna Rio: I miss you Buster: I'll call you if you're good Rio: How good have I gotta be Rio: and for how long Buster: Depends how long you want me to talk to you for Rio: 'Til I fall asleep, obviously Rio: who am I Buster: Well, how tired are you right now, then? Rio: Not very Rio: why, are you? Buster: No Rio: is that a no no or a not going to admit it no Buster: It's a 'how could I be tired when I miss you this hard' no Rio: Good Rio: only ever trying to exhaust you in fun ways not actual Buster: Don't be doubting my stamina Rio: You could still be jetlagged Rio: my poor baby Buster: I'm as fine as I can be without you here Rio: So soon Buster: I'm gonna make you so happy every day that you're staying, I swear Rio: You always do Rio: I dunno how I went without before Buster: You don't ever have to now Buster: Wherever I go, I'm bringing you with me Buster: Literally as much as possible, but always on my phone if not Rio: Not that I'm needy or anything 😏 Buster: You know I like it Buster: & That I want you just as bad every time Rio: That's why I don't feel weird Rio: or mind letting you know Buster: That's why you're the only girl I've ever really wanted Rio: Yeah Rio: I feel it too Rio: we're just the same Rio: in loads of ways Rio: but especially that way Buster: Exactly Buster: I didn't know it was possible to actually be this compatible with someone Rio: I can't even bring myself to be mad that it's you, of all people Rio: not anymore Buster: Excuse you Buster: So impolite Rio: Obviously not personal, silly Buster: Good backtrack, babe Rio: I meant 'cos you're my cousin, duh Buster: You also meant 'cause I used to be such a cunt though Rio: Well I didn't but you know Buster: Say that you're lucky to have me Rio: Really Buster: Come on Buster: Be nice Rio: You know I love you Rio: 'course I am Buster: [calls cos he said he would if she was a good egg]

[killerqueenjoy]

99 Question Tag

okay okay I know i got tagged to do this like a month ago on my main blog by @santonicababy iM SORRY LIN ILY BUT THIS WAS SO DAMN LONG

1) DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED

I sleep in the room where everybodies closets are and they all gotta be closed goddamn do you know how spooky it is to even have one open during the night

2) DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS

my parents do, but alas I don't use them in case they have silicones or sulphates in them because I got a whole lotta curls to protect

3)DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

if this refers to the sheet protecting the mattress, then my answer is in because how the fuck would you be able to sleep with that moving around???

4) HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE

NO SORRY IM BORING

5)DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST IT NOTES

heck yeah, but for random shit

6) DO YOU EVER CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM

nee my parents are fancy fuckers who use the coupons on their phone (our local supermarket has a damn app skskksksk)

7) WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES

a bear because its one giant son of a bitch and not millions of tiny motherfuckers and also I've never been stung by a bee and intend to keep it that way because majority of my family seem to be allergic

8) DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES

nope! I have a couple beauty spots on my hands and face but thats kinda it

9) DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES

not really but if I've been told to smile then its 200% dead inside

10) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE

i find many things annoying

11)DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK

only when i go up and down stairs, but i also try to make sure i step with each foot equally (if that makes sense) and i step on only certain colour tiles when im bored

12) HAVE YOU EVER PEED IN THE WOODS

the real question is have i ever been in the woods? both answers are no

13) HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS

refer to question 12

14)ummmm idk what this question is meant to be curse you Lin

15)DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS

nope, the idea weirds me out

16) HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK

none, this week and in general

17) WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED

one person and a long yet smol doggo size

18) WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK

Eddie from the Rocky Horror Picture Show has been stuck in my head for the whole week so yeah i guess that

19)IS IT OKAY FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK

HeLL YEAH DUDE HAVE YOU SEEN RAMI MALEK IN PINK

SKSKSKSKS END MY LIFE

but yeah, anyone can wear anything they want to wear (although a suit made out of meat might not be wise)

20) DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS

dudeeeee scooby doo and tom and jerry are my jam I watch them on the regular (among other things)

21)WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MOVIE

uhhm idkkkkk I tend to repress bad movies sksksk

22)WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME

idk shove it in the closet ig at least it will be hidden behind my sexuality

23)WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER

I usually only drink before or after but ig water??? cooldrink if I'm in a restaurant

24)WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN

depends on the nug

25)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD

How dare you assume i only have one favourite

tbh it depends cos i love pizza and pasta and stuff but then i cannot live with my granny's curries ksksmks

26) WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE

borhap, sing street, rhps, the natm movies, the harry potter movies, any mcu movies

27)LAST PERSON YOU KISSED/KISSED YOU

ahhahahahahahha bold of you to assume anyone wants to do that

28) WERE YOU EVER A BOY/GIRL SCOUT

nope but I was a catrobat which is basically my preschools acrobatics team that was actually really terrible

29)WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE

nahh m8

30) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A LETTER TO SOMEONE ON PAPER

this week for a transactional task at school (It was in Afrikaans and I got a C skskskks)

31)CAN YOU CHANGE THE OIL IN A CAR

omg no

32)EVER GOTTEN A SPEEDING TICKET

not old enough to drive!

33)EVER RAN OUT OF GAS

my parents never have for as long as i can remember

34)WHATS YOUR FAVOURITE KINDA SANDWHICH

cheese because I am actually John Deacon

35)BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST

MUFFINS!!!!

36)WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME

school nights its 11pm otherwise i dont have one lol

37)ARE YOU LAZY

YES BUT MY LAZINESS MAKES ME ANXIOUS OOF

38)WHEN YOU WERE A KID WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN

we dont celebrate that here but i rly want to it seems fun!

39)WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN

Ram, which is really cool because im an Aries, so I'm sheep squared

40)HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK

English, Afrikaans (at a basic highschool level), I could speak very vERY basic isiZulu when I was younger but I'm not sure about now, I know a bit of French and Telugu, and I'm gonna start learning Hindi soon!!

41) DO YOU HAVE ANY MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS

nee

42) WHICH ARE BETTER, LEGOS OR LINCOLN LOGS

i didn't play much with legos and i have no idea what the second one is rip

43)ARE YOU STUBBORN

to an extent

44)WHO IS BETTER, LENO OR LETTERMAN

I kept reading Leno as Lenin ffs

45)EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS

I watch them occasionally with my granny, but I don't keep up with them very well (Kasamh Se is my shit tho)

46)ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS

no, im afraid of falling in general tho

47) DO YOU SING IN THE CAR

My dad and I bop frequently to Never Gonna Give You Up in the car, and also classic bollywood songs (we have even learnt the choreography for some)

48)DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER

i perform

49) DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR

well theres not exactly much space

50)EVER USED A GUN

nope

51)LAST TIME YOU GOT A PORTRAIT TAKEN BY A PHOTOGRAPHER

not sure

52)DO YOU THINK MUSICALS ARE CHEESY

most are but thats why i like them

53) IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL

we don't celebrate because we're not Christian (we still eat a lot and exchange presents tho), but it can get stressful if we have to visit extended family, mostly because my extended family loves to insult everything about me so thats great!

54)EVER EAT A PIEROGI

not i good sir

55) FAVOURITE TYPE OF FRUIT PIE

never had one, it doesnt appeal to me

56) OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID

a vet

57)DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS

i am a ghost

58)EVER HAD A DEJA-VU FEELING

not that i remember

59)DO YOU TAKE A VITAMIN DAILY

yes, I take a multi vitamin, a vitamin D pill because I'm vitamin D deficient, and im not sure if this is a vitamin or not but i take evening primrose oil so that im not outwardly a bitch due to pms

60)DO YOU WEAR SLIPPERS

i wear slipper socks, because my doggo got jealous of my doggie slippers and murdered them in cold blood

61)DO YOU WEAR A BATH ROBE

i have one and rarely use it because i forget it exists

62)WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED

a random shirt and pants, though ive been known to kick pants off (ive been doing that since birth), occasionally i manage to get the matching pj set

63)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT

ive unfortunately never been to a concert before

64)WALMART TARGET OR KMART

ive never seen any of these stores in my country

65)NIKE OR ADIDAS

i own neither

66) CHEETOS OR FRITOS

neither

67)PEANUTS OR SUNFLOWER SEEDS

Peanuts because thats my doggos name!

68) EVER HEARD OF THE GROUP TRES BIEN

no sorry

69)EVER TAKE DANCE LESSONS

i went to a bhangra class for about a year, and we performed for our parents at the end of that year (i was in one of the few groups that didnt have to dance in lehengas thank goodness)

70)IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE

YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING

probably something creative, but I don't mind as long as they're happy with what they're doing and its not harming others!

71)CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE

yep

72)EVER WON A SPELLING BEE

never entered one, having to spell out loud makes me anxious

73)HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO HAPPY

i think so

74)OWN ANY RECORD ALBUMS

nope

75)OWN A RECORD PLAYER

i wish

76)DO YOU REGULARLY BURN INCENSE

my granny burns incense while I'm at school because my mom and i both get really sick when its just been lit and the smell is strong. Going to the temple is a damn nightmare because of it

77)EVER BEEN IN LOVE

no, too busy fangirling

78)WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE IN CONCERT

oof a long list

Queen, Twenty One Pilots, Waterparks, Frank Iero and the Future Violents (ffs fronk stop changin the name), Panic! at the Disco...to name a few

79)WHAT WAS THE LAST CONCERT YOU SAW

refer to question 63

80)HOT TEA OR COLD TEA

both

81)TEA OR COFFEE

coffee

82)SUGAR COOKIES OR SNICKERDOODLES

sugar cookies

83)CAN YOU SWIM WELL

i wouldn't drown, but im no professional either

84)CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH WITHOUT HOLDING YOUR NOSE

im doing it right now

85)ARE YOU PATIENT

eh

86)DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING

I've only ever been to Hindi,Tamil and Telugu weddings and lemme tell you 90% of the time bands flop at those weddings because they can't sing the classics without failing miserably, so DJs are generally better. However, in that case, if a band can perform those songs, then I'd prefer a band ig

87)EVER WON A CONTEST

yep, a couple of reading contests

88)HAVE YOU EVER HAD PLASTIC SURGERY

nope, not planning on it

89)WHICH ARE BETTER, BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES

dont like olives rip

90)CAN YOU KNIT OR CROCHET

i can knit!

in fact, my friends and i are so cool that we're in our schools knitting club (which besides myself, @grandfunnyemopainter and @imjustabruh , only has 2 other members)

91)BEST ROOM FOR A FIREPLACE

lounge or study/library

92)DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED

i guess, its not on my goal list tho

93)IF MARRIED, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED

no

94)WHO WAS YOUR HIGHSCHOOL CRUSH

currently in highschool, and in love with the borhap cast, sebastian stan, stephanie beatriz and band members (theres more but yeah)

95)DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY

nope, i have only two ways to deal, be a total pushover or a total bitch

96)DO YOU HAVE KIDS

nope

97)DO YOU WANT KIDS

kind of undecided, but i do want more pets

98)WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR

Dark Blue

99)DO YOU MISS ANYONE RIGHT NOW

my dog, shes been ignoring me for about four hours now because I stayed at school for an extra hour (for knitting club!)

@softspaceboibrian @roger-taylor-owns-my-wigg @im-inlovewithmycar do it cowards

[dzpenumbra]

10/2/22

I started the day off a bit rough. I got on edge and frustrated over something small, then felt like the life just drained out of me. I slept like shit so it might have had something to do with that. Also started the antibiotics yesterday too. I don't know. I just don't like doing things that I'm not proud of. I just feel very obligated to be true to my emotions and work through them, rather than avoid or suppress them, because of how badly that has screwed me over in the past.

I'm very tired. I might try to just get to sleep.

I guess the only thing I want to share that's immediately on my mind is... well two things, I guess. The tincture... not sure what it's doing, tbh. I barely feel it and I'm almost to the highest dose. But my sleep had been getting steadily better.

The second is... I've been trying to barrel headlong through impostor syndrome and whatever it's called when you actually are doing work but you don't feel like you're working hard enough... whatever that is, that too. I have been neglecting the SketchDailies. I stopped working on Rimworld D&D. I paused the new Rimworld playthrough concept. I've been debating dropping livestreams entirely and just focusing on YouTube content. I'm just... very up in the air, I guess. The only constant right now is recording playing Session and snagging clips. The running plan is to do Instagram vids of one or two tricks that I'm learning/learned. Then release the full week of clips at the end of the week, like Friday or Saturday or something.

I don't know, I just... feel like I could be doing much more. I keep doing this whole like... being on the phone for 3-4 hours at a time thing, and the whole time I'm... not getting anything done. Like... I really need to train myself to draw when I do that shit instead of wandering around the house. Like don't get me wrong, I'm getting in good shape from just pacing in circles around my house for hours at a time. Might actually be burning too many calories doing that. So maybe I need to just train that. Or you know what... people could just come the fuck over to my house and chill and talk while I'm making art. That's a thing. I mean, they live 5 minutes away... And I'm moving in like a month.

It's so frustrating what the world has become. Maybe it's always been sorta like this, maybe the people I'm around just changed... I don't know. But what it has been in my proximity, it's been seriously impossible to get anyone to do anything. Make plans, get excited, work on projects, go on a damn walk, fuckin anything. I can barely get phone calls, honestly. I don't ever get texts. It's just so... sad. And then I end up in this weird situation where I actually feel bad about inviting people to my house, or to play games, or to go skating. Like me asking them is an imposition or something, like it puts them in the awkward position where they would have to give the implicitly obvious response "um... no..."

Ugh, I don't know what it is. But it got in my head pretty deep. And I'm really gonna need to recondition myself. I need to be around better people. And I had a mini-freakout earlier about that. How the fuck am I going to meet people my age when I move? Like... aren't they all parents now? Maybe I'm just sorta not really processing that fully on a day-to-day basis. I am single, in my mid-30s, never married, no kids. That's... not very common, is it? At least where I am, naw. I mean, I'll see a few people on dating apps that are also claiming that, but we never match. It's overwhelmingly single mothers, divorcees. Not that I have a problem with that, it's just... something I haven't experienced yet. I have never been a father. I have never been a husband. I nannied my former goddaughter for a little bit when she was real little. I took care of my dog and cat and tried to be a good father to them, once I finally grew the fuck up and took that role seriously. But never to a human that saw me as a father figure. And I strongly doubt I've ever been in a relationship with someone who liked me enough to consider marriage. So... maybe that's a barrier for me, and puts me in a weird category?

It feels almost like arrested development in a way, but the lack of distractions in this stage of life has left me cavernous amounts of free time, with which I studied, and drew, and played music, and played games. I learned. But I can never practice the things that aren't available to me, you know? Like... you can never get good at drums if you don't practice... drums. If you don't have a drum set available. You can tap on your legs and shit... okay, you know what, better analogy. You can't get good at singing if you never sing. There. I'm sure someone could find a hole in that analogy but I like it much better, it's very true. I can kinda tell when I listen to people sing what kind of context they are used to singing in. You can't practice projecting your voice if you don't have a space to practice projecting your voice in where it wouldn't be upsetting others. Like a practice space or a car or something. So that feels like my experience with social dynamics, romantic relationships and potential parenthood.

I want them very badly. I am scared of them now, which is very sad. It's a really big paradox in my personality that's been building friction. My anxieties and depression have been inflating a lot lately, I'm guessing my confidence levels are dropping pretty quick. It definitely feels like it, to be honest. The paradox I'm feeling is that I want more than anything to be a husband and a father, to have a family. My whole life I've wanted that. Now... I'm scared of it. I never have been in the past. I always was 100% all-in with it. I want nothing more than to be a dad to an awesome kid. Probably a daughter, but who knows. Maybe it's having gone through losing essentially a surrogate child. Maybe that's it. Fuck. I mean this shift is very recent... That would add up too... man, I'm really glad I journal now, I legit had no idea I felt that way.

I'm worried of fucking it up. I'm worried of having a kid who develops the same family stuff me, my brothers and my dad have. It's like... being very smart and creative... but also super anxious and withdrawn. I think it's a very likely outcome. I honestly think I could teach that kid more than anyone could have ever taught me... you know, because I put my entire life the past... 10+ years... into digging deep into the mechanics and meaning behind these behaviors. I have been exploring. The final frontier. The frontier of the human consciousness, exploring itself. I've learned a lot, I learn more and more each day. So... maybe it would actually be good. I guess I'm just sorta in-general scared now. I'm getting tired of it. Being afraid all the time is so draining.

I'm glad I wrote tonight, but I'm gonna wrap things up and try to get to bed early. This dawn to 1-2 PM sleep schedule is just kind fucking up my ability to get anything done in the world. I would really like to go on regular walks again. I miss being in nature, feeling my toes in the dirt, hearing the rush of water, the rustle of leaves, the birds calling and squirrels and chipmunks chirping. Tomorrow should be the day I get to revisit. Rest well.

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[qforqazaq]

Black Dial: The Drama

You've probably heard the latest news from the Q-pop world: L and Teddy are no longer in Black Dial.

Hmm, where shall I start?

***Disclaimer: For the convenience of the foreign fans who aren't sure what has actually happened, I tried to recreate the sequence of events to get some exposition first. I've missed some details here and there, because this was already getting too long.***

It all began when the producers of YB Entertainment posted the announcement saying that the official Instagram accounts of L, Teddy, Ray and Black Dial were hacked, so from now on everything that's going to be posted on those pages has nothing to do with YB. "Okay, the pages got hacked, whatever, it happens, no big deal", I thought. BUT! After awhile I've noticed (first ever) IG stories posted on L's and Teddy's accounts with the actual L and Teddy recording each other while giddily saying something like "Did you know that we were hacked?" - "Lol, no, did we?" - "Yeah, they say we were hacked. I am hacked, you are hacked, comeback is hacked too, hahaha".

Obviously, everyone got even more confused, like, why the hell would the producers call the accounts hacked if they were obviously not. I mean those were real L and Teddy, right?

Meanwhile, I started to read some comments about L and Teddy and something about leaving the group, which got me a huge "Wait WHAT. WTF??? Are you bloody kidding me??" moment.

I obviously couldn't believe my eyes, because, what the hell, first Newton, now Black Dial, are you for real?? When I was about to start doubting these rumours while frantically looking for more info, there came interviews from the official press conference by YB Entertainment.

There, Yesbolat Bedelkhan with Bayan and Bota Yerimbet have formally announced that Yeskeldi Quandyq, formerly known as L, and Samat Kazmaganbet, formerly known as Teddy, were no longer the members of Black Dial, that the company had terminated their contracts, the main reason being consistent violation of the contractual terms by the former members. Moreover, according to the producers, the stage names "L" and "Teddy" and all the social media accounts belong to YB Entertainment and they cannot be used by the members should the contract be terminated.

To say I was shocked is to say nothing. Because, apparently, L and Teddy have not just left the group - they were kicked out. Not only that, they basically kicked themselves out by consistently showing insubordination, disobedience, and violation of terms in many occasions. Without feeling much remorse about it too, it seems, as they didn't look very sad on those Instagram stories - that's for sure.

To make the matter worse, they had no rights to use those Instagram accounts anymore, which explained the earlier announcement about "hacking".

Frankly, that was a lot to take in, and while I was desperately trying to make sense out of whatever was happening out there, all hell let loose. Interestingly - on the producers. Because a horde or rather a flock of angry fangirls or "Ravens" started to shout accusations at the producers, blaming them in all deadly sins. According to them, it was all producers' fault, because they intentionally kicked their "biases" out; how did they dare to be so unfairly strict with them; they were shitty producers in the first place; they should have made their comeback sooner instead of postponing it; the whole "hacking" incident was made to sabotage the members' reputations, and their beloved L and Teddy did the right thing leaving this horrible company.

As for me, these accusations sounded too heated and not very convincing especially when I took a step back and started to actually think about it.

Well, let's break it down, shall we?

First of all, the question of fairness seems super childish, because we're talking about actual legal binding contracts, not some sandbox tantrums that can be resolved by shoving lollipops in kids' mouths. If one signed a contract, it is assumed that both of the parties were aware of and agreed to all of the terms in the first place. In other words, if you in a sober mind signed a legal document, complaining about stuff that you can't eventually commit to afterwards won't work. Why the hell one would even sign a contract in the first place then?

Secondly, do you really think the contract was that strict? Okay, stricter than, idk, a contract signed by the guys from 91? I do very much doubt it. I'm more than sure Yerbolat isn't that chill and understanding compared to his younger brother.

Thirdly, Black Dial is the only active project of YB Entertainment (Darrem doesn't really count) aka literally the company's only flagship product that was supposed to get its long-awaited comeback. Think about it: who the hell in their right minds, in such a crucial moment, would kick out members from the only existing group without a legitimate reason? No one. And there was one reason, a few actually, wasn't there? Moreover, according to Yesbolat Bedelkhan, they've tried very hard to keep the group intact, to smooth out those cases of disobedience and insubordination, closing their eyes to most of them. But I guess, the situation got completely out of control, so terminating the contracts was the last resort.

Fourthly, haven't you thought that the comeback was being postponed over the course of, what, 9 months? exactly because of the internal problems and conflicts inside BD and YB? What if the producers weren't sure if they could proceed should have the said members continued to "misbehave". Which they apparently did, so better cut ties earlier than later, with only one MV, and one more released song.

Next, the "hacking" incident. According to Yesbolat Bedelkhan, sometime around February 14, when BD was supposed to record a video to mark the date, L and Teddy have completely disappeared from radar, not answering anyone's calls and/or messages. The producers even tried to reach their parents at some point, to ask if everything was alright with the boys. Strangely, the parents were not reachable as well, because apparently they have changed their contacts too. Later, the producers discovered that they couldn't access official IG accounts of L, Teddy, Ray and Black Dial, because someone changed their passwords. I suppose it was then they guessed it was L and Teddy's doings, which I assume was the final blow.

Finally, Yesbolat believes that someone from outside have persuaded the boys to sabotage their own places at YB Entertainment. A certain someone with a personal grudge against YB producers. I have my guesses and I won't be surprised if this someone will collaborate with those two at some point in the future too.

Show business sucks, doesn't it.

_________________________________

Don't get me wrong, by making a case for YB Entertainment, I don't want to imply that Yeskeldi and Samat are inherently bad people or anything. Okay, I must admit I had my problems with Teddy and tbh wasn't very sad to know he has left the group (yeah, I'm crude), but I did respect L very much, coming to admire his capacity for songwriting when I took on that challenge at translating their songs (Bul Soni Yemes is a lyrical masterpiece. Period.), regarding him as a very thoughtful young man. Despite personal preferences, I didn't want anyone to leave the group in any circumstances, always hoping and betting on them to settle at least on the second place in Q-pop.

In other words, waking up to a news like this has brought me no pleasure. Further unfolding only left a bitter taste in the mouth and the feeling that you were viciously played.

However, I do still think that it was, pardon my French, totally a dick move to leave everyone and everything just like that, without a decent explanation, a formal apology to the fans at the very least. Leaving by making a public drama out of it, while openly gloating in the social media, abandoning the company, the producers and the other members who counted on them so much.

Was it fair? I think not.

I do wish them luck in whatever they're planning to do though, just to see if it was actually worth the drama, huh.

And I do certainly wish the best of luck to YB Entertainment, to the producers and the remaining vocalists in remedying the whole situation, so to speak.

And what now? Yes, YB is having their casting in search for their new rappers and everything, but what does it tell about the whole "Q-pop movement"?

It's impaled, sick and haven't even grown out legs to stand upright and move properly. People are leaving the groups whenever they want, groups changing the label companies however they want, the entertainment centres are opening and closing at flick of the fingers, and we only have about eh.. 3.5 groups who are actually doing something now? With Black Dial on the resting bed, those would be Ninety One, Mad Men, Moonlight and sort of Newton~. Considering that I'm already very cautious with the latter, skeptical with the second, and Moonlight just doesn't excite me very much, we're coming to the default settings of just clinging to the founders for now while just observing everyone else from the distance.

Nice.

What do you think though? What was the reason for BD having so many problems with its former rappers?

Is Q-pop actually going to crumble to pieces even before it becomes anything substantial?

Feel free to comment and share, and please do leave a like at least. I've been writing this for ages after all.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

look I am sleepy and tired and I've got some school shit to attend to pre-enrollment tomorrow so HEY MORAN how would you write an AU where Steve Trevor ends up as the Winter Soldier figure. bc we need more of that trope always.

Okay so I’m real into Winter Soldier AUs where their identity is discovered in the WORST AVAILABLE WAY (well, all WS AUs tbh but like come on I like to see people break down), and also this morning @littlestartopaz suggested that the Waynes are basically the Starks but more humanitarian and less weapon designer (also please note that I generally adhere to Unpretty’s Batman personality because I like it).

So basically what I’m saying here is that Bruce, after the League has formed up and suffered a nasty battle that dredged up a lot of people’s old issues, returns to the unsolved case of his parents’ murder and mulls over the information .  He has done this for most of his life when things go awry, not so much because he expects to solve the crime anymore or even because he’s still as emotionally locked in that moment as he once was, but just…it’s his parents and he doesn’t know and if there’s one thing the Batman hates, it’s not knowing.  

This time he has actual people, though, and while Clark mostly goes home to Metropolis and his day job, Diana is formally speaking on leave from her day job and she knows who he is and he lets her stay in his mansion because she really loves his gardens.  (This is what clinches it for Diana–the Batman is a marshmallow under that layer of body armor.)  So she comes across this research and the two of them start poking around and they find a loose end that Bruce hasn’t seen before.  They start pulling on it and at first they think that it goes nowhere, that it dead ends in a conglomerate of the wealthy and ethically deficient that dissolved decades ago and took all their records with it.

Two days later, Dick Grayson (probably around seventeen now) hears a quiet beep when he opens his car door and it’s only the years of practice that let him throw himself back fast enough to escape most of the shrapnel.  Bruce shows up to the hospital where Dick is getting bandaged up (burns to his left forearm and lower leg, two cracked ribs, and a nasty bit of road rash on his right cheek and shoulder) like the wrath of God, and Diana is already on site, sifting through the debris for a clue.  This is a warning, plain and simple, targeting the eldest son–death of the firstborn, Dick says like it’s at all funny, aren’t there supposed to be some other plagues before that?–but a critical mistake has been made.  Bruce Wayne is rich and powerful and people know it, and feel threatened even by ‘eccentric playboy Brucie’ because, well, one time he found out someone was paying off a surveyor to build one of his buildings on a burial site, and he came down like the fist of an angry god.

Batman, defending his partner and adopted son, is going to rip these people to shreds.  

“Huh,” Diana says with interest, tapping her comm so that Bruce can hear her.  She’s picking over what’s left of the bomb itself, armored and disinterested in the police nervously milling about.  “I haven’t seen a weight trigger like this since I was in the trenches.”

The manhunt that gets underway is subtle, at first, Diana and Bruce operating from the shadows or with the mild interest of superheros who happen to be in the area, while Clark calls in a few favors to look into the names that Bruce and Diana were pulling at.  The rest of the League isn’t told, not yet, because Bruce is protective of his identity and even more so of his secrets and he’s still adjusting even just to Diana and Clark.  

Diana does a lot of the legwork.  Clark has a secret identity to keep up and Bruce has an injured kid to duct tape to a bed (the entire Wayne household redefines ‘bad patient’ to levels that frankly amaze Diana even now) so Diana is mostly the one quietly talking to people, pushing for information, searching, seeking, hunting.  

It draws attention to her, because it looks like Bruce took the warning seriously while she did not.

It takes less than a month for someone to be sent to…deal with her.

Diana is just leaving the house of a woman whose dead husband’s brother’s boss might have had something to do with the whole mess–all of her leads have been like this, but Diana doesn’t mind because Bruce should see that people don’t always have darkness in their souls.  She’s willing to work with his kids and Clark on proving the point.  Also, she finds the concept of attacking children as horrific as she did a century ago at Veld, and Hades have mercy on anyone who did, because Diana certainly wouldn’t.  (Dick had protested that he’s almost an adult and besides he’s been fighting crime since he was nine, and Tim sat on him.  Carefully.  With affection.)  So yeah, she’s fine with digging through people who are at two or three removes from the situation on the off chance that they might have information.  Also this particular woman makes lovely home-mixed tea with rosehips and lemon and honey, so there’s also that.

She’s not certain that she’s being followed until she turns into an alley and the figure drifts after her, and…he’s good, she almost missed him.  Diana admits it at once–never underestimate your opponent, Antiope’s voice whispers through the years–and twists on her heel to face him.  She believes he’s male, but he’s masked, hard plastic too pearly to be skin that covers his face from just below his eyes all the way down, hiding mouth and keeping his jaw closed like a muzzle.  His hair was buzzed short at some point, but it’s growing out, as if no one tends to it, and his eyes are as cold and empty as the clear sky at midwinter.

Diana feels a little sick.  She was ready to take him down, hard and fast, but the man following her looks more like a tormented hunting hound than anything else.  Like he’s forgotten what it’s like to be treated as human.

“Why are you following me?” she asks, holding a hand out, palm down, as if gentling a nervous horse.  “Can you tell me who sent you?”

He raises a gun and shoots twice without so much as batting an eye.  Diana barely gets her bracers up in time, and then the alley is a melee battle, gun and blind determination against lasso and lifelong training.

Obviously, Diana wins, and the gun clatters away, followed by not one but three knives and a second small gun.  Her opponent carries more weapons on him than Bruce does, which is no small feat, and finally she tackles him outright, bracing one knee on his left wrist and catching his right in her hand as she uses all her strength to deny his attempts to throw her off, already demanding answers.

“I said,” she snarls, hooking her nails under the mask and ripping it away, “who sent–”  Her words strangle on her tongue as the mask drops from nerveless fingers.  “Oh Hades,” she breathes, and reaches out, hand trembling.  “Steve?”

He takes the moment of weakness to slam his head into her nose, and she rocks back as he rolls away.  She lashes out on instinct with her lasso, catches his ankle and yanks him back down onto the asphalt.

“Steve,” she says again, getting a better look at his face this time.

He bares his teeth at her, as if threatening to tear her throat out if that’s what it takes.  “Who the hell is Steve?”

[closedspeciesdrama]

Re: The Wendigo argument, there's this instability trait which is prevalent on the internet these days. There are a lot of very unstable young men and women who try to give themselves meaning and worth by deeming themselves "gatekeepers" of either political correctness or cultural appropriation. Down to a man the ones I've seen in CS and in other communities are typically insecure to the point of near-mania and with any number of mental issues. Gatorbite and VCR are like poster boys. 1 of 2

- The best way to deal with this sort of nonsense isn’t to argue with them which is ultimately narcissistic supply and a means for them to try and show how morally “superior” they are to their victim, it’s simply best to flat out block them if needed or ignore them. Might seem harsh but I have personal issue with the way they use issues of gender and culture to bully every community they touch and to intimidate younger people with threats of dubbing them “bad people” or public defamation. 2 of 2

(1)Citing “Windigo Psychosis: the anatomy of an emic-etic confusion” an academic journal by a group of anthropologists: “When the windigo phenomenon is considered from the point of view of group sociodynamics rather than from that of individual psychodynamics, the crucial question is not what causes a person to become a cannibalistic maniac, but under what circumstances a Northern Algonkian is likely to be accused of having become a cannibalistic maniac(2)and thus run the risk of being executed as such. It is argued that those so executed were victims of triage homicide or witch hunts, events common in societies under stress.” Hell just that alone should be enough. Algonkians and other natives were straight up murdered over a mythological creature that was used against them. No one besides Algonkians are in any placeto make a CS/adopt design based on something with such a dark historical context.(3)Looking beyond Wikipedia could have easily told you this. Also, no anon, you fucking idiot, the wendigo was a thing before the term “wendigo psychosis” even existed as a culture-bound syndrome. AND IF YOU PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER… usually “culture-bound” syndromes are inherently racist and untrue.

Didn’t vcr-wolfe get called out for something too tho like if you’re gonna be the 1# sjw for everything wouldn’t it be ironic to get a call out for a shitty thing you’ve done

OH MY GOD. that post is LITERALLY a whole fucking year ago. once again vendetta anons pull shit from their ass. that character isnt even a freaking adopt, and vcr doesnt even have a species and has hardly sold maybe 3 adopts in the last 6 months? maybe if yall weren’t reaching so far into the past for some petty bs we could stay on topic for once lmao

Wait is there any proof of them being white?? I’ve I beleive I saw vcr wolfe say they’re native or smth before. But the thunderbird thing is so stupid lmao in the Wild West tm a lot of towns only had like white people because natives were driven out. I mean depending on the characters setting. Plus there’s majority of white people. Thunderbirds aren’t like a wendigo, you can say it’s name and talk about it and it wouldn’t attack just you so I don’t see a problem lmao

I think the issue here is you’re going to have people from a culture saying something is offensive, but someone else from the same culture saying that it’s not offensive and they’re glad you’re taking interest in their culture in the first place. See: Every East Asian mythology based CS out there, basically. Literally there is no right or wrong across the board, nobody “wins”, and that’s just how life is. Grey morality exists, just let people make content they enjoy ffs.

I think the issue here is you’re going to have people from a culture saying something is offensive, but someone else from the same culture saying that it’s not offensive and they’re glad you’re taking interest in their culture in the first place. See: Every East Asian mythology based CS out there, basically. Literally there is no right or wrong across the board, nobody “wins”, and that’s just how life is. Grey morality exists, just let people make content they enjoy ffs.

People act like VCR-WOLFE’s word is law or something. I can see being passionate about causes and all but they take the cake for extremism. People should be allowed to make a character any race to fit their preferences or just their likes, of course within being respectful. I think VCR gets some kind of high and mighty buzz by going after people, especially us evil whites.

multiple poc: hey this is offensive. yall: uhm idk that sounds fake :/. one poc: yeah it’s fake. yall, digging your claws in: YOU SEE? WE WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG! THIS ONE POC HAS VALIDATED OUR RACISM FOREVER! *pterodactyl screech*

Is vcr wolfe a serious account or is it just some random asshole that enjoys stirring up people by being the dictionary image for the social justice warrior stereotype that literally everyone hates. I have seen them be a little weiner before (cue them accusing me of misgendering them), I would take nothing they say seriously because honestly they are a joke.

Why does this Wendigo shit still come up? This is the same as the sombrero Mario crap that blew up on twitter. Quit speaking for other cultures that you don’t belong to. Native American people have expressed both support and distain for the issue. A wendigo is a monster, why is making a monster be a monster suddenly such a taboo? You can white knight the subject to death, you aren’t in the wrong but you’re certainly not in the right either. If you don’t support it then don’t.

context: the wendigo was used as a slur and label for natives/Algonquins who were mentally ill (aka called them canibals; hence “wendigo psychosis”) and was used to justify their genocide so making an adopt out of such a theme isn’t taken lightly as this has a historic context you can’t erase (source: I live in the algonquin northeast) (½)mythical creatures such as vampires and werewolves come from a ton of different cultures and generally they’ve been reinterpreted so often that it doesn’t retain its origin context. here’s another point- the Algonquin people still exist. despite the mythical creature being used against them they are more than in the right to use it how they see fit. it’s sorta like how the lgbt community took back the word “queer” while a straight person should definitely not call a gay person “a queer” (2/2)

Btw the wendigo isn’t a legend ! It’s a tale told up north and is taken very seriously. The reason people don’t want you to use it is because saying the name is suppose to make you a victim ( aa I forgot I’m sorry ) BUT I still beleive if you do your research u should be okay like just don’t make it a xD murderer monster cannibal

The thing with a wendigo character is not everyone is going to see/research the full story of them, because they’ve been big in media for awhile now. Until Dawn, Supernatural, even My Little Pony. And tbh, it’s something that while drifting away from the original intent, does bring traditional stories to the homes of others, who otherwise would never know the term, or know of the monsters. Mass media is keeping our culture alive, even as we kill it ourselves by not letting others near it.

this just in: vcr-wolfe solely dictates what can and cannot be used from cultures in character designs

VCR is mixed actually lol

VCR-wolfe is actually half mexican. So maybe don’t be fucking racist?

Can we stop the “ insulting = I’m right” thing it’s so stupid. If someone’s discussing something or DOESNT KNOW you don’t have to insult them. You look like a jerk js ( this is towards the anon in the wendigo post about wendigo-psychosis). The person was just basically saying ‘fun fact’ no need to call them a fucking idiot jeez

Mixed with what? I’ve seen this argument on another drama site. If they are mixed, they are white enough to pass as entirely white. Even then your word isn’t some divine rule on what is right & wrong. VCR constantly leans on the “I’m mentally ill” schtick, maybe they should focus on themselves for a bit & quit badgering people that want to enjoy another culture. Geez would bringing back segregation make you fuckers happy, let start DNA testing before you can draw or create a non white character.

The anon about wendigo pychosis got their panties in a twist lmao. If we can’t use anything with “” dark historical context" or “ only ____ are allowed to use this” then we all might as well sick to our own religions and make nothing but what we’re born into/practice. So if you’re native and you make a nun rabbit prepare for a ass chewing ! :( keep whining about everything you just sound like a broken record lmao you “” fucking idiot “”

Wait so if vcr-Wolfe isn’t native what say do they got in it then??? If they’re Mexican/white ??? Why don’t they step down and let real native/mixed natives speak for themselves and not have someone gatekeeping their beliefs Jesus lord I LOVE when none natives try to speak for my culture

Multi poc people: this is bad y'all: SEE ITS EVIL Multi poc: its alright do your research tho Y'all: WTF THATS BAD WHAT ABOUT OUR TOKEN FRRIENDS SAYING ITS OKAY AAAA Get your head out your ass dude there’s two sides to the shit just because people back your opinion doesn’t mean you can use your poc friends as a way to wave it around. You’re being just as bad to diss other peoples opinions FROM THE SAME GROUP lmao

i’m ndn, and personally my opinion on the entire thing is, don’t make wendigo characters for profit in general, especially if you’re not ndn. i don’t even like seeing my brothers, sisters, and two-spirited brethren do it. it’s one thing to make one for personal use, and as long as you’re not making them uwu edgy wendigo doggo that eats people uwu then.. honestly? who cares. but stop making wendigos when you know nothing about the culture, or that many tribes have different lore on it.

also the entire thing of wendigo psychosis being a thing: false. that was a term made up waaaaay after the fact. the thing is, there are multiple tribes that believe in wendigo, many have different names for it, and there’s even variations born differently like wechuge. but the fact of the matter is that most people don’t even read in or pay attention beyond the edgy cannibal shit to know that a wendigo is pretty much a skeleton made out of ice in most tribal cultures LMAO not a fucking dog

the entire purpose of people saying ‘hey if you don’t understand it, don’t make it’ is so that you don’t make a mockery of our legends, lore, culture, and history. not so you can’t have fun. it’s like me making a black character and making them stereotypical and completely shitting on it, and then doubling back with the ‘oh i made a black character so i understand black struggles’ shit like. it’s not cute when you do it to any race or culture so stop.

Why is it a crime to make Wendigo characters but when some family lines (before me, I don’t care) wouldn’t approve of the use of nordic mythos no one bats an eye at adopts that play off them, or for that matter, movies and shows that paint them in completely inaccurate ways. You can’t close the mythos of one culture & make it untouchable while saying some are fine to take from, that isn’t how it works. 

VCR is mixed Mexican Navajo and saying a mixed person is basically white is just fucking ugly and racist as shit, holy shit

Nordic myth is white myth and white people are not in any danger of having their culture stamped out and then reinterpreted by their oppressors while they are punished for trying to access it, unlike, you know, Native American myth. Reverse racism isn’t real

‘nordic myth is white myth and–’ it’s still someone’s religion, so yeah actually it still stands, either all religions are sacred inherently and are off limits or none are and you can’t bitch and whine and moan and throw a social justice tantrum into that being untrue, people making shitty wendigo ocs isn’t stamping anyone’s religion out any more than marvel making a shitty version of loki is, they’re equally stupid but harmless 

Except there is a huge fucking difference between open and closed religions? Nordic pagan worship is an open religion. Native folk religions are closed religions. Christianity is an open religion. The Amish are, by and large, a closed sect. Sincerely, an nordic heathen who knows full well what people can take from my belief system

“Werehyenas can’t be made into species and characters because they appropriate African culture uwu~” The hyena and werehyena have a very similar negative connotation in African folklore by you don’t see them getting so butt hurt over them being used. I get so sick and tired of people saying you can’t base a CS or Character off of a fictional monster. I guess I should toss out my Church Grim OC because that’s an insult to English and Scandinavian Folklore as it guards a place considered sacred

literally no one is saying dont ever do it theyre saying be respectful, follow the originating culture’s traditions, and dont slap a native myth on a white character because its disrespectful to the culture you supposedly like so much youre pulling from them. entitled much?

"my friend finds this thing offensive! your friend doesn't find this offensive? stop tokenising your friends, also YOUR friends are WRONG!" so native voices only count when they agree with you? maybe accept that an individual can't speak for an entire group, and that people from within the same culture can have very different ideas about what cultural appropriation even is.

Everyone yelling about wendigos when they're ignoring the fact Sincommonstitches literally made a design based off the imperial rising sun (you know- rape of Nanking?? Children and women slaughtered?) and day of the dead (mexican holiday already shit on for $$$) guardians, sold them for profit, and then bitched in a journal when they got called out how they shouldn't have to deal with this and they need their fiance to handle their pr now lmfao

Keeping all this in one post, anything new sent in will be added to this post. While it is on topic, it is far from species related. 

[deafeningcreationperson-blog]

bentley continental gt insurance group

"bentley continental gt insurance group

bentley continental gt insurance group

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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bentley continental gt insurance group

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What health insurance am I eligible for?

I am currently 17 years old. I will be turning 18 in early November and my family does not have health insurance. I was wondering if I qualify for anything that will be able to get me low-cost braces or anything orthopedic. My family makes not that much money anf I am currwntly going to be a full-time college student. What insurance or health care would I qualify for? I have been needing braces for a while now and I am really self conscious about my teeth I hate to smile. Thank you on your help.

bentley continental gt insurance group

bentley continental gt insurance group

Is it legal for some1 with an International driver license to drive an insured car in California?

The car is mine and the car is insured under my name only. Will my cousin get in trouble if she drives my insured car even though her name is not included in the auto insurance policy? Or will it be okay?

""How can forcing us to buy health insurance, be the same as mandatory car insurance?""

I don't own a car, so I don't pay car insurance. Nobody is forcing me to buy it. But under the Obama individual mandate, we will all have to buy insurance or get fined. This is based on the assumption that you will get sick and not be able to afford your own care, and so will choose to be a burden. Those are a lot of assumptions. Can we force somebody to buy something that they don't want, based on assumptions that may or may not be true??""

What kind of insurance do I need?

I provide training workshops for colleges and the school I am currently doing work for asked me to send them a certificate of insurance. They said, they need this in order to process a purchase order. What kind of insurance do I need? I've never had to do this before? Is it general liability insurance? And generally, how much does it cost?""

Should i have to pay for my moms car insurance?

Now i am 18 and just graduated high school and i still live with my mom. She says since i have a drivers license and i live in her house her car insurance goes up and because of it she wants me to pay her like $150 every few weeks or something. Now its her car and i dont see why im having to pay anything i never hear from other people or my friends about their parents car insurance going up and them having to pay anything. So do you guys think i should have to pay for my moms car insurance or is she just making that up to bum money off me cause shes cheap like that and always wants money from me.

What's the cheapest way to commute between Liverpool and Manchester?

Hi, I'm starting a new job in Manchester next month and I'm trying to find the cheapest way to commute. I'll be travelling from Rock Ferry to Manchester Piccadilly 5 days a week and my working hours will be roughly 9am to 5pm, although some days will require an earlier start and a later finish. I've looked at a rail season ticket and was shocked to discover it would cost 3008.00 with First Trans Penine. I've also read that the train journey is horrendous. My wife and I share a car but realistically, she can't rely on me to pick her up and drop her off at work at the same time every day (she works in Liverpool) so we would potentially need another car. With that, comes the initial cost of buying the vehicle, then tax, insurance, MOT and weekly fuel, which in my mind will cost even more than the rail season ticket. Added to that is the fact that we're not particularly well off so can't afford more than a couple of thousand for a 2nd hand car. A brand new car on finance would be out of the question. So, are there any regular Liverpool to Manchester commuters out there and if so, how do you keep your costs down? Any suggestions would be much appreciated!""

Best car insurance for 16 y.o. boy that is getting his license?

Cheapest car insurance for the coverage you get? discounts for grades?

Life Insurance for a 40 Year Old?

I need some suggestions on what Life Insurance company to go for. I need one that's legitimate and affordable.

Temporary Car insurance?

I just got my first car (I'm 17 years old) and I need it to go to school which is a good 80 miles away. On top of that I need to find a job which I couldn't do because I didn't have a car. However I can't drive my car because it doesn't have any insurance on it and the insurance is incredibly expensive. For now I just need it to go job hunting. Is there such thing as a temporary car insurance or maybe a waiver for students or SOMETHING that I can use?

Can you name a place in so. California where I can purchase minimum legal auto liability insurance?

I would be greatly obliged if you didn't limit your answer to something like contact your insurance agent . For one, I don't have one yet, that's part of the problem. I currently have neither a car nor insurance. For my first car, I want to buy a car from one of the many people selling their used cars in my metropolitan area. But without insurance, I cannot drive the car home or even test drive it. I would like to buy the minimum liability insurance that is required by California law BEFORE I choose and buy a car so that way I can go to nearby cities test driving cars, and drive back the one I buy. I have tried shopping online for insurance. I went to all the insurance companies that are on TV plus several others. I came across two issues 1) they base the insurance on what type of car you have, and I do not know which one I am going to get yet, 2) they want to sign me up for complete car and driver's insurance, even though they claim to let me customize my plans. I do not qualify for the state liability insurance for low income drivers. Can you specifically name a place where I can walk in and purchase only auto liability insurance?""

Are there any good temporary car insurance companies in america?

Are there any good temporary car insurance companies in america?

What would the range of insurance be if i get a cruiser (motorcycle)?

I am 20 years old, living in Mississauga, Ontario. I am planning on going for my M1 and M2 licenses this summer. At the moment, I am undecided between a vulcan500 and a rebel250. If anything, it will be the insurance costs that will have the final say in which one I end up getting. I realize that different insurance companies have different insurance costs; but I just want to know what the average range for a beginner drive with these bikes would be.""

Where can i find a good healthcare plan for myself and my kids? more inside?

39 weeks prego with number 2. and neither have insurance except the smallest will have ga medicade when he is born.i am looking for insurance to cover them mostly. and everything i see has at least a $1000 deductible. what is a good way to do this? i am 21 and don't know any thing about insurance. help please :-) i

Third party fire and theft? car insurance?

hi im currently searching for car insurance and ive been quoted 2800 for comprehensive insurance and when i gave third party fire and theft it came out to 1700 the car is a corsa 998c 2006 what is the difference between them both? thanks

I'm tired of being an agent assistant. What other jobs can i find in the insurance industry?

I have a bachelor in marketing and i've been working as a licensed assistant to an insurance agent. I plan on working here at least another year, but I am interested in learning about other jobs in the industry since our corporate office is nearby. What are some other jobs i can look into? Just looking for ideas, thanks.""

Do car salesmen get free dealer insurance to drive any car?

As above, I've been offered a job by a franchised motor dealership, just curious if as part of the job you get free insurance to drive all vehicles? And do you generally get a company car. It's a big part of the decision I have to make. Any help or advice would be great.""

I just got pulled over for not having my seat buckle on and I'm wondering how much my insurance will go up?

This is the first time I've EVER been pulled over and I've had my license for a little over a year now. I get good grades and all that stuff so my insurance is pretty low for the average person right now. I'm wondering how much my insurance will go up? SOMEONE HELP! Kinda freaking out here. :p Oh, and I DID get a ticket. I guess it's click it or ticket month in my town (lucky me). The ticket was $70.""

Where can I get affordable dental insurance?

I am self employed and need dental work.

What will it cost for insurance on a 2004 or 2005 325i for a 16 and a half year old?

I'm looking to buy my own car this summer and need to know how much more money I need for insurance. I don't want any comments like you shouldn't be getting such a nice car this young but I've made all the money I need forit and am paying for it in full. Thanks Any estimates for a year would be great

How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?

How much on average does a 34'-36' sailboat cost? What about insurance rates roughly?

Will my homeowners insurance drop me if my dog bit someone?

So last week the side gate to my house was left open and my dog got out. She bit one of my neighbors down the street, I'm guessing out of fear (she is a rescue dog). The bite wasn't too serious, but it did break the skin so my neighbor went to urgent care to get bandaged up. We apologized and offered to pay any medical costs upfront, but my neighbor preferred to let our insurance companies handle the claim. My dog hasn't bit anyone in the past, and isn't considered a dangerous breed (labrador, border collie mix). We've let her off leash at the dog beach and dog parks with plenty of other dogs and people running around, and she hasn't shown any type of aggression. What I'm worried about is my insurance company dropping us from their coverage, and us subsequently having trouble finding homeowners insurance in the future. We tried convincing our neighbor to let us settle without getting the insurance companies involved, and explained the situation, but with no luck. Does anyone have any answers or advice about the whole situation? Should I make a claim first and let our insurance company know, or should I just sit and wait for the whole situation to play out? BTW I live in California and my homeowners insurance is Wawanesa""

Car insurance for 16 years old in california?

I am turning 16 soon and getting my license and a car. I just want to know how much insurance is for me per month for triple A without any tickets or accidents. My dad already has insurance is there a family plan?

Is this a good insurance plan?

This is all so confusing. I'm getting married June 15th and have to find my own health insurance for the first time.. Any input would be great! The premium for this plan is ...show more

Car insurance?

i am looking for a decent quote for car insurance, my daughter passed her test in march and we would love to have her on our insurance but theyare asking for so much , i cannot afford it, i have a peugeot 307 o3 , my quote is 1214.85. she is going to UNI in October and really wont be using tthe car any way. any sugggestions would be really appreciated, now and again she would be using the car and she is so good , cannot afford to buy her a car of her own and the insurance would be too much anyway??""

Is there an industry that does not utilize insurance?

I need to name one industry that does not utilize insurance. Please help! Thanks!

""Im 21years old,male with a mazda miata 2001. My auto insurance to too high. where can I get cheaper insurance?""

Im 21years old,male with a mazda miata 2001. My auto insurance to too high. where can I get cheaper insurance?""

bentley continental gt insurance group

bentley continental gt insurance group

Cheapest car insurance? UK? For young drivers.?

What company or what car is the cheapest to insure? We are looking at buying a car, but since my hubby is only 20 the insurance is through the roof. (Can't seem to find a quote less that 2000) Any one got any ideas?""

Car insurance prices 4 ex------?

ex-fenders does any one know a good car insurance for my boyfriend he had a fight 4 years ago and he did not disclose this last year and had hius car taken of him , he did the form to fast on line and did not see the questionon, so ppl in the same boat can u comment and not a busy body who thinks they know it all 

What's a cheap car insurance company for drivers with alot of points.?

What's a cheap car insurance company for drivers with alot of points.?

Health Care/Insurance...Right or Responsibility?

I see many on both sides have their own opinion on this issue. Many on the right claim it's a 'responsibility' while several on the left think it should be a 'right'. Why do you ...show more

Does anybody know of a company that will insure me daily on hire and reward insurance?

I want to run a one vehicle WAV (wheel chair accessible vehicle for disabled people) car hire/rental business serving Hertfordshire the customer would hire the car and arrange for a person to drive it for them. On the odd occasion the hirer does not have anybody to drive the car for them they might want me to drive for them I have been told to do this I would need a private vehicle hire licence (mini cab drivers licence) also hire and reward insurance along with a mini cab office operators licence and the vehicle would need to be plated (tested) This is not a problem except for the hire and reward insurance which would be about 3000 per year and would not be cost effective for the amount of driving I would be doing (I would probably only be driving a customer 1 day per week). Does anybody know of a company that will insure me daily on hire and reward insurance?

Very simple for car insurance expert  heeelp!!!?

hello thank you for entering in my post I've been in England for 2 years now but I've never driven here however I had driven for 11 years in my country but on the opposite side of the road and with a car with left-hand drive and I've never had an accident before to choose which car to buy I'd like to know roughly how much they would charge me for a 1.2 engine because if they will charge me too much I could opt for 1.0 engine or even smaller for my first 2 or 3 years and then when my isurance cost goes down I will get a bigger car I've alredy have a UK driving licence however, if I do a driving course with a driving school could I get a little discount for my insurance? any suggestion according this matter will be very appreciated thank you very much in advance for your help""

""On buying a new car, should I get insurance for it immedliately?""

I am buying a new car in a day or so. Am I legally required to get insurance before I take it out of the dealership? I heard that dealer should keep insurance for 1 month. Is that true? If it is true, what is covered - just the car? Driver? Passengers? New-car buyer in Texas""

What is the cheapest type of car insurance?

What is the cheapest type of car insurance?

Does anyone know how to find someone who wants to have their car driven somewhere for them for a fee?

I am interested in making extra money and would be willing to drive someone's car for them. Does anyone know how to get started in this as a side business--how to find clients, how much fee to charge, insurance issues etc.""

Am I too young to have life insurance?

The reason why I am asking this question is because some people have told me that I am too young to have life insurance. I am 22 years old getting ready to get married next month and my fiance and I have a 18 month old. I also work full-time making a comfortable salary and I am also in school part-time. I am the breadwinner because my fiance is in medical school. I am looking to save for the long run and cut expenses where I can. I currently have a 401-k where my employer matches me 6%. I currently pay 50 a month for a 400k policy and also have a policy through my employer which is free. I was told that 50 a month for my life insurance is a good price because of my age and could be higher if I smoked and were older. I just need some advice guys

Car accident! they didnt have insurance! what cam i do?

last monday i was on a car accident,,,,(t-bone colission) it was there fault...i had a green light...she turned left at a red!.....but they dont have insurance...i need money to fix my car.....what can i do....? they told me thy were going to get my car fixed,,,but now they dont want to pay....and the even want to sew me! the police officer told me that i had to sew them cuz they didnt have insurance! what could happen in court!? what are the chances that theyll pay for my car!!? i live in texas....thanks""

USA Insurance for New Immigrants?

Hello!! I would like to inquire about medical insurance for new immigrants in the state of Florida. We have been here for 1 year now and who or what organization should we turn to? I have heard that a lot of them are expensive. I was told that we could get family insurance through employment -- but at the moment, my mom is the only one working with us, 3 dependents. So suggestion?""

Are Replica Cars Cheaper To Insure Than Normal Every Day Cars?

Would An AC Cobra Convertible Replica Be Cheaper To Insure Than Say A Renault Megane CC Or Saab 93 Convertible

Staying in California for 2 months. Is it worth it to get a motorcycle?

I'm from Indiana, am over 21, and have a valid Indiana drivers license. I'm going to be staying in California for 6-8 weeks and would like some sort of transportation. I'm considering buying a motorcycle or scooter but am not sure if it will be worth it considering the hassle of registration, insurance, etc. Then I would sell it again before I go back to Indiana. My brother has offered to give me motorcycle lessons before I leave and I could get my Motorcycle learner's permit from the local BMV. Does anyone have experience with titles, registrations, insurance etc and could tell me if it would be worth the hassle?""

Can you write off the cost of a car AND the auto insurance on your taxes??

Can you write off the cost of a car AND the auto insurance on your taxes??

How much does a checkup usually cost with insurance?

I just want to have a yearly checkup, and we have medical insurance. I know each place is going to cost more than another,etc. but what's a generaly price for a check up with insurance in alabama?""

Whats the cheapest auto insurance for a 17yearold you have found?

Right now on my parents plan I'm quoted at $215 a month have u found anything cheaper?

How much would insurance be?

In the next couple months I'll be in the market for a 2006-2008 7series BMW. I'm 17 and this would be my second car. Approximately how much would I be paying a month for the insurance? Thanks in advance.

How long does it take for a traffic ticket to affect insurance rates?

How long does it take for a traffic ticket to affect insurance rates?

Car insurance and license suspended?

i got car insurance on my car i have always had it but my parents say that if i got my license suspended in one state, i dont got car insurance in that very state but i do in any other state, i am totally confused someone please clarify this??""

Cancel Car Insurance in Florida-How?

It's my dad's car and everything is under his name. Currently his out of the country and won't be back for a month or two. He got two cars insured with Progressive, one I want to cancel because it's broken down. Told the insurance agent about it and he told me to go down to the tag(building, whatever it call) and turn in the tag to get a paper? My dad is not in the country so will I be able to turn the tag in for him without problem? and what tag is the agent talking about(registration tag?) Also will there be any other document needed? (Going down tomorrow but gathering some information first) Thank You.""

""If i was an officer in the air force, does that military help pay car insurance?

how nice r the houses on base and how much meal do i get to eat per day while living on base?

What are the other things do I have to pay for besides the car and insurance?

Okay my budget for my first car will be 1000 pounds insurance will be about 4000 or even more...whats MOT and Tax? what about breakdown cover? I'm thinking about getting breakdown cover because I dont really have anyone to call if i'm in trouble...it would save me the embarassment...

""Im a new driver and my insurance in 1600 or above, i have tried all the cheapest cars!?""

i have just passed my driving test and i am looking for a cheap run around car to start me off, ive tried all the cheap cars (fiestas, peugeots and much more) but nothing seems to take my insurance lower, does anyone have any ideas...???? thanks.""

When does car insurance lower for a guy?

I am 20 years old, I have been driving for the past 4 years with my parents cars. I pay through my parents for my insurance. I am looking to buy my own car and the insurance is only slightly lower than paying for what I have now! I looked at an 01 Ford Focus and it will cost my $1200 for 6 months! I also looked at a Ford Taurus it was about $900 for 6 months, a 97 Malibu is about the same as is a 97 Olds. The cheapest insurance I could find was a 94 Ford Ranger which is only $850 for 6 months. When does car insurance lower for a guy?""

bentley continental gt insurance group

bentley continental gt insurance group

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