#tbh i've barely been on tumblr lately

[inkykeiji]

Hi, I'm sorry if this is weird or uncouth or whatever, but I just want to say I really enjoy your work and I really want to be your friend but I'm too nervous to message you directly!! I hope you have a lovely day. - (imagine I put a star emoji here, I don't have emojis ATM lmao)

hi hi!! nooo it's not weird at all!! i've had friend crushes too!! aww ahaha no i totally get you, it can be REALLY scary to reach out to new people and try to build a friendship; i think that nervousness is normal! i'm in the same boat as you—nearly every friend i've made online has messaged me first; i'm terrified to strike up conversations with people LMAO >.<

if you're a mutual, you are always more than welcome to send me a lil dm hehe :3 if you're not, then you won't be able to send me dms anyway (i have my settings set to only people i follow can direct message me) but you're always welcome to send an ask!! i can respond privately c: also!! thank you so much for your compliments oh my gosh!! i hope monday has been treating you kindly bb <33

[dumkana16]

i think I'm on Tumblr too LITTLE actually. not ENOUGH lately and my psyche is getting worse as my Tumblr screen time decreases.

as an update for basically only future me propably no one else :

I feel like I'm crying more easily. that's bad. let's hope it's briviact. actually maybe not maybe let's hope that it's the fact that I'm not on Tumblr enough.

kinda stopped taking pics of myself, only rarely and only for good reason or for vinted cause it made me kinda insane it made my body image waaay worse and Ive been in a body image crisis for a while now so I needed to do that. Thank God I only have two tiny mirrors these days and one is in a weird place so I don't remember I own it half the time.

Feel like being an anxious woman is BAD SIN BOOOO. but maybe it's more so misogyny. I feel like my alcoholic father is less judged about it than I am about anxiety and shit but maybe it's because he's a Man Who Can Pretend (is Can the right word. He's just a man who pretends)

trying to do more things concentrate better and maaaaybe that will be the Thing that will help my life get better and all. but also realising how insanely bad my concentration IS. like I tried putting on nature sounds instead of my regular playlist in the morning and now I get ready to leave faster so apparently if I put on nature sounds or piano (I Do have a whole folder on Spotify for piano Ive listened to that for years. Just not while Doing something usually when I'm tired or overthinking) when I get ready I can wake up a bit later. If I want to. Didn't work tho. And! Trying to do like a social media cleanse even tho I hate the word cleanse whatever. But I remember when I didn't really have a phone for over a year in like 2021? or something and I only checked things other than my emails like. once a month and I didn't feel bad about it at all lol it was pretty good for me but I don't wanna go on a whole tangent that could be another post but. it was good I should be minimal about it again I should be minimal about my skincare and shit too but. thats Another tangent.

What's the point in making scented toilet paper paper towels etc. Is it just to make me suffer. When I was at the worst shelter ever they only had fucking camomile scented toilet paper that gave me an allergic reaction (like all of this scented paper shit does) and I had to keep my own little secret roll of toilet paper hidden in the shared bathroom. And naturella is a crime against womankind kinda and by womankind I mean me personally but also im so sensitive I can't even use organic bio pads so :/

Am I regressing anxiety wise sometimes I think Yes absolutely sometimes I think no I'm a brave woman what is the truth?

[all-the-fish]

Oh, you know, just the usual internet browsing experience in the year of 2024

Some links and explanations since I figured it might be useful to some people, and writing down stuff is nice.

First of all, get Firefox. Yes, it has apps for Android/iOS too. It allows more extensions and customization (except the iOS version), it tracks less, the company has a less shitty attitude about things. Currently all the other alternatives are variations of Chromium, which means no matter how degoogled they supposedly are, Google has almost a monopoly on web browsing and that's not great. Basically they can introduce extremely user unfriendly updates and there's nothing forcing them to not do it, and nowhere for people to escape to. Current examples of their suggested updates are disabling/severly limiting adblocks in June 2024, and this great suggestion to force sites to verify "web environment integrity" ("oh you don't run a version of chromium we approve, such as the one that runs working adblocks? no web for you.").

uBlockOrigin - barely needs any explanation but yes, it works. You can whitelist whatever you want to support through displaying ads. You can also easily "adblock" site elements that annoy you. "Please log in" notice that won't go away? Important news tm sidebar that gives you sensory overload? Bye.

Dark Reader - a site you use has no dark mode? Now it has. Fairly customizable, also has some basic options for visually impaired people.

SponsorBlock for YouTube - highlights/skips (you choose) sponsored bits in the videos based on user submissions, and a few other things people often skip ("pls like and subscribe!"). A bit more controversial than normal adblock since the creators get some decent money from this, but also a lot of the big sponsors are kinda scummy and offer inferior product for superior price (or try to sell you a star jpg land ownership in Scotland to become a lord), so hearing an ad for that for the 20th time is kinda annoying. But also some creators make their sponsored segments hilarious.

Privacy Badger (and Ghostery I suppose) - I'm not actually sure how needed these are with uBlock and Firefox set to block any tracking it can, but that's basically what it does. Find someone more educated on this topic than me for more info.

Https Everywhere - I... can't actually find the extension anymore, also Firefox has this as an option in its settings now, so this is probably obsolete, whoops.

Facebook Container - also comes with Firefox by default I think. Keeps FB from snooping around outside of FB. It does that a lot, even if you don't have an account.

WebP / Avif image converter - have you ever saved an image and then discovered you can't view it, because it's WebP/Avif? You can now save it as a jpg.

YouTube Search Fixer - have you noticed that youtube search has been even worse than usual lately, with inserting all those unrelated videos into your search results? This fixes that. Also has an option to force shorts to play in the normal video window.

Consent-O-Matic - automatically rejects cookies/gdpr consent forms. While automated, you might still get a second or two of flashing popups being yeeted.

XKit Rewritten - current most up to date "variation "fork" of XKit I think? Has settings in extension settings instead of an extra tumblr button. As long as you get over the new dash layout current tumblr is kinda fine tbh, so this isn't as important as in the past, but still nice. I mostly use it to hide some visual bloat and mark posts on the dash I've already seen.

YouTube NonStop - do you want to punch youtube every time it pauses a video to check if you're still there? This saves your fists.

uBlacklist - blacklists sites from your search results. Obviously has a lot of different uses, but I use it to hide ai generated stuff from image search results. Here's a site list for that.

Redirect AMP to HTML - redirects links from their amp version to the normal version. Amp link is a version of a site made faster and more accessible for phones by Bing/Google. Good in theory, but lets search engines prefer some pages to others (that don't have an amp version), and afaik takes traffic from the original page too. Here's some more reading about why it's an issue, I don't think I can make a good tl;dr on this.

Also since I used this in the tags, here's some reading about enshittification and why the current mainstream internet/services kinda suck.

[hongthoven]

Not that my absence will be noticed, but for the few people I interact with, I'm just letting you know that I will be going on a hiatus for a bit. I've been lacking both motivation and inspiration lately and I feel like tumblr isn't giving me the same thrill it used to have a while ago. I'm barely reading anything on here either since I'm looking for longer fics/works and atm, one-shots just aren't doing it for me.

Writing has become difficult as well with the lack of actual/genuine feedbacks and the way fanfiction is being consumed and I'm afraid it has taken its toll on my motivation.

To anyone who has submitted requests, I am sorry. I really thought it would give me a purpose and help with my current slump but it sadly did not.

I'm still writing for myself and if anything turns into something I consider decent, I might just post on ao3.

Or maybe I'll be back here. Idk.

For now, tumblr doesn't feel like home and it's making me a bit sad tbh.

I'll probably still be around to simp over Hongjoong, cause my love for him surely isn't going anywhere.

À bientôt ♡

[taylortruther]

I'm late to your discourse discussion, but I want to add...almost ALL discourse in the fandom now LOL. Although I've been a fan since debut, I didn't get on tumblr until mid Rep era. When I think of the fun I had on here over the years! Since Midnights/Eras explosion of popularity, I've noticed almost all my swiftie spaces have become... way less fun. I completely got off Reddit. I only have about three tumblr blogs I visit anymore. Many of the people I loved following on here have stopped posting around the same time. It seems there is a lack of light heartedness here, and so many more people are policing things. Even that anon you just got about Joe! Like...it's so unnecessarily rude, especially since we barely talk about stuff like that here. idk. It makes me sad because I have a feeling many of the people I loved to follow most will also lessen talking about Taylor soon, and I don't blame them tbh. Too many policiers now over dumb stuff.

yeah, the amount of policing, vagueing, and weird-ass parasocial anons people get (if you can get beyond the policing and vagueing) makes it deeply unpleasant to be here sometimes. and the other places to be a fan are just horrific in their own ways. it's like every post you make has to be perfect, you can't ever misspeak or be too general, you have to overexplain your politics, you can't be super casual all the time because someone will demand you explain every human emotion you or taylor has with a psychological text, everyone seems to hold everyone else to really ill-conceived standards (ie, "you're not a real fan if you don't gossip about travis" or "if you aren't speaking up on your blog about X issue it means you don't care and thus we can drag you through the mud for it and ruin your reputation") that make no fucking difference in the real world. it's just frustrating!

[theha1r]

Send ✏ (or "PENCIL") for mun to write about a muse they thought about trying to roleplay or one they are already roleplaying outside Tumblr RPC.

( since gwen already sent the whole meme in the ask & i'm lazy af & don't feel like retyping i'm just linking here lmao )

i'm just using her icon from my halloween blog but ... max mayfield! i do technically currently (just not actively) write her on disco.rd & she is on my on hiatus halloween blog ... but i've been thinking about her a lot lately. tbh she's kind of always rattling around in the back of my mind, she's probably third highest in my muse for my st muses (behind steve & robin) & i lowkey have thought abt giving her a sideblog to this one as well but - with the fact that robin's blog has barely been touched, & missy's is barely off the ground ... probably not right now. but maybe in the future! i do love her a lot <3

[eileen-crys]

Are you doing alright? Are you still working on your art? It's completely fine if you don't feel like drawing right now. Mental health matters most.

Thank you for the concern anon 🥺💕🫂

Tbh I'm not really alright, barely there- I am still working on my art though, and lately I've been doing a couple of private commissions (thankfully), on some Genshin Impact fanarts and fanzines (so I can't share WIPs) and I'm a bit more active on Instagram. I don't really like to post on tumblr that much anymore because if I post Queen art it barely gets noticed bc the fandom is small, if I post non-Queen art it's as if I didn't post it at all, and that makes me unhappy. I'm also a bit stuck irl, I can't find a job and I really think I should get checked for ADHD because "I'm going slightly mad". Sooo yeah this is the update and I'm really sorry if you miss my art 🙏🏻💕 I'm trying my best right now even if my best is not that much 😅

[mbbsgf]

MIGHT BE TRIGGERING FOR SOME !

okay, so this is a way more detailed version of the paragraph i just wrote (i'm probably gonna get emotional, i apologize in advance). 2023 was one tough year itself. i don't think i'll mention some of the things that happened because it's too personal bug i'll "try my best" i guess. i hate how life treated me this year. i'm so for real, it has been so mean to me. it just kept punching me in my weak spots. and it punched hard. really hard. i honestly don't know how i survived 2023, i guess i stayed strong for my future even though it gives me bad anxiety. i didn't wanna be a "failed teenager", i didn't wanna see my mom cry, i didn't wanna give up. well, i did but i decided not to. it's pointless to give up. you're in pain so you think ending your life will help but it doesn't. your pain is just temporary. you have your whole life ahead of you. it gets better. i know it's easy to say but i used to not believe it either but i'm getting better. i've been in this insufferable pain since 2021 and trust me, it wasn't easy at all and it wasn't easy at all to get better either but it took me 2 years to start getting better. you just have to wait, i promise you gets better. trust the process, stay healthy and hydrated and everything will be fine. you guys text me if you need to talk or anything else. i promise you i'll always be here. you're never alone. ever. there's always people that care and will listen to what we you have to say. i care and will listen to you. don't ever invalidate your feelings, babies. ever, it's such a disgusting thing to do to yourself. you deserve to share your feelings with someone trusted, if not me then one of your friends. just talk to someone if you ever feel like you're not okay. you should suffer in silence just because you think you're gonna annoy the person you're talking to or because you think it doesn't matter. it does matter. you matter. don't ever forget that you are loved and cared for. you deserve to speak up and to tell your stories. mental health isn't something that should be joked about. if you aren't okay, reach out for help but please don't joke it out or anything. i used (and still do tbh) to joke about my traumas as a coping mechanism. it's stupid, yes. i'm aware but i genuinely don't know how to communicate. i'm working on it but it's hard as someone who barely opens up. well, looks like this turned out to be more of a mental health late session talk, i really hope you guys are okay and if you're not that you'll reach out for help. you know, i'm only a dm away. i'll always answer except if i'm sleeping but tumblr is the first app i open in the morning so i will see your messages if you send some. you can dm me or even do anons to share your stories with other people and me. it can be anonymous or not. it depends on you. anyway, it's starting to get late. i hope i helped even if it's just a little bit. i love you guys so much and you matter. 🩷

-marie

[puppyoftindalos]

How are you? I hope you’re doing well! Miss you!

Yayyy I'm back! Sorry I disappeared for a really long period of time.... Tbh I'm just extra busy lately, for I have tons of school work to deal with and barely have time to open Tumblr at all😭... Another reason for not posting anything is that I've been practicing drawing techniques in the past few weeks lol

Anyway I'll be back in action pretty soon! Thank u for all the concern! You are my angel🥺🌹🌹🌹

[allthebestcowgirls]

Baby May... I am late. I had your birthday put on my calendar and still, I am late. I have no excuse except that I'm not very good at being a human these days and social media's freaking me out!!! It's no excuse and I am sorry. I hope you celebrated well and that you ate yummy food and that your birthday was well spent, and I hope you're doing well in general 💗💗💗

noooooooo!!! you have nothing to apologize for!! thank you so much for the birthday wishes u don't know how much i appreciate them :')🩷🩷🩷 yes i've been doing celebratory things! tonight im going out w my friends 😇😋 i hope that you're okay🫂 ive barely been using tumblr lately tbh just has felt weird being on here. but im sending u sooooo much love you're so dear to me🫂🩷😽❤️🥹

[sehtoast]

Writer Tag

Thanks for the tag @venus-haze <3

How many works do you have on AO3? 29

What's your total AO3 word count? 230k

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tender Threads

Satisfy Me

One Big Wet Spot

Say Please

The Hand That Feeds

(All Homelander fics) ^

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Most of the time, but lately I haven't had the energy or the time. My social battery is pretty fucked, but I do read every single one of them and love them

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? So it's technically unpublished, but it basically ends with Ben (my oc) sentencing himself to die pretty painfully alongside Homelander with that thing that got revealed in Gen V. If you know you know

What’s the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Honestly, Envy.

Do you write crossovers? I've done an AU crossover for the same fandom, but not really

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Most of the hate I get is in my tumblr inbox. I haven't really done/said anything about it bc no one really wants to see or hear about it tbh, but I've gotten a fair amount of shit for pairing homie with a guy and then also more for pairing him with a trans guy. I think the only ao3 hate i ever got was barely even hate, more like someone bitching that my tender threads formatting wasn't to their liking bc it's Y/n formatted

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yessir yessir. Honestly just whatever i'm vibin with

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware although i don't think i've written anything steal-worthy

Have you ever had a fic translated? no, but @anon-nee has been my personal jesus christ in helping me make sure my english to german translations in tender threads has been accurate. love you nonnums <3

Have you ever co-written a fic before? technically no, but @homelanderbutbig did a collab with me and made this to pair with a fic i wrote, which i feel like is co-creation so i'm gonna say yes anyway. love you HBB <3

What's your all-time favorite ship? honestly i don't really have one, unless i can count my ocxcanon ship in which case it's benlander

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? i have a depowered homelander fic where ben answers the door one day and ryan, now in his late teens, is there to finally see homie again after all those years went by. i adore the concept but i'm like NEVER in the mindset i need to actually write something like that

What are your writing strengths? yall got strengths?

What are your writing weaknesses? all of them

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i think it's fine so long as there's clarification shortly after for the readers who may not understand, and also that you've somehow gotten it cross checked by someone who actually speaks the langauge so ensure you're not just saying some wild shit. but ultimately do whatever makes you happy idk bro i don't make the rules

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Prometheus! i was am down so bad for david omg

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? astarion/tav. i wanna write something sooooo bad but i just can't get in the headspace for it

What's your favorite fic you've written? probably satisfy me because the role swap was incredibly fun and it's REALLY fucking cool to unbind homelander from his own behavioral patterns and manifest them into a reader's concept. like, of everything i've written, i could most clearly imagine everything that happened in that fic and i'd find myself grinning like a sick fuck while writing about literally eviscerating a man's chest cavity lmao

No pressure tags: @blindmagdalena @hom3landr @irenadel @slasher-smasher and anyone else who wants to participate

[xheartpages]

Everytime I think my mood is decent again, it dips down severely. 2023 has just been ... terrible emotionally tbh; hence why I've barely been here for any of it.

But I'm lingering around tumblr more often, which must be a good sign. And I miss interacting with people here!

A bit of a house keeping thing, but if you know I have a reply I owe you from awhile ago, like this if you're cool with it being responded to extremely late. I have a bunch of drafts, but if no one wants to continue it and would rather start on a cleaner slate, I'd rather now before trying to pick at them eventually.

[liannelara-dracula]

Ask: What happens to the boys in the games after Yui/Mc dies?

Hi Love!

Yeah, I understand. I myself have never played the games, mostly because I'm not a gamer and I don't know where you would play it on, is it on a play station? Idk, but I do read the game translations. I've read most of Reiji's and Ruki's, a bit of Shin's, and I just started Kanato's. I have also read some things about Yuma. But anyways I have read the manga so that helps a lot. And this is a good question!

Come to think of it, I think it varies on the situation and character. I will try to give hypothetical answers for all possible situations (I'm making most of these up but I will say if it's actually canon if it happened in the games) I could think of for each character. I say this because I have seen that sometimes they kill Yui on accident, (Shin's route is a good example of this.), and then sometimes they just go crazy? Idk, I barely know what's going on anymore 😂. Rejet gives these boys too many options in these games, I literally don't know who they are anymore, lol.

But anyway. I'll list a few categories/themes and explain what I think each character feels/thinks/does. And even which themes apply to the character.

-Liannelara

P.S. When I say "she" you can take it as Yui or the MC. I know some people don't view Yui as an actual character and just as some reader-insert so you can refer to it as Yui or MC, or whatever you want. I see either one tbh.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Prompt

Requests are open

Rules

Warning:

*certain words have been/may be censored for Tumblr guidelines.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

On accident;;

If she was killed by accident/how they go about their life.

Shin --It actually happened soo. It was because he was under some sort of drug or manipulation and didn't recognize the woman to be Yui but then when he did it was too late and he was pretty sad. He'd be very mad though and I can see that after this he just became a villain to anyone he met because he just doesn't are anymore. He's lost sight of himself the more time passes.

Shu -- If she died on accident he'd blame himself for the rest of his life. It'd be in a situation where he tries to protect you but while doing so you get hurt because you got in the way of who he was fighting. He'd just be even lazier, just to hide what he's feeling.

Reiji--Similar to Shu, and he'd be devastated that he didn't securely sever the link between you and the enemy in a fight which led you to die instead since he was trying to eliminate the enemy. He'd never forgive himself knowing he killed the woman he loves, it'd break him. I know he may seem like he doesn't care but I've noticed that he's pretty fragile with feelings. He may not show it but when he feels guilt it eats him alive. But he'd never try to deny that its fault, he takes full responsibility. He won't accept it if someone told him it's not his fault.

Ruki--It would be under some compulsion due to some punishment by Karlheinz for loving her. It was mentioned that vampires like him take supplements to not have a lot of hunger. So I imagine that without the supplements he is a complete monster with bloodlust which maybe the reason he'd end up murdering her (but of course he didn't willingly go off the supplements so it's not exactly his fault) With him ending the life of the very woman he loves with his bare hands is enough to have him want to erase his mind but at the same time he doesn't want to forget her. He'd beg for this to happen but it could never be granted. After such an experience he'd want to end his existence. And if he couldn't he'd move away far from everything and start over with a new name and lifestyle all over again. He'd find some distraction for a while until his aging becomes a question and then he moves and starts over again but always feeling empty no matter what.

Carla--He has many enemies so it's not surprising that she gets hurt in between. Even though he is a founder, this is something he cannot handle, he will definitely remove all memories he has of her temporarily or at least all the bad ones. And if this happens he will eventually convince himself that he didn't hurt her. But this will all come crashing down when he faces reality again, and the guilt will be very painful. He will never be the same and he may even give up his crown as he feels that everything has been lost. And he's very lost.

Azusa--He doesn't fully acknowledge how it all went down. This is probably because he's in a state of shock. He can't comprehend everything but when he does, it hurts. Azusa is a little scattered and mute to feelings but if it means a lot, his mood may change and he may blame himself for the MC dying. He will say its because he doesn't deserve her and that's why she was taken away. Whatever the case he doesn't freak out too much because I think he's sorta numb to a lot of situations.

Subaru--It would have to be that someone had a vendetta against him and his family and she happened to get caught in the cross fire. So like the games he took his life but say he didn't he'd literally just get worse. He is more miserable than he already is.

Kino--Considering he has a vendetta with Karl, the MC may get killed since it takes away something from him. If he really cares, he drops everything and no longer cares about revenge or fighting. He doesn't care anymore by that point since she's gone. He'll very miserable and may not ever forgive himself that she got involved. In fact, even if he met someone he liked or cared for he'd probably push them away and stay out of their life because he doesn't want their life to change because of the supernatural. He doesn't want to be the cause of their death. Not again.

Yuma--If he owes something but goes against a deal he has this could result in the MC/Yui dying. He'd obviously be angry no doubt. He may lose sight of himself and be a little ruthless with others. Yuma would probably get in more fights and be upset easily. He may even abandon his garden for a while, all the flowers wilting as is his mind. Yuma can only deal with it so much that even if he's tough, he is still hurt. Though he'd never express that to someone, he'd never openly admit that he cared because if he did he may just cry.

No Reason/or Consumption of madness;;

If she is killed because they went insane or they had no reason/ how they go about their life.

Ayato--He gets jealous a lot so if she gave someone else more attention and he becomes incredibly jealous he could go crazy. If this is the case he will be very mad/upset but also relieved that it's over. But he's also very annoyed, obviously, she meant nothing so he'll easily find someone else. He lives guilt-free.

Kanato--I mean think plenty of us know what he's done. He's a yandere we don't need to go into detail. However, because has special attachments the MC/Yui does still mean something to him. No one should mention her name though he becomes upset. Although he does get emotional from time to time but then is also proud that he was able to end her life.

Kou--Considering that he lets Yui get bullied I'm not surprised if she's been trampled on either or if he'd let her get nearly killed by those bullies. Maybe he would do it with his own hands but if he allows it he's obviously no good. And he definitely doesn't care. He literally finds it annoying that it happened and would be too lazy to prevent or take care of it. He doesn't feel guilty at all.

Yuma--He takes his anger out on Yui psychically and she once got involved in a fight he was in since she tried to stop it but she got hit in the process. So he probably ended up beating her to death. Considering the abuse he clearly doesn't care and so he will probably feel bored, maybe a little disappointed but he is able to carry on.

Reiji--It happened in one of the routes where he obtained his father's power and he became mad. So Karl ended up killing him.

Laito--If saw that the MC was like Cordelia he'd probably do this or if the MC meant nothing at all and he had no more purpose he will probably just discard her. And he'd just carry on about his day, like he has done with the rest of his victims.

Kino--If he didn't care for her or if she were leverage from the start he'd probably do this. He literally doesn't think what he did is a problem and is open to the fact that he did it. Has no shame that he used her at all!

Terms of Sacrifice;;

If she dies in place of them or someone/how they go about their life.

Laito--Her dying in place of saving or getting rid of the enemy especially if the enemy is his mother is a lot on him. It may not seem possible but seeing her die for something that wasn't her fight would greatly upset him. If her death did involve the death of his mother tho it would bring him relief that the woman which ruined his life is finally ashes but it's also quite overwhelming. He may not ever admit how much he feels hurt by his own mother, but this situation stirs many emotions within him. And secretly I think he'd thank Yui or MC for this because his experience of assault suffocates him still.

I know he's never understood love and he probably never will but he grew attachment and loss after losing the MC and he felt empty and partial guilt in all that he had said and done to her. He doesn't 100% acknowledge his faults or what pain he caused her but only that she deserved better than what she experienced. Gradually this guilt increases and if he shared deep secrets and emotions with her, like especially stuff about his past that his family could never understand but she could/was willing to, it would affect him a lot. He'd feel overwhelmed by the situation and would leave his brothers and he'd probably never come back. This is mostly because he doesn't want to be found. And he's no longer the same after everything.

Ruki--He can't live with that, he probably would have literally told her that. Knowing that she spared his life by giving up hers is just the worst thing he could hear. Similar to what I said before, he has a hard time dealing with it and just tries to busy himself. But some days are just too much for him to handle and he becomes a lot colder after such a thing.

Subaru--Similar to what I said before, he'd have a very hard time accepting this. And he wouldn't be okay with it. He'd be mad and wished it was him instead. He may even feel at fault and just think he's worthless because he couldn't stop it.

Kino--Like Subaru, he blames himself. There's not a day she doesn't cross his mind. And I mean, I think he wishes things could've been different or that if maybe there was another way so that she wouldn't have died.

For Paranoia;;

If they viewed her as a threat and killed her/how they go about their life.

Ayato--Like everyone in this category he didn't care. He just thought she was out to get him or something and you know he's brainless so he didn't think twice about killing her off. And he doesn't care, if sees a girl who has maybe even a hint of his mother (Or at least he thinks so) in them he will definitely distance her if not end her life depending on the circumstances of course.

Carla--He doesn't trust anyone like his brother, and he is paranoid just as much as he is. In one of the games he actually kills Yui because he saw her as a threat.

Kanato--I mean he's psycho, we can't deny this. Like, idk how many people's lives he's ended in his games, cause I haven't gotten there yet, but from what I know it's a lot. I mean the doll room tells us a lot already. She'd probably just going to become a doll and he'd take care of her. Or maybe if she's not worthy of being a doll he may just only bury her.

Shin-- He is shown to be very paranoid so it doesn't surprise me and he'd do this if she means nothing so he doesn't care. Well not that much, sometimes he does wonder if it was the right decision. If he realized he was wrong and that she was innocent he'd be so mad. He'd feel guilty but he'd try to push it away and would be mad if someone brings it up.

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˗ˏˋ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 ˎˊ˗ ©𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟔~Present

[leonawriter]

Lately - more like over the past year - I've been feeling like in barely able to start anything and finish it, which is... a really sucky feeling, y'know?

But at least I can still share ideas in these posts I make.

(And tbh sometimes I feel like my tumblr idea posts get more traction than the fics I put several times the effort into, because of how much more accessible they are.)

[holy--milk]

tagged by @thatswhatsushesaid (thanks! <3)

1. why did you choose your url?

it was ages ago, i honestly don't remember at this point... i just think it's neat?

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

none that you could connect to me.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

definitely since high school, possibly since middle school? it was still kinda popular back then.

4. do you have a queue tag?

i don't do queues, i reblog 100 posts at once then disappear for a week.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

this particular one? to get all nice and cozy with the MXTX fandom, of course.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i found a collection of reaction pics in a ZZJ fan group and was like "haha this one's funny". don't ask me to explain it tho.

7. why did you choose your header?

see above.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

this one. i still think it's kinda funny.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

at least two.

10. how many followers do you have?

at least two.

11. how many people do you follow?

definitely more than two.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

all my posts are shitpost.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

whenever i get bored at my office job (not to be confused with my other work-from-home job), which is. a lot.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

why would i? my fandoms are famously chill and peaceful.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i don't get those on my dash.

16. do you like tag games?

yes 👉👈

17. do you like ask games?

yep 👉👈

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

every single one of them.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i wish, but alas. it's physically impossible for me to get crushes.

20. what is the last song you listened to?

no regrets by oblivion dust, which is coincidentally THE shen jiu song to me <3

21. what are you currently watching?

"sell your haunted house" (daebakbudongsan), a korean drama about an exorcist/real estate broker who does exorcism on haunted houses and then sells them for a commission. as one does.

idk, i was sitting down to relax with a bottle of beer and some ribs and it popped up in the list of shows i've bookmarked? and i was like, why not.

22. sweet/savoury/spicy?

sweet and spicy. or as i call it. swicy.

23. what is your current relationship status?

there's a girl i've been trying to go on an irl date with for. like two months now. don't get me wrong, she wants to go on a date with me too, it's just that we're both working women who can barely find the time to meet up in our schedules. and when we do, something goes wrong :(

24. what is your current obsession?

qijiu. but JGY and his two men will forever have their place in my silly little heart <3

25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately?

i use like. 4 separate apps to listen to music, and that's just on my phone. and none of them track my listening history lmao. but i can try and pull nine random things (in no particular order) from my likes:

electra heart (the album) by marina (and the diamonds). what can i say? it slaps.

黑白#K (the album) by liu haikuan. but tbh i haven't really been following him for a while. i think he's had a few singles since then? idk.

les filles désir by vendredi sur mer. wait i should actually listen to her more often. she has some absolute bangers.

opera (and some other songs) by super junior. i'm revisiting my k-pop phase, okay???

фейерверк by электрофрез. because of that one TGCF animatic.

turbulence (the album) by monoral. idk, a lot of their songs actually fit qijiu rather well? which is my main criterion when choosing music to listen to anyway.

eyes closed by the narrative. you guys, this song has been through at least three different ships from three different fandoms at this point.

the CQL soundtrack. what can i say? [1] for all that CQL is a bit messy and has funny CGI, at least it has a splendind soundtrack.

the LOTR soundtrack. i mean. do i even have to say anything? that's a classic.

tagging: @crithir @miaoqing @jin-zixun and whoever wants to participate.

[invertedrat]

IM SO SO SO SORRY FOR DISSAPEARING

Ok so let me explain.

Main stuff

I used to use my school computer for tumblr, but then they eventually blocked tumblr on the computers, so I couldn't post at all. Over the time I was gone, I was threatened by my mom to be put into a mental hospital if I didn't recover from my 3d, so I had no choice. For the sake of you guys, I'll spare any extra commentary on me recovering from my 3d (so like any thoughts or stuff like that lol).

This might continue as a $h account, but I will no longer be posting about 3d's. I'm sorry but I have recovered now and I might not even post about $h because tbh being on here in the first place might just cause me to go back into having an 3d, and I don't wanna go to a mental hospital sooo :(

Please note that I don't think any different of 3d's, I still think it's fine if you have one, I wont think any differently of it. The only difference is that now, I don't have one. My mindset is still in that of having an 3d, but for the most part I am recovered.

Also I wont be continuing the note goal thing sorryyyyyyyyy

Life update

So, school started about 3 weeks ago for me, and going back made me realize how many friends I have lmao

I've been doing really good lately, like a lot more happy, still mentally ill tho :D.. though my mom put me in therapy lol so that should be helping

I was clean from $h for about 3 weeks but then i relapsed like a week ago :p

also i legit BROKE my phone T-T... I got mad at my game and hit it too hard to the point where it broke so now I have to save up $50 to get a new one but my mom barely pays me enough and my neighbor has stopped asking me too much to take care of his pets since he's a lil broke rn D: but I'm slowly but surely making money so I can have a phone again!!

Closing ig lmao

I love you all so much like you have no idea how big of a part you guys have in my life T-T and to all my mutuals, ily all sm :3 I understand if you don't wanna talk to me considering I'm now recovered lol but just know that y'all are some of the most genuine and nicest people I've met <3

If you have any questions feel free to ask lol :3