#tbh i really liked her design don’t judge me for doing this so late

[caede9]

boo. ilfyn belongs to @babayagaii. the artfight might be over but the art fight in me isn’t 💪

[soupbabe]

hi i had seen you did the crusaders with a chubby s/o but i was wondering if you can do one with the duwang gang and a chubby s/o? please and thank you king!

Part 4 characters w a Chubby! S/O

Did I extend this to more than the Duwang Gang? Yea. Why? Because everyone in jjba would love and spoil a chubby S/O. Araki told me himself it's canon

Josuke Higashikata

He really isn't one to focus on looks in a relationship

The first thing he would love about you would be your personality, it's just a plus that you have a nice body !!

Literally you are so perfect to him omg he can't help but to smile like an idiot when you're around

On the weekends/during summer break when you're not in your school uniform and just a pair of shorts and a tank top he just melts omg

You look so good!! He's respectful with it and not roaming his eyes everywhere, but that won't stop his blushing when he sees your plush form walking over to him

He loves your thick thighs so much

Perfect pillows for when he's having a rough day

When spending time together he will do anything he can just so he can lay down on your thighs

Sometimes when you both are getting ready to go to bed he does it and lets you comb your fingers through his hair

Okuyasu Nijimura

I do headcanon Okuyasu as a bit chubby so in my mind he has no room to judge

Not that he would in the first place

First time he saw you he (not so subtlety) whispered to Josuke that he thought you were hot

He would want to hug you so much and be all over you

You're just really soft to him and like?? It's heaven

Dates to Tonio's is a must

You're a growing y/n he has to treat you right

Please don't be insecure about eating in front of him, he's literally the best at making an atmosphere more comfortable

His favorite part of you might be your chubby cheeks

He enjoys squishing them from time to time, lovingly calling them your "chipmunk cheeks"

Koichi Hirose

A lot of characters in this aren't the shallow type and Koichi is no exception!

You're just so nice and caring towards him it just makes his heart go fast around you

Absolutely loves holding your chubby hands they're just so soft to him and so comforting

Same with hugs he loves getting hugs from you

Yea it leaves him a blushing mess but it's so worth it

He loves laying on your big tummy so much

He could easily fall asleep, face buried in the soft flesh

Probably the best sleep he got, would recommend sleeping on a chubby y/n again

Rohan adores chubby bodies

Rohan Kishibe

Loves giving you designer clothes

Plus if you're more confident in yourself, it makes him like 3x more attractive omg

You look so pretty/handsome/whatever you prefer when the clothes he bought you bring out your favorite parts of your body and your curves

He loves drawing you so much

He calls you his muse a lot

If you're ever having one of those bad days where your body doesn't just "look right" to you, Rohan would simply tell you that you're very attractive and that there's nothing to worry about

Later on he would show you all of his drawings of you, capturing your beauty like no other

Hell, he could take a tiny insecurity like a double chin and make it look like the prettiest thing to exist in his artwork

He loves your stretch marks so much

When you two have the down time to just do nothing but be lazy in bed, he loves tracing them in silence

Yoshikage Kira

This man doesn't care what you look like

You only got his attention when your hands touch when he dropped something and you went to give it back to him

Yes, he usually went for slim, more feminine hands, but yours was just so soft and he thought your chubby little fingers were the cutest

Although you weren't a Mona Lisa, he still was a changed man

It was then when he saw the rest of you and thought that you were stunning

He checked his watch, mentally cursed himself for running late to work

He gave you a business card with his number on it and asked you out to lunch as a thank you

He loves having lunch with you

You two holding hands while you both talked about your day was the highlight of his

He loves giving you rings and watches, he thinks it just makes your hands shine through and he says that you deserve to be pampered

That being said he absolutely loves your hands

How his slender and somewhat bony fingers perfectly fit with your pudgy ones makes him smile

Yukako Yamagishi

Oh you're perfect to her!

So soft, you're like her personal teddy bear!

It's surprising if your self esteem hasn't risen even a little bit once you're with her

She loves complementing you so much

Will steal your clothes

And guess what.

She's another character I headcanon as plus size so you both are going to be stealing each others clothes

Best home cooked meals wow

Will make sure you get everything you need and aren't skipping meals

She would be so scary if she finds out that you aren't taking care of yourself

She cannot choose her favorite part of you

You ask her and she will say all of the above

Toshikazu Hazamada

He doesn't get out much tbh

I'll be honest anime/manga has definitely risen his expectations when it comes to appearance for a s/o

Gotta wait til he gets humbled shorter if you ever want to be with him

By then he should get it through his head that not everyone is going to have the flat stomach or big muscles as anime might have him believe

I feel like after that he might be open to collecting more diverse anime figurines, including the cute chubby anime mascots you can find online

When you said that you had feelings for him he grew so flustered that he actually accepted

It doesn't matter what you really look like to him anymore, if you like him he would like you back

Please let him sit in your lap and let him hug you

Would constantly suggest you to cosplay a character from his figurine collection

He wants his anime fav come to life you would make him so happy

Something just tells me that he would really like flabby arms tbh

The feeling of your squishy arms around him when you two hug makes his heart go so fast and his face so red

Loves cuddling up and laying his head on your arms

[beware-of-you-98]

BAU as College Professors AU

*cracks knuckles*

Penelope

penelope is a graphic design professor

she loves teaching kids about the wonders of photoshop!!

hates illustrator and indesign with a burning passion

(the illustrator pen tool can fucking choke for all she cares)

(AND HOW THE FUCK DO YOU PUT THE FRONT AND COVER TOGETHER IN INDESIGN!?!?)

(she really hates both applications sm 😭)

is always reluctant to teach them but does it begrudgingly

(she’s just glad there’s other professors in the department that teach editorial and graphic illustration)

teaches photography!!

encourages the students to be as expressive as they want to be with their pictures!!!

she’ll be just as enthusiastic to see a close up of a sneaker as she is to see a sunset landscape shot

teaches the graphic design studio classes too!!

she always has music playing!!

half the time, her students come into the class and her glasses are all skewed, her hands are covered in paint or glue and some abstract art piece is sitting on her desk

when the students ask her what it is, she just gives the projects human names

“hey professor... what did you make there?” “oh, this?? her name is... pam.... yeah, pam”

she doesn’t offer up any further explination than that

and the students just accept it

her office light is always off

but she has multiple fairy lights in various colors hung up

her office is v inviting!!!

students come to her to vent or to talk about their problems bc the campus therapist doesn’t help all lmao

she always has on the most unique outfits but she pulls them off so well

a ray of sunshine tbh!!

Spencer

teaches major science and math courses

he teaches chemistry but only chem for majors in chemistry

it’s not that he can’t teach chem for non majors

but he sometimes gets too ahead of himself and forgets he’s teaching a course for non majors

it’s easier for him to teach for majors because the students can follow his ramblings better

he teaches upper level math courses and usually only has like three students in those classes

he’ll sit up on his desk and debate with the students for the entire hour about the riemann hypothesis

he gets excited because the students are just as enthusiastic as he is

he is two extremes

he either shows up to his classroom like a half hour early and writes out all his notes on the board so that when the students come in, he can go right into lecture

or he’ll show up two minutes before class starts with his hair disheveled, his tie undone and his expression glazed over and just be like “listen up i woke up late and just downed an entire pot of coffee i brewed with several cans of monster energy—i don’t exist on this dimension anymore”

on those days, he lets his students work on other projects for other classes because he knows it’s not fair to ask his students to focus if he’s not

he helps them with their homework

penelope brings him lunch sometimes to make sure he’s eating

he appreciates it a lot because between lesson plans and grading, he sometimes forgets to eat

he’s absolutely the youngest prof on campus

sometimes even his students are older than he is

but everyone addresses him correctly and respects him bc he’s really chill

his office is a disorganized mess

there’s files and papers all over his desk

and a sculpture penelope made for him (she named that one “roger”)

JJ

psychology professor

she really has a passion for teaching and learning about human psychology

(she may have started to become interested in psychology bc her sister was in the psch honors course before she died)

she comes across as a little hostile and unapproachable tbh

but she’s young

and she’s attractive

and she’s not conveniently what people think a professor looks like

she’ll respect her students if they respect her

she didn’t graduate the top of her class and work her ass off for the degree to not be respected

if there’s any inappropriate comments aimmed towards her or anyone in the class, she kicks the aggressor out immediately

she stands at the front of the room and lectures for the beginning part of the semester

once she’s built a good rapport with her students (and vise versa), she becomes more chill

she’ll sit on the edge of her desk and encourage discussion rather than following a book or a set plan

(she finds it’s more interesting that way anyway)

sometimes her students will show up ten minutes before class starts just to talk with her once they’re comfortable with her

she always answers her emails students send her (queen shit tbh 👑)

some kids in the psych major course playfully call her “mom” because she always asks them how they’re doing and about their week

(she hasn’t decided how she feels about it, but she also lets it slide)

always wears pants suits but cuffs the sleeves to the jackets

her office always smells like eucalyptus because she has a small mist diffuser plugged in

she also has a small fish tank with a beta fish inside (its the appropriate size too!!)

(she let a student name the fish—it’s name is sir bubbles of argon)

she also has a sculpture from penelope (“her name is maxine”)

her desk is very organized and clean!!

there’s a small couch in her office and her door is always open

sometimes, students will come in if they’re having a hard time and need someone to talk to

they know jj is there to listen and she always seems to understand (she doesn’t judge them either)

Emily

teaches three languages, both for majors and non majors

spanish, french and russian

(she’s also quite fluent in arabic and italian and can hold her own if she’s speaking in german or mandarin, but the students don’t need to know that)

she’s actually very intimidating lmao

students are so scared of her 😭

she’s serious af

(she smiles in class sometimes though!!)

(besides, she’s only serious inside the classroom)

(outside the classroom, she might even be as approachable as penelope)

always dressed in expensive black suits, polished heeled shoes with very dark makeup and a “don’t fuck with me” steely attitude to match

she also wears expensive watches

she always stands at the front of the class and slowly paces the entire hour

one time someone decided to fuck off in her spanish 101 class

she didn’t even yell at him, she glared

rumor has it the kid was never spotted on campus again after that

(BOY SHE SCARED HIM SO BAD HE DROPPED TF OUT)

despite that, her classes are some of the easiest to take

one because emily has a way of teaching that helps all students understand

and two because her voice is naturally very easy to listen to

students taking her french 101 are going to leave the class speaking fluent conversational french

she also doesn’t tolerate people being racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc in her class

if she catches a bigoted comment someone makes in her class, she kicks them immediately

she brings in her cat sometimes

he’s all black and his name is sergio

(he’s her esa that she brings in when she’s feeling really stressed out)

he’s clipped on a harness and sits on her shoulder or on her desk

if he meows, she accepts it as an answer

it’s the only time the students ever see professor emily prentiss as soft

well

other than the days she has the class watch foreign films because the students can tell emily has a fondness for them

her office is pretty organized like jj’s

instead of it being light and inviting, emily decorated her office on a more dark side

she has a few animal skulls, crystals and other gothic memorabilia on her desk or bookshelf

she has a small cat bed on the corner of her desk that sergio sleeps in

on the other corner is a sculpture penelope made her

(it kinda looks like a crow and emily named it kurt)

really, the only colors in her office are dark, deep purples and the small lesbian pride flag sticker on the back of her laptop

Derek

teaches history classes

but like modern history

from like 1940s to present

he refuses to follow most western history books bc they’re not accurate like at all

in his first year of teaching, the dean of his department made him use a book and he hated every second of it

how accurate could the information be if they portray king tut as a white guy???

he graduated under one of the best historians in the country

he also traveled a lot after he graduated and met a lot of people that had first hand experience with major historical events

that’s really what he bases his teachings off of—first hand experiences and encounters

every two weeks or so, he’ll invite in guest speakers to his classes to talk about what they went through (depending on his lesson plans)

that’s how he likes to teach and learn (bc he always loves to learn new things!!)

this is random, but also he is the type of professor to randomly box jump up onto a desk

he also sits in chairs backwards and has a more laid back style to teaching

his exams are based on what the students can learn from history rather than the information itself

he’s always dressed super casual!!

solid color, short sleeve button ups are a favorite!! (no tie)

he gets along with all the students

he’ll talk to the athletes about their games but sound just as enthusiastic and genuine talking with students who are majors in fine arts about their projects

he’s just a v down to earth professor tbh!!

he brings in clooney so much

like... every friday

it’s just another bonus of taking his history classes!!

he and penelope are dating

his office is full of sculptures she makes for him 🥺

he drops by her graphic design studio class with clooney to help out or even to just watch

he’s supportive and encouraging of penelope and her art!!

other than the sculptures penelope makes him, his office is a bit more disorganized than jj’s or emily’s, but cleaner than spencer’s

he has a few papers scattered on his desk but mostly he’s a little more put together

his office door has a small basketball hoop attached that he plays around with if he’s bored (and if penelope is busy)

both he and penelope have a dog bed in their office and water bowls for clooney when he comes in

Hotch

law professor

is the most intimidating professor on campus

like

seriously

if students think professor prentiss is intimidating, they haven’t met professor hotchner

he stands in the front of the room and goes over his lecture without pausing or asking questions

his voice is naturally low and intimidating and he actually never smiles

his attire and appearance is always so professional

suits

ties that are tied so tight, they look like they’re choking him

shoes so polished, he can see his reflection in them

hair always styled neatly

pants and jacket are always wrinkle free

his classes are difficult

not just because of the subject matter, but because he has a very organized, straight forward method to his teaching

students wouldn’t dare act up in his class—they’d be absolute idiots to

he’s quiet and reserved outside the classroom

if the others hear anyone talking shit about hotch behind his back, they’re always quick to come to his defense

they actually know hotch

they know he puts on a hardass exterior, but really he’s just a softie

he always lets them hang in his office with him

he listens to spencer’s ramblings and is extremely patient with him

he has lunch with emily every other day

even if she’s a pain in his ass 99% of the time, he likes that she sticks around and that he can trust her

he shows up to all of penelope’s art shows

and sometimes sits in on derek’s lectures when he has guest speakers

jj brings him pastries from the coffee shop on campus sometimes

he knows that he can come to her if he ever has anything he needs to talk about

(he never opens up to her but he really appreciates the sentiment nonetheless)

penelope has definitely made hotch a few sculptures

(he keeps them at home, but he does have one of her paintings hanging in his office)

speaking of his office it’s hands down the most organized out of all of them

his desk is so clean besides the picture of his son he proudly displays at the corner

he always has his lights off and his door shut

he seems so unapproachable, especially in class

but sometimes his lecture notes have crayon scribbles all over the page

or a small sock will fall out of his briefcase

and maybe, even for a moment, his serious demeanor falls when he spots them

and it almost reassures the students that he is human

Rossi

actually he’s the only one besides maybe reid i can see being a criminology professor

is a retired fbi agent

and successful author

so like that hasn’t changed from canon

but because he doesn’t work for the fbi anymore, he has absolutely no chill and tells all secrets

he’ll be like

talking to his class about a case he worked on in ‘83

and be halfway talking about details of cases that were supposed to be confidential

he’ll pause and go “oops” but keep talking lmaooo

penelope actually never made him a sculpture

instead she made him a coffee mug she made on the wheel and glazed herself!! (she even made her own glaze bc she’s extra like that)

carved on the side is “world’s best italian dad”

(this is because when emily introduced rossi to the group she was like “yeah he’s kinda like my dad” and now everyone calls him “dad”)

(he loves it so much though and proudly accepts his title)

he loves his mug so much and uses it every single day!!!

he’s the only professor besides penelope that let his students refer to him without the title of “professor”

he gives off kind old grandpa vibes

and that he’s only teaching because he really doesn’t have anything better to do during his retirement

but he’s chill and his class is interesting to take

(plus he really does love to teach)

he’ll ramble on and on about his “golden years” as an agent

he will especially talk a student’s ear off if they come up to him and tell him that they read one [or all] of his books

he writes a different quote on his board every single day

his attire is always business casual

he sits on the edge of the desk or on a swivel chair because it’s comfy

he was doing a lecture on jack the ripper and just pushed himself around on the swivel chair, slowly spinning around the front of the room

his voice kept changing in volume every few words because of him facing the wall and then a few moments later facing the classroom

his students refer to him as a “living breathing meme”

he has no idea what the fuck that means

but he take it as a compliment

his office is empty because he goes home after he’s done with classes lmao

he doesn’t do paperwork

or fuck with technology (he never fucking responds to emails smh)

so he has no need for an office

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Why is no one talking about one of the most stupid things we've seen in this webtoon thus far? I'm talking about the fact that H&P deadass pull a "I nominate Hades as an attorney to defend me in this case uwu" and the mf accepts (clearly the had it planned) although he is part of the jury.

Now, I don't have fast pass but I really hope this whole thing is forbidded by Zeus in the next episodes. It makes no fucking sense! Hades is not a lawyer, and as a god is not associated with law/justice (him being a king doesn't excuse this, he is there to "judge" not to defend the accused).

This really proves that absolutely nothing works against Persephone ever. She is able to get away with murder and have zero consequences for her actions, all while the smurf plays daddy with her, spoils her and defends her in court WHICH SHOULD NOT BE EVEN POSSIBLE LMAO.

From OP: It’s allowed because ‘loophole’.

2. I would like to add to what that person said about the characters looking too stiff. Literally that panel towards the end of ep. 179 where P said "I nominate Hades" is the best example of this. Wtf is wrong with her hand? It looks like a wooden doll with her arm extended like that. The only explanation I have for this (aside from the fact that the art style sucks big time) is that she's trying to imitate the art style on the ancient Greek amphoras (amphorae?), but even the scenes depicted on them had signs of natural movement, with the bodies looking much less stiff of course.

3. Anyone else wanna mention the backgrounds are also just not there at this point? Like she was already bad with this in the beginning but at least there was some sketch up lines to give the impression they were in a real space, but now it’s literally just blank voids of color and that’s it, and often not good use of color either (why is the above land pink while the underworld is blue? It makes it hard too tell what’s going on). There aren’t even establishing shots to at least give the readers an idea where they are and then becoming abstract about it, it’s all abstract and flat, which doesn’t help when the characters also are so lacking in character design and aren’t really doing anything pose or action wise. The world around them don’t even seem like actual places, it just seems like a set, and a very cheap one at that. It just ends up looking so boring in all fronts.

4. I don't know why it's only happening now but Persephone's eyebrows have started to piss me off lately. Why are they pure black? And when did they become so thick? It doesn't fit in with the rest of her fair and hairless appearance, it just looks like her brow artist did a piss poor job on them.

5. it honestly makes me sad looking at the first few lo episodes. were they perfect? god no, but at least the art was unique and had some actual thought put in it, but by around episode 25 or so you begin to notice the style is becoming less and less, until you have what it is now which is completely different, and not for the better. i know styles change and all, but this is a case where it got so much worse, losing its unique factor to look so generic and lacking instead. it make me sad.

6. Ive noticed LO fans dont seem to enjoy any other greek myth works, only LO. for example there's a huge overlap in PJO fans liking Hades Games and BoZ, and Hadestown fans towards TSOA, and so on and so on, meanwhile LO overwhelmingly don't even read other HxP stuff like Punderworld and openly hate stuff like PJO. They tend to only consume LO while claiming to be "big myth fans". It reminds me of Potterheads who claim to be big book nerds when they've really only read the series and nothing else.

7. its truly a testament to how bad the writing is from RS in that she honestly thought it was a dramatic twist apollo and artemis of all people were children to zeus, despite looking exactly like him and not like their mother. also, tbh, the fact hera humiliated leto and treats the twins like garbage, it is any wonder theyre being depicted so negatively in LO? theyre only used to prop up hades and p's "friendships" to eros and daphne. artemis is even the "bad" maiden. it's all so stupid.

8. the thing to me is no retelling of myths will be perfect, how could they be? but LO takes the cake at claiming its so researched and is the actual truth and is 99%+ correct (both from rachel's words as well as by her fans) with both refusing to even admit to any mistakes and refusing any critique, especially from greeks themselves, that's where the issue is to me. you cannot claim to be so well researched only to be upset when people notice the many obvious inaccuracies. that's not how it works.

9. there's a part of me that wonders why LO has never featured any MLM romances like poseidon, zeus, or apollo's many male lovers, but then i remembered she doesn't care about poseidon and both zeus & apollo are both evil to her, her made up WLW romances are terrible, and all relationships that cant be used to prop up hades and persephone are made cruel and abusive, so maybe that's a blessing in disguise that she's so bad at even remembering LGBTQ+ relationships, much less depicting them.

-----FP Spoiler/Mention-----

10. The whole trial thing just puts into perspective how much plot points go off the rails. I was actually looking forward to finally hearing from Demeter that Persephone IS a fertility goddess and them having a argument before the trial, but then it just left on a Clift hanger. And then oh wow Hades is being her lawyer, which??, pretty sure that’s not how that works but okay whatever he’s going against his brothers. But he doesn’t even make an opening statement because the other side does instead. And then Hermes shows up and his backstory starts and everything gets so muddled. I’m not an expert on court cases but seeing the witness be called up right after and the other side just make a bunch of shi up instead of stating a pathos but accurate opening statement hurts my brain. Not to mention the jury and people just speaking out at random? Like can Rachel just write something serious for once? Or at least somewhat accurate? Legally blonde had a better comedy court case scene than whatever this is.

[silverbyuls]

( lee hyeri, cis female, muse i ) oh snap! is that SHIN EUNBYUL they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE AVERAGE JOE. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( optimistic. ) but also pretty ( dishonest. ) they’re TWENTY TWO and they’ve been living in woodstock for TWENTY TWO YEARS. it must be their shift because i totally hear THE CRANBERRIES blasting from the record store. ( a little tikes piggy bank tucked under the bed, clothing label sticking out from the back, snap clips with varnish peeling off, jelly shoes with the strap taped together, leaving lisa frank stickers along record crates ) @volumeupdates

BIO

the luke hemsworth of the family but middle child

goes by byul

tried to go by ‘e.b.’ but her mum went berserk because she’d reduced her name to two letters for the ease of her yt friends and her brother bullied her for being e.t’s ugly sister so now she tries to go by silver star (her name translated into english) but it doesn’t quite stick

claims that her older sister and younger brother stole all her beauty, brain cells and height

family invested everything into older sister so she could go to college in new york: savings, loans, moved to smaller house which is even further from the town centre

brother requires all attention as he has high hopes of getting into college on a baseball scholarship and she lowkey can’t wait until he’s far away from woodstock

her grades have always been average so no one expects her to leave – her parents talk about how nice it is that she’ll be with them forever but she knows that’s because they want her to take care of them when they’re old … which she would! if they didn’t live in woodstock

she tells them she’s going to move to california, but they think she’s as serious about that as she is about wanting to go to college, or becoming supermodel of the world, or an olympic swimmer, when she has average grades, of average height, and can’t even swim

if her life was a movie, she’d have fallen asleep in the first ten minutes – it has always been so boring and uneventful, so she lives up in her head with her fake scenarios to keep things interesting – most of the time, they’re taken straight from a book or magazine

sometimes these thoughts spill over into reality because she can’t fathom the idea of people realising she’s as plain as she is, and her little white lies give her a bit of sparkle to stand out (in her opinion)

but she will get to california!

she even has a plan:

she’s been working at freddy’s diner since she was fifteen, escaping to high volume whenever she can, a place where she can pop her headphones on during her breaks and pretend she’s getting ogled at on venice beach, but she’s terrible at saving so seven years later she’s still grinding

once she graduates high school, she has enough time for a second job and she’d dropped enough hints in front of jerry for him to kindly offer her a job. after all, she spends as much time in high volume as she does at freddy’s so there’s not much of a difference once she becomes an employee -- still floating around the place, sipping on her coke can, either people watching or people chasing -- except now she has access to the register

after a big argument with her parents, she ended up moving out into a place in the middle of town. that was never part of the plan because saving was easier when she lived at home. she’ll say things got really bad but really, she was just getting closer to her target and she wanted a valid reason to put it off for a bit longer

she was only supposed to do it once – stealing from the cash register. it was just right there, no one was around, and she thought it was going to be her last shift because jerry was angry at her for being late again (granted, he hadn’t actually been mad, but it was one of those days when everything felt personal)

besides, she’d overheard a group of girls she’d idolised in school talk about how they stole some underwear and they made it sound so cool

she felt like everyone could hear her heart thumping against her chest as she walked out of the store but the day after, no one said anything about it, no one even noticed, and she wasn’t fired. so she did it again, and again, and again, and eventually she didn’t even bat an eyelid

the extra money was supposed to help her reach her goal faster but, again, she’s terrible at saving and her parents are so hardworking, she can’t help but feel guilty and buy nice things for them every once in a while and when they ask where she got the money from, she lies and says jerry gave her a bonus for being a good employee

on the other hand, if they’ve had an argument, or they’ve forgotten about her again, she’ll have a full on les-mis-i-dreamed-a-dream episode then splurge out on a cute jacket because it’s hers and it’s new! rather than worn out hand-me-downs from her sister or brother!

started her own side hustle called the separation agency – inspired after a customer at high volume asked her to help him break up with his boyfriend. so she’s the messenger for people who have things to say but don’t have the balls to say it to someone’s face themselves. usually they’re horrible messages, like break ups. she’s had like three customers and tries to promote her side hustle whilst on her shift at high volume

she thinks her “business” could actually thrive in a bigger city which is just another reason why she needs to get out of woodstock – it’s holding her back!

anyway, jerry’s missing, which is perfect for her because she gets to come in late and not get told off, and maybe steal a little more than she usually does

PERSONALITY:

when she’s around people, she seems like an extrovert: bubbly, talkative, dramatic ... which uses up a lot of her energy and her social battery is weak, so needs her own space often, and likes doing nothing by herself so sometimes she’ll lie to get out of plans or bail last minute 

she has big dreams, and talks about all her big plans, but has leaving anxiety which is why she’s shit at saving and makes up excuses as to why she can’t leave just yet 

has main character syndrome -- likes to live her life as a romcom, most of her lies revolve around her love life because she wants to be seen as desirable, but also will overanalyse everything 

sensitive, passionate, immature, sympathetic, fickle, clumsy, dramatic, caring, head in clouds

will pretend to knows things to fit in like ~hipster~ bands or anything really, depends on the crowd

could gladly spend all day talking to customers at work then the next day she’ll prefer to day dream in the storage room

rides a bike to and from work and almost everywhere else too -- the only one out of her siblings who had to bike to school because small car and siblings took up all the space -- she’s had the same bike since high school 

loves spice girls but feels like she’ll be judged so keeps quiet and plays it when she’s closing

honestly could hate you one day and have a crush on you the next but you wouldn’t even know it -- a vicious cycle 

collects stickers and leaves them everywhere and on everyone - often passive aggressive through them, basically uses them like emojis

will try to order food and get others to pay for it - especially kfc, never gets to eat the drumsticks at home so will honestly cry if people steal the drumsticks from her

buys lottery tickets and scratch cards because she has a 50/50 chance of winning

WANTED CONNECTIONS: (current connections)

start up: stolen str8 from a kdrama that ruined my life hehe her parents set her up with a pen pal to keep her busy out of guilt because they’re so busy with her siblings and work and obviously she romanticises it !!! her parents would’ve asked to lie a little bit, just so she’d be writing to someone she’d easily obsess over -- love island vc: someone who ticks all the boxes 

xoxo gossip girl: someone who loves a good gossip sesh -- they probably send 👀 at each other across the store when things feel a bit tense, which is code for ‘meet me in the storage room’ so they can chat away for the rest of their shift

lunch stealer: she makes her own lunch every day and is extremely protective over it but one day it went missing and she knows it was them (maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t) so now they are her sworn enemy

sister’s/brother’s friend: therefore an automatic enemy

shut up: someone who just tells her to shut up because she chats so much shit and she’s insane - just sandra x dina vibes from superstore (x)

carpool karaoke: she hates cycling in when it’s raining, so either she’s trying to get them to be her designated driver or has already succeeded and is annoying about it

crush #1: someone she has a crush on (more of an infatuation) and they’re not interested in her in the slightest but in her head they’re giving her mixed signals and she has made up a fake boyfriend to try to make them jealous

crush #2: someone she thinks has a crush on her. either because they’re nice or tease her or just mean, it doesn’t matter, she’s insane so she’ll interpret it however she wants

ex: they never broke up, or even dated, but she thinks something almost happened between them and she thinks she cut things off by giving them space

separation agency: someone who once used the agency either out of the kindness of their heart or for a different reason entirely and now she won’t stop pestering them to try and get them to use it again

no thots just vibes: i just like this gifset tbh (x) and we can brainstorm ! 

[kindahoping4forever]

You Were Digging Plants, I Dug You // Ashton Irwin

This concept started a while back as a prompt fill and then I got stuck, used the prompt for a different piece and then that allowed me to get unstuck. (Yay!) Thank you to @cal-puddies​ for cheering me on while I figured it out (no jokes about it being too long, only clown emojis so you KNOW shit’s about to go down tbh) and also to @ashtonangst​ for her rallying when I gave her a sneak preview. 

Warnings: Boyfriend!Ash (back to basics, pals), what I can only describe as Domestic Thirst, Gardening!Ash, Hammock!Ash, literally so much thirst, brief reference to exhibitionism and bondage, unprotected sex in an established relationship, oral sex performed on a male

Word Count: 3707

Masterlist // Taglist // Ko-Fi

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

————-

You walk into the kitchen and sit your breakfast dishes in the sink, smiling to yourself when you see that Ashton has already swooped in and washed the pans you left sitting on the stove “to soak.” It was a rare occurrence for you to be up before him but you were working from home on deadline and had gotten up unreasonably early to finish up a project in time. 

With your responsibilities out of the way earlier than usual, part of you had hoped you’d find your boyfriend still in bed so you could sneak in a few extra zzzs, maybe some cuddle time. But as you survey the kitchen, you spot his keys and sports bottle on the counter, indicating he’d already been out for a run, which is typical. You fill a glass with ice, pour some coffee over it and pad off in search of Ash.

You’re not surprised where you find him: out back, indulging in his newfound favorite pastime: gardening. You’re not sure how or why this hobby started but he absolutely loves it and you've come to appreciate it too: it’s hard not to get swept up when he’s excited about something. He currently appears to be in the middle of a heated confrontation with his green beans so you decide not to bother him just yet and you settle into a chaise lounger with your coffee.

You close your eyes, lean back in your chair and bask in the morning sun for a while until you reach for your glass and feel an empty table. You frown in confusion and open your eyes to see Ashton standing over you, happily taking a sip while checking his phone. 

“Well good morning to you too, THIEF,” you jab. “You know, there’s a whole pot inside if you want coffee.”

He shrugs and takes another sip. “Don’t want coffee, want your coffee.”

Undeterred by the offended look you’re giving him, he sits on the edge of your chair and rubs your thigh. He asks you how your work went and you chat about your mornings, passing the iced drink back and forth between you until it's finished.

Ash sits the glass back down on the table and leans in to give you a quick peck before resuming his work. You attempt to deepen the kiss, throwing your arms around his neck and trying to pull him closer but he chuckles against your lips and breaks free.

“The clouds are starting to move, baby, I need to finish up before it gets too hot,” he explains, gesturing at the sky.

You run your hands over his arm as he gets up to leave. “But I missed not getting my wakeup call this morning,” you whine playfully. Since you started working from home, your favorite part of the day had quickly become seeing which one of you would be the first to suggest the morning start off with a little fooling around.

“Gotta get those stakes in the ground for my tomatoes,” he replies, squeezing your hand as he stands next to your chair, selecting a new playlist to accompany his work.

“You’d rather pound wooden stakes instead of your own girlfriend?” You tease, mockingly striking a sexy pose.

“Well especially now that you’ve referred to my sincere lovemaking as ‘pounding,’ ” he deadpans. You playfully kick at him from your chair but you’re a split second too late and he’s already walking back out to the garden. 

You leave him to his work and return a while later with your laptop and another coffee, planning to get some work done while enjoying the nice day and your boyfriend’s company. But as you sit your things on the table, one glance over to the garden makes you realize you’ve walked into quite the distracting environment. 

Judging from the pair of 8 foot wooden poles that are now protruding from the ground and the amount of sweat soaking through the back of his white t-shirt, Ashton has been hard at work. You're impressed by his progress but as he climbs onto his step stool to place his last stake, you realize it’s the perfect stage for you to drink in all the things you love about the way he’s built and you find your mind and eyes wandering. 

You watch closely as he stretches his body to reach the top of the post and when you see the way his t-shirt is pulling between his shoulder blades, you’re reminded of how you were deprived of dragging your nails down his back that morning. Your eyes travel down and you consider how much you love his ass in light wash denim and how tight the material fits over his thick thighs.

Before you get too far fantasizing about bouncing on his thigh, Ash begins hammering the stick into the soil and your focus is drawn to his arms flexing with each strike; the rolled up sleeves of his t-shirt leave his glistening muscles and tattoos on display. You shift in your seat when you notice his long fingers curling around the rod and you start thinking about how much you wish they were wrapping around something else, like your throat or his own cock.

Your filthy daydream is shattered by the vibration of your phone, alerting you to a text message. You manage to tear yourself away long enough to type out what you hope is a coherent reply and when you look back up, he’s almost done tying the vines of his plant to the newly installed stake. He furrows his brow and you can’t help but recognize it’s the same look of concentration you saw on his face last week when you watched him tie your wrists to the bed frame.  

You zone out until you see he’s on his way to return the toolbox and stool to the garage. You feign interest in what’s on your computer screen and somehow manage not to watch his ass as he walks away.

When Ash returns 10 minutes later you nearly burst out laughing at the absurdity of your situation. He’s traded his jeans for a loose pair of athletic shorts, lost his shirt entirely and is heading towards you with a giant bag of soil effortlessly hoisted over one shoulder and a large ceramic pot on the other.

“Just about finished there, handsome?” You ask, hoping the desperation you were feeling doesn’t come through in your voice.

“Not quite,” he says, oblivious to your need and instead bubbling about his project. “Those lavender seeds you picked out were delivered this morning, I wanna pot a couple of those for you.”

Your body is frustrated knowing you’ll have to wait longer for his attention but your heart sings at how happy this all makes him and how eager he is to share it with you. “Sounds good,” you smile at him. “I have a couple things to finish up and then maybe I'll make us some lunch.” 

He sits in the seat next to you, beaming, setting up his supplies at the table. You both get to work but it takes less than five minutes for you to let your eyes wander over and observe him leaning over his pot, working with his large hands.

You feel a varied wave of emotions watching him. In one moment, seeing his hands firmly pat the soil with an open palm, you feel the urgent need to have him recreate that action on your ass. But in the next, the gentle way he’s handling the seeds reminds you of how his hands tenderly dance over your skin when you’re laying in bed, satisfied and talking softly to each other. 

Ashton feels your gaze on him and looks up, eyes sparkling. “This’ll be so much fun when it blooms, baby, you made a good pick,” he exuberantly chats while you gather up your things. “Soaps and teas and candles… we’re gonna make so much fuckin’ cool shit.”

You smile fondly at his excitement and lean down to hug him from behind as you pass by. “You’re cute, you know that?” You press a kiss to the tattoo on the back of his neck and head inside.

You putter around the house, doing mundane things like plugging in your computer and seeing what's available for lunch but you can't keep your mind from wandering, filling with thoughts both erotic and soft. You thought this started just from disrupting your usual morning routine with him but it’s spiraled into the most distracting thing of all: you're horny but now you're horny with feelings.

You poke your head out the backdoor to ask Ash if he’ll be ready to eat soon but he’s not at the table where you left him; you laugh when you walk further into the yard and see him sprawled out in his hammock with his eyes closed.

“The second I leave, suddenly you’re done working. I’m starting to think that was all just a show for me,” you joke as you get closer.

He smiles at the sound of your voice and opens his arms, swinging one leg out of the hammock, placing it on the ground to stabilize it, indicating for you to get in.

“Ew, you’re all sweaty, though,” you tease as you carefully climb in.

He snorts as if to say “yeah right” as you curl up into his side and rest your head directly on his bare chest. He strokes your hair, you draw designs on his skin with your fingertips and you both lay quietly for a few minutes, enjoying the fresh air and the presence of each other. 

“Everything’s looking great out there, Ash,” you break the silence to compliment him. “You’re really working hard and it shows. I love that you love it so much.” You lean down to press a kiss to the coin tattoo on his side.

You can feel the pride and appreciation radiating from him as he kisses the top of your head. “Thanks, baby. It’s been a lot of fun exploring something new.”

“I can tell... And watching you out there today kinda made me want to have some fun exploring too,” you say with a flirtatious edge to your voice, your hands starting to dance down his chest.

He giggles with delight, “That’s so fucking lame!” He cradles your chin up to him and kisses you sweetly. “You only get that cheesy when you're really worked up; I thought I felt you eyeing me out there but I didn’t know it was that bad, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know how you expect me to react, all sweaty and muscle-y and shit,” you playfully slap his chest and defend yourself. “I’m sitting there hoping you’ll be done so I can shower with you and instead you want to plant something for me? How am I not supposed to be dripping?”

Ashton laughs heartily and it reverberates throughout your entire body as you lay on him. You love the sound but you love the taste of him even more so you press your lips to his again. The two of you lay there, cuddled up together in the hammock, lazily making out for a lot longer than you would’ve expected, given how badly you’ve been wanting him all day.

Eventually, his hand ends up under your t-shirt and your hand finds its way down his shorts. Neither of you are in a hurry to speed things along; he leisurely palms your breasts, occasionally twirling a nipple. You lightly stroke his cock, enough to get him hard but not so much that he’s eager for this part to be over. It’s a comfortable, casual groove you fall into; enjoying the feeling of each other’s bodies and the desire that mounts with each murmur escaping from both your and his lips.

You continue like this for a bit longer until his hand travels down your shorts and he feels how wet you are for him; the groan he lets out against your lips makes your stomach flip.

“Fuck, baby, you do need it, don’t you?” He teases you, fingers dipping in and out of your folds. “Poor thing, have you been soaked like this all morning? Think I’ve spoiled you, can’t even go a few hours without me.”

You moan into his kiss and together, you get yourself out of your shorts and panties. Ash tosses his own shorts to the side and you can tell he’s trying to mentally run the logistics and figure out which position is best suited to hammock sex; you’ve admittedly spent a fair amount of time thinking about this and you spring into action, cautiously rearranging your bodies, aiming to get on top. 

The bed starts swaying as you move and he instinctively puts his leg on the ground to stabilize it like before; you nod your approval and are able to safely straddle him. He rubs your thighs affectionately and offers, “This seems a little ill-advised, let’s go in and I’ll fuck you in the shower like you said.”

You lean down to kiss first his lips and then over his jaw and neck. “You’ve done so much work today, babe,” you reply, already a bit breathy. “Just relax and let me make you feel good.”

You sit up and slip him inside you; you take a moment to close your eyes and savor the sensation of him filling you, stretching you out. He’s right, you must be spoiled. You had him just last night and yet you’ve been craving this feeling and you’re so relieved to finally be experiencing it again.

You tentatively start moving on his cock, trying to test the limitations of your current location; he swings his other leg out the other side, giving you a bit more steadiness to work with but you still pay close attention to your movements. A couple bounces has the hammock making questionable noises so you decide on a kind of slow, rocking motion to start off with.

“This good for you, Ash?” You check, biting your lip to hold in a moan, wanting to get an honest opinion from him.

“Mmm hmm,” he murmurs, hands running all over your ass and thighs. “Don’t kill us, don’t kill my hammock and I’m good with anything, baby.” You roll your eyes at his noncommittal attitude but judging by the way he’s licking his lips and his fingers are digging into your skin, it seems to be working for him just fine. 

You lean back, bracing yourself on his legs to get a different angle; you close your eyes and moan as he hits deeper inside you, causing you to arch your back. You feel his hands trying to pull your shirt up but he can’t quite reach. “Wanna see those pretty tits, baby,” he rasps. 

Ashton holds your hips, helping you balance as you sit up and pull your top off. You look around slightly, considering your surroundings as you throw the clothing to the ground. You lean in and lowly ask, “That wall is high enough that no one can see, right? I’m not trying to give a peep show to the neighbors.”

“Oh sweetheart, they’ve definitely already seen the show when I’ve had you pressed against the upstairs window before,” he jokes, massaging your breasts now that you're close enough.

You shake your head amusedly and resume moving. You circle your hips a few times but the bed shifts a little more than you’d like so you try a slower grind. You discover you’re able to achieve a wonderful friction on your clit if you keep at it while you’re leaned in to him and you can’t help the sounds that begin pouring from your lips.

Ash pinches your nipples, watching with rapt attention as you work yourself up. “Love seeing you like this,” he breathes. “So hot watching you use my cock to get what you need.” 

You scratch your nails over his chest and he hisses; you whimper softly in return and lean in more, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss. “Want you to get what you need too, handsome,” you pant against him, increasing your pace a little.

“What I need is for us to get off before one of us gets so rowdy we end up flying out of this hammock,” he cracks, desire and amusement lighting up his eyes.

His hands roam from your chest to your ass and he grips your cheeks tight. He experimentally rocks up into you, causing you both to gasp. He gently moves against you again and you slowly follow his pleasurable rhythm while remaining careful not to upset the hammock.

The languid pace makes for a torturous buildup to your orgasm but you do feel it building. You can tell that Ashton isn’t nearly as close as you are so you attempt to slow your hips again but he grabs your ass tighter and drives his cock into you deeper. “Go ahead and cum, baby, I know you need it,” he encourages. 

You moan softly and arch your back again, finding that friction you need. He sneaks his hand between your bodies and presses his thumb to your clit and it only takes a few rubs to set you off. Your eyes close and your mouth wordlessly babbles as your body tenses and your pussy throbs around him; his touch both intensifies and soothes your feelings as he quietly intones, “Good girl, baby, yes. Fuck, look at you. Such a good girl.”

You bask in the pleasure you’ve been waiting all day for and eventually your body begins to relax; you brace yourself on his chest, taking a moment to collect yourself. He tenderly rubs up and down your arms and you open your eyes to grin at him warmly, silently thanking him for his patience.

You bend down, kissing along his jaw and you euphorically chirp, “Love your cock… love you.”

He chuckles at both your words and at your kisses tickling his skin. “I won’t take offense to the fact that my cock ranks first on your list.”

You smirk at him and slide gracefully down his body, letting him slip out of you; you promptly use your tongue to begin cleaning the evidence of your release off his cock and he curses under his breath appreciatively. You take him in your mouth and bob as enthusiastically as your location will allow. 

You can immediately tell by the way his breathing has changed that this will be more than enough to finish him off and it’ll be relatively soon. You pull off and rest your head on his hip as you stroke him steadily. “Feeling good, handsome?” You coo, enjoying the way he seems to shudder under your touch on every downstroke.

“Love your mouth… love you,” he quips, in a voice that is somehow simultaneously amused at his own joke and nearly blissed out from how you’re working him.

You giggle at his wisecrack and lean over to take his balls in your mouth; your tongue dances over the seam and he yelps deliciously, hands rushing to grip your hair. You pull off with a pop. “That’s what you get for being a smartass while I’m trying to make you cum.”

Before he can protest, your tongue is on him again, licking over the drops of precum that have dribbled down his shaft and he’s groaning your name. You brace your hands on his thighs and start to sink down to swallow him into your throat but he’s pulling you back up by your hair before you get very far. “Too close, baby,” he warns.

Heeding his advice, you decide to instead suckle at his tip and jerk him off again; you open your mouth and flit your tongue along the ridges of his head and as you run over his slit, he makes an obscene noise you can’t get enough of.

Ash alerts you of his orgasm with a squeeze to your shoulder and a strained chant of “Baby… baby… fuck…” and it’s enough for you to quickly get your mouth back on him in time to feel his cock twitching against your tongue as he starts to cum. He grunts quietly in time with your head’s movements and you cheer him on with an eager “mmm” for each spurt you swallow down.

His breathing begins to slow and you contentedly hum as you release him from your mouth and peck your way back up his body. You rest your head on his chest again, listening to his heartbeat settle and he plays with your hair, satisfied and lost in thought. 

A minute or so passes before you pop your head up, inquiring, "Ready for lunch now?"

Ash lets out a gleeful cackle. "Got what you wanted, now you're ready to move on, huh?"

You shrug, carefully navigating your way out of the hammock and collecting your clothes, tossing his shorts to him. "Thought you knew by now I'm only here for your body," you smirk as you get dressed.

He stands up and steps into his shorts, pulling you in to him as soon as he's done. "Same," he teases, managing to both smack your ass harshly and also kiss you lovingly.

Ashton swings his arm around you and you turn to walk towards the house together; you've only gotten a few steps away when you hear a cartoonish metallic crash. You both whip around to see the bed of the hammock freely swinging off of the frame that has both collapsed and become uprooted from where it was secured.

Your hand flies to cover your mouth and you bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing, waiting to see how he'll react.

Ashton puckers his lips and shifts them from side to side as if he's contemplating how irritated to be. Finally a devilish look crosses his face and he quips, "Well… I guess the good news is: if just watching me plant things got you this horny, it'll be fun to see what you'll want to do to me after you witness the actual hard work I'll have to do repairing this."

—-

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[camelely]

I just saw the flash… lol I actually liked most of this episode 🙂🙃 spoilers below

-

First they can’t seem to commit to Kramer in any plot. I’m over her entire story and I want it to end tbh. It was easily the worst part of the episode.

Diggles plot was okay I guess. His nanites moment/callback to Ray and Ollie made me smile. His little quip about team flash leveling up felt like it was directed at the audience. Like see look our older characters think the new ones are badass you should like them too 🤣😂. Overall this appearance felt a lot more natural and less fan service-ish than batwoman and legends.

I wish they had given more plot to Godspeed this season. He should have been the big bad lol. I know they connect and they wanted to do shorter arcs but still the forces thing was bad IMO lol. The godspeeds are fun but also kinda menacing and I think if the writers had focused on them more we would have gotten a much better season.

I’m not judging the iris plot until it develops but anything to do with the forces and them calling her mom is 🙄.

I like Bart. The acting. the design. So far so good. IMO shows that do kid plots do them because they are entirely out of ideas. It’s different when a show is about a family or about having kids like secret life or a family sitcom like modern family or something lol. But when a show introduces a new character kid it feels like a last resort. Like… the flash season five.I liked noras character and I’m glad to see her again but still kids are usually a sign it’s gonna to be ehhh. I like Bart and Nora and I hope their plot is better than everything else this season 😂🙂

The Allegra thing was fine I guess. It didn’t need to be in this already packed episode tbh.

It’s really late in the season but it does feel like everything is coming together a bit. I don’t have expectations for the next episode but I do want to know what happens next 🤷🏻‍♀️

[catchmewiddershins]

ahh ok ok, it's good !! i'm only halfway thru but mAN, i'm hooked HAHA, and abt the type, mmm i don't really have a preference tbh, i just take a look at the blurb and if it's interesting to me, then i send a message to my mom n she decided whether to buy it or not

as for recs, i've only gotten into reading recently, but i have a few that i've been wanting to read

- agatha christie seems to be pretty popular, and i think she writes on horror, so i'll look into that

- there's also this guy, anthony horowitz, and i'm very interested in reading a book of his, the word is murder (it's out of stock on our local bookstore, so i'm just waiting on it)

- one of us is lying and one of us is next is popular with my friends and classmates, so i'm interested in it as well

but do you have any book recs? i'd like to get more into it, but i haven't been able to find a lot of good ones ; i dont mind the genre, i just get at what seems interesting to me, so feel free to drop your favorites :D

HMMMM IMMA CHECK THAT ONE OUT :DD

ok so what you got sounds good I'll give you some basic recs because I want to explore the genre a bit more myself lol (my sister also really wants to read One of us is Lying lol)

Classics (not old but like... famous):

- an Inspector Calls - a play that's quite famous, it's a script so it's all dialogue and the story is revealed through an interrogation it's a classic for a reason :) - An inspector comes to the house of a rich family in the (oh dear) like mid 1800s? Anyway he claims that they are all guilty of driving a working class woman to suicide and the whole story is slowly revealed it's so GOOD

- Oedipus Rex - ok this is an old classic but :)))) what can I say - it's another play and it's good! Technically it's a tragedy but the plot of the tragedy is Oedipus trying to solve a mystery - chances are you know the ending but that's the point, knowing the ending creates tension as he tries to figure it out and you wonder when the ball is going to drop

- Sherlock Holmes - I... I haven't actually read these but one of my best friends has and she KEEPS bugging me to read them so it's on the list because it's a classic and also my bestie likes them

- Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde - Pretty short! And so so good! You probably recognise the story and it has it's fame for a reason... t's written from the POV of this Judge? I think? I can't remember his career, anyway he becomes involved in these murders and he decides to find out who's doing it and then track the perpetrator down and it's also sci-fi and psychological I believe anyway definite recommendation

Lower level (so like ages 11 - 15? I mean that's the age I was when I read them so):

- The Mysterious Benedict Society series - honestly? I want to reread these because a television adaption is coming out and I'm mad about some of the cuts they made - it's about a group of children recruited to stop someone from brainwashing the world

- the Lady Grace mysteries - definitely around the 11/12 age when I read these so they're quite an easy read but what can I say I still like them and easy reads are good and fun - it's set in the late 1500s and the main character is Grace, goddaughter to Queen Elizabeth the first, and she becomes a private detective for the Queen for various murders happening around court while outwitting the official (male) detective who thinks that her observations are worth pretty much nothing - she also has to keep it a secret from the other Maids of Honour (like ladies in waiting but... nobles)

- Orphan Monster Spy - ok I loved this when I read it at... 13/14/15? Anyway it's about a Jewish girl in WW2 who goes undercover at a school for nazi's children to gather information it is very good

- The murder most unladylike series - OK this I read at 10/11/12 as well but just because books are for younger audiences doesn't mean they aren't gripping and they're often more creative! My sister is reading this atm and she loves it ehe - it's two girls at a boarding school that start solving mysteries together

Higher Level (so like... 15/16/17? When I read or have been recommended and all that jazz):

- Oryx and Crake - This is written by Margaret Atwood which means it's good. The woman is a legend! Handmaid's Tale COULD be considered thriller or smth like it's sci-fi but like... cmon so that's another rec by her. My English teacher and my mum keep recommending me this but I haven't started it yet... general consensus is it's good though!

- Jane Harper - She's an author who's mysteries are apparently pretty good? I have one and they all seem to be popular sooooo a recommendation :)

- The Declaration + sequels - These are written by Gemma Malley and ALL I CAN REMEMBER ABOUT HOW GOOD THEY ARE is that when I was taking my GCSE mocks (I was 15 half of us were 16) we had to do revision in an exam hall and um anyway I read this book and the Resistance instead and did not do any revision I was hooked - not really a mystery or crime technically I don't think but definitely that vibe - Basically it's a future world where children just aren't a thing? The government has designed drugs for longevity and kids born outside of the law become 'surplus' and are all housed together but this girl meets a boy from outside (I cannot for the life of me remember if they get together or not) and they escape and go to investigate the government and where these drugs are coming from

I'll add more if I read them... IDEA! This list will have a tag (#wid's book recs! and #wid's mystery recs!) so I'll add recs to it when I get them so it'll be constantly evolving and I'll do the same for other genres at some point! I had a few more that I wanted to add but I forgot and the cat is being clingy

[groovegalaxxxy5]

The Art School AU nobody asked for

I’ve had this idea for an emercury AU fic kicking around in my head for a while now, but I have so many other projects on my plate rn and nowhere near enough time or energy to write it. So instead I’m just gonna post all the deets in the hopes that one day I’ll be able to come back and actually do something with it.

Emercury Art School AU Summary:

“Emerald Sustrai may have managed to get into the dance program at one of the most prestigious art schools on Remnant, but she has one big issue – after just one year of study, she’s barely managing to stay afloat even with two part-time jobs and her grades have been suffering for it. Fortunately for her, her school offers extra credit to any students who are cast in the school’s yearly exhibition performance.  Unfortunately, this year’s production’s theme is “passion” and the only spot up for audition for sophomores in the dance program is for a couples’ dance performance based on said theme.   

Enter one Mercury Black—a fellow dance student with a reputation unsavory enough to overshadow his considerable talent, and quite possibly the last person on Remnant Emerald would ever want to work with…He also happens to literally be the only other person she can find to pair up with her for the show.  Somehow, improbably, the unlikely duo actually make a pretty good team once they finally start to work out their differences, but as they perfect their routine for the big audition, Emerald finds herself in a whole new predicament: She may have set out to steal the show, but if she’s not careful she might just end up getting her heart stolen in the process...”

So yeah…as you can see, the basic premise is that Em and Merc are classmates at this school for the arts, but both of them are having trouble earning passing marks in this one foundation course they both need to graduate—Emerald because she is completely on her own and has to work a lot to pay for her living expenses and studio fees and stuff even though she has a pretty decent scholarship, and Mercury because he keeps really odd hours and misses class quite a bit for unexplained reasons.  Noticing that she’s struggling even though she is a gifted dancer, one of Emerald’s teachers suggests that she try out for the big show that their school puts on every school year, since anyone who makes the cut receives a bunch of extra credit and each faculty also gives a grant to the students who they judge to have put on one of the top three best performances.  The problem is, there are only a limited number of spots up for audition for each graduating year of each concentration course due to time and resource restraints, and this year’s 2nd year dance spot happens to be billed as a couples’ performance.

Emerald hits up everybody she can think of, but they're all too busy or can't commit to the project for other reasons. Pretty much out of options at that point, she’s just about ready to give up when she has a chance encounter with a classmate, one Mercury Black, after school.  Through some sort of clerical error they managed to book the exact same practice studio for exactly the same time, and since they both really need the extra practice time and neither one is willing to back down, they end up sharing the room for a few hours.  When they do, Emerald is really surprised to find out that Mercury is actually a really talented dancer, she just never noticed before because even though they have some classes together he comes in very irregularly.  After a long, sleepless night contemplating doing something really, really ill-advised, she ends up approaching him at school the next day to propose that they team up and audition for the big show together since they appear to both be failing the same class and need the credit really bad, and to her surprise he agrees rather easily.

Thus, the two of them become reluctant accomplices. However, once they start working out the choreography together, they just can’t seem to see eye-to-eye on anything, which doesn’t bode very well for their performance considering that it’s supposed to embody the show’s theme. Emerald is more of a ballet dancer, while Mercury is more of a street dancer, having started out with breaking and had almost zero classical training before starting school.  After a while (with a lot of practice and a LOT of unsolicited intervention from their nosy friends) our two favorite mayhem children finally start to bond and find some common ground, and naturally, lighthearted romantic hijinks ensue and sparks fly between the unlikely duo as they struggle to cooperate and put together a passionate couples’ dance good enough to get into the final production.

The Supporting Cast:

Em’s peeps -- Cinder (in the class above, sort of her mentor and was the one who encouraged her to apply to school in the first place), Weiss (met in freshman year, in the same ballet, jazz and contemporary classes this year, snarking buddies), Blake (ended up in most of the same classes together this year), Coco (upperclassman in the design course, loves dressing Em in different outfits and often forces her to stand in as a house model for her when she needs to work late into the night to meet a deadline)

Merc’s peeps -- Sun (met in class in freshman year, breaking and sparring buddies), Neptune (met thru Sun, in pop class together this year), Scarlet (ditto), Blake (in a few classes together, waits tables at the same diner where he works), Yang (met at a stunt training camp the Summer of freshmen year, waits tables at the same restaurant, fellow gym rat and occasional sparring partner)

Salem -- Headmistress of the most prestigious arts school on Remnant; has a bitter love-hate (mostly hate) relationship with her ex

Oz -- The headmistress’ ex-husband who runs a very successful Circe du Soleil type show and recruits a lot of his performers from her graduating classes

Glinda -- Chair of the dance department; Contemporary and ballroom dance instructor; is so so weary of her faculty’s incessant bickering

Winter -- Ballet instructor; came up in a rigid traditional Atlesian ballet school and generally looks down on all the other dancing disciplines and their instructors (”What they do can BARELY be described as dancing”); wishes the dance department were as disciplined as the music department

Qrow -- Jazz and tap dance instructor; doesn’t think that what his sister does really counts as actual dancing; jazz hands, rain hands and double dream hands and he’s dead serious about em

Raven -- Acrobatic and contortion instructor; thinks jazz hands look really stupid, just like Qrow and his corny, goofy ass dancing; was actually trained extensively in traditional Mistralian Highlands step dancing from childhood alongside her brother and used to perform internationally before switching disciplines

Tai Yang -- Hip-hop and pop dance instructor; specializes in pop and lock; Raven's ex; constantly catching strays from Qrow and Raven’s feud; just happy to still have a job tbh

Arthur & Tyrian -- Co-chairs of the theater department; Arthur teaches classical acting and Tyrian teaches method acting and they both think the other doesn’t teach “real acting”; somehow their department is actually really popular and all the students love the yearly musical theater production, which is the only time they ever seem to agree on anything

Hazel -- Long-suffering theater production instructor; works really hard to keep things running smoothly in the background despite the department heads' antics; hates the headmistress’s ex with a burning passion

Ironwood -- Chair of the music department; runs his department like a well-oiled machine and has put the fear of god into all his students; has won the national marching band championships seven years running

All the other students are in various departments at their school—e.g. Ruby plays the sax, Yang and Jaune are both acting majors, Oscar plays the cello, Nora and Ren play the tuba and the erhu respectively, Pyrrha is a triple threat etc.

A bunch of random plot points:

-Merc, Em and their friends are all in the same foundation classes together and the two of them start off vaguely aware of one another mostly owing to the fact that all their friends are friends, but they don’t really know each other (…or DO they??? *DUN DUNNN DUNNNNN*)

-Most of the faculty at their school can’t stand each other and the different departments have been engaged in bitter rivalries for years but somehow they all work really well together because at the end of the day they’re all professionals who are good at their jobs

-All of their friends are convinced that they’re secretly dating or hooking up at the very least, because they suddenly start hanging around each other a lot, holing up in the practice studio together until all hours of the night and showing up school at the same time the next morning and are constantly snipping at each other whenever they interact.  Merc’s squad is actually v supportive and (against his wishes) are doing their very best to try and help their boy lay down the mac (Sun: “Hey Merc! Thanks for letting me drive the convertible last weekend!😉👍”) , even though they all generally acknowledge that he’s way out of his league and is headed down the path to utter destruction. Meanwhile, Em’s friends are pretty appalled by her abysmally low standards (Weiss: “Emerald, you’re dating down....WAY down.🙁”) and think that shes going thru some kind of self-destructive phase or something.  They’re convinced she’s about to have her life absolutely ruined by that one smirky fuccboi type from their grade who has super sus habits and “reeks of criminality” (also Weiss).

-Almost everybody including most of his friends are convinced that Mercury is doing something really, really shady for cash on the low because he keeps super odd hours, misses class a lot and is always showing up with all these bizarre, unexplained injuries.  In reality, Em finds out that it’s all because he’s been training as a stunt-man outside of school and works a lot of weird hours at his part-time job so that he can pay off his prosthetics, finance his extra courses and pay for his own living expenses, etc. Although he actually was involved in some serious criminal activity in the past, he’s been trying his best to stay on the straight and narrow ever since he finally cut ties with his scumbag dad, and now just works a lot of nights and weekends as a short order cook at the local greasy spoon.

-Once Mercury realizes that Emerald is like...constantly on the brink of starvation because she’s a destitute vagabond baby but has too much pride to ask for help, he starts subtly bringing her leftovers from work, which she grudgingly accepts (because he owes her for putting him onto the whole extra credit thing, so it’s not really charity...definitely NOT because she is extremely susceptible to offerings of food and her partner also happens to be a surprisingly good cook).  

-Cinder is in the year above them and has known Emerald since they were in the foster system together as kids. She’s a prodigy at ballet and also a very accomplished acrobat and contortionist (as in, like, can easily shoot an arrow into a bullseye with just her feet while her legs are bent backwards all the way over the top of her head and stuff).  At some point she sits in on one of Em and Merc’s rehearsal sessions and ends up dragging the hell out of them both for being way too stiff and exhibiting almost zero chemistry despite the “obnoxiously obvious sexual tension” between them.  She basically ends up barking directions at them until they alter their choreo a bunch and finally start to look somewhat like an actual couple ("For fuck's sake... Lift her like she's the most precious thing you've ever laid eyes on and you're about to make sweet love to her, you idiot, not like she's a frigging sack of potatoes you're bringing home to peel!!!" "This man is supposed to be the moon to your stars...if you don't loosen up and melt into his arms like your soul is on fire, I will flip ALL this shit over and burn this wretched studio to the ground with both of you trapped inside!!!" ), after which things gradually start to get all awkward and messy between them because they start thinking about one another differently.  

-They get into a bunch of compromising situations by virtue of the fact theatre and dance people are just kinda naked  a lot and don’t care.  At various points in the story their friends will walk in on the two of them in some sort of really eyebrow raising situation, get the complete wrong idea  and run away, which in turn makes the two of them start to feel awkward as hell toward each other.

-Coco forces them to wear matching outfits that she made just for their performance.

-Their act ends up being this spicy contemporary couples’ dance that incorporates a lot of elements of acrobatic dance, breaking and ballet, essentially blending together both of their unique dance backgrounds.

 This story idea has absolutely nothing to do with canon and Remnant is a lot like modern-day Earth with some exceptions, so there are no semblances etc. There’s no antagonist; in fact everyone around them is generally supportive and wants them to succeed--the main conflict comes from Emerald and Mercury only having three brain cells between them and not being used to caring about someone else in a lovey-dovey sort of way. I got the idea when I was watching dance videos online and started remembering all those cheesy dance-themed teen movies from the 90’s and early 2000’s.  It’s pretty much just a wholesome little meet-cute/will-they-won’t-they type school romance in that same vein, where Em and Merc are forced to team up out of necessity, start to fall for each other and then have to deal with all the awkwardness that ensues...all with a bunch of help from their extremely eccentric, meddling-ass friends who are all convinced that the two of them are either already dating or about to be and are trying to keep them both from getting their hearts broken lol

 Whew! Guess that’s about it for now...I’d like to try and flesh this one out more and maybe even publish it as a legit fic one day, but first I’ve gotta get back to work on *signal lost*

[ferineelegance]

⛧𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐈'𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑! 1. Alias/Name: Loose ‘alias’ is prob ‘Sky’ (from a long-running online name). Real name is Jenessa 2. Birthday: September 23rd

3. Zodiac sign: Either Libra or Virgo. I’ve seen both. right on the edge of those 4. Height: 5′3″. not short short...but still kinda short...I guess 5. Hobbies: RP (obviously), gaming (very picky tho), digital art, Also not really in martial arts REALLY but been doing a self-defense thing each week, 6. Favorite color: I can like a lot in different situations. I like red and black but also can like silvery blues etc. generally like rich colors 7. Favorite book: Hard one. there’s several old classics I really enjoyed. The Count of Monte Cristo (though I never totally finished it), Pride and Prejudice, The Two Jungle Books, and Jack London’s main two classics to name some. 8. Last song: ...I actually have no idea lol probably something synthwave or ��80s XD...but I...have been listening to a lot of Kingdom Hearts stuff lately...don’t judge me. I’m mid-replay and I have her first greenlit ship in that verse now lol... 9. Last film/show: ...Shit I think The Breakfast Club a while back for re-familiarizing. at least that I actually sat down and watched. typically have a lot of crud on for background noise tho. usually old shit. 

10. Recent reads: kinda sorta started re-reading Pride and Prejudice 11. Inspiration: Music is a huge one tbh. to the point that whether or not I can imagine anything to it weighs heavily on whether or not I’ll listen to a given piece or type of music. That’s pretty much the fuel and the rest is my own weird-ass brain lol 12. Story behind URL: Esie started with a loose ‘nature vs. nurture’ theme with the usually high-class upbringing juxstaposed or ending up hiding the potentially cray/intense/impulsive parts of her nature. So...yeah. Basically ‘feral elegance’ worked, but the ‘fancier’ ferine sounded better to me...and yes I was made aware of that word same as a lot of others apparently lol - “Old longings nomadic leap, Chafing at custom's chain; Again from its brumal sleep, Wakens the ferine strain.” - Jack London 13. Fun fact about me: One of the top airplanes racing in the Formula One class at the 2021 Reno Air Races this week has (most of. they had to alter it a little due to lacking materials) a color scheme I designed on it. In fact that’s part of why I may be gone/limited to mobile check-ins this coming weekend, if we still end up going. Tagged by - No one, @diverse-hearts​ posted an ‘anyone who wants to’ lol

Tagging - Same. go for it if you want

[hellyeahomeland]

“The English Teacher” | Directed by Michael Cuesta, Cinematography by Giorgio Scali

Sara: Not really related to this image specifically, but this week’s episode was directed by Michael Cuesta, whom you may remember as the directing executive producer for the show’s first two seasons. He directed some of the best episodes of the show: the pilot, “The Weekend,” “Marine One,” “The Choice.” I was really, really happy to see that they brought him back for the penultimate episode. That feels fitting and so, so right. 

Related to this image specifically, opening on an image of Carrie literally split in half in the frame feels symbolic. She’s being pulled in two competing directions, her loyalty to Saul fighting with her desire to prevent a nuclear war. 

Gail: When the episode first started I wondered if she had escaped custody and was standing and waiting to have a passport photo taken like Brody in “The Choice” (again, a Michael Cuesta episode). (My tin foil hat has been all over the place lately!) But then it occurred to me that it’s actually the mirror of the opening shot of Carrie in the first episode this season. The close-ups of Carrie in both scenes have a lot in common, especially that we can only see half of her face. In episode one, the other half of the frame was black and here, the other half is white. I think Sara was right when she pointed out in last week’s Director’s Chair about the transition images at the end of “Designated Driver.” Carrie’s life has always been somewhere in between the black and white. 

Ashley: The way this carefully pans down across her face, only to find that she is actually cuffed to the chair, is pretty well-done. We’ve seen her in cuffs too many times this season, and trapped in other ways more often than that.

Sara: This image of Carrie watching the suicide bomb footage on TV really calls to mind the visuals in the opening credits of a young Carrie watching war and terror play out on a television screen.

Ashley: How many times has Carrie seen something awful and life-altering on television? She was in this position in season five when she saw Quinn in the gas chamber. Shocking and devastating and just kinda the life of Carrie Mathison, tbh.

Gail: I agree with both of you, this is a great callback to Carrie in the credits and Carrie in “New Normal.” Carrie’s unconventional methods often come at a high price and this scene is another reminder of that. (And how amazing is Chris Bauer, who plays Carrie’s lawyer?! Sara, he’s even giving you some sweet ‘stache!)

Sara: Love the mustache. 

Sara: Tag yourself I’m Wellington. 

Ashley: We are all Wellington.

Gail: Pretty sure I’ve been Saul all week trying to get my kids to do their e-learning. I’m tagging my son as Zabel and my daughter as Hayes. My husband is full-on Wellington, knowing I’m right but refusing to get involved.

Ashley: The sharp difference between Zabel’s terrible beard and Saul’s luscious beard is one of the best things this show has offered us.

Gail: I love that Saul’s body language tells a story too. He can hardly bring himself to look at Zabel, let alone face him.

Sara: John Zabel is a real fuckin’ slime ball and Hugh Dancy has been so, so good in this role. You can tell he must relish getting to play this evil character, going up against these actors and actors that he’s known so intimately, though entirely offscreen, the last ten years. 

Sara: I love this detail of Saul moving one of his books back just a millimeter or so. It really emphasizes how meticulous he is and also begs the question if he’s going to realize Carrie had them all splayed out on his living room floor. Does he keep them in a specific order? 

Ashley: I WAS WONDERING THE SAME THING. And I’m surprised he has so many of them — he was looking at one volume specifically, so I initially was wondering if his commie shelf was just to hide that particular book.

Gail: No small detail seems to escape Saul’s attention. Such a small movement, but it says so much about who Saul is. And yes, Ashley, some of those books were just decoys! Carrie figured that out as she was sorting the books, which is also a great detail about who Saul is. Saul’s red book collection of asset communication is also his hobby. As Carrie says, the best lies have to have truth in them.

Sara: Ben Savage as young Mandy Patinkin is some of the most inspired casting ever. I know he’s already played a young Mandy Patinkin, but I am still in awe. The flat bill cap was an excellent detail. #hat

Gail: I love how he is wearing a trademark Saul plaid shirt, too!

Gail: Another shot of a character with only half of their face shown. This time it’s a young Saul who already has his fair share of secrets.

Ashley: Spoiler alert, she doesn’t shoot him.

Sara: IJLTP.

Gail: We don’t get this close-up shot in this scene until Saul drops his facade and asks her if she’s reading between the lines... He wants to pull a fast one on the useful idiots in the Oval Office and wants her help to do it (ugh, Tasneem agrees!). From a distance, we see Saul in his office somewhere in the West Wing, playing the part of National Security Advisor, but as the camera moves in for this close-up, we see Saul as who he really is: the smart and strategic spy.

Sara: There were quite a few extreme close-ups of Saul this week. What does it mean in an episode where we learn more about his heroic past than potentially at any other time this series? For me this really put into perspective how much we don’t know about Saul. Carrie alludes to snippets he’s revealed over the years, but even she--presumably his closest confidante--doesn’t know. Saul is the opposite of an open book, pun intended. 

Ashley: Let’s crack his spine open and see if there’s a note.

Sara: This slow push on Carrie as the judge reads the list of charges against her is devastating, and not just for Carrie. It is for the audience too, because we know the truth. It goes without saying that Claire is magnificent here.

Ashley: Listening to all of the things Carrie Mathison is being charged with — specifically because we know the character, we have known her for a long time — is painful. For Claire, who has lived in Carrie’s skin for so long, it must have been torture. 

Gail: Carrie’s lawyer is dressed in red, white and blue while Carrie is dressed for a funeral. I’m sure neither is a coincidence.

Sara: I do not like the context of this shot, but I love the shot itself. IDNLTCOTSBILTSI.

Sara: Linus being the only one in a room full of military brass and West Wing staff who understands that something’s fishy here is a very “of course” moment. I love how they’re framed in shadows here. In a way, he and Saul have both been running a “shadow” government all season, working in the background, out of sight.

Gail: Saul has his own circle of trust now and Wellington’s circle is only bumping up against it, no Venn diagrams here. Saul is playing his cards close to the vest, knowing he is on borrowed time. (See what I did there?)

Sara: I loved the payoff of the Carrie/Jenna relationship this week. Jenna coming to the realization that Quinn did before--nothing is worth the damage they cause--plays like a terrible déjà vu moment. Carrie just sits there, silent, as Jenna walks out. As staff writer Jonathan Redding said, “She was never going to become another Carrie. She can’t make Carrie’s trades.”

Gail: I think Carrie sits silently as Jenna walks out because she can’t argue with her. Carrie herself came to the same realization back in season four. Interestingly, as Jenna has her realization that nothing is worth the damage they do, Carrie is sitting at a dining room table, just like Quinn was when he had his realization in “Gerontion.” Except this time Carrie is the one who everyone thinks is guilty of a crime she didn’t commit. So. Many. Parallels. 

Ashley: Putting Carrie at the dining room table is interesting — she’s surrounded by empty chairs. You can’t help but think of all the people she’s lost, and yet another person is walking away. She’s completely alone.

Sara: ICONIC MOMENT IN TELEVISION HISTORY. 

Gail: Did Carrie swipe a pair of Saul’s glasses from his house? They look similar to asset Anna’s glasses as well. Not sure if that means anything, but it’s interesting.

Sara: Gail, you can read my tin foil hat theory on that in this week’s TCWTW. 

Sara: I love love love this transition that reveals the teacher in the photo is the Russian translator. It’s inspired. 

Gail: Me too! I also love that she is in focus while everyone else is not, which adds importance to her character as well. The first shot of her mirrors the photo of The English Teacher. We don’t see her full face until she talks to Saul directly in this scene, a small detail that reveals who her character is important to.

Ashley: Her shoulders are squared, head cocked, listening — the contrast from the girl she was in the photo is evident even from behind.

Gail: Usually when a character is having an important moment, you see their face and reaction on camera, not the back of their head. Breaking that rule with Anna over and over again throughout the course of this scene is extremely effective. She’s a faceless, non-threatening fly on the wall and surely not the high-ranking Kremlin (and presumably male) official they are worried about.

Sara: The framing of these characters in this shot is amazing. Anna stands in the camera’s focus, head tilted ever so slightly. The other men don’t even notice. You can see how she’s been such an effective asset. Hidden in plain sight.

Sara: Kusnetsov’s book is Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens. This is the last novel Dickens ever wrote, which is fitting here. 

Gail: According to Wikipedia, the book explores the conflict between doing what society expects and the idea of being true to oneself. When you set that concept against Andrei’s role as a double agent, the theme takes on new meaning.

Ashley: Nerds.

Gail: Saul doesn’t yet know how important Anna is, but Michael Cuesta and Giorgio Scali are giving the audience a subtle clue here. By shooting Anna from a low angle it alludes that her character is powerful and has influence, something Saul will come to realize shortly.

Sara: We all agree that it was 100% intentional to cast an actress to play young Anna that looks just enough like Claire Danes to make you think, right? I don’t mean that Carrie is the lovechild of Saul and Anna (the timelines don’t match!). More that Saul has a type, no?

Sara: ...And in case we had any doubt that they’re drawing a parallel between Anna and Carrie, we have this transition. This episode is filled with loaded transitions.

Gail: Carrie in the center of the frame, caught in between the dark and light, is an ongoing theme this episode. We see it here again as she makes her way toward Saul’s library.

Sara: There are multiple pans over Saul’s giant collection of red books, most of the titles unreadable and blurred. But where do we land at the end? The camera holds on this book, A Woman’s Vengeance by James Payn. There is almost no info about this book on the internet, which leads me to believe it’s fake. Yet it’s in the public domain. Did they just like the title? 

Gail: I read a little about it online. It was published originally in 1872, volume 2 of 3. I read an excerpt of it on Amazon, and the first chapter is titled “A Good Night’s Work.” Having this close-up shot of these books that follow our introduction to young Anna, Saul’s asset who is clearly a woman scorned, makes this book title (and the title to its first chapter) feel very fitting.

Sara: If the Wikipedia entry about The Secret Agent is any indication, this book is a doozy. Basically everyone suffers and dies at the end and an innocent person is accidentally killed. 

Gail: That Wikipedia page is crazy! It also says that Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, loved this book and closely identified himself with the character of the “Professor”... which ties into Saul’s alias, Professor Rabinow. I live for this stuff--always a mark of a good production when the depth of the details matches the intensity of the show.

Sara: The phantom horizontal line on the seven. 

Ashley: That is like the ONE thing that I, Ashley, actually noticed and mentioned first. Give me a shout-out, man, I mean, DAMN.

Sara: Shout out to Ashley, who noticed and mentioned this first! 

Gail: Homeland always gives us the best bokeh. I love its use here. We have a window into Saul’s biggest secret, the details surrounding it are hazy to us at first, and we can’t see the full picture yet--just like this shot.

Sara: IJLTP.

Ashley: I love how old-school Carrie is — she’s so visual, and in her own way, just like Saul. She lays it all out and uses her hands to put it together.

Gail: Her bulletin board, highlighters and thread have been replaced by notecards and old carpet that I’d like to think Mira picked out, but the result is the same as we watch Carrie put all of the pieces together. It’s HIGH RED y’all.

Sara: “High red,” omg. I’m obsessed with the sequence of Carrie assembling the book timeline and figuring out Saul’s method of communication. For me it’s one of the all-time best Homeland scenes. 

Sara: The editing in this scene is exquisite. The use of jump cuts adds to the tension and uncertainty as Carrie herself attempts to splice together these disparate clues into something greater, some sort of truth. 

The scene is almost completely free of dialogue. Claire has to convey Carrie’s journey to the truth here through only her actions. I love the shots at ground level of her literally on hands and knees flipping through the books. There is a sense of desperation and urgency to it that is thrilling.

Sara: The Smile. 

Gail: I see what you did there and I approve. IJLTP.

Ashley: I’m a little surprised that Carrie isn’t a bit more conflicted here.

Sara: Cutting Carrie and Saul together at the moment where their minds finally sync is … quite literal, actually, but it works. In these twin shots of Carrie and Saul I’m struck especially by how Saul is against a light background while Carrie is cloaked in darkness. 

Gail: These back-to-back shots give the impression that Carrie and Saul are on opposite ends of the same book which rings very true to me. The black and white imagery continues here as Sara points out. We see Carrie just barely ahead of the darkness, looking toward the light.

Ashley: Mandy just does things with his face sometimes and it’s amazing to watch.

Sara: Another extreme close-up of Saul as he realizes that Carrie lied to him. 

Gail: Saul’s line from earlier in the season rings in my ears here. “You are vulnerable to him in ways neither of us can imagine.” But to build on my thoughts on his earlier close-up shot, I think it’s an effective tool for us to get a window into what Saul is genuinely thinking and feeling at that moment. The massive implications of Carrie’s involvement in a play being run by Yevgeny are devastating and Saul realizes it in one stunning and heartbreaking moment.

Gail: Anna saving Saul’s life gives so much more weight and importance to who she is to Saul. He owes her his life and, thirty years later, his career, too.

Sara: There is something fantastical about this part of the flashback. The backdrop and extreme lighting looks sort of … fake? It almost looks like they’re on a film set. I’m interpreting this as a reflection of Saul’s memory: we all want to see ourselves as the hero in our movie of our lives.

Sara: Shout out to Gail for realizing this Charlotte Benson character was featured last season with Ivan. 

Gail: I love a good easter egg and a good callback. Details like this and recurring characters like Scott Ryan give their world realism. I stan.

Ashley: This is such a terribly effective moment in the show. We haven’t seen Yevgeny at all in this episode, and yet he’s ever-present; closing on “kill Saul” is so fucking… ugh. Stupid Homeland.

Gail: All of Yevgeny’s shots in this scene are done with a steady camera, which gives the impression (illusion?) of his control of the situation. Have we had a scene where Yevgeny isn’t leaning? My God, he’s even leaning when on Zoom for Spies.

Sara: As Yevgeny reveals the full extent of his play--“Kill Saul”--the camera zooms in on him. Eventually he takes up almost the entire frame. It gives the feeling of stakes being continually raised. And he’s still got that trademark smirk and nonchalance, despite what he’s telling Carrie to do.

Sara: Meanwhile, the camera stays mostly the same distance away from Carrie but pans in semi-circles around her, back and forth, back and forth. It’s an interesting choice as she comes to the realization of what Yevgeny is suggesting. The camera is almost like the wheels spinning in her head as she understands the full scope of the choice she must make.

Gail: As Carrie and Yevgeny go back and forth, each one trying to figure out what the other one knows, the shots start to go back and forth as well, mimicking their dance. In film and television production, there is a term called the 180 degree rule. What it means is that there is an imaginary line running through a scene, from side to side, with respect to the camera. The rule of thumb is that the camera should never cross the line because it causes the viewer to feel disoriented and confused. But when used effectively, we get the powerful effect that it had here in this scene. We (the audience) feel the same disorientation as Carrie, the same unsteadiness that is reflected in the handheld camera that shoots her. As I mentioned above, when we see Yevgeny on the computer screen, he is centered, steady and in control. Quite a contrast between the two.

Ashley: I repeat… stupid Homeland.

Ashley: We’ve seen so much darkness in this episode, mostly related to Saul — Carrie, for her part, has been pretty much in bright spaces. Despite everything that’s happened to her, I believe that this is the darkest point in her life.

Sara: Carrie hurriedly walks out of this vast, empty mansion as the lights dim behind her. The weight and horror of this decision is splayed across her face. The darkness follows her. The question now as we head into this final chapter: can she outrun it? Or will it finally catch up to her? 

Gail: Staying just ahead of the darkness and trying to find the light. Here Carrie is again living somewhere in between.

[brideofedoras]

The Loft: Redemption

Chapter Two is up!  I’m not particularly happy with this one, and tbh I bullshitted my way through a small part.  

Disclaimer: I only own my OCs.

Word count: 3400+

Warnings: Anxiety.  It’ll be a bit before the warnings kick in.

Link to Chapter 1

“He tried talking you out of the job?”  Kenna’s blue eyes widened.

Sam nodded as she grabbed the takeout bag.  There was no way in hell she was going to tell Kenna how she felt Mr. Stevens checking her out when he’d arrived.  She’s felt the heated burn of his gaze on her, had heard the huskiness in his voice.  Nor was she willing to admit that her heart had nearly skipped a beat when she’d turned to look at him.  It had scared her, his thinly veiled interest, but for the first time in her life she felt a spark of attraction.  “Yeah, he did,” she pursed her lips into a frown.  “He didn’t even properly interview me, either.  Mrs. McIntyre alluded to the fact that I had the job in the bag before I even came in, but yet he tried hard to make me change my mind.”  She glanced over at her cousin.  “I know you don’t want me working for him, but, Kenna, I need this job!”

The blonde nodded.  “I know, Cuz.  Just… be careful around him, and if he makes you uncomfortable, get out.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” she shook her head. “I didn’t just step out of my comfort zone, Ken, I sling-shotted myself out of it.  I need to face my fears head-on and finally put everything behind me.”

“Thing is, Sam, you’ll never be able to fully put what happened behind,” Kenna pointed out.

“I wish I could,” she shuddered, closing her eyes and willing away the memories threatening to crop up.  “But I’ve already come a long way.”

Her cousin smiled, “Yes, you have.” 

 “Good morning, Dear,” Linda greeted Sam when she walked into the office at 7:35 the next morning.  “We’ve got a busy day today, Vincent has two meetings in the conference room at 10:15 and at 2:45, as well as a conference call at 11:30,” she frowned.  “Which means he might not be able to leave for lunch.  He’s not picky about what he eats, so I usually order from a nearby restaurant that delivers if he gets tied up.”

Sam nodded.  “Does he have a favorite?”

“Heavens, yes, he absolutely loves Gordy’s, the burger joint a couple of blocks from here.  Do you like burgers?”  Linda’s kindly brown eyes swept over Sam’s petite form.

She smiled.  “Yes, I do,” she replied.  “I don’t indulge very often, though.”

“We’ll place a lunch order from Gordy’s today, then, and I will make you a list of all the restaurants he likes and what to order from them,” the older woman nodded.  “Here, let me put your purse with mine,” she offered.

Sam handed it over and watched her slip it in the bottom left drawer of the desk.  “What time does Mr. Stevens usually arrive?”

“Seven-forty-five on the dot,” Linda answered, looking up at the clock on the wall by the bathroom door.  “I always have a pot of coffee ready, and breakfast sweets on hand,” she pointed to the table with the coffee pot and a box of donuts.  “When I first started working for Vincent he was stressed and irritable.  I’ve found he’s much more personable after he eats something sweet.”

Sam grabbed one of the chairs on the visitor’s side of the desk and carried it around to sit beside Linda.  “What bakery do you go to?”

“Sugar Pie, it’s along my route to work,” Linda told her.  “I’m afraid you’ll be driving out of your way if you decide to stick with them.”

“I drove by a bakery this morning on my way in…  Heavenly DeLights, I think.”

Linda’s eyes narrowed in thought as she scooted closer to the desk and pulled the keyboard drawer out.  “Let’s see here,” she pulled up the internet browser and searched for the bakery name.  “The one on 38th?”

Sam nodded.  “Yes.”

Linda pulled up the bakery’s website.  “This one has daily specials,” she murmured.  “Tomorrow is dirt bombs…  I’ve never heard of those before.”

“If you want, I can stop by in the morning and pick up a box,” the younger woman offered.

“You do that.”  She bookmarked the website.  “Oh, I forgot to tell you yesterday in all the excitement of welcoming you to the firm.  You can listen to music if you wish, as long as it’s not loud and doesn’t make his ears bleed as he says.”

Sam frowned.  “I’m not listening to smooth jazz, easy listening or classical,” she barely realized she was curling her fingers into her pantlegs as she struggled to keep herself in the present.  

“Vincent will listen to just about any kind of music just as long as it’s not death metal, rap, or that new hip hop crap,” Linda hastened to assure her.  “Dear, are you all right?  You’ve gone pale on me,” she turned her chair to face Sam.  “Sweetie?”

She drew in a slow and deep breath.  “I’m okay,” she pasted on a smile as she exhaled.  “I just…  I have some very unpleasant memories tied to the music I can’t tolerate.”

Her mentor frowned.  “Sam, if you need to duck out of the office for some fresh air, you won’t be in any trouble.”

“I’m fine, I’m okay,” she whispered.  “I like eighties music and classic rock.  I listen to those all the time.”

“Then that will be what we listen to today,” Linda managed a smile before looking toward the door when it opened.  She glanced at the clock before her face took on a stern expression.  “You’re late, Vincent.”

“Accident on I-495,” he shot a mock glare at the assistant.  “Had to take a different route.”  He nudged the door shut with his foot before he headed to his office.  “Morning, ladies.”  His eyes lingered on Sam a moment, his mouth curving slightly when she murmured a soft greeting.  “What’s on tap for the meetings today?”

“I picked up an assortment of muffins and cookies for the meetings when I stopped for donuts this morning,” Linda told him.  “I made sure to get extra chocolate Baileys muffins and macadamia nut cookies, which,” she leveled a look on Vincent, “you will have to share with Sam.  She loves those cookies, too.”

“Linda, you know I don’t share,” he returned the look. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Dear,” the older woman smiled at her protégé.  “I made sure to set aside extra for you.”

“Thank you, Linda,” Sam smiled back.  “You didn’t have to.”

“If the two of you are through tormenting me…” he trailed off as he walked into his office.

Linda chuckled with a shake of her head.  “He hates days like this,” she murmured softly.  “Usually he doesn’t have more than one meeting and a few important calls.”  She sighed heavily.  “It took him months to get used to the idea that I would efficiently set up the conference room for the meetings, make arrangements for having food brought in.  His previous assistants…  Well,” she snorted disdainfully as she nodded toward the conference room.  “They weren’t dedicated to the job.”  She stood up and motioned for Sam to follow.

Once they were in the conference room, Linda walked over to the head of the table and picked up the stack of portfolios they’d put together yesterday afternoon.  Sam followed suit and picked up the pens.  As they worked together to set up for the first meeting, the platinum-haired grandmother-to-be sighed heavily.

“Vincent had a string of bad luck before he gave the temp agency he was going through for secretaries a piece of his mind.  All the so-called assistants they sent him wanted one thing, and one thing only.”

Going by the look on Linda’s face, Sam understood immediately.  “I promise you that’s not why I applied,” she whispered, too shocked to find her voice.

“I know, Sweetie,” Linda reached over and took her hand.  “They were all local, they’d heard the stories, they’d heard the rumors, they’d seen his photo plastered all over the news.  Vincent Stevens is a very good-looking man.”

“I know,” she blushed when Linda gave her a warm smile.  “I said that out loud, didn’t I?”

“You did, Dear, but I know you’re not here to find out if he really is a god in bed like a lot of women have claimed.  Those others…  I’ve heard from the girls working the front desk that they would come to work dressed like tramps and not a single one of them lasted a month before quitting.  They quit because they didn’t get anywhere with him.  He's determined to rebuild his image.”

She shook her head.  “I’m here because I want this job,” she stated quietly.  “I’ve heard about his past indiscretions, I’ve heard about the arrest, I've heard that he was cleared of the charges.  I didn’t know him then, that’s in the past and quite frankly it’s none of my business, nor is it my place to judge.”  She met the other woman’s brown eyes, her jaw set with determination.  “I’m here to do a job to the best of my ability to help him run his company as smoothly as possible.  And I hope to be here for the long haul because…  I don’t want to be just a secretary for the rest of my life, I’d like to actually do what he does, design buildings and bring visions to life.”

Linda smiled.  “I believe you will, Dear,” she reached out and gently brushed her hand down Sam’s arm.  “And I believe our Vincent will help you achieve that dream.”

 Vincent stalked out of his office at 9:59, his tie draped around his neck.  “Conference room set up?”  He barely cast them a glance as he headed straight for the coffee. 

Sam frowned as she caught Linda’s eye.  Linda merely rolled her own as she shook her head.

“Sam just finished setting out the refreshments,” the older woman assured Vincent.  “I think you should lay off the coffee.”

“Not a chance in hell, Mother,” he snarked back.  A grin teased at the corner of his mouth.  “It’s my lifeline today.”

Linda shook her head.  “Everything will run smooth, just you wait and see,” she assured him. 

“I hope so,” he muttered, draining the cup of coffee he’d poured before setting the mug down and stalking toward the bathroom to tie his tie.  “Wish I didn’t have to wear this thing.”

“He hates ties,” Linda murmured to Sam.  “He doesn’t like how constricting it feels on his neck.  The only time you will see him wearing one is if he has a meeting.”

Some muttered curses from the bathroom caught her attention once more before Vincent walked out adjusting his tie.  She ripped her eyes away before he could catch her gawking at him.

Never in her life had she found a man to be attractive and it scared the hell out of her.

Linda pushed away from the desk and turned to the cabinet on the wall behind her above the shelf.  “Sam, he keeps a bottle of bourbon in here for a celebratory drink, or for an emergency cool down,” she advised as she grabbed the bottle and a tumbler.  “He rarely imbibes at work, and I certainly don’t condone it, but this, I believe, is an exception.”  She poured the drink and passed it off to Sam. 

She stood up and walked over to Vincent.  “Here, Mr. Stevens,” she offered quietly and pressed the tumbler into his hand.  When his hand curled around the glass, his fingers brushing hers, she shivered and quickly stepped back.  “I should take the coffee into the conference room and make sure everything’s all set,” she babbled before rushing off to do her self-assigned task.

 Vincent turned toward the window and closed his eyes, drawing in a slow, deep breath.  Fuck my life, I do not need this right now, he mentally berated himself.  Do not let her get under your skin, Stevens. 

“Too late,” he muttered under his breath before he drained the glass of bourbon she had given him.

His fingers still tingled where they'd accidentally brushed hers a moment ago.  He had felt her shiver, had seen her pupils dilate behind those damned glasses.  For a split second he thought himself a fool for hiring her, thought she was after one thing and one thing only.  But she had retreated, she had immediately created distance between them by focusing on the job.

Something the former assistants had never done.

He knew he should be relieved that she had done the right thing, but dammit that only intrigued him that much more where she was involved.

He needed to make sure that distance was maintained, that their relationship was nothing more than professional.  He needed an assistant who knew what the hell she was doing, who could run the office efficiently.  He just needed to convince his damned libido that she was off-limits.

He just needed to figure out how.

 Sam felt her skin crawl when the men attending the first meeting started arriving.  Five men with wandering eyes.  It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep from visibly shuddering, and she dreaded going into the conference room with them to take notes for Mr. Stevens.  She picked up the notebook and ink pen she'd set out before taking a deep breath.

"Are you all right, Dear?"  Linda asked with a concerned frown.

She nodded.  "I will be," she murmured before she headed to the conference room.

She shuddered to feel five pairs of eyes tracking her every move to the far end of the table.  She gave a cursory nod as she took her seat before turning her attention to Vincent.

"Before we get down to business on discussing the Mason project, let me make a quick introduction," he stated.  "This is Samantha Monroe.  She will be taking over for Linda once she retires."

As much as she did not want to look these men in the eye she knew she needed to as Vincent introduced each one to her.  She was unsettled to learn they worked for other firms in the building who were vested in the project Stevens was designing.  She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with their lingering stares.

The meeting droned on as the men discussed the project and argued over a few ideas.  Sam looked up from her notes to find Vincent pinching the bridge of his nose, jaw clenched in frustration.

"Mr. Stevens, if I may," she spoke up against her better judgement. 

He dropped his hand to look at her.  "Ms. Monroe," he leaned back in his chair as he acknowledged her request.

Sam pulled her copy of the portfolio closer and flipped to the rough sketches of the building.  "With all due respect, the type of glass vestibule you're suggesting is terrible."

The man who had suggested it (she couldn't remember his name other than she'd secretly nicknamed him Leering Larry) glared at her.  "And why is that?"  His tone held a bit of an edge to it.

"Masters," Vincent warned.

"The apartment complex I live in has glass vestibules at every exterior entry point, including the courtyard," she said.  "Quite frankly it is an eyesore and not very economical.  They are drafty, they leak when it storms, and the hand prints...  Someone would have to be responsible to clean those windows every single time someone touched the glass.  The company that owns the apartment complex has had to replace at least one door and five window panes already this year, due to hail damage and teenagers thinking they're hot stuff."  She held up her hand when Masters opened his mouth.  "Maybe they used the wrong kind of glass, maybe it was built in a hurry, or maybe it wasn't sealed properly, I am aware of every argument you could put forth.  But the fact of the matter is this will only drive the cost of rent for these apartments up to offset the cost of repairs, not to mention the cost of electricity to heat and cool the building around the entry points.  It would be more cost effective and aesthetically pleasing to have an inset vestibule."  She frowned in thought as she looked at the design.  "Mr. Stevens, which direction will the front of the building face?"

"Southeast," Vincent frowned at her.  "Why?"

"Sunlight reflecting off the windows of an exterior vestibule will blind drivers on their early morning commute at this time of year," Sam pointed out.  "It will be a safety issue for drivers."

Masters' eyes narrowed on her.  "You're just a secretary.  What do you know about architectural design and cost effectiveness?"

Sam felt her face heat up.  Before she could formulate a polite rebuttal her boss spoke up.

"Jackson, I will say this only once," his voice was low, even, and a touch frosty.  "And this goes for all of you.  Please do not speak to anyone in my employ like that again."  His hazel eyes flicked from one man to the next before settling on Sam.  "Ms. Monroe has pointed out some very valid issues with the exterior vestibule.  I was thinking the same damned things myself."

Sam noticed Masters getting ready to argue once more.  She also noticed Vincent's barely concealed agitation.  "Mr. Stevens, may I suggest we wrap this meeting up so you can prepare for your conference call?" 

He looked down at his watch and grimaced.  "Yes, thank you, Ms. Monroe.  Gentlemen, we will arrange another meeting in two weeks' time to go over updated designs and budget."

Sam gathered her portfolio and notebook and headed out of the conference room.  She stiffened when she felt several pairs of eyes following her. 

Before she even cleared the door she heard one of the men mutter, "Stevens, you lucky sonofabitch.  You lucked out with a looker with brains this time."

Her stomach churned at that, the all too familiar tone bringing up unwelcome memories. 

She barely made it to the bathroom before she lost what little she had in her stomach.

 Vincent bristled at Johnson's comment.  He'd had the very same thoughts himself, last night in the god damned shower.  He shot the man a hard look but kept his mouth shut as he walked out of the conference room.

He frowned when he heard Linda knock on the bathroom door.

"Sam, are you all right, Dear?"  The older woman looked over at him. 

"What's wrong with Ms. Monroe?"  He asked, focusing on his assistant.

"Poor dear bolted into the bathroom and started throwing up," Linda shook her head.  "She wasn't feeling well earlier this morning, either."

His frown deepened.  "If she needs to go home, tell her to go home," he said before disappearing into his office to prepare for the conference call.

 Sam flushed the toilet before turning to the sink and gripping the edge of the marble vanity.  Her legs still trembled but at least she was no longer nauseous.  Sucking in a deep breath she looked up and grimaced at her reflection.  Her eyes were bloodshot and watery, her eyeliner smudged.  Her chest was red and splotchy. 

It had been a long time since she'd last gotten sick like that. 

She washed her hands and dabbed at her face, wondering how the hell she was going to rinse out her mouth to get rid the nasty taste.  Rinsing with warm water was not going to help.

She jumped when she heard a knock on the door, but didn't answer when Linda called out to her.  When Linda didn't repeat the question Sam looked around, nearly crying in relief when she saw a bottle of mouthwash on a small shelf near the mirror.  She didn't care that she would have wintermint fresh breath (she despised most mouthwash flavors) if it meant she wouldn't be tasting that awful stomach acid.

She walked out into the office a few minutes later.  She gave Linda a soft smile.  "I'm all right, my nerves bubbled up," she lied.  "I went toe-to-toe with one of those men about a suggestion he'd had.  I just hope Mr. Stevens isn't upset with me for crossing a line."

Linda shook her head, her brown eyes studying the younger woman.  "Our Vincent values any impute we might have, Sam.  Are you sure you're feeling all right?  If you need to go home..."

She shook her head.  "I'm not about to flake out during my trial week, Linda," she smiled again.  "I feel much better, honestly." 

"If you need to step out for some fresh air, Vincent won't mind," Linda suggested.  "If you like, I could order lunch and you could pick it up."

"I could do that," Sam nodded. 

[enchantedamusedslightlyconfused]

73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)

Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain 

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream 

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit

What’s your wakeup ritual?

get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes

What’s your go to bed ritual?

melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour followed by golden hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials

Dream country to visit?

Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE. 

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself 

Vintage or new?

both, depends on the item

Who do you want to write your obituary?

Amy-Sherman Palladino 

Style icon?

lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam

What are three things you can’t live without?

my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved 

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure, not accomplishing anything 

Window or aisle seat?

window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter 

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)

Favorite app?

tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)

Secret talent?

I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done

How would you define yourself in three words?

I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive 

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss 

everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

I second Jude: over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it

A book that everyone should read?

Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry 

What would you like to be remembered for?

empathy, the way I made people feel

How do you define beauty?

FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you

What do you love most about your body?

holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs

Favorite place to view art?

unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined 

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

violin hands down, it hits me different

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same

What’s your spirit animal?

again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)

Best gift you’ve ever received?

seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao

Best gift you’ve ever given?

oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears

What’s your favourite board game?

candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board

What’s your favourite colour?

forest green atm

Least favourite colour?

bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition

Diamonds or pearls?

pearls (actually opals though)

Drugstore makeup or designer?

not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying

Pilates or yoga?

yoga

Coffee or tea?

COFFEE, im still learning to like tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach) 

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

stairs 

Summer or winter?

neither FALL BITCHES   winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas 

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

burgers

A desert you don’t like?

red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists 

A skill you’re working on mastering?

baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general 

Best thing to happen to you today?

being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)

Favorite smell?

bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas

Hugs or kisses?

HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

gifted kid fall off

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly

Casual Sabotage - Yungblud

genius assholes...

Lipstick or lip gloss?

lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains 

Sweet or savoury?

savory to eat sweet to make for someone else

Girl crush?

Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham 

How you know you’re in love?

you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid 

Song you can listen to on repeat?

imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days 

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #213

"there's a voice in my head, says i'm better off dead, but if i sing along a little fucking louder to a happy song, i'll be all right."

Are there popsicles in your freezer right now? No. Ice cream? No. Is there a lamp in your bedroom? Well, two heat lamps for Kaiju and Venus. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Yikes, it's been a long time... Can you name 2 books of the Bible? Uhhh Luke and Revelations? Do people usually think your brother is handsome? I don't know, I haven't lived with him since I was a kid, and he doesn't live in my state. So we don't know the same people. Have you ever crawled thru a vent? Not to my memory. Are there toothpicks in your kitchen? They're in the bathroom. How many living grandparents do you have? One. Do you eat more than 3 meals a day? No; I don't even always have three. Do you know how old your house is? I believe it was made in the '70s. Do you think you have great potential for success? Meh. Have you applied any lipstick, chapstick, gloss, etc to your lips today? No. Would you rather have tan or pale skin color? Pale. Sometimes I hate it, but I like it more overall. Especially when you're a goth at heart know what I'm sayin'. Last time you entered a high school? Probably my sister's graduation. Last time you rode a bike? It's been years, dude. Probably not since high school. Do you drink your water from the tap? You couldn't pay me to. Our water is technically clean, we've had it tested, but dead serious, the hot water smells like rotten eggs. I'm pretty sure Mom said it's something about the salt content in the pipes. But nevertheless, mind over matter would nooot work. Is there any kind of design on your socks? I'm not wearing socks. Have you ever had an ice cream cake for your birthday? No, I'm not a fan. Do you use dryer sheets? Yes. Do you like Subway? Yeah. What was your worst mistake in your life? Letting a guy become god, the entire universe, and more to me. Is this year the best year of your life? Oh, hunny- Is there someone in your life you wish you never met? I don't think so. Did you sleep well last night? I never do. I always wake up at least once. What’s the last song you heard? "Happy Song" by Bring Me The Horizon is on repeat. What is your favorite line from a TV show? I don't have a clue. Any current family issues? No. Who is the last friend you spent time with outside of school? Summer and I talked for a while at my niece's b-day party a few days back. What do you think of your mother? Your father? Your siblings (if there are any)? I love them. There's one sister I don't know so can't really say anything on her, then I do have another sister who, if I can assume via Facebook interactions, can't be too fond of me. But I could be mistaken with my habit of said assuming... Who/What is one person/thing that had the biggest impact on your life? Who: Jason. What: my mental health. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? How isolated I am and void of purpose I feel. What is one band that you find yourself going back to again and again? You mean like, stop liking but then get back into? None, I think. Have you ever had a crush on someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender as you? Yes. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Idk. Can you see your purse right now? Yes. Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? No. Are there products in your hair? No. Have you ever eaten cat food? I don't think so, though I wouldn't be surprised as a kid. How many pets do you have? Six. Do you actually like them? All but my sister's dog. I can't stand him. Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? My girlfriend. Do you wear skirts a lot? I never do. I hate my legs. Do you basically live in jeans? I have zero jeans. Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Not really; if I'm not in pjs, I'm usually in dance or yoga pants. How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? Zero. Do you like hoodies? Yeah. Big ones or the form fitting kind? Bigger ones. Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think I did. Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I go back and forth, lol. But no, I have regrets. Do you love your computer? It's got a few issues, but yeah. Do friends or family come first? Family of the heart, anyway. Us sharing blood doesn't mean shit to me, honestly. What’s your lucky number? I don't believe in "lucky" numbers. Who were the last 5 people you spoke to? I'll include via technology because otherwise I have no clue. Mom, Sara, Emma, and two women interested in adopting Kaiju. Do you have the same password for everything? No. Do you get shy around the person you like? Sometimes. What color is your phone? Dark navy. Do you prefer pens or pencils? Pencils. Do you like peanut butter? Yes. If you could live forever, would you? Hell no. Do you talk in your sleep? A lot. What was the last thing you regretted? Probably depression binge-eating something. Are you any good at cutting hair? Never tried. Do you like your yearbook picture this year? N/A What was the last YouTube video to make you laugh? Ummm there was something last night, but idr what. Do you like tomatoes? No. Do you have a pool? I wish. How would you describe your style? Too poor and lazy to be a goth so dresses in whatever is at the top of my drawer tbh lmao. Do you still talk to any of your exes? One. Have you ever been arrested? No. What was the last thing you watched on TV? I don't watch TV by my own volition anymore and there's not even a TV in my room, so... I really don't know. Do you have a tan? Even the Irish are ashamed of me. What was your most embarrassing moment? Who knows. I'm so easily humiliated and affected by it that I can remember times I've been even remotely embarrassed as far back as pre-k. Do you fall for people fast? No. Do you tell your parents everything? No. Are you quick to judge? Depends. Not generally. When was the last time you crawled through a window? I have zero clue. Are you scared of spiders? Most, yes. What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant? Have a full-blown panic attack despite that being physically impossible. Do you plan on moving within the next year? It'd be nice, but I estimate it'll be around two more years. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Hm. A few, since the parking area behind the house is decently-sized. Are you taller than your mom? No. Are you a cuddler? Yes. Sleep on your back or stomach? My stomach/upper torso kinda to the side. Think of the last time you were angry. Why were you angry? I don't remember. Though I know I was mad recently. How long has it been since you had sex? Almost four years. Who was the last person to call you babe? Sara. Last reason you went to the ER? My sister got in a car wreck. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yeah. When was the last time you shaved your legs? It's been maaaany months. What facial cleanser do you use? Biore. Do you use a blowdryer? No. If someone wanted to know what you smelt like, what should they smell? Dogs and cats lmao. Have you ever cheated on the significant other that you have now? No. For that one week a month, do you hate being a woman? Still rather be a woman. Favorite underwear brand? Idk. Last thing you bought at the mall? A book. Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes. What if an ex asked to be back in your life? Aaron: We've never had issues, we just drifted apart. It'd be weird for him to ask that, but I mean, sure? Juan: I don't know. Probably not. Jason: I REALLY don't know. We could probably be friends at a distance. Tyler: No, I think. Girt: He's still in my life. If you’re on a laptop, how much charge does it have right now? It's charging and only tells me the minutes until it's at full charge. Last gift you received? I don't know. Lesson you recently learned? I absolutely cannot work in a busy environment. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Probably ketchup. What is a field of study that is of your interest? Zoology. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Thinking too hard on what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah. What time of day do you feel mostly at peace? Morning. How has the weather been treating you lately? It's way too fucking hot and humid. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? We've had numerous cats be hit by cars. It was always sad, but I mean, I got through it. Especially as I was just a kid and didn't quite fathom how serious death was, nor did any cats I was SUPER attached to die that way. What can you go a day without doing? Going outside. What can’t you go a day without doing? Using some form of technology. Talking to Sara. Who do you spend most of your time with? No one. I'm usually alone. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? A caring heart. Have you ever eaten a zucchini? A fried one that was sliced into chips. What type of art would you hang up in your room? Dark art or fandom-related stuff. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Oreos omggggg. What fruit is too sweet to you? None, I think? How much money did your last vacation cost? I don't even remember my last vacation. Have you ever taken a physics class? Yeah. What are your thoughts on celebrity idolization and ‘fangirling/fanboying?’ Oh boy, I can't talk shit here for obvious reasons lmao. What is the messiest area in your home? I'm not sure... I haven't been in my sister's old room in forever, and I can't remember if it's empty or not. If it is empty - hell, even if it isn't -, the answer's probably the laundry room. Who was the last person you called? My mom. What’s your favorite computer game genre? Horror is my favorite game genre period. Do you have any exes your parents never liked? No. Well, Mom had mixed feelings about Juan, but so did I. She didn't not like him, though. Do you take public transportation to work? N/A. Public transport doesn't even come here. What extracurricular activities did you do when you were growing up? Soccer for one season (I hated it), softball, basketball, briefly cheerleading, and dance. Has anything unusual happened to you recently? Idk. I don't think so. Do you like chicken korma? I have no clue what that is. What was the last type of tea you drank? I never drink tea; I hate it. Have you ever been severely mentally ill? Yes. Where is the most interesting place you could go that’s within day-trip distance from your house? Stealing previous answer: Washington D.C. Do you ever rearrange your furniture? No. Have you received financial help from your parents in the past 5 years? Lol I'm still financially dependent on them. Are you a fast or a slow eater? I am an extremely fast eater. I'm not messy or anything, I just, eat how I feel is normal? Just chew until you've done so enough to swallow. What room(s) of your house did you last vacuum? Mine. How old were you when you had your first relationship? My first "real" relationship started at 15. I had a middle school bf for just like... a month or so, but that was all puppy-dog love. Why did your last relationship end? I verified that I didn't like him romantically, and I also found I was just too guarded. In our four months of dating, I got no closer to him than I was from the start. I wasn't ready to date a guy again. What was the last thing you purchased from a small local business? No idea. Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? No. Do you live in a high cost-of-living area? No. Have you ever used chewing tobacco? Ew, no. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I fucking hate my body and I'm sure anyone else would too. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like Monster. Do you follow your head or your heart? Both, I guess. It depends. How do you act under pressure? Did somebody say PANIC?!?!?!?! Do you ever call people just to hear the sound of their voice? No. Do you ever look back at your yearbooks? No. It'd probably depress me. Have you ever ran from the police? No. Have you ever written on someone’s face in your yearbook? Ha ha yeah, back as a kid... Are you double jointed? No. Who was the last person to yell at you? Mom. What is your favorite stuffed animal that you own? My first stuffed meerkat I named after Zaphod from MM. Or my moose Brownie. Do you have any trophies? Somewhere. Do you work out? No. What grade are you in? I’m not in school. Do you like screamo music? No. Let me hear words, please. If I learn the lyrics, I can /sometimes/ enjoy the song, though. What does your wallet look like? It's rectangular with a Harley Quinn design. Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Is weed a drug? *Technically*, by definition, yes Who’s the first person you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on? Mom or Sara. Would you cheat on someone for revenge? Or if they wouldn’t find out? No, that's fucking stupid. If you got pregnant right now, would you keep the baby? If I was, God forbid, raped, I don't think I could. If I had unprotected sex willingly, I truly think pregnancy would traumatize me, but I'd probably go through with it and put it up for adoption. I'd want to take responsibility for my actions. Does your family have a secret? No. Are you prejudice against any groups of people? No. If someone gave you a houseplant, would you keep it? Yeah, to be nice. That fella wouldn't live long, though. When/where are you most likely to sing? In the car. Are there any exercises that you do regularly? I'm trying to get in the habit of planking every day since it works out your whole body. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? HELL YES!!!! If you had a son right now, what would you name him? Probably Damien. Who names their son after a Markiplier character? Me. But real talk, I like the name. Do you own a desktop or a laptop? A laptop. Have you kissed more than three guys this year? I haven't kissed any guys. Who’s with you? Mom's on the couch outside my door. Can you use chopsticks? I highly doubt it, especially because I have tremors. When did you last go to an amusement park? Oh, wow. I actually think this was shortly before Jason and I broke up. So 2015. Are there certain things that can’t be joked about with you? Don't you fucking dare joke about rape, retardation, suicide, or self-harm. What would you do if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both females. We can't. Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? I don't have any of my exes' numbers, so I'd answer it and say "hello?". Are any of your texts in your inbox locked? A couple from Sara. If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard, could you still type? Yes; I don't look at the keyboard when I type. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Twice now. Do you currently have a scar? I have a lot. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. You have $5 and need to buy snacks at a petrol station. What do you buy? I mean, it depends on what I'm up for. Usually Reese's or something sour. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be? Probably a dolphin. What do you order most off the internet? Clothes. Describe the last time you were injured? So I have this awful habit of tearing my fingernails when they get long, and I peeled it way too short. Rock concert or symphony? Y'all know I'm picking rock. What is the wallpaper of your mobile phone? Mark and Chica, and my home screen is Sara and me. Most recent movie you’ve watched at the cinema? Detective Pikachu. Name an actor/actress you’ve had the hots for? Jason Momoa. My straight side is certainly still there, friends. What’s your favorite kind of cake? Red velvet. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Have you ever done ballet? No. Do you listen to classical music? No. Do you watch Spongebob? I don't watch TV period. Do people consider you intelligent? Those in my life seem stuck on high school me, when I was really smart. I don't think I am anymore. What curse word do you use the most? "Fuck," oops. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Well yeah, I'm probably gonna BE that person one day, lmao. What’s the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name? It's impossible to mispronounce my name... The only thing that sometimes happens is my name is misspelled.

[mostlytiredoffs]

You’ve seen Samodelkina’s 3A attempt in the warmup?

yeah I did see the video. The jump is definitely still short of rotation, but mostly, I’m not convinced by the way she uses her upper body on the axel takeoff? It looks a bit muscled. I really like her, but I’ve noticed some ? things lately, such as her Lutz going flat on 3Lz3Lo combos and I wish they worked on these things right now first. That said, I do think she has the potential to work and perfect the axel. 

ladywisteri asked: What are your thoughts on the new changes made to Rika’s Beautiful Storm choreo? :)

if someone’s curious, a fan made a series of video comparisons between the program in the summer and through the season.

so, there were two things that I hoped would be back: the exit out of the solo 3A and the high kick out of the 3F. Rika did the exit out of the solo 3A in practice so I hope that one will be back (I really love it ;;), but the 3F exit seems to be gone (I guess she gets better goe with a running edge out of it). 

As for the things they added, I really love the beginning. I feel like it’s smoother, more fluid. The movement is a bit less mechanic and it flows better, even tho it still hits all the accents in the music.

I don’t mind the change of movement at the end of the StSq, tho I’m not sure if I like it more than the old one. One thing I really like is how the worked on the expression. Rika mentioned Tom gave her a series of images to differentiate between the differents mood and parts of the program (like “happy here”, “dark here”) and I think it showed. The beginning is more intense than before imo.

Not to be that person but I still can’t believe Evgenia broke Mao and Yuna’s WRs…………………

Oh boy, we are going down this road XD

In general, I think Evgenia’s scores were definitely inflated, as were Alina’s, but I don’t think they ever won something they shouldn’t have (perhaps besides NHK17, where Polina should have won, imo). Do I think at least the SP WR should have been historical? Yeah probably (also can’t say I’m not mad at the fact that the FP WR should have been Rika’s all season lol) but also food for thought: Evgenia and Alina’s programs were designed to milk the IJS. They lacked in quality on some elements and I think there scores did not reflect the quality of the elements in some ways, but their programs were designed to tick the bullets and hide the weaknesses. 

Eteri understanding and exploiting (not meant in a negative way) the system also changed ladies’ skating. There’s a middle level between empty programs and overly busy ones, and I do think several ladies in this field are finding it and I can’t hide I like ladies’ skating as it is right now. Not the scores, but this field is all kinds of amazing. 

That said, can’t tell you her scores were ok, because in my opinion they weren’t, but I wanted to give a more complex reply. 

not sure if it’s been asked before but something light: your fave costumes this season?

Mmm. Yuzuru’s Origin costume, Rika’s Beautiful Storm and Mai’s Mission costumes…and Alyona Kanysheva’s FP costume. These are my favorites I’d say.

Also didn’t mind Wakaba’s blue costume for her FP. 

What are your thoughts on Nathan’s FP? I’ve only seen it for US Nats so I know I can’t judge the scoring there. Is he unbeatable like they want me to believe?

No, he’s not unbeatable at all. Clean Yuzuru should still be unbeatable. And tbh if the system was actually used properly even not-so-clean Yuzuru should be. 

As far as his program goes, I don’t have much to say. His last season SP had potential for example, but his programs are just…too empty for me. Especially the FP, both last and this year, because there’s simply too long of a set up into every jump. He’s sacrificing everything that is choreography in order to get the jumps done to me.

Who do you think will make the Russian team for Worlds if that hasn’t been decided versus who should?

who should make the team: Alina, Sofia, Elizaveta

the most likely team: Alina, Sofia, Elizaveta. Does Evgenia have a chance? Probably? But it’s very rare to see rusfed change their team after Russian cup final. Polina had the chance, Yulia as well before and no one ever made it. I think Evgenia will have to be amazing to be considered. 

What’re your thoughts on Tatiana Tarasova?

Very interesting figure, legendary coach and choreographer for sure (and looking at Polina’s FP she hasn’t lost her touch), but I can’t say I like her commentary (the things she says about weight and such are simply gross most of the time) nor her…choices re politcking. I mean, she said Stasya should have won nats? That’s an alarm big enough for me not to trust her lol

Tfw Rika’s technique is so impeccable that not even KK can bitch about it... 😍🤧😭

Too bad Rika has her own crazy youtuber, a JP Mao uber who hates her and posts lies about her underrotating and prerotating every jump .___. sigh impeccable technique, but some crazy ppl nonetheless

[moiraineswife]

Percy Meta: Potential

The dam finally broke and now here is the Percy meta that...None of you have really been waiting on, but which has been inevitable for at least two weeks. Most of this is probably like...obvious af, and I’m well aware I’m late to the party but also I feel good about my present state of Revelation so like, deal with it. 

This ain’t gonna be short. At all. This ain’t even gonna think about being short. Y’all have been warned. 

For a little bit now, I’ve been struggling somewhat between the slight chasm between the way the audience (and me) respond to Percy, and the way Taliesin seems to respond to Percy, mostly in terms of the way they judge/see him, and Taliesin has said several times that he considers Percy to be a bad person which was something my tiny, protective little brain couldn’t wrap its head around. But I think I get it, and I think it has almost 100% to do with the way that Percy sees the world around him. 

Percy sees the world in terms of its potential. 

Most people see a lump of black powder; Percy sees bullets. Most people see steel and wood; Percy sees a gun. Most people see things as they are; Percy sees them for what they could be. 

This is something that drives...A huge amount of his life tbh. All of his tinkering projects emerge from this way of seeing the world. The wheels are always spinning, and he’s always thinking of ways to reinvent the wheel. And then what else he can do with the wheel. And what he can do with that and on and on and on. 

I think Percy wanders around a world in which everything he comes across is a raw material. It’s something he can use to make something else, something bigger, something cleverer, something better. 

But I ALSO think that this way of thinking is what makes up his sense of morality, as well as his view on the world, and his view on himself. 

[Please now venture beneath the cut to continue listening to me cry rivers about Percy de Rolo and his ‘you need a therapist, child’ psychology] 

Percy also sees people for their potential. Which makes him incredibly interesting if you rather like picking apart a characters’ sense of morality (which, spoiler alert: I do) Most people, I think, will tend to base their judgements of others on a)- what they do or b)- why they do it. 

This gives rise to the ways most people understand the world. They either flat out think: killing is wrong, that is a wrong act, whatever the circumstances. Or they consider, well, yes, killing is wrong in most cases, but if you look at why this person killed - to protect, for instance, then in that case they would forgive. Obviously things get much more nuanced than that, but basically that’s how it goes. 

I don’t think Percy really thinks that way. I don’t think he really judges people based on what they’ve done, or why they’re doing it. I think he judges people on what they may do in the future. The more likely they are to do more harm, the worse of a person they are in his eyes. 

For context/a source of what sparked all this, I’m in the middle of episode 67 at the moment, and they’re just reintroducing Ripley to the narrative, and Percy is coming to terms with the effect he’s had on her, and the fact that someone else in the world is producing guns - which has the potential to change said world astronomically. 

This has produced a lot of Very Telling Percy moments, but the one I’m most thinking about is his reasoning behind why his decision to let Ripley live when they found her in Whitestone was wrong. 

Percy sees this in very simple terms, which he explains to Vax and Vex: he should have killed Ripley because she was a greater threat to the world in the future than the Briarwoods were (as far as he understood it at the time). Letting the Briarwoods live would have meant a couple more vampire-things in the world, world’s full of them already, not as big a deal. Letting Ripley live could, in his eyes, cause the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people, perhaps more, because of the knowledge that she has, and her potential to unleash his designs and his guns on the world. 

This is...A seriously interesting way of looking at things. Especially when you consider the fact that the Briarwoods are like...Solely responsible for the deaths of Percy’s entire family, the loss of his home, the loss of like...Everything, pretty much. If he’s judging people on their past actions he’s got every damn right to consider them as far worse than Ripley. 

But he doesn’t. He considers her evil. Purely evil. She is the only thing we’ve seen thusfar that actually scares Percy. Percy who was the first to jump into the swirling ball of fire that took them to the elemental plane. Percy that made a deal with a demon and didn’t truly fear that. Percy who confronted an ancient, soul-devouring sword without so much as blinking. Percy fears Ripley. Percy judges Ripley as the most dangerous, and the most terrible being he has ever encountered, because Percy looks at this woman and doesn’t see what she’s done, doesn’t even really see what she’s presently doing, he sees what she may do in the future, and that is what terrifies him. 

But I think this concept gets even MORE interesting when you note that Percy applies this way of thinking to himself. 

And I think that THIS is what causes the rift between the way he views himself, and the way the rest of the world (and, out-of-world, the way the audience views him) because we are, essentially, judging two entirely different people. 

The people around Percy, and the audience, are responding to Percy in the moment.  They’re responding to the Percy that they can see at present. 

Percy is judging the Percy that he can see five, ten, twenty years down the line, the monster that man has the potential to become, and the horrifying change he has the potential to wreak upon the world. 

Percy takes a strange, twisted almost delight in being mistrusted by those closest to him. When he asks Vax if Vax trusts him and Vax hesitates he isn’t insulted, he isn’t offended, or upset, or unsettled, he is pleased. He encourages this view of himself. And I think this is because he wants those around him to perceive him as he perceives himself, as the threat that he poses, as the thing that he could become. 

There was a moment a  few episodes back, which I’m sure has been very thoroughly discussed in-fandom already, in which Percy told Vax, “ And in return I ask: never take your eyes off me. Never trust me. And that is the best friend that you can me." And this is absolutely founded on the same logic. 

Percy will accept like. Percy will accept friendship. Percy will even, to an extent, accept love, and that those around him love him. The thing Percy will never accept is trust. And I think that is because all of those other things, friendship, and liking, and even love, are all rooted in the present. They’re all immediate, and they don’t carry any kind of impact on the future. 

Trust does. Trust implies a certain investment, and trust carries with it a ripple effect. If Percy is trusted in the present, that could lead to some terrible consequences in the future. Trust is based on the potential. It’s based on unknowns - to trust someone is to accept that you don’t fully know what they’ll do, what they’ll choose, but you have faith they’ll do the right thing, and this is what terrifies Percy, I think. 

Percy wants to be mistrusted. Percy wants to be watched. Because Percy’s imagination has carried him about six steps ahead of everyone else, and he’s looking at the worst case scenario of the monster he might become, and his rejection of trust is his safeguard against that. If he’s not trusted, if he’s watched, if he’s stopped, then maybe, just maybe, they can avoid that. 

And what’s more interesting is that I don’t think any of this is rooted in a desire to palm responsibility off on someone else. Percy has a fairly deep self-awareness, probably too deep, in fact, and for all his flaws, he takes responsibility for himself, for his actions, and for the consequences of those actions. This isn’t about trying to pass blame, this is about his innate fear and mistrust of himself and his desire for others to see that. 

And so i think that this is why Percy sees himself as a terrible person, and where that pit of self-loathing in him comes from, that the others have a hard time accepting/coming to terms with (fucking Vax has said he believes Percy to be a good person, like damn son that’s some reference) is that Percy’s judging future!Percy, and everyone else is judging present!Percy. 

Because present Percy isn’t, as far as I can see, a terrible person. But Percy is fully aware of the monster that he has the capacity to become. And I think he hates that person, and he hates the fact that the potential of it is inside him as he is, and that’s what causes his judgement of himself, his hatred of himself. 

And there’s something...So deeply painful about that. Because in some senses I can almost understand him judging the rest of the world and all the people in it on these terms, especially when the weight of protecting that world has been partially shoved onto Percy’s shoulders. It’s a tactical and it’s a pragmatic and it’s a logical morality, and it’s pretty damn perfect for Percy. He’s able to prioritise and weigh threats, essentially, he’s able to see what’s the biggest threat, and then works to counter that. Very suited for the life of a monster-hunter, and even a soldier to an extent, methinks. 

The problem is it’s a less than perfect personal morality. He hates himself for something he may not ever become. He judges himself a monster for things that haven’t yet happened, and may never happen. He hates a thing that is by no means certain, or inevitable, it’s only the faintest shred of a chance, but that alone is enough for him to condemn himself, and that’s a dark, lonely, painful way to live. 

And to just dig a little bit deeper (I swear I’m nearly done, I swear) into the veritable goldmine of analysis potential that is Percy de Rolo, this dovetails with another fundamental part of Percy’s character (as far as I see him anyway) which is: legacy. 

Percy was born and raised in a noble family, and was probably educated on legacy from the age at which he was able to understand what that word meant. He is literally the walking personification of the concept of legacy. Percy and his nine hundred names has become something of a running joke, I get that, but I also think his emphasis on it is significant for two things: 

1)- when he left Whitestone, his name was the only thing of his past that he had left. As far as he knew, his entire family was dead, and his house, lands, people, and future were all in the hands of their killers. 2)- It’s generated, presumably, by various names of historical significance to the de Rolo family, that had to be carried on in Percy the same way a bloodline is carried on. It’s a constant reminder of the pressure to live up to his history, but also to preserve and to continue it. And with Percy as, what he thought for some time, the last de Rolo, that makes this even more of a weight on his shoulders. 

He has that beautiful speech during the Westruun arc about how he will live as long as Whitestone lives. It’s a really poignant moment (And I want to know who taliesin jaffe sold his soul to for these lines, but I’ll explore that at a later date) but it’s also super-revealing in terms of Percy. 

Percy does not really consider himself in that moment an individual. Percy is a multitude. Percy is the history that has been written, and the history that is yet to be written. He is a single page in a much larger book. And he’s deeply aware, and also deeply comfortable with this ideal. (Which is also very interesting, because most people have trouble when considering their own mortality/limited purpose/place in the grand scheme of the universe) 

And what Percy considers ‘the human soul’ in this moment is the things that they build with their ‘tiny moments’. Cities will stand (barring dragon-attacks and death marble destruction) for generations after those that built them set the first stones. Books and historical records will last even longer. But the truly impactful thing here is that Percy considers a person’s soul that which they create, and that which they leave behind.

So, with that in mind, if Percy creates and leaves behind Ripley, and his guns, that makes for a rather twisted, dark, violent soul. He specifically says in that episode that when he doesn’t leave any record of his creations - his notes are destroyed/put away once he’s finished making whatever it is he’s making, and he specifically asks the rest of Vox Machina to destroy all of his creations after he’s gone. He does not want that to be his legacy, he doesn’t want that to be what he leaves behind, he doesn’t want that to be the mark of his human soul on this world. 

This all explains why he is so haunted and disturbed by Ripley’s existence, and also why he sees himself as a bad person. And it’s actually a really interesting, nuanced look at the trope of a character being obsessed with their legacy. I think this gives it a real substance, and grounding, and meaning, and feeling. There are reasons behind this, very deep reasons behind this obsession with what he will become, and what he will leave behind, and the fact his moral sense is based on that is even more fascinating and just...All the awards to Taliesin Jaffe for Percy’s character, honestly, because he builds this up so well, and understands and responds to the nuances of Percy’s character and trauma so damn well. 

TL;DR: Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III has some very serious psychological scars related to legacy, and is so afraid of what future!Percy may look like, he hates present!Percy for even entertaining the possibility of future!Percy by like...Existing. 

Wow this was a marathon. If u got to the end of it a)- thank u and b)- i feel for u bc u probably have as many Percy feelings as me, and correspondingly little soul or heart left so like...I feel for u, friend, I feel for u.