#tbh i don't know where this one went
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[8:30 PM]
"mademoiselle" jaemin waggishly welcomed you to his apartment and you went in after pecking him on the cheek with a smile, "monsieur" you, too, replied with a dramatic posh voice.
you looked around, his apartment doesn't seem like a common apartment actually. it seems so luxurious like those of your father's despite you growing up from the richest family in south korea. jaemin didn't tell you about this, it was your first time going to his home.
"sit down love" he offered, his voice soft and loving. "where are you going jaem?" you asked, your smile still didn't let go from your excitement of finally having to sit in a very much too soft sofa in his living room. "i'll prepare something for us to eat" he replied and tousled your hair making you whine.
but that was it. behind the beautifully made espresso, there lied the bittersweet.
your eyes saw rainbows, but in black and white, your heart pumps, but the feeling are one-winged butterflies. your body was throbbing of excruciating pain from the torture by you once thought your beautiful love.
jaemin held you by the collar of your wrinkled, dirt-covered blouse and seethed through his teeth clenching it from his anger towards you and your family. "you think i liked you? well guess what doll, it's a-" he halted, not knowing why but continued it nonetheless "hm. it's a prank" a bile started to grow on his throat, he hates it.
he twirled the dagger on his hand still holding your weakened body up with one hand whilst glaring his second dagger filled with fire at you with a somewhat...doubtful mind. but then again, he's the na jaemin, known to be a merciless assassin.
"i think it's time for you to say goodbye, love" he mocked the endearment with his sinister smirk and was about to stab the glistening sharpened dagger on you, however, you let out a small hum stopping him mid-air.
you smiled weakly at him, the smile he admitted once that he misses everytime you aren't around. warm tears fall out from your almost closing eyes, he used to hate seeing you cry,you used to be a weakness of him, but guess what, not anymore, he thought.
"i'm very happy" you whispered and raised your weak hands to take ahold of his naturally bruised cheeks, he forced himself not to feel your hands, hands that are way colder than the likes of dead people he threw away.
nevertheless, jaemin didn't hesitate to stab directly into your heart where he belonged. your hands slowly slipped from his cheeks, leaving a trail of your personal warmth as your breath slowly pulled away from your lungs.
suddenly, his phone rang indicating someone is calling, he didn't read the caller's name and placed it on his ears, his other hand still holding you with his strength.
"jaemin, i got an evidence about your parent's killer-" it was jeno with his plain voice. jaemin coldly answered, "she's already finished", he was about to drop it off when jeno reacted, unusual.
"j- no..." on the other line, jeno's heart seemed to stop, his eyes wide open and his jaw fell slack from disbelief, "what jeno?" impatiently jaemin furrowed his brows.
the papers on jeno's hold was crumpled as it fell off the floor, "y/n...it proved here that she is innocent, sh-she actually doesn't know about her parent's dark business, jaem-"
beep
he didn't want to believe it, yet it was the truth that masked you, and what happened was the lie that completed you both. he fell on his knees, a lone tear escaped his eyes that were filled of void, eyes that filled regrets, anger, sadness, loneliness, and especially...the wretched peace of your visage.
jaemin held your face close to his with both of his sinful bloody hands, looking closely at your closed eyes, your pretty nose, your soft lips that turned purple as the blood of yours had stopped its flow. he didn't know that he could still shed a tear because all he remembered was that he couldn't since the beginning.
kissing you full of passion, a language for him to say how sorry he is, jaemin whispered on your unhearing ears, "i...i love you too, i love you more, i love you much more, i love you the most, i love you everyday, everywhere, everytime, i...-" he sobbed hard, punching the wall in the proccess.
he realized, he loves you more than you could ever imagine. and so are regretting.
"i wish everything was different"
#na jaemin#jaemin angst#assassin!jaemin#jaemin x reader#nct dream jaemin angst#nct jaemin angst#nct dream jaemin#nct jaemin#nct timestamps#nct dream timestamps#tbh i don't know where this one went#this is poop i swear#a lot of mistakes and probably could be misunderstood#i hate myself
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Whooooo could have predicted this?
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#Poorly drawn MDZS#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#fairy#I love that they go up a mountain to check out fake ghost rumours. It's everything I want out of a date (Nature hike & something haunted)#I just know these two are big hike fans (wwx prob 'gets tired' and 'needs to be carried' at the end)#(he doesn't need it he just wants to be held)#Its not super apparent but wwx is using 'gonna be haunted in there' as an excuse to not encounter the dog#thats on me for rushing this one though#the end result makes lwj look like one of those dad's that's like 'come on kids lets go check out these dark caves! Nothing creepy here!'#Which is a vibe he deserves to have. Maybe with a more blunt tone.#I don't know who would be a worse chaperone tbh. I think together they would be good but separate? Chaos.#Speaking of chaperoning...Jin Lin sure did wander off. Wonder where he went?#JC needs to invest in a stronger child leash 'cause his nephew keeps chewing through it and running off
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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Not me looking for refs of the monsters in Fear and Hunger just to he hit with this thing
Was genuinely flabbergasted- terrified even, like, what the FUCK are you doing, big bro Night Lurch *read: terrified*
#not a reblog.#personal#fear and hunger#you know#i figured this was gonna be a thing#like even went into it with the knowledge that crazy shit happens BUT#I DID NOT REALIZE HOW MANY MOSNTERS WERE IN THIS GAME????#i was failed to be told#I just thought there was like a *few* more outside of all the ones i had seen (ALSO SAW WHAT EVERYONE WAS BLURRING WITH THE GAURDS)#(I COULD NOT MAKE HEADS OR TAILS OF IT I STILL CAN'T IT WAS FUCKING FREAKY)#yeah there's so much in this game which is very cool also idk if i need to add???? trigger warnings#i don't even know where to start tbh djkdkd#i'll just leave it alone and if someone asks me to I'll add warnings fjdndm#anyway#anyway final thoughts: that crow mauler is absolutely horrifying but in like 'i sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me' type of way
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So! A new Doom game got announced!
Here's the trailer for those interested, it will help with what I'm about to go into:
youtube
As a bit of a Retro Throwback Shooter Shitter myself, I have some Thoughts. Read on if you're interested.
So, first of all I like the premise of exploring the time the Doom Slayer spent fighting demons alongside the warriors of Argent D'Nur. It's a time period that was purposefully left pretty damn vague in Doom Eternal, and the Slayer's lore before waking up again wasn't even really talked about much - if at all - in Doom 2016 from what I remember, since they were trying to play it a little safe due to Doom 2016 being a soft reboot of a series that hadn't gotten a new game in 12 years at that point, with the last title (Doom 3 and its various editions that attempted to improve it a bit) being a pretty big departure that had a wealth of issues, such as it being a Doom game with one of the worst shotguns ever put into a shooter. So it's a cool idea to explore this time frame of the Doom Slayer's history, and possibly show the events leading to the Slayer's imprisonment in Hell before he was rediscovered and subsequently awoken by Samuel Hayden in Doom 2016, including the Makyrs' fall from grace.
Second, I'm actually kinda hyped to see id Software still working on making retro throwback shooters. I was worried they'd get shuttered and their IP sold off after Rage was such a flop back in 2011, and they didn't make anything after it for 5 years until Doom 2016 came out, so it's nice to see they've found their groove again - making some of the best examples of the retro throwback shooter subgenre. Doom 2016 started the BoomShoot Renaissance, and Doom Eternal is still one of the best examples of the genre, mechanically. They are masterclasses in using an old formula while keeping the level design and visuals fresh with modern game design principles that have improved a lot since the 90s, along with new game mechanics to keep the moment-to-moment gameplay feeling fresh as well (such as the weapon / stat upgrade systems, the movement abilities you get in Doom Eternal, etc.). Seeing them pushing that even further is a treat to behold, and I'm confident it's going to be a pretty damn fun game, as long as it doesn't get forced into being $70.
Final point, though, is a bit of a downer for me personally. Why in the fuck are they making a game in the Doom series that's going for a more medieval-ish feel, when the Quake franchise is right fucking there and begging for a better modern entry than goddamn Quake Champions?? Seriously, making a Quake game calling back to the first game in the franchise - with the Lovecraftian inspirations, the more medieval-ish setting, the unique monsters like the Shambler you didn't see much of past Quake 1 - would be a fucking money printer. But no, Microsoft wants them to play it safe so they can get a guaranteed blockbuster because Quake Champions hasn't done very well since it came out of early access in 2022, which is definitely a fault of the Quake franchise not having any consumer interest and 100% for sure not because Quake Champions pivoted into being a fucking hero shooter trying to emulate the feel of old arena shooter deathmatching!! It's not like a soft reboot wouldn't be sorely needed after the goddamn disaster of a story that was the Quake 4 campaign! It's not like a modern Quake game that actually relies on having a fun weapon sandbox instead of relying on taking your opponents off guard with fucking superpowers on cooldowns is something the fanbase they're trying to pander to would nut in our fucking pants over or anything!!!!
TL;DR: This game looks really good and fun, and I like to see id is still making banger games, but I'm actually kinda angry that they'd rather make a Doom game with medieval vibes rather than using that other fantastic retro shooter IP they own to make something that kind of vibe would actually fit into better.
#doom#doom 2016#doom eternal#quake#retro shooters#boomer shooter#id software#fps#retro fps#Seriously I hope it was a decision from Bethesda or Microsoft management to do this shit instead of a Quake game#and not the devs' choice#because if even the *devs* don't want to make Quake games#especially ones that follow more in the footsteps of the first game instead of Quake 2 and beyond#where they went from “Lovecraftian medieval-ish game” to just another “Shoot the aliens Mr. Space Marine!!" series#that'd actually make me kinda sad tbh#Quake Champions#would be a horrible note to end such a good series of games on for the foreseeable future#Seriously the reason I have trouble enjoying the PvP in games like Destiny#or even just hero shooters in general like with Overwatch (ignoring the other problems involved with anything made by fucking Blizzard)#is because it feels like you're actively discouraged from relying on a well-made and fun weapon sandbox#instead you just use your Superpower Buttons as much as possible bc they just matter *more* than any weapon#other than maybe D2's heavy weapons#possibly CAN matter in a match#I know I sound like a nostalgia lord here but seriously just give me more games like Splitgate. Halo. or Unreal Tournament#hell even fucking COUNTER STRIKE is more fun to me bc it's your gunplay that matters#Team Fortress 2 as well#since despite it arguably being the progenitor of the hero shooter subgenre it still maintains its roots as a Quake / Half-Life mod#where the classes don't have Magic Superpowers but instead weapons and items that are part of a large and mostly healthy toolbox#Hell I even prefer Titanfall 2 bc even though it KINDA has superpowers it's more about the movement and shooting#than your 1-2 use killstreaks n shit
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2024 was one heck of a year, but hey, at least I started 2025 right by finally watching Masters of the Air! Literally can't believe it finally happened, I remember when it was just a whisper on the horizon. I watched Band of Brothers and The Pacific for the first time in like... 2013, and even at that point they were talking about it, but it just never happened.
#spilling the peaches#Hello it is I I'm still alive#Barely tbh but still alive#But yeah#2024 was honestly such a mix of a year both good and bad#Started it in New Zealand at the end of my big exchange and trip abroad and then back home to start my first big job as a qualified teacher#Had an amazing time getting to know so many wonderful colleagues and kids and parents#Found out in April they were cutting budgets and saving due to low birth rates so hey guess who was gonna be jobless#Got offered a position at a different school but same principal#Ended up with some more cool colleagues and kids and parents but my two closest colleagues were not... great#Adult bullying and all that jazz happened#Which ended up with me reporting them to the principal and HR and I had to leave that position#Got put on part time sick leave and worked part time at my old place. Found out two days before I went on Christmas holidays that I wasn't#going to get to stay on in any capacity and no other principals had any jobs for me#So guess who's unemployed starting literally tomorrow.#Honestly bad year and I don't think I've felt this bad in a long time#BUT#I did get my first own flat this year#I got a freaking cat!!!!#(He is the best he's a rescue at 7 years old and the sweetest bean. Been with me for two months now)#Made some great friends and kept a lot of old ones#So good things too but the autumn semester really took it out of me#But hey! Reloading with some new Hanks and Spielberg stuff and cat snuggles has been great#Now just waiting to hear back from places where I've applied for jobs and hope for the best#Hope y'all are good just popping on to say hi
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as a bona fide vaxleth lover i am more confused than ever about how they are portrayed on the animated series i'm not gonna lie 😭
#not that different is bad like it doesn't affect or 'ruin' the actual source material#i just legitimately do not understand some of their choices here#there's stuff i really like ofc but u know. i've written multiple long analyses about conflict in their relationship#and in previous seasons it seemed to me like they were just smoothing out those sharp edges which bummed me out ngl#(for one there was a line at the end of s1 where kiki directly contradicted her campaign self in favor of No Conflict that i was feeling#unsatisfied with. and s2 didn't contend with rq as a sticking point for keyleth really at all)#and like to be honest my distaste for that is biased by like fandom drama of years past and people shitting on them for that exact stuff#so for me it kinda felt like an updated and palatable version that appealed to the group of people that made me feel bad for liking them#which is again like a strong personal bias lol but u know it also is just. a really important story to me that i love#but this season it's like they went no no. they do actually need to fight that was a big thing. hmmmm what about#AH YES. let's reverse their povs about their relationship completely.#have not finished ep3 yet but 10 min in i'm just like HUH?#again this doesn't rly matter and the show remains an enjoyable adaptation it's just truly bizzare to me 😭 how did this choice get made#it speaks#lovm spoilers#sorry I'm not done yet actually because the specific conflict about happiness in the present being or not being worth sorrow later#is the VERY CORE OF BOTH OF THOSE CHARACTERS and to switch which one feels which is way more than weird for the romance it's weird for like#what each of their whole individual deal is. that's why i'm so ??????????????#gah. i truly don't want to complain too badly#(and tbh the eps simply don't have enough runtime for vax to be as completely-falling-apart as he actually was and the role of#depression and trauma and self-loathing in that vs like. a more easily telegraphed supernatural boogeyman#-which if they slowed the pace down more might fit in but the scale of the story is so grand that they can't so like i begrudingly get it.#but still absolutely wild for the solution to be: do away with their actual arguments about divinity or keyleth's insecurity about#outliving all of vox machina. oh btw we are giving the vision she had of that to vax as a gift from rq or whatever#so he can be inscure about it instead. because he's fate touched or smthn. and that's too abstract for us to explore here so let's just#give him ominous visions.)#the more i have typed the saltier i have gotten i'm sorry it's just WILD TO MEEEE
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I don't know why every time there's a bad situation going on adding extra stress in my life, it ALWAYS coincides with extra responsibilities being put on my shoulders- also adding extra stress in my life
#ONE THING AT A TIME PLEASE!!!!#felt just... on the verge of an anxiety attack for a lot of the day tbh#my grandpa is in the hospital so my mom is staying with him which means there's no one else in the house to help with dishes and laundry and#keeping things straightened up so it falls to me#and it's a lot! and my mom not being here also means I'm isolated all day while my dad and brother are working and I also don't drive so#my mom can't drive me anywhere so I'm also stranded and it's just... it's just a lot and I'm not doing well with the stress of my grandpa's#health and other stuff going on while having to deal with additional responsibilities#I already went through this for 9 days while he was in the hospital and then he came home! he was in the clear!#and I went out of town with my bf Friday to see a comedy show and came back Sunday and overnight#grandpa had to go back to the hospital so I didn't get to spend much time with my mom AND the stress of grandpa's situation AND I'm right#back where I was with the extra stress I already burnt out from last week#I know this too shall pass and all that but I'm just struggling 🫠🫠🫠#anyways. just needed to vent that ig#em rambles#vent post
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wait no sorry one last quick immature bitch moment
the more I find out about how this person has behaved in both this relationship and a bunch of other relationships, the funnier it is how much they like to set themselves up as a like. authority on ethical nonmonogamy and consent and conflict management.
when like. they constantly sexually assault people to prove a point, pressure their partners into shit, got into enm by cheating on 3 people concurrently, and literally every time a problem in their orbit is brought up it gets explained away without anything actually changing, or they cry about how hard it is until everyone says OH NO IT'S FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
you know. very "call yourself a Community Organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates" energies.
#red said#I'm mad tbh i know in being bitchy but this blog is my safe space to be bitch on#and this shit has been building up for years. not even just in my relationship with their partner. since the first time i meet them#in like 2018#and having this chat with my pal last night now I'm no longer second guessing myself bc of my relationship has uhhh Crystalised Some Things#especially getting some new context on where a lot of the tensions and sensitivities I've been aware of for ages are from#also tbh when we broke up my ex led off with 'i know you think this is about [partner] but it's not' and i was like. it is though.#it's not the only thing but it's been a common thread through every piece of tension in that relationship#not saying if the partner wasn't there we'd have been together forever. i don't think that's true and I'm glad things went the way they did.#cause w were good for each other and breaking up was also good for us#but their partner has really caused me so so so so so much turmoil for years and i haven't felt able to acknowledge that cause it makes me#feel like an asshole. but like. OK SO I'M AN ASSHOLE. I'M FUCKING MAD AT THEM.#they are manipulative and controlling and they treat their partner like shit and they have perpetually made my life worse#i like a lot of things about them and i do feel for them. we share a lot of similar issues and i do understand how they feel a lot.#but fuck me they treat everyone around them so badly and a good chunk of the reason i ended things with their partner#is that i was so fucking sick of being told i was wrong and just didn't understand how hard they had it whenever i brought up#one of the many many many shitty things they did to me or to our partner or to our friends.#multiple times i left a situation in a fully fucked up mess and my partner came to apologise for how their partner has behaved#and within minutes it would turn into them explaining to me how it wasn't really their fault and i shouldn't be so hard on them#and like fuck that. had enough of that in my life with my previous ex.#anyway. yeah. i am probably being more didactic and aggro here than i genuinely feel. but there's some room for that anger i think#and i did get some room for it to breathe last night and that's good and helpful.
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I need to draw Midori on my knees sobbing I miss my daughter chat
#luly talks#you know for as divorced from her source material as she is it's not forgotten to me#christ i just realize you people have no clue how vast my little world where she is is. she's literally like an oc to me#basically IS one tbh she's so far removed she's just living in usa going to school and getting into recreational fistfights#and Slenderman is real also. bc it's funny.#here's some lore she has TWO ✌️ main friends they're a girl who used to be a bitch to her but they found common ground over shared struggles#(also Midori's family helped her too and that was huge bc her bio family is shit) so she gave up on being mean and popular for da weird girl#and the other is a nerd that was always nice to Midori and def on the spectrum who loves chilling and went w her to the aquarium once#they might have a crush on each other but midori can't think of that she has chemistry homework#there's also a third girl she met at a McDonald's who is more bubbly and likes to larp w Midori LOL#bc she went to McDonald's the whole family did it was a big event#also midori has a lot of parental figures but not really parents the closest would be L.L. who literally says midori is her daughter#but they don't say they're her dad and neither does Midori
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i think my favorite gate of whimsy bizarre room is probably the phantomart one solely because hailey can also get it which means that you can get some pretty good items as her since you can buy stuff normally. but also because jibanyan still rides in the cart. best oversight i think-
#puppy rambles#yo-kai watch#yw3#this playthrough i've just gotten boring gates of whimsy. and also an expert room where i fought unkaind once#had all my yo-kai oneshot and then promptly left#10/10 would recommend- /j#i just wanna match the comedy of my last playthrough where during one of the parts in nate's story where buck follows you on the overworld#i went into a gate of whimsy. greatly amusing to me. normal bestie activities#i don't know why it's so funny to me but it is. but i have shit gate of whimsy luck honestly 😔#i've found more as hailey than as nate. gate globes are literally useless as hailey and i'm not at chapter 6 yet-#tbh wouldn't be surprised if chapter 5 takes me all day. grumbler's grotto sucks#n hailey's chapter 5 is hard. it's fun but it's also hard#you have to fight meganyan and doctor maddiman in the same chapter. and there's a third key quest but i don't remember it rn-#oh god that's when you can start the pop star photo quest too isn't it. hell#in my first save files i only have two left i'm pretty sure and idk which ones i've found so guides aren't helpful 😔#anyways. haven't even played 3 yet today i'm just hyperfixating <3
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Sometimes I want to read my friends' fics bc like... friends! Their fics! But then like... my brain reminds me the only fic I read is dmcl.
#DCB Comments#i have the desire to read my friends' fics but my interests are so strict abt it!!!#i mean there's one other ship i am considering reading fic for but it's not even fe#other than that i don't even read tellius fics bc tbh the only tellius fics i would read#would be shinaff and i and like maybe five other ppl tops even ship it so that's just#not happening out of its lack of existence LOL. sadge.#but like... what i write does not equal what i can read. i only seem to have the drive to actually /read/ dmcl#also one of my biggest issues with tellius fics is similar to the lorenz issue#i don't trust most ppl to correctly characterize shinon. with lorenz ppl don't actually#write him in character most of the time. he's written with clear and intended disdain from almost every writer i've ever seen write him#with shinon i completely do not trust that anyone except like me and five other ppl don't just#ignore all his character traits and all the facets of his personality. most ppl reduce him to what they WANT him to be#and not what he actually is. nobody EVER writes abt his care for children. his generosity toward his friends#how he canonically returned to the GMs and stuck by them regardless of where they went/what they did#how he - having been poor all his life by inference of dialogue - does what he can to stop them from being poor#he could leave at any time with his skills and get work anywhere he wanted. he doesn't bc he grew out of that desire#once he felt he had a place he truly fit in with. nobody writes him as the complex human being he canonically is written as#he's just ''the asshole who doesn't like ike'' and we know what the other part is that i won't get into#or we will be here for another few hours of me debunking ppl's bullshit. but yeah. shinon is basically like#the central reason i do not touch tellius fics with a thousand foot pole. i don't trust ANYONE with him unless i already know you#and that even if you don't like him i can at least trust you'd still write him in character and not just as#the obvious character you only wrote in to bash. even reading dmcl is difficult when i can tell the writer#doesn't give a shit abt writing lorenz in character and just uses him to be annoying and shit#aside dmcl being a hyperfixation yeah... that's some reasons why i do not read other fics#not that that is related directly to my friends' writing - that's bc my brain lightbulb only turns on with dmcl content#also why i have not read gautier content. i think it's changing now but like in general#the vast majority of the fandom i do NOT trust to actually understand miklan's character/story/motivations#bc he's basically just tossed aside as the pure evil villain who uwu hurt sylvain#i think myself and some other miklan lovers have helped fix that a bit with hopes' help#but i've loved miklan since before hopes came out so that's why i never bothered trusting gautier content either
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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ohhh polyruses possessed me for a minute. thats what that was
#was trying to remember where all these headcanons came from and then went oh wait. that one blog was a little influential to me wasnt it#i wasn't nearly old enough to be reading that shit but tbh i didnt even know what was going on half the time it was all just mpreg#like i understood what it was i just didn't care about it enough to pay any attention to the plot lmao#not judging it ftr i'm just impressed at how they got almost every single character on that blog pregnant at some point#still i am kiinda glad i mostly just took the blue papyrus and poly idea from it. mpreg is BORING !!!!!!#tis a shame they deactivated tho. i think it'd be neat to go back & reread it with my Adult Eyes And Brain now#i've only been able to find some reposted comic strips here & there on other ppl's very old reblogs or the shady tumblr clone websites#i don't even think any youtube comic dubs exist but tbh i wouldn't watch them anyway. my days of doing that are OVER
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sometimes people on rate my professors are just wrong
#this is about my one german prof who kinda looks like ben shapiro#no he's not that amazing of a prof tbh but he's nice and if you made an effort you could actually learn a lot from him#not necessarily in a regular academic setting but just like..in general by talking to him and shit#he's a lovely brilliant man and i strongly disagree with his rate on this website based on my own experience and talking to other people#we in the history and/or medieval studies programs at uni love him! ok maybe he kinda sucks as a college professor#so what? he's still smarter and more interesting than your ugly ass. and probably nicer tbh#he almost called an ambulance for me this one time! and then got me water and then gave me an A for my not that good oral presentation!#and did so many things that made him stand out with so many of my classmates AND other profs and TAs#like once one of my TA legit went on a whole tangent on how this man knows everything about everything and everyone who knows him agreed#and that one TA is extremely aloof and don't appears to care about like...anything.. so it really means a lot#maybe if y'all commenting had read his syllabus before asking him dumbass questions y'all wouldn't be giving him 2 on rate my teachers smh#like he's european! german even!! i know y'all are soft as hell i'm québécoise too so but he comes from a land where it's normal..#to tell dumbasses that they're being dumb#some of y'all (including myself) need to hear it the fuck?#y'all are paying to be in college wouldn't you rather hear the truth??
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last post is exactly why I love buffy s6. love to see my no 1 girl broken and depressed and deeply disconnected from her closest friends and the world at large. I eat that shit up every time
#s5 is my absolute favourite which to be fair is also a very traumatic season for buffy#and the gift is my favourite episode#but s6 man. there's something so comforting about watching all these characters you've grown to love sink down to their absolute worst#it's not a perfect season but to me it's a cathartic season#and once more with feeling is a perfect episode#I don't really dislike any of the seasons tbh they all have something going for them. but 5/6/2 is my holy trinity#coming out as an angel enjoyer. I love when a love interest love interest becomes possessed or brainwashed or in this case loses their soul#and becomes evil#and buffy did it so well!! that moment where angel kills jenny and you're like holy shit they really went there#and buffy killing him in the end and it's a terrible awful impossible choice but it's also the only choice#and I do love how this contrasts w the end of s5 where it seems like the only option is to kill dawn but buffy puts her foot down#bc she's been here before sacrificing a loved one for the greater good but dawn is innocent she's a kid she was made from her#she's PART of her#and dawn's never had a choice. but at least buffy does#at least buffy can die knowing she saved the best part of herself#I have too many feelings about this lol she is truly the character of all time ❤️
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