#tbh honest i got a little lost writing this one

[cyberesc]

THE BOY IS MINE. (PART 2)

pairing: Prohero!Bakugo x Prohero!Reader

rating: slight angst, hurt/comfort, reader needs a break tbh

note: I forgot where I was originally going with this story when I wrote this a few years ago since part 2 was only 70% done in my drafts, hope this was a good read ! it was fun writing dialogue for Hitomi, might bring her back for a new series🤐

part 1

You don't know when it happened, but somehow, your very existence seemed to aggravate Hitomi, for reasons you couldn’t understand. Your coworkers noticed it, even your assistant made a passing comment, but they urged you not to take it personally. Still, the cold stares, the subtle digs, and the way she tried to one-up you at every turn, it all started to wear on you. What you didn’t know was that her attitude stemmed from the time she spent in one-on-one training sessions with Bakugo.

The list of things Bakugo is good at is so long it would be stupid to write about, so it was obvious that he would be the perfect mentor. His sharp eyes caught every mistake, his feedback was brutally honest, and his results were undeniable. Hitomi knew this and respected him for it. But there was something else that ate away at her during those sessions, something that made her resentment towards you grow stronger with each passing day.

It started with the small comments Bakugo would make, things he probably didn’t even realize he was saying out loud. “Y/N always nails this move on the first try,” he muttered once, when Hitomi fumbled during a drill. Or, “You’re gripping too tight—Y/N knows how to balance strength with control.” At first, Hitomi tried to brush it off, telling herself that Bakugo was just using you as an example to push her to do better, after all you were in the top rankings of Japan for a reason. But the more it happened, the more it grated on her. It wasn't just that you were good—it was that you seemed to be the benchmark against which she was measured.

The worst part, the part that truly made her snap, came during a routine training session. Hitomi was testing the mobility of her suit after some recent upgrades, moving through the drills with the precision she had honed under Bakugo’s guidance. He observed her as usual, his sharp eyes catching every nuance, every mistake.

But then, as she finished a complex maneuver, he made a comment that made her blood run cold. “You’ve got the power, but you’re hesitating,” Bakugo remarked, his tone almost distracted. “They would’ve read that shift in a heartbeat, made the move smoother.” he continued under his breath.

He didn’t even look at her when he said it. The reference was subtle, but Hitomi knew exactly who he meant. He talked about you enough for her to pick up on the unspoken comparison.

It wasn’t just that he compared her to you; it was that, in his mind, you were the standard she could never reach. The unattainable.

In that moment, it solidified for Hitomi: no matter how hard she trained, no matter how perfectly she executed every move, she would always be second to you in his eyes. His words echoed in her head, taunting her, and she knew then that she wasn’t just competing with a fellow hero. She was battling against the idealized version of you that Bakugo seemed to hold onto, an impossible shadow she could never escape.

It wasn’t rare for Dynamight to be paired with lower-ranking heroes on missions or patrols, but you happened to be his frequent partner. You weren’t sure if it was because your quirks worked well together or because you could read each other in any situation. Little did you know, Bakugo’s unconscious behavior around you was something even his assistant had picked up on. He didn’t lose his temper as easily when you were around, and on the rare occasions he did, it was never directed at you. He even made subtle nods at reporters before blasting off with you by his side. Almost every mission you collaborated on ended successfully, a fact that wasn’t lost on the agency.

Hitomi had noticed, too. She watched the way Bakugo seemed more grounded when you were around, how he sometimes deferred to your judgment without argument, and how he never seemed to mind your presence. That’s what made her resentment so sharp—it was one thing to compete with you in training, but another thing entirely to see that you were already a fixture in the life of the hero she admired—the man she wanted.

Your first mistake, if you could even call it that, was during a debriefing session. Hitomi had suggested a strategy, one that was sound but flawed in a way only experience could detect. You pointed it out, offering a correction in a calm, professional manner. It wasn’t meant to be demeaning, but to Hitomi, it felt like a public embarrassment. And Bakugo, instead of defending her, nodded in agreement with you, reinforcing the gap between her and you in his mind.

Another time, in the break room, she overheard a conversation where Bakugo was praising your tactical instincts. He never did that for anyone else, not even her—the one he had personally trained to analyze and fight just like him. She had been mentored by the best, molded to think and act with the same precision and intensity that Bakugo himself embodied. So, it came as a shock when she realized that everything she did, using everything she had learned from him, wasn’t good enough to hold his attention.

From then on, every interaction with you became a painful reminder that you held a place in Bakugo’s life that she couldn’t touch. So, she decided to carve out her own space, to prove that she could be the one who stood by his side.

The tension between you two only grew, feeding off these moments until it became a palpable force within the agency. And as much as you tried to stay above it, to focus on your work and ignore the subtle hostility, it was impossible not to notice. The whispers of office gossip, the way Hitomi would shoot you a look whenever Bakugo acknowledged you in a meeting—it all added up, and it all pointed to the truth you were too kind to see: Hitomi wasn’t just competing with you. She wanted to take everything you had, including Bakugo.

Hitomi’s resentment towards you was not something she could easily suppress. It wasn’t just about competition; it was personal. And when she realized that Bakugo saw you as a benchmark she could never reach, it drove her to desperate measures. If she couldn’t directly compete with you on the field, she would try to outmaneuver you in the court of public opinion.

So she set up a rumor to shift the narrative. It began subtly, with carefully orchestrated moments designed to seed the idea in the media. She made sure to be seen with Bakugo frequently, arranging coincidental encounters that were just intimate enough to spark curiosity. It was all carefully planned to catch the eye of the paparazzi.

The crucial moment came when Hitomi arranged for an image to be captured. A staged photo, one that would make it look like she and Bakugo were involved in a romantic relationship. The key was using a lookalike, someone who bore a striking resemblance to Bakugo, someone subtle enough to create a convincing illusion without risking his actual reputation.

The resulting photo, taken from a distance, showed Bakugo— or allegedly Bakugo—with his arm around Hitomi’s shoulders.

She meticulously chose the location of Bakugo’s favorite konbini, a spot he frequented to fuel up between patrols. This particular konbini was a well-kept secret among a few close friends and had become a sort of personal refuge for him. By selecting this location, Hitomi aimed to make a statement—a pointed message aimed directly at you.

The magazine’s social media team spread the image far and wide, igniting a storm of speculation and gossip. Fans and media alike began buzzing about the potential romance, analyzing every interaction between Bakugo and Hitomi for signs of affection. The craze was relentless, and soon, it became a trending topic. Headlines everywhere echoed the same speculation, and Hitomi basked in the growing buzz.

It was a clever ploy. With Bakugo’s name and your connection to him constantly in the limelight, it created a smokescreen that obscured the truth and shifted public perception. By the time you and Bakugo were confronted with the rumor, it had already gained enough traction to cause serious damage. Hitomi had successfully planted the seeds of doubt, making it seem like she was the one who had captured Bakugo’s attention.

Hitomi’s actions were not just about rivalry. She was trying to erase your presence and position herself as the ideal partner, hoping that by winning over those around Bakugo and creating a convincing narrative, she could finally gain what she felt she deserved.

Hitomi’s plan was working, and you were now caught in the crossfire of a fight you hadn’t even realized you were part of. And that’s where it all began to unravel.

After your checkup at the agency’s infirmary, the reality of your situation set in. The injury was severe enough that your boss decided to put you on desk duty until you were fully recovered. It was frustrating, but you had little choice but to comply.

Today, you found yourself seated at your desk, sifting through paperwork and mission reports. The mundane tasks offered a welcome distraction from your physical pain, but it did little to quell the storm of emotions that raged within you.

The agency’s hallways bustled with activity, heroes and sidekicks moving about in their usual hurried fashion. You were doing your best to stay out of everyone’s way, trying to blend into the background. You were engrossed in organizing a stack of reports when there was a knock on your door.

“Come in,” you called, not looking up.

“Hey, Y/N!” The cheery, singsong voice of Hitomi reached your ears, and you tensed. You had hoped to avoid any direct communication with her, but it seemed luck wasn’t on your side today.

You looked up slowly, forcing a neutral expression onto your face as she approached you with a case file under one arm and a newspaper clutched in her hand. Her gaze flicked over to you with an expression that was anything but friendly.

“How can I help you?,” you said curtly, not in the mood for small talk.

“I thought you might want to see this,” she said, her tone dripping with false sweetness. She tossed the newspaper onto your desk and placed the case file beside it.

Looking down, your heart sank as you read the newspaper’s headline: “ANOTHER HERO BITES THE DUST! PRO HERO Y/H/N CAN’T HANDLE THE HEAT!” The article was filled with damning criticisms and snide remarks, painting you in a poor light due to your mess up.

Hitomi smirked as she noticed your reaction. “You know how it is. The media loves to stir up drama. Thought you’d appreciate the heads-up.” She gave you a patronizing wave and turned to leave.

The moment she was gone, you let out a heavy sigh, grabbing the newspaper and crumpling it in your hands. With a grimace, you tossed it into the trash can, trying to ignore the sting of humiliation that the article left behind.

It had been a week since the billboard incident, and despite your best efforts to avoid Bakugo, it was inevitable that you would cross paths eventually. You had spent those days focusing on your hero work, throwing yourself into your duties with an intensity that left you exhausted by the end of each day. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t shake the heavy weight in your chest.

Boring days of recovery were soon over. The bandages were finally coming off, and you were able to inspect your hero suit in preparation for your first patrol since the incident. The repairs were almost complete, and you hoped that getting back to work would help distract you from the recent turmoil.

As you were adjusting your suit in the testing room, you heard the door swing open. Hitomi walked in with her repaired support gear, her humming coming to a halt at the sight of you.

“Hey Y/N!” She greeted

You nodded in greeting, quickly attaching the support items to your suit to avoid a conversation.

She didn’t seem to notice your lack of enthusiasm. “I saw you around the other day but didn’t get a chance to chat. You’ve been working hard, haven’t you?” Her tone was laced with false sweetness, and you could sense the underlying hostility.

“Paperwork kept me busy,” you replied, adjusting the straps to your suit . You really didn’t want to have this conversation.

Her smile widened, as she took a step closer. “Well, you know how it is around here. There’s always something to keep us busy,” she said, her tone light. “I guess it’s why they say people like us need someone who understands the grind, right? Someone who gets how demanding this work can be.”

You felt a subtle tension in her words, but you weren’t sure where she was going with this. “Yeah, it’s a tough job.”

Hitomi’s eyes flickered with a hint of something more as she leaned in slightly. “Exactly. That’s why it’s so important to have someone who can keep up, someone who’s… on the same level. Makes things easier, don’t you think?”

There was an undercurrent to her words that you couldn’t ignore, but you weren’t ready to engage with it. “I suppose,” you replied cautiously.

She tilted her head, her smile never wavering. “Like Bakugo, for instance. He really needs someone who understands him, someone who’s in sync with him. It’s funny how the media picks up on these things.”

Your chest tightened, the implication of her words hitting you like a ton of bricks. “The media?” you asked, trying to keep your tone neutral.

“Oh, you know how they are,” she said with a casual shrug. “Always speculating about who’s with who, who’s spending time together… Sometimes they’re not too far off, though.” She chuckled softly, but there was a sharp edge to the sound. “But I guess that’s just part of being in the spotlight.”

You raised a brow at her words as she continued.

“You know—people talk. They notice who spends time together, who seems… close. But anyway, it’s a shame you’ve been avoiding Bakugo. But I guess it’s for the best.”

Realizing what she was insinuating, you could feel the tension building in your chest. “What are you getting at, Hitomi?”

She maintained that infuriatingly casual tone. “Oh, nothing specific. Just making an observation. But…let’s be real, Y/N. You were never really in the running, were you?”

You bit down on your tongue, recalling the lessons from your time as a sidekick at Endeavor's agency. Back then, you were trained to handle criticism and bounce back quickly. Being a hero meant facing harsh judgment from reporters and the press, and you had learned to develop a thick skin. You’d been through the wringer as a rookie, chewed up and spit out, and had come out stronger for it. Hitomi wasn’t the first to try and get under your skin, and she certainly wouldn’t be the last. Your resolve was solid, and you weren’t about to let her words shake you now.

Seeing that you had no reaction, she pressed on, her tone turning more aggressive. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even still around here. I mean, after that slip-up the other night, it’s a miracle you didn’t get yourself killed. Maybe you should stick to the sidelines and let the real heroes do the work.”

Something inside you snapped. The pain and frustration that had been building up for days suddenly burst free, and you opened your mouth to retort—but before you could say a word, a familiar voice cut through the air, sharp and angry.

“What the hell did you just say?”

You both turned to see Bakugo standing a few feet away, his crimson eyes narrowed dangerously as he glared at the sidekick. His presence was like a storm cloud rolling in, the atmosphere around him crackling with barely contained fury.

The sidekick’s confident demeanor faltered, her eyes widening in surprise and a hint of fear. “D-Dynamight! I was just—”

“You were just what?” Bakugo interrupted, stepping closer. “Talking shit to Y/H/N? Your superior?”

She stammered, clearly panicking. “I-I wasn’t… I didn’t mean—”

Bakugo’s expression darkened, his voice low and deadly calm. “You should know better than to run your mouth about things you don’t understand.”

The sidekick’s eyes darted between you and Bakugo, realizing she was in serious trouble. “But—”

Bakugo spoke over her, his patience completely gone. “You’ve got some nerve, talking like you know a damn thing about me or Y/N.”

You were frozen in place, watching the scene unfold in disbelief. Even after avoiding him for so long and keeping your distance, Bakugo was defending you—unrelentingly—and it was clear that he wasn’t going to let Hitomi off the hook.

“You’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass since you got here. Cause of what? All the delusional crap you read in a magazine? That ends now.”

The sidekick paled. “I’m sorry, Dynamight, I didn’t mean—”

“Save it. Now get the hell out of here.” he growled, not giving her a chance to finish.

You could hear when her heart broke, she glanced at you one last time, a look you read that you’ve won. Without another word, she bolted from the room, her confidence completely shattered. The moment she was gone, Bakugo turned his attention to you, his expression softening slightly, though the tension in his shoulders remained.

You stared at him, still reeling from what had just happened. “Bakugo, I—”

“Don’t,” he interrupted, his tone gentler than before. “Don’t apologize for her being a damn idiot.”

“I wasn’t going to apologize,” you said quietly. “I just… I didn��t know.”

“Didn’t know what?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

You looked down at your feet, your voice barely above a whisper. “About the rumors… I thought it was true.”

Bakugo let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “Of course you did. Those vultures love to stir up shit for clicks. None of it was true. I’m not dating her—or anyone.”

You felt lighter from his words but quickly pushed down the hope that tried to rise in your chest. “But why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t think I needed to,” he muttered, looking almost sheepish. “I told you before, I wasn’t interested in dating. And I figured you’d know I wouldn’t get involved in that kind of crap.”

You swallowed hard, feeling a mix of relief and lingering hurt. “I… I didn’t want to assume anything. And after what I saw… I guess I thought I had misread everything between us.”

Bakugo’s gaze softened, and he stepped closer, his hand resting on your shoulder. “You didn’t misread anything. I know what I said before—But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, dumbass.”

The warmth of his hand on your shoulder, the sincerity in his eyes—it was too much. Your resolve crumbled, and you felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. “I thought you were just stringing me along.”

Bakugo’s heart ached at the sight of your tears, and without hesitation, he gently pulled you into a hug, his arms wrapping around you protectively. “’m sorry… I can be a total idiot sometimes, but I’d never screw with you on purpose.”

He rested his chin on your head. “So, don’t let that bullshit get to you.”

You buried your face in his chest, letting yourself relax into his embrace. “I missed you,” you mumbled into his hero suit, the words escaping before you could stop them.

He let out a soft huff, his hand moving to the back of your head, holding you close. The sound of his heart skipping a beat was unmistakable. “Missed you too, idiot. We’ll figure this out, okay? Just… don’t shut me out again.”

You nodded against his chest, feeling the weight that had been pressing down on you finally start to lift. “Okay.”

He pulled back slightly, just enough to look you in the eyes, his thumb brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. “Look, I’m not great at this, but… I want to try. With you.”

Your breath hitched, hope flaring back to life in your chest. “Really?”

Bakugo nodded, his expression serious. “Yeah. We can take it slow, figure things out…but I’m not letting you walk away.”

A small smile tugged at your lips as you looked up at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Katsuki.”

He smiled, his dimples appearing at the sound of his first name rolling off your tongue, and he leaned in, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to your forehead. “Good.”

You leaned into him, feeling the last remnants of doubt melt away. As he pulled back, you felt his breath against your skin. His eyes flickered down to your lips, with an unspoken question hung in the air. Without overthinking it, you leaned up on your toes, closing the small distance between you.

Bakugo hesitated for the briefest of moments, then closed the gap, capturing your lips in a kiss that was tender. Everything he couldn’t say with words was poured into that kiss—every frustration, every ounce of care, every unresolved feeling that had been simmering between you for so long.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you leaned into the kiss, the warmth of his embrace grounding you. His hands settled on your waist, pulling you closer as if he was afraid you might slip away. The world around you seemed to fade, leaving just the two of you in that moment.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless, your foreheads resting against each other’s. His eyes were still half-lidded, a faint blush coloring his cheeks—a rare sight for him.

“Damn idiot,” he muttered softly, his voice laced with affection. “Should’ve kissed me sooner.”

You couldn’t help but smile, your fingers gently tracing the line of his jaw. “Maybe I was waiting for you to make the first move.”

He huffed, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Guess I’ll have to make up for lost time, then.”

Before you could respond, he pulled you in for another kiss, this one deeper, more confident���like he was staking his claim. And you kissed him back with equal fervor, knowing that, this time, you weren’t going to let anything or anyone come between you.

When you finally broke apart, you stayed in his arms, content and more at ease than you had felt in weeks. The uncertainty that had plagued you was gone. And for now, that was more than enough.

want more of my writing? I have a poll up on my account to choose my next fic

tag list: @berryvioo @poemzcheng @bri-licious08 @hypernovaxx @dragonscribble @adultseatdinonuggets4dinner

[finnfrei]

I would love to hear more about your bard and her dragonborn 🥺👉👈

Aww, thank you so much for asking! Tbh, I always feel shy sharing the stories of my OCs, so I really appreciate your interest🩵

Where do I even begin? (Also, English is not my first or even second language, so I apologize for my poor writing in advance).

Clio is my changeling bard from our current homebrew DnD campaign and she’s the little ray of sunshine, who’s hiding her trauma behind a cheerful innocent smile. Or at least she used to be up until the party’s current adventure in Avernus. Quite early in life she realized how easy it is to lure secrets from people, when you look cute and play dumb.

Once she set out on an adventure with the party, she had a dream. A charming stranger in a dragon mask at a ball challenged her to play a complex composition. Non of what she saw on the music sheet he gave her made sense, it couldn’t sound good. But Clio was not the one to fuck around with and she started playing, struggling at first, but getting the grip of it. As the music played, the dirty secrets of people in the room started to reveal themselves to her overflowing her mind. The man asked her to meet him in the house of upper city where the party was headed.

That was how she met him, the man in the mask wasn’t a man she saw in the dream, but an emerald Dragonborn. Hescan was a commander of Secret Police and Master of College of Whispers. This tough mountain of muscles with cold gaze and devious grin was barely showing any genuine emotions. It felt familiar, she’s so used to putting on a mask herself, different ones, but still. He played cool and unbothered. Some even might say he looked dangerous, but Clio had met dangerous, cruel men way too many times before and wasn’t so easily fooled by him. She found it adorable on him. The feeling of safety around him puzzled her. He suggested her to work for him, collecting information, dragging skeletons out of others closets. She thought it would be fun to finally get paid for something she does anyway, never taking the job too seriously though. And well, girl asked for the direction of the nearest brothel, hoping to get some intelligence from local prostitutes, knowing full well about the amount of secrets kept by all the creatures, who aren’t taken seriously by rich and powerful. However, the dragonborn jokingly suggested her his bedroom. Joke got out of control. Bards being bards, I guess.

It all started with both of them trying to get intimate, “have fun” just to let down the other’s guard to get under their skin and lure more secrets from each other. Learn each other’s weaknesses, but also trying to secure the other’s loyalty. Hescan was playing cool and distant, meanwhile Clio was taunting him any time she saw an opportunity, shamelessly trying the limits of his patience. She liked to call him “pretty boy” and only called him “chief” in jest, he knew it also turned her on.

Eventually the more they learned the more they started to genuinely care about one another. They both knew what it was like feeling your body, your boundaries violated, used for someone else’s sick whims. They found comfort, they knew they were safe with each other, even if just for the night. Although they both had a hard time admitting it. After all it would mean to admit they had lost the game.

Now with a few years passed, they still have hard time fully trusting each other, given their occupation. She still makes fun of him, he finds it cute. He knows he can rely on her, so as she does.

There were so many sweet and funny moments between these two and to be honest the scenes where they admitted their feelings to each other, letting down their guards, live rent free in my mind.

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part one

authors note: well, i got some type of writers block working on two other RR wip's so opened a new google doc and ended up with this. prob gonna be 3 parts, maybe 4. there's an almost five year time jump after this one, can you guess why? also, joe's wife is an oc, not galina.

first time posting my roman writings on here and trying not to freak out tbh

warnings: angst, infidelity, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny's child

word count: 4,000

You know that assignment everyone at some point in their education where they research what they want to be when they grow up and share it with the whole class for a grade? Yeah, that big mammoth of a question that somehow you’re supposed to have confidently answered before even reaching double digits.

That was always super easy for you.

From as far back as you can remember, you wanted to be a teacher. It took until you were in middle school, almost high school for you to settle on an elementary school teacher, college for a specific grade. But, the teaching profession always called to you.

You chalk it up to your grandmother, undoubtedly one of your favorite people in this entire world. She was also an elementary school teacher who taught until she was expectedly called home when you were 14. Some part of you wonders if you’ve never even allowed yourself to entertain any other professions because of her loss. She was your best friend, and following in her footsteps was wanted but also felt somewhat necessary. Like you had to in order to honor her and her legacy.

A couple years into your career, you still think about that, how you’ve known from such a young age what you wanted to do with your life. Well, one part. 

In other areas, maybe the most important areas, you were lost as all of the outdoors. Mostly in one area, if you’re being honest, and truthfully, it’s not even what you want in as much as it is how you get there. The path is relatively simple: find a man, fall in love, get married, have babies, live happily ever after.

It’s such a stereotypical trajectory, but one you’ve also envisioned for yourself since your late teens. You’d gotten partying all out of your system during the early college years, somewhat in high school as well. Now in your mid 20s, soon to be late 20s, all you want to do is prepare to eventually settle down. Sooner rather than later.

And the issue isn’t even having no prospects. You have a prospect, he’s just unavailable. 

Because he’s already fucking married.

But can you even call him a prospect when that implies there’s some chance? Because there’s zero chance. You know this. You know this very well, too well. So why you still allow him into your bed and inside of you is beyond you. Yes, the sex is out of this world, but you desire more than that. Maybe not at first, but almost three years deep into this arrangement, most definitely.

You still think back to your first meeting.

Your best friend won a contest that not only granted her two front row tickets to a Smackdown show but backstage passes as well. You met so many wrestlers that night, some you grew up watching on TV as the little tomboy that you were as a kid. But, it was one wrestler in particular: tall, muscular, hair more beautiful and silky than any silk press your beautician mother could ever style, that changed your life. Whether for better or worse remains to be seen. 

He was attractive, extremely, possibly one of the most beautiful men you’d ever met. But, the attraction was short-lived when you spotted the wedding band on his left hand. You’d be lying if you tried to say that was when the attraction sizzled out. It diminished, but it was still there. Still, you didn’t think much of it, that was until you received a call from a number on your phone that you didn't recognize. 

Why you even accepted the call is still a mystery. You never answered random calls, yet that one was an exception, an exception that resulted in you having an unexpected phone conversation with Roman fucking Reigns. He explained that he got your number from your friend who’d exchanged contact information with a wrestler she met that night as well. They were messing around too, that much you knew. And good for her. He, unlike Roman, was not married and therefore free to fuck around.

The conversation lasted much longer than it needed to, especially given the flirtatious nature it quickly took on. It was wrong, you knew this well, very well. He took vows, but you were also aware of those vows. And heat no point pressured you into anything, you could have cut it off. Flirtatious he was, but forceful he was not.

The conversations increased in frequency and length over a matter of weeks that turned into months, and before you knew it, your day started and ended with either a text or phone call from the wrestler. 

A small part of you knew that it would eventually escalate into more, a man like him seemed like he needed more. But, you stupidly tried to tell yourself that when that time came, you would remain strong and draw the line in the sand with just communication. Even if it was just as wrong as anything else.

It was a silly thought. 

Your resolve was weak.

You absolutely did not need to accept his invitation to fly you out to one of his shows, and you damn sure didn’t need to allow him to take you back to his hotel where your legs ended up wrapped around his waist as he pounded into you—among other things—until the early hours of the morning.

The days after that were rough. You felt absolutely disgusted with yourself. It was one thing to flirt with a married man, but it was an entirely different thing to fuck a married man. He wasn’t yours. He belonged to someone else. He had a life with some other woman. You had no right to insert yourself into that union, so you decided to sever contact with him, deleting his number from your phone and shoving the experience in the ‘biggest regret of your life’ box with no intention of reopening it.

Unfortunately for you, Roman, Joe, as he asked you to call him, was a persistent bastard.

You ignored his texts, so he called. You ignored his calls, so he texted. You ignored both, and this motherfucker showed up at your goddamn door. There were multiple times you could have and should have ended things, that being another perfect opportunity. If you told him to leave that night, not allowed him into your apartment, he would have listened. He was stubborn and resolute but also respectful. If you told him to leave, really told him, he would have done so.

But, you didn’t. You allowed him into your place and similar to the last time you were in his presence, ended up spread out on your bed with him balls deep inside you until you couldn’t feel your lower half. 

Now, fast forward three years later, not much has changed. You two don’t communicate quite as much in the day, and his visits are more spread out given the company’s current efforts at pushing him as the new face of the company. But, that doesn’t stop his visits to come see you and flights he puts you on to come see him, both of which always end with him leaving your legs jelly and throat raw.

All the while his wife sits at home unaware of her husband’s consistent residence between your legs.

The thought alone makes you sick, revolted at yourself, at how you’ve allowed yourself to reach this point in life. Closer to 30 than 20 and going on 3 years of being a mistress to a married man, a man who can never give you the future you want yet refuse to let go. 

Not that you’d ever allow yourself to really acknowledge why. 

That’s….that’s just too much.

________

Pillow talk was just something that naturally happened between the two of you. It made sense given that your relationship started out with just talking. He seemed interested in knowing more about you, about your likes and dislikes. He shared his as well. You weren’t beyond admitting that Joe was insanely easy to talk to, the flow of conversation always natural, never forced. There never seemed to be a dry spot between you two. 

And whether it was an innate ability to pick up on the emotions of others or just his, you could always tell when something was bothering him, could see when he came to you with a burden he didn’t want to discuss.

Not that that stopped you from asking. If he declined to talk about it, you respected it, didn’t push. But, more often than not, he would end up sharing things with you, mostly concerns regarding his career.

It seemed he visioned one thing for himself, while Vince McMahon saw another. He felt frustrated at times, especially when the fanbase started pushing back more. He never admitted as such, but you could see it hurt his feelings. How could it not? Kayfabe or not, Joe was still a real person with real feelings, regardless of the role he played.

And at some point, his visits to see you stopped always involving sex. That happened majority of the time, but there were occasions when he just seemed like he needed someone to be around, a distraction, someone to talk to. 

Someone like you.

“Come on.” You jumped up off the couch and offered your hand that he looked at with disinterest. “Don’t make me drag your big ass. It’ll probably break my back.” He lifts his brow, and you roll your eyes. “Joe, come onnnn.”

“Where are we going?” He finally asks, all the while sighing heavily and standing up. Though unnecessary at this point, he still takes your hand. You try not to think too much of the gentle squeeze he gives.

“To my kitchen.” 

Glancing over, he gestures with his thumb. “The place that’s like 3 feet away.”

You suck your teeth and shove against him. “Don’t be an ass. We’re gonna bake cookies.”

“Bake?”

“That’s what I said.” Though clearly skeptical, he follows you into the kitchen and watches as you start gathering supplies. “I spent a lot of summers with my grandma, and whenever either of us were having a bad day, she’d take us into the kitchen and we’d bake chocolate chip cookies. She’d always say there’s nothing a good chocolate morsel can’t cure.” 

Reflecting on those memories, so fond and cherished, brings a despondent smile to your face.

His eyes fall on you, sensing the sudden sadness. “You miss her.”

“Every day….” Shaking your head, you make a conscious effort to not make this about you and your grief. “Now, we need music.” You settle on some random “cookout” playlist that aids in setting the playful mood. To your surprise, yet not surprise, Joe keeps up without struggle. He's a fast learner, easily following along to your detailed instructions and explanations. Things get messy at times, as one does when baking, but it only causes the two of you to share laughter. Especially when you ‘accidentally’ get flour on each other. For you, it was an accident. His was definitely intentional. 

Still, between the laughter, light conversation, and New Edition serving as backdrop, it’s a sweet moment. 

“And now we wait,” you announce, plopping down on the sofa. “Wrestler by day, baker by night. Who’d a thunk it?”

He chuckles. “I never knew you could cook.”

At that, you nearly choke on the water bottle you’d grabbed off the coffee table. “Me? Cook? No. Not at all. There’s a reason every thanksgiving, my family only asks me to bring the drinks. My mom is the cook. Grandma was the baker. I can make cookies and a few select items. That’s it.”

You can still hear your grandma’s voice in the back of your head, chiding you for never allowing your mom to teach you how to cook. It just never garnered your interest, even when they swore up and down you’d never find a husband without knowing how.

Maybe they were right.

He joins you in the living room, settling on the other end of the sofa. “Maybe I could teach you then.”

His words—and offer—suprise you. “You can cook?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” He rolls his blue eyes. Some days you love the contacts, others you hate them. Today is a love day. They make his beauty even more exquisite. “Because of the big age difference between me and my siblings, it was just me and my mom a lot of times. They were either out and about or had either moved out. She’d ask me to help her out in the kitchen, and I picked up on a couple things.”

“You’re a fast learner.” That much is very obvious, in several areas of his life. “Was it ever hard? Like, not really having them around?”

He seems to think about her question before answering. “Yes and no. The twins moved to Florida when I was like three, and we became close instantly. It was like suddenly having two new brothers. Obviously, they didn’t live with us, so they weren’t always around, and those times were hard, I guess. But the older we got, the more we did together.”

The Usos. Also wrestlers trying to make names for themselves. He really does hail from a legendary dynasty. “I get that. It was just me and my mom, and she worked a lot to support us, so that’s why I spent so much time with my grandma. And I loved it, but sometimes it got lonely not really having siblings.” You look over at him, studying this massive specimen of a man who seems so unsure of himself right now, unsure of his future. He’d hinted at such during their prep, but you bookmarked the comment to revisit. “It’s all gonna work out, you know.”

His gaze is on you, partially disinterested, mostly in disagreement. Joe knows what you're referring to. He chuckles, darkly, “you sound sure.”

“I am,” you counter calmly. Moving to sit on your knees, you continue, “no matter what it takes, you make them respect you. You can do it, and when you finally find your footing, you’ll be one of the best to ever do it. Mark my words.” 

You’ve never been one to build up false hopes in anyone, far too familiar with the sting of disappointment. So every word leaving your mouth drips with sincerity. Joe is so much more than a “pretty face” or someone who got lucky by being born into a wrestling dynasty with a golden spoon in his mouth. He’s worked his ass off, you see how he works his ass off, so the last thing you’d want to witness is him become his own worst enemy by getting too into his head.

“You’ll see. They boo now, but pretty soon they’ll be cheering.” Moving to your knees, you lift your arms in a theatrical display. “Roman, Roman, Roman.” You yelp when his strong arms pull you into his lap, legs spread on either side of his thick thighs. “Would you let me hype you up? Like, damn.”

His smile, so beautiful and genuine, warms your soul. His spirits are lifted, and that’s all that matters. Joe’s hands are on your hips, palms massaging you through your shorts. You move your arms around his neck, resting on his strong shoulders “Thank you.”

It’s at this moment, you foolishly allow yourself to wonder. Wonder what it would be like for this to be the norm, for him to always return to your place when he has time off or in between shows. Wonder what it would be like to consistently be this safe space for him, to be in his corner and not just in the shadows, but in the light. To be supporting him ringside. To be his.

And for a second, you pretend. You pretend that you are his, and he’s yours. That this is your man, and you’re his girl. Just the two of you. Nobody else.

But the comedown from that is devastating, like a boulder sitting on your chest, a butcher knife to your heart. Because he isn’t yours. He never was, and he never will be. 

Mood sullen, you lower your arms to separate yourself. “I should…” You clear your throat, climbing off of him. The air is suddenly too stuffy, the room too small. You need space. “I should go check on the cookies.” 

Joe’s not stupid, far from it. You know that he has to pick up on your 180 in mood, yet he doesn’t pursue you, doesn’t ask questions, and you’re thankful for that. You need to not be around him right now, not so close, not so connected, not so in love.

You need to let him go. ________

“I can’t do this anymore.” 

Joe’s in the midst of sliding his shirt over his head, sitting on the edge of the bed when your voice, low and quiet, stops him mid movement. “What?”

“I said.” You blow out a big breath, unsure why your chest suddenly feels so heavy. “I can’t do this anymore.”

At that, he angles his body so that he can look at you, assess your face. He’s a big eye contact person. “What are you talking about?”

Irritation piques. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Joe.” Gesturing between the two of you, you kick the blankets off and quickly reach for your t-shirt that got discarded last night. Being naked in front of him suddenly feels uncomfortable. “This. It’s done.”

He pauses for a second and then shakes his head, resuming his dressing. “Okay.”

His tone is dismissive, like he doesn’t believe you. Like he thinks you’re playing around. Of course he would be in one of those moods, where he’s more irritable, less receptive and fucking stubborn. “I’m serious.”

“I’m not doing this shit with you right now.” Joe gets up and continues dressing himself, prompting you to climb out of bed and move in front of him. 

He can’t avoid his way out of this. You won’t allow it. It’s time to finally rip the bandaid off. 

You’ve sat on this for the last two weeks, since he last left your apartment and you realized you’d stupidly allowed yourself to fall for this man. Fall for a man who walks around with a wedding ring on his left hand, who’s always had that wedding ring from the moment you met him. You’re not upset with him, not as much as you’re upset with yourself.

You grew up the product of an affair, felt the stinging pain of being rejected by a parent whose selfishness resulted in the creation of life, a life he wanted no part of. Seen how your mom literally begged your piece of shit father to be in your life, to play some role. Heard how he cruelly rejected her, rejected you, calling you your mother’s bastard. A mistake.

It devastated you so deeply that you still can’t really talk about it without getting emotional. 

And yet, you idiotically found yourself playing the same role you used to judge your mother for: the other woman. 

It’s a role you stepped in, and one you must now step out of.

“There’s nothing to do.” You run your hands over your face and shake your head. Choosing to have this conversation at almost 4 o’clock in the morning probably wasn’t the best move, but you also know that if you give yourself more time, you’ll find a reason not to do it. And you need to do this. “You have a wife, Joe. A whole ass woman who loves you and would probably let you fuck her just as much as you like to fuck me. Go be with her, and if not her, find someone else, cause I won’t be that for you. Not anymore.” 

You’re not exactly sure what part of what you just said registered with him, but it’s obvious something did by the change of tone he takes. “Where is this coming from?”

“It’s coming from where it should have come a long time ago,” you answer, crossing your arms over your body. “This was never right, and I refuse to partake in it anymore. I won’t be your whore anymore.”

You didn’t expect hurt to flash in his beautiful eyes nor for him to move closer to you, that hurt intensifying when you back away. He can’t touch you. You can’t allow that, because all it takes is only touch, one longing gaze, and you’ll be putty in his hands. This has to end. “Is that really what you think you are to me?”

“I don’t know what I am to you, Joe,” you answer, honestly. It’s something you’ve battled back and forth with for nearly three years. Just what is it about you that keeps him coming back, keeps him in your bedroom, inside of you. At face value, it’s the sexual compatibility between you. Below the surface level though, there’s maybe more. You’ve never allowed yourself to venture there, and you’re certainly not about to right now. You know how you feel about him, but you refuse to really ask yourself how he feels about you. “And truthfully, it doesn’t matter, cause it doesn’t change anything.”

“So, that’s just it?” His voice is wounded, handsome face painted into a mixture of scowl and a frown. “Almost three years, and you want to throw it all away, for what?”

“For what…..Joe, you are married. You have a whole wife at home. Whatever issues you have that cause you to step out, work that shit out. Learn how to be with her. Cause I’m not doing it any more. I—I can’t.” Emotion imbues your voice toward the end, and you hate that shit. You don’t want him to see, to know, how much this has been eating you up as of lately. “I’m gonna be 30 in a few years. I want to be married. I want to have a family. I deserve that, and I’ll never have it as long as I’m messing with you, so I’ve gotta let you go.” You swallow the deep lump in the back of your throat. “And you’ve gotta let me go.” 

This time, this time you can see the part that wounds him, that digs into his chest. You’ve gotta let me go. 

Joe is fast, fast enough to move directly in front of you, large hands holding your face. He says your name, desperate almost. “Tell me what to do, tell me what you want, and I’ll do it. Just….” He stops, and you close your eyes, refusing to see if it’s his own emotions coming up. You can barely handle your own cascade of feelings right now and refuse to take on his. “I can’t lose you.”

What you want…..

What you want is for him to never leave. What you want is for him to stay with you, to be with you. What you want is for him to have never met Jadah, never married her, never committed his life to her. 

What you want is for him to be yours and only yours, but what you want….is also what you can never have. 

“I—I want you to leave, Joe.” The words burn your lips, scorch your throat, ache your soul. “And this time….don’t come back.”

You can’t bring yourself to open your eyes, to see the result of your heartbreaking, even if honest request. It’s because you know seeing him hurt will only cause your resolve to crumble, and you can’t have that. You have to be strong, have to be the woman your mother couldn't.

So, you remain there, remain silent as he steps away from you, his touch vanishing. There’s such an emptiness in his wake.

It’s only when you hear the front door of your apartment shut that you finally feel it, the caving of your stomach, the heavy lump move from the back of your throat, the release of the loud sob you didn’t realize you’d been keeping at bay. 

It’s when you finally allow yourself to feel all of the emotions of a woman who just told the only man she’s ever loved to leave. 

If only you knew his departure was just the beginning of the rest of your life.

[hazbinhazmeinachokehold]

Sorry if I’m a bother, if that’s the case feel free to skip over this one.

I freaking loved it! I’m now inspired to draw Sam with the overlords now! If it’s not too much trouble could I ask for Zestial, Charlie and the rest of the hotel’s reactions to Sam?

(Ooo!😳 what if for Angel’s it’s Valentino who tries to hurt him?! That could get messy!)

A/n: Nah dude you're fine! Though I don't write for Zestial (not that that's your fault I keep forgetting to put that in the rules.)

Warnings (?): nothing major happens but Val's here so warning for abuse. Also, Alastor is hurt in Husk's part and Val is hurt in Angel's part, it's nothing graphic but if you don't want to read about that skip those parts.

!!!not proofread!!!

Charlie: Just as cuddly as you! Gladly accepts any candy from you. She ends up getting candy from the hotel for you. Let's you tag along if it's safe (or at least what she assumes you can handle.) Despite being the princess of Hell it's a known fact that she's a pushover and usually refuses to use her powers. So it's not that much of a surprise when someone attacks her. What is a surprise is how you react. I'm going to be honest, she is at least a little scared of you now. Though she's pretty sure you'd only attack people when they hurt your friends. We’re about 80% sure they're harmless.

Vaggie: She ain't too keen on cuddles, but isn't totally against it. She's not great with kids when they're just chilling so she doesn't know what to do. Also, she isn't one for sweets but appreciates the gesture. You remind her of Charlie in a weird way (but like platonic obviously.) Vaggie got some crayons for today's bonding activity when some random sinner attacked Vaggie. Before Vaggie could defend herself the sinner was ripped off of her. She just stared dumbfounded as you took care of the sinner. Well, there goes her thinking you're like Charlie. I mean sure you seemed sweet when somebody attacked a person you liked. You became terrifying and did anything to defend them- wait never mind you're more like Charlie now.

Angel Dust: Kinda creeped out by you before you do anything tbh. You follow him around nearly everywhere and keep offering him candy, despite barely knowing each other. But he understands you're a kid and may have a hard time showing you care, but he sets a ground rule: NEVER follow him to work. It's not a place for kids to be, and you followed that! Valentino just couldn't keep his hands off Angel even out of the studio. You too were just at a park, it was night so no one was really around. Until Valentino spotted Angel, you didn't hear any of the words that were said between them. But you did see Valentino hit Angel and that was the end of that. Seeing you almost kill Valentino was horrifying but also very cathartic. After the initial shock wears off you get about 20 bags of candy and however much cuddle time you want.

Husk: He's pretty blunt about finding you off-putting. But you don't seem to care and still follow him around like a lost puppy. The fact that him insulting you didn't sour your opinion of him even a little bit concerns him. So he starts to look after you. Not because he cares about you! Just because it'd be messed up to let a kid get manipulated no matter who they are. He totally cares about you. He gives chocolate milk or any sweet drink you like at the bar. One day Husk decided to stand up to Alastor which seemed to be a huge mistake on Husk's part. It would have been if it wasn't for you walking in on the scene. The threats were made good on. Just towards Alastor instead of him doing them. Husk is a little shaken up but hey he's probably free now. Gets you any candy you want and shows you a shit ton of card tricks.

Niffty: Tbh I don't have much to say about her. She finds you interesting but doesn't give you much thought. Though eventually when you protect her she returns your affection. Because you are scary and small which are both things she is.

Sir Pentious: (this is while he's in hell btw) Not great with kids. Like I don't think the egg bois are kids but even if they are the only experience he has with kids is his minions. But he does try! He does care for kids. He'll get you candy and cuddle if you want. He used to try to take over territories a lot. He always failed but he still made a lot of enemies that way. So when one of them finds him and tries to hurt him while you're around? I mean if he still wants that territory he can definitely take it now. To be honest I think he'd find you cool, even if you're more than a little scary.

[rorichuu]

(never done this before so i apologize if its shite)

would it be possible for like tf2 medic or tf2 engie having a really scout-level stupid gender neutral s/o

one who wouldnt be paying attention to how asleep their foot it and ending up spraining it and then acting like ot was the floors fault

or whod do a backflip off stairs for gum off the ceiling and half a penny

and them like crawling back to their intelligent boyfriend like they just ran head first into an electric fence

(sorry if this was done before lmao)

relationships for dummies — engineer/medic x gn!reader

pairing: engineer/medic x gn!reader (separate)

authors note: THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE LMAOOO this was a remarkable ask thank you so much for sending this in anon - hope you like it :D

disclaimer: none!

MEDIC:

no one knows how you two got together

like nobody knows

some theorize but no one has gotten a definitive answer

but the real reason was that he just loved how absolutely unhinged you were

like you had NO fear to do the things you did

he. fucking. LOVED THAT.

studies you like you're a creature in a jar

medic isn't so much of a worrier, not like engie is

if you're hurt, he can patch you back up like it's no biggie 🙄🙄

and highkey just as chaotic as you are

so you guys are partners in MANY crimes

but he also finds it very humorous whenever you do pretty stupid stuff

if you sprained your ankle because your foot fell asleep, he'd sigh tbh

it's happened so many times

and he told you how to prevent that

so many times

but he's obviously more than willing to help you; he's your crutch when you need him

if y'all are on the battlefield, he's more than likely to be by your side throughout the entire fight

even more than heavy

most of the time, he's just trying to refrain from your usage of the respawn machine with the amount of times you've tripped or tried to perform some kinda stunt

used uber on you once

it was

interesting

obviously he was more than willing to use uber on you

he was so damn curious on how'd you boost and what you'd do

and the thrill of it all?? drunk off of it

he loves you very much

supporter in all of your idiocy!!!

ENGINEER:

i'll be honest

finds it more entertaining than anything

although, he sometimes... worries?

he remembers the time where you tried to slap a sticker on the ceiling and ended up tripping on the ladder scout was (so poorly supporting) and ended up face first with the floor...

medic helped retrieve your lost tooth

engineer kept asking if you were okay that day LMAOOO

but yeah, the dude worries for you sometimes - you can't just go around doing stunts without some fear of hurting yourself!

kind of a helicopter mom of some sorts

but when he isn't worrying about you, and you're doing harmless shit, he finds it HUMOROUS ASF

like when you decided to sit on your foot for too long and tried to walk and just fell

he was laughing and slapping his knee

the old man he is

he DID try and help you up but you fell over again and I swear to god you put the man into cardiac arrest

tries his very best to warn you or help you prevent idiotic acts like these

but he definitely isn't overbearing

he's more of a watch from afar with a beer in hand while he gives you a thumbs up while you nearly drown in a pool with your floaties

he's that kinda guy

and I stand by it

. . .

one time you successfully tried to jump an electric fence (with demo, heavy, and scout as witnesses)

and hey!!! you did it!!! ........on the 7th time!

you and scout are besties I don't make the rules

you guys literally feast off each other's energies

but anyway

you went running towards your boyfriend, calling his name as you stumbled into his workroom.

"Hey, honey bee! What's going- ... on?"

he tried.

he tried so hard not to laugh.

but your frizzy hair and disheveled clothes was too much not to marvel

"What'd you do this time?" He laughed as he was quick to smooth over your crazed hair.

loves you so much

his little firecracker

.

.

.

[altraviolet]

do you have tips for characterizing rodimus 👀

Ummm yeah I can give this a shot. tbh I found him quite challenging, in some ways.

I suppose the way you characterize him is going to be based on how you want to portray him. MTMTE Rodimus is not a very nice person. fandom twists that quite often - which is fine - and you can do that if you want. I did that: TEG Rodimus was purposefully done a little nicer than MTMTE Rodimus (because I figured after 3000+ dimensions of seeing his crew slowly deteriorate, he'd be faced with the reality of the situation, and it would necessitate some maturity).

A few places to look for info would be:

-the tfwiki article

-going back to the comics

-asking HUGE fans of him what they like/don't like about him

let's look at some of his canon moments.

here's Rodimus absolutely ecstatic that his somewhat-nemesis, Thunderclash, is actively dying:

Did you know Rewind punched Rodimus in the face because Rodimus kept pushing Chromedome to do his magic fingers thing, which is incredibly dangerous/deadly for him? I don't recall Rewind punching anyone else in the face. I can't find a screenshot, but it happened.

Here's Rodimus after trashing his own room because someone else got the credit for defeating Overlord:

and, oh, what's another bad one... the time Fortress Maximus is having a very delicate situation with Whirl and Rung and the thing that ticks Rodimus off the most is not that people are getting hurt, it's that Fort Max called him Hot Rod. He hates that.

So. We have a very immature person. Kind of an asshole, honestly. Like, being very honest with you, if I were just some normal crew member on the LL, I would've mutinied (Perceptor did, just saying). Very little of his outward behavior actually indicates that he cares for/about other people, or takes their comments into consideration.

Now, we as readers know he does have a positive side. The very end of Lost Light gives us, imho, Rodimus's crowning moment: the moment he acknowledges how different everyone is, and how everyone is not really all that good, but they're "good enough." He has a definite character arc where he goes from what we see above to someone who cares a little more.

How can we summarize this? I think the tf wiki does a good job:

He tends to make snap judgments based on ego and relies on others to soften the consequences of his numerous and costly mistakes. However, his unfailing ability to inspire loyalty is his greatest asset and many of his peers see a special "something" in Rodimus that is undeniable. Under his captaincy of the Lost Light, a group of misfits, misanthropes, and also-rans eventually bonded as a family, which is perhaps the greatest testament to the noble and well-meaning core of Rodimus' being.

So if you are writing him in a scene, say, then like all characters, you will characterize him based on:

-his past

-what he was just doing right before this scene occurs/what his current state of mind is/what his goals are

-what this scene needs him to do (keep it realistic to keep it in character)

You wouldn't go wrong in making him a bit selfish and arrogant. You wouldn't go wrong in making him a bit pathetic. You wouldn't go wrong with making him well-intentioned, but maybe the intentions aren't what other people want. You would also not go wrong in giving him a more tender, authentic moment where he tells someone (directly or indirectly) what they're truly worth.

Hope that helps :)

[moonstruckme]

hiiii love ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱

i saw your post aksing about request for anyone other than the marauders and i was wondering if i could request some asexual comfort :o with whatever character you think is the most fitting !!

i was thinking maybe reader coming out to them and being very nervous about it since they're a sex repulsed asexual??

if your uncomfortable with this request pls just ignore this, i just really enjoy your content and am always looking for some ace comfort hehe

hope ypu have a great day, love ya <33

Hi lovely, thank you for requesting! Sorry for the wait, I tried re-writing this a couple of different times and tbh I'm still not very happy with it (which has nothing to do with you or your request, I just couldn't seem to write it the way I wanted to) <3

cw: mention of boner, reader experiences uncomfy feelings around Eddie's arousal, and lastly I’ve been told that sex-repulsed asexuals can still enjoy kissing as a sensual or romantic experience but I apologize if that’s inaccurate ! 

Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 937 words

You like kissing Eddie, but you don’t get lost in it the way he does. You can feel him curtailing himself, turning his grip from ravaging back to gentle each time he realizes you’re only tracing the curve of his jaw with your forefinger, trailing a hand down his shoulder, twirling a piece of his hair. 

He keeps his kisses soft the way he guesses, rightly, you like them. Slow and sweet explorations of your mouth without any of the heat you know he nonetheless wants. His hands splay over your back, pulling you closer to him, and you like being closer to him. 

You don’t like what he brings you closer to meet. 

It’s not Eddie’s fault, you know. He can’t control the bulge pressing into your leg, and even if he could he couldn’t know how you feel about it. It’s revulsion mixed with anxiety, dread heavying it all until it sits low in your stomach where you’ve been told the heat is for most everyone else. 

You tense a bit. Eddie takes it for enthusiasm, his hold on you tightening. And you feel like crying, because in a minute it’s all going to be over. You’re going to have to tell him no.

You like Eddie. You like Eddie so, so much, love him even. You don’t want to end things. You’ve been putting off even thinking about it, the inevitability of this conversation and the certainty of its outcome. Eddie is kind, he’s been patient with you, but you’ve let him think you’re just setting a slow pace, and that sex is on the horizon. He doesn’t ever push you, because to him it’s an eventuality. 

Tears sting your eyes. You’re so in your head you almost don’t acknowledge them until one escapes, catching in your lashes. You blink, and the next slips down your nose, transferring to Eddie’s cheek. 

His lashes part like they’re stuck together with syrup, reluctant. His eyes meet yours where you’re already watching him, and you both pull back at the same time. 

“Whoa,” he says, voice rough around the edges as you sit up on his lap to wipe under your eyes, “what the fuck? What’s wrong?” 

“Sorry,” you tell him, croaky for your own reasons. “God, sorry.” 

You move a few inches back on his lap, into a safe zone just above his knees, and Eddie sits up too. “Shit, am I really that bad?” he asks. 

You laugh a little, but it’s too close to the truth. You tent your fingertips over the bridge of your nose as fresh tears blur your vision. 

“Hey,” he sits up, looking somewhere between bemused and panicky as he sets both hands on your thighs, rubbing in an attempt to soothe you, “hey, what’s going on? Did I do something?” 

“No,” you say, though that’s not exactly honest. “It’s not you.” That sounds like the beginning of a cliche breakup. You make yourself say it outright. “I don’t want to have sex.” 

Eddie’s hands still on your legs, his eyebrows rising so sharply it makes his eyes look even huger than normal. “Wait,” he says, “that’s what’s got you so wound up? That’s fine, baby, we don’t have to. Shit, I wasn’t trying to.” 

“No.” You shake your head, face hot beneath your fingertips. “I mean ever.” Eddie’s head tilts. “I don’t…I don’t have sex. I don’t like to.” 

Eddie’s hands remain on your thighs, but they ease back as he sits up. You understand now why some people deliver news in letters or phone calls. You wish you could give your boyfriend the time and space he needs to pick the words to break up with you. You don’t mean to make it hard on him. He nods again, again, and again, brows bunching tighter with each one. 

“Ookay.” He draws out the first sound, nodding again like that’s that. “That’s okay.” 

“I’m sorry,” you say again. It’s easier, now, your tears slowing since you’ve ripped off the band-aid. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on, I just…” You just fully were leading him on, letting him think there’d be more when there wouldn’t. “I know this isn’t what anyone wants.” 

Eddie’s mouth pulls. “Well, I’ve got bad news.”

You flinch internally. “Yeah?”

He nods, uncharacteristically grave. “I’m, like, super fucking into you.” 

You pause in wiping under your eyes. “Huh?” 

“Yeah.” Eddie shrugs. “I mean, obviously this was some way to get me to break up with you, but you’re going to have to try harder than that. This isn’t gonna work.”

“Eddie, I’m serious.” 

“So am I, sweetheart.” He hooks his hands under your knees, tugging you closer on his lap. You find it’s a comfortable place to be, now that everything has calmed down. Eddie takes your hands, pulling them away from your face and looking at you intently. “I like you a lot, you know? This may be hard to believe, but you’re more than just a piece of ass to me.” You crack a smile at that, and he mirrors it. “So if this is your way of trying to get me to break up with you, you’re going to have to think of something else. Or just do it yourself, coward.” 

“I don’t want to break up,” you say quietly. 

He raises his eyebrows. “Seriously? Because it really seems like you’re trying to convince me to.” 

You shrug. Your face is cooling now, but Eddie’s hands are warm around yours. “I thought you’d want to.” 

“Yeah, well.” He makes a face at you. “Give me a little more credit next time, huh?” 

[aplaceforallmystupidshit]

I’m gonna write down what I liked about The Apothecary Diaries before i excise this thing from my brain completely. Very mild book spoilers I guess? I’ll put it under the cut anyway, just in case

Ultimately the thing I liked most was how I perceived Maomao, as a very low empathy female heroine. I guess I don’t read a ton of books in this type of genre, but I feel like a true low empathy female character, much less a sympathetic heroine, is super rare and I enjoyed experiencing the world from her eyes.

I honestly really loved that there was a really really (really) select few individuals who she would genuinely feel angry or sad on behalf of! When almost anyone else was going thru it she didn’t feel much but like, when her dad was suffering she would get furious on his behalf!! I thought it was really special relationship and showed how much she cared about him, and by extension how little she truly felt for most others. Tbh the only people she really seems to show empathy for are her dad (Loumen, the person she considers her father and who considers her his daughter), and those two palace maid girls? Shisui (my fave!!) and the other one. And maaaaaaybe that girl in season 1 that faked her own death? Even then not really, I think she saw them as kindred spirits more than anything. The fact that even after like ~12 books that list can be counted on one hand means a lot, and makes Maomao an interesting POV character.

Disclaimer that I read the official translations before anyone comes at me for not interpreting based on the Aurikat (sp?) translations. But like, I saw some people in the fan discord talking about she was lying to herself or denying her feelings at times but it super didn’t come off to me like that? Maomao seemed like a very straightforward, borderline aromantic, low empathy, neurodivergent woman. She doesnt feel feelings very strongly, which is a consistent piece of characterization.

Jinshi is fine, tbh. He’s alright as a male lead and the only reason I’ve got 1 eye on the anime is cuz I want to see the lil Moon spirit dance. But like. To be sooooo honest I kinda lost a bit of interest in him once I realized he wasn’t actually a eunuch (so like, book 1 lolol). Thought he was gonna have do some palace intrigue but learned (after truly too many books) he tended to be more the one affected by politics than the one instigating them. It’s a shame, I really wanted to explore gender of a beautiful eunuch attracted to women, but alas, another day.

Last point is that i know I lowkey shit talked Lakan up there but he surprisingly one of the funniest most endearing characters in the entire novel? I didn’t expect to like a deadbeat dad but fuck me, I’m still hopelessly endeared by a wife guy. And the kinda gentle mediation on longing, grief, and rememberance occurring the background of Lakan’s story is one of the things I think I’ll remember most about this series. Lakan, Loulan’s whole deal, and little low empathy Maomao

[silvers-starrway]

for the ask GAMEEEEE 💥🌻🤩🤔

HI MELODY!!!!

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change? Sonic would be trans /j. I guess if there was one thing I would change it's Silver's whole deal, like don't get me wrong I love that he's from the future and it works well with his character but like... I wish there was some kind of explanation. I'd personally change it to maybe the time stones having something to do with it or Gaia/some other powerful force designated him as the timeline's guardian (extra juicy if he's not aware of that/it's against his will). I just feel like there is a lot of lost potential with Silver which I hope IDW will address a lil more since last we saw was him and Blaze just chilling out.

🌻 How often do you read your own fics? Not that often tbh. I think I reread my team dark fic like... last month? but that's really it. I'm a one and done kind of person. Once it's posted I don't wanna see that again!! Unless I'm specifically looking for something to make sure details stay the same between chapters.

🤩 What led to your interest in the fandom? Tbh I think I was always interested in Sonic since I was a kid but ya know, Sonic was kinda cringe and I was trying very hard to not be a cringe kid. So once I got super into Prime I thought to myself... hey fuck it! Cringe is dead! I'm gonna go draw Sonic fanart even if it's bad!!! And holy shit did that open up a whole new world of possibilities. This is the first fandom I've become active in and it's been really nice so far!!

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity? Oh man... I don't know if I could to be honest. I would love to write something for cannon tbh, like a lil miniseries following the Chaotix or some other side characters or put some characters together that don't get a lot of interaction. So I guess the answer to this is yes haha. It's a pretty intense pipe dream honestly but I would love to work a little with Sonic Team whether it was a game or a comic.

Ask game is here!

[shiki-aki]

Do you know how much Akira being Shiki's caretaker and guardian means so much for me in ED1?

Because being caretaker is so frustating (believe me I was the main caretaker for my late grandma in her last months and it isn't easy), I have to be patient to ny grandma who had dementia and regressed to be childish and likes to throw temper tantrum, my mental health went to the sewer, i barely manage to take care myself, my life is falling apart, im sleep deprived, i feel alone, there is many times i want to run away but i have obligation and i loved her so much to abandon her. She was like a second parent to me

My situation with Akira isn't the same, Akira doesn't have to deal Shiki throwing tantrum but he had to deal assassinations going after them in an POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD WITH NO HEALTHCARE AND STABLE PLACE AND LITTLE TO NO FOOD??? THAT SPEAK SO MUCH DEDICATION, AKIRA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY OBLIGATION TO TAKE CARE OF SHIKI AFTER WHAT HE HAD DONE?! HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH SHIKI'S SHIT ANYMORE AND LEFT HIM TO DIE BUT NO. THIS MAN JUST STAY WITH HIM

ALSO SANITATION

Sorry, for the capslock, I got excited for a moment...

Ig this speak so much i liked the ED1 too

I definitely wasn't expecting to wake up to this, but thank you so much for this ask, I really loved reading about your experience and how ED1 resonates with you <3.

(Putting a 'read more' because my response is quite lengthy and treads into meta territory)

I don't have any experience with being a caretaker but gosh that sounds so stressful T_T. I really hope you're doing better now, and that hopefully your grandma was still able to live her life peacefully until the end. To be honest, when I think about ED1, I don't really consider the more sad/distressing aspects of it, like Akira having to be on the run with Shiki for 2 years and doing everything for him, so this was a bit of an eye opener for me. I did write an ED1 fic where it kind of detailed their life while on the run, but it wasn't that depressive, and instead focused on Akira's bittersweet feelings toward Shiki TwT.

But same, I really love how dedicated Akira is to taking care of Shiki in ED1. I think that, no matter what, Akira is the determined type of person who won't give up. He already experienced what it was like to lose Keisuke, so he doesn't want to lose Shiki, either. And I know I haven't finished my meta yet but I'll just spill a bit of my thoughts for why Akira follows Shiki in ED1:

Shiki was the one to bring back Akira's will to live when Akira was at the lowest point in his life. If Shiki hadn't found him in that alleyway, Akira would've let himself get killed by any random Igra fighter. Shiki's route is different from Motomi's/Rin's in that Akira actually sees Keisuke die in front of him, while in the other two, Keisuke just runs off, so Akira clings onto the vain hope that Keisuke is still alive. Yeah it's fucked up how Shiki went about bringing back Akira's will to live, but let's be real, that's exactly the type of character he is lol, and what I love about it is how it makes sense for him to kidnap Akira and rape him, based on Shiki's obsession with Akira's determined and defiant nature.

So now, when Shiki is at the lowest point in his life and has lost the will to live, it's Akira's turn to do the same for Shiki and force him to continue living. Which is why he sticks by Shiki's side for 2 years even when life seems absolutely miserable. (GOD I FUCKING LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH I JUST SFDGHFDHGHSDFHSDFHSDH they really get each other tbh).

But even though life seems miserable, Akira doesn't view it that way (and this is also why Shiki's ED1 is my favorite and why I personally think it's the one that most beautifully completes Akira's character arc). Like look at this:

It's so starkly different from Akira's POV at the beginning of the game. When Akira was in the CFC, he didn't care about anything and he certainly didn't wax poetic about the scenery (not that the scenery in CFC is pretty but like, you get what I mean lol). We can tell Akira is different in ED1, that his very philosophy is different, because he's looking at life from a new perspective now, taking the time to appreciate the nature around him and just... the simple fact of being alive. Whereas at the start of the game, Akira didn't see a meaning to his own life and was living just because. In Shiki's ED1, Akira does see a meaning to life, and it's why he takes care of Shiki and protects him. Because he finally understands how valuable life is, and how you should cherish it.

But I'm gonna go back to the tunnel scene real quick to touch upon what exactly Shiki said that changed Akira's perspective and made Akira want to follow him:

Akira, his whole life, was looking for a purpose/meaning to his existence, and now he's finally "found" it, but not in the way he expected. After learning about his own past/backstory and how he was experimented on in the past, Akira starts thinking that the only reason for his existence is to be a test subject/experiment, and that his blood dictates his existence. He starts having an identity crisis basically, especially since he already saw how his blood hurts/kills people (Rein users, Takeru, Keisuke), and that the whole reason for why Emma and Gwen wanted to capture him was for his blood so he could be further experimented on.

So Akira starts falling into this hole, thinking that his worth in life is only determined by his blood. And then he turns to Shiki and asks if Shiki wants to kill him, because he expects Shiki to view him as only the "null-Nicole carrier" and not Akira as a person. He knows that Shiki hated Nano for having a virus in his blood, and Akira also has a virus in his blood, even if the effect is different. So he fully expects Shiki to kill him at this moment.

And then Shiki tells him: "You're mine. That's all there is to it."

Shiki says exactly the right words Akira needed to hear at this time. He's not going to kill Akira, because he doesn't view him for his blood, but for who he is as a person. Now let me make it clear that Shiki isn't the most emotionally intelligent person out there lol but I think, even during this moment, he saw how conflicted Akira was feeling about his own existence, especially with regards to the blood thing.

So Shiki... comforts him in his own special way by saying that he won't kill Akira because Akira is his possession, but also remember that Shiki made Akira his possession in the first place because he was interested in Akira as a person. When he kidnapped Akira, it was because he was fascinated by Akira's resistance and defiance and determination. This is as close to Shiki saying he likes Akira for who he is as you're gonna get, and what I love about this dialogue is how it keeps Shiki entirely in-character. He's not gonna coddle Akira or sugarcoat his words, and he's also going to hide his true feelings by saying that Akira is just his possession, but his true feelings are there in how he refuses to kill Akira. Because again, he views Akira as his own person, and not just as someone carrying a dangerous virus in his blood.

I'M GONNA STOP HERE BEFORE I RAMBLE TOO MUCH BUT. Let me just add this one last scene from the game to end it off on this point lol.

Shiki had told him who he was: that he remained Akira, no more, no less, despite the tainted blood in his veins. That was why Akira had chosen to stay, to be as near as he could to the core of who Shiki was.

At the end of the day, this is what I love about Shikiaki. This is why I ship them so hard. Because they truly understand each other, they see each other for the "core of who they are" and are drawn to each other's character traits. Shiki dedicated his whole life to killing Nano because of the "dirty virus" in Nano's blood, but him refusing to kill Akira even after learning about how Akira has the same blood origin speaks VOLUMES about how fond he actually is of Akira, and how he views Akira as his own person.

And I feel like, at the end of it all, Akira just wanted someone to understand him and see him for who he is. He had a difficult time communicating with others his whole life because people didn't like his terse and reserved nature (even his own best friend didn't like that side of him). But Shiki doesn't care about Akira's emotionally stunted nature; he cares about how Akira is determined, stubborn, prideful, and how he doesn't take shit from anyone lol. And Shiki likes every side of Akira. His route is the only one where Akira didn't have to drastically change his personality just to make the romance work, but Akira's pre-existing character traits were strengthened over the course of Shiki's route.

*TAKES DEEP BREATH* OKAY YEAH SORRY I RAMBLED A LOT THERE and that's not even all my thoughts tbh, that's just like. A third of it LMAO. I'm saving the rest for my meta.

But okay going back to your ask, yeah the sanitation aspect is one that I don't want to think too heavily on lmao. I think it just speaks to how much Akira cares for Shiki though, that he would help "clean" Shiki up, and how again, Akira is doing all of this because he recognizes how precious life is, so he won't abandon Shiki, because Shiki didn't abandon him back in Toshima.

NO DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR BEING EXCITED ABOUT ED1 I LOVE THIS ENDING SO MUCH I LOOOOVE TALKING ABOUT IT. I ALWAYS END UP WRITING A WHOLE ASS ESSAY WHENEVER PEOPLE ASK ME ABOUT IT. I'M REALLY HAPPY THAT THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WHO LIKE ED1 AS WELL, I feel like many Shikiaki shippers hated ED1 back then because it was so sad, but I feel like in recent times people understand and appreciate ED1 for what it is? And that makes me happy ig lol, like don't get me wrong I adore all of Shiki's EDs but ED1 is just. IT HITS DIFFERENT. And I hope that in my meta I'll be able to explain why ED1 is just the perfect ending for Shiki and Akira's story despite how sad and angsty it is sfhsdhfhdghfdghgffdg.

Thank you so much for the ask and I'm sorry I wrote a long ass response in reply omg I was just really excited reading your thoughts!!!

[1heartfanfics]

Sam Knows

I've had lots of ideas for fics recently but am having trouble being motivated to actually write them so I'm going to be doing a few short little drabbles just to get into the practice of writing again.

So here's a little supernatural ficlet. TBH this isn't set in any specific season/timeline so just assume that something traumatic has happened to Dean recently. Take your pick lol.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Oh, hey Cas?" Sam's voice came from behind him, making him jump. Cas spun around, blinking in surprise at why Sam was up and around at this hour.

"Sam. I didn't realize you were awake," Cas replied, seeing Sam coming down the hall from his room.

"Yeah I got caught up in some research and lost track of time, I'm on my way to bed now though," Sam shrugged, "I just wanted to ask you how Dean's doing."

"Oh. Well. You probably know just as well as I do," Cas shrugged.

"Maybe at one point, but I don't think that's true anymore. He trusts you Cas," Sam shook his head, chuckling lightly.

"He trusts you too Sam," Cas frowned, confused at Sam's comment.

"Well, yeah, I mean I know that. But he's spent his whole life taking care of me, protecting me. He doesn't know how to let me do the same for him. But I think he's learned how to let you in," Sam explained, smiling awkwardly as he struggled to put it into words.

He knew that Dean hadn't told Sam that him and Cas were... well, whatever they were. He wasn't sure how to handle this , he didn't want to upset Dean. It wasn't his place to tell Sam about their... situation.

"I think that he'll be okay, he just needs some time. But I mean you'd have to ask him," Cas answered slowly, choosing his words carefully.

"Come on Cas, I'm not stupid," Sam scoffed, rolling his eyes.

"You know?" Cas asked, realizing what Sam was implying.

"Of course I know. I've known for years," he said, obviously amused by their oblivion to his knowledge. "You guys think I didn't notice that your room is always empty even when you're here? Or how Dean's always happier when you're around?" he continued.

"Right..." Cas trailed off. They hadn't been as subtle as they thought apparently.

"So will you just be straight with me dude?"

Cas sighed. Sam was just worried about his brother, he deserved an honest answer. "He's not okay. But he will be. I've got him Sam, I promise," he said.

Sam nodded, taking a slow deep breath. "I'm glad that he has you. He's always on guard with me, you know, just cause he still feels like he's responsible for keeping me safe. But I think he feels safe with you."

"He doesn't sleep with a pistol under his pillow anymore. And he actually sleeps through the night, he never used to," Cas nodded.

"Thank you for taking care of my brother when he won't let me," Sam said, reaching out to squeeze Cas's shoulder before he turned to head back to his room to go to sleep.

"Always," Cas said quietly to himself. He would always take care of Dean.

[exhausted-eternally]

Fic Writer Interview

Saw Topsy did this and it looked like fun so now Imma pester y'all with one.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35, currently, and only 1 is for a fandom other than The Lego Movie lmao

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

496,195 over the course of 6 years

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1- Reboot To be honest, I'm kind of baffled by this one. I started it just when covid was really starting to take off, lost where I was going with it before I was even halfway through writing it because I got SO swamped with work that writing was taken off the stove entirely for a while, and a lot of it was honestly just half-assed to get it finished but so many people LOVE it. I don't think I'll ever stop scratching my head about it, but at this point I've just accepted that it's my most popular fic ever. 2- Atonement Still ongoing and without a clear ending in mind yet. I had 2 ideas I was wanting to play with when I started it- wingfic, and house arrest. I've been having fun with it so far. 3- Prizes, Plunder, and Adventure This one was actually written based on a friend's doodles & half-finished ideas. I took them & ran with them as far as I could lol. I'm honestly happy that this one's in my top 5. 4- Hot Spring Another one that I'm kind of baffled by. It's a oneshot that's barely over 400 words. People like their coppernauts fluff, I guess lol 5- Time Travel Troubles This one was based on a prompt a friend gave me when I complained that I wanted so badly to write but had 0 ideas, lol. Of all my oneshots, I'm glad this one made it into my top 5.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Most of the time! Sometimes I can't think of a response though, and once I got overwhelmed with like 25 comments on one fic in one night from the same person so my brain kind of short-circuited lol. I definitely read and cherish every single one though.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angst tbh, so none of my fics really have angsty endings.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

That's a tough one to pick, I always write happy endings. XD; I guess I'll go with Starting Over Again.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Sort of; honestly I think they'd qualify more as AUs than proper crossovers, but sometimes I just get bit by a bug to write all my favorite characters in some other media settings for shits & giggles. Murphy's Law (Skyrim), Space Shenanigans (Star Wars), The Stranger (Myst), Octan Nights (1001/Arabian Nights), and Hollow Heart (Beauty and the Beast)

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah, when I first started posting Murphy's Law on ff.net. Honestly it just made me laugh, it was so obviously some kid doing a shit job of being a troll.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I tried once. It was SO awful that I ended up deleting it and swore off ever trying again.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. The fandom I'm in is pretty small so no one's bothered to translate any fics in it, at least as far as I know.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh, eons ago when I was still just a little baby birb. I wrote a pitiful attempt at an OoT fic with 2 of my cousins that never got far. All my works since have been solo.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Coppernauts. C:

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Lord I have SO MANY. Think I'd pick Tech Support though (with a much better rewrite to boot, so no link for this one. If you want to read the atrocious original, you'll have to hunt it down yourself :P).

15. What are your writing strengths?

I'm told I'm pretty good with characterization. I'll choose to believe it. ;3

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Describing literally anything. I am terrible for just... not doing it. Which is something I REALLY need to work on if I really want to reach my 300k goal with The Umiran Amulet.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

There's only one language I can speak in any capacity, so I just stick with English. If it's something that's meant to be in another language, I just italicize it. Only every once in a blue moon will I use a word in another language, like if a character is swearing in their native tongue, and only if I'm absolutely 100% certain it's the right word.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Ocarina of Time. It was the fic I mentioned earlier that I wrote with my 2 cousins.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I don't really have any, at least at this time. I am very, VERY slow to move between fandoms & ships and am probably still going to be quite happily writing for TLM even when there's literally only 5 of us left lol.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I'd have to say The Atlantis Expedition, which was my first ever fic for the TLM fandom, and the first one I'd ever finished period. I have others that I love just as much, but this one will always have a special place in my heart.

[coldpintglass]

HNY 🎉🥳🎊🍾Just want to say you’re a great writer and also the Carraville hookup fic where Gary says ||REDACTED|| right in the middle of things 😭 so hot and angsty I looove that one if you have any thoughts on that one or if it will get a follow up ??? Tysm !!!!!

Happy New Year to you too anon!! Thank you for taking the time to pop a little message in my ask box 🥺💖

You are far too kind, I’m so glad you enjoyed “I thought maybe we could kiss tonight���!! My first Caraville and I thought it be fun and hot and it ended up with a nice wallop of angst, YIPEEEE.

I’ll be honest I dont and didn’t plan on a sequel (sorry anon, I actually don’t really have any Caraville stories brewing bar a half formed soulmate au one) BUT I do have some behind the scenes stuff on the fic which I hope makes up for that instead!!!

- dialogue wise, honestly the top two footballers to write about. It’s such a joy to bang out banter and scathing comments and insults and all sorts about these two, I realise I lot of my fics are dialogue heavy but it’s just cause it’s so fun!!!

- speaking of dialogue, the nicest compliment I got on that fic comes from @storyshark2005 (Sara) asking if I was actully British because of the dialogue 😭😭😭 My dads scouse and I love a good bit of bloke™️ chat, good to finally put some of my experiences to use

- Jamie strikes me as a man not shy about his drinking (lmaooooo), great to put all those times I’ve been drunk out my mind to use too. That drunk feeling you get when you’ve lost the feeling of your teeth is immense I can’t lie, you feel fucking invincible and the world is your oyster for a good few hours (before it comes crashing down). Perfect for a Caraville hook up xx

- See Jamie is totally confident and head strong and absolutely in charge in many situations…… but Gary is his foil. Something about the manc gets under his skin and has him barking like a dog, so having Jamie’s confidence wobble throughout the fic was sooooooo deicious fun. Suffer loudmouth bastrd!!!!

- Speaking of bastards, having them both be cheaters on their wives was also, I cannot lie, excellent to put to paper. I truly do not think I could ever write a fic that was No WAGs AU, think the closest was the two Promiscuous Carraville PWPs and even then, it’s more just because they have no plot. It’s so much more realistic, interesting and tbh, hot lmaooo

- I wrote Jamie topping in this fic but trust me, I’ve now been converted to the bottom!Carra TRUTHER group (thank you @k-ky (Kakey) for your service 🫡). He feels things so deeply and intensely if his reaction to loosing/failings/articles on his life are to be believed at first hand. The man needs a good decade with a few therapists tbh (said with love and affection, I have a really soft spot for Jamie).

- Having Jamie cry wasn’t on the cards when I began writing but I think it was good to Chuck in. Drunk Jamie finally getting to bed Gaz? Deffo going to be a bit loopy, and emotional and frankly I don’t blame him, Gary all confident without a hitch.

- I love Gary very much as well but he’s so painfully earnest and serious about stuff that I really can see him keeping his shit togetehr during an intense hookup. There’s a bit of a switch about 1/2 way theough where suddenly Gary’s leading them through the steps, although Carra started….

- finally, oh, the moment Gary calls out David’s name? The second that popped into my head I was like YESSSSSS. I think Beville can be something really sweet in their early days…. But Caraville is end game.

-Gary shouting out David’s name when coming is a big old cliche but god did I enjoy it and tbh it helped propel the fic overall from okay to much better.

Okay thanks everything, anon, if you like KaneSon and SouthKane then I can promise more of that at least. Or tbh. Maybe some ideas. I’m sure I something will hit lmao. Do feel free to hit me up via asks privately if you’d like to chat ideas or drop me a DM on discord (same username!) okay love you bye xx

[s4pphic-sh3nan1gans]

WIP Weekend

thank you so much for the tag, @mint-ty <3 I didn't think I had that many wips to share but after looking through my notes app, there are actually quite a few things there gathering dust that I mostly forgot about 😭 sooooo here is my list, starting with the earliest:

Zame, si čisti dopamin - this is a bojere fic I started nearly a year ago now, based around the infamous tavastia 1.0 gig and Bojan both discovering and navigating his feelings for Jere. as I remember, I had one more chapter planned that I unfortunately lost motivation for, buuuut as it stands now, I guess it's kinda left on a cliffhanger? sorry 😅 but it holds a special place in my heart as I was just beginning to get very deep into my joker out hyperfixation when I started writing it hehehe

This ship of love is loaded - another bojere fic that I never finished and didn't post, this one was inspired by the release of Huhhahhei by Käärijä 😌 y'know the song's implications of fucking someone on a boat? yeah, I took that and ran with it whilst wearing my tin-foil hat and made it about bojere 😭 it's set on the 2023 eurovision pre-party boat and includes the scene of what is now the first snus proposal. ultimately, I abandoned it because I wanted to include smut but wasn't yet ready to (properly) write mlm smut for the first time back then

untitled jance fic - this is the only time thus far I've written jance (which is actually criminal tbh). it's a very short wip so I'm not entirely sure where I was going with it, but it appears to include Nace attempting to flirt... 👀

it's better if we remain a memory - now, this one is a little more obscure. it's based on the film Bojan is in (Kaj pa Ester?) that I unfortunately haven't watched (c'mon, slovenian film industry, make it available internationally, I beg of you 🙏). basically, I watched the trailer, made up a plot, and made it very very very gay. and then posted all but the final chapter before succumbing to lack of motivation again 😭

Immortalised - .......okay, I just realised I was wrong about only writing jance once, this is another time I tried to write it! this one is all about the incredible jance photoshoot by Damon Baker, exploring their relationship behind the lens. not sure why I never finished this one, if I'm honest 😅

Forgotten Nights - here, we have a bokris wip. this one was going to be a classic friends-to-lovers fic, littered with flashbacks and snippets from the past that both of them were repressing. I found that I didn't properly plan out the sequence of flashbacks though, or where I was going with it so it ended up a little messy as I was writing it and eventually I moved onto other things

a bunch of bokris "5+1 things" fic ideas I never got round to writing properly - specifically, I have 8 fics that I planned for 😭 if you want to know more about one, send me a number between 1 and 8 and I'll tell you what the 5+1 idea was :)

untitled damkris fic - finally, this is what I started most recently. it's inspired by Kris and Damon's recent trip to Ljubljana Castle, and basically they flirt and gay panic all day whilst being idiots and not realising they're both actually crushing hard on each other 😭

if you want to know more about any of these, or read a snippet from one, go ahead and drop into my ask box!!! I shall be more than happy to provide 😌

no pressure tagging (and apologies if you've already been tagged): @trips-around-the-sun @graysantimony @paperphilia @electron-road-suspect :D

[surielbonecarver]

In defense of Tamlin

I never really had the chance to like tamlin because the person who recommended acotar to me told me not to get attached to him, so I was riding the tamlin hate train until acowar. After I finished acosf, however, I started to reevaluate how I felt about pretty much all of the characters because I started to realize my feelings about some characters was influenced by semi-spoilers and after I finally caught up on the series I noticed my interpretation of the story was different then what I'd been told.

Once I realized that, I quickly got off the tamlin hate train and am currently (affectionately) riding the Rhys hate train lmao. (Affectionately, because, at the end of the day, I'm a bat boy stan, but I acknowledge that Rhys is kind of a pos too).

Tbh I still don't feel one way or another about tamlin (I'm not into blonds, sry), but it's a little wild to me how many people jump on hating him when objectively (subjectively) he really doesn't do anything. At least, imo he doesn't do anything to warrent all the hate. The hate he gets seems so wildly inflated compared to what he did, imo. Same with Nesta, actually. People treat them like they're the worst villains in fictional history, and???? To me, Nesta is a bully at worst (not to say bullies aren't bad, but people act like Nesta tossed Nyx off Ramiel or something). And Tamlin, most everything he does *from his point of view* makes sense to me. Not to excuse his behavior, but I find myself wondering if I would've done any different.

Like how people jump to defend Rhys for withholding information about Feyre's pregnancy. Tbh, if I were Rhys, I think I might've done the same thing. And when Tamlin joined forces with Hybern to get Feyre back...

Keep in mind that Rhys has played the villain for 500 years. For the last 50 years, he made everyone believe he was willingly working for Amarantha, killing and torturing innocence. (He literally put a severed head in Tamlin's garden in book 1 both to antagonize and warn him). That is the Rhys Tamlin knows. Tamlin has known Rhys as a villain for 500 years, but Feyre has known Rhys for what... 2 years? 3?? And Rhys showed a very different side of himself to Feyre. So Tamlin and Lucien believing that Feyre was kidnapped and mind controlled/manipulated by Rhys when that's what Rhys has been doing for 500 years is valid. When I look at it that way, Tamlin being willing to team up with his enemy to rescue someone (he loves) he believes to be in danger isn't *that* bad. And I probably would've done the same, if I'm being honest. Rhys has definitely done much worse.

Tamlin teamed up with Hybern to rescue Feyre. Feyre destroyed the Spring Court... because Tamlin tried to rescue her???? Rhys has mind controlled people to do things they wouldn't normally do (Feyre has, too), and Tamlin *knows* this. So ofc Tamlin is reasonably confused and concerned when Feyre (who had been riding the Rhys hate train pretty hard), all of a sudden writes him a letter saying "I'm in the night court with Rhysie~ I'm doing just fine so you don't have to come get me~ teehee~ ✨️". Let's also not forget that from Tamlin's pov, he doesn't know that Rhys has been teaching Feyre to read and write, so receiving a letter from "Feyre" was probably highly suspicious.

Tamlin also being over protective and overbearing to Feyre after under the mountain makes sense. *She* was his trauma. He forsaked his land and people to send Feyre back home and to protect her, but she came back and *died*. He lost her, and he doesn't want to go through that again. Obviously, as someone from the outside looking in, I think what he did was wrong. However, if I look at everything that happened from his point of view, he never had any malicious intent and did everything out of a want to protect Feyre. This ended up being a detriment to her mental, physical, and emotional well-being and ultimately drove her away, though.

It's like I sometimes say: sometimes you're not the one that's best equipped to help. Tamlin wanted to help Feyre, but he just wasn't the one. And trying to be the one only made things worse. (That and very poor writing/recons, but that is a different story).

Besides locking her up (seriously, I felt my heart crack a little at that part), I genuinely wonder if I would've done any different. I'd like to think I would've communicated with Feyre better and tried to help her through her trauma, but again that's outside looking in and I don't have 50-500+ years of trauma clouding my judgment.

Tamlin is the type to hope that his trauma will disappear with time (technically, a lot of characters are like this too, but this isn't about them). And going back to what I said about Feyre being Tamlin's trauma (or a very big part of it, at least), you see that's exactly what he did. He ignored the warnings and the triggers and hoped that it would eventually all go away/get better with time. And when you look at it like that, how many of us can really point fingers at him? I know a lot of people who ignore their problems and hope that they'll eventually go away. In that regard, do some people hate tamlin because his red flags are similar to their own, but they just don't want to admit it?

After Feyre dismantles the Spring Court, that's when Tamlin realizes that Feyre wasn't being manipulated by Rhys and that she was with him because she wanted to be. So his feelings turned sour as he felt she'd betrayed him. Which, again, considering Rhys *purposefully* played the villain for 500+ years, that's not a wholly unusual conclusion to come to.

Anyway, tl;dr tamlin ain't so bad

[moodybluemood]

truly wild to me that i first got the idea for that fic about six-to-eight years ago

i really do want to finish it one day, even if it might be awhile

unfortunately, getting wrapped up in fandom burned me out pretty bad. vento fandom was wild. i got over-invested in stupid shit and probably was kind of flippant at times. it made me feel like a bug under glass. i don't do well in fandoms. i get burned out really easily. there seemed to be constant drama going on and that really drags things down, man.

more importantly, i'm also just not that into jjba anymore. idk. maybe i need to do a reread. i do reread jojolands when it comes out. i got into jjba during a really weird, very stressful part of my life to have a distraction that didn't require a lot of brain energy, but i'm older now, out of that stressful situation, and don't really have the same motivations to write. i got dogs to pet. i have a partner who i love very much. i'm busy playing little games and talking to my friends.

mostly, as mentioned, jjba was something i started getting into because i needed something kind of silly at the time (that's not an insult) but i don't need that anymore. i'm getting into series i like on their own merits. it turns out i don't really like shonen as a whole.

i kind of lost track of what i was doing with some parts of it tbh. my original notes have vanished into the aether. i need to do a big reread but it's a huge commitment, so i haven't done it. there's storylines in there that i wish didn't overcomplicate the plot and pairings that i started setting up that i'm kind of meh on now. too many characters. some story beats that i don't think i executed well and some i don't think i was actually the best qualified to handle. fundamentally it does seem like an inherently silly thing to write an introspective fic series about depression and cycles of abuse under the guise of the funny punchghost anime but also existence is fundamentally silly, so like, whatever man, i don't really regret that part. might not have chosen abbacchio as the protagonist if i was going to write the whole thing today.

maybe i'll release a broadstrokes outline of what i was planning on doing some day idk. the series has been in progress so long that honestly if anyone ever finds this post and wants to know the spoilers, i'll just tell them. parts of it may seem anticlimatic and that's because the whole death fic was originally just a setup for the part that i really wanted to write.

i miss geun and stefano, my not-OCs. they are very dear to me. i want to do something with them but they're ultimately so tied to the canon fates of sorbet and gelato that it's hard to adapt them to other settings. like, they're technically not my ocs but let's be honest, they're OCs in every way but design and name.

i have more thoughts and feelings on my forays into writing here but also then i will ramble for five pages, so let's cut it down now. we're writing this stream of conscious style baby and this brain is t i r e d.