#tbh I only have 3 examples but that feels like enough to make a nickels meme

[edelweiss-buttons]

one thing about a dimension 20 season is there’s gonna be spontaneous surgery

[piesforjack]

LISTEN Y'ALL, HERES A CANADIAN COLLOQUIALISMS AND MANNERS GUIDE

because frankly i’m tired of the misuse of our colloquialisms/slang/vernacular/manners/habits in fic so it’s time for this canadian to set the record straight!!!!!

1. “sorry”

i feel like y'all really miss the boat on this, we (henceforth read as: canadians) say sorry ALL. THE. TIME. it's not a joke!! it's real bad!!! i apologize to furniture when i bump into it, y'all!!!! SO if you wanna give jack and ransom some real authentic canadian lingo, have them apologize for nothing worth apologizing for, not just in excess when they do something actually worthy of apology

examples (all based on REAL LIFE things i’ve done): 

*someone bumps into you* (even though it wasn’t your fault at all) oop sorry! 

*not having exact change in your hand when paying for something so you take a second to pull out a nickel* sorry!

*dropping something near/in front of/beside another person* oh sorry!

*asks for substitution or change to a burger or sandwich* sorry, yeah can i get this instead of this? (and have crippling anxiety while asking  just me? hoookay that sounds fake but!!!)

2. holding the door open

listen i didn’t realize how distinctly canadian this was until i was abroad for 2 weeks and felt the real switch from small acts of manners and kindness replaced with absolutely no fucking care in the world for any human that isn’t you. stairwells and doors and any form of public transportation are an “every person for themselves” kinda deal and it’s weird. i will always hold the door open if i notice someone behind me (if i don’t, you bet ur fuckin ass i apologize for not holding it open) 

examples:

even if i get to a door first, if i notice someone behind me i’ll hold the door open for them and let them go first. this isn’t even an age or sex/gender thing, people will do this for anyone, not just the elderly or the female.

if someone holds the door open for me, i’ll pass through and say thank you and if there’s a second set of doors (like in some bookstores and malls and stuff they have those little foyer-like rooms before the actual store) i will hold the door open for them on the second set. always.

3. “bud”/”buddy”

truly a canadian staple that does not get utilized enough!!!! i can’t think of a single person in my life i haven’t called “buddy” at least once, including my lil ol’ grandmother. though typically when i use “buddy” i’m cussing someone out (see examples below!) we sound particularly minnesotan when we say "buddy” which is why i think a lot of people think we have this ridiculous accent (because FUN FUCKIN FACT: the canadian accent is NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL OF MINNESOTAN!!! we. do. not. sound. like. that. only “”””bros””””” (typically hockey bros (see: sidney crosby) or “country” boys (see: literally any fucking canadian boy who hunts/fishes/wears a cowboy hat unironically)) sound like this, the canadian “accent” americans mock? totally fucking fake mOVING ON)

“bud” however, that’s a sweet lil thing. it’s actually very much a term of endearment, so to say, i’ve only ever used it when talking to children and s/o’s. it’s not the only term of endearment canadians ever use (ahem, fic writers take note of that) but it’s definitely one that people use and it’s very cute and soft™

examples:

*cussing someone out over a video game/a joke that i have no comeback for/bad driving/etc.* “get fucked, buddy” “oh you’re fucked, buddy” “yeh fuckin right, buddy” etc. etc.

*accidentally taps child on the back of the head* oop, sorry bud!

*s/o says “i love you”* aw bud, i love you too

AND THE RARE BUT SOMETIMES SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE: “BUDDY” AS ENDEARMENT ie. “aw c’mon, buddy, you’re doing great!” (this is most often done by (hockey) bros to children, but i’m sure there’s other situations where this happens)

4. “oop”

again, another one i didn’t realize was canadian until buzzfeed said so. but tbh i use this one so fucking much i’m so sad that i haven’t seen a single fic where jack or ransom use this. it’s like...oops without the ‘s’? that’s really it, but it’s not just for “oops” situations, it’s like a expletive for many things and you just kinda gotta feel it in ur gut, i can’t really explain how/why i know when to use it so tread lightly, but know that this is probably the most popular right up there with “sorry” in terms of usage.

examples:

*watching hockey, fave team almost scores* oop oop oop! awwww f*#$U$%*#$%*! (they didn’t score) or oop oop oop! YAAAAAAH HELL FUCKIN YEEEEEEEEAH BABY WOOOOO!!!!!!!! (they did)

*bumps into someone* oop sorry!

*surprise burp* oop sorry!

*fumbles with something, almost drops it* oop oop oOP!

*does drop something* oop.. *picks it up*

*dodging and weaving through a crowd* oop, sorry..oop oop sorr-- oop!

5. “no problem”

now my understanding is that this is more an age thing than it is a canadian thing, but i feel like in true polite canadian fashion this phrase gets used more and more by a wider demographic than it originally started with. this is basically a replacement for “you’re welcome” because imo “you’re welcome” makes it sound like you’ve done someone a huge favour for them, and i mean, it seems weird to basically say “yeah, you ARE thankful because I HELPED you so yeah BE THANKFUL!” when someone like..holds the door open, y’know? like i said, i’ve heard this is a generation thing and lots of younger people say this instead, so it could be more widespread, but not many other countries say “thank you” as much as we do, so. who really knows tbh.

examples:

*holds door for someone, they say thank you* no problem! (because really, it wasn’t a problem, it was just the nice thing to do and it didn’t cause me any trouble at all to do it. you don’t have to be thankful for this act of kindness but fuck u if u don’t say thank you for it anyway, buddy)

*works in retail, helps someone find something* no problem! (because again, it’s not a problem, esp in this situation it’s my fucking job to help y’all so like? duh?? but same rules apply, if you don’t say thank u i’ll fucking remember it, pal)

*works in retail, can’t help someone find something, customer has to leave/find something else/etc* “alright, thanks anyway” “yeah no problem, sorry!” (because fucking duh, you get it by now)

6. FUCKING “EH”

HOOO FUCKIN BOY WE NEED TO HAVE A CHAT ABOUT THE ATROCITY THAT IS FIC WRITERS EXCESSIVELY AND IMPROPERLY USING THIS TERM. here’s some things to fucking clarify RIGHT FUCKIN NOW: we DO NOT end every sentence with “eh”, “eh” is not always a fucking question, it’s not said how you think it is, “eh” isn’t always tacked on to any fuckin sentence.

okay cool now that that’s fucking out of the way...”eh” is more often used as a filler word, not always like an “um” or a “uhh”, more like a “hey” or a cheer like “ehhhh!” but it’s not as often used as people like to write it into conversation. as of right now i can’t even remember the last time i used “eh” when i wasn’t making a fuckin mockery of how americans THINK we talk. 

“eh” has different pronunciations as well, each one has a different purpose and place in speech. eh pronounced like “a��� is usually a cheer (like “ehhhh!!! we fuckin won!!!), pronounced exactly like its spelled is like a question (like “eh? i can’t hear you.), pronounced like “ayy” or “hey” without the “h” is like a greeting or after someone burns someone with a comeback or ur fave song comes on in the club etc etc

basically, what you’re noticing is that “eh” is actually more widely common than you fuckin think it is. it’s not exclusively canadian, and YES!!! there is the stereotypical “eh?” or “eh!” that certain pockets of people will use, again it sort of falls under that hockey/country bro-ish type (to clarify, because idk if i did this or not, “bro” is a gender neutral term, girls or otherwise can also be bros, i use it neutrally, sorry if that wasn’t clear!) but again!!! it’s not used at every turn and it’s VERY unlikely that if you went up to a canadian with ur shitty “eh?!” impression that they would be anything more than stone-faced and weary at your attempt at humour.

examples:

eh, how are you?

eh, to-may-to to-mah-to

FUCKIN. EH!! (usually an expletive when something amazing happens, usually about sports, usually more specifically about hockey, but u knooow)

*making a decision that takes some thinking* ehhhh...maybe?

*hesitantly wanting to go past/around/through a crowd* eh...excuse me...oop sorry! oh go ahead..no problem!

7. bonus canada facts for fleshing out ur stories/hcs!!!

canada has our own football league, yeah i fucking know. all those tropes about jack and ransom not knowing football? actual garbage, they probably know the basics at the very least. if they like football, ransom probably roots for the toronto argonauts (whom most people fuckin hate, along with the maple leafs (hockey team) because canada has this *thing* with toronto, i won’t get into that right now but just know, majority of canada wants nothin to do with toronto sports teams) and jack probably roots for the montreal alouettes because duh (alternatively he roots for something hella random like the saskatchewan rough riders, whom, as a manitoban, i hate by birthright) some of the CFL rules are different from the NFL but yeah, canada has a football league so. kill that trope.

jack and ransom probably know something about curling and/or can actually curl!! curling, btw, is an ice sport where you throw rocks at other rocks (not like, just any old rocks, it’s...just google it honestly i don’t wanna try and explain curling) i know when i was in school curling was always a part of gym in the winter because we had outdoor rinks nearby or one of my elementary schools actually made a curling rink (with the circles and everything!)

“canadian tuxedo” is double denim. meaning, denim shirt, denim pants = canadian tuxedo. jack is 1000000% guilty of doing this.

canada gets real fuckin cold but it also gets real fuckin hot, especially in central canada but also other places too. jack being overwhelmed by georgian heat is probably real HOWEVER he’s not a total dumbass who can’t function in the heat. canada’s weather is a fuckin gong show regardless of global warming so like, jack will sweat but he will not melt into a puddle

yeah anyway here’s a list of obscure canadian things (and some that are just #90sKidThings) ransom and/or jack probably know/love aka me going tf down memory lane!!!: don’t you put it in your mouth,  stay alert stay safe, the talking tv that scarred me for life, “moooom aiden cut me half again!!!”, they probably believed north american house hippos were a thing for a long ass time because they didn’t understand the point of the commercial, tales from the crypt aka my fave show, the weekenders!!!, jack probably loved art attack because sensory things!! visuals!! calm voice!! basically bob ross for kids!!!, BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE!!! HOOOMG, if you don’t know what this is I’M SO SORRY YOU MISSED OUT ON THE BEST THING EVER, ransom 100% had all the stuffies of these guys, out of the mcfuckin bOX, ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM, G2G OFF TO DRAGONLAND, you knew you were up TOO LATE if you were watching this, i could cry this show was so fckn good jack 100% loved this, idk if this was just a canadian thing but i fckn LOVED THIS ONE SO MUCH

honestly i could go on for fuckin ever but i’ll stop because god bless anyone who actually watches all those links lmao

i hope this was helpful!!! not tryna be a twat but i just wanted to clear some stuff up because i feel it’s my duty as a canadian to help y’all out, ok??? okay luv u bye thanks for reading!!!