#tbh I just wanted to make a tumble post please feel free to be honest and tell me if you hate seeing my wips and I’ll only post finished

[silkentine]

Brooooo it takes me like 16 hours to do freaking line art these days. I’m sooooo pooped. Having so much fun though!

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it - j. farabee

chapter 3

a/n: um, so, here’s this. enjoy it. there’s not much to say, just that this is super cute tbh and that farabee definitely knows his Megan :))

taglist: @butgilinsky​ @barbienoturbby​ @sunsetholland​ @lovenhlboys​ @sortagaysortahigh​ @hockey-racing-fubol​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @iwantahockeyhimbo​ @bbbbruins​ (if you want to be added, just let me know)

warnings: fluff, this chapter has a lot to do with mental toughness of an athlete, swearing, nothing else i can think of

sticking it masterlist

wc: 3.0k

BZ: hey, i’m outside whenever you’re ready

You grabbed your gym bag and made your way downstairs, finding Joel standing outside his car holding a smoothie and granola bar, “I figured coffee might not be the best thing for you right before practice, so I’m hoping you like smoothies.” 

“You might be surprised how many times I made that mistake when I was younger,” you added walking closer to him, watching as he opened the door for you, “oh wow, a true gentleman.”

“I have to get on your good side. Especially if I want to see you in my jersey again,” he said before shutting your door, “do you have good music taste?”

“I like to think I do?”

“Ok, well you seem somewhat confident with that answer, so you can have aux if you want,” he handed over his phone that was already opened to Spotify. Unsure of what he would like, you decide to put on your pre-practice hype playlist that featured Kendrick Lamar, Childish Gambino, Chance the Rapper, and Meg Thee Stallion. 

Deciding to just hit shuffle, ‘Captain Hook’ by Megan Thee Stallion was the first to play. You expect Bee to just sit there and let you play your music without objection, but you were shocked when you heard him say, “real hot girl shit.”

“Do you know the whole song or just that?” but as he continued to sing the rest of the song, with the obvious censorship, you were shocked to say the least, “wasn’t expecting that one.”

“I love Meg, not even going to lie to you,” Joel said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Don’t we all, don’t we all.”

Eventually the two of you made it to your gym, Joel bidding you a quick farewell and waited for you to get in the building before driving away. As soon as you entered the gym, you put your gym bag in your locker and joined Nicole and your other teammates on the floor. “Ok, ladies. For warm up today, we’ll be doing 15 minutes of running outside, two ab circuits, and two rope climbs. Nicole and y/n, we need to speak with you right after.” 

“Not the ‘Nicole and y/n, we need to speak with you’,” Nicole said, getting her running shoes on. 

“I’m more concerned about the cardio, babe,” you said, grabbing your running shoes from your gym bag. 

The two of you were the first ones to finish the run, doing your ab circuits and rope climbs as quickly as possible, and went straight to Michelle and Marcus. “Alright, so, your performances at the American Cup were amazing and we’re super proud of you both. But with there being about two months until the US Classics, we want to make sure both of you are practicing safe routines, and safe landings especially,” Marcus said. 

“Right now, we just want you two to get a few full out routines a week and marking the rest. Obviously, we will dedicate time to our dismounts and tumbling, etc., it’s just not safe to be going all out and overworking yourselves,” Michelle added,”Nicole, you’re free to go, you’ll be starting on bars with Coach Collins.” 

Once Nicole had left, both Marcus and Michelle looked towards you, Marcus being the first one to break the silence, “we assume you heard about Kathryn working the dismount?”

Simply nodding in response, Michelle quickly spoke up,”look, we’re going to be honest with you right now. There is a possibility she isn’t going to compete it and just posted it to scare you, but we do know that you have been cleared to work on twisting dismounts, we just want you to start off doing a single full and the highest you’ll go this week is double twists. We’ll continue working towards the triple and eventually the 3.5, but we’re going slow and most won’t be an actual landing.”

“We have a plan in place we think will work, but you have to follow the plan. It’ll only work if you agree to pace yourself correctly,” Marcus added. 

“So, we’ll start week 1 of 8, easing back into twisting. So, twisting drills, lots of twisting into the pit, but we stick with just doing fulls. Week 2 of 8, is going to be starting to work on twisting off the beam, we will just stick with 1-1.5 twists, maybe try a double, but nothing more. Week 3, is going to be getting doubles consistently, and maybe try a 2.5. Week 4, is consistent 2.5 twists and try more drills to get the triple twisting back. Week 5, we do the triples for real and getting them consistent. Week 6 will be working on getting back to doing 3.5 twisting. Week 7 and 8, will have less focus on beam and just work on getting everything else consistently in time for the Classic,” Michelle told you, showing the board that had all of this marked on there. 

“Keep in mind, we are just working on getting the dismount back, but that doesn’t mean you only do beam, we have to do other events, too. And you have to follow this plan, do you understand?”

“Yeah, I understand,” you replied. 

“Alright, today you start on floor and end on beam.” 

…..

The first week was easy enough, you were just doing drills that you had been doing since you were younger, but you knew these next two months would not be as easy as you wanted them to be. Eventually, you had to start working towards the actual dismount. With week two, it was a lot harder than you expected. Although you were doing a skill you had had for years, the idea of doing anything similar to what hurt you still scared you. 

Once you were able to get your single twists back consistently, it was onto adding more twists. By week three, you were working on double twists, which was something you used to do as warm-up and now here you were standing at the edge of the beam, unable to move towards the landing mat on the other side. You knew that if you didn’t get it at some point this week, it would push back the plan, which was something you couldn’t afford. 

Somehow you got past doubles and 2.5, working triples by week 5. Week 5 consisted of doing the dismount into the pit, which was something you were able to do, but you were stuck in the same spot as you moved onto week 6. 

At the start of week 6, Kevin took note of how you were getting home later than he was even after his practice. He took note that you seemed a lot less excited about going to practice, hardly talking to anyone, other than a few spare texts here and there. “Kev, you still planning on coming to the lake with us this weekend?” Carter asked, as the team headed back to the locker room. 

“Yeah, I think so. I have to make sure y/n/n is okay though. She’s been overworking herself again and we all know what happened last time she did that,” Kevin replied. He was familiar with how you were able to invest so much time into your sport, and although he was happy that you were able to after so long, he knew that it could be your downfall. 

“If she wants to take time off, there are enough rooms at the condo, she’s welcome to come. Plus, I’ll ask Teeks to bring Karly, so she has someone there,” Carter offered. 

Kevin appreciated the offer, but he still felt bad. This was a ‘guys’ weekend that had been planned months ahead of time, but he also knew it was an amazing option for you to come and be away from the gym. “Check with the other guys first. I would feel awful ruining the plans we have.”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll ask them as soon as I can and let you know,” Carter answered just as Nolan, Travis, Morgan, and Joel walked into the locker room. He quickly called them over, “Ok, so Kev noticed that y/n/n has been overworking herself and is worried about leaving her here, would it be cool if she came with us? I already offered, but he wanted to make sure it was cool with you guys.”

A series of yes’ echoed through the group. “I can see if Karly wants to come, too, just so y/n/n doesn’t have to deal with all of us by herself,” Travis added, “I can tell Beezer is a little bit too happy about this one.” The group turned towards Joel, who was now sporting a huge smile on his face. 

“Listen, I just like spending quality time with my team and their family. Team bonding, you know,” Joel replied. 

“Mhm, that’s definitely it,” Nolan said rolling his eyes, “don’t forget the PowerPoint.”

As Kevin left the rink, he checked the time and realized now was the time that you were usually at lunch, he decided to head to the gym to talk to Michelle and Marcus. “Ah, Kevin, it’s so good to see you. Congrats on a good season so far,” Marcus stood up from his desk to shake Kevin’s hand. 

“I need to ask something. I know y/n has been overworking and it’s concerning me. Now, I get if this might not be a mutual concern, but if it is, I wanted to ask if she could have the weekend off?” Kevin said. 

“Oh my god, please get her out of here. I know if we let her, she would sleep here, but right now, she needs to play it safe or else she’ll get hurt,” Michelle said as she walked through the office door towards the pair.

“Would the lake be playing it safe or no?”

“As long as she doesn’t follow after you and your friends, she’s making somewhat smart choices,” Marcus said. 

“That’s valid, I respect it. I’m coming to pick her up from here tomorrow morning during her private lesson with you guys,” Kevin said, to which both of your coaches nodded. 

After making some more small talk with your coaches, Kevin made his way back down to the parking lot, running into just the right person, “Nicole, I need a favor.”

“Oh, hey, Kev. How are you? I’m great, thank you for asking. What’s up?”

“Can you possibly sneak into y/n’s apartment tomorrow while she’s at her private lesson and pack her a bag for a four day trip to the lake?”

“Oh, thank God, you’re getting her out of here. And yeah, of course. She’ll get here at 7, so what time do you plan on leaving your place?”

“Well, she’s supposed to be here til 10, so I’ll leave at like 8:30, so just drop the bag off at mine?”

“Yeah, that works. I’ll see you then.”

…..

Shortly after you left for practice, Nicole made her way to your apartment. You had given her a spare, so she had a way in. She quickly grabbed all your hair stuff, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and then 5 outfits, 4 swimsuits, socks, shoes, and anything else she thought you might need. 

She made sure to water your plants before leaving towards Kevin’s apartment. Knocking on the door, Nolan was the one to answer, “Hey, Nic.”

“Hey, Nol. I come bearing gifts - well if you consider all my friends stuff I took from her apartment to give her a break from her stubborn self - then Merry Christmas.”

“Nicole, thank you so much. I owe you one,” Kevin said as he rounded the corner. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m here to help her out,” Nicole stated simply,”her chargers are in the side pockets and everything else is in the main part of the bag. Ok, I have to go now, have fun this weekend.”

Nolan and Kevin got the rest of their necessities together before jumping into Kevin’s car and heading to your gym. Michelle was the one to let the pair into the gym, having locked the doors for the private lesson. 

They took their time, watching as you were working on some drills with Marcus, but when Marcus’ eyes found Kevin’s he stopped what he was doing. “Hey, look. You’ve been working yourself a little bit too hard recently, so we’re letting you take this weekend off,” Marcus said, guiding you towards Nolan and Kevin. 

“I don’t need time off, I’m fine. I- what are they doing here?”

“You’re going with them to the lake for the weekend,” Marcus continued guiding you closer to them, knowing you would try to make a run for it. 

“Hey, y/n, we have a bag packed for you already, so c’mon,” Nolan said, calmly. 

“I’m not going,” you protested. 

“You’re going,” Kevin said, walking closer to you before picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. Nolan picked up your gym bag from the ground and followed behind Kevin. 

“Guys, what the hell? This is like kidnapping or something?” 

“We love you,” you heard Michelle say as Kevin made his way out of the gym with you on his shoulder. As soon as you got to the car, Nolan opened the backseat doors and Kevin pushed you in there. You assumed that as soon as they left you would be able to just open the door and run, but you were quickly denied that option when you saw that the child locks were still on. 

“The child locks? Seriously?” 

“We knew you’d run. C’mon, your coaches said you needed to stop working so hard, so it’s not just us saying it. Now we have about a four hour drive, so I say either sleep or just go on your phone, but please just take this time off peacefully,” Kevin said. 

“How am I supposed to do this peacefully when you kidnapped me?”

“Ok, well, that sucks. But Karly is coming too, so you can rant to her when you get there.”

“Bee will be there, too,” Nolan interjected. 

“Thanks for the warning.”

“Don’t act all tough, sweetie. Not all of us are blind,” Nolan said, looking towards Kev. 

“I’m not blind, I just choose to ignore it,” Kevin replied. 

…..

“So, you and y/n, huh?” Karly asked Joel while Travis and Carter were over by the grill, Morgan still inside unpacking. 

“I mean I don’t know,” Joel responded honestly. 

“Do you want there to be?” Karly quickly took note of the slight blush and small smile that gathered on his face. 

“I wouldn’t object, if that says anything,”Karly laughed at the fact that both of you had similar responses to the same question, “what? Did I say something bad?”

“No, hun, no. You both are just a lot alike, that’s all. I think you’d be good for her though, she deserves something good in her life.”

“Yeah, I agree with you on that one,” Joel said, hearing his phone go off, “oh, guys, they’re here, but they need help with their bags.”

As the boys made their way outside to go help with bags, Karly waited inside for you to come in, only to see Kevin carrying your sleeping form with Joel following close behind with your bag. 

“Awe, babe. Did you see Bee carrying y/n/n’s bag? That’s so cute,” Karly said when Travis returned. 

“Awe, babe, how come you never carry my bag?” Travis said, only earning an elbow to the rib from Karly. 

“y/n has been out most of the way home, so we honestly don’t know when she’ll be up,” Nolan said, walking towards the pair. 

…..

Shortly after dinner was served, the group made their way close to the deck, Joel quickly finding a spot on the hammock after pushing Morgan off. Travis and Karly sitting near the edge of the water, Morgan sitting right next to the hammock near his best friend, and Nolan, Carter, and Kevin standing and talking. 

You had woken up in the familiar room of the condo, quickly changing into comfier clothes and attempting to find the others in the house. When you saw that the house was silent, you quickly came to the assumption that everyone was near the docks, so you got a bottle of water and made your way over there. 

“Ah, sleeping beauty has finally arrived,” Travis said, seeing you make your way towards the group.

“Fuck off, dude,” you yawned, “I was tired.”

���Awe, poor baby,” Joel said from the hammock, earning an eye roll from you. 

“Bee, you’re in my usual spot right now, I would watch it if I were you.”

“You’re free to join me,” he said, a smirk evident in his voice. 

“Oh, wow, the girls are fighting,” Morgan’s voice could be heard from beside the hammock. 

You eventually made your way over to the hammock after those on the deck started their conversation up again, “Bee, can I sit by you?”

“Awe, babe, I am going to need to speak up,” Joel said, cockily. 

“I’m not doing that again,” you said, walking towards the hammock and quickly pushing the hammock to the side, which caused him to fall out, “awe, babe, it looks like you fell.” 

You quickly got back up on the hammock, expecting him to push you over the way you did him, but were shocked when he simply laid right on top of you, his head on your chest and arms wrapping around you, “plot twist,” he said, softly. 

“Your face is in my boobs right now,” you stated, causing him to lift his head to look at you, you kept one of your feet towards the ground to keep the hammock moving. 

“Your heart started beating faster when I laid down, so either you’re about to have a heart attack or I make you nervous. But honestly, if you want me to move though, I will.” 

“No, no. You’re fine,” you spoke softly as he rested his head against your chest once more, your hand finding its way towards his head to play with his hair. 

“Hey, we are still over here by the way,” Kevin yelled towards you two. 

“Kev, stop. They’re adorable, let them be,” Karly quickly scolded him.

“I’m just going to move, so that way I’m not third wheeling again,” Morgan grumbled. 

[nlights37]

12, 18 and 20 please!

@aenarsnow gets FIRSTIES which means I answer with extra love, of course:)

Let’s GET IT

12.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

Well, I get ‘em a lot, just like everyone else, your standard, run-of-the-mill ‘”This is shit, why am I wasting my time on this, it’s crap, I’ve used the same adjective like 15 times now and also how many ways can I actually describe eyes I should be doing productive things instead of writing fanfic people are gonna hate it anyway, half the people that used to read my shit ghost me at this point ughhhhh this fandom suuuuuucccckkkkkkssss and so do I!!!”

Inevitably, at that point, I email whatever I’m working on to @noordinarylines, who has explicitly good taste, and who I KNOW will be honest with me if she doesn’t like something or doesn’t quite thinking something is working.

Then she reads it an emails me back and tells me I killed her in a good way and how dare I leave her hanging there, where is the rest, hurry the fuck up because it’s crazy mean to cliffhang her like that.

That usually gets my head right.  :)  There are a handful of people that I interact with that are some real, genuine, ride or die people (mostly because I am horrible at things like chatting regularly, etc - like I will genuinely completely fuck up my IRL day if I allow myself to get sucked into things like chats because I get tunnel vision and forget everything else, my full blown inattentive-type adult ADD in full effect).  But there are some real ones out here, and they know who they are, and if I think an idea is maybe worth a shot but I wanna bounce it off someone, or I want another set of eyes on something because I’ve stared at it so long I genuinely cannot tell if it’s any good, I reach out to them, and they set me straight.

Once I post something, tbh, I just let it ride, because it’s out there, and the people whose opinion I care about the most have already told me what they think, so I’m pretty satisfied with that.  If other people don’t like it they can suck my ass at that point, because I ain’t changing SHIT hahahahaha.

18.   What’s your revision or rewriting process like?

Well, here’s the thing about me.  I write it as it comes, and a lot of time I can feel when I’m writing it if it just isn’t fucking working.  I will backtrack then and there and start over.  For me, if I’m in the groove and it’s really rocking along I go with it.  There’s a flow to it, and then suddenly it’s been 5 hours and you’re like ‘IT’S GOLD, JERRY!  GOLD!”

If it’s like pulling teeth to write it I stop and come back to it later.  With a husband, three kids, ‘virtual learning’ and quarantine, my time to write is limited, so I try to make the most of it.  I run scenes for fics in my head a LOT, while I’m in the shower, or doing dishes, or folding clothes, so that by the time I get a chance to write I’ve made my mind up on exactly how it will go and I don’t have to sit there and look at a blinking cursor.

I don’t typically use a beta, not because I don’t think I need one (my frantic spotting of every damn mistake I made AFTER I post can attest to that) but more because once I’m done with something, I’m done, and I wanna post it.  I just get too excited to wait, you know, like a damn puppy who pees in excitement when someone knocks at the door.  I just wanna SHARE IT!

So, the tldr:  I do a lot of revision in my head before I sit down to write.  I don’t usually rewrite because the minute something stops flowing I scrap it :)

20.  Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on.

Here’s a sneak peek of what @noordinarylines and I have been cooking up for the second story in the Remember the Time universe:

There was something soothing, Daenerys had found, about the line where the sea met the sky, the view afforded from her council chamber one that seemed the best suited for calming her ever-frazzled nerves.

It had been five days since she had taken her tumble on the far end of the island, five days full of the most piercing grief she’d ever experienced, which was truly remarkable.  Her losses, ‘til now, had been great and agonizing, but she could not shake the forlorn mood that had fallen over her since she’d found herself ripped away from what she was now classifying as a sweet, indulgent fantasy, borne of the trauma of her injury, nothing more.

And yet…

Tucked up the sleeve of her coat, always with her, was a rolled scrap of parchment, upon which she’d documented every single aspect of that lovely hallucination that she could remember.  She knew she ought to squirrel it away somewhere safer, hide it from view, leave it behind so she might stop dwelling on these imaginary losses, but she could not.

It had become a talisman, of sorts, something that gave her comfort, just the scrape of it against her skin when she moved her arm as she walked.

She would be mortified, of course, if it were discovered.  She was half-terrified it would slip free, and be found by another, her deepest longings read aloud.  But for now, it eased the walk from her chambers to whatever task lay ahead, and so she kept it.  “Your Grace?”

Daenerys turned from the wide, carved windows in her council chamber, to find Tyrion lingering, watching her with marked curiosity.

Quirking a brow, she did not answer, merely waited.  Her Hand came closer, his fingers trailing down the Riverlands on the painted table as he approached.  “Are you certain you are well?”

“I’m faring well, Tyrion.”  She managed a tight smile, coming to stand at the head of the table, her eyes travelling over the surface rather than meeting the scrutiny in his.  “A few lingering headaches, that’s all.”

“Hmmm.”  Tyrion took another drink, then plucked a carved piece from the table, turning it over in his hands.  When she peeked up, however, he was still staring at her.  “As you say.  Perhaps there is something else that troubles you?”

Dany smoothed her suddenly damp palms down the front of her coat, and kissed her teeth.  “I think we shall all rest easier once we receive word from Casterly Rock, that your plan has succeeded.”  It was enough to shift his focus, and there was a measure of truth in it; Missandei had been beside herself with worry over Grey Worm, and she reminded herself to ask her dear friend just what, precisely, had occurred between them.

Tyrion affected a confident air, and tucked away his wineskin, clasping his hands behind his pace and beginning to pace.  “Yes, a victory is just what we need right now.  And I have every confidence that we will prevail.”  He kept moving, rounding the table, stopping by the depiction of the Northern Kingdom and plucking the wolf from the surface.  His eyes met hers, and she froze.  “How are things with our openly-rebellious friend?  Have relations,” he paused, smirking, “thawed, perhaps, now that you have given him access to the mines?”

She wondered, at the keen tone of his voice, what it was he was truly asking beneath the rather mundane question.  In truth, she had been avoiding Jon Snow, these past few days, at least as much as she could.  The daytime hours were no issue; he was busy down in the mines, and she had seen several carts of the dragonglass he’d been so desperate for, so it seemed his search had been successful.

It was harder once the sun had departed, for they had taken to dining in the main hall, all of Dragonstone’s occupants, and though she tried desperately not to look at him, there were several times at every meal that she couldn’t quite resist.  One night, in particular, he’d been seated beside her, had asked in his low, rumbling voice if her wound pained her, had inquired with a gentleness that had broken her heart anew.

When she’d told him she was well, and not to worry, that she had survived far worse, he had frowned fiercely, as though such a notion troubled him greatly, and it had taken all her strength not to kiss him then and there.

She had resisted the urge, and made cordial, cool conversation with him as necessary, but by the time she’d returned to her chambers she had thrown herself onto her bed and wept.  She was tired of this, tired of weeping, of missing a life that hadn’t even existed, had not been hers to begin with.

Thank you for the ask, good sir!!!

[thewhimsicalfairy]

DAY 0 - a chronological documentation of this non-relationship

right from the start, i told myself, i told everyone who would listen/knew that i was just not gonna take this too seriously...

as with all online dates, they have a tendency to drop off or i have a tendency to lose interest very quickly but somehow you stuck around, yet i still refused to entertain the idea that there might be something...

2 May: we connected on CMB, you were very open about your history which i listened with an open mind and appreciated you for being open and honest about it...

we traded numbers since the chat was closing and then continued chatting from there...

22 May: met up ftf for the first time at Oasia Hotel's Marmalade Pantry, someone was in grey tee (knitted i believe) and camou pants haha the convo flowed and all but still it was just like any other first dates i've been on, always keeping my expectations in check... you surprised me with sandwich choices though, promising to bring me a jar of the infamous peanut butter from Amsterdam (from your upcoming work trip) and proceeding to hand me a box of 2 nicely wrapped sandwiches, one creamy and one non-creamy version, both with the crusts off. it showed me you were meticulous and caring...just noting your good qualities... before we parted ways you asked if we could be in touch...i said sure being the cool girl that i am...

1 June: we continued texting non-stop, rapid-fire style, playing 20 questions...asking all the right and wrong questions...we’d already escalated to sexting by then...and then you left for Amsterdam. truth be told i had this crazy urge to run to your office area to bid you farewell prior to you leaving for your trip...like give you a hug or something...but i reined in that crazy bitch. we continued texting all the way till you boarded your plane and then you asked me to send you my picture. i've received such crazy requests before and i was kinda wary but i took some anyhow (ok more like a lot) and then proceeded to ponder whether to send or not for the next 50min or so...as well as ask the Internet gods 'what does it mean when he asks for a photo' (to varying degrees of responses) you even noticed my absence when i was busy taking photos but i sent 1 in the end after i confirmed that u were not gonna be doing anything funny to it (not sure if i’m supposed to be flattered if anyone wanks off to my photo but anyway)

and then you sent me yours just like that (and it is still my favourite photo of you to date haha)...and promised to text the moment you land and all...you were very responsible with your words then...

1-7 June: you were in Amsterdam for work but it was as if i was just right beside you on this same trip cos the texting never let up despite the time difference. you would send me pictures of everything that you were doing, eating, ootds, everything and there was no stopping the conversations... and still you reeled me in...

13 June: we met up for a 2nd time, this time at Pagi Sore (100am) and depsite constant texting, it felt a little awks nonetheless to be meeting ftf after so long so everyone was still kinda on our best behaviour haha (but i'm always well behaved) and you presented me with the gifts you got for me at Amsterdam (the peanut butter as promised) and fancy chocolates that you picked up at the airport. confirmed mentally that gift giving was defo one of your top love language. and still you reeled me in...

and we texted some more, non-stop, impromptu lunches in between and i'd happily skip out of office just to hang out ditching the girls (resulting in the girls just saying how about i let them know when i would be next joining them for lunch =x)

20 June: dinner and drinks at Westin's Cook & Brew...this was kinda like the night you will provide a tell-all on your past relationships - and tell you did (a terribly colourful dating history if i may add) and the night went on... we continued on with more drinks at the outdoor bar area...normally it would've been a good idea but that night it was terribly windy and i was kinda chilly despite the alcohol warming me up so i was glad to have my jacket with me (the same one i wore to our first date you noted). and then it started to rain and we had to move back indoors but we didn't attempt to leave even though i was already feeling buzzed... not before long the bar had to close so i had to down my wine in a quick shot and we left...and took a roundabout walk to around the area on a bench and talked some more we both agreed the night would have carried on if not for the fact that tomorrow was still a working day... the question of what we were looking for came up (i asked this question first) and you said you were just looking around... we got home on separate taxis and i made a mental note of your response and that you hadn't made a move on me yet so i was relatively clear on where i stood on this (meh's advice, especially after watching 'He's Just Not That Into You') - you were basically not interested hah so i managed my expectations and thought well a least it has been interesting...when we got home...you did text to say you did notice my choice of outfit (my all time favourite slip dress really)...pity you didn’t manage to take a good look at the cowl back...

29 June: you finally asked me out on a weekend...actually i did casually mention to you that my mom was wondering why this guy i was seeing never asks me out on weekends...and if he’s got a family and all that’s why weekends are off-limits...(a mother’s intuition can be so spot-on but clearly it’s way more complicated than that...anyhow...) and i was ecstatic to say the least even if it was a date that was made that same day...tbh i was inclined to decline cos i don’t really do impromptu dates in general...(like please respect a girl’s time even if i don’t actually have solid plans...vegging at home and netflixing is kinda like a plan ok...)but i okayed it and just had to check what was the general plan cos a girl’s gotta dress for it you know...you brought me to the Ford Musuem having known that i am a sucker for museums covering the history of the war...even though you actually only went recently but you still accompanied me through it...it was also then you realised that i don’t carry my IC with me cos entry was free for SGreans...truth be told i have been to the Ford Musuem...but that was a few years back and i didn’t quite mind rehashing the place again (FOC why not right) they might have updated the exhibits and the experience would have been different with you...and rightly so cos there was so many times when you had your back towards me i wanted to give you a back hug...that you liked receiving them came up several times while we texting...but i never acted on it haha cos i didn’t want to seem i was throwing myself at you...a girl’s gotta to keep her pride in check you know...

after Ford you drove us to Punggol area just to show me the nice relaxing eating space...but we didn’t actually have dinner there lol...we moved on to Punggol Settlement to dine at White Restaurant...the only place you will eat bee hoon cos that placed is famous for it and with good reason cos the food is genuinely good...we had quite the spread, other than the bee hoon we had prawn paste chicken and sambal kang kong :))) happy camper that night cos i appreciate a good meal...i paid for dinner since you were so sweet to drive us around that was least i could do...back in the car you asked if i needed to head home...but i was up for anything...so you suggested a drive and asked if i had been to Jewel since it opened and i hadn’t so we ended up there...

and we continued texting...

1 July: we met for lunch at the Nasi Lemak place opposite Realty Centre (which has since died) and post-lunch i was saying how i was concerned that my hair would smell and all (cos indoor seating with the food cooking inside doesn't make for a great combination) and you reached out and smelt my hair...that was the single most intimate move that i'd ever received and then before we parted you pulled me into a hug and i just went for it... like i didn't do the a-hug or half hug kind of bullshit but a full on body to body contact hug...and it felt nice...i think my mind kinda stopped processing whilst we were hugging but yeah i really really liked the smell of your cologne since then another fact: i was so turned on from that hug my panties were basically soaked; i had to wear my dress the wrong way round so that it wouldn't look like i stained myself... you had that kind of an effect on me...and i think my walls came tumbling down...

4 July: dinner at a Suntec's Unagi place (your choice since we didn't want to deal with the queue at Man Man) and apparently you took off early that night to pick up your car... someone wanted to drive us to some place nice after... i saw that there was 1-for-1 happy hour on the highball and you okayed it even though you were driving

you drove us Marina Barrage and there you said that you liked me and wrapped me in your arms when you said it and i was in a complete daze i mean i was aware that there was something brewing but i wasn't sure of the signs and i've been very wary about 自作多情 so i just maintained whatever it was we had and then this confession...you said i clearly liked you otherwise i wouldn't be hanging out with you which was true and then you asked what was it that i liked about you as you wrapped me in your arms again and i was genuinely at a loss for words...i've received confessions before but never one where it was clearly mutual and in such an intimate setting...the wordsmith basically decided to quit on me and i struggled to find the right words i settled for ‘you make me feel safe’ and that was the absolute truth...i never doubted your intentions before as you were always so honest and forthcoming with the situation back at home and even when you said you couldn’t make this official not until your divorce is finalised in Dec...when in reality not many people around you know about us i accepted it...i trusted you completely... and you took your hand in mine and it was the interlocking kind...and my heart felt all kinds of things it has never felt before... another fact: again super turned on by the hug we shared, panties were soaking wet again but thank god for panty liners otherwise it'll be a different walk of shame for me... i really liked it when you placed your hand on my bum (it felt good somehow), and i definitely felt a boner somewhere...

5 July: dinner and movie (...) i was kinda sad when the night ended, i didn't want it to end cos i always enjoyed our time together, there wasn't enough time anyhow and i gave you a peck on the cheek cos that was all i could muster at that point before we parted...

(...to be continued...)

basically once the touch barrier was broken, i wanted to touch you so badly all the time. literally ALL.THE.TIME. even if it was just stolen moments at Donki i gave you backhugs and random kisses and hand holding...i couldn't get enough... i confirmed one of my top love languages was touch and i wanted to communicate that thoroughly...you meant that much to me...

x x x

and as much as you are wont to admit it, i was defo a rebound, all the signs pointed to it and and it still tears me up inside i basically became collateral damage as you tried to seek solace from the pain... the Heartbreak Spotify Playlist is definitely not helping my case but it’s like beating a dead horse right...you just keep going at it until you’re numb i suppose...but i had no idea how i could relate so much to these songs till now it’s pretty crazy...some favourite tracks that can set me off right now are: Camila Cabelo’s Consequences X Ambassadors’ Unsteady Birdy’s Skinny Love