#tbh EMDR is one of the only times i actually felt like i processed something and moved forward
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i really hate how hard it is to heal from the past
#trauma fucking sucks#i still keep thinking back to 2019 2020 bc that's when i got hit with back to back trauma#but it was half a decade ago#this is why i feel stuck#and i feel so pathetic because of it#and trying to shove my emotions to the side is the reason we're here processing this now so#and ya know what so fucked up?#i'm not even thinking about the things i should be#i'm not thinking about nearly dying or the man who did#i'm thinking about stupid fucking arguments#and my stupid ex like omg can you believe it lmao#i think my brain is trying to distract me a bit#i became masterful at diverting my attention away from whats actually upsetting me#so idk if my brain is just like 'hmm here think about this dumb thing your ex said that hurt your feelings'#instead of ya know#the actual triggers#but it's driving me insane bc i feel like i'm not progressing#like my brain is STILL not properly processing things#release me from this cycle#tbh EMDR is one of the only times i actually felt like i processed something and moved forward#maybe i should do EMDR tonight...#i'm too scared tho lol i'll have a meltdown all alone#anyway does anyone get a kick out of reading my insane rambles lol#urdtarah complains
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