#taylor wake up you fucked up big time

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

I knew it . btw .

[kohakhearts]

so two weeks ago my kneecap spontaneously dislocated. no one really knows whats up with that. i get raised eyebrows and “but what did you do”s every time someone sees my splinted leg and asks what happened. so the orthopedist says this stays on for six weeks. then, you can do physiotherapy and we’ll hope this never happens again.

ok, great. so the good news is i CAN put weight on it. the doctor in the hospital gives me a pair of crutches, smiles at me like it’s not 6am and i haven’t been sitting in the er all night, says Just In Case. that’s great too.

the bad news?

i live on the third floor of a building with no elevator.

the building i work in has three floors and one elevator on the opposite side from where we’re located, which can only be accessed with a special key anyway. oh, and there’s construction going on this summer - so actually, the elevator isn’t even going to be accessible. plus, it doesn’t go to the third floor anyway, which is where my classroom is, at the end of the hallway.

that’s fine, though. i take public transit to and from work every day. at least the metro stations have elevators, right? well…14 out of about 70 stations in the city have them. i’m lucky that my local one does - the station i transfer at for work doesn’t have one to the platform i have to transfer to. the one i leave work from has three flights of stairs from the platform to the terminal.

so, keeping in mind i have to go up and down the stairs at work by the whims of my children and supervisors, and the staff room where i have to eat my lunch is on a different floor than my classroom, i’m averaging 20+ flights of stairs every single day. and cannot bend one of my knees, which is at the end of each day about as swollen as it was the day i dislocated it. my doctor prescribed me a month’s worth of naproxen, which my pharmacist was shocked by. she said, usually you only need this for a week. until the swelling goes down.

but the swelling is managed with some ice here and there anyway. so i’ll live. what really hurts is when i’m on the bus - because my commute to work involves two busses and two trains each way - and people trip over my leg because they just aren’t paying attention. i am at the mercy of kind strangers who notice and stand protectively over my leg, when i am lucky enough that upon boarding a bustling bus someone even gives me their seat. otherwise, i’m forced to stand on one leg to avoid putting too much force on my injured one each time we hit a bump.

(three times since my injury i have been the only person to offer my seat to another person with limited mobility on the bus, which every time the person in question has denied while everyone else’s eyes remain down and mouths remain shut.)

and lets not forget - i live in a city where everything is built atop huge fucking hills. at the top of one is the hospital. just below that, my university’s campus and student clinic.

am i just complaining for the sake of complaining? a little bit. but mostly i am thinking about how the inaccessibility around me is actively making it more difficult for me to heal from what is, spontaneity aside, a fairly common injury. i can’t quit my job. i need to attend my appointments. were it not june, i’d have to go to class. i am incredibly lucky to have friends who are willing to help with groceries and laundry, which would be particularly difficult for me due to the number of stairs i’d have to climb with my hands full, but if i didn’t - those are not things i could stop doing for myself and expect to survive for six weeks either, especially when i’m working 40 hours a week with 2+ hours of commuting a day.

anyway. maybe there’s not a lot the average person can do to help people with limited mobility. but giving up your seat on the bus is a pretty good first step and always has been.

[domjaehyun]

the boy is mine (l.dh) — part four

PAIRING. haechan x fem!reader (jeno x reader as well in this part) GENRES. smut, angst WORD COUNT. 19.8k CONTENTS. infidelity, alcohol & weed consumption (MC is a non-smoker if that matters to you), explicit smut (dirty talk, fingering, finger sucking, oral (receiving), rimming (receiving), groping/frottage, marking, spit play, (brief) ear play, breast play, creampies/unprotected sex (if you explicitly need me, a stranger on the internet, to tell you not to fuck raw, you are not responsible enough to be reading this. move along now), snowballing, public sex, car sex, riding, bratty dom-leaning switch!haechan, bratty sub-leaning switch!reader, sweet dom!jeno, face riding, handjob, overstimulation (receiving), praise kink (receiving), light degradation kink (giving), mating press, morning sex) NOTES. here’s part four!! i hope you enjoy it!! please leave feedback if you liked it :) i would also greatly appreciate tips if you really liked it :3 THANK YOU LIKE THE HUUUUUGEST THANK YOU TO BRI (@jalitepng) FOR BETA READING THIS BIG OL FIC :D  PLAYLIST. the boy is mine - ariana grande // fantasize - ariana grande (unreleased) // lowkey (feat. erykah badu) - teyana taylor // agora hills - doja cat // pussy is mine - miguel // softest touch - khalid // cut - tori kelly // seatbelt - josh levi // often - doja cat // surrender - nbdy

NEED TO CATCH UP? here’s a link to the fic masterlist :)

“Honestly? I think you’re fucked.” Seulgi announces plainly, and you gasp. “Casanova got you, and you’re hooked. It’s over for this friend group as we know it.”

“We—I’m not—girl, fuck you!” you huff, throwing a piece of popcorn at her.

“I’m right!” 

“Your pessimistic ass can sit over there and shut up while the rest of us try to fix this.” you huff, crossing your arms.

“Babe, I don’t know if this is fixable, though.” Yunjin chimes in gently, and you frown deeply. “He clearly doesn’t want to stop any time soon and, evidently, neither do you.”

“I tried,” you croak out, and Yunjin shushes you sweetly.

“I know—”

“He wanted to talk to me in person!” you bemoan, throwing your hands up.

“Should’ve said no.” Seulgi replies with a shrug, and you glare at her.

“I did, actually.”

She shrugs again, inspecting her nails. “Should’ve meant it.”

You stare at her for a moment before slowly bringing your finger up to point at her. “Now you look here, wench.”

“Wench is outrageous.” she snorts, but you ignore her.

“I’ve had enough of your mouth!”

“And I’ve had enough of the adultery, actually, yet here we are.” she counters, and you pause, shocked. “Like how much longer are we going to hear about you and Haechan sneaking around, and how much longer am I supposed to smile in that poor girl’s face like I don’t know everything I know?”

The room is silent in the wake of Seulgi’s outburst, and you look down at your hands uncomfortably. There’s nothing to say, frankly, because she’s right.

“And Chae, I’m really shocked at you; you’re the closest person to Winter and you’re okay with all this?”

Chaewon blinks, stunned by the sudden shift in attack, and discomfort settles on her face. “This isn’t about me.”

“Yeah, she’s just being a good friend—”

“To you. Don’t we think Winter could use a good friend or two?” Seulgi stresses, and you sit up in your spot on the couch.

“Seulgi, you’re literally here. You’re here! You’re here with the cheater! The adulterer, the man-stealer, and you’re here with her enabling friends and you, up until just now, have been one of the said friends!” you counter, and Seulgi just huffs, crossing her arms in her spot. “So don’t act like you’ve been against this all along when in reality your conscience developed, like, five minutes ago.” 

The air is thick with tension now after you’ve finished speaking, and it’s Seulgi’s turn to look uncomfortable.

“I just feel so bad for her.” she admits, and you sigh heavily. 

“I do, too. You have no idea how hard I’ve tried to fight this. He’s just so…”

“Annoying?”

“Insistent?”

“Irritating?”

“Determined.” you settle on, rolling your eyes at your friends’ unhelpful suggestions. “He’s determined. He’s confident practically every single time he comes up to me that he’s gonna get me and, I don’t know, I guess it makes my resolve waver.”

“I feel like if you didn’t like him, this wouldn’t be an issue. It’d be a hell of a lot easier to reject the advances of a man you decidedly do not want.” Seulgi says, sounding much calmer than before, and some of the tension in the room dissipates.

“I feel like we established she likes him, like, the night before she tried to end things.” Chaewon chimes in, and you immediately exclaim in protest.

“I never said that!”

“You didn’t have to.” Yunjin interjects, looking at you with a “duh” expression. “It was obvious.”

“To everyone but me, I guess.” you mutter petulantly, and your imminent sulking session is interrupted when all of your phones go off around the same time, and you all look at each other in confusion. You reach for your phone and open it, reading the notification. “Speak of the devil.” you chuckle as your friends open their phones to see Haechan’s message to the group chat.

haechan [20:09] guys my job gave me a voucher for a free wine tasting and i can bring friends 😎 who wants to go with me tomorrow?

“Oh, a wine tasting sounds fun,” Chaewon says, intrigued, and you purse your lips in thought.

“I don’t know if we should get two secret lovers in the same friend group tipsy at the same time.” Seulgi says slowly, and you frown at her.

“It’s a couple glasses of wine,” you explain with a roll of your eyes, “not twelve shots of Casamigos.”

Your phones go off again, and you all read the new reply.

winter [20:12] ooh that sounds fun! i’m down after work :)

“Well…we could leave it as a date for them?” Yunjin tries hopefully, looking around at you all. 

jeno [20:14] sure i’m in

mark [20:15] me too

[chenle liked “me too”]

chenle [22:17] what car is gonna take all our tipsy asses home?

“Well, so much for that.” Yunjin sighs in defeat. 

seulgi [22:18] there are uber xls that can fit 9 passengers :)

“Seulgi, you’re not helping!” Yunjin scolds, and she frowns up at you all.

“I supplied key and relevant information. I helped.” she replies stubbornly. “Plus, I like wine.”

chaewon [22:20] i’m excited :p

“So, we’re not even consulting each other anymore?” you remark incredulously, narrowing your eyes at Chaewon, who sticks her tongue out at you. “Fine.”

you [22:23] yeah yeah yeah drank in my cup or whatever kirko bangz said

you [22:23] what time are we thinking of going?

haechan [22:24] we’ll all be done with work by 6:00, right? why not meet up somewhere and take an uber to get there by 6:30? it’s a little out of the way but it’s good stuff trust me

yunjin [22:26] sounds good to me. can we meet up at your place, haechan?

chenle [22:27] excuse me i live there too 

chenle [22:27] MY NAME IS ON THE LEASE AGREEMENT

yunjin [22:29] who are you yelling at? 😒

chenle [22:29] ………………………..no one 😞

[yunjin liked “………………………..no one 😞”]

“Okay, well, now that’s happening.” you mutter, locking your phone.

“You really can’t catch a break, huh?” Yunjin laughs, but it sounds a bit sad, her brows furrowed sympathetically.

“Apparently not.” you mumble defeatedly, drumming your fingers on your knee. Your phone goes off again, and you look around, but apparently it’s just yours this time and, after checking it, you sigh softly.

haechan [22:32] can’t wait to see you tomorrow 💖

“Definitely not, actually.” you say to yourself.

The vineyard itself is beautiful, the beautiful, sunny spring day only enhancing its majesty, and it’s all you can do not to marvel openly at the wooden yet elegant architecture and the seemingly endless rows of wine grapes to be harvested.

”You’re gonna catch flies if you keep your mouth open like that.” Haechan murmurs playfully as you all follow the hostess to your table.

“Oh, hush,” you huff, but you close your mouth nonetheless. You reach your table, which is long, wooden, and oval-shaped, and all of you move to sit, with you ending up between Mark and, unsurprisingly, Haechan.

The hostess passes out a leaflet to each of you and explains, “Our wine tasting is a bit more interactive than most; you can make selections on the leaflet of which wines you’d like to try for which rounds, and the notes of each wine is listed below for your consideration. We’ll give you all a moment to make your selections and one of our servers will come back and collect them so we can get started.”

As you fill out your leaflet, you can’t help but feel Haechan’s nosy eyes peering over your shoulder at your choices.

”This isn’t a test, Haechan, you don’t need to copy me.” you snicker, and he just sticks his tongue out at you and continues to observe you, making you increasingly more unsettled and ready to snap by the minute. It’s when Haechan makes a disapproving hum at your next selection that you set your pen down and turn to face him.

”Can I help you, Judgy Pants?” you ask, and he offers a small secretive smile in return.

”Do you trust me?” he asks, and you pause.

”Not particularly.” you say slowly, and he winces. “Why?”

“First of all, ouch.” he complains, placing a hand over his chest like he’s been wounded, and you giggle. “Second of all, we’re at a wine tasting and wine is literally my job and field of expertise, so… do you trust me to pick your wines for you?”

Your brows furrow slightly before you say, “I mean, I haven’t told you anything about what I like and don’t like in wine.”

”So?” he asks, shrugging.

”So,” you continue, rolling your eyes, “how would you have any idea what I’d like?”

It’s apparently Haechan’s turn to roll his eyes as he regards you, murmuring, “You think that with all the time I spend focused—no, fixated—on you, I would have absolutely no idea of what you might like to drink?”

You balk at his plain, unashamed admission and feel warmth starting to bloom in your cheeks. “Okay,” you finally agree. “Well, in that case, go for it.” 

You move to pass him your leaflet, but he just leans over, bogarting your personal space, and remains unreasonably close as he circles the wines he thinks you’ll like. Whether he notices the way you inhale sharply and stiffen in place or not, he doesn’t comment, seemingly focused on filling out your leaflet.

The server arrives shortly after to collect all of your leaflets and leaves once more to bring out your first round of wines, returning a couple of moments later with two trays of drinks which she gingerly sets down in the center of your table before passing out each wine glass individually.

As you bring your glass to your lips, Haechan watches intently, brows raised in anticipation. The wine is delicious—it’s sweet and bubbly and fruity and you smile subconsciously, unknowingly provoking a relieved and satisfied grin from Haechan.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” he asks knowingly, and you nod excitedly, sipping eagerly at the glass again but slowly enough that you can still savor it. 

“That really was so good,” you hum, content as you finish the last of your glass and set it down earlier than everyone—except for Mark, who set his down on the table moments earlier after chugging the half-filled glass like it was a red Solo cup of jungle juice.

”Mark, you know you’re supposed to sip it, right?” you ask with a small laugh, and Mark grins sheepishly.

“My bad,” he chuckles.

Gradually, the rest of your friends finish their first drink, and the server comes around to collect your glasses.

”How was your first round?” she asks hopefully, and your voices all overlap as you tell her how good it was. “That’s great to hear! I’ll be right back with your second round, and feel free to let me know if you need any water or anything like that.”

When she leaves, Haechan turns to face you with a wide, proud grin. “Did I do a good job or what?”

“You did,” you confirm. Haechan takes an almost unnoticeable deep breath, a preparatory one as if he’s about to cheer or get loud in some other manner, and you continue on quickly before he gets the chance. “I just hope the next ones are good, too.”

“They’ll be even better,” Haechan assures you confidently, and you hum skeptically. 

“We’ll have to see about that.”

The next wine, like Haechan predicted, is even better than the first. It’s slightly drier, with an aftertaste of raspberry, and you find yourself wishing you hadn’t finished it so quickly.

”Don’t look so smug,” you laugh as he smiles at you, radiating self-satisfaction from his proud, puffed-out chest.

“Can’t help it,” he replies confidently. “I love being good at my job.”

“Man, next time we should go to a beer tasting,” Jeno pipes up, and you wrinkle your nose in distaste.

“You know, I’ve always thought beer tasted like pee.” you remark thoughtfully, and Jeno snorts in amusement. 

“I’ve never tasted pee to know for sure.” he replies, and you frown deeply.

“Well, of course I haven’t tasted pee! But you know how sometimes smells get stuck in the back of your throat and you can kinda taste it? When I taste beer, it makes me think of pee.” you defend yourself, and Haechan nods from beside you.

“It does taste funny.” he echoes, and you smile, feeling vindicated.

“See? It’s not just me.” you add on, and Jeno chuckles.

“Maybe you haven’t had the right beer yet,” he suggests, and you shrug.

“I guess I haven’t.” you agree slowly. “I do know that these wines are crazy good.”

“Did you just have the one with raspberry notes?” Chaewon asks curiously, and you nod eagerly. 

“Isn’t it so good?!” you exclaim excitedly, and Haechan laughs from beside you.

“It’s delicious,” she confirms happily. “Matter of fact—where’d she go?”

As Chaewon starts attempting to flag down your hostess for another glass of the wine, you look over at Haechan, who’s already looking at you with a fond expression on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you giggle, and he sits forward to murmur in your ear. 

“You’re cute when you’re tipsy.” When you suck your teeth at him dismissively in response, he reaches to clutch your leg under the table, making you stiffen in place. “Such a mouth on you,” he muses thoughtfully. “I’m so nice to you, and you’re mean to me like this?” His pout is audible in his voice, as is his amusement.

You can’t help but giggle at his playful tone, but you do manage to reply with, “I’m not mean! And I’m not tipsy!”

“Oh, yeah?” he challenges softly, his fingers stroking your inner thigh with a slow furling and unfurling of his fingers. “Prove it.” 

“Which part?”

“Both. Be nice to me and do a sobriety test.” he replies, and you snort far too loudly to be discreet.

“Shush, Haechan. Chae, look, the hostess is coming back!” you direct your friend’s attention to your approaching hostess, who smiles when she makes eye contact with you. “I barely feel anything,” you whisper to Haechan, who gently pinches your inner thigh in lieu of a verbal response.

“You will in a bit.” he replies confidently, and you glower in his direction.

“Whatever.”

You’re on your fourth cup of wine, all of them having tasted dangerously like juice, and you can’t lie, you’re starting to feel it.

You’re gigglier than usual, more playful, and Haechan picks up on it with a keen raise of his brows. You look at Haechan’s cup longingly after you finish yours, and he shakes his head.

”You’re not gonna like it.” 

“Lemme try it and see for myself,” you insist, and he chuckles fondly, shaking his head in amusement before shrugging in defeat and passing you the cup, your fingers curling around the cup and over his hand.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re a little hard-headed?” he asks lightheartedly, and you pause to think.

“Yes. And stubborn, and defiant.” you recall, and he lets out a low whistle.

“What about a brat, huh? Anyone ever call you that?” he asks with raised brows and you narrow your eyes.

“Besides you? No, actually.”

“Aw,” Haechan coos fondly. “I was your first.”

“Let’s not make it weird,” you warn him, and he wiggles his eyebrows flirtatiously.

“Let’s actually make it super weird,” he proposes with a suggestive grin, and you step on his foot under the table. “Ow!”

“Hush so I can focus on this wine.” you scold him, just now realizing he never let go of the glass and you two have essentially been holding hands this whole time. It’s not the realization that makes you feel butterflies, it’s the subsequent realization that you like it. 

You don’t know if the wine is starting to think for you, but you genuinely want to hold Haechan’s hand for just a moment longer.

“Then focus,” Haechan says, gesturing with his free hand for you to try the drink in your hand.

You take a tentative sniff first, suppose the drink smells sweet enough, and take a careful sip, immediately wrinkling your nose at the too fizzy, too bitter taste spreading across your tastebuds. You thrust the glass back into Haechan’s proximity with a grimace as he laughs, but you don’t let go of it yet, still trying to steal more intimate moments with him with your hand enveloping his.

“Man, that was a lot.” you say with a frown. Haechan shrugs as if to say, “I told you so!”

“I knew you weren’t going to like it.” he reminds you, and you roll your eyes.

“I don’t get how you like it.” you say with an accusing tone, and he snorts in amusement. 

“I like it bitter and sharp sometimes,” he explains. “I like how… invigorating it feels.”

“Blech,” you gag, and he narrows his eyes at you playfully before bringing the glass to his lips for a sip, your arm gently being tugged along as he switches the positioning of your hands so his is outside of yours. He grants you mercy for a moment, breaking eye contact to watch as he turns his cup this way and that.

Before you can ask what he’s looking for, you both spot it at the same time—your lip gloss mark left on the rim of the wine glass, and you watch, mesmerized, as he deliberately places his lips exactly over your lip gloss stain and takes a long sip.

You think you might actually melt into the floor at the rate that your body is heating up with a fiery blend of embarrassment, bashfulness, and—to be honest—desire.

If the indirect kiss wasn’t enough, when he pulls his lips from the glass, he shifts your joined grip on the glass so subtly you almost miss it, and presses a flirtatious, lingering kiss to your hand just between your second and third knuckles, dropping one eyelid into a small wink for good measure.

Your breath catches in your throat, and now you think you actually would like to melt into the floor—anything to escape the so-consuming-it’s-almost-overwhelming experience that is having Haechan’s undivided attention. 

As if he could read minds, Haechan’s eyes light up in realization, and you practically feel your heart drop.

“Are you getting shy right now?” he asks curiously.

“No?” you reply immediately, your heart starting to thud harder in your chest as his eyes twinkle with mischief and satisfaction.

“You answered that way too quickly.” Haechan points out, his smile widening into a wolfish grin. “Am I making you shy, baby?” His voice is soft and low, teasing and suggestive, and you frown deeply. “You know, you’re very cute when you’re shy.”

He’s got his eyes trained unwaveringly on you and you keep looking at him and away, your gaze darting all around in a desperate attempt to save yourself from this interaction.

“I’m not shy,” you mumble, your body betraying you as you shift uncomfortably under his gaze.

“Oh, yeah? If you’re not shy, then look me in the eyes.” Haechan challenges quietly, and you, after a moment (too long) and with poorly concealed difficulty, comply, staring him squarely in the eyes.

“See? I’m unaffected by… whatever it is you’re doing,” you lie, confusion blooming when he breaks out into a radiant, teasing toothy grin.

“I’m not doing anything, baby.” His eyes twinkle, his smile dazzles, and for a moment you wonder if he could blind you with how radiant his aura is. Leaning in closer, he licks his lips, flicks his gaze down to your lap and back up to your face, and continues, “I think you just like me.”

It takes absolutely every nerve in your body not to react with the indignant splutter you have locked and loaded for him, instead choosing to stay silent and look confused so as not to draw attention to you two. 

For a moment, you wonder how no one’s noticed you two, but when you scan your friends’ tipsy, dopey smiles and glazed over eyes as they all seem to have split off into smaller conversations, you realize they’re juggling numerous distractions, leaving you and Haechan free to do… whatever this is.  

“You’re silly.” you counter him with a dismissive roll of your eyes, and Haechan raises his eyebrow in a silent challenge.

“And you’re still holding my hand.”

You look down with a jolt and realize that, yes, you most certainly are still holding Haechan’s hand and have been holding it for approximately… too long to play off as nothing.

“I didn’t even realize,” you marvel quietly, and he nods with an understanding expression that borders on smug.

“I just make you that comfortable, huh? You like me that much, huh?” he teases, and you grouch and grumble under your breath, snatching your hand from his (and regretting it instantly).

”I’m going to the bathroom.” you announce, standing from the table without warning and wobbling slightly as you try to catch your balance.

Haechan and Mark both steady you with Mark’s cautious hand on your side and Haechan’s secure grip on your hip.

“Thank you,” you say sincerely.

“Wait, I’m coming,” Yunjin pipes up, seemingly appearing out of nowhere from your left. She was not a part of the scan you did on your friends because one look at her and you’re on edge all over again, because she looks very much like she has her wits about her, like she’s barely had a glass of wine, and, most importantly as indicated by the keen glint in her eye, like she has something important to say to you. She makes her way over to your side of the table, looping her arm with yours and guiding you towards the hanging sign indicating the location of the bathrooms. 

The bathroom door has barely shut before Yunjin turns to look at you with her shrewd gaze.

You can’t help but feel small under her stare. “Yes?”

“Girlypop, you look like you’re in love with him. Like I truly hate to break it to you, but you look smitten.”

“I am not!” you splutter indignantly, and she raises her eyebrows skeptically.

“You couldn’t even make eye contact with him earlier.” she points out simply, and you balk.

“You saw that?” you squeak pathetically, and she nods. “Ugh, okay, maybe I am a little smitten.”

She snorts. “Maybe?”

“Shush,” you huff. “What am I gonna do?” you wail, and it’s her turn to shush you, cupping your face in her hands.

“It’s okay, bunny bee. We’re gonna figure this out,” she assures you, and you nod lamely. “In the meantime, try to keep your distance.”

You nod in agreement and she smiles comfortingly, linking arms with you once more and leading you both back to the table. When you approach, Yunjin slips in front of you and takes your old seat, much to Haechan’s surprise, and you follow suit, sitting in her previous spot between Chaewon and Chenle.

Haechan is clearly not over your last conversation, the male sitting across from you making eyes at you as if daring you to look back at him. Your gazes connect several times, each time leaving him more triumphant than before and leaving you infinitely closer to unraveling entirely and dissolving into what would be, frankly, an embarrassing fit of girlish giggles.

The rest of the wine tasting goes by without any incident, Haechan’s wine selections for you making for a very palatable round of drinks, and a couple of you even take home a bottle of your favorite one, thanking the staff and bidding them goodbye as you wait for your Uber home to arrive.

When it arrives, you all start filing in without any rhyme or reason, the nine of you throwing strategy to the wind as you enter the Kia Carnival and settle down. It takes a couple of moments for you to realize as the seats fill up that, firstly, the seats next to you are still empty and, secondly, that Haechan is not yet in the car. 

At what feels like the very last moment, Haechan slips into the seat beside you, the side of his leg pressed up against yours as you all get situated.

As your driver pulls off and easy conversation starts among you all, you can barely focus on anything other than Haechan—how warm he feels beside you, how good he smells, how comforting and exciting his mere presence is, and it hits you in the moment just how much you really like him as you stare wordlessly down at your lap.

The realization is practically staggering, your world feeling like it’s falling apart at the seams all because you can’t keep yourself away from your friend’s boyfriend. It was easier when you thought it was just sexual, to be honest, but ever since that day at the museum and the way he looked at you—you think you might have been a goner from the beginning.

You feel doomed. You feel doomed, and stuck, and frustrated, and deeply overwhelmed, and you don’t know how to fix the absolute shit show you’ve gotten yourself into. 

You don’t even realize you’re crying until a tear falls onto your hand, and you blink in surprise before wiping the tear on your leg and quickly swiping the next one from your eye before it can drop as subtly as possible. 

Unfortunately, Haechan notices your small gesture and looks over at you, growing concern written plainly on his face. 

He opens his mouth to speak but closes it after a vehement shake of your head. He frowns, worry all over his handsome features as your bottom lip threatens to tremble with the weight of your unshed tears. 

He pulls out his phone and types something into an empty note in his Notes app before tilting his screen so you can see.

What’s wrong?

You shake your head dismissively, trying even harder now not to cry from the gentle concern he’s showing you. He types something else and turns it to show you again.

Can I help at all?

You shake your head again, a small sniffle slipping out despite your best efforts to hold it back, and alarm takes over his face before he frowns deeply and locks his phone, setting it back on his lap and drumming his fingers on his knee anxiously.

You don’t expect him to persist in trying to comfort you, so it comes as even more of a shock when he slips his hand between your bodies and turns it up in a silent offering. 

You pause for a moment before slowly linking your fingers with his and hoping he can’t feel the way your hand trembles.

He curls his fingers around yours in a warm, reassuring gesture, and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears at the whole situation—his kindness, his loveliness, your growing affections for him, and your immense guilt about coming in the middle of his and Winter’s relationship.

All you can do at the moment is sit silently until the Uber drops off you and Yunjin, at which point you plan to fall into her arms weeping—or something like that. Until you can do that, however, you’re stuck in this car secretly holding hands with Haechan, who, to his credit, doesn’t let go of your hand not once.

It’s not until you have to exit the car that he finally releases you with a reassuring squeeze, and as you and Yunjin make your way to your apartment, you can’t shake the feeling that you wish he hadn’t. 

As you get ready for bed, you think about your dilemma for what feels like ages, pondering how this could have happened to you, when it hits you—you really were doomed from the beginning. 

The night you two met, there were unmistakable sparks, and, at the time, it was the closest you’d come to feeling truly connected to someone. You hate to say it, but you wish he and Winter never dated so you could have him without feeling guilty. No matter how hard you tried to fight it, the chemistry was undeniable.

If everything happens for a reason, what on Earth could be the reason for this?

It’s not until you get into your bed and are rubbing your legs together, not unlike a cricket, to get comfortable that you realize that the only lesson the universe could possibly be teaching you is that you only live once. You’ve ruled out the lesson being restraint and self-control because, frankly, your whole life has been a testament to denying yourself various pleasures, and maybe Haechan was right that first night; maybe some risks are worth the reward. 

Finally drifting off to sleep, you feel a bit more at ease with your decision. You’ve spent your whole life being good; maybe it’s time to be a little selfish and have fun with Haechan for as long as you can before… well, you don’t particularly know what will happen, but for one of the first times, you’re willing to find out.

As you walk down the hallway to Mark’s and Jeno’s apartment, the music grows louder and louder and you can’t help but feel bad for their neighbors as the party only really just kicked off at 11:00pm.

Seconds after you knock, the door opens and some guy you only vaguely recognize ushers you in with a weirdly focused stare and unnerving grin.

“Who put rando in charge of party entry?” you mumble as you, Yunjin, and Chaewon link arms and start to make your way to the kitchen to get refreshments and hopefully some quiet to gather your thoughts.

As Chaewon raids the fridge, you root through the cabinet until you find the pack of Capri Suns you’re looking for, fishing out two and handing one to Yunjin.

“Score,” Chaewon whispers, eyes lighting up when she pulls a Sunny-D drink from the fridge.

“Your obsession with our childhood drinks must be studied.” Yunjin chuckles, sipping from the Capri Sun you gave her before downing two of the nips of Tito’s she brought with her.

“It helps heal my inner child,” she huffs defensively, taking a large gulp and sighing contently.

“Does the healing come before or after the Casamigos?” you ask wryly, and her eyes narrow in your direction. “Just curious!”

“You guys made it!” Mark cheers, startling the three of you as he enters the kitchen. “We were worried you two got too high to leave the house.” he explains, gesturing at Yunjin and Chaewon, who splutter defensively.

“We did not!” they insist, but Mark looks at you for the truth.

“They didn’t!” you defend them, and they nod proudly.

(You catch Mark’s eye privately and nod in confirmation. “They did.” you mouth. “But I saved us.”

“I know.” Mark agrees silently. “Thank you,” he says sincerely, and you giggle quietly.)

“Are you guys having a good time so far? Have you been here long?” Mark asks, and you shoot him a thumbs up.

“No, we just got here, actually.” you explain, your phone distracting you by buzzing in your back pocket. You pull it out to check it, a secretive smile making its way onto your lips when you read the name on the message notification.

haechan [22:08] hey you here yet?

You look up from your phone to Mark’s scrutinizing gaze, making you frown and shake your head to dismiss him.

“It’s nothing.” you assure him, and he narrows his eyes for a moment before relenting and focusing his attention on Chaewon, who’s gone on another search through their fridge, this time for snacks.

you [22:10] yeah in the kitchen w mark yunjin n chae

His reply is instant. 

haechan [22:10] bet

Excitement builds, a slow drum crescendo in your stomach as you anticipate seeing Haechan; what he might be wearing, how his hair is styled, his scent, and the way his voice lilts when he talks to you specifically—

“Hello?” Mark snickers, waving a hand in your face to get your attention. You snap out of your reverie and Mark rolls his eyes but smiles fondly. “Welcome back. You sure you didn’t take a hit, too?”

“Positive.” you snort, and he lifts his hands in surrender.

“Could’ve fooled me.” 

“Yeah, well—wait.” you cut yourself off mid-retort, looking around the room. “Where’d Yunjin go?”

“She probably went to go find everyone else,” Chaewon pipes up, now snacking on edible cookie dough and leaning into your side.

“True. Let’s go find her,” Mark offers, and you agree instantly, leaving the kitchen in a single file line with your hand wrapped around Chaewon’s. 

To no one’s surprise, as soon as you leave the peace and quiet of the kitchen, you three are separated almost instantly, leaving you alone in the middle of the packed living room and your friends scattered amongst the crowd. 

As you walk by a group of people in search of your friends, an arm loops around your waist and pulls you into their body. You don’t even flinch, already recognizing the person’s embrace as you curl into Haechan’s chest and smile up at him.

“Hi, handsome.” you coo, and he grins, running his free hand through his hair casually.

“Hey, baby. You look amazing,” he compliments, and your cheeks warm. “I went to the kitchen a minute ago to find you, but you weren’t there.” he says with a devastatingly attractive pout.

“I was trying to track down where Yunjin went! Then when we left the kitchen, I lost Chaewon and Mark, too.” you reply with a frown of your own.

“I just saw Yunjin by the balcony talking to some dude.” Haechan says, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder in her general direction. “She seems okay.”

“Okay,” you say, letting out a relieved sigh.

“How are you, though?” Haechan asks with a hint of worry, and you remember the way you left things with him after crying in the cab home from the wine tasting. “What was wrong the other night?”

“Oh, um. It was nothing, actually. I was thinking about a really, uh, sad video I saw the other day and it got to me again.” you explain hesitantly, and Haechan lifts one eyebrow skeptically.

“Oh, really?” he challenges, and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Yes, really.” you counter, and you two stare at each other with loaded gazes before he breaks it, raising his hands in surrender.

“Fine, I’ll drop it.” he relents, and you smile triumphantly. “But, baby, do me a favor,” Haechan continues, looking around behind you, and you tilt your head to the side curiously.

“What is it?”

“Ignore Jeno tonight.” he states, and you raise an eyebrow in disbelief.

“You’re kidding, right?” you say flatly, and he shakes his head. “Okay, so you’re gonna flirt with me all night, right? And ignore Winter?”

“Well, you know I can’t do that,” he replies slowly.

You most definitely did know that, and his answer only helps to prove your point. So why do his words feel like a bucket of ice cold water being poured on your head? 

You attempt to shake it off internally, so you just nod slowly to his words, waiting for him to catch on.

“So it’s fair that you get to play around all night, but I get nothing?” you huff, pulling back from him slightly, and his grip tightens around your waist. “Yeah, no.”

“No?” he echoes, furrowing his brows in surprise and confusion.

“No.” you confirm, looking up at him. “I’m gonna flirt with Jeno.”

“You’re gonna flirt with him.” Haechan echoes flatly in disbelief, and you nod, patting his chest. “That’s even worse. I don’t want to share you with him.”

“Wh–and you think I want to share you with her?” you whisper heatedly, and he shoots you a warning look.

“That’s not the same.” 

“Bullshit.” you retort, and he groans under his breath. “As a matter of fact,” you say, extracting yourself from his embrace, “let me go enjoy my night.”

“Are you mad at me?” Haechan asks, incredulous, and you look back at him like he’s stupid.

“Guess.” you reply shortly before turning on your heel and venturing further into the party and farther away from Haechan.

“You know…” you sigh, leaning against the wall, “I haven’t seen Jeno all night.”

Seulgi shoots you a funny look. “Didn’t you just get here, like, thirty minutes ago?”

You glower back at her. “Well, yes, but it’s his place. Why is he not running out and about and amok in the living room for my viewing pleasure?”

“Since when have you looked away from Haechan long enough to notice Jeno was missing?” Seulgi questions, regarding you carefully. At your expression, she raises her eyebrows. “Trouble in paradise?”

“No,” you quip back shortly.

“Doesn’t seem like it.” she says with a shrug, and you sigh loudly.

“Well…”

“What is it?” she presses gently, and you frown.

“Haechan told me not to talk to Jeno tonight.” you explain, and her brows shoot up in surprise.

“Did he say why?”

“I feel like we both know why. The jealousy was implied.” you sniff, turning your nose up. 

“He’s got some nerve.” she chuckles in surprise, and you nod vigorously.

“He’s got some fucking nerve, right?!” you agree, and she rubs your back comfortingly.

“So what did you say?” she asks, and you balk.

“Well, I pointed out the double standard.” you say slowly. 

Seulgi arches an eyebrow. “What did you say?”

“...I said he should ignore Winter, then.” you mutter quietly, and she shoots you an incredulous glare. “It was to point out that he can’t ask me to do something like that!”

“Yeah, okay, but what if he was like ‘bet,’ and ignored Winter all night in favor of you? Well—” Seulgi looks off into the distance for a brief moment in contemplation. 

“Shut up.” You already know where she’s going with this.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m right!”

“He wouldn’t do that.”

“He literally has.” Seulgi reminds you.

“He didn’t do it today.” you counter with a stubborn frown.

“Well, maybe we should stop focusing on what he didn’t do and worry about what you’re going to do.” she supplies helpfully.

You nod slowly. “You’re right.”

“I know.” She leans back against the wall, pleased with herself.

“Wow, and so humble, too.” you drawl, and she giggles.

“I’m gonna… flirt with Jeno, for starters.”

“Maybe he can help take your mind off of Haechan!” she suggests, and you nod slowly, the nod becoming more pronounced as your conviction grows stronger.

“You’re so right.”

“I know,” Seulgi replies, again, to your mild irritation and amusement. “It’s one of my many charms.”

“Can you stop stroking your own ego for twelve minutes?” you chuckle with a roll of your eyes, and she pauses thoughtfully.

“Hey, Siri?” she calls out, pulling her phone from her back pocket. 

“Uh-huh?” her phone replies.

“Set a timer for twelve minutes.”

“You’ve got to be joking.” you snort, and she shakes her head.

“Your timer is set for twelve minutes.” Siri responds, and Seulgi locks her phone and places it back in her pocket.

“You’re not gonna thank her?” you ask, confused.

Seulgi shoots you another funny look. “She’s not real.”

“She’s real to me. And if the robots and technology ever revolt, don’t you want to be known as a human with manners? Maybe they’d spare you!”

Giving you a long, blank stare, Seulgi shakes her head and sighs. “I don’t know what goes on in your head sometimes.”

After Seulgi leaves to go take a hit on the terrace, you head down the hallway towards the kitchen for snacks, stopping shortly when you see a familiar figure sitting on the floor against the wall, knees tucked to her chest and resting her forehead against her knees.

“Winter?” you ask curiously, stepping closer. “Are you alright?”

She looks up at you with a bleary-eyed, weak smile. “Hey.”

“Hey…” you say carefully, trying to evaluate the situation and figure out what’s wrong. Did Haechan break up with her or something? Pushing aside the sick rush of excitement you felt after thinking that, you continue with, “Winter, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she mumbles tiredly, rubbing her temples. “I just have a raging headache.”

“Oh, no,” you hum, worried. “You want some painkillers? It’s ibuprofen, 600 milligrams. I use them for cramps and they work like a charm!”

“Yes, please, actually.” she agrees with relief written all over her face.

“Okay, come with me.” you say, gently taking her hand to help her to her feet. You let her lean on you slightly as you make your way to the kitchen to get her something to drink. “You know you have to eat something, too, right? You shouldn’t take it on an empty stomach.”

“Okay,” she sighs weakly. 

“Here, sit right here.” you guide her to a chair by the kitchen island and set about finding her a suitable snack. You give up on the junk food and decide to raid their fridge, finding just enough ingredients to make her a turkey, lettuce, and cheese sandwich. “You want mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

“Mm, no, thank you,” she says weakly, resting her head on the countertop. “It’s so much quieter in here.”

“Yeah, I can’t imagine the booming bass being good for your headache.” you reply sympathetically, and she shakes her head gingerly.

“The music caused it,” she explains. “Sometimes I really hate parties.”

“Really?” you reply, slightly shocked, but then you pause to really think about it and realize she’s right; she rarely suggests going to parties, merely just tagging along when you all decide to go to one.

“Yeah, I prefer just relaxing at home, but I go because all of you guys go and Haechan…”

Your ears perk up. “Haechan…?”

“Haechan loves parties and hanging out. It’s so funny that he loves going out so much, but he always stays in with me when I ask him to. He’s so sweet.”

You think back to the tight-lipped smile he gave Winter when she asked him to take her home the evening you guys went to the museum, and wince internally. If he’s staying home, it’s definitely not by choice.

“You guys have fun together, huh?” you say bleakly, and she nods with a small smile.

“He’s so funny and I love laughing at how silly he is.” she gushes, and you set the plate with her sandwich down on the table, her head perking up. “Sometimes I wonder how we work so well in spite of our differences. Maybe it’s the ‘opposites attract’ phenomenon.”

“Well, what else is there? He’s a party animal and you’re a homebody.” you say, curious.

“He’s such a free spirit, and I’m… more grounded, I think. I think I keep his head from going too far in the clouds, y’know?” she says quietly around a mouthful of sandwich.

“I see, I see.” This is downright painful to hear for you, honestly, but you’re not sure if it hurts more that she has him and you don’t or that Winter’s oblivious to their incompatibility.

“And he’s more of a night owl, but I like waking up early, but he still wakes up early just to hang out with me,” she sighs dreamily, eyes focused on her sandwich and therefore completely missing the disbelieving look you shoot her way.

“So if he goes to bed late at night, and wakes up early to be with you… when does he get to rest?” you ask carefully, and Winter screws up her face thoughtfully.

“Huh. I never really thought about it like that.”

Of course you didn’t. Because you think of Haechan as some sort of prop or accessory you can equip whenever you feel like it. He’s a living, breathing human being that might not want to wake up early every time you feel like it.

You don’t say any of that, though.

“Yeah,” you say quietly. Not wanting to ruin the atmosphere, you continue with, “I mean, if those are all the differences you have, you guys could be pretty okay!”

“Well, then there’s the affection thing.” she says slowly, and you nod, already knowing where she’s going.

“If he’s too affectionate, like in public and stuff, you can try talking to him about it!” you suggest helpfully, but Winter looks at you in confusion.

“Too affectionate? Girl, he doesn’t even like holding my hand in public.” she chuckles hollowly, and you blink, stunned.

So you definitely did not know where she was going with her earlier statement.

“He’s… not… affectionate with you?” you ask slowly and carefully, and she shakes her head.

“He says PDA makes him feel weird.” she says with a shrug, and you blink at her again, baffled.

Nothing about that man gives “not affectionate” when he’s with you. As a matter of fact, you’re usually drowning in his affection, so for Winter to say he’s distant with her makes you feel… guilty? 

“Oh,” you mumble quietly, and that’s all you can really say for the moment. 

Winter, oblivious yet again to her emotional surroundings, sets down the crusts of the sandwich you prepared for her and sighs in relief. “I feel a little better already, actually!”

“That’s great!” you say, eager to change the topic. “Do you still want painkillers?”

“Yes, please.” she replies immediately, reaching her hand out. You fish out your little prescription bottle of painkillers and shake one into her hand, placing a glass of water on the table beside her plate. “You’re the best,” she compliments, relieved, and you shake your head to yourself in silent disagreement, the gesture unnoticed by Winter.

If only she knew.

Walking through the party, you soon run into the very person Haechan asked you to ignore tonight. You smile up at Jeno, who grins and pulls you closer to him as you two start to move to the beat of the song coming through the speakers.

Your hips sway together rhythmically and Jeno leans down to your ear, murmuring, “I was hoping I’d run into you.” 

“Oh, yeah? Why is that?” you hum curiously, resting your forearms on his chest and peering up at him.

“I always hope to see you,” he defends himself, and you raise an eyebrow skeptically.

“And we’re sure this has everything to do with that and nothing to do with you wanting me to see you tonight in your slutty little crop top?” you tease, and his cheeks redden as he shoots a bashful grin down to the floor.

“It’s not slutty!” he splutters defensively despite his laughter, and you shoot him an unimpressed blank stare.

“It’s a slutty, slutty top, Jeno,” you confirm, trailing one finger down from the space between his collarbones to where his stomach is revealed. “I didn’t even know you got down like that,” you confess, and his ears blush to match his cheeks.

“I don’t!” he squawks indignantly.

“Aw, man,” you sigh, feigning disappointment. “That’s a shame.” 

Jeno regards you carefully. “Why is that?”

“I was just gonna ask you how slutty you can get.” you murmur softly, looking up at him with a growing mischievous grin.

“Well, in that case,” he replies with a matching smile, “I can get pretty slutty.”

”Mm, yeah?” you muse, draping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to you. “Show me.”

As if he was waiting for the cue, he leans in and teases your lips apart with gentle grazes of his own, waiting until you’re at peak anticipation before surging forward and connecting your lips with a soft sigh of relief.

His lips move against yours eagerly, poorly restrained excitement practically vibrating through his body as he winds his arms around your lower back and draws you in closer, his warm, musky fragrance enveloping you. 

He presses kiss after kiss to your lips, obliging every time you chase after his lips for another one with a small fond chuckle and a quiet, content grunt. Jeno pulls back from the liplock with an air of reluctance, scanning your expression for a wordless confirmation before looking towards the back of the apartment.

“Do you want to go somewhere quieter?” Jeno offers, and you smile and nod, linking your fingers with his as he starts to lead you further into the apartment and farther away from the din of the party surrounding you.  

Leading you into the bathroom of his apartment, he shuts the door behind him and presses you up against it before kissing you again.

“You literally live here,” you giggle into the kiss. “Why are we in your bathroom and not your bedroom?”

“Long story short, Mark wants to get laid and his room is a mess, so he’s using mine.” Jeno explains, and you chuckle, nodding in understanding.

“You’re a good friend,” you say fondly, and he grins.

“I am?” he asks, and you nod, gasping when his hand slides down your front to between your thighs. “Yeah, I guess I am,” he says, his smile turning wolfish as he leans in closer, effectively pinning you against the wall as he kisses you deeply, teasing peeks and slips of his tongue into your mouth making you dizzy.

This time, when you pull back, it’s Jeno who chases your lips and captures them in another breath-stealing kiss. Every time you break the kiss to breathe, he’s on you a second later, barely giving you time to get any air—but when you’re thoroughly breathless and light-headed, he rests his forehead against yours as you both catch your breath, your chests heaving.

Jeno recovers faster than you do, moving and pressing kisses down your neck to your collarbones and back up while you play catch up. Unfortunately for you, each drag of his lips against your throat, each well-placed suck of skin and cheeky flick of the tongue only serves to make your breathing even more ragged, your eyes rolling back into your head as pleasure builds inside of you. 

Unable to wait any longer, you cup his face and tilt his head up towards yours to kiss him another time. He straightens up immediately and returns the kiss eagerly, pressing his hips into yours in excitement before pulling back. 

Your bodies move in sync, wordlessly on the same page as you both reach for the other’s clothing. Your movements are smooth and fluid as you unbuckle Jeno’s belt and unbutton his jeans, while Jeno’s are rough and jerky, the male haphazardly yanking at your pants until your button comes undone. 

His fingertips are cold and slightly calloused as he navigates past your underwear, stroking the seat of the garment before chuckling quietly.

“Already this wet for me?” His tone is a mix of curiosity and awe with a teasing lilt to it and his eyes twinkle when you nod, clutching at his arm with your free hand. “You’re unreal.”

“Jeno, touch me,” you urge plaintively, and he obliges instantly, middle finger circling your entrance before pushing in slowly. 

“God,” he groans in surprise, pulling his finger out and pushing it back in experimentally before establishing a rhythm that has you digging your nails into his arm for something to hold onto. “You’re so wet, holy shit.”

You can’t bring yourself to reply, instead pushing your hand past his jeans and palming his length through his boxers, stroking from bottom to top diligently. He’s big, you note internally, suppressing a moan of anticipation when you feel the ridges of his cock through the teasingly thin fabric of his underwear.

Eager for more of your touch, Jeno leans into you, unintentionally pressing you against the sink so hard the counter digs into your back uncomfortably. He speeds up his motions between your legs, smoothly adding a second finger to assist in pumping in and out of your core, and you’re suddenly thankful Jeno’s body’s there to keep you standing, your knees on the verge of buckling from all the stimulation.

You wrap your fingers around the base of his cock—well, as far around as you can manage—and start to pump your fist up and down the length of his shaft. Jeno practically purrs in satisfaction, returning the favor by curling his fingers inside of you and stroking along your inner walls in search of your g-spot. 

He finds the small patch of nerves right around the time that you add your other hand into the mix, twisting and stroking him in opposite directions, both fists gliding up and down with the assistance of his pre-cum dripping from his tip.

“Careful, baby, you’re gonna make me cum,” he manages to get out through clenched teeth, and you shrug casually, blinking up at him intently.

“What’s so wrong with that, hm?” you tease, and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“What’s wrong with that is that I have plans for you tonight, and cumming early does not fit in those plans.” Jeno explains with a tempting smile that makes you just want to lean in and kiss him.

So you do. As you kiss him, he speeds up his pace and uses the heel of his palm to massage your clit and it’s not long before you’re climaxing with a gasp of his name and an overwhelmed whimper that makes Jeno’s cock twitch in your hands.

He moves your hands away from his length with a surprising amount of restraint and replaces your hands with one of his own, slowly pumping up and down his shaft as he observes you with bright, intense eyes.

“Can I taste you?” His voice is raspy with desire but his words are clear as he meets your gaze with a hopeful expression.

“Y-Yeah—um, yes, you can.” you stammer, finding it hard to maintain your composure under his gaze; it’s a mix of adoration, lust, and keen fascination as he studies everything about you, eyes roving over you as studiously as if he intends to commit your… everything to memory.

He smiles at your nervous response, eyes shifting to crescent moons as he sinks to his knees. 

“Don’t worry, baby,” he hums sweetly, looking up at you from his kneeling position. He helps you out of your underwear and jeans, draping your leg over his shoulder and shifting to get closer to you. “Gonna take care of you.”

He places a feather-light kiss to the hood of your clit, making you whimper quietly, and he gazes up at you, curiously studying your reactions as he spreads your folds with his index and middle fingers and drags his tongue up from your entrance to your clit.

A loud gasp escapes you, and your hand moves reflexively to the top of his head, fingers curling in his black locks of hair. He chuckles into your core, the sound sending pleasurable vibrations through your body before repeating the action, heavy-handed strokes of his tongue lashing at the underside of your sensitive clit as you squirm above him, tugging on his hair and rocking your hips closer into his face.

He reaches behind you and grabs your ass, hands gripping your cheeks firmly and pulling you as close to his mouth as he can manage. His tongue works at your core in an almost frenzy, lapping at you as if you’re all he’s ever wanted to taste. You shudder at the sensations, a low moan emerging from your chest involuntarily, and he echoes you, his groan of bliss garbled by the way his tongue swirls around your clit.

“Fuck, Jeno—feels so good,” you exhale shakily, eyes sliding shut in ecstasy as he devours you, arousal-smeared lips sucking and kissing at your folds and tongue flicking and swirling, dipping teasingly into your entrance. 

“You’re perfect,” he slurs against your folds, sucking them between his lips and running his tongue over them before releasing them and returning his attention to your clit, sucking the bundle of nerves into his mouth and letting it slip from his lips with a lewd wet smacking noise. “So fucking perfect—”

“Jeno, please,” you whine, reaching between your legs with your free hand and spreading your folds, tugging the hooded flesh above your clit up to expose the sensitive button. “Right here��please—wanna cum so bad—”

His eyes flick up to yours, so wild and filled with desire that it takes you by surprise, and he growls in determination under his breath as he surges forward and lets loose on your poor, expectant clit, alternating between sucking hard, flicking it back and forth, swirling his tongue around it and, to your scandalized surprise, burying his face in your core, the tip and bridge of his nose bumping and massaging your clit.

“Fuck—” you hiss in surprise, the word ending in a desperate moan as he brings you to your climax, letting his tongue lie flat against your entrance as he moves his head up and down, guiding you into using the bridge of his nose to stimulate your clit. 

“Ride my face,” he instructs through a throaty grunt, and you eagerly oblige, humping against his face as you ride out your high, moaning and panting Jeno’s name repeatedly.

“Holy shit,” you whisper in shock as Jeno straightens up and licks his lips before starting to stroke himself with slow strokes, tightly curled fist fucking his thick shaft as he watches you with a smug grin and slightly wildened eyes.

“Turn around for me?” he offers, pointing his finger downwards and twirling it around, his gaze darkening when you do just that and turn to face the mirror above the sink. “That’s it, stick that cute little ass out for me.” he grunts, and you feel your cheeks flush with heat, averting your gaze from his through the mirror. 

He smooths a palm over your asscheek, kneading the flesh before mimicking the action on the other one. He positions himself behind you and pushes his length into you, hissing in delight as your walls flex and stretch to accommodate his size.

“Fuck, Jeno,” you moan out, and he chuckles, the sound more teasing and dark than you’ve ever heard him. It’s a new, definitely not unwelcome side to him that you’re seeing right now and the realization brings forth yet another wave of arousal and desire that travels through your body and slickens around his length.

“Feels good?” he groans, and you nod vehemently, rocking your hips back onto him. “Yeah, I know it feels good, you’re gushing all over my cock, princess.”

All you can muster up in response are pathetic whines and whimpers as he drives his length into you, and he snickers, pulling your head up so you’re looking into the mirror.

“Look at yourself,” he urges, voice strained from his desire. “How good you look taking me like this.” 

“Jeno—” you cry, feeling a myriad of emotions as you watch yourself in the mirror. You look fucked out, to say the least, pupils wide but lids heavy as you trap your bottom lip between your teeth. Your lipgloss is smeared around your mouth, which soon falls open as breathy pants and cries sound out from your kiss-swollen lips freely. 

“Prettiest girl I’ve ever fucking seen,” he moans through clenched teeth as he focuses his attention on drilling into you repeatedly. “That feels so good around my cock, baby, keep sucking me in like that—” The head of his cock fucks into your most sensitive spot along your inner walls and you lose all sensibility, grabbing at the sink to steady yourself.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you gasp, fingers moving to rub your clit to help you reach your peak only to flinch away when you touch your sensitive clit and a jolt of something overtakes you. 

“Cum all over my cock, baby,” Jeno half-urges, half-pleads as your climax hits. 

So you do—hard. Your vision goes unfocused as you become acutely aware of the sound of your blood rushing through your ears and you can only let out weak moans and gasps as pleasure consumes you entirely.

Jeno’s throbbing length twitches inside of you as he pulls out and pushes in while your walls constrict around him, and his grip on your hips tightens as he begins to chase his own release.

“So good, baby,” he praises in a low, hushed murmur as he bites down on his bottom lip. “God, I need to cum—baby, where can I cum?”

“Inside,” you reply instantly, and he moans in delight, pushing into you all the way as he starts to cum.

“God, you’re amazing,” he breathes. “You want me to cum nice and deep in your pretty pussy, yeah?”

“Uh-huh—” you sniffle plaintively, and he sucks in a sharp breath as he meets your gaze in the mirror.

“Fuck—it’s yours, baby—gonna give you all of it, princess—” he promises, staying true to his word and not pulling out until your walls have milked him dry. His eyes shut tightly and he breathes out loudly through his nose as his body goes tense and rigid for a moment.

As you two catch your breath, Jeno gently guides your jelly-like limbs up and around so you’re sitting on the sink counter and reaches up to hold your face, assessing your expression carefully.

“How do you feel?” he asks softly, and his endearing display of concern brings a small, bashful smile to your face. “Good?” he chuckles, and you give a nod of confirmation. “Good.” he murmurs, moving to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you closer for a tight, warm, secure hug.

If you were a cat, you’re sure that you’d be purring loudly as he rubs soothing circles into the small of your back and presses light kisses to the shoulder he’s resting on.

After a moment, he releases you slowly, now sporting a shy smile of his own. “I could stay here with you all night,” he confesses quietly, and your own smile widens as you reach forward to take one of his hands in your own.

“I would like that,” you admit, and he chuckles.

“Don’t tempt me,” he warns you playfully. “Unfortunately, I think we should get out of this bathroom before someone finds out we’re in here.”

As soon as he reminds you of your circumstances, you can’t help but feel a sudden jolt of panic and think about your argument with Haechan.

“I suppose you’re right,” you sigh, frowning slightly, and he coos fondly at you, leaning in to kiss you softly. “I guess we should get ready, huh?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, and he steps back to help you off the counter, handing you your pants and underwear before busying himself with buttoning and zipping his pants. You get redressed quickly and quietly and he puts his hand on the doorknob, quickly squeezing your hand in a comforting gesture before releasing you and opening the door.

To your surprise, when you come out and make your way back to the party, it doesn’t seem like anyone caught onto your joint absence, making you think that maybe, just maybe you’ve gotten away with it.

That is, until Haechan corners you on your way back from the kitchen when the rest of your friends have slipped off to smoke. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” he scoffs, and you try your best to play dumb despite feeling caught—and guilty at that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lie, and he gives you the most unimpressed stare you’ve seen in a minute, making you blanch and look away in mild embarrassment.

“We’re gonna stand here and pretend that I don’t know what you look like after you’ve been fucked?” he says flatly, and you swallow thickly, realizing you probably can’t dodge the topic anymore.

“What exactly are you getting at, Haechan?” you huff, and he shoots you a wide-eyed, incredulous look.

“You had sex with Jeno.” He gets straight to the point and you wince internally before bracing yourself and meeting his gaze levelly.

“And?” 

“And you did it specifically after I asked you not to flirt with him tonight.”

“Who do you think you are to make any sort of request like that of me, though?” you counter, and to your surprise, his nerve falters visibly, his hand lifting to rub the back of his neck.

“I know we’re not together, but—”

“But nothing! Not only are we not together, but you’re together with someone else!” you whisper-shout, and his expression turns defensive.

“We’re not together,” he repeats, staring you down as if daring you to interrupt him again, “but you know good and well we’re not not together.”

“We’re not exclusive.” you point out. 

“You can slice and dice the anatomy of our relationship any way you want, okay?” Haechan says, exasperated. “But you know what you did was messed up. That’s why you pretended not to know what I was talking about.”

You hate that he’s right. “I don’t really want to talk about this right now,” you mutter, looking away.

“Oh, believe me. We’ll talk about it later.” he replies, the resolve in his voice more than a little intimidating.

“Great,” you say sarcastically. “Can I go now?”

“I don’t know why you asked. You’re just going to do what you want anyway.” he half-scoffs, half-chuckles, and you can’t help but smile slightly with satisfaction.

“Ring any bells?”

“No,” he replies as you turn to leave, leaning in so his lips are by your ear. “I don’t pretend to care what the other person thinks. I just do it.”

“I don’t pretend, I consider my options.” you reply defensively, turning your nose up haughtily before walking away.

“We’re gonna pretend that’s not worse?” Haechan calls after you incredulously, but you ignore him, rounding the corner and practically collapsing in relief when you see that Yunjin and Chaewon have returned from their smoke break, the two of them giggling together on the couch. 

They look up to see you and break into wide smiles, making space between them and reaching out to welcome you closer. 

“We are starving,” Chaewon complains when you plop between them on the couch. “We were thinking about getting food somewhere.”

“How about the diner? I could really go for a cheeseburger right now.” you suggest, and Yunjin’s eyes light up.

“Yes! I’ll see if everyone else wants to go… after I rest for a second.” she says, resting her head on your shoulder, and you hum sympathetically.

“What’s wrong? Why so sleepy?”

“I’m drained,” she complains. “I sucked in a Scooby snack earlier when I was hitting my bowl and I haven’t recovered from my coughing fit.”

“Dang…Toke-ahontas did you dirty, huh?” you say with a frown. 

“After all I’ve done for her!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “She’s ungrateful.”

“Yeah, she cost you about 100 aura points.” Chaewon nods sadly, and you and Yunjin look at each other then at her in confusion. “Aura points? It’s a TikTok thing!”

“You need to stop being so chronically online.” Yunjin says in a gently concerned voice. 

“Online is where the lesbians are,” Chaewon defends herself, and you snort.

“The online lesbians are filling your head with inane terms and thoughts.” you inform her.

Chaewon huffs, crossing her arms as her lip begins to tremble. “The online lesbians wouldn’t do that to me!” 

“Okay, they wouldn’t!” you switch up immediately to avoid actually upsetting her and you pull her into a hug. “The online lesbians love and care for you, they’re just a little silly.”

“Yeah!” she sniffles, resting her head on your chest. “My silly online lesbians.”

You and Yunjin share a look over Chaewon’s unsuspecting head before shaking your heads and smiling to yourselves.

“Back to you,” you say, refocusing on Yunjin. “You are so brave,” you say seriously, patting her hand gently, and she smiles up at you, chuckling slightly before starting to cough once more. “Poor thing.”

“If I die,” she rasps dramatically, “tell my boss I hate how complicated her coffee order is. It makes all the baristas hate me and then they think I’m the pretentious prick who orders several customized drinks for varied drinking pleasures.”

“Absolutely will do.” you nod resolutely. “If I can remember all those words.” Yunjin snickers before coughing again. “Good God.”

As you all enter the diner and head to your usual spots, you’re surprised when Jeno slips in front of Haechan and slides into the spot next to you. 

Haechan, it seems, is just as stunned as you are, if not more. Jeno sits close to you, his thigh pressing up against yours and his fingers lightly grazing at the top of your hand in a silent, nervous request.

You make eye contact with Haechan, who’s settled down beside Winter and is staring absolute daggers at an oblivious Jeno, and oblige Jeno’s request, turning your palm up to link your fingers with his. He jolts in surprise at the contact, definitely not expecting you to agree to it, but a shy, excited smile slowly curls his lips as he curls his fingers around yours, the gentle act of affection happening under the table away from prying eyes. 

You can’t help but notice that Jeno’s intent gaze is nothing short of adoring as he studies you, not letting go of your hand for even a moment. In fact, when the waitress comes with your menus, he seems to forget to release you, bringing your linked hands up from under the table to reach for his respective menu. 

Your eyes can’t help but dart to Haechan, who’s already staring at your intertwined fingers with an unreadable expression and a clenched jaw. He stares at your hands, then you, then Jeno, before snapping out of it a moment later to receive his menu from the waitress. You carefully extract your fingers from Jeno’s with a hint of embarrassment, averting your gaze from Haechan’s the whole time as you cover the gesture by fixing your hair, brushing it out of your face.

Conversation builds amongst you all gradually, your and Haechan’s unusual silence compensated for by Jeno’s unexpectedly bubbly contributions. You can’t help but look over at Haechan periodically, the subject of your attention pointedly staring down at his menu with his jaw set and brow furrowed.

You know that you two just had an argument, and neither of you owe each other anything… so why do you feel so wrong?

Jeno snaps you out of your thoughts when he slumps down to rest his head on your shoulder. It’s almost comical, the way that the larger male contorts his body just to place his head on you, but you can’t find it in you to be truly amused—not with the way Haechan pokes his tongue to the inside of his cheek in poorly concealed irritation.

“Hey, where’d you two disappear to, anyway?” Yunjin’s voice cuts through your internal spiraling, and you freeze at the sudden attention, blinking twice in a daze before meeting her curious gaze. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, feigning cluelessness. 

“At the party, girl! You and Jeno disappeared out of nowhere and showed up, like, an hour later.” As she speaks, you watch the realization set in, her eyes dropping to where Jeno’s head rests on your shoulder, lifting to study the content smile on his face, and finally meeting your shifty gaze. 

You’re less than surprised when she spares Haechan a surreptitious glance only to find him staring directly at you with a challenge burning in his eyes. 

Tell them where you were. He doesn’t need to say a word, evidently, because you look down at your hands in your lap, wanting so badly to feel comforted by the way Jeno’s thumb strokes the back of your hand yet feeling more alienated than ever.

“Oh, I lost my phone and she was helping me look for it.” Jeno’s voice pipes up as he covers for you, and you try not to visibly slump with relief. 

“Again? Jeno, you’re always losing your things.” Chaewon scolds. 

“Yeah, you’d better be careful before you lose something you can’t replace.” Haechan says in a low tone, words heavy with a warning and an unspoken threat that you’re sure has nothing to do with a cellphone.

Jeno notices it, too, unfortunately. Letting out a low whistle, Jeno sits up slightly and squares his shoulders as he stares back at Haechan. “What’s with the hostility? I’ve never lost anything I couldn’t—or didn’t—get back or replace.” 

“Yet.” Haechan mutters under his breath bitterly, and the air at the table seems to go stale as everyone freezes at the impending threat. Everyone, that is, except for the oh, so clueless Winter, whose response to her irate boyfriend’s remark is to loop her hand around his arm and look up at him questioningly.

“You okay, baby?” she asks, concerned, and he blinks back an almost imperceptible roll of his eyes before shifting his gaze to her with a tight-lipped smile. 

She brightens up at the sight of his smile, resting her head on his shoulder, leaving you to wonder how she could miss the absolute fire blazing in his eyes. You also feel the urge to swallow bile as you stare blankly at where her head meets his shoulder.

It hits you then, the realization finally sinking in, that you’re jealous of Winter, and your anger multiplies what feels like tenfold as you start to spiral, your mood worsening rapidly.

That is her boyfriend. He doesn’t belong to you. You don’t even want Haechan like that. 

 …Do you? 

“I’m fine. I’m just making sure Jeno’s more… responsible. Next time, he won’t be so lucky if someone gets to that phone before he does and doesn’t feel like giving it back.”

Once again, there’s a hidden meaning to his words, and everyone at the table apart from Jeno and Winter exchanges uncomfortable glances that all manage to flicker your way. Haechan slowly drags his gaze from Winter to you, his eyes dark and intense.

“Whoever finds it in the future probably already has a cellphone.” you counter, leveling his gaze. “A perfectly good one, at that. So what the hell would they want with his?”

Haechan chuckles humorlessly before shrugging casually and draping his arm around Winter’s shoulders, Winter leaning into his side eagerly. “Maybe they want an upgrade.”

“I have the iPhone 11 Pro,” Jeno remarks in confusion.

“Maybe they shouldn’t be so fucking greedy and appreciate the perfectly functional phone they already have before snatching other people’s phones.” you snap, and Haechan’s brows raise in surprise at that. 

“Greedy?” he starts to counter in disbelief, but Yunjin claps twice to get everyone’s attention, taking turns staring you and Haechan down with evident disapproval.

“That’s enough out of you both, actually. And where the hell is the waitress, anyway?” she desperately attempts to change the topic, leaving a tense atmosphere and a confused Jeno and Winter in the aftermath.

As Yunjin and Chaewon set about trying to get the attention of the waitress to take your orders, you and Haechan exchange fierce stares, neither of you backing down from the charged eye contact.

At the end of your meal, the tension at the table has only dissipated slightly, the burning embers of irritation kept alight by your frustrating inability to ignore the way Winter’s been hanging on Haechan’s arm and staring up at him with adoring eyes virtually all night.

Haechan looks up from his phone at you unexpectedly, catching you dead in the act of glaring at where his and Winter’s bodies meet. He raises his eyebrows almost imperceptibly, leaving you seething internally and cursing how attractive he is, before poking his tongue in his cheek and looking away with a growing smug grin.

You think for a moment that you’ll be fine, that you can get a handle on your emotions, but Winter sits up slightly to leave a flurry of kisses to Haechan’s cheek, making exaggerated smooching noises with every kiss, and you just about gag, tossing your napkin down on the table a bit too forcefully to play off as nothing.

“You alright?” Haechan asks slowly, knowing good and damn well that you’re not alright, that you couldn’t possibly be alright—

you got me some type of way ain’t used to feeling this way i do not know what to say but i know i shouldn’t think about it

“Yeah, I just lost my appetite.” you mumble bitterly, and Winter hums sympathetically.

“We can ask for a to-go box!” she offers helpfully, and you force a smile in her direction. “I’ll call the waitress.”

“As a matter of fact, I think I’m gonna go home soon.” you say, trying with all your might to refrain from throwing a full-blown temper tantrum in the middle of your regular diner.

Jeno turns to observe you carefully, concern etched in his features. “Do you feel okay?” he asks worriedly, reaching up to place the back of his hand against your forehead. 

You note, with a shockingly sinister satisfaction, that Haechan visibly bristles at the contact between you and Jeno, the male across from you swallowing thickly before taking a small sip of the ice water in his cup.

“I feel okay, Jeno,” you assure him softly, and he relaxes slightly before removing his hand from your head and placing it on your thigh under the table, palm facing upwards in a silent request that you grant readily, lacing your fingers with his.

Now it’s Haechan’s turn to react, rolling his eyes and scoffing under his breath before raising his hand to flag down the waitress.

She arrives at your table shortly after he’s called her over and agrees to bring the checks and a couple of to-go containers, thanking you all for your patronage and bidding you a good night.

You try not to fling your card on the table with the utter desperation you feel to get out of there, but it lands a bit roughly anyway. 

Jeno picks up your card and hands it back to you, smiling sweetly before placing his card on top of both of your receipts.

You return his smile gratefully, blatantly ignoring the way Haechan’s staring at you both, and reach for your coat so you can leave.

You almost hate to say it, but seeing Winter all over Haechan tonight seems to have awakened something nasty, hateful, and bitter in you, and you think it’s in your best interest to make your escape before that something rears its ugly head.

By the time you and Yunjin get home, your mind is reeling and you feel absolutely restless.

“I’m gonna get ready for bed,” you mutter, shrugging off your coat and heading to your room. With every step closer to your room, you grow more frustrated by the situation.

You shut your door all too harshly, prompting you to open and close it again softer in a wordless apology, and toss your purse onto your bed before slowly starting to strip in the full length mirror by your vanity. 

took one fucking look at your face now i wanna know how you taste usually don’t give it away but you know i’m out here thinking ‘bout it

You’re down to your bra and nothing else before an idea strikes you and you’re leaping onto your bed and pulling your phone from your purse. 

Your fingers are moving before you even register it, your mind one step ahead of you as you press the phone icon next to the contact you’ve typed in and wait with bated breath.

then i realize she’s right there and i’m at home like, “damn, this ain’t fair”

The phone rings once, twice, and almost finishes the third before he picks up. “Hello?”

“Hi,” you say, a smile curling your lips.

“Is everything alright?” he asks, tone slightly curt, and it dawns on you that he most certainly isn’t happy with you at the moment. 

“Are you alone?” you murmur into the phone, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Haechan?” 

He mutters a curse under his breath, no doubt affected by the need in your voice, before he grunts in acknowledgement. 

break up with your girlfriend yeah, yeah, ‘cause i’m bored

“I need you,” you admit plainly, and he groans, the sound tempted and tortured all in one. “Come over?”

You hear him mutter an excuse—something about fresh air—and the background noises shift to an outside soundscape; cars driving by in the distance, the rush of night air, and, most importantly, Haechan’s deep breathing.

“You know I can’t do that.” he replies finally, his voice gruff, yet you can hear the strain in his voice, the desperation for you not to tempt him any further.

you could hit it in the morning yeah, yeah, like it’s yours

So you do. “But Haechan…” you trail off, and you hear him hum curiously, making you smile before you continue, “I’m not wearing any underwear.”

The barely controlled breathing on the other line stops abruptly before a low swear sounds out. “You’re joking.”

“Come over and find out.”

i know it ain’t right but i don’t care

The line goes silent for a moment. It’s so silent, in fact, that you fear he’s hung up. However, a ragged inhale sounds out from the other end before he says, “I don’t care if you’re wearing them right now or not, but they’d better be off by the time I get there.”

“Oh, yeah?” you hum, rolling over onto your stomach with a triumphant grin. 

“Yeah,” he grunts. “I don’t need anything in my way.” 

“Copy that,” you say with a giggle, heading to your front door and making sure your spare key is where it usually is. “Our spare key is under the doormat.”

“Good girl,” he breathes before the line goes dead. Instantly, your body thrums with anticipation, the knowledge of your forbidden lover’s imminent arrival filling you with desire and excitement. You can barely wait, alternating between thrashing around on your bed eagerly and fixing up your appearance in your vanity mirror. You decide to throw on a sleep shirt so you’re not just lying there too bare; you feel embarrassed enough thinking about how close you were to begging him on the phone.

You’re thrown out of your excited little frenzy when your front door slams shut and rapid footsteps sound out towards your bedroom. 

The door swings open and Haechan freezes in the doorway at the sight of your frame laid on your bed clad only in a bra and large t-shirt, a deep groan sounding from his throat as he clutches the doorknob so hard his knuckles whiten. 

“You’re unreal,” he spits out through gritted teeth as he quickly makes his way to the bed. As soon as he’s close enough to touch you, he’s flinging your legs apart and slotting himself between them as he pulls you into a fierce kiss by the back of your neck. “Thought I told you I don’t want anything in my way, hm?”

“I’m not wearing anything,” you say through a shaky exhale that cuts off when his fingers prove you right as they circle your bare, already pulsing clit.

“Closing your legs counts.” he huffs, dipping his middle finger into your warmth teasingly. When you cry out, he chuckles under his breath before retracting his finger and tracing yet another teasing round of circles around your clit. “Want my pretty girl on display for me.”

“It is for you,” you whimper, clutching at his shirt to pull him closer. 

“You sure it’s not for Jeno?” he practically spits his friend’s name, and you almost wince from the disapproving tone of his voice.

“No,” you whine, drawing out the syllable to emphasize your point. “Only you.”

“You’re lucky I like you so fucking much.” he grunts against your lips, and you giggle mischievously. 

“Mm, yeah?” you muse softly, carding your fingers through his brown locks at the nape of his neck. “How much?”

“So much that I’m gonna ignore your bratty little attitude from earlier and give you what you want.” He pulls back from your lips and fixes you with a stare that dares you to contradict him, and you fall silent.

Satisfied, his fingers slide down your stomach over your shirt to slip between your legs once more, stroking and pinching and massaging your clit as you squirm and whimper under him. 

His gaze falls on your face, watching you intently as your features twitch and contort with the different pleasurable sensations he’s giving to you. Haechan pushes two digits into your clenching entrance, hissing when you mewl softly in pleasure and responding by curling his fingers up and starting to move them in and out inside of you.

The room is gradually filled with your panting, whimpering, and pleading as he pumps his fingers into you and he presses his lips to yours, momentarily silencing you as he swallows your moans with his heated kiss. 

“Good?” he breathes, and you nod, prompting him to smile against your lips before kissing down to your neck. “Need to hear you,” he reminds you, and you swallow thickly before speaking.

”Good,” you confirm breathlessly, and he chuckles. “So, so good—yes—fuck, right there—”

“Here?” he taunts, curling his fingers to fuck into the patch of nerves along your inner walls that made you cry out, and you nod vigorously, clutching at his arm tightly. 

“Exactly—please don’t stop,” you plead in a broken sob, and he coos affectionately, nipping at the thin skin of your neck. Swirling his tongue over your pulse point before pressing a soft smattering of kisses to the heated area, he keeps fucking you open with his fingers as he sucks just enough to make your head spin but not enough to leave any marks. “Haechan, I’m gonna cum—!”

“Good, baby,” he grunts, pulling away from your neck to study your face. His insistence to see you in such a vulnerable state makes heat rise to your cheeks and you turn your head to the side to avert your gaze. 

He shifts so he’s kneeling between your legs and brings his now free hand to your neck, cupping your jaw in his index and thumb fingers and turning your face back to his before adjusting his fingers to grip the side of your neck and keep you in place.

“Your pussy is so loud and wet, baby, you like this that much?” he’s teasing you without a doubt, but you can’t even protest, your climax so close you can practically taste it. “Cum, baby,” he urges through gritted teeth, “and keep those pretty eyes looking at me as you do.”

You oblige (not without difficulty) and lock eyes with Haechan right before your climax hits, your back arching off of the bed as your eyes screw shut. 

“Fucking perfect,” he whispers reverently, leaning over you to kiss you. “Like a little temptress.”

“I’m not,” you start to protest weakly, but as the pleasure courses through you, you can barely get the words out without them coming out as a pathetic whine. 

“You are,” he confirms as you finally start to come down from your high. “Dangerous as hell, too, and you know it.” He moves lower down your body, releasing your throat, and gazes up at you intently, waiting for you to lock eyes with him before he lets his tongue loll out of his mouth and wags it at you in a teasingly lewd gesture that makes you gasp.

Haechan presses a lingering kiss to just below the hem of your shirt, looking up at you before biting down on the fabric and dragging it up your torso until it’s bunched up above the swell of your breasts.

He shifts so he’s comfortably propped up beside you, one of his legs hooked around one of yours to prevent you from closing them, and he trails one glistening wet finger up from your pulsating core to travel across your stomach to stop right under the front center of your bra. He marvels at the shiny trail his finger left on your skin before dipping his head to drag his tongue up that exact path he just made. As his head moves up your body, his free hand pushes your bra up and over your breasts, granting himself free access to your chest.

He moans as he gropes your chest, kneading and squeezing the flesh between his fingers, and shifts closer to take your nipple into his mouth without warning.

You cry out in surprise and he chuckles around his mouthful of… well, you before pulling back just enough to grant you with the alluring visual of his full pink lips wrapped around your sensitive bud and his shiny wet tongue swirling around your raised flesh.

A shaky moan escapes you and he returns to sucking on your nipple, his tongue still unmistakably rolling around and over your bud even hidden away inside his mouth. 

Cupping your neglected breast with his free hand, he rolls your nipple between his index finger and thumb, tugging and flicking it to match the sensations he’s causing with his mouth. When he bites down, he pinches, and you whine in protest, squirming under him. The pressure is gone just as quickly as it was applied and he showers both breasts with kisses and gentle touches—you can’t quite tell if it’s an apology or a reward, but you’re not sure you mind.

“How are we feeling, baby?” he murmurs before swirling slow circles around your nipple with his tongue. 

“Good,” you breathe, and he grins, looking up at you before snaking his hand between your legs to touch your aching core. You breathe in sharply when his fingers brush your clit before dipping into you to explore your wetness.

“Fuck,” he mumbles in a daze, shifting down on the bed to get closer to where his fingers keep moving inside of you. “Feeling really good, aren’t you, baby?” His voice utterly fascinates you in its transparency; his tone is still lilting to tease you, but everything about his low, strained voice screams desperation to the point of ruin. 

“Let’s see if I can make you feel even better, yeah?” he moves further down the bed and between your legs, ducking his head down faster than you can collect yourself enough to warn him.

“Fuck—be careful, I’m sensitive—” you hiss, and he pulls away from your core, turning his head to kiss your inner thigh sweetly.

“I got you.” he assures you, and you practically melt into the mattress. 

His tongue finds the underside of your clit with ease, massaging the stiffened bud as a deep tremble runs through your body. Thick, wet, pink muscle swirls decadently around your clit, plush lips wrapping around to suck gently as you whine and rock your hips up and closer to his face.

He hooks his arms around your thighs, holding them open as he indulges himself in the taste of you. Flicking your bundle of nerves back and forth rapidly with the tip of his tongue slowly turns into long, heavy drags of his tongue flat against your core. With every rough lap at your clit, you jolt under his touch and struggle to remain in place as his tongue nestles between your folds to slurp at your slick entrance. 

His sounds are every bit as sinful as his tongue, desperate grunts and moans escaping him as he devours every last bit of you, and he sends you hurtling towards the edge unceremoniously when he pushes his tongue into you, letting the muscle fill you up to the best of its ability.

“God—” you hiss, and he chuckles, retracting his tongue from you (much to your dismay).

“You can take it, right?” he taunts softly, gazing up at you challengingly. “Of course you can, baby.” He pulls back slightly from your core to massage your lower thighs while leaving kisses all over the insides of your upper thighs. “You’re gonna take every bit of pleasure I give you, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” you pant, scratching weakly at his scalp, “gonna take it all—”

“That’s my girl,” he murmurs adoringly, head returning to between your legs to resume his mind-scrambling combination of licking and sucking at your poor, hypersensitive core as you stumble closer and closer towards your climax.

“Mm—I’m gonna—fuck—cum, Haechan, stop—”

“Why would I stop?” Haechan replies with an amused scoff, lips still brushing your clit with every movement before he goes back to sucking, pulling his head back and letting your abused bud slip from between his lips. “You’re gonna give me everything I want, isn’t that right?”

“Ah—yes, yes, I am!” you agree hurriedly, desperate to reach your peak.

“Then give me those pretty moans and faces I like so much, hm?” he coos sweetly, finally coaxing you to your climax with his lips vibrating around your clit with every word. 

You cry out in ecstasy, eyes sliding shut as pleasure floods through your system, and his tongue is relentless against you, dipping into you to tease, swirling around, and licking at everything he can get his mouth on.

In the haze of your orgasm, your hand finds Haechan, the male linking his fingers with yours and placing your joined hands where your hip and thigh meet. He moves up to kiss you sweetly, lips locking intimately as the taste of your arousal swirls in both of your mouths. 

When he starts peppering kisses down lower, you wonder briefly what he’s up to before your eyes widen in realization as his movements become more determined and his path more clear in its ultimate destination.

“Hae–Haechan, what are you doing?” you complain, swatting at his head weakly, but he stops you with one hand, looping his fingers around your wrist and setting it down on the bed by your hips. 

“Trying to see if I could make you come again with my fingers and tongue.” he mutters distractedly before his tongue flicks the underside of your clit, making you jolt, and you immediately start squirming away even as he shifts to follow you, his fingers buried inside of you never once letting up in their relentless exploring of your walls.

“Please don’t,” you plead, and he shushes you sweetly.

“I know you can do it, baby—”

“I know I can, too! That’s not the problem,” you huff.

He raises both eyebrows in a silent cue for you to continue. “Then what’s the problem?” 

“Haechan, I can’t wait any longer.” you plead breathlessly, and he hums in understanding before pushing your legs wider apart and settling between them, watching you with fascination as he palms himself through his boxers.

“Is that right?” he asks, tilting his head to the side curiously, and you nod vehemently, reaching for his hips to pull him closer to you. You can feel the head of his cock pressing against your waiting entrance, anticipation thrumming in your veins. “Then I guess my pretty, spoiled baby shouldn’t have to wait any longer.” Without another word, he guides himself into you, hissing in pleasure as you cry out in relief.

He pulls out to the tip, rubbing it against your slick folds and collecting your arousal on his length before he pushes into you as deep as he can, letting out a groan of satisfaction as your walls clench around him, greedily sucking him in as far as possible.

He pulls one of your legs up so your calf rests on his shoulder and pushes two fingers past your lips, eyes darkening as he watches you suck them.

“You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?” he says, pulling out halfway before sending his hips snapping into yours with a powerful thrust that makes you cry out in surprise, the sound garbled by his middle and ring fingers on your tongue. 

He starts to fuck into you roughly, his cock hitting places along your inner walls that have you seeing stars, and it’s all you can do to focus on the task of swirling your tongue around his fingers, drool already pooling beneath your tongue before slowly dripping down your chin.

“Messy baby,” he coos patronizingly, and you can only offer a scratchy moan in response, one of your hands moving to cup your breast and squeeze. “Were you jealous, baby? Hm?” he teases, and you can’t find it in you to lie, nodding your head emphatically as he pounds into you. “Yeah? You were?” He’s absolutely making fun of your irrational reaction earlier, and you couldn’t stop him even if you wanted to—not with the way his length fills you up just right and hits all the right spots. 

“Feels—so good—” you moan around his fingers, and he pulls them from your mouth, a trail of spit connecting them to your bottom lip before he’s leaning forward and kissing you passionately, his tongue licking at the drool on your chin before pushing into your mouth and flicking at your own tongue playfully.

“Were you thinking about me stuffing my cock in someone that’s not you?” he pants, never relenting on his thrusts, and you nod, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes from the sheer amount of pleasure flooding through your body. “It’d never be the same, baby,” he assures you, lips brushing against yours as he speaks. “Your pussy squeezes my cock just fucking right,” he grunts, “and you’re so wet I could just slip right out of you.” 

At his words, you panic, clutching at him to pull him closer to you, making him snicker condescendingly. “No, don’t go—stay—stay with me, stay in me, I need you, please—” you babble, and his gaze darkens at the sound of your begging, lips parting slightly as he sucks in a sharp breath.

“No, you don’t want me to pull out, right?” he riles you up further, mocking the frantic way you shake your head no with a devilish grin on his face. “Want me nice and deep in this pretty pussy so you can cream all over my cock.”

“Haechan—” you gasp, almost entirely overwhelmed. “Haechan, I’m so cl—”

“I know, baby, I know,” he shushes you comfortingly, dare you say lovingly, his gentle words starkly contrasting the powerful way he drives his hips into you. “I got you. Go ahead and let go.”  

When your climax hits, you genuinely feel like you’re falling apart in the best way possible. Your whole body tenses, curling in on itself, wound up tight like a coil before the tension snaps and your muscles go slack from exhaustion, your mouth seemingly stuck open in a soundless gasp as ecstasy blooms all throughout your body.

Haechan watches you come undone with wild, adoring eyes, wetting his lips before meeting your lips in a heated, wet kiss made all the more sloppy by the fact that you can’t seem to move your mouth the way you want to in order to return his kisses. 

Desperate pants and whimpers fall from your parted lips as you messily move them against his mouth, cheeks warming with embarrassment at the sound of his amused chuckle.

“Am I fucking you that good, baby? You forgot how to kiss me back?” he taunts you breathlessly, and all you can do is nod pathetically, reaching for his face with trembling hands connected to arms that feel like jelly. He lets you cup his face, only slowing down his thrusts ever so slightly so you can properly kiss him back, Haechan humming contently into the kiss. When you two part, you feel a cool bead of your mixed saliva drip down from your no doubt swollen bottom lip, and he grins. “That’s more like it.”

He sits back upright and his hands cup under your thighs, caressing the flesh before moving your legs one at a time so your ankles are resting on his shoulders and his length is hitting spots that keep making fireworks go off in your vision. 

“Good like this?” he asks in a soft murmur, and you nod quickly, making him snicker fondly. “Eager, huh?”

“Feels so good, Haechan,” you moan, slurring your words slightly from all the pleasure. 

“Fuck, you sound so tempting.” he grunts, drilling his thick length into your core. “Keep talking, baby.”

You, quite frankly, do not know what the hell you’re about to say, given that your brain is a puddle of arousal right now, but you’d do damn near anything to keep Haechan inside of you at this point.

“Feels so full,” you whimper, clutching his forearm tightly. “So full—feels so good—fuck, right there!”

“Here, baby? Right here?” he’s absolutely taunting you, but you can tell by the tensing of his muscles and the hard, slow blink he gives that he’s nowhere near unaffected.

“Mm, yeah,” you sigh blissfully as your stomach starts to furl and unfurl in that familiar way. You reach up to cup your breasts, squeezing them and tugging on your nipples. You’re so lost in your own world of mind-numbing pleasure that it doesn’t even register that Haechan’s watching you until he nips at your ankle to get your attention. 

“Look at me, baby.” he orders gently, and you oblige (not without difficulty) as he watches you come undone. The final blow is when he reaches between your bodies to toy with your clit and you just about fall apart right there. “Hold it in for me, baby.”

“Wh–?” you splutter, baffled.

“Trust me, baby, it’s gonna feel so good in a second—”

“Haechan,” you interrupt, unable to take it for much longer as you reach up and cup his chin, pulling him closer to you. “Please—”

“Fuck,” he mutters, “I can’t say no to you.”

“Then don’t,” you practically cry, tears welling up from frustration and pleasure.

“My pretty girl wants to cum, yeah?” he grunts, and you nod, reaching to pull him closer.

“Want to cum with you, Haechan—you cum, too—” you manage to get out between gasps and moans, and his thrusts falter for a second as he looks down at you in poorly concealed surprise.

“Say that again,” he mumbles, and you feel the shift in the energy as he stares down at you with an expression suspiciously close to loving. “Please, baby, say it again?”

“Will you cum with me, Haechan?” you ask softly and hesitantly, suddenly feeling far too vulnerable from the request.

“You are so—” he mutters in awe, adoration twinkling in his hopeful eyes before he leans down to kiss you, this kiss far more slow and deliberate than you’re used to. “I can’t get enough of you—I’ll never get enough of you—” 

“Haechan, move, please—” you beg, and he seems to remember his situation, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he slowly builds back up to the pace you were at previously. 

“Baby—” he hisses, his brow furrowing, “I’m close—gonna cum—”

“Me too,” you whine, digging your nails into his forearms and making him grit his teeth. “Cum inside?”

“Fuck, you’re gonna drive me crazy,” he moans, burying his face in your neck before bringing two fingers to your clit to tease the bundle of nerves with rapid circles.

With languid, heated kisses being left all over your face, neck, and chest, and Haechan’s skilled fingers massaging your clit while his girthy length drags in and out of your clenching core, you climax with a deep shudder, your torso attempting to curl in on itself as he holds you firmly in place. True to your wishes, his hips stutter as he comes to bury himself inside of you and release into you, wet lips sucking at the flesh of your neck as he muffles his moan into your skin.

He drags his lips up a blazing path to meet your own, connecting them in a deep, slow, passionate kiss.

For a moment, you’re so entranced by his kisses that you think you might be able to cum again just from this.

His tongue strokes against yours, swirling and flicking sensually as he slowly ruts his hips against yours in smooth rolling motions that have you whimpering into the kiss and realizing that, yes, you very well might actually cum again just from this.

He pulls back to suck on your bottom lip before releasing it and meeting your gaze with a heady blend of lust and adoration swirling in his eyes, taking a moment to take in the sight of you in your unraveled state before leaning back in to kiss you once more.

“Haechan,” you manage to breathe between kisses, your voice pathetically whiny. He mimics your plaintive tone, humming in acknowledgement, and you cry out weakly, all too aware of the arousal collecting between your legs. “Gonna—wanna—wanna cum just like this,” you moan into his parted lips, and you feel him hesitate for half a second, his surprise practically tangible.

“Yeah, baby? You wanna cum just from my kissing?” he pants, voice unmistakably thick with desire. “Cum for me, baby.” His words are urgent but soft, filled with patience and a tenderness you can’t ignore.

You take over the pace of the movements, shifting to slot one of his legs between yours and rolling your hips up against his to send your bare core dragging up his thigh. A sharp hiss of surprise escapes you, followed by a sigh of relief when the friction is just right.

“My messy girl feels good, yeah? My pretty, messy baby wants to fuck my thigh? You’re so wet, baby, you’re gliding on me.” He leans down to murmur in your ear, that taunting lilt creeping back into his tone, but you haven’t forgotten the main event.

“Haechan, kiss me,” you whine, scratching at his back demandingly. He wastes no time in obliging, sealing his lips over yours with a content hum. Between the strokes of his tongue, the gentle sucking and kissing of his lips, and the friction his thigh is giving your poor clit, you’re coming undone yet again, this one a quiet, powerful climax that leaves your mind fuzzy and has you feeling like you’re on cloud nine. 

As soon as your climax subsides, Haechan is quick to pull up his boxers and take you into his arms, pulling you against his chest firmly and pressing kisses to the crown of your head.

“That’s my girl,” he whispers soothingly. “You did so well, baby, I’m proud of you.”

You can’t even manage to mask your reaction to his praise, your face warming as you start to smile bashfully, and he chuckles, pressing kisses down from the top of your head to your forehead, the bridge of your nose, the tip, and finally connecting with your lips. 

“I’ll clean us up in a bit, just give me a minute to be with you.” he assures you, and warmth blooms in your chest at his words, a small nod all you can manage in reply as you look up at him curiously.

“You good?” you ask softly, fingers carefully trailing along his bare chest, and he chuckles quietly, nodding with certainty.

“Never better, actually.” he responds, and you hum in acknowledgement, your mind starting to wander back to the events that transpired earlier in the evening and you swallow in an attempt to moisten your now dry throat as you think back to what exactly got Haechan over to your apartment. 

“You know we’re gonna have to talk about it eventually,” Haechan pipes up, voice a throaty rumble, and you don’t need to look up to know he’s looking at you. 

Wordlessly, you shift so you’re on your side, one leg over his as you resume your delicate but purposeful stroking of his chest and torso. He’s still silent as he presumably waits for your response, and you decide to amp up your actions in an attempt to distract him, lightly dragging your fingernails down his stomach to tease at the waistband of his boxers. 

keep it one hundred, babe we both know i’m not the only one

“I know what you’re doing,” Haechan murmurs lowly, poorly attempting to conceal how affected he is.

but when i’m there, you treat a n**** real good and that’s probably why i always come

You hum softly in acknowledgement, continuing your movements, and blink up at him slowly. “Oh, yeah? What am I doing?”

“You’re distracting me,” he protests weakly, and you exhale quietly in amusement. “From being mad at you.”

“Do you want to be mad at me?” you sniffle, feigning hurt, and he chuckles before shaking his head slowly. “Then what’s the problem?”

“I need to express my feelings,” he groans when your manicured nails slip under the waistband of his boxers. “Get shit off my chest.” Completely contrary to his words, he tries to lift his hips subtly, urging your hand to move against him, and you snicker under your breath.

“You’re talking a lot but you’re literally guiding my hand into touching you.”

“Am not,” he says breathlessly, and you raise your eyebrows. 

“No?” you say softly, trailing your hand up his body to trace small circles around his navel that have him shuddering visibly. “So you don’t like this?”

“N-No,” he grunts quietly, his eyes traitorously sliding shut in bliss when you scrape your nails down to his boxers again. He, remarkably enough, refuses to meet your eyes, and you correctly deduce that this must be Haechan’s first attempt to lie to you.

“Then tell me to stop.” Your reply is simple, but he buffers nonetheless, mouth momentarily opening and closing not unlike a goldfish. “Haechan?”

“Yeah?” he moans—the poor thing couldn’t hold it any longer, you suppose. 

“Tell me.” 

“Tell you what?” You can’t help but admire his ability to be a brat until the bitter end.

“About your feelings, Haechan,” you drawl sarcastically, Haechan grunting softly before you continue, “I wanna know how you feel.”

“God, fuck,” he hisses when you dip your fingers lower than they’ve gone so far to stroke at the skin just above the base of his cock. “Feels good.” he slurs without thinking and you giggle when he freezes like he’s a deer caught in headlights. 

“What was that, Haechan?” you tease quietly, the tip of your nose trailing across his cheek as you move to kiss his jaw.

“It feels good,” he confesses, and you reward his honesty by wrapping your hand around the base of his length and starting to stroke him. It’s a mess of slick arousal and sweat mixed on his shaft and it’s difficult to maintain a good grip on him, but your actions are clearly appreciated with the way he twitches and grows to life in your hand.

Overwhelmed with the sudden pleasure, Haechan noses his way down to your neck to kiss and suck gently at the skin as a way to distract himself.

“Still want to talk about your feelings, Haechan?” you offer, and he takes a moment away from your neck to look up and glower at you.

“I want you to keep moving your hand,” he replies.

You pout. “But your feelings are important.”

“You’re so evil,” Haechan slurs slightly. “I love it.”

“How is it evil to want to discuss your feelings?” you ask curiously, attempting to sound as not guilty as possible.

“You know good and well all I’m thinking about now has nothing to do with that schmuck you tried to piss me off with earlier and everything to do with how you look and feel right now.”

You can’t help but snort in amusement. “Not you calling him a schmuck. Haechan, where’d you even learn that word?”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

“But do you know what that even means? How is Jeno a schmuck—?” 

Haechan growls under his breath, shifting smoothly to hover on top of you. “Not you repeatedly bringing him up when I’m clearly trying to get over it.”

“Shutting up now.” you nod resolutely, and he snickers, studying your expression with a fond smile before leaning down to kiss you. 

You’re not sure if it’s from his being so worked up or your building desire for him, but the kiss shifts the dynamic, Haechan rolling onto his side and urging you to do the same. You can feel the head of his length rhythmically pressing between where your thighs meet as he shamelessly ruts his hips against you and the realization makes between your legs warm, desire slicking your inner thighs. 

His tongue gliding past your parted lips draws forth a low whine from you as you let Haechan kiss you however he pleases, content with simply basking in the attention.

Finally growing satisfied with the amount of kisses he’s gotten, Haechan breaks the kiss with a surprisingly lewd, wet smacking noise and nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck, chuckling softly when you squirm. 

“Mm… what if I marked you up?” he mumbles, brushing his lips against your skin. “Fucked with that pretty skin of yours so everyone knows you’re taken?”

You scoff in surprise and amusement. “I’m taken? That’s bold of you, Haechan.”

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t like it,” he retorts, hand sliding up between your legs to tease the skin of your thighs just before your core. “Being mine.” His voice is muffled but his words ring out loud and clear, making you balk as you realize you’re more intrigued by the thought than you initially imagined.

You clear your throat softly before enunciating your next words carefully. “Is she an example of how you treat things you call yours?”

His fingers still and you feel the small warm puff of a sigh—whether it’s defeat or exasperation, you’re unsure—against your neck before he shifts to rest his elbow on the bed and his cheek in his palm. His fingers slowly resume their teasing strokes, dancing up closer to your folds, digits dragging along the wetness smeared on the insides of your thighs.

“She was never really mine, I don’t think.” he muses softly, and you snort, rolling your eyes.

“She’s like the perfect girlfriend.” you reply flatly.

“She’s too nice,” he argues back, and your features contort into confusion as you splutter in incredulity.

“You’re just making up shit!” you counter. “How is she too nice?”

“Hear me out, okay?” Haechan replies, an edge to his voice that leaves you silent and expecting his next words. “She doesn’t make me feel… special.”

“Okay…”

“She’s about as nice to me as she was in the beginning. I don’t feel like,” he pauses, swallowing as he chooses his next words, “she became any more endeared to me. I just got the Girlfriend Package with no upgrades down the line or anything.”

“If you want a real upgrade, you’d have to buy a ring.” You turn your head to look at him with your brows raised and a teasing grin.

“I’m not talking about wifely upgrades!” he clarifies immediately, and you can’t help but laugh. He watches you with a look dangerously close to adoration on his face before he chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re really something.”

“I’m something?” you reply defensively, and he nods slowly, regarding you as if you’re stupid.

“Who called me over here at ass o’clock in the morning to fuck her because she didn’t like how touchy my girlfriend was being earlier?”

“Who came?” you retort, and he narrows his eyes.

“Who did all that before the cum of her last sexcapade had even finished drying inside of her?”

“Who had every chance to shut me down and tell me to move on, hm?”

“Your only rebuttal is that I came over?”

“You chose to come over.” you point out, sitting up to swing your leg over his hips and maneuver yourself into a sitting position on his thighs. 

“You used your friend with a sickeningly fat crush on you to make me jealous.”

“Well, you got jealous,” you remind him with a small smug grin. “With a whole girlfriend, too, Haechan—you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“Okay, we’re both something.” he gives in, and you nod, dragging your nails down his chest slowly and relishing the hiss and groan that he lets out. “Now what?”

“What do you think?” you ask softly, your head cocked to the side curiously.

“Are you asking me to leave her for you?” he asks, and the careful way he utters the words makes your skin crawl as you realize that ultimately, that choice will have to happen one way or another.

“No,” you say finally, the word feeling strange on your tongue, almost bitter with deceit. “Just know that the day I ask you to choose between me or her, you will have officially gotten me royally fucked up.”

He snorts in amusement, his hands moving to caress your hips. “Royally, huh?”

“Astronomically.” you stress with a solemn nod. “Egregiously, even.”

“That’s pretty fucked up.” he notes with a growing smile. “Hopefully we don’t get to that point.” He brings one of his hands to yours on his chest and laces his fingers between yours, lifting your entwined hands to his mouth to kiss the heel of your palm and up your inner wrist, your forearm, the crook of your arm, all the while pulling you closer to his mouth, moving your bodies until he’s rolled you over and slotted himself between your legs, lips now exploring the bare flesh of your shoulders, neck, and jaw before slowly moving to kiss you. 

He kisses you like he’s savoring the moment, clutching the back of your neck and moving his lips against yours desperately, his tongue seeking solace in the wet warmth of your mouth as he groans lewdly into the kiss.

“Haechan,” you gasp for air when you two part, and he hums sweetly in acknowledgment. “You can’t be seriously going for another round right now.”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” he replies, shrugging with a small smile. “For now, just be good and let me love on you, baby.”

So you do just that, readily supplying all the pretty moans he urges from your lips and rolling your hips against his wandering fingers as his erection slowly stirs and hardens against your thigh. Every once in a while, however, you can’t shake the growing feeling that everything may be going a bit too well right now—that is, until he pushes into you slowly and draws a gasp from you, your thoughts almost dissipating entirely.

You hope and wish with all your might that this bliss could remain for just a moment longer but you know all too well that good things like this never seem to last.

TA DA!!!!! i hope you enjoyed your read! the fifth part will be up in exactly one week! reminder that (only if you’re able) tips are very much appreciated, as is positive feedback! if you’d like to be added to the taglist, just shoot me an ask and please make sure your privacy settings are updated accordingly!

LINKS: KO-FI // VENMO // CASHAPP // AMAZON WISHLIST // (if you’d like to support via paypal, let me know off anon!!)

DON’T WANNA WAIT TO FINISH THE FIC? it’s available in its entirety on my patreon here!

[willowsnook]

rum with lime in a tall glass

lando norris x bsf!reader

"me and him? that's funny"

--------------------------------------

Sitting in a circle with your friends you laughed loudly as you watched Max be dared to post a video of him lipsyncing along to a Taylor Swift song. You felt like you were in high school again but enjoyed the nostalgia.

"Okay y/n, you're up," Max said after bowing to everyone following his performance. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," you said confidently, not scared of whatever Max would make you do.

"I dare you to spend 7 minutes in heaven with Lando," he said and you laughed.

"Me and him? That's funny," you said waiting for the real dare. Lando shifted uncomfortably next to you and Max raised his eyebrows. "You're serious?"

You and Lando had been friends for almost five years but had grown really close the past two. You lived in the same building in Monaco and had started as friends of convenience but it grew into more as time went on. He was funny, easy to talk to, and someone you could always count on. Yeah, you admitted he was attractive but you never thought about him in a more than friends way. Why mess with what you had?

"I'm being serious," Max said. "Now go."

You let Lando pull you up and followed him to the coat closet in the front hallway of his apartment.

"After you," you mocked, opening the door. The closet was naturally dark and you could make out the outline of Lando as he shut the door behind you. "You know we can just stand here for 7 minutes, it's not that long."

"Why wouldn't I kiss you?" He asked and your head shot up.

"I mean do you want to?" You asked unsure. "It's just a little awkward."

You watched him tilt his head, eyeing you curiously.

"You think it's awkward?"

"Well yeah, you're my best friend," you said seriously. "I wouldn't want anything to change."

He didn't say anything for a minute and you grew nervous waiting for him to reply.

"You are so stupid," he said amused, like there was some big secret that you weren't in on. "Everything has already changed."

"What do you mea-," his lips cut you off as he wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you in. You were stunned but slowly moved yours back against his, resting your hands on his shoulders. He deepened the kiss and you stepped back until your back was against the wall. Moving from your mouth, he sucked on your neck causing you to gasp out.

A knock on the door slapped you back into reality, pushing him off of you. He grabbed the back of your head giving you one last short kiss before turning to open the door. Max gave him a knowing grin as you two came out and you were too flustered to even notice.

The game was over as everyone else had broken off to watch a movie or get another drink. Dazed, you walked out onto the balcony sinking down on the outdoor couch.

Everything has already changed.

What did that mean? You racked your brain, trying to think of times that Lando did something that might have meant he liked you more than a friend. He did sleep over after every movie night and you'd wake up the next morning with his arms wrapped tightly around you. He did make sure to introduce you to everyone in the McLaren garage the first time you came, telling them that you were very important to him. He did pay for you both to fly back to the US to go to a Packers game, just the two of you. But he was your best friend so that all made sense, right?

You were so fucking stupid. He was in love with you. But were you in love with him?

You did cook his favorite dinner for him to come home to after every race. And you did watch his old twitch streams every time he was gone for a race weekend because you missed him. And you did feel a wave of rage everytime you saw an influencer flirt with him at the club or the paddock.

Realization set in just as you heard the sliding door open and turned to see Lando sit down next to you. You both stared at each other not saying anything.

"I am in love with you," you said formally and he smiled, amused. "And you are in love with me."

"Just now figure that out?" He joked.

"You are such an asshole," you said pouting, crossing your arms over your chest. "You never said anything."

Lando shrugged, looking out at the sky.

"I kind of thought it was just like an unspoken thing," he admitted. "I thought you didn't want to put a label on it so I just never said anything. I do tell people you're my girlfriend though."

Your jaw dropped.

"You what?"

"Well yeah," he said blushing. "Guess I probably should have said something."

Rolling your eyes you moved closer to him, draping your legs over his lap and resting your head on his shoulder.

"So how long have we been dating then?" You asked.

"A few years," he said and you snorted. He leaned down to kiss your forehead and you sighed, finally content.

[landoscaring]

my thoughts on monza '24

let me preface this post with a big fucking heave of a sigh

[siiiiiigh]

i gotta admit that i was nervous for this one. the tension has been building up, the pace has gotten stronger, and the media have had a field day commenting on mclaren's strategy. it's been stressful.

on the one hand i gotta say as a mclaren purist that yeah, this blows, but also the fact that this is what we're worrying over? two wdc-potential drivers in our team??? the pace being too good??? like. yeah. give me this over the DNFs and the shit car.

but then.

ugh.

i support lando and oscar equally. always. until the day their contract's up. that being said:

McLaren need to make up their minds

Oscar didn't do anything wrong today

Lando wasn't going to win the race even if he'd kept P1 from the beginning because the tye strat was off anyway

the media NEED TO STOP THE NARRATIVE AROUND OSCAR HELPING LANDO SCORE A WDC BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT LANDO WANTS. do you think he wants to win a wdc because his teammate, who he knows is competitive enough, rolled over and let him through? fuck no, that's not the lando we know

i completely understand the frustration some fans have, but it's misdirected. IF mclaren stepped the fuck up and gave clear orders to both their drivers, this wouldn't be such a shit show

i don't fully agree that team orders are the way to go, but also, i would appreciate if they just made up their minds about it already? time's running out

some fans' takes about this whole thing are just...bad

insert taylor swift quote about "you wouldn't have survived in the asylum they raised me" or whatever because hah, this is nothing, you guys. a few people would've fainted with the way things happened with lewis and nico, mark and seb, prost and senna... and countless more. this sport is RUTHLESS. and CUTTHROAT. it's not tiktok edits with taylor swift songs in the background. oscar did what he knew he could do under the orders given to them both (papaya rules)

in a way i think this needed to happen -and has been building up for a while- for a few reasons, a) for mclaren to wake the fuck up and make up their minds already, b) for fans to realize that oscar is not lando's lapdog and he fully intends to fight for race wins, and c) that just because we like to imagine they're bffs or boyfriends in our fan spaces it doesn't mean they got to be okay with each other all the time. let them be upset. let them be angry. it is what it is.

it was a great race. probably one of the best we've seen all season. as a retired ferrari fan (but really, everyone is a ferrari fan in this sport) i thoroughly enjoyed watching charles win today. he deserved it on grit alone. and their strategy worked, which is something that mclaren needs to learn from.

i will continue to support these two idiots in their highs and lows. neither of them are perfect, and there's so much room for improvement. they're young. allow them some grace when you comment about how this or that should've happened. lando is wdc material, yes, but he wants and needs to earn it.

that's all, folks

[ssparksflyy]

percy x zeus!gf hcs pls!!! and could i request it to be more on the funny side and how percy and zeus have beef but also get along cuz of gf

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

pairing: percy jackson x daughter of zeus!reader warning(s): little bit of swearing an: hi! ty for requesting <3 im literally not even funny but i hope u enjoy thissss! also theres a lotta taylor in this one 🤭

BIG REPUTATION BIG REPUTATION OHHH YOU AND ME WE GOT BIG REPUTATIONS AHHH

it doesnt matter if youre a social butterfly or antisocial, everybody knew you and percy before you even started dating

so best believe when you actually got together, everybody ( literally ) cheered

but your flirting era had to be on of the most painful things to watch

seriously doesnt matter if you got game or not, percy is literally oblivious and a LOSERRRRR

im so sorry but somebody had to say it

bro had THE BIGGEST crush on you and whenever he'd try to like compliment you itd usually sound a little weird

tell me why he'd probably say something like

"i like your outfit today! that shirt for sure looks better with those jeans than it did with the shorts you wore 2 weeks ago :)"

lil creep

cue silena crying in the corner because she made a bet with beckendorf and it is NOT looking good for her right now

WE NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE.

you guys are iconic

like well-known power couple

I'D be scared to train with you guys cause like what do you MEAN i gotta go against the best swordsmen at camp and the daughter of the king of the gods??

no thank you, i choose life ♡

when people are asked to think of a couple, they immediately think of you guys

everybody loves you guys for real

if you ever broke up ( which you wont, percy would probably just say "no" ) itd probably leave everybody super torn

ITD BE LIKE IN GILMORE GIRLS WHEN LORELAI AND LUKE BROKE UP AND THE WHOLE TOWN LIKE TOOK SIDES

if you havent watched gilmore girls, that basically sums the situation up. lorelai is literally like the town's sweetheart and luke is the owner of the most popular diner in their small town ♡ very cutesy

so sorry for the spoiler

SALLY LOVESSS YOU

she's literally so sweet and treats you as if you were her own child

she'd definitely bake cookies when you first meet and if you liked them, you best believe you are being sent back to camp with a baggie full of cookies

cant love you as much as percy does though !!

youre literally his queen

( sorry i say literally a lot )

he treats you like royaltyyyyy

always opening doors for you, walks you everywhere, follows the sidewalk rule, everything ♡

when its raining, he picks you up bridal style and takes you wherever you need to go, so you dont get your shoes wet ♡♡

yall literally live in the rain tho

neither of you leave your cabin with an umbrella, the rain just gives you life

AND I DONT KNOW WHY BUT WITH YOU ID DANCE IN A STORM IN MY BEST DRESS FEARLESS

one time, you went out for a fancy dinner, got dressed up all nice very fancy very fancy

BUT you BOTH forgot to check the weather

and it ended up POURING rain by the time you got out of the restaurant

and i kid you not

percy just grabs you by the hand, leads you out into the rain, and begins to dance with you.

no coverage, no music, no fucks given. just him and his girl.

he treasures that moment forever and ever

all the gods looked down at you from olympus and melted

neither of you care if you're disrespecting your fathers, you spend almost every night together ♡

percy is absolutely a big cuddler

literally just adores the feeling of you close to him

oh lord save him his drug is his baby he'll be using for the rest of his life

falling asleep together is so easy, you just melt into each other's touch

waking up is what's harder

neither of you want to leave the bed, and neither of you want the other person to leave the bed either.

percy's the typa guy to just have a sweet little conversation with you before he gets up for the day

you always get a good morning ( and a good night! ), then percy asks you what's on your schedule for the day ( as if he hasn't memorized it by now ), and what you wanted for breakfast that morning

he simply cannot get up without it

he's also the type of guy to just whisper sweet nothings into your ear if he wakes up before you ♡

he just goes on a little ramble about how pretty you look when your sleeping, even though you are sleeping while he's 'talking' to you

sorry where was i?

ZEUS.

the bastrard HATES percy and percy HATES the bastard

theyve literally been beefing since he was 12 years old

so best believe when zeus found out his daughter was dating this son of poseidon??? oo he was PISSEDDD.

poseidon is literally so chill with you. like he just cares that percy is happy. seriously doesn't care about who your dad is. if anything, he already sees you as family

zeus holds back everything in him to not kill percy on the spot every time you make out

he doesn't do it because he knows you'd probably walk to the underworld to get him back and hades would go feral if he got another orpheus & eurydice

percy gives zero fucks. he flips off the sky every time he walks outside

percy is so sweet and caring and kind and shows your father such respect like hes literally an angel 😇😇

i wouldn't say that he starts like actually respecting him, but he tries not to offend him as often as usual, just for you ♡

in the scenario that you'd have to make a trip to olympus, percy and zeus put on their big boy pants and try to tolerate each other

hera dont like you or percy bro she's literally just there

its okay though, you both despise her for kidnapping percy and wiping his memory ♡♡♡

JASON AND THALIA HOWEVER

thalia would definitely be the dramatic dad that zeus cant be (in person, at least)

whenever she and the hunters stay at camp she ( jokingly ) tells percy

"jackson, i want her home by NINE PEE EM. no later. i expect you won't be drinking, and you will be TAKING CARE OF HER. in the instance that i hear you DONT, i think you'll be taking a second trip across the river styx, you hear me?"

in like an sergeant voice and everything

percy plays along with it and salutes her going "yes ma'am!"

jason thinks you are so cute together

since you were at camp when the whole switcheroo thing happened, jason knew you first, and you were instantly best buddies

you told him about percy, and once he met him, he was happy to find out he was exactly like you described him

jason and thalia are ur #1 supporters ♡

in summary, alexa play that should be me

[two-white-butterflies]

mastermind | d3

Description: Ms. L/N turns to Mrs. L/N. In which, you ponder where you've been - and where you are now.

Pairing: daniel ricciardo/singer!reader

yournameupdates: There's a lot to unpack with Y/N's new album. The consensus is 7 of the songs written are about her ex-boyfriend: Tom Hiddleston, while Style (ft. Taylor Swift) is about Harry Styles? What could be the reason for the L/N-Hiddleston breakup?

likes by danielricciardo, balana291, and 92,129 others

comments

danielricciardo: More interested to hear about the record-breaking awards she's going to earn after this. - yournameupdates: She's definitely in for the records.

archianana29: I think it's because Hiddleston wants to seem like a bachelor?? Because of his new marvel film. - wannna82: she's not any better, she's profiting off his success. - - oceansdeap0: @wanna82 mind you, she came out of nowhere. - - - wannna82: @oceansdeap0 exacto! publicity stunt?

yournamehiddleston: According to Y/N's newest single: All You Had To Do Was Stay. Tom Hiddleston was the first one who called things off - but after a few months of being alone, he wanted to get back with her. Hence her explaination. All he had to do was stay :(

liked by danielricciardo and 109,219 others

comments

f1multistan: Daniel is everywhere these days - watchasay8: Who? - - f1multistan: the f1 racer

hesaysme129: 'YOU WERE ALL I WANTED' it's over I think.

yn1989era: I love how it's her first album and she already has 1000m fans 😭 - katyandyn: Teenage Dream and 1989 are no skip albums

Daniel Ricciardo couldn't believe that he was invited to attend the Grammys. It wasn't like he did anything groundbreaking in the realm of the music industry - but thanks to his amazing management - he was finally there. Normally, he hated award shows because of the cameras that were shoved in his face.

But he couldn't find himself hating this award show.

His favorite singer, Y/N L/N, was going to be in the same table as him. He crossed his fingers - maybe even beside him?

"God, I'm so sorry for being late. There was a mile long traffic back there," you ran to embrace Beyonce, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek as you settled in your seat. Daniel began to realize that he was extremely lucky to be seating where he was.

"Daniel Ricciardo, right?" you smiled at him with those pensive E/C eyes - pulling him back into reality. "Yes, I'm a big fan." he shook your hand, feeling those soft palms press against his.

If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

"Is it your first time in the Grammys?" you inquired, gently fiddling with the hems of your dress. "Yeah," he scratched the back of his head - oblivious to the cameras that were planted on the both of you. "It's nice to have someone to relate to," you chuckled as it was also your first time. "I heard that award shows could get pretty boring," you consulted in him.

Daniel felt so fucking special in that moment.

You were sitting beside Beyonce, but chose to speak to him. Fuck, does that mean that he was better than Beyonce? Nope, that's blasphemy - but still, it was flattering to think that you'd choose him.

"Tell me when you get bored, there's an ice-cream place just around the corner. We could grab a few bites." he offered - taking a leap of fate. "Sounds like a plan," you smiled and he could feel the crimson blush creep up his cheeks.

✧✧✧

This was something that he'd never forget. He couldn't wait to return to the paddocks and tell Sebastian that he had ice cream with THE Y/N L/N. "Is strawberry your favorite?" he asked, seeing you gobble down the large sized roll. "Yep, I put it in everything." you smiled.

It's been a month since you last tasted strawberry ice cream - you almost forgot how good it tasted. "I'm having a lot of fun, Dan." you complimented - seeing that the tip of his nose was coated with a chocolate syrup. "Darling, there's a little something -" you motioned.

He almost forgot how to move after hearing you call him that.

He flashed you his toothy grinned smile, before wiping the syrup off his nose. "So uhh, I'd like to get your number - so we can hang out another time." you asked, staring deep into his eyes.

Daniel realized that this was the chance of a lifetime. He almost reached for his phone to give you his number - but then he realized. He left his phone at home and he didn't memorize his number.

So instead of giving you his number - he came up with something that he'd regret until the day he died - or until the day he met you again. "No." he answered with confidence. "What?" your eyes narrowed, and he smiled again.

"I'll ask for your number the next time that I see you. To check if fate is really on our side." he explained and you could only smile back.

yournameupdates: Y/N L/N and Richard Madden are confirmed to be dating! Congratulations, she's finally found her Prince Charming.

liked danielricciardo and 102,192 others

comments

theyn_ln: He's certainly a Prince Charming! LOL - yournameupdates: 🥺

hennalova9: THEY LOOK SO PERFECT TOGETHER I'M SO HAPPY THAT SHE MOVED ON 😭

heysistersoul23: THIS IS ENDGAME

danielricciardo: You didn't hear it from me folks, but @theyn_ln is releasing a song tonight. 😉

liked by theyn_ln, maddenrichard and 1,291,192 others

comments

theyn_ln: Well, I rarely break promises.

maddenrichard: 🔥

formulalover91: DANIEL AND Y/N? THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

theyn_ln: Message in a Bottle MV will be released MIDNIGHT EST. @danielricciardo I always believed in you.

liked by danielricciardo and 1,290,120 likes

comments

danielricciardo: meetup when?

maddenrichard: I'm very proud of you - theyn_ln: thank you mi amor ❤️

yournameupdates: According to some insiders, Richard Madden proposed to Lilly James this March 4, 2017. But where does that leave Y/N? We demand an explaination. @maddenrichard

liked by 429,390

comments

theyn_ln: I honestly don't know what's happening right now. Please give me space luv ❤️ - yournameupdates: Yes ma'am

thisloveis1989: The way that she saw a future with him and he threw it away. 1 YEAR TOGETHER AND HE THREW IT AWAY?

thismyrealspace9: the album finna hit

theyn_ln: You are not the exception. You will never learn your lesson.

💜 Foolish One and Better Man out MIDNIGHT EST.

liked by danielricciardo and 1,291,002 others

comments

danielricciardo: The songs will be beautiful, but I hope that you're OK. - theyn_ln: Getting there!

taylorynkatyuniverse: FOOLISH ONE HURTS! BETTER MAN HURTS EVEN MORE 😭

icedamericano4: I see the permanent damage you did to me. RICHARD MADDEN YOU ARE PUBLIC ENEMY #1.

Daniel couldn't believe his fucking eyes. It was you.

"Y/N." his eyebrows softened, seeing the familiar posture. "Dan," you turned to look at him - inviting him with a warm embrace. "It's been 5 years since we've last seen each other," you buried your face in his shoulders, inhaling his scent of vanilla and chocolate.

"I thought I lost you for a second," he chuckled, completely forgetting about the drivers that were waiting for him back in the yacht. "Maybe this time you'll finally give me your number," you suggested and a nervous chuckle left his lips. "I'll be honest with you," he began.

"- I totally forgot my phone back at home the first time you asked me." he confessed, pulling his phone out of his pocket and offering it to you. "But I'm not letting you go this time." he smiled.

(2021)

theyn_ln: 7 years overdue, but here she is. My 2nd studio album 'folklore' will be out on September 23. Pre-order is available. You can also order @danielricciardo 's merch while you're at it hehe.

liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo and 2,192,190 others

comments

danielricciardo: The album is 10000/10 - theyn_ln: glad to have ur opinion

carlossainz55: Are we invited to the listening party? - danielricciardo: Already happened buddy, the invitation must've gotten lost in the mail. 😭

maxverstappen1: 💜

theyn_ln: Officially Mrs. L/N-Ricciardo. 💍

liked by danielricciardo and 3,129,102 likes

comments have been restricted.

danielricciardo: Mr. L/N-Ricciardo is officially my job title.

liked by maxverstappen1 and 1,291,092 others

comments have been restricted.

@lpab07 @ietss @shouq @fdl305 @iloveyou3000morgan

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 1

Hello! I know there are a few minutes left of the poll, but there is nothing that could happen in the next 15 minutes that is going to change the outcome.

3 to 1 in favor of the main story first. The only reason I asked, was because that story has been finished a long time, but this one is just getting started. But the masses have spoken.

Original prompt here.

Summary: Eddie and the Corroded Coffin boys made it big right out of high school. So big that Metallica could open for them. Outselling the biggest bands and artists. They are huge. Then a small little indy metal band called The Fallen comes on the scene. They wear hoods and masks and go by aliases. Eddie (and most of the rest of the metal scene) are dismissive of them. More splash then talent.

Only fans don't thinks so. So when Dustin takes him to one of their concerts Eddie learns two things.

One that they are super talented.

And two, that he knows at least of one the members' of the band's real identity.

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @redfreckledwolf @emly03 @itsall-taken

****

Getting out of Hawkins had always been the dream. Being able to do it with three of the best people he had ever had the pleasure of knowing with their music? That was the cherry on top of the icing.

But Eddie never dreamed that Corroded would outsell one his favorite bands of all time. Never even crossed his mind to dream about.

But there it was in black and white. Corroded Coffin was the highest grossing band of the year. Metallica was seventh. Fuck they had outsold Taylor Swift for Christ’s sake.

Barely.

But it still counted damn it!

What was a surprise was the number nineteenth best selling band of the year. A band he’d never heard of before. The Fallen. It said the genre was metal in that little italic font.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

Yeah, it was impossible to listen to every up and coming metal band. But if they had already hit this big with only their second album, surely Eddie would have heard them on the radio.

Only on their last tour Chrissy Cunningham, their beautiful and amazing manager had put an embargo on the radio because the riffs were finding their way into Eddie’s song writing. So he guessed it made sense that he hadn’t heard of them.

So he called the one person he knew who would have all the details on these guys.

“Dusty!” he greeted when the man picked up. Man. Shit, when did they all get so old?

“Eddie!” Dustin greeted back. “Finally back in town?”

Eddie grinned. “You know it. Dude, you know my tour schedule better than Chrissy does.”

“Maybe.”

He laughed. “Guess who hit the top of the most successful metal bands of the decade?”

“Oh my god!” Dustin screamed. “That’s so cool! Is the issue out on stands yet or did you get a sneaky peak for having made it to the top of their list?”

Eddie winced. “Sadly the later. But! I can bring it over to show you when I come to hang out.”

“That’s acceptable,” Dustin said. “Steve just got back in town, too. That label he works for sure does like dragging him all over the world.”

Eddie hummed. “Yeah? Where’d they send him this time?”

“Japan if you can believe it,” Dustin huffed. “He basically came home sometime around midnight and just crashed.”

Eddie didn’t know what Steve and Robin did for the studio, no one did. But the general consensus was that they were dogsbodies of some sort. Getting coffees for execs and stars, driving them places. Just stuff they didn’t want to hire out for, they made Robin and Steve do.

“I won’t be waking him up if I come over, will I?” Eddie asked, biting his lip. He had a crush on the other man. A large one. But fame and fortune kept getting in the way of something more.

“Nah,” Dustin assured him. “He woke up about an hour ago. He’s even showered and eaten. He’ll want to see you as much as I do.”

Eddie very much doubted that, but he was going to take it. “Great! This list is insane, man. I can’t wait for you to see it.”

“Come over for dinner,” Dustin suggested. “We’ll pour over the list over pizza and beer.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re old enough for beer now.”

“Yeah, yeah, old man,” Dustin said. Eddie could feel the eye roll from here.

****

Eddie was watching Steve in interest.

He was walking around like he was used to being in high heels or something, as he would catch himself on his toes and force his feet down on his heels.

He would jump at Dustin throwing open the door. He kept touching his face and rubbing at his throat.

Robin was constantly pushing tea into his hands to get them settle. When they weren’t cradling the tea mugs, they were all over the place. Not just his face. But his back and stomach, too. Rubbing his palms on the front of his jeans.

“Dude!” Dustin hissed. “What is wrong with you? Japan can’t have been that different from America.”

Steve winced from the sound. “Bud, you are seriously being too loud. I told you that I have a migraine.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Hey do you need me to go? Butthead here said you were fine.”

Steve looked up at Eddie and his expression softened. “I’m fine as long as you aren’t yelling like Dusty Buns, here.”

Eddie chuckled. “I hear that. So how was Japan? When me and the boys went a couple years ago it was so beautiful.”

Steve rubbed his forehead between his eyebrows. “I wish I could have seen more of it. It felt like we were running nonstop. At least we aren’t roadies. I don’t think I could do the work they do. They’re the true beating heart of the operation.”

Eddie nodded. “Our last tour we had twelve trucks of roadies and equipment. It was insane.”

Robin grabbed Steve’s cold tea mug and swapped it with a warm one. Steve murmured his thanks. “I’m still not sure if I’m on this time zone yet. And I worry that this fucking migraine may throw me off even further.”

“Is that why Robin is plying you with tea?” Eddie asked. “To keep you awake enough to go bed at the right time?”

Steve nodded, humming contently over the cup of tea. “Nothing caffeinated, not really. Peppermint for the most part, honey lemon, too. She thinks I might be coming down with travelers’ cough.”

Again Steve made an aborted movement toward his face.

“Stop doing that!” Dustin hissed again. “Why do you keep touching your face like that? Did the Tibetan monks curse you or something?”

Robin smacked the back of his head. “That’s China, doofus! And no, no one has been cursed. We had to wear face masks like the surgeons wear for a lot of the trip because there had been a flu outbreak.”

Eddie nodded. “Ooh, yeah. They recommended we wear them too in certain areas, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was that twitchy when we moved to the Australian leg of the tour.”

Dustin eyed Steve warily, like he wasn’t sure if he should believe him or not, but Eddie had backed him up, so Dustin decided to let it go.

For now.

“Where were you touring again?” Steve asked Eddie after taking a long sip from his mug. “South America, wasn’t it?”

“Right in one, big boy,” Eddie enthused. “It was our first time in some of those countries so it was super exciting meeting the people, learning the culture, eating the food. I swear by the end of the tour we had all gained at least ten pounds and that was with us sweating our asses off on stage almost every night.”

Steve winced. “I don’t know how you guys do it, the stage lights we had were merciless.”

“Years and years of practice, Stevie,” Eddie said, “years and years of practice.”

Dustin turned to Eddie. “All right I think I’ve been patient enough, I want to see the top twenty money makers of metal before I vibrate out of my skin.”

Steve laughed and smacked the back of his head. “You know who number one is, why do you care about the other nineteen?”

Eddie shook his head. “Not just metal bands, my weird little friend. But out of all the bands.”

He pulled out the magazine and Dustin snatched it out of his hands, careful not to rip it.

Dustin was furiously reading the list and it was clear that he was looking for someone specific.

“Eureka!” he cried. “I knew it! I knew they were outselling other new metal bands.”

Steve looked over his shoulder. “Yeah? Who’s that, bud?”

“The Fallen!” he cried. “They are so cool man. They have these on stage personas like Daft Punk and they kick ass on stage. I was so bummed when they didn’t come to Pasadena or anywhere near there when they were doing their US leg of their tour.”

Dustin was going to school at Caltech because as much as he wanted to go to MIT his mom was worried about him being by himself, so he moved out to California to move in with Steve.

He was on campus for housing most of the year, but he came home on the weekends and that put Claudia’s mind at rest.

Steve himself had moved out to California a couple of years before. Robin and him had gotten a job at record company and had to move out there to be closer to the headquarters.

Interestingly, or at least to Dustin, Steve’s friends all found jobs out here, too.

“I saw that one,” Eddie was saying. “But I’d never heard of them are they any good?”

Dustin scoffed. “Are they any good? Holy shit are they good.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “They’re a metal band, no offense to Eddie here, but there are only three metal bands on the whole list. Most of them are pop, rap, or country. How good can they be?”

Eddie scoffed and held his hands to his heart. “You wound me!” Then he flopped on the sofa, playing dead.

“That’s what does make them so good, Steve,” Dustin insisted. “Because there are only three metal bands on the list, it means they had to work their asses off twice as hard as the others.”

Eddie popped up. “Yeah, Stevie!” He stuck out his tongue and Steve laughed.

“You got any of the albums?” Steve asked, with a flippant wave of his hand. “If they’re so good, let’s hear them then.”

A shadow crossed over Robin’s face and she looked like she wanted to say something, but couldn’t.

****

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Permanent Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @counting-dollars-counting-stars @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Calling Your Name - No Love Lost Bonus Chapter

Series Masterlist

Read on A03!

Author's Note: This one’s very sad, and very horny. I’m pregaming for Chapter 21. Title from I Don't Want to Live Forever by Taylor Swift and Zayn Malik.

Word Count: 1.3k

Summary/Warnings: Ben's first birthday awake isn't great. Takes place in Chapter 19. Usual warnings, with extra emphasis on smut.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, canon divergence, angst, smut

The last birthday Ben had celebrated was his 68th. Big fucking party, with lions and champagne, where women who Ben couldn’t remember the names of had thrown themselves at him, and men he’d never met in his life had congratulated him on turing 27.

It had been his eighteenth 27th birthday party. In another twelve years, he'd be 28. 

The event had cost a small fortune. Likely the GDP of one of those tiny fucking European countries that had been forming as the Soviet Union fell apart. Vought had rented him a castle—Ben hadn’t even known America had castles—and flown thousands of people Ben didn’t like out to celebrate.

Today he was 106, and alone in a haunted apartment as Her voice in his head called him old.

Did you take your meds this morning, grandpa?

No. Mallory still won’t just fucking give me drugs.

He could picture Her teasing pout. Woe is you, Pretty Boy. 106 and nobody to buy you cocaine.

He sighed into the empty room, and a small part of him still hoped she’d just appear. She’d walk out of the bedroom door or in from the hall, and she'd throw herself into Ben’s arms. She'd call him a grumpy cunt, and he’d get to kiss Her until she moaned and pleaded, and tell her he loved her. Maybe she’d get on her knees, or let Ben fuck her right here on the sofa. She’d smile at him. She taunt him and ask if Social Security had an expiration date, but she’d be smiling at Ben the whole time so he’d just scoff and let her.

She hadn’t told Ben her own birthday. He’d asked, once, all the way back in the safe housem, and She’d laughed. Told him she stopped celebrating her birthday when Homelander kidnapped her. 

“It loses the magic, Pretty Boy.” Her voice had been amused and bored, but there had been something hollow in Her eyes. “Being legally dead makes birthdays seem kind of pointless.”

He’d dropped it then. Now he wished he hadn’t. Ben wanted to know so that he could be a pain in everyone’s ass about it. He’d make them throw a party, and someone would provide a cake—homemade, chocolate, with a disgusting amount of frosting and ice cream just in case She hated cake—and everyone would sing that stupid birthday song in a voice worse than Hers until She felt loved. 

He’d make sure she felt loved. Ben would buy her a gift—he wasn’t sure what, but he’d figure it out—and it would make her feel seen. Then he’d stand silently behind Her while everyone celebrated how fucking perfect she was, and cut the cake so he could make sure she got the largest piece. 

Then he’d fuck Her. He’d carry her home, into this same apartment, and up the stairs into the bed so he could fuck Her. Romantically. If Ben got to do this, it would have to be romantic. In this perfect world he was creating for himself, they’d been fucking for a while now and he’d already told Her he loved her, so he’d know all the things she likes in bed, and which of them made Her come apart the fastest. Ben would be able to use that knowledge to throughly wreck Her—turn her into a sweaty, moaning work of art below him—and remind her that he loved Her the whole time.

That was what he wanted for his birthday. Her, home, in Ben’s arms so he could fuck her and tell her he loved her. So he could get some proper fucking rest tonight, and wake up with Her at his side. So everything could finally be good again.

He didn’t have a cake. He hadn’t told anyone it was his birthday, because it didn’t really fucking feel important. They had work to do, and no one on the team was going to jump out of their chair to celebrate one of Ben’s infinite birthdays. So he grabbed a candle from the cabinet—Balsam and Cedar, Her surprisingly aggressive purchase—went to light it, and realized they didn’t actually own a lighter. She was a walking lighter, so neither of them had bothered to purchase one.

It was almost midnight. This dogshit fucking day—where he’d eaten dinner with the team and combed through Vought records and tried not to think about how She was here, wasn’t home—had been the same as yesterday. Would be the same as tomorrow. All the days would be the fucking same, numb, thoughtless shit until She was home.

She’d tell Ben her birthday when she got home. He’d figure out a way to get Her to tell him. He wouldn’t be able to trick it out of her the way she was always somehow getting Ben to say what she wanted him to. If he asked, she’d ignore him or tell him to shut the fuck up.

He could fuck it out of Her. That was the only field between them where Ben seemed to have the slightest advantage. She wasn’t as fucking excellent at hiding how much she wanted Ben as he was at hiding how much he wanted Her. But he had months of practice. Weeks and weeks in the safe house of fucking his hand to the thought of Her without her catching on. And every time Ben had touched her she’d whimpered his name and fallen apart and fucking begged, so that’s how he’d figure out Her birthday. He’d make her cum on his face once—just because he wanted to—then he’d fuck Her into the mattress until Her perfect, insane, brilliant fucking brain was empty and she was molding into Ben’s body.

He’d lean down, lips against Her ears, and hiss the question.

“When’s your birthday.”

She wouldn’t answer immediately. She’d just moan and stare at him with lust-blown, pretty eyes. So Ben would pull all the way out of Her until she whined, and slam back in hard enough to break the bed before asking again.

“Tell me your birthday, beautiful, or you don’t get to fucking cum.”

It would be a bluff. She was a goddamn force of nature when she came, and Ben wasn’t strong enough to deprive himself of watching Her lips part and head throw back, feel Her back arch off the bed and her cunt squeeze around his cock like it had before on his fingers, hear Her scream his name. Maybe She’d squirt. Ben had felt how fucking wet she could get, maybe if he fucked her right, She’d squirt.

And She’d call the bluff. Even in the haze of Ben’s  body over hers, between moans and begs, she’d call him on his shit.

“Fuck,” she whimpered when he repeated that same move again. “Fuck you, Ben-“

“Birthday.”

It would take a while, likely several minutes of that exact dance, but he’d get it. Ben would lean down to Her mouth and kiss Her, sloppy and deep, fucking her faster, and tell Her he loved her. 

Then She'd tell him, and cum.

This was a foolproof fucking plan. Ben was a goddamn genius.

Maybe I don’t have a birthday, Benjamin. Have you considered that?

Everyone has a fucking birthday.

Well, what’s yours?

Ben frowned into the air. She was a figment of his imagination, she should know his birthday. Today.

Oh. The room was silent for a second. I forgot, I guess. Sorry. 

Don’t apologize. If you want to do something for me, come home.

It wasn’t really worth saying. This wasn’t Her, and even if it said, of course, Pretty Boy. For your birthday. The real her would still be across the river at Vought tower. And Ben had to be okay with that.

I want to. You know I want to, but I can’t. I miss you and love you, Ben, more than anything, but I can’t come home.

He sighed. I miss you and love you too.

Stop saying that-

Shut the fuck up. If you’re allowed to say you love me, I can say it back.

But-

No. It’s my birthday, no telling me I can’t say that I love you on my birthday.

Silence, then okay. For your birthday. Old man.

I love you, brat.

I love you too, Benjamin. Happy birthday.

End Note: I made Ben a Taurus, and I stand by that.

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[whenyoufellfromheaven]

WHEN YOU FELL FROM HEAVEN

by Alyson Greaves

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One

THE BOY WITH THE RUBBER BAND IN HIS HAIR

He thought there would be more palm trees.

The car bounces off a pothole and wakes him from a restless sleep, and Max’s first thought, when he pushes himself up in the back seat and stares out the window, is that California doesn’t look like California. His whole life, California’s been a near-mythical paradise, drenched in sun, scattered with palm trees and populated entirely by beautiful people. But all he sees is just more America. More of the same suburbs they’ve seen, on and off, for the five days of their journey. It looks almost exactly like Rock Falls, the nowhere town in the middle of the country they spent a whole day walking around because Dad needed a break from driving. The same strip malls, the same absurdly wide streets, the same endless sky.

It’s just brighter here. More painful to look at.

After everything that happened, Max never expected to miss New York, but for the whole drive across the country he’s been feeling increasingly like an animal bred in captivity let suddenly out into the wild. Where’s the density? Where are the people?

All in their fucking cars, apparently. Same as him.

Screw this. He needs music.

His headphones must have slipped off while he was sleeping, because Clay’s holding them out for him. Max takes them, smiles at his brother in silent thanks, and thumbs blindly at his Discman until the first track starts again. The throaty rumble of someone seriously abusing a bass guitar immediately shuts out the rattle of the trailer and the hum of tires on asphalt, and Max turns back to the window to watch building after bleached building glide slowly by as they head for their new home, for his new life.

He doesn’t exactly have high hopes.

* * *

Taking the stairs two at a time—but sometimes jumping back up one just because she can—Taylor revels in her first Saturday alone in the house. Her parents are away all week! And that means she can do whatever she wants! Sure, she normally does whatever she wants anyway, but now she can do it without her mom complaining about the noise.

She sticks the landing in the front hall, bounces right into the living room, and collects the remote from its little holster on the side of Dad’s armchair without slowing down. The CD changer opens for her, prompting the whole stereo setup to light up like a space shuttle control board, and Taylor gets to work dumping out all of Mom and Dad’s boring old crap so she can listen to something good down here for a change. She’s got a handful of favorites on her, but she’s also got something that came out almost a month ago that she still hasn’t gotten to listen to on anything better than the crappy little portable stereo in her room. And as the speakers shake with the opening bars of Beyoncé’s Crazy in Love, Taylor readies the remote like a microphone and prepares to strut.

Holy shizz, she loves this song. She turns it up until the floor hums along.

Gordo should have been the one to get her this CD. She was excited about it for, like, ever, and he knows she loves Destiny’s Child, but did he remember? Nope with a big fat N, O, P and E. So she got it for herself a week late.

Freaking Gordo! He was supposed to come over today, help her take advantage of the parentals being away, but he’s flaked, which is more and more like him lately. Five texts on her Sidekick when she woke up, and not one of them was an apology! He’s preparing for college; he has football camp coming up; she wouldn’t understand.

Taylor scowls. It’s a sore point: no cheer camp this year. But Mom and Dad had the vacation booked anyway, and Garrett barely inhabits any part of the house that isn’t his room, the couch or the kitchen, so at least she has some time to relax.

Time in which she should stop thinking about her disappointing boyfriend.

Leaning into the beat, Taylor lets it lift her mood again, and when the final chorus comes around, she times her, “Yeah!” with a precise kick to the latch on the patio doors, opening the house to the summer breeze. As she dances out into the backyard, she points the remote back into the house and ups the volume another couple of notches.

Taylor lets the album play as she does some of her warm-up stretches. She’s not planning to go through her whole routine right now, but she can’t start the day without moving just a bit, and today she gets to do so to some loud music.

There’s a reason she always practices to music. Nothing gets her going like a beat and lyrics she can yell. And under any other circumstances, she might be a bit embarrassed, because her singing voice isn’t exactly great and it’s worse when she’s stretching a leg up over her head, but their neighbors on the right can’t get out into their backyard anymore without help from their grandchildren, and the house on the left’s been empty since—

Wait. It got sold, right? Isn’t someone moving in soon? Really soon? Like, today, maybe?

Shoot!

Given Taylor’s luck, they probably already moved in yesterday, and right now, cute boys are watching her out of their upstairs windows and laughing at how she almost fell flat on her face when she tried to do a handstand and sing Naughty Girl at the same time.

She shuts off the music, throws the remote down into the grass, and runs to the fence. There won’t be anybody there, she’s sure, but paranoia requires that she check.

Every house on this street is the same—on the outside, at least—and that means Taylor’s house has the same row of stubby trees against the privacy fence as their (potential) new neighbors. They’re staggered, so no tree interferes with any other, but together they provide enough cover that Taylor can stand on a lawn chair and peer over the fence and be pretty sure she can’t be seen.

Nobody in the rooms upstairs. And nobody in the backyard. Except now she’s switched off the music, she can hear noises from the front of the neighboring house, faint but growing louder: the growl of a large engine (a truck? or a regular car, towing a trailer?) and raised, bickering voices (boys?).

Then there’s movement inside the house. Curtains being swept aside, doors being propped open. People milling around. Taylor’s pretty sure she just saw someone dad-sized and -shaped staggering along with a huge box.

The back door opens, and Taylor lowers her head a little. Her blonde hair doesn’t exactly help with the whole camouflage thing, but what are the chances anybody’ll glance over at this exact section of fence? The backyards here are the size of football fields!

A figure emerges. Gotta be the mom. Looks like a mom, standard model, Italian-American variant: kinda tall, kinda middle-aged stocky, and her hair is incredible! She’s got it pinned but the volume! It’s straining to be set free, like a caged tiger, if a tiger was jet black and sort of lurked.

More like a caged panther, maybe.

The mom yells something back into the house—a New York accent! cool!—and the dad of the family comes out to meet her, and whoa. He’s not super tall, maybe an inch or two taller than his wife, but he is wide. Like if you took two people, trimmed off all the excess limbs, and smooshed them together. He’s like if puberty didn’t stop until you’re forty, and you just kept getting stockier and more hairy.

They talk a little, pointing out different things in the yard—none of them Taylor—and then they kiss, except they don’t just kiss, he dips her!

“Oh my goodness,” Taylor whispers. She can’t help herself; that was just so romantic! Married with kids and they still do that!

She remembers them now: they came looking around the neighborhood right at the start of the holidays. Mom offered them iced tea and they asked for regular coffee, and Taylor saw them for approximately three seconds, on her way through the kitchen to the front door. On second inspection, she likes them.

What was their name again? Something Italian, something with a G… Giordano, that was it! She remembers clearly now: when Taylor got back that night, Mom was going on about finally getting some ‘Italian flavor’ in the neighborhood, and Dad asked her what that meant, and she said something about tomatoes. Garrett, who was having one of his rare moments of consciousness, told them their heads would explode if they ever saw any actual diversity, and Taylor told him he smelled like weed again.

Another fun night in the Scott household.

Mom Giordano kisses Dad Giordano again and they both set off for the house. When they get to the door, Mom Giordano sticks her head inside and yells, “Boys! Stop messing around and unpack! We’ve been in California five minutes and you’re already driving me crazy!” She shrugs at her husband, and they both vanish into what Taylor assumes is the kitchen.

Then there’s nothing for a bit. Shame, because this is the most exciting thing to happen in Vista Primavera in years. She’s about to step down from her lawn chair and get back to her routine when someone new comes out the same door, and he’s… yum. Like his dad, he’s not exactly tall, maybe five-ten, five-eleven, but he’s built. He’s wearing a sleeveless shirt and jeans, and Taylor can see enough of him to know that there’s a good shape under all that. And he’s not shaped like a bodybuilder, either; nor is he shaped like her boyfriend, like a football player. He’s shaped like a guy who works for a living. He’s got the family black hair, cut short and kinda curly, and thick eyebrows and a mess of stubble, and if it weren’t for her stupid boyfriend and also for the fact that he’s probably at least twenty-one, she’d hop the fence right now and ask very politely if she could eat him up with a spoon and maybe some non-fat ice cream on the side.

Guys like that look good on her.

“Hey!” he yells back into the house. “Max! Come check this out! You can see a mountain from the backyard!”

Taylor doesn’t laugh, though she kinda wants to. That’s not a mountain! Not like the real ones; you have to go north for those. Here in Vista Primavera they have, well, they have hills, hills with delusions of grandeur, and they look kinda blasted and scrappy most of the time, except for two months in the spring. She makes a mental note to really admire them when they get green again. To genuinely try to appreciate them, because people in other parts of the country don’t have crappy hills to look at.

And then the last member of the Giordano clan steps out of the kitchen door. Max. And he’s nothing like his dad or his brother. He’s closer to Taylor’s height, maybe five-eight, definitely a good couple inches shorter than his jacked brother. His features are similar, though, just softer, like if his brother is maybe twenty-five percent through the family forty-year puberty, Max is at five percent. Maybe ten; he does have a little dark hair on his upper lip. He wears his black hair long and a little greasy, tied in a messy ponytail with what looks like a rubber band! Ick! She shudders to think what it’s like to get that mess straight in the morning. Maybe there are brushes still lost in there!

Maybe he doesn’t brush it, like, at all.

Max is clearly the younger brother, but he’s not young, he’s just kind of… hard to place. He’s wearing board shorts and a shirt with a band she’s never heard of on it, both of which are too big for him, and— Hmm. He is sort of toned, actually. He’s not covered in muscles, not like his brother or like Gordo, but they’re there, lurking in his slender limbs. He’s built like a swimmer. A swimmer on a starvation diet, maybe, whose hair hasn’t known the cleansing kiss of water in far too long, but a swimmer nonetheless.

And then Max high fives his brother, sways his arms, steps into a ready stance, and performs the most perfect sequences of handsprings, somersaults and flips Taylor’s ever seen. The form! The confidence! The sheer height he achieves! He finishes with a double full, and he’s barely panting at all!

Not built like a swimmer, then. Built like a gymnast.

Interesting…

“Show off!” his brother shouts.

“I’m just stiff!” Max yells back at him. “From the drive! I needed to stretch my legs!”

“Whatever.” His brother grins at him. “Just come help me unpack the kitchen stuff before Mom goes ballistic, okay?”

“Fine.”

His brother goes inside, but Max apparently can’t resist one more tumble, even more elaborate than before, and although Taylor’s inner cheerleader wants to scold him for not stretching properly and for just going for it on a lawn he’s never even seen before, which could have hidden rocks or loose stones or unexpected divots, she can’t help applauding.

Because he’s amazing. She’s only seen moves like that at the Olympics! And at, well, at the annual cheerleading competition. The one she’s been wanting the squad to at least try to qualify for. The one she always has to settle for watching on TV.

Oh.

Oh no!

He’s seen her.

Well, obviously he has: she’s still clapping like an idiot. Like a performing seal. He’s frowning in her direction, but before she can wave and say hi and maybe apologize, he takes off, running back to the house with impressive speed.

He glances at her one more time, and then he slams the kitchen door.

Shoot.

* * *

Max drops onto his brand-new bed, too tired and too annoyed to unpack his own shit. He helped with the kitchen stuff, he helped with the living room stuff, he even helped Clay put together those stupid ‘couch in a box’ things and almost got his fingers trapped, and none of it was strenuous enough to forget the fact that he’s been in California just a few hours and already he’s humiliated himself in front of a pretty girl.

A pretty girl who is his neighbor. And it’s not something she’s likely to forget. In a year, when they graduate, she’ll still be telling the story of the loner boy who moved in next door and immediately started prancing around the backyard like a—

Careful, Max. You hate it when they say it; why use it on yourself?

Ugh. It was supposed to be different here. Stupid thing to let himself think. It was always going to be exactly the same.

And why California, anyway? Everything’s too damn big here.

His bed included. He’s stretching to his fullest extent—he’s still sore from the car—and he can’t reach all four corners of the bed at once. Not like in his old bed. No, back home in Queens, when he and Avery lay in bed, talking, it would sometimes be a challenge not to knock each other off. But the money Mom and Dad got for the old place bought a fucking mansion here; he and Avery could probably host three other people on this monster-sized mattress before it got awkward.

At least the yard is super-sized, too. A genuine California bonus. One that he instantly wrecked, of course; he can’t go out there now. The neighbor girl might see him.

His phone buzzes again. He’s been ignoring it the last hour or so, but he can’t keep pretending the outside world doesn’t exist. After all, there’s so much of it here.

Max flicks open the pocket of his board shorts and digs around in the fluff until he finds his phone. Last year’s model, but when Clay upgrades again next year, he’ll have this year’s model, and until then, he’s fine with his Nokia 3410. It’s not like phones are any different year on year, anyway; they get a bit smaller and a bit rounder, and sometimes you don’t get Snake.

Avery’s been texting him. So far, he hasn’t wanted to respond. Too final. He doesn’t want to acknowledge how little they’re going to be in each other’s lives from now on.

Avery: Maxxy! Have fun in sunny California! Don’t forget about me! Avery: You’ve forgotten about me, haven’t you Avery: Crying real tears right now Avery: Max, you’re supposed to reply when someone texts you. That’s how it works. It’s called Textiquette. I read it in a magazine at the dentist. Avery: WHAT STATE ARE YOU EVEN IN RIGHT NOW? DID YOU MAKE IT TO SO-CAL? OR ARE YOU STUCK IN FLYOVER HELL? Avery: Sorry for caps Avery: I’m so bored Avery: Maxxxxxxxxxy

Unfair that he had to leave her behind. Unfair that he had to leave at all, but he couldn’t very well tell Dad he wanted to stay in Queens, not after everything. When your whole family sacrifices everything they’ve ever known and moves across the country just for you—even if they don’t say it—it’s bad form to bitch too hard about it.

Avery, though. An impossible goodbye. She cried a lot; he tried really hard to join in. But maybe it’s for the best. Maybe she’s better off with him out of her life, attached to him by only the thinnest and lengthiest of threads. She’s going places, after all; to the Olympics, almost definitely. He was never as good as her, even before he quit.

So she can get over him. Make other friends. Start her senior year without the baggage he brings unavoidably with him wherever he goes.

Avery: Max Max Max Max Max Max Max

He should probably reply before she texts again.

Max: Hey Avery: Max! Get on AIM nowwwwwwww Max: How do you even have the energy to hit the 9 key that many times Avery: Because I do my warm ups Max Avery: Unlike some of us Avery: Now get on AIM I’m booooooored Max: I can’t, sorry. I don’t think we have internet yet Avery: Not even dial up? Max: I saw the phone line when I was helping Dad unpack downstairs. Is it supposed to have a bunch of bare wires coming out of it? Avery: Boooo Avery: I don’t have infinite texts Max Max: You could have fooled me Avery: So I’m going to wish you a happy California and a very get on AIM as soon as you have ANY kind of internet Max: I will. Miss you Avery: You BETTER

Max drops his phone onto the nightstand and allows the low battery indicator to motivate him into doing something useful. He rolls out of bed—he has to roll twice to actually accomplish this—and starts rummaging through boxes, looking for his charger. Once he has it, he looks around for an outlet and plugs it in.

There. Now he has a bed and a phone charger! The place looks more like home already. And now that he’s out of bed again, he might as well have a shower and wash off the gunk from traveling all night. He digs around until he finds the box marked Max’s Bathroom and just takes the whole damn thing in with him.

Another California bonus: he doesn’t have to share a bathroom with three other people anymore.

* * *

Garrett’s finally crawled out of his room and slugged his way down the stairs to take up residence on the couch. Ick. Just three hours ago, this would have been bad because he would have made Taylor turn down her music or beg her to go to the store for more Doritos or something, and that would have been annoying enough. But now she’s on a mission, and the thing about being on a mission is that your goal is greatly hampered by anyone knowing what it is or having reason to guess.

So she’s trying to make smoothies as subtly as she can, and maybe he won’t get up from his cartoons and ask—

“Hey, Tay, whatya doing?”

Taylor stamps a foot in irritation. “None of your beeswax, Gar‑rat.”

“Okay, okay,” he mumbles, rolling off from his precarious position against the dividing wall and returning to the living room. Moments later, he turns up the volume on the TV.

Well! That went okay. Obviously he’s still too wasted to have more than two consecutive coherent thoughts, and that suits Taylor just fine. He can waste away the day in front of his cartoons if he wants to. She checks interact civilly with my gross brother off her mental list and throws the rest of the ingredients into the blender.

They really should have grown out of the sibling thing, the way the other girls she knows with older brothers mostly have. But it’s absence that makes the heart grow fonder, and he’s always around! Worse, he’ll always be around! Mom and Dad won’t kick him out, not after he paid them rent on his room for the next five years, which means she’s stuck with him.

When the blender gets done, she pours the contents into two metal cups and screws on the lids, throwing them both into a plastic bag. In the mirror by the side door, she gives herself a final check, and she looks perfect: pink cargo pants, pink crop top, and a white shirt thrown over the top, for modesty. She looks sporty but fashionable; exactly the impression she wants to give to the new boy next door. She even left her hair up!

As she steps into her white sneakers she throws a final glare through the kitchen wall at Garrett. He won’t see it, but he might feel it, and it might spoil his cartoons by like one percent.

She has to admit, they’d probably also get along better if he wasn’t such a tech prodigy. And without even trying! It’s bullcrap. Computers are supposed to be Taylor’s backup, in the very likely event that cheerleading isn’t enough to take her to college, but she’ll always have to live in the shadow of her older brother, who started a dot-com when he was fifteen and sold it for literal millions when he was barely older than Taylor is now. So even if she does go to college for computer science, she’ll always be the cheerleader little sister to the guy who created Munchie Portal, the Portal for Munchies.

It has a new name now that Yahoo! owns it, but everyone still calls it that.

Ick. Forget Garrett. She’s here for one reason, and she squares it in her mind as she skips the short distance between the houses and knocks on the Giordanos’ door. A few seconds later, Mom Giordano opens it and smiles down at her.

“Well, hello!” she says. “Who do we have here? Wait, don’t tell me; you’re the neighbor girl, aren’t you!”

Taylor puts on her most dazzling smile. “Guilty!”

“Well, do come in. And what do you have there?”

Hefting her bag, Taylor says, “Actually, these are for Max. Or one of them is, anyway.”

Mom Giordano’s welcoming smile contorts somewhat. “You know Max?”

“I don’t know him,” Taylor says quickly, sensing she might already have stepped on some hidden motherly landmine, “but I think I sort of embarrassed him earlier? I saw him practicing out in the yard and I thought he was really good, so I clapped, and then I didn’t have a chance to tell him it was a sincere clap and not, like, a sarcastic clap, so—” she lifts one of the cups out of the bag, “—I brought an apology present.”

“Aren’t you a sweet girl?” And then Mom Giordano does the classic mom move, which New York Italian moms apparently do just as well as WASPy Californian moms: it’s when they lean back, away from the teen in front of them, and yell at the top of their voice up the stairs. Taylor’s never known why any of them do this, because the extra foot or so of distance doesn’t moderate the extreme volume even slightly. “Maxwell! You got a visitor!” When there’s no answer, she looks back at Taylor. “Why don’t you go on up? Third door on the right.”

“Thanks, Mrs Giordano!” Taylor says in her peppiest voice. She starts up the stairs.

As she ascends, she hears Mom Giordano say to her husband, “Well, look at that! She even remembers our names. And that outfit! This one might not be so bad…”

Taylor slows as she reaches the top of the stairs, and counts doors, quickly identifying Max’s as the half-open one on the end. There’s another mirror up here—just a little one hanging on the wall, filling one of the many preinstalled picture hooks, most of which are still empty—and she checks herself again: not a hair out of place, and her outfit still looks good. She could have worn her cheer uniform, since it tends to make a good impression on guys and parents alike, but she knows the reputation cheerleaders have at some schools; he might have cheer-TSD.

She knocks on his door, and though there’s no answer, the door swings all the way open at her touch, so she takes a half-step inside.

And immediately she sees a door on the other side of the room open up.

Before Taylor can react, Maxwell Giordano, loosely robed, with long wet hair draped over half his face down to his shoulders, and with a slice of his toned but almost skeletally thin body on display through the open top half of the robe… steps out of his bathroom and meets her eyes.

“Fuck!” he yells, and immediately turns around and slams the bathroom door behind him.

Shoot!

* * *

“I’ll be outside!” the Peeping Tom neighbor girl yells, and it has to be her, because, yeah, he didn’t get a good look at her before, but the girl hanging over the fence was blonde like her and—more pertinently—she clapped at him like a perky idiot, and only a perky idiot would walk into the bedroom of someone she doesn’t know, uninvited, so, yeah, it’s her. “I’ll let you get dressed! I’ll just… I’m sorry! I’ll be outside.”

He probably can’t wait her out, then. Not unless he gets lucky and the sun explodes before she gets bored, or Mom comes up to yell at him for being rude.

The first thing Max does when he leaves the bathroom again is check to make sure that Peeping Tom neighbor girl did, in fact, close his bedroom door; she did. Thank fuck. He leaves her out there while he sorts through boxes, trying to put together something presentable, eventually ending up with three options.

They all suck.

Whatever! None of his shit actually fits him, but that’s not exactly a new problem, and if the neighbor girl doesn’t like it, she should learn not to show up unexpectedly in people’s rooms. Shit, what even is the protocol in this situation? Should he make her a coffee or something? What do Californians drink? Orange juice? No, that’s Floridians. Iced tea? Pulped palm trees? That would explain why there aren’t as many around as he expected.

If only Avery were here. She might not know what to do either, but at least she’d be funny about it, and at least having another girl around might stop things getting awkward.

Fuck it. He’s eighteen. He can do what he wants. Including embarrass himself in front of local girls. What can she do, make his life worse?

He picks the least awful set of clothes, throws it on, and stuffs the others back into the nearest box. A quick glance in the closet mirror is enough to confirm that he looks adequate, so he ties up his hair in a rubber band and opens the door. On the other side, the neighbor girl smiles sheepishly at him.

“Sorry,” she says. “Twice. Sorry for that, and sorry for earlier, in the yard. Can I come in?” She holds up a plastic bag. “I have a peace offering.”

She might be intrusive and forward, but she’s also gorgeous. California blonde and dressed for a run, just like any number of other girls he saw out of the car window this morning, and there’s enough individuality to her face to make her attractive, not merely pretty. Like, very attractive. To him. Personally. And her cheeks are flushed with embarrassment and her eyes are apologetic so he can’t be all that mad at her. She reminds him of Avery, a bit; she couldn’t look more different, but the expression on her face is uncannily like when Avery came rushing over at six in the morning to tell him she finally kissed Rebecca and that it was just as magical as she always hoped.

And it’s a cute expression. On both of them.

“Sure,” he says. “Come in.”

“Wow,” she says, craning her neck, making a show of looking around. “Nice room! Lots of boxes! And… a guitar! You play?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, but I don’t do anything with it. I just kinda pick it up and put it down again.”

“Still. Pretty cool.” Then she shakes her head and pulls out of her plastic bag a metal cup with a straw poking through its lid. “Behold: my custom smoothies. No fat, plenty of protein, and a hundred percent delicious!”

“No fat, huh,” he says, a smile riding unbidden on his lips.

“I promise. Athlete to athlete.”

She’s still holding it out, so he takes it from her and tries a sip and, yeah, okay, it’s actually good. In fact, it’s excellent. It’s better than the smoothies Coach used to hand out back home, a long, long time ago.

Best not to think about that.

“Wow,” he says.

“Can I cook, or can I cook?”

“Yes. You can cook.”

He steps backward and drops onto his bed, still holding the smoothie. She takes it as an invitation and sits cross-legged on the floor, sucking on her own cup and looking around again.

“I think your house is the same as mine inside,” she says thoughtfully. “Like, I was pretty sure it would be? Since all the places on this street are kinda the same. But I’ve never been inside another one before. This? This is actually my room. Just—” she crosses her arms at the wrist, “—flipped.”

“Oh,” Max says, grinning. “Sorry for imposing.”

“Forgiven.”

“So, you’re an athlete?”

She perks up. “I am!”

“Um, this would be the point where you tell me what kind of athlete.”

“Cheerleader,” she says with a slight wince, like she’s expecting him to laugh. And that would be a dick move, so he doesn’t, but he is a little offended that she would compare what he does to what she does.

Still a dick move, Max, even in your own head. At least she’s probably still active. Probably doesn’t neglect her stretches, either.

“That’s cool!” he says, injecting the proper enthusiasm.

“It is cool,” she says, very seriously.

“Okay, neighbor girl, what’s your name? I can’t keep thinking of you as ‘the Peeping Tom girl’ forever.”

She giggles. “Sorry about that. I really did think you were good, though. That’s why I clapped. And I’m Taylor. Taylor Scott.”

She’s holding out a hand, so he takes it and they shake. He doesn’t linger on it, pulling his hand away immediately. It’s always a little embarrassing to shake hands with people: with men, they want to do that insane test-of-strength thing—Max tends to think of it as a Business Armwrestle—and he’s terrible at it; with women, he finds they both just sort of limply clutch each other for a moment.

At least with girls, his hands don’t get lost inside theirs. His brother’s hands are huge, multiple glove sizes above Max’s, though to Clay’s credit, he hasn’t teased him about it. He’s just promised Max that his growth spurt is coming, and that if he starts, like, actually eating again, he’ll soon be as big as the rest of the Giordano men. And Max is ambivalent about that, because as much as it would be nice to no longer be so scrawny, if he becomes suddenly Clay-sized, his gymnastic career—his primary passion since he was a kid—is definitely over, not just probably over as it is now. He’d have to relearn everything: how to move, how to jump, where his center of gravity is, all of it. And after the way things ended before, he’s not sure he can take instruction again.

He might finally have an impressive handshake, though.

“Hey, Max?” Taylor says. “You okay? You zoned out a bit.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He shakes his head and rubs at the back of his neck, where he’s the most sore. “I’m tired. I slept in the car but not well, you know?”

She nods, then looks around again and giggles. “Max,” she says, scandalized, “the door’s closed!”

So it is. Must have springs on the hinges or something. “Yeah?”

“Your parents aren’t going to yell at you?”

“Oh,” he says, laughing a little, “no, probably not. I had a friend back in New York— That’s where I’m from, by the way.”

“I guessed.”

“My accent?”

“Your mom’s actually. And you do look kinda… New York-ish.”

“I do? Huh. Anyway, me and my friend were in and out of each other’s rooms all the time. I liked hers better, actually; mine was always too hot in the summer. Our parents got used to it. They didn’t have much of a choice.”

Her eyes wide, Taylor says, “But a guy and a girl in a bedroom together? My mom and dad would not be happy about that.”

“Avery’s gay,” Max says, shrugging. “And even before she came out, I think her parents knew. And mine guessed. So they knew we weren’t going to do anything.”

“You’ve got a lesbian best friend?” Taylor says, almost shrieking. “That is so cool.”

“I’ll make sure and tell her you said that.”

“And you really never did anything together?”

“Well…” He can feel himself start to blush.

God damn Avery. Around guys—even around his brother these days—he keeps himself locked tight for his own good, but Avery never put up with that when he tried it with her. He kept closing himself off and she kept jamming that crowbar back in. Thanks to her, he’s used to letting his guard down around girls his age. And now Taylor, who’s been in his life for all of ten minutes, is able to open him up like a clam.

“Go on…” she says, leaning in with a smile and touching his hand, a maneuver that demolishes any chance he might have had at defending against her.

“We practiced kissing,” he says into his shirt. “Quite a few times. First she wanted to know what it was like and then she wanted to get good for this girl she liked, so I’d, um…” Helplessly he mimes something, his fingers vaguely grasping at each other.

“Right.”

“Yeah.”

“She was your first?” Taylor guesses.

His cheeks are burning now. “It’s that obvious, huh?”

“It wasn’t obvious until you lit up like a Christmas tree!” she says, delighted. “You blush worse than I do. You really didn’t have a girl back in New York? A non-lesbian girl, I mean.”

He shrugs again. “Guys on the gymnastics team come in two types,” he starts, and then he hesitates, and Taylor takes over.

“Right,” she says. “Big built guys like your brother, and slim quick ones like you. And it’s the big ones who get the girls. And the slim ones...”

She doesn’t have to finish the thought. They both know what everybody at school thinks of the little guys on the gymnastics team. But she doesn’t seem to be judging. It’s just like before, when she saw him messing around in the backyard: she could have mocked him, and she didn’t. And it’s all right there for her to pick up and use against him! In his experience, nobody leaves an opening like that alone around him.

Nobody except Avery.

Huh. Maybe Taylor can be a friend. Like Avery.

“Hey,” he says, remembering how they got onto this topic, “do your parents know you came over to see a boy?”

“Oh, they’re on a trip,” she says, waving a hand. “And I’m eighteen in, like, a month, so what can they do?”

“What can they do?”

She sags. “They’d yell. A lot. But what they don’t know can't hurt me, right?”

He returns her grin. “Right.”

* * *

Taylor practically skips out of Max’s house. Wow, she’s almost high! For some reason, when Max spoke, it felt like every word he said was the most important thing in the world. And he’s so cool! He’s from New York, he plays guitar, and on this morning’s evidence, he’s also the best gymnast she’s ever met. He just might be the answer to all her prayers.

And he has the prettiest brown eyes…

It took some doing, but she managed to persuade him to come over tomorrow morning to spot her while she runs through her routines. He was nice enough not to say it, or even show it, but he almost definitely thinks cheerleading isn’t as challenging as what he’s used to; she’s going to show him how wrong he is. And she confirmed that he’s her age—eighteen, actually, so older, but only by like a month; his mom must have held him back at preschool or something—and he’s going to Vista Primavera High for senior year, same as her. So all she has to do, once she’s shown him how awesome cheerleading can be, is ask him to join the squad.

Ick, and then talk the other girls into accepting another guy on the squad. That might be the tricky part; it’s not that guys on the squad are a problem, but all the guys they have are, well, big. And they have to be, since they anchor and they catch a lot. Max, who is barely an inch taller than her—she checked when they said goodbye—doesn’t fit in there.

Whatever! She’ll work it out. She’ll make the squad see what he can do, and they’ll have to accept him. And then they might finally have a shot at regionals!

And that means she gets to spend a lot more time with Max Giordano.

She swings the plastic bag with the metal cups in her hand as she opens the front door, and she’s about to go straight to the kitchen to wash them when Garrett yells out from the couch, “Hey! Tay! Gordo’s here!”

And, rising from the other couch, where he’s been watching cartoons with her loser older brother, is her boyfriend.

Oh yeah. She has a boyfriend. Shoot.

Two

I CAN FIX HIM

Max can’t remember the last time he spent so long in the shower. Usually he just kinda jumps in, soaps up everywhere he can reach and jumps out again, but today he’s making an effort. He even snuck into the main bathroom, the one that has pride of place at the center of the upstairs hallway—the one nobody’s ever going to use, because every bedroom bar the guest room in this insanely massive house has a bathroom of its own—and stole the fancy shampoo, conditioner and body wash. He’s got no idea why Mom put that stuff out; it’s not like they’re expecting guests on their second day in Vista Primavera. But he’s got the matching blue bottles lined up on the side and he’s working his way through them, one by one. In a surge of diligence, he’s even been reading the instructions on the bottles for the first time in his life.

Apparently you’re supposed to leave the conditioner in! For several minutes! Does everyone know that? Is that why his hair’s always gotten so tangled? Because nobody ever told him?

He lathers up and cleans almost every other part of his body twice—skipping over the burn scars on his ribs, same as always—and then washes out the conditioner, running his hands through his locks as he does so. His hair parts cleanly between his fingers and doesn’t even clump up when he squeezes the water out of it. It feels kind of amazing, actually.

But yeah. He’s trying. This morning, he’s really trying. Sue him.

There’s no point to it, really. Taylor’s a cheerleader, and cheerleaders never go for guys like him, and she’s probably got a quarterback boyfriend or something. But Avery was always trying to get him to take more care of himself, like he used to, so what the hell, right? New city, new state; new Max. Mostly the same as the old Max, but cleaner and with detangled hair.

Besides, Taylor’s nice. And a nice cheerleader is so far out of Max’s experience that there’s no way he can’t take advantage of the opportunity she represents. To see how the other half lives: the popular half, the half that wears bright colors and has pep.

He should take notes. For posterity. There might be a book in it.

Opening the door between his bathroom and bedroom, he checks to make sure the drapes are still shut—of course they are; he hasn’t opened them since he got here—and follows the misty air out into his room, toweling his hair and dripping on the carpet. When he’s more or less dry, he throws his towel onto the bed and starts looking through his closet. Last night, in another uncharacteristic burst of diligence, he actually put all his clothes away. Hung up his shirts and pants and balled up his socks and shit. While he looks, he slaps at his CD player, and fills the room with music from whatever the last CD he had loaded was.

Knowledge by Operation Ivy. Cool.

Catching himself in the mirror as he walks around, his eyes flicker, as they always do, to the triad of scars on his right-side ribs. His fingers brush momentarily over them, from the base of his pectoral to the top of his belly, feeling the bumps and the distressed skin, reading his burns like a relief map.

They’re dry. And kinda rough to the touch.

Shit, he’s been neglecting himself in every possible way, hasn’t he? Habitually forgetting the dermatologist’s instructions is just another symptom.

Well. New state, better habits.

He remembers dumping the aloe moisturizer his mom’s been buying him in the same box as all his other bathroom crap, back when they packed everything up, so that means it must be… ah! Bathroom cabinet.

Still not used to having his own bathroom.

He spreads the moisturizer over the scars, and then over the rest of his torso and along his arms, because it smells nice, all the while looking through his clothes. In the end, he picks basically at random; he’s making an effort, sure, but he has no idea what Taylor likes. More to the point, he has no idea what kind of guy she likes, except what he assumes: massive, hung like a horse, and with a football instead of a brain that bounces around inside his head like a DVD screensaver. And he can’t ever be that, not unless the long-delayed growth spurt Clay’s been promising decides to show up, so why not just pick whatever? All that matters is whether he can move in it, since she invited him over this morning explicitly to work out with her or to help her practice her cheer routines or something. She wasn’t entirely clear about it.

Maybe she was and he just wasn’t paying attention. Too distracted by those bright blue eyes.

Anyway.

An old band shirt.

A pair of board shorts.

Mismatched socks.

And a belt. In which he already poked an extra hole. Because, yeah, shit, he lost weight, and a lot of it. Turns out, if you don’t really eat for over a year and you continue—halfheartedly—to exercise, you lose mass, and a lot of it. All his jeans look like cargo pants now, and his cargo pants are basically unwearable.

Today’s shirt—one of the many he inherited from Clay when he cleared out his closet—is baggy as hell, but it covers his scars and it hides how thin he’s gotten, and the belt holds up his board shorts, and that’s enough. He can exercise in this. He can stand on his hands in this. Hell, he can do cartwheels and somersaults and basically anything you ask of him in this, and he can do the fucking splits, too.

A quick look in the mirror. Yeah, there’s Max. Same as the old Max, the one from New York. But moisturized, and with nicer hair.

It’s fine.

Let’s go see the cheerleader.

* * *

Taylor never wears makeup to work out. Some of the other cheerleaders do, but some of the other cheerleaders are silly bee-yotches who’ve spent the last several years meticulously blocking every pore, and now they have no choice but to slap on the foundation half a tube at a time, lest anyone get a look at their real skin! Taylor, meanwhile, wears it light and only when appropriate, and she cleanses every morning, every evening and after practice, and that’s why she still has the skin of an angel while Meredith looks like the dark side of the moon.

So she doesn’t know why she’s doing her face this morning, except that maybe she still feels gross from last night and wants to look her best. Pretty face, empty mind, like Robyn, her old cheer captain, used to say.

Last night…

Last night!

Ick.

Taylor reaches over and yanks up the volume on her little CD player until J.Lo’s Love Don’t Cost a Thing starts to crackle and distort.

Stupid Gordo! He tried to get her to touch it again, and she’s beyond fed up with telling him she’s waiting until she’s eighteen. And that’s, like, only a month away! She doesn’t know why he’s being so impatient; she’s clearly relayed her parents’ rules around sex, which are that Garrett can do whatever he wants, because he’s an adult—legally, if not mentally—and Taylor cannot, because she is still a child. Also, and this comes specifically from her mom, because nobody wants to have to fight through the anti-choice weirdos outside the family planning clinic. And because good girls are not sluts.

And, no, Gordo, she doesn’t care that the other girls have all done it, because a) if Meredith’s done it, Taylor’ll eat her own pompoms and b) if the other cheerleaders jumped off a cliff, she’d only follow them if they’d managed to form a pyramid at the bottom, and would catch her.

But still he insisted! Ick! It’s like he wants her to get disowned by her parents and have to live under a bridge selling cheers for money, or something.

He insisted and he made her feel gross and she told him to leave and now she’s putting on lipstick, because if he can’t see her, then she’s going to look extra pretty.

It makes sense. Sort of. If you tilt your head and squint. Anyway, he’s off to football camp this week, so she doesn’t have to deal with him again for a while. Maybe he’ll find someone there to touch his thingie, some girl football player who shares his interests. Maybe she can make him come, and he can yell ‘Hut! Hut! Hut!’ at the moment of climax.

The song ends and she stabs irritably at the pause button before the next one starts. This morning’s gone wrong already, and it’s all because she’s sitting here, staring at herself, applying and reapplying lipstick until by rights her lips ought to stick out several miles from her face, and thinking about her stupid boyfriend and the stupid things he wants her to do and—

Reset.

Taylor closes her eyes. Takes a deep breath, holds it, and lets it out slowly. Opens her eyes again.

It’s a new day. Gordo’s a part of yesterday, and she doesn’t have to see him for a week. A new friend is coming over and she’s going to get to show him what she can do and find out what makes him tick.

She blots most of the lipstick onto a tissue, ties her hair in a practical ponytail, and skips out of her room. Same room as Max, she remembers, though not precisely. Their houses are identical but mirrored; their bedrooms even face each other! What sucks, though, is that even if they become friends, they won’t be able to do the teen movie thing of talking to each other through their windows; they’re kinda far apart. If Max ever opens his drapes, though, they ought to be able to wave to each other. And maybe yell.

She checks: his drapes are still closed. No wonder he’s so pale.

No, wait; he’s from New York. Don’t they have like five days of sun per year? Obviously he’s just not used to it. Well, that’s job one, then, isn’t it? Get Max used to the Southern California sun! The whole Southern California lifestyle!

He’s going to love it here, she’s certain.

* * *

Christ, even the mornings here are too hot. Good thing he covered himself in deodorant before he left the house, even if it did mean getting gently ribbed by his brother about the effort he’s obviously putting in for this Taylor girl.

He’s not putting in any effort, not really. Not for her specifically. He’s just stopped neglecting himself.

Yeah. That’s it exactly.

He rings the bell, and when the door opens, he’s presented with a face he doesn’t expect. Taylor didn’t talk about her brother much yesterday, except to say he’s a stoner and the most annoying man in the world, but here’s a clean-cut guy with a toothy grin and slicked-back blond hair. If not for his shorts and logo shirt, he could be an office worker, though from what he’s seen, casualwear is de rigueur enough around here that maybe people do go to work in shorts.

But then he comes close enough for Max to see his bloodshot eyes, and it all makes sense.

“Hey,” Garrett says. “You’re the, uh, the, uh, the dude from next door, aren’t you?”

“I’m Max. Garrett, yeah?”

Getting Garrett’s name right seems to delight him. “Yeah! Yeah, that’s me!” He leans down to whisper in Max’s ear, flooding Max’s senses with the smell of stale weed and cool ranch chips. “You’re not fucking my sister, are you? Because if you are… Be careful, dude. Big boyfriend. Big.”

“No plans, dude,” Max says. Yeah. She’s got a boyfriend. Obviously.

“That’s a ‘maybe’, then. Cool. Cool. Cool.” Garrett folds his arms, satisfied that he’s relayed his oh-so-important message. “So come on in! Mi casa es su casa. Mi… sister es su sister.”

Alright. Kinda gross.

Taylor appears from behind Garrett, whacking him with the flat of her hand. “Oh my gosh, Garrett, you slime!” she yells, whacking him again. “Don’t say things like that! And move. Move! Ick!”

She keeps slapping him on the shoulder until Garrett finally catches on, and with a roll of his eyes at Max, he steps aside and walks slowly over to a split square of couches in the living room. He falls into one and stops moving.

“Hi, Max,” Taylor says, huffing a displaced strand of hair out of her face. “I see you’ve met my brother.”

She grabs Max by the wrist and leads him inside, but Max is distracted: Garrett still isn’t moving.

“Is he… okay?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Taylor says without looking, dragging Max into the kitchen.

“He looks dead.”

“Yeah, he does! Unfortunately, it never lasts. Check it out: I made you a smoothie!”

Max’s view of Taylor’s allegedly alive brother is cut off as he enters the kitchen, so he turns his attention to her and finds her posing in front of the open fridge like a game show assistant. Two more of the same metal cups from yesterday are waiting in the door, and now that she has his attention, she pulls one out and hands it to him. He takes it from her, but she doesn’t pull away; instead, she squints at him, leans closer, steadies herself on his shoulder, and bats at his ponytail.

“Max?” she says slowly. “Why is your hair in a rubber band? Correction—” she raises an impertinent first finger right in front of him, “—why is your hair in a rubber band again?”

“Because I don’t want it in my face? And what do you mean, again?”

She snatches the smoothie back from him, re-fridges it, and beckons him. “C’mon,” she says, walking back around the dividing wall. “We’re fixing it.”

* * *

He comments on the way up the stairs that, oh yeah, their houses are the same, just flipped, and Taylor’s about to agree with him—and talk about the extra rooms that were built over the garages that he won’t have at home—before she realizes that, shoot, she just invited Max up to her room! She invited him up to her room and he’s a guy! A guy who isn’t Gordo!

Isn’t that, like, adultery or something?

Eh. Maybe in Utah.

She pauses, her hand on the doorknob, and thinks quickly, thinks like she’s about to be thrown and she’s just realized it’s Meredith who’s going to catch her:

It’s different, right? It’s not like Max is a guy like Gordo, right? He doesn’t seem the type to put his hand on the back of a not-quite-eighteen-year-old’s head and push her down toward his pants.

Because he’s nice. Okay, so they didn’t talk for all that long yesterday, but he is nice, right? A little sad, a little snarky, and a bit of a fixer-upper, but he’s nice. And does she even know any nice guys? Any guys who haven’t openly lusted after her since she joined the squad? Correction: does she know any nice guys who aren’t already (sort of but not really) dating her best friend?

Well, now she knows Max.

And they do share an interest, don’t they?

So there’s no harm, she decides, and lets him into her room.

“Wow,” he says, following her inside, “pink.”

“It’s not that pink,” she says, wondering why she instantly feels defensive about it. She points to the accent wall, the one her computer desk is pushed up against, which she had Dad paint pastel blue because she read that blue is conducive to memory retention. Plus, she’s wanted a skylight ever since she saw one in a movie. Something about looking up at those California-blue skies every morning being super romantic. Unfortunately, because of the attic and all, she had to make do with a not-very-big window and a very blue wall. “See?”

“I stand corrected,” Max says, holding up his hands in surrender. Gosh, he has a sweet smile. Teeth are a little faded looking, though. Don’t they have whitener in New York?

She can fix that. She can fix everything! And that starts with the way his smile fades too quickly, like he can’t have a positive emotion without something in his brain showing up and reminding him, hey, dude, you’re supposed to be miserable. Must be why he likes all those punk bands he was telling her about.

Anyway. She can fix him. Make him happy. Whiten his teeth. Get him to stop tangling up his hair with rubber bands. Get him a girlfriend.

At that last thought, it’s like she borrows Max’s sadness demon. Ick! Shoo! She chases it away and bobs up to him, confirming once again how close in height they are, and then puts a hand on each shoulder and turns him round. He doesn’t resist. Gently, she hooks a finger inside the first ring of the looped rubber band and starts to tease out the hair.

“I can’t believe you use this,” she says as she works and, gosh, his hair is so silky! Yesterday, when he first got here, it was really greasy, like, greasy enough that she could tell from halfway down the backyard—understandable, though, after driving the entire width of the continental United States!—and after his shower it was still only, like, passably clean. Did he wash it especially for her?

She’s not sure she’s allowed the level of excitement that thought generates in her. Kills the sadness demon right off, though.

“What’s wrong with a rubber band?” he says, speaking slowly like he’s in a trance, and it takes Taylor a second to guess why. When she does, she’s glad she’s behind him, or he’d see the huge, adulterous smile that temporarily takes over her whole face. She’s got her hands in his hair. And she is, no need to be modest, super pretty. What guy wouldn’t enjoy it?

Gordo. Gordo wouldn’t enjoy it. He just wants her to touch it.

Ick.

She returns to the task at hand, carefully extracting layer after layer of soft, sweet-smelling jet-black hair from its rubber band prison. To distract herself, because she’s enjoying this a bit too much, she concentrates on answering his question.

“Rubber bands are grippy, Max,” she says. “Your hair will get caught up in it and it’ll get stripped apart. It’ll completely destroy your hair.”

“Oh,” he says. It seems to be all he can manage, so before Taylor lets out the final loop, she gives herself a moment to smile again.

Why is she so loopy around him? He’s just another long-haired punk guy; she could throw a rock from the front room and hit a dozen of them as they drift lazily by on their stickered-up skateboards.

Whatever. A puzzle for later. She turns him round again and takes a step back to admire her handiwork. Smoothing out his locks, billowing them out around his face, she almost forgets to breathe. There really is something about him, something those other rando guys don’t have. Something she thinks Gordo would probably kill to avoid. And it’s more exciting to Taylor than a hundred sweaty football guys. It’s more exciting to her than the memory of Max’s own older brother, whose thick arms and tree-trunk waist had previously seemed so enticing.

In a way, it’s a shame that Clay is Max’s brother. If Clay’s anything to go by, Max is going to gain a good few inches, he’s going to thicken up, he’s going to be a man. And it’s going to happen soon.

So? So that makes this Max special, dummy! A firefly isn’t beautiful because it lasts forever.

“Taylor,” he says, “what’s up?”

Shoot! He noticed! And his hand’s halfway to hers, like he wants to comfort her but doesn’t want to cross a boundary. Which, again, her decision to let him up into her room: vindicated! She shakes her head, grins at him—wow, it’s easy to find a smile when he’s so close to her—and turns him ninety degrees, toward the mirror.

“Why do you tie your hair up, Max?” she asks. “It’s way too gorgeous to not show it off.”

He doesn’t look at himself in the mirror, not for more than a second. Instead he starts gathering up his hair, pulling it tight, away from his face. “It’s not supposed to be gorgeous,” he says. Huh; cryptic! “Do you have a hair tie for me?”

She turns around and quickly finds one on her nightstand. “Here,” she says, pressing it into his hand.

“Taylor,” he says, holding it up, “this is a scrunchie.”

“Yes,” she confirms.

“It’s a scrunchie.”

“And?”

“It’s— Taylor. It’s a scrunchie. A pink scrunchie. Those are for girls?”

“Don’t be a baby,” she says, taking it back. Before he can stop her, she steps behind him, gathers his hair up, and ties a ponytail for him. She twitches her nose in concentration as she adjusts it, making sure it’s dead center, and then taps him on the top of his head. “You can look now.”

“Wow,” he says, turning his head. “That is definitely a pink scrunchie in my hair. And isn’t it a little high?” He reaches up to adjust it, and she bats his hand away.

“Leave it!” she commands, leaning into her cheer captain voice. And, yeah, it is a little higher than he usually ties his hair, but high is better, right? For cheering?

Oh right! They’re supposed to be exercising!

* * *

The Scotts’ backyard is, unsurprisingly, exactly the same dimensions as the one behind Max’s house, except theirs has a pool close to the house and way more intentionality to the foliage. Dad’s already been complaining about the weekends he’s going to lose getting theirs into shape, and Clay wasn’t fast enough getting out of the room when he was looking for volunteers to help out.

It’s nice, though. It’s like a preview of what their place will look like when it’s done. Taylor’s entire house is, actually. Even her room, fully furnished as it is and not merely looming around a single desk and a corner with a guitar in it, is a preview of what his might be like once he’s lived here more than ten minutes. Minus the pink walls, obviously. And all the televisions. The very boxy, very beige televisions.

Huh.

“I just realized,” he says, as he stretches his arms over his head, “you have three computers in your room. Which seems excessive.”

“You just realized?” she replies. She’s got her feet on the grass and her head between them, and either she’s showing off and she’s going to feel that tomorrow, or she’s limber as hell. “We’ve been in the yard for like two minutes and you just realized.” She straightens up and, despite her critical tone, she’s grinning at him, so he doesn’t take it the wrong way.

“I thought they were TVs. I was trying to think if I’d seen a TV that exact shade of beige before.” He copies her move, just to show her he can, and she laughs at him.

Christ. She’s so cute.

“And?” she prompts.

“Yeah,” he says, “no. Which led me to the obvious conclusion: three computers.”

“Well,” she says, “for your information, I have four computers.” When he straightens, to stare incredulously at her, she starts listing them. “I’ve got my main PC and some older ones for testing. I also have a laptop; I wanted to mess with OSX so Dad got me an iBook for Christmas. Don’t give me that look! It’s not fancy. It’s just the base model.”

Max snorts. “That’s not what the look was for, Taylor.”

“It’s the twenty-first century, Max,” she says, sounding suddenly surprisingly pompous. “If you don’t know how to use a computer, you’re going to be left behind.”

“I know how to use a computer; I don’t know how to use four computers.”

“It’s not like it’s hard.”

“Oh my God,” Max exclaims in fake wonder. “Four computers. You’re a nerd!”

“I’m captain of the cheerleading squad. I can’t be a nerd. All I have are esoteric interests.”

“You’re a nerd,” he giggles.

The levity he feels around her! Avery’s the only other person who ever made him feel like this: understood and appreciated. But there’s more here, something he never felt before. Maybe it’s because Taylor’s straight, and therefore, despite her boyfriend, despite Garrett’s assessment of her boyfriend—big—some incredibly stupid part of his brain thinks he has a chance?

Doesn’t matter. He feels good! He’ll take the win.

“I like your shirt,” she says, when they’re done warming up. “Is that your band?”

He laughs, pulling at it to show it off fully. “Not my band,” he says. “This is Me First and the Gimme Gimmes. They’re, uh, well, it’s kind of hard to explain.”

Taylor bounces over, takes the hem of the shirt out of his hands and stretches it out all the way, so she can look at it more closely.

“Try me,” she says.

He can smell her perfume or her shampoo or her body lotion or something, and it’s intoxicating, and distracting as hell. Which might be why he babbles a bit.

“Okay, so they’re a punk rock supergroup, formed in San Francisco circa 1995 and still going today. They only do covers, and that’s because they all have their own projects outside the group, like, Chris Shiflett is also in No Use for a Name. Have you heard of him? You haven’t heard of him. Anyway, their first album was all songs from the sixties, seventies and eighties, stuff like Uptown Girl and Rocket Man, and their second album is all show tunes. They did Don’t Cry for Me Argentina from Evita and Science Fiction Double Feature from Rocky Horror, and… What?”

She’s looking at him with the most peculiar smirk on her face, and when he shuts up she broadens it into a delighted smile and says, “And you called me a nerd!”

Wow. Her smile is incredible.

“Uh…” he says, his retort dying on his lips, which he’s suddenly biting, for some reason. God, he’s losing control here.

“I think you were going to say something like, punk rockers can’t be nerds,” she says. “They just have esoteric interests. And then I was going to say something like, you just proved yourself wrong, you’re the biggest nerd that ever nerded, and then you were going to blush even harder than you are right now, and insist we start doing what we came here to do.”

In a daze, he says, “Which is…?”

She lets go of his shirt and prances backward, ultimately transforming her momentum into a perfect backflip and segueing into a full sequence.

“This!” she says, as she lands and spreads her arms out.

Holy shit.

She’s an actual athlete.

And she’s really good.

* * *

On their way back in, Taylor collects the smoothies she prepared for them both, and in her room she digs out her TV—her actual TV; she doesn’t know how Max could have mistaken her computer monitors for televisions since they’re so completely different-looking—from under a discarded pair of jeans and puts on the Disney Channel. Chores done, she flops onto the bed and starts sucking earnestly on her straw. Max, meanwhile…

Max looks adorably about the room for something he can sit on that isn’t her bed. Vindicated, vindicated, vindicated! She’s known him for a day and she’s never felt so safe with a guy. She points with her toe at one of her computer chairs and, moving slowly, he drags it over near to the bed and drops into it, cupping his smoothie with both hands and sipping from it, his eyes on the Boy Meets World rerun. As his exhaustion starts to fade, he makes himself more comfortable, dragging one leg up under his butt and propping the other high enough that he can rest his chin on his knee. Which, like, wow, flexible.

He’s still breathing heavily. But then, so is she.

What a workout! He challenged her like nobody on the squad ever has, like Coach Dale never has, like not even Robyn did, and she challenged him right back! She never knew she could move like that!

She never knew a guy could move like that. The guys on the squad, they’re talented and they work hard, but they’re all kinda bulky, whereas Max moves like…

Okay. So she can never say it to him, ever, because she knows what boys are like, but Max moves like a girl. He’s got grace and speed and just enough power to accomplish everything he needs to and not a drop more. And maybe that’s just what pro gymnasts are like, but Taylor watches every Olympics and she doesn’t think so. He’s just not built like those guys.

Except he will be one day.

Maybe, anyway. Thinking about it, she got a good look at Mom Giordano yesterday, and a decent glimpse at Dad Giordano and the older brother, Clay, and Max takes much more after his mom while Clay looks like a younger and less wide version of his dad. So maybe that means he won’t grow into something like Clay. Maybe that means he’ll stay just as he is. After all, he’s eighteen, and aren’t you basically done at eighteen? Like, sure, other stuff happens, like you lose your puppy fat, and if you’re a guy you start getting hair everywhere—ick—but at eighteen, you’re finished growing, right?

“How tall are you, Max?” she says without thinking.

“Five-eight,” he says automatically.

Well, that’s a lie. “Are you sure?” she asks, reaching out with her foot and rotating his chair to face her.

“I’m five-eight… if I go up on my toes a little,” he admits.

“I knew it!” she exclaims. “You can’t lie to me, Max. You’re an inch taller than me at most, and I’m five foot six and three-quarters.”

“Three-quarters?” he confirms weakly.

She nods at the door frame. “Check the marks.”

Humoring her, he stands, slightly stiffly, and carefully puts his cup on the floor. He walks over to her bedroom door and runs his finger over the notches in the frame. There’s a notch for every one of her first seventeen years, but she doesn’t expect to be making a new one on her next birthday in September, since she’s basically done, too. It’s kinda sad, really; always is, when a yearly ritual ends.

Following an impulse, she jumps up and joins him. She turns him around by the shoulders, the way she did in the backyard, until he’s facing her with his back to the door. She pushes him until he bumps against it, and then she prods at his feet with hers until he’s standing straight.

Without taking her eyes off him, she reaches for the craft knife on her chest of drawers, flicks out the blade, and places her hand on top of his head, to create a straight line to the door frame.

“You stick out your tongue when you’re concentrating, you know that?” he says. She shushes him and carves his notch into the frame.

She doesn’t know why she’s doing this. She barely knows him. They might not end up friends at all. They might not speak to each other after school starts. They might turn out to hate each other! But this feels important. And if there’s one thing she’s learned as a cheerleader, it’s that when something feels right, she should trust it.

“Step away,” she says, and he does so.

The craft knife goes back on the mess of junk, and she opens a drawer—her underwear drawer, which she’s curiously unembarrassed to open around Max—and pulls out her tailor’s tape measure. She unravels it, presses the end against the wall with her toe, and smooths it up the door frame until it reaches Max’s notch.

“There’s a Sharpie on my desk,” she says, keeping everything in place. “Can you get it for me?”

“Sure.”

Moments later, a Sharpie—uncapped; how thoughtful—drops into her waiting hand, and she writes Max, August 3, 2003 — 5 foot 7½ inches on the wall, just above Taylor, September 13, 2002 — 5 foot 6¾ inches.

“There,” she says. “Immortalized.”

She twists around to smile at him, expecting one of his shy smiles in return, but instead he’s retreated back to her desk, he’s got his fists clenched at his side, and he’s standing very still.

“Max?” she asks.

“Shit,” he says, turning away. A hand goes up to his face, as if he’s covering his eyes or something, and that’s just so confusing that she takes three whole steps toward him before she realizes he’s not one of her girlfriends and she can’t just manhandle him because she doesn’t know how he’ll react. And, oh yeah, he’s a guy, and he’s in her room, and he’s been careful not to even touch her so far, and as nice as he’s been, she doesn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

“Did I do something wrong?” she says. She’s making her voice small on purpose, which is a little manipulative, but it is appropriate to how she feels. Max is special, and she doesn’t want to lose him as a friend before she figures out why.

It gets him to turn around, at least. And his eyes aren’t red and his cheeks aren’t wet, so it can’t be that bad. “No,” he says, forcing a smile. “Sorry. It’s just… It’s a me thing.”

“It’s just a stupid mark,” Taylor says. “I can fill it in if you want. I know where Dad keeps the filler.”

“No, no,” he says quickly. “I like it. If you don’t mind it there… I like it.”

Okay. Okay. He has an issue about this. But as much as she wants to probe it, as much as she wants to know everything, she refrains. If there’s one thing she’s learned as a cheerleader, it’s when to give a girl her space. Still applies here, even though Max isn’t a girl.

“Let’s keep it, then,” she says, matching his smile. It has the effect she hoped for, which is that his smile becomes warmer and more genuine, and she has to fight very hard not to just bounce forward and hug him. “Hey, Max,” she adds, “you wanna go out? We could go to the mall or something.” She pulls playfully at the hem of his shirt again. “We could even buy you some clothes that aren’t black and don’t have bands on them. And that are maybe your size?”

He laughs, and it seems almost real. “No thanks,” he says. “I’m tired out. Maybe I’ll just go home.”

“Oh, no you don’t, mister,” she says, mom-voicing him hard enough that he steps back. “I have nothing to do today, so you’re going to keep me company. Deal?”

He surrenders instantly. “Deal.”

“So. You smoke weed?”

Darn; she should have waited until he had a drink or something, because the look on his face is absolutely priceless, and she definitely could have gotten him to spray water if she timed it right.

“Uh,” he says, floundering. “Uh. Yeah? I guess so?”

She bounces on her toes. Flustering him is fun. “You wanna smoke weed and get takeout?”

“Sure?”

It’ll be good for him. He needs to talk, get whatever this is off his chest, and Taylor, she needs to listen. And maybe look at him a bit. Maybe look at him a lot. And if there’s one thing she’s learned as a cheerleader, it’s when to stay sober and when to get high.

“Wait one second,” she says, holding up a finger. Then she skips over to her door, yanks it open, leans out, and yells down the stairs, “GARRETT! I’M TAKING SOME OF YOUR WEED! IF YOU TELL MOM I’LL RIP YOUR BALLS OFF AND DROP THEM IN YOUR FISH TANK!”

She turns back to Max, grinning and waggling her eyebrows at him, her hand cupped around her ear for the rejoinder.

“I WON’T TELL MOM IF YOU BRING ME ANOTHER BAG OF DORITOS!” Garrett yells back, probably from the same dumb couch they left him on. “See?” Taylor says to Max. “Told you he wasn’t dead.”

Three

LEGIT AIR

“Look at that,” Taylor’s pointing at the screen. “Look at the air they’re getting! It’s good, right? It’s legit.”

Max nods. It’s not been enough to admit to Taylor that, yes, she’s an incredible athlete and, yes, cheerleading’s legit, and, wow, no shit, captain of the squad, that’s really impressive; she wants to show him, and beyond summoning the rest of the squad and running through their routines right in front of him, the best way to do that turns out to be to drag him over to her computer desk and call up video after video of competitive cheerleading.

The trouble is, he’s having trouble concentrating. It’s not that the weed’s hit him all that hard, because it hasn’t, but between it, the takeout, the exercises this morning and the lingering fatigue from spending almost a week, on and off, in Dad’s cramped car, a portion of his brain keeps insisting it would rather just fall face-first into bed, and resents having to squint at a sequence of blocky videos recorded off of ESPN2.

He’s aware enough, though, to be seriously impressed by what he’s seeing. The shit the girls—and guys; a lot of the squads are mixed—are pulling off is downright incredible.

“It’s legit,” he says, passing the joint.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Taylor says, taking it from him and taking a lengthy drag. “Last one, I promise. See these guys?” She cues up another video. “Their routine is amazing. Just wait until you see the throws at the end!”

On the screen, a squad in green uniforms performs a tightly choreographed routine, and the more he watches them, the more he can’t believe they’re a high-school-age cheerleader squad.

“Tay,” he says, “this shit is ridiculous!”

She beams at him. He’s noticed she likes it when he calls her Tay. Almost makes him want an even shorter version of his name, so they can trade. But only his grandparents call him Maxwell—and his mom when she’s pissed.

“This is from two or three years ago,” she says, grinding the end of the joint into dust in the ashtray. “It was a huge controversy: another squad turned out to’ve been stealing their routines for, like, years, and winning trophies with them. Winning this trophy!” The video shows them being announced as the winners of the tournament, and Taylor stabs emphatically at the screen. “They just never had the money to compete for themselves. But they got the money together, they went all in, and they won. It’s like something out of a movie!”

“That’s… actually cool.”

“Right? It’s inspirational!”

“Yeah.”

“C’mon,” she says, abruptly switching off the monitor. Then she puts both feet on the seat of Max’s chair and pushes him away with enough force that the casters trip on the rug, tipping him right off onto the bed. Judging by the glee on her face, she planned it exactly that way, and it came off perfectly. “Max!” she exclaims, forming her mouth into a perfect O of shock. “I thought you were a gymnast! But there you go, falling off of chairs…”

“I would have been fine—” he starts to protest, but he has to cut himself off when Taylor launches herself at the bed. She lands next to him, bounces a couple of times, and comes to rest leaning on her elbow, grinning at him. “I would have been fine,” he tries again, “if I wasn’t so tired.”

“Jet-lagged?” she says. “No, wait; car-lagged?”

“I hate cars,” he says, counting on his fingers, “I hate motels, I hate small towns in the middle of the country, I hate my dad’s music, I hate how Clay takes up all the space in the back seat…”

“How come you didn’t fly? There are people who can move boxes across the country for you.”

“Money. Cheaper to do it ourselves than pay movers, or so Dad said. Hey, um, Taylor…” He shuffles away from her a little. “Should I be on your bed with you like this? Is this really okay?”

“Why?” she asks, pretending to be afraid. “Are you going to molest me, Max Giordano?”

“What? No!” He recoils even farther just at the thought of it, but she reaches out and rolls him over, bringing him closer again.

“So, chill,” she says. She leans over him—Max tries to compress himself into the mattress so she doesn’t actually touch him—and retrieves the remote for her CD player. She switches it on and dumps the remote on the floor. Something by Alanis Morissette comes on, but he’s only heard that one album of hers, the one that got really big; he doesn’t know this one. Next to him, facing up and with her hands clasped on her belly, Taylor sighs contentedly. “You want to smoke another?” she asks after a short while.

“Sure.”

She nods, sits up just enough to retrieve the baggie of pre-rolled joints she stole from Garrett’s room, and lights one up. She passes it to Max, who takes a deep drag, and when he looks again, she’s gotten another ashtray out from somewhere and placed it between them.

“How many of those do you have?”

“Enough,” she says, and accepts the joint from him. “Mom never cleans in here because I do it myself, and she can’t smell it in here because Garrett’s room always stinks of it, so…” She shrugs.

“Weird to be smoking weed with a cheerleader,” Max says, feeling sufficiently loosened up—by the weed, by his exhaustion, by Taylor’s apparent belief that he’s not the kind of guy who might try to hurt her—to just say shit. “I always thought you guys lived on mineral water and pep and calling all the other girls sluts.”

“Max,” Taylor says, passing back, “I’m going to say something very rude now, and you’ve got to promise me it won’t leave this room. I have a reputation to upkeep.”

Max crosses his heart. “Promise.”

“Your New York cheerleaders sound like stuck-up bee-yotches.”

“Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, they kinda were.”

“What about your friend? Avery?”

He laughs. “Yeah, she thinks New York cheerleaders are stuck-up bee-yotches, too.”

“I mean,” she says, giggling, “what kind of girl is she?”

“Gymnast. Lesbian. Oh, and she’s a huge nerd, too.”

“Like you, then,” Taylor says.

“Like you,” Max counters.

A little while later, when the second joint is done and they’re lying on their backs together, looking up at the star stickers on her ceiling, and when Max is feeling more relaxed than he has at any point in at least the last year, Taylor goes and ruins it all—or complicates it all, anyway—by asking the question he’d been hoping she wouldn’t.

“Hey, Max? Where did you get those scars?”

“You saw those, huh?”

Of course she did. You can’t throw yourself around the way he did this morning without your shirt flying all over the place, especially when it’s too big for you by several sizes. He ought to take a leaf out of her book and wear a tight crop top or something. The thought of it, of his belly sticking out of one of Taylor’s pink gym tops, is almost funny enough to make him laugh.

“You don’t have to tell me,” she says. “Really, you don’t.”

He shrugs. He ought to lie, or claim it’s a secret, or otherwise keep it from her, because it isn’t exactly the kind of story you tell to make yourself seem cool in front of a pretty girl, but if she’s going to be his friend, she should know. And if she laughs or thinks less of him, then it’s better to know now, right? Better to be rejected by someone you just met than by someone you’ve known for a long time.

“It was last year,” he says, settling his head into the pillow. He might be telling the story, but he doesn’t want to look at her while he does. He wants to get her reaction all at once, when he’s done. In case it’s bad. Rip off the Band-Aid, etc. “End of the spring semester. I’d never been that popular, but I was never unpopular, either, you know? I was just another kid. And I’d been dabbling in gymnastics a long time already, but high school was where I started really getting into it. Coach thought I had real promise. I wasn’t as good as Avery—she started before me—but I was good. And Coach said I could be great. And I’d never been great at anything before, so I let her talk me into taking private classes. Mom was against it but Dad, in a fit of unexpected parental involvement, persuaded her. And then that was it. School, home, life, it was all about gymnastics. Me and Avery and gymnastics. It was everything to us. Anyway, Coach was right: I was great.”

“I’ve seen it,” Taylor says quietly. “You are.”

“And you’ve seen me after a year of doing nothing more than backyard stuff,” he says. “And we didn’t even have a big yard back home. Since then, since what happened, I’ve lost weight, I’ve lost muscle. I don’t have the stamina I used to. Compared to back then, I’m— Ugh. Sorry. Hard to lose something like that, you know?”

“What happened to you, Max?”

“It was inevitable, really. At school, I wasn’t just some kid anymore. I was a gym fag. I had my special fag gym clothes and I walked like a gym fag and— Well, you know what people are like. Shit written on my locker, guys bumping into me on the stairs and trying to get me to trip and fall. You’ve seen it, I bet.”

“Yeah,” she says. “There are a-holes like that in every school.”

“So, it’s the end of the spring semester last year,” he says briskly, moving the story along as quickly as he can, “and three guys corner me. I thought they were just going to beat the shit out of me, which would have been an escalation, but still, something I could deal with.” His voice is shaking. Huh. “No. Christ, I wish they had. What actually happened was that two of them grabbed me and held me down on the ground and the third, he had this beat-up old Volvo, and he got the cigarette lighter—”

“Oh no,” Taylor breathes.

“Yeah. Pushed it into me three times. And he wasn’t quick, either. He held it there each time. If you’re wondering: incredibly painful.”

“What did you do?”

He can’t help it. He sits up, earlier than he planned, unable to wait for her judgment, but she’s just lying there, watching him, no cruelty or satisfaction evident on her face. She feels for him. It’s obvious. And if it weren’t, the hand that reaches for his would make it pretty clear.

Still, he’s not done with the story yet.

“I didn’t do anything. At first it was because I was in pain, like, monumental amounts of pain, and then I just didn’t want to get up. They didn’t stick around. Just kicked me a bit, taunted me, and ran off. They left me there and ran off. And lying there, Tay, I think I already knew they’d broken me. I think I knew that was it, you know?” He shakes his head. Too much. “Anyway, I didn’t tell the cops or the principal or anything because I still had to go to school for another two years with those assholes and they could have made it even worse for me. So I just… went home. Swallowed Tylenol like candy and wrapped my chest in gauze. Mom eventually saw the burns and freaked and took me to, like, a gajillion doctors, but the best they could do by that point was just tell me to use lotion on them.”

“Does it help?”

“No. Not really.”

Taylor pushes up on her elbows, bringing herself closer, and she lets go of his hand and reaches for the hem of his shirt. “May I?” she asks, and waits for his nod.

It’s light and airy in Taylor’s room, and a breeze ripples over his chest as Taylor lifts up his shirt. He expects her to pull it up only enough to see, but she raises it higher and shoots him a questioning glance, which he interprets—correctly—as a request to raise his arms. She slides his shirt all the way off and drops it on the bed.

“I know,” he says, “I’m skinny.”

Taylor smiles sadly. “No skinnier than me,” she says, which is generous of her. “And I’d say ‘toned’, anyway. Um. Do they hurt?”

“Not anymore.”

He knows how they look in the light; three angry, deep-red scars burned into his chest. Three concentric circles, the skin at its worst where they join. Each one is a memory, a humiliation.

Taylor doesn’t seem to know what to do with herself. Caught with one hand halfway to his chest and another halfway to her mouth, she’s frozen in place, her eyes searching him for the answer to a question she seems scared to ask. He nods again, and she touches him. Gently, almost nervously. She traces the outline of the scars.

And then he’s too self-conscious. Not just because of the scars, but because his skin is sallow after so long without sun; because whatever she says about how toned he is, he can see his weakness in her eyes. So he snatches up his shirt and slips it back on.

It breaks the spell.

“I’m so sorry, Max,” she says.

He struggles to regather his usual emotional state, to find again the ol’ reliable ‘Max’ persona, the guy who doesn’t care too much about anything, not the burn scars on his ribs or the friends he’s lost or the fact that his one remaining real friend is now thousands of miles away.

“We used to know each other,” he says, casually tossing it at her like it’s a factoid his mom just read in the Style section of the newspaper. “The guy who burned me. Grew up together.” He knows he sounds flippant, but better that than bare himself again. And she seems to understand. A guy needs his emotional space. “We used to be close. Like kids are, I mean. Back in New York, there’s a room with both of our heights marked on the wall, just like that. Him and me. It was him and me, and then we drifted apart, and when he came back, he did this to me.”

“Oh,” Taylor says, eyes wide. “Oh! That’s why you, uh, when we marked your height, uh…”

“Yeah,” he says, his cheeks reddening. So much for ol’ reliable, emotionless Max. “That’s why it hit me so hard. Kinda brought him back, you know?” He laughs. “I thought I was better at hiding my shit than that. Turns out, I’m really not.”

“Don’t worry,” she says. “I see everything, anyway. So you’re just going to have to get used to that.”

* * *

Those burns are vicious. And that level of bullying is something else! Vista Primavera High has its problems, yes, but the worst she’s heard of lately is just normal bullcrap like freshmen getting dumped in the trash or having their lockers vandalized. And that it was done by someone he used to be friends with…

Max Giordano is going to need good friends from now on. Of that, Taylor is absolutely certain.

It hurt him so much to tell her, too. She saw him clam up after. And that’s so accurate, actually! He opened up, just a little bit, just enough for her to see, and then he snapped shut! It took her almost an hour to restore the innocent, fun, almost flirty attitude he had out in the yard, and she wonders if the weed was a bad idea; Max seems like one of those people who get melancholy when they’re high.

It was probably just because she made him relive the memories, though.

He’s also moved farther away from her on the bed. He’s practically falling off! Inevitable, probably. Honestly, you get a guy to admit to having one (1) emotion, and they immediately stop talking at all!

No, actually. That’s unfair. That’s not Max she’s thinking of, that’s Gordo, a teenage boy who can’t wait to be a man, who already considers himself to be what a man ought to be, and Taylor’s not in a rush to spend time socially with people who remind her of her father, thank you very much! She’s tried to tell him, over and over, to just talk to her like he used to. If he did, maybe she’d even get to the bottom of his obsession with sex!

No, wait; that’s also because Gordo is a teenage boy. In a way Max, somehow, is not.

“Hey,” she says, “talk to me, Max.”

“I’m okay,” he insists. He’s regained a little of the slight swagger he had before, the sense that he knows who he is, what he wants. Yes, it’s a lie, or at best a coping mechanism, but it’s a comforting one, for Taylor. There’s a real Max under the front he puts up, and she got to see it.

“Are you sure?” she says.

“Yeah. It’s just… I think you’re the only person I’ve talked to about what happened. Apart from my family. And doctors. And Avery, obviously. You’re the first person since her I’ve chosen to talk to about it. Which is kinda confusing, because I’ve known you for, what, twenty-nine hours?”

“More like thirty-one,” Taylor says, and she bounces on the mattress to bring herself closer. “Avery. You miss her, huh?”

He smiles, and that’s good, right? That’s a genuine smile on his face! Not one of the fake ones he puts on when he knows he ought to be smiling at something.

“I do. She’s been bugging me to talk to her online, but we don’t have internet yet, so—”

“Oh!” Well, there’s a good deed she can do! “I have internet. You want to talk to her right now? I can set it up! It’ll be really quick. Will she be at home on a Sunday afternoon?”

“Um, yeah, I think so,” he says, recoiling a little. Taylor reels herself in a bit. Too much enthusiasm for someone who just finished being a huge downer.

“Come on, then,” she says, bouncing the rest of the way over to his side of the bed—her thigh momentarily grazing his; just an accident!—and hopping off onto the floor. She rolls his chair back over to the computer desk and boots up her main PC again. The fans whirr gently into life—she spent a whole afternoon making sure her computer doesn’t sound like a jet engine, unlike Garrett’s—and by the time Max joins her, she’s looking at the desktop again. “Which client?”

“Which, uh…?”

“AIM, MSN, ICQ…?”

“Oh. AIM.”

Taylor opens AIM, logs herself out, and wheels herself away so Max can sit in front of the keyboard. When he maneuvers himself into position, she swings her chair around behind his and rests her forearms on its back, with her chin atop them. She can see the screen over his shoulder.

It must be a slow Sunday over in New York—three hours ahead, she remembers; Avery’s probably going to be called for dinner in the not-too-distant future—because the AIM window lights up almost instantly with a response.

Maximillion: Hey Avery A-Very-Nice-Person: Holy shit you got internet A-Very-Nice-Person: Did you get cable? Is it fast? A-Very-Nice-Person: We’re stuck on DSL and it’s not fucking dial up at least but I hate it A-Very-Nice-Person: Dad says we can’t get cable again until we pay our cable bill A-Very-Nice-Person: And he is ideologically opposed to paying cable bills as you know A-Very-Nice-Person: Anyway it’s so cool you’re back online I was DYING without you to talk to A-Very-Nice-Person: Max? Are you there? Maximillion: I’m here Maximillion: You just type really fast Maximillion: Chill A-Very-Nice-Person: I refuse A-Very-Nice-Person: ONE of us has to talk

“I like her already,” Taylor says.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Max replies.

Maximillion: Anyway I don’t have internet yet Maximillion: I’m at a friend’s house A-Very-Nice-Person: You made a friend already! That rules A-Very-Nice-Person: Can I embarrass you in front of him yet or are you still in the delicate getting to know you phase A-Very-Nice-Person: Circling the cave and grunting at each other until you establish a firm enough masculine bond to roast and eat a dead stag without trying to kill each other A-Very-Nice-Person: I think that’s how it works with boys anyway Maximillion: When have I ever grunted? A-Very-Nice-Person: I think you could grunt A-Very-Nice-Person: I’m not saying it wouldn’t be under duress A-Very-Nice-Person: But I AM saying it would be adorable Maximillion: Well Avery Maximillion: You’ll be happy to know you’ve already embarrassed me in front of HER A-Very-Nice-Person: ROFL A-Very-Nice-Person: Sorry Max’s friend if you can see this A-Very-Nice-Person: But I’m about to get even worse A-Very-Nice-Person: Deep breath A-Very-Nice-Person: What’s her name is she pretty is she prettier THAN ME and if she is does she like girls and is she open to a long distance relationship Maximillion: You have a girlfriend Avery A-Very-Nice-Person: SHE doesn’t know that

Taylor leans over Max’s shoulder and borrows the keyboard.

Maximillion: Hi! Max’s friend here, Avery, and I’m sorry, but I very much do know that now. Maximillion: Ya blew it. Maximillion: Sorreeeeeeee!!!!! A-Very-Nice-Person: Hey look Max your friend likes punctuation Maximillion: I’ll have you know I have a 4.3 average. Maximillion: I love punctuation. A-Very-Nice-Person: Holy shit Max a 4.3, hitch your wagon to this girl A-Very-Nice-Person: She’ll take you places Maximillion: Okay it’s me again, and I’m doing fine thank you Avery Maximillion: I’ll keep my wagon where it belongs.

“You’re a menace,” Max tells Taylor. She beams at him, and then twists around to get out of her chair.

“I’ll give you two a minute,” she says. “You want something to drink? We have iced tea or water or—”

“Iced tea is fine, unless you have anything like Dr Pepper.”

“I think we might actually have Dr Pepper. You want? Okay! Be right ba-aaack!”

She sings the last word as she skips out of the room, and then she’s down the stairs in a flash. She can’t resist putting a little flourish into it as she rounds the bend from the bottom of the stairs into the living room, because Garrett’s probably still in there, and it annoys him to see her expending so much excess energy. Or moving fast, like, at all.

And there he is, wasting whole days away on the couch. As usual. She sticks her tongue out at him; he gives her the finger. She escapes to look for sodas, but by the time she’s dug them out of the fridge, he’s leaning against the arch that separates the kitchen from the rest of the rooms downstairs.

“Make sure you put the baggie back in my room,” he says.

“Yeah,” she says. “Duh.”

“Make sure you reseal it.”

“Obviously.”

“And make sure you air out your room and—”

“I know, Garrett!”

“Okay! Jesus! I’m just trying to help.”

“You’re starting to get cranky,” she says, maneuvering around him as she exits the kitchen, a Diet Dr Pepper in each hand. “Maybe you should smoke some more.” On her way back up the stairs, she turns and yells, “And then maybe you’ll get turbo cancer and die!”

“I’m your big brother, Taylor!” he shouts after her. “I’m looking out for you!”

“You’re a big pain in my ass!” she shouts back, leaning over the railing so her voice echoes properly. She swoops back into her room, ignoring the grumbling from downstairs, and as she closes the door with her butt, she’s delighted to see Max laughing at something on the screen.

Well, mostly delighted. It would have been nice if it had been her who made him laugh, not this Avery girl, but it’s still good to see.

“Drink up,” she says, placing the can in front of him.

“Diet,” he observes, before opening it and taking a swig.

“I’m an athlete!” She opens hers and presses the cold can against his bare forearm, making him wince and pull away. “And so are you!”

“Thanks, Tay,” he says, grinning at her.

“So? How’s she doing?”

“Avery? She’s good. Same as normal.” He points to the screen, and Taylor swings her chair around behind again, so she can look properly. As she drinks, Max goes back to typing.

A-Very-Nice-Person: It’s going to be weird going back to school without you A-Very-Nice-Person: I’m going to have to get a new best friend Maximillion: At least you won’t have to have the locker next to the one that always has FAG on it anymore A-Very-Nice-Person: What if I befriend a new fag A-Very-Nice-Person: Oh shit am I allowed to say that Maximillion: No but neither am I

Taylor hides her smile behind her Diet Dr Pepper. Definitely not gay, then. Just checking!

A-Very-Nice-Person: Have you seen your new school yet Maximillion: No but I figure any school is like any other school right? Maximillion: Different color metal detectors maybe A-Very-Nice-Person: ROFL depressing A-Very-Nice-Person: Rolling on the floor sobbing my eyes out A-Very-Nice-Person: Leave New York and see the sights in sunny California! A-Very-Nice-Person: Get violated by entirely new rentacops!

“It’s not too bad, actually,” Taylor says, having drained her Dr Pepper already. “We’ve got a couple security guys, but no metal detectors. They keep saying they’re going to beef up security, but so far…” She crosses her fingers.

Maximillion: Taylor says no metal detectors

Taylor borrows the keyboard again.

Maximillion: Taylor here, AND our security guys have cute little name tags and they get fired if they get too handsy. Which HAS happened, so that’s not great, but at least they got fired. A-Very-Nice-Person: You’re leading the nation A-Very-Nice-Person: Also hi Taylor! A-Very-Nice-Person: Max won’t say if you’re prettier than me Maximillion: Just a second, Avery. I can solve that conundrum.

Taylor surrenders the keyboard to Max, but before he can type anything else, she claims the mouse and loads the webcam application. The little camera is still positioned on top of the monitor, pointing down at them, covering what Taylor’s always considered her most flattering angle. “Say cheese,” she says, and puts on a peppy smile, pressing her cheek against Max’s.

In the preview, he looks adorably startled and she looks great, so she saves the picture and drags it into the AIM window.

A-Very-Nice-Person: Oh shit she IS prettier than me A-Very-Nice-Person: How depressing A-Very-Nice-Person: You see it right Max A-Very-Nice-Person: You see how she’s prettier than me Maximillion: Avery Maximillion: You realize I’m stuck now don’t you? Maximillion: I can’t say you’re prettier than Taylor because she’s right here Maximillion: And I can’t say the opposite either Maximillion: Whatever I say I’m doomed

“Duh,” Taylor says, giggling. “You say we’re both beautiful.”

A-Very-Nice-Person: Repeat after me, Maxxy: “You’re both pretty.”

“She makes a good point,” Taylor says.

Maximillion: There’s an echo in here. Maximillion: Taylor said the exact same thing you did. A-Very-Nice-Person: Well yeah A-Very-Nice-Person: All of us are taught this as children A-Very-Nice-Person: We get secret classes A-Very-Nice-Person: How to make boys uncomfortable is like the first lesson A-Very-Nice-Person: It’s our main weapon in the battle of the sexes A-Very-Nice-Person: That and mace

“I have some Mace,” Taylor whispers, “if you ever need some. I have spare, I mean.”

“Why would I need Mace?”

“Don’t know. But just in case. I’ll bring some over.”

“Don’t bring me Mace, Taylor.”

“Just in case!”

* * *

Max isn’t exactly late for dinner, but he needs to shower to get rid of the weed stink, and since it’s also his turn to set the table, he’s going to be cutting it really close. So he barges in through the front door at full speed, yells out that he’s here, that he’ll be down in a minute, that he just needs a shower, and he makes it to the stairs without either of his parents getting a chance to intercept him and yell at him about timekeeping, about the watch his Aunt Gabriele got him, about how it keeps perfect time, about how he should wear it more, and about how he knows when dinner is and when to be home for it.

See? He doesn’t even need to be yelled at; he’s got the script memorized.

He doesn’t make it to his bedroom entirely unscathed, though. Clay’s in his room with his door open, and he calls out as Max passes. Panting, Max stops in the doorway, leaning on the frame with both hands.

“Yeah?” Max says.

“Nice girl, is she?”

“Yeah.”

“Girlfriend?”

“What? No. Clay, we’ve been here a day.”

“You moved on Avery pretty quick back home.”

“We weren’t— Never mind. I need a shower.”

“Good idea.” Clay wafts a hand in front of his nose. “And wash those clothes yourself.”

“Uh, yeah, I will.”

As Max turns to leave, Clay says, “Nice scrunchie, Max.”

“What? Oh. Shit.”

“You wearing it to dinner? So Mom and Dad can get a good look at it?”

“Uh. No. Definitely not.”

“Okay then.”

Max makes his escape.

It’s annoying to have to wash his hair twice in one day, but hair’s worse than clothes for retaining weed stink, and as much as he could pass it off as an unfortunate byproduct of existing in the presence of Taylor’s stoner brother, he doesn’t want to take the risk; Mom’d probably go over there to complain about Garrett’s corrupting influence. And the shower gives him the opportunity to think, too.

About Taylor.

He let her touch his scars. And something about that felt right. Felt like it demystified them somehow. Like Taylor claimed them, and in doing so, released their hold on him just a little. He’s not going to start going topless, but maybe by bringing them so completely into his new life, into a new friendship, she’s begun a process which might eventually sever their connection to his past.

Yeah. He kinda likes that.

He also likes that Taylor and Avery get along. They chatted for a while, switching the keyboard back and forth, until Avery had to go for dinner. She and Taylor exchanged details, and then it was just Max and Taylor again. Watching TV. Talking about nothing. Talking about everything.

She’s relaxing to be around. She’s a lot smarter than he originally assumed she would be, which is on him. Making assumptions. Like a girl can’t be bubbly and peppy and test well!

He smiles as he soaps himself up. Her words in her voice. Different to Avery’s—basically two exact opposite points of the female vocal range—but not shrill and whining like he always expects cheerleaders’ voices to be.

“Wow,” he says to himself, imitating Taylor. “Prejudiced much?”

They talked about birthdays. She has one coming up, and he is of course invited to her eighteenth on September 13. He told her he had a birthday recently, but that he didn’t really celebrate it, just hung out with Avery as usual. The confession brought the mood down again. It didn’t last, though, and to change the subject, she showed him her hand-annotated copy of the squad routine book and talked him through what cheerleaders do that gymnasts don’t. When it was finally time for him to go home for dinner, it was with the knowledge of what flyers, bases and spotters are, what they do, and how disastrous it can be when any of them fuck up.

In all, his second day in California could have gone a lot worse. Though it’s weird that Taylor hasn’t mentioned her boyfriend even once yet.

* * *

He’s so dumb! So adorably, annoyingly dumb! He wants to do gymnastics. He’s desperate to get back to it! She could see it in the way he hungrily watched the cheer routines she played for him, and in the rapt attention he paid when she was showing him the cheer book, but he won’t do anything about it! And, okay, Vista Primavera High doesn’t have a gymnastics team, so he can’t do it at school, but he can take classes or something! He can do it on his own time! But no, instead he’s just going to try to keep up with the basics in his backyard—or in hers—and leave it at that.

But he’s also not dumb, and she knows why. He doesn’t want to be the ‘gym eff ay gee’ at another school. He wants to keep his head down and graduate and go to college. And eventually, it went unsaid, he’ll become more like his brother—because he will, Taylor’s wishful thinking notwithstanding—and he’ll either have to learn everything again from scratch—and never again be as good as he was—or he’ll give it up forever.

It was itching on the tip of her tongue all afternoon: join the squad! She wanted so much to say it! And he’d be amazing! He’s better than her at the technical stuff, even if she’s fitter and can last longer, and the other stuff, the cheer-specific stuff, she could teach him, no trouble. Eddie could teach him the guys’ role in the squad. And he’d make them better in turn! They could learn so much from each other!

But she didn’t say it, because she can’t. Because he’s the wrong size and shape. Their routines—their very squad—assume a certain size and shape of guy. Eddie is six foot one and closer to Gordo than Max in physique, and the other guys on the squad are similar; there’s no role for Max there. And while in theory he could take up the same role as one of the girl bases, or even be a flyer if he starts working on his core again, since he can already land like a champ… he’d never agree to it. Being a guy doing girl stuff on the cheer squad is probably significantly worse than being a gym eff ay gee.

Shoot. She’s so close to a solution that helps them both, but there’s no way she can make it work!

Taylor shakes her head and jumps up from her bed, aiming to call for takeout before Garrett gets a chance to order the greasiest and most disgusting food he can find in the big pile of menus in the kitchen. On her way past the computer desk, the picture of her and Max, the one she took with her webcam and sent to Avery, catches her eye.

It makes her smile. Warms her stomach. Because they look like such good friends already!

But what’s weird is that with the low resolution of the webcam, with the fat pixels obscuring the finer details of his face, with the angle the picture was taken from, he looks kinda like a girl.

He looks kinda like a pretty girl.

Taylor stares.

Like a really pretty—

“Taylor!” Garrett calls from downstairs. “I’m ordering food!”

Shoot!

She shakes her head and runs to the door. “Oh no you don’t!” she yells, and starts down the stairs, flexing her fingers, preparing to rip the phone right out of his stupid stoner hands before he orders something with more oil by volume than an entire KFC, and kick him if that doesn’t seem like enough.

* * *

Monday goes by quickly. Max showers, dresses in loose clothing he can move in, and goes over to Taylor’s. They exercise together. Taylor shows him more of her cheerleader moves and tries to give him an idea of how they work with more than one person, but it’s difficult to imagine. She says she should get her friend Willa over, because she’s on the squad and can help Taylor show him, if he’s interested. He says he’s fine just imagining for now.

Then it’s back upstairs to chat and watch TV. She will take him shopping one day, she says, but she’s going to give him more time to get acclimated before she subjects him to the malls here. They hang out, they talk to Avery a little more together, Taylor still doesn’t mention that she has a boyfriend—he’s been noticing more and more how she doesn’t talk about him—and then it’s dinner time and he’s got to go home.

And just when he’s getting excited at the thought of doing it all over again tomorrow—and reveling in the feeling of actually looking forward to something for once—his mom drops the bombshell: on Tuesday, they’re having a family day. They’re going to go out together and look around the stores and have a nice lunch somewhere, so he needs to get his sunscreen and some nice clothes and be ready to go out at nine in the morning sharp.

As Taylor would say, ick!

They got the cable TV and internet connected while he was out, though, so after dinner he sets up his aging computer and messages Taylor on AIM to tell her he can’t come over tomorrow. She’s sad—and annoyed that it’s not going to be her who introduces him to the shopping here—but she gets over it, and they end up talking well into the night.

* * *

“Yeah, and he can’t come over today. His parents want a ‘family day’, which basically means they’ve kidnapped him and his enormous brother and they’re going to drive all over town and go shopping and eat out and because they’re from New York they’re probably all going to die of heatstroke on the steps of Spring View Mall twenty feet away from the air conditioning and I’m bored, Willa!”

“Whoa! Okay. Take it easy, Tay. Start again. Who is Max?”

Taylor winds the phone cord around her little finger. “He’s this boy—”

“No, no, I understood that part. I mean, why are you so into him?”

“I’m not into him! He’s just— He’s nice, Willa. He’s a nice guy. Do you know any nice guys? Apart from Eddie, I mean.”

“Apart from Eddie? No. I know plenty of only mildly offputting guys, if that helps.”

“It extremely does not.”

“Fair,” Willa says.

“Willa, he’s super sweet and you have to meet him! So what I was thinking is, he had his eighteenth like a week ago, just over, and he didn’t even do anything for it! So I thought about a surprise party—you know how much I love surprises—but he’s kinda gunshy. So then I thought, what about us? Like, the four of us? You and Eddie and me and Max. Tomorrow night. Over here. Garrett can get us drinks and we’ll have a little birthday party! For Max!”

“Uh-huh.”

“What do you mean, ‘uh-huh’?”

“Me and my boyfriend and you and your…”

“Max, yes.”

“You and your Max.”

“No! Just me and Max. He’s not mine…” She probably shouldn’t sound so wistful.

“You have a boyfriend, Taylor! Remember Gordo? Big guy. Linebacker. Very straight nose.” Over the line, Willa giggles. “Very straight guy in general.”

“Max isn’t like that.”

“Didn’t you say he’s not gay?”

“He’s not! He said so!”

“He just, like, came out and said it?”

On her kitchen stool, Taylor squirms. “Not directly. But we were talking to his friend from New York and they were talking like he’s not gay. He even said he’s ‘not allowed’ to say the word; you know, um, eff, ay—”

“You don’t need to spell it, Tay.” Willa breathes heavily into the phone. “So. He’s not gay. And he’s not like Gordo. What is he like?”

“I don’t know, Willa! He’s… He’s sweet and he’s sensitive and he’s kinda… He’s Max, Willa. Max.”

“You’re saying his name like you think it’s helping your ‘not into him’ case.”

“Is it?”

“No.”

“No fair,” Taylor whines.

“You’re lusting, Tay.”

“Am not!”

“Does he know he’s got no chance?”

“…No? Yes? Maybe? But I don’t want that from him, Willa. I want a friend. I want him to be more like how you are with me, not like how Gordo is with me. I think. Shoot, I don’t know. Stop asking confusing questions.”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“I’ll come to your party, Tay. I’ll wear something nice and I’ll bring Eddie and I’ll meet your new best friend and we can do the birthday thing. Just promise me it won’t be weird.”

“Zero weirdness. I promise. Willa, you’re the best.”

“I know. And—”

“Shoot! Doorbell! Gotta go!”

She could probably have made it to the front door without having to hang up, because the kitchen phone has a really long cord, but if she kept Willa on the line she was going to keep asking those uncomfortable questions, and they’re not anything Taylor wants to address right now. She’s on the fourth day of her friendship with Max and she still doesn’t know exactly what she wants from him, only that she wants something, and it’s definitely not what she wants from Gordo.

She’s still frowning at the thought of it when the doorbell goes again, reminding her why she hung up in the first place. Irritably she rushes to the front door and yanks it open.

Shoot.

“Gordo!”

“Hey, babe!”

He yanks her into an embrace she has no chance of getting out of unless she wants to get violent, so she waits for him to get done before she says anything else. And then he plants a kiss on her mouth as he releases her, so she has to wait that out, too.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, when finally she can. “I thought football camp was—”

“It’s not ‘football camp’, Tay, I keep telling you.” He starts taking the stairs two at a time, and Taylor has to admit that for all that he can be, well, annoying and persistent, he has a great body. And it’s a reactive body, too. He moves a muscle in his arm and it’s like a butterfly flapping its wings; somewhere on the other end of his body, another muscle moves with it. “It’s an intensive week-long training regimen overseen by—”

“If it’s so intensive,” she says, climbing the stairs after him, “then why are you here?”

“I missed you, Tay!”

He punctuates her name by swinging open the door to her room. She follows him inside, allows him to shut the door, and when he sits down on the end of her bed she chooses one of the computer chairs, rolling it into the center of the room.

“No, seriously,” she says. “Why are you here?”

“Coach gave us the afternoon off and it’s only sixty miles and I wanted to surprise you, Tay!”

She reaches forward to swat him on the knee. “Gordo! You know I hate surprises!”

“I know, I know,” he says, “you like everything to be organized and in its place—” he mimes typing on an invisible typewriter, which is seemingly how Gordo thinks you organize yourself, “—but you’re not doing anything today, are you?”

“No,” she admits.

“So?”

“Fine,” she says, stepping up from her chair and over to him. He rises to meet her, circles an arm around her waist and dips her, and the shiver that involuntarily passes through her isn’t entirely unwelcome. Enough that when she comes up, flushed, she’s ready for more. But she has to set the ground rules, first. “No sex stuff, though.” She holds a finger up to his face, which is tricky because of how close he’s holding her. “Okay?”

He kisses her again and releases her. “Yeah, Tay, I got it. I can wait a month. Hey, you wanna go out on your birthday, just the two of us, and celebrate?”

“I have a party on my birthday, Gordo. You know that!”

“Okay. Day after?”

“That’s a Sunday, and we have school the next day. We’ll do something the Friday after, okay?”

Gordo nods, grinning expansively. “Perfect, Tay, just perfect. I can’t wait. I mean, I can wait. And I will wait. But I can’t.”

“Understood, Gordo.”

“And— Oh, hey, what’s that?”

“What’s what?”

And that’s when Taylor realizes she should have been so much more careful, that she shouldn’t have let Gordo come up here—not that she had much chance of stopping him—and that maybe she should start applying the same ruthless organization and forward planning she uses for school, cheerleading and Gordo to the rest of her personal life, because he’s over at the door, looking at the latest addition to the height marks carved into the frame.

“Tay,” he says slowly, “who’s Max? Is he a guy? Did you have a guy in your room?”

Strangely, he doesn’t sound mad. At least, he doesn’t sound like he usually sounds when he’s mad. His voice is too steady. Somehow that’s even scarier.

“No guys, Gordo,” she says quickly, because it’s what he needs to hear. “Promise.”

“So who is he?”

Looking quickly around her room for inspiration, Taylor’s eyes land briefly on the computer, and she remembers the webcam photo she took. How the low-quality camera basically erased the wispy dark hairs on Max’s upper lip and softened his features. Made him look different.

“Max is a girl,” she says. “Maxine. She’s a friend and she was visiting. We were just messing around.”

“I don’t know a Maxine,” Gordo says, still frowning.

Taylor quickly reaches for some facts she can use to anchor the lie. “She just moved here. She starts at our school in the fall. She’s nice, Gordo.”

“Cool,” he says, nodding. “Cool.” And then his grin returns as if it had never left. “Is she hot?”

“Yes,” Taylor says, “she’s hot, but you’re taken, you idiot!”

He holds up his hands in fake surrender and edges around the room, pretending to back away from her. “I get it, I get it, don’t attack me!”

Gordo’s still backing away, and he bumps into the computer desk, knocking the mouse and deactivating the screensaver, and Taylor wishes desperately for a do-over of the last few days, or at the very least, the last few minutes.

She left the webcam picture up on the screen. She had it up last night when they were talking—just to look at—and she never turned off her stupid computer because she was too tired, and she couldn’t even hear it when she woke up because it’s so freaking quiet, and now Gordo’s looking at Max, and—

“Oh, hey,” he says. “Is that Maxine? She is hot.”

How to Fly, book one of When You Fell from Heaven, which comprises the first ten chapters of the story, is available:

On Amazon, for Kindle and in Paperback.

As an ebook from these online stores.

Or from Itch.io.

Or you can read all current chapters on my Patreon! Subscribing to my Patreon at the $5 tier will get you all fifteen chapters (so far) of When You Fell from Heaven. You will also get access to my ongoing stories The Catch, a forced-fem riff on Fifty Shades with illustrations by Emory Ahlberg, and Kimmy, a horrifying take on the Halloween costume that won’t let you out. And you’ll get the full epub of the revised version of Show Girl, my egg-cracking trans romance, and access to chapters of The Sisters of Dorley two weeks early!

[vettelinyourarea]

all of the girls you loved before - carlos sainz

genre: fluff, friends-to-lovers

word count: 1,051

inspired by all of the girls you loved before by taylor swift

warning: english is not my first language, otherwise none i think

feel free to give me any feedback!

When you think of all the late nights

Lame fights over the phone

Wake up in the morning with someone

But feeling alone

Your past relationships were not like the one you currently have with Carlos. When you first spend the night with him, you thought it would just be the same as waking up alone, because that’s how you feel when you dated other men. But you were surprised when you woke up feeling comfortable, being hugged by someone who you have come to know since you were just a child.

Really, no one was surprised when you started dating your childhood friend. You and Carlos on the other hand, were very very surprise when you learn about each others feelings for the first time. Your thoughts got abruptly cut off when you feel a kiss being pressed on your temple by a pair of lips you have come to be familiar with.

“Good morning, hermosa.”

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

You first met Carlos when you both went to the same kindergarten. You remember you were playing with fake fruits all alone when he first came to you and stuck out his hand. “My name is Carlos!” he said with a toothy grin. And both of you are inseparable from then on.

All of the girls you loved before

Made you the one I’ve fallen for

Every dead-end street

Led you straight to me

You were crying in your dorm room alone when you suddenly hear a knock on the door. Trying to wipe off your tears, you immediately started to break down again after seeing who it was.

Carlos, standing in your doorway holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers and boxes of takeout from your favorite restaurant down the street. You had not expect him to come to you immediately when you texted him about your relationship.

I broke up with him. He cheated on me with my fucking friend.

But here he is, hugging you while you cried your eyes off. You were surprised he came to you not even 30 minutes after you texted him, especially because he just finished training, preparing for the upcoming season. But he was always like this, always putting you first, even above himself.

Now you’re all I need

I’m so thankful for

All of the girls you loved before

“I should definitely thank your exes for this,” you said jokingly after feeling a little bit better. “What?” he said, quite surprised by what you had just said. It was not a secret between both of you that neither of you two have ever like each other’s exes.

“Yeah, she really taught you how to comfort someone. Remember when I broke up with my ex and you asked me to go fishing?” you said with a little smile on your face, remembering his panicked face when you started crying more hysterically after he asked you to go fishing with him.

“Please don’t bring it up again,” he said with a soft smile, trying to act annoyed even though all he could feel at that moment is happiness in seeing your smile.

“By the way, I can definitely treat you better than your exes,” he said.

“I know you can.”

When i think of all the makeup

Fake love out on the town

Cryin’ in the bathroom for some dude

Whose name I cannot remember now

You were at your backyard when he talked about your high school years together. “Remember when you cried over your crush when we were 16? I remember you were crying in your bathroom and didn’t want to go to school,” he said while laughing. And you can’t help but laugh at it too. Partly because of hearing his laugh, and partly because of how random it was.

“Of course I did! I was so sad because he posted a picture with his girlfriend back then, and I have always thought I would have a chance with him even though I’ve never even talked to him, I don’t even remember his name now!” you said with a big smile after hearing Carlos laughed once again at the story.

“Well, good thing I still stick around you even after you went to school with mascara all over your face.”

Your mother brought you up loyal and kind

Teenage love taught you there’s good in goodbye

Every woman that you knew brought you here

I wanna teach you how forever feels

It was no secret that Carlos is a gentleman. He never raised his voice at anyone even when he was frustrated, he always tells you about his problems so there is no miscommunication between you two, and he also always treats you like a queen. But one dinner though, he made a quite shocking revelation to you.

“You know, I got scolded by my mom after our first dinner as a couple together,” he said while eating his slice of pizza. You were having a movie night and dinner together to celebrate your second anniversary. “Huh? Why did she scold you?” you asked because you didn’t remember seeing him getting scold by his mom.

“Yeah, she scolded me because I forgot to pull the chair for you.”

“Ooohh, so that’s why you scolded me when I pull the chair myself?”

I’m so thankful for

All of the girls you loved before

But I love you more

“You know, I think I really need to thank the girls you dated before,” you said suddenly. Of course it makes Carlos shocked, you just got married and it was the first thing you said to him right after the ceremony. Not even I love you or I’m so happy or other romantic things.

“They made you become the man I’ve come to love, you know?” you said after seeing his confused look. Thankfully, it was quickly replaced by a soft smile on his face, mirroring yourself. “Well, I also become the current Carlos because of you, hermosa.” He said while looking at you.

“Well, I know that. I just want to thank them, you know? Although, I know that I love you more than they have ever loved you. That’s why I married to you now.”

“Oh, I also know that.”

[strongheartneteyam]

I wet you like water but she stained you like blood.

Chapter 3

Pairing: widowed!dilf!Jake Sully x younger!female!human reader

CW: unprotected sex, power imbalance, creampie, Dom/sub dynamic, age gap relationship, rough sex, slight masochism, female orgasm (creaming), degradation kink, mentions of somnophilia, choking, slight praising kink, use of pet names such as "babygirl"

Reader refers to Jake as "Jakey" sometimes. It's a nickname she gave him.

Not proofread, unfortunately lol sorry for any weird mistakes

Chapter 2 𓆩♡𓆪

And you wanna scream

"Don't call me "kid", don't call me "baby"!"

(...)

Look at this idiotic fool that you made me

You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

And you know damn well

For you I would ruin myself a million little times

illicit affairs (Taylor Swift)

𓆩♡𓆪

"Hmmm, babyyy..." Jake cooed for you "you make me feel so good. Such a warm, tight little pussy. All coated with your juices, all for me." he was thrusting into you, painfully slow but deep.

"Jakey, tell me I'm your slut, please." You moaned, looking at Jake's face that was contorted with the raw pleasure he felt anytime he fucked you.

He smirked sensually

"You're my sweet little slut." He was wrapping one of his big blue hands around your neck, applying a little pressure, enough to make it harder for you to breathe but not enough to make it impossible. You loved feeling him choking you like that. Jake loved looking at your young, doll like face and seeing that he made you feel as good as you made him feel.

The older Omatikaya man kept fucking you vigorously, he used your pussy as he pleased, whenever he pleased (the only time you said "no" was when you were feeling too sick or was busy with your job as a xenobotanist). You even let Jake fuck you while you were sleeping. You two had talked about it beforehand and made a deal. He could wake you up by touching, eating or fucking your pussy anytime he wanted to, as long as he was gentle in the beginning until you were actually up. After you were awake, he had a free pass to violate you as hard as his urges told him to. You two were a great match as the both of you liked it rough.

"I don't understand how you do this to me but you make me wild, babygirl. You're so fucking amazing. Best pussy I've ever had."

"Yeah?" You asked, smiling, out of breath. Jake spoke a low "mmhmm" and kept pushing his cock in and then putting it out of your cunt, over and over. A white creamy substance created a ring around the lowest part of the shaft of his member.

"Damn, you're creaming my cock, babygirl. You're so perfect. Fuuuuck..." He slammed his hips against you mercilessly, making loud noises echo around your small room, located in the science lab.

Jake started to kiss your lips while he gave you his last thrusts, his upcoming orgasm getting closer as the seconds passed. You felt a really warm thick liquid being released in the inner part of your pussy. Jake was coming undone inside you, moaning loud and in a low tone of voice, riding out his orgasm on you.

He breathed heavy, getting his composure back. After that, he kissed your forehead and pulled you into his big arms, even bigger compared to you as you were a human girl and even though he was once human too, now he lived in a na'vi body forever.

"Wanna stay like this for a while? My arms wrapped around your body, my cum dripping down your beautiful thighs?" Jake whispered looking at you with big amber eyes

"Always." You said and positioned your head in the middle of his chest, listening to his fast heartbeat.

After a minute or so, you finally spoke: "Jakey..."

The na'vi looked at you, listening attentively.

You chuckled a bit, your cheeks getting red "Am I really the best you've ever had?"

Jake smiled wide, a dirty look in his face

"Yes. Your body makes me feel stuff I've never felt before. You have such a great, juicy little pussy. Always so wet for me, always clenching around my cock." He gently touched your face, looking down at your mouth "Nobody compares to you."

"Nobody?" You asked, your heart almost stopping for a while, afraid of an honest answer. You knew Jake was really honest and even blunt, sometimes.

"Nobody. I promise you, my babygirl." His thumb traveled through your upper lip until it got to your lower lip. He used his finger to slightly open your mouth, pushing your lower lip down carefully. You kissed his thumb, huge compared to your human mouth.

Nobody compares to you. Not even Neytiri, you thought.

You knew you were starting to sound obsessed and sick. But you loved Jake so much it hurt. He made you feel protected, safe, happy and complete. He was yours. He had to be... you just hoped he was actually telling you the truth.

Jake kissed you hungrily. His lips were rough against yours but after some time kissing you, he slowed the pace and started to kiss you gently but with so much passion, his tongue massaging yours and tasting your mouth, a fire burning deep inside of him. The way you tasted left him intoxicated. He had never had a woman do that to him. It was such a fervent feeling that ran through his veins anytime he touched you, kissed you, smelled you. He got feral anytime he could smell your cunt was wet for him, his na'vi senses helping him with that.

But it wasn't only lust. Jake knew he had strong feelings for you. Romantic feelings. But he still loved Neytiri, even after her passing. She had been his mate, the one who taught him the na'vi ways. She gave birth to his two sons, Neteyam and Lo'ak, and to his little daughter, Tuk, and she helped him raise Kiri, their adoptive daughter.

In his mind, a man could not love two women at the same time. It was just unfair in his opinion. To everyone involved in the situation.

"I adore you. So much, kid. Please, don't ever push me away or decide you don't wanna deal with my bullshit anymore. I know it must be annoying to deal with an old man ranting about his teenage sons causing trouble when you just wanna talk about something fun and relax." Jake felt insecure "I need you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'll never leave you. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I need you too, Jakey. You're everything to me." You said, chest filled with a violent and beautiful feeling. Love.

Jake smiled so wide and kissed you again, using both his hands to hold your face.

He would say such beautiful words to you... And you knew he was being true. Jake was not the kind of guy to lie to others, to play with people's feelings for his own gain. He was not selfish. But he never said the word "love". He never said "I love you". "I need you"? Yes, you had that. "I love you"? No... you weren't special enough. You weren't Neytiri, right?

You felt rage being born from the depths of you, a bitter feeling, filled with a strong bad energy. You knew that was not fair to Neytiri. You didn't hate her. She had been a brave, wise, good and beautiful na'vi woman. What you felt was jealousy. You were incredibly jealous of Neytiri. Of the power she still had over Jake, of the hold she still had on him, even after many months after her death.

Considering all that, you quickly fought against that terrible ugly feeling of rage and was able to wash it all away soon enough. You had to enjoy the last moments you had left with Jake. He would soon go to his house to sleep. He never stayed over. He never held you while you slept and you never woke up in his arms in the morning. He was a family man and you were just a nerdy girl he was involved with. You couldn't even call yourself his girlfriend. Let alone his wife, or better, his mate, as he's a na'vi.

Jake always said you were special to him. But how special were you? Like truly? If he never called you his girlfriend, maybe you just did not mean that much to him after all. Maybe he just felt lonely and heartbroken after becoming a widow and his wound was still open and aching, so, he took you as a bandaid, to help him heal, to make him forget the pain. Nothing more.

𓆩♡𓆪

Taglist:

@anoungsoneandonly

@blueberryera (idk if u wanted to be tagged honey bunny but you seemed to love the fic so... hehe)

@miri-belle (I'm tagging you bc you gave me such a great feedback and motivation. please, tell me in the comments if u wanna be tagged or not haha)

If anyone wanna be added to the taglist, just say so in the comments. Thank u for reading 🤓💕

[buckysmith]

MW2 You're pregnant with his/her baby + birth (Keegan included) Part 2

Includes: John Price, Phillip Graves, Valeria Garza and Keegan P Russ

Warning: mention of miscarriage, slight nsfw in Valerias Headcanon

Captain John Price:

- You would notice it because of your period

- well- your non existing period

- you and price tried so many times to get pregnant and the last time you saw him was over two months ago

- You only saw him less than one hour, well at least it was a good one hour

- that one time you both just enjoyed the body from one another, couldn't be the time he gets you pregnant, could it?

- it could

- you're pregnant

- of course you're over the moon and back

- you would prepare your announcement about your pregnancy

- you would buy a cute military onesie and put it into a gift box

- the moment he comes home you would be way too nervous to tell him anything, mumbling bullshit to get him to sit on the couch and if it wouldn't be already awkward enough you would simply smack the present into his face

- he ofc would ask you if you're alright or if you have a stroke or something

- The only thing you would respond to him would be „gift"

- he would roll his eyes, not because of annoyance, no, because he finds it absolutely adorable (you don't know what about being an idiot from time to time is adorable)

- he would open it, just to close it again

- he wouldn't look at you, would open the present again and close it a few seconds later

- he would start to sob uncontrollably

- hug your big bear immediately

- he would cry so hard and pull you even more to him

- the whole pregnancy he would try his best, he would even stop to drink and smoke just for you and your baby

- he would be the one that drives you to Wendy's or

711 or McDonald's just to get whatever you want

- he once tried your pickle chocolate cake with bbq and ranch

- well- that would be the only time he's afraid of you

- honestly you scare him, what kind of iron stomach do you fricking have

- you both wanted a normal birth but your baby decided it wouldn't want to turn to the right position even with help so you would need a c section

- he's there the moment you fall asleep and the moment you wake up again

- he takes good care of his little ones :)

Phillip Graves:

- You both knew you both wanted kids, it was one of the things you both agreed on, on the first date

- He wouldn’t have dated you if you wouldn’t have wanted kids

- But you even though you both wanted kids you would wait at least to have children till you’re married

- after that, you both would try to get pregnant but somehow you wouldn’t get pregnant

- He would test him first to see if he’s the infertile one and after the test negative you would test if you’re the one

- He wouldn’t leave you after the doctors tell you that it’s almost impossible for you to have children

- He would comfort you, telling you that if you want you could adopt a kid

- you would see yourself as a failure, not able to bear his children

- He would try to tell you otherwise

- after a while you would feel very sick, you kept throwing up, you got annoyed easily, you had pain in your limbs and you wouldn’t know why

- you would ofc tell your husband about it and he would be very worried about you

- he would tell you to go see a doctor and you would do it after he got home (you had to wait a few days)

- after all the question the doctor asked you, he would ask you to lay down and to roll your shirt up so that he had access to your stomach

- he would tell you that you may have a tumor

- Phillip would held your hand in the minutes of uncertainty if you have tumor

- You would look at the monitor, shaking your head to what you can see

- the doctor would look at the monitor shocked

- graves would stand there not knowing what the fuck you both saw to get a reaction like that

- the moment the doc congrat you both he would understand

- he wouldn’t react to it, no smilie no tears, there would be just nothing just a stone cold Phillip graves

- he would open the back door of the van he owns, pushing you gently in it before closing the door and wrapping his arms around you just to bury his head in your neck

- that’s the moment he starts to sob and cry unconditionally

- you both would stay in that position for quite a while

- he would tell you how much he loves you and would tell you that over and over again

- he would love to lay his head against your tummy or to place his hands on it while standing behind you

- when you’re asleep he talks to his baby’s

- he would make a video tape for your baby, he would take a one minute video every single day, telling them anything that comes into his mind

- he wouldn’t only make it to have something to watch with you and your grown up kid

- no, sadly not. He would especially do that for the case he dies on one of his missions so that you and your baby has something to remember him

- but back to the cute stuff

- whatever you want he gives you. You want feet/back rubs? He’s got you. You want ice cream and French fries from McDonald’s in the middle of the night? He’s the first one to drive you there or to bring it to you

- he was protective over you way before but now with you pregnant it’s a whole new level

- You already owns two guard dogs thanks to him but now he wouldn’t allow you to leave the house at least not alone

- he is a workaholic but for he would try to give as much of his duty’s to someone

- he starts to pack the baby bag over three month before your due day

- he has every single thing planned, and for plan A there’s plan B and for plan B there’s plan C and going on

- He wouldn’t leave your side for one Second, no matter how long the birth takes place

- expect a lot of praises

- after the long and complicated birth he would hold you into your arms, with the baby laying on your bare chest with a light blanked covering you three so that no one would see you like that but him and god

Valeria Garza:

- She knew you wanted kids but ofc she can’t get you pregnant and she couldn’t imagine you being pregnant with someone else’s child

- you would whimper into her ear that you want her baby inside you and that would be the moment she realizes she can get you pregnant

- she would tell you her idea the next morning

- she can’t get you pregnant but she can give you one of her eggs

- so you both would decide which Baby daddy you both want and with some special docs and a whole fucking bible full of preparations to get you pregnant the doc’s would put her eggs inside you

- you prayed that at least one egg would make it

- yeah, not only one would make it, three would make

- so yeah, you’re the (un)lucky one with nig only one baby inside of you but three

- she would take good care of you the whole pregnancy

- not one of her henchman would see you the whole nine/ten month , only some very very very good “friends” of her and her family

- the moment you develop a baby tummy she would love to put her hands on your tummy or to lay her face against it

- while she does that she would mumble sweet things against it

- she would definitely “hit” your tummy playfully with one finger if one of your baby’s decides to kick you and scold them to not hurt you

- when you’re asleep she would talk to them

- she kisses your tummy a lot

- the birth would be quite complicated and very very long

- one of the baby’s wouldn’t lay correctly but because there’s three inside of you it’s a bit complex to turn it the right way

- but after a lot of trying, tears and her threating to kill the nurses and doctors the first baby would come out

- after 24 hours all three baby’s would lay inside their crib and you exhausted in Valeria’s arms with your head burried in her chest

- she would praise you a lot

Keegan P Russ:

- he wouldn’t have wanted kids in the first place

- he just couldn’t imagine himself to settle down even though you’re the one he loves the most

- he would tell you that he doesn’t want kids and even though you want one you would stay with him

- thanks to his job he isn’t at home most of the time but he would write you at least once a day and you would send him messages/ pics or videos

- a lot of your friends would start family’s so you would be around of baby’s most of your free time

- you would send him a lot of videos or pics that your friends made while you feed or played with the baby’s/ toddlers

- when he’s at home you don’t meet your friends to enjoy your time with him but somehow you would meet one of your heavily pregnant friends with their spouse

- he would quietly watching you both interacting with each other

- that would stay inside his mind for days

- in these few days he would imagine you with a tummy too

- Somehow it would warm his heart

- the last evening he has with you till he has to work again he would tell you about it

- you would tell him that if he doesn’t want kids that’s okay for you but he would shush you telling you that he wants kids

- you wouldn’t understand why he changed by you wouldn’t complain about it

- that evening would be the start of you having a baby

- you would get pregnant that time but sadly lose your in your forth month cause of a car crash

- no matter where he is when it happens, he’s home in less than 12 hours

- he would knew how much that loose affect you and would try to give you all the support you need

- he wouldn’t leave your side for months

- he’s sad too but ofc can’t imagine the pain you go trough and he knows that

- he would make your baby a little shrine

- he would ask you if you wanted to continue on having a child and at some point you would

- the second time you get pregnant he would try to stay as much with you as he can

- he would do anything for you

- there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to make you feel better

- the moment you both know that it’s in fact not only one child but two would make you speechless

- after a bit over nine months you would go into labor

- your pregnancy was easy compared to other ones and so is the birth of your baby’s

- he would stand by your side, but would ask you at some point not to break his hand with a smile on his face

- after “only” three hours you both would lay with your baby’s in the hospital bed

- that would be besides the day you married his happiest day

[modelbus]

HII!! I REALLY LIKE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH!! I just read your wilbur soot fic "Radar Detector" and I really LOVED it. I was hoping you could do another wilbur soot songfic cause theyre so good😭 (preferably lover by taylor swift or just any taylor swift song that you'd like.

THATS ALL!! MWA I LOVE UR WRITING!!🫶

I'm so excited to do another song fic you have no idea. Also, a confession: I'm a closet Swiftie...

Pairing: CC!Wilbur x Gn!Reader

Lover

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January And this is our place, we make the rules

The tree in the living room was the first thing you saw when you opened your eyes. In your tiredness, all the colorful lights were out of focus and created a mesh of blob colors. It was pretty, in the way that abstract art flows together.

"We really should take that down." Wilbur says from behind you, and you realize that the general warmth around you is him. The arm over your waist, holding you to him and the couch? Him.

"We can leave it up." You answer, yawning. "I like it."

"It's not Christmastime anymore, love." He smiles into your shoulder, making you smile too.

Something about him generates happiness. In your hazy vision, spotted with colorful christmas lights, you can't imagine anything better.

"So? This is our flat."

He laughs. "Point taken."

We could let our friends crash in the living room This is our place, we make the call.

"You're fine, right?" You ask Tommy, giving him a pointed look.

For once in his life, the boy knows how to be subtle and nods. "Yeah, yeah, I'm great."

"We have more blankets if you want them!" Wilbur announces, strolling in with his arms full of blankets. He dumps them all on top of Tommy, eyebrows creased with worry. "You sure you don't mind staying on the couch?"

He nods, rolling his eyes. "I used to sleep on your floor, Wil."

"That was different! And I gave you an air mattress that time!"

"Which is practically the floor. I'm a big man, I can take the fucking couch."

Wilbur turns to you, as if you'll take his side. You may be dating him, but that doesn't mean you're agreeing with him.

"He'll be fine, Wilbur." You assure him.

Tommy was only staying for the night, anyway. One of his vlogs ran late, leaving him here way after dark. And Wilbur wouldn't stand for letting him head home at this time of night. Honestly, you found their brother thing endearing. And it made Wilbur happy, which made you happy.

Besides, Tommy was a good kid. A nightmare at times, but good in heart. Mostly.

Wilbur gives a regretful look at your couch (which is actually pretty nice) before sighing. "Fine, fine. We'll be just down the hall if something happens, so just... wake us. Yeah?"

"Wilbur!" Tommy groans. "Fuck off! I can sleep on your couch!"

"I know! I'm just making sure!"

"Go fucking cuddle or something." Tommy huffs, settling under all the blankets and turning his back to Wilbur.

You laugh softly, flicking off the lights. "C'mon love. Good night, Tommy."

"Night." Wilbur echoes your words, wrapping his arm around your shoulders and guiding you so you don't run into a wall on your way to the bedroom. "He'll be fine, right?"

"Of course he will." You say, leaning up to give him a quick kiss. "Now it's our turn to get some rest. Go do your night routine, or whatever."

"Will do." Wilbur agrees, quietly heading off toward the bathroom.

With every guitar string scar on my hand I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover.

You ran your thumb over the inside of his palm, prompting Wilbur to squeeze your fingers in return. The callouses on his fingers are rough against your skin, but you don't mind. They're testaments to his love for music, to his commitment to it.

You love them simply because they're a part of him.

"I promised to teach you guitar one day." Wilbur reminds you, voice soft.

"And I still want to learn." You assure him, a smile gracing your face. "Maybe one day I'll get callouses like yours." You add in as a tease.

"No guitar string scars though." He raises your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your fingertips. It makes you laugh. "I'll teach you how to play guitar safely."

"What, and you don't play safely?"

He nudges you, because you know the answer to that. You've seen too many broken picks and snapped guitar strings. There's a faint scar on his palm where a snapped string cut him, even.

"You'll be so bad at guitar." Wilbur says with a grin. "I can't wait to love you for it."

"Hey!"

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover.

"I'm dying." Wilbur announces, draping himself over the back of your chair dramatically. "I've been shot. I'm dying."

You can't help but roll your eyes, laughing. "Wil, it was a Nerf dart."

"Tell my friends and family I love them." He wails, squeezing onto your hand. "I'll miss you."

"You aren't dying."

"Oh goodbye world! I yearn to feel the sun upon my face, but alas, I die in the cold night!"

"Oh Wilbur!" Tommy crows, darting around a corner with a raised Nerf gun.

Wilbur shouts, hands going for his own Nerf gun, finding nothing. In response, Tommy's smile widens into something evil as he holds up a second Nerf gun.

"Who's the bitch boy?" He asks, eyes wide with delight.

You burst into loud laughter as Wilbur runs from the room, sliding on the wooden floors in his socks.

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover.

Hand on the back of the chair, Wilbur pulls it away from the cloth-covered table for you. You can’t help your grateful smile, sinking into it without a second thought. The wedding you two were at was busy, and you had been on your feet for literal hours. He was a godsend at this moment, and judging by his grin he knew it.

“Water?” You ask, holding up a bottle of water for him. You had originally left his side to grab some, knowing he was thirsty but wouldn’t ask for a water.

“Thank you.” Wilbur says, taking it from you. He presses a kiss to your head before pushing in your chair and sitting down at the one next to you, which has his suit jacket thrown over the back. “Almost payment enough for saving your chair?”

“Almost?” The laugh you let out isn’t dignified in the slightest, but his eyes sparkle like it’s the best sound he’s ever heard.

“I had to fight a guy off with my fists to keep it.”

“Bullshit.”

“You’ll never know if it is or isn’t.” He teases, taking a sip of the water. “But I deserve better payment.”

With a roll of your eyes, you lean forward to give him a quick peck on the lips. He cups your cheek, catching your face before you can pull away, just to prolong the kiss for a moment more before he lets go.

“Happy?” You ask, raising your eyebrows.

“The happiest.”

[enbysiriusblack]

james x sirius and all or any

all 💀

1. Describe their first date.

they go to the forbidden forest and run around in their animagus forms for an hour. they then make out against a tree, eat some baked goods that james' parents sent him and come up with prank ideas

2. Who wakes up early/Who sleeps in late?

james wakes up early, sirius sleeps in late (sometimes. i feel like his sleep schedule would be all over the place)

3. What was their first impression of each other?

sirius thought james was interesting and seemed very free and easygoing and fun. james thought sirius was very funny and unique.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much?

both but i feel like maybe slightly more sirius. because sirius is more restrictive with wanting affection, that james knows he's more comfortable with being the one to initiate it first

5. Do they argue often? If so, what do they argue about?

they don't. sometimes very mundane/playful arguments but rarely, they tend to agree or enjoy compromising for each other

6. How do they make up/apologize after an argument?

i mean if they did have an argument, james would probably make it up with very sappy romantic gestures & words & apologies. sirius is just brutally honest and rationalises their argument & just says he's sorry if he is

7. How often do they say “I love you”?

everyday

8. What do they love most about the other? Why?

sirius loves james' sense of humour, his open heartedness, his abs, his passion, sense of adventure, competitiveness

james loves sirius' sense of humour, his biting wit, his handsomeness, his passion, his sense of adventure, his coolness

9. What do they dislike most about the other? Why?

nothing ever.

10. Do they share any hobbies or interests? How do these things bring them together?

they both enjoy sports & talked a lot about their quidditch teams when they first met, james finds sirius' mechanic hobby interesting but doesn't really understand the actual thing but tries to help out (he passes him random tools and yaps whilst sirius works). james loves hobbies. he has like 30. by that logic sirius is gonna share some of the same. but also they're so codependent that even if they don't particularly enjoy a hobby, they will embrace it in order to spend time with each other

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way?

they mostly just use their marauding nicknames (prongs & padfoot).

james does call sirius pet names as a joke (love, darling, sweetie, etc.) just cause sirius gets icked out by them

they call each other mate whilst snogging, on a date, raising a kid, etc.

12. Do they have a difficult time when separated from each other, or are they fairly independent?

extremely difficult fucking time. practically impossible for them.

13. How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

the two-way mirrors & writing letters constantly

14. Do they enjoy PDA, or are they more private with affection?

james likes it but sirius isn't too big a fan of it. so they kinda tend to just sit on each others laps and hold hands and stuff but don't really snog in public often

they do not count affection in front of remus or peter as public. so they do that A LOT.

15. What songs remind you of their relationship?

you're my best friend by queen, treehouse by alex g, i wanna be your dog by joan jett & the blackhearts, invisible string by taylor swift, naked in manhattan by chappell roan

16. Would they ever get matching tattoos? If yes, what would these look like?

they absolutely would. it'd either be like sirius getting deer antlers for james and james getting the canis major constellation or just a super weird random thing like both getting a tattoo of a ham sandwich or something

17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why?

very well. very open with their feelings & thoughts. however i think james would have trouble differentiating his feelings for platonic or romantic so would kinda be a bit wobbly in that aspect

18. How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

like overbearing parents

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry?

all the fucking time

20. How do they comfort each other when one of them is upset? Is this method of comfort effective?

sirius gets james to go play quidditch or go a run together or something and an hour or so into that james will tend to then end up venting. it is very effective

james finds a place for them to be alone and will seat close next to him and yap away about nothing for ages. also very effective

21. Do they enjoy domestic life?

very much so (james the stay at home husband/dad and sirius working in a job he loves <33)

22. Are they comfortable joking around with each other and being silly/playful?

very much so

23. What are the defining characteristics of their relationship?

codependent & hot

24. How do their personalities affect their relationship? Do their characteristics compliment each other, or clash often?

compliment each other in kinda clashy way? if that makes sense.

25. Do they share a room/house? If so, what does it look like and how does it compliment their personalities?

ish (i mean the dorm & living together at the potters for a quick minute). with the dorm (ignoring peter & remus' influences), james makes it a big of a mess which sirius has a tendency to clean up (however james will help when he notices sirius begin doing so), and sirius puts up a lot of posters. they'd also have like darts and a foosball table and stuff fs

26. What sacrifices do they make for the other

uhhh they'd sacrifice literally anything for each other ever. but specifically i can see sirius sacrificing meat when he's eating with james since james is a vegetarian (solidarity 💪💪), and james sacrifices uhh showing off ig

27. How do they say “I love you” non-verbally?

looking at each other

28. Who’s the better chef? Do they cook for the other?

james is the better cook but sirius is the better baker. they cook together (euphemia teaching them both)

29. Describe their nighttime routine.

brush their teeth together, get changed, sirius reads whilst james writes to his parents, they proceed to talk in their respective beds for an hour before james falls asleep, sirius then has a fag and reads more for a few hours before turning into padfoot and sleeping in james' bed

30. What are their respective love languages? Do their love languages work well together?

both are quality time and acts of service, but james also commonly give the other three too. so works well

31. Do they often go out on dates? What are these like?

probably all the fucking time. they'd go hang out with their friends then halfway through would call it a date and claim their friends are interrupting them

32. Do either of them drink? If so, who’s the lightweight, and how does their partner care for them?

depends. i sometimes write james as drinking, sometimes don't. i like to write sirius drinking a lot and then later going sober. but james would def be the lightweight between them nonetheless

33. How do they flirt? Who’s the worse flirt?

sirius doesn't really flirt (at least not on purpose). james constantly flirts and is shit at it

34. Do they have any inside jokes?

many many many

35. Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

probably not. like you could say maybe giving the 70s but also 1. i can't see them giving it a shit, and 2. is wizarding society homophobic?? idk

36. How do they feel about having kids? Are they in agreement?

younger sirius def wouldn't i feel but like. as he gets older i think he'd lowkey want kids. james wants kids so bad.

37. Who’s more emotionally sensitive/cries more often?

james

38. Who’s got a quicker temper?

sirius

39. When and how did they admit that they loved each other? If they haven’t yet, why?

platonically?? like end of first year maybe. when they're having to leave at the end of school year

not platonically?? sirius offhandedly saying to james and james not realising he meant in that way and sirius corrects him and james is like "oh. right. well yeah, of course i feel the same, mate?? i love you in every conceivable way"

40. Do they have any regrets in their relationship?

hmm nah. idk. 🧍🏻‍♂️

41. What would they do if they lost the other?

well sirius would apparently go after the person responsible, spend over a decade in prison wrongfully convicted, escape to save his son, end up on the run then trapped in his childhood house, then dying

james would crumble.

42. What’s their relationship like with each other’s friends/families?

james despises sirius' family. curses them out on the daily. is their biggest hater.

sirius adores james' family so so so much and they love him too

they have all the same friends so 😭😭

43. If they picked out outfits for each other, what would they look like?

james would be in something a lot more stylish, a little more punk and black, and with half his chest on display. sirius would be in the tinest shorts ever, and james' favourite quidditch team's jersey (yes they'd be dressing each other in their own clothes)

44. Do they cuddle often? Why or why not?

always. in every form (animagi)

45. How do they support each other? How do they rely on each others support?

uhhh in every single possible way? they laugh at each other for failing like mundane stuff tho

46. Do they consider their relationship casual or serious? Is the answer different depending on who you ask? Why?

they deem it the most serious relationship ever ever ever (however early stages they'd be like confessing their undying love, snogging constantly, etc. then turn around and be like "oh it's just casual in that aspect and we'll probably stop soon, our friendship love is what's truly important and will never die"

47. Do they sleep beside each other? Why or why not?

all the damn time. constantly.

48. Do they talk about their future together? Why or why not?

yeah. they're always talking so ofc it'd come up at some point.

49. Do they keep secrets from each other?

no

50. Would they ever break up? If so, why? Who would handle the breakup better?

they would never. ride or die fr.

ask game

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire 4: Tolerate It

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Madonna learns more about her role and the dynamics of the household.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence.

Extra warnings for chapter: 'incubus', emotional abuse, withholding of affection, more panic

This is not meant to be a statement about religion, Christianity, or Catholicism, this is simply my take on a cult. I am a religious person. I understand that some of this may be very offensive to religious people so if you don't like thing like AHS Asylum or Black Mass, maybe consider not reading.

A/n: next chapter things ramp up.

3.6k words

Support writers! Reblog and leave comments!

I wait by the door like I'm just a kid Use my best colors for your portrait Lay the table with the fancy shit And watch you tolerate it If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it ~Tolerate It, Taylor Swift

Your bed was comfortable, huge, with pillows and soft comforters all around you giving all the comfort surrounding you that you could need. This is a good thing, considering how exhausted you felt all the time. It was not easy keeping 4 men satisfied. Ben was near constant, and although Will took his time with you and both made you cum, it was still a lot. Francisco avoided you, only fucking you when Pope was there. Pope and Francisco… you didn’t know how to take it.

It was strange seeing your husbands kiss, and you struggled with how little Pope’s eyes were on you. It seemed he could only cum when he looked at Francisco. 

You woke up in the middle of the night, a cloud of darkness and pillowy soft as you lay on your back. Consciousness came to you slowly, a deep sleep attempted to keep you down, but the feeling between your legs refused to let you sleep. You were tired, so damn tired and so sore, your arms so heavy you couldn’t even lift them feel at the heaviness on your chest. Why did you hear breathing? Was it your own? You wanted to open your eyes but they were almost sealed shut. Panic began to bubble.

You’d heard of incubus’s before, demons that entered you in your sleep and violated you, but that wasn’t possible, was it? You’d remained sexually pure, physically and emotionally faithful to your husbands and them only. You attended prayers and were the model of wifery. This shouldn’t happen to a faithful servant of Divine Mother. Had you done something wrong? Were you not fulfilling your role? Had you been tainted by the actions of your fathers betrayal?

You were scared.

“Shhhhh” A voice whispered, but you were so delirious from the broken sleep cycle you couldn’t recognize if it was a voice you knew. “Shhhhh, go back to sleep…”

Not sure what to do, scared and completely out of control of your body you tried to fight it, tried to fight off the demon on top of you, but there was no energy left.

You sank into sleep as the rhythmic thrusts rocked you back into the haze.

*

Still tired, still unfocused and unclear, you wake up slowly. When you remember what happened last night, your eyes flash open in a start and the memories come back. They scared you, but the biggest concern was how wet you felt between your legs. Had the demon cum inside you? Were you to become pregnant with a demon's child. Anxious, you throw off the blanket and look down between your legs in your nightgown.

Blood.

You scream, fear from last night clouded any rational judgment and you scream when you see Reyansh. 

“What’s going on?!” He rushed in, gun drawn, looking about to room.

“GET OUT!”

He looks back to you, seeing the blood on the bed. He blinks. “Are you… okay?” He looks confused.

It begins to settle on you what happened, and now you’re embarrassed. You throw a pillow at him. “GET! OUT!”

The pillow smacks him right in the face. “Oof!” But after one more check over, eyeing you confused, he leaves.

You got your period. This did not calm your fears. You shouldn’t have your period, you should be pregnant with the savior. Something was wrong, something was horribly fucking wrong and it was somehow your fault. Was last night a nightmare, or were you being haunted? Either way, something was wrong because you were not found worthy. 

You were not pregnant.

Bleeding more and more, you needed to take care of this, but you didn’t have any sanitary products… No one expected you to need them.

Wrapping your blanket around your flimsy nightgown, You crack the door open, hands visibly shaking. “Reyansh?”

“Yeah?” He says kindly.

You didn’t want to talk about this with him, as nice as he was. Usually, Jonah was outside your door in the morning. You wanted him. “Um… where’s Jonah?”

“He’s the head of the guard, he went back to his normal duties. I’m gonna be your primary guard.” He chuckles a bit. “Sorry to disappoint.”

No… no you wanted Jonah… you trusted Jonah. “No, um… I want Jonah back, thank you…” You tried to sound in control. You were the Madonna, they needed to listen to you, right?

Reyansh sighs. “I’ll mention to Jonah, but I don’t think that’s happening. Miller wants him focusing on security. He just Jonah be around for a bit because you seemed comfortable.”

Fine. Problem for later. You could feel the blood dripping down. “Well then I want Iris!”

“Why? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” He sounded concerned. 

“Reyanash please”

“It’s monday, she goes shopping on Mondays, it’ll be a few hou-”

“ARE THERE ANY GIRLS IN THIS DAMN BUILDING!” You snap.

There is a bit of silence before he says. “Ah. I’ll be back.”

When he walks away, you slump against the door and fall down, crying. As you bleed and cry into the comforter, you try not to let the panic settle in. It’s okay, it’s going to be okay. They loved you, they wouldn’t throw you out after one month! They loved you, they loved you, they loved you.

Knock Knock

“Come in…” You whisper, defeated and scoot enough for him to slip in, holding tampons and pads. You didn’t know how to use a tampon, only using pads before. You wanted to preserve your virginity. 

“I found these. They’re Iris’s, but she won’t mind.” He tries to hand them to you, but you don’t grab them.

“You can set them on the floor…” You whispered, and he does.

“You alright?”

“Yeah. Can you um… if you see Santi, let him know?” Santi was anxiously awaiting to hear if you were pregnant… he’s going to be so disappointed in you.

*

No one came to see you all day. Will and Ben were out in the town, working, and you didn’t expect Francisco, but the fact Pope didn’t show was enough to know he was angry with you. You had asked to talk to him, but Reyansh had said it “wasn’t the time.”

So, you went to your studio, Reyansh sitting outside, and went to work. You’d been working on a portrait of Pope. He liked to sit and watch you paint from behind your easel, but you didn’t tell him what you were painting. It was almost done, and you were adding the details by memory. You loved to study his face, all the fine lines and grays and sharp features of him as he fucked into you. He didn’t understand how much you adored him, how you relished the intimate moments not for the pleasure he gave, but for the closeness it brought.

But he didn’t look at you like you looked at him. When he did, it was almost too much; his eyes were fiery and alite. He made you feel like the center of the entire world when he dd, but for the most part, he didn’t. Not in bed. When he made love to you, if Francisco wasn’t there his eyes were closed.

“So you aren’t pregnant.” His voice broke through your thoughts. 

When you look up from your work, he’s standing in the doorway, arms crossed and hip cocked. He was not pleased.

You will yourself not to cry. “I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t say anything as he stalks forward and you set down your brush. He looks at your painting.

“It’s you.” You whisper. It’s his side profile, the background is in flames.

“Am I burning?” He asks, incredulous.

You were quick to disued the idea that you’d paint any harm happening to your beloved husband whom you adored completely. “No! No, not at all! The, the background is, you see?” You use the brush to gesture to his picture. “You’re perfectly unscathed. It’s meant to represent your power… And maybe me?”

He turns at that. “You?”

You nod. “The priestess… she said, well she likened me to fire.”

Pope scoffs before turning to you again. “The Madonna is fire. The mother of the savior is fire. You’ve yet to prove yourself.” He look another look at your portrait and rolls his eyes. “Needs work.” With that he walked away.

*

You had a plan. 

Maybe the reason you weren’t pregnant is you hadn’t won them over completely. You had Ben, William, and before this, Pope… the missing piece was Francisco.He wanted nothing to do with you, and how could you become pregnant when he didn’t want you? You were supposed to be one, a cohesive unit bound together. You needed him, and you needed to win back Pope.

Iris hadn’t been keen on the idea; she didn’t like people in her space, except for Reyansh it seemed. She allowed you in her kitchen with him if there were tasks she was comfortable letting you handle, or if you promised to stay out of her way. Today,however, you begged and pleaded to take over. You had very few personal items, but you had a cookbook from your mother, and you knew how to use it. It wasn’t like you were an amazing cook; that was Iris, she was incredible, but you were what you were doing.

“C’mooooon” Reyansh said, arms propped up against the table holding up his face as he gazed at her. “Take the night off.”

She laughed, but it wasn’t bad natured. She smiled when she talked to him. You wondered if they were in love, but no one had said anything. You hadn’t wanted to assume… but Reyansh looked her Iris the way Will looked at you.

“It wouldn’t be a night off, I’d have to stay here and make sure she doesn’t fuck it all up because it’s still my responsbility”

“I won’t mess it up!” You insist, following after her as she put groceries away. “I used to cook big meals for my dormitory all the time! And anything goes wrong I’ll take the blame!”

“No.”

You run in front of her, looking at her face pleadingly. “Iris, please, I’m begging you, I need to prove to them I can be a good wife!”

Iris looked at you, and you didn’t care how pathetic you looked. You needed this. She turns to Rey. 

“You could work on something here while she cooks, free up a little time tonight.” Did he wink at her?

It’s working, you can see her thinking. “Well… I guess I could work on my sewing… it would be nice to get ahead of work…”

“YES! YES YES YES YES!” You jump and hug her, and you catch her and Reyansh smiling at each other.

*

It took 2 hours, but you never asked for help once. Rey tried to help, but you wanted it to be all on your own. Instead, he helped Iris darn socks and fix holes and tighten or loosen clothes. At one point, Iris came up to you and checked a few measurements on your body but wouldn’t tell you for what. 

The meal was extensive, 7 courses. 

Muse-Bouche: Miniature crab cakes with a spicy remoulade sauce.

Soup: Creamy butternut squash soup.

Appetizer: Olives stuffed with blue cheese.

Salad: Arugula and pear salad with a honey mustard dressing.

Main Course: Herb-crusted salmon

Cheese Course: Pepper jack was all you had, but it’d do.

Dessert: Dark chocolate mousse with raspberries.

When it was done, you were sweating, ready to run off and change before helping serve the appetizer course with Iris, when she stopped you.

“Here” Iris places a fabric in your hands, lavender and lacy.

You blink. “What’s this?”

She pushed you out the door towards the bathroom to change. “A new dress, thought tonight was a good night to debut it.”

It was stunning. All made out of lavender lace, with straps but also the soft fabric going off your shoulders. It was short, about knee length, and an a-line skirt. You looked beautiful, you had to admit. You didn’t like to be prideful, but this was really Iris’s doing

*

“And what did we do to deserve such a treat?” Will said, drinking his whiskey on ice in the parlor as you served the appetizer and muse-brouche. His eyes scanned over your body hungrily, and you had a feeling you’d be blessed with his mouth tonight. 

You smile up at him, then try to catch the gaze of your other husbands. Francisco’s eyes averted to the floor, and Pope’s were icy cold. When you’d knocked on his door, excited and grinning to tell him you had cooked a feast for them all, he was unimpressed. Francisco was in his room, and you felt like you interrupted something, saying they’d be down in a few.

“Just wanted to show my appreciation for having such wonderful husbands.” You go on your tippytoes to kiss Will’s cheek Out of the corner of your eye, Iris passes Ben and you see her quickly turn around, and Will snaps.

“Ben!” 

Ben flips his brother off. You don’t know what he did.

During the meal,  the rest of the courses are served by Iris and Reynash. You haven't quite figured out Reyansh’s role here. He seemed to do a little bit of everything, lower level security that filled a variety of roles. Or maybe he was just around Iris a lot and she put him to work, you didn’t know.

Will and Benny complimented you, Benny wrapping you up in his arms and kissing you deeply as he told you how delicious it was.

You even get a small smile and thank you from Francisco, which is more than you got most days, and he let out a quiet mm eating the soup. It was a good sign, but it wasn’t what you wanted. You wanted him to love you, you wanted him to adore you the way you adored him. 

You wanted Pope to look at you with anything but disappointment.

“Do you like the desert, Pope?” 

He didn’t look up. You’d picked this out just for them, knowing how much he liked chocolate, and Iris said Raspberries were Francisco’s favorite fruit.

“Did Iris make this?” He said, poking at the half-eaten cake. 

“N-no, I made…”

“Hm.” Pope stood up, setting down his napkin. “I can tell.”

He pulled at Francisco's collar and Francosco followed after him. Ben took the rest of their cake.

“God fuck’n DAMN!” The youngest man shouted with a mouthful of chocolate. “Baby I’m gonna fuck you so good for this.”

Will took your hand. “We love the food, princess.” He kissed you tender. “Thank you so much for taking care of us.”

“It’s…” You stare off at the wall, your heart breaking in pieces but trying not to show it. You didn’t want to seem ungrateful for what you were given by your two loves… but you needed them all. You were incomplete without them. “It’s my honor to take care of my husbands…” You say quietly.

He sighed, taking your chin in his hands and lifting them up to his blue eyes. “Madonna, look at me.” You do. “Pope is… he’s complicated. His moods come and go, it’s not personal.”

“But… I think it is… because Francisco doesn’t like me either…” You hate how weak your voice sounds. You want to be strong, you want to be the goddess you are but you aren’t sure how. 

Ben’s mouth is full as he talks. “Frank don’t know a pretty girl if she slapped him, don’t worry about him.” 

But you did, you did worry about both of them. You worried they wouldn’t love you the way you loved them.

You spent the night with Will and Ben. On your hands and knees you pleasured Ben with your mouth with Will stuffing himself in your cunt, both brothers showering you in praise and love. Will was unbothered by the blood it seemed, nor by the way your body was bloated with your period. They must have known how badly you needed reassurance, because after Ben pulled out of your mouth to cum inside your hole lubed up with his brother’s cum, they took care of you. Will cleaned you up and placed underwear with a fresh pad under you while Ben laid your head on his lap, caressing your hair until you fell asleep. 

Or pretended to. You heard their conversation as they left you in your bed. 

“You gotta take it easier on her, Ben”

“What was that if not easy. She literally fell asleep on my lap, that was romantic as fuck.”

“Not today, today was fine, I mean in general and you have got to stop with-”

“Shh!”

“Well if it’s supposed to be a secret maybe stop pinching her ass in public!”

“Oh for-” Your eyes open just slightly, you watch Ben drag Will out of your room. They continue arguing outside your door but you can’t hear them.

You don’t sleep that night. Terror of the night before consuming you, fear of the demon or the nightmare or whatever it was an anxiety that your husbands didn’t love you anymore. Pope you could understand. You’d disappointed him, you’d mess up… But Francisco never wanted you, you can see that now. Were you that attractive? Unpleasant? He was clairvoyant, could he see into your heart that you weren’t worthy?

You felt another panic attack coming. Fear was surrounding you and the dark room didn’t help matters. You needed something, you needed someone’s reassurance but you couldn’t go to Ben and Will, afraid of what they’d say. Did you not trust them enough?

Jonah’s voice in your head. ‘if you ever need anything, anyone cause you problems you come to me, alright?’

Soon, you found yourself at Jonah’s door in his quarters, knocking. You were barefoot and in our nightgown, but it was the least of your worries. You needed help, and you trusted him.

When he opened the door, his loose sleep shirt unbuttoned to reveal his chest and light sweats on the bottom half, his eyes were wide.. “What are you doing here?!” He whispers, looking down both sides of the hall and yanking you inside his room.

It was simple, but clean for the most part. There was a pair of boxers on the floor and a bottle of whiskey vodka opened on the bedside table.

“Hey!” He whisper-shouted, not looking pleased. “What the hell are you doing here?” He repeats a little harsher this time.

You blink. “I… you said if I needed something to come to you?”

“I-” He sighs, softening a little but still looking irritated. Or angry. You couldn't tell which. “Yes, yes I did, but honey it’s 2 AM, is this an emergency?”

Your lips quiver, eyes filling with tears. “Francisco doesn’t love me.”

He looked more confused than before. “Huh?”

You begin sobbing loudly. “Francisco doesn’t love me! And I messed up with Pope and now he’s mad but I, I can fix that but it’s Francisco! He doesn’t want me here! He doesn’t want me to be his wife-”

Your mouth is suddenly covered “SHHHHH!!!” The back of your head is thrust against the wall and you’re suddenly scared and confused. Jonah pinches his brows together, eyes closed. “Hon, that’s not- this isn’t an emergency” His body was pressed up against yours, and as soon as he realized it, he moved back but his hand on your face. It’s large, and you think it could cover your whole face.

You tried to tell him it was to you, that this is your life, your future, but your mouth was covered by his rough, calloused hand and his dark brown eyes so close to yours. You could feel his breath on your face. He’d been drinking. 

He mutters a few swears, lets go of your mouth before running fingers through his graying hair. More swears.

“C’mon, let’s go.” He took your hand and cracked the door open, checking the hall again before pulling you out and dragging you several doors down the corridor, his loose shirt fluttering.

Iris opened the door to his knocks, and as soon as she saw you crying she ripped your hand out of Jonah’s and pulled you behind her. “What did you do!” She hissed quietly.

Jonah raised his hands in defense. “Nothing! She showed up-”

“Why is she wearing lingerie!”

He smacked his head. “It’s not like that, Iris! I didn’t touch her! She showed her here panicking about those assholes but you need to get her back to her room!”

You couldn’t see Iris’s face, but you got the feeling she didn’t believe him. “He’s telling the truth.” You whimpered through your tears. “I came to him,” Iris turned to you. “Because I was having a panic attack, but he didn’t touch me…”  You didn’t tell her the close proximity he was his, his mouth on your face. You didn’t think it happened for the reason Iris thought it did.

She held onto your hand, pausing, then spoke. “Go.”

Jonah looked at you once more, guilt on his face before he nodded, telling her to talk to him when she got back.

Iris took you back to your room, turning on the light and facing you. “You cannot be alone with Jonah like that, do you understand me?”

You weren’t sure why she was so aggressive. Jonah was no danger to you. “He didn’t-”

“I don’t care what he didn’t do this time, but you need to listen to me, you are dangerous fucking territory, and you need to watch your back every fucking step before you or someone else ends up dead, got it? Don’t be stupid.”

She slammed the door behind her.

You only slept when you cried out all your energy.

WELL WELL WELL I gave some Jonah description for you horny Jonah girlies....

BUT ALSO! Jonah lore??? Why did Iris freak out?

LEMME KNOW THOUGHTS OR THOTS

Short chapter, not super eventful or spicy, but next chapter RAMPS UP THE SPICE

If you havnt seen, i've put out two bonus content

1 is FishBen, adding context to their relationship.

2. is the tik tok trend asking your boyfriend to peel your orange

if you have ideas for bonus content or any questions, DROP BY THE ASK BOX!!

Love interaction <3 I know we preach reblogs here but if you arent comfortable with reblogging dark content or even commenting, please consider dropping by the ask to show your engagement, I allow anons!

LOVE YOU ALL!

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@hon3yboy @winniethewife @femmeanonymelives @yorksgirl @pockcock @neverwheremoonchild @casa-boiardi @meveispunk @survivingandenduring @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @obscurexsorrows @hellfire-state-of-mind @christinamadsen @pimosworld @princessanglophile @rubyfruitjungle @simple-lovebot @missdictatorme @campingwiththecharmings @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @javier-penas-wifexx420 @stefani-topaz @alwaysmicado@mjnomaryjane @incorrectclassicbookquotes @axshadows @ghostslillady @movievillainess721 @justagalwhowrites @charethcutestory02 @pixielouise-blog @gogh-with-the-flow @justafandomgvrl @katw474 @loveable-liar @arrozconpepitoria @minigirl87 @runa-falls @pedge-page @angel-of-the-moons @beefrobeefcal @pixielou5 @miraclesabound @oliveksmoked @mjnomaryjane @bubble-pop-eclectic @corazondebeskar-reads @charethcutestory02 @pedroshotwifey @umnitsa @koshkaj-blog @hiroikegawa

If I forgot someone or you'd like to be added/removed LMK!