#tartagliafictive

[fictionkinfessions]

It feels horrible... knowing when you've been hurt enough to know you'd rather not repair things even if it hurts... Testing people... seeing how far you can make them go for you... Well I was... but not the rest of those with me. Yeah it's completely understandable how you get trained doesn't define you or the unhealthy habits you do... But - I know people don't have to stick around through it. I sometimes wish I could have. I'm still sorry...

- Ajax, Childe, Tartaglia. 🦊(tag as fictive)

[fictionkinfessions]

i miss zhongli so much. he wasn't good for me, not at all, i don't remember him as being good. but he was there, at least. can't even be sure if i'm a fictive or just kinning instead without having a breakdown but all that i do know for certain is that i need him. he's hurt me but i need him but i hate him but i love him. life is too complicated. he just made things simpler, i guess. didn't want him to protect me so much, but he did, so i didn't have to worry like i do these days in this weird body and brain.

if my zhongli is out there.... i'll forgive you. a hundred times over. i just want to be with you again, no matter how fucked up that might be. i'll stick by your side again. i'll be good. and if you aren't out there... so long, i suppose. good fucking riddance.

-tartaglia 🌻🌌🌠 (fictive)

[fictionkinfessions]

why do i keep looking at zhongchi stuff?? everyone always makes us look so happy and in love and that's.... well, it's hard to tell stuff when it's all based on having to vibe check the vibes and never being certain on things, but that's not the version of us that i vibe with. it's not what i know.

i'm a monster who tried to destroy his city. i fell in love, fell out of love when i realized he just used me in some messed up plan to retire, and tried to leave. he wouldn't let me. he says he cares about me?? i couldn't leave him. i guess all dragons have their hoards, and i was just like another trinket in his. because he "cared" he wouldn't let me fight or do anything at all!! i'm the tsaritsa's vanguard. i like being called that because it's accurate. i go where she points, and raze it to the ground. fighting is all i know, and he kept stopping me. possessive old overgrown lizard bastard.

and now i'm a fragment of a mind. i don't know if i'm real. sometimes it feels like i'm just roleplaying as myself??? but no matter what, he's not here. so why do i keep reading about the two of us?? it's like i still can't escape him. maybe some part of me still loves him. i don't know. it's complicated and i'm rambling.

things are so different but i guess i still don't know much about anything at all, huh? to any other zhongli kins or other fictives yall are chill tho and i hope you thrive in life. -🌻🌌🌠 (tartaglia fictive)