#tarlos are really coming out of this stronger than ever just like we were promised 😭

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

One thing I was so sure I did not want from this show was for there to ever be a situation where it seemed like TK and Carlos separating was even a possibility. They're soulmates! I wanted that to be unthinkable. Something that was never even on the table.

Then, in this episode, we're presented with this conflict that is a potentially relationship-breaking conflict. TK is not going to let his brother get sent to boarding school. That is very clear! He isn't going to force Carlos into this, but if Carlos ultimately does not want to take Jonah in, I don't think TK would be choosing his husband over his brother here. It would DESTROY TK. It would ruin his life! But he's not going to be able to abandon his brother.

So the show did the exact thing I thought I never wanted to see. And you know what? I LOVED IT. I loved every second of it!! I think it was so incredibly well done.

And I think the reason it didn't bother me when previously I thought I would never want something like this is that, while this situation could be relationship breaking, I know it isn't going to be. Not just because we've been assured time and time again that Tarlos is endgame and they're getting a happily ever after, but because JUST LOOK AT CARLOS' FACE when he talks about Jonah and when he looks at pictures of TK and Jonah 😭 Carlos already loves that little boy and he loves his husband so much!! He wants this. He just needs a little time to work through it, particularly given the extreme situation and immense grief and trauma he's going through.

It's VALID of Carlos to need a minute here. And I think it's VALID of TK to be committed to helping his brother and unwilling to back down from that. The conflict between them hurts, but that's just going to make the resolution that much more beautiful! It's SO BEAUTIFUL 😭

[everythingisgayandnothinghurts]

Unless It’s With You

Carlos overhears a conversation and realizes just how much he wants to marry that Tyler Kennedy Strand.  

This is kinda crap, but it’s also fluffy and any Tarlos content is pretty great, am I right?  It’s my first Tarlos fic and I love them even if I can’t write them well.  Carlos may be a little OOC but this means a lot to him.  Hope you enjoy this.

I’m in over my head, feeling confused

I’m losing my mind, don’t know what to do

Cause I don’t wanna get married

Unless it’s with you

It was another night at the bar for the 126 and Carlos was running late due to having to finish reports from his busy day.  He walked into the crowded space, side stepping a couple making out just inside the door, and immediately looked for his boyfriend or his best friend.  He spotted TK first with the firehouse group around him sharing stories and drinking.  They looked relaxed and that meant it had been a good day without death nipping at their heels.  

“Cap, how do you make those ribs we had last Saturday?  I have a taste for them and Grace might like those for our anniversary dinner this week.” Judd asked over the buzz of the patrons.

“Ribs Ryder?  How have you managed to be married for… how long exactly?” Owen teased the cowboy with a roll of his eyes.

“Longer than you’ve ever been,” Judd jibed lightly, the multiple failed marriages of the captain being common knowledge by now.  “Here in the south ribs are perfectly acceptable for a dinner expressing your love and devotion.”

“Better be sure she isn’t p[lanning to wear white,” Mateo nudged Judd with a laugh.  Carlos was about to announce his presence to the team when probie asked a question he really wanted an answer to as well.  “You see yourself having ribs on your anniversary TK?  It’s only a matter of time before Carlos asks you.”

“Married?” TK’s voice was far more surprised than it should have been.  The two of them had been together a year and Carlos has found himself gazing at rings more than once lately.  He would love to put a ring on his boyfriend’s finger and call him his for the rest of their lives.  He could see them buying a new house together and maybe even adopting a kid one day together.  He saw the whole package with the younger firefighter and up until this moment he never thought TK felt any differently.  “I’ve seen more than my share of marriages fall apart.  I don’t see the point in getting married.  There’s no such thing as forever.”

A stone fell into the pit of his stomach at his boyfriend’s words.  Marriage might have only been a passing thought as of late, but it clearly meant more than he thought if the way his chest tightened was any indication.  TK was the love of his life, and there had been nobody Carlos had ever seen forever so clearly with up until now.  

“Hey babe,” Carlos acted as if he hadn’t heard their conversation and had just walked up to the group.  “Sorry I’m late.”

“Dance with me,” TK’s eyes lit up upon seeing him and with a kiss on the cheek Carlos was dragged onto the dance floor just like their first time dancing here.  A year had gone by and suddenly Carlos felt like the two of them might not have come as far as he’d thought.  

~~

A week had gone by since he had eavesdropped on that comment TK made, but his mind wouldn’t let him forget the way his boyfriend had tossed the idea of marriage off the table so easily.  Did that mean the firefighter still didn’t see a future for them?  Was this something to simply pass time for him?  Did he not see the two of them growing old together the way Carlos did?  Was this thing between them not going to stay?  

The worst way for this desire to play out was in his dreams.  It was on a day when their alarms weren’t going off and they could sleep in so his mind felt free to dream and of course he would dream of their wedding.  He would dream of TK wearing his ring and looking at him like he could be in this moment forever.  He would dream of holding TK close under twinkling fairy lights in his mother’s backyard while their guests watched them share a first dance.  

A dream is a wish the heart makes after all.

Carlos snapped awake from the dream where he was married to the man beside him and while they had never talked about it before the desire made something inside of him ache fiercely.  He didn’t want it right now, but he wanted it to be a possibility.  The happy bubble of his dream faded and his eyes started to sting fiercely when his brain caught up to the fact that TK didn’t want that with him.  He didn’t want to get married or he might not even want a family together.  Could it be that they could have dreams for their futures that were so drastically different?  Carlos was so in love with TK that it baffled him.  He didn’t think this kind of love existed outside of movies and it was the most wonderful part of his life.  Loving TK was as easy as breathing and the thought of never having the promise of marriage made a panic rise in him he was unfamiliar with.  He was the one in their relationship that stayed calm, but a simple lack of a ring had him panicked.  He had never been so scared of losing TK outside of some catastrophic call that is, as he was right now.   He knew TK had asked Alex to marry him back in New York.  Was that why he didn’t want to venture down that road again?  Was one failed proposal enough to have him turn away from the idea forever?  

“Carlos,” TK murmured as he rolled over to face him, a sleepy smile stretched over his face.  “It’s too early to be thinking so much.”  A hand lazily came up to cup his cheek, but then suddenly the firefighter was sitting up in bed wide awake.  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

It seemed the stinging behind his eyes had given way to actual tears and how the hell was he about to explain this?  How could he explain being upset by a comment he was never meant to hear at all?  He didn’t know marriage was so important to him until it appeared to be off the table for good.  It sounded stupid as hell to be upset about a ring and a piece of paper which is all the ceremony really boiled down to, but it was the promise he wanted.  The promise of forever meant more than he bargained for.  “Just a dream,” He choked out.  

“Nightmare?” TK guessed with sympathy in his eyes.  Carlos’s dream probably would be a nightmare to the younger man if their roles had been reversed.  He shrugged in reply, hating the lump in his throat and wishing he could grow up and get past this.  TK loved him, and he knew that.  They had been through hell and made it out of the other side stronger and more in love than ever.  He was stupid to be questioning it all over a question he had never even asked.  ���Shh, let me hold you.”  

“TK,” Carlos choked out as he felt strong arms wrap around him and his head was tucked into the space between TK’s neck and shoulder.  His boyfriend was comforting him over something he needed to be man enough to just talk about.  “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby,” TK told him softly and Carlos felt a kiss pressed to his temple.  “It’s okay now, you’re with me.  We’re going to have the whole day together and I’ll even let you pick the movie.”  

The tears were getting stronger and Carlos was pretty sure he had never cried over anything more ridiculous than this.  They could easily spend forever together and never have a ring exchanged.  Plenty of people were together for ages without some piece of paper.  TK had been through his father getting divorced twice and then a disastrous proposal attempt.  It made sense why he had no interest in getting married.  What didn’t make sense was the way his heart was breaking.

“Hey, hey deep breath alright?” TK rubbed his back gently and it was ironic their roles were reversed.  Carlos was much more comfortable doing the comforting rather than being the one comforted.  

“I heard you,” Carlos had to say it.  He knew this wasn’t something he could just hold inside of him.  It was bothering him far too much for that.  He sniffed a few times and wiped some tears off his cheeks.  “I heard you talking with your team.  A-about us.”

“What did I say?” TK seemed confused as he pulled back so they could look at each other fully.  

“You said forever didn’t exist,” Carlos repeated softly, swallowing a few more times to get his tears under control.  “I… I was kind of hoping it did for us.”

“What?” TK had obviously already long forgotten about his comment at the bar and Carlos felt even more silly for hanging onto it this long.  “When did I… That wasn’t meant to mean anything.”

“I want to marry you,” Carlos confessed and even saying it felt right.  He was meant to marry this man and his heart knew it without a doubt.  “I want forever for us, Tyler.”

“I…” The younger man seemed lost on how to reply.  TK took his hand gently and squeezed it.  “ ‘Los, of course I want forever with you.”

“You said you didn’t,” Carlos had to point out in a small voice.  

“I’ve seen my share of ruined marriages,” TK said softly.  “Marriage doesn’t mean anything by itself.  That promise is no guarantee anyone is together for the rest of their lives.”  He brought Carlos close to kiss him gently.  “With you I know it would be different.  You would never make that kind of promise without keeping it.  You want to marry me?”

“Without a doubt,” Carlos replied, feeling that stone begin to break up he’d been carrying around.  “I see a whole life with you Tyler, a full ,wonderful life.”

“With you I can start to believe it’s possible,” TK kissed him again before resting their foreheads together.  “Only with you.”