#tapping into that weird poetry brain I get that also gave me my other weird fics

[soot-and-salt]

Alastor left him behind but Vox remembers.

He remembers his warmth. His scent.

Vox couldn't forget if he tried.

The hands that cradled him had been covered in blood, had dripped with gore... but they cradled him, didn't they?

In an effort to try and get out of my writer's block, here is a bewildering 1,400 words of stream-of-consciousness radiostatic angst.

But... but I think I remembered how writing works so maybe this was useful for something.

*stares at WSBE 9 google doc* You're next, buddy

[wcmi-22]

Lovely day for a picnic with a Mad man!

It was a lovely spring day in Wonderland. All the birds were singing with glee, all the children were playing in the park and may people were out and about enjoying the beautiful weather. This gave one petite blonde named Alice Liddell an idea for what she wanted to do on her day off. So the little blonde dressed in a lovely long white collared shirt with an even lovelier sky blue shirt and holding it together was stylish black lace and brown belt. She even decided to try that hairstyle Ariel had suggested to her as well.

(Sorry the second picture looks so rough!!!! But you guys get it Alice looks adorable)

She then gather her picnic basket along with the yummy cucumber sandwiches, tea, crumpets, for the basket,her red and white checkered blanket and best of all her book of poems that she simply could not put down.

Once she has all her stuff together, she finally shuts her front door and walks toward the park. Once she arrives, she notices both the beauty and the various people all gathered around the area. Some were flying kites while others fed the ducks, walk their dogs or even watched their children play on the play ground. Some of them even decided to picnic just like Alice. Which lead to a great dilemma, finding a spot.

Though Alice had been to many a year party and social affairs before in London but, when it came down to it, she was not a very social person. In fact every time she tried to be, she acted shy and quiet to the point no one could hear her. Still she was determined to do better and she was determined to get a spot!

As she looked around for a nice spot, suddenly she saw once again the bimbettes staring at her and talking about her as she went by.

“Is that the Hatter’s girlfriend?” One of them in a red dress asked.

“I believe so, can you believe her?” Said another one in the green dress.

“I know! What kind of woman hangs out with such a freak like him?” Said the one in the yellow dress.

“Another freak obviously!”

Though they thought Alice could not hear them, however, they were sorely mistaken. Because once Alice turned around, she gave them a stern hard glare at them. In response they all turned their heads simultaneously to the opposite of Alice who kept on walking away until finally she found a lovely little spot under a large oak tree with a perfect view of the lake.

There she set up her picnic and placed her food on a plate in front of her along with some tea then got out her book and started to read as she ate.

“Humph those bimbettes!” She started to think to herself. “Who do they have think they are? Having the right to judge people and their lives!? At least Reginald pays attention to me even though I don’t want him to but they can’t even get Gaston to notice them! And besides Reginald isn’t that bad!”

Suddenly, she realized what she had thought and shook her head to help her go back to her senses.

She soon forgot about the bimbettes and kept reading as she enjoyed her cucumber sandwiches that is until a oh so familiar voice called to her.

“Oh Cricket!” it shouted. Low and behold right down the hill was none other than the mad man himself, Reginald Leopold Theophilus the Third.He wore his signature green hat along with his orange overcoat, blue vest over his white collared shirt, long green pants with matching abnormally large shoes. He had in his hand a rather unusual picnic basket to say the least. In fact it wasn’t even brown like normal baskets were, it was teal with strange green and pink swirls all over it with a plum purple blanket in the inside of it appearing out of it as well.

“Oh no!” Alice thought to herself “Not him! Not today, Lord!”

Though Alice wanted to run away but sadly, it was too late because he had already managed to gallup up the hill and to her area.

“Lovely day isn’t it, cricket?” He says as he sets up his area right next to hers.

“Reginald!” Alice said sternly.

“Yes, dear cricket?” He says.

“Your being awfully rude you know!”

“Really?” Reginald questioned “How so?”

“I did not give you permission to place your blanket next to mine nor in my area!” She explained indignantly.

“It’s a free park!” Reginald explains “All the areas here are free for everyone,cricket!”

Alice only rolled her eyes at his explanation.

“But I suppose if it will make you feel better,” he says and clears his throat. “Pardon me, Miss Liddell,” he starts to ask in his most dignified voice “but may I please have the honor of sitting near your presence for the time being?”

This made Alice both shocked about how he called her Miss Liddell and a little bit annoyed about how he made fun of it.

“Or shall I be banished from this country all together?” He asks giving her a puppy dog pout.

All Alice could do was sigh, roll her eyes and say “oh alright!” Followed by a “you may stay!”

The Mad Hatter quickly day on his blanket and got out his food which surprisingly, looked quite delicious considering how mad he was about combining food. Alice even saw him one time put ketchup on his Macaroni and cheese at one of Ear’s tea parties. The thought of that memory disgusted her beyond measure.

As she gazed at his food, she noticed something rather odd! Not only did he have crumpets, earl grey tea, honey and scones, but he also had a plate of celery, peanut butter and three boxes of raisins.

She then watches as Reginald gets out a butter knife, digs into the peanut butter and places said peanut butter on each celery stick.

If that weren’t bad enough, he opens a box of raisins and sprinkles them on top of the peanut butter covered celery sticks.

Then he proceeded to take one from his plate and munch on it with all his might.

This made Alice almost sick to her stomach just to watch him eat this weird concoction he made up.

Son Reginald notices Alice watching him and swallows his snack before lifting his plate of raisin and peanut butter covered celery sticks to her.

“Want one, Cricket?” He asks smiling his toothy smile.

Alice simply humphed and said “no thank you Mr. Theophilus!”

“The Third!” He interjected before putting down his plate.

“Besides how can you eat such a odd meal such as that?!” Alice states in disgust.

“What this?”Reginald says pointing to his plate. “Why it’s only ants on a log!”

“Ants on a what now?”

“Ants on a log, my grandmother used to make me these as an after school snack when I was a boy,” he explained “they are both delicious and nutritious!”

Reginald soon picks up another one of the celery stick and crunches into it, making Alice shutter in disgust.

“Besides they have to be better than those plain cucumber sandwiches your eating there, love!” He states pointing to her plate of small sandwiches.

“They certainly are not!” Alice interjected. “I had these all the time at tea parties when I was a girl and they were delicious and best of all less messy than your silly little snack!”

“Well,” he says finishing his stick “ how do you know if you don’t like them if you don’t try them, Cricket?!” He mocks.

“Well,” she says flustered “how do you know if you don’t like my sandwiches if you don’t try them too!” Alice mocks back.

Soon, Reginald taps his mouth with a napkin, lifts his plate and serves it to Alice.

“Care to put your money where your mouth is then, my little tea cake?!” He smirks with a Cheshire grin.

“What?!” She questions.

“How about this, dear Alice! If you try my celery sticks and I have one of your sandwiches, we will both see who is right and who is chicken!” He states. “Whoever can eat the others snack without hesitation wins!”

“And wins what exactly?” Alice asks.

Reginald then thought for a moment until finally, a brilliant idea came on in his brain.

“If I win, you have to let me combine my picnic with your picnic and spend the rest of the time here with me!” He states.

“And if you lose?” Alice asks with her arms folded across her chest.

“I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the week!” He says.

Of course, Alice isn’t one to gamble but not having Reginald bother her for a week was just too good to pass on.

“You got yourself a deal!” She says and shakes Reginald’s hand.

Both soon got a piece of each other’s snack and looked at each other.

“Ok,” Reginald says “ladies first!”

Alice gulps then lifts the peanut butter And raisin covered celery up to her mouth. Her hand is shaking, she looks to Reginald who smirks his devilish smirk as he watches her.

“Ugh I can’t do it!” She yells and puts it down.

Soon Reginald takes the sandwich in his hands and before Alice knew it, eats it whole with no hesitation what so ever.

He victoriously pats his mouth with a napkin and gives another smirk to Alice.

“I guess this means I win, Cricket!” He states mockingly.

Alice was shocked at how easily he ate it “But..but ....but how? You said...”

“I said they were plain to me,” he states fixing up his picnic to mix with hers “ I never said I never had one!”

“YOU....YOU CHEATED!YOU REPTILE,YOU YOU UNHOLY NEANDERTHAL!!!!”Alice exclaims in anger.

“No I didn’t, Cricket!” Reginald states “All I said was if you try my celery sticks and I have one of your sandwiches, we will both see who is right and who is chicken!”

“I...I..” Alice started to say until she realized there was nothing to be done. After all, her father had always said to never back out of a promise that you make to someone. Although in this case, she wished she could.

Through out the picnic, though at first it was a little awkward, eventually it became quite pleasant when Reginald and Alice talked about her poetry book.

“Well personally, my favorite author would be Oscar Wilde because of my heritage.” Reginald said lying on the blanket next to her with his hat over his face and his arms behind his head.

“Wait your Irish?!”Alice said surprised.

“Yes,”Reginald says “and Scottish so by the time I get to heaven I’ll probably see my ancestors in the middle of a fight between clans.”

Alice laughed at the though of both his family’s battling it out on those fluffy clouds with their brogue accents.

“So, can you speak Celtic and Gaelic then?” Alice asked.

“Eh a little here and there depending on which one I do!” He says.

“Which one do you speak better in?”

“Well,” he says sitting up from his former position. “ I do remember a few words in Scottish Gaelic .”

“Could you speak some!” Alice said excitedly until she gains her composure “um please.” She responds dignified once more.

“Well,” the Hatter says blushing at her excitement “Alright!”

Reginald then thinks for a moment then finds the right words to say, clears his throat and says “tha gaol agam air mo nighean blonde.”

“What does that mean?” Alice said confused.

“It means I love my blonde lass, my dear cricket!” He says smiling with his goofy smile at Alice who is blushing. They gaze at each other as they sat there in silence that is until

Alice sees the sun is setting and quickly gets up.

“OHDEARLOOKATTHETIMEIBESTBEGOING!” She says in a panic as she picks up all her things “ WELL LOVELY PICNIC MR.THEOPHILUS!”

“The third!” Reginald interjects.

They soon shake hands and Alice leaves Reginald on the hill at his own private picnic and as she walked away she hears in the distance “I had a good time mo nighean blonde!” Still she does not look back but merely walks away.

Back at her estate, she tries ever so hard to gain her composure of the events that occurred.

“We have discussed this Alice!” She scolded herself. “He is not right for you! He’s silly and delusional and and and...” suddenly those words he said in the robust Scottish brogue filled her head again.

“Oh curse that Scottish accent!” She says to herself and goes into the kitchen and washes the dishes, along with her sense,for the rest of the evening.

The End

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

[ellaofoakhill]

Allmom AU Update #7: Where No One Finds Out Anything Important at All

7. Where No One Finds Out Anything Important at All

 A grin spread across Mitsuki’s face the second Inko walked through the restaurant door.

“Uh, hey,” Inko said as she sat down.

“‘Hey’?!” Mitsuki said. “You are going out with All—whatever, that’s not important.” She looked around for a waiter. “Dish. Lunch is on me.”

“He’s been coming once a week to give me updates on Izuku for the past month,” Inko said, her face growing hot, “we got along well, so we decided to try dating. I was going to tell you when I was sure we were a thing!”

“Too bad he’s not a muscle-man anymore, eh?” The waiter came around, and they gave him their orders.

“He gave everything fighting the villain that levelled half of Kamino Ward, Mitsuki,” Inko said, “give him a break.”

Mitsuki shrugged. “So now he wants to settle down. I don’t really blame him.”

“Settle—” Inko spluttered, “we’ve been on precisely one date!”

“Fair enough. You mentioned he’s well-educated,” Mitsuki said, “does he like philosophers too? That’s something of a deal-breaker with you, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry I think about things besides which famous people are boinking each other, and golf!” Inko hissed, failing to keep her temper in check.

Mitsuki’s grin widened at “boinking”, but she held up her hands. “I just wanted to know exactly how my best friend found herself at dinner opposite Japan’s number one hero. The intimate details are none of my business.”

Inko breathed a sigh of relief. Sort of. “Thank you, Mitsuki.”

“I’ll have to make myself a hypocrite, however,” Mitsuki said, “since I do have a personal question.” She leaned forward. “Are you going to tell him about Kimeru-chan?”

Inko rubbed the back of her head. “Well… he’s… kind of… a f-fan.”

Mitsuki blanked for a full second before she started cackling. “That is perfect!” she said, smacking the table.

“It is a little ironic,” Inko said, her cheeks getting hot.

“Okay, okay,” Mitsuki said, raising a hand. “I’m happy for you, whether I’m acting like it or not.  If you want to talk, you can. Or not, it’s your call.”

“Thanks.” They talked about little things after that, jobs and husbands, kids and hobbies. Inko could feel the restraint Mitsuki needed to keep from peppering her with questions. It wasn’t much better than a straight-up interrogation.

“The Kimeru-chan question only occurred to me,” Mitsuki said as she and Inko walked home after, “because Katsuki and his friends from school were apparently talking about her. I didn’t tell him everything, but I gave him enough to satisfy his curiosity.”

“Oh.” Inko said. “Wait, did they listen to a recording or something?”

Mitsuki shrugged. “Maybe. Why—oh. Does Izuku not know?”

Inko shook her head. “I left the music side of my life behind a long time ago, and he never had much use for poetry.”

“Well,” Mitsuki looked up at the sky, “considering where things could go with All Might retired, we may need some inspiring music in the days ahead.”

 (two weeks-ish later)

 “Oh, the baby gorilla was so cute!” Ochako said, bouncing from one foot to the other. “Did you see how she smacked the silverback over the head?”

“And he started playing a game with her, where she chased and he ran,” Ashido said, mimicking the silverback exactly. Hagakure laughed.

“I liked the flamingos more,” Kyoka said, licking one half of a twin-pop.

“Because they’re gay,” Tsu-chan said, grinning.

Yaoyorozu, licking the other half, took Kyoka’s hand. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Kyoka-chan, you should do a flamingo mating dance for Yao-momo.” Ochako and Ashido both sprayed their drinks over the railing. Yaoyorozu turned toward the next enclosure, her ears red.

“I cannot believe we got the day off,” Hagakure said. “And right near the end of summer. This is so awesome!”

“Aizawa Sensei said there was a major scheduling error, and the third-year class needed the TDL more,” Yaoyorozu said. “We should really be studying, I guess.”

“We’ve been studying for weeks!” Ashido said, running ahead to the tropical bird exhibit. “I need a break or my antennae are gonna fall off!”

“It is nice to go out and do something not hero-related for a change,” Ochako said.

“Hey, are we going inside the tropical house?” Tsu-chan said. “I want to see the poison-arrow frogs.”

“They are quite lovely,” Yaoyorozu said as she went through the door Kyoka held for her. “Like they’re made of glass.”

It was hot inside the tropical house, which really should’ve been obvious in hindsight. Ochako dabbed at the humidity condensing on her forehead. And then did a double-take. She tapped Tsu-chan on the shoulder.

“Oh. Who knew All Might Sensei liked birds, too?”

The others noticed where they were staring. “Should we say hello?” Yaoyorozu said, “Or leave him alone on his day off?”

That question was answered as the crowd parted. Ochako had met Mrs. Midoriya when Deku had invited herself and Iida over to his house to study. She’d been quite nice. She had not been holding hands with the Symbol of Peace, however.

“Who’s that?” Ashido said a little too loudly. All Might and Mrs. Midoriya both looked. Mrs. Midoriya looked like a deer caught in the headlights, her face reddening by the second. All Might spat what was either his drink or some blood.

The pair approached them. Ochako completely blanked. If someone had asked what her Quirk was, she couldn’t have told them.

“Hello, girls,” All Might said, wiping at his mouth. “I’d heard your class got the day off. There was a scheduling error?” His voice rose a couple of octaves as he spoke.

“Yes,” Kyoka said, recovering her powers of speech first. “We thought we’d go to the zoo and relax before we went back to work.” She bowed to Mrs. Midoriya. “All Might Sensei is one of our teachers.”

“Oh!” Mrs. Midoriya appeared to be slowly grinding into motion too. “You’re Izuku’s classmates, right?”

Ochako heard five brains stall in perfect synchrony. “Mrs. Midoriya, it’s good to see you again!” Ochako all but shouted, bowing so low she almost touched her toes. She heard a few errant squawks from the birds around them.

“I’m Asui Tsuyu,” Tsu-chan also bowed. She turned to All Might. “Is this why—”

“No, no,” All Might said. “We only met a couple months ago. Young Midoriya made an impression on me long before that.”

“Um,” Mrs. Midoriya said, “if you’d like to talk we can talk, but I’d appreciate it if none of you could mention this to Izuku.” She shared a look with All Might. “We want to make sure we’re a good fit before he finds out.”

“Yeah, telling him All Might is going to be his new daddy isn’t something you tell Midoriya-chan prematurely,” Tsu-chan said.

All Might laughed so hard he coughed up more blood. Mrs. Midoriya pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to him. “He decorated his room the same as at home?”

There were a few snorts. “Yup.”

“We were going to grab lunch after this,” All Might said, taking Mrs. Midoriya’s hand. “Would you care to join us?”

“That sounds lovely, thank you,” Yaoyorozu said. Ochako was pretty sure, along with the other girls, that she didn’t absorb much of the tropical house; there was too much weirdness for that. The idea of All Might and Deku’s mother as an item was… unexpected. But as she saw and heard the two interact, it got slightly less weird. All Might as the somewhat nervous, doting gentleman was cute, even if he was a skeleton, and Mrs. Midoriya was clearly on cloud nine.

As they finished in the tropical house, Tsu-chan nudged Ochako. “Hey, Ochako-chan, do we want to ask Mrs. Midoriya about Kimeru-chan?”

Ochako smacked her fist into her palm. “You’re right, this is perfect!” She looked at the others. “But let’s keep it quiet. We don’t want to put Mrs. Midoriya on the spot.” Tsu-chan nodded.

Ochako sidled over to Mrs. Midoriya. “Um, Mrs. Midoriya?”

“Yes, Miss Uraraka?”

“Do you—,” she lowered her voice, “are you Kimeru-chan?”

Mrs. Midoriya almost fell over, dragging All Might with her. Fortunately, Ochako just tapped the pair of them and made them weightless.

“What’s wrong?” All Might said, taking Mrs. Midoriya’s hand in both of his. “Are you alright?”

“Y-yes,” Mrs. Midoriya said. “I just tripped is all. Go on ahead with the other girls, I think Miss Uraraka has a personal question for me.”

All Might nodded, and asked the girls what they wanted to eat, letting them lead the way. Once they were a suitable distance ahead, Mrs. Midoriya started speaking.

“I am.”

“And Deku didn’t know.”

“Right.” Mrs. Midoriya blinked and looked at Ochako. “What do you mean ‘didn’t’?”

“Oh, um,” Ochako ran a hand through her hair, “All Might Sensei told us about ‘Remember the Sun’, he said he found it really inspiring when he was young. So we found a recording online, and Deku recognized your voice.”

“Twenty-nine years ago and he recognized me.” Mrs. Midoriya rubbed her face. “Oh, that boy has good ears. Find someone who listens half as well as he does, Miss Uraraka, and you’ll have a fine partner someday.”

Ochako blushed to her roots. “Y-yeah.”

Mrs. Midoriya arched an eyebrow, and a ghost of a smile spread across her face. “I’ve been finding out the last little while that, at the end of the day, don’t worry about what people look like or what they have, or even what they can do. All you need to worry about is how you feel about them, how they feel about you, and how you treat each other.” Ochako followed her gaze; All Might was taking some sunflower seeds he’d just bought and spreading them for the birds. “And take as much time as you need. I remember feeling that everything moved so fast at your age, but move at your own pace. Rushing things will ruin them if you aren’t careful.”

“Th-thank you,” Ochako said, “I’ll remember that.”

Mrs. Midoriya snorted. “Listen to me, dating for less than two months and acting like I know everything.”

“Well, it’s still good advice,” Ochako said.

They resumed walking. “So how is Izuku doing?” Mrs. Midoriya. “I always hear the school’s side of things, but how well does he get on with his classmates?”

“Pretty well,” Ochako said, relaxing now she was fairly sure she was on safe ground. “He’s incredible at solving problems and he’s always coming up with new inventive ways to use his Quirk. Everyone in class who doesn’t see him as a rival looks up to him.”

Mrs. Midoriya smiled. “That’s good. I thought he must be working hard if he could catch All Might’s attention.”

Ochako nodded. “He’s really strong, and even when it’s tough, or he loses, he just gets back up and tries again. I…” she chuckled, “I kind of wish I could be more like that.”

Mrs. Midoriya hmmed an affirmative. “I’m always a bit scared for him, especially with such a dangerous Quirk. But I am glad he’s happy and helping others so much.” She seemed lost in her own thoughts for a moment.

“Did Deku ever tell you about the entrance exam?” Ochako said as they approached the table.

“He thought he’d failed it,” Mrs. Midoriya said as she sat next to All Might. “What happened?”

Between them, the girls explained how the practical portion of the entrance exam worked. “I thought I was doing pretty good,” Ochako said, “until this enormous robot—the same one as the bunch that showed up at the sports festival—came at us. It was huge! It tore down buildings and ripped the street to pieces just going by! Everyone was trying to run away from it in the chaos, but I tripped and some rubble trapped my leg.” She shivered. “I was so desperate I didn’t even notice Deku until there was this huge whoosh and he was flying at it just like All Might!” Said All Might rubbed the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face. “A second later, and he just punched it straight in the face! Knocked it flying back! He was barely a dot in the sky, it was so huge, but he knocked it right over!” Ochako was about to tell the rest of the story, but realized who she was telling it to. “He saved me,” she finished.

“He does rush in without thinking sometimes, though,” Yaoyorozu said.

“Well,” Kyoka said, “sometimes when you’re in a crisis, you don’t have time to think. That’s part of our schooling, right? Getting the good reactions so quick and ingrained we don’t have to think?”

“Exactly right,” All Might said. “This is why there’s a lot of repetition. It might seem boring, but it can save many lives if you can do it without having to remember.”

Ochako glanced at Tsu-chan. Had All Might improved as a teacher, or was it just her?

“I’m glad Midoriya-chan isn’t Quirkless,” Tsu-chan said.

“Why’s that?” Mrs. Midoriya said.

“If he ran into a dangerous situation with no Quirk and no training, he’d be more danger than help.”

Mrs. Midoriya sipped her drink. “Yes,” she said, “I suppose that’s true.”

[kivaember]

Tumblr Prompt: Memory with a relative

(I accidentally answered private to @lumei-xiv because i’m a fucking moron so pls imagine this as a reply to an ask with the prompt: Memory with a relative

CW: mental health’s discussed quite a bit in this) 

Sometimes, Bluebird felt so out of her depth with the hot mess that was her brother.

It was three in the morning and they were both sitting in the far corner of the Forgotten Knight. Only the hardcore alcoholics and depressed assholes were still mooching about here, keeping quietly to their own tables. It smelled like shitty ale and smoke and Bluebird hated it. She just hated Ishgard in general, with how it was grinding Aza’s spirit into dust and fucking them over with new dramatic shit at each turn. Aza had been getting better when they came to Eorzea, and now…

Her brother always had a drinking problem, but it was manageable. They just made sure to have one of them soberish with him at all times, and they weren’t afraid to wrestle him away from the bottle and bundle him into bed to sleep it off. This time Aza just… well, he’d been drinking, but Bluebird had no idea how much. She just found him like this, sitting at the table holding a half full tankard of ale and just staring at nothing. He hadn’t said a word when she sat down next to him, and he still hadn’t said a word or even moved after her staring at him for the past hour.

She recognised this behaviour, though she hadn’t seen it in a good, long while. When Aza was upset enough, he just… shut off. He blocked everything out and disappeared inside his fucked-up brain, thinking up fucked up things, and coming to fucked up conclusions that were so wildly wrong and damaging that Bluebird just wanted to beat him around the head until she smacked the illogical crazy out of him.

Even after all these years, seeing him at his worst, at his best, she just didn’t understand him. She couldn’t predict his moods or thoughts. One day he’d be fine, then something would just set him off and he’d brood or get quiet or weird and snappish, and it drove her nuts. It wasn’t his fault, though, she knew that. He tried his best, he had coping mechanisms, and they worked most of the time, but other times he had unhealthy coping mechanisms, and just tried to destroy himself and it was… exhausting to try and keep up.

Bluebird had no idea how he was keeping up with it.

It was a little after three when Aza stirred out of his blank staring, and Bluebird smiled tightly when his unfocused gaze slid over to her. “Oh,” he rasped, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Bluebird said breezily, acting like nothing was wrong. This was normally the best way to go, she found, even if she had to smile with gritted teeth and clenched hands, “Rough day?”

Aza made some vague, incoherent noise in the back of his throat, “Yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Aza looked back at his tankard and said nothing.

Bluebird took in a slow, deep breath, “Okay.”

She refused to sit here in silence again, though. Telegraphing her movements, she scooted her chair towards him, letting the legs scrape noisily over the floor. A few of the loser drunkards gave her irritated looks, but like she gave a fuck what they thought. Aza was looking at her irritably too, which she liked, because it was better than that creepy, blank staring. Irritated Aza was an aware Aza.

“Could you be any noisier?” he muttered.

“Yes,” Bluebird said, settling her chair next to his with a triumphant clatter. She bared her teeth in a wide smile at Aza’s wince, his ears flicking back, “Do you want me to do it louder? I can go back and do it again.”

“Don’t,” Aza groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked drained, “What time’s it?”

“Three or four in the morning, thereabouts,” Bluebird rested an elbow on the table, her cheek pressing against an upturned palm as she observed her brother with heavy-lidded eyes, “You were doing that creepy staring again.”

“It’s not creepy,” Aza said, abruptly pushing his tankard away. Bluebird quickly claimed it for herself, before he changed his mind and decided to chug the whole thing. He looked… alarmingly sober, “And I was… thinking. Deeply.”

“Hmmm…” Bluebird dragged the sceptical hum out, “About?”

“Nothing.”

“You were thinking deeply about… nothing,” Bluebird drawled, “Geeze, Aza, are you saying you’ve got just empty air in between those hairy ears of yours?”

Aza grimaced, and Bluebird smiled a little more sincerely at the childish expression. He hated walking into traps like those.

“C’mon, tell me,” she ordered.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Aza said snippily.

Bluebird poked him in the ribs, carefully gauging his mood. Normally it was difficult to tell if he was in a ‘I will break your hand if you so much as exist in my close proximity’ mood or ‘ugh I’m not in the mood but fine I’ll tolerate you because I love you for some inexplicable reason’ mood until one made physical contact and had to rapidly save their fingers from being broken. Luckily Aza just glowered tiredly at her. Tolerable mood, then.

“Tell me,” she poked him again, grinning when Aza’s upper lip curled enough to bare very sharp fangs at her. It was like baiting an ill-tempered dog, she loved it. But, there was a time and place for Aza-baiting, and now wasn’t it, sadly, “Or I’ll start guessing.”

Aza watched her warily but said nothing.

“Fine,” Bluebird sat back in her seat, tapping her bottom lip. What had happened recently? Too many things, honestly. There was Estinien running for the hills without so much as saying goodbye. Thancred was back, edgier and broodier than ever, and so was Y’shtola, except now blind. Minfillia was one hundred per cent dead (in Bluebird’s expert opinion when someone says ‘she no longer has a physical body as she now serves as the Mothercrystal’s voice’, it’s pretty much the same as ‘she’s pretty fucking dead, bro’). Haurchefant had also joined the Dead Peoples Club, which was a shame because she never got a chance to rematch that arm-wrestling contest with him and win back her title as Having The Buffest Arms In Ishgard. The Warriors of Darkness were now a thing, being edgy tryhards and interrupting sexy dinner dates with sexy Lord Commanders…

Hmmm.

“Those Warriors of Darkness sure are cringey, huh?” she tried, “They’re so transparently bad at being, well, bad.”

Aza’s shoulders relaxed a fraction – damn, her blind shot missed, but she was rewarded with her brother’s mouth curving into a very amused smile, “You think so too? I almost gave myself an aneurysm rolling my eyes at them. So edgy.”

“Clearly not natural born villains like us,” Bluebird scoffed, “You’re more menacing after just waking up with serious bed hair.”

“Crisp says I’m a monster before morning coffee.”

“Ugh, a bitey monster,” Bluebird muttered, bearing many scars on her wrists and hands when she, in her stupid youth, thought it was fun to bait a just awakened Aza. She very quickly learned otherwise, “But they, uh, don’t bother you?”

Aza shook his head and started picking at a scratch on the table, “Well, they do, but… compared to Nidhogg imminently burninating the entirety of Ishgard…”

“Point,” Bluebird said slowly, narrowing her eyes – she skirted close to what was bothering him then, she could sense it, “They haven’t really done that much to us, have they? Well, they almost poisoned Alisaie, yeah, and interrupted your dinner date with the Lord Commander-”

There. Aza twitched.

Bluebird grinned broadly, “That’s it, isn’t it? The dinner date.”

“Bluebird,” Aza said in a very strained tone, “Drop it, please.”

“No,” she dug her heels in, scenting blood. When Bluebird saw weakness, she went for it no matter what, “Now, let me think on why you would be sitting here, sulking-”

“I’m not sulking!”

“-after having a dinner date with the hottest bachelor in Ishgard. From what I heard, you two were having a good time… even flirting, according to some…”

“Bluebird,” Aza hissed, starting to go a rather damning shade of pink. Bluebird’s grin eased into a very lazy smirk.

The thing was, while Bluebird didn’t understand Aza, she did know him. While she couldn’t follow the fucked up twists to his mind to see how he came to his stupid conclusions, she could kind of guess things or recognise certain behaviours and tells. This… the last time she saw him like this was when he and Haurchefant got half-drunk and slept together, and Aza had a near meltdown when he realised he liked him. Really liked him.

Aza was fine with casual flings… in a way. He was very particular, and only on certain days when he was in certain moods, but he did have casual sex. But that was it: it was casual. Anything resembling a relationship was treated as some terrifying thing that needed to be handled like it was an unstable bomb. Aza had too many issues to pin it on one specific thing, but long story short he had a veritable cocktail of traumas and issues that meant Aza and romantic relationships were as compatible as oil and water.

Still, Aza got cravings, she supposed. Everyone had a desire to be loved and cherished, even abused, scared children like him.

“He seems decent and he really likes you,” she said, gentling her tone, “I bet he’s the kind to write disgusting love poetry though.”

Aza looked away from her, putting his elbows on the edge of the table and burying his face in his hands.

“I can’t,” he whispered into his palms.

“Why can’t you?” Bluebird asked, then grimaced because she could think of several reasons why, “I mean, aside from the obvious stuff like, he’s the Lord Commander and blah blah blah?”

Aza dropped his hands, puffing out a short breath as he muttered, “Those are pretty big reasons why.”

“Well, yeah…” Bluebird trailed off. Right, the Lord Commander was more firmly in the public eye than Haurchefant ever was. While one could ignore what some bastard son of a noble was doing under his own roof out in the frozen countryside, the Lord Commander was always scrutinised and needed to keep a very impeccable reputation what with his opponents keen to sling mud at him. Taking a Miqo’te to bed would… ruin that, wouldn’t it?

“Just drop it,” Aza said, looking so worn down at the edges that Bluebird didn’t have the heart to needle him further, “I know it won’t go anywhere. So, don’t… please don’t speak to me about it anymore.”

Bluebird hesitated. It kind of rubbed her wrong to let Aza give up before he even tried but, she was also painfully aware that pursing Aymeric would hurt him too, if it went all wrong. Aymeric clearly liked him, you’d have to be fucking blind to miss the looks he gave Aza, the way his voice dropped an octave when he spoke to him – but Aymeric was also so utterly devoted to Ishgard that he was willing to kill his best friend to save it. If Aymeric had to choose a potential romance with the Warrior of Light, and serving Ishgard, Bluebird knew which one he’d choose.

Maybe it was for the best, for Aza to give up on this one?

This was so beyond her abilities to puzzle out, Bluebird thought exhaustedly. It was too early in the morning to try and figure it out. She’ll hassle Crisp with it later…

“Fine, I’ll drop it,” she said, mentally tacking on for now.

After all, while she was out of her depth dealing with Aza’s bullshit, that didn’t mean she shirked from it. As frustrating and confusing he could be, he was still her little brother… one that she genuinely wished to see happily in love with someone so they could help him out too. Bluebird was just one woman here, and she could only satisfy his emotional needs in one way. So, maybe, they could try with Aymeric...? Possibly, if she...

“C’mon,” she said, nudging her brother’s shoulder, “Let’s get you to bed. You can cry over your pitiful love life tomorrow.”

“Tactful as ever,” Aza grumbled, but he looked relieved at her dropping the issue.

How cute. If only he knew what she had planned.

[taaroko]

Post-IW MCU Rewatch: Avengers: Age of Ultron

Time for the Long Weekend of Ultron. If you’re looking for a negative review, this will not be that. Maybe I am easily satisfied, but I dislike zero of the MCU movies. As long as characters I love are onscreen and being awesome and especially when they’re interacting with other characters I love, I’m going to end up with overall positive experience. That being said, this movie is my least favorite in which Thor appears, and it’s probably close to the bottom of my ranking.

I saw a post yesterday pointing out that this is the only movie in which Thor uses lethal force against humans. In the opening sequence when they’re taking down the latest in a long series of Hydra bases, he’s wasting a bunch of dudes without hesitating. Like the person who made that post, I’m pretty sure Thor is not cool with your fascist BS, especially if he knows that they love using Norse symbolism.

Is this the only time Steve uses his motorcycle as a projectile? Because I kind of think it’s not, but I can’t remember for sure. 

“Can we hold them?” “They’re the Avengers!”

I love Thor and Cap’s combo moves so much.

“Good talk!” “No it wasn’t.”

“Please be a secret door please be a secret door please be a secret door—yay!”

The lullaby is always going to be hilarious now.

Well that was an extremely effective way of activating Tony’s guilt complex.

What’s Wanda’s deal? She saw what Tony saw, right? She knows Tony’s greatest fear is failing to stop an alien invasion and Earth’s destruction—of surviving all of that while his friends don’t (ooooouch). Is she already doubting the plan, or what?

“Tales of sprained deltoids and...gout.” Thor is so very wonderfully bad at backtracking from a foot-in-mouth moment.

Oh wow, Tony asked Thor for permission to keep the Scepter long enough to check it out before he’d take it back to Asgard.

“Will...Thor be there?” SAME, GIRL.

“We don’t have time for a City Hall debate.” This is the last time Tony will be so averse to oversight.

Okay so I’m confused. Did Tony recycle part of an interface Hydra was building? Because that would kind of explain how it ended up thinking humanity was too defective to be allowed to live?

Ultron killing JARVIS hurts so much worse than I ever would’ve expected it to hurt to watch an electronic butler get killed.

Thor is telling a bunch of old veterans war stories! That’s so great!

“This was aged for a thousand years in the barrels built from the wreck of Brunnhilde’s fleet. It is not meant for mortal men.” Wait a second. Brunnhilde? As in, Valkyrie from Ragnarok? Seriously? She gets a name in this movie but not the one she’s actually in? But it’s pretty cool they made kegs out of her ships. I’m assuming this wreck happened before the disastrous attack on Hela, which means Brunnhilde could probably decide how to repurpose all the wood. Barrels of mead definitely sounds like something she’d sign off on.

Also does this mead get Steve drunk? I feel like it should at least be able to do that. And it’s great that Thor hands some to him in the same breath that he says it’s not for mortals. He thinks very highly of Steve.

I wonder how often Steve hangs around with old veterans.

I’m completely fine with Bruce/Natasha. ...But my ship is Bucky/Nat.

Hehe, it’s Steve’s turn to be Natasha’s wingman.

The hammer scene is fantastic.

I saw a review thing where someone talked about how there’s a stupid gag where Bruce’s face lands on Nat’s boobs, and I couldn’t for the life of me remember what that was. Well I just found it, and...that is not how you play something like that for cheap laughs. They don’t linger on it, they don’t make risqué comments. Nat is so not bothered by it that she doesn’t even acknowledge his apology, and Bruce doesn’t even seem that embarrassed. Nat is entirely focused on making sure what’s happening around them isn’t enough to make him hulk out.

Okay yeah, Ultron went straight back to the Hydra facility after they killed all his Iron Legion bodies, which definitely makes me think they used some of Hydra’s interface to make him. And I think Tony was so willing to do it because of how Wanda messed with his brain, cranking up the paranoia about alien threats.

Thor is not happy that Tony spent the time he graciously allowed him before taking the scepter back to Asgard messing around with it like this.

Is it weird for Andy Serkis to play human characters after doing so many mo-cap roles?

“Keep your friends rich and your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which.”

Ultron has so far talked about evolution, quoted scripture, and quoted famous poetry. He’s gotten remarkably cultured already, and he’s let it make him super pretentious.

I’m pretty sure they realized going in that they were never going to top Days of Future Past’s version of Quicksilver, so they didn’t really try and then also killed him off so they wouldn’t have to. But where that Quicksilver is ridiculously fun, this one has more emotional weight. And an arc.

Okay. So I think Wanda tapped into Tony’s fears (born from his glimpse through the portal) and Thor’s slight aptitude for foresight (as indicated in his dreams of Asgard burning in Ragnarok). Steve has neither of those things, and she made him see a messed up version of the past he wishes he could go back to. She made Nat see the past she regrets, and she just made Bruce hulk out. I don’t think Wanda herself has any ability to see the future.

Oh hey, Wolfram & Hart are in Thor’s dream.

Also foreshadowing to his level up in lightning powers. Hmmm. I wonder if Heimdall’s warning is that Ragnarok will pave the way for Thanos.

The entire Veronica sequence is awesome. But the best part is Tony’s jackhammer punches/Chinese finger trap. Also Tony’s face after Hulk spits out a tooth.

The wind down of the fight is the origin of “Earth hate Hulk.” Aww.

I do not understand the hate Clint’s family gets. I could not have been happier to discover that the reason he doesn’t have a girlfriend is that he has a wife and kids. Statistically, it’s nice that at least one Avenger has a family. It’s okay for there to be a stay-at-home mom somewhere in the MCU. And it’s wonderful that Natasha has kind of been adopted by the Barton family.

Thor and Steve’s faces during the whole bit where Thor steps on a toy house are hilarious. Awwwwwwwww Thor left because he’s worried he’s a danger to them, because of his vision! That’s so sad!

Ooh, was that the first time Clint’s been called Hawkeye in the movies?

I don’t understand the vitriol against Natasha’s attitude about being sterilized as a young teenager. That moment was the rite of passage that sealed her role as a KGB assassin. To her, it is symbolic of everything she did for them and gave up for them. And it’s their philosophy that motherhood could compromise an agent, not the movie’s. This doesn’t mean she wishes she could be Laura Barton. She plays all these different roles and weaves all these different lies because it makes it easier to hide from her past, and Wanda just brought that all back to the surface. She’s allowed to be upset that she let a hostile government agency mutilate her and limit her options for the future. It’s tragic, not problematic, that she, as the sum of her entire past, considers herself monstrous. This is just more “I’ve got red in my ledger.” And she’s a little bit playing this up because she wants Bruce to stop fighting what they could have together. She doesn’t want him thinking something like that she deserves more than someone like him.

You don’t have a dark side, Steve. Don’t be silly. But here are sown the seeds of Civil War. Winter Soldier has made Steve very opposed to using force as a preventative measure, and it has also made him very mistrustful of putting someone else in charge, but now Tony’s giving him reasons not to trust him either. For Steve, there will never be a time to retire. This is why I’m convinced he’ll die in Avengers 4, and why I desperately hope Tony will be allowed to retire.

“I need your help. It’s dangerous.” In the deleted scenes, yeah.

“Guy’s multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit.” *snort*

Clint’s darts game is great.

“Hoo, I’m decrypting nuclear codes and you don’t want me to.”

What is this power Ultron has to make big chunks of stuff move? Is it magnetic? Because that wouldn’t explain him moving chunks of road.

Bruce and Tony interacting is so great.

AHAHA! There’s a reason Ultron didn’t do something obvious like launch all the nukes! JARVIS was stopping him! JARVIS’s surviving protocols were making sure he didn’t do everything you’d expect an AI with internet access to be able to do. Okay. Biggest plot hole isn’t actually a plot hole. Boom. However I do think that Ultron’s plan to destroy the Earth meteor style was part of his melodramatic god complex personality.

Ultron 3.0 looks awful. Should’ve streamlined a bit. He looks like he’s on steroids.

I very much do not like that Vision can fly without visible means of propulsion. It looks doofy. And Vision is a doofy name. However, points for taking Thor as inspiration when it comes to style.

Not a fan of Clint’s weird tunic/coat thing. Would’ve worked better if there was a belt.

Wow I never realized how often “monster” gets tossed around in this movie. Nat, Bruce, Vision, the Avengers collectively. Even Cap makes a joke, “What kind of monster would let a German scientist experiment on him?” This movie is pretty much asking if they have any right to do what they do. If they’re a menace or a benefit. In the end, the answer is pretty unclear. They did kinda make Ultron. They save the world from him and come out with Vision and Wanda on the team, so it’s probably a net gain, but the Sokovia Accords are an extremely understandable consequence. Wanda has that dilemma herself. She thought she had to destroy the Avengers to save the world, and she nearly destroyed the world by helping Ultron, but then she helped save it by defeating him. At great personal cost.

Yay another Thor+Cap combo move!

Pietro is so petty and obnoxious to Hawkeye, and it’s great.

Aww it’s the nerdy guy from Winter Soldier! And thankfully he survives this movie.

“I am Thor, son of Odin, and as long as there is life in my breast...I am running out of things to say. Are you ready?” His grin is my favorite.

The Maximoffs are the most functional, affectionate siblings in the MCU. :/

The number of Ultron robots somewhat strains credulity. Also, why didn’t he just send one to go chill across the world as a failsafe? Ultron is kind of stupid.

Rhodey’s reaction to Vision is priceless.

Aaand there Hulk goes. Apparently through a portal to trash planet, eventually.

If the meta-narrative of the first Avengers was “Can this exist?”, then the meta-narrative of Ultron was “...But should it?” The answer to the first question is “Absolutely it can.” The answer to the second is “Only if it doesn’t get arrogant or reckless.” I think Infinity War’s question is “Can it keep getting bigger like this and still survive?” and Avengers 4 will determine the answer. My guess is that it’ll be “Not without sacrifice.”

Anyway, that “are we monsters” thing is pretty much the individual arc of most of the main characters—except Steve. He makes a reference to it, but he is constantly the voice of caution and reason and he’s the one who pushes for zero civilian casualties in the city. This is the beginning of “We don’t trade lives.” It’s okay to sacrifice yourself, but not to play a numbers game with other people’s lives. Steve is and always has been rock solid. He’s a good man. He trusts his instincts, and they are pretty much always right. But that means he can never stop. He never gets to rest.

Clint is the other character who doesn’t have an “am I a monster” arc. His arc is just the kinda adoptive dad thing he has with the Maximoffs, and us finding out so much more about his life. He’s trying to retire, like Tony, but he’s willing to die for this if he has to. (I hope he doesn’t. But if most or all of his family got Snaptured, then it’d kinda be okay, though devastating, for him to sacrifice himself so they could come back.)

Natasha, Bruce, Tony, and Thor all have the monster arc, and I think Vision is supposed to be the answer at least for Tony and Thor. They created something good. Natasha didn’t get the guy, though, because she betrayed him to get Hulk back for the battle. And Bruce lost big time.

Maybe the reason Ultron is so low on my ranking of MCU movies is that it’s kinda muddled. There are great character moments and the main theme is an important one for the MCU, but in the end we have a snarky, grandiose villain with an army of disposable soldiers (again, only the villain is waaaay less interesting than Loki), coupled with the same plot as “I Robot, You Jane,” one of the worst Buffy episodes of the entire series. (Demon ends up in the internet because of the negligent actions of the good guys, tries to get impressionable young people to work for it, has a robot body built for itself, then gets locked inside that body and out of the internet, then destroyed.) I think it got spread a bit thin trying to set things up for Phase 3, too. Setting up Wakanda, Ragnarok, Civil War, and even Infinity War. Maybe if it didn’t need to do all that, it could’ve been more focused.