#tangled lights frustration the struggle is real lol

[jennsch]

I was making some BG3 themed christmas cards and needed a quote

[fathertaurus]

A Nate Jacobs Blurb part 2

A/N: Here it is! The long awaited part 2 I’ve had so many of you ask for lol. I want to mention before reading that the opening scene takes place after an hour or two into the party scene and kinda just opens up on a random scene. I didn’t feel like there was any real need to make this super long as I only wrote the most definitive moment for these characters to carry the storyline along.

I hope to continue this story as I do have many ideas but anything I post will probably just continue to be written as installments such as this and the one previous to it, as I don’t want it to be my main line of work. I’m always coming up with new ideas and I don’t like simply having one on the forefront as it places to much pressure on writing.

Regardless I hope you enjoy!

a disclaimer: If you have seen the show Euphoria you know what the character Nate Jacobs is like and what he’s done. This is not me condoning the actions of this character--in fact, I urge you to view him as the bad guy he is when reading this. That’s how I wrote it, that’s what I wanted to portray because I’ve yet to write a character as such. Though his actions may not come off as terrible when reading this remember who he is written as and try and read it in that way. 

WARNINGS: alluded sexual assault, foul language 

The crystalize haze taking over her entire perception of reality right now was almost near blinding to what was happening. The alcohol and whatever that asshole had slipped into her drink had truly and officially taken its toll on her physical being, her vision and balance being hit the worst. Her body laid skewed across the pile of blankets and sheets, having little to no strength to even shuffle through them and find her way up. 

She couldn’t determine though if that was solely for the obvious roofie or also from the shock of watching Nate barge into the room—practically snapping the door off it’s hinges, and ripping Chris from atop of her before (with a speed she had never witnessed in her life) wrestling him out the door and down the hallway. 

Through it all though and the now busted open door she was able to make out the figures of everyone still filling the living room from her placement on the guest bed, the energy to move no longer permitted in her body but simply her eyes which watched with as much intent as they could muster up.

There was yelling, screaming, and a series of other loud noises, all echoing back to her a million times louder than they probably actually were. Figures moved in flashes and the lights burned into her skull as they danced across the catastrophe spilling all over Elias’ parents’ living room wood. Her hands were on her temples before she could even feel them, body making the intent of covering her ears to attempt to silence all the overstimulation.

Bleary eyed she breathed a deep sigh and tried to find herself, but that moment being ripped away as another set of yelling broke out, the shrills emitted from Nate himself. 

He was in the dead center of it all, hands (from what she could tell) wrapped around the throat of Chris Daniel’s as he looked to be throwing him to the floor. Followed by more commotion, a body hitting the floor—it looked to give the tall brunette new access to whomever’s torso, as he barreled his foot into it repeatedly. 

If only she wasn’t swimming her own vision, her own thoughts, maybe then she could truly make it all out. But the way that pill made her skin ripple over her bones and her own brain pound its way out of her skull was too much, focus was lost on her. 

Before she even had a choice to say or do otherwise her eyes slipped closed and she sunk into the abyss of her body again.

Though she was nearing unconsciousness her ears pricked up at the sound of approaching footsteps. They were distinctively heavy and almost mismatched—like the person was stumbling over their own two feet. 

Crossing the carpet until they were near her own body she could hear mumbling above her.

“God dammit.” 

Even in her current state she could recognize that voice, the one that belonged to the person who was just moments ago beating the life out of someone. Nate.

“Look at you.” He whispered. 

The feelings of hands along the sides of her hips heightened her senses for a split second, a whine rolling from the back of her lips as to protest. 

“Shh shh shh, it’s okay it’s okay.” The fingertips grasped at the length of her dress and slowly they pulled it back down-- the whole movement now familiar to a piece of her memory somewhere in the back of her mind, “You’re okay I promise.”

There was a brush of her hair out of her face, the touch cascading down her face to her shoulders where she could make little notice of her sleeves being pulled back up. 

Within seconds the same arms were now wrapped around her form and she was being lifted from the bed. The rocking of her motionless figure was the only distinctive thing she was able to recognize before sleep finally took her under in one vast swoop of both of her eyes shutting close. —————————

(POV SWITCH)

Swaying gently back and forth on his feet Nate turned the hall into her bedroom, careful to watch her head as he shuffled through the door. 

The memories of their infamous night flooded back to him instantly, but now as he carried her unconscious body to her bed, he was able to take in the details surrounding them. Her room was a light shade of blue, decorated with huge posters starring various artists and movie stars. 

It triggered a memory from a month or so ago. Sat around a lunch table only one over from her own he could vividly remember overhearing her and April Denavive discussing that Timothée Chalamet kid and how Y/N had such an affinity for him. 

”He was so incredible in Little Women, I swear I’d give anything to just hold his hand or something.” Nate from his seat could see that her rambles caused April to snort into her fruit cup, the red head shaking her head at her friend.

”God Y/N you’re such a virgin.” 

She made sure to swat at April’s arm, poking her finger into her side for sure measure, ”Oh fuck off.” 

April laughed aloud once more as she pushed back before managing to maneuver her arms around her friend, squeezing her in a tight embrace before pressing kisses to her cheeks. 

”No no no, it’s cute!” She gushed, “It’s cute how much you want to fuck that French boy but can’t work up the nerve to say it.”

”April! God--He’s American his dad is just French--oh you know what never mind I hate you.” “N-Nate?”

Returning back to reality Nate was almost startled at the sound of another voice, completely forgetting where he was for a moment. Drawing his eyes downward he found himself back in Y/N’s room, still hovering over her side.

“Shh,” he cooed, fingers tangling in the ends of her hair as he brushed them off of her forehead, admiring the array of glitter from her eyeshadow decorating her skin. It made her shine even brighter than how he always saw her. “You’re safe now..sleep.”

She rustled amongst her blankets, nose curling and eyebrows furrowing as she struggled, a huff following.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, instantly taking notice of her discomfort. She whined innocently, sitting herself up with her eyes still wired shut and began to tug at the sleeves of her dress. 

“Itchy,” She breathed another huff as she tore at the seems, “Need it...off.”

Nate’s entire demeanor shifted. He watched her meticulously as she pulled at the material until it was up and over her chest��but the poor drunk girl seemed to lose all momentum as her arms suddenly dropped, the dress now a mess sagging off of her neck. 

Another shrill moan echoed from Y/N, not having the energy to pull the rest of the dress off and expressing her frustrations. Nate waved her off.

“Shush, I’ve got it.” Reaching forward he pulled the rest of the dress up and off of her figure, careful to not get her earrings or hair caught, before tossing it to the side just shy of her hamper he noticed upon entrance into her room.

A deep, noticeable breath expelled from her lungs before she fell back amongst the pillows, body now severely bare to Nate—the only thing keeping her covered being her bra with a pair of matching panties around her hips. 

It was pink, the bra, lace yet exuded softness with its subtle tone of color and petite bow in the middle to add a touch of innocence. Her underwear resonated in the same way; they were different than Nate had pictured when his fingers grasped at them earlier that night. He was expecting something more revealing as was common with most girls at parties like that, or in high school in general. But they weren’t—they were form fitting, far from raunchy and bore a soft pink hue like her bra, which was different than the deep red he once imagined.

And it all looked so right on her.

Y/N had seemed to finally settle in her sheets, sleep overtaking her whole figure as she noticeably sank deeper into the mattress. Nate took that as his moment to breathe in, truly, the sight before him. 

His eyes nearly followed her every move with adamancy, in an effort to note every singular detail possibly manufactured by her sleeping frame that he could then later remember at his pleasing. 

“You are so,” his fingers traced down the length of her arm, watching as the touch triggered a wave of goosebumps even as she was unconscious; He smiled, “Perfect.” 

Drawing back he grasped at the blanket before tugging it up and over her body, covering her up to her chest. Tucking in the sides of the cover to her skin he rustled them until he deemed her absolutely comfortable and then took his place  at the flank of her bed once more. 

“And you are all mine.” -------------------------

A/N: Hope you enjoyed, send requests for more if you liked!

[the-cashewpeia]

Worthy (Takamine Midori x Reader)

Fandom: Ensemble Stars

Genre: Fluff, comfort

Words count: 1829

Request:

Note: This fic has become longer than I expected (as always lol), but I hope you enjoy it! ^^

🌠

The sun was shining brightly as ever, as well as the birds that chirped the melodious tune to anyone who heard them. It was a beautiful day, indeed.

As long as you weren't on the run, just like now.

"You sure take your time, senpai."

It was the greeting you heard when you arrived in front of an amusement park, trying to catch your breath.

"Well... hello there, Midori!" You grinned. He didn't reply, but you could hear him sighed. With annoyance or relief, or maybe both? But what mattered was that he came in the first place.

"Should we head in?" A smile plastered on your face, you reached your hand to him, as you asked him to do the same without even saying anything. But he was just ignoring you, and went ahead of himself to the ticket booth.

"Here's your ticket." He handed you one of the wristband tickets, before trying to wear it by himself.

To be honest, he was struggling with his ticket. And seeing him scrunched his brow like that made the urges to help him grow bigger. After all, lending a hand to your loved one was a natural thing to do, right?

Gripping your ticket in one hand, you snatched his ticket and gave the aid he needed. "There should be it!" You cheerfully beamed.

A quick and soft 'thank you' could be heard, before he copied your last action. Shock painted over your face, but it melted down as soon as you recognized a splash of faint red over his cheeks.

*

"Midori, should we go there?"

"Hm... yeah...."

It was your first date with the tall boy and everything seemed to be set in place. The weather wasn't too hot and luckily, there weren't too many crowds despite it being the weekend.

Everything sounded perfect, but not with your partner.

Somehow, he was avoiding eye contacts and holding your hand. If it wasn't for you who took the action, people would accuse you two as a couple in a quarrel. In addition, you were the one who chose most of the rides and he just went along with it.

Actually, you were afraid that he would get bored at one point... Wait, wasn't he looked like that from the start?

You stole a glance at him when he was eyeing the rides you hadn't tried. Well, he seemed tired somehow and you should do something about it.

"Hey?" You nudged his arm, reverting his focus back on you. "Should we get a quick rest somewhere?"

He nodded, as he followed your trail to a nearby bench. And before he said anything, you asked him to wait and scurried to a nearby stall.

When you came back, with a cone of ice cream in each hand, you found him staring in awe at some mascot characters dancing in circles. He snapped out of his thoughts and quickly averted his gaze when he found you boring a hole on him.

"Please don't laugh at me, senpai." He turned his head to the opposite direction when he heard you giggling.

"Sorry, you're just too cute." Still trying to stop laughing, you sat beside him while handing him the ice cream.

You noticed him fidgeted in his seat. It was almost like you were seeing things, but his restless expression proved you wrong. You wanted to ask him, but at the same time, you felt unsure whether it was the right time or not.

Well, at least you should try.

"Midori, are you okay? Should we--"

His blue orbs widen, before showing his usual expression, "ah, don't worry. But thank you for your concern."

"Haha, sure...."

The awkwardness clouded the atmosphere around you, but you managed to beam a smile in hope Midori would do the same. It was a tall request, yes. And the taller boy didn't do as you expected. But still, you want to brighten the day when the two of you finally went out for your first date.

"Then... should we go around a little bit more?"

The two of you wandered around, checking other rides and games, also tasting the themed-snacks that sold almost in all corners of the park. It was when the sky turned orange, when you decided to end your date and go home.

And still, Midori seemed like he wanted to say something, but chose to hold it instead of saying that out loud.

If you were being honest, you were frustrated. You wanted to help him, to heave the burden from him. But since you didn't know about the problem he was dealing with, you didn't have a slightest idea of how to lend him a hand.

That was when you noticed a ride you never checked before: Love Boat. It was the common boat which had enough room only for a pair of people and needed to be pedalled. A little bit of a hassle, considering how tired you were from strolling the entire park. But, it felt like you should try it at least once.

"Senpai, you want to ride that?" His soft voice made you jolt, but you managed to answer his question.

You managed to laugh slightly, "no. After all, you're tired already, right? Let's just--"

Midori's brow furrowed, before he pulled you by the hand towards the ride area. On the other hand, you tried to rip his hand off of your wrist, but chose to stop in the end.

Even though he always seemed in low spirits, you could admit that he had more strength than you.

"This way, please!" A staff motioned you two to a boat, before helping you both and explaining about the route you would go across until the finish line.

It was quiet and peaceful. Maybe it was because not too many people around there or your partner just made his mind up to not break the tension. Anyway, different from other rides you had played with Midori, it was the one where you just sat there in silence. Just like him.

But, it was awkward, wasn't it?

"I'm glad we went on a date today." You coughed, tried to get his attention. "It does feel refreshing to go here once in a while."

"Hm..." He hummed. No other response after that.

The only sound you could hear at that moment were the water splashing and the wind gusting, blowing a lock of your hair. Your shoulders became heavy as if someone put a great weight on them.

"Midori, how about you?"

His eyes had a distant faraway look, like he was staring out to something he missed. 

"I...." The brunet heaved a sigh, before casted his eyes downwards or anywhere but your worried face. "I can't express how happy I am with words...."

He went on with how he couldn't sleep last night, after you reminded him about the date. How he was ecstatic to start the day that he was smiling from ear to ear, which was rare and shocking his entire family. How he couldn't suppress his face from flushing when his parents teased him--of course he chose not to say about the blushing part. And how he ended up coming to the promised place an hour earlier because he misread the time.

"Until now, I can't help but feeling happy whenever I remember the time when you asked me on a date."

By this second, his cheeks and ears were covered in rosy tint. And his hair did nothing to prevent you from seeing how red his face was.

But it didn't mean that you weren't blushing either. His honest words left a big impact that it showed all over your features.

You were more than happy when you heard those words left his mouth. But... Why did he still seem so depressed?

"I keep telling myself that this is real. But..." He balled his hands into fists. "I don't think I deserve you."

Ah, so that was why....

You expected that you would feel relieved when your brain was free from tangled threads of thoughts. But his unexpected reply proved you wrong.

"I'm not always positive and sometimes I...."

Well, maybe he was true. But you loved him not because he was a ball of sunshine or someone who could lift up the mood all the time.

Not only there, he kept mumbling his bad points. From his too tall figure to everything that actually was a good thing to have.

It made you fuming in rage. No one should belittle him and he was included in it. After all, he was your precious boyfriend and you would do anything to make him happy.

"I... sometimes I don't think before I talk." He huffed. But a second later, it turned to a surprised gasp.

Midori's clear blue eyes widened when he felt a pair of lips pressed on his cheek. It was so sudden that he stopped talking and touched the warm spot you left on his face.

"Stop talking like that!" You were sulking, literally far from delighted.

"Um... But I'm a person like that?" The poor boy was confused but it didn't mean that he had his negative thoughts stopped working.

Another kiss landed on his nose, and once again the crimson red painted over his features. While covering his face, he shouted loudly.

"I'm just a person like that!"

You couldn't take it anymore, that you were forced to rip his hands off of his face.

"Midori." A kiss on the cheek. "You're." Another kiss landed on his forehead. "Worthy." Another one on the other cheek.

His face was burning with embarrassment, but he couldn't take his eyes off of you. Not with your palms pressed on his red cheeks.

"And you can't prove me otherwise."

At last, you pressed your lips on his. It was... sweet? The second you almost recognized the taste of the first kiss, the boat was tumbling over and sent you both into the water. Loud splash drowned your panicked screech, as Midori enveloped your smaller figure in a protective manner.

Luckily, the water wasn't that deep. It reached Midori's waist when the two of you were standing in the narrow pool designated as a river for the boat's path. But still, it was deep enough to make you drenched from head to toe.

Just when he helped you to your feet, a soft snicker could be heard. You turned your head only to find your light brown haired boyfriend laughing and soon it was contagion on you.

As the chilly afternoon breeze brought your laughter with it, the two of you were smiling from ear to ear, already forgetting about the wet clothes that clung to your forms.

You were sure that you wouldn't forget the awful end of your first date with Midori.

And so was he. His beautiful smile was a clear proof that he felt the same way as you.

"Thank you... for inviting me today...."

[wedreamedlove]

Li Zeyan In Love - Character Study

I sat on this because I wanted to get more dates done but, after seeing people bring up this one poem that is the epitome of Li Zeyan in the aftermath of 34, I decided to finish this. This essay has been brought to you from my occasional bursts of frustration at Elex LOL.

First, I need to acknowledge that I'll be pulling comments from others who have made their own amazing discussions about Li Zeyan's charcter. PS. Thanks for inspiring me and giving me points to think about!

SPOILERS to Chapter 21. Plus CN card lines up to Chapter 34.

THE ENDLESS SEARCH

(Sorry, Luoluo, I still have no good essay thoughts on you yet.)

It's amusing that if Bai Qi's love is in the form of "all roads lead to you". He can see where MC is standing and he is moving towards that point, struggling through all the obstacles in the way.

And Xu Mo's love is in the form of the red string of fate. No matter how much they hurt each other, walk in opposite directions, or try to tangle it up, they are forever connected to each other.

Then Li Zeyan's love is in the form of searching for a needle in the haystack. The needle being MC and the haystack being all possible worlds and universes in space-time.

Li Zeyan has tons of quotes about time, staying beside each other, and searching:

[Winter Infatuation SSR] "No matter the distance or time, nothing can prevent me from keeping you by my side."

[Time's End SSR] "I'll find and bring back the past you."

[Tour to Deep Space SSR] "No matter where you are, I will always find you."

[CN Silent Twilight SSR] "You are the only predestined ending I believe in." and "I will cross countless spaces of time to look for an ending which has you."

[Main Story 18-16] "I will definitely find and bring back the past you."

[Main Story 18-23] "Don't make it hard for me to find you, understand?"

This is reflected so painfully in [Dim Light SR] where MC takes Li Zeyan to light lanterns and he writes a poem on it. Elex didn't translate the poem and, at the time, I was somewhat lenient. But after seeing references made to it... ELEX, COME OVER HERE. I JUST WANNA TALK.

So, Li Zeyan wrote:

The last line about his wish having come true already is the same in both CN and ENG.

He wrote the last line of this poem by Xin Qiji, one of many great poets in Chinese history. Here I have provided Irving Y. Lo's translation of the poem from "Sunflower Splendor: Three Thousand Years of Chinese Poetry".

The Night of the Lantern Festival, to the Tune of ‘Green Jade Table’ - Xin Qiji [1140–1207]

One night’s wind made a thousand trees burst into flower,     And breath down still more     Showers of fallen stars. Splendid horses, carved carriages, fragrance filled the road. Music resounded from paired flutes,     Light swirled on water-clock towers.     All night long, the fabled fish-dragons danced. Gold-threaded jacket, moth- or willow-shaped hair ornaments     Melted into the throng, giggling, a trail of scents. In the crowd I looked for her a thousand and one times,     And all at once, as I turned my head,     I was startled to find her     Among the lanterns where the candles were growing dim.

The bold is Li Zeyan's lines in Chinese.

@love-p typed up an amazing post about the context of this poem:

Regarding Xin Qiji, and the political context of this poem—he was a military general during the Southern Song dynasty, sidelined due to the policy of appeasement against the Jurchen.

The poem reflects his unfortunate political circumstances by contrasting the brilliance and liveliness of the Lantern Festival and the single-minded search of the narrator for just one, special, woman, ultimately finding her in the darkness with the dimming lights.

To the writer, the brilliance and beauty of the festival pale in comparison to his goal. He is not swayed by all this finery, and in fact is willing to reject the light, for what he has held in his heart all along.

Xin Qiji was a deeply passionate patriot, which ultimately led to his discharge and suppression in the changing political tides of the era. He spent decades in seclusion pretending to be indifferent to the world, but he never lost his love for his country, and held fast to his beliefs, even when they could (and did) cost him heavily.

There's other romantic interpretations of this poem, such as the woman deciding to stop and wait when she realized this man was looking for her. She is willing to be with him.

Another interpretation is that, these two are already lovers, and when he turns his head and sees her it reflects how your happiness was right beside you all along and you just needed to turn your head, instead of searching ahead desperately.

So, back to Li Zeyan and MC. He is quoting a poem from someone who suffered for holding fast to their beliefs and who can still ignore everything around him, even the light, to find what he's held in his heart all this time. HM.

@unluckysatellite also pointed out something great, which I bolded for emphasis:

I realized this just now, but MC and Victor have this narrative theme where they keep losing and finding each other, both in the main story and in their dates. The main story plays this out pretty seriously: Victor and MC meet as kids, and then Victor loses MC because of Black Swan, which causes him to search for her the next 17 years. Victor and MC meet in chapter 1 and then Victor loses MC in chapter 18 and he vows to find her again. Victor finding MC in that HBS trap during chapter 10 and nearly losing her at the end of the chapter (with the added irony of him realizing that she was the girl he was looking for all this time). YMMV if you consider MC losing Victor in chapter 14 since a black hole sent Victor traveling into the future, but both managed to keep contact with each other in the time he was away.

BTW the reference is that his [Dim Light SR] was released in 2018 for the real lantern festival holiday. Then in 2019 all the men send gems as gifts during the holiday. Li Zeyan sends mail with the title of "Turning My Head" and the body of the message is him promising to go to the lantern festival with MC this year too, but he reminds her to stay beside him and don't make it so that when he turns his head he can't find her.

THE CONSTANT

Now another common theme that appears over and over again in Li Zeyan's character arc is him being a constant amongst all the change.

[Main Story 11-19] MC confronts Li Zeyan about his overprotectiveness: "It doesn't matter if it's the previous me, or the me in the present, all of them are [a single] me. Do you understand?"

[Winter Infatuation SSR Sinful Late-Night Snack Call] "Of course I'm me. No matter when, the person at your side is always the same me."

@sharinluna wrote a great section about Li Zeyan in Chapters 19-21 and IMO these chapters just hammer in this theme more. Even in a world where none of the men remember MC, Li Zeyan still cruises along (mostly) the same as usual. He really is a steady constant when everything's gone topsy-turvy for the poor MC.

I commented about this in my post on Chapter 19's use of horror but hilariously Li Zeyan is the most normal out of the rest of the men. If the MC weren't around, it's likely he wouldn't be involved in so much craziness. This is reflected in how the MC thinks about how he'd be better off without her in [Main Story 20-4] and her dream version of him in [Main Story 19-6].

However, I always end up thinking about Alfred Lord Tennyson's quote on this topic: "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

I honestly think this is one of the themes of the game too, shown at the end of Chapter 19 where MC doesn't regret holding onto her memories and experiences with everyone, even if that means going back to the cruel real world.

Because the game (hopefully) isn't going to invalidate our experiences with everyone that means that Li Zeyan is not better off for not meeting the MC.

IMO love doesn't have to do something monumental like change your world but I think it adds something to our experience as humans (no matter its form: platonic, romantic, compassionate, selfless, etc). This is why I love this game so much because it's all about love in its entirety.

So, even if Li Zeyan's character isn't changed in any earth-shattering way from meeting or not meeting the MC the fact that he chooses MC again and again over everything else means something. He is willing to sacrifice everything to find her, no matter how long it takes him or how many worlds and times he has to traverse. His constant state is choosing MC.

I'm so scared about the Banquet of the Fallen Moon. Why did he turn into a demon lord SOBS when he promised his father he wouldn't go down that path? If it's connected to MC... OOF.

THE LOVE AND SUPPORT

Here we reach the relationship the two do have! Uh, I swear I wasn't intentionally picking the sad quotes...

[Main Story 6-16] "In your eyes? Am I that unapproachable?" He says this but then grabs her hand and holds it through his company, not caring who sees them.

[Main Story 10-25] "I'm sorry, I came late. I won't lose you a second time. Nothing will be able to hurt you again. In the future, let me fight your battles for you, just like how you protected me that year, alright?"

[Main Story 11-14] "I won't hesitate to pay any price in order to let you avoid all dangers and affairs... The things you wish to do, I will release you and let you do them. However, now isn't the time. That's why, you need to be a bit more obedient."

[Chapter 11] in general shows his protectiveness over MC and consideration for her. From caring for her in the hospital, to sending her between work and home, and even the SP detail (even though it became overwhelming).

[Main Story 18-3] "... Every time I call you dumb isn't to insult you. [...] It's acknowledgement."

IMO these are all more examples of how Li Zeyan is like a steady mountain or a tree that provides a canopy and safe harbor for the MC to take her time growing up under. He wants her to better herself because he cares for her (like a quintessential Capricorn) but at the same time he knows when to back off and let her go at her own speed.

Li Zeyan will be there every step of the way with MC, just a little bit ahead of her so she has a direction but always ready to catch her should she fall. Unlike a certain BS liar COUGHS.

@sharinluna also wrote this great post on Reddit about how the dates reflect Li Zeyan's patience and awareness of the imbalance in his and MC's relationship. Chapter 11 shows this too where he realizes he was overwhelming her and brings back the "old" Li Zeyan to wait for her to make a decision on her own feelings.

Finishing off this essay with some quotes:

[Instant Moment SSR] "There is no such thing as eternity, only every single moment together with you."

This is so cute since it's said by the man who can traverse time. It's the little snapshot moments he can get with MC that mean the most to him.

There's actually another related quote which comes from [Winter Infatuation SSR Sinful Late-Night Snack Call]. This happens when they're talking about the meaning of the Ephemere shop and Li Zeyan quotes a poem about mayflies.

The Chinese line is from the poem "Former Ode on the Red Cliffs" by Su Shi:

"We are like mayflies enjoying a flicker of life in this world, and as infinitesimal as a grain in the sea."

Ironically, Li Zeyan is not asking much at all of the world. He is someone who has everything but all he wants is just a peaceful life with the love of his life and he has shown again and again that he's willing to give up everything for her...

But the universe spits in his face (because tragic Chinese archetype of Crown Prince/Emperor LOL) and makes him suffer so much just for wanting some fleeting moments of joy in this flickering human life they both have.

[appreciatethefoolishness]

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3

EVERYTHING IS JUNGKOOK X READER

Do you also laugh a little when you read a badboy!Jungkook fanfic and want some more realistic? Because we all know how humble and kind Jungkook really is, so I'm here to help you! (This is a list parted in two because of the links limit hih)

Jungkook = badboy 

Jungkook = an actually nice and lovely guy ❤️  

⌜(m) = smut, mature

 (f) = fluff, cute shit

 (a) = angst, sad stuff or action

 ✓ = finished

 ** = a favorite    

oneshot = story with only 1 part

series = story with more than 1 part    ⌟

sorted by word count, this is over 90 fics and yes, I know I have no life but I don’t see any problem with that lol

(By the way if you’re wondering why some of the summaries suck it’s because I wrote them due to that some authors don’t write synopses lol)

last updated: 27 May

AND BY THE WAY thank you so much all the writers here for taking your time to write these amazing fics and publish them for our enjoyment! I’m so grateful to be able to read and love them and don’t let anyone tell you different because you all are REALLY good at writing, like damn. Thanks again and have a great Jungkook reading 💙❤️💜 💙💜💚💞💞💞💛💚🖤💜💛💙💜💙💜💚

Animal (m) (a) ✓

[115.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 

“As a nursing student you struggled financially but when your best friend suggests a way for you to make some illegal money you can’t say no and that’s when you meet him; Jungkook, an underground fighter who you can’t stand but seems to stay on your mind nevertheless.”

THE WRITER > @cutaepatootie

For science (m) (f) (a) ✓ **

[95.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 

"Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science."

THE WRITER > @boymeetsweevil

Falling into you (m) (a) (f) ~ ongoing**

[94.2k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 

"Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away."

THE WRITER > @kookingtae​

Charmolypi (f) (a) (m) ✓

[69.3k words] series pt.0 pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9

“Work and pleasure should never be combined — or so the saying goes. But you were never really one to follow the rules in their entirety and neither were the ones around you. Love, lust, interest. Five people. In the workplace. What could go wrong? Everyone just wants to get something, after all.”

THE WRITER > @njssi

The Turning Test (f) (m) (a)~ongoing**

[67.3k words] series masterlist

“’The Turing Test, developed by Alan Turing in 1950, is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.’ Jungkook fiddled with your hands in his, humming softly, as if deep in thought. You noted the way his eyebrows had furrowed, the sweet way his lips formed a pout, and wondered what could possibly be troubling him so much. What had he learned today? ‘Creator,’ he began, dragging his gaze up to meet your own, ‘you gave me a mind that thinks, hands that feel, and a heart that beats, but did you give me a soul?’“

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie 

Bandslam (a) (m) (f) ✓

[59.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Cocky drummer Jeon Jungkook has never been the type to hate on anyone. But when his best friend Taehyung unexpectedly leaves the band and leaves you in his place, he can’t really blame himself when he acts with disdain towards you. Not even when there’s a prize at stake.“

THE WRITER > @ironicarmy​

Ego (f) (m) ~ ongoing **

[59.4k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6

“What’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.”

THE WRITER > @suga-kookiemonster

Givenchy & gold (m) ✓

[59k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“You’re the supervisor of the clothing department with a lot of useless lingerie knowledge, Jungkook is the jewelry department’s defiant hot boy who flirts in wristwatch brands. basically an upscale retail au, but with lots of implied under-the-counter sex. and when an opportunity presents itself to fuck each other in the boss’s office after hours, you’re both too hot for each other to say no.”

THE WRITER > @prolixitae 

Wanted (f) (a) (m)  ✓**

[56k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 

“ You were a deserter, a renegade, a wanted “criminal”. It was never in your plans to crash land on that planet, and it most certainly wasn’t in your plans to fall in love with it’s handsome ruler.”

THE WRITER > @jincherie

One thing right (a) (f) (m) ✓**

[55k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9

“‘i’ve been wrong about a million times, but i’ve got one thing right.’

or, desperate to get your ailing mother into the best care possible, you ask your childhood friend turned enemy to marry you for his health insurance benefits. the only problem is it’s illegal. and he’s the sheriff. and you swore to hate him since the day he broke your best friend’s heart.”

THE WRITER > @hobios

(Y)our name (a) (f) (m) ~ ongoing**

[54k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5

“It's always been the two of you since you were little. People came and went in your lives and Jungkook didn't mind until you turn into grown-ups and he starts to mind a bit too much.“

THE WRITER > @jjkpls

True care (m) (f) (a) ~ ongoing **

[53.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7

“Your (endearingly) shy bodyguard- hired by your father- would do anything for you. Even though you roll your eyes at his persistence and pretend there’s no need for him to follow you to every and any place you go, there might be many more hazards in your life than you let on. And you might end up needing him in more ways than you- or your father- would ever think.”

THE WRITER > @joonsgalaxy

Moonlight melody (f) (a) ✓

[51k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“When your loving best friend playfully pranks you one too many times, you decide that revenge is best served hot, over a period of thirty days, and with a little extra help from the best violinist you know (sorry jimin). or, the one where during your month-long vacation in italy with your youth orchestra, you realize that vengeance is sweet but fake dating jungkook is sweeter.”

THE WRITER > @gukyi

Falling Skies (a) (f) (m)✓ **

[50k words] series masterlist

Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her brother, Jungkook, was something else entirely. Once upon a time, she had called you her sun and him her moon; it was fitting, given the constant push-and-pull between you two. You used to consider him a friend, but then he had gone from endearingly frustrating dumb boy to card-carrying fuckboy so fast it had given you whiplash. You often wondered how Jiyeon wasn’t bothered by his behavior. In fact, she often seemed to encourage it. What you failed to see was that she was just trying to show you how he reflected your light. Jiyeon had realized he was in love with you even before he did, but of course she knew. It was a twin thing. So despite the fighting and teasing, you always found yourself drawn back to him. You knew he was one of two constants in your life: the Jeon twins were - and had always been - your one indisputable truth. You were the sun, Jungkook was the moon, and Jiyeon was the sky holding you both up When she died, it ripped a black hole right through you.”

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie

Bitchin’ (f) (m) (a) ✓

[49.5k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

“The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.”

THE WRITER > @kinktae

Paralian (f) (a) (m) ✓**

[48.3k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“Far away, under the sea exists the merfolk Kingdom of Venetus. Y/N is a warrior princess, sworn to protect the nation she loves. Each night she and her unit are tasked with patrolling the ocean, until one night they come across an unmarked ship. The ship carries a dangerous secret which tears Y/N’s ideals apart. In the midst of escaping said danger, Y/N is forced to rely upon a Prince. The Prince of Pirates, whose fate and Y/N’s seem inexplicably entwined. Whether their meeting will end in joy or heartbreak remains to be seen. (A -very- loose retelling of The Little Mermaid).”

THE WRITER > @kpopfanfictrash

Tantalizing (m) (a) ✓

[47.9k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8

“Back in high school, you were nothing more than a nerd Jungkook wanted to deflower, to get a good fuck from. When he sees you at the club, though, things have changed drastically, and his dominance starts to teeter on the edge.”

THE WRITER > @littlemisskookie

Equilibrium; Polyamory (m) (a)  ~ ongoing **

[47.7k words] series pt.0 pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10 pt.11 pt.12 pt.13 pt.14 

“Polyamorous relationships are not as glamorous as they appear in the movies. Granted, the sex is better- tangled limbs and wet kisses on every inch of skin imaginable, but not even the sex is worth the mind-numbing jealousy, the utter despair. Because equilateral triangles do not exist in real life. There is no sense of order in human affections. No balance, no equilibrium. You are in love with Jimin, who loves Jungkook. And Jungkook loves… Has he ever loved anyone but himself? On the outside, you smile widely and pretend that you’re perfectly content with this arrangement. But your façade crumbles, bit by bit, every time Jimin goes to Jungkook instead of you. You’re not sure how much more you can take.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

Worth fighting for (f) (a) ~ongoing**

[43.7k words] series masterlist

“Fresh out of the perils of war, Jungkook didn't think that his task as the newly appointed general would be to look after you.”

THE WRITER > @joonsdiary​

The Monogamy Monologues (f) (m) (f) ✓

[42.7k words] oneshot here 

“ The year? Some point after college. The occasion? Namjoon is getting married and the Rich Man’s Crochet Club has convened once again. Somewhere between the drinks and the laughter, everyone has the same realization: Jungkook has never been in a serious relationship. In the name of all that is holy (Overwatch and booze), the club’s mission is revived. Now though, their goal is much more perilous. Now, they aim to find Jeon Jungkook a girlfriend.”

THE WRITER > @kpopfanfictrash 

The devil’s change up (m) (f) ✓ **

[41.3k words] oneshot here 

“Majoring in athletic training means you have mandatory observation hours to perform with every single sports team at your school throughout the year, and so far it’s been going pretty great. However, when regrets from your past cause your rotation with the baseball team to become a little rocky, there’s one star pitcher who says that he can make it all better.”

THE WRITER > @jungblue

Frost Impressions (f) (m) (a)  ✓ **

[41.3k words] oneshot here

“Jeongguk is so disgustingly smitten with his new coworker that he ends up making a terrible first impression, and neither of them realize they’ve actually been in love with each other for the better part of a decade. “

THE WRITER > @fortunexkookie

And action (f) (m) ✓ **

[41k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 

“Jungkook likes to film illegal stunts around the globe for his dedicated audience. because of you, his right-hand navigator, he gets to travel to beautiful places he’s only ever seen in textbooks. but in the wake of a mishap involving poisonous shrubbery, now’s a perfect time for him to confess his undying love for more than just videography. or, ‘I know you’re my best friend but I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day we met’ au.”

THE WRITER > @prolixitae

Baby, my baby (m) (f) (a) ✓

[39.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 pt.4 pt.5 pt.6 pt.7 pt.8 pt.9 pt.10

"Raise my child, just for twelve months."

THE WRITER > @pjimims

A well-oiled machine (f) (a) (m) ✓ **

[38.2k words] series pt.1 pt.2

"Your life takes a bit of a turn when you stumble upon an android in pieces, hidden in an alleyway in an area known for its shadows and debauchery. Taking him home to fix him might have been the best decision you’d ever made, but perhaps there was a little more to the android JK01-97 than you’d initially thought."

THE WRITER > @jincherie

The lionheart’s oath (f) (m) (a) ✓ **

[36.7k words] oneshot here

“There was no happy ending, no dragon slayer to save the kingdom and get the princess — there was only him: Jungkook. A simple orphan that was lucky enough to be invited into the castle, a former homeless thief that had found shelter in the form of an elysian heir. Now, after twelve years by your side, he was about to lose you to the world you sought to explore.”

THE WRITER > @sugaxjpg

Employee Perks (m) (a) (f)~ongoing

[34.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Sure, the employee perks at your job were bonuses, life insurance, sick leave, health benefits etc. etc., but the best employee perk of all was working with a man known as Jeon Jungkook.”

THE WRITER > @chiminiemoans

In Bloom/Lake of Fire (m) (a) (f) ✓

[33k words] pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“One of the consequences of being a werewolf was the yearly heat that took place for three whole days, Jungkook had warned you not to come near him under that period of time for your own safety but your never-ending worry for him made you disobey his request.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

New toy (m) (f) (a) ✓

[32.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

“Your new neighbor turns out to be the perfect toy for you.“

THE WRITER > @btsjeonjazz

Ramen (m) ~ongoing 

[32.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“‘It has certainly been quite the party,’ you began, taking a stroll around the table to give his friends time to ogle you. ‘But I'm here for someone else on his special day.’ The end of the riding crop snapped suggestively against your open palm and you felt excitement bloom around the large table. “Now, let me see if I can find out which of you is the birthday boy..." 

The charade of finding your fare was one of the oldest tricks in the book. After years of sex work, you knew that as soon as you said, ‘let me see,’ the eyes of the bystanders would point you in the right direction. And sure enough, as you pretended to identify your prey, the men’s line of sight fell on the far corner of the table. The choice of the corner was quite surprising, as you expected the shy wallflower of the group to sit there, not someone who was supposed to be the center of attention.”

THE WRITER > @dark-muse-iris

Gravity (a) (f) ✓

[29.2k words] oneshot here

“The universe works in mysterious ways.“

THE WRITER > @donewithjeon

Not quite strangers (f) (m) (a) ✓ **

[29k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“There are two things that you very much hate in this world; first being woken up in the evening, second being woken up in the morning – and Jeon Jeongguk, the stranger a.k.a the guy who lives across your shitty apartment does just that, every single fucking time.”

THE WRITER > @seokwaves

Rigor Mortis (a) (f) (m) ✓ **

[28.5k words] oneshot here 

“A night out at a bar results in you going home with a young and attractive police officer. But if you think the night was something to remember, that’s nothing compared to waking up to find a zombie outbreak in the city. A chance encounter with Officer Jeon leads to him helping you escape from the plague infested city.”

THE WRITER > @readyplayerhobi

Something in the water (m) (f) ✓

[25.8k words] oneshot here

“Sleeping in is a foreign concept to Kim Taehyung and his awkward, mismatched gang of pals. This is made all the more apparent when they rock up at ____’s doorstep at the ass crack of dawn, as if it is a natural time for any college student to be awake. But when she is informed that it was the youngest of their group who insisted she join them on their spontaneous camping trip, she is suddenly not as reluctant to play along than when she was first awakened by her enigma of a best friend, slamming his fist against her front door.” 

THE WRITER > @vankoya

Roommates (m) ✓ **

[25.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 pt.3 

“Letting your best friend’s baby brother live with you didn’t seem like a problem until well... you discovered how hot he had become.”

THE WRITER > @tayegi

Snow and Ice (m) (f) (a) ✓

[24.8k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“ Three thousand athletes from 92 countries from the world meet every four years to show off what they have, the pride of their countries and families weighing down their perfectly sculpted shoulders. This year’s winter Olympics holds something a lot more interesting.”

THE WRITER > @hayjeon

Ace (m) (f) (a) ✓ **

[24k] oneshot here 

“Jungkook only cares about three things: Baseball, painting and his team, but soon he’s adding you to that list when love comes flying at him fast and hard, knocking him right on his ass.”

THE WRITER > @hijoonie

New romantics (f) (a) ✓**

[24k words] oneshot here

“Jeon Jungkook will go down in history as one of the best Quidditch players that ever graced the Hogwarts scene. It seems like he always gets what he wants—his life is very predictable in that sense. What he cannot predict, however, is the newest weekend employee wiping down the tables at the Three Broomsticks.”

THE WRITER > @cupofteaguk

Save Me (m) (a) ✓

[24k words] series pt.1 pt.2

“Jungkook’s a vampire who has an interest in you and you have feelings for him, but he sleeps around with other human girls as well and when you start to get tired of it you cut off communication with him and avoid him so he tries to get you back through sweet gestures and staying with you instead of going around.”

THE WRITER > @baeseoul

Catharsis. (m) (f) ✓

[23.5k words] oneshot here

“No matter what kind of release you need, he’s there.”

THE WRITER > @junghelioseok

Swipe right (f) (a) (m) ~ ongoing

[23k words] series pt.1 pt.2 

“Jungkook wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and you don’t want to admit that he had you fooled. You quickly discover he has a lot more to offer than exchanging pleasantries and awkward small talk. In fact, he never seems to shut up.For the better part of a year, he’s held your irritation hostage, never passing up an opportunity to deliver savage one-liners at your expense. When he discovers you’re on Tinder, he turns up the brattiness factor and intentionally seeks you out. Who knows? Maybe if you gave him a chance he could charm the pants right off of you. Then again, maybe he’s just a fuckboy.“

THE WRITER > @stutterfly

Hot confusion (m) ~ ongoing

[22.9k words] series (on AO3) here 

“Jungkook thought his body had already matured, turns out he's a late bloomer and goes through puberty hell when he turns 16. And it doesn't end until he's 19, the worse part is that all along the ride he can't stop the constant sexual arousal he gets around his best female friend, Y/N.While he's confused whether it's her just her body that turns him on, or also her personality, he can't help but feel jealous when other boys start to take interest in her. All he knows is that he wishes he'd stop having wet dreams at 4 AM about Y/N, he's running out of excuses to his mom to why he needs to do the laundry.“

THE WRITER > @partyjunkie 

Blue orchids (a) (f) ✓

[22.6k words] series pt.1 pt.2

“Hanahaki & soulmate au.”

THE WRITER > @inktae

If I told you (f) (a) ✓ **

[22k words] oneshot here 

“In order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.”

THE WRITER > @gukyi​

➔PART 2 

➔PART 3

(Disclaimer; if you ever find a badboy!jungkook fic here it means he wasn’t a total asshole in it and I didn’t mind his character lol)

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

[deanssweetheart23]

Once Upon A Flannel

Title: Once Upon A Flannel

Summary: Dean doesn’t know how or why he fell in love with her. But he does know one thing. It all started with a flannel…

Author: deanssweetheart23

Characters: Dean Winchester x reader, Sam Winchester, Bobby Singer (mentioned), Castiel (mentioned)

Word count: 3977 (totally worth it, I promise)

Warnings: Fluff. Angst. Some language. Implied smut. Death of a loved one, mentions of blood and references to grief. 

Author’s Notes: This is my very late submission for @luci-in-trenchcoats‘ AU & Things Challenge. Michelle, I can’t even thank you enough for being so patient with me about this. I fell so in love with the story and wanted to do it justice. 

Special thank you to twin @ravengirl94 for reading parts of it over for me and listening to me whine, I don’t know what I’d do without her.

My prompt for this was flannel (obviously, lol) and you’ll see what I did with it in the text *winks* Also, this fic was loosely inspired by Ed Sheeran’s How Would You Feel (You need to listen to that, btw, his new album is amazeballs)

Thank you for all of your love and support. Enjoy <3

The first time Dean sees her in one of his flannels, it’s after a wendigo hunt.

Autumn’s slowly creeping its way into his life again, its tawny leaves and withered hedges painting the scene in golden colors and, even though he rarely takes the time to appreciate things like these anymore, he stops for a second and breathes it all in, the crispiness and the rustles and the shadows of change.

And then, she swims into view.

She’s sitting on the hood of a Bronco in Bobby’s scrap yard, fallen leaves dancing at her feet, as she stares straight ahead, at the sky that’s turning to orange, and smiles.

And he doesn’t notice at first, but there’s something familiar there, in the red and white fabric that wraps around her, in the way the garment dwarfs her, in the rolled-up sleeves and the hem that reaches her mid-thigh and he realizes that it’s his clothes she’s wearing.

She looks beautiful.

“D.,” she smiles, a smile that’s all softness and warmth, “I thought you weren’t supposed to get back until tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” he scratches the back of his neck, “we finished up early.” A pause. Eyes lingering on her a bit too long. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

He can’t be sure, but he thinks he sees her cheeks flush pink.

“Yeah, it’s…soft. And.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I know it’s gonna sound creepy, but, damn, dude, it smells nice.”

He chuckles.

He really can’t help it.

“C’mere, kid.” He says and pulls her to him, arms holding her tight against him until he’s pretty sure she can’t breathe anymore. 

“Hmmm. Looks like somebody missed me.”

“Shut up.” He groans, but the corners of his lips curl up in a shy smile and something tugs at his heartstrings. “How’s your leg?”

“Healing up nicely. Bobby says I’ll be ready to go by the time you two find a new case.”

“Good.” He pulls back to look at her. “S’ been a nightmare not having you on this one.”

“What, you and Sam had to pose as a couple?”

A groan.

Eyes rolled skywards.

“He made me eat rabbit food, Y/N. Rabbit food.” he whines and she laughs, rich and sunny.

He loves he’s the one who made it happen.

It surprises him, how her laugh affects him, how it has been affecting him for a while now, but he just assumes that after everything they’ve been through together, it’s good to know that she can still smile as brightly as she used to, good to know that there’s still a spark in her, one that the grief and the loss and the danger haven’t managed to burn out.

“Don’t worry, D. Tonight, I’m making the unhealthiest burger you’ve ever had. And Health Freak Sam’s not invited.”

Mischief floats across his features.

“Bacon cheeseburger?” 

“With cheddar and extra fries.” She bits on her bottom lip. “And, if you’re real nice about it, I might just bake you a cherry pie, too.”

He chuckles, all awe and gratitude.

“Kid,” he breathes out, clasping the side of her face, “you’re fucking perfect.”

“I know.”

“And a brat.” he adds, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but I’m your favorite brat.” She snorts and wraps an arm around him. “C’mon, old man. Let’s get you inside.”

“Excuse me,” Dean gasps, jutting his chin, “did you just call me old?”

“Well, aren’t you like a hundred years old now?”

“Oh, that’s it. Y/N, you better run.”

And she does.

She just sprints away from him and heads for the house before he even has the chance to think about grabbing her, crazy laughter escaping her, and he’s left behind to watch, watch as the crimson light dances across her skin and the flannel sways with the wind, and he feels, maybe for the first time since he returned from the hunt, he feels at peace.

She should wear his clothes more often.

The next time she’s dressed in one of Dean’s flannels, it’s soaked in his blood.

The wound’s nothing but a deep cut across his stomach, just another scar he’ll have to add to the map of his skin, but the what ifs it brought along with it are still there, trapped into the blood that’s smeared across her skin. 

The sight of her breaks his heart.

“Okay,” she breathes out, sterilized needle in hand. “Okay, I’m gonna need you to lay down for a minute.”

“Y/N,” Sam says softly, placing a hand on her shoulder, “you should go get changed. I can do this.”

“Yeah, no. As pissed as I am at Dean right now,” she throws a pointed look his way, “I don’t hate him enough to let you patch him up.”

Sam’s jaw drops.

Dean snorts.

“What are you talking about? I’m-”

“Awful at patching other people up.” She cuts him off, head titled the left. “Sam, I love you, but my left side looks like a frigging Picasso painting because I trusted those gigantic hands of yours.”

“That is so –you know what?” Sam groans, furrowing his brows in a scowl. “You’re a horrible human being.”

And Dean might be in pain and worried about Y/N and how mad at him she is, but he still laughs a gruff laugh at his brother’s childish pout and smirks when the man rolls his eyes.

“You think this is funny?”

“Oh, Sammy. I think it’s hilarious.”

Sam’s lips press into a thin line.

He clenches his jaw.

“Whatever. If she tries to stab you with that needle while I’m in the shower, don’t come to me for help,” he deadpans and disappears behind the bathroom’s door.

Silence stretches in the room until it’s too much for the eldest Winchester to handle. He looks at Y/N, who’s examining the blood-stained flannel, something dark settling over her features.

He clears his throat, quietly.

She looks up.

“Uh. You’re not gonna stab me with that, are you?”

“That depends.” She takes a seat next to him. “You gonna tell me what the hell were you thinking?”

“That I needed to stop that son of a bitch before he could get away.”

“On your own.” 

Dean swallows, hard.

“You and Sam weren’t there. And I needed-”

“You could have died.” She says and it might be just a whisper, broken and a bit scraped, but there’s anger burning its edges and it makes his stomach plummet. 

“You keep saying what you needed to do but you never…” She shakes her head and looks up at him. “What about what I need?”

He blinks.

“What you-”

“I need you to be okay.” 

It’s a simple statement, frustrated but honest, and despite everything they’ve been through together, it still catches him off guard, how there’s someone out there other than his brother that really cares about him, someone that wants him, needs him to be okay.

“You just… For God’s sake, Dean, you’re always so hell bent on keeping us safe and it’s never occurred to you that maybe we want to do the same thing? I mean, you’re,” she huffs out air through her nose, not quite a laugh, “you’re my best friend. And I know it’s the life and I’ve lost people, but I don’t think I can…”

She’s struggling now, all the things she wants to say stuck in the back of her throat, so he wraps his fingers around her wrist and tugs.

“Hey,” he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “m’ not going anywhere anytime soon.” A small smile. “You know that, right?”

She purses her lips, something he can’t quite put his finger on flashing across her face.

And then-

“Yeah,” she tells him, soft hand covering his, “yeah, I know.”

Dean smiles at that, and lets her get back to work, storing her tender smile into memory.

And when she crawls into his bed later that night and tangles herself with him, chest pressed against his back and hands flattened against his stomach, he doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t pull away. Instead, he holds her and lets her hold him, trying to ignore that there, in the way she’s tucked against him and keeps him close, there he thinks he can find a home.

He dreams of warm smiles and plaid flannels until he falls asleep.

She’s making pancakes again.

For the past two weeks, Dean wakes up to find Y/N making pancakes in Rufus’ kitchen, dressed in his flannels while classic rock music plays in the background.

She’s doing it for him, he knows, tries to distract him from the fact he’s got a broken leg and the Leviathans are out there taking over the world, one person at a time, and even though he’d normally mind, he doesn’t even remember the last time someone tried to do something for him.

Her tenderness warms his heart.

“Morning there, cupcake.” She smiles when she sees him entering the kitchen with his crutches.

A groan.

Eyes narrowed the size of half-dollars.

“Y/N, how many times have we talked about this?”

“Plenty.” She shrugs as she places a plate in front of him. “But you know me, I’d do anything to piss you off.” 

“Uh-huh.”

“Nice bedhead, by the way.” She smirks, ruffling his hair.

“You’re such a brat.”

“Yeah, yeah, you love me.” She gloats, all mischief and playfulness. “Eat up. And be quiet, I got to finish this book, or I might actually die.”

He laughs at that, surprising even himself, and watches as she gets lost into the pages of unknown kingdoms and noble heroes.

And the world around him is crumbling down, slowly and surely, but when she  looks up at him and smile, a smile of love and sunshine, he can’t bring himself to care.

And he knows.

He’s in love.

Dean rarely admits he’s scared.

It’s something he’s learnt to consider a weakness, ever since he was a kid, but the feeling’s almost always there. It’s there in moments of great danger and moments of stagnation, it’s there in the middle of the battle field and in the punchline of a joke.

It’s there no matter what he does because he always knows that everything can be taken away from him in the blink of an eye.

Tonight’s different though.

Tonight, he’s not scared because he’ll be going on a suicide mission in the morning.

Tonight, he’s scared because he has something to lose.

And that hurts twice as much.

“You’re back.” Y/N’s soft voice pulls him out of his thoughts as her figure springs into view, clad in one of his flannels.

“Yeah, Cas… He zapped me back a while ago.”

She hums and climbs next to him on the hood, handing him a bottle of beer.

“Things are bad, aren’t they?”

He doesn’t say anything.

Her bottom lip wobbles.

“Hey,” he says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to pull her to him, “we’ll figure this out.” A temple kiss. “We always do.”

He’s pretty sure she doesn’t believe him, but she still nods and plants a kiss on his shoulder, grip tightening around him.

For a minute, they just hold and see and feel, breathing in air that’s dusted with their secrets, and when it becomes too much Dean lets himself believe that maybe it’s not too late. He lets himself live in a world where they can still have this, they can have tonight, and he can kiss her and make love to her like he’s dreamt about for months, no matter what happens.

But he can’t.

He can’t be selfish, can’t give her a part of him and take a part of her, only to take it all away in the morning. He’s not doing that.

“Sam told me about the plan.” She whispers after a while. “I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Dean-”

“You just have to stick to it, Y/N.” he says and it’s a bit harsher than he intended it.

“Even if it gets you killed?” she implores, unable to keep the venom from her voice as she pulls away. “Because none of us knows what’ll happen once you stab that son of a bitch.”

And he wishes he could lie to her, wishes he could tell her everything she needs to hear, smile and say it’s going to be okay, that he’s going to be okay, but nothing’s ever that simple in his life.

So, he sighs and runs a hand over his face, mumbling a guilty I know under his breath.

“Screw the plan then. We’ll do something else. We can figure it out.”

“God, kid, I wish but that’s –that’s the only way this can work.” He reaches out for her hand. “Sides,” he clasps his free hand on the side of her face, “you know me. I’m not good at staying dead.”

“Don’t joke about that.”

He laughs, but it’s brittle and wrecked.

“Okay, just…” Ragged breath. “Promise me something.”

“Dean-”

“No,” he swallows, hard, squeezing his eyes shut for just a second. “Just… No matter what happens tomorrow, I need you to keep going.”

“Dean, you can’t... You can’t possibly ask that from me.”

“Well, I just did, so... Sucks for you, I guess.”

He expects her to smile, but she doesn’t. 

She just clamps her teeth together, eyes shining with unshed tears and if his heart didn’t break before, it does now.

“Can you just-”

“Try my damnedest not to die, yeah, I got that.”

She chuckles, soft but sad.

“You got a horrible sense of humor, D.”

“Hmmm. Listen.” He presses his forehead against hers. “If we make it out of this alive, you and I are going out. I’ll take you anywhere you wanna go, I swear to God.”

She smiles.

It’s a small smile, hopeless and fades quickly, but it’s something.

“Anywhere I wanna go?” she repeats, feigning surprise. “I dunno, D. M’ sensing an ulterior motive here.”

He smirks.

“Always knew you were a smart one, kid.” He says and kisses her forehead, letting his lips linger against warm skin.

And he almost believes they have a chance. 

Dean loses her a day later.

He’s standing next to Dick and the darkness’s sneaking up on him from every corner, but he still sees her, sees how she bursts through the door and screams for him, how she kicks and punches and yells for Sam to let her go, let her leave, until he’s swallowed whole by blackness and there’s nothing else he can see.

When he wakes up, he’s in Purgatory, but can still hear her screams, can taste her pain on his tongue and breaks, he breaks, when he realizes how much he broke her.

He’s never felt so empty.

Y/N has changed.

She’s beautiful, of course, as beautiful as he remembers, but she looks so tired, that usual brightness of hers gone, leaving nothing but scars and heartache behind.

He hasn’t seen her since Purgatory.

Granted, he wants to call the minute he gets out, but he doesn’t know if there’s a point, doesn’t know if she wants him back in her life or if she’s moved on with someone better, someone who wears his heart on his sleeve and doesn’t hunt monsters for a living.

So, he had avoids that phone call until he can’t avoid it anymore and has to take the leap.

And, God, she is not happy to hear from him.

Instead, she sounds angry and terrified and broken, and even though he suspects it’s because she can’t really believe it’s him, it still stings a little.

She agrees to meet with him though, and that’s more than he could have asked for.

“You’re here.” She says when she sees him, but there’s no emotion there, no spark in her eyes.

And still, Dean wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and never let her go again, because he wants to believe, needs to believe, he can still fix this, fix her, just like she’d done with him, over a hundred times.

But he can’t, so-

“Kid,” he smiles, taking a tentative step forward “s’ good to see you.”

“Don’t call me that.” She spats, biting on her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “I’m going to rip you to fucking shreds for using him against me, I swear to God.”

His smile drops immediately.

“Hey,” he mumbles, holding his hands up in surrender, “it’s really me, kid, I swear.”

“I said-”

“I know, I know. Alright.” He shakes his head a little. “Do you have that silver knife I got you for your birthday?”

She scowls, but reaches for her back pocket and hands it over, watching as he drags it along his skin until it bleeds.

“See?” he gloats, a smirk tugging at his lips.

She rolls her eyes and throws him a flask.

“Drink up.”

He obeys.

Nothing happens.

“Y/N-”

“One more thing.” She says and, before he knows it, she’s pouring a bottle of Vorax over him.

“Oh, c’mon.” he whines, rubbing a hand over his face. “Was that really necessary?”

But she’s not listening. She’s too busy staring at him, that frigid expression that had hurt him so much melting away piece by piece to reveal her, that warmth that’s been missing all along.

“Are you-”

“Me?” he chuckles a little under his breath. “Yeah. S’ really me, kid.”

“But you –this can’t be… I looked everywhere.” She chokes off, the bottle falling from her hands. “You were dead.”

He smiles, timid and fragile and just a tad cheeky.

“Well. I told ya I’m not good at staying dead, didn’t I?”

She laughs then, actually laughs, mad and relieved and real until it’s all laced with tears, bitter and sweet, and she has to reach for him, let him wrap her into his arms and grip like he’s her only lifeline, the only thing she’s got left.

And he takes her in, breathes in every inch of softness, and lets his fingers trace along the familiar pattern of the flannel she’s wearing, painted in green and blue, finally feeling alive again.

“If you ever do this to me again-”

He grins and cups her face, titling her head up.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’ll rip me to fucking shreds.” He thumbs away her tears. “Which, if you ask me, sounds kind of sexy.”

She cracks a small smile.

It’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“A year later and your humor still sucks.” She smirks, nuzzling his jaw. “I guess some things never change.”

God, he hopes so.

He kisses her two weeks later.

He’s been thinking about it for days, struggling to find the right things to say, the right thing to do, wondering what it would feel like, how she’d feel like, but she always does something to make him fall a bit deeper, a bit harder in love with her, and his words end up stuck at the back of his throat, barely fighting their way out.

And then it happens.

He finds her cooking in Rufus’ kitchen one night, clad in the same red and blue flannel she’d been wearing that day that changed everything for him, seemingly a lifetime ago.

For a moment, he’s back at Bobby’s scrap yard with her on that beautiful evening and everything’s a bit simpler because the old man’s still alive and Cas isn’t stuck in Purgatory and his own brother hasn’t given up on him yet.

And he knows it’s a beautiful memory, but it doesn’t make him as homesick as he thought it would, because she is still there.

She’s always been there.

He realizes then, that all the losses he’s suffered, all the grief and the heartache, don’t hurt him anymore, not as much as they used to, anyway, because he has her.

He has her as a friend and as a hunting partner, has her as a childhood memory, as the person he’s been in love with his entire life without even knowing, as the only one who can work with him to make this work.

He has her in more ways than one, more ways than he deserves or could have ever dreamt of and though he doesn’t understand why, he’s thankful.

And he’s tired of wasting time.

So, he gathers every ounce of courage he has, walks right next to her and tugs at her hand.

“D.,” she smiles, turning around to face him, “I didn’t hear you co-”

The rest of the words are lost when he presses his lips against hers. He takes it slow, gives her time to pull away, space in case she doesn’t want this, doesn’t want him, but she clutches at his shirt, pulls him closer and he growls and wraps his arm around her waist, holding her, really holding her, for the first time in his life.

When he draws back, he presses his forehead against hers, his hands never leaving her.

“Please, tell me this was okay.” He says, and if he wasn’t so caught up in the moment, he’d be embarrassed by how absolutely wrecked he sounds.

She laughs, delighted but scraped, cheeks pink and lips swollen.

“That was –yeah, that was more than okay, obviously, but-”

“Good.” he smirks, his large hands cupping her face. “Because I own you a date.”

“Fucking finally.” She breathes out and kisses him, lips soft and demanding and perfect against his own, and it’s not too long before he thanks God Sam’s out for the night and takes her to the couch, mumbling are you sures and Jesus, you’re perfects into her skin.

Dean takes his time to make love to her that night, slow and sweet, no matter how desperately he wants her. He thrusts into her leisurely, lets himself see, trace and feel every inch of her body, hear her soft whimpers and the short intakes of breath. He whispers words of love and soft praises, tells her how beautiful she is, how he’s never wanted anyone as much as he wants her, and takes everything she has to give, gives everything she wants to take, until there’s nothing left anymore.

And when she lays naked on the floor next to him afterwards, stomach pressed against the blanket he’s laid, his lips trailing up and down her back, his eyes flicker over the stolen flannel that’s thrown next to the fireplace and he laughs.

“What?” she asks, the smile audible in her voice.

“Nothing, just,” he presses a kiss on the back of her neck, “promise me you’ll never stop wearing my clothes.”

She chuckles, rolls into her back then and wraps her arms around him.

“Wasn’t planning on it.” She pecks his jaw. “Oh, and.”

“Hmm?”

She looks into him, looks into his eyes like she can see everything, like she can read his soul.

“I love you, too.”

Dean smiles then because, in that moment, tangled in the sheets with her, he knows that no matter what happens, no matter what life chooses to throw his way, he’ll always have her, the girl that steals his clothes and makes pancakes to make him smile. 

And that’s enough.

Tags: @ravengirl94 @jpadjackles @supernatural-jackles @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @trexrambling @percywinchester27 @pickupthatamulet @hannahindie @emilywritesaboutdean @atari-writes @dancing-the-hellfire-rumba @dancingalone21 @atc74 @juanitadiann @becominglionhearted @imagining-supernatural @impala-dreamer @becs-bunker @tiny-friggin-human @polina-93 @mandilion76 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @wordstothewisereaders @sgarrett49 @myrabbitholetoneverland @iwriteaboutdean @kathaswings @thevioletthourr @spngeronimo @captainemwinchester @ruprecht0420 @mogaruke @imissyoualittlemoreeveryday @winchestersnco @jayankles @winchesters-flannels @wellthatsrandomkek @akshi8278 @escabell @keepcalmandcarryondean @a-glass-of-orange-juice @ravenangel33 @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels @holahellohialoha @castianityislife02 @sinistersaltqueen @ultrafandomcat @easelweasel @carryonmyswansong

[orionwhispers]

Devil Like Me (Part VII)

(A/N Hi loves! Here is Chapter 7 of Devil Like Me, thank you for all your lovely support and comments!It means the world to me, things are getting more intense and I hope you love it! See you all soon! P.S Hope you get some of my references in this lol xxx)

Then

January blues were a real thing. Christmas was over, and no amount of leftover hot chocolate and candy canes could revive the festive cheer. Cold licked your face and penetrated deep beneath your clothes, leaving you shivering from within. Your toes were numb despite your woolly socks and thick boots and you hopped on the icy pavement to try and create some friction.

Neon lights in the distance illuminated the dark as you clung tighter to your best friends arm. The smell of cider and cigarettes was nauseating as you strode towards the bar in the distance. This was a hotspot for local teenagers, only 20 minutes away from your house, hidden by the edge of the water and cradled behind pine trees. Because of this, the slimy owners served cheap wine and old lager and never checked I.D.

Jasmine gave you an excited smile as you both trudged up the path to the door and swung it open, the scent of sweat and bitter vodka instantly hitting you in the face. It was much warmer inside, a combination of the bodies pressed against each other and the dense 80’s carpets. You recognised many people from your class, mingling and playing pool, a few giving you acknowledging smiles as you hung up your jacket, feeling slightly out of place.

You approached the counter, grimacing as your fingers hit whatever sticky substance coated the woodwork. Jasmine had bounced off, swinging her arms around her latest fling Greg. You gave the elderly server a wan smile and ordered a diet coke despite his subtle attempts at getting you something heavier. You settled into a bar stool, grinning as a girl in your Chemistry class approached and started asking about your weekend.

Conversations mingled around the room in a haze of smoke, and the comforting echo of the vintage jukebox thumped lightly in your ears. You felt eyes on you and glanced around until you spotted him, James. Leant on one arm, dusting a pool cue and giving you a look that made you grimace. You turn away, determined to not let him bother you. A little while later you excuse yourself to the bathroom, feeling your make up melting under the offensive lighting. You pass Jasmine and squeeze her shoulder as she gives you a joyful smile, sipping her warm beer and nestling her head into the crook of Greg’s neck.

The restrooms are a little way out, sandwiched between the back exit and the storage room. The toilets are just as outdated as the rest, offensive clashing colours and mismatched tiles. You peer at yourself in the smudged mirror, setting your face with another coat of powder and wiping stray mascara flakes from under your eyes. You add another lick of gloss onto your slightly chapped lips and wash your hands, unsure of what diseases you have most likely caught by now. You step back into the hallway, sending Aunt Jean a quick text to let her know your whereabouts before you smack into a body.

“Nice to see you here.”

“Hi, James.” You say, giving him a set smile as you try to move past him, but his heavy body blocks your way.

He shrugs his shoulders and reaches into the pocket of his denim jacket; pulling out a carton of cigarettes and placing one between his lips, “Let's step outside?”

You shake your head, motioning back to the party but his clammy hands reach for yours and tug you through the back exit. The night is still cold as you let out a puff of air, wanting whatever this little game is to be over. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and positions it by his mouth, flicking it open and lighting his smoke. You watch the flame flicker for a moment before he snaps it back shut. He pulls it from his lips and offers it to you with a smirk, “How awfully rude of me. You want one?”

“No thanks, I don’t smoke.”

He curls his lip and exhales, “Course you don’t.”

You ignore his comment and rub your hands together, fingers growing numb. “Is there a point to this James?”

He shrugs, tugging his jacket over his body and stares at you. “Can’t two friends just enjoy the night?”

You scoff, “Look, this was nice but-” You reach for the handle of the door before he uses his forearm to shut it again, you try to drag it but he holds it firmly in place. “For God’s sake James, I’m freezing.”

He cuts in front of you, back pressed against metal and takes a long puff, exhaling inches away from your face, dusting you in ash. You wrinkle your nose, disgusted at his actions and try to take off to around the front, but his hand's grip on your arm, nails scratching the pink skin.

“Get off me,” You start, hauling him away from you and trying to step back, but he follows, mimicking your actions. “What is your problem? Can you just leave me alone?” You wipe your head and try to dart at the opening his body has made, but he hoists you back, his mouth in a sly grin.

“We’re just playing! Just a bit of fun, don’t cry about it!” He laughs, mouth by your ear as you struggle against his heavy arms, almost gagging at his smell. “Hey, hey. Calm down. You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” He pulls back, brushing the hair out of your face and pulls the corners of his lips down into a mocking frown “Well, I guess you actually have.”

Without thinking, rage blinds you and you lurch forward, small hands making contact with his face. He hisses and drops you violently, running his hands over his features before pulling back and examining the blood your nail marks had left. “You fucking bitch.” He spits, darting towards you, his hands clambering over your body as you attempt to kick him off, exasperated snarls leaving your mouth. You both are tangled, his fists slam against your nose and you cry out, reaching for his hair and clawing at it with frustration. His hands go to cover your mouth and you bite down, hard. He yelps, darting back to his heels and hissing through his teeth.

His eyes are darker now as he steps over you, you clamber against the floor, hands numb against the ice as he lifts one foot and crashes it down on your ankle, making you scream like a wounded animal. Tears prick in your eyes as he raises his heel again, hovering it above your face. You squeal and flinch away, hitting him with all your might, before you cower back down, bracing for the impact. Instead, you hear the deafening, unmistakable thud of bones splitting. You wince and clamber onto your elbows, exhaling as you see James’ body, still like a mannequin, slumped by piles of garbage.

“Oh my God,” You moan as you see the familiar figure emerge from the shadows, wiping his hands of blood “Is he dead?”

He glances towards the body and shrugs, “Does it really matter?”

You frown at him as he holds his hands out to you, offering to pull you up. You ignore him completely and struggle to your feet, wincing as you take the weight off your painful ankle. You take a second to adjust before you realise how crazy the situation is.

“I had it handled.” You snap, unsure of where your confidence has come from, as you watch him hold his palms up defensively with a smirk.

“Oh, of course, love, from your position on the floor it looked like you were very much in control.”

You scowl and attempt to take a step, dizzying nausea from your blows causing you to stumble, his hands snake under your elbows holding you steady. Your head thumps uncontrollably as you lower it into the crook of his shoulder, steadying your breathing. He stills, focusing on your rapid heartbeat as you let out a grunt of pain. Something about him is calming you, making you feel safe and at ease, until realisation sets in.

“No,” you say pushing him off you, “This isn’t right.” He just watches you, grey eyes placid, tracking your every move. You run a hand through your hair, trying to calm yourself down. He takes a step forward and you instantly move back. “Don’t.”

“You’re bleeding.” He states, motioning to your nose, and you immediately cover it, wincing as the adrenaline wears down and you realise how much it hurts. You pull your hand back down, staring at the crimson stains covering your fingertips and a sudden thought comes to mind.

“Why aren’t you attacking me?”

He raises a brow, but you instantly slam him down. “I know what you are. You’re a vampire.” you spit the words out like they are venom, sour against your tongue.

He smirks, “I’m impressed.”

“It wasn’t exactly rocket science,” You quip “I’m surprised more people haven’t caught on.”

“Well, I have a few ways of keeping people silent.”

You take a step forward, gesturing to your wounded nose, “So this doesn't bother you then?” His eyes flicker to the blood unamused, before flitting back to you.

“It is tempting. But no.”

“God this is so fucked.”  You murmur watching as he lets out an amused snort at your language. “This isn’t funny,”

“Sorry love.”  

“Don’t call me that.” You snap, “Just because of-of.” You pause stumbling over your words, not wanting to let him know that the morning on the beach meant anything to you. “It doesn't mean anything, you’re still a monster. Everything you’ve done. You can’t come back from that.”

He nods, unaffected by your words “I never tried to.”

“Why are you here? Did you follow me here? Why did you help me?” You demand gesturing towards James, who groaned quietly before falling back into unconsciousness. “That night with- with Sarah, why didn’t you kill me too? Why did you let me leave?”

“Honestly?” He asks, stalking towards you slowly, studying your face as you inhale sharply “I don’t know. But something told me I would regret killing you.”

“Well thanks, I guess.”

“But what I want to know, is why you’re here now?Why you stayed up waiting for me every night, why you never ran when I approached you at the ball and the beach. Something tells me you don’t hate me as much as you pretend you do.”

You exhale a breath and straighten up so you are face to face with him, “You don’t know me as well as you think you do. I’m sick of people trying to undermine me.” You bite, glaring at the body in the corner. “Fine. I’m intrigued by you. But I will never, ever respect you or trust you. You are a terrible creature who has done terrible things. You don’t know me and you never will.”  Your outburst has your already sore head throbbing, and sharp pains blind you momentarily.

“Christ this hurts.” You moan, glancing up, but he’s already gone.

A few hours later and Aunt Jean and Jasmine are helping you clamber up the patio towards the house, both fussing over you madly.


“Guys I’m fine.” You laugh, stopping Jasmine from unbuttoning your jeans you as if you were a child.

“I should have been there,” she sighs, causing you to wrap an arm around her shoulder and pull her closer.

“It’s not your fault, plus you should have seen the shiner I gave that asshole.” You wink,

“I did! How did you manage that, you have the upper body strength of a chipmunk.”

You laugh and hit her, just as Aunt Jean comes in to change the bandage over your stitches and help you clamber into bed. Glad for the comfort of your duvet and all the familiar scents and sounds, helping you fall into a much-needed slumber.

Its just past one when you wake, gasping for water. The nurse had warned you that was a side effect of the antibiotics and you had stupidly forgotten to leave a glass beside your bed. You stomped down the stairs in your thick slippers, gliding into the dark kitchen and gulping down a cup of water. Grimacing as you catch your battered reflection in the saucepan left over from dinner.

Just as you are getting ready to head back into bed, an envelope slipped under the front door catches your eye. You must have missed it earlier and pick it up absentmindedly, tossing it over when you realise there's no address, just your name, written in cursive. You prise it open, confused, as your fingers slip over a scrap of coffee-coloured paper. Your breath catches in your throat as you see whats on it.

It’s a drawing of you, done entirely in pencil, thin perfect strokes capturing everything about your features. You've never seen anything like it. From the wisps of thin hairs framing your face to your eyes shining in determination and the blood dripping from your nose like war paint. It’s from tonight. There’s something written at the bottom and you scramble to read it,

“Thank you for your honesty - Klaus.”

Klaus.

Now

Klaus slumped in the armchair in the drawing room, fingers tracing absentmindedly over the ridge of his whisky glass. His eyes were focused on the fireplace in front of him, pupils darting over the rich orange and red flames. Your previous argument spinning around his head, making him dizzy. After he had spoken to you he immediately left the party to sulk alone, he gave no excuses or goodbyes. He couldn't give a fuck about the people downstairs. As much as he refused to admit it, he only cared about you.

God, you were infuriating. He took a violent swig of his drink, relishing the hot bitter taste as it hit the back of his throat. The past two years had been absolute hell,   and whilst he knew you wouldn't immediately fall back into his arms, he had hoped by now there would be some civility. He knew he was partly to blame, he had been angrier than he expected, and when he saw you again, all the feelings he had pushed away had come flooding back. The betrayal was the worst, that morning when he woke up in the bed you shared, only to realise he was alone. He spent months in a fit of uncontrollable rage, convinced you had been abducted by one of his various enemies, and scoured the ends of the earth for answers, killing everyone who stood in his way. It had always been in the back of his mind, but when Elijah pulled him away one day, his hands coated in blood with no solution, that he realised that maybe you had left willingly.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, massaging the start of a migraine brewing behind his eyes. After the realisation set in, he was determined to find you. Rage blinding all reason. He sent teams of hybrids to search the world, sending them everywhere you had possibly mentioned to him. One day in mid-Autumn he even drove back to your old hometown, boots trudging over the familiar beach he stood at the edge of the water and watched the sunrise, but this time, alone.

He fucking hated you. He rose to his feet suddenly, head pounding uncontrollably, as he lifted his whisky glass and flung it into the fire. It immediately shattered, the alcohol making the flames roar and spit, the logs splintering and spluttering onto the floor. He paced wildly, cursing under his breath, before settling back into the chair, head in hands, he knew he was being redundant.

He didn't hate you, not even a little bit, not even at all.

You threw a ball of paper at the wall, watching as it failed to bounce, and landed in a pile in the corner. You sighed, bored out of your mind.

Unsurprisingly, when you had woken up, you were confined back into the room you had grown to hate. Kol and Rebekah had visited in the morning, carrying a tray of slightly burnt pancakes and tried their best to cheer you up, although you were sure they were secretly bursting to ask about what had happened. One look at your swollen puffy eyes was sure to keep them from asking questions, so you sat curled in Rebekah’s arms, listening to all the adventures Kol had been on in the past two years, well before he was daggered. They both made excuses and left, Rebekah pulling you into her chest and Kol ruffling your hair, but refused to admit what exactly it was they were doing. You hadn't heard a peep from anyone all day and were left to your own devices.

A small crash woke you from your thoughts, you craned your neck and focused your ears. It was a mix of hushed voices you hadn’t heard before but you weren’t worried, many of Klaus’ minions were constantly coming and going. You flopped on the bed, flicking through a book you had read far too many times, and tried to tune out the noises downstairs. Until they were outside your bedroom.

“Bonnie! Do your witchy ju-ju and open it!”

“Damon, I’m trying, it’s not exactly simple.”

You frowned, grabbing the copper lamp to your left and holding it, ready to strike. Not that that would be much protection, it sounded like you were dealing with a witch. You hid beside the door, hoping that when it swung open you would have the element of surprise on your side, and waited, calming your breath. The door creaked slowly before it coughed and tore at the hinges. You leapt out of your hiding place, whacking the first person you saw with the lamp, baring your fangs.

“Jesus Christ, what the hell?”

Your eyes met a girl, dark skinned with black hair, glancing at you, trying to appear more confident. You gave her a confused look, why was she doing this? Before you stared down at the wounded man on the floor, he glared at you, holding his head and struggling to his feet. Immediately you recognised him, he was one of the men from the ball. You furrowed your brow, holding the lamp out for protection as you tried to make sense of the situation.

“You?” You questioned, eyes meeting his.

“Sorry, Princess.” He murmured, leaping onto you before you could react, hands clasping around your neck and twisting tight.