#tana talk

[kitana-coldfire]

I've been meaning to put the comic I commissioned from M4ckey on here for a while now

[keyotos]

loved you every single day

summary ⎯ what is love for the xianzhou guys? that's basically it. very sappy and tender and sentimental.

includes ⎯ dan heng, blade, jing yuan

tana's words ⎯ hi...

dan heng

⎯ dan heng had a vague understanding of what love felt like. before the astral express, he never really knew what love really felt like due to memory loss. but he learned, eventually.

⎯ he found love when himiko always offered to make another coffee cup for him (this time, with the blend he enjoys). he found love whenever march/stelle would check on him during the late hours of the night, knowing he'd be buried in books. he found love whenever welt offered to shoulder the burdens of keeping watch during trailblazing missions.

⎯ but he has never felt love like this before. not with you anyway.

⎯ there was a sense of loyalty he had for you. of course, he was obviously also loyal to the crew, but it was different with you.

⎯ you made him want to follow you towards the end of the universe. you made him want to run with you into the light or whatever awaits the both of you later on. he was willing to do all of it.

⎯ why? a lame question to ask, he thinks. there are hundreds of reasons why, and he could list them easily. was your smile and the way it instantly warmed an entire room enough reason? or should he add onto the fact that you were practically made of stardust and cosmic radiance? that you have some kind of miraculous or even transcendental ability to string words so brilliantly that it manages to calm the harshest of voices down?

⎯ and love was scary for dan heng, at first. there were too many hindrances and difficulties in his life. for one, he could not let you get caught up in his past. he wouldn't: he would make sure of it. for two, he wasn't very used to love.

⎯ yeah, there was the express crew. but there was also you. dan heng thought that he would spend the rest of his life alone. he still has not settled into his room on the express because he reasoned that he'd stay until the archives until he was ready to leave. but you challenged all of that.

⎯ how is it that one person could make him want to stay by their side forever? how is it that you have such an enormous effect on him, yet you aren't even aware of it? every wall or barrier he's put up, you've always managed to erode it down. you allowed him to be vulnerable and you allowed him to be carefree. you allowed him to relax. to breathe.

⎯ loving you, was to breathe, for dan heng. you were the gasp of air that he needed while he was drowning beneath the waters. finally being able to decompress and unwind; he felt lighter around you. less stressed, less worried. less stoic. less somber.

⎯ he has never even thought of love like that before he had met you. but you changed him. and he is eternally grateful for that. eternally grateful for you. you are his home, his safe space, his sanctuary of security.

⎯ so he repays you often. he knows what kind of tea you drink and how to make it by heart. he makes a cup for you every morning. you have your own shelf in his archive. hell, you have your own damn space in there as well. there's an indent of you in every corner of every room.

⎯ or maybe, dan heng is so accustomed to you that he sees you in everything.

⎯ he lets you read from his shoulder. he has a shelf filled with all your favorite books from various worlds in his archives. he lets you sleep on his body rather than the flacid mattress on the ground, because he wants to keep you as comfortable as you've kept him. his fingers trace your body every night you stay with him, to ensure that you are safe and you are here, and he is home.

"are you sure you're comfortable like this?" you ask, situated on top of dan heng's body. you're partly afraid that you'll crush him with your entire body weight on him, and that his back would hurt after tonight, "wouldn't it just be smarter to crash in my room instead?"

his chest rises and falls underneath you, getting slower and slower as time goes by, "if you'd like. we can go."

you bite the inside of your lip in thought. it would be safer to do so, for both your and dan heng's safety. but, to be honest, you were very comfortable and tired. "is your back gonna be okay after this?"

"it'll be fine," he brushes off, "besides, you've been sleeping on me for the past few nights now. i can handle one more night."

"huh???"

blade (contains lore spoilers)

⎯ love was something blade has always lived without. as a child, with war and battles as a constant on his homeworld, there wasn't any room for affection or anything similar.

⎯ but then you came along, practically shaking his entire world. there you were, dragging him off to drink god awful mung bean soda. to force him to go outside on days where he was over-occupied with work. to let him enjoy something for once in a while. to let him rub his thumb over yours in the quiet hours of the night, forgetting about work and all other duties.

⎯ he had never thought that loving could be so easy until he met you. it seemed as though time would stop in his tracks whenever he saw you. blade thought it was a myth coming from romance novels (one he had heard from you, ironically enough), but it proved to be, in fact, real.

⎯ and everything was easy. up until everything wasn't. it was one thing, then the other. baiheng passed, jingliu was extremely distraught. it was wearying to see everything go so downhill, so fast. nobody was ever the same after that period.

⎯ yet even after all that, you still had the same look in your eye. you looked at blade the same way you looked at him all those years ago. so much has changed between the both of you, and you know that the both of you would never be able to return to the past.

⎯ though, even after all of that, some things remained the same. for example, the way you never failed to take his breath away. seeing you for the first time in years had him going through a plethora of feelings: distraught, appalled, and slightly less dejected.

⎯ but most importantly, there were still parts of the other's heart still beating for each other. even if you couldn't love him anymore, you still cared about him. you cared about him the same way you did all those years ago.

⎯ you went out of your way to find him. you went out of your way to offer him solace, even if it was for one last time. why? he didn't want to know, he didn't want to ask. he has a mission: he has to pursue it, always. nevertheless, he still found himself underneath the sun's rays, as it managed to follow him wherever, saying, "i'm here. even if you don't see me sometimes, i am still here."

⎯ and if you still cared... well, there was still hope, right?

he's leaning over a rail, looking over the xianzhou skies and the starskiffs racing by. he hasn't been back in ages. it feels... strange; it feels as if he's experiencing his first day all over again.

blade is so fascinated by the sight that he fails to hear your footsteps come closer, now reaching his side. he only hears you after you clear your throat. he's startled, for obvious reasons: but, when he sees you hold up a mung bean soda in surrender, he's surprised at how fast the panic dies down.

"aren't you going to arrest me?" he took a step back from you. you didn't move, but instead held out the drink.

"i could," you dragged out, checking your watch, "but... i'm not on duty," the corners of your lips turn up ever so slightly, like you were happy at the fact that you were having a drink with a criminal. you pull open the tab and take a sip, then offer it towards him.

he blankly stares at your hand. remembers the feeling of it in his. now, his mind is skewed. maybe even grotesque if he wanted to sound dreadful about it. but there are few happy memories he can recall, as well as the feelings during them, and it seems like you are recreating one of them currently. and oddly enough, there are no feelings of bitterness that follow him this time.

he takes and drinks the mung bean soda, and to his surprise, it’s not as bad as it was many years ago. maybe it was because your lips were on it, or maybe it’s because the once atrocious drink did get better. and when he looks up and is greeted by your curious face, he hopes that love is like that as well.

jing yuan

⎯ years ago, if you had asked jing yuan what love was, he'd say something benign: love is indescribable. a simple answer for a simple man in love. but oh, has time took its toll.

⎯ it isn't to say that love isn't indescribable. on some days, he finds it worrying that he may love you too much⎯that his willingness to give you the world was a bit concerning at times. others point it out, but jing yuan chooses to be blindsided. but he is always aware.

⎯ aware. jing yuan is nothing short of perceptive. he has been around for centuries. he has been there for wars, for battles, for decrees. and it sticks with him: forever. he does not simply forget, yet he is forced to stay in one place forever. immorality may be a blessing for others, but a curse for xianzhou natives.

⎯ he does not give himself a moment to fully relax. even if it seems that way a lot (the dozing general needs his power naps), he is always back to his duties.

⎯ however, it's different with you. with you, he has no burdens to shoulder. he has no secrets to keep from you. there is no wall of tension blocking between you. with you, everything is for grabs. his feelings, his emotions, his heart.

⎯ vulnerability. many look down at the vulnerable. and in jing yuan's line of work, the cost of vulnerability comes with a substantial price. his guard has to be up at all costs, because if not, there would be another catastrophe. his act as a lazy general is just a rouse, because there is so much that's weighing on him inside.

⎯ in a city that flies, jing yuan feels rooted by the weight of the luofu.

⎯ so imagine the amount of unconcern he feels when he's around you. the feeling of rocks suffocating him has subsided, and you are here to remove them. and one by one, he begins to feel lighter and lighter as you hull them off.

⎯ and you don't get tired. you're still here. you keep picking off the rocks, even the smallest ones. you relentlessly continue until everything is gone, and the only things left are just you and him.

⎯ by now, he understands what love is. it's when he knows how your fingers have ran through every crevice of his brain, every knot in his stomach, every knot in his soul. it's understanding. it's being able to shoulder the weight of the world with another. it's someone staying to help you get the rocks off of your body.

⎯ love is being met with soft touches instead of daggers. love is being met with mhms and reallys while retelling a story from this morning. love is being able to speak about the past, the truth of it all, and allowing the light to peek through instead of the darkness. that is what love is.

"and then, get this, i found him in the midst of a fight with blade," jing yuan throws his head on your shoulder exasperatedly, disregarding the fact that you were halfway through your novel.

"well, he was doing his job," you counter, looking back towards your lover.

"i know," he slides a hand across his face, "it's just tiring. and i don't want him to get hurt." like others, is the unspoken phrase here. it's on the tip of his tongue, you know it.

you place a bookmark in your book before shutting it. you finally turn your full attention towards jing yuan, "he's strong. you trained him."

"but," he sighs, "what if it's not enough?"

you decide the mood is a little too melancholic, so you decide to lighten the mood a little bit, "then i'll take over as general of the luofu," you grinned. jing yuan smiled as well: your smile was infectious, how could he not?

you ran a hand through his hair, "you are good enough. i hope you know that. you won't fail yanqing. he's tough and stubborn... he sadly gets that from you."

jing yuan chuckles, a real chuckle, and pulls you closer to him as you grab your book once again. he presses a chaste kiss to your temple as he reads along to the same words on a page as you.

yes, things will be okay, he thinks.

hi y'all! i have been sooo busy w sm stuff lately, like i've been preparing for college and i've been going to the gym and i've been doing sm. updates have been scarce except like the 3 alhaitham posts (i couldn't resist). but hopefully during these last few weeks of summer i can get my grind back on!!!

[jellyfishjuliet]

it's actually wild how well-written kon's self-loathing is whenever he's angsting over tana, cuz it's like, he thinks he's the reason why it always goes bad. it's never tana's selfishness, or her inability to catch spence's game, or her being so hard on kon despite his very blatant social ineptitude. it's heartbreaking bc it's not all him, but he never really sees that. even when he's dying in infinite crisis, somehow it's always him that's in the wrong and has to do the fixing. im so sorry the gods hate you, kon 😭

[mamawasatesttube]

the thing about clark re: kon's early living situation is that you really cannot argue that clark was negligent for two reasons. a) clark was not responsible for him. cadmus was, and dubbilex was, and if anyone was negligent of kon's needs and situation it should be dubbilex, but moreover b) the writers did not acknowledge that anything about kon's situation was fucked up and the kind of thing that should merit adult intervention.

like, there are plenty of adults in kon's life other than clark who feasibly should have said something about tana dating him. sam makoa was right there! the man's a police officer who watched this adult woman go report on her boyfriend's first day in high school as a freshman and was like "yeah that seems fine haha" like ???

and we know it's because karl kesel & co simply did not see a problem with kon and tana dating. no one at dc did! we see this in sins of youth superman jr and superboy sr. we see this in adventures of superman #541. clark is written to not see anything wrong with it because karl kesel didn't see anything wrong with it! and clark is far from the only adult in kon's life. clark did not live with kon. clark was not kon's primary adult caretaker. not even close.

so why is it that people like to point fingers at clark for negligence first and foremost? is it because people still assume that a genetic link = responsibility, or because clark "should have" known better (despite. you know. being written sometimes by karl kesel) just because he's superman?

like idk man i just think any discussion of kon's history with grooming and abuse that doesn't factor in karl kesel's biases as a writer is fundamentally missing the point. yes, superman is a character that would act to protect a child if he knew that child was being preyed upon and exploited. yes, kon was a child being preyed upon and exploited. no, superman did not know about it, because the narrative was written by a man who would not acknowledge it as such.

of course, that involves doing some restructuring of how it ought to have played out - like, just bc karl kesel saw nothing wrong with kontana does not mean that there's nothing wrong with a 23yo dating a 15-16yo. so clark and lois meeting up with kon and tana during their honeymoon feels off. that convo during sins of youth feels off. there are a good few of these instances, and there are certainly discussions to be had on how to interpret them because of that lens of authoriaal bias. but to pin blame on clark as a character (as opposed to, say, dubbilex or makoa) is such a reductive reading to me.

[keypostos]

Don’t play w me

[tanalogyosc]

Katsuki's Presentation on Life in Objects

[mae-kent]

i live in this wonderful paradox as a mae fan where i must simultaneously accept canon that writes mae as a somewhat thoughtful representation of the differences in ideology between lex and clark and the canon that writes mae as a creepy kara copy or an empty headed ingenue. her age is a big example of this imo especially in relation to her relationship to kon and clark

which is it guys. these is like a year apart max. is she an adult woman working with lex to pull people into his control (ex how she went after kon el & lar gand) or is she a young girl who has been manipulated since creation to work for lex. the answer is both sort of lol

she’s usually portrayed as being on the younger side, though- she loses a lot of memories and seems to sort of skill regress a lot after supergirl saga in the 80’s, and when she comes back in the 90’s during panic in the sky, her language is stilted and she’s reactionary. she leans into lex immediately upon meeting him.

then in these arcs she’s portrayed as being a bit older, but in supergirl & team luthor (1993) and supergirl (1994), kelley is calling her a young girl with her first crush. she joins the new titans and is grouped alongside bart in new titans annual #11.

her age isn’t really mentioned again as far as i can tell after this, at least not until sg96. sg96 gets complicated with linda so.. sticking to this for now

[tarucore]

I don't think that Kon was as good at hiding how much he was struggling as he thought he was. Teenagers, in my experience have very clear signs and despite all his other abilities, Kon isn't a very good liar, or even a good actor. He's ridiculously genuine for a hero that was marketed as a celebrity, partially, I think bc he never had to deal with hiding any part of himself to begin with.

But the reason that no one reached out in universe was that the people that he interacted with the most were either adults who didn't care about him beyond his usefulness, adults with limited autonomy of their own, and other teens like his teammates. And if you've ever had a close friend struggle with depression and suicidality, you know that its hard to help when you are just a kid dealing with your own problems.

I don't think anyone would be surprised if Kon told them later about how he was feeling back then. They already knew, but there wasn't much they could do about it bc like, they were sixteen years old and going to place their bets in the hope that their best friend was probably not going to kill himself before they saved the world. Maybe just in the process of saving it.

[keyotosprompts]

submitting this blog and keyotos on my college apps i'm shivering rn

[stardial]

i always forget i’m like genuinely pretty good at writing. it’s like crazy

[starbright-sunset]

I've seen the possibly redesigns for Vine n Shuri and like- I was VERY on the fence about Vine's new one bc it seemed so... Out there? Like it felt so out of place against all of the current Thieves' Den residents THEN I SAW SHURI'S and I was like "Okay. Yeah. I like it more now."

[kitana-coldfire]

And now for something completely different!

Shout out to the ever-lovely @takityphoon for doing this gorgeous piece of my girl.

[keyotos]

what do you mean you're not always in a state of worry and fear?????? wdym you aren't excessively overthinking all the time???????????????

[jellyfishjuliet]

dont know how to explain this to people nicely anymore so i will simply be an asshole and speak in bullet points. getting sexually abused and preyed on in his early years is kon’s canon event. what you see in the retconned/softbooted versions seem confusing and or antithetical at times because editorial routinely ignores his sexual abuse. his youthful arrogance cannot be separated from his sexual proclivities. he desires women carnally, but does not know how to be around them without being weird about it because of his history. he sucks at holding down a girlfriend and being a good partner because his formative experiences were with an abuser and with an older woman who had unfair expectations of him. he would have ended up with knockout in another world because he doesn’t perceive her preying on him as anything bad. all his writers between 1993-2002 (except didio) have consistently highlighted that knockout and tana contribute to his depression, feelings of helplessness, and abnormal sexual behaviors. say it with me, lads. kon el is a victim of child sex abuse. it warped his ideas of sexuality, his performance of masculinity, and his idea of what constitutes a ‘normal’ life. due to being a clone (regardless of which dad-canon you prefer), the abuse is foundational as to why he struggles so deeply with the women around him.

[mamawasatesttube]

kon & nat's conversations in steel #46 hit sooo good if you think about it as a closeted gay guy talking to a closeted lesbian...