#talking about aroness is one thing and not even a problem but claiming it as ace is a whole other VERY bad thing

[gdsplicer]

[therealvinelle]

Would Carlisle/Alphard work? (Platonic or romantic)

... curse tumblr for I had drafted my reply to you. ALAS.

No.

Carlisle is not for Alphard

Alphard is an extremely cynical person who admires Tom Riddle for his strength and infallibility. Tom is the most extraordinary person in the room at any given time, and always true to himself. As far as Alphard is concerned Tom is a demigod among men, the sort of natural force who doesn't live by the same rules the rest of us do and wanting him to change is the last thing on Alphard's mind.

Would he admit this to Tom's face, never, Tom has enough of an ego. Alphard will call him a lunatic and ridiculous, and mean every syllable. Did he fall in love with a violent lunatic with impure blood who was beating up not just Alphard, but his closest relatives and all his friends in school, also yes.

It's the whole package of Tom that makes him appeal to Alphard, from the physical beauty to the uncompromising personality, to the way he can't ever be fully predicted, and the tragically romantic backstory. Being in love with him is just a point of fact for Alphard at this point.

Even becoming Lord Voldemort is something Tom never claims is anything but what it is, and while Alphard is horrified and heartbroken Tom remains the person he always was. Readers of The Man Who Would Be King will remember Alphard lasted one week before being married to Tom again.

Carlisle, by contrast, while unbelievably beautiful and just as extraordinary, is a man who has made self-delusion a cornerstone of his life. He loves his family and wants them to care about human life as much as he does, so he'll give them little nudges like going to their victims' funerals or have family votes where thankfully the majority voted against killing an innocent girl, and not think about what it says about Edward that he killed people for pleasure for four years because- well, he came back.

And he walks around talking about how great, how humane, how wonderful his family and their way of life is. While living among humans, thereby risking the deaths of innocents for no reason other than "it's our lifestyle!" (and the even worse, underlying reason of "if they don't live with humans they might forget humans aren't food...")

Loss of control isn't even a hypothetical, this happens to the Cullens semi-frequently.

Alphard would think he's a fool and a killer by proxy, and despise and pity him. To him, Carlisle is easily worse than Voldemort.

Alphard is not for Carlisle

The trouble with Alphard is that he is what Caius would be if Caius was worse. He's mean, he's judgmental, and he's cynical, all qualities Caius shares only Alphard is somehow worse. He's just so mean.

More troubling yet, he is very principled and harsh on himself but lives cease to matter to him where his loved ones are concerned. Had Aro said "Here is my Horcrux, it's a fifteen-year-old Aro who must be fed a soul to gain a body" Carlisle would have pressured him to either repair his soul, and left when Aro didn't do so. Alphard, by contrast, "Ope, guess we're finding him a soul then."

Alphard is a very ruthless person, he may be principled but should his line of reasoning lead him to murder being the solution to a problem a loved one is having then murder it is.

Alphard also reacts to Tom becoming Voldemort much the same way he would infidelity, as it's not really the suffering Tom inflicted that bothers him but the betrayal of his own character as Alphard knew it (and he'd have had a much harder time getting past actual infidelity. That would have been a crisis). His faith is restored because he sees enough of the goodness he fell in love with. His niece Bellatrix is much the same, of sure she's done bad things, Alphard is intellectually aware of this fact. It's getting hard to deny that she probably has tortured and killed people, and delights in it. Well, have you considered the fact that she's precious and perfect?

Andromeda's marriage to Ted is on par with Tom and Bellatrix's life choices in that Alphard's not thrilled with it, but he can look past it because he loves her that much.

To Carlisle this man is genuinely insane and terrifying. Carlisle can move past his friends killing to live because it's what they've always known and he sees the good in them in spite of that. Alphard would frighten him, there is plenty good in him but Carlisle would correctly put together that the man is one line of reasoning away from killing anybody at all.

Carlisle stays as far out of his way as he can, and warns others to keep their distance from this one.

Can these two even be in a room together?

I think if they meet in the library and only talk about books, they'll have a grand time. Just don't let them talk about anything personal, at all.

[alliepretends]

Since I posted one of my Dimension 20 hot takes, and didn't literally explode. I think I'll post the other one that really matters to me.

The discourse around aroace Riz is really hard for me. And I find it really hard to be empathic toward people who think about it differently than I do. And I think it's important to put that lack of empathy in context. Fandom (and by this I mean the broader fandom culture, not D20 fandom specifically) has generally been an extremely hostile space for aromantic people. Shipping is the central pillar of fandom engagement and dialogue. And a romantic lens is typically the very first lens applied to the source material when it is brought into fandom spaces. By that I don't just mean it's what people think about first, I mean analysis tends to pass first through the lens of romance, and then only things the romantic lens can't lay claim to are left for other kinds of analysis. Even for aromantic people like me, who very much enjoy romance when it exists in the realm of fiction, it's hard not to feel like there's a message in that. "Characters, and the fiction they exist in, are only valuable when seen through the lens of romance. Regardless of the genre of the source material. That's because romance is unquestionably the most important and defining feature of life. Unless it's sex." This can get pretty extreme if you become a fan of something with an especially strong central ship (like a Supernatural), where it can feel like literally all analysis of any aspect of the work has to tie back to the ship. In my experience, the sub-culture of fandom, for all its trappings of queer acceptance, is far more arophobic and aro-hostile than any other culture or sub-culture I participate in. Not because fans are actively making anti-aro posts or hate aro people, but because romance is elevated as the primary element of human experience. The only one really worth talking about and exploring. The only one worth writing fics about or dedicating massive posts to. It is worth noting that the Dimension 20 fandom (and, based on my experience, actual play in general) seems to be less romance-focused than other fandoms. There's lots of gen fic. There's lots of discussion that doesn't focus on romance. But that doesn't mean the Dimension 20 fandom somehow exists separately from overall fandom culture. The baggage of that larger culture still informs this fandom.

And that's why the way Riz gets talked about feels like such a slap in the face. He is the first example I (and I expect many others) have encountered of a heavily-coded aromantic character popular with fandom. And yet, that hasn't freed him from the fandom scramble to read him through the lens of romance. I'll admit to being a bit of an extremist on this. I know that for many aromantic people having a single qpr that fills many of the needs of romance is really an important part of their experience. Many of my aromantic/aspec friends feel this way. But I don't even like qpr Fabriz. Because even though that is an authentic and important part of aromanticism to represent. With a character like Riz, whose fears are explicitly based around the lack of access he has to coupledom, qpr Riz still feels like an attempt by romance-oriented fandom to jam the first aromantic character the sub-culture gets its hands on into something that looks enough like traditional coupledom that no one has to change their romance-oriented outlook. The myth of the OTP can live on if you just change some of the verbiage. I know there are arospec people that would also feel excluded if fandom fell in line with my perspective and kept Riz as far away as possible from anything resembling romance. I don't actually know what the right solution to these problems is. We got thrown one bone and there's a bit of a desire to fight over it (Wikipedia's list of aromantic characters has 18 characters, and while that's not all of them, it's a decent percentage). But I did want to put this out in the world. Because I feel like there's a lot of context and baggage missing from this discourse. And all I really want is to have fandom still be able to treat an aromantic character as valuable even when they can't neatly pair him off

[tw1nkee28]

Hey I have a small question, I’m not shipping anyone, but I’m wondering are Dawn and Jack friends or does Jack hate the hell out of Dawn, or they best friends, love hate friendship, or do they possibly have a thing for each other

I’m not shipping anyone, I’m just curious if I need to change the way Jack acts around Dawn in my videos, also to see if I need to stop the way Jack acts with Dawn in my memes or videos, or how Dawn acts with Jack in my videos and meme

(Sorry if this bothered you or upset you in anyway, I’m just wondering for future posts)

(I think I spelled everything correctly😓)

You're perfectly fine! No worries, I don't mind shipping or anything as long as it isn't weird or genuinely bad. I love getting asks and questions about my little guys, don't worry 🫶

(lots of words below cut)

Now, in terms of dynamic? They know each other, they've interacted a bunch and are friendly with each other, but I don't believe they're ... Close per say.

Don't get me wrong, I believe they'd be considered acquaintances, 'friends' at best. But they also don't interact with each other enough to be considered genuine friends. Mainly because Dawn avoids the med bay and any medical professionals or places, not because he has a problem with the people, but because he hasn't had positive experiences with medical settings in the past. And since he completely avoids the med bay and claims he's fine even when he is very obviously seriously injured, he is one of Jack's most difficult patients.

How they would interact? Mhhh, I think they'd get along outside of anything medical related. They're both laid back generally and "quiet" I guess, though Dawn is much more quiet. Jack talks a bunch when he gets comfortable or when someone gets him going, quiet any other time. The two have SOME things in common, enough to find common ground for conversation. They both get annoyed with people easily, both can cook, both hate florescent lights (for very different reasons), etc etc.

So it's more of a "You're a pain in my ass, but I deal with you" dynamic, they've had their intimate moments cause poly shadow company is very real in my mind, but nothing romantic (Jack is aro, doesn't really feel romantic attraction to anyone but enjoys the attention). They're generally peaceful with each other, enjoying the silence and calm presence of one another when they're left alone, sometimes starting up conversation about whatever they can think of.

Jack pokes and prods at Dawn when the moment calls for it, like if he's blatantly avoiding him because his check-up's soon or if he did something stupid earlier that day. Jack cares deeply for all of the shadows and their safety, and he doesn't exclude Dawn. Checks up on everyone and him after every mission, and Dawn does the same but in more subtle ways. Doing physical acts of helping other people silently to check up on them or just sneaking a few glances at Jack after a long mission just to see if he's alright.

And I mean, Dawn could possibly have a thing for him in the future (?) unrequited love or something like that. But it also takes Dawn a long while to get to know people and develop any sort of feelings for them because of the walls he puts up, and they haven't really known each other for very long since technically Jack just recently joined SC. So I'll just put a big fat MAYBE on that for now HSGHF, but I will give you that they HAVE been intimate before, just not really romantically as I said before jshdh

Jack also appreciates Dawn because he never touches the lights in his office or messes with his stuff

- To simplify it, they're friendly with each other when they need to be. Not out-right friends, but close acquaintances. They have brief but nice interactions when they do interact.

Also, feel free to have them interact however you feel they should. I haven't spent too much time dwelling on how exactly their dynamic and relationship works, so this is subject to change. I also like seeing other people's takes on them !!

I tend to make my characters boring with their interactions, especially Dawn. I promise I don't mean to, his boringness is a trauma response 😭

Thanks for the ask 🫶

[asexualconfessions]

there not enough discourse around being ace and preferring not to talk about seggsual content even in clean situations. some of my friends (who are even a part of the aroace community) don’t understand this.

(sorry this is probably going to turn into a rant)

last week my aro friend and i were discussing sex and i used relatively clean or minimally detailed terms to talk about it because that’s just what i prefer but they straight up said something along the lines of “why are you acting like a 12 year old” (we’re both adults).

they know i’m ace. but that doesn’t seem to be reason enough for me to prefer not using explicit terms/language??

i feel like there’s a lot of talk about aces who may also have sex or aces who make sex jokes.

what about the aces who prefer to not think or talk about sex because it makes them uncomfortable?

tbh i think there should be more discourse around it.

why am i being compared to a child under the guise of “it’s normal to talk about sex as an adult”

i’m just mad that this kind of stuff is still going on today, even among people who claim to be educated on aroace identities.

🟣

I want to actually reply to this one, as an asexual who's friends thought they were so oblivious as to have never seen what a penis looked like. As in. Never even saw a picture. ALL of our friends are virgins, not a bad thing, and I was the one singled out. Because I was vocally uncomfortable talking about sex. So you know what I did? Complete 180, everything is a sex joke, everything is phallic. Because I was SO tired of being singled out. A lot of asexual people are adults, some who have had sex, a large amount who have consumed sexual content in some way (in movies, on TV, through fandom, through books) and even if we choose not to, we should NOT be treated as innocent children for it!!! We should not be CALLED children for it!!!! It's. Excuse my language, it's fucking disconcerting!! You have to have so much cognitive dissonance to speak to me the way I speak to the eight year olds in my classes.

It's so incredibly wild that an aromantic said that to you too, that's not okay. They of all people should have enough exposure to the ace community, and the aroace community, to understand why that is such a fucking stupid thing to say. Sorry. I'm so ANGRY about it!!!! I'm so angry about arospecs and acespecs being socially engineered to think like this too! I'm so angry about how people treat us, even the ones we love or respect! We are not kids! Not having sex doesn't make you a child! Not having a relationship doesn't make you a child! Neither of these traits should define your humanity or your adulthood and if they do that's a problem, even in allo people!!! Can the world stop being so fucking stupid about reproduction!!!! Holy shit!!!!!!

[entropy-sea-system]

OK OK impromptu rant but I need to get this out there as I still feel somewhat connected to the aro community-

I have been watching the tags, I've been talking the people in my local a-spec community and I think it amazes me just how incredible the relationships put forth by aro and aces are, while the communities just don't reflect any of it.

I've stopped identifying with the aroallo label because there was no sense of community associated with it. The a-spec spaces are made for aces only and the ace stuff in them is abhorrent. I am tired of people passing it off as repulsion, while still seeing people saying "hookers" are disgusting in a-spec tags. I'm tired of people saying PDA is bad. I'm tired of people acting like aros and aces can only be clueless cinnamon rolls. I'm tired of people being so so so stuck in their own perspective of the world they act like people in romantic relationships can't be happy. So on and so forth.

The concepts we have are passionating. They're the coolest ones I've been exposed to in queer communities. However, nobody thinks about them. Nobody speak about them. All we have is endless messages about how the world is so so confusing or hatred directed at sex and romance. I get that but I wish we went even a tiny bit past that really. It's a community filled with adults that feels so immature and I honestly think there is some sort of self infantilization going on. I don't like that I don't have symbols that aren't associated with uwu smol bean dragon lover stuff. It makes me sick and is why I don't identify with it anymore but it's genuinely sad to see because technically that's still the people who will relate to me the most.

It feels like people are always desperate to understand how the norm works and how they can best align with it instead of fully experiencing their identity. And that's an understandable thing to do but the community is just that with sex and romance negativity sprinkled on top of it.

I wish they were angrier. I wish they were more introspective. I wish they thought about breaking the norms more instead of headcannoning every female character without a love interest as aroace and talking about how gross sex is. I wish I felt like I can connect with the people who are supposed to be at least partly like me.

Anyway you're cool and I hope you're doing well! Sorry to drop all of this onto you but yeah I trust you with my ranty feels about the community.

We didn't really expect this ask but thank you for sending it!!

There are a lot of issues with the aspec community, especially online, (we have no experience with irl ones yet). And what you described here explains the issues with it quite well.

I feel like most of the aspec community ends up catering to mainly aces, and to a lesser extent aros, and slightly to apls, while other atertiary is hardly discussed (and agender ppl often just lump w gender stuff instead even though its aspec). I think the community is also rather divided, personally.

We're in some discord servers w mostly other apls and aros/run by other apl aros (often also romo aro) and they tend to overall be normal about aspec identities without being negative about attractions or actions or gatekeeping aspec labels. Currently we logged off discord a bit but we have in the past been in aro spaces that had many of the issues you mention , and still come across people being that way on tumblr.

I think there is a problem where some aros think that calling romance inherently toxic is somehow "activism" and deny that romance negativity exists, then claim that they "don't have to consider every culture ever" when people state that some cultures are romance negative and do harm people for engaging in romance.

They seem to think its "punching up" and some alloaros in particular try to justify it by acting like the united states is the only country that matters and citing sex negativity as a reason for romance negativity "not existing". When aces do this about sex its harmful, but thats not supposed to be a reason to deny that being romance negative is toxic and harmful to others even if their country doesn't persecute people for engaging in romance.

I also personally see a some aros hesitant to id with ace or acespec terms that technically fit them because of how bad the ace community has been about sex and anyone who isn't ace, as well as aces and aros generally forgetting about atertiary ppl. Some of them prefer terms like lightspec or such or allospec partly because of that.

It's understandable that some people feel a disconnect from labels like aro and ace as a result of how the communities tend to be tbh. I've had moments when I didn't want to id as aro because of this, and I consider myself both aro and alloro due to my arospec orientation.

Also being tertiary repulsed and being repulsed by sex repulsion (it just happens to repulse me a lot to read about even if not stated in a sex negative way), makes it a bit hard to be around other aspecs. I feel really disgusted and triggered when other aros talk about squishes and qprs and friendships, even if I think they should be able to talk about that. Which makes it hard to be around some other aros.

I also get what you mean about people trying to align with the existing norm. I'm seeing a rise in people maligning labels they don't understand and this attitude of "the only kind of weird thats fine is the kind of weird I am", which the aspec community has certainly not been immune to either.

I feel like for some reason most aspecs I see online, especially aros, are minors? Maybe because the aromantic label only really caught on after 2005 iirc so older people less likely to have heard of it? Im not a huge fan of how aspec tends to be infantilised either. I find issues with how some of the aro symbols are very derivative of ace symbols because we are not some extension of ace we're our own community. I can also see how ppl may find it too infantilising to have symbols like frogs and griffons etc.

Also yeah what is with people doing that about characters who are women or girls and express that they don't want to get married??? Or even just don't have a love interest. I understand if aroaces want more headcanoned rep or non-aspecs I guess idk want to fill some headcanon diversity quota without actually supporting aspecs but.

Not wanting marriage or not having a love interest is not inherently equal to not wanting romance and/or sex. I feel especially that people like to assume not wanting to have children means not wanting sex (which I find pretty reductive in that its acting like thats the only reason ppl have sex, especially as a sex favorable person who doesn't want kids). And all aspecs deserve more canon rep to begin with. I think I have a gripe with ppls aspec headcanons almost always being alloace or aroace. It's like they forget other aspecs like apls, alloaros, neu aros, non sam aros, atertiary, etc. even exist!

Additionally I think its partly because romance is emphasized more for female characters that even fans decide to make their interpretations about romance/a lack there of as if its the character's only personality trait. In my opinion its just as obsessive about romance if someone thinks all there is to a character is not engaging in it. I also see people act like they're solely worried a woman/girl character is going to fall for a man/boy character they hc as aro but not often the opposite like. Just say you see romance as gendered/feminine in some way and go I guess lol.

I also feel like mainly allistic non-aspecs do this but when ppl hc an autistic character as ace or aroace it feels infantilising if theres literally no other rationale behind their headcanon. I feel desexualised at times as an autistic and thats mostly bc ppl pick up on some kind of nd thing and they assumed I'm too "innocent" to like romance or sex, or because they view us as "unable to consent"(which can be true of some people if their neurodivergence affects their ability to consent to things even as an adult, but isn't universally true.) . I think some of this perception is also rooted in eugenics (due to people equating sex with having kids and viewing disability and/or neurodivergence as a tragedy and thinking its 'bad' for disabled and/or nd ppl to have kids).

So I don't really appreciate implications that someone is ace just by virtue of being autistic. I think its also unfair to autistic aros and aces because our neurodivergence can influence our orientation, but being autistic does not mean that makes someone inherently ace and/or aro.

My physical disability is relatively mild and less talked about (chronic pain and fatigue), and I don't reveal it to most ppl(ppl who dont live with me won't know I get exhausted from non-taxing to abled ppl activities, and chronic pain is not visible at all and we can't get mobility aids due to not being independent yet) so Im not fully aware how people view my apl and aro identities in that regard.

And there is definitely an issue with aspecs trying to enforce NEW norms. They cry about how people are forced into performing romance and sex to fit in but then turn around and tell people they need to love or have friends or family or pets in order to be a good person. It's also very harmful to aspecs bc some of us are loveless or atertiary etc. in ways that aros and aces apparently hate lol. A lot of aros in particular are very platonormative.

The aro community is also rather hostile to romo aros. There are still people who exclude romo aros from the aro label or act like we have to bend over backwards and acknowledge that we are "amatonormative oppressors" for liking romance or feeling some connection to it.

I think also the meme about putting a box away on a tall shelf away from a child is relevant here. The word amatonormative is constantly misused by a lot of aros. I've seen aros call alloromantic apls "amatonormative" and act like "amatonormative" means 'person who engages in romance'.

Its not a term abt engaging in romance or liking it. It's also not an excuse to pressure people to have or like friends either. I think aros should have actual discussions about amatonormativity that aren't just US-centric and about romance(wow do aros love to ignore that monogamy, non-queer, cis, etc. are social categories deemed more valuable under amatonormative societal norms), instead of using it to describe anyone they deem as interested in romance .

On that note, a lot of them use some examples of toxic relationships as reasons to call romance toxic and almost advocate for romance to never exist(which is especially disgusting to see for me, as in my country a lot romance negative conservative rhetoric is literally worded the same way). These people almost never acknowledge that other relationships like friendship can be toxic too.

I think some of these people believe in 'morality of repugnance' in that they think if its something they personally find repulsive in some way, that means its inherently immoral, which is not conducive to having unbiased views of the world, or critical thinking. I think a lot of ppl my age and younger are especially trying to do this because Ive lost count of how many I've seen be like "ewww thats gross/weird and so its wrong/immoral", and literally spouting conservative rhetoric while thinking they're politically liberal/leftists, perhaps with different wording but yeah. (I think that one tumblr post abt ppl in that age range being 'conservative on accident', especially in the united states- though that is concerning given the way ppl from other countries tend to absorb american opinions and such too much, describes this phenomenon)

I think some aros are also still so caught up in how much of a tragedy they think their aromanticism is, and I feel bad for them but thats not all there is to being aro and its a bit weird when ppl act like it is.

I think one of the best things about being aspec for me is feeling more like I can engage in and not engage in relationships (Im only favorable to sexual partnerships w no label other than 'sexual partner', and romance only w two partners as of now, and completely averse to all tertiary/nonrose. before I fully realised my aspec identities i pressured myself to have friends and felt like I'd be obligated to be favorable to nonsexual romance if someone wanted that with me, to 'be an ally to aces', even though it repulsed me. I also felt obligated to want qprs especially after realising Im aro. Realising Im atertiary helped me stop forcing myself to want nonrose relationships.)

Anyways that was a lot of rambling but probably most of my opinions on the aro and some extent aspec community.

[sun-spice]

I came across a post claiming that cishet a-specs were calling gay and trans people dirty? I can't say about ace spaces, but personally I was active in the aro community every day for years and I saw stuff that maybe one time. Said person was prompted to unlearn their bigotry, and when they didn't they were kicked.

The a-spec community is large enough that you could possibly find an AVEN thread or something along these lines from the 00s. But when I became active in the mid 10s, it wasn't a problem in the spaces I was in. I've personally met far more cis straight aros who were affirming than those who weren't. If you have genuine examples from the aro community around the period I was active in (2010s), especially that weren't properly addressed, I would be interested to see it.

Unless you're misunderstanding repulsed a-specs by taking them out of context. Which this person went on to do in the next paragraph.

I'll talk about romance-repulsion here since that's what's this post was mostly concerning, what I'm familiar with, and because that's what people like this seem to find most baffling.

To this person, basically, being romance-repulsed is an expression of homophobia. Despite it being all romance anywhere... and usually the problem people have by straight people by virtue of exposure...

Things I've usually seen romance-repulsed people complain about seriously (myself included) is stuff like: excessive PDA in public spaces (particularly where it is impossible to ignore), friends disrespecting their boundaries, and annoying (straight) romance subplots in movies. Sound homophobic to you?

They speak specifically about aros saying they would like PDA-free queer spaces, painting that in homophobic light. When in context, ultimately, aro people completely understand that asking other queer especially not to display PDA at all queer spaces would be queerphobic, and thus these discussions usually turn to how would we make spaces ourselves where repulsed people specifically can be accommodated. Which is completely reasonable. Also yes, we use queer spaces when talking about spaces for aro people whether you like it or not.

On the ace side, I've seen people being frustrated that the only places they have nearby to meet to people, especially other queer people, are places like nightclubs and kink spaces. Which is a sentiment I've seen expressed by people even outside of the ace community. As an alternative, there's been some talk about queer cafés. I know of an a-spec person who was even involved in setting one up, even if it unfortunately had to close to various circumstances (bigots and capitalism for two). Sound homophobic to you?

Anyway, to summarise. I'm tired of people always taking our discussions in bad faith and not reading into it.

[minnarr]

ooooh *eyes please leave me alone (shanjiang/buyi/shaoshang)* is this love like the galaxy? I am intrigued!

it is!!

look, at the end, there is 1 loose tie: yuan shen claiming he's cold hearted and doesn't care about love while everyone else has slotted neatly into their place in things. now to preface this: i will invent an aro or ace narrative out of tiny crumbs. this is NOT the vibe i get from him. he liked shaoshang so much he did truly stupid things esp while her teacher, and then was going to pine while married to her, and then stepped nobly aside in CLEAR growth from said earlier crush shenanigans.

also by the end he and huo buyi have a fun rapport and like, can talk to each other on the same level in a way we really don't see from buyi with most other people. like they care about each other for shaoshang, but they've also worked well together and there's seeds of what could be a real friendship or something.

ALSO cheng shaoshang and yuan shen should be bitchy friends, i have said this since they were first bickering, and i love that they're willing to pick at each other until things get serious and then they are absolutely ride or die. and they are mirrors to each other, they understand each other's deep fears about intimacy/abandonment, even if they take different routes in addressing them in the show.

this was one attempt at a thesis on this via gifs

there's SO MUCH THERE and i've been trying to shove them all together since i finished the show in autumn 2022 and i suspect part of the problem is that there is so much and i want to do it well and also i'm still learning how to write romance. and smut, which i want there, but which i have rarely written for public consumption. i'm psyching myself out!!! it's at 7k but it still has a ways to go.

anyway have an excerpt

“What Shaoshang and I have cannot be broken now. But there are other things I would be sorry to lose.” In the morning—in the morning, he had already decided, he would grapple with the life he must build. Tonight, sparks of light brighter than the sun spilled from Huo Buyi’s expression, and his arms were warm and firm under Yuan Shen’s hands, and since when had that made a fire kindle in his gut? Tonight, he had Shaoshang’s approval. “And what,” he said, “exactly does she expect Zisheng to do with me?” Huo Buyi’s entire body went sharp and focused, like a predator spotting prey. He had not pulled out of Yuan Shen’s hold. Yuan Shen could no longer stand thinking, and wondering, and waiting. He stepped forward, drawing Huo Buyi’s hands to his waist. He leaned in, and Huo Buyi tilted his head to meet him.  It was not like last night’s tentative kiss. They were both urgent, both pointed towards the same goal at the same time. Huo Buyi licked into his mouth and Yuan Shen realized he had made a mistake: Huo Buyi did not kiss him as if he were an amusement, but as if he were Shaoshang, single-mindedly. As if he were the center of the universe, which was much the same thing, where the two of them were concerned.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Ok, giving you an update as I finish up Season 3!

Claiming Liv for BPD rep. With the mood and Personality swings (+ related interpersonal problems) I feel very seen :)

This might me just my Aro vision making it hard to see, but I don’t get MajorxLiv. Like with all the other pairs, there’s a path there or they shared interests and worked their way closer. But with these two we’re just told that they are meant for each other because ??? , but everytime they are together it’s just…why?

Liv has had better chemistry with every single one of her dead Boyfriends and she deserves better

Watching Blaine go from the main villain to that annoying bastard you can’t get rid of makes me so proud! I love characters like that! He’s the best, I wish him to never achieve his dreams! :D

On that note, the series has consistently fun villains. Good Job!

Big fan of the Meal montages that started with Season 2. And with how the brains keep their colour and consistency unless turned into mush. As brains are known to be x)

Fillmore-Graves has taught me that my armor for puns is still sore

I just like Jimmy, I’m glad he keeps showing up. He hates working with the Morgue Crew so much and it is so funny!

Fave episodes: “Astroburger” “Fifty Shades of Grey Matter” “Eternal Sunshine of the Caffeinated Mind” “Zombie Knows Best” “Looking for Mr. Goodbrain 1+2”

4 more days and 2 Season to go!

*braces for the LARP Episode*

!! You weren’t lying when you said you were speed-running! I was worried you might not be able to make it through the show before the end of June but you’re making headway!

- Oh, I love that (re: Liv BPD rep) – I never thought about it before but that is really interesting to explore! Tbh I often think of the zombism as a metaphor, e.g. Liv’s early zombism as a parallel to the PTSD symptoms that someone would experience after the boat party. And some specific brains having her adopt different neuro-types (e.g. the “hot mess brain” really struck a chord with me as someone with ADHD) – and the thing is, BPD would also make a lot of sense, especially with the age of onset often being in someone's 20s. Plus, it makes me even think in literal terms and not just metaphorical ones – Liv always seems to be more strongly affected by the brains than most other zombies on the show and I think it would have been interesting to explore how zombism and related brain-effects would interact with different mental health conditions and neurotypes. (The thing is, I have at least the working theory that the underlying personality as well as the willingness to engage with the new personality affects how and how strongly zombies are affected. A big example for me is Liv having a vision the very moment she ate one of Lowell's orphan brains while he could surpress it. Or in Conspiracy Weary, when Liv, Blaine and Don E are on the same brain and Liv does stuff like putting gum on her friends' webcams and wants to protect them, Don E likes to talk about celebrities (we see him do that on other occasions like with Christina Ricci or Gwyneth Paltrow) and Blaine is very opinionated on Tupac and the symbolism of Makaveli (music being a big deal to him)

-- The thing is, I think MajorxLiv might just be one of the most contentious topics in the fandom. I know people who really love them together and the tragedy and drama and the doomed-lover-ness of it all and I know others argue more from the point that such a major (ha!) point of the show is deconstructing the seemingly perfect life Liv had at the beginning of the show and he realisation that it wasn’t perfect at all and that she mostly lived for the expectations of others and didn't really have anything that mattered to her. And that part of that should have been realising that Major and her weren’t meant to be married-two-kids-picket fence and that they should have just embraced being friends and that it defeats the narrative. I also think it might be because they’re one of the only couples we don’t see originally falling in love – with Peyton and Ravi and Clive and Dale we see what attracted them to each other in the first place and watch their relationships develop (though I must say that I have more fun with Clive/Dale than with Peyton/Ravi but that’s no hate on the latter, I just enjoy the dynamic between Clive and Dale more). But Liv and Major were a thing from the beginning and you can tell that the writers very much prioritised them over other relationships these two had (rip Nathalie especially, you deserved so much better) which I alo think leads to some frustration. Personally, I don't really feel that strongly about it either way but I wish there were some aspects that they had gotten into more. Also, I wish they had prioritised Liv dealing with the deaths of so many of her boyfriends more?? Dude, the trauma of that. The guilt!

--- REAL. It goes from Blaine being a child-butchering monster to Blaine and Don E being the Pinky and the Brain of zombism (and also having the main-gang on speed dial). I like that they didn’t even go the route of redeeming Blaine or making him less evil. He actually continues to do things just as evil (and worse) than what he did in season 1. But even the morgue gang doesn’t really prioritise stopping or killing him anymore. I bet they run into each other in supermarkets or at the bank sometimes lmao.

I think it’s partially because he’s the long-distance runner of iZombie villains – most of the other baddies contain their evil to one season, maybe one-and-a-half. So it’s much easier to keep track of where they wronged you. With Blaine, the list is so long, it’s really hard to keep track of it all. Plus, a lot of his schemes don’t even directly affect the gang or they never learn about them. The show just gives like…a good amount of screen-times to tuning in to Shady Plots or the Scratching Post to show us what stupid schemes these two clowns are up to. (Also, I like that David Anders said that Blaine actually really likes the morgue squad and spending time with them. Those are his best friends who hate him <3)

----I also kind of dig that the meal montages really only started happening with season 2. Because early on, Liv’s zombie meals being more depressing (the instant noodles she does in the pilot for example) makes a lot of sense because she still feels defeated and lost being a zombie. But later on, she starts having fun with it! And I think it goes well with stuff like her refusing to tan or dye or putting on a scratchy wig – she really starts owning being a zombie and the fun meals are part of it!! I love that for her!

----- iZombie drinking game: Always taking a sip when there’s a silly pun somewhere. (doctors do not recommend this)

------- They put so much energy and thought and screen-time into their non-primary cast! Jimmy! Vampire Steve! Enzo! Johnny Frost! They’re just like: “here’s another perplexing little guy. We will not elaborate.”

--------- These are all fun! I always find it kind of hard to say which one of my favourite episodes are but I also really like The Whopper for all the drama happening there and Conspiracy Weary – Oh, and in season 4 you have Brainless in Seattle and Goon Struck coming up which I also really love (you might already be there, even. Not to spoil but: Major and Don E on a roadtrip! That was fun.). And in season 5 The Scratchmaker and the noir episode are really fun!

[infiniteglitterfall]

i don't post about autistic parenting enough

I kind of figured, when our kid was born almost seven years ago, that I would post MASSIVE amounts here. Because that's what I did with my first kid, only on Livejournal. I didn't want to bore my (universally childless, we were 20) friends with constantly going on and on about the smol child I was coparenting, so I infodumped on LJ whenever I felt the need to.

But it was RIGHT in the peak of the ace discourse. (Happy uhhhh seventh anniversary of the shitstorm, everybody!!!)

And I was very terrified that if I even mentioned that we were about to have a baby, someone would doxx me and make false reports to CPS. Or threaten to, or claim they had.

Or even that they'd just screenshot and make a huge deal about it; that there would be hundreds of people on here gleefully faux-raging and faux-bemoaning me having a child because I was one of the people they'd targeted with the Fake Ace/Aro/Inclusionist Blocklist In Which Everyone's Accused Of Being Pedophiles.

Ok you know what, this is not a fun post to share a fun kid story on. I'm just gonna let this one be about the garbage dumpster fire that was 2017, and make an autistic parenting post separately.

In which case, I can go ahead and put back the story about why I remember that it's the seventh anniversary of the shitstorm! (Or was, three days ago.)

It started on Feb 18, 2017, for me.

I mainly remember this because it was my abusive dad's birthday. And his godawful stepdaughter-in-law chose that day to tell him that I was telling people, aka his stepchildren who had kids, not to let their kids sleep over because he was an abuser.

God almighty, she's a piece of work. This was AFTER she insisted on interrogating me, over the phone, about why I was saying he had sexually abused me, whether I really remembered it, what I remembered, et cetera. Because she had been "falsely accused" of sexually abusing a kid she babysat for, as a teenager.

Her story about it does not hang together very well - as you might imagine. It didn't make a lot of sense to me at the time, and I wasn't about to try to have a real conversation with her about it. I barely knew her.

Essentially, as I recall it, the kid had made some claims to his parents about her doing something to him, one night, that she swore never happened, and -- according to her -- the police talked to him and could immediately see that nothing had happened, yet somehow also, this made the news and was a big deal and ruined her life and her family had to move.

Given that my dad swears he never abused me, yet also does not understand sexual boundaries with others even as an adult and doesn't have the concept that he can harm people by violating those boundaries, I am skeptical of her tale. I think that it is absolutely and entirely possible for someone in that specific state to harm a child without thinking that what they're doing is wrong.

For anyone who's reading this in a cold sweat, terrified that they could abuse a child without meaning to: see, the thing is that you care. My dad, ultimately, does not care.

He doesn't WANT to hurt a child. But you know what's even more important to him than not behaving in a way that might harm the kiddies? Not having to accept that anything he does could ever be harmful.

You do not have that problem. The fact that you are even worrying about this proves that. My dad, in contrast, puts all his energies not into worrying about it, but into pretending it's not there.

But I made all the supportive noises, tried to reassure her that I was not trying to ruin my dad's life or something, and that I was describing things in good faith. And tried desperately to get out of the conversation I did not want to have, with the half-stepsister-in-law I barely knew, who had just had her second kid. While also giving her many ways she could protect her kids without, like, having to even believe me, and certainly without having to talk to him about it.

hahahaha yeah that didn't work.

Where my dad is motivated by denial, Amy is motivated by spite. So she told him, on his birthday. And my dad, the pure fool, texted me and accused me of having ruined his birthday.

Like bro. I'm just chilling at home. AMY ruined your birthday.

And iirc, it was that same day that someone jumped in my face claiming i was a """"pedophile"""" """"apologist.""""" the 2017 version of "groomer" i guess. honestly it's kinda impressive or something -- at the time I was like, "why are they reviving the 1980s arguments of the religious right??" but IN FACT THEY WERE JUST A COUPLE YEARS AHEAD OF THE CURVE!

makes me wonder if we could predict other far-right moves by watching these dynamics, or whether it was just a flash in the pan.

[kira-bennett]

Gotta love when you tell people, who claim they totally respect the things you are telling them, something and they turn it on you as soon as they think they can prove a point or get a cheap laugh out of it.

For example, a while back I had a conversation with someone, who claims to respect people's gender identity, about pick up lines. As soon as I disagreed with him, his response was "well, you're a woman (I'm fucking not and he knows that) you would be okay with it if it was someone you found attractive." Like holy shit, why can't you accept an answer? Why do you have to pull out both sexism (he honestly pulls a lot of this "all women are xyz" shit) and disregarding my identity just to defend your point. It's infuriating, and I don't know how to respond. Do I point out the sexism or the disregard for my identity? Because I know damn well if I get into an argument over it I am only going to get to discuss one point and not the other.

It also happens when I bring up dating in general. I will be talking about how people shouldn't need to be in a relationship in order to be happy, and he will be like "well, you have to understand that you're aro (I'm not. He knows this. He just doesn't give a fuck apparently because he alreafy has a narrative in his head fhat he is dead fucking set on) So you're just not going to get it" and I want to tear my hair out because it's like yeah, go ahead I guess and just ignore all of the shit I have ever told you about me or my opinions so you can feel fucking right. I could bring up data about how that isn't actually the reason most people who abstain from dating give, but it doesn't matter because they have already made up their minds and think painting me as crazy is better than actually discussing things. I'm just a cheap punchline tbat they think they can pull out to make their point at my expense.

Idk. I guess my feelings kindof boiled over today because I was in a conversation where he brought up mental health stuff, and I mentioned bringing something I had made to my first session when I get a new one, because I finally had exactly what I had been going on in my mind laid out in an easy to understand way, showed it to a friend who gave their verdict on it, and I said "I just need a licensed professional to give their opinion." Since I am 95% sure they are right, but don't have a clue where to start with actually working on it. I told the person I was talking to that the conversation was strictly between us because everything I said was in an attempt to get him to understand why I do some of the things I do (really I just wanted the jokes/jab about me always working & people pleasing to stop, and for him to stop insisting that it is so fucking easy to "just relax." I know it may seem harmless, but it really gets under my skin because do I want to be this way? No, but he knows the stuff going on surrounding it and should know it's not something I like joking about, and I thought that if he knew I was working on a solution it would get him to stop), and I thought he would take it as seriously as he takes everyone else's problems, but nope. This dude starts cracking jokes about it, just a couple hours later, even when I had directly asked him not to bring it up outside of that one conversation. At this point I am just glad I didn't tell him what exactly I was suspecting, but it just blows my mind that someone can claim to care about things so much, but as soon as they are asked for even a little bit of consideration, they throw all of their values, as well as my clearly set (and dear god don't get me started on how long it took me to work up to trying to set those) boundaries, out.

It's just like, what's the fucking point? What's the point of trying to communicate what you think/do and why when at the end of the day even the people who claim to care/take that stuff seriously don't follow through on those claims? It's kindof fucking hard to follow the cliche fucking advice of "oh! Just ask for help/reach oht" when the people who claim to be safe are far fucking frkm it, and insome cases actively make it worse. I'd be better off just never talking about any of this shit, because at least then I am giving them less to mock and can convince myself they were making honest mistakes instead of deliberately disregard how I feel about things. I'm pretty sure I would be better off if I just never opened my mouth again.

Tl;dr: communicantion is bullshit and a scam. Don't even fucking bother

[originalnamesrhard]

fuck it, here's some poetry

you know you met that special someone when everything changes, you leave every conversation with a stupid grin, they're addictive enough, you could get jailed in drug cases. They remove all the drub like a facelift, only problem is reality's your bailif.

you know you have that special someone when you fit like peak Adidas Speedportal, (I hear that they're laceless, they make you move like a speed god immortal), someone sees your clear crush, and laughs at your blush, you say "shut the fuck up", and claim that it's baseless, but they give knowing looks because they've already seen enough.

You know you found that special someone when you grin at the idea of being in their graces, they leave and you go from straight from alone to just lonely, deeply love sick and you envy all the aro-aces, when you check in to see if they texted your phone and then check in the mirror and wish you were less homely.

You know you found that special someone if it's been only a few hours but to you that's a while, when you wish that *that* thing was as long as they lengths you'll go just to make them smile. It's like searching through a crowd for a child, love's got no GPS, we're not talking 'bout Tile, like finding a needle mixed into hay piles, it's all you think about even though you have finals, you'd track them to Egypt and turns out you're just in denial.

They're smart, they got a great sense of humor. You wish you could say "I love your facts but I love hu-mor." I'd hope I'm no one's competition, but if they line up for you, we all know what the queue's for. Text until 1am, sometimes it goes to 5 like Arsenal and Lens, heart softens like the leather seats of a Bemz, is it a sign that you and I could end up being more than friends? If so, they have a bad taste in men, so I'll only take my thoughts to my bed.

[ihateliterature]

There is a good reason why we mostly keep to ourselves in fandom, and that's because a lot of spaces, especially shipping spaces, are explicitly hostile to us on every level

I am a shipper myself, I love shipping, I love slash, but I don't like much of the community. I've seen a lot of aros (and aces) getting harassed by shippers over aromantic headcanons and even canon aromantic characters for "getting in the way", not too different from how some ppl bully certain m/f shippers and resort to full on mysoginy when it comes to some female characters for "getting in the way" of their ship

Even the ones that seem fine and chill have constant moments when they underplay and even make fun platonic relationships. They ridicule anyone who could ever see the relationship between two characters as platonic and accuse anyone who does of homophobia, as well as claiming that platonic ships are inherently more boring and less meaningful

A lot of them are also explicitly hostile to platonic shippers. I can understand it. M/M and F/F shippers are constantly attacked by homophobes in fandom and, especially recently, antis have proved to be a real danger towards many people and they tend to promote certain pairings as platonic because they are more "pure" (another inherently arophobic idea). Still, that doesn't give them the right to harass inocent arospec shippers who just want to create a narrative centered around a relationship that would be ideal to them

Some also try to be "inclusive" of aros but every time they try it ranges from cringe to offensive. Like "platonic soulmates" in Soulmate AU's (that can either go in 2 ways: 1 stating that they are possible but not addressing them in any way or 2 that I will explain shortly) and "ambiguous" relationship. Basically they are claiming that the relationship can be seen as either romantic or platonic but then portray it using explicit romantic language and tropes and get angry when it gets pointed out, saying that we are actually the arophobic ones for not seeing their good intentions

There is also, of course, the polycule route. Where an aspec character is introduced, has their identity explained like the author is doing a PSA in the middle of the story and then forgotten, never exploring how an aromantic person would work in a larger polycule

Tip 1: if you are truly honest about writing an aromantic, platonic, ambiguous or queerplatonic relationship, tag it as aromantic, platonic or queerplatonic, otherwise it's obvious you are just baiting aromantic readers

Tip 2: aros have a different way of doing relationships and that can breed beautiful stories, if you actually want to introduce an aromantic character into the mix look for aros who are in that very situation and see what they have to say for themselves. A lot of us are very vocal about our experiences so they've probably talked about it online, if not, many would be happy to answer questions (I myself am a gray-ace aromantic trans guy in a queerplatonic relationship with a cis asexual lesbian for over 2 years at this point and I would be happy to answer any questions for curiosity's sake and story telling purposes)

I also want to mention that the community is large and while some ppl don't see a problem, others see these "attempts" at inclusivity as a mockery. And that's not because these things have to be done in bad faith (actually most allos have good intentions while doing it), but because they never take into account actual aromantic perspectives and voices

And that's the problem. It's not that shippers hate platonic relationships or aro people or are explicitly arophobic (some of them are, others are unaware of their arophobia) but that they don't care about what aros have to say because they don't like what we are saying. They don't like that we might get in the way of their ships, they don't like that we see relationships differently and so could have different interpretations, they don't like that we reveal the ways they are biased against us and still stuck in the amatonormanitive, heteronormative and cisnormative thinking model they want to believe they've escaped

allo queers let aromantic people critique queer media's + fandom's amatonormativity & arophobia without accusing people of being homophobic challenge (impossible)

[j-graysonlibrary]

Fort Heaven Chapter 19

Title: Fort Heaven

Author: Jay Grayson

Word Count: 69K

Genres: Suspense, investigative, drama, LGBT+

Available on: Kobo and my website

Synopsis: Some call it a hoax. Others claim it’s a cult. But, to Evon and his friend Yasmine, two online journalists, Fort Heaven is the subject of their latest story. Along for the assignment is cameraman and not-so-secret crush of Evon’s: Russet. With a drunken, murky night in their recent history, things are especially tense between them but, of course, personal matters take a backseat when the interviews start. The trio speaks to ex-members of Fort Heaven and, while some of the accounts are shocking, the job remains just that: A job. That is until one of the women they interviewed, along with her daughter, goes missing. It soon becomes clear that not only is Fort Heaven a real threat but Evon and his friends are being watched. And what started as a simple cash-grab article is now a matter of life and death.

Full Chapter 19 under the cut

Chapter 19

“So you’re the young lady my son has been talking so much about,” Simon spoke as he shook hands with Willow. It was a bizarre experience although most of her days had been filled with similar, unreal moments since she met Seth.

“I certainly hope so,” she answered him with a laugh. The man, up close, was almost too perfect in every aspect. He was groomed flawlessly, his clothes were completely straight and ironed—even his teeth were almost too straight. To Willow, he seemed like a doll that had come to life—a human who still managed to breach the uncanny valley.

Seth stood close by his father but watched Willow. He, unlike his father, had visible flaws but it didn’t make him any less uncomfortable to deal with. In fact, they were both difficult—just in different ways.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Simon said and pulled his hand away.

“The pleasure is all mine, my lord.” She bowed her head.

“Please, please—none of that is necessary,” the man responded with a chuckle. His smile was large but his eyes weren’t happy at all.

“Oh…sorry.”

He shook his head. “No need to apologize either. If my son cares for you than you are like family to me. Family is equal.”

Willow briefly glanced to Seth who was visibly offended by the comment but just didn’t say anything. She looked back to his father and nodded—just barely.

“I really do appreciate you coming over here to see me…” she started and trailed off some, trying to think of the right words, “but is it really fair to just appoint me to apostle? I don’t think I’m qualified at all, I mean…I just started…”

Simon laughed again before answering her, “The apostles we have now are simply friends or extremely dedicated followers. You being among the ranks would be no different, my dear.”

“I…um…” Willow bit down on her lip. She knew she couldn’t deny the position but there were concerns she had about moving up so fast and the true motives behind the sudden offer. It just didn’t sit right. “I am worried about my colleagues…they already hate me for going through the courses so quickly…”

“The kid I saw you arguing with in the hall?” Seth asked, bringing up the event for the millionth time.

Willow nodded. “Him and some others.”

Simon chuckled and then abruptly stopped. “My apologies…Would it perhaps make you feel better if I can  guarantee that you will no longer have problems with those people?”

She took a small step away from him. “As in a transfer?”

“Mmm no. Not quite.”

Seth walked closer, partly wedging himself between Willow and his father. “Are you talking about a penance ceremony?”

“A what ceremony?” she asked before she could control herself.

“Penance,” Simon clarified. “It’s a simple procedure that fixes small, behavioral issues in members.”

Willow nodded as if she truly believed him. She didn’t—she had a sick feeling in her stomach. It wasn’t just the name either (though that didn’t help) but the look of excitement on both Simon and Seth’s faces. There was a very unsettling aura around their smiles.

And of course, much to her distaste, she was asked to join them for the ceremony later in the night. It wasn’t something she could refuse even though they made it sound as if she had a choice. She never had a choice with them—Nichole’s life possibly depended on whether she completely obeyed these people or not and she wasn’t going to mess it up.

Willow made it back to her room without a disturbance though Angelica was giving her a rather odd look when she walked in. After kicking off her shoes, Willow asked her, “What is it?”

The woman vaguely shrugged. “Off with Seth again?”

“Yeah,” she responded with a frown, “it’s not like I can stand him up if he asks me to meet with him.”

Angelica laughed a little, surprising her. “Do you not actually like him?”

Willow shook her head and quickly explained herself, “That’s not it! He’s a great guy and the man second closest to God but I was just worried you thought I was around him for selfish reasons…”

“Well I do think that,” she responded with a smirk but her tone wasn’t at all insulting. Still, it was confusing. After a second, Angelica went on, “We all do things for selfish reasons. In your case you may feel like you have no choice if the mighty child of god, Seth, asks you out but you couldn’t fool me if you said you weren’t excited about the potential of moving up.”

With a sigh, Willow said, “I understand I suppose.” She walked to her small dresser and started to look through it for a clean uniform since she had been wearing her current one for about an hour or two too long. “They want me to come to a penance ceremony later—any idea what that it?”

Angelica froze in place for a second before reluctantly answering. “No. Never heard of it.”

It was completely unconvincing but Willow didn’t push it.

“Who knows, maybe it’s a new thing,” she said instead and watched the older woman from the corner of her eye.

“Maybe.”

Willow sighed silently and closed her eyes. It was going to be bad but she was prepared for it. As long as the ceremony didn’t turn around and focus on her then she could keep going with her mission. Someone else would probably get severely hurt but not her. That kind of thinking would normally disgust her but with Nichole in mind, she was willing to do anything—even if that meant doing nothing.

If blood ended up on her hands, she would bear it. She had to believe in that anyway—if she didn’t she feared she’d break.

***

Lights were dimmed and a few bodies could be seen throughout the circular room—all wearing the cloaks of higher members of the church with the hoods over their faces. Seth led Willow in by the hand with a smile on his face the entire time which vastly contrasted the scene she was looking at.

Simon stood toward the back of the room on a raised area in a far more ceremonial looking robe than the others. A robe that Willow was sure was custom—just for him.

When he saw that Seth and Willow had walked in, he smiled and motioned them over with a finger. “Come. Stand by me.”

Once they were at his side, he cleared his throat and every hooded person in the room simultaneously backed up and to the edges of the room. A door, opposite from the one Willow had entered through, opened and another hooded figure walked in with what appeared to be a prisoner. The person they dragged in was in plain, unflattering clothing and had a bag over their head.

Willow took a deep, silent breath. She knew who it was.

“My Lord—Simon the Usurper of Evil—I present to you the sinner you requested to meet with,” The man in the robe spoke as he released the supposed sinner. “For your eyes see all evil and misdeeds, may we simply deliver the punishment and bear witness.”

Simon slowly nodded once before the bag was pulled from the sinner’s head.

It was just as Willow had anticipated. The teenage boy—Collin—was underneath. His face twisted in confusion and then fear. He wildly looked around and then stopped when he saw Willow. She averted her gaze.

“Collin Sanntoron, is this the name you go by, son?” Simon addressed him.

It took Collin a second to look away from Willow and to look at Simon. “Y-yes…My Lord, what’s going on…? What did I do?”

Simon smiled and softly scoffed. “The asking of that question denotes that you’re either stupid or willfully ignorant—both qualities I am not fond of.”

The fear grew. Collin’s body shook. It was impossible for Willow to watch.

“Do you have nothing to say?” Simon asked and when a period of time passed in silence, he no longer gave Collin room to defend himself. “Then I shall remind you of your crimes. They are crimes of the heart—weakness in the soul. Feelings of jealousy and envy…the desire to push others down to raise yourself higher…those are parasites in the heart and in the mind. They must be purged from you and the only cure to self indulgent feelings…is humility.”

Seth nudged Willow gently, forcing her to look over. She realized that Simon was staring at her—expectantly. Her heart started to beat wildly in her chest.

“Y-yes…?”

Simon smiled, again the same strange and unnatural smile that she had seen earlier. “Willow, my dear, the punishment for his crimes must involve the target of his misdirected emotions.”

She must have made some kind of indication of her true feelings apparent because the man chuckled.

“You don’t have to carry out the punishment, don’t worry.”

Willow sighed in relief but still reluctantly nodded. She was no longer sure about what was to happen but at least she wouldn’t be doing whatever was considered punishment.

She was led to stand in front of Simon, below his pedestal, and in front of Collin. The poor boy looked up at her, begging for help with his eyes. She wanted to let him know that there was nothing she could do—that she wasn’t at all in charge of the situation—but she just kept her focus elsewhere.

One of the hooded people from the far side of the room walked forward and the man that had brought Collin in the room forcefully pulled the shirt off of his body. When he struggled, he was shoved down onto the ground.

“Sit on your knees,” the secondary robed man said as he pulled a long riding crop from his sleeve. “Face your victim and state an apology worthy of Simon the Usurper of Evil.”

Collin shook as he did as he was asked and anchored himself with his hands on his knees. He knew what was coming just as Willow did.

His eyes were already watery and his lip quivered before he started to speak. “Willow, I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I was wrong and I wish I could take it back….p-please forgive me.”

She winced with the first crack. He yelped and fell forward despite trying to prepare himself. As he rose back into position, she saw that tears had fallen and that his lips were moist and his nose red.

“Again,” Simon said flatly.

Collin quivered even more than before. “Please…please forgive me, Willow. I didn’t mean it I-I was just s…saying those things because I’m mad at myself f-for not progressing as fast as you…I was just jealou—AH.” He didn’t get to finish because the crop was sliced across his back again.

Willow moved her foot back but immediately hit the pedestal Simon was standing on top of. She thought of how badly she wanted to flee the scene but then she thought of Nichole. The image of her calmed her and made the scene in front of her bearable.

“PLEASE!” Collin yelled. “PLEASE I’M Sorr-r-ry…I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so so sorry.”

The man whipped across his back again and this time Collin’s yell ended in a gurgle. Willow looked down to see that he’d thrown up straight bile and some of it still dripped from his lips.

“Sorry…” At this point he stopped looking at her and just began crying.

“One more,” Simon said calmly and, immediately after, Collin was awarded another whip. “I now believe that your apology is sincere.”

Willow watched the young man shake and cry while the blood from his back began to drip down his sides and down to his legs, making small puddles on the ground. The smell was distinct.

“Take him away.”

The two hooded men closest to Collin each grabbed an arm and pulled him toward the door he had come in through. Once it was shut, the rest of the hooded audience turned and faced the wall. The sight alone gave Willow goosebumps but she couldn’t let that show. She knew she was allowed to appear shaken—she would seem emotionless otherwise. But to be disturbed by the rituals of the church was off limits.

She turned to Simon and Seth. “So, that’s the penance ceremony…?”

“Yes,” Seth answered with a smile.

“Does this sort of thing happen often?”

“Not that often,” he answered her but it wasn’t very convincing. “Only when we feel it is necessary. The enforcers usually perform it without us unless it’s a larger issue.”

She glanced between them. “So then why attend this one? I’d imagine having jealousy in your heart is a pretty small offense compared to some of the things you’ve seen before.”

Simon appeared almost proud of what he’d just done with the sort of smile he gave her. “This one is special. It may have been a small offense but the crime was committed against my daughter-in-law.”

Willow took a step backward and couldn’t hide her surprise and mild horror.

Simon laughed while Seth looked like an embarrassed teenager. “I’m sorry about him,” he said with a slight groan. “He has to steal the dramatic moments.”

“…What is he talking about…?” Willow asked, still not sure who she should settle her gaze on.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Seth asked. “I want to take you as my wife.”

This wasn’t the plan—this wasn’t supposed to happen—she just wanted her friend back.

“Uh…oh…I don’t know what to say…”

“Yes, of course?” Simon butted in with a cheeky grin but it wasn’t nearly as innocent as it seemed. Willow didn’t know for certain but her instincts told her that if she said no—or really anything other than yes—something would happen to her.

So, she swallowed her pride.

“Yes. Of course.”

[aparticularbandit]

Nonnie, I'm not reporting you because in this case, I don't think you're harassing me.

But the entire point of star-anise's second section - which I pointed out - talked about the history of bi women being included within the lesbian label until radfems decided that the term should only include women who were only attracted to women. A small political minority decided men were evil and tried to change the meaning of a more inclusive word to one that excluded their sisters and made them better.

And if you're going to be that specific, you shouldn't be including enbys either. Enby is not female-light. It is a range that includes demi-boys or genderfluid or genderqueer or androgyne - all of which include the understanding of a potential of even slightly experiencing life as male. Genderfluid means they could feel male one day and female another, which means on their male days - based on your definition of lesbians only being women who love women - they should be excluded. Even more, when you include enbys, it's not just women attracted to women; it's also women attracted to enbys or enbys attracted to women. That's not the definition; that's not solely women solely attracted to women.

You can't have it both ways.

You're not defining lesbian as solely women attracted to solely women, you're defining it as not men attracted to not men, and those aren't the same thing.

(I include the above re: enbys as an example. I don't have a problem with enbys using lesbian, and I don't have a problem with lesbian as a term including attraction to enbys. But people really need to quit assuming enby means female-light when it doesn't.)

So - thank you for your explanation as to why aces and aros can both claim the lesbian label and why that's not an issue where bisexual or biromantic is.

But I very strongly disagree with your definition - both from a historical perspective and from a conflicting definition perspective - meaning your definition is in conflict with itself, not your definition conflicts with mine.

[therealvinelle]

If each of the cullens had to get tattoos what would they get

They wouldn't, that's the answer. Edward, get a tattoo, like some kind of thug? Perish the thought! And Rosalie, defile her perfect body with low class ink? Unthinkable.

But Cullen tattoo AU, let's do this.

It all began in 1663, when Carlisle Cullen was a suicidal newborn in the forests of England. He wanted to die, but could find no way to do so. And so, he chose to starve to death.

Only one problem: what if someone should come across him?

Troubled by this scenario, Carlisle decided that he would have to let whoever found him know he was dangerous, that he had to be killed, by any means necessary.

Now, in canon, vampires can't get tattoos, so when Carlisle tried to puncture his skin with needles he made out of god even knows what materials, he failed, and in the end he had to write "KILL ME" across his forehead in dirt. It wore off.

In this AU where vampires can get tattoos, however, Carlisle was successful.

He wrote "KILL ME" across his forehead.

Then, thinking that this might not be enough, that he might be found by kind souls who'd fail to see the danger and seek to help him instead, he wrote "Dangerous" above that, just below the hairline. Think the Leto's Joker's Damaged tattoo.

But what if whoever found him didn't look at his forehead? What if his hair had fallen across it, or he'd gotten covered in mud or leaves or something, and they couldn't read it? What if they don't speak English?

By the time he smelled those deer, he was stripped down to his underwear and covered head to toe in tattoos, all telling the spectator to kill him on sight. Some tattoos were in English, some in French, some in Latin, there was even one in Greek though he didn't know much Greek so it says "Suicide hard. Death good". There's also, should he be found by someone who can't read, a stick figure cartoon in three panels across his abs explaining what needs to be done.

The linework is squiggly and uneven too, as one would expect from a half-mad, suicidal, newborn with no proper tools. It's just dreadful all around.

Aro, naturally, was horrified. Most beautiful man he's ever seen, and... he's done this.

He debates for a time if he can even seduce this guy, his mind is great and he does have a lovely face, but Aro pictures himself staring at a chest emblazoned with "IL FAUT QUE JE MEURS" and... hm.

After some internal debate, he decides that the best recourse is to fix these tattoos.

So, with the help of Aro, Carlisle's suicidal tattoos of death are now altered into pleasant messages, proverbs, quotes, and sometimes nonsensical words in every language beneath the sun, and strange drawings depicting things.

They're inexplicable and strange, not least because Carlisle doesn't want to go around talking about his tragic past to anyone who asks, so he claims that he just really likes tattoos.

Carlisle also has a much harder time getting work as a doctor in the 20th century.

However, through his charm and qualifications he's able to get a job at a certain hospital in Chicago in 1918. And we all know the story - he meets Elizabeth, and Edward is turned.

And Edward, desperate to be like his father, decides that he, too, can get tattoos. Carlisle has "SKILL MELK" (divide milk) across his forehead? Well, Edward thinks that's really deep and beautiful and anyone who would criticize Carlisle for that is a fool who doesn't understand how wonderful he is.

When he learns the real reason why Carlisle has all these tattoos, oh, that's even better. That's so sad, so tragic, so noble.

Edward decides to honor his father, and make a sacrifice so he, too, will bear the shame of tattoos. Carlisle will not be the only outcast, certainly not under Edward's watch!

When Esme wakes up to her new life, she's greeted by that peculiar doctor with all those tattoos that her family thought was no good, and his son, who was "PARTEZ DU LAIT" (divide milk) across his forehead (it used to say "TUEZ-MOI", only with a tiny "t" and the "D" looks like an odd D that could be an "M"). And several other tattoos, she'll soon learn. (I'm thinking music notes across Edward's back that used to be sad stick figures killing each other. Because these notes used to be stick figures and are in weird, cramped, positions, they absolutely do not play well on the piano, or on any other instrument.)

Well, okay, if being a Cullen means we're getting tattoos then Esme is more than happy to get some too. She has a family now, and in this family we get tattoos!

She wears "SEPARATUM LAC" (divide milk) across her forehead, too (Used to say "OCCIDERE ME", sort of anyway, since it was always going to be converted those were some very strange letters that looked like different letters.). She also gets a few floral patterns because flowers are pretty. Edward makes the branches wind so that they spell "Death, please" in Greek.

Rosalie Hale disdains the thug Cullens and can't believe Carlisle Cullen who's so tattooed his arms are almost sleeves is the town doctor. Then, when she joins them, she can't even.

She refuses to get tattoos.

Edward thinks she's a shallow bitch.

Emmett thinks this tattoo thing is awesome, and is ready to paint himself with all sorts of dirty words disguised as flowers, and sex jokes, but Rosalie says he can't because tattoos are low class.

Jasper has tattoos from his time in the newborn army, and politely but firmly declines to get the Cullen family suicide tattoos. Alice, seeing a window to a glorious fashion statement, as well as a chance to feel a sense of belonging, gets the "KILL ME/DIVIDE MILK" tattoo across her forehead in beautiful kanji letters.

Bella, upon meeting the Cullens and wanting to become one of them, wants a tattoo more than anything. In Eclipse, it's one of her stipulations for marrying Edward: make love to her, bite her himself, and give her a tattoo once she's turned. In that order.

That they're all turning Carlisle's darkest period and many attempted suicides into entertainment and a fashion statement occurs to none of them.