#talk to me abt this production all day everyday i think about it all the time

[websitewizard2005]

back at it again with the falsettos obc

[borderline-gays-club]

4/24/24. 11:38am

Some recent thoughts that have been stewing in my head for a few weeks:

I’m slowly feeling my BPD symptoms shedding and dissipating from my body and soul. And this current shedding does not feel temporary but rather a beginning to a new growth.

I’ve finally delved into the roots of my shame and am really going head first into it. Already this initial step has relieved such a huge weight off of myself. I feel lighter everyday , I feel more purposeful, and closer to healing this relationship with myself. It actually feels possible to enter remission before I’m 35. Honestly I might be able to by the time I’m 30 but I’m not gonna focus too much on the age, and will continue to take the time I need.

A few things that have really been working for me:

-moving very slow: I’ve had a really bad habit for basically my whole life of moving way too fast. I have to do 10 things in a day to feel accomplished. I have to finish this difficult thing by a very short period of time etc etc. I didn’t give myself time to just exist, and my whole existence was dedicated to production and proving my worth through that. And I lost myself completely in that. I didn’t give myself time to literally smell the flowers. I would feel guilty if I leisurely went about my day without doing a productive thing. But now I’m actually understanding productivity in a different way. This production mode I was in was really fuckin killing me. Both my body and soul. My identity became even more obscure and distant to me. And now I can sit and just talk to myself for hours without feeling like I have to rush through the day. I really am more intentional about rushing as little as possible. Ofc capitalism forces us all to move too fast, but I do my absolute best to fight that speed and to always prioritize slowness and gentleness.

-actually talking about my shame and trying really hard to understand it: this one is the most recent thing I’ve finally had the ability to pursue. It’s taken so long to actually enter this phase of my understanding of myself, and I’ve known how crucial it is but I was just too scared. This one has been really fucking hard to break through and I’m just starting so I don’t have much to say yet. But I’m moving through the process: no matter how painful the truth is more important than hiding in myself and being secretive. That has been the reason for this rot I’ve felt in my body for so long.

-doing things that are purely pleasurable and that are fully self ignited: when I say fully self ignited I mean something that doesn’t rely on outside things. And I guess I’m still trying to find a better way to say it, but I’m thinking of pleasure that doesn’t rely on things like substances or addictivite people or etc. basically pleasure outside of addictive highs whatever the source of that is. Cus even video games or food can be addictive which I’ve talked abt before. For example things I’ve found the most pleasurable have been things I make or actively participate in. Like writing stories, or singing, or boxing etc. I’ll find a better way to describe this one but hopefully I’m getting the idea across.

-revisiting and participating in childhood interests and joys: this one has been so healing for me in terms of understanding identity. I feel like the moment I started to lose a sense of self was when I started to try really hard to be liked and accepted instead of doing what I do and finding like minded ppl. So revisiting childhood interests has been reminding myself of what was important to me before I started to absorb others. It’s a good starting point to build upon and to shed all the ppl I’ve absorbed throughout most of my life.

-treating myself like I’m in a full time dedicated relationship with myself: I take myself out on dates. I have a dedicated day every week that is just for me, my solo day. I do whatever I want when I want. I eat what I want, I play my games that I want, I watch what I want, etc. and even throughout the week I’ll have moments where I get a nice coffee for myself or do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time but haven’t been able to. This isn’t like necessary lol but I do kinda treat myself like 2 ppl and will have full convos with myself. It helps to think of myself as 2 bc then I can feel like I’m caring for another while also caring for myself.

-reading/listening/learning abt vast range of topics that eventually overlap with BPD related things. Basically diversifying my sources of knowledge instead of boxing myself in just psychiatry/therapy worlds: this one took a long time bc the immediate resources you find when you just Google BPD fuckin suck. And everything that is easy to find is stuck in DBT and western thought. With that said, DBT has definitely helped me a lot, but I think it was best as an introduction rather than the full solution. I mean I remember being like huh?? When I found out that DBT was treated like a bible within BPD treatment. I knew deep down that relying on one method to treat such a vast range of experiences is not realistic. There’s no such thing as one size fits all. Every individual is too complex and layered even with the same diagnoses. But I will say it’s very tricky to navigate finding other ways of treatment/understand self bc it can be easy to fall into traps of cultish ideologies or “self help” things that are really actually fucked up and make you regress. Outside of DBT stuff though a lot of things that have helped me better understand myself has been general emotion science, anything that really analyzes shame, reading books abt my own specific sources of shame, disability justice, and idk a lot of other stuff! I still haven’t allowed myself to get into reading abt spirituality stuff cus I’m just not ready yet. But slowly I’ll get there to better understand where I come from and where my lineage lies.

-finding and maintaining community: this one is also hard in the beginning and tbh is not always possible. But the more I grow, the easier it becomes to maintain relationships that eventually lead to a community. Like my immediate community is only 3 ppl including myself but even just that has been so amazing. We all have slowly learned how to support each other esp as we are all neurodivergent and disabled and it’s been genuinely beautiful. I’m lucky to find the friends that I have, and I’m also so happy to be in a place where I can healthily support my friends too. And now I’m able to look for community in different ways. And I’m also at a place where I can set boundaries with others and a lot more quickly sniff out red flags and keep distance when it’s needed.

Anyway I’m really proud of myself to be in the place I am. I really could not see a future for myself until Mayb like 2 yrs ago and now I’m more hopeful than ever. It’s been so fucking hard but I’m so grateful that I have been dedicated to change. And!! Not to mention I haven’t been able to go o therapy as much as I wud like bc im broke as shit, but I’m still able to grow on my own in a steady pace. And now I’m really seeing it in myself as I continue to work through all of it. I can genuinely say I love myself and wow I haven’t felt that way since I was a kid probably (excluding euphoria and manic episodes lol). Thank u to anyone who’s read this far and I wish you the absolute best in your own healing journey.

[venusandsaturnsrings]

oh no it's breeding season and ur caught up between a wolf (wrio) and a fox (taru) and they both want u all creampied and ready for their babies oh nooooooooo

(yes ive been fantasizing being squished between them and their big fat thick cocks and getting bred all day everyday in bed in shower asleep awake hrrrrtdnsjdbfjjfkd)

THIS IS REAL!! wrio stole my heart swiftly and i could actually talk abt how meaningful he is to me personally as a character im so serious… first story quest i cried during im not joking i SOBBED

sorry this is sort of yandere?? they’re both terribly toxic i’m sorry taru is like that by nature and wrio is a ball of jealousy… thinks abt making a whole fic abt this like my ancient taru n diluc one… hmm… ponders…

they’re an… interesting duo, for lack of better words. a felon that’s feared worldwide and the warden that kept, and lost, him briefly. should they be introduced as purely animals, they’d have major territory beef. both very possessive creatures but, if they play their cards right, a dangerous concoction. the agreement and consequential relationship they share is not one borne of any commonalities or good intentions, it’s simply out of convenience. two big strong men is better than one, no?

wolf and fox mating seasons occur at the same time so the ‘contract’ of sorts is sealed shortly before nothing but instinct takes over them both.

Wriothesley is careful in his planning, meticulously keeping eyes on you via his over world connections. he keeps a notebook in a locked drawer, not that anyone would dare to search through his quarters, with every little detail of your likes, dislikes, dreams, and virtues. to not have such knowledge of you would be disrespectful, he concludes in a slightly deluded manner. nonetheless, he adds small photos and clippings of products you’ve used into the pristinely kept book.

Ajax takes things upon himself. to allow anyone else in his life, minus that wolf, to perceive you in a desirable light would be atrocious. has he disposed of other suitors? that’s nothing you need to worry about. he can be found trailing your scent around like a hormonal kit, picking up on every slight change in your mood or, god forbid, your arousal. when you’re safe in the sanctuary of home, he’s happily heading back to his temporary but luxurious apartment in Fontaine to prepare the necessary space and items for the upcoming season. his ears and tail are flipping happily the whole time.

when the time finally comes, you don’t have much space to think before a gruff and irritable looking prison warden is nosing you in the direction of Ajax’s place, grumbling about how it’s best you follow directions. you’re most certainly flustered by his scent, a musky floral that’s faintly spicy, as his right hand is planted on your lower back; not may words are shared between the two of you. when Ajax opens the door, he’s practically vibrating out of his skin, cheerily tugging you inside to rub his face against your neck affectionately. he’s very talkative during his ruts as opposed to Wrios near perpetual silence. he rambles on and on about how they’ll take such good care of you as hands begin removing your clothing from behind. Ajax smells like oranges and ginger with an earthy undertone that combines surprisingly nicely with Wrios smell.

they’re all over you in more ways than one and you’ll be lucky if you can move at the end of the season.

[elysianslove]

hey sal im back!! ive been wanting to talk to u but uni assignments kept on taking the time i usually spend on this app >:( but anw!! how is ur ramadan going so far? i hope ur doing amazing bc in my case my brain barely works without food so with the amount of assignments + my brain’s lack of productivity + nsfw content restriction (bye bye my go to stress reliever) my life has been pretty challenging ,, but overall ramadan has been beautiful as always <3

i also have this random thoughts lately that id really want to share with u so pls do tell me ur opinion 😙 so i was thinking abt how haikyuu boys would join u fasting for a day — i imagine the msby 4 would ask u to wake them too so they could accompany u while ur preparing ur suhoor meal but they ended up eating along and asking if they could join u fasting since they dont have any practice for that day. bokuto hinata & omi would do it out of curiosity but tsumu, being cocky a gentleman he is, says that he’s doing it so u wouldnt starve alone. i think bokuto would be super whiny the whole day like he would keep asking what time is it and being super dramatic saying his patience has never been tested this much ; hinata would keep on forgetting that he’s not allowed to consume anything — u literally caught him unconsciously open the fridge multiple times and he would went from 😮 to ☹️ ; omi bb wouldnt complain even a bit he would say ‘dont worry’ while furrowing his eyebrows followed by the loud scream coming from his dying tummy ; and tsumu — sigh — this man would (not so) secretly eat which ofc u caught him and he would most likely say something like ‘babe i needed a time out 🥺’ he b rlly making his own rules.

honestly just thinking abt these scenarios makes me rlly happy and i’d be delighted to hear ur thoughts abt them!!

ig thats all ,, sorry for the long rambles 😣 dont forget to always take a proper care of ur beautiful well-being during ramadan && since being happy is p hard sometimes so im hoping ur doing okay and that u would find joy by taking pleasure in the little things u do everyday <33 *give a long warm hug and a kith*

- 🐬

hi lovely!!! i’ve missed you so much omg!! ramadan is going pretty well! i haven’t been able to properly enjoy it because of the amount of work i always have, but i’m trying my best to yk!! 

also oh my god,,, i was actually just thinking about what is the seijoh boys joined you in with fasting for a day, and then i see this in my inbox. on god i manifest some of the asks i get. 

but the msby fasting with you is sososo cute omg <3 like they’d probably see you wake up a while before fajr to go have suhoor and they’re so confused like ??? you woke up just so you can eat? and while you’re preparing some food for yourself you explain it to them and each of them like take a minute before they nod so determinedly and go, “we’ll do it,” like you’d just assigned some life threatening mission to them. you warn them and tell them to eat a lot but not too much, and not to eat anything too salty — bokuto chooses chips because :( he was craving them :(. you urge them to drink so much water and atsumu gets so bloated. ends up saying something like, “i’d look so good with a dad bod,” smh. kiyoomi is the only one that follows everything you’re saying but after fajr you catch him reaching for the bottle and he just winces like, “sorry, forgot,” like already!!! hinata lays in bed that night still so hungry even though he’d just eaten because now he’s stuck w the knowledge that he can’t eat, and goes and pokes you awake like, “can i have a small snack? that’s okay right?” 

and oh my god you know what’s even sweeter? if atsumu texts his brother about what they’re doing and osamu joins in too. at iftar when you go to break your fast, atsumu suggests his brother’s restaurant and then osamu has dates and soup made, as well as so much food ready for the six of you. he says a broken, practiced, “ramadan kareem,” when he’s giving a date to break your fast i :(

they eat. so much. and as soon as they’re done they’re like, “so what are we having for dessert?” and omg!!! getting them to try traditional ramadan desserts like kunafa with different things like kunafa with chocolate and kunafa with mangoes and basboosa and atayef and they eat it all. they better not have practice the next day because god they are all so bloated after. 

i love this so much :( i was thinking about the seijoh boys doing it w you too, but i’ve rambled on too long about the msby so maybe another time hehe

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)

[naughtynutboy]

yeehaw yeehaw i got me phone and laptop taken away!!!

im writing this on my phone when im not really supposed to be on it but shh its our little secret

anyway yeah so that happened, it was really just a matter of time and i don't even care anymore cause i can't afford to care. it happened last night after dinner so i just spent the rest of my night finally getting around to re-reading warrior cats lmao

i've been meaning to start re-reading the books like,,, months ago, possibly even a year or more and so i finally did it and i got like 2/3 of the way through into the wild which is epic :)

yes, i am going to be a legal adult later this year and yes i am re-reading warriors and still making ocs, sue me

but yeah so we are vibing over here and i can not wait until my next therapy appointment because there has been a LOT that's happened since my last one that i need to talk abt as you may know if you read through my last vent post lol

if ur wondering why im so cheerful in this post even though things are getting objectively worse, it's because i'm about to go to my dad's house where he doesn't take away my electronics :)) and if he says anything i'm fully prepared to explain to him what's been going on and hopefully he'll understand a bit more

i'm also kinda happy cause i emailed my teacher yesterday asking if there was anything i could do besides the essay that i needed to get done and he said no but he knows i'm a good enough writer that all he needs is the final essay, none of the planning stuff which made me feel a lot better for some reason?? like i still have to actually write the essay which was the main problem but idk it just kinda gave me a little energy/motivation boost to actually do it so i'm gonna try to at least write a paragraph everyday cause something is better than nothing right

so yeah i guess this is just a lil update/follow up to my last vent post. even though things around me are getting worse, for some reason my mental state seems to be getting better?? i might be speaking too soon, idk, but at least right now in this moment i feel good about the future and doing my work. i've kind of just been ignoring the person who keeps telling me to just get over my adhd and that i'm lazy (like actually ignoring, i've spoken like 3 words total over these past 2 days lmao)

though that might not be the best strategy for anyone else cause i know some people related to my situation in my last vent and i wouldn't recommend just ignoring your parents if that's gonna get you into more trouble?? i'm doing it for my own sake right now because i'm sick of getting all upset and then needing like an hour to calm down, so if ur in a similar situation right now pls just use your own judgement and don't make things worse for urself lol

but yeah i've been pretty much as close to rock bottom as i've ever been these past few weeks and i think (hopefully) things are starting to look up for me, at least internally. and i hope the same happens to yall out there soon as well, @ anyone who related to this or my previous vent! if ur really struggling try to focus on ur own mental health before anything else because if ur in a bad place, ur not going to be productive no matter what and ur health matters more than ur grades etc. at the end of the day! :))

[beesmygod]

2018

every year i make an end of the year post talking abt how i changed during the year, so its Time Again for this check in on my life. and, honestly, this is probably one of my happier entries on tumblr (as well as my life). a big struggle i had this year was reconciling how happy and satisfied i am with my current situation with how uniquely awful the world is right now. 

i am happy! i can say that with confidence. i am really happy with the choices ive made in my life. im finally doing things for myself that benefit me instead of running anxiety based simulations of how im inevitably going to disappoint everyone. i’m finally not dangerously underweight (i gained 20lbs!), i dont vomit from stress unless im actually doing something stressful (and the strides made in THIS category are getting better and better every day) and im finally beginning to feel like a person again.

in 2016 i felt like i was waking up everyday to put on a human suit to go out into the world only to come home, unpeel it and melt down from the stress of having to be “in character” for so long. i haven’t felt that at all in 2018. i feel like im finally developing an identity of my own. i think the problem is that who i am is, tbh, pretty obnoxious, but its my obnoxiousness. i’ll get it under contol eventually, but for right now its nice to finally realize and be okay with who i am. even if who i am is a work in progress. 

if ive improved this much in one year, then next year will be better. from “human” to “good human”. therapy helped so much. meds helped a lot too (gotta have my ‘zac). my therapist told me i need to also ive myself some credit for my improvement but also adam helped too. and my friends! 

art-wise, within the last month, i finally feel like i got over an art plateau. for a long time i felt kind of stagnant and it was hard for me to get excited about making the comic. i felt like i was throwing myself against a wall i built myself. in may, after a visit to adam that was so good it made me depressed to go home, i had my least productive month and only made 5 pages. this really kicked my butt into gear and made me realize i had to do SOMETHING to change.

so i started to redraw the first chapter of my comic. which was a killer idea; being able to see 5 years of progress side by side is so heartening. absolutely not perfect at all, but so much better. in the last few months ive started a bad movie review/database type thing (with the first edition ready in january), drew a long overdue poster for the previous chapter of AGS and maintained all my current patreon goals. im still volunteering in my free time at the library, which i love and will be sad to leave in february when i move to RI.

and honestly, one of the most heartening parts of this year was having solid, irrefutable proof that i dont have to choose a job or a relationship. adam and i split most things but i have been able to very significantly pull my own weight. every time i buy a plane ticket with my own money im like “HAHAHA I CAN HAVE IT ALL!!” financial independence is wild. it takes sacrifice but im so relieved to know that my career, which makes me ridiculously happy but benefits exclusively me, is not something that makes me a burden to anyone with the misfortune to love or friend me.

i hope 2019 is good too, but i also hope its better for everyone. 

except everyone who has ever wronged me. it would be funny if their lives continued to get hilariously worse. keep that part up

[kjiaein]

50 questions tag

tagged by: @kihyunuu tryna take up all my time,, watch me do this in under 30 minutes bc i just. type fast

1. What takes up too much of your time? doing my makeup?? (which i Do Not mind) math hw??? maybe jun and taemin??? hockey?? there’s so many options here lmao

2. What makes your day better? talking to my mom and my friends. literally can make my whole day in 10 minutes by talking to my mom i’m rlly a mommas girl :( bye

3. What’s the best thing that happened you today? um i didn’t even leave my room today so Nothing,,, ig washing my face and feeling rlly refreshed?? 

4. What fictional place would you like to go? uhhh camelot?? BET. i’ve been obsessed with camelot and king arthur tales since i was 7 and i Still am. so i rlly Want to (even tho i know medieval times were Horrible.)

5. Are you good at giving advice? ppl say i am but i don’t rlly know?? i just try my best considering what i’ve seen ppl go through and what i’ve personally gone through 

6. Do you have any mental illness?  i have not been diagnosed by a doctor with any mental illness

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no THANK GOD. 

8. What musician inspired you the most? um there’s been a mix of ppl. but for the most part jonghyun has been in my life for so long and he’s just Amazing and i learn from him everyday of my life

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i’ve liked guys but i wouldn’t call it love? bc we were close but we weren’t THAT close lmao i’m so cautious of males bye

10. What’s your dream date?  uhhh take me to a sporting event idc if it’s pro or college,, and i guarantee you’ll win me over pretty quickly,,, or like to dinner somewhere and go for a walk after?? like on the riverwalk??

11. What do others notice about you? ig ppl say i’m rlly sweet and caring,, or thoughtful bc i remember things others don’t and i try my best to give ppl what they want and help them??

12. What is the annoying habit you have? wobirwrb idk just zoning out?? i do it a lot. or um i don’t reply to ppl with no reason sometimes i just get Annoyed at the world obwogb

13. Do you still talk to your first love? sorry do i even have one,, if you count the one guy who i was closest to,, i have not talked to him in 2 yrs bc he’s Busy and i am also Busy so.

14. How many ex’s do you have? lmao funny you think i’ve dated ppl

15. How many songs are on your playlist? i don’t use playlists,, i turn my entire library onto shuffle and there are 300+ songs in my library 

16. What instruments can you play? none i tried the violin and piano once,, not that good at it 

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? um my biases,, myself and my dog,,, they’re tied like my dog won’t let any male win

18. Where would you like to go before you die? korea? japan? definitely ireland :( 

19. What is your zodiac? virgo yay

20. Do you relate to it? i mean ig but it’s not 100% accurate for me so

21. What is happiness to you? being able to do what i want without judgement from anyone and being loved for that??,,, literally idk what it is to me nvm

22. Are you going through anything right now? um yeah. not gonna talk abt it tho

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? ,,, there’s a lot of them Pls. probably some of the friends i’ve made that have deterred me from the paths i’ve always wanted

24. What’s your favorite store? uhhhh i like a lot of nasty gal but i don’t own much from there?? i Love victorias secret and jcpenney

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? i don’t talk abt this. with Anyone. so next.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? no? i just do what i want when i want it. and sometimes it’s in the moment so 

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? currently all night by astro,, kings thank u 

28. What do you want for your birthday? ,,, nothing? maybe a hockey jersey? but even then i would be satisfied just spending time with ppl 

29. What are most peoples first impressions of you? quiet and sweet,,, like they’re not 100% wrong but i can get LOUD when i get rlly close to u 

30. What age do you seem according to most people? ppl say physically i look 13 but i act like 25

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? the edge of my bed? by my pillows,, where my head is Not bye

32. What word do you say the most? um. that’s IT.

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 25-26?? that’s 7 yrs older so. 

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 18. literally gotta be a whole year or the same age as me?? it’s gotta be LEGAL.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? ppl say i rlly belong in the medical field,, and the path i am on is in the medical field sooo

36. What’s your favorite music genre? ,,,,,, kpop. and pop. oooh but i love a good heartbreaking ost :) 

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? america? i have so much freedom here. like why would i give the privilege i have up Pls

38. What is your current favorite song? it’s rlly between lights down low by max and grand bleu by 100% 

39. How long have you had this blog for? ,,,, too long. i think like 4-5 yrs?

40. What are you excited for? i’m excited for uh baseball games and to go hoomeee next month 

41. Are you a better talker or listener? both... why should i only do one? 

42. What is the last productive thing you did? .... shower lmao

43. What do you want for Christmas? ..... idk a hockey jersey,,, for me to grow up and get a bf lmao,, more so want family time?? maybe my passport bye.

44. What class do you get the best grades in? history and english,, literally i excelled in english and history since 4th grade

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 8???

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? um i hope i’m married and working as an athletic trainer in a pro sport?

47. When did you get your first heart break? when my former best friend ditched me halfway through 9th grade and talked abt me behind my back to our other friends :)) 

48. At what age do you want to get married? .... i want to be married by 25-27,,, but with my career path good luck to me

49. What career did you want to have as a child? veterinarian lmao why did i ever i hate reptiles so 

50. What do you crave now? cheese,,, ice cream :(( idk i took care of my cravings by ordering cook out last night bye

i tag @2baekxing @cutesunggyu @yiffxing @mmblaq ,,, i always tag the same ppl ik i’m sorry

[peachnymphuniverse]

little things i love/love to do -smell my fingers after peeling an orange -sit on my roof late at night  -playing uke under the porch while it rains  -opening my windows when it’s chilly and bundle up  -slide around in fuzzy socks while my dog chases me -paint my nails and take it off around ten minutes later  -when my ukulele strings leave dents in my newly painted nails  -listen to my broken record player so that the song registers in my head as a little off key  -journal about people’s smiles  -in airports i walk around and smile at everyone and get sad if they don’t smile in response (sometimes i double back and repeat the process until they do) -talk to people i’ve just met in the way i wish i did to the people i’ve known  -make cookies and dance in the kitchen  -close my eyes and guess what flavor jelly bean i get -buy razzles and read in the merc  -new sheets  -freshly cleaned hair  -playing with short (relatively guy) hair  -making tea after a rough day  -nailing a song first try  -sweaters from thrift stores  -the feeling when a stranger is nice to me  -cheeks hurting from laughing so hard  -sporadic adrenaline and finally doing the thing -almond milk over ice -this one gray and pink plate my mom got  -mismatching soft patterns on my bed  -cuddles with pets (or humans on a good day) -the warmth that occurs when someone calls me beautiful  -shiny hair  -writing a good song that makes you feel something  -piling blankets and pillows in a corner and reading  -my mom asking me if i’m happy everyday (and legitimately caring about the answer)  -any type of garnier hair product (smells hella good) -the use of the word heck in any context  -flowers and flower tattoos  -when my sister compliments me (its like the highest form of praise in my life) -the temperature tea is at when it’s hot enough to warm your whole body but not too hot that it burns  -tea that has too much honey  -hummingbirds in general  -my dads laugh  -seeing people kiss (not in a creepy way i just really enjoy love) -guys in sweaters and pastel colors  -incense from rockin rudy’s  -new pj’s -my cat  -the sting of hot showers  -speaking native languages  -people who take random pictures of me  -kale salad -dresses that make me look coot -the smell of burning paper -hugs  -soup -people who give me their hoodies  -making jokes during movies  -folded chips -the farmers market when it rains  -people with warm hands  -people with cold hands  -people (ik i say otherwise but people are actually v wonderful sometimes)  -cinnamon on hot cocoa  -finding a song that relates to your life  -stars  -blue eyes  -baths with music and tea  -wearing my stepdads sweaters  -making a really nice house in sims  -nice teachers @franzen @elder  -people with nice eyebrows #envy -buying people coffee  -going downtown alone for a few hours and not talking while reading or drinking tea  -airports  -beaches (the smell mostly)  -vanilla perfume  -waking up when the blankets are still perfectly in place  -when i’m wearing shorts and my warm kitty curls up on my bare legs  -layers (button down, sweater, jean jacket) -pretzels with peanut butter  -yellow  -new socks  -citrus smelling stuff  -dark chocolate  -old cameras  -rose and mint flavored lip balm -tiger lilies and sunflowers  -when my hair is damp and my head gets it warm -rupi kaur -new watercolors  -thrift store vinyls  -mike and eleven  -knee high socks -overalls  -big flannels + jean jackets -popcorn with chulula  -drive around in my moms convertible  -japanese cherry blossoms  -going to the library with @anna everyday -finding a new song and listening to it till you know each word -rain (the smell) -crunching leaves  -the stars at 2am -using my kitty as a pillow when she’s curled up  -playing the piano (badly) -white curtains -photo booths  -nice handwriting  -earrings  -being under a bunch of blankets  -pretty journal pages  -hugs when it’s cold out  -ink drawings  -making my bed -the fact that my favorite band has a song called hannah -genuine laughs and smiles  -warm soup on cold days  -new jackets  -thick socks  -when it’s cold outside but you have a v good coat and ur all toasty and happy  -soft blankets  -finishing homework early  -fetal position+big sweaters+floor=happy hannah -making up chords on the uke and giving them names like bartholomew and furghi -remembering inside jokes from forever ago and laughing  -laughing so hard you’re incapable of breathing  -belting theatre music when home alone  -suppa warm bagels  -chess w/ tea and mi madre  -making spotify playlists for every mood  -pretty journals  -yellow -knowing little quirks about my friends -asking little questions back and forth with someone i care about  -freckles  -boys eyelashes  -hiking alone  -my soft doggy  -post-it note quotes  -edamame beans with a lil salt at 3 am  -my new mattress (praise the lawd) -getting stuff in the mail  -the people who actually read all of these lmao -long hair (rly missing mine rn)  -big shirts w no pants  -people who have specific smells ex. cotton, lemons, lavender, cinnamon -hugging tall people  -watching the previews before the movie  -messy scribbly handwriting (i think really good handwriting is lacking in character)  -this one picture of my dad from the eighties  -sweet potatoes  -people who use the word beautiful instead of hot  -spoken poetry  -asking boys what their favorite flower is (odds are they actually have one)  -waking up on sundays and making myself breakfast  -being hydrated: drink water kids  -almond milk w a bit of nutmeg + cinnamon  -mixing different teas (i’ve concluded that mandarin orange + ginger is v good) -knowing you somehow made someone’s day better -people who play with my hair -picture books with good plots  -sparkling apple cider  -asmr (lol don’t judge me) -realizing the other day that i am pretty, and if you don’t think so, that’s ok.  -popping popcorn perfectly (ur welcome for the alliteration) -waking up ten minutes before your alarm  -elevators arriving right as you push the button  -warm winter days, today was v nice  -powder blue shirts  -hearing a song from ages ago and realizing that you know every word -plugging your phone in at 1% -the amount of hugs i get every day  -cuddles  -painting myself or people -when a boring class is over @science  -watching a movie after thinking about it for a while  -packing for a plane ride  -new ringtones  -going to the merc and getting the last muffin there  -holding hands with people in a platonic way  -hugs from behind  -comfort food (ex. brown rice and tofu w spinach)  -crème brulèe -driving at night or in the rain  -the way it feels when this certain person says my name -soft hands + long fingers  -mild weather -putting my hand out of the car when it’s chilly  -nail-polish that peels off in one piece  -messy/curly hair  -new pj’s  -hugs that last a while  -giving birthday presents  -calling my cat bean  -“hannah bee” (nickname from my mam)  -cinnamon gum  -noice cancelling headphones  -calling people by their full names  -stiles stilinski falling  -new soap  -brown eyes  -long eyelashes  -soft breathing  -bronze  -swearing but not actually swearing (heck, darn) -fetal position anywhere  -being hydrated  -nose highlight -small stuffed animals  -chocolate milk w straws  -my sister  -having paint left on my hands  -light gray shirts on people  -pillow forts -highways at night  -bumper stickers  -drinking sparkling apple cider out of wine glasses  -when my room is hot + i put my hand on a cold wall -hearing my cat purr  -catching people looking at me and just smiling at them  -hugs that nearly make me fall over  -or that squeeze so tight you have to readjust your footing -new pads of paper -dropping a toxic person/thing and feeling weightless -my new room -shopping w my sister  -eating hot dogs in target w my sister  -friends who ask if you’re ok randomly  -when lil asks how my day went  -singing fallout boy/ed sheeran/bad rap w reya -chocolate cake  -washi tape + journals  -kicking a ball really hard to relive stress  -p4 spanish  -hearing nice things people say abt me -having a messily clean room (w a few things scattered around)  -walking around downtown w tea and friends  -hot pockets (new discovery for me circa monday)  -cracking my neck, knuckles, back -having a heater in my room and always being warm -taking my hair down when it’s still a lil damp and being able to smell shampoo  -a teal 1987 ford bronco in my neighborhood -slow orchestra music  -piano solos  -watching mystery movies and figuring it out before the people do  -subtitles  -protective friends  -today being the first day i haven’t felt spaced out in years  -old book smell  -rain-soaked hair -resting my head on someone’s warm chest or arms  -the acoustic versions of songs i like  -the three people who i’m ok w calling me banana  -how i don’t swear unintentionally anymore  -21 questions  -sleeping at school  -cutting pancakes into triangles  -jim and pam  -jelly beans  -perfect pancakes -tucking my cat into the crook of my stomach  -the office  -empty movie theaters  -coke zero w a straw -the smol boy me and kenzie became friends with  -my package came today -the way my mom sings to her houseplants  -being tickled  -sofffftttt kitty pawssss -sleeping in really late cause i normally wake up early  -golden milk -lullabies  -granola w yogurt + maple syrup + cinnamon -sleeping on the ground in my moms office -big sweaters tucked into jeans  -mad-libs  -collaging -thin sweatshirts  -drinking soup out of mugs  -small straws  -target hot dogs

[freigaeist]

bea the cutest angel i hope you're doing well

sarah the purest horned floof i hope you’re happy and life is kind and adventurous, mine’s an up & down but it’s cool and i hope yours is too :’

so what i recently noticed abt us caps is that we not only hate failure but that we’ve a huge problem with realizing our (self)worth bc we always want to give our best. our best self to the people, our best work, our best anything - but sometimes in life there’s no place no.1 to win, you cannot be good at everything right now immediately and that makes us caps incredibly insecure. we’re also those people who’ll never ask for a pat on the head and a heartfelt, good word that is actually abt our personality and not our hard work but will always want and even need it. our hands are cold but our hearts are so warm and though our father is frozen and icy cold saturn we’re a bit like planet earth: hard shell and a burning core. caps are the biggest goofs if you let them, they’re the most stable and loyal lovers and if you give us affection we feel like we’re in debt until the end of time bc dO WE REALLY DESERVE THIS... THANK YOU SM KIND HOOMAN....... sarcastic af especially when in a bad mood, then all you’ll hear will probably hurt your feelings or make you feel awful and then the cap wants to die and hates themself. time is something they’re barely affected by; their inner clock has its own rhythm and no one, i repeat, NO ONE can fuck with their time management/ schedule/ timing. it’s impossible bc we own that shit. there’s smth abt them that gives off benjamin button vibes bc young body+old soul, old body+young soul, our bodies age but our mind will slowly get back into the childhood we never had. people have to tell us to be kind to ourselves often. everyone need a cap to tell them what they want to hear but don’t even dare to think bc we will do, sometimes it’s almost cruel but we know someone has to tell them. capricorn risings are breath-taking in a way that makes you jump out of their way regardless their height. capricorn venus is what you want to go for if you search for The One you wanna grow old with. if you anger a cap mars just enough they will kill you and nobody will ever find you and out that it was them. capricorns watch from the midheaven with a sullen expression, a clock in one hand and the book of knowledge about all the things they don’t want to know in the other hand, a silly hat for children on their old heads and i gotta say - i hate and love being one.

and sarah i fucken love make-up oh my god i’m in no means good at it but i can talk abt how i do my make-up!! for one i’m super pale my skin is like transparent so i use make-up everyday or else someone will punch me in the face yelling ZOMBIE so for everyday make-up i go for brow powder bc i barely have brows (i’m aquarius rising........ i’m basically just odd-looking with prominent features but no forehead+brows desperately pirouetting between Fitting In and Standing Out) and some matte shimmery eyeshadow, usually in brown bc man i love earthy tones!!!! but also light pink and peach bc i use bronze shampoo so i’m currently a redhead and that just looks good together i find? then mascara (waterproof!!!!!!!!! i’m shit at keeping anything in tact which, i claim, is also very much aqua rising bc ALL OVER THE PLACE) and grey kajal to do some smokey shit right over the upper lids to enlargen the eyes and done! for fancy night-outs i like using white/silver eye-shadow or gold/ dark green, all glittery and then either black kajal or eyeliner. since i’ve hooded eyes i can’t go super crazy with eyeliner but on some days i’m getting the hang of my eyeshape and rock it (you’ve to go very low with the wing...... it’s a not so excited wing... more of a landing wing... maybe a falling one, maybe lucifers wing... a sleeping wing goodnight wingy wing...) and on other days there’ll be a little triangle almost cutting off the wing where my lid presses down (illuminati confirmed) BUT ANYWAYS!! then i like to go for bold/natural lipsticks and right before i like using some lipbalm just bc my lips get dry easily, as gets my skin, so ofc i use body milk, butter or any kind of cream as foundation, especially in winter and especially around my nose and the eyes! and bc i can never shimmer and glitter enough i like to add some highlighter and then setting spray and that’s about it, yeah! jesus i talk too much but here yer go sweet friend o’ mine

thank you so much for asking about what i love talking about and i hope you’ve a very, very good morning, midday, afternoon and evening always sarah

🌹Talk to me 🕊

[quadratic-shipping]

Kay, new icon is Vriska’s dice cause the gradient was lame, and every Vriska blog halfway to sunday has already had every photo of her face as their icon twice. It also works cause of yknow liking dnd and stuff. one thing I really liked about my last vriska pic one was the negative space made it feel like it popped and I feel like this one has sort of the same thing going for it. Wow, it can be that deep. I’m just rambling cause it’s 3am and yet again I have stayed up this long. I can;t wait til it’s winter again so I can force myself back into a normal sleep schedule. I stayed up all night a couple nights ago, and that gave me one decent night of sleep so I might just try that again tonight. Rest put under the readmore because it’s irrelevant and sleep deprived rambling I wouldn’t dare subject my beautiful followers and browsers to.

While I’m here, posting a late night thing no one will see or interact with; thank god; I was cleaning and I came across one of those neck warmer things that legit just a tube you pull up your face to keep your nose from freezing off because Canada Winters, I never can use them because I always fog up my glasses, and I just wanted to say that Niqabi gals with glasses are so brave? Legit if I had to deal with my glasses fogging up I’d die, I’d rather lose my nose to frostbite than fog them up (like I go outside enough loll) so for them to deal with that everyday is like, legendary. I mean, I guess if you were pretty antisocial you wouldn’t have to deal with it much but still, point totally stands. 

While we’re on the positivity train? Lesbians? y’all really like Vriska HUH? Thank you for interacting, I appreciate, yall are so valid. I’m torn between “You have good taste” jokes and “Yall will just like anything w/ vriska in it” and either way it takes too strong a stance on my own content to feel good about it. Obvs goes the same way for all the NB and Trans ppl interacting, yall are also Excellent and I appreciate yall. Obvs I’m cis so I don’t have any real godtier takes or anything abt. gender, but reading your guyss stuff is excellent please keep making it.

Uh sexuality update; Still labelling as bi, IDK if I really want to date men tho, before I actually and FINALLY get a taste of the other side; please; because I feel like the problem with my relationships re; dudes is just that I can’t just be myself, I’m just 900000% in my own head about it and not even like; trying to be idealized, idk whats going on I just have a hard time connecting w/ them and it’s defo my fault so idk bro. IDK it’s fun to have crushes but dating is BORING from my very limited experience with only guys which is why a gf would be excellent. Or girl aligned partner. I feel like maybe what I’m attracted to is like, femininity, not necessarily femmes or women. IDK bruh it’s weird. doesn’t help I can’t even figure out how to get and keep friends LOLLL it’s 3am. Sorry

Honestly before I started vrisrose posting I felt so useless yknow cause in the vriska circles there are a lot of intelligent people who understand canon better and are overall smarter and better spoken so I just felt like everything I had to say was just old hat and not very interesting. But the thing I like about VrisRose is no one else is talking about it as frequently ( I was searching the tag and my blog came up in the recco’s for blogs up top and I was very happy) so I feel like, hey, this is my niche. That one engineer of useless inventions quote: The best way to become top of your field is to specialize:, I jsut love rarepairs so much! I think it’s such a great way to approach character analysis because no one exists in a vaccum so seeing peoples interactions and what people like is so fun!!!! I say, invalidating all my personal issues lollll

CHARACTER ANALYSIS! FUCK TALKING ABOUT INTERACTIONS OR ACTIONS ON THEIR OWN OR THOUGHTS OR HC’S, I STAND BY MY ONE TAAKO ‘vriska did nothing wrong’ QUOTE; Trying to understand what characters morals, and their opinions on certain things by analyzing their opinions and interactions in canon is 500x more productive seeming to me than other things. Like, say taako’s thoughts about vriska, V and Lucretia are p similar actions wise, and he was pissed at her but that was mostly cause of the personal connections, when it doesn’t affect him Taako doesn’t seem to have any moral objections to any of the icky moral stuff; think robot planet or whatevs where they were gonna genocide the place and lup was like no and that was like the only reason he didn’t I’m pretty sure, I’m not too big brained on taako or adventurezone either so don’t take my word; So I think that Taak’s would be chill with Vriska. Another thing? The Lucretia thing was like, giving up which Taako is not ok with and Vriska thigns were about not giving up so I do legit think he would be totally coool with her, even if she were real, unless obvs she hurt one of the seven bird red robe people and their new friends.

ISN;T THAT SUCH A FUN METHOD OF CHARACTER ANALYSIS? I’m not drunk or in an altered state just tired enthusiastic and with a lot of pent up thoughts. Speaking of which, this song just came on it’s “Slowdance with you” by the Marcus Hedges Trend Orchestra and it is SOOOOO good, it’s on a vrisrezi playlist I put on bc I’m rereading song of the pyre because it was vriska day and it’s super good soo so good. It’s on loop now, legit best

Quick detours before I lay out some more hs thoughts; 

Overwatch:

-Ben “Captainplanet” came out w/ a new article and I LOVE IT so much and I want hhis job so bad I wanna get into stats so much ahhh  please so good it’s giving me a , this is crude but it’s the best way I can phrase it, a math erection. I love math so much <33333333

-The Shock, my faves, are doing well and I’m happy for them! I hope they go 7-0, I believe in them! I’m lying I am so fucking nervous for literally every match they have they’re gonna 2-5 AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why am I so INVESTED? They technically could take first spot but that’s require titan’s to lose every match left and the shock to 7-0, but the thing is I thought that I wanted that but 

-then I watched the titans london match today, and I HATED the thought of titans losing. And losing so hard to other teams too, and I didn’t realize this but I think I do actually kinda like the titans?The thought of them not being a great team makes me sad. I think it’s like I really like them and shock as rivals, yknow, stage one and two, then this upcoming map? If Titans aren’t still Good in this meta it just sorta makes their rivalry not fun. Kismesis vibes is what I’m gonna say cause I’m TRASSSHHHHH pls stop my terrible hands from typing also if I ever saw actual ship stuff I would kill whoever made it. Like I’m not gonna check their socials or anything but if they’ve got a match against most teams I’d probs root for them. The Wolf section today was so funny lollll

-I think I might hate the London Spitfire. I have literally no reason to? I think all the players are good and I like them as people and I would never actively hate on them? But I’m like. Really mean to them in my head. I was so satisfied seeing htem lose to Florida, and Titans like IDK? Also they’re hella overrated so anticlutch jfc. Hate the franchise, love the players if that makes sense. IDK WHYYYYYYYYYYY

-Also I’m gonna miss tomorrows shock match and I’m so scared rip.

Misc: 

-Tripped backwards and somehow upturned my moms glass scale and it fell on my foot, that shit hurted.

-Oh My God I’m Projecting a million different things right now because I feel like this will not have an audience if you see this I’m begging you please don’t interact I’d die of embarassment keep the fact you’ve seen this a secret from me

HS:

-JFC song of the pyre is an excellent fic, I wish it would ever get updated it’s so fucking good guys

-I need to read more vrisrezi long form

-Non-sgrub vrisrezi is best vrisrezi

-My ideal Vrisrezi au would be like HS canon, diverge into non-sgrub and they completely fall out of touch, Killing Eve season 1, then Song of the Pyre. THAT is what I want.

-Killing eve season one and two would be an even BETTER VRISROSE AU AHHHHHH

-I once read a very good trollstuck rose but it was an eri-rose ship so basically what I want is that persons troll rose but paired with vriska. For how much I blog about it I’ve read very little vrisrose fic but almost everything I know comes from this fic. . Oh uh this is not the erirose fic that I read w trollstuck although it does unfortunately have erirose but I can excuse it when the vrisrose is this Excellent

Alright I’ve run out of hyper juice, have a nice night, sorry for posting thisssss

bye

[crissotolesbian]

do you have any makeup recommendations? or in general, products that you would die for? 🎀

make up recommendations!! do i eVER i love talking about make up and i could go on forever sooo i’ll try not to make this too long but here are the products i love right now ^-^

nars radiant creamy concealer: i think i’ve repurchased this concealer like 5 or 6 times it’s just… no other concealers can compare. it has such good coverage and a really nice texture and the applicator that comes with the product is really good also so you don’t have to use other brushes and worry about cleaning them which is always a plus!

becca shimmering skin perfector: i use the pressed powder in the lightest colour ‘pearl’ and it’s so so so pretty and really pigmented. it’s definitely my favourite highlighter that i’ve ever tried and it’s a bit more creamy than most other powders which gives it a really nice texture

kat von d tattoo liner: i wear winged eyeliner every day and nothing compares to this liner its so pigmented and the felt tip applicator makes it really easy to apply. i have the black one and the white one and they’re both great

too faced better than sex mascara: my holy grail i have tried lots of mascaras and none are as good as this one. i have really short eyelashes naturally so i definitely need a mascara that lengthens and this one also gives really good volume it’s a+++

too faced natural matte eyeshadow collection: i have a lot of eyeshadow palettes with bright colours bc i love experimenting with eyeshadows but i will always love this palette bc it’s just so simple and easy, definitely a go to for when you just want to do nude matte looks. it has nine colours and they’re just a nice selection of matte browns and nudes, very good for everyday wear

urban decay all nighter setting spray: i would die without this product pretty much it keeps makeup in place really well and i definitely need it bc my country is a furnace apparently in summer and if you want to wear makeup at all it has to be well set

thank you so much for this ask anon!! i could go on and mention way more products but i’m sure no one wants to read 12 pages of me fangirling abt make up so i’ll leave it at this!!

sleepover asks!!

[virginia-werewoolf]

Hello to all!!! It’s been a crazy few months and I haven’t had the time to really go on Tumblr much less post about everything going on in my life but i am going to today!!

I’m currently finishing up my senior year of high school and lemme tell u - it’s been wild!!! But so fun. This last Relay for Life was probably my favorite one yet & I wish I could just have one more. When I went my freshman & sophomore year I was still so, so shy and only talked to people I already knew. This year, though, I talked to the new speech & debate kids and they were some of the sweetest people I have met in high school!! I always get so nostalgic for speech and debate when I am around the newer kids in the club. I can’t lie - being in that club was the only time throughout my whole high school experience that I felt as though I was a part of something good. I quit because it did stress me out a bit and I wanted to join photography my sophomore year and just always kind of found an excuse not to go back after that (even though I always knew I should’ve). Prom was nice - we ate at the Venetian and danced our lil hearts out at Panis Hall. I felt moderately pretty. I got into an argument with my best friend, Vincent, that night - he’s been a real dick lately & I couldn’t put up w it anymore that night in the Red Rock parking lot!!! I have been holding a few grudges against him since then but this weekend I have gotten some time to think it over for the first time & I think I’ve made my peace with him!! After prom was the Disney trip - which has been a WILD ride for a few months now. There was a lot of fishy business going on w the stuco advisor but finally - LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS LEFT - I got a seat on the bus!!!! I wasn’t ready at all because I didn’t want to pack a bunch & get excited just to end up having to go to math that day - but I had such a good time in my bummy school clothes & 2 best friends!!! Even if I didn’t get to take pictures and we didn’t get to finish exploring California adventure because we were all grumpy and tired. The bus ride with Vincent was so fun and I didn’t really think about all the things I was upset at him for. On the 24th, then, we had grad walk AND senior awards!! I did the travel grad walk with Ni-Ni and we got to go to our elementary and middle schools + pat diskin in our caps and gowns with all the current students lining the halls cheering us on!! It was so pure. The elementary schoolers were so so so cute n proud of us & it was the first time it rly set in that this is happening!!! Plus I saw my 4th grade teacher and she remembered me BY NAME. I foreal cried on the way back to the bus bc of it. Awards night was nice too - I sat next to a kid I hadn’t talked to since middle school but it wasn’t awkward and we made jokes to each other all night!! It was kinda cute. Like it really felt like we were all in this together. I luvvvved cheering on my friends & just other kids in my classes who I may not talk to much but it still feels like we’re on the same boat supporting each other!! I got my Ronald Mcdonald award that night + my hispanic educator award (two scholarships totaling $1500!!!!) I also have to go to a HUGE district wide ceremony & read part of the speech that won me the hispanic educator award the day after graduation!! Yikes but I’m excited. I think that’s basically all the senior events left except maybe the senior bbq??? But that’s not a big deal. I’m not sure if there’s a senior sunset and I know I posted about being upset that I didn’t go to senior sunrise but on the bus ride home from Disney, I woke up for a split second and saw the sunrise over the California desert with my best friend sleepin next to me, his arm latched onto mine & maybe that’s enough.

BUT YEAH. IM FUCKING GRADUATING. My checkout card is signed !! My 7th grade english teacher who i am super close to has her flight booked !!! Can u believe it!!

Work-wise, I was having a really hard time for a while. I was desperately looking for another job & was about to transfer because the theatre made me want to kill myself!!! My exs friends and my managers were talking so so so much shit abt me. They said some of the worst things they couldve possibly said about me - and were so condescending at a time where i was extremely insecure because i was hung up over a boy that treated me like shit & had just lost so many friends. I couldnt even imagine staying until summer - but the universe helped me out and made it so that 2 of my most condescending managers transferred & i stopped getting scheduled so much with my exs friends and things just got… better. I stopped crying everyday - or any day - at work and actually turned down an interview because i figured id just wait until july to look for another job (thats how long im required to stay at my current to qualify for a 10k dollar scholarship i think i have a good shot at getting!!). I dont feel trapped and dread going to work anymore anymore and its so so so relieving. For a second there, it really had such a strong hold on my life and im so glad thats over. It was not healthy at ALL

Driving wise - ive been driving a lil bit a few days a week now and im really enjoying it !! It is not as scary as i thought itd be. I still have a lot to learn but i think im doin pretty good + i have 3k saved up for a car & im so excited !!!

This summer is also gna be super fun - im gna throw so many parties bc all of my bffs are leavin im august for college + spend a week explorin LA w my sister which im so excited abt !!! Im super broke atm bc i had to borrow a bunch of money from my mom for grade nite & am trying to pay it back asap but hopefully any grad money will be enough to cover it so i can buy books n cute knick knacks freely while im on vacay!! Especially since my body decided to hit a second fuckin puberty this winter & none of my summer clothes fit me anymore :( ive been dressing so bummy lately bc of it but ive been too busy to care. I gotta get clothes b4 going to LA tho!!! Other than that though i really just want this summer to be abt me. I feel like even tho i KNOW i need time to myself, i always try to get the most out of literally ANY possible relationship in my life :( its such a bad thing but i hate passing up opportunities like that bc what if, u know? To love and be loved in return is what I always thought i wanted most in this world!!! But i think i just need to consider where situations like this are really going before i compromise the time i set aside to work on myself for it. SO unless i can really see something going somewhere, this summer is goin to be about reading, writing, filming, and taking care of myself !!! I want to eat better (vegetarian & vegan whenever possible!!) and exercise and take care of my skin and just get shit done in general (maybe learn to knit finally???) Im even gonna start a bullet journal!!! I think it will help keep me feelin like myself as well as stay productive & organized in college + its just such a cute hobby Not to mention my sister is ENGAGED?????? My BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! I will save the sappy stuff for later posts/my maid of honor speech but she really deserves this more than anyone. It hurts to see her movin out after 18 years of sleepin 10 feet away from her - if it were any earlier than this i wouldnt have been able to handle it - but im excited to be independent & im sure we’ll be sendin each other funny memes and visiting each other 24/7!! She is my best friend after all, and im just so happy to see her happy that i cant even be that sad abt losing our early morning laughs and late night talks - at least not yet!! Maybe it just hasnt set in yet

[touristguidebuzz]

Violent Attacks Push European Tourism to Extremes

French riot police patrol on the Champs Elysees boulevard, with the Arc de Triomphe in background, in Paris. Christophe Ena / Associated Press

Skift Take: Turkey, Egypt and Tunisia have all been devastated by terror attacks in recent years and they are all well down on their previous highs. The reluctance of tourists to visit is having unintended consequences while other destinations such as Barcelona are experiencing a boom.

— Patrick Whyte

One week before the UK Prime Minister triggered her country’s departure from the European Union, and less than two weeks before our inaugural Skift Forum Europe, we launched a series of four stories devoted to Resetting Transatlantic Travel.

One of our 2017 Megatrends called this year one of reckoning for European tourism. With the pending departure of the UK from the EU, the growth of low-cost carriers like Norwegian Air, multiple violent acts in major European cities, and the rise of neo-isolationism in the United States and some European countries, it’s indeed a year of large-scale shifts for the most popular region in the world for tourism.

Our third story looks at how violence in and around Europe is changing the market and the impact it is having on certain countries.

When Nick Wrightman, a tour operator with almost 30 years’ experience in Turkey was travelling through the southern city of Marmaris last year, he was struck by how few people there were.

The area enjoys a hot Mediterranean climate, has plenty of hotels, and is a relatively good value: It should have been heaving with tourists from all over Europe. The same pattern could be seen all over the country – 2016 was a very, very bad year for tourism in Turkey.

“We’ve got properties in the Bozburun Peninsular [and] you sometimes have to go through Marmaris to get to it. That’s why I noticed that it was much quieter last year,” he said.

Turkey is in the middle of a tourism slump. According to official figures from the Ministry of Culture and Tourism, the number of foreign visitors fell by 30 percent to 25.4 million. The decline can largely be explained by violence and other geopolitical factors. A series of attacks — some of which have killed tourists — over the past couple of years have put off many people about going to the country.

Turkey is not alone in this respect. Countries popular with tourists such as Egypt and Tunisia have been targeted as have European cities such as Paris, London, and Berlin. Fear and uncertainty are reshaping the landscape, at least on a temporary basis, which is turning some places into ghost towns, while others are dealing with altogether different consequences.

Overtourism in action

People cool off at Sant Sebastia and Sant Miquel beaches in Barceloneta neighborhood in Barcelona, Spain, August 16, 2015. REUTERS/Albert Gea

The Spanish city of Barcelona is suffering a very different problem than Marmaris, Turkey. Cheap flights and the total package of beaches, mountains and culture have helped it become one of Europe’s tourism hotspots. This winning combination resulted in 9.1 million tourists staying in the city’s hotels in 2016 – a 9.2 percent increase on the previous year.

In the peak summer months La Rambla, the 1.2 kilometer thoroughfare that runs all the way to the sea, is packed from morning well into the evening with bars and restaurants selling overpriced sangria to tourists happy to be part of the crowd.

“In terms of tourists, I think in Barcelona, for the last three years we have had a new record every year,” said Guillermo Gaspart, the founder of micro hotel stay company ByHours, which is based in the city.

The statistical increase is also born out in Gaspart’s own experience.

“It’s more busy than usual but at the same time if you are walking around La Rambla today you can see for example that there are a lot of police. Even the though we haven’t received any kind of terrorist attack, we are at the maximum alert here in Barcelona.”

Gaspart calls some of tourists “borrowed,” in the sense that they might not have come to Barcelona had it not been for problems elsewhere.

Most other cities can only look on enviously at Barcelona’s ability to keep on drawing the crowds and, although we can’t know the motivations of each individual tourist, it seems likely to have benefited from the reluctance of some to travel to areas that have experienced violent attacks in the recent past.

But this continuing popularity is causing overtourism problems in Barcelona.

“Every day this discussion is bigger in Barcelona between locals and people doing business with tourists… because it’s not only the hotels… it’s taxis, shops, it’s everything that’s taking advantage of tourists,” Gaspart said.

Although the city obviously benefits from the spending that comes from millions of foreign tourists, the question of how it is managed has become a huge issue.

Around 18 months ago a group of neighbourhood associations came together to form the Assemblea de Barris per un Turisme Sostenible (ABTS) to facilitate the change they thought was necessary.

“What we do is mainly we criitcize and denounce and try to find and put on the table alternatives to the touristic model we have in the city right now and [that we’ve had] for a long time,” said Daniel Pardo a member of the organization..

For the ABTS it’s not simply the number of tourists, it’s the “conflicts created by mass tourism” in neighbourhoods across the city. Residents are being displaced by hotels and alternative accommodation providers. The shops that may be more use to locals are being swapped for ones aimed at tourists, and these new stores “are obviously useless for everyday life,” Pardo said.

There’s also the problem of what to do with waste from this mass consumption.

The protests earlier this year and the general movement is not a vendetta against tourists but part of a bigger issue.

“This is something that is not usually well understood by some media, which is the conflict is not neighbours/tourists it is city/tourism industry and it is a conflict between public interest and private interests,” he said.

At the moment the associations have the support of the city’s mayor, Ada Colau, who doesn’t want the city to become a cheap souvenir shop aimed just at tourists. She is driving a campaign to ensure that the money raised from tourism actually benefits locals.

The €1.2 million ($1.3 million) dividend from Barcelona’s tourism tax is being used to lay on extra buses during the busy summer months and improvements will also be made to squares in Gràcia and the Collserola Natural Park.

Not everyone in Spain is keen to talk up the problems associated with overtourism.

The country’s tourism minister Álvaro Nadal referred it it as “tourismphobia” and said it was only found in two places: the Balearic Islands and Barcelona.

“I think that Spain has always been a very open country, let me say this to you. We always pride ourselves on being good hoists. That’s why tourism is so important in Spain, not only because our supply has quality and our prices are very good… but also because in the mood of the people is this openness to all foreigners,” he said.

“So I would say that I don’t feel right thinking about this phenomenon of tourismphobia I think its something that should go down. I hope this is more or less something that will pass over with time. But in the meantime we have to work in order to make more attractive the idea of tourism. “

Spain’s popularity is nothing new. Northern Europeans have been flocking to the Mediterranean coast since the 1950s – it is just that it in recent years it had more competition. But violent attacks elsewhere have driven up the demand.

Empty hotels

Tunisian police officers guarding Imperial Marhaba hotel during visit of top security officials of Britain, France, Germany and Belgium in Sousse, Tunisia, in 2015. (AP Photo/Darko Vojinovic, File)

Violent attacks and the wall-to-all news coverage that invariably follows — typically labeling them as terrorism when they hit Europeans or Americans — have dealt a brutal blow to the tourism industries of many countries in and around North Africa and the Middle East.

Despite the worries associated with the Arab Spring, which started in Tunisia in late 2010, the country was steadily growing its tourism industry by offering a cheaper alternative to Southern European destinatinations.

French, Germans, Italians and British travelers were flocking to its beaches in increasing numbers. Two attacks – one at a museum and one at a beach — in the space of just over three months in 2015 killed 60 people, most of whom were tourists. Following the second in Sousse, tour operators decided they couldn’t take the risk anymore and largely pulled the plug.

The latest government figures show that between January and September last year Tunisia booked $750 million in tourism receipts, down 8.4 percent on the previous year and 34.1 percent on 2014.

Although arrival numbers have risen slightly, the total is still down on previous years. Things are even worse for Turkey and Egypt, both of which were reliant on European tourists.

According to Euromonitor International, arrivals (not just Europeans) are down year-on-year in both Turkey and Egypt and although Tunisia has bounced back slightly, its 2016 total is way down on 2013.

“It’s well-documented that there is just obviously for mostly geopolitical [and] terrorism reasons there are countries like Egypt, Tunisia, Turkey which have been hard hit. And obviously good alternatives especially for Europeans who go to these countries is to go to other countries, which offer a similar product especially Spain, that’s perfromed very well because it offers [a] similar relatively cheap beach destination experience. Spain, Italy, Greece have been performing relatively well,” said Wouter Geerts, senior travel analyst at Euromonitor.

Not only has Egypt suffered from tourists shunning its Red Sea beach resorts but cultural tourism to Cairo and Nile cruising have also declined.

The suspected bombing of Metrojet Flight 9268 in October 2015 led many European governments to ban flights from Sharm el Sheikh, Egypt. Gradually these were lifted with only two countries retaining the ban to this day. One of these is Russia, where the majority of the 224 passengers killed were from, the other is the UK. There is no ban on travel to Cairo and Luxor in the UK but the perception because of the headlines generated by the Sharm el Sheikh ban is that the country is unsafe.

Across Europe there is no coordinated approach to deciding if a country is safe for tourists to visit. That’s why occasionally you get the seemingly contradictory approach taken by a pan-European company like TUI Group, which may offer holidays from certain countries but not others. This is normally because insurance policies are voided if a country’s government says it is unsafe to travel.

Philip Breckner, is the commercial director at small specialist tour operator Discover Egypt, and he believes the country’s reputation at least in the UK is being tarnished by the flight plan to Sharm el Sheikh.

“We get people that call up and say ‘are the Nile cruises operating or have they started operating again’ and we say ‘well they’ve never stopped operating’,” he said.

Brits and Russians might be absent but it is not all bad news, according to Breckner.

“Egypt has been booming in the last few months with tourism from other counties primarily from the east: China, India [as well as] some other European countries, all of which have reintroduced tourism to Sharm el Sheikh.

“On the Nile cruise that we operate there are weekly and regular American groups on board. Usually the Americans are deterred by these things but they’re still traveling.”

City targets

It isn’t just counties in the Middle East and North Africa that have had their tourism industries devastated by violence targeted for maximum media impact. Several European cities have suffered their own attacks in recent years.

France has been hit multiple times, most notably with the coordinated strikes in November 2015, which left 130 people dead, including 89 at the Bataclan theatre, while more than 80 people were killed in an attack in Nice in July 2016. Brussels and most recently London have suffered too.

According to hotel research company STR, each market has been affected differently and the level of subsequent disruption largely comes from the severity of the attack.

“We’re seeing now that the way a hotel market reacts to an attack really does depend on the severity,” said Thomas Emanuel, STR’s director of business development. “Of course, any time innocent lives are lost or people are injured, it’s tragic. But this most recent attack in London and even the December attack in Berlin have not had much of an impact on hotel performance.

“When there is a larger number of casualties, as was the case in Nice, Brussels and Paris over the past two years, it takes a longer duration without additional incidents for tourism confidence to grow. This is also what we’ve noticed in Istanbul, as it remains to be seen when the market will be deemed a safe destination again.”

Violence is an issue across Europe but historically it is at a lower level than through much of the 20th century. The difference is perhaps that the targets have changed and that 24-hour rolling news coverage as well as social media manage to magnify everything.

“It’s not specifically going after tourists but just places where tourists are likely to be. So places like transport hubs, airports [like in the] Brussels attack. Again where tourists are moving through, although they aren’t a specific target…” said Jesper Cullen, a senior analyst covering Europe and Sub-Saharan Africa at Risk Advisory Group.

What happens next?

Europeans, especially those in the north of the continent, are loath to give up their annual two weeks in the sun. What violence and other geopolitical problems do, is cause a recalibration with tour operators — and subsequently tourists — moving elsewhere.

Thomas Cook has added capacity in smaller destinations such as Bulgaria and Croatia to replace others that have fallen out of favour and rival TUI Group has made a similar move.

The problem for Turkey, Tunisia and Egypt is exacerbated by the fact that the issues, however old, are still getting an airing.

The beach attack in Tunisia, which took place in 2015, was in the news again during a long-running inquest into the deaths of the thirty Britons killed. The country is effectively still a no-go zone because of advice from the UK Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

Egypt too still has its problems. Israeli authorities warned of a possible attack on tourists over the Passover holiday just last month. Turkey’s problem is slightly different, stemming instead from the growing power of President Erdogan, in what seems to be an increasingly divided country.

“The attacks that are happening in Turkey have definitely had an impact and you also had the coup and we’ll have to see how the referendum, that Erdogan just won, if that’s going to have any impact on how the country’s being governed and ruled and if that has on impact on how open it is to tourism,” said Euromonitor’s Geerts.

“But its likely that Turkey remains open for tourism because it is a very important part of their economy and the question is just how well they are responding to the attacks that have been happening and also the question especially with Turkey is how do people perceive the attacks.

“And is there a case especially with Turkey where people are getting used to them a bit more and it is becoming part of the decision making process when you decide to go to Turkey that you know that there are attacks but that those attacks tend to be in the major cities and the beach resorts might be relatively safer and therefore you might still be able to go to say Antalya, Alanya places like that.”

In Europe the vacation season is still young with most people, not heading off until June, July and Augusts and Wrightman remains hopeful that there could be a recovery.

His own business, The Discerning Collection, which focuses on the upmarket end of travel, is on a par with last year but that is still down on previous highs.

“I think it’s going to be slightly better this year than last year. I can see what Thomas Cook and Jet2 are doing purely by the number of aircraft they’ve got going into Dalaman so thats a good indication, the same with Monarch. I can only judge that by the number of aircraft going and because they’re quite busy.

“So if you look now actually at trying to get a high season flight to Dalaman for example, [it’s] quite expensive. So it seems to have sold. I suspect and I’m pretty sure from my bookings alone that it���s going to be busier than last year.”

This is the third in a series of stories called Resetting Transatlantic Travel. Articles include:

Part one: The European Union’s impact on travel Part two: The business of transatlantic flying Part three: Violence and European travel habits Part four: Neo-Isolationism and transatlantic tourism

[bandagekid]

[4/5/17, 9:19:10 PM] aub: but no time [4/5/17, 9:19:13 PM] aub: only time to sleep [4/5/17, 9:19:27 PM] aub: obssessed with sleeping [4/5/17, 9:19:35 PM] aub: just want to go to sleep all the time [4/5/17, 9:19:40 PM] aub: tired of being awake [4/5/17, 9:19:52 PM] aub: today i remembered the story of the fig tree in the bible [4/5/17, 9:20:02 PM] aub: and we had a partner discussion on the moral of the story [4/5/17, 9:20:07 PM] aub: u know it right [4/5/17, 9:20:21 PM] aub: basically jesus is hungry and he finds a fig tree and gets pissed off that it isnt bearing fruit [4/5/17, 9:20:24 PM] aub: so he curses it [4/5/17, 9:20:29 PM] aub: and the next day it withers [4/5/17, 9:20:33 PM] aub: so it’s basically like [4/5/17, 9:20:45 PM] Jimmy: Never heard [4/5/17, 9:20:50 PM] aub: if u don’t amount to anything or you don’t produce anything in life then you may as well be dead [4/5/17, 9:20:55 PM] aub: lmfao [4/5/17, 9:21:12 PM] aub: or you’re as good as dead basically [4/5/17, 9:21:23 PM] aub: no difference whether you’re dead or alive if u dont produce anything [4/5/17, 9:21:31 PM] aub: that’s literally the moral of the parable [4/5/17, 9:21:45 PM] aub: but jesus must have been really hangry [4/5/17, 9:21:53 PM] Jimmy: Right [4/5/17, 9:21:56 PM] Jimmy: lol [4/5/17, 9:21:57 PM] aub: how petty can u be to curse a tree [4/5/17, 9:22:15 PM] aub: then his disciples were like holy shit u cursed it and it died holy shit [4/5/17, 9:22:26 PM] Jimmy: do u think there's a gay gene [4/5/17, 9:22:30 PM] aub: the real moral of the story (positive) is that “YOU BETTER WORK" [4/5/17, 9:22:33 PM] aub: yeah there is [4/5/17, 9:22:35 PM] aub: proven [4/5/17, 9:22:39 PM] aub: like literally [4/5/17, 9:23:00 PM] Jimmy: Rihanna work [4/5/17, 9:23:09 PM] aub: gay physique, especially for males, is different than heterosexuals [4/5/17, 9:23:37 PM] aub: makes u more slender and a little more feminine and ur voice is a little higher [4/5/17, 9:23:48 PM] aub: it’s a different testosterone level [4/5/17, 9:23:56 PM] aub: and estrogen production [4/5/17, 9:24:00 PM] aub: it’s the reason why like [4/5/17, 9:24:04 PM] aub: my friend mitch [4/5/17, 9:24:07 PM] aub: his parents are straight [4/5/17, 9:24:15 PM] aub: but him and all three of his brothers are gay [4/5/17, 9:24:28 PM] aub: so they just literally produced gay children [4/5/17, 9:24:36 PM] aub: you’re predisposed to it based on your parents genetics [4/5/17, 9:24:39 PM] aub: u really are [4/5/17, 9:24:41 PM] aub: born gay [4/5/17, 9:25:06 PM] aub: and also people who are homophobic (men who are homophobic) have this gene where [4/5/17, 9:25:23 PM] aub: ok so basically no one is homophobic [4/5/17, 9:25:29 PM] aub: u aren’t supposed to be homophobic [4/5/17, 9:25:54 PM] aub: but short answer is [4/5/17, 9:26:15 PM] aub: the reason that homophobic men exist so vehemently and outwardly is because theyre predisposed to getting turned on by viewing gay pornography [4/5/17, 9:26:24 PM] aub: *scientifically [4/5/17, 9:26:48 PM] aub: so their values turn the attraction into fear and hatred of one’s self [4/5/17, 9:27:05 PM] aub: and then they uh [4/5/17, 9:27:07 PM] aub: whats the word [4/5/17, 9:27:09 PM] aub: hold on [4/5/17, 9:27:13 PM] aub: its a psychology defense mechanism [4/5/17, 9:27:27 PM] aub: oh [4/5/17, 9:27:29 PM] aub: projection [4/5/17, 9:27:32 PM] aub: there we go [4/5/17, 9:28:03 PM] aub: when u have like problems within urself and u project it out onto others and how u view the world as a result of inner conflict [4/5/17, 9:28:07 PM] aub: https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-defense-mechanisms/ [4/5/17, 9:32:45 PM] Jimmy: Interesting [4/5/17, 9:33:14 PM] aub: like [4/5/17, 9:33:24 PM] aub: like someone cheating on their s/o [4/5/17, 9:33:31 PM] aub: and then their s/o asks them if theyre cheating [4/5/17, 9:33:38 PM] aub: and they’re like no how could u say that [4/5/17, 9:33:41 PM] aub: are YOU cheating on me [4/5/17, 9:33:47 PM] aub: (projection) [4/5/17, 9:34:41 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:34:44 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:34:48 PM] aub: which is more me!! [4/5/17, 9:34:53 PM] Jimmy: Second [4/5/17, 9:34:56 PM] aub: my sister wants to buy me a passion planner [4/5/17, 9:35:01 PM] Jimmy: Is that even.a question [4/5/17, 9:35:04 PM] aub: oh really?? [4/5/17, 9:35:12 PM] aub: my friend said the first [4/5/17, 9:35:12 PM] aub: im torn between the two [4/5/17, 9:35:31 PM] aub: i reaaaally like the second one’s design [4/5/17, 9:35:47 PM] aub: it’s a little paler in person [4/5/17, 9:35:57 PM] aub: more of a tiffany blue than an electric one like that [4/5/17, 9:36:29 PM] aub: jimbles i just want to be a genuinely better person [4/5/17, 9:36:43 PM] aub: but i think the more i think about these goals the harder it is to achieve them [4/5/17, 9:37:15 PM] aub: i think things are less about motivation and more about discipline and i’m jst too fragile for all of it [4/5/17, 9:37:33 PM] aub: i finally realized [4/5/17, 9:37:33 PM] aub: or [4/5/17, 9:37:57 PM] aub: i saw something on tumblr and i felt relieved and validated [4/5/17, 9:38:03 PM] aub: that someone mntioned that [4/5/17, 9:38:34 PM] aub: online csa is real and it’s thing even if a lot of people don’t recognize it and it’s just as traumatizing as irl csa [4/5/17, 9:38:52 PM] aub: especially because mine is both [4/5/17, 9:39:17 PM] aub: it’s hard for me to label it as csa because i don’t want to admit it [4/5/17, 9:39:59 PM] aub: but ive become more in touch with trauma and ptsd and csa recovery coping blogs and [4/5/17, 9:40:13 PM] aub: i think for the same reason that i’ve come to identify with bpd is that [4/5/17, 9:40:48 PM] aub: the things and experiences and feelings that other people, others diagnosed with it/have definitely gone through it are the exact same things that i identify with [4/5/17, 9:40:55 PM] aub: the same thought patterns [4/5/17, 9:41:30 PM] aub: it feels good to know that i’m not the only one who thinks horrible things like this to myself [4/5/17, 9:42:03 PM] aub: like u know dont touch me im impure im dirty ill nevr be able to be clean again [4/5/17, 9:42:12 PM] aub: or bpd like [4/5/17, 9:43:02 PM] aub: ill cut you off before you do i hate you i love you i hate you i hate what you’ve done to me i love you please dont ever leave me ill kill myself without you [4/5/17, 9:43:09 PM] aub: it’s [4/5/17, 9:43:16 PM] aub: i feel so ashamed all the time [4/5/17, 9:44:15 PM] aub: i like to hope that im not just licking my wounds here and wallowing in the comfort of a safe community [4/5/17, 9:44:22 PM] aub: i like to think that this is part of the healing process [4/5/17, 9:44:40 PM] aub: but i wonder all the time if ill ever heal or if i’ll just stay damaged goods [4/5/17, 9:45:31 PM] aub: i wonder if anyone will want to touch me or be with me like this or if anyone could love me like this [4/5/17, 9:45:57 PM] aub: and the feeling impermanence and irrationalism [4/5/17, 9:46:42 PM] aub: as if i forget everyday that i’m loved and have to be reminded by large displays of affection or else i get paranoid, vindictive, hateful, withdrawn [4/5/17, 9:46:52 PM] aub: carrying all of these things all the time is hard [4/5/17, 9:47:03 PM] aub: i don’t even know where all of this is coming from [4/5/17, 9:47:08 PM] aub: maybe from some place deep inside me [4/5/17, 9:47:28 PM] aub: i really thought i couldn’t think anymore but i guess it’s still there [4/5/17, 9:51:23 PM] Jimmy: um [4/5/17, 9:51:33 PM] Jimmy: nepo [4/5/17, 9:51:46 PM] aub: sorry i [4/5/17, 9:51:52 PM] aub: i know it just comes tumbling out [4/5/17, 9:51:58 PM] Jimmy: tmblr [4/5/17, 9:52:00 PM] aub: stop [4/5/17, 9:52:06 PM] Jimmy: Tmblring out [4/5/17, 9:52:08 PM] aub: i was gonna say that [4/5/17, 9:52:13 PM] Jimmy: Tumblring out [4/5/17, 9:52:52 PM] Jimmy: r u okay my manz [4/5/17, 9:53:21 PM] Jimmy: it's no good to think those things [4/5/17, 9:53:29 PM] aub: i always think those things [4/5/17, 9:53:32 PM] aub: im just giving u examples [4/5/17, 9:53:36 PM] Jimmy: I know [4/5/17, 9:53:44 PM] Jimmy: what is bothering u [4/5/17, 9:54:01 PM] aub: is that a question or statement :0 [4/5/17, 9:54:16 PM] Jimmy: Both c: [4/5/17, 9:54:45 PM] aub: care // temporex [4/5/17, 9:54:56 PM] aub: “i must be talking to a wall” is my favorite line [4/5/17, 9:56:32 PM] aub: and uh [4/5/17, 9:56:48 PM] aub: idk man [4/5/17, 9:56:58 PM] aub: ive talked to u abt it before but [4/5/17, 9:57:24 PM] aub: it's hard to articulate [4/5/17, 9:59:13 PM] aub: Image [4/5/17, 9:59:16 PM] aub: im gonna do this [4/5/17, 9:59:19 PM] aub: but not on twittee [4/5/17, 10:00:00 PM] aub: my sex life is a lot of personal stuff out and grow up to be a one on one of the only thing that was my first time having sex was in a hotel room with my abuser in the summer of my fav flowers [4/5/17, 10:00:03 PM] aub: fuck [4/5/17, 10:00:23 PM] aub: ...... [4/5/17, 10:00:37 PM] aub: i need to sit down [4/5/17, 10:16:02 PM] aub: jimmy [4/5/17, 10:16:05 PM] aub: im in love with myself