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goolagola · 6 years ago

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Yagiz + Hazan… HOW DID IT HAPPEN? | #review

Originally posted on Fb on February 13, 2018.

UNEXPECTED DISCOVERY: A Journey to Truth... and Love

There is a considerable amount of argument out there of the distinct difference between “INSTINCT” and “INTUITION" (and might I add, “INSIGHT” is usually a close echo after)—I’m sure many of you are privy to it. Shucks, there’s even argument of the precise definition of what each of them actually mean, let alone their distinctions from each other. It’s warranted. I myself wonder what the differences are, subtle and delicate they seem to me. Which then caused me to question, whether I myself accurately know their respective definitions in the first place. With enough investigative research, it appears that many, even those who are notably educated in the human psyche, have not really settled on a clear definition. But thank heavens, there is enough understanding of what they are that we all can find common ground where we can agree on their meaning. I won’t recapitulate a comprehensive exposition of the arguments for its scope goes both wide and thin but I will say this; yes, there is a difference between the two and yes, there are both psychological and physiological components associated with them. And yes, sometimes they are used interchangeably with each other but the simple fact of the matter is, without having to acquire a degree in psychology or biology, just a brief digital jaunt to Meriam Webster’s site or Wikpedia, and add to it Oxford’s for good measure, you’d get a comfortable idea of what “Intuition" is versus “Instinct".

Okay... WHY am I saying all this?

For authors and writers in general, knowing the definition and difference, even the philosophy, of any two words is quite necessary. Well, hello, words are what you need to tell a story, so it’s a no-brainer that nailing the definition of what something actually means is crucial. But to stop there, is to just remain at the mechanics and technical expectation of what a writer does. And that’s just a bit, uh—boring. But, now... In the CREATIVE space of what they do with what they know… Well, that’s a different ballgame.

Especially in Filmmaking.

(Ha! Some of y'all were probably wondering if you were still on a Fb group for FHVK, or ended up at a linguistics class instead 😝. Caglar trolls y’all all the time so what’s another nerd to put up with, right ✌️)

Here’s the thing. INSTINCT and INTUITION… I don’t think we truly realize just how much both of these two concepts are SHOWCASED in the Writers, Directors, and Cast’s portrayal of FHVK. Because I am truly a nerd 😆, I would decode the snuff out of something and with YagHaz, I’ve made some findings peppered throughout their story. And I gotta say, these two concepts are what made the relationship between Yagiz and Hazan quite enjoyable for me to analyze. (And hey, it might just be the same for y’all too—but the jury’s still out on that verdict till y’all conclude this review).

What’s more, I’ve discovered that decrypting what was instinctual and intuitive for them was just the TIP of the iceberg. Because these concepts only lead to significant INSIGHT (whad I say—close echo!) of what was truly, and DEEPLY going on between these two lovely, yet in so many ways, misunderstood people—though methinks the latter is only truest for Yagiz (but that’s for yet another time and discussion 😉).

If you’re ready for a long ride, allow me to explain further. But consider yourself WARNED—I’m notorious for writing super long reviews 😆. But what can I say, things worth gaining do take time. Pfft. Just look at the pace for these two adorkable characters. Long’n’slow be the Writers' middle name, yo.

I’ve broken this review into parts and you are now just concluding PART I. You can pause in between and save the reading for another time if you’d like. Do with it as you may—but I do hope you enjoy the ride!

PART II: INTUITION — Could It Be…?

Last review, we briefly covered on what was INSTINCTUAL for Hazan in this remarkable bond she shares with Yagiz. And believe me, there’s plenty more on that subject matter, not just for Hazan, but for Yagiz too—and it is quite mind-blowing on his part. I can’t wait to tell ya, but we’ll get to that later. Let’s first begin at the start of their journey.

When they first laid eyes upon each other on the 9th floor, in the 901st room of the Egemen hotel, both Yagiz and Hazan were under the influence of a LIE. It resulted in an intense confrontation on false premises of each other. But we also witnessed the electrifying chemistry between the two for the very first time as they clashed against and into each other. If that first brush with destiny as that rain puddle splashed onto Hazan as Yagiz passed by didn’t do it for ya, this hotel tryst is CLINCHER that the two were ENDGAME.

Two minutes into the encounter, the instinctual alarms were blasting off for both, pealing the message as they faced each other that the person standing before them was surely Bad News. Yagiz may have entered in already with his buttons pushed by Sinan’s deceptive tale, but the point is, a set of INSTINCTS in both were bred and sprung because of a single vile lie, which they believed for nothing but the truth at that point in time. To Hazan, Yagiz’ cryptic remarks denoted something oppressive and sinister, along with his dangerous eyes and icy tones. And to Yagiz, Hazan’s flummoxed reaction was just cheap trick to deny her harlotry whilst caught red handed. And so their instincts told them to defend, and ATTACK... Each other that is. And we got a showdown that literally drew blood. Yagiz thought she was a whore and Hazan thought he was a pimp. No wonder his face was cut. And no wonder she was thrown a Benjamin.

But here’s the good news; those instincts were bred by a FALSE reality... Which means there will be a different disposition altogether when the TRUE one emerges.

So HOW then, did these instincts we had gloriously witnessed in Hazan when she held on to Yagiz for dear life as the crowd watched upon her shame in E25 were birthed?

Well, that’s when INTUITION comes in.

Let’s take a look at Yagiz’ journey to understand what that means.

When things began to get disjointed for Yagiz concerning that hotel room incident, “something” began to niggle in his senses...

INTUITION.

It was telling him to seek the truth because things weren’t adding up, and so Yagiz followed a trail. But being on that path of discovery pit him against his immature, irresponsible, and selfish younger brother, to the point that not only was a construction project he’d committed sixteen months of his hard work and dedication was wrested from him, a two-year young company he’d started with 70 other dedicated people was shut down altogether. Which then led to his explosive revealing to his father, of the brokenness he had been carrying all this time because of the separation from his family. And so Yagiz chose to resign from his career and abandon that path of discovery entirely. It was costing too much of him. But he’d soon yet discover that it really wasn’t up to him… Fate somehow had kept linking them together; Hazan’s sister that he'd had to find and care for, Hazan's presence in his home as she embraced the sister he sheltered, Hazan's police arrest he'd witnessed and its reason that he had to solve—Yagiz unwittingly kept finding himself in the thick of things with all things Hazan (heck, they even began to share the same roof after her home caught on fire!), beginning with that historic hotel tryst, and on that path of discovery yet again and again, despite his previous attempts to bail. Eventually, the path led him to a key finding; Hazan had ripped the half-a-million lira check her mother tried to haggle out of his family. It was then that his initial INTUITION that first made itself known in E4 was proven right; a lie has been fabricated.

Hazan was not who he thought she was.

PART III: INSTINCTS — When A Man Loves...

There was a key phone call scene in E12 between Yagiz and Sinan, in which point Yagiz asked him what he finally wanted to speak to him about, and Sinan's answer was, “the first thing that you have in mind…”

Yagiz KNEW then, INTUITIVELY, that his younger brother was the perpetrator of the lie that had caused him to “trample the dignity” of an innocent girl.

The entire truth was finally revealed; And his INTUITION was the hand that wielded the SWORD that cut down the blinding veil of lies. And from then on,

A peculiar series of INSTINCTUAL behaviors from the aloof and independent Yagiz Egemen was put on display.

And his actions spoke ALOUD and OTHERWISE of what his words would eventually say on E14—that he has NEVER been in love...

Pfft. WRONG.

Buddy, you’re so smack dabbed in it, your soundtrack is a remix of Michael Bolton's “When A Man Loves A Woman” 😂

Allow me to explain why.

When Yagiz told a fib in E13, to interfere on Sinan’s confession to Hazan by offering her a deal to be the face of Egemenlar Cosmetics, some of y’all probably wanted to shake his head silly. I, for one, did. Why was this man covering for his cowardly, manchild brother’s sorry tail—a sentiment that Sinan even echoed. But what did Yagiz say? “THINK whether I saved you…

“I did it to save her.”

BAHAHA 🤣

Okay. Telling a lie to cover a lie is never a good idea. And telling a lie to save somebody is just an oxymoron—like “Civil War”; there’s nothing civil about wars, they are violent and brutal. Lies don’t really beget solution. Lies beget lies. Though I don’t condone his methods, I get why Yagiz did what he did. It was a quick fix that he could come up with in that moment. What I want to point out is not the fact that he could’ve handled the situation differently—because telling lies is never a good idea (shucks, isn’t he now suffering, some twenty episodes later, under the heavy weight of secrets and lies himself?)—but I’d like to cite the fact that his protective instincts were kicking up to safeguard the girl who he had once shamed; If Hazan found out that Sinan was the man responsible for disgracing her, Yagiz knew she’d leave their family mansion which was her shelter since a fire had ruined her home. His objective was to keep Hazan away from being homeless, especially after all that junk she’s had to go through. But this wasn’t even the first time we even saw him protecting her, isn’t it... A similar thing happened a few episodes before. Only that time, Yagiz was trying to protect and spare her from the cruel and humiliating fact that her mother was bargaining her (who he’d at that point thought was solely responsible for the lie, instead of his brother), when he said to Hazan that he only sent the lawyer to advocate her case because it was Sinan’s request—lying, because Sinan's initial objective was actually being Romantic Romeo, by landing himself in the cans to share the jail cell next to her, while Yagiz' was being out there trying to get her out.

(Mmm. Maybe there are girls who love those sort of things and call it “love", that a man landed himself in jail to join you there. But at the end of the day, TRUE love is about being someone RELIABLE. Someone who sacrifices and rescues. So it bears to think twice whether it was truly love or—yes it feels good, but still it was just—romance. Sure, Sinan eventually displayed the effort to rescue Hazan, which is credit to him. But Yagiz from the get go was trying to do that, retaining the perspective of what would serve and benefit Hazan more. Mark that at that time, that though he’s reserved a measure of intuition of the truth, the lawyer hasn’t even revealed yet that Hazan had ripped that check. So Yagiz was still under a lot of influence that Hazan was a ya-know-what, but still he sent the lawyer to help her, gave her the benefit of the doubt—speaks volumes of his character. So you tell me which should be the first choice—but the only choice, quite actually—of the worthy man of her heart.)

So where else do we see Yagiz protective instincts operating?

Remember when Yasin showed up with a gun trying to be the Grim Reaper for Yagiz’ soul? But Mr. Freezer here remained the cool headed guy he was, showing no indication whether he was worried for his own safety, only raising his voice once, and even that was to put an end to Yasin’s verbal attack on Hazan’s sister’s virtue, not his, and then continued to retain his chill.

Until Hazan decided to move towards the gun.

Yagiz sprung forward like the hounds of hell were at his heels, yelled her name with a rage, and pulled her body towards his. The look on Hazan’s face after, when she was in his arms... 🤣 Though we then proceeded to witness Yagiz' level-headedness in trying to set things in order afterwards, we briefly glimpse how much the whole ordeal ACTUALLY affected him. The three Camkiran women could’ve been down to two that night. Notice his ungainly walk to his car when he and Hazan had to make their way to the police station to give their testimony. Mr. Keep Cool no more, Mr. Jerky Movements he was; he abruptly stopped and looked back to assure himself that she was close behind him. And when he saw her, he just had to open her door 🤣. In the car, he was attuned to her movements. His ever perceptive eyes shifting between the road and her face, trying to detect any sign of stress plaguing her then finally asking, “Are you okay?” You could see the tension exuding off of him. The man was strung up; the anxious gulp, the worried eyes, the distorted face… though subtle they had. Yet what they are showing is that his protective instincts were kicking up again. And in his own cryptic way, he couldn’t stop himself from expressing that he took issues that she had put herself in danger. And guess what they ended up talking about 5 seconds later—like, literally?

REFLEX.

As in what comes to you INSTINCTUALLY…

Yeah. BAHAHAHA 🤣

So all these before E14 ever said hello, so err—still wanna tell me that Mr. Freezer here was “never” in love before?

And then alas, EPISODE 14 arrives. ✊

And what a HUUUUGE kicker it was!

But here’s the thing. In order from keeping this post stretching all the way to Istanbul, I’d have to call it a day. Because seriously, there is literally so much stuff going on in E14, flippin’ episode needs its own review all by its-oh-so-magnificent-self. I’m already struggling to keep this current review as succinct as possible. I couldn’t even fit some noteworthy epicness that should've really gone up above, but I shall try to on our next—and yes, mind as well warn you now—LONG ride 😆. So y’all stay tuned. Or go on a swim. Or take a long nap. Or go star gazing—heard Jupiter’s coming to prominence this time of the year. Whicheverhoo suits yo fancy! 😁

Been a pleasure, folks. 😎

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jhe-thecreative-blog · 7 years ago

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A Selfless Love

It laid there. It was faced up on the bed, the screen easily visible. I placed it far away from me so that I could take my mind off the situation. I was sitting at the head of my bed attempting to read Paulo Coelho’s By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. It was ironic for me to be even reading the book, but I couldn’t help it. It was such a beautiful story. A story of love and all that comes with it. It made me think of my own relationship. It was the complete opposite of Pilar and her soulmate. They were selfless, we were selfish – well, I was selfish.

The screen lit up, and I peeked over my book to see what or who it was. You’re supposed to be giving the silent treatment, I told myself. I am the poster child for lack of self-discipline. I placed the novel down and traveled to the foot of the bed. No new text. The notification was just an email blast from Steve Madden. 60% holiday sale. Was this a sign? Was the universe telling me to heal with heels? I exited out of the email, and went into my Messages app. He was my most recent conversation. I hated Apple sometimes for the way they let you preview the last text. I only wanted to see his name, Jason, with the lipstick stain emoji. Instead, what stood out was the last text he wrote:

Whatever, man. Do what you want.

That was sent at 10:14 a.m., yesterday. I looked at the time at the top of my screen, it was 2:26 in the afternoon. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon at that. I looked outside my window to see the palm trees bathing in the Sunny South Florida. The tropical red hibiscus flowers danced along with the wind. Jason and I had plans to go scuba diving in Naples. That, for sure, wasn’t happening. I tossed my phone on the floor. Out of sight, out of mind, I told myself. I scooted back to my original location of the bed, picked up my novel, and attempted to get lost with Pilar and her childhood lover in the mountains of the Pyrenees. I was able to get through a few pages. I envisioned Jason and I in the place of Pilar and her lover. We were sitting at a café, having wine and cheese while laughing and being completely honest and open with each other.

I began to feel a knot in my throat, my eyes were beginning to flood with tears. I wanted this for our relationship, but how? I couldn’t even be open and honest with him. I envisioned a fairy tale love, just like any other girl would. I began to wonder what was exactly stopping me from that. Jason loved me, without a doubt. I never had to question his commitment to me. He was perfect. I am stubborn. Jason landed a job across the country in Los Angeles. We’ve talked about moving out of Atlanta. It felt good to escape the realties. Jason was a screenwriter and was hired to be in the writer’s room of an upcoming television series. I, on the other hand, was a teacher. He argued that I can teach anywhere, though this was true, the thought of leaving everything behind was terrifying. So when I hesitated on saying ‘yes’, he took it as a hard ‘no’. I choked. My brain couldn’t compute fast enough to give an answer on demand.

I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone to call or text him. Our argument fueled so much that we started to bring things up from the past. Who sacrificed more for who, who had to pay for who when the other didn’t have a job, so on and so forth. I hated it. I hated myself for purging old history because this was his passion. Ever since we were kids, living across the street for each other, he would pretend he’s shooting a movie. I was always his leading lady. I wanted this for him, I did, but I wanted this for him in Atlanta. I didn’t want to let go of home.

Often, I would find myself jealous of him. He was so courageous and only the courageous lived out their dreams. I settled to be a kindergarten teacher. I didn’t choose that for my life, but I just dealt with the hand I was given. As a young girl, I wanted to sing. I’ve always loved music. I played the piano up until college. Jason had even tried to tie in my musical talents with film. “You can be a music composer for films,” he would tell me. Always optimistic, that’s what I loved most about him. I could never match it. I was so afraid of failing that I just gave up. My parents always wanted me to have a job with some security. If I told them that I wanted to pursue music, they would hound me with a slew of questions. Do you have benefits? PTO? 401k? Life insurance? Vacation days? Pension?

I kept playing yesterday over in my head. From waking up to loving on each other, to me screaming, and him walking out. He’s never been out this long. Usually, he’s back home, we make up, and go back to the regular us. In By the River Piedra, her mate teaches her about saying goodbye to The Other. The Other is your negative, fearful self. The self that is blocking you from your true destiny. The Other will lead you to a life of mediocracy and loneliness. The Other is who I want to no longer be. I sat on the edge of my bed. My idle mind began to spiral. Is he going to break up with me? Is this it? Six years down the drain? Why can’t he just stay? Why should he? If it was the other way around, would I stay for love or follow my dreams? In all fairness, why should he be held back? Why should my fears hold him back? My fears on my own. Why did I project it on him? He didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve him.

I got off my bed and headed to the kitchen. Traces of him rested across the counter. His half-empty cup of orange juice laid there. The emotions began to pour over me. I pictured the morning before in my head. We were cooking breakfast together and talking about the future. He was talking about he will be a big screenwriter turned director, and I was speaking about going back to school for my Master’s in Education Leadership. The conversation then switched to me pursuing music, as a hobby, and maybe leading it to be a potential career. I dismissed it, of course. He went on and on about using the talents god gave us; my life was mirroring Pilar and her lover. From my parents, I had to listen to lectures about job security. From Jason, he wanted me to follow my dreams. My fears were so in control, that I became annoyed anytime Jason brought it up. One time, I even told him that he’s just lucky that he’s able to actually be in a career that he loves. He began to preach about it just having faith and listening to God. I realized that I was being selfish, not with him, but with myself. I was ungrateful and so blind to my blessings. I had a man who loves me so much that he wanted me to follow my dreams so I could be happy. Not just content, but filled with joy. I took that for granted.

I heard my phone ring from the bedroom. I dropped the sudsy cups I was washing in the sink and ran before it went to voicemail. It was an unknown number that I’ve seen before. Bill collectors, I rolled my eyes. After the disappointing phone call, I plopped down on the bed. My body felt weak. My brain was fried. I was depressed. I felt like I’ve lost everything, thanks to The Other. Why can’t I be like Pilar? Why am I comparing myself to a fictional character? I tried to picture myself in Los Angeles. I pictured myself in a beautiful high-rise condo. Jason at the breakfast table, looking out at the view of the city, writing, sipping his coffee—black. I was at my beautiful grand piano that sat in the dining area. We are working on Jason’s first feature film, his directorial debut. I was his composer. I felt myself smile. I could be happy in my love life and in my soul. But what if it doesn’t work out, The Other popped in my mind and depression came back. I sat up and headed towards my bathroom. Showering helped me think.

Another piece of Jason laid on the bathroom floor— his jeans. I cracked a smile. Normally, I would’ve been annoyed at the fact that he completely missed the hamper, but I loved him despite it. I picked up the pair of jeans and something fell out of his pocket and crashed down on the top of my foot. It hurt like hell. I instantly dropped the jeans to bend over and caress the pain from my foot. I looked over to see what had fell out of the pocket. And there it was. A square, blue, velvety box. The box. The box that every girl dreams of being presented with. My heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped inflating. The world was still. I’m not sure how I managed to direct my hand to the box, but I picked it up and opened it. The symbol of eternity stared at me. A beautiful princess-cut diamond smiled at me. It managed to twinkle brighter than our dull bathroom lights.

The man who I was madly in love with found me worthy of being his eternity. His partner in life. And here I am, letting fear rip us apart. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve him. I worried about the things that haven’t happened. Jason always said faith and The Universe brought us together. It went over my head because my faith in God diminished due to past relationships.

I ran through the timeline of our relationship from day one. From meeting randomly at the train station because my lesson plans blew away, and him running across the street to pick them up. Even as a stranger, he made my day. He always knew the right things to say when I felt defeated, when I wasn’t sure of myself. He wanted me happy, not just with him, but happy within myself. He’s asked nothing from me, yet given me all of him. And here I was, rejecting the one thing he wanted, my support. I was so ashamed of myself. I felt my soul began to purge. I thought about how my actions are just a projection of my own issues; and how Jason has been there trying to help me through. Yet, he still was going to propose. That meant he had faith in me. So I should be able to have faith in us?

After five minutes of my purge, I picked myself up from the bathroom floor. I needed to tell him that I love him and that I was ready to follow. Not because of the ring, but because I loved him. I headed back to the room and I grabbed my phone; there was a text message from Jason:

I hate this. Let’s talk.

My heart felt as though it had woken up, I felt a smile on my face. I texted back:

When should I put in my two weeks?

Sohni Mahiwal Love by Ricky Ajnoha

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blooddrinkerteaparti-blog · 7 years ago

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Afternoons sky I. (Parrots)

This was my fluff from last summer and one of my best friends started to translate it in English. Check the originial in Asianfafics (https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1260625/afternoon-sky-romance-taemin-originalcharacter-exo-kai)

I. Parrots

It was a beautiful morning, Wednesday perhaps, when I was running late to the school. I didn't really have time to admire the spring blue of the sky that only had a few white meringue on it, without any promise of bad weather. Some cherry trees were still blooming. Anyone would've been captured by the romantic atmosphere. But I had no time for this.

A few minutes later, after the ring of the bell, I'd crashed into the changing room and fell on one of the benches and while enjoying the warmth of the sun that'd been coming through the frosted window, I began to dress. White stocking, black leotard, then the black ballet shoes got onto their rightful place. I fought with my messy hair, I remember this exactly because I fight with it every single day since then. I twisted the shiny black locks into a tight bun.

I bowed deeply, almost in 90 degrees in front of the ballet master and I let him into the room before me, even if I signed my own delay with it and I stood at the end of the line to the small girls. Hyomin fiercely waved at me, trying to be as invisible as she can from the other side of the line. I responded it with a strained smile as I tried to even my breathing.

"Second position!"

Everyone moved at the same time, even the sound of the slipping of the ballet shoes was synchronised. In every ballet lesson, we moved as one body, we get tired and suffer as one. Every student fought for the excellent results, there was no one who wouldn't care about the best qualification. A lot of people, including me, go to the ballet extra lessons to reach the same goal. Even with this, I thought it's worth it. It's worth the pain, the act of physical asceticism, the always hurting limbs and the stiff muscles.

Even then, Hyomin didn't believe this. For her, the school was another activity. Her place was granted in her father's company as a future CEO. Nonetheless, she followed me everywhere I'd gone since we were only kids. Like that, she landed here, in an art school, struggling not to fail in ballet. She was beautiful, smart, pretty and she had an excellent taste in fashion. But she was never a good dancer.

In this Wednesday happened that after the double lessons in the morning, I stood in the line to the vending machine, trying to decide to maybe drinking water, as I do every day or regret everything and buy something sugary crap, when I'd noticed that a tall figure halted next to me with a smile on his face. And he was smiling at me. He had beautiful eyes and blinding smile which would make anyone melt immediately, even me, but I was too exhausted from the double ballet lessons and the fluid loss, so totally forgetting about the smile, I'd bought my water in a moment and pulling the bobby pins out of my hair, I began walking to English class. I still remember the puzzled Taemin calling after me and the boy beside him, who, I believe, smiled at me.

***

"So this is how you met Jongin for the first time?" Hyomin giggled and threw her head back, her voice echoed from the walls of the living room. Tightening her grip on her boyfriend's arm, she tried to balance herself. She cut her hair for the latest trend but she still owned that movement where she throws her soft, hazel curls back. "For how long? It's been five years," she laid her head on his boyfriend's shoulder and smiled at me. "It's so you, Bini. But we love you like this."

With a smile, I sipped from my drink and I tried to get comfier by pulling a pillow onto my lap.

After a few seconds of silence, Hyomin clapped her hands and got onto her feet, and I know it's the sign that I have to follow her to the kitchen even though I was too comfortable in the lonely armchair.

"We'll get some snack. You choose the movie!" she pecked her boyfriend. She got a blinding smile and a shining gaze as a response but Hyomin was too busy pulling me towards the kitchen, one floor below. I didn't like staying at her house, I thought no one likes to be in a huge house like this but I've never told this to her.

"He won't choose a horror movie, right?" I asked my humming friend, who was waiting for the popcorn.

"Don't be a scaredy-cat!" she laughed at me, halting her false song. "He's not my brother. He's easy to scare too, just like you."

With a small smile, I noted this. I didn't like to find anything similar between me and Jongin. We never really got along. Of course, I tried hard to hide it from Hyomin. Usually, it ended with silently looking away from each other. I only looked at him occasionally when he was smiling at Hyomin. In those rare moments, he was almost bearable. Because he liked my friend, this was the only reason that I could stay with him in a bigger company than two people without feeling awkward.

"I'm not a scaredy-cat!" I stated with hurting pride.

"Oh, really! My dear friend, my brother is coming home tomorrow," as she said that, my stomach fell. The second most important men in Hyomin's life and I couldn't make myself stay in one room with him. "He said, it's not fair if you're avoiding him again. Weirdly, you're the only person he likes besides family. You really shouldn't avoid him. You'll regret it."

"Taemin doesn't have emotions," I growled softly, walking back to the living room. Hyomin started laughing.

"You may be right. But he still likes you."

"What an unfair destiny. I might be the only woman who wishes that Lee Taemin wouldn't like her."

"I'm sure you are," comes Jongin's answer for which I winced and I almost dropped the popcorn. Today, he hadn't even said a single word. Not like he had time for that with Hyomin's endless tales. I pulled my nose up while he sneaked an arm around Hyomin's small of the back and I got back to my place to the armchair with my pillow.

The movie was fine, in that point of view that no one died, no one was eaten by zombies and this week, Taemin hadn't jumped out from behind the armchair, giving out a terrifying sound and I didn't act out my usual escaping play, which was well received by everyone except me. The movie night next week won't be like this, I could feel it. I could give Jongin credits for his taste and choice of movie. It couldn't tell about Hyomin who fell asleep around the half of the movie on his boyfriend's shoulder.

So, after the movie had finished, I took the glasses and plates, then taking my handbag and putting on my sandals, I silently turned the key in the lock. Like always, it was left in the door. As I opened the door, the warmth pushed into my face, even if it was almost night time. My stomach flipped unpleasantly.

"I'll give you a ride. It's still too hot outside," I winced again at Jongin's voice as the boy peeked out of the door beside me.

"It's not necessary, I always walk. I don't even like riding a car," I finished every possible way to him to take me home.

"Your loss," he shrugged and after I stepped out, he closed the door after me. I heard the click of the lock.

"Good night, you too," I shook my head and I stared at the sky. The bottom was dark but the upper side was still a hundred kind of orange. It was breathtaking. I quickly took a photo, then put away my phone, I began walking on the hot streets, on the long way home.

***

The next day, the warmth made me wake up even though, the air conditioner was going half of the night. With an uncomfortable moan, I kicked down the blanket and after a long search for a hair tie, I pulled my hair into a messy bun on the top of my head, freeing my nape and I already could feel the coolness of the air. My first route took me to the kitchen and taking out water from the fridge, I took big, intense gulps.

Unfortunately, as usual for a Saturday morning, I didn't have the time to get comfortable. I dressed quickly, pulled my straightened, black locks into a ponytail and getting on my sandal, I threw on my handbag. The theatre won't wait for one dancer.

The bus was crowded and the smell of sweat lingered in the air, but I still liked this style of living, compared to Hyomin's. I had a license and I could've bought a car if I wanted one. But I didn't want to.

Getting off the bus, I took off my headphones and I stopped the music on my phone's playlist and I quickened my steps on the theatre's marble stairs. The huge, darkened glass doors were a difficult obstacle for my small frame but after some fight, I could get in. I bowed to every co-worker with a smile and most of them mirrored my actions with a tilt of the head.

The changing room was noisy. I greeted them, for which I got the same in a choir while I was packing my stuff. I sneaked into my stockings, then the black leotard and after a rushed searching, I found my ballet shoes in the pit of my bag. I had my small feet in the well-worn shoes and I hurried to the stage to stand in with the other dancers for the dress rehearsal.

"Eubin? Where is that tiny girl?" the voice of the director was giving a bad vibe, so I was trying to make myself, even more, smaller while I stood in front of him and with a smile I bowed to him. "How do people notice you if you're so small?" he grumbled but I've suspected he was sort of having a not so bad day. He'd given every bit of information I had to know then he sent me off and he's started working with the actors.

Every Saturday morning was rather slow. The actors and actresses started playing out a scene again and again whilst others adjusted the lights and the scenery; the director was always on his phone; the band oppressed every other sound so we, the dancers were just silently and patiently waiting for orders. But as for myself, I liked to watch the not so coordinated chaos what became from the company in every premier.

Sometimes at noon, the makeup artists and the stylists hunted the dancers down. This was my least favourite part. The huge makeup disturbed me along with a lot of blue feathers- especially while dancing. But what could I do, when I acted as a parrot? I had to sneeze from the feathers and they tickled or pricked in very unfortunate parts of my body. But I had to endure, not even one complaint left my lips. At least, they paid me well.

Funnily, it was starting to become dark when the dancers finished while I totally knew the actors finished hours before. We moved behind the curtain in silence and without a noise, we stood in a simple line. It took us significantly less time to get onto the stage than in the morning.

Even though the noises from the crowd made me excited, it was a priceless feeling being the only blue one in the sea of reds, greens and yellows- as I was the main support- and step onto the stage, into the ring of reflectors.

Although, because of the lights, I couldn't see even the first row, I imagined the audience was watching me. I followed the choreography to the otherwise irritatingly loud music. These were my moments of success.

After the play, as a dancer, I had no other thing to do than to remove my makeup, take off my costume and dressed up in casual clothes, go home. But this took way too much time, anyway, because the makeup stubbornly stuck to my face and I was too tired to deal with it.

***

The arrival of Taemin has meant family dinner every single time for what I was never invited, luckily for me or not. I would've wanted to greet my best friend between the firsts. But what bothered me the most was that Hyomin's father would probably welcome Eubin on the dinner. 'Extraordinary girl' was how he referred to her, even though he's known her as long as me or even less. I took the same road as Eunbi, we went to the same school and funnily, we got into the same company, too. But Mr Lee has never acknowledged me. And the only reason was- I was dating with her daughter for two years.

After the horrendous early wake-up, Hyomin took me to the theatre while she was going to the airport for Taemin. I timed it excellently to see Eubin's fight with the door. I had no intention helping her. I didn't like her even a bit.

I spent the whole time of waiting with playing on my phone. My best friend started annoying me the moment he put his rich butt down on the front seat.

"I heard you're dancing today, ballerina."

"I would be anywhere but here."

"Why? There's Bini."

"Unlike you, I don't like her."

"But they say it's easier to get along with lesbians."

"Then she's the most annoying lesbian in the world. I swear she's in love with your sister."

About three years ago, it turned out that Eubin likes girls. With a grimace, I turned to the girl who was waiting for us to go onto the stage with serene tranquillity. Who can be so happy every single day's every single minute? That made me disgusted. Like she hasn't had emotions.

I knew that the whole Lee family would be there to watch the play. I didn't like it if they watched me being dressed as a bird or other unpleasant thing. I knew that a few years back I wasn't like this but I felt like if I want to stand by Hyomin's side as her husband, then I needed not only elegance but poise. Jumping around the stage with red feathers in my ass wasn't exactly elegant.

If I had blue feathers like Eubin!

This was another thing I didn't like in her. Whatever she started, she was the best immediately. Anyhow I tried ever since I got into the company, she got in a year after me but the distance between us grew and grew. I knew well that I want to rival with her for Hyomin's attention and love. I would've to admit that it was for nothing when I could still do something for it.

After the play, with mainly removed makeup, hiding in my hood I stepped out of the stage door, then I walked along the building. Mr. Lee was praising the little Eubin with the biggest smile and despite my distaste, I pitied her. She must have been dead tired. Unwillingly, I gave her a sympathetic look. Hyomin was beaming beside her friend who couldn't reach even her shoulders. Taemin was probably with her mother.

"I was searching for you everywhere, my own parrot wrapped in a leotard! I should've known you're being an sociopathic here," my friend jumped into my neck, for what I felt a smile bloom on my lips. Tossing him aside, I gave him a hug. We were best friends way too long to give him a cold-shouldered welcome. "But what were you looking? I called out to you three times!"

He turned to where I'd been staring just a moment before.

"Ah, my pretty sister. Don't you miss her long hair?"

"I do," I sighed sadly, thinking of her lost hair. Taemin happily sneaked an arm around my neck.

"Let's drink something, you lovesick fool."

"Lovesick? I'm living in a happy relationship of two years. You're the one who is lovesick."

"Me?" Taemin pointed at himself, surprised.

"Of course! Falling in love with a girl who likes women."

"Ah, how--" he blinked at Eubin's way, for what my smirk froze on my face. I wasn't used to him being sorrowful. Usually he wouldn't let people see his true face. I was blinking at him, I was totally stunned.

He might really like Eubin?

#jongin #exo #kai #exo kai #taemin #lee taemin #kim jongin #SHINee #fluff #cute #love #fanfiction #imagine #someone please read this fluffyn fluff

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