#taking metaphors literally ftw

[transingthoseformers]

Valveplug thought.

Thunderclash has an adjustable valve that fits his partners, and he can "save" settings. He finally gets Rodimus to frag him and dazed saves the setting for Rodimus and never resets it.

Rodimus has a thing about this once he realizes, and Thunderclash is living his best life because he likes Rodimus being a little mean and pushy with him, and Rodimus likes how much Thunderclash likes it and praises him.

Rodimus, of course, can't let this go and has to be the absolute best at this because Thunderclash can not win at sex too. So he mods his spike to make it feel better for Thunderclash, gets Thunderclash's schematics to make sure he knows everything about him, and puts an intense amount of planning and prepping to make sure Thunderclash's "impossible fantasy" actually happens researching so much and kink and new sex stuff he voluntarily goes to Rung to make sure he doesn't suck.

He's got this.

Thunderclash is suddenly walking around on cloud nine and slightly wobbly and Rodimus is strutting constantly in an absolutely suspicious happy mood that always turns weirdly intense and smug when Thunderclash is in the room.

Only a few people immediately clock what happened because they are not making the connection. Ratchet, who is ignoring it and hoping it goes away; Whirl; and MiniMegs though Minimus is being willfully onlivious refusing to acknowledge it and Megs is hating the sexual tension.

Okay yes that's so interesting

Also more valve mods ftw

Just. Imagine accidentally hitting reset on your pussy and having to go to settings to fix it. Imagine someone who still isn't over their ex keeping their ex's favorite specs because they know. They know they'll come back (and they do). I am not taking this seriously.

Thunderclash is in pure fucking (pun was initially unintented but now it's intentional) heaven, and Rodimus is Having A Thing About This All. Because as he's seeing this, this is the one thing he is determined to be Better Than Thunderclash at.

Thunderclash cannot win at sex too

Exactly Rodimus exactly sfghl.

Rodimus: how do i win at sex

Rung: well there is a lot to unpack in that question but at this point I'm just glad you're finally coming to therapy

Rodimus:

Rung: even Megatron and Whirl have been coming more often than you do, and Whirl only comes to threaten my model ships.

I may distrust therapy but Rung is the second best therapist I've ever heard of and Roddie boy do you have issues to work through

But also cool that Rodimus might learn some unexpected things about himself in his research and stuff he might be able to bring up with Thunderclash (my mind first went to robots in clothes and temperature play sue me)

Slightly wobbly

Ratchet looks like Thunderclash and feels like it's med school all over again.

This is why i love the idea of em fields being able to convey emotion because I'm imagining that when Thunders enters the room Roddie's field just whooshes like a fire flaring brighter (if that's any explanation)

Minimus playing purposefully dense has gotta be funny

Megatron has opinions about this and Minimus is metaphorically (if not literally) holding his arm like "don't, not our business"

[error403hrd]

Diluven Fankids: Aster, Cecilia, and Dande

If you saw the first version of this post, no you didn't and no it didn't take me a literal hour to retcon anything. Trust me bro. Underneath the cut is all the text written out! Plus some bonus info. I wasn't planning on posting these, but i spent enough time on them that I figured why not.

These are Venti and Diluc's kids: Aster is the oldest (Hydro Claymore), followed by her twin Cecilia (Electro Catalyst), then their little brother Dande (Dendro Sword). They're not exactly human, but they're also definitely not wind wisps; Venti has been adamantly not thinking about it, or the fact that their hair changed colors once they got their visions.

On top of Uncle Kaeya, Uncle Ajax (Chaeya ftw), Aunt Jean, and Aunt Lisa, they see Dvalin as a big brother and Andrius as a grandpa.

Diluven Fankids

Twins: Cecilia and Aster

Their hair is a slightly darker red than Diluc's, and their tinted hair is purple for Electro and deep blue for Hydro instead of teal for Anemo that Venti's is.

Cecilia

Electro Catalyst (Aunt Lisa taught her)

Quieter than Aster, but not shy

Wants to inherit Dawn Winery

She insults people to their face, but does so using flowery metaphors that most people take as a compliment instead.

Plays the piano (taught by Diluc) and the lyre (taught by Venti)

She has a bit of a mischevous streak

Diluc is proud of her intelligence, but wishes she didn't insult clients and business partners to their face. He encourages her when she starts insulting Ajax, though — it's not like he's figured it out, and Kaeya seems to get a kick out of it.

Venti is glad she likes playing music with him, and was the one to teach her poetry. He's glad she's putting it to use lol, even if he occasionally has to reign her in when she gets a bit too mean.

Aster

Hydro Claymore (taught by Diluc and Uncle Ajax)

Outgoing and loud

She learned the trumpet from the Traveler

She can also play the lyre, but doesn't like that it makes her fingers hurt.

Joined the Adventurer's Guild, but secretly wants to be an Outrider like Amber.

She's extremely friendly and kind, and she loves making new friends!

Diluc is proud of how hard-working and kind she is. He feels guilty that she won't join the Knights because she doesn't want to disappoint him.

Venti is proud of her kindness and loves when she talks about her newest friend. He's about ready to sign her up for the Knights' Exam himself because he wants her to be happy, but knows it's better to talk to her about it first.

Dande

His hair is a very dark red that's basically brown, and his hair is tinted green for Dendro.

Dendro Sword (like his idol, the Traveler)

Introverted and Curious

Plays the lyre like Venti

He's part of the Adventurers' Guild and absolutely loves it

He doesn't like talking to people outside his family, but is friendly and polite when it happens.

He gets into a lot of trouble because he likes to explore and uncover secrets and ancient knowledge.

Diluc loves him very much, but wishes his self-preservation wasn't constantly overwritten by his curiosity. Letting him meet the Traveler was probably a mistake.

Venti loves to tell him stories and bring him to hidden or forgotten areas of Mondstadt, but is worried that he's going to stumble upon Forbidden Knowledge someday. He's toyed with the idea of sending him to the Akademiya, but wants to bring it up with Lisa and Diluc before approaching Dande with the idea.

[marlasomething]

(my) Mag a Week: Callous Distances

Hello there!

I am participating in the "a mag a day" idea by @a-mag-a-day which is BRILLIANT and I decided to do "statement a week", rolling dice with the characters and fears that were ftw that week in the episodes I have listened and...this is the second one, for what I randomly role "????" (one of those statements that is a party of Fears!, so I gave WILD CARD) and "Archivist!Sasha" (Eps. 19-24)

As usual, please do forgive my quick tipper and non-native speaker mistakes, Marla

Allons-y!

CW: general weirdness, mentions of Jonah Magnus at some point (hinted but is there)

Also on AO3!

Statement of Elias Bouchard, regarding the expansion of distances after he had left the door of his house open one autumn morning.

Recorded by Sasha James, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

 I just want to go home and forget about everything that had happened.

Honestly, I don’t even care anymore if my declaration is going to be of any use. However…I made a promise, so now I ought to honour it. I guess; it’s a bit too late to back out, either way. What happened had happened, after all…

In your line of work, I am almost certain that you have heard my family’s name. After all, I almost got to work for your Institute myself. It was a quite tempting job opportunity, I must say. I would have had to do the bare minimum and I would have never been fired; the Bouchard family is one of your greater sponsors, you would never fire someone with their blood, for your own good.

Even if they deserved it and, I can promise you, I would have, eventually. It’s always the same story with me…

…anyways, sorry, I am starting to digress. I guess that edible has started to kick in beforehand. The reason I am here is to speak about the trap my life has been for months uninterrupted until this very morning.

 It all began in one of the most anodyne of mornings. I woke up, checked in my… roommate, still recovering from a night I will not discuss, since I don’t know how your policy is when minor crimes are involved, and went to take off the trash before having breakfast.

Yes, yes, I know. Maybe going into the London rather-chilling-in-the-best-case-scenario streets in your pyjamas without even having drunk a juice glass is not exactly an appealing act. However, the mere fact that people on my birth family loath it is what makes it worth everything. Apart, I was still a bit hangover and I’d rather not throw up in my scrambled eggs; better to settle the stomach with the shortest of walks.

That day, though, it was not going to be that simple.

You see, I made a mistake as honest and simple as forgetting to properly close the door and, when I came back (my partner still sound asleep, blessed be his obliviousness), I would have sworn it was ever so slightly more open than before I had left.

I clenched my hand, the weight of the trash bag I had just dropped outside back on my palm, carrying me to the floor with it.

 There were no major changes after that. Life in our little apartment carried on as usual, that I could afford thank to some not very legal job opportunities, barely changed.

It was that Barely what turned to be even worse than an absolute confirmation of something going terribly wrong. It was little details, like the kitchen feeling a bit colder, not because of the heater wasn’t working properly, but because, if you set yourself in the further corner from the radiator, right next to the door that communicates with the pour excuse of corridor we have, you could literally feel the increased distances between you and the only source of heat in the room.

My roommate mocked me, saying that he didn’t get why now I always walked around the kitchen as if I was moving to be captured by stop-motion technique (he studies cinema, cannot resist that very particular metaphor).

However, it wasn’t that funny for me, since now I had to make extra time-counts when I wanted to cook something I wasn’t sure whether I would be there to observe close during the whole process.

From that moment on, one might even argue I actually got proper exercise done from walking miles and miles just from staying in the kitchen the whole time.

It was about a month into this new… routine when it happened. When the callus started to make their appearance.

 I have always had very beautiful feel, something so delicate I used to hid them from the other boys when we shower after gym practice at high-school. I know the sort of comments I was going to get my way…

…however, even if I hid them for the longest time, they were still my pride and joy. That was why, the moment I noticed the thinnest of layers of dead skin starting to be a bit too rough to be just my dermis getting a bit too dry, I panicked.

It sounds vane but…when a huge part of your life is based on having absolutely no control over your existance, losing it over something that you were rather proud of is even more horrifying that a part of your house changing dimensions.

It didn’t hurt, at first.

However, I had to walk a lot and, after the kitchen, it started to affect the rest of the house; but I was the only one noticing it.

My…screw it, I am not even writing down his name, I would call him what he was (he still is, bless his patience), my boyfriend was not affected, up to the point that, when we were in opposite sides of the room and he started approaching having to cover a much more smaller distance that the one that I got up to him, his figure flickered.

Literally, he became non-existent for a millisecond; time enough for me to worry. What if he was really gone when he passed by one of those extended spaces I was solemnly alone being able to catch a glimpse of?

What if one day he didn’t reappear? What if one day he wouldn’t be able to hold anyone’s hands anymore? What if…?

I am not a religious person but, every time he decided to approach me at home, I prayed for him to be okay, to be there afterwards or, at least, in a place worth of his presence.

 Then, the rest of the world became larger too, every single place suddenly being so far apart no matter how much I walked, it wasn’t until I was so tired I could barely stay on my feet that I arrived to said places.

 Since leaving in my house had become a real pain in the ass (excuse my French), I might have indulged myself a bit more than usual in my green friend (though it is never green when I consume it…never mind, digressing, sorry), so I cannot assure that events happened precisely as I recall them…

However, I do believe my approach is rather accurate. Investigate it afterwards, I guess.

 About two months after I fatally left the door opened, the callus forms on my feet were thick enough to be pinched separately from the rest of the feet; whose toes had also started to present small malformations, weirdly grown nails and calluses of their own. It was almost painful to look at and I found myself weeping and mourning the loss of my former almost Cinderalla-ish feet.

Again, I know it sounds over-the-top to get this dramatic over the state of a part of the human body that tend to be quite unpleasant to look at, but I am certain you also have that apparently insignificant routine/element in your life that brings you the most basic of comforts by knowing it will always remain the same. A same that you rather enjoy.

A safe place.

A place that had been taken from me, all because of the impossibly long and, more and more as time went by, arduous. There are even pebbles now! Managing to hurt my feet as they entered in contact with their soles. Between that and how much time that truly doesn’t exist I have being trapped in…I can almost feel the weight finding my chest as an extremely funny dispositive.

Because that is another thing: callous formations hurt. They hurt and itch half of the time and, before you wonder why I just simply took care of them: they had grown up to the point before they were already growing again every single time I went to sleep after I extracted them.

 Coming here was especially hard, but not as hard as what I went through yesterday. The reason I decided to come in here in the first place.

I don’t even know if it was happening for real, since I hadn’t been sleeping more than three hours on a row and, between that and the weed…well, seeing things wasn’t that strange.

The point is, as I was going to, irony appreciated, to throw away the trash, running towards the containers (I had resolved to always go running, since distances were nothing but constantly increasing and it helped me to pretend things were alright), when I heard a second voice, a female-presenting quite sweet one, saying as clear as day how foolish it had been for her to leave that door opened when she had gone to buy bread.

Then, she grab my hand for just an instance and made me swear I would find help for people like you…like us.

I got excited: I wasn’t alone in my harsh endeavour. Not only that. In that moment, I realise that, somehow, I was cured.

But…even if I suffered no more…if I wasn’t alone…that meant more people could get attacked by this thing, whatever it is. I had to tell the world.

Do the right thing.

Hence, coming to you.

I hope this had been of any use.

  Statement ends.

Well, I don’t want to come out as cynical but…this is one of the most bizarre stories I had found in the Archive and, trust me, I still have nightmares with that trash collector track and what the man end up doing to his co-workers…

…never mind! Apparently, he wants us to do something regarding what happened to him but…well, I am afraid it is not possible.

I will contact him and, perhaps, do a light search on my free time…if Jon leaves me any of that, since he wants me to have The Archive in good conditions rather quickly. What a prick…and think that I used to really like him.

Before he started using those bloody stupid grey contact-lens…

…shit! I guess I will supress this bit before properly digitalising this statement.

Recording ends.

[sunthroughtherust]

ok, say it is slow as well but it definitely grabbed me. very much a dog waiting by the door metaphor going on.

and i'll just add the rest of my thoughts in this reblog cause why not

mad dog really picks up! literally forever running after something that you have no hope of ever truly achieving. this is also the first song that i decided to listen to on repeat

arcturus beaming was actually i song i first heard live at one of their concerts in... july? traveling to that concert was a pain i'll tell you that much lmao. definitely enjoying listening to it more this time

beyond beyond beyond title mention in this song

"this blinding light, this reckoning, there's more to life than suffering. but there's still time, it's not too late. nothing will change until I change" this is so i saw the tv glow coded

time will change you is my favorite so far. the violins are very fun. more bands should take advantage of violins. and cellos. there aren't cellos in this song, but god i love cellos

"leave your love in a grave. if it won't grow then let it stay behind" grave mention ftw!!!

also i like how they play with roots and how they say that we all outgrow our roots. not only because ha punny, but also because typically roots are used as something one can never outgrow they'll always be there supporting your or dragging you down, but no you can outgrow them. you can leave. it's fine.

now onto black hole fantasy which i hoped i would like more on first listen but... it's just fine. i do like the line "there's a black hole in the living room floor. I keep trying to ignore, but it's growing" because more mention of growing

also the black hole is metaphor for something good instead of something bad. to the singer it's a chance to change and grow instead of something dragging them down. which is neat. it's gateway to something better. which.... is once again very i saw the tv glow tbh....

onto red clay mountain. oh shit, it's a male vocalist!! blistering sun ftw! "harvest the fruits of being afraid" is a good line. i really like the imagery of this whole song, it's really similar to their old albums. particularly the fool in her wedding gown with the mention of the sun.

last song! river rushing don't disappoint!

well, first note it's alright. yeah it's fine, it's whatever, not grabbing me. it feels like it should have music video though... which... is not a point in its favor in my opinion lmao

ok done! i've listened to the album and its tab will no longer be there mocking me to listen to it!

but i ended up liking the album more than i thought i would from the beginning. i'll problem listen to it more to really appreciate it, but i think it told a pretty cohesive story about self awareness and growth and choosing to heal. not necessarily the story i'm that interested in

my top three songs have to be, scars, mad dog, and time will change. definitely hoping the other songs grow on me more tho

i should listen to the new crane wives album

[awake-my-oceans]

I already know about it but i want to know MOAR also Emily Dickinson ftw and sweetest in the gale is heard

That line is from a poem about hope, and that’s what the fic grounds itself on. It’s about. Hope. It’s really about hope, and believing things can get better. Kaito has spent all of canon digging his own grave, both metaphorically and somewhat literally. He’s grown, he’s improved, he’s matured, and I’m delighted, but once you pull back from his performances of silly/carefree (as a civilian) and charming/untouchable/obnoxious (as a thief)….from his perspective, things are rather depressing and hopeless. His father’s murdered, his mother’s barely there, he never got over the grief of his father passing, and he’s achieving every conceivable success as Kaitou KID except for what he’s actually working so desperately on, which is catching his father’s murderers and destroying Pandora. And literally anyone who could help him is either not very involved with his life, dead set against Kaitou KID, or both. Furthermore, this fic is postcanon, so these things have been weighing on him for longer than current canon depicts.

There are things he would benefit from changing, but it comes down to this: he has to believe there’s a point to reaching out. Right now, vulnerability only looks like hurt, like arrest, like getting murdered for not being cautious enough.

A lot of changes happen, but ultimately, it’s about hope, and about taking a step into the dark because you hope that, beyond it, there is light.

Snippet! Kaito leaned fully into KID. “I keep a great many secrets for a great many reasons. For this situation, I would give you the truth, full and straight. But that would risk putting you, and them, and a great many innocents, in unfathomable danger. For your sake, I would give the secret. For everyone’s sake, I will not.”

Aching with the need to know if this would work, he watched Jirokitchi.

“You are real,” Jirokitchi said.

KID didn’t answer.

“That was real,” Jirokitchi repeated. “You, KID, are an act, and one of the best I’ve seen in decades. But what you just said—that was really you. Whoever you are. You’re wrapped up in something quite serious, aren’t you? Something to do with gunshots and people who would murder children.”

[dribbonart]

Steven Universe Rewatch: Bluebird

Genuine question: Are we supposed to take this seriously? Is Future supposed to be taken more metaphorically or something? Why else would Bluebird act like this?

She’s just kinda crappy to Steve in an incompetent way, then she jumps to straight up murder/terrorism. It’s all so... inconsistent. Did she really just have zero plan whatsoever? The entire episode is all over the place.

This commercial is the sort of thing I wanted from Future. Checking in on our beloved characters and seeing how they’ve grown and changed.

Peridot clearly approves of this plan to get compliments.

This implies that Bluebird did enough research to find out about TPing things, but fell just short of figuring it out. 

Never noticed that nightmare Steven in the top right before. 

What’s up with this design? She’s British, so is the hair being the Beatles or something? The shirt and pants look like they just randomly added some clothes.

The splotchy colors remind me of corruption. It seems to be implying that it’s not a good fusion, which is supported by the ending. I don’t think we’ve seen gem colors bleeding into each other like this before.

Four legs is interesting. I tried to do it with a fan fusion, but I couldn’t make it work.

A subconscious reminder of Greg’s hair’s importance.

Steven and Amethyst have the same drawing style.

Best joke of the episode.

I assume this is a deliberate callback to Garnet saying that Lion being related to Rose was pretty obvious. 

A nice moral. It might be unfair to kick out Bluebird, but you don’t have to have a “legitimate” reason to not want someone in your house. Your comfort matters.

This prank works. I like that Amethyst supports it.

OK, THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Why did Amethyst make this drawing. Why AND HOW did she get it inside a sealed bag of chips. Why is her drawing style worse and different than before. Why did she start drawing Steven without telling him, but leaving them around where he’d find them. Why the stink lines. This is lame sitcom writing.

We’re to assume that Amethyst coincidentally started to draw recently, only for this to happen in such a way that Bluebird arrived at the exact time to get Steven’s goat. There’s no plan whatsoever, it’s just a coincidence.

Cool replacement painting. I suppose it’s a Vidalia? Oh man, if there was a poster of this, I’d be dearly tempted to buy one.

This episode also has that thing where we check in on each character in sequence. Bluebird just happens to be doing something with each of the main cast just as Steven bumps into them. 

She has a malicious plan for Steven, but is also, (coincidentally?) hanging out with the main characters doing nice things that can be misconstrued as malicious. There’s literally no reason for her to make a cake, help Garnet stretch, or watch movies with Greg. It’s just an excuse for Steven to jump to the assumption that Bluebird is a bad person, which turns out to be true anyway.

The van being parked inside the house is a cool visual. Are we to assume that they warped the van while it was still driving? That’s fun.

I like when people are dumb but confident. Team Rocket FTW.

This is incredibly petty, but Greg should be hanging straight down. The line of the house is straight down, so he should be hanging parallel with it.

I like that Greg gets a moment of heroism. Stealing a gem’s weapon and cutting himself free is the most action he gets in the series. (Other than with Rose, wah wah.)

I don’t know why they decided to make him lose his hair. 

Just two angry idiots being dumb together.

I like Bluebird’s saber. It fits the weird design.

Ridiculous overkill. I’m not complaining, I’ll take any fusion I can get. Never noticed the wedding rings before, that’s cool.

I love the way Amethyst and Pearl are cool with being held up like this. They could just hang out here. Ooh, does this count as a Pearl’s butt episode?

Unreformed villains are such a rarity in the series, I like that these two never stop being jerks. She’s so phony about being redeemed, it’s fun.

Nice moral.

This episode is an adequate execution of a bad structure. These episodes where the story just checks in with all the characters in sequence for no particular reason always irritate me. Bluebird is too all over the place to be a legitimate or interesting character.

There are still some good jokes, it’s not terrible.

[thegoodomensdumpster]

I WATCHED GOOD OMENS IN FRENCH SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

and it wasn’t that bad. Here are my thoughts, barely edited as I wrote most of them while watching the show.

EP 1

OK i like god’s voice so far

possibilité d’embarras gastrique is a good formulation, I wonder if it’s the same in the book ( I think I kinda need to read it in french now...)

aghghdhgs « primo-délinquants »

of course subtitles don’t match the audio for a variety of technical reasons but when you get things that have very different underlying meanings i find it… not good This one about Crowley being evil / a demon : subtitles : « c’est ton travail » - « it’s your job » audio : « c’est dans ta nature » - « it’s in your nature » i mean dang

crowley sounds like a little shit asking az about his sword

« T’AS FAIT QUOUA » - he just loses his shit (kinda giving me some le coeur a ses raisons vibe)

ok crowley sounds very nerdy when he tries to explain that he took down the phone network, i think i actually like this voice acting

ligur sounds… very suave (im a little ill at ease)

crowley getting called mon chou by satan freddie mercury is a thumb up from me

i see the part where aziraphale speaks japanese wasn’t dubbed over and we can still hear michael sheen. it’s a bit disturbing considering french aziraphale has a higher pitched voice (and he sounds soooo much more anxious than sheen, give this angel a xanax )

“sandwich bœuf cresson” ( beef and cress sandwich ) deirdre really who makes this kind of sandwiches

im being reminded that the chattering nuns prepared little cut outs for their explanation about the antichrist switch… such dedication to useless crafts (it made me laugh on my first viewing and it’s still funny to imagine that some of them either ordered or built these things themselves just so they could make this two minutes long presentation for the most important act of their satanic nun careers)

retire-toi vil démon infernal, créature des abysses XD i swear az doesn’t sound even remotely convinced when he is saying the « get thee behind me foul fiend » line in french, it’s just too over the top for credibility, it sounds like it’s straight out of some super intense dnd session

they still can’t say bouillabaisse (which, like, weird because french, but still valid). nice touch is crowley couldn’t say soupe de poisson (fish stew) either and said poupe de soisson (sish ftew)

warlock mah boy how can you be a teenager and not like dinosaurs

c’est un dinosaure un nullosaure plutôt - apply burn heal

La façon dont warlock s’est exclamé « C’EST NUL » m’a fait penser au nain de naheulbeuk

the english version has nothing on french speaking aziraphale for the second hand embarrassement during the magic tour. it’s over 9000 i literally hid my head in my jumper when he was presenting harry the bunny. Horrible experience, 0/20, would not recommend

EP 2

oooh agnes has a lovely voice !

why is young newton having such a quality dub for the three sentences he has to say

dick turpin’s name is jesse james (tbf dick turpin is not known AT ALL in france, i discovered him reading good omens)

shadwell is pure chaos (as expected). No particular accent for him though, the chaotic energy was probably enough. Would have made me laugh if he had like, a chti or a marseilles accent.

aziraphale is so fucking stressed out by crowley’s driving i thought he was gonna explode

« tu es un gentil garçon » => « you’re a nice boy » said az to crowley DANG THAT’S SO INFANTILIZING AZIRAPHALE YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEMON FROM HELL NOT TO PINOCCHIO

ARGH FIRST MON ANGE OF THE SERIES i’m hit straight in the heart

anathema’s mom doesn’t have a spanish / latino accent at all when talking in spanish…. why...

dog being called toutou is definitely adorable (it’s basically « doggy » but way cuter imo)

tickety-boo has become ça gaze. that’s valid. it’s corny but i still use it unironically from time to time so ... i stan

EP 3

« je répands la fomentation » « i’m here spreading foment » « quoi tu fais des crêpes au froment ?????? »  « what you’re making crêpes with wheat ??? » love the fact that we shoehorned in one more ref to crêpes

az called crowley mon cher camarade, unintentionnal communist propaganda ftw

« pas de repos pour les… bah, pour les bons » « no rest for the… good »  – az was so deflated about the ineptitude he realized he was saying, he felt zero percent commited to his sentence

i was wondering how they would play aziraphale not being able to speak french in the bastille and they opted to have him stutter a bit and say to his executionner « excuse me i’m anxious » XD

« vous êtes le 999e aristo à mourir par mes soins. Mais vous êtes le premier en costume beige » « you’re the 999th aristocrat I’m going to kill, but the first one in beige attire » yeah i guess now that az isn’t english anymore his most noticeable feature is his cream aesthetic

« c’est au cas où ça tournerait en eau de boudin » « j’ADORE le boudin » => « in case it all goes pear shape » - the literal translation featuring food in french is « turning into black sausage water ». I don’t know what pear shaped inspires to english native speakers but the mere mention of boudin always make me giggle, it’s such a funny word and such a funny food

OH !!! no terrence rampa for the tv series, we’ve got anthony J. rampa. Rip terrence petit démon parti trop tôt :’(

« tu roules trop vite pour moi rampa » SERIOUSLY i know we can still infer « rouler » (here as in driving, but literally rolling) as a metaphor for their relationship but you could have said TU VAS TROP VITE that would have been so much better argh

has anathema got an emergency stock of potteries to break in case of emotionnal crisis ?

« Rampa, un démon très futé, il m’oblige à redoubler d’effort » « crowley, a very clever demon, he forces me to make double the amount of effort » oh so admitting you’re making an effort there aziraphale ? :))))))

dang i really want to know how shadwell said that major milk bottle died because not only did he die in combat but aziraphale’s reaction is a bit intense, it must have been quite a tale (this could be a crack fic prompt : «The Epic Tale of the Death Of Major Witchfinder Milk Bottle, by Sargent Witchfinder Shadwell» )

des sorcières et des phénomènes sorciéreux x)

CROWLEY CALLED AZIRAPHALE DUCON ?????? EXCUSE ME ????? #NotMyCrowley #CrowleyWouldNeverDoThat  #CancelAnthonyJRampa2K20  => ducon would be an insult, the gathering of du and con, con being a very nasty but common swear word, and associating it with du- makes it extremely patronizing. it’s like « absolute pathetic digraceful moron +++ ». thanks i hate it *frowny face *

EP 4

l’apocalypse c’est pour aujourd’hui juste après le goûter : it could be translated as « apocalypse is scheduled for today right after tea time » except that « goûter » is not quite tea time but rather the little sugary snack kids take when they come back from school and that most adults drop out of (i haven’t and i’m sure az hasn’t either). thanks aziraphale for having exclusively food related notion of the time because tbh same

ligur has no right to be this sexy between ariyon bakare and his french voice actor that’s just not allowed

radio crowley’s voice vs french ligur’s voice, who has the sexiest voice : FIGHT

(jk french agnes nutter’s voice is by far the sexiest)

gender neutral doesn’t ‘quite’ exist in french but pollution has been assigned a female voice actress and masculine pronouns (i’m saying it doesn’t quite exist because officially we have no gender neutral, but it’s a serious wip among lgbt+ circles to the point where it’s started being used in a few medias)

hastur « en attendant qu’un plombier vienne » / « while waiting for a plumber to come » does hell have a special plumber unit or do demons have to call on human plumbers for their pipes damages ? Dang hastur having to call a human plumber for hell’s plumbery is another damn good writing prompt for a crack fic

Michael is called Michel in the subtitles but Michael in the audio *shrug emoji*

EP 5 

to get a wiggle on has become « il faut qu’on se remue les fesses », literally « we need to shake our butts » like, yes, se remuer les fesses is a common expression to say « we need to act in order to get things done » but it really casts the image of people shaking their booty to some music and obviously crowley thinks the same Weirdly enough I have almost nothing to say for that episode. Sorry. But we’ve discovered most voice actors and actresses so far and no bit of dialogue really struck me as worth discussing or pointing fingers to mock it.

EP 6 

« on va BROUTER quelques derrières » - « we’re gonna lick some butts » OK THIS IS UNQUESTIONNABLY FAR SUPERIOR IN FRENCH THAN IN ENGLISH you thought LICKING butts was good ??? you really thought that ???? AZIRAPHALE HERE SUGGESTS TO GRAZE BUTTS. TO NIBBLE THEM. TO EAT THEM. TO. MUNCH. ON. THOSE. BUTTS!!!! not just licking, guys. This is as serious step beyond licking. (oh yeah he should have said « botter » instead of brouter btw, which is really just kicking, fyi)

« moi je crois en la paix, pétasse ! » wow, language, pepper (fyi i think « pétasse » is far far worse than « bitch » even if it means roughly the same, pétasse is almost never used while bitch is rather common, so it’s a swear word +++)

Dagon sounds like she’s got a nasty cold. #GetDagonIbuprofen2K20

I can confirm that Crowley offers Aziraphale to not just stay at his place, but to move in with him. « tu peux t’installer chez moi si tu veux ». omg they were roommates.

Bad translation strikes again : i don’t know why, but the french dub doesn’t have the « tickety-boo » / « ça gaze » being referenced as Rampa / Aziraphale is being knocked down, which is… a real mistep. It was narratively significant and I’m quite mad the translators missed it.

The Jesse James explanation from Newt has become very nonsensical, instead of the neat and to the point pun « wherever I go I hold up trafic » we’re getting a circonvoluted « because it’s a crime to mechanic’s diligence ». I’m not judging that one too hard, I have no idea how to make it better, and that’s probably how it was translated in the book as well thirty years ago, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact. On the other hand, it definitely IS a very bad joke that doesn’t even deserve a chuckle, so Anathema’s embarassement really matches the audience’s (aka mine).

OVERALL :

I wasn’t convinced by Crowley… I mean, Rampa’s voice at first, but as the nerdiness showed up it really grew on me. I still think that french dubs have often problems with some voice inflexions every here and there, and for instance in Rampa’s case it was when he was annoyed or frustrated ( at the Globe when complaining about horses and Shakespeare’s plays that aren’t comedies, and also when discussing Azirphale’s magic tricks, it’s like… there is a step between having the right amount of grumpy complaining and overdoing it that is overlooked. It’s overacted, it should have been a bit quieter imo. I don’t mean to criticize voice actors too hard either but as an audience watching french dubs this is a very recurring problem and it always feels off to me. It’s actually one of the main reasons I avoid french dubs whenever possible.)

I have a hard time judging Aziraphale’s voice dub because it clashes so much with both the idea I had formed with it when I read the book and Sheen’s delivery that I just… kinda filtered it. It was too high pitched for me, and too anxious (though for this last point I must admit it could be funny at times, but I’m not fond of this character portrayal). The rest of the cast was rather good, nothing to complain about. There wasn’t anything stellar either, but everything that needed to be conveyed was and it was professionnal. It was also very homogeneous, no voice really struck me as being way too bad or way too good compared to the others, so it was really consistant.

So I don’t have much to complain about overall despite a few wonky translations here and there, BUT there is one thing I felt very robbed of : Crowley calling Aziraphale « mon ange » happens only once, when giving a lift to Anathema, and I’m almost certain they translated it that way because otherwise the joke about Anathama mistaking them for a couple wouldn’t work. So, they were forced to make it that way. The rest of the time Crowley calls Aziraphale « l’angelot », and despite being literally translated by « little angel », it feels sarcastic more than anything else ( the « L’ » in front of « angelot » is part of the reason why, it creates some distance, the other reason being that this word in itself has a very corny vibe and people being affectionnate to each other wouldn’t use it as a term of endearment). So, that’s a shame.

I like the English dub much much MUCH better than the French, but the french wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. The voice actors and actresses were quite good, the dialogues mostly faithful and endearing despite a few really missed steps. It really had its moments. Props to brouter des derrières, that one was fantastic.

[kyu-bri]

Magia Rapport pt 2

@magiarapport​

August 24th prompt: What was your favorite event, and why? Is it because of gameplay or the story?

It’s hard to choose so I’m gonna just, gush a bit.

As you can probably tell I’m very biased toward the OG girls, I started Magia Record primarily because PMMM had become my new obsession and I wanted some sort of constant flow of content out of decade old anime lmao.

But another thing I think I hooked onto was Inu Curry’s writing. They really know Madoka Magica and aren’t afraid to really play with them- something the writers for a spin-off gacha game (as with most spin-off stories honestly) can be scared to do. Inu Curry made references, revealed secrets and built upon the story we already know- which lets be honest is what we always truly want from a spin-off series. Magia Record proper does this well by putting more magical girls into the world and letting us see things work out better for them than for the original cast, but what I really appreciated with this story was getting to see that old original cast get to get in on that, and these events managed to do that without watering them down any.

Under the cut is me going on for 3000 words about why I love these three events I’m so sorry. TL;DR at the very end-

I’ll go in release order,

A La Carte Valentine was one of the first if not THE first event I got in on. I was eager to bc 1 Gay Magical Girl Shit Guaranteed. And ofc 2 OG Cast participation.

I want to preface by saying I actually loved all the girls’ stories in this. I was very much still in a state of getting used to Iroha’s gang let alone trying to care about the secondary girls. I knew Tsukasa had this angsty Twins Separated At Birth Deal and liked seeing her home life (also I immediantly stanned Take. Regular well-meaning dude who has no idea whats going on just trying his best and hating his boss). I knew nothing about Ami except Cowgirl Meguca and getting the bulk of her personality in one short even I think really kept me from being absolutely sick of her, she’s just a cute silly teenage girl who could be in literally anything and I was able to just endearingly giggle at that. Hinano managed to do the heterosexual unrequited crush cliché without me groaning or missing any of her regular personality. Also was there a Ren part? I don’t remember because everything Ren does feels like a Soft Yuri Valentines Special. Also I love Momoko. Ok moving on to what I Really wanna talk about.

Madoka is genuinely my Least Cared About of the Holy Sextet. I don’t think she’s bad or even boring- Madoka has a depth to her character, like, really deep- but that’s not something ever really touched upon by the fandom. Even when people like her and make her the Heroine she’s Supposed to be, it’s usually in the context of “Girl who feels nothing but kindness and happy thoughts would cut off her right hand to feed to a hungry dog. Isn’t she so Good????”. And honestly, while I understand the point it was going to make, I wasn’t crazy about her sacrifice in the end of the series. (Team Homura “Rebellion Is Good Actually” ftw) All because I think that I’m an Adult Woman watching this like “You are 14yrs old and need to be home playing Sims and not sacrificing yourself for the greater good you stupid silly little baby girl”

So my point is here near all fan content I encounter tends to emphasize whats sort of my least favorite facet of Madoka. I don’t think she made the ‘wrong’ decision in the context she and the story were given, but it’s still a sad thing to show a depressed(!!!) insecure girl resolving to give away her very existence so that every other girl on earth has a chance to just Dream. Oh and they still usually die young. But that’s ok because then she takes them and lets them sleep peacefully forever in her Heaven Basement (Yes I am bitter stan Homura I would yank this savior complex infant girl out the sky too)

MY POINT BEING (The servers closing let me BLEED OUT ALL MY FEELINGS) This event did not do that!!! It made Madoka…….. EVERYTHING SHE SHOULD BE??? ALWAYS??? Showed her HOW WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VIEW HER??? (Read: Happy and Alive and Confident at no foreboding or sacrifice of anyone else!!!!)

She is Sassy and Surrounded By Friends and Really Funny??? And we get this Ridiculous Oh My God On Crack metaphor about her being this all-powerful apocalypse bringing being which is representing her love for the universe through her Witch form of Wanting Everyone To Be Happy And Safe With Her??? And she still risks herself to save everyone as is her Thing to do but we get to have her do it without erasing her existence as a human being at the end and if that is not some GOOD SHIT????

Ok next:

NGL Sayaka’s (fav character, inarguable best girl, can u not tell) parts in MagiReco til like the last arc have always left me a bit disappointed. She was the only late comer of the OG girls from what I understand and it kind of gives her the air of what a lot of the second(/thirdary?) girls suffer from. You can tell the writers can’t even figure out a trope to apply her to to make her easy and two dimensional to write about so they just don’t know what to do. They definitely try to make up for it (especially in the anime which Praise Be but that’s probably Inu Currys doing) but she’s still lacking like, any of the depth of her personality. Which, I guess I could anticipate. Because most of the fandom tends to as well. (again)

Gonna stop complaining and get on with- That didn’t feel as much the case in her Valentine event. Sure it was still the same formula of “The Issue Is Kyosuke” but that didn’t play out as grueling as her personal story did with “Nine Episodes Of “The Issue Is Kyosuke””

There was one big glaring heart-aching detail of “Mami isn’t really there because SHES IN A FUCKING CULT RIGHT NOW” which kind of jarred the event out of the ho-hum silly valentines sidestory these events usually keep up.

Sayaka has this crisis about Doing Anything Meaningful With Kyosuke which we all know what That’s calling back to, but in this environment we get to have Kyoko come right up and be in a position with her to earnestly and affectionately Push Her To Do It. The lonely little tsundere bitch girl pushes her Not Friend to Give The Bastard The Gotdamn Chocolate Already and for a moment you can only think about What If’s and If Only’s. Sayaka’s is still the weakest of the threes stories in this event but it worked harder to show us different sides of the characters then 6 chapters of Another Story managed to do.

And then there’s fucking Homura.

I will be, eternally grateful for Kuro. As a character that becomes metaphorical for the 2D ways we initially viewed the feathers and just NPCs in games in general, and also like, giving Homura a friend she actually cares about that isn’t the tangled dark web of Bullshit she’s gotten tied up with Madoka in. Please ask me about all my AU’s where Kuro is Homuras first girlfriend.

Seeing Moemura in Magia Record has always been a bit surreal, we never really understand just what stage of Trauma this Homura is in because Multiverses Are Hell, but this event gives us a good chunk of a Homura who still has hope and faith both in the world and Madoka. Theres this wonder to her that while still bogged down by terrible experiences still has the energy to be Trying. And she sees a girl who used to be like her- which when you think about it is probably what Madoka saw in her- and she wants to help. Because Madoka helped her. And Madoka is the best thing in the universe and maybe Homura can be just a little bit closer to that.

Kuro is too far gone though, as is the reality frequently in this series, things don’t work out just because of circumstance. Kuro was a bullied, insecure little girl who realistically shouldn’t have had to become a rampaging monster because of it. We’re reminded of this being the reality of the Madoka universe. Homura, is reminded of this reality. Homura loses this one chance to bring hope into the world like Madoka brought hope into hers.

And then her story ties into the ending of Madoka’s. Madoka saves her life yet again, even as Homura continues to feel miserable and empty. But at least Madoka is with her. The girls then share a quiet, intimate Valentines together. And you sort of understand how Homura fell so far into the darkness that the only thing she was able to still care about and fight for was Madoka’s safety.

That shit slaps. It slaps you right in the heart and causes fucking bruising but then u want it to do it again because you’re masochistic and Meguca Is Suffering.

Anyway I hope Kuroe slaps our hearts more in season2

MOVING ON!!!!

~Nagisa’s Wish~

Ok, I don’t remember what got me so simp over Nagisa, I think it was the heart-aching irony that Mami adopts the witch that fucking ate her. But that is my baby now and I’d die for her. Fandom Charlotte whose pink and silly and loves her mom and is Mami’s cancer-riddled girlfriend is cool and all but she isn’t a tiny Halloweeny baby whose fucking bitter angry and manically obsessed with cheese due to PTSD.

I had saw a summary of Nagisa’s Wish reposted just to quickly explain Nagisa’s backstory, and as such immediately had to search out if that crazy ride was true- so I actually watched this whole event probably before I downloaded the game. It was surreal on its own but replaying it when it came to NA didn’t lessen it any- I got to process more of what I was witnessing and as result stanned Yu pretty hard.

I guess to explain my Emotions here, saving Yu for later- calls for me to just, describe who Nagisa is as a human being and my headcanons surrounding it all with what this event gave us. Whether you consider it canon or not it’s one version of events that we were given and that I am all for accepting.

Nagisa’s Mom was a celebrity, she could have been an actress though I also like the idea of her being an Idol. She met Nagisa’s Dad oh-so romantically and got knocked up- they very well could have been married but it doesn’t seem clear enough. He seems to have left too suddenly for legal matters like that. Nagisa is approximately 11, and while she seems to remember her Father, she doesn’t in the sense of having had a relationship with him or any feelings. Her Mother has to “explain” why he left, so Nagisa was probably still young even if not a baby. What I’m getting at here is the timeline for when Nagisa’s Mom Got Like That. Nagisa can remember her from before she was, and then says that she got sick after her Dad left. So what I’m wondering is did Daddy Momoe ruin this young rich girls life, give her syphilis and then leave her with a baby she was unfit to care for in poverty? I know half of this is running on anime logic but Holy Shit all the possible ways reasons and ideas for why things could’ve gotten This Bad.

Is it ridiculously dark and edgy that the original story we were given was “Girl wishes her dying mother could have her favorite cake but then realizes OOPSIE-DAISY I could have wished for her to Not Die instead!!!!” got turned into “11yr old hates her abusive mother so much she wants to make her suffer in the most symbolic way she can and then goes mental when she isn’t able to do it”??? Yes. But if I had the mental capacity to I have to admit I was in a position to be just as bitter at that age too. I can’t call it unrealistic. I may infact be projecting hard with how much I support and enjoy this backstory.

Anyway Nagisa was in such a state of trauma and distress at a horrifically young age when she died that it broke her mental faculties so severely that even when she came back as a literal Angel of God she had blocked it out so deeply and thoroughly she seemingly regressed to an even younger capacity and hyperfixated on the trait that she has before used to try to bond with her Mother who she had died hating.

And that also slaps u right in the heart.

A N D T H E N !

~Beachside Bonds~

Just the simple structure of this story was so enjoyable and nicely done. We finally get to see the OG girls in a context we wouldn’t be able to in literally any other scenario. They’re going on a summer vacation together and Homura is sentimentally journaling every single second of it. Is this mayhaps because she’s never gotten to be this happy and blissful with these girls she loves so much??? Of course this is are you not paying attention what the fuck. Homura is so optimistic and healed and hopeful she’s acting like what she might actually be doing as a normal teenage girl. (A heartrending contrast to the end of her Valentines Special)

We get nothing short of pure fluffy Slice Of Life shenanigans on the beach which even includes a bunch of the Kamihama girls that the OG crew knows! And they talk about it! And introduce eachother! And their friends commentate on it! Ren gets to see Kyoko Not Being A Bitch and then Sayaka teases her about having made friends and oh my god my heart is turning into cottoncandy as we speak Mom holy FUCK

Sayaka’s existence fucking matters in this story! It’s her families Hotel they’re staying at and she has relationships and memories with the creepy twins that live there and she talks like a fucking person??? And gives opinions??? That aren’t just copypasted “Justice is Good and Bad things are BAD!!!!”

Mami is fresh out of her fucking Cult Drama and she’s still trying to be cool Senpai but then she DECKS Homura in the face and gets scared by the ghost stories and then turns into pudding and waxes nostalgia at Kyoko out of nowhere IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL????????

G H O S T S ? ? ? ?

Y U ! ? ! ? ! ? !

(IS G A Y ! ! ! !)

This whole fucking backstory and truly horrifying Romeo and Juliet on Acid love and death story between Yu and her girlfriend and like if I wasn’t fascinated enough by Yu just being the creepy organ harvester before but apparently thats what she became after she literally made some sort of wish that erased all of her memories besides the nickname her sweetheart used for her and coincidentally also added to her the task of killing all Bad People?????

Yu made a wish to be able to get rid of All Bad People preserving the innocent version of herself who grew up with this girl and it was right after a failed double suicide attempt on fucking Doomed Lovers Cliff fucking Lifetime Will You Ever.

It then pairs with Homura whose PTSD gets to shine through a bit in being unable to believe any bad sort of Madoka which how could you try to force her to at this point while Also pairing Homura with Ren in the “Gay Love Saved Our Lives: Traumatized vers & Vanilla vers”

I don’t remember if there was a symbolic finale and tbh I have forgotten a lot of the details with Yu and her girlfriend Whatsherface because that shit was just so shocking and bizarre to read and much too painful to reread in a timely fashion just.

That shit hurted but it was full of so much love and hope both doomed and stolen but still was wrapped up in the comforting concept that This Is The Universe Where Homura Gets To Be Okay This Time.

She’s still scarred beyond comprehension and this ghost drama accentuated it all but at the end of the day this is still the Safe Universe where all of them are alive and the Holy Quintet are friends and they’re all going to be okay (Godoka & Aniplex willing) and so many of us love Madoka Magica because it shows girls fighting through the same pain we’ve been through and keeping their hope alive and here we get to see them actually find peace in a clunkily written fanservicey spin-off mobile gacha game and hey, that made me happy while I got to experience it. Thanks for the ideas and memories and tragic backstories and funny thirdary characters MagiReco I’m gonna take em all and Run.

Akjsladbfalkjfsbslk If you read this all without getting a migraine or blocking me ily thanks for listening!!!!!!

TL;DR

Me likey A La Carte Valentine bc it’s silly and gay and I simp Kuro

Me likey Nagisa’s Wish bc sawft baby is good and so are Tragic Edgy Backstories

Me likey Beachside Bonds bc Gay Ghosts and Our Girls Finally Get To Be Happy Peaceful(ish) Teenage Girls and that’s all I want for them ;w;

Reeses In Pieces ya’ll

1Ten 2More 3Words 4To 5Hit 6(3000 7Words 8Woo 9Boy 10Howdy

[bigskydreaming]

All over the place thoughts about both Voltron (Yes, That Thing That Happened) and Bobby/Pyro in the comics: 

I am curious to see what they do with comicbook Pyro and Bobby, even though it wouldn’t be my first choice of pairing for him (Bobby/Johnny Storm) or even my second, third, fourth or fifth choices, but it’s better than nothing and there’s just enough of a push to make this new Pyro catch on that like, a pairing with him has a decent chance of going somewhere. Which is the real issue these days with LGBTQ+ comic book representation.

Like, this is something I’ve been thinking about since VLD’s new season came out yesterday. I do still watch that show casually, even though I’ve stayed far away from the fandom and the discourse from the start, because, like...survival and self-preservation, yo. But tbh, I haven’t been invested in it for several seasons now, ever since the utter shitshow which was the season of ‘let’s make our only black character the perpetrator of vile slavery metaphors because racism allegories with zero self awareness FTW amirite Dreamworks’? So, the latest evidence of its shitshow-ness didn’t hit me as hard as it did others, because I am Cynicism, hear me roar, but it still sparked some thoughts, which tie into my thoughts on representation in other media.

Basically....I’m super not impressed by content creators who think saying oh he’s gay and then like....NEVER FUCKING DOING ANYTHING WITH THAT is in any way, shape or form representation.

I mean, I can headcanon any damn character I want as gay myself. I don’t need you all in order to do that. If you’re going to make a character gay in order to call it LGBTQ+ representation, then fucking REPRESENT me. DO something with that. And no, that doesn’t mean every single facet of that character’s being needs to be about them being gay. It means that character needs to be treated like any other character, in every facet of their being. Or else you’re not actually representing anything other than how little this is a priority for you.

'Gay people exist in this universe’ with an arrow pointing at the single gay character you’ve established as such, with no other evidence outside of a single scene to indicate that they are in fact gay outside of audience headcanons - that is not representation. No viewer needs to see that the content creator acknowledges that yes, people like them do in fact exist, to feel validated on like....an existential level. We all KNOW we fucking exist. We don’t need you to fucking confirm that, thanks. We get annoyed as hell when you go out of your way NOT to acknowledge we exist, but like....just acknowledging we exist isn’t representing us, its literally DOING THE BARE MINIMUM TO DEMONSTRATE YOU ARE AWARE YOU LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE OTHER THAN YOURSELF EXIST.

So, despite what my online persona might suggest, in my real life outside the internet, I’m what most gay and bi guys would call ‘masc’. I frequently get told I don’t ‘come across as into guys’ by both gay and straight people, as though this is some kind of compliment. It actually just depresses me, because for myself, I’m painfully aware of how much my adult personality and mannerisms are a result of repressing anything that might ‘give me away’ as gay or bi when I was a closeted teenager. I WORKED at that. I cultivated this adult persona I have now, back when I thought it was a matter of survival and that being who I really was wasn’t either a good thing or something I wanted. And now, as a grown adult who’s been out for over a decade, I do regret never getting a chance to know who or what I might have become, what I might have looked like, acted like, if I’d never had to teach myself to conform to external ideas of what it meant to be masculine.

My point is, I, like many other gay and bi men, each with their own reasons and circumstances, do not visibly come across as gay or bi in casual encounters. Most people meeting me once, outside of me directly referencing my orientation, would not walk away thinking ‘oh he’s bi’. So I’m very aware that yes, characters can be gay or bi without otherwise ‘seeming any different’ from any straight characters. They don’t need to ‘be obviously gay’ in order to actually be gay.

But we’re talking casual, one time encounters here. Anyone who’s known me for longer than that, knows that I’m bisexual. Whether friends, coworkers, even casual but regular acquaintances.....it comes up. Because its not some minute, tiny part of me. It’s as big a part of me as any straight person’s heterosexuality, and you need to THINK about how often that comes up. Because it does.

Our orientations are not just evident in who we take out on dates or go home with at the end of the night. People who know me well know of my orientation  because of the jokes I tell, and reflect this back in the kinds of jokes they tell to me. People who know me know of my orientation because of the way I reference past relationships and the way I talk about what I look for in future relationships, and they reflect this back in how and when and in what ways they share details with me about their own relationships or what they look for and value in them. People who know me know of my orientation because I am the result of all my experiences, and those experiences include my romantic ones. They shaped who I am. To know me, to know who I am, means to know where my life has taken me, and that includes the various times a romantic or sexual encounter has played a large role in shaping who I became.

On Voltron, Shiro has been one of the main protagonists for seven seasons. The audience has interacted with his story, shadowed his story as this main protagonist, for seven seasons. That is not a casual, one time encounter on the street. It does not work to claim ‘oh you wouldn’t know he was gay if you met him casually, people aren’t always obviously gay’ as though audiences haven’t been exposed to Shiro in his most private, vulnerable moments, the same as all the other main characters. It does not WORK that in seven seasons, there was ZERO opportunity for Shiro’s orientation, the role being gay has played in his life and how it’s shaped him, the fact that he had a freaking fiancee at one point, one that Keith at least KNEW, given that he was spying on them at one point.....it does not WORK that no matter how ‘not gay seeming’ Shiro normally comes across as, in this seven season long story about these six individuals who come together as a family, who know each other better than they know their own families, this story where according to the creators, they planned on Shiro being gay from the start, or at least from season two.....it does not work that there are NO places where Shiro’s orientation should have organically come up before now, been a matter of reference for him or other characters, anything like that......if he were ACTUALLY being treated as representation, rather than tokenism.

We didn’t know Shiro was gay before now, not because some peoples’ gayness is just so inherently invisible and damn hard to see, but because his creators didn’t WANT us to see it before now. Because it wasn’t a priority. Because people want to include marginalized groups in their media and call it representation, to appease those viewers who are DESPERATE for representation, to see lives like theirs played out in these larger than life tales, to see themselves in the heroes who get to save the day....but without actually DOING anything with this so-called representation.

Because how do you see yourself in a character whose creators have gone out of their way to KEEP you from seeing him fully, until now? When the only way they decide to show it to you now is by giving him a fairly watered down scene with an ex who we’re told but not shown mattered a great deal to him, and then killing off that same ex five episodes later, thus ensuring we’ll never actually SEE not just how this character matters to Shiro, but what Shiro’s like when you’re NOT hiding or obscuring that part of him that’s literally the part that represents us?

The problem with Adam’s death on Voltron wasn’t even his actual death. It was the end of the final episode. When all of Team Voltron gets to tearfully reunite with their loved ones after everything they’ve been through, in celebration of their victory and acknowledgment of all they’ve lost. We see Hunk with his parents, Lance with his family, Pidge with hers. Allura and Coren and Romelle. Even Keith has his mom and his surrogate father figure. And perhaps we didn’t see Shiro have a scene like that because he isn’t an actual Paladin like those other five anymore. But also....Shiro COULDN’T have a scene like that, even if they wanted to give him one. Because Shiro, unlike all those other characters, has no one outside of them. And this is by design. Because his creators CHOSE to have him have no one. Oh, I know what the writers are saying online. That Adam was killed off to show the stakes of Earth’s invasion. LOL bullshit. In a show that prides itself on creating realistic stakes around a team who pilots flying robot lions to form a giant robot that fights evil aliens, you can not possibly believe that killing ONE tertiary character we’ve only seen ONCE and who we only know even matters to one of our protagonists because of that one mention....is what makes or breaks the ‘stakes’ of this storyline. 

Adam died, because the show wanted to demonstrate that yes, look, see, we have a gay character.....without having to actually SHOW it. Or do anything with it. Without having to show us Shiro and Adam tearfully reuniting just like all his teammates got to do with those most important to them, to show them being a couple, to show them, to show Shiro not just being gay, but being VISIBLY gay, in an actionable way that REPRESENTS gay viewers, that says, hey, this is what a gay man looks like when he’s reuniting with someone he loves or at least once loved. Without having to move forward into the next season, where the other characters will no doubt be shown at least once interacting more with their own loved ones, without having to show Shiro work out what his return to Earth and Adam’s presence in his life again means for him, and whether they’re back together or interacting as exes, either way necessitating Shiro’s orientation, this facet of his life as a gay man, being front and center ON SCREEN just like everyone else’s relationships....all without once ‘requiring’ Shiro be in any way romantically or sexually explicit with another man, like kissing or being shirtless in bed together are the only ways to visibly show a gay man’s orientation in the story you’re telling.

All of which brings me back to Bobby/Pyro in the comics, and how even though it wouldn’t be my first choice of pairing, now that they’ve established a basis for it in their one night stand, I want them to actually do something more with it.

Because Bobby is gay whether or not he’s in a relationship, same as Shiro is gay whether or not Adam lived or died. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be gay, obviously. But like I said earlier.....we don’t need gay characters to EXIST in order to feel represented. Our existence has never been in question or up for debate. Representation, what that means....is if you give us these gay characters, we need to feel they MATTER. That WE matter. That they and their stories are a priority. That they get happy endings as much as they get to suffer. That their being gay is not a footnote to them saving the world, but their being gay and all the struggles they’ve had to overcome because of it is part of what gives them the STRENGTH to save the world.

I love that Bobby, one of my favorite characters, is an out gay man in the comics now. I love that Sina Grace’s solo series wrote him unapologetically as a gay man, where his orientation was clear and visible through every issue of his series even though only three or four of those eleven issues had him actually in romantic encounters. I love that he is very clearly, very definitively demonstrated as having the same characterization, being the same character, being the same BOBBY that I’ve followed since I was a kid, because as an out gay man now and a closeted and repressed man before that, he’s still the same character. Now we just get to see different angles, see him in different lights, get new contexts for old behaviors.

But I need to see him in an actual relationship, because Bobby has always, always, ALWAYS been characterized as someone who WANTS to be in a relationship. Who hates being alone, who fears being alone. And because I’m not represented by a character that Marvel finally makes an out and proud gay man, saying in the process that the reason his prior relationships never worked out was because they weren’t true to who he is.....but then going on to refuse to give him a relationship that’s even just slightly more functional than his previous ones.

I don’t expect him to get married and live happily ever after because yes, it is superhero comics, and drama is part of the package. ALL the X-Men have severely dysfunctional relationships. But they still HAVE them. For all the drama and dysfunction that comes with iconic X-couples, that doesn’t change the fact that Rogue and Gambit ARE iconic. Scott and Jean and even Scott and Emma ARE iconic. These pairings are established. They are long-lasting. They MATTER.

And that’s what it comes down to. If you make a character to represent marginalized readers or viewers.....it can’t stop there. These characters simply existing will never be enough, because that isn’t the point. The point is....they have to MATTER. Every bit as much as their straight or white counterparts. Their stories have to matter, be as much of a priority, be just as impactful.

Or you will always, ALWAYS be sending the message to your marginalized audiences: you are still second class citizens in our eyes. You may exist, but you matter less than these other characters who have ALWAYS mattered.

I do not have to scream my orientation from rooftops in order to be an out and proud bisexual man. I do not need characters to scream their orientation from rooftops in order to be out and proud gay or bisexual characters.

But my orientation matters. My experiences derived from that orientation matter. And if you can’t make the orientation of your characters, the experiences that shape them, matter just as much in how you choose to tell your stories, how you choose to prioritize these characters and their experiences and their stories?

Then do not try and tell me these characters represent me.

Because they most certainly do not.

[embaewrites]

! : )

Shit, are my muses marrying everyone today?? xD

NIM!MARSON as marrieds:

Who was the one to propose: Okay, so this is totally lame but I could see Mason broaching the topic first, but then like a fight escalating between the two over the whole ‘this is becoming a thing, why are we making this a thiNG??’ but then Marley would talk it out with some of their friends  and come back with her own unorthodox proposal. There’s probably a pun in there about oak trees or acorns, lbr.

Who stressed more over wedding planning: NO STRESS. Like, literally, that would be their one rule, no drama at the wedding. So it’d probably be super small and super simple, so neither of them would be stressed out over it.

Who decorated the house: Both? They both have great aesthetics and tastes, so it would likely be a joint effort.

Who is more organized: Oh dear, I don’t know. Madison might have to organize for them, because Marley is basic at best and who knows with Mason sometimes (sorry, boo).

Who suggested kids first: I feel like this topic would’ve been avoided like the plague at first?? But then Marley meets and works with all of the orphaned slayer kiddos and her little heart breaks so one day she tells Mason ‘we gotta adopt them’. ‘There’s like twenty of them??’ ‘We’ll be like that Commons family with all of the kids whose names start with J, only without the weird hair.’

Who’s the cuddler: I’m gonna say Mason. Marley’s always been a little bit weird about physical contact? But she’ll cuddle with Mason if he wants to. xD

What’s their favorite activity: STARGAZING. Or going for walks in wild places so Marley can take pictures on her camera. Mason’s her favorite subject tho, shh.

Who kills the spiders: Neither, Marley’s a ‘catch and release’ kinda gal.

Who falls asleep first: It’s a contest. They’ll poke and prod and tell stories and ask the other if they’re still awake well into the night, and at some point, they both just pass out.

Who usually initiates things? Mason, at first. Once Marley gains more confidence, she’ll start initiating more.

Who is more sensitive? Oh dear, have you met these two?? Like, okay, fine, they won’t admit it aloud, but they’re like buckets of emotion and it’s always their cup runneth over. x:

Who has the most patience? Marley. She knows how to wait through the longest winters and droughts (plant metaphors ftw).

Who is the stubborn one? Mason. That boy doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, lmao.

Which one holds grudges? Neither. Been through too much shit together and apart for that.

Who argues more? Probably Marley? Only because she understands less things outside of her ‘culture’ and there are misunderstandings at times. Mason has to take a time-out and explain things so that there’s no longer a reason for the argument in the first place.

Who wins the arguments? Whoever calls ‘PAUSE’ first on the fight or manages to squeeze in a pun to trip up the other and make them laugh.

SEND A “!” FOR OUR MUSES MARRIED LIFE