#take your time both with art and joining and dont push yourself too far out of your learning zone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stinkfacestories · 4 years ago

Text

Thor Corp: Initiation

After the events of the destruction of Asgard and the loss of life fighting Thanos, King of New Asgard, Thor Odinson, in a joint effort with the Avengers set out to make the Thor Corp; a group of humans, or near humans, under his direction. Trained by him to fight off threats to New Asgard and to join Thor on his adventures across the Nine Realms.

You and the other four Thor Corp members met in the rear room of Thor’s cliff top house. You had heard so much about him, but for all you could see, this house was a dump. The furniture was dirty, there was laundry piled in the corner, beer cans and take out boxes everywhere.

The other members could sense your apprehension.

“Don't worry,” said the oldest member. His name was Gudrik. That wasn't his real name. When you proved yourself Thor gave you a new name. His real name was Allan Frankson.

Thor was laying down some store bought martial arts pads. He was lining up the puzzle piece like edges. You had watched him push the couch off into the corner. He lifted it with such ease. The god of Thunder may not have been in the best shape of his life but he was still as strong as ever.

“All right”, Thor said, hopping up. “Now who knows why we're here.” He didn't give anyone a moment to respond. “We are here because it is Mister. Smiths six month anniversary with us.” He pointed to you. “He has gone through all the grunt work that I used to put you lot through.” There was a chuckle. You had been doing alot of less than heroic jobs. You returned Thor’s bottles and cans; paid his bar tabs, picked up his pizzas; anything Thor would ask of you. For six months. You only got to hear about him and his adventures with the other four while you did the dishes.

“Now before we go taking him off to Asaheim or Jotunheim, we gotta teach him some basic Asgardian Self Defense techniques. We all know what happens when we for get the basics right, Svar?” Everyone looked at the shortest, red haired red beard member of the group. “Remember Rule 9? Tell us rule 9” Svart sighed “Dont stick your head in strange holes in other worlds”.

Thor laughed. “We eventually got him out, and his hair grew back.”

“Come on over here Mister Smith.” Thor waved you next to him. You joined him. He put his arm on your shoulder. This was the first time you were ever so close to him, let alone he had his arm around you. You wanted this to be special, but the only thing you could focus on was the sour smell of his pit. You glanced at it. It was a sweaty busy mess of blond hair. You could swear you saw a Cheeto in there.

“Were going to teach Smith here today how to play Hrunkrinkuuu” Thor said. You looked up at him. “Hrunkrinku?” Thor held up a finger. He coughed into his hand, spitting up a wad of phlegm. “Ugh…” he stepped forward and wiped his hand on Gudriks chest. “No, that was just something in my throat. Were going to teach you Herunkirinkr. It’s a game to teach basic self defense. You mortals on Midgard here do a fine job replicating it with the Wrestling show on cable

“So we are going to wrestle?” you ask

“Kinda. Mostly. Yes. But with the goal to learn how to get your enemy into a position where you can finish them off.” He slapped your back and you almost fell over. “Of course I won't be finishing you off. Though I could. So easily. Just, snap. And you're gone. I won't though. Don't worry”

Thor didn't bother to explain the rules. He put you on one side of the mat and he took up the other. “First were gonna learn a real simple technique. Most of your foes are going to be stupid and there just going to throw themselves at you. We don't want you to be bowled over so easily. So this is a way to reverse a knock down in your favor. Come on” he waved at you. You looked at him and cocked his head. “Just try to run at me and knock me down” He said.

You shrugged but knew Thor wouldn't hurt you. You lazily jogged the few steps forward and attempted to tackle Thor. You cracked into his chest and gut and he fell to the floor. Your face pressed into his chest. You could feel his gut heaving bellow you.

“See, this is a bad spot to be in. But with a little twist here.” Thor rolled his legs back and with a grace and speed counter to the way he looked, you felt his legs wrap around your shoulders. He pulled you off him. He didn't let you go though. His powerful legs slid up to your neck and held you in a scissor lock. When the world stopped spinning you were looking up his back side.

“Simple as that.” He gave his legs a playful squeeze. “If you work out like me, you can even pop off a head or two when you have them between your legs here.” he squeezed a little more and you slid up till your face was near flush with the seat of his pants. “Course you gotta get them real far up there. Also we wont be popping off heads today. But we do need to have a way to end the match. Any idea smith?” He asked. You had not played this game before, but you knew that in most martial arts you just had to tap out. You reached with your free hand and gave his gut a tap. Three times. “Oh. No. Thats not how this works. Tapping if for safety. Asgardian warriors do not tap out unless they are about to die. Here we go until humiliation” Thor said.

Humiliation? You thought.

“Any suggestions lads?” Thor asked the other four

“Kiss the moon.” said Gundrik. “Thats a good one for a scissor lock. All you gotta do it bend the knees and stomach a little” Thor said. He bent down and your face was pressed into his ass. He held you there a moment. “Remember to not do it too fast. They need to know it happened, plus you need to give everyone a moment to laugh at him” There was a few chuckles then Thor uncrunched. You could still smell the sweaty funk from his pants.

“There is a variation to this. Mr Smith, as you know I have been working to get back into shape. This means in addition to exercise a proper diet. I have carefully picked a diet high in legumes, lentils, fresh beans, both green, black and red, and as luck would have it last night I crushed an entire thirty case of Miller Lite and for breakfast I devoured an entire container of sour cream that I had left out on the counter” As Thor described his diet there was some soundless laughter from the four other men. You tried to think the last time you even bought sour cream. It was a week ago and it had been on the counter since that night.

“Oh man. You cant be serious, your not really going to right?” you struggle trying to get free, but Thor’s legs are far too powerful.

“See mates, you know you have a good humiliation move lined up when your opponent starts to struggle.” Thor gave a little chuckle. “I like to call this humiliation Thunder Gods Kiss”. Thor crunched again. Despite your protests he very easily pressed your face between his cheeks.

“When you perform this one, you should let your opponent stew a bit at first. He may be holding his breath.” You heard Thor say. You sure were trying. If Thor was about to do what you thought he was going to do you didn't want to take any risks.

“Now after he has had a good few seconds you can feel his struggle start to wane. That is your cue.” Thor raised his hand up high. He pulled down as if he was pulling an invisible lever.The room was shook with a hefty, wet, thunderous rolling blast. You could feel your face vibrate from Thor’s fart. It was stunningly long. You tried to hold it off, but the force alone blasted its way up your nose. The smell was like a garbage dump at low tide in mid July heat. Just when you thought it was over an after shock hit. Your ears were ringing. You could hear the flabby echoes.

“Now same as before, you want to let them stew a bit to give it maximum effect. You can also” He squeezed his arse cheeks and gave a wiggle “Put a little wiggle on it” Thor let you out. Your face was slick with sweat. You feel like you went Ten rounds with The Might Thor, when in reality it was just one of his farts at close range.

“Now to finish you ask” He cleared his throat and looked over his shoulder at you. “Have you had enough or shall I give you a second helping?”

“Meeuu?” You try to speak but you’re senses were still fried “That wasn't a yes.” Thor reached back with his hands and pulled down the hem of his pants. This time when he pressed your face into his ass he did it slow enough for you to take in the pale,rotund, blond-hair-forest that was the crack of his ass. You slipped between his sloppy cheeks and he did it again. You could hear him grunt, summoning up another fetid blast. This one was just as worse as the one before. Even expecting it your body was unable to deal with the powerful stench of the God of Thunder. He released you again.

“Hungry for more?” “No..please..no more.” You blurt out. The room erupted in laughter. “Hah. Weakling” said Svart. Thor pointed his finger at him “Don't speak lies; he took two blasts. Svart here pukes when I had his face in my Arse. ‘Please Mr. Thor, please. I can’t stand the smell’ he cried. Literally he had tears in his eyes because that year I was on an all onion diet” Svart looked angry, but the others laughed. “Please…. Fresh… air…” You said. Thor was still holding you dangerously close to his ass.

“Oh right” he released you and stood up, pulling his pants back up. He helped you to your feet and slapped you on the chest.

“Now you are officially part of the Thor Corp. I shall name you: Torquil Thorson”

You cheer weakly. Your legs were still weak.”No more shit work?” You say. Thor nods. “No more farts?” Thor let out a laugh that shook the house. “Oh no. Now that I know you can take it with out being killed I wont need to hold them in around you. You have years of farts to look forward to! Now… who wants to go on an adventure?”

#Fat Thor #Thor #Stinkface #Martial Arts #Thor Corp

47 notes · View notes

istgimamess · 6 years ago

Text

Label: JYP entertainment

Stage name: Song Ha Rin [Ha means great or talented, Rin means unicorn; so yeah, I picked this name for you because you're a great, talented unicorn and you should be protected at all cost, duhh]

Debut year: 2016 (3 years active)

Debut concept: electric pop, upbeat, cute and girly, sassy girl power, dance and vocal heavy

Number of members: 5

Group name: HolyElectric

Fandom name: Sparks

Position: main dancer, vocal line, the mom of the group [because you're super protective, patient and caring]

Male bestie: Choi Minho (SHINee)

How you meet: he's your protector but also your tormentor, if you're being honest! Your first meeting was a bit of a shit show, one minute you're practicing some basic dance moves for a live broadcast and the next you're hanging off the side of the stage in a mess of limbs and covered in water. His necklace tangled in your hair, your heel caught in his belt loop; the both of you soaked beyond repair, an empty water pitcher laying hazardously at the bottom of the stairs. "Umm, you think you can tell your pants to let go of my shoe!?" "Yeah, as soon as your hair releases my necklace.." He pushes at your forehead, palm covering your face completely, nothing happens. You knee at his torso and hip, nothing happens; you both try again. "Ouch! Watch yourself, King Kong! I cant breath!" "Okay, let's not panic! It'll just leave me pantsless and you bald!" After that it was like you were inseparable, quickly becoming friends through the shared experience of that tragic, embarrassing event. Turns out you have a lot in common, personality wise! You're both really sarcastic and just plain goofy; (you have this game, always competing to see who can make the funniest, goofiest faces) so, obviously, you make eachother laugh alot but you're also very protective over one another. "Hey, Minho! HolyElectric's Harin is your best friend, right?" "Yeah, she is! Why?" "Shall we send her a little video!? Quickly do something to make her laugh!" "Harin, I miss you!...(^ gif ^)..."

Female bestie: Tiffany Young (SNSD)

How you meet: you take singing very serious! You're always working on your vocals, trying out new techniques, experimenting with your range; you're very hardworking and your dedication to getting better is something everyone seems to notice about you, right off the bat. So you're always down for vocal classes and one on one's with your vocal coach, always excited to learn something new! And that's how you meet Tiffany, through a friend of a friend of a friend of your vocal coach! You were doing your warm ups, waiting on your teacher to arrive when Tiffany stuck her head in the room to compliment you on your vibrato! You tend to come off as a bit rude, because of how shy you are, so at first it didn't really go well! "Wow, you sound so good! Those runs were amazing!" "Umm, I know..no, I-..I mean, it's not like I think I'm super good or anything..I-..sorry." She ended up laughing your response off and joining you in the room! You quickly became really good friends, constantly listening to music and practicing together; going out for lunch and meeting up on the weekends for some quality shopping time! "Who would you say your best friend is?!" "Oh, she is also a singer! Her name is Harin and she's in the girl group HolyElectric! We hang out together probably every week!" "Oh really!? What are your favorite things to do together!?" "We are both shopoholics, so we're constantly shopping! And afterwards I always drag her out for ice cream because..(^gif^).." Your friendship is so cute!

Group bestie: NCT

How you meet: this is probably the most unconventional way you've ever made a group of friends but it worked, whether you wanted it to or not. There are probably a hand full of things that you absolutely hate in life: people who lie, crabs and bugs are just a few! When faced with any of these, more specifically crabs and/or bugs, you tend to run the opposite way, screaming at the top of your lungs, arms flailing! It's your natural reaction! So when you find yourself being used as a human shield between a grown ass man-child and bugzilla, you're forced to square up and save the man child! "OH MY GOD SAVE ME IT'S GOING TO EAT ME AHHHH EOMMA!!" You're being pulled close, your body picked up and thrown around by the trembling boy! You feel like you might actually vomit but also, oddly enough, you feel really protective; the mom in you suddenly coming out: throwing your fists up in a fighting manner, kicking your feet and swatting the sky in defense. "NOT TODAY, SATAN!!" Eventually the bug gives up on it's hostile takeover, there are about 3 seconds worth of calm and suddenly you're surrounded. "Taeyong! What happened!?" "Yeah, we heard screaming!" "I was attacked!! I thought I was going to die!" "What!? What happened!? Attacked by who!? Are you o-" "Yeah, sorry to interrupt, but are we going to actually sit here and pretend like we don't see the girl Taeyong-hyung is holding up off of the ground like a teddy bear?! We just ignoring that!?" "Haechan, dont be rude!" "How am I being rude!?" "You're always-" "Sorry, can you put me down, my legs are going numb.." And it was all down hill from there! They wouldn't leave you alone, following you around like a group of sassy, over-dramatic puppies! But you don't really mind! They're your biggest supporters, always streaming your music and cheering you on during award season! They also send you little video messages to congratulate you on your wins! "...(^gif^)..." "Wait, are you recording?!" "Yeah, Harin is about to perform so we need to send the message fast!" "But not everybody's here yet!" "Well, tell them to hurry!" They're truly adorable!

Boyfriend: Shin Hoseok/Wonho (Monsta X)

Ship name(s): Ha-Ho, Wonha, Ho-Rin

How you meet: you love, love, love traveling and you get the opportunity to travel a lot, with your job; but that's really not enough to satisfy you! So, whenever you have a day off, you like to travel! Nowhere too far, since you only really have the one day, usually to Japan, or China, any place near by! That's where you meet Wonho, in the airport; one second you're grabbing your baggage, minding your own business and the next you're face-full of chest! "Oooff, I'm so sorry-" "It's okay! It's not everyday cute girls use their face to assault my chest!" He's very sure of himself, very honest and openly flirty and it doesn't take long before his assertiveness pulls you out of your shy shell! You spend the day together, grab some coffee and then hit up the local ramen shop! It doesn't take long for you to become official: redcheeks and sweaty palms, shy confessions underneath the bus station hanger. He's the best boyfriend you could ask for, he's practically whipped! And his group members never let him live it down! "Hey, Wonho! Harin stayed the night last night, didnt she!? But you guys were soooo quiet, in your room! What were you doing!? Quickly, tell the camera!" "...(^gif^)..." They make him suffer, you find it hilarious!

Your biggest fan: Kim Yeri (Red Velvet) is probably your biggest fan! She is constantly making dance covers to your songs, streaming your music and watching your v-lives! "I'm a huge fan of HolyElectric! My favorite is Harin! She's such a good dancer and her vocals are always on point!" She's very vocal about how much she loves you and your music; so much, that even her fans are trying to make it so that she has the opportunity to meet you! "Yeri-unnie! Harin-unnie is your girl crush, right!?" " Yes~...(^gif^)..." "Hopefully you can meet her soon!" It's ridiculously cute!

Scandle: you're a dancer, that's what you truly want to be known as! You've been dancing since you could stand up straight and you've been like a spunge ever since; always trying to gain as much knowledge over the art, as you can! You take extra classes, make covers, mimic other great dancers, you're constantly in the practice room! So, yeah, you dance more than you breathe, this is not a secret! You've also known EXO's Kim Jongin for years, again, not a secret! He was one of the only idols to really reach out and interact with you in your trainee days; always offering to answer any "idol" questions you may have, offering to practice with you, teaching you new dance moves, critiquing your performances before every evaluation! He quickly ended up becoming your greatest teacher, an even greater friend, almost like a brother! So it's no shocker you're photographed together, a lot: Jongin entering your apartment building, Jongin picking you up and taking you out for dinner, you entering Jongin's apartment building etc. What is a bit shocking? The headlines that come with those photos, when Dispatch drops them. 'Neitizens get a HolyElectric shock when EXO's Kai takes new girl friend!' and 'HolyElectric's Harin sparks new dating rumors! Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' It was a bit confusing! "What the?! 'Could EXO's Kim Jongin be the one?!' What Disney movie is this!?" "The good kind, one with a great soundtrack and a beautiful dance number! You should feel lucky!" "I just threw up a little bit.." It's really cruel how much Jongin's enjoying your discomfort!

Other activities: obviously you're a great dancer, singer and all around performer but sometimes you really just want to be challenged! So when you're management team signs you up for a spot in 'The King of Mask Singer' singing competition, you're both super excited and super nervous! It ends up going well and you gain a ton of new friends and even more fans from the experience! "It was so fun! I didnt know singing could be so exhilarating!" "So what?! You want to give up dance and become the next Mariah Carey?! Good choice! Less competition for me~" "Jongin, I will cut you.." What a massive dork!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@bbwonho here is your private idol life ship! I hope you like it~ Let me know what you think! 😌

4 notes · View notes

just-another-winchester · 7 years ago

Text

F**kin Perfect

Characters: Danneel, reader, Jensen, JJ, Zepplin, Arrow

Warnings: Bad dancing, language,

Word count: shoot im too lazy to look. I’ll update later.

A/N: This was also for @thing-you-do-with-that-thing, it was actually a dream I had a little ago and I thought it seemed kinda perfect? I dont mean to spam you, just want you to know you’re awesome. :)

This was unbeta’d, all mistakes are my own.

FEEDBACK IS MY SUSTENANCE!!!

“Pretty pretty please! If you ever ever feel, like you’re less than, fucking perfect!”

You sang, you and Danneel dancing side by side, utter dorks as the song ended and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Nice booty shake Dani.” You laughed aloud, throwing you head back. You couldn’t stand it, it was hysterical.

Danneel Ackles was by far your best friend ever. You loved the guys, of course you did. You worked with them, so you pretty much either love them or die a slow, painful, prank death.

As much as the guys meant to you, it was time with Dani and Gen that made you smile, you felt like you were always surrounded by the guys when you played your role, so having some gal time was the best.

“Hey, I just had an idea!” Danneel said, poking you in the belly.

You giggled and grabbed your stomach.

“Come on pillsbury dough girl,” she called, running into the house

“Where are you going?” You demanded, following after her.

“To get that husband of mine.” She said as you caught up, looking around, she squinted her eyes suspiciously, before a grin filled her face at the sight of Jensen walking to the living room.

“HONEY!” She practically yelled, startling you, and Jensen, who happened to have a bowl of cereal as he turned to Danneel, shock on his face.

“I have an idea!” She whisper yelled.

Jensen took another bite of his cereal, crunching the froot loops in his mouth as he swallowed.

“Uh oh.”

Four hours later the three of you had managed to set up a rather decent, set up, in their garage. You and Danneel had removed their vehicles and cleaned up a bit, but luckily the garage was very roomy.

“You got it?” Danneel asked, standing beside Jensen.

JJ and the twins were with you as you sat further into the corner of the room, Zepp in your lap as you smiled at the couple. Time with Danneel was always lovely.

“Yes, it’s ready.” Jensen chuckled, the man was on his knee as he set the camera accordingly.

“Great, c’mon Y/N we don’t have all day long.” She called, a smile on her lips.

Jensen walked over and replaced you, taking his son and sitting as his girls circled around him.

Danneel ran over to the stereo and pressed a button, the song began to play as she rushed to stand beside you, grinning at the camera.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice, Dug my way out, blood and fire, Bad decisions, that's alright, Welcome to my silly life

Danneel sang the words so perfectly along with the music, presenting herself in a way that reminded you why she was one of your best friends ever.

You watched her, completely losing your ability to dance as you laughed at the faces she made, her actions when she said welcome to my silly life, she literally flicked herself in the head.

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood, Miss "No way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down, Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated. Look, I'm still around.

As the music picked up, so did she. She threw her arms back and forth in front of her, shaking her booty while making a very serious face.

She did a slow mo bit, and at the last part of the lyric she popped up behind you and made a scary face while pretending to claw at your head.

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever ever feel, Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me!

At the chorus you finally were able to join in. The both of you looked at the camera as you moved your bodies, shaking and jumping, Danneel threw her arms in the air, her head fell back as she was obviously very into her dance move.

You laughed as you held your nose and pretended to go under water. The two of you looked at each other, singing to one another in a way, at the word fucking the both of you threw a sign at each other, neither of you knew you would do that, it resulted in you both cracking up.

You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong, Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead, So complicated, look how big, you'll make it, Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game It's enough! I've done all I can think of Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Danneel looked at you as though she was scolding you. She gave you a flick in the head, her fists moved to her hips. She reached out and grabbed your head, telling you to change the voices in your head. She waggled her finger at you, making you give her an eye roll.

She booped your nose, hugged you from behind, pretended to sleep on your shoulder, chased you off camera and pulled you back in front of the camera.

She did it all with incredible rhythm, it cracked you up as you laughed at her.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me

Danneel raised the roof back and forth, looking completely serious, her lips formed a perfect line, she turned so her back was against yours, holding her fists in front of her, her arms bent as she moved them back and forth repeatedly.

She shook her head back and forth so much you honestly thought she should either be dizzy or throwing up by now, and when she stopped she did go a little cross eyed and held onto you to steady her.

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer So cool and limed and we try, try, try But we try too hard and its a waste of my time Done looking for the critics 'cause there everywhere They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time Why do we do that, why do I do that?

Danneel made a motion, pretending to look scared as she chewed her fingers, Jensen passed the both of you a beer quickly as she rapped easily, the both of you took a sip before sliding them back to him.

You simultaneously slipped on a pair of sunglasses, using her phone she took a quick selfie of the two of you.

Danneel held a hand above her eyes and looked around before shrugging, placing an elbow on your shoulder she used her hand to make a ‘whatever’ motion, turning and pushing you so you both walking off camera before returning, as the rap slowed she looked down at you and said.

“Why do I do that?” earning a silly and joking shrug from you.

She shrugged back and the chorus picked up again, she jumped with the music, dancing and hopping and being completely ridiculous. Being Danneel silly was an art, and only she was capable of it. She was the only master.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel Like you're less than fuckin' perfect Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing You're fuckin' perfect to me! You're perfect, you're perfect!

The two of you sang along to the words, spinning around and pointing, moving your hands around in the air as you twirled.

You mimicked each other, bouncing back and forth with perfect accuracy.

Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing

You're fuckin' perfect to me

As the song finished you both danced and swayed till the very end. You looked at each other and then smirked at the camera, giving it a gun motion before it finished. Jensen had gotten up from his place with the kids and pressed stop on the camera as you and Danneel began to laugh almost hysterically.

“I like your ideas,” You smiled at Danneel, still giggling, you’d laughed so hard that your face hurt and you felt like you had a cramp.

“Same,” Your friend laughed, trying to recuperate as she held her belly.

“Uh oh, I forgot to press record.” Jensen voiced, you both looked at him.

“What?” You demanded at the same time. He laughed.

“Joking, joking.” He said, picking up the camera.

The next day you, Jensen, Danneel and the kids were in their house, in front of the television. Jensen had edited the video, Danneel had tweeted it out with the music over it as though it was an actual music video.

The lot of you laughed as you watched the video, smiling. You loved every part of it.

“C’mere.” Danneel said, pulling out her phone and holding it up, putting it to video form. At the same time you both yelled at the camera.

“YOU ARE PERFECT AND WE LOVE YOU!”

TAG LIST IS WIDE OPEN!!!

Dream team

@spn67-sister @queen-of-deans-booty @ria132love @winchestergeekfreak @maui137 @katymacsupernatural @jayneysimp @emoryhemsworth @just-another-busy-fangirl

#Danneel Ackles #you #reader #jensen ackles #danneel and reader #besties #spn castish #danneel fic #danneel ackles fiction #danneel ackles fanfiction

32 notes · View notes

samanthasroberts · 6 years ago

Text

‘No bling in the hood …’ Does Berlin’s anti-gentrification law really work?

In the newly hip district of Neuklln, locals have joined forces to enact laws against property owners attempts to renovate, modernise and drive up rents. But not everyone thinks this social environment protection is good for Berlin

Visitors to the F54 Kiezladen (neighbourhood cooperative) in Berlins Neuklln district are hit by the smell of chopped onions. Inside the kitchen, members are busy chopping vegetables to make a supper of soljanka, a Russian soup, for the stream of residents arriving for a beer and a chat and, in some cases, to see the rental rights lawyer who is volunteering advice this evening.

The cooperative formally known as Friedel Strasse 54 was recently given notice to quit by the investor that had bought the apartment block in July, Pinehill sarl: a mailbox company registered in Luxembourg. The septuagenarian dental technician who occupied the ground-floor workshop here for decades has already been evicted.

It is an increasingly common scenario in Neuklln, a sprawling neighbourhood that has become a magnet for young Europeans in recent years, and has found itself in the sights of international property developers as a result.

Matthias Sander (his requested pseudonym for talking to the Guardian), a 32-year-old history and politics teacher, is a resident of one of the 20 flats that make up F54. The cooperative is basically a squat now; were just waiting to see what happens, he says. Our only hope is that our own initiative will kick in somehow, or the property market will collapse, allowing us to buy the building ourselves.

Friedel Strasse 54 in Neuklln, Berlin. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Until a few years ago, investors discovering Berlin ignored Neuklln as too scruffy and working-class. It has the largest number of migrants of any district in the city, and the highest number of social welfare recipients. But in recent years, as Berlins housing market has boomed, investors have been seizing everything they can: Id say every second building has either been bought or is in the process of being bought, Sander says.

Recognising that the citys Social Democrat government had minimal interest in bucking this trend (the mayor said she welcomed a middle-class influx), the Neuklln Tenants Alliance set about collecting signatures in support of introducing milieuschutz in the area. Under this law translated as social environment protection real estate is shielded against owners attempts to renovate and modernise it to the extent that existing residents could be forced out.

The milieuschutz should ensure that neighbourhoods in Berlin remain lively and socially mixed, enabling anyone to live wherever he or she wants, says Hans Panhoff, a city councillor responsible for building, planning and environment in the neighbouring district of Kreuzberg, which has borne the brunt of Berlins gentrification drive.

Panhoff says the law can work in conjunction with other measures, such as new rent control regulations and the right of authorities to block sales, should they be able to raise the money to buy a building themselves. (Currently, there are two prominent examples of tenement blocks in Kreuzberg-Friedrichshain whose residents would have faced eviction by the Luxembourg investor who was on the verge of snapping them up. Instead, the district authorities have provisionally secured both blocks under this communal right of first refusal rule although Panhoff says the cases are in legal limbo, while experts agree this model will not offer a long-term sustainable solution due to a simple lack of funds.)

Panhoffs department has produced a flyer to inform local residents of the citys housinglaws: Many people are unaware about what they have to tolerate and what they dont, he says. Weve tried to increase awareness, and have seen a rise in the number of queries as a result.

Members of the Friedel Strasse 54 cooperative protest the enforced closure of Berlins legendary M99 corner shop. Photograph: NurPhoto via Getty Images

The milieuschutz laws are far from new some German cities began implementing them more than 40 years ago but their spread has never been as rapid as now: a time of unprecedented real estate price rises.

In areas protected by the law, owners are forbidden from changing floor plans, merging two flats into one or splitting large flats up into several, adding balconies or terraces larger than four square metres, installing fitted kitchens or undertaking luxury bathroom renovations or using the flat as a holiday let.

We have been seeing a rapid increase in such modifications being carried out, says Andreas Haltermann of the Tenants Alliance, primarily so landlords can increase the rent sometimes to an extortionate level with the intention of pushing existing residents out, so they can either sell the flat or rent it out at a much higher rate.

Haltermann claims the milieuschutz which was passed by the Neuklln government in its most urgent areas in the new year, and finally came into full force this summer has already prevented planning permission on several building projects.

Were aware that property companies are capable of many tricks to get conversions through regardless, he says, but we have bureaucrats on our side who are at least going to make their lives as difficult as possible, and hopefully slow down the process so much that large investors are put off buying here.

Martin, a 49-year-old arts promoter, is reluctant to give his full name because he is still in legal dispute with a Spanish businessman who recently bought the building in which he has lived with his wife for 12 years. Martin says the milieuschutz has so far ensured the string of modernisation measures the new owner wanted to carry out were not allowed to happen.

He wanted to put in under-floor heating, to change the floor plans, to insulate the walls, to install solar panels you name it, he says. The measures would apparently have led to a more-than-threefold increase in his rent, from 600 to 2,000. My wife and I both work, so we might have been able to afford it but for our neighbour it would have meant paying 85% of her wages towards rent. She would have been forced out.

Martin is relieved his neighbourhood building inspectorate warned the owner that the upcoming milieuschutz would mean he could not carry out the measures. You feel safe and secure when it is your own local authority that steps in and says that for you, rather than you having to fight the fight yourself, he adds, at the same time admitting the legal fight is far from over.

Of course, Germany is very much a renters market, with 85% of people renting and sympathy for property owners not typically uppermost. Rent rises are, in theory, capped the longer someone has lived somewhere, the lower their rent is and the more rights they have.

But if the owner upgrades the property, he is able to offset a considerable chunk of those costs on to the rent. Long-term, sociologists warn, this is likely to water down the healthy social mix in neighbourhoods that city residents often cite as one of the reasons life in Berlin is so pleasant and relaxed.

I dont want to go

The milieuschutz has done little to help the residents of Lenaustrasse 23 and Hobrechtstrasse 62, known collectively as Lebrecht 2362, in Neuklln. On the day the Guardian visits, the new owner of the buildings, a Berlin developer, has sent his own inspector to compile an inventory of the 30-or-so apartments, ahead of a planned luxury upgrade.

Henry, a social worker, nervously shows the inspector around his quirkily decorated flat, painted in shades of green, turquoise and yellow and with a sign above the toilet which reads: Free your mind and your arse will follow.

Ive lived here for 21 years, Henry says. Im quite happy with how it is. I dont want to go, but I fear I might have to.

Neukllns Schiller Backstube bakery was vandalised by a group protesting rising rents and gentrification of the neighbourhood. Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty

Henrys neighbour Simi, a cabaret artist who is here to give him moral support, says: We need to fight for Berlin for the fact this is a city where lots of different people from different walks of life can live under the same roof.

Sven Theinert, a manager and spokesman for the renters who lives on the second floor, says: We would like to have been able to rely on the milieuschutz, but the local authorities gave permission for these flats to be converted into owner-occupied flats before it could even kick in.

As far as were concerned, the milieuschutz is toothless in the fight against the investors will as long as the politicians are not behind it. Look at the number of lifts that are being installed in 19th-century buildings across the district. That speaks volumes for just how effective it is.

Theinert says the residents have tried talking to the new owners: Weve told them were ready to go along with the modernisation measures, that well take rental rises on the chin within reason but we just dont want the luxury refit theyre planning.

Criticism of the milieuschutz has also come from the home owners association Haus & Grund (House and Land), which has accused the authorities of taking away from people the chance to buy, at a time when it has never been so easy to secure provision for old age due to the low borrowing costs.

Meanwhile the Chamber of Industry and Commerce has described the measures as a renewed attack on the ownership rights of property owners, which is having a detrimental effect on the investment climate in the city without doing anything to keep rents under control on a mid-term basis.

Graffiti on the outside wall of Friedel Strasse 54. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Back at Friedel Strasse 54, Sander the teacher sits amid graffiti reading Were here to stay and No bling in the hood. He demonstrates how the owners tried to prove the facade was damaged enough to merit an expensive and, according to him, superfluous energy-saving insulation procedure. But this house has been standing since the 19th century, and its walls are 60 centimetres thick. Its absurd.

A court blocked the new owners attempts to prettify the courtyard with a new shed for the rubbish bins, and by insulating the walls. But Sander was forced to accept the installation of central heating in the flat he shares with his two children.

At least he managed to save from demolition the ceramic stove which is as old as the flat itself, but which the investors wanted to tear out.

Some might consider it old fashioned, but its part of the 19th-century allure of the place and produces a beautiful heat, Sander says. The fact I managed to persuade the court to let me keep it feels like a small victory at least even while the bigger threat still looms.

Are you experiencing or resisting gentrification in your city? Share your stories in the comments below, through our dedicated callout, or on Twitter using #GlobalGentrification

Source: http://allofbeer.com/no-bling-in-the-hood-does-berlins-anti-gentrification-law-really-work/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/12/24/no-bling-in-the-hood-does-berlins-anti-gentrification-law-really-work/

0 notes

adambstingus · 6 years ago

Text

‘No bling in the hood …’ Does Berlin’s anti-gentrification law really work?

Friedel Strasse 54 in Neuklln, Berlin. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Members of the Friedel Strasse 54 cooperative protest the enforced closure of Berlins legendary M99 corner shop. Photograph: NurPhoto via Getty Images

I dont want to go

Ive lived here for 21 years, Henry says. Im quite happy with how it is. I dont want to go, but I fear I might have to.

Neukllns Schiller Backstube bakery was vandalised by a group protesting rising rents and gentrification of the neighbourhood. Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty

Graffiti on the outside wall of Friedel Strasse 54. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

At least he managed to save from demolition the ceramic stove which is as old as the flat itself, but which the investors wanted to tear out.

Are you experiencing or resisting gentrification in your city? Share your stories in the comments below, through our dedicated callout, or on Twitter using #GlobalGentrification

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/no-bling-in-the-hood-does-berlins-anti-gentrification-law-really-work/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/181371537937

0 notes

allofbeercom · 6 years ago

Text

‘No bling in the hood …’ Does Berlin’s anti-gentrification law really work?

Friedel Strasse 54 in Neuklln, Berlin. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Members of the Friedel Strasse 54 cooperative protest the enforced closure of Berlins legendary M99 corner shop. Photograph: NurPhoto via Getty Images

I dont want to go

Ive lived here for 21 years, Henry says. Im quite happy with how it is. I dont want to go, but I fear I might have to.

Neukllns Schiller Backstube bakery was vandalised by a group protesting rising rents and gentrification of the neighbourhood. Photograph: Sean Gallup/Getty

Graffiti on the outside wall of Friedel Strasse 54. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

At least he managed to save from demolition the ceramic stove which is as old as the flat itself, but which the investors wanted to tear out.

Are you experiencing or resisting gentrification in your city? Share your stories in the comments below, through our dedicated callout, or on Twitter using #GlobalGentrification

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/no-bling-in-the-hood-does-berlins-anti-gentrification-law-really-work/

0 notes

topsolarpanels · 8 years ago

Text

‘No bling in the hood … ‘ Does Berlin’s anti-gentrification law really run?

Visitors to the F54 K iezladen ( neighbourhood cooperative) in Berlins Neuklln district are hit by the smell of chopped onions. Inside the kitchen, members are busy chopping vegetables to make a supper of soljanka , a Russian soup, for the stream of residents arriving for a brew and a chat and, in some cases, to insure the rental rights lawyer who is volunteering advice this evening.

It is an increasingly common scenario in Neuklln, a sprawling neighborhood that has become a magnet for young Europeans in recent years, and has determined itself in the sights of international real estate developers as a result.

Matthias Sander( his requested pseudonym for talking to the Guardian ), a 32 -year-old history and politics teacher, is a resident of one of the 20 flats that make up F54. The cooperative is basically a squatting now; were just waiting to see what happens, he tells. Our only hope is that our own initiative will kick in somehow, or the property marketplace will collapse, allowing us to buy the building ourselves.

Friedel Strasse 54 in Neuklln, Berlin. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Until a few years ago, investors discovering Berlin ignored Neuklln as too scruffy and working-class. It has the largest number of migrants of any district in the city, and the highest number of social welfare recipients. But in recent years, as Berlins housing marketplace has boomed, investors have been confiscating everything they can: Ids say every second house has either been bought or is in the process of being bought, Sander says.

Recognising that the citys Social Democrat government had minimal interest in bucking this trend( the mayor said she welcomed a middle-class influx ), the Neuklln Tenants Alliance set about collecting signatures in support of introducing milieuschutz in the area. Under this law translated as social surrounding protection real estate is shielded against proprietors attempts to renovate and modernise it to the extent that existing residents could be forced out.

The milieuschutz should ensure that neighborhoods in Berlin remain lively and socially mixed, enabling anyone to live wherever he or she wants, tells Hans Panhoff, a city councillor responsible for house, scheming and environment in the neighbouring district of Kreuzberg, which has borne the brunt of Berlins gentrification drive.

Panhoff tells the law can work in conjunction with other measures, such as new rent control regulations and the interests of authorities to block marketings, should they be able to raise the money to buy a house themselves.( Currently, there are two prominent examples of tenement blocks in Kreuzberg-Friedrichshain whose residents would have faced eviction by the Luxembourg investor who was on the verge of snapping them up. Instead, different districts authorities have provisionally secured both blocks under this communal right of first repudiation rule although Panhoff tells the cases are in legal limbo, while experts agree this model will not offer a long-term sustainable answer due to a simple lack of funds .)

Panhoffs department has produced a flyer to notify local residents of the citys housinglaws: Many people are unaware about what they have to tolerate and what they dont, he tells. Weve tried to increase awareness, and have considered an increase in the number of queries as a result.

Members of the Friedel Strasse 54 cooperative protest the enforced closure of Berlins legendary M9 9 corner store. Photograph: NurPhoto via Getty Images

The milieuschutz laws are far away from new some German cities began implementing them more than 40 years ago but their spread has never been as rapid as now: a time of unprecedented real estate price rises.

In regions protected by the law, proprietors are forbidden from changing floor plans, merging two flats into one or dividing large flats up into several, adding balconies or terraces larger than four square metres, installing fitted kitchens or undertaking luxury bathroom redevelopments or using the flat as a holiday let.

We have been considering a rapid increase in such modifications being carried out, tells Andreas Haltermann of the Tenants Alliance, chiefly so landlords can increase the rent sometimes to an extortionate level with the intent of pushing existing residents out, so they can either sell the flat or rent it out at a much higher rate.

Were recognizing also that property companies are capable of many tricks to get conversions through irrespective, he tells, but we have bureaucrats on our side who are at least going to make their lives as difficult as possible, and hopefully slow down the process so much that large investors are put off buying here.

Martin, a 49 -year-old arts promoter, is reluctant to give his full name because he is still in legal conflict with a Spanish businessman who lately bought the building in which he has lived with his wife for 12 years. Martin tells the milieuschutz has so far ensured the string of modernisation measures the new owned wanted to to be implemented by were not allowed to happen.

He wanted to put in under-floor heating, to change the floor plans, to insulate the walls, to install solar panels you name it, he tells. The measures would apparently have led to a more-than-threefold increased number of his rent, from 600 to 2,000. My wife and I both work, so we might have been able to afford it but for our neighbour it would have entailed paying 85% of her wages towards rent. She would have been forced out.

Martin is relieved his neighborhood building inspectorate cautioned the owner that the upcoming milieuschutz would entail he could not to be implemented by the measures. You feel safe and secure when it is your own local authority that steps in and says that for you, rather than you having to fight the fight yourself, he adds, at the same time acknowledging the legal fight is far from over.

Of course, Germany is very much a renters marketplace, with 85% of people renting and pity for property owners not typically uppermost. Rent rises are, in theory, capped the longer someone has lived somewhere, the lower their rent is and the more rights they have.

But if the owner upgrades the property, he is able to offset a considerable chunk of those costs on to the rent. Long-term, sociologists alert, this is likely to water down the healthy social mix in neighborhoods that city residents often cite as one of the reasons life in Berlin is so pleasant and relaxed.

I dont want to go

The milieuschutz has done little to help the residents of Lenaustrasse 23 and Hobrechtstrasse 62, known collectively as Lebrecht 2362, in Neuklln. On the working day the Guardian visits, the new owned of the buildings, a Berlin developer, has sent his own inspector to compile an inventory of the 30 -or-so apartments, ahead of a planned luxury upgrade.

Henry, a social worker, nervously shows the inspector around his quirkily decorated flat, painted in tints of green, turquoise and yellow and with a sign above the toilet which reads: Free your intellect and your arse will follow.

Ive lived here for 21 years, Henry tells. Im quite happy with how it is. I dont want to go, but I fear I might have to.

Neukllns Schiller Backstube bakery was vandalised by a group protesting rising rents and gentrification of the neighborhood. Photograph: Sean Gallup/ Getty

Henrys neighbour Simi, a cabaret artist who is here to give him moral support, tells: We need to fight for Berlin for the fact this is a city where lots of different people from different walks of life can live under the same roof.

Sven Theinert, a director and spokesman for the renters who lives on the second floor, tells: We would like to have been able to rely on the milieuschutz , but the local authorities dedicated permission for these flats to be converted into owner-occupied flats before it could even kick in.

As far as were concerned, the milieuschutz is toothless in the fight against the investors will as long as the legislators are not behind it. Appear at the number of lifts that are being installed in 19 th-century buildings across the district. That speaks volumes for just how effective it is.

Theinert tells the residents have tried talking to the new proprietors: Weve told them were ready to go along with the modernisation measures, that well take rental rises on the chin within reason but we just dont want the luxury refit theyre planning.

Criticism of the milieuschutz has furthermore come from the home owners association Haus& Grund( House and Land ), which has accused the authorities of taking away from people the chance to buy, at a time when it has never been so easy to procure is provided for old age due to the low borrowing costs.

Graffiti on the outside wall of Friedel Strasse 54. Photograph: Kate Connolly for the Guardian

Back at Friedel Strasse 54, Sander the educator sits amid graffiti reading Were here to stay and No bling in the hood. He demonstrates how the owners tried to prove the facade was injury enough to merit an expensive and, according to him, superfluous energy-saving insulation procedure. But this house has been standing since the 19 th century, and its walls are 60 centimetres thick. Its absurd.

A court blocked the new proprietors attempts to prettify the courtyard with a new shed for the rubbish bins, and by insulating the walls. But Sander was forced to accept the installation of central heating in the flat he shares with his two children.

At least he managed to save from demolition the ceramic stave which is as old as the flat itself, but which the investors wanted to tear out.

Some might consider it old fashioned, but its part of the 19 th-century allure of the place and makes a beautiful heat, Sander tells. The fact I managed to persuade the court to let me keep it feels like a small victory at least even while the bigger threat still looms.

Are you experiencing or defying gentrification in your city? Share your narratives in specific comments below, through our dedicated callout, or on Twitter using #GlobalGentrification