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woniesss · 2 months ago

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ON YOUR OWN - jake had been craving you for years, and recently his head has been filling with pictures of you...on his bed...on the beach...maybe he could just do it on his own...while looking at you!

CONTAINS - nonidol!jake x female reader - GENRE - friends to lovers

MDNI - SMUT : swearing, unprotected sex (p in v), fingering, lots of kissing, pet names (baby, jakey), slight overstimulation, creampie, masturbation (m. receiving), does this count as slight public?? i mean they all be hearing this, dirty talk, titty play. i believe that is it, if i've missed anything please let me know!!

is this too long for a first fic?? i got a bit dedicated

a/n : hii!! this is my first time ever writing content on tumblr and on enhypen so if it's terrible please ignore itt! any feedback would be so great and i should hopefully be doing an introduction on my page soon so feel free to ask me any questions and i'll try to respond to them!

jake could not stop watching you. how dare you talk to jay over him? maybe he shouldn't have offered to bring you to meet his new college friends, because you'd spent the entire time talking to them, talking to him. what made jay so special? was it the fact he played guitar? jake would learn it for you. was it his casual but fancy clothes? jake would wear whatever you told him to.

the longer jake stared the more his frustration grew, the way your smile reached your eyes at jay's awfully cringe jokes made him clutch the glass in his hand harder. his head tilted back to rest on the sofa, his soft lips forming a pout as your attention shifts from jay to sunghoon, who had now sat on the other side of you.

but you weren't stupid, anyone could feel the heat from jake's gaze. and even though you thought you'd be strong enough to resist after years of being close friends, you couldn't stop yourself from turning towards the flame. his soft pout and puppy-dog eyes caused you to melt slightly, getting lost in him rather than the conversation sunghoon was attempting to have between you, him and jay. that was until jay stood up and started to walk towards the hallway.

"get ready, everyone else is already at the beach so we should head off soon."

you furrowed your eyebrows as you'd completely forgotten about the trip to the beach you had all planned out for when you got there. sunghoon shot up to go and get ready, your eyes following him before you felt the sofa dip again beside you.

arms curl around your waist as a head lays in the crook of your neck, snuggling slightly as you feel the warmth of his breath on your neck. it felt so normal, jake's nose nuzzling into the dip of your neck and collarbone, even more normal when your hand came up to thread through his hair. you guys had always been this close, barely ever separated at school, you had even planned to go to the same college next year, not only offering exactly what you wanted to do, but jake was there too. you guys would ignore the teasing, because at least you were comfortable with each other. as friends.

"should we go and get ready?"

you felt jake shake his head on your shoulder, "so tired, aren't you just so tired, don't you just want to come and lay down with me?"

you couldn't help but laugh at jake's attempt to get you to stay rather than going with the group to the beach.

"come on jakey, let's go get ready and we can spend the whole time laying down at the beach. you know i won't swim without you anyway."

he lifts his head from your shoulder, his face turning from a pout to a small smile, the one where he's simply just happy. the one he only ever gives to you. then he stands up, taking your hand and dragging you to his room, where your suitcase is. jake never bothered to make his room look appealing whenever you used to go to his house, so he definitely wasn't starting now. you smile at all the things in his room that make it his. and what you wish was yours too.

"you want me to head out while you change?"

you quickly shake your head as you unzip your suitcase, taking out the first two piece you could find along with a skirt to quickly throw on top.

"i'll just change in the bathroom, won't take long."

heading into the bathroom, you look back just as you go to close the door, catching a glimpse of jake taking his shirt off to swap to the tank top he'd laid on his bed. it wasn't like you hadn't seen jake shirtless before, but his back was just so wide and toned. the movement of his shoulders highlighted in the sunlight beaming into his bedroom. his changing physique from a scrawny teenage boy to muscles never failed to shock you, or draw you in. you feel your face flush as you finally shut the bathroom door, looking in the mirror at your now red face.

you couldn't understand why everything was feeling different with jake recently. you'd always denied having a crush on him at every opportunity you could get, but would liking him really be that bad? other than the intense fear of losing your closest friend, what did you have to lose?

changing as quickly as you could, you bring your clothes out of the bathroom and back into jake's room with you, throwing them onto your suitcase before sitting on the corner of jake's bed. your arms are thrown behind you, leaning back as you wait for jake to finish packing his bag next to you.

he turns to you, a light smile on his face as his eyes flicker around your face before slipping down quickly to look at your outfit. a skirt that wasn't long enough to hide your thighs from his gaze, bikini top hugging you perfectly, hair moved away from your shoulders showing him all of your chest. you being perched back, barely clothed on his bed...

jake's mind wandered no matter how hard he tried to stop it. all he had to do was move a few inches to the left and he'd be hovering over you. one tug at the strap of your bikini and he'd see what he'd been imagining for longer than he'd ever tell you. one pull at your skirt and the bottoms you wore underneath and he'd see something he'd rather drown in than go to the ocean. his teeth pulled sharply at his lip after a sharp inhale, his eyes moving back up to your face as your head tilted.

and his mind wandered again. but more to how much he wanted to kiss the little furrow of confusion away from your brows. how much he wanted to hold your face in his hands. to pull you down onto his bed and cuddle and sleep...and maybe more...damn you looked so good on his bed.

but jake couldn't let his mind go any further, standing up straight and closing his bag, holding his hand out for you to take so you guys could head off to the beach.

and the car ride wasn't any better.

you and jake were squished into the back as bags were piled onto the other seat, the trunk full with beach stuff. the feeling of your thigh pressed against jake's wasn't new but something about it drove him mad. the perfect press of your soft skin against his was something he couldn't take his eyes off. until he had to, when he felt the tickle of your hair against his shoulder after you rested your head there.

"you feeling tired, huh?"

"a little, maybe i should've taken you up on your offer, your bed was so comfy."

jake couldn't stop himself from pressing a gentle kiss on your hairline, his face flushing from the thoughts he had when you sat on his bed. his hand came over to rest gently on top of your hand, but you'd moved before he could, his hand landing on your thigh. yet neither of you moved away from the soft touch. a small squeeze from jake just to make sure you were comfortable with it, you snuggling impossibly closer to him.

god, jake just couldn't keep his eyes off of you, the way the sun beamed through the windows onto your face highlighting every feature he had memorised, his other hand began to reach up, caressing the side of your face softly before turning your head to face him. was this it?

your own eyes flickered across his face, his thick hair falling onto his forehead in that perfect way, his soft and deep brown eyes rushing all over your face, and his lips plush lips. then his soft grasp on your face turned into something more solid, a light tip to the corner of his lip changing the intention behind his eyes immediately as his eyes stayed on your lips. his beautiful nose brushed against yours, forcing your head to tilt to meet the direction he was moving to.

until the car lurched forward.

jay quickly pulling into the car park and pulling the hand break caused you and jake to awkwardly overlap from the proximity. his hand reached around your waist to pull you back into a sitting position rather than folded over, face moving round to check your face to see if you were ok. both of your faces were shades of the brightest pink, and being this close again did nothing to stop jake from going insane. the yank of his car door being opened by jay was the only thing stopping him from devouring you in the back seat.

while jay and sunghoon sprinted from the car to meet everyone else at the beach (leaving you and jake with all the stuff in the car), you offered to help jake carry the bags and lay out everything on the beach, which he refused. he laid the blanket flat on the sand, using the bags to weigh it down before pulling his tank top off and laying on his back.

his hands came down to push the band of his shorts lower on his hips, his v-line prominent, shadows below it from how defined it was. then, he pulled up the bottom of his shorts up to the tops of this thighs, his strong muscles on display. who in their right mind wouldn't stare? jake then moved his arms up to behind his head, resting back on them as he squinted up at you.

jesus, you were staring at him? he never thought he'd appreciate trying to bulk up as much as he did right now. he could feel his body as your eyes roamed everywhere, from the way his abs moved when he breathed to the way his legs would clench while he shuffled. he tightened his arms by his head, your eyes immediately moving to the flex before meeting his face.

jake's tongue darted out and wet his lips, deciding not to shy away from your gaze as your eyes met.

"come lay down with me...please?"

you remove your skirt, sitting next to him before reaching into his bag and pulling out sunscreen and holding it out for jake to take and help you. after taking the bottle from you hand, jake poured some into his hand before rubbing it into your back. starting softly at the top of your back, slowly moving down and pressing harder as he reached your waist. he pressed his fingers into your waist, making you lurch away from the tickling sensation before he grabbed you and pulled you back into him.

you didn't move away from him, his hands coming to wrap around you and hold you close. he reached over to grab the sunscreen again, before rubbing it in slowly on your arms, and your shoulders. then his hands came up to rub it slowly into your collarbones, his hands gliding down and accidentally catching your bikini, making your breath hitch.

while his hands rested on your stomach, your head leant back on his shoulder, watching the boys play about and push each other in the water. jake's thumb was brushing back and forth over your stomach before accidentally brushing the bottom of your breast. your breath hitched at the soft brush, leaning further into his body as the brushes continued.

jake's thoughts were racing again. what if right here on the beach he just glided his hands up higher, held your tits in his hands and palmed them while his friends were distracted? slipped one hand lower into your bottoms and brought you close. pulled your head to his and kissed you like there was nobody around, not caring if his friends saw him and teased him. the sight of your head moving out of the corner of his eyes stopped his train of thought.

your eyes darted around his face again, before stopping dead on his lips. you couldn't stop yourself from moving your head closer to his, feeling his eyes dart around your face as he bit his lip.

your moment is soon interrupted by the storming footsteps of jake's friends running up from the water to lay down. your heart raced like you've never been hugged by jake before. this was different though. he wasn't just hugging you, he was holding you, touching you and almost kissing you. and you've never wanted him more. the heat coming from his chest warmed you more than the sun did.

it made you nervous to be sleeping in the same bed as him later. the dark thoughts flooding your mind of being in the same bed that he did everything in. surely he hadn't been here long enough to touch himself yet. but the littlest thought of that made your breathing quicken. would he touch you with the same hand he touched himself with, or would he use the other so he could touch himself at the same time. god you just wanted to watch him. would he want that too?

as the sun started to set, you all moved towards the cars to head home. being in the sun all day should've worn you out but you were wide awake and flooded with thoughts of jake. some soft, like how he moved to hold your hand in the car again, but some darker, like how good that hand would feel all over your body.

after getting drinks and snacks, you and jake soon said goodnight to the boys and settled into his room. jake stuck on a random movie as you both laid back and got comfortable. despite your thoughts racing, you eased into sleep.

jake wished he could've fallen asleep that easily with you next to him, but the way the light bed sheets fell over your hips entranced him. the curve of your waist highlighted by the little moonlight coming through his window, hair falling away from your shoulder making the side of your neck show. he felt like a perv.

he reached his hand out to gently brush against your side, the soft murmur you let out causing a little groan to escape him. jake's head came to rest on your shoulder, before bringing his hand that wasn't brushing up and down your side to his groin. he'd never felt himself get this hard this fast before.

he reached into his pants and gripped himself as he moved back to look at you. his other hand now placed firmly on your waist before pushing the bedsheets down further to grip your hips. jake felt so wrong, but he couldn't help dragging his hand across his dick. he'd never been this sensitive, never been this desperate to get off. his movements quickened as the wet sounds of his pre-cum spreading over his dick filled the room.

the sound of you shifting made him pause, watching you move to lay on your front, still facing away from him, with your leg hiked up. the whine jake let out was pathetic as his hand started moving on himself again. his hips started to buck as he turned his face into his pillow to muffle the moans and whimpers he was shamelessly letting out.

struggling with this new position, jake pushed himself up onto his knees, tugging his pants down as his dick sprung up, the air causing him to shiver as his tip painted a little white streak on his abdomen.

he breached his hand behind him before he started pumping himself again. everything felt so new, never gotten this hard and desperate before, and never gotten so close this quickly before. his mouth opened wide, tongue breaching the edge of his mouth as his eyes racked up and down your body.

jake's eyes scrunched up his head was thrown back, letting out a loud moan that he was too far gone to worry about people hearing.

and because of this, he hadn't noticed you waking up and turning to face him. his long neck stretched with his thrown back head, his veiny arms leading down to his massive hand and thick fingers. thick fingers that were gripping his cock so hard his knuckles had turned white. your eyes traced his thighs supporting him before they move back up to his dripping tip. despite his strength, he looked so weak trembling and quivering above you.

it made you clench your thighs together as your slick drenched your panties. you hadn't realised just how hard you had been biting your lip until it started to ache from the pressure.

"j-jakey?"

his head snapped up to meet your gaze, but his rapid hand didn't stop. if anything it got faster.

"i-i'm so sorry baby- i couldn't-", he cut himself off with a moan, his head falling forward as his other hand came up to caress himself under his shirt, showing you a glimpse of his abs, "i'm so close baby just let me finish...please."

his desperation only caused you to become more aroused. where was the confident guy watching you like his final meal? here he was in front of you begging, on the verge of tears just for you to let him cum.

"you wanna cum while looking at me jakey, is that what it is?"

jake rapidly nodding his head, his other hand coming round to grip his balls as his eyes traced over your face before meeting your eyes and not wavering. his moans grew as his hand came up to muffle his cries as he came hard, spurts of hot white came and landed on his sheets next to you as you sat up.

quiet sobs came from jake as he shrunk into himself, "i'm so sorry baby, that was so filthy, i'm sorry..."

"no don't apologise jakey."

your hands came up to hold his face and move it upwards to look at you. jake's face was flushed bright red from the previous exertion and the fresh tears streaming down it. your eyes trailed from his big brown eyes to his bitten lips, unable to stop yourself from leaning in and smashing your lips against his.

the whimper he let out was disgraceful, both his hands now gripping your waist as he pushed you down onto his bed. his lips flush against yours as his hands rushed to tug on your pants.

"c-can i?"

you nodded your head as his hands pushed your pants and underwear down, leaning back to look at you open and exposed to him. a quick fuck was muttered before his arms move up to rush his shirt off, followed by his pants, leaving him completely naked in front of you. you followed, taking your shirt off and leaning back on your elbows as both of your eyes roamed each other's body.

"fuck, you're beautiful."

you grew flushed under his gaze and his admission. you stretched your arm out to him, hand open, and jake's head came down to lay in your hand as you pulled him back to your lips.

his hand glided up from your knees to the inside of your thigh, before his thumb parted your folds and brushed against your clit causing you to let out a soft moan into his mouth.

"jesus you're so wet baby, did you enjoy watching me get off that much?"

"like you can talk, you're the one cumming from watching me sle-"

you cut yourself off with a loud moan as jake moved his thumb away and replaces it with two fingers moving up and down your folds, smirking at himself. his two fingers then moved away from your clit and pressed against your clenching hole. your breathing stops as you jerk your hips into his hand, before his fingers slowly press into your core.

you immediately clench around his thick fingers, a breathy moan escaping from you as your hands come together to hold jake's arm. you tits pressed together, jake practically drooling at the sight before coming down to mouth at your chest. his fingers continued to pump into you while his mouth latches onto one of your nipples, sucking lightly as you whine out. one of your hands came up to grip his hair as his eyes flicked up to meet yours. you wetness began to pour out of you, dripping onto his hands as he began to scissor his fingers inside of you opening you up.

he curled his fingers inside you, brushing against your walls with his broad fingertips. his lips moved from one breast to the other, his other hand coming up to grip the one he just left slicked and sucked. his moved his lips to roam over your chest and collarbones as his fingers still moved rapidly inside of you, sucking and nipping to bruise your skin.

jake's thoughts were racing as your body reacted to him, feeling himself get just as hard as before, maybe even harder at how wet you were and the sounds you were letting out. the hot squelch of your pussy as his fingers filled you caused his hips to buck into nothing, wanting nothing more than to be filling you rather than his fingers but he wanted to make sure you were open enough for him. he didn't want to hurt you. not that his dick was massive, but it was bigger than average and thick, a perfect stretch for your tight pussy that he was currently trying to widen for him.

just as his thumb came up to press against your clit, you whined out at the overstimulation as your eyes roll back from you cumming, clenching tightly around his fingers. but jake doesn't stop.

"jake i- fuck! jake i already came!"

"i know baby but i gotta make sure your nice and open to take me."

jake finally moves away from sucking your tits and chest, leaving behind purpling marks that he'll be even prouder of tomorrow. you gasp as he pulls his fingers out of you, going to close your legs before his hand comes down to hold your thigh tightly.

"don't close 'em baby, you gotta let me in."

using his hand slicked up from your heat, jake pumps himself a few times before leaning down to brush the tip of his cock through your folds. he was so thick, his mushroom tip barging its way through your folds before pressing into your tight hole. the moans you both let out were loud and whiny, neither of you caring about the rest of the dorm hearing you both. jake's jaw dropped, his eyebrows screwing as he pushes himself further into your soaked heat.

your walls pulsed around him, jake felt as though he could feel your heartbeat through you clenching. your hands came round to his hips, gripping them before pushing him backwards slightly, telling him that he could start to move his hips. he brought his hands up, barely touching your thighs with his fingertips before gripping the backs of your knees and pulling out, before pushing himself in again.

the drag of his cock against your plush walls drove you both mad. jake's thrusts began slow, allowing him to feel and see exactly what made you feel good. he already began brushing against that perfect spot inside of you that made your mouth fall open and your eyebrows furrow. soon enough, the slow pace became too little for him, picking up speed and strength behind the glide of his hips.

jake feels his cock throb inside of you, the soaking cushion of your walls sending him into overdrive as he loses his control. you looked so perfect underneath him, tits bouncing and face lost in pleasure.

it was better than anything he could've ever imagined.

no matter what he thought of earlier, from the thoughts of you sat on the corner of his bed, to anything he was thinking at the beach, none of it compared. he had finally gotten his hands on you after years of trying not to pine too obviously with a hard cock in his pants praying you wouldn't notice. or praying that you would. anytime he fucked his hand thinking of you wouldn't beat this, his eyes going fuzzy from your walls fluttering around him.

your hands moved up from his hips to his arms, dragging down them and gripping his hand before he moved it to hold yours next to your head. him now leaning over you caused him to drag your knee up with him, pressing you further into the now creaking bed, and changing the position making him feel even deeper inside of you. his head dipped to rest in your neck, suckling and biting, leaving more marks all over you, before he leaned up to your ear.

"fuck baby- you feel so good, never leaving this pussy, you feel me here?"

jake's hand moved from your leg to your stomach, pressing down to feel his cock moving inside of you.

"fucking you good baby, belong in here, yeah?"

you start nodding your head as the pressure from his hand adds to the pleasure, your hand coming down to lay over his before he grabs it and pushes it where his was laying. the moan you let out was borderline pornographic, knowing he was big enough and pumping you hard enough to feel him in your stomach. his tip continued to hit that spot inside of you that had you panting and your moans getting higher and higher.

threading your fingers through his hair, you bring his head up so you can kiss along his pretty neck and chest, leaving even prettier purple bruises all across him. but before you could continue marking him up, you throw your head back with a loud moan at the feeling of jake's fingers toying with your clit again.

"t-too much jakey, gonna cum!"

"that's what-", he gets cut off by his own loud moan as you clench harder around him, "that's what i'm aiming for baby." he leans down closer to your ear again, "wan' cum with you but if you keep squeezing me like that i'll fucking cum."

jake moves back, sitting on his knees as his thrusts continue, gripping your hips and dragging them on his dick to match his pace. they become sloppier and more desperate, as the moans he was letting out turn into higher pitch whines as he bites his lip. the moon illuminated the droplets of sweat forming at his collarbones dripping down the dips of his abs, your eyes following the trail before watching the way his soaked cock pushes in and out of you.

"fuck jakey, want it so bad!"

his eyes flit up to you despite you still watching the movement of his hips, "you want it baby? come on, give it to me and i'll cream you- fuck- i'll fill you up."

his words finally tip you over the edge, eyes closing and back arching into the air as you let out the loudest moan of the night. you hear a fuck fuck fuck before feeling jake's white hot cum fill you to the brim. his thrusts continue until neither of you can physically handle it anymore, a white ring forming around the base of his cock sticking to you and his pelvis, both of you whimpering from the overstimulation causing him to pull out, his cum seeping out of you but neither of you caring.

jake crashes down on top of you, burying his head into your neck while pressing lighter kisses than the ones he was placing on you a few minutes prior. you feel his lips trace up higher, brushing your jaw before he resting his head on his hand. you turned to face him, now in close proximity to his flushed and wet cheeks from sweat, his lips red raw and bitten, his eyes lazed and dead set on your eyes. his hair covered his forehead, stuck and messy, causing you to bring your head up to push it out of his face, his eyes closing and resting his head in the palm of your hand as your thumb caresses his cheek.

soon, your thumb drifts down to his lips, stroking the soft plush as he opens his eyes, a small smirk taking over his lips, "you want a kiss baby?"

you nod your head as he rests his elbow on the bed, stretching over you and leaning down slowly before pressing his lips against yours. this was much softer than your first kiss, the pressure of lust no longer behind it. jake's hand came up to softly grasp the side of your face, brushing your hair away before holding the side of your neck as his thumb moved gently across your jaw. as he pulled away, his nose stayed against yours, as a bright smile takes over his whole face as a chuckle escapes him.

"what's so funny?"

"can't believe we just did that...and i can't believe we have to face the boys tomorrow after it."

you whack his shoulder as you push him down to lay next to you on the bed, before crossing your leg over his as you cuddle into him.

"not my fault you got hard like a virgin with a girl in his bed for the first time."

jake scoffed before digging his finger into your side making you squirm before wrapping his arms tighter around you, his thumbs stroking your sides.

"can you blame me baby? you just looked so perfect with the moon shining on you and everything...been thinking about it all day."

you look up at him, watching him as he shuts his eyes ready to drift off.

"jake..."

he frowns at being called jake as opposed to the normal name you always gave him, and the one you had been moaning for the last half an hour.

his eyes open and look down at you, "yeah baby?"

"what are we now..."

"well i'd hope you'd be my girlfriend, thought that was a given."

you smack his chest at the mocking tone in his voice, "maybe i won't be, you've not even asked me." your head moves back to lay on his chest rather than staring up at him until you feel his grasp come back and move your head to look back up at him.

"will you please be my girlfriend baby? i'll get back on my knees if i have to."

you blush at his last sentence, images of the past events flushing your mind away from the current situation before getting back on track.

"of course i will jakey."

jake bends down to kiss you once more before tucking your head into the crook of his neck, both of you beginning to doze off with the soft breeze and moonlight basking your bodies.

THE NEXT MORNING

you and jake walk hand in hand down the stairs and into the kitchen to make breakfast, jake in nothing but a pair of sweatpants sitting low on his hips and you in a pair of his shorts and his shirt. jake moves around the kitchen with ease, pulling out random ingredients and sitting them next to where you've sat on the counter.

the sound of footsteps causes you both to freeze midway through your light conversation. sunoo walks through the doorway, rubbing his eyes and face before stopping in his tracks as he sees you two in the kitchen. the dark circles under his eyes prominent as his face stretches into a yawn.

"jesus sunoo, you good? looks like you've had no sleep."

jake asked in all seriousness and concern, like he'd forgotten the whole night. not his fault he had an amazing sleep after.

"i'll let you two decide whether i, or anyone else in this house for that matter, got enough sleep last night."

sunoo's eyes were squinted at the two of you as he pointed accusatory, making both yours and jake's faces flush more red that the apple sunoo grabbed from the side as he started walking out of the kitchen. he was about to leave and turn into the living room before stopping at the doorway and turning around, this time having a cheeky smile on his face.

"congratulations by the way, we were all wondering when it would happen judging by the way you two were eye-fucking each other yesterday but did it have to be on the day? you just made us all have to do jungwon's laundry for the week cause he won the bet."

he muttered the last bit as he walked away, jake turning back to face you with utter shock on his face, "well, can't get much worse than that reaction."

that was until you hear jay's voice boom from the hallway, followed by sunoo's cackle.

"where are they? don't laugh sunoo i'm running on two hours of sleep! you know i struggle getting back to sleep once i wake up!"

yours and jake's eyes widen before jake speaks again, "hide?"

you both start laughing as jay waltzes into the kitchen, shutting you both up as jake grabs you from the counter and sprints round the kitchen island to avoid jay running after the both of you, bolting back to his room as he throws you onto the bed.

jay stops at the door as jake collapses next to you, glaring at you both before saying, "you two are lucky i don't want to step foot in here after last night."

you both cackle before jay walks away after closing the door, turning to each other with the widest smiles stretched over your faces, leaning in to kiss each other slowly, smoothly.

if you made it down here, thank you so much for reading!!

sign out, woniesss!

#enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #omg my first fic im freaking out #guys please help with this im new #enhypen x female reader #enha #enha x reader #jake x reader #jake x you #sim jaeyun #sim jaeyun x reader #enhypen smut #jake smut #sim jaeyun smut #enhypen jake smut #enhypen fluff #enhypen hard thoughts #kpop x reader

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limerlove · 1 month ago

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─── ·˚͙͘͡★ ❝ I KNOW SUNSHINE ❞

dykematch represents. exwife!abby x yearning!reader

sum. dr. anderson, a heartthrob to many, but at one point to you, she was only a broke college athlete with a soul that cared too much. now, she's your ex-wife that you just can't kick. an old friend's wedding brings you together. for one final time, can you finally bid the love of your life c'est la vie?

content warning. eighteen+, wc 10k. wedding!au, surgeon!abby, some college abby thrown in for fun, smut, strapsex, angst, fluff, grab your tissue babes.

here's my latest baby! on the real, i have been feeling very burned out in the writing community. especially tlou. but had to remind myself that writing can be fun when bitches aren't making it not so fun! this was honestly a very personal piece in some areas so, here's another chunk of my heart. hopefully i'll be back soon, mwah. and happy almost pride!

August, 2025.

Greenery sprouts from around the bouquet, each vine hand-picked, every flower meticulously placed. An arrangement of lilies, pearly-white roses, and a sprinkle of tulips in your hand as you find the bride. The venue is something you wished didn’t make you think of your own. You kept reminding yourself today isn’t about you.

Lola.

Lola and Chris.

You’d seen glimpses of her at the rehearsal dinner. Highlights of blonde eclipsing your vision just for the moment but the sun seeping through the tall windows made its presence known instead. There was too much to do, too much to say to her, and none of it would come out right.

What’s in the past is done. Right?

You take a moment to take Lola in. After all, this is what it’s all about. True love. Never have you seen two people so perfect, standing the test of time. Through four years of college, and another four after, here she is.

Ready to say forever in front of all her family and friends, their loved ones ready to synchronize the joyous cries in harmony. Lola and Chris. The love of their lives.

They are the focus, until the last speech of the night, this is all you focus on. Even though Abby is a part of their wedding party. Desperately, you make an attempt to remain your composure when you’re walking down the aisle with Abby. You ignore the navy blue tie illuminating her eyes, or the arm she offers in silence as you wait for the wedding planner to give you your cue.

There are thoughts. Pestering ones. Reminding you of four years ago, the two of you high on love, a wedding band around Abby’s finger, her hands barely able to stay off of you more than a second. When she used to look at you with unwavering devotion.

Neither of you had been scorned by life yet.

And you hoped Lola and Chris would be so lucky to never feel the burn.

───

The second? The fourth? Wait, no, this has to be the third…right?

In the echoes of your lonely chambers, party for two. A glass of whiskey and some sorrows to drown in. Locked in her admiring gaze, you watch as she dances with your five-year old niece. A gracious heart leads Abby to let the little bundle of joy dance on top of her feet.

There’s a twinkle, blinding as a new-born star, and it reminds you of what it feels like to be a constellation she chases. One fleeting star desperately attempts to connect to the closest neighbor twinkling in the midnight sky. Always wondering if the newest will shine as much as the last.

Ellie will momentarily start making gagging noises to your left. Right on cue, she snaps her fingers in front of your face, bursting your fantasies.

Reality is brutal.

“How long?” Ellie questions you, ivy-green eyes watching you like a hawk.

“Still the same — a year.”

Then Abby’s laughing with your mom, leaning into her warmth. Even after Christmas passes, another thanksgiving drifts from the calendar, and you wonder if she’s alone. One too many Valentines you should be spending with her, you can’t help but wonder if things could be different.

The girlfriend you refused to bring leaves a stain in your mouth, the fight the two of you had before, it’s all so fucking cliche. Another wasted relationship to forget the horror you’re living in. Another breakup you’ll pretend didn’t happen at the sake of your dignity. She can’t know you’re single, again.

It’s too obvious to anyone who’s watching, divorced for three years, separated for four and it's only been a year since the last time you were together. A year since she’s been gone, radio silence engulfing you the second she left town.

The well-renowned heart surgeon, Dr. Anderson is called all across the globe. Her two feet are never on the ground enough to call any place a home. Her speciality didn’t always have her chasing both ends of the globe, fleeing to where she’s needed at a moment notice.

She was leagues above her peers and even her superiors. Abby running circles around them. Putting them in a continuous loop. Until she kept moving to the next big thing. Something had to give and it wasn’t her career.

The final dagger in your cracking marriage was when she missed your anniversary for the second year in a row. Your birthday before that. And the wilted flowers you couldn’t bring yourself to discard months before that even.

But neither of you were able to quit each other. Long after the ink dried with every dotted line signed and you still found a way to crawl into her sheets. There wasn’t anyone else who compared to her but you were still trying to find it.

The moment you truly fall in love, when it’s undeniable and it consumes you, where you finally feel peace with their comfort surrounding every worry you’ve had.

But maybe lightning only strikes once. A bolt of love with only her initials carved in by the magic of gods, each promise she’d broken forged into a blossom that ends — painfully does it linger — like a spring begging to kiss summer.

“You’re breaking it tonight.” Ellie shakes her head. You can’t take your eyes off of Abby for more than one second. “Neither of you can help it.”

“I have a girlfriend, Els.” A vicious burn chokes your throat as the whiskey burns and settles disparagingly in your stomach. The lie smothers you all the same. “A smart, beautiful girlfriend.”

“Listen, I love you. You know that but none of your relationships are ever going to work when you still look at Abby like this.” She finds it necessary to emphasize the bright light in a shadow of green. “All of these years and you’re still not over her.” Ellie swiveles in the bar stool to face you. “Plus, we both know she’s not as innocent as she looks.”

There’s silence for a bit, downing the rest of your drink, hoping the burn coating your throat travels to your heart, dimensioning all hope beating for the woman you’ve never been able to shake.

Everyone expects you to. Like it’s easy. As if you didn’t think vows are forever. Life has never been so unkind to you. You’re more fortunate than most.

“Do you really need it explained?”

“No.” You speak as if you’re wounded but all she did was point out the obvious. Abby is a glaring truth you tuck underneath your seat, the missing raspberry-chapstick in the bottom of your purse. A trinket. Better off hidden than searching for something that is no longer intact.

“I can make this work. Abby doesn’t always have to be the person I run back to. I can move on and heal or whatever the fuck it is normal people do. I can do this.” It’s a mantra to convince yourself, but not even Ellie is convinced.

Ellie smirks as Abby makes her way over to you but you’re too caught up in ordering another whiskey to stop yourself from doing something idiotic. A brainless action that would only bring your gratification for a moment, before your hands would be coated in your lovers’ blood the second it’s over.

She’ll always be a phenomenon, the dime of a dozen. A bundle of your highest dreams wrapped in the warmest blanket. Fine lines deepening the apple of her cheeks, not to mention the wrinkles when she furrows those maddening eyebrows. There is no denying how much you’ve always loved her.

You’re truly doomed.

───

“Old fashioned, please.”

An open bar was the best decision of the night. Everyone was buzzing, congratulating the happy couple, nursing their favorite drink in hand. Everlasting love for the blessed ones or a vice of your choice for the insufferable. The ones who had already ventured down the aisle and couldn’t make it on the other side.

It’s why you couldn’t stand the particularly young bartender eyeing up Abby like she’s a piece of meat. Before you never had felt the weed of jealousy wrap around your throat, suffocating the joy right out of you, but they might as well be thorns protruding through your sternum for every second her eyes linger on Abby.

Silky locks of midnight-blue and hazel eyes taunt you as she stutters and drops the glass she’s been holding right in front of Abby. As of the mere sight of her warrants for precious glass to be broken. She just laughs it off as the woman who makes Abby’s drink blooms a deep shade of pink.

“Let me guess…The Macallan?” Abby gestures to the glass of whiskey you’re nursing.

“Maybe.” A glimmer in your eyes, tightly pursing your lips in attempts to keep at least one thing closed tonight. But she leans forward, her nose sniffing above the rim.

With her eyes beaming up at you, blonde-eyelashes curling to kiss her sandy freckles, she smiles. A sparkle. Another flame so warm it matches the shade of blue in her eyes, cursing you with the love she once felt. Almost making you believe it could happen again.

“That’s definitely Macallan. Your favorite. How could I ever forget?” Abby offers a question as her cologne isn’t so invasive, there’s space for you to breathe, but with her close you doubt there’s enough oxygen to spare.

“It’s only because of New York. I’m not sure I could ever forget it.”

“We went through, I don’t know—” Abby tries to recall, but you don’t need to be told. You’re fully aware of what happened.

The first time Abby whisked you away on a spontaneous trip before life got so hectic. Labored gust of her minty-fresh breath kiss your neck as she sinks herself into your warmth, a blank canvas for her lips to mark. Abby does it quietly, the summer sun raining light on your silky skin, and she decides to shower you with more of her love.

Out of habit as if she’s said it a million times before. But it’s the first. Naively, she whispers those three little words. Lips of subtlety rest against your ear as they are released. A moment of confusion has you turning around, eyes squinting against the light of the sun, making you think twice if you heard her right.

And you did.

The memory suffocates, morphs into a dream, and then you find yourself lucky enough to barely remember it. A blatant lie, but if you believe it hard enough, it could be the truth.

“Three bottles in one night and then you held my hair when I puked my guts five minutes later that morning and told me it made you love me even more.” Your face scrunches up and Abby knocks her shoulder with yours.

“Do you remember later that night when you let me do that thing with my t—”

“I’m still right here!” Childishly, Ellie throws her hands up on the hair before she takes another swing from her beer.

“Williams, I sure have missed the shriek of your voice.” Abby leans over, throwing her arm over the backrest of your chair, making herself comfortable.

As if no time has passed, the three of you slip into easy conversation. You wished for this. A glimpse into the life you once had. For a time, little moments just like these only existed in your dreams. Even when the two of you were still living under the same roof — in your cruel reality it still felt like a fantasy — one that was entirely too unattainable.

It makes you think of when it all started. When life felt easier.

───

The College Years: University of Seattle

Ellie had been the first to set your sights on you, well, before Abby at the very least. Pining only ran so deep and your consistent rejection became a heavy cross for her to bear. Over your first semester, Ellie became a confidant, and her crush melted in friendship.

She’s the first person you’d ever trusted with your harboring secret. A sophomore in college and you finally felt yourself settling in. Your first year, you only allowed yourself to drown in your studies. A strict regimen. The only real friend you did make was Ellie and only because she couldn’t land herself in your sheets.

But regardless of how the situation had started, her presence in your life became concrete. A month into the semester of your second year, Ellie thinks it’s a great idea to start dragging you into parties. Like that’s the most obvious choice in the world. Yet, you’re still warming up to the idea.

Cheap beer, frat boys trying to make their presence known to any girl who walks by, whatever pop song they deemed necessary to funnel them to the next raunchy beat. None of it really had ever been your scene. Ellie thrived in it when she chose to. When she didn’t feel like it, the two of you would silently read books in your insanely small dorm room.

You agreed to go to one this week. Even if it pains every bone in your body. Ellie flips through the pages of a book you recommended to her as you emerge from the bathroom, practically done. For the past hour, you envied Ellie’s nonchalant red converse and navy-blue flannel attire. It must be nice to not have to do yourself up to the nines to feel comfortable.

You craved it.

For a moment, you contemplated an outfit change but then there was a disturbance at the door. A loud one, too.

Ellie shrugs her shoulders as if to say — this is your dorm, not mine — and she’s right but it doesn’t make it any less nerve wracking.

Maybe Dina has someone stopping by and she double booked? You take a moment to glance at her made bed before opening the door.

“Lola, would you please—” The snarky blonde who is in the middle of an eye roll, stops in her tracks. Freckled and pale cheeks coated in a bashful crimson. “Oh, right, you’re not Lola.”

“Am I supposed to be?” There’s a confidence in your tone, enough where Ellie puts her book down to watch.

“It’s Chris’ girlfriend, she’s always going about me taking a long time to get—” The woman pauses realizing you have no idea what the fuck she’s talking about. “And…….you don’t know Chris. Wow, really making an ass out of myself, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Ellie laughs, a bit too loudly, and it’s enough to warrant her attention as she sneaks a peek into your dorm.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to intrude on you and your girlfriend—” She sighs, hiding the bag she had in her hand behind her back. “Lola is probably just fucking with me and sent me the wrong room on purpose. She says I’m overly confident and I apparently need to be humbled, desperately. This isn’t the first time she’s done this, believe it or not.”

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?” She questions, a smirk etching its way into her full cheeks. A bright-glint in her eyes personified to tease you.

“Overly-confident?”

“Me? Never, sunshine.” As if she’s looking for a sign.

You give yourself permission to look at her and there’s a lot to be confident about. Her staturing height, golden waves of blonde, piercing-blue eyes creating round edges around your soul. There’s a sincerity there. You wonder if she’s even aware of it.

She looks simple enough, a white button down loose and opened, even slightly wrinkled. A pair of vintage denim shorts, a wash of pale-blue fitting loosely on her thighs with a graphic tee that brings out her eyes even more.

She’s tan, clearly athletic, and definitely a flirt by the looks of it. The interaction is too overwhelming and she’s too warm. You don’t even know her name. Nor do you have any intention to. She’s terrifyingly self-assured, batting her blonde eyelashes at you as if she’s waiting for you to paint her golden.

“Well, I hope you find Lola and Chris.” The beautiful woman in front of you, equally as muscular as you’ve seen from anyone on campus, blushes. But you’re too in your head to notice. “Have a good night—”

“Abigail. But you can call me Abby.”

The next couple weeks blend together. All of it is more or less the same. A string of classes you’re trying to keep up with, caffeine you’re pumping your body with, and a mysteriously confident girl who won’t leave your mind.

Ellie waits until it’s been three weeks to torment you with it. You’re surprised she even found the patience.

“You know who that girl was, right?”

“What girl?” The two of you are walking back from the cafe, headed back to your dorm room before the both of you call it a night. Ellie insisted she make sure you get home safely which you appreciate.

“Don’t give me that. You know exactly who I’m talking about.”

To be fair, you did. But you didn’t want to make it obvious.

“I’ve seen her around, yeah. I don’t know who she is and it doesn’t really matter. It’s not like I’m going to see her again. She’s just someone who knocked on the wrong door.”

“So, the captain of the rugby team, every lesbian’s dream girl is going around campus asking about you and you’re not going to even bite?”

“What?” You take a beat, trying to process the information. “She is not—”

Ellie shrugs her shoulders, as if it’s a fact you have to stomach. A truth that should be sweet to swallow. To you, it feels more than overwhelming. It’s an unbearable weight. The last thing you’ve ever wanted was attention. With Abby dialed into you, for whatever reason, is too much for you to carry.

“Well tell her you’re my girlfriend. She already thinks so, there’s no harm in—”

“She totally doesn’t.”

Her response crosses you with confusion. “But why wouldn’t she when I never corrected her?”

“Because she asked me and I said you weren’t.” Ellie mischievously smiles.

You think about punching her in the lip, but decide against it.

It's nearly two months before you see Abby again. For a while, you thought you would never have to see her again. The more you gave yourself time to think about it, the more of a distraction she felt. This is exactly what you had been so strictly against.

You didn’t have time for that. A budding romance. No matter how tempting her pretty muscles and pink lips seem to be — it’s not like you’re even interested. She's just a jock with a pension for something she can’t have. It didn’t necessarily help that she wouldn’t stop asking Ellie about you.

Every time, Els would come back to you with her eyes shimmering in a vibrant-green. A smile nearly revealing itself in the light. A new question about you, a new interest in something you like. Abby loves asking about you. Ellie makes sure you know it too.

“If she’s so fond of me, why can’t she be bothered to talk to me?”

“Because she would scare you off. You need time to warm up. Something where you don’t feel so much pressure.”

The truth nips at her skin like the prickly ends of a cactus. Abby would scare her off. The popularity she carries is enough to make her run sixty miles in the other direction. Let alone everything else about her that makes you nervous. The first encounter was a hail-mary. In the comfort of your own room, there was an extension of yourself to latch onto.

Outside of it, there was nothing warm and comforting, just cold heartless feins threatening to suck your discipline dry.

“I hate that you know me so well.”

“I know.” Ellie nudges your shoulder with hers.

The local pub is quiet, you’re nursing a beer Ellie had been able to score with her fake id. Suddenly, the discussion of Abby being brought up made you question the size of this table. And before you could say a word, a couple of unnamed faces funneled in with the woman of the hour.

You wonder if the couple clinging onto each is Lola and Chris. Dina follows right behind them as she ends a phone call.

“Ellie, you did not—”

“Oh, I so did. You need to get fucked by a b—”

“Hi, Sunshine.”

Abby’s voice tugs at your heart, so badly you have to physically put your hand over your chest. Lola and Chris introduce themselves as they delve into a conversation with Dina and Ellie, like they knew each other.

Like everyone knows everyone but you. The whole night Abby is persistent. An open book, she wants to talk about anything. Everything. All of this seems to be so easy for her. A couple times, you find yourself getting distracted with her toned-arms, they’re even larger than Chris’ slimed arms.

Abby asks you questions and involves you when she gets looped into conversation with Ellie or Lola. You like it when she always asks your opinion, giving you her undivided attention when others go off to the next topic. The golden signet ring on her pinky shines in the dually-light bar. Catching against the reflection of the mirror adjacent to the oak-stained wall.

“You wanna pick a song? I think I might have some cash on me. Or some coins, something of currency.” Abby steps off the stool, lending you a hand even if it’s a short step for you, and you still take her guidance.

“Uh, sure. I don’t see why not.”

“Is that almost excitement I’m hearing, sunshine?”

When your face sulks back into something moppy and annoyed, Abby laughs as bright as the sun.

“C’mon, don’t let my optimism put you off. I’m not nearly as bright as I seem. You just have that effect on me.” She says what you’re thinking. Kiss her, run away, hit Ellie for making you painfully aware of the beautifully-golden girl who holds some type of affection for you.

Abby stands behind you as you sift through the music on the jukebox. A collection of classics from the eighties and nineties. Even some lingering songs from the seventies have made its way. You’re not even paying attention, not really. You’re not sure if Abby wants to torture you, but she stand behind you, a fraction off to the side as she extends her arm across to the right, leaning into even more.

“You pick. I can’t decide.”

“Okay, but on one condition.”

“Why do I have a feeling I’m not gonna like this.” Abby just smiles, whispering in your ear that you have nothing to worry about.

“Just a dance, one song.”

“Abby, you should know I—”

“What? You don’t like girls?” You can tell she’s joking. The small joke even makes you laugh. The two of you both knew how much you’ve been ogling, not really letting her out of your sight, even if it’s for a minute long.

“Abby.” You warned and then she dials back her flirting, telling you to go on, as she scrolls through the list of songs to choose from.

“Go on, sunshine. Tell me the devastating news.”

“I don’t date. I don’t want to. It’s not something I want to focus on.” Abby chooses a song before twirling you in her arms. It gives you no option but to latch onto her, arms thrown around her neck once the two of you settle into each other.

“And how firm do you feel right now in that decision?” There’s no teasing, she’s genuinely asking as she holds you, in a bar full of staring people, she couldn’t care less. If you’re not careful, you might fall in love with her this very fateful second.

“Pretty good.” You meet her eyes, as she inches forward, her chest pressed against yours and Abby leans her foreheads against yours. A breath full of mint kissing your luscious lips, a strawberry-balm coating them a deep tint of red.

“And what about now?” She wants you to lean in. To give into the selfish devil on your shoulder, or the angelic soul whispering in your ear, whatever brings you closer to her.

The song is over but the two of you haven’t even struck the first chord.

───

You think of your almost first kiss with Abby. How deeply you felt for her even before you knew her as intimately as you do now. Even when the years apart sever you, the nerve endings binding you together barely holding on, you’ll always have that moment.

An almost. It’s laughable how relevant all of those moments feel just as you are now. Almost a lifetime later. It makes you think of the life you once had, the one you never took for granted, but you soon would learn she would.

Abby was never some dumb jock who was careless and reckless. There’s naivety that blooms in your youth, and somewhere along the way, you grow up. The leaves of your knowledge become weathered, the colors change, and suddenly what made you so green turns into a numbing-brown. Until you fall into something new.

Even now, you still cling to the memories of her. The novel acts of love and the ones forgotten that made your blood run cold.

Late nights watching your favorite horror movies while Abby cooks a dish she knows you love. Or when she stops on her way home to get you a bottle of your preferred white wine. The little things she used to do for you suddenly fell into acts of service that never happened until it was just you and the bottom of the bottle each night, wishing Abby was there with you.

No one truly knew how this worked. How you and Abby are so amicable, so kind to one another after the divorce was finalized. It’s easier when the two of you are still in love, circumstances pulling the two of you in different directions but there’s still so much love.

“Oh, how I’ve missed the cocky jock everyone fawned over.” Ellie jokes, “But truly, it’s good to see you. Even if it’s for these two crazy love birds. Lola and Chris, god she’s such a saint.”

“If that ain’t the fucking truth.” Abby and Ellie ding their glasses together.

It’s nice to see the two of them together but you know Ellie. She’s up before you have time to blink. She’s always been the biggest supporter for you and Abby. And she so badly wants the two of you to work. Whether the pressure feels good or it doesn’t, she places it there.

The words she spoke to you junior year of college still ring in your ear.

One day, I’m going to find the love Abby and you have. I want someone to look at me like that. So full of love. Of faith. Like there’s a testimony waiting to be written in her eyes. That’s how Abby looks at you. I want to believe love exists like that for everyone. Even for someone like me. I haven’t forgotten you rejected me by the way.

Classic Ellie.

Without so much as a word, she excuses herself when Dina pleads for a dance and she so freely gives it — you wish it could’ve been this easy for you. Like she believed it would be.

A love full of faith and promise. Now you just had a badgered testimony.

“Where is she?” Abby asks the moment Ellie is gone, it’s the first thing she wanted to ask but she waits until the two of you are alone. She won't say her name, not when she still feels the burn. The ache in her stomach when Iris hard launched the both of you online.

“Home.” It stings more than Abby expects it too but she takes it on the chin. There's still silence as the two of you sit comfortably, leaning your head against her supportive shoulder.

You cared for her. You hated that it felt good to see the jealousy rage in her eyes. For once, she didn’t hide what she felt behind her impenetrable mask, one that was built over time, but it was short lived.

“I’m sorry, Abby. If I had known I would have never—I never would have gone there.”

It all comes flooding back like ivory wine before it spoils into crimson. A year ago when it all blew up in your face. Even if you didn’t know Abby so well, an imbecile would know it’s why she disappeared. Never coming home after, ignoring your texts with a dryness you hadn’t experienced in years.

If you could take it all back, you would. Abby tells you it’s fine but she forgives a lot when she loves you. It’s another slice to your heart; you’ll never stop bleeding.

“We don’t have to talk about it.” There’s a wall in front of her eyes, keeping you from knowing a thing. It hadn’t been much different when the two of you were married. Always so much to hide, very little room for you to be let in.

You loved the girl who was an open book, somehow the both of you had lost her.

“No, we don’t have to talk.” Abby smirks as she talks a sip of her drink.

“You’re such a cheeky shit.” You nudge your knee against hers as you lean closer to her, thick and muscled thighs shifting towards you, sandwiching your legs between hers. “I guess some of us don’t really change.”

“I’ve changed plenty—” Abby places her hand on your thigh, playing with the flimsy material of your dress, enjoying the slit in your dress exposing smooth skin in the beeline of her vision.

“Yeah, totally.”

“I have.” Dragging her fingers along your thigh as she tests the waters and she rises higher, rubbing soothing circles into your skin as she recites every inch of surface from memory. “A lot of things have changed for me recently.”

“Like what?” You’re the definition of pathetic, fawning over her every word as if she’s the first to say each one.

“Different things, my life, my um—” She pauses for a moment before she bites her lip, a heavy sigh leaving her lips but it’s one of relief. “My job.”

There’s some disposition in your heart, how it feels to be lost back in a past memory. Eternally, a glimpse of your pleading meets a moment you keep under lock and key.

But you don’t ask. Anxiously you gulp down the rest of your drink. You’re not a fan of how it burns but it’s better than giving into what she wants. Giving her the satisfaction of being enamoured with the possibility of her being home. It’s what you dreamed of four years ago.

You wanted to believe the well has dried up — she’s too late. Even the idea planted in your mind sounds falsified. There’s an abundance of desperation threatening to make home, torturing the life out of you with the greediness rooted in fresh soil.

It begs for a chance to blossom.

“You can ask me. I won’t bite, promise.”

With cheeks, rosing red like cherries, you wonder what else finds itself blossoming beneath the surface.

You take the safer route. “What country are you going to this time?” The sorrow in your voice is palpable.

Abby ignores you.

“You know that green and white house in the countryside, the fields so open you could get lost in them, the one we always talked about. Do you remember it?”

“Abby, I hope you have a point to all of this or perhaps you’re just feeling particularly cruel.”

Of course you remember it. The amount of times you’ve come into town and passed by it. At one point, it’s what the both of you wanted until your needs and hers got lost in the shuffle. Two hearts of the same beat drifting from one another in tragic harmony.

“I bought it. I’m flying to England to do one last surgery that my assistant already had scheduled last month and I’m coming home. Opening a private practice here. I’m done flying out. If patients want to see me, they can come here.”

“W-What, um—” You stutter out, trying to think of a reasonable response, anything but kissing her or crying. It’s not fair. It’s not right. This is all you had wanted.

Four years ago.

───

April, 2024.

“A-Abby, oh god—”

She’s smirking like a goddamn idiot. All meat and muscle. The strong v-line that made you wanna slap it right off of her. No one should ever look this good. It’s such a punishment. A curse. Devil’s karma on a double-edge sword but somehow you’re eating both ends.

“Mhm, that good? I know you’ve always been loud, baby, but you’re singing like a perfect angel.” Abby grunts as she thrust upwards, watching you squirm as your full-seated on the baby-blue strap she’s fucking you with. “Those pretty girls that keep posting you not enough?”

“Are you jealous?” Lifting an eyebrow but she doesn’t respond. Thrusting into you at a slow pace, watching you slowly crumble before her haunting eyes, never straying for even a moment.

“Jealous of what exactly? It’s not like they hold a fucking candle to me. I’ll snuff them out before they have a chance to light the match.” With a gentle hand, she guides you closer to her, your forehead pressed against hers, meeting her deep thrusts with a slow grind.

Her coaxing arm wraps around your waist, tickling your spine as she does so, searing your lips to hers. It coats your entire body with a heat, blossoming at your heart before it spreads into every inch of your body. Laying waste to any part of you trying to go anywhere but here.

“I’m not as easy as you think, Abby.”

“Never said you were. For everyone else, I'm sure it’s very difficult…if you aren’t me.” Abby does the thing. Lips touching but despite the desire, she enjoys watching you chase. You want her, every piece of her. Each part she’s shown you, you cling onto it like a lifeline, hoping she’ll unravel another momentum for you to hold onto.

Abby will leave and the time spent with you is all you have left. Trying to think of anything else, you slip into the role she wants you to play. It’s all you can do.

“God, you’re so full of yourself.”

“I think you’re kind of full of me at the moment.” Planting her feet on the bed she pushes a few thrusts that shut you up, gasping as your lips brush against her she doesn’t take the bare.

Abby is perfectly content with watching you fall apart, a speciality she hasn’t had the opportunity of exercising while she’s been away. You fall into the crook in her neck, lips kissing at the exposed flesh as you take what she gives.

“I know, babygirl, you love my cock too much to stay away. I can hear how wet you are for me. Singing to me with your pussy like the pretty angel you are.” Abby moans when your teeth sink in, sucking at the flesh until you’re satisfied with the marks you’re leaving behind.

“Please— A-Abby, you love to talk so much shit, would you just make me come?”

“Then work for it, baby.” That’s all it takes before you’re bouncing on her cock, riding as deep as Abby will allow. Lazily, she props herself on her elbows as she takes a look at the show. The double A’s on your left hip are still inked and Abby smooths her thumb over it.

A smile she can’t help but show.

“God, Abby would you just—”

“Still a brat.” Abby chuckles, slapping your ass in the process which causes you to shudder.

Leaning over you whisper in her ear, “So, you do remember a thing or two.”

Abby flips you over, your head plush against her satin pillows, sinking your neck so you lay comfortably. Dildo still laying perfectly within you, as she smooths her calloused fingertips on your thighs, smoothing along the surface.

A much more gentle touch than what you’ve been used to in the past year. You didn’t mind it to be fast, rough, even a little messy at times. You enjoyed it when it was with someone new. Thrived in the throes of a meaningless fuck, where a delicate hand wasn’t required. If you need to get off with no complications, it’s the best option.

Abby was never just a quick fuck. It wasn’t how any of this started and when she needs a smidge of stress to relieve, she’s always been a woman to take her time. Wind you up so tight, her hand is the only release you’re willing to grab onto. A tidal wave she wants to bring to the shore until you’re paralyzed by her wave.

“It seems like you need to be reminded of who you're with.” With a look of curiosity flourishing under the prosperity of spring, she spreads your legs far enough to make room for her build.

You take a few heartbeats to check out her physique, which has only grown stronger since the last time you’ve seen her. High and mighty with toned shoulders that would put Hercules to utter shame, her six pack still fully in tack with freckles adorning every part of her body.

Never would you grow tired of looking at her in all her glory, but that’s all anyone sees. The first time she opened up to you is the moment you fell in love with her. Maybe there’s more. You seem to lose track of them all.

You’re the first to ever ask me anything about myself, you know? Most women just flirt with me, compliment my body, or they fuck me with their eyes first glance. Of course, it’s nice, but it’s hard feeling like I’m anything more than a body for them to use. Like that’s all I’m good for.

I do believe you’re more than what other people reduce you to. I’m more interested in this amazing and kind brain of yours. Everything else is just a bonus. It’s a rarity to find someone as beautiful on the outside as they are on the inside. I think that’s what makes you so special, Abby.

The moment flashes, a film rolling behind your eyes and you almost feel her words lace over skin as if you’re transported to the exact moment she said them.

Not a soul sees the person that you see. They don’t see the curve of her smile when you call out her name. When she’s nervous, she’ll pull at the ends of her golden strands, threading at her split ends she so desperately needs to cut.

Abby loves to read books, but she’ll cry right in front of you if you get a book she’s been eyeing but won’t buy for herself. Don’t have the time, it’s what she always used to say. The high demands of her career never allowed for such a thing.

No hobbies, no life, and certainly no love.

Memories transform into recent nightmares, the horrors of your insecurities bloom in the root of your mind, reminding you of all the ways you can’t be enough for her. On somber nights when your imagination is feeling particularly cruel, you have dreams of the nights you used to have. A simple dream where it doesn’t end in divorce and indifference.

“Hey, are you okay?” Her soft voice breaks you of the self-captured spell you cursed yourself in. “What’s wrong?”

This is the part you loathe and it’s almost enough to boil the blood in your veins. It’s not her fault she knows you like the back of her hand. One glance and she knows if you’re upset, gleefully happy, or steaming with jealousy. Abby can see it all.

“M’good,” But you know the words won’t be enough. You know she’ll want a reason. It’s one you can’t freely give, even if it’s what she wants. “I missed you, that’s all.”

And that much is true. The sun yearns for the moon, but the two are always destined to be apart. Her aspiration to be the best in her career is always being held over anything else held near and dear to Abby. You would never fault her for it, it’s why you served the divorce papers in silence — maybe it’s why she signed them without a second thought — abstinence is better than rejection.

“I miss you, too. I always do.” Even if it’s selfish, Abby can’t help herself.

You lose yourself in the tidal wave of affection, bound to be pulled by her light. A star that was never meant to be yours to begin with but you still couldn’t help but chase.

A month? A couple weeks? Then she’ll be boarding a new flight, to a new state, country, or continent and she’ll forget all about you. All you need is a moment. One of self-sacrifice. The heart barely beating in your chest will chastise you for it later, but for now, you have this one night with her.

A single night to pretend she’s still yours.

Instead of telling her how much you don’t want her to go, or that you never should have filed for divorce, you allow your lips to melt into hers. You see an island of sapphire, an entire land of love blazing in her eyes, before you allow yourself to get lost in her touch.

It’s when the scorch of the sun seems worth it. Any moment you’re close to her, feeling the abundance of devotion laced in her velvet tongue, whispering promises she never intends to keep. The potential of more rumbles beneath, waiting to catch her, but she’s always running off in the opposite direction.

This is all you have. With salacious greed, you welcome it like the sin nestled in your heart. You feel her movements still, but you pull her closer, a soft plea falls from your lips reeks of desperation but you don’t have half a mind to care.

“You know I’ll give you whatever you want but I’m not going to keep going unless you ask me to.” Abby whispers in the moonlight room. It’s so gentle, if you couldn’t help but look anywhere but her you might have missed it.

“I-I’m fine, Abby. Really.” You promise her, but it falls on deaf ears.

Her accusatory eyes dial in, squinting so loudly at you, “You’re about two seconds away from crying.”

“It’s….the cock….it’s too much.” Trying to keep a flat face, you bite your lip, before the two of you burst into a fit of laughter.

“You’re still not a very good liar, baby.” Abby purrs. Her voice goes an octave lower than she needs it to. “It’s not the cock. I’ve fucked you with bigger, so why don’t you use your words and tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

“Last time this happened, I cried for three days after you left and I made a promise I wouldn’t be here again and now I’m here and I know as soon as this ends you’ll forget this ever happened and go on with your amazing career and yet again I’ll be left in the dust to fend for myself and—”

“Woah, baby, slow down. Alright? Take a deep breath and breathe. You’re getting yourself worked up, okay?”

“But it’s the truth. You’re not even denying it.” You exasperate, groaning as you’ve overcomplicated what was supposed to be a fuck. Only a fuck. But it never is. Not when you’ll always be consumed by your love for her. Not when she’s everything you want.

You couldn’t be just a meaningless one-night stand. For anyone else? You could. But not to the woman who you love beyond comprehension.

Abby wrestles with herself. Contemplate her next words and you see the exact moment she gives into something you silently wish for. In only a language she understands.

A silent wish to be granted — tell me how important I am to you too.

She leans down, mirroring your position from earlier, with her scarred cheek pressed against your cheek as she delicately whispers, “I think about you every second of every day. I spend every minute missing this. Every hour apart I wish for this, being close to you, pretending things aren’t the way I’ve made them. But I can't change the past, so I can focus on making you feel good — I’ll be yours forever even if you aren’t mine.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Yes, I do.” Abby confesses to you, sealing her promise in her lips.

Abby gives sweet pecks along your neck as she peppers your face with litters of love. Making her way back to your lips once again, searing her love until you feel every bit of it. Hoping it’s enough for you to hold onto.

Abby groans as she starts to move her hips, and god do you take it so fucking well. Picking up right where the two of you left off, but this time you wrap your legs around her waist, allowing her to fuck you at a new angle.

It’s then when she starts to pick up the pace, brutal hips snapping forward as she lets herself go. The power of her thrust sends the headboard fleeing to the wall. The worn out bed frame she won’t bother to replace creaks under the weight, threatening to snap.

“No one is as sweet as you, can take my cock like you do. Fuck, you’re so perfect.” She spills all her secrets, the ones threatening to come out of her mouth all night but you still hear them.

It’s getting her off just as much as it does for you. But she wants you there faster. With a sly of hand she applies pressure on your bundle of nerves, your swollen clit thumping from being touched by its owner, the only one who knew how to pull the string just right.

A symphony Abby created; no one else stood a chance.

She watches as you pull yourself closer to her, bringing her small tits against your chest, grabbing you by the hips, losing herself in each thrust. The whimpering slips, any effort to conceal gets pulled from the soft strokes to your clit.

Tugging at her blonde strands as you pull her lips towards yours again as Abby fucks you as if it’s an art form. Clenching her stomach as she hears you aggressively getting louder, with each thrust there’s a line being drawn from you to her, forever cementing her dedication of vows already broken.

“Abby, I’m—”

“I know sweet girl, you can let go for me. I got you.” Abby whispers silently into the night as she gets you through it. The moment your body is convulsing around

her, grabbing any part of her you can, she kisses you the moment you start to come.

Always, she’s been one for the details. Paying attention to every little thing about you. Nonsense stories you half-expect her to listen to, never goes unnoticed by her. From remembering your mother’s favorite cake, to your favored choice of sour candy, or how you take your coffee in the morning — Abby pays attention to everything.

It wasn’t enough she was the most charming woman you’ve ever met, she had to be an angel too. Even through the vicious fights, moments as sharp as a razor blade, she never seemed to leave a mark. Still, Abby was soft. Like a perfectly melted marshmallow in the fire pit, roasted around all the edges but she never seems to burn.

She looks at you with a wondrous love, shattering-encompassing forever that never comes. One you’ll die waiting for it.

Quickly you remove yourself from the bed, suddenly the sheet turns into hot lava, scorning you as she looks upon you with admiration. A love you can’t afford to keep any longer.

“I have to go.” You find your top to be torn by Abby’s hands.

Putting a pair of boxers on her body, she drifts into her closet, finding her favorite shirt before she helps guide it on your naked frame.

“This was the last time.” Setting eyes on her, meticulous hand smoothing the cotton in hopes it might merge with your skin. A part of her potentially entangled with you, forever. “We can’t keep doing this. It’s not good for either of us. Neither one of can seem to move on—”

“I never wanted to move on or a divorce.” Abby confesses but it’s falling on deaf ears, you won’t meet her eyes as you look for the other boot gone missing.

“Abby, you chose your career. I don’t blame you for it but you did. This will never work. You signed the papers without even fighting. You gave up and I’m not blaming you — I did too.”

“But what if things changed? What if my job changed and I was here?” She’s desperate, clinging onto anything to make you stay. She wishes you had malice, screaming, even a slap to her stomach or thigh, a pinch to keep her from this ongoing nightmare.

You kissed her sweetly, and there’s poison on your lips and she’s the only antidote.

“We both know it never will. The world always needs you more. And I’m just—” Bitterly, her ignorance crunches like dead leaves under your boots. Walking you out the door, in what you hope will be the last.

You can’t afford for this to happen again. Old habits seeping into you and she’s the most difficult one to kick.

“But what if something changed?”

What if I changed?

“Abby?”

“Yeah, sunshine?” The name wounds you.

“Don’t do that.” You want to scream, punch a wall, wish for a different future than the one you were given. But your kindness seeps in. The faith of love you hold onto. “Not when it’s the only thing I want.”

The only thing I need. It’s what you want to say but decide not to.

“Okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“I know, Abs.”

───

Present.

Four years of being divorced, and neither of you knew how to operate without the other. Two souls extending to each other, in complete tangent with the other. Secretly thriving off the joined consciousness, Abby holds onto every piece of you she can.

Even if the shards she shattered pierce through her hand, bleeding her dry of every ounce of blood, if it’s for you — the ends justify the ache. Not once has she wavered. Your warning was enough. Keeping her head under, Abby did what she thought was best.

Surgery. Saving hearts. It’s the one thing she hadn’t failed at. Maybe she couldn’t save the two of you, but she could save the heart in her hands. The passion she felt when she sutured a heart, or teaching interns a new technique that would soon be named after her — there couldn’t be anything else like it.

Not even you, the love she’ll never forget, could replicate the adrenaline coursing through her veins when Abby was in the operating room. For four years, without the worries of failing you again, she reached unseen heights. Paving the way for all cardio vascular surgeons. Not just for the women but for everyone who had passions just like hers.

Even with all the accomplishments, the awards, the undeniable concrete ego built in the process, when she’s around you — every bit of her seems to fade — and you’re an angel with a freighting bright halo guiding her home.

Abby’s been told that nothing would compare to playing god in an operating room, being able to do the impossible. The most inoperable of hearts would be placed in her trained hands, she would make water into wine, an otherwise dead organ would be brought to life because of her.

All she could do was be the very best surgeon, save as many people as she can, and pretend her heart wasn’t on the other side of the country waiting for you to crave a taste of her again.

Cruel-hearted with a god-complex, the modern medicine Messiah begs for you to love her again as you once did. Abby’s selfish enough to be bent on receiving what she had once. A steadfast love she had taken for granted once. There wouldn’t be a second.

Love remains lingering in your eyes, it tries to flee when you get lost in her stormy-blue eyes, but you’ve always had a thing for chasing mayhem. Even if it’s the last thing you want to see, she can’t run away this time.

“Why would you tell me this?” Scorning Abby as you down another drink the bartender leaves in front of you. “You know I’m in a relationship, you know this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to being happy again, why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Another lie. But there’s too many to count. It’s the only stretched truth to separate her from you.

“I-I wasn't, um, I was trying to—” There’s no sense, not when she sees the betrayal simmering in your eyes, begging for a logical explanation. She’s just not sure if she can find one. All she knows is you deserved better but this is all Abby can give.

“Excuse me, Anderson.” She hears your platform heels ticking against the tile, nearly as angry as you must feel. For a second, she thinks about letting you be. Allowing you the space to forget this ever happened. This is what she does. Abby lets you go until you calm down, your love boiling down to complacency each time she drags you through the mud.

For the first time, Abby wants to fight. She wants you to scream in her face, yell at her with devotion full of greed — begging for an ounce of deranged sentiment — but trying to build a relationship out of silence? She’ll end up failing again. So, when you’re almost too far, she chases after you.

The elevator is just about to shut when Abby squeezes her fingers through the elevator, pushing her frame through as you look at her, tears threatening to make home, where they forever belong. A vow of heartache sworn as each tear tattoos your skin.

“What are you doing?” You’re pissed. Beyond fucking pissed with your pouty lips and furrowed eyebrows pinching your eyes into a squint. Perfectly soft jaw clenches as you dig your heels into the carpet. The fibers are ripped with every subtle drag.

“I’m fighting because I know as much as you want to be happy with her, you can’t. It’s why she’s not here with you tonight. It’s why no has stuck after me. It’s why I can’t date anyone that’s not you. And it’s why this has never really ended.” The scent you love so desperately overwhelms you as she steps close, leaving hardly any room for you to breathe.

“You signed those divorce papers, you ended all of this.”

“I made a mistake? Okay? I fucked up. I thought your life would be so much easier without me constantly putting you second in my life. I gave up on us and the most decent gift I thought I could give was giving you a better chance with someone else.” Abby relents, a half-apology being uttered and you're trying to process all of it.

She deserves to be pushed away. You want nothing to do with her, but she starts kissing along your neck, the sweet spot behind your ear, dragging her tongue over sensitive skin before she leaves a mark you’ll have to explain. Abby’s always been fond of possession, and she can’t help herself when it comes to you, she knows just what to do.

“I’m sorry.” Each time her lips drift to another spot along your neck, another apology is spilled. Every inch of your neck might as well be inked, her tenacious voracity met with the gloss of her tongue, edging you further into the grave she continues to dig.

“This doesn’t make everything you did okay, Abby. You hurt me, left me rotting on a fucking shelf and now that you’re ready I’m supposed to drop my life for you? Give you everything I would’ve died waiting for?” Your words escape with brittle need, a crack threatening the dam to flood.

“Give me nothing, give me everything, walk out this elevator and never speak to me again.” Abby presses forward, her freckled cheek pressed to yours, her sinful-sultry voice sweltering your body like summer in the middle of July. “Whatever you want, It’s yours. I’m only sorry it couldn’t be given to you sooner.”

The elevator announces its arrival as you straighten out your dress and as you begin walking away Abby accepts her fate. For what feels like a lifetime, heaven engulfs her tenuous hands and without saying a word you maneuver her into your path. Pulling her by the end of her tie.

Partnering with the silence as you open the door to your room, the door shutting behind Abby with a soft shutter. Abby stays glued to the door as you grab a glass of wine, filling it halfway before you sit on the edge of the bed, watching her squirm.

“Is there another girl? Someone else I need to be worried about?” Abby shoves her hands deep in her pockets, her heel lightly tapping against the door. With a shake of her head, she dismisses the idea entirely.

“C’mon, what’s her name? An intern, a colleague, a boss?” You keep pushing but she won’t budge. “You expect me to believe there has been no one?”

With her cheeks flaring pink, the tips of her ears painted violet, you think it’s time to swallow your words. “You mean there’s only been—”

“You.” Abby looks embarrassed, as if her skin is about to consume her alive. Rubbing the wedding band she has tattooed on her skin, in all four years she hadn’t bothered to cover it. Before setting the glass down, taking one final swing, mustering up the courage to give into her pouty-blue eyes. “Since college, I haven’t, uh, not with anyone else—”

“You have women flirt with you all the time. You’re everyone’s fucking dream. There’s no goddamn way you haven’t had sex in a year.”

“I only have one dream—” Abby steps forward, closing some of the distance between you. “I replay it over and over in my head when I’m alone.”

“What does the Dr. Anderson dream about, huh? Enlighten me.”

“The green house on Maple street.” Abby’s words cut deeper than you anticipate, your next breath trapped in your throat. “It’s not something cruel I’m using to taunt you with. It’s real. It’s yours but it could be ours. I’m four years too late, but I want to give you what I promised.”

“What do you mean by mine?”

Abby clears her throat, getting choked up as she paces in your room, her broad frame tensing as she tries to find a way to confess. A cloud of wonder swarms in her grey-blue eyes.

“The deed for the house is in your name.” Immediately, you let the words sink in. Trying to rationalize it, trying to twist this into something else. There’s no way you’re hearing her correctly. She wouldn’t, right?

“You bought our dream home for me?” Sheeply, Abby nods. The apple of her cheeks resemble a rose, sheepishly embarrassed.

“My success, the life that I have, all of it is because you pushed me through med school. You wouldn’t give up on me even when I had given up on myself. I always wanted to do this for you. I always wanted to take care of you but I lost sight of what was important to me. I forgot why I even wanted to do this in the first place.”

“Your dad.” You tried to smile, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You loved Jerry, he welcomed you in the family with open arms. But when he got sick, it changed Abby. Her work became her life when he didn’t get better. And soon, it’s all she became.

“He would hate how much I fucked up everything with you. I just felt like it was the one thing I needed to still have him here with me. Like if I didn’t prioritize this—”

“Then there would be nothing left.” You took the words right out of her mouth.

“Look, I’m sorry I kissed you. Really, I shouldn’t have. You have a girlfriend. Someone who loves you and I won’t get in the middle of it. I’ve hurt you for so long. It makes me physically ill and I won’t do it anymore. I can’t. All I want is for you to be happy. That’s why I bought the house for you. It was always something I wanted to do for you. Regardless if we’re together or not.”

Her pacing hadn’t stopped, she still kept moving but then nodded as she finished. This was her peace. She could move on. The both of you could move on. The ink had dried up long ago. You should move on.

“Yeah, that’s it. Okay, I’m gonna go now.” Somehow, she transformed into the college student who knocked on your door. Confident but god, she was so unsure of herself and it still makes your heart beat a million times a minute.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” You turn away from her, “Not anymore.”

You still expect her to leave, or make you look at her with tears in your eyes. You could cry a river for her and it still wouldn’t seem enough. You can’t face her. Not when one look will have you give in. The words left unsaid stain two hearts.

I don’t have a girlfriend because I still love you.

Like the anchor she’s always been, she wraps your frame in hers, holding you from behind. A faith of love. A testimony broken and healed by time and soothed with distance.

There was so much you had to discuss, feelings you had to iron out fresh. Like the slightly wrinkled shirt she’d worn on the day you met. But on this day, you decided to have hope. That one day, you could climb the wall Abby built and restore your love in the vow you once sang in tune.

“This doesn’t mean I forgive you.” But Abby sniffs out the smile.

“I know, sunshine.”

um. so yeah. that happened. i was trying to do a somewhat realistic ending without shredding some hearts......and i just love abby a little too much ♡

#ᝰ ── ♯ 𝐝𝐲𝐤𝐞𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 ٜ̥ .ྀི 𑁩ཾיִ #this is probably my favorite fic i have ever written!#i feel like i say that every time OH WELL #gotta love the self improvement though #anyways yeah eat my heart out or something like that ♡#abby anderson #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x fem!reader #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x you #abby anderson smut #abby x reader #abby anderson x y/n #abby tlou #tlou x reader #wedding!au #college!abby

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webism · 8 months ago

Text

☆ Gojo is always so cocky before you peg him. Confident, taking charge as if he's not about to be fucked from behind like a whore. He'll dirty talk you, try to fluster you with his honeyed words as you're pulling the strap on.

"Gonna fuck me so good, baby?" He purrs, wrapping his fingers around the pretty blue strap: perhaps to gauge the size. He jerks it a little, mirrors the way he'd stroke himself to the thought of being fucked senseless by you. "Hopefully you can keep up with me."

It's all talk, a veil of confidence only barely masking his desperation beneath, which burns hot and angry and threatens to ignite into something all-consuming if it isn't soon put out. You think of wrecking his ego, making him get down on his knees and suck the plastic for show. He'd look so pretty, looking up at you through his lashes as he served the strap with his mouth and tongue.

Oh but he's prepped and ready, and you're itching to erode at his cocky smile. You have him lay on his back, so you can watch as his lips curl downwards when you slide a finger into him, rather than the strap he's been promised.

"Fuck, I don't need it," he whines, tries to reach down and pull your wrist up and away from him but you swat him away with a tsk.

"You're so impatient."

"Just fuck me already."

Sweet Satoru regrets his words when you line your pretty blue strap up with his ass and push in only an inch of two. The sharp hiss of him steeling himself with a breath is music to your ears, and though he tries desperately to keep the cocky act up, you can see it slipping.

You give him another inch, and he bites back a moan. "That's... all you got?"

"No," you click your teeth. "But, it's all you'll get if you don't start begging, baby."

He gives you a look, tries his best to look annoyed, but his cock is so hard it hurts and the corners of his lips are curling upwards in a grin regardless. His pleads start out dramatic, joking.

"Please fuck me, babe," he drawls, but as you inch further inside of him at his request, he gasps. Very quickly, any cockiness in his tone is replaced by raw need. "Fuck, more—please, really, I need it."

His eyes are wide at the stretch, the all-encompassing fullness he's feeling, and the grief he feels when you pull almost all the way out of him.

"Wait don't pull out I'll beg I'll—"

His pleads get stuck in his throat when you push forward and bury your strap completely in his ass. Satoru chokes out the prettiest moan, meets your eyes for half a second as you pull back, and then falls into complete ecstasy as you snap your hips back into his again.

From there, he's gone. Malting into the mattress as you fuck him at the pace he responds best to—a torturous middle ground between painfully slow and so fast it's over too soon. Satoru whines, seemingly already overstimulated by your movements, but you're far from done with him.

Satoru Gojo is the strongest. He's untouchable, really, and here you are ten inches deep inside of him and watching as hot tears spring into his beautiful blue eyes. He's sweating, exerting himself entirely to taking all that you can give him; and you're sure he'd take more if you had it for him—he's at the base of your strap and whining like a whore on it.

"Close," his voice is quiet and desperate and you love the way it melts into the air around you. You fuck him harder, faster, a bruising pace that might be more for you than him, but he takes it with shaky breaths and a heaving chest because he's addicted to the shape of your plastic cock inside of his ass.

You fuck him through his orgasm, watch as his cock—which is reddening with angry need—spurts ropes of cum all over his stomach, pearlescent and almost unending. You smile at the sight, stalling your hips to let him catch his breath after cumming so hard without his cock even being touched.

He's a mess, sensitive and breathless as you trace your fingertips through the mess of cum glossing his tummy. Satoru watches with parted lips as you do so, half-expecting you to bring your fingers to his lips for him to clean up the mess he made. But you don't. Instead, you press down hard on his tummy and listen to the lewd noise that rips from his throat when you feel just how deep you are inside of him.

"Here, baby," you coo, grabbing at the wrist Satoru shoots down to try and pull your hand from his stomach with. You press his palm down onto his cum-covered stomach and have him feel for himself the bulge that you've created with the tip of your strap inside of him.

A moment passes, something flickers in your gaze that turns Satoru's mouth dry. "Don't move your hand, Toru, understand me? Keep pressing down."

Satoru parts his lips to protest, but you're pulling out and plunging back into his ass with a mean thrust of your hips before he can say a word. The nastiest moan slips from his lips, half ecstatic, half overstimulated.

"Fucking you so deep you can feel it from the outside, huh baby? Taking my cock so well, letting me use you like you're the toy."

Your words are enough to encourage Satoru into a second round; though this time you're meaner than before. You pull his legs up a little, manage a position that allows you to get impossibly deeper inside of him, and hen thrust your hips forward to test the water.

He's drooling. His lips are wet with spit and cheeks stained with new-flowing tears. He loves it, though, you can feel the clench of his ass in the way it becomes just that little bit harder to thrust into him. With each mean snap of your hips though, you watch as Satoru presses down harder on his belly to feel you bullying your plastic strap into his ass.

You find a nice pace and match it with your fingers wrapped around his cock. Stroking him only makes your lover needier, bucking his hips up instinctually just to gasp at how the movement fucks himself onto your strap too. By the time his second orgasm is approaching, you can't tell who's doing more of the work: he's frenzied and cumdrunk and can't see straight between the blinding pleasure and tears in his eyes.

"Good boy," you praise as he cums again, his whole body racked with tremors and his eyes quite literally rolling back as he releases all over the hand that presses down to feel you. You give him a minute, let his catch his lost breath and wipe his tears from his eyes with the hand that isn't covered in his own cum.

Though, once you're confident he's at ease enough for you to slowly pull out and start giving him aftercare, his legs lock around your waist and keep you buried deep.

You've never seen such a look on his face before—ravenous.

"Again."

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@plinkuro @sooouth @gojoscinnamonroll @nyxiswrites1200 @yveiscringe

@sharks31 @lenahathunger @aydene @dreamyokai @n0tviv

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#srry still late on kinktober #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #gojo smut #satoru gojo smut #satoru smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 years ago

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... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad.#Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.'#ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists.#take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol......#ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

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cetoddle-archive · 2 years ago

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okay. i resume taking my meds tonight B)

#i couldn't take my trazodone after my surgery cause they prescribed me vicodin #but i haven't taken that in a few days so i'm gonna go back on my trazodone #thank god #i've just. not been sleeping without it :')#so hopefully i can get some rest tonight zzzz #i'll probably take it soon and try to go to bed #even though i'm not sleepy but it's 4am #i wanna play stardew but if i start now i'll be up till like 6 and i really should try to make an effort to adjust my sleeping schedule #before next week #i know 4 am is still not ideal but it's better than being up till 7-8 am staring at the ceiling #that's mostly been cause i haven't had my meds but #idk what my plan is when i start working mornings again i'm just gonna wing it for real #oh well. whatever. i'll figure it out #snow.txt

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messenger-of-babel · 9 months ago

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The Call

Summary: One little call to each of them. One big consequence. (Batfamily x sibling!reader)

Word Count: 2.9K

Notes: IM LATE AGAIN. I hope you all know that I do stay up wildly late when this happens cause I want to edit before I submit, even if some of these were pre-written (its 1:30AM RAHH). ANWAYS. Batfamily, I tried to get as many as I could but I haven't collected runs for about half the family cause I am biased towards my boys, but I am trying to be as accurate as possible when I can be and that includes those dynamics! So rest assured I am doing my research and hopefully that'll reflect soon. As usual, enjoy your daily feed and I'll enjoy my nap. Warnings just for general description of violence.

Much Love~! xx

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When Dick got the call, he was in his civilian clothes.

Dick Grayson was suit shopping, needing something for an upcoming gala. He had put it off for so long, since he wore the Nightwing suit more than any other in his closet. He had let it ring out once while he got his measurements taken, but when they called back a second time, his lips dipped into a frown. Excusing himself, he clicked the answer call button, stating his name. He hears the voice of Bruce, but in the stern tone of Batman. He doesn’t think that he's ever left a store as fast as he had that day, feet thudding on the pavement and breath cold in his chest as he hurries to his car. He unlocks it and all but throws himself into the passenger seat, lines on his face hardening. Throwing it quickly into drive he pulls out and heads in the direction of the manor.

He tries to keep himself composed, his emotional training kicking in. His fingers are tense on the steering wheel, passing over the bridge at a speed a cop would most certainly pull him over for. Even though he tries to take a deep breath, there's a burning in his sternum. It builds until it creeps into his neck, making him click his tongue uncomfortably.

The sensation is a rage he hadn't felt in a while, a fire that hadn’t burnt that intensely since he was just a boy grieving his parents’ death. It had flickered when he had heard Bruce had adopted a boy called Jason after him, sputtering to life upon hearing about his death. Yet he had grown, he had risen above it and had become a shelter for his younger, extended family. He was dependable, uncrackable, and upbeat, that was Nightwing. Yet as he drives back with that painful fire in his chest, he felt nothing more than Dick Grayson, the boy stricken with fear at the idea of losing his family.

When Jason got the call, he had been on patrol.

Helm securely on his face, it kept the drizzly night rain of Gotham out of his eyes. It had been a rather quiet night, stopping a few minor robberies and assaults that were common down by Dixon Docks. He was eager to return home, wanting to swing by the manor quickly to take full advantage of the hot water system before heading back to his apartment in Old Gotham for a well-deserved rest. He had just finished interrogating some of Penguins' men, about to call the cave to let whoever was on tonight know that they finally had the location of the new drug den they had been chasing the past month. However, the communication device he had set on his bike was lit, screen full of notifications.

Calls, one after another filled the small holographic display and he pressed the button to call back, leg swinging over the side of the bike as he did so. He had only started the bike but already he screeched to a stop, making sure he heard the words properly. A curse and gruffly shouted questions were his only response and when he got the information he wanted, he cut the call and the bike roared to life. He leant forward as if that was going to help him get to his destination quicker, blood boiling underneath his skin. His chest ached with the urge to sputter out pants, desperate to start the sign of panic racing through his veins. Yet he was stronger than that, keeping his cool like a tightly wound coil, muscles tensed beneath the suit.

His mind buzzes with worry, anxiety gnawing at his ribcage like a feral rat.

Jason doesn't often allow himself to be emotional on the job, despite his tendency for rage.

But rage was different. Rage burned and warmed him up from the inside, was the force that he put behind every punch or kick. It was his kindling, and it served to guide him as well as any star. Of course, Bruce had tempered it somewhat, but he had just guided Jason into turning it into something else, not getting rid of entirely. He used rage to protect the people of the city, the outrage he felt when he saw them get treated badly. He used rage when coming to his family's defence, the sight of hands being laid on people he had come to care for sparking it too. Those were the rages he was used to using, although there was always a third.

The pit.

The rage that bubbled away in the back of his mind, hidden behind a tall wall and shoved into the deepest part of him. That was the rage that crept forth, green and poisonous in his veins and clouding his judgement in a fog of pain and despair and anger. When it would appear, he would often take a moment to himself to pack it back away, contain it once more in the bulletproof casing of his heart. Yet right now, he didn't want to put it back. It made him rev the bike harder, made him feel like he was getting there quicker. The bike kicked up water as he zig zagged through the back streets, his mental map of Gotham rerouting anytime the traffic was longer than five cars deep. He couldn't afford to lost time, to not be fast enough. Not now, not this time, and if he had to use the rage the pit cursed him with, he would.

Tim was at the manor, holed up in his room when he got the call.

It had been a long night the night before, tossing restlessly. Not that he would have told anyone, but the last fight with Bane had left him with a few more bruises than he had let on, cleverly hidden from the keen eyes of Alfred. He wanted to nurse them himself, carry his own weight. In fact, he had been sulking in his room going over the things that had been troubling him, knees pulled to his chest.

Dick was capable and dependable, and the first Robin, the biggest shoes to fill. Jason was tenacious but loved deeply, and he fought for what was right. His methods might be unconventional to the Bat sometimes, but he knew what he wanted to fight for. Steph had flown the nest to become Spoiler, Cass already had such a firm grasp of who she wanted to become now that she was Orphan. Barbara had even been able to turn her life around after being put into her wheelchair, her desire to help leading her to become Oracle when she had to hang up Batgirl. Even Damian, the true son of Bruce Wayne, was so confident, growing at a rate he knew Bruce was quietly proud of.

But then there was Tim, who stayed up on weekends trying to redesign his suit, to carve his own vigilante life, only to look on it and see the traces of his time as Robin printed clearly on it. The role of Robin had outgrown him, but there was the shred of doubt that whispered in his ear that just maybe, he hadn't outgrown it. The ringing of his phone snapped him out of his daze, and he let it go to voicemail. When it came again, he grabbed his phone with the desire to turn it off, but seeing the emergency signal had him picking up right away.

"Hello?" he called, sitting right up in bed. His eyes widened and he shelved his pity party, running out of his room.

He winds through the halls of the manor until he finds the door he's looking for. Tim's knuckles rap against the wood loudly, repeating until a disgruntled Damian comes to the door, swinging it open violently. "This better be good, Drake." he deadpans, scanning the flustered state of the older boy. Tim just turns his phone screen, showing the emergency call signal before gesturing to the direction of the grandfather clock with his head. "We've got to go." he says curtly, the young boy hot on his heels after he recovers from his shock.

Both of them head to the cave and prepare to depart immediately. Tim slips the suit over his skin like an outgrown shedding, domino mask sliding onto his face. He couldn’t recognise his own face when he caught sight of it in the glass reflection, but a mask and suit would never be enough to hide the panic that clung to him tighter than the Red Robin suit.

When Bruce got the call, he was at Wayne Enterprises.

He was making a rare appearance at the office, knowing that Lucius had something that he wanted to talk to him about. His office felt foreign and sterile, empty and unreal. The glass surfaces everywhere let him glimpse the face of Bruce Wayne, a face that he was beginning to see less and less. It felt uncanny seeing himself without the cowl, and sometimes when he was working, he could swear he saw a reflection of the bat ears in the window beside him. The night had dragged on, and he was only an hour into the meeting with Lucius when the phone in his suit pocket rang.

He and Lucius shared a sceptical look as he turned the phone screen. The call location wasn't displaying as the Batcave, the only place that could contact this phone directly outside of his children, Lucius and Alfred's personal mobile. Yet he knew Red Hood was taking the brunt of patrol tonight, and Bruce was intended to join him after the meeting. Dick was carrying out some errands downtown and everyone else had either stayed home or didn't contact him like this often. The girls preferred to call his phone as Bruce Wayne or spoke through Alfred, so who could it be?

Lucius gives a nod, silent as he sits down. Bruce's face hardens as he presses the speaker button, accepting the call.

"Who is this?" he says, lowering his voice to the gravelly timbre of Batman.

"Da...B-Batman?" comes a broken, shaky voice on the other end. Lucius's eyes widen and flick to Bruce's immediately, mouth parting. Bruce's jaw ticks, eyes widening as well when he hears your voice.

"This is the Batman. How did you get this number?" He asks, having to focus on keeping his voice low, even though the tone of Bruce threatens to creep back in.

"He-he just had it. I don't know. He just told me to speak, I-I'm not even holding the phone I can't see anything; I’m tied, my eyes are-" you begin to ramble, struggling to get through your words before you're cut off.

"Hello, Batsy." calls a voice close to the receiver, and Bruce swore that his heart fell through the floor in that moment. His fingers tighten around the phone the same way that his lungs are constricting in his chest.

"Joker."

The man on the other end cackles, if Bruce could even call him that. "Miss me?" he snickers, Bruce's mind filling with the image of a red stretched grin. "You see, this is more of a... courtesy call. You know Bruce Wayne, billionaire extraordinaire?"

Bruce's head snaps up to Lucius, who's rubbing at his face nervously.

He didn't know, did he?

"You see, I didn't make a lot of impact going after the commissioner last time, so I had to think to myself, If I wanted to really shake things up in Gotham, who else is there? Then I thought of it, who better than the playboy of the century?" he laughs, punctuated with a sharp snap of his fingers.

"Get to the point." Bruce all but growls.

"Yeah yeah, you always love to rush me, don't you?" The Joker snarks back with fake hurt, before continuing. "Regardless, I have one of his little orphan projects, thinking I might have a bit more success with this one."

He hears a thwack over the phone and a scream, making his nails dig into his palm. He steadies his breathing.

"What have you done?" he asks, low and dangerous.

Another thwack.

"Exactly what I said. But there was a rumour going around that you know Mr. Money, so I thought I'd give you a call, you know, a little gift. If you do know the richest orphan in Gotham, then I want to give you the honour of telling him I've got one of his. Better yet, I want to give you the honour of delivering their body to his doorstep. Maybe that way, you might be able to bond over losing your fake kids."

Bruce feels sick, closing his eyes to try and stop himself from making a mistake right now.

Your life was on the line. He had to play smart.

"Where are you?"

The joker tuts on the other end. "This was a courtesy call, nothing more. I don't want anyone interrupting my playtime. Tata for now~"

"Joker-" he starts but then he's cut off, line going dead. Lucius doesn't say anything, his own personal phone pulled out as he calls Alfred, studying the frozen figure of Bruce. It's almost like there's dark tendrils to the shadows on his broad body, deepening the lines on his face.

Bruce doesn't remember too much, but Batman did.

Immediately he had left the room, suit en route to him and arriving within the minute. As soon as the comfort of his cowl touched his skin, Bruce was gone, and it was Batman calling everyone at the same time. It was Dick who picked up first, a couple of rings earlier than Jason before Tim joined, the sound of Damian in the background. Oracle and Spoiler joined together, while the others were still pending. He didn’t have the time to temper his voice as he relayed the situation, immediately getting as many people on recon as possible.

There were shouts and yelling and cursing before all of their lines became inactive, replaced with trackers signalling that their suits were live. When he enters the batmobile he grips the wheel tensely. The lump in his throat doesn't seem to disappear, only growing larger with each second. His mind is filled with pictures of Jason. Pictures of Barbara. The smiling photos of you.

He might never admit it, but he had your photos front and centre in his wallet (something you did in fact know and used to your advantage frequently in 'dad loves me more' battles). He remembers the first day he ever saw you, cold and scared apart from the other kids in the orphanage. He had been investigating a potential human trafficking ring operating out of the centre, but when he saw you, the fatherly pang hit him. The way your eyes stared forward dully as he greeted children as Bruce Wayne, cameras flashing around him. He had enough wealth to buy the children anything they asked for, the other kids excitedly asking for new toys or clothes or art supplies. However, when he kneeled down in front of you and asked you want you wanted, you said only a few words, 'a family'.

And god be damned if Bruce didn't have money enough for that too.

So, he took you in, hid batman from you like he had tried to with everyone else as well. Yet he failed again, but unlike his children in the past, you never asked to join. Never asked for a suit or to stay up or to train in the cave. Never showed any interest in joining your siblings or throwing yourself in front of danger for the sake of the city. When he asked you why you had simply shrugged, giving him a soft smile.

"All I've ever wanted was to be part of a family. I don't need to be a superhero to be loved."

And then you beamed at him with a smile that could have lit up his world and chased the clouds away from Gotham, so pure and genuinely content. That made Bruce feel like he had finally succeeded as a father, and for once Bruce felt like a father. No Batman, no mask and cape. He didn't train with you; he went out with you to the theatre on weekends. You didn't jump from rooftop to rooftop, you liked to come study with him in his office when he had to take care of Wayne affairs. Batman may have been created to save Gotham city, but he was convinced that you were sent to save Bruce Wayne.

Now, he felt that he had failed you as both Bruce and Batman.

"Hold on sweetheart," he whispers to himself, letting his eyes close for a brief moment during his exhale. "I'll get you home. I promise."

He pressed the accelerator further, Batmobile display signaling that everyone else was suited up and across the city waiting further instruction. He just hoped, he prayed that when he brought you back, it wouldn't be in a body bag.

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