#take mine too idc 🥺 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silentglassbreak · 6 months ago

Note

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

#bad omens #noah sebastian #fanfic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens cult

268 notes · View notes

gucciwins · 1 year ago

Note

i miss harry so much :(( could you write a little blurb for us to see what harry and y/n would be up to today? even if it’s only 300 words idc i just need some harry content🥹🫶

had no idea what I wanted to write or if you wanted to see a specific couple of mine but I do hope you enjoy this for now 🥺 love you

Autumn was his favorite season.

He loved the cold, always being bundled up in a jumper. Gave him even more of a reason to visit his favorite coffee shop. It didn’t hurt he also got to see Y/N, the pretty barista who always drew a flower by his name.

It’s actually where he was heading on this drizzly morning. He had finished his workout and thought he deserved a treat. To his surprise, Y/N wasn’t behind the counter waiting to greet him with a bright smile. Of course, he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up; he knows she has to get a day off.

Harry goes to the counter and orders a black americano to match his mood and chocolate croissant.

“Not big on flavor today?”

He turns around and finds Y/N looking up at him, having overhead his order. “Hi,” he greets in a fluttery breath. Y/N always recommended a drink, but it seemed he didn’t bother today. “Uh, I wasn’t sure what to get.”

Y/N laughs, “I’m sorry if that’s on me.”

Harry is quick to shake his head. “A bit in the clouds today. Didn’t want to think too hard.”

“Mhm…”

“Off today?” Harry asks, wanting to keep speaking with her.

“Yeah, I was in the neighborhood and wanted a coffee before continuing the day.”

Harry smiles, “where are you headed, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Y/N steps closer to him. “Oh, I’m headed to the park to do some reading. Nothing exciting.”

He’s intrigued, though. He wants to ask her what book she’s reading? What is her favorite genre? If she had one, she’d recommend for him. Before he could ask any of those questions, she excused herself to grab her coffee, and Harry thought that was it. He’d go back to admiring her from afar. In came a crowd of people, and he seemed to lose sight of her and instead decided to wait for his coffee and go from there for his day.

Harry looked around one more time in the buzzing cafe before walking out. He decided to turn right when he heard a yell of his name behind him.

It was Y/N.

She rushed over, her tote bag slipping off her shoulder. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

He shakes his head, assuring her it’s okay.

Y/N brushes her hair back, a sign telling him she’s nervous. “Well, I was wondering if you wanted to walk with me. Only if you’re free,” she adds.

Harry bites back his smile, knowing he might have never gained the courage to ask her out, but glad Y/N made the first move. “I’d love to join you.”

It’s how they find themselves walking to the park and settling onto a dry bench as the morning drizzle seems to have passed. Harry could listen to Y/N talk all day. He learns she has lunch with her parents every Sunday and has a baby tabby named Gus, after her favorite romance character. She shares that while she loves making coffee, it’s a means to an end while she gets through university. Y/N has a year left and knows time will fly by after the holidays. She tells him that she loves jackets and can never go without one. She can also be very forgetful, meaning she’s gone through her fair of keys to her flat. Y/N switched it up on asking him questions, but they always seemed to go back to her, not that she minded.

“Can I confess something?” Harry tells her after he returns from throwing away their coffee cups.

Y/N beams at him, “course, Harry.”

“Uh,” he thought it’d be easier to confess his feelings, but he felt his heart in his throat. “I think you’re amazing, and I’d love to take you on a date,” Harry breathes out.

Y/N feels her face flush at his confession. She places her hand on top of his and gives him a squeeze. “I’d love to go on a date. Though this felt like a date to me.”

Harry agrees but promises their second date will be even better. Y/N excuses herself after seeing the time after giving Harry her number.

“Don’t make me wait for a text, Harry.”

“Call you tonight? We can plan out our date.” He offers.

Y/N nods, “sounds perfect.”

She walks away but pauses a few steps away as if she is debating something because he can ask her if something’s wrong. Y/N walks back over to Harry and places her lips on his cheek. It was a short kiss, but he could feel her lips' softness. Y/N pulls back with a sheepish smile, laughing as she sees Harry’s face turn red.

“I’ll see you, Harry.”

“Bye, Y/N,” he breathed out, locked in a trance.

It’d seemed this Autumn would forever hold a special place in his heart.

#harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles story #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles one shot #harry style fic rec #harry fluff

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corriganatheart · 2 years ago

Text

if he was MINE final/ João Félix x reader x Kylian Mbappé

Synopsis: Your best friend just got out of a toxic relationship and wants to date you.

Pairings: João Felix x fem!reader x Mbappé

Genre: Love triangle

Breaking News: Breaking news: Kylian Mbappé and Y/N officially call it quits after only a few weeks of dating. Many fans were suspicious of their relationship and suspected they were only short-term. Mbappé is now only focusing on his career and has no interest in starting a new relationship, whereas Y/N has reconciled her friendship with João Félix, and many fans think that might be the reason for the breakup.

1 months and 5 days later

“You good, bro?” Neymar asked, causing his teammate to shut his phone immediately. Even though Neymar pretended he didn’t see the screen, he did. Mbappé was staring at the picture of you wearing his uniform months ago, and even though it was unhealthy, he always found himself reaching for you when he needed motivation.

“Look, I’m not one to get into people’s business, but you don’t deserve this,” Neymar says as he squeezes his friend’s shoulder. “She made her choice, and it’s time to make yours.” Mbappé buried his face in his hands and groaned. “I’ll be fine, thanks.”

It has been over a month since you left him on the balcony without answers. He was disappointed, of course, but more disappointed in you than anything. You could’ve had your chance of freedom from João, but instead, you went back to the same place. "Ayo! it's time!" Hakimi barges in and shouts. Mbappé softly smiles and follows his teammates out of the locker room. Neymar and Hakimi glance at one another before patting their friend on the back.

The Golden Boy: You up for a late night walk?

Y/N: ...... dude its midnight. Why are you still up?

The Golden Boy: can't sleep, I keep thinking about u. 😌

Y/N: well arent you a smooth talker?

The Golden Boy: I’m on my way to ur place.

Y/N: don’t you have an early interview tmr?

The Golden Boy: IDC I want to see you for a bit🥺

Y/N: FINE!

After hearing a beep outside, you grab your jacket and rush down from your apartment. You and João had reconciled your friendship almost immediately after you flew back from France. He apologized and expressed how much he appreciated you. And since he was your best friend of several years, you couldn’t just ignore him forever, so you forgive him. You didn’t expect anything different from him besides friendship, but João has made it obvious that he wanted to further your relationship. And as promised, he has not been in contact with Magui and has been doing fine. But lately, everyone has been on your case for dumping Mbappé to be friends with João again. All his fans have criticized you and have made up numerous rumors, but you were ok with taking the heat because you got him involved in shit he shouldn’t have been in. If things were any different, you would’ve continued your friendship with Mbappé, but that would only complicate things. You guys were bound to be short-term, and the time has expired.

“Took you long enough,” João sarcastically says as soon as you get into his car. “I thought we were going on a walk?” You asked. João playfully rolls his eyes, “and be chased by creeps? Noway.” You chuckled and put on your seatbelt as he drove off. It has become customary for João to spend time with you after practice or after a long day of interviews. He has been trying to prove that he can make time for you and that you guys could be more than just friends. If this were before the scandal, you would’ve said yes within a heartbeat, but this was too early, and you aren’t sure if this was a good scenario. For all people know, you’re a villain for breaking Kylian Mbappé’s heart, and you’re sure people suspect that you’re the reason João and Magui broke up too. It was too early to jump into a new relationship, especially one you aren’t sure about.

“How was work today?” You asked. João shrugs, obviously not wanting to talk about the fact that he was asked about you during one of his interviews. Everyone was dying to know the gossip, but he didn’t want to put you in an awkward position. “Did you get to do anything fun?” You asked. João pretends to think, and then he grins, “yeah, actually, Kai was having a hungover during his interview, so that was interesting to watch.” You laughed and can only imagine the team dying from laughter because of Kai. “What about you?” He asked. “Did you do anything fun at home?” Your smile fades, and you look out of the window. You switched your job electronically after the news that you and Mbappé were over. It turns out, people can get through you in many ways, including harassing you at work and via emails.

“You know I’ll do anything to help you, right?” João asked while placing his hands on yours while the other steered the wheel. “Yes, and I’m thankful for that,” you mumbled. João smiles and pulls up to an empty parking lot of a park with a city and river view. “Remember the time when we used to play in the river like it was a pool? We were drowning ourselves in people’s shit,” he said while laughing. You groan, not wanting to remember that part of your childhood. “That’s so grosssss!” João turns his body, so he can face you as you do the same and lay the side of your head on the leather seat. “I like this,” he whispers. “Just us two with no one against us.” You smile and nod your head.

“I miss us,” you said. “We used to be drama free, but now look at us.” João places his hands on yours and rubs his thumb on your knuckles as he closes his eyes. “Close your eyes. I want to tell you something,” he mumbles. You do as he says and closes your eyes. “This is how I picture our future. You and me living in a big house in a field with gardens and flowers. We would have two boys while you’re pregnant with a girl. I would teach the boys how to play soccer as you watch us from a swing, with a book in your hand. By then, Portugal would at least win 1 World Cup, and I might be close to retirement. Our family would forever grow, and we would have two more kids until we decided that was enough. There would be no drama, just you, me, and our kids. Forever.”

You smile, liking the image popping into your head, but as you imagine your husband, your heart stops. The image of Mbappé smiling at you on the balcony pops up, completely erasing João from the picture. You immediately open your eyes and stare at João, who still has his eyes closed and smiling sweetly. “Wouldn’t that be perfect, Y/N?” He asked. You didn’t respond because you were lost for words. João is definitely your dream boy, but your heart was confusing you by remembering how Mbappé made you feel. You’ve known him briefly, but he was so sweet and everything you wanted a boyfriend to be. But he was too good for you and deserved someone that knows their feelings, and you couldn’t give him that.

“Has Hakimi contacted you?” João asked while tucking your hair behind your ears, and once again, you remembered how Mbappé tucked your hair. “I played his best friend. There’s no way he could forgive me,” you said sadly. João looks at you guiltily before he kisses your forehead. “He’ll come around, don’t worry.” You smile and nod, liking the way João is giving you attention. "Still, I can't imagine how awkward it is for him. He was basically the one that set us up. You know Hakimi has been my friend for a long time too, and his wife is a dear friend of mine also. They both love Mbappe and me, and I feel guilty doing this to him. If anything, Mbappe deserves better than me because he was such a sweetheart and gentleman. I do feel really bad for bringing him into this mess and-" you stop talking after realizing how uncomfortable this must be for João. He seems to also hate the idea of you feeling guilty or any sort of feelings for Mbappe. His ultimate goal is to have you by his side forever, but it was difficult because you won't let go of the two weeks' worth of fling. "Do you still like him?" João asked while staring at you intensely. You didn't answer immediately, so he was uncomfortable shifting in his seat and looking ahead of him. "I have been with you since we were a child Y/N. He's been with you for weeks. Think about it before you do anything risky."

News: PSG loses 3-0 to Bayern, even though they have top players in the team. Fans also noticed that PSG captain Kylian Mbappé was off during the game and wasn't thinking straight. Mbappé, who had proven many times that he could score several goals during the game, seemed unmotivated and showed a lack of spirit. This might also come with the fact that a month ago, he and his ex-girlfriend Y/N L/N called it quit and were under the heat for several weeks. Many fans hope the team gets it together and wins their next game against Chelsea.

Hakimi: Fix him.

Y/N: huh?

Hakimi: I said fix him.

Y/N: u are going to have to be more specific than that.

Hakimi: Kylian. He hasn't been the same since you deliberately dump him like trash.

Y/N: We were never together, so how can I dump him like trash?

Hakimi: Why did I ever think you were smart?

Y/N: 🖕🏼

Hakimi: just talk to him pls. He hasn’t been the same since y’all left ur fake relationship. I think you broke his pride and heart.

Y/N: wow u actually have a heart.

Hakimi: u ass my heart is more pure than urs for sure

Y/N: fine I’ll talk to him. But don’t expect anything else.

Hakimi: got it😏

“If we play like how we played last week, we’re fucked. So let’s get it together,” Hakimi says, mainly staring at Mbappé. He was a bit nervous for his friend because you’re in the crowd, and the opponent was Chelsea. They’ve been preparing daily to ensure they win the match, and Mbappé especially wanted to take the win. But right now, he is a bit concerned because his friend is too quiet. “We win and move on to the next match. Opponents are opponents,” Messi said casually, not understanding the love triangle between you, João, and Mbappé. “And control your emotions. We don’t need any of us to get a red,” Neymar warns while looking at Mbappé. “Speak for yourself, asshole,” Hakimi growls, causing Neymar to laugh. “Hey! I’ll score before you even know!”

“Fuck!” Neymar groans as he stares at the red card in his face. The referee decided he had had enough of the constant argument between Mason Mount and Neymar, so they both were given a red. “Not even one goal,” Hakimi shakes his head as the Brazilian player walks past him. He then looks over at Mbappé, who was awkwardly looking around the stadium, noticing the way people were whispering and taking videos of him. Mbappé had spotted you when they lined up, and for some obvious reasons, he was happy that you weren’t sporting João Félix’s shirt. He was also impressed that you felt confident enough to show yourself in public instead of hiding in the VIP lounge. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” Sergio Ramos whispers in Mbappé's ears, causing the captain to smirk. “Sexy as hell. She needs to know that.” Sergio Ramos laughs and pats Mbappé on the back, “Kylian, you need to get that girl. Just tell her how you feel. You never know.”

Your heart races from the intense game displayed in front of you. Both teams did not want to give up, and it was one goal after another. Kylian Mbappé had scored a hat trick already, whereas João Félix scored two goals. You swear this game gets as many views as the World Cup because everyone wanted to watch the drama. A couple of PSG fans had already tried to get a reaction out of you but but you wore a sun glasses and stay very stern. Hakimi’s wife also tried not to show any type of reaction, but the other players wives and girlfriends were very invested.

“Are you going to talk to him after the game?” Hiba asked while staring at your emotionless face. “Hakimi requested I do, but we’ll see how the game goes,” you shrugged. Hiba gives you a wary look before she turns her focus back to the game. You’re sure she’s judging you; everyone that knows the whole story is judging you. To choose a guy that repeatedly disrespected himself is absurd, but no one knows how it feels. You can’t just abandon a long term friendship for a brief fake romance….not without some reassurance.

João glares at the other team as they hug one another and do their celebration dance. He did not miss the smirk that some PSG players threw at him. Kai and Mason go up to him, both swinging their arms around his shoulders, comforting their teammates. “We lost by one. One fucking goal,” Kai murmurs. João clenches his jaw as he sees Mbappé throws a glance at you, and what makes things worse is you’re looking at him too. “If I lose, I will look like a fool again. I’m going to make sure she’s mine by tonight.”

The Golden Boy: Where are you we need to talk?

Y/N: I’m with Hiba and her kids. We are waiting on Hakimi.

The Golden Boy: it’s important. I need to see u now.

Y/N: What is it? I promised Hakimi I would spend time with them….

The Golden Boy: I’ll come to u.

You look around the VIP lounge, wondering if João knew you’re supposed to have a conversation with Mbappé. He was your best friend, but you don’t owe him an explanation. You left things unanswered with Mbappé, and you’ll regret it one day if you don’t speak your mind.

“Hey, you good?” Hakimi asked when he saw how nervous you were. You just shrugged because you weren’t sure yourself. He was leading you to the private room where Mbappé is. Apparently, Mbappé is supposed to fly out to another country for work, and he’ll be busy for a while, so this was your only chance. “You know you’re supposed to follow what your gut tells you, right?” Hakimi asked when he stopped in front of a secluded area. “Yes, Achraf, thank you,” you said and hugged him. He returns the hug, whispering that everything will be ok.

Your phone rings as soon as you enter the room. Mbappé was already seated, his duffel bag next to him as he scrolled through his phone. He glanced at your phone and the back to your face. “Félix?” He says, already knowing who was trying to take you away. “Yeah,” you mumbled. Mbappé waits for you to pick up the phone, but to his surprise, you turn it off.

You chew on your lower lips as you wait for him to do something, anything, to get rid of the tension. He wasn’t making things easier as he stared at you with an emotionless eye. Your eyes wander to the little bar on the right side of the room, filled and untouched. As you take in your surrounding, Mbappé stands up and make his way toward you. You gulped, stepping a couple of steps back, and in no time, your back hit the wall, and Mbappé was standing a couple of inches from you. He was a lot taller than you and more prominent, and you aren’t sure if you were turned on by the way he was hatefully looking at you. “Say something,” you whispered, wanting to eliminate the strange tension. Mbappé continues to stare you down, his fingertips tracing your curves. “I should hate you. I should ruin you and never feel sorry. I should make you beg for my attention, for my touch, but I missed you too much,” he said, his French accent stronger than usual. “And I’m going to fucking regret doing this, but just remember you were the one that came to me,” he growls, and the next thing you know, his lips are on yours.

It took you nearly a minute to realize that Mbappé was kissing you, and it wasn’t an innocent kiss; it was a passionate kiss. Your heart started beating fast, but your body was reacting to him, and you were fully aware that your arms looped around his neck, bringing him closer. “I should’ve just done this, so you didn’t have to leave me,” he groans. You moan in return, and Mbappé takes that as a cue to kiss your neck. “tu me tue,” he whispers as he kisses your neck, and you don’t have the energy to ask what he is saying. “Kylian,” you whisper when you realize this is getting slightly out of hand. “I know, bébé, I know…” he groans and lays his head on your shoulder, trying to control himself.

After calming down, the both of you sat down, and you glanced at his bag. “I don’t have much time. I got a flight to catch,” he says. You softly smile and look into his eyes; they are still the same. “Hakimi said you are going to be busy for the next couple of months,” you said. Mbappé nodded, smiling lazily as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ears. “Yeah. A lot of offers and interviews and a lot of traveling.” You nod and wait for him to continue, but he waits for you to speak. You sighed, ready to talk about the situation. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled, and he smiled. “It’s ok.” You shake your head, “no, it’s not. I acted selfishly and left you with no answer, no closure. Even though we were pretending, we were still friends. I shouldn’t have ditched you like that. Gosh, I felt so bad; Kylian and I have regretted it ever since.” Mbappé glances at an empty wall before he looks back at you, wondering what he should say. “Is that what you see us? Friends?” He asked. You shyly look away and shake your head. “I like you. I concluded after seeing you today and realizing how much I missed you. But I still have unsolved problems that I need to work out.”

Mbappé smiles, his eyes holding hope and a future. He likes you, and you want to know when that all started, but that was a different story. Maybe one day, he’ll share it with you. “Is three months enough?” He asked, and you realize he means that’s how long it’ll take for him to settle back to a regular schedule finally. “Will you still have the same feeling?” You asked because three months is more extended than people think. “I should be the one asking that,” he says, causing you to stare down at your hands. You weren’t going to make promises you can’t make because João is still around. Mbappé can see your unwary eyes, and he tilts your chin so you can look at him. “How about I text you in three months, maybe five days and 2 hours? You still own me the rest of the movie night” He jokes, and you chuckle. “That sounds very specific,” you said, causing him to laugh. “What can I say? I’m very persistent,” he winks.

After talking, Mbappé had to leave to catch his flight, and although he secretly suggested you go with him, you knew you couldn’t run away from your problems. João also needed answers, and you were finally ready to give them to him. “Where have you been?” João asked as soon as you walked into the apartment. He was frustrated with you and annoyed that you turned off your phone. “I was catching up with friends,” you mumbled and placed your bag on the kitchen counter. You look at the dining table that has candles and food laid out. João rented an apartment for you to stay and he had to choose the most expensive one to impress you. “Who are the friends?” He glared at you while asking. You narrow your eyes, annoyed by the way his tone sounded. “That’s none of your business,” you spat, causing him to clench his jaws. He then looks at your neck, and his eyes shift from anger to disgust. “Who the fuck give you a hickey?” He demanded as he moved closer to you. Your eyes widen, and you touch your neck. João grabbed hold of your arm and stared down at the hickey. “You fucked someone” He accused without hesitation. This causes you to frustratedly pull your arms away, “what is wrong with you?” You asked. João ignores your question and walks to the dining table. He then swings his hands across the table, causing plates, vases, flowers, and everything to shatter on the floor. “I’m losing you! Why am I losing you!” He yells. This causes you to step backward, nearly tripping on your way. “You said you were in love with me, Y/N! What happened now? Why do I keep losing!”

You stand there, surprised, annoyed, confused, and angry at the sight before you. João is emotionally not stable right now, and you know there is much more than what he is saying. “João you…what are you saying?” You asked while moving closer to his sulking form. He was now on the ground, his hands bleeding as he cried. “First Magui and now you. I keep losing the people I love to others.” Your heart breaks for him as you rush towards his side and pull him into a hug, ignoring the sting on your knees due to the glass pieces. “You’re going to be fine,” you whispered, soothing him. “I can’t fucking lose you, too,” he mumbles. “Gosh, I loved her so much.” And for the first time, your heart didn’t shatter at the mention of João loving someone else; you’re just here as his best friend, comforting him through the pain. João was still moving on, and you would be the key, but now you realize he was still in pain, still insecure. And you were here as a best friend, not someone with a crush on him. “Y/N, please stay by my side forever. I can’t lose you too.” You smiled because you finally knew what needed to be done, and even though it would break your heart, it had to be done.

1 month later

Breaking News: Portugal and Chelsea player João Félix is spotted on a date with his on-and-off girlfriend, Magui Corceiro. This happens only a month after he and his former best friend Y/N L/N unfollow one another, and him confirming that they’re no longer friends, and it’s a mutual decision. Y/N, on the other hand, decided to go private on her social media and has been staying quiet. Many fans are disappointed in Felix’s decision to return to Magui, but many think this has to happen so Y/N can finally leave the friendship. As for Y/N’s former fling, Kylian Mbappé, many fans hope there is a reconciliation because they still follow one another.

3 months, 5 days, and 2 hours later

Kylian: Hey bébé, wanna finish up that movie? ✈️🇫🇷

Y/N: ……..pick me up ❤️

The End

@akiraquote @swifty1981-blog @forevernightmaree @kanejsuppremacy @ricsaigaslec @cialovessirlewis @ariagonzalezsstuff @marlenelyra @starzalign @e3te1a @ssolzs @mariavettel @kettlechips3 @escapism-writer @sexyburgers69 @kacyyz @iloveenglishmen @sora-777-romanoff @kakuchosbff @reinys24 @revenaye @juliannaelaine @christianpulisic10

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baby-xemnas · 9 months ago

Note

I love so much that “Bepo is Law’s weakness” is arguably canon. It’s not “Law’s weakness is cute things” like some ppl in fandom try to say since Law is pretty visibly unaffected by Chopper, little kids, all the standard “cute things” in OP. It’s literally just Bepo and his cuteness that has an effect on Law, and we see it in reaction to Bepo going “🥺” when Bepo was sick, letting Bepo hug him all the time, taking Bepo to Uta concert only bc he knows Bepo wants to go, etc. LawBepo is such a perfect ship, massively underrated ship frfr 🩷🩷🩷🩷

there is this very good compilation pic from @/daily_trafalgar on twitter with a caption "law's reaction to cute things"

you mean barely a reaction

and then there is Bepo

Bepo is special he is spoiled and coddled and can do anything he wants with barely a word from Law. i do think Law is good with kids but Bepo is a grown man - his best friend

and as much as some lawbepo non-shippers want to see them as parent and child -you dont see someone YOU grew up with. YOU were children at the same time with - and grew up alongside each other as a CHILD. You just don't see them as that, it's nonsense. Yes he is like law's little brother but not a child

(i call him Law's baby like 20 times a day but that's in a way that a cute girlfriend is "baby")

Saying all this to say that "oh Law is weak to Bepo's cuteness because he is like Law's baby" (implying child) or even worse = when people call him a pet They grew up together - 4 year difference is forgotten about -you are peers - yes of course Bepo is both subordinate and looks up to Law as an stronger smarter leader etc. but thats not a parental dynamic at all.

its a very serious, rational and collected guy and his favorite guy who he spoils in big and little ways and have been spoiling him their whole lives...

i love that Law saved Bepo from getting his ass beat and dying alone and brought him home and they just stayed in that dynamic their whole life and both became adults but this "Bepo is precious and weak af and i love him" pretty much didn't change.

and Bepo is so comfortable with it. novel was Law focused so it never gave Bepo an "I'LL TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO PROTECT ME ALL THE TIME I CAN HOLD MY OWN" arc - and that would make sense for his character if there was time/desire to focus on him but because of those constraints Bepo bypassed that and i kinda love it? (you can call it another of many copes of mine idc) but him NOT having a standart "little brother" arc is awesome, Bepo is very comfortable in his role and when he speaks its always

"I'll do my best for you and help where i can because you are so amazing" there is zero of his own ego. He is comfortable in his "lower rank" role, he doesn't strive to be Law's equal he knows he can't be! Law san is the greatest!!

Law is happy with it too because he is a protector in nature (look at his bigass crew ;-;♥) so bepo being HAPPY to be protected makes him happy too. It makes Law feel strong and good, it plays on his ego in a positive way being looked up to and sought out as a protector - yes it's pressure (that Bepo does his best to elevate) but it's not negative and Law takes it happily, it's good to feel needed. And it all started with Bepo and they preserved that - Law is always strong and cool leader and protector and Bepo is always UUUU CAPTAIN 🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭

they are the best and i love them so much it's such a special dynamic and it makes Law's character so much better

#anonymous #lawbepo #putting all my talking in circles under the cut cuz its a lot #law: born to daddy - forced to daddy - is contently daddy #basically #his reaction to children: strong must protect the sweet (stone faced) papi but not super soft about it #bepo being baby: CRITICAL DAMAGE

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fumifooms · 11 months ago

Note

Do you know about the Marchil h-doujin, just called "Marchil Meshi"? (Dunno wether you're comfortable about adult content regarding the ship. If not, sorry and feel free to ignore).

Imagine my surprise… When a few months ago, I was looking up places to buy doujins for dunmeshi online bc of that new-ish laimar (sfw) doujin and I find, many many nsfw ones bUT AMONGST THE HORDE… MARCHIL MESHI. I ate it up. It’s a lil iconic to me ngl, I quote it in my head sometimes. Marcille angrily gesturing always gets me cackling. It honestly has no business being this good, it was made pretty early on in the story so many years ago, and STILL! So in character, and honestly so funny, AND no weird business either. Like listen, I scour the internet, looking for any marchil content, any marchil content at all… And find a dry af desert, no life here, literally jackshit nothing. Only Pixiv has some afaik but the nsfw is def… Hm. 😔 (2 fics tagged chirumaru on there btw!! That aren’t mine lol) Thank you marchil meshi author if I had to pick 1 piece of marchil nsfw to exist I’d choose this one (honestly that’s already so close to reality lol) Thank u Asaki Takayuki I owe u my life. I like zines but I’ve never bought doujins before so it didn’t cross my mind, but dunmeshi is taking a lot of my first times in fandom engagement and I bought said laimar doujin just the other day hehe

I do want to keep my blog generally sfw but yes I’m 100% cheering on nsfw marchil content from the shadows, glad that ao3’s finally getting some too. I hope that fic writer makes more… Tallman Chil is so so good but I hope they also do some more general premises, which the end notes on that one do make me hopeful 👀 I want more marchil writers in general. More marchil fanartists. Sfw nsfw idk I need to be fed 😭 (<- This post was drafted before that new marchil smut fic WOOHOO. So much new marchil content this week!!)

Oh while I’m here, I find this so funny/odd, but in japanese fandom ship names are simply the beginning of each name smushed together, like marchil or chilmar. The order of the names is that the first one is the "top"… Idk how jp fandoms live without switches but aight, but in m/f ships this means that typically the man is the first half of the ship name right. WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT marchil is so much more used than chilmar lmaoo. Even more stats: On Pixiv, the tag marchil had all the artworks, but the chilmar tag had all the fics. Ain’t that wack to think about. Anyways marchil or chilmar idc you go guys

Sighh thinking about them. They are so "I beg your pardon??!" "Then beg", "Fuck you!" "Fuck me yourself you coward"… Forget stamens and pistils, Chil is the cursed "You see, there are keys and there are locks…"

More under cut since I don’t get to talk about this often, screenshots and hcs for horny time

^ said panel that lives rent free in my head and makes me giggle. I wish I’d just put the whole page here it’s my fave but nahh go find it yourself

Why are they like this. Like what is thatttt

I need to stop collecting these I’m making myself feel insane (thank you fic writer for that last one I’d never noticed but omg)

Alright hc time what was I gonna talk about… Ah yes ah yes. I def think Chil is a pest, he’s horny and he wants sex and is flagrant about it, but also we know that he stayed faithful for 4 years without getting any, I feel like realistically the relationship sex wise would 100% be on Marcille’s pace. And this is the fun part, bc would Marcille be very eager? Would she want to do the romance book correct™️ route and that means no tapping until marriage, or he needs to court her all princely first? I hc that elves have a much lower libido than humans because of the whole long af lifespan thing, it’d be kinda funny if Marcille was like "Let’s take things slow… 🥺" aka first base achieved after two years of being together lol

But seee that’s the thing too bc Marcille is so afraid of loss she might rush through things as well, she very well could like, jump on him right after confessing. Is Chilchuck kind of a shithead or is he very gentlemanly and romantic, wanting to do it right and treat her well? They are such a blank canvas of sexual chemistry listen LISTENNN there are just so so many ways you can go with them they are so special. God the banter… They cannot stop bantering for a second I swear So many kinks they could fit… I like uhh praise kink for him and for her… Idk she just really loves him and the emotional adoration is what’s at the core of her enjoying it all so like, loving Chilchuck kink, which turns out those two really match together 🫶 He makes her sing and ummm um you see where this goes. They are so grossly in love and into each other

They are so domestic. I hate them

#Followers you now know about the existence of this you’re welcome #Marchil #Sorry for taking a week to answer this ask. I have so many to get back to aaa sorry everyone #There’s never a perfect time to drop bomb posts like these gdvdgd #Fumi rambles #the opening line of this post is a quote of Amanda’s iconic rant about PLA sneasler in my heart #No one can reblog this post it shall be framed in shame on my blog only /j

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selfship-confession-box · 5 months ago

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im just rambling like a dumbass dont mind me heehoo anyways

TIL no one, and i mean NO ONE actively self ships w one of my f/os but me and it feels so comforting. it adds onto the fact that im convinced we're made for eachother;;

like i am heavy on nonsharing, im strictly ficto and have many mental disabilities and my self ships feel way too real for me to be okay with doubles (most of the time) so being the only one aside from his wife who desires him brings me so much peace.

i mean, i CAN understand why no one self ships with him; from an outsiders pov he can be an "awful" person and isnt very desirable aside from physical appearance, i see plenty of people saying shit like "hes handsome smash no doubt!"

however no one but me is actually taking the time to be tender and understanding with him and loving him for his deep flaws and ungodly annoying and awful mannerisms... even his wife in canon wants to erase his flaws or just cant stand him for them sometimes but i just sit there like "auuu hes just so misunderstood 🥺🥺🥺 my poor squippy booba..."

i want to be his rock, his shoulder to cry on yk? i wanna be the one who understands him, i wanna be the one who comforts him when he makes a mistake instead of shaming him and making him feel worse :( i dont love him despite his flaws; i love him flaws and all. and hed love me the same! our flaws and trauma are so similar, hed find solace in the fact that hes not alone with why he is the way he is, and in my eyes that makes him perfect to me

hes literally my fucked up and tormented and stupid bbg that i love more than anything :") i love over analyzing and woobifying him idc hes mine :3c

-🫀🇺🇸

#self ship #self shipping community #selfshipping community #selfship #self shipper #self shipping #self ship community #selfship community #f/o #f/os #🫀🇺🇸 anon #american heart anon

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gothsuguru · 11 months ago

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KAIROOOOO 🥺🥺🥺 i think you’ll see this in the morning so. good morning!!! here is your ari delivered breakfast ☕️🍵🧇🥞🍳….. i woke up to your tags on my old sugu drabbles and i’m here to cover you in kisses YOU’RE THE SWEETEST EVER EVER EVER :(((((( i’m soooooo overjoyed that you liked them…. ms. geto herself……… your approval means everything 2 me 🫂🫂🫂

no but your tags made me crazy w joy i was bursting at the seams i fear 💔💔 i’m willing to become a spring baby if it’s for you!!!! spring/autumn solidarity is real 2 me so i’m halfway there i think….. and YES you get it purple was invented for suguru geto alone!!! he’s. such an acts of service bf…. 😔😔 so endelessly patient and endeared….. i think you could actually just kill someone and he’d be like ”damn that’s not good… but it’s so you.” he’s insane <333 AND THE BABYBOY SUGU DRABBLE it’s my pride and joy…… i think he deserves to be hugged and coddled endlessly T_T FLUSTERED SUGU IS A FAVE OF MINE TOOOO it’s such a vulnerable position for him to be in so i think his brain kinda explodes… just lets himself be pampered…. as he should :3

ily kairo tysm for taking the time to read my silly drabbles 🥺🥺 and for your kind words!! they rlly do mean so much 2 me T_T suguru told me to give you a kiss from him so a big fat MWAH to you <333 and here is a silly meme too <333333

you calling me ms. geto is so dangerous bc i’m more delusional than usual this morning 😹😹😹 FIRST OF ALL THANK YOU FOR THE BREAKFAST am sending you desserts back rn :3 🍰🍪🍭🍦🍡 (do NOT let gojo at these……… you BLINK and they’re GONE 😪) AND OMG SPRING/AUTUMN SOLIDARITY IS GOING SO STRONG are you an autumn baby bc that’s so cute :>

I LOOOOOVED YOUR SUGU DRABBLES!!!!! you write suguru in such a tender, fond, & soft way i think that’s why i’m so enamored by him <333 your suguru is canon to me idc! like i truly genuinely believe those are actual facets of his personality <3 YESSSSSSSS ACTS OF SERVICE BF i fully believe that’s one of his biggest love languages he loves taking care of you :> & PURPLE REALLY IS SOOOOO HIS COLOR v royal v elegant v mysterious <333 also biggest compliment i can give you rn is that your writing it soooooo stunning & emotion-invoking and the imagery is SO pretty that they remind me of hozier lyrics like omfg ari 🤝 hozier

AND FLUSTERED!SUGU MY ANGEL MY LOVE MY REASON TO BEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHH I LOVED HOW TENDER THAT DRABBLE WAS I LOVE SEEING SUGURU SHY & MEEK!!!!!! it’s so underrated i think he enjoys flustering others so much that when it’s done to him it’s like Suguru Exe. Has Stopped Working……… need to make him blush then have him fall on top of me… it would heal me <3

ALSO THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH CUTE DRABBLES HEHEHEHE here’s a sugu meme back :3 i am readily accepting his smooch <3 MWAHHHHHH!!!!!

#asks #ari tag <3 #you could kill someone and suguru would be like :3 murder isn’t even that bad fr…#king of instigation & a follower of intersectional feminism ☝🏼good for him #anyways. that sugu meme is me to him bc i think when he tries to be funny no one laughs but i would laugh bc i am indeed tryna hit #i think he’s unintentionally hilarious just like gojo like people laugh when they don’t mean to be funny and they’re like damn i hate y’all #i’m tangent-ing just know. I’m Correct

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sukirichi · 6 months ago

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SUKI SUKI SUKI !! good evening, cly’s here, y’know what that means: PART 3 of my rambles <3

disregarding the ending, this chapter made me really happy :(( it made me feel a little spark of hope that maybe all will be alright, you know? it gave me some sort of peace after this incredibly stressful weeks of mine 😭 to be fair, the whole story just gives me sanctuary for an hour or so as i take my time reading it. whether i’m outside or sitting in the comfort of my home, your writing never fails to let me escape a reality i’d rather not face 🥹

ANYWAY regarding the ending tho, i was already thinking that rin was too good to be true omfg 😭😭 it was stressing me out like girl pls look under his bed or something because i cannot be trusting his ass after all the shit he put our girl y/n thru 😒😒😒 i can’t rly complain much about the start and middle tho bcs it all really made me happy </3 i js kept thinking like WHAT IF there was an alternate universe where everything was so peaceful and dtd was js pure fluff 🥰 BUT no suki said no 💔

&& excuse me i initially suspected that the pastries were messed with but ig we’ll never know

i already had a weird feeling that something was up when the housewarming party started bc hello, wdym she’s looking sick and having cravings AND I KNEW I WAS RIGHT!!! IM NEVERRRR WRONG oh god i want to see rin’s face after all this, then i just want to slap him sort of idk ACTUALLY I HAVE A THEORY!! HEAR ME OUT (i’ll sound delusional for this but idc 😞), what if rin and iris actually DID broke up,, ig a little farfetched but what if rin avoiding iris for y/n made him wake up a bit and yk, he fully committed to it,, so what if the father ISN’T rin and maybe it’s iris’ way of trying to stay in the royal family? either pretending that it was rin’s or omi’s 🤔🤔 LIKE THAT’S THE FUTURE HEIR RIGHT THERE!! EITHER ONE’S CHILD ARE VALUABLE OMFG?!? like the obvious conclusion here is that rintarou’s the father, but what if he isn’t and she’s pregnant with another man OR WHAT IF SHE’S PREGNANT AND ANOTHER BROTHER IS THE FATHER OH MY GOD cly galaxy brain frfrfr

i need to see what’s next n i hope y/n can still find peace in that house, i don’t want it to be short lived sigh 😞 anw THANK U FOR THE CHAPTER SUKI I ATEEEE IT UP 🙏🙏🙏

hi hi, always happy to hear your rambles !! and aaww wait that’s so sweet ! ik dtd can be a heavy read because it has angst and lots of drama but to hear you say my writings feel like a sanctuary... i can’t think of a bigger compliment, i’m a little in awe 🥹🫶🏻 ALSO OMG i think about this a lot too like what if in an alternative universe, tobio has become a pro volleyball player and let go of his title to pursue his passion, akaashi has also dropped his titles to live a simple life in the kingdom helping the people, iris never existed LMAO and kiyoomi is happily curled up in the swings on his porch at itachiyama while he reads a book and rinyn were happily married 🥹

YES couldn’t have said it better myself but either one’s child would be just as valuable bcos they’re both princes so if iris really did use her pregnancy as leverage, she’d have secured her future alr 🥲 OH NO ANOTHER BROTHER? i can’t see any of the other princes wanting iris like that but... i think if atsumu had like seven shots and was drunk out his mind, he might give it a go. anyways thank you so much !! i appreciate the time you took to send me this message and am always looking forward to hearing everyone’s theories + thank you SO MUCH for the support and kind words. means the world to me, truly 🥺🌷

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: dusk till dawn #long ask #cw: pregnancy

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chal-latte · 3 years ago

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Timmy being a big fan of the reader who’s a rising movie star. And they meet at the met gala, and it’s just love at first sight. Timmy being awkward af

A/N: I see movie i see dune. bare w me 🥺 also pretend like she’s casted for irulan corrino in dune 2. i think this is kinda diff from what ur inspo butttttt HOPE U LIKE THIS <3

y/i/n

Liked by metmuseum, tchalamet and 1.091.882 others

y/i/n met a cool guy at my first met gala ✨🏹🖤

tagged: @riccardotisci17

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↪️ y/i/n best night ever (skipped to the good part)

↪️ sydneylcarlson comin in hot (came)

↪️ y/i/n @sydneylcarlson SYD????!!!!!

fanpage18 NAAAAAH I THINK IK

fanpage16 okay..timothee????liked???this???

tommy.dorfman get it get it get it

↪️ y/i/n werkkkkkk 🍑

fanpage90 baby’s getting her recognition as she deserves😆😆 to the big screen we go💕

fanpage58 YALL SEEING THIS?

burberry 🖤🖤🖤

fanpage37 we all know how much she loves burberry and riccardo look at her now!!! being the face of her dream brand🤩🥹

metmuseum we are delighted to have you in our gala, y/n!

fanpage76 the only ruling queen irulan corrino 👸👸👸

riccardotisci17 that cool guy is not me guys Xx

↪️ stellamaxwell mic drop

↪️ y/i/n @riccardotisci17 @stellamaxwell STOPPP

tchalamet

Liked by y/i/n, metmuseum and 5.810.739 others

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fanpage90 GO KING

h.a shine bright brother ⭐️⭐️⭐️

metmuseum happy to have you in the museum timothée 👑

fanpage16 THAT ! BOY ! IS ! MINE !

fanpage67 god i’d do anything to see his interaction w y/n

↪️ fanpage77 wait what

↪️ fanpage67 yeah enews talked ab timothee making a move on y/n

cartier perfection 💎✨

y/i/n cool

↪️ tchalamet ☺️

fanpage39 timothee be twirling his hair rn bet

fanpage72 BABE WAKE UP Y/N AND TIMOTHEE R DATING

fanpage19 the world rn: trembling and quacking

hichasestokes incredible work @y/i/n

↪️ y/i/n shut up chase

fanpage49 go bad bitch go bad bitch go!

fanpage82 im taking u as my prom date please accept

*Liked by @y/i/n

fanpage66 Y/N SIGHTING YALL WHATS GOING ON

fanpage49 BRUHHHHHH HE KNOWS WHATS UP I’d date y/n too tbf

billieeilish you sure look nice in her eyes man

↪️ fanpage38 LMAO SAY WHAT NOW

fanpage33 TIMOTHEE IS THE COOL GUY?!

tchalamet tagged @y/i/n in a story!

tchalamet corrino beaut

enews

Liked by 57.728 others

enews the fresh face of hollywood y/n l/n and our sweetheart timothée chalamet went to the met gala after party hand in hand. seems like they can’t keep their hands to themselves— notice how they are always at arms length in the pictures? even though this is their first time meeting each other, we believe this is “love at first sight” what do you think?

tagged: @y/i/n @tchalamet

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fanpage55 it couple

fanpage90 i ship them so bad idc if theyve j met i need them to be together

fanpage11 mid

fanpage18 theyd be a beautiful couple fr theyre both so vibrant and loving 💕

fanpage86 parents

fanpage89 L femme he can do better

↪️ fanpage27 nah its the fact that he made a move first

fanpage33 im not sure ab this but y/nabel will always be in my heart

fanpage56 lol wtf is wrong w these haters just let them be happy theyre young and they deserve to fall in love and be in love some of yall have pure hatred on seeing other ppl being happy and it shows

fanpage27 y/ntimothee engraved in my soul

fanpage16 theyre not even dating yet but theyre ab to make history

fanpage97 ICONNNNNNNNNNNNNN

#timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee fic rec!#paul atreides #paul atreides imagine #timothee chalamet imagines #timothee chalamet au #imagine #instagram au

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redorich · 3 years ago

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rating dsmp characters on whether i would fight them

Ant - claws?? no thanks

Bad - he'd kick my ass absolutely but it would be fun and he would be sportsmanlike. i might be able to get him with the pocket sand trick

Charlie - if i tried to punch him my hand would just sink into his goop and he would smile at me like this is normal

Connor - he's the only normal one but he does wear a sonic onesie in public which makes me want to beat him up. maybe i'd give him a swirly or smth lol

Dream - he would fucking kill me. i would much rather ruin his reputation by starting a rumor that he doesnt wipe his ass or wash his hands after he shits

DreamXD - i like living, thanks (hard pass)

Drista - i take every chance i can get to fight fourteen year olds. that being said i also dont enjoy being encased in bedrock. like i would still do it but just for the record it is a bad idea

Eret - no, if i hurt eret physically their disappointment would hurt me emotionally and it's just not worth it

Foolish - i feel like i could get in a few good licks before he starts to fight back so if im quick about it and i run away before he realizes he just got clocked i could probably get away with it

Fundy - this man SCREAMS prey. he has the vibes of a freshman. you wouldnt even have to prompt me i would just see this man walking down the street minding his own business and just mow his ass down

George - he's a good fighter but if i caught him while he is sleeping (which to be fair is 90% of the time) the satisfaction of kicking him in the ribs would be immense

Ghostbur - i would sooner strike myself down than hurt him

Hannah - damn, what a hell of a way to die o7

Hbomb (normal) - i'd spar with him because he looks like the kind of person who would make a neat noise when he hits the ground

Hbomb (catmaid variant) - absolutely not. she's girlbossing

Jack - same as fundy but like a little to the left. i'd stomp his ass for daring to be bald at me but then i would feel bad for discriminating against bald people. then he would open his mouth and say something to me and i would remember that i attacked him not because he's bald but because he's an idiot ❤️

Karl - he lives off of monster energy and bad decisions but so do i. the difference is that i could fold him like a table

Mexican Dream - i fear him

Michael - FUCK YEAH I'LL DROP KICK A CHILD I DONT GIVE A SHIT

Niki - oh no 😳 niki dont punch me in the face 🥴🥺 ahaha you're so girlboss and sexy-- [is murdered to death]

Philza - i could not step to this man but that wont stop me from trying. i'll have a soundboard full of baby zombie noises to throw him off his rhythm

Ponk - let's spar!! and then we can like make a really cool two-person kata to impress people with and charge people money to watch us fight because they dont know its fake

Puffy - short queen with a killer right hook?? ahaha i could never 😖🥺😡 ........ unless?? 🤪🥵🤤🥴🥰

Punz - same as ponk tbh

Purpled - he's a child and therefore it is not only my duty but my god given right to assault him

Quackity - he would be surprisingly competent but i could still take him.

Ranboo - too much main character energy, not touching that. he'll teleport behind me with a katana or something

Sam - "i am doing this out of my own free will" yeah and? im doing this because my meat is huge and you literally cannot stop me bestie

Sapnap - he would beat me in a fair fight but if i took off my shirt and my bonkhonagahoogs were in full view i think i could win

Schlatt - this bitch schlatt walks everywhere and has heart problems because he downs so much protein powder, idc how swole he is his spine is mine

Skeppy - made of diamonds???? i would have to trick him into knocking himself out but then bad would come for me. depends on how funny it would be

Technoblade - i would much rather team up with him to beat up someone else. he would be amenable i think

Tommy - he's also a main character like ranboo but he's just so punchable. i have to

Tubbo - kids got fucking nukes man, i may love beating up children and especially teenagers but i also enjoy not fucking dying

Wilbur (L'Manberg) - goody two shoes hero lookin headass. punch him

Wilbur (Pogtopia) - JD kinnie theater kid lookin headass. punch him

Wilbur (revived) - oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my g (his ass is grass and im finna mow the lawn)

#mcyt #dream smp #dsmp #me.cpp

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rikinet-moved · 2 years ago

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u fell asleep again huh? lmao i keep telling u to sleep at a reasonable time but u want my company So Bad baby 😮‍💨 /srs . hwvr i can’t rlly complain abt u staying up late tho bc i’m like a cat with separation anxiety when ur not around so i’ll take what i can get 😵‍💫 ANYWAYS i’m gna make u take naps with me so we can cuddle n i’ll be the big spoon which gives me a reason to cling to mi príncipe azul aka u 💘 goddamn i’m rambling again but can u blame me?? i’m in my s*ppy soft girl hours n i was looking through my screenshots of our first msgs from the day we met so i started crying a little which is like ew . bc i’m not that pretty when i cry but idc!!! ur worth every tear for me ): i’m so in love with u baby 🥺 i never knew it would lead to where we are rn, idk how i got u interested in me back then but i’m thankful to my past self for talking to u when i did bc now ur mine n i’m never ever letting u go <3 i love u sooo much my precious boy ): <33

- the one n only mrs nishimura

sorry hh :< admin was exhausted . again but ur right i do 🥲 n im like a cat w separation anxiety too bhsbd i don’t believe in naps!!!!! maybe i’ll pretend to be asleep /hj but that sounds nice :( i like going thru our old texts n posts n conversations w each other bc it brings back good memories :’) im an ugly crier too so we can cry together ☝🏻 i’m so in love with u too :c im always thankful that u interacted w me first when u did, best decision you’ve ever made 🤕 /hj ily so much mwah mwah

#riki’s baby: yuna! 🖤#riki: asks!

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zepskies · 18 days ago

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Thank you sooo much, my lovely!! 😘💕

Now diving into the rest of your amazing review! 😍

firstly I wanna say i love the phrase thicc thirty lol 😭 secondly I loved how each character was written, it felt true to their nature for sure 🙂‍↕️🫶🏽 as per usual of course :p💞

Hhaha right?! I borrowed that from Lizzo. 😝 And aw thank you!! you know I try to do my best to keep these guys in character.

deans made me so softt🥺 i’m always a sucker for person a noticing person b is off and then comforting them <333 it fills my heart with warmth every time I read it 💗 and the reassurance was lovely!

Girl SAME. I love me some sweet hurt/comfort, so I'm very glad you liked it here too. 💗

oh I felt this 😕 comparison is the thief of joy indeed, but it’s haaard sometimes :’) I mean i’m glad that by now adult me has accepted and acknowledged metabolism differences...for the most part lmao. but it’s definitely taken a lot or time 🫠

Ooh I've missed hearing that turn of phrase! Such an elegant one, and appropriate here loll. I mean yes, I've accepted the metabolism thing too, but it doesn't stop me from envying the perpetually thin. 🤪

oh beau ❤️‍🩹 as wonderful as these all are I think beau’s was my favorite this time around 🫶🏽 it’s so easy to fall into routine and let time slip by :/

I thought this one would fit with Beau especially because he has so much responsibility on his shoulders, and more that which he puts on himself. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Honestly I think Beau was my favorite this time too to write. Maybe because I've been rewatching Big Sky season 3. 😝

it’s breaking mine too beau, fix it!😭 i wanted to give her a hug so bad lol. completely understandable where she’s coming from :(

Ooh he will! 😏 I'm honestly thinking of creating a full one-shot fic out of this one because I feel like I could've explored more with it.

girl same, call me olaf the way i’d melt for him 🤠 now where can I acquire a man like this 🫠 also that analogy, loveee love 🙂‍↕️🫶🏽

omg right?? I'd melt for this cowboy sheriff on sight. 🫠🫠

(and also thank you!! I struggled on the "breath of life" analogy, thinking it might be too cliche lol)

(I realized as i’m writing out this review, I may be a little biased because beau’s hc reminds me of the comforts of home 😅 I guess I have a thing for person a neglects person b non maliciously but has to make up for it too lolll <3)

Ooh yeah that's a super interesting parallel you noticed! Maybe I just have a thing for writing that trope? Non-malicious being the key word there. Oh, Sam (and oh Beau). 😩

meanwhile ben makes me laugh, he’s so direct lmfaoooo

YUP loll Ben doesn't mess around. (He doesn't have the patience.) 😂

like ben pleaseeee you did not have to add that ‘now’ 🤣

IKR? Like SIR. Pls. 😂✋🏽

and he’s so serious too 😭 such a romantic :p

loveeeee this, not just for the spice lol but how he didn’t go all stubborn macho man mode — while he’s not familiar with the new trends and he doesn’t think she needs to change anything, it’s sweet to see he’d be supportive of her regardless of what she chooses to do to make herself feel better — and I only say that due to his outdated mindset 😅💞

Oh yeah, I kind of surprised myself by writing that for his HC. I wondered if it verged on out of character, but I felt like he'd be like, "idc, do what you want, but I don't think you needa do a damn thing" -- type of deal. 😂💚

these headcanons were so wonderful <33 plus sized girly myself, I definitely understand the struggle with those negative thoughts & feelings that can really just take over randomly :/ soft and steamy reassurances sound like an absolute dream 💕🫠 these were so good lovely!🤍🫂

Aww my fellow plus-sized queen, thank you so much!! It's definitely hitting more lately for me. Since I've had some ongoing medical issues, I haven't been able to workout like I used to, so I've gained a bit more from what I'd lost. 🫠 But it's ok! Soon I'll be 100% and able to resume my routine while also not "starving myself" lmao. I'm so glad you enjoyed these admittedly self-indulgent HCs. 😘💕

Headcanon: Body Insecurity/Appreciation

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Reader, Beau Arlen x Reader, Soldier Boy/Ben x Reader

AN: This one was requested by one of my lovely Patreon members, @roseblue373. 💜 It's a special one to me personally, being plus-sized myself and having gone through my share of insecurities. Wish I had one of these guys to make it better lol!~

Prompt/Request: Great job with the latest Dean/Beau/Ben reacts vignettes! I'd love to see one where reader has put on weight and isn't happy with their body, and how each would make her feel better!! IF the muse agrees, of course! ❤️

HC: How Dean Winchester, Beau Arlen and Soldier Boy (Ben) would react to your body insecurity.

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Established relationship, body insecurity (but also body appreciation), thicc thirty, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, spiciness/smuttishness.

Dean Winchester

You've started breezing past mirrors when you get out of the shower.

Because if you catch sight of your own reflection, you can't help but utter a sigh, your lips dipping into a frown.

In the privacy of the room you share with Dean in the bunker, you take a risk in unwrapping the towel from your body in front of the mirror.

You inspect yourself with growing dejection, noting all the places that are rounder, heavier, less firm than they used to be.

Looks like no amount of running down leads and killing monsters has been enough to keep you in shape.

Too much shitty fast food, too many times you indulged yourself with snacks and dessert alongside your foodie boyfriend.

"What'cha doin', sweetheart?" Dean asks. He steps into the room while wiping donut icing from the corner of his mouth.

Speak of the devil.

When Dean finally catches you frowning at yourself in the mirror, you inhale sharply and close the towel back up.

"Nothing. Just need to get dressed," you reply quickly. "Shower's open."

You try to offer him a smile, despite the pang of jealousy when you eye him.

He gave you the first chance at the shower after the latest case wrapped up, so he's still wearing most of his FBI suit, sans jacket. The white dress shirt is rolled up to his elbows, a few days of scruff neatly trimmed across his cheeks.

The man can cram an entire pizza down his gullet and wash it down with three slices of apple pie, not to mention countless beers. And still, Dean stays looking downright edible.

By comparison, you feel...fat. Like you've let yourself go.

You turn away from him to grab your well-worn sweatpants and an oversized shirt; you plan to change alone in the bathroom, but Dean grabs your arm.

"Who says you need to get dressed?" he says, popping his brows with a suggestive grin. He slips his arms around your waist, but your instinct is to shy away from his hold. You chuckle awkwardly and avoid his now curious gaze.

"Sorry, babe. Um...I'm wiped. I just want to get to bed," you say.

But Dean isn't fooled. His spidey sense is tingling, and his gut is almost never wrong.

His hand slides down your arm and grasps your hand, tugging you back into his arms. You utter a little gasp, but you ultimately smile at his familiar grin. There's a perceptive gleam in his eyes though.

"You know, seems like you've been pretty wiped lately," he says, raising a brow. "It's been a while since we, uh..."

He waggles his brows playfully, squeezing your hips. You want to smile, but you can't let yourself. You can't quite look at him either.

For Dean, it's another glaring red flag. His lips form a frown, and he dips his chin to find your eyes.

"Hey," he says. "What's goin' on? Talk to me."

His tone is so sincere, you have to blink against the sting of tears. Your lower lip wobbles, and Dean frowns in earnest. He presses a hand to your cheek and gets you to look at him with your watery eyes.

"Sweetheart, you gotta tell me what's wrong," he says, more gently, but serious.

Eventually, you're able to get it out. You can't bear the thought of him touching you, because lately, you can't even bear looking at yourself.

"I know I've been gaining weight, I just..." your voice breaks, and you gesture haphazardly at your body. "I'd get it if you're not really into this right now."

Dean's heart clenches. He's downright shocked at your confession, and more than a little disheartened. He presses a hand to your cheek and guides you to look at him.

"All right, hold up just one damn minute."

His calloused fingers gently brush away your tears, but his hands keep moving, slowly traveling down your body. They slide down your bare arms, skimming the sides of your breasts.

Your breath hitches. Your hand is still fisted over your beating heart, keeping your towel closed. His hands continue to move, molding to the curve of your waist over the fuzzy fabric.

"I'll admit, we've been pretty busy lately with everything we've got going on. But if you think that means I'm ever not into this delectable, sexy, voluptuous, goddess body you got rockin' the house?" he says, grinning that utterly Dean grin of his.

You bite your lip against a bubble of laughter. He's too fucking much sometimes.

Dean tugs you closer, until your hips fit snugly against his through his slacks. His tall, broad frame crowds you. His lips skim your cheek, then over your lips in a tease.

He squeezes the flesh of your hips, tender and sensuous.

Your heart flutters at the feeling.

"Mmm, I like you nice and soft," he murmurs against your cheek, close to your ear. "Feels that much better when I fuck you."

A small gasp gets trapped in your throat, while the gravel depths in his voice go straight to your pussy in a pulsing throb of warmth.

By the time he claims your lips in a devouring kiss, you're all too willing to let him peel your towel open, drop it to the floor, and guide you backwards onto the bed.

There he'll take his time, forging yet another mental map of every plush square inch of you.

Beau Arlen

Beau is a busy man. You understand that.

As Sheriff, his job demands a lot from him. He's also a father and has an ex-wife to contend with. (You knew that going in, and you've come to love Emily too.)

However, you can't help but start to take it personally when your sex life begins to suffer. He's often claimed being tired...but there's another suspicion that's been taking root in your mind, feeding your doubts and insecurities about how your boyfriend sees you, and about how you see yourself.

When you slip into bed at night, a kiss goodnight is all he gives you lately, before he's sighing deeply and closing his eyes, his soft snores soon filling the room.

One night, you try touching his shoulder, leaning in to kiss his bearded cheek. He hums at the pleasant feeling.

"You wanna...?" You trail the question in his ear, pressing more sweet kisses down his neck.

"Aw, sweetheart," he groans. "I'd like to, but I think I'd just smother you. I'm about to pass out."

You huff a laugh. You teasingly walk two fingers across his chest. "What if I make it easy for you?"

You shift onto your side. Resting a hand on his chest, you lean down to kiss him. He hums at the softness of it, but the more passion you try to imbue into each new kiss, Beau isn't as responsive as you would like. Eventually, you stop all together.

You frown, becoming disheartened. "You're not into this, I guess."

He opens his tired eyes, gazes up at you in apology. He opens his mouth to reply, but you beat him to it.

"You know it's been a month since we've had sex," you say.

Beau frowns, sliding a hand up your back. Only now does he notice, with appreciation, the familiar silky négligée you're wearing.

"Nah, that doesn't sound right," he says.

"Well, it is," you say. "I know you say you're tired, but I mean, you've had this job for as long as I've known you, Beau." Your eyes fall away from him. "So is the job, or...is it me?"

Beau's brows furrow. "Now wait a minute."

The mere thought dredges up what's been plaguing your mind recently, and it has your throat tightening. Tears of embarrassment and upset well up in your eyes, no matter how much you try to push it down.

You push away from him and turn away, crossing your arms. You try not to look at yourself in what used to be your favorite lingerie.

You can't stand the extra weight you've put on, mostly in your hips and ass, but in your middle and arms too.

You've gone through your own stress at work this year, with less and less time to try and take care of yourself, along with making sure Emily gets to and from school, cooking for the three of you, going to PTA meetings when Carla can't make it (since Beau often can't), and every other proverbial hat you wear.

Beau follows you, sitting up and laying a hand on your back. "Sweetheart--"

"I know I've put on a few. Hell, more than a few," you admit, hastily wiping under your eyes. "God, I can't even look at myself right now, let alone have you--"

"Hey. You stop right there," Beau says, more firmly. He gets you to turn around with his hand on your shoulder. He doesn't like the way you're curled in on yourself, as if hiding your body from his gaze.

That, and the sight of your tears damn well break his heart.

He cups the side of your face gently and presses a tender kiss to your forehead, followed closely by your lips.

You don't want to melt, but you just can't help it. You cling to the front of his shirt and lean into his kiss, like you've been lost in the desert, and his lips hold the breath of life.

You almost don't realize it when his arms slip around your waist. He earns a surprised yelp from you when he gathers you close against his chest and rolls you underneath him.

You land against the pillows in a huff. You stare up at his playful smile, his green eyes glinting with amusement, with fondness, and also with desire as they roam over your breasts, barely contained by dark green satin and lace.

"I've been neglecting you, haven't I?" he says. His voice is a low, earthy drawl as his gaze rakes over you. His big hand runs down your side and over your hip, then down your bare thigh, squeezing soft, tender flesh. He slips that hand under the satin night gown.

His hand can't span your entire thigh, but it's not for lack of trying. Your heart beats a staccato rhythm at the way he looks at you, your breath hitching when his thumb dips between your legs, brushing against the damp, silky fabric of your panties.

"It's not because I don't find you sexy as hell. Believe me, darlin', I do," he says. "You're so fuckin' beautiful, especially when you're all laid out for me here."

And he means what he says. You know it by the hardness you feel pressing against your hip. You slip your fingers into his hair with a sigh.

He bows his head to press kisses along your neck; down and down, he noses at the thin strap of your night gown. His path of kisses continue, and he indulges himself by dipping his tongue between the valley of your breasts.

"Filling out this lacy little thing so nice," he murmurs into your skin.

Your upset has turned to abject relief, but you still have to blink away the remaining urge to cry.

You let out a slightly tremulous breath.

"Oh, yeah?" you ask.

Beau pauses. He pulls away, just so he can look up and meet your eyes. He still finds insecurity in yours, so he meets you with a kiss filled with heat and intent.

He's now wide awake. He plans to take his sweet time taking you apart, inch by inch.

In fact, in the back of his mind, he also plans to do better about letting his deputies help him out more at the precint so he can have a better work-life balance.

(Because going a whole damn month without the taste of you is "no bueno," in his words.)

Soldier Boy (Ben)

The man may not be very patient, or particularly perceptive, but he's not an idiot.

At least, not about sex.

He knows that you've been feigning tiredness, and generally avoiding his touch.

What's strange is that you haven't been avoiding him. You still cook for him, still share conversation with him, still insist on having him spoon you on the couch while catching him up on the past four decades of TV shows and movies.

But when he begins to sneak a hand under your oversized shirt (an old one of Ben's), caressing your hip, then dipping down to your softer stomach on the way to your panties, breaking your concentration from the movie as unease laces down your spine.

You grab his wrist on reflex, instead lacing your fingers together.

"What's the matter now?" he asks.

You look over your shoulder at him and find him frowning at you, a divot between his brows. You don't manage to hold his gaze for long.

"Sorry," you say quietly. "I'm just, um, tired."

Ben doesn't believe you, and he's direct when he calls you out on it.

Reluctant to put what you've been feeling into words, you pause the movie and leave the couch (and him) behind.

Ben is annoyed enough to follow you (and underneath, he hides an edge of concern). The conflict leads into the bedroom, where you're still unwilling to open up.

He finally stops you from walking away from him, pinning you against the dresser by your hips. He practically looms over you as he demands an answer. He knows you're hiding something — something that's had you reluctant to let him touch you.

"Is there something you wanna tell me?" he says, a raw edge of warning in his tone. "What, are you fucking somebody else?"

Shock flashes in your eyes, making you angry. "What? No!"

"Well, you seem to be getting your fill somewhere, and it hasn't been from me--"

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not..." Your lips purse. You're actually hurt that he would hurl that accusation your way--and it couldn't be farther from the truth.

You tug your long shirt downwards and cross your arms, but it's more like you're hugging yourself, shielding your body away.

Ben's brows furrow a little bit more.

Eventually you get it out; you haven't been feeling up to being intimate because you're having a hard time even looking at yourself lately.

"I know I need to, um, get back in shape," you say, taking in a shaky breath to try and steady yourself. Your throat constricts, the beginnings of tears stinging your eyes. You want to look at anywhere but at Ben. "I just haven't had much time, with everything going on. But Annie gave me this guide on some different diets, like intermittent fasting, Keto--"

"Fasting," Ben intones. "What, you wanna fucking starve yourself? What the fuck is Keto?"

You sigh, barely resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

"No, not starve myself. And Keto's just..." The idea of trying to explain the new diet craze to your boyfriend is too daunting a task to consider. "Never mind. The point is, I have a plan. My hips, my thighs, my ass--"

Ben squeezes your hips at the mention of them. He happens to like the softness.

"Yeah, you've got a little extra. So fucking what?" he says, his voice deep and exacting as his gaze roams over your body. "Just gives me more to hold onto when I'm fucking you."

You utter a shocked laugh. "Ben!"

He grins lazily, and he turns you this way and that, admiring you from all angles. In his eyes, he doesn't find a side he doesn't like. You can't help but blush hotly under his gaze.

"Sweetheart, do whatever you want if it makes you feel good. But you don't need to starve yourself." His hands move to your ass, squeezing a bit harder on the plush flesh.

A yelp escapes you; he's pressing into you from the front as well, and you feel him heavy and already half-hard against you. You grab onto his arms for stability as your breaths quicken.

His attitude kind of surprises you, even though it soothes the frayed, insecure part of your soul that wants to be as beautiful and attractive in his eyes as he is in yours.

Ben is literally a super soldier. You're actually kind of jealous. The man can drug and booze hard and eat whatever the hell he wants, but his super metabolism just seems to absorb it into his washboard abs.

(The more you think about it, the more you want to smack him.)

Nothing about him isn't hard and lean, muscle and strength.

Only his hands have a measure of gentleless when they're holding you like this.

"I've just got so many stretch marks now," you begin to complain, in an emotional whisper.

He snorts. "And? You think it's anything I haven't seen? I'm not afraid of a little cellulite either."

At that, your head tilts in consideration. Butcher's Granny Fucker remark comes to mind. You bite your lip against a smirk.

Ben crooks a curled finger under your chin. He guides you to meet his eyes, before he lures you into a lusty kiss.

It's somewhat rough because of his beard, but you still smile afterwards, leaning against him now.

"Ain't nothing about you that I can't handle," he adds, all smirking and cocky. To prove his point, he hooks those strong hands behind your thighs and lifts you onto the dresser.

You gasp and cling to his shoulders. From there, he makes quick work of ridding the oversized shirt from your body, revealing you to the cool air and his hot gaze.

You take his face in your hands and bring him in for an even steamier kiss, your heart lighter and trembling with anticipation.

You've held yourself from him long enough, Ben thinks, and he has every intention of devouring you right on your old dresser -- before you two even get to the bed.

AN: 😮‍💨 I feel like each of these could've been even longer with their own one-shot loll. I wrote the Midnight Espresso-verse for Dean, partially to explore what his relationship would be like with a plus-sized reader. 💖💖

Let me know which one you liked most this time!

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