#take his class ever again I refuse to read fucking farm novels ever again

[reki-of-the-valley]

Not to be a literature major on main but my favorite misconception is that you can't show a writer anything new about their work because they wrote it. Like babes, you think writers know what they're doing half of the time? Of course they don't. They have a general idea, but they probably missed that color symbolism you've been obsessed with. Or maybe they're aware it's there but the way you took it is totally different from the way they thought about it.

So please, if you get excited over a certain wording or a specific image, say it! Even if you can't explain it! Just say it!!

[redhoodieone]

Wrong Number Part 2

A/N: Here’s Part 2! Uh…I don’t really know what to say other than…enjoy it! Hopefully, I can post Part 3 sometime next week.

Warnings: Language, Sexual Content, Text Message Nudes, and Mutual Masturbation.

I’m in complete shock. I know I’m frozen because I can’t literally take my eyes off the text message Jason sent to me. It’s clear; it’s in black and white, staring right at me.

Do you ever think we’ll meet each other?

He wants to meet me. Jason wants to meet me in person!

I want to text him back, but my mind is full of many ridiculous questions and the fears of Jason being a serial killer, or rapist, or just an insane Arkham escapee blows up in my head.

Before I knew it, I see the three bubbles on my screen.

I’m sorry. That was selfish of me to ask you that even though we’re still practically strangers to each other. Forget I asked, please?

My heart suddenly hurts like fuck. The pain I’m instantly feeling is very familiar. A broken heart?

It’s pure agony when I notice Jason texting me again.

I’m not going to be able to text tonight, sweetheart. I’m working late with my brothers. I’ll text you tomorrow. Have a good night. Sweet dreams.

I can’t believe I did this. How could I do this to a guy who’s been so funny, so sweet, and such a good friend in only just four days through text messages?

I seriously fucked up. And now I have no one to talk to until I fall asleep.

And as strange as it is, I only sleep well after I talk to him.

 ————————————————————————------------------------------

And true to his word, Jason texts me at five in the morning, only to let me know he made it home safe after working with his brothers.

We only spoke about our jobs once. He told me he works alongside police officers and tracks down criminals and helps brings justice to the city. He seemed almost hesitant to tell me and turned the conversation to me as if he doesn’t like talking about work. He made it clear that he would rather keep his work private, and I didn’t push him to tell me more. I didn’t want to ask a lot of questions, even if I’m sometimes curious about it, because I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable about it.

I had told him I’m a waitress at the local diner just a block away from GCPD, and how I’m a late-night writer who dreams of publishing my novel on love and loss. And after I confessed about the book I wrote to Jason, I noticed he was very enthusiastic about that and even told me he wants to read it.

And as the shy and insecure person that I am, I became embarrassed and said no.

That only fueled the fire between us. Jason went on to explain he loves to read. His favorite literature consists of Shakespeare (particularly Hamlet), George Orwell’s 1984 and Animal Farm, and even poetry from Edgar Allen Poe.

He even went into depth of how The Tell-Tale Heart mirrors his own reflection of life and stuck with him during a depressing time in his life.

It wasn’t until after we shared our love for literature that I found myself falling for Jason. As ridiculous and insane as that sounds, I couldn’t help but feel as if he’s the missing piece in my life.

It’s as if he’s the words to my story.

Important, but very valuable to a writer.

I was basically on a high that had me grinning like an idiot, giggling like a moron, and jumping in my seat as my stomach twists and turns like a roller coaster, when Jason refused to take no for an answer after I said he couldn’t read my novel. He even said his dad has connections to businesses in Gotham and could even help me get it published.

As much as I would want that, I couldn’t help but feel that it seems too good to be true. What if his dad took my novel and publish it as his own? What if I get cheated out of a contract and didn’t get paid fairly like I should? What if it’s basically a soul-sucking scam to just fuck my entire life up?

Jason must have sensed my hesitation after that, because he then began to tell me about his brothers.

How his older brother Dick still treats him like a kid, even though Jason is taller and stronger than him.

How his younger brother Tim is a computer nerd and often geeks out over the oddest things.

And how his youngest brother Damian is really a demon spawn, who tries to be tough shit, but is really a soft teddy bear.

He even has a sassy but wise butler, Alfred, who frightens him and sometimes reminds him of Vito Corleone from The Godfather. But the older man loves Jason as much as his dad, Bruce.

The stories about Jason’s family are the best. I always find myself excited to see what he texts me about his family.

How he and his brothers fight over their dad’s car, how they wrestle and spar to see who’s the strongest one, and how whenever one’s in trouble, the other three are already finding ways to save or bail the troubled one out.

It all makes me feel good to know they’re a close family. Especially when my cold, harsh reality reminds me I don’t have a family.

My parents died when I was just fifteen years old. I was in the school library alone during afterhours; reading on a beanbag chair because I didn’t want to go home. At that particular time, my parents were hanging around a different crowd. A crowd that was into drugs and gambling, and possibly other illegal activities I don’t even know about.

So, I chose to stay in the school library that night, sitting in my favorite beanbag chair the librarian allows me to use, reading a favorite horror book, munching away on a hot pocket (a snack also from the librarian), and just enjoy the silence but comfortable environment I would call home.

Then I was told they died in a car accident, but after eavesdropping on Commissioner Gordon and the other cops, I heard there could have been a hit on them.

The car accident happened only a block away from our apartment.

The brakes were cut.

The car was burning too much oil.

The airbags were taken out.

Many noticeable factors couldn’t pinpoint the real crime. Eventually, they just called it a “car accident”, and everything fishy about the case was ignored and never brought up again.

I suffered and struggled a lot in foster homes until I turned 18. I didn’t have any other family members to get into contact with, so I had to make do with the foster care system. After being shipped to three unstable and cruel homes, the last family only dealt with me until I turned 18 and I was soon kicked out. I did get lucky enough to get a job at the diner I’m working at since the new manager needed a pretty young girl to serve the customers.

I even went to Gotham Community College for a year but dropped out when I couldn’t pass any math and science classes.

It was fucking hard.

Science was confusing as hell.

Math was just evil and useless.

I hated those classes so much.

I only passed my English classes because reading and writing only made sense to me.

I even took a creative writing class and poetry class only to discover I want to write.

I want to be a writer.

So, I dropped out of college and decided to work full time at the diner as a waitress. Since no one wants to live and work in Gotham, I’m lucky enough to work morning and night without any issues. As dangerous and scary Gotham can be, I have nowhere else to go, so that’s why I stay here.

Maybe that’s why I’m eager to meet Jason. After everything I’ve been through, maybe I do need a little unpredictability.

Chances.

Risks.

The more I consider meeting Jason, the more I can imagine him being my family.

Or being a part of his.

Maybe.

 ————————————————————————--------------------------------

“You’re not going to meet him, right???” Stacey raises her voice at me in sheer annoyance and panic. She crosses her arms and glares at me to answer her. “Right, Y/N???”

I sigh as softly as I can while wiping down the booths and tables for the night. In the midst of a battle, I find myself growling with irritation when I can’t wipe away the sticky maple syrup spills on the hard surface.

“He could be a fat, old man who picks up on teenage girls! He’s probably some 40-year-old loser who still lives on his mom’s basement playing Street Fighter with kids! What if he tricks you into meeting up in a hotel room and has his way with you? Then what, Y/N?! Does that sound like a good idea to you?!” Stacey snaps.

I exhale deeply and stand up straight; after leaning over the table to reach the opposite side for some time. Turning around, I face Stacey Patterson, a tall, petite, pretty blonde, fresh face girl straight out of high school. She’s a waitress like me, and after only working here for a year, we’ve become close friends; always looking after each other in dangerous Gotham City.

“I didn’t say I was going to meet him, Stacey. We’re just talking about it,” I answer timidly.

Despite being five years older than Stacey, she still intimidates the hell out of me. Whether it’s her 5’11 height, loud voice, or natural evil glare, I can never speak up or defend myself. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t take a stand.

Because what if I actually piss her off? What if she stops being my friend?

Because I don’t think I could live in Gotham and not have any friends and not know anyone.

Stacey is like my best friend, and her friends Amber and Holly hang out in our group. Stacey even says they’re my friends, too, even though I clearly know they only put up with me because of her.

And if Amber and Holly aren’t my friends, then I’ll just have Stacey. And if I don’t have Stacey, I’ll only have Jason.

And who knows if Jason is who he says he is, and if he’s even real.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Y/N! You’re totally thinking about Jason! You’re thinking about meeting up with him because I could see it in your eyes!” Stacey declares. She waves her arms around to emphasize her point. “You like this guy! You have feelings for a guy you’ve never even met!”

“That is not true,” I argue weakly.

“Yes, it is! And we don’t even know if it’s a guy!”

“Jason is a guy, and I can tell!”

“Oh, really? How? Do tell.”

I stare at Stacey with a serious expression, except my cheeks are burning with embarrassment as usual. “He...comes off like a guy. I know he is. I can tell through his text messages,” I say.

“Anybody can sound like anyone through text messages. That’s how people catfish victims online!” Stacey argues.

“I’m a writer, Stacey. I just...have a feeling, okay? I know Jason says who he is, and I believe him,” I say strongly, as I push a lose strand of my hair behind my ear. “I’m doing this the smart way, too. When he and I decide when we should meet up, I’ll let you know. Maybe we can make it a group thing. I bring a friend. He brings a friend.”

Stacey sighs in defeat when she realizes I’m not backing down. She glances up at me with a stern face. “Fine. When you two decide when you’re both going to meet up, I’ll be there. I’ll be there to make sure he’s not on America’s Most Wanted, and to make sure he doesn’t try to lure you to his mom’s basement. BUT...you have to go on a date. A REAL date with a guy we both know, AND who could be good for you,” she states loudly and clearly.

“But Stacey-”

“Hey! Only until this Jason guy comes to Gotham and we meet him! Until then, I want you to give this guy a chance. A fair chance! For me...please???” Stacey pleads. She pouts and gives me her puppy dog eyes, which she knows I always give in to.

I’m too nice. Mom always said I was too nice, and that one day it’ll get me in trouble.

I’m still wondering when that’ll happen.

“Okay, I’ll give this guy a chance. I swear I will,” I promise and salute her. “But who’s the guy?”

Stacey grins in success and hugs me tightly. “Good! Because you’re like my sister, Y/N, and I just want to see you happy. You deserve it,” she says softly. “And it’s Chace. Remember him? He’s the drummer from, WakeHell. He moved in right next door to me, and I know you two will hit it off right!”

Chace????

Oh yeah. I know him.

He’s a total bad boy. A bad boy I don’t even think I could deal with.

I force a smile but then frown, because the only guy in my life who makes me happy is Jason.

Who I only text.

Who I haven’t even met.

 ————————————————————————---------------------------------

The next day is a lazy day since it’s my day off. I spent the majority of it sleeping, doing laundry, and just doing minor cleaning around my apartment until it’s 9:00 P.M.

And Cruel Intentions is on TV.

Lying on the couch with my second glass of Vodka Cranberry, I find myself really buzzed and horny. Ryan Phillippe back then was hot, and him making out with Reese Witherspoon is doing things to me.

My phone bings. It’s Jason.

What are you up to tonight, sweetheart?

Just a night in, a cup of glasses of vodka and cranberry, and Cruel Intentions is on TV.

I barely realize I’m buzzed and texting Jason. But my horny side doesn’t care.

I sorry I’m buzzed right now lol.

LOL no worries. I just came back from the bar with my brothers. We had a successful night and decided to get some drinks. We even had Tim and Damian use fake I.D’s.

I laugh and snort. Thank God no one heard me do that.

That’s good...we wouldn’t want Tim and Damian to be left out. They’re your baby brothers, Jay.

Jay? I really like it when you call me that. And I especially like you buzzed. LOL.

I like me buzzed too! I think I’m way more fun and free!

LOL!!! Exactly, princess!

I smile down at my phone. I love it when he calls me princess.

You said you’re watching Cruel Intentions? I just found it on TV. Wow...this movie’s old LOL.

Shut up!!! I find young Ryan Phillppe sexy in this movie!

You seriously find him sexy??? The guy’s a whiny brat! A pussy! Fuck, this movie woulda been sexier if we actually saw the douchebag eat out Cecile and saw him fuck Annette AND Kathryn!

I gasp out loud and giggle.

Then it would have been a porno! Not a movie! Hahaha!!!!

That’s fine with me, princess!

I softly whimper at just the thought of Jason watching porn. Closing my eyes, I imagine how he would sound, touch himself, and look when he’s pleasuring himself.

My eyes shoot open when I hear Sebastian telling Cecile he wants to kiss her…down there. I quickly turn my attention to the TV and watch the movie. Even though he takes advantage of a clueless, drunk girl in the movie, just the thought of him eating her out makes me clench my thighs.

It’s been too long. WAY TOO LONG!

The last guy I was seeing didn’t like to eat me out; claimed it was disgusting and unnecessary to do before sex.

As if sucking his dick was glamorous AND fun!

My thoughts are interrupted when Jason texts me.

You’re quiet tonight…does this scene turn you on???

The laughing emojis he texts me should hurt my feelings since I can easily be embarrassed over sexual things but…he’s right.

I’m turned on with just the thought of getting eaten out.

I boldly text Jack back. Unashamed and VERY buzzed.

You have no idea. Just imagining him eating me out, writing the alphabet with his tongue, and making me have an explosion is making me wet my panties right now.

I laugh to myself just seeing that Jason read my text message and is responding fast. The texting bubbles have never looked so good.

You’re…you’re wet right now????

Yes. Soooo fucking wet.

A surge of drunken confidence hits me, and I quickly shove off my pajama shorts until they’re on the floor. In just my white tank top and pink panties, I bravely slip my fingers into my damp panties and rub the wetness against my sensitive clit.

And with my other hand, I raise my cell phone and snap a picture of fingers in my wet panties.

And I send the picture to Jason.

I bite my lip in anticipation when I see he read my text message and saw my picture. The texting bubbles do not appear on the screen. He’s not texting me back.

Frowning, I wonder if I freaked Jason out. Maybe I crossed the line. Maybe I made him uncomfortable. Maybe I’m just not sexy.

Suddenly, my phone beeps. Unlocking my cell phone screen, I see two text messages AND a picture.

Oh, fuck sweetheart…that’s fucking sexy. You’re fucking sexy…

Jason sends me a picture of him wearing his boxer briefs, and his hand holding his hard, thick cock, showing me the outline and shape of his boner.

Delicious. I can feel my pussy clench just from imagining Jason fucking me with his cock.

Fuck doll...you’re doing this to me.

I whimper pathetically and can’t help but continue to rub my clit and respond back. I can see my juices staining my panties.

Are you touching yourself too?

Fuck yeah. Just seeing your fingers playing with your wet, pretty pussy got me hard. I’m jacking off to your picture.

Would you want me like I want you?

Fuck yes, sweetheart. I probably want you more than you want me.

I slip a finger inside my pussy and moan. My thumb runs fast hard circles on my clit, and I’m soon pushing in two fingers. I’m fucking myself crazy, but I imagine Jason is finger fucking me because my fingers wouldn’t get me off so fast.

And his fingers are thick. His hands are fucking huge!

I bite my bottom lip. “Fuck...I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” I whisper to myself. I snap another picture of my fingers shoved in my pussy, and how I’ve gotten wetter. I send him the picture with the truth.

I need to cum so bad. I wish it was you touching me.

Yeah? What would you want me to do to you, doll?

Fuck that picture’s so hot.

I’d want you to finger me. Eat me out. Fuck me hard.

Jason sends me another picture of him stroking his cock but with his hand in his underwear. I can see a wet spot where his tip is; stained with his precum. I want a taste of it so badly.

Fuck I would baby. Your pussy looks so good enough to eat. I’d fucking eat you out until you can’t cum anymore. I bet you taste delicious.

Oh fuck…I’m so close. I want your cock so bad, Jay. You’re gonna make me cum…

Rub your clit harder baby. Fuck your pussy fast and hard with your fingers. Imagine they’re my fingers, baby. I’d fuck you so hard and deep. 

I want to see your cum, okay? Take a picture of that pretty pussy and show me what I did to you.

I do what Jason says. Behind his words, I can feel his authority. Even though I can’t hear Jason’s voice, just reading his words makes me burst like fireworks. My thumb rubs my clit harder, and I crook my fingers just right until I push against my g-spot until I cum. My orgasm is intense, and I force myself to snap a picture of my soaked underwear and fingers. I sent it to him with a lazy smile.

My phone beeps. Jason sent me a picture of his thick, juicy, cum covering his abdominal muscles. I smile a little with pride. 

Fuck that was hot, sweetheart. I needed that. 

Me too. Now, I’m sleepy. 

LOL, I’m tired too. Get some sleep, okay? We’ll talk in the morning.  

Okay…goodnight Jay.  

I roll over onto my side and shut off the TV. Pulling my UGG throw blanket over my body, I snuggle up to fall asleep. My phone beeps again. Opening one eye, I reach over to read the text message. 

Goodnight doll. Sweet dreams.  

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 74 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Previously: Galactica shut down for the holidays, and Bianca turned Courtney’s shitty day around.

This Chapter: Christmas Eve. Fame plays hostess for Juju and Detox’s family, Bianca and Courtney jet off to Puerto Rico, Violet spends the evening with Sutan, Raja and Raven, and Pearl thirsts for Dahlia.

***

“Patrick?” Fame called over her shoulder, a big porcelain vase on the table in front of her.

“Yes darling?” Patrick was sitting in an armchair, his finger holding his place in the crime novel he was reading, Charles curled up on the floor in front of the crackling fireplace.

“What do you think of this?” Fame took a step back, showing off the greenhouse bouquet she had arranged, their gardener bringing them in after his rounds, snow covering the ground outside. “I was hoping they could be the centerpiece for tonight?”

They were upstate, in what Karl had jokingly started to call The Farm one summer. In reality, it was a mansion with several acres of land, the incredible garden the reason for the nickname, though Karl had insisted it was because upstate New York was basically Hicksville.

Fame and Patrick had bought it forever ago, the property supposed to be a real estate investment, but when they had visited it to oversee the remodel during the fall of the year they got it, Fame had fallen in love instantly.

She adored The Farm, loved the open land, loved the space that reminded her of her childhood’s free roam, loved that Charles had all the space in the world, the property so big that no one ever bothered them while they were there.

“I think that’s lovely dear,” Patrick smiled, taking a sip of the spiced eggnog the chef had made. “Juju’s going to love that.”

“Good.” Fame smiled, a moment of happiness washing over her body. Juju and Detox were coming up for Christmas, bringing their children along, the bedrooms already prepared for them.

When Detox and Juju had accepted her invitation to join them upstate, Fame had been overjoyed, spending the holiday with her friends instead of family so much more enjoyable, and best of all, it required absolutely no flying.

Unlike the Manhattan townhouse, The Farm was decorated in a traditional Christmas red and green, a fresh cut actual pine tree set up in the parlor, copious amounts of gifts for Kelly and the twins already under the tree.

“I’ll go check up on the chef.” Fame put down her garden shears, quickly drying her hands on her tea towel, collecting the scraps for the compost out back. “Make sure they’re cooking the Brussels sprouts correctly.”

The night's dinner was a wild lemon and honey salmon, a spinach salad with goat cheese and beets, the dessert spiced tea-poached pears for the adults and a sundae bar for the kids.

“And the mac and cheese?” Patrick raised an eyebrow.

“Of course,” Fame smiled. “I specifically instructed the chef to go for the mega size Kraft. The little ones should know it’s Christmas too.”

In reality, Fame had requested a complete restock of what Patrick lovingly called the kids cupboard, a whole section dedicated to the Sanderson kids, Kelly always going straight there the second she stepped foot inside. Just because she was a teenager who rarely attended family events anymore didn’t mean that Fame would forget about her.

“The sleds are ready to go too.”

Fame had never wanted kids of her own, but she loved and adored her entire chosen family, especially the little ones. Spoiling them had been one of her favorite pastimes since they’d met, when Kelly was still a chubby little baby with a passion for sticking jewelry into her mouth.

Today, she’d planned a lovely afternoon of fun in the snow for when everyone arrived. Fame had even bought a new snow set, the pure white Prada demanding to go home with her, her new mittens lined with rabbit fur so she could truly get down and dirty while building the snowman she hoped they had time for.

It was one of the most liberating things about The Farm, the acres of land meaning that there was a sense of privacy she could never feel in the city.

“And did you go for the wood?”

“Of course I went for the wooden sleds,” Fame rolled her eyes, Patrick so often playing stupid on purpose just to rile her up. “The antique German design.” There was no way Fame was going for anything but the best, and Julia and Owen deserved the best sledding experience money could buy, gourmet marshmallows and Jacques Torres hot chocolate already in the kitchen ready to go.

“Mmh?” Patrick smirked, taking another sip of his egg nog, and Fame went over to kiss him, just to wipe it off his face.

***

“Kelly Sanderson! Don’t you forget your scarf!”

“Yes mom,” Kelly rolled her eyes, but snatched her scarf, putting it around her neck before walking towards the house with her gym bag over her shoulder, and Juju couldn’t help but smile.

They were emptying out the car, the drive upstate a complete pain since she had been nauseous the entire time, Detox driving while Kelly was in the front seat, so Juju had been alone in the back with the twins because someone had to keep an eye on them, and Kelly refused.

“Okay champ,” Detox looked at his son who was still in the car, Julia standing on the snow-covered ground in her Frozen jacket. “I’m going to unbuckle you, but that doesn’t mean that you can-“

“Bye dad!!”

“Fuck!”

Juju laughed as Owen ran as fast as he could towards the front door, his sister right behind him.

“We got them!”

Juju turned to see Patrick call from the door, a big smile on the man's face, Fame right behind him.

“Your death wish!” Detox yelled, and Juju smiled before digging back in, her husband quickly gathering enough suitcases to make his first trip up to the house, Juju taking a moment to enjoy the blessed silence of private property upstate.

She fished her phone out of her handbag, a sense of relief washing over her when she saw that Bianca had texted. They had only spoken once last week, when Juju called her to apologize for the dinner party pile-on, and Bianca said it was okay, but she also seemed a bit rushed and distracted. Juju was hoping that it was just work, that she wasn’t genuinely mad, but she couldn’t be sure, especially since she hadn’t responded to any messages the night before. Looking at the messages today, though, it really did seem like they were good.

JUJU: Hey there. Thinking of you, hope you’re good.

JUJU: To be clear, I was thinking of you because I got up to take a very large dump.

JUJU: :-D

JUJU: Hehe

JUJU: <3

JUJU: OK goodnight! xo

JUJU: Merry Christmas Eve, lady! I love you.

BIANCA: Love you too, kiddo. Sorry for being MIA last night.

BIANCA: I’m taking Courtney to PR for Christmas, we’re heading to JFK right now.

BIANCA: Tell the monsters that I owe them some presents when I get back.

JUJU: Oh wow!! Have fun!!!! (And trust me, they will collect on those presents, lol)

She sighed, slipping the phone back into her bag, thinking that perhaps she should keep Bianca’s vacation plans under wraps for now. She turned towards the house, watching Fame on her knee, unlacing Julia’s shoes. Yes, better not to be the messenger for this particular news.

***

“So...is it everything you imagined?” Bianca asked, a wry grin on her face. She’d been a bit shocked when Courtney revealed in the car that she’d never flown first class before. She thought that surely someone as cute and charming as her had been slipped a free upgrade or two by a flight attendant trying to hit on her.

“It’s perfect.” Courtney tilted her champagne glass towards Bianca for a toast, her eyes taking on that slightly glazed, naughty look as she sipped on her third glass.

“Perfect, huh?” Bianca asked, clinking her glass lightly. “Then I guess you don’t want another present…”

“Wait, no...I do!” Courtney exclaimed, suddenly looking so serious that Bianca couldn’t hold back her cackling laughter.

Drunk Courtney was turning into one of her favorite people, the comically exaggerated faces she made when her defenses were down too cute for words.

“Oh, well in that case…” She reached into her bag and pulled out a box wrapped in sparkling pink and gold.

“How did you fit that in there?” Courtney asked, letting Bianca take her glass so that she had both hands free for the large gift, examining it closely. “Are you Mary Poppins?”

“Yeah, that’s me. A g-rated singing nanny.”

“Hot,” Courtney giggled, and Bianca gave her a stern look. “What, I like sexy nannies. Maria Von Trapp...Fran Fine?!”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Bianca shook her head, amused.

“Oh no, am I being naughty? Are you gonna spank me?” Courtney’s eyes glittered.

Well, this was an unexpected turn. Perhaps something to explore when they weren’t flying thirty thousand feet over an ocean, surrounded by people.

“Open your present.”

“Yes, ma’am…” Courtney said, making Bianca laugh again as she tore into the package, first pulling off the excessive ribbons and bows (Joslyn really shouldn’t be trusted with that kind of thing) and then the glittery paper. She lifted the lid on the box, revealing 5 brand-new designer bathing suits, all from this year’s hottest resort collections. Her eyes lit up. “Ooooh, wow! This is much better than the plan I had.”

“What was your plan?”

“I was just gonna go without a suit,” she said, shrugging a bit as she fluttered her lashes.

“Huh.” Bianca’s brow furrowed in mock disappointment, adding, “Yeah, no, I like your plan better, give these back.”

She reached over and attempted to swipe the box from Courtney’s hand, but Courtney clutched it greedily to her chest.

“No! They’re mine now!”

Bianca laughed, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek, just as Courtney grabbed her face and went right for her lips.

“Thank you, B. I love them. I love you.”

“I love you too, sunshine.” Bianca rested her forehead against Courtney’s with a happy sigh. “And I can’t wait to see you in them...or out of them.”

***

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m not helping?” Violet asked. She was sitting on a silver bar stool and feeling absolutely useless, her fingers drumming on the marble breakfast bar.

Raja and Raven’s apartment looked like something from a catalog, big art pieces hung everywhere, fresh flowers in vases even though it was December. Violet had spotted the heavy oak Raja preferred, and the green and gold she gravitated towards, but it was clear that Raven was the main decorator.

“Of course,” Raven smiled, flashing her teeth over her shoulder. She was standing at the counter, filling up the sink so she could rinse off their dishes.

“Let her have the fantasy,” Sutan grinned, putting the empty tray he was carrying down, Raja right behind him. “This is the one time of year Raven pretends she’s the perfect housewife,”

“Fuck off.” Raven flipped him off, “I’m always perfect.”

When Sutan had told Violet he usually spent Christmas Eve with his sister and Raven, Violet hadn't been surprised. What had surprised her was when Sutan told her that Raven insisted on cooking every year. It had been a simple meal, roasted chicken and potatoes with gravy, but it did really seem like Raven had made it herself, Raja in charge of buying the dessert.

It was the first time Violet had celebrated Christmas Eve with anyone since she was 17, and while it was very different from what she usually did, which was wine and a movie, it was nice.

“You are, Princess,” Raja smiled, pressing a quick kiss against her hair as she dropped their dishes. “Now, does anyone want another drink?”

“Me,” Raven grinned, and Violet had to fight not to show the surprise on her face when Raven just grabbed the dirty dishes. She had never thought Raven would be someone who did chores, who’d willingly get her hands dirty.

“I’m driving tomorrow, so no,” Sutan was leaning against the counter, a smile on his lips. He was wearing a blue turtleneck sweater, and Violet had to admit that he looked stupidly hot in it.

“Actually…” Sutan paused, narrowing his eyes. “Raven, what’s going on with your nose?”

“Her nose?” Raja tilted her head, looking at her fiancée. “What do you mean?”

“It looks different. There.” Sutan pointed with his pinky at the edge of her nose.

“She seems normal to me.”

“Can’t you see it? Here, I’ll adjust- Let me push her head back.“ Sutan was just about to reach for Raven’s chin, when he was cut off.

“Hey!” Raven pulled away, “Crazy agent, I’m in the room.” She raised an eyebrow, her tone sharp, “I’m trying a new makeup technique.” Raven pushed Susn’s hand away from her face. “Is that a problem?”

“Of course not…”

“Good,” Raven rolled her eyes. “Now can we please get this done so we can watch a movie?”

“Sure.” Sutan rolled his eyes too, grabbing a dish towel before bumping his hip against Raven, making her yelp, laughter filling the room.

Violet let out a breath of relief she hadn’t even realized she had been holding, the knot in her stomach slowly releasing. She was probably overreacting, a childhood of tense Christmases just under her skin, but it had almost felt like Raven and Sutan were about to get in a fight.

Violet took her glass, a smile on her face as she took a sip of her wine, the uncomfortable feeling thankfully already fading.

***

Earlier, Courtney had enjoyed a healthy buzz from all the first class champagne, but then she fell asleep for half of the flight, and by the time they got to the resort, she felt refreshingly, deliciously sober, closing her eyes to feel the warm, fragrant ocean breeze blow in through the windows.

As Bianca directed the hotel staff with their suitcases, Courtney wandered over to the glass doors, eyes widening when she peered out at the terrace.

“B! Omigod, is this an infinity pool?” She threw open the doors and stepped outside, where a table was set up with a romantic, candlelit dinner. But even better, what was clearly a private infinity pool, which made her so excited she squealed with glee. “I’ve seen pictures of those but I never thought I’d see one in person!”

Bianca appeared in the doorway, a smirk on her face as she replied, “It’s not an infinity pool. It’s an infinity hot tub. The pool is down those steps.”

Courtney giggled, already slipping off her shoes to feel the heavenly warm water. She sat down at the edge of the hot tub, letting her legs dangle into the water while she gazed out at the gorgeous view, the gentle waves under a night sky sparkling with stars. When she mused last week about wanting to go to the beach, she certainly wasn’t imagining a private beach at this posh resort. But for once, everything in her life had worked out perfectly. All because of Bianca, who was now chatting with the hotel manager about their meal.

“Es esta la comida? Todo es vegano, verdad?”

“Si, of course. I hope everything is to your liking, Señora.”

“Es perfecto. Gracias.” She pressed some bills into his hand, adding, “Feliz Navidad!”

As soon as he left, Bianca turned back to Courtney, head tilting curiously when she took in her enraptured expression. “What?”

“I just think it’s sexy when you speak Spanish,” Courtney explained, biting her lip.

“Oh yeah? That’s what gets you going? My shitty high school Spanish?” Bianca asked, strolling towards her, dimples deep in her cheeks.

“Uh huh. I like the accent. Say more things…” Courtney leaned back, lashes fluttering, as Bianca laughed and pretended to think real hard.

“Hmm…” She settled in beside Courtney at the edge of the hot tub, slipping an arm around her waist and pressing a kiss to her shoulder. “Dónde está la biblioteca?”

“Ahh, yeah, that’s it,” Courtney growled, and Bianca laughed some more.

“Tu eres una gringa loca…”

“Uh huh…wait, what does that mean?”

“It means you’re a crazy white girl.”

“Oh. Yeah, fair.” Courtney cupped Bianca’s face in her hands, pulling her in for a kiss. Things were just starting to get a little heated when Courtney’s phone began to ring. She had a brief moment of panic before realizing that it was her personal phone, not her work phone. And since very few people made phone calls anymore, she was fairly certain that it would be her parents.

Coming out to her parents had been strange. She knew already, from how they reacted to Ben’s coming out when he was just 13, that they would be fine with her not being straight. But Ben hadn’t been dating someone nearly 20 years his senior.

So she was nervous, more than she’d have admitted, when she finally told them everything that was going on in her life--that she was dating, or rather in love with, a woman.

A woman who was, incidentally, a famous fashion magazine editor many years older than her.

Turned out, it was even more of an anticlimax than she anticipated, Mum giving her some bland platitudes about how love is love and Dad telling her to make sure she takes her vitamin D.

Which at first seemed like an innuendo, but actually was just him being his usual health-conscious self. Either way, they seemed both unsurprised and unbothered by the whole situation, which was a relief, she supposed. It was strangely reminiscent of when she was 16 and she’d announced that she wanted to graduate from high school early and go to America for University. Measured, unemotional support.

Courtney reached for her bag, pulling out the phone and answering, her family’s face popping up on the screen as she tried to figure out the time difference. It must already be Christmas morning in Brisbane.

“Hi, Mum! Happy Christmas!”

“Hello darling!” her mother cooed, elbowing Dad and Ben on either side of her, who she’d clearly forced into position, sitting on the sofa with the Christmas tree behind them, the picture of suburban bliss. “Happy Christmas!”

“Happy Christmas, love!” said Dad, pretending that he wasn’t thoroughly engrossed in whatever crime novel Courtney could see open on his lap.

Mum poked Ben again with her sharp elbow, and he scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah. Happy Christmas. How’s your rich girlfriend?” Ben asked.

“Great. How’s single life?” Courtney shot back, and Ben opened his mouth in mock offense.

“You fuckin’ cunt-”

“What was that, dickhead-”

“Kids!” Mum interrupted, putting on her best scolding voice as Courtney and Ben both broke out into giggles.

“She knows I’m kidding, Mum. Calm down.”

“I’m perfectly calm,” Mum said, rolling her eyes. “I’m just trying to have a pleasant conversation with my daughter, thanks very much.”

“Thanks Mum,” Courtney said, kicking her feet in the warm water. “It’s fine, though. It wouldn’t be Ben if he wasn’t giving me shit.”

“That’s called love, ya slag! Appreciate it!” Ben cut in, and Courtney blew him a kiss.

“Well darling, we just want you to know that we miss you terribly, but we’re so happy that you’re having a nice vacation. Right?”

“So happy,” Ben echoed, sticking out his tongue.

“And we’ve been talking about it, and-” she patted Dad on the thigh, then hit him harder when he didn’t say anything.

“Oh, yes. Ahem. We’ve been talking about planning a trip to New York next year,” Dad said. “How does that sound?”

“That sounds fantastic!” Courtney exclaimed. She hadn’t seen any of them since a quick trip to Australia last spring, before she moved to New York.

Bianca sat down beside her again, silently handing over a glass filled with ice and some kind of milky liquid along with a sexy wink, just out of camera range.

“Guys, check out the view!” While her family exclaimed over how beautiful it was, Courtney took a small sip of the drink, eyes widening with delight. “Omigod, this is like Bailey’s but better. Cheers!”

“Cheers,” Bianca murmured back.

“Hi, Bianca!” Mum called loudly. “Thank you for the wine!”

Apparently, Bianca had sent a whole case of high-end wine to her family home--and even signed both of their names on the card, although her family knew for damn sure that wasn’t something Courtney could afford.

“Um...hi. You’re welcome,” Bianca grinned, giving a quick, friendly wave and then leaning back out of frame, tilting her head towards the table with their food. Courtney nodded, reaching over to squeeze her thigh.

“Mum, thanks for calling. But we should go, we have dinner here and it’s getting cold.”

“Alright my love,” Mum said, smiling warmly. “Have a wonderful night. So long, Bianca!”

“Bye, Mrs. Jenek. Merry Christmas,” Bianca said, and Courtney giggled behind her hand.

“Mrs. Jenek…” she snickered, and Bianca grimaced, then put a hand on her hip.

“Well...shut up, I’m from the South. That’s just what we do.”

“You could at least say ‘doctor.’ She has a Ph.D.”

Bianca facepalmed, and Courtney laughed again, kissing her on the cheek. It was adorable how much she cared about making a good impression on Courtney’s family. “I’m just kidding, she doesn’t care about that stuff.”

“I care, though.”

“I know.” Courtney nuzzled into Bianca’s face. “And I love you for it.”

***

“Hey! I saw that!” Trixie gasped, pointing at Kim, who had just skipped a square on the Monopoly board.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Kim smirked, leaving her car piece as she took another cookie.

They were all gathered around the coffee table, mugs of hot cocoa and Katya’s Christmas cookies on plates, a crackling fire playing on the TV, music playing from the speakers.

“You’re cheating,” Trixie looked around. “Say something!”

“I didn’t see anything, sugar butt,” Katya smiled, her knitting needles in hand. She was weirdly good at Monopoly, Katya dominating the majority of the board. When Trixie had asked her how, and what her strategy was, Katya had simply grinned and told him it was simply how it was done in Soviet Russia.

“Pearl, what about you?”

“What?” Pearl looked up from her phone. “Oh. Sorry. No.”

“Who are you texting?”

Pearl smiled. “No one.”

“Not again,” Trixie groaned, not even interested in whatever girl had managed to capture his best friend’s attention for more than two seconds. “Pearl please. It’s Christmas.”

“Relax Trix,” Pearl grinned, leaning over so she could press a kiss against his cheek. “You’re the only one for me.”

***

PEARL: Was just thinking about you...so I thought I’d say hey ;)

DAHLIA: Oh yeah?

PEARL: Uh huh

DAHLIA: What were you thinking about?

PEARL: Mostly I was hoping to be suffocated by your thighs real soon.

PEARL: Your thighs are the stuff of dreams

DAHLIA: Right now, my thighs are stuck to the plastic cover on my grandma’s couch...but thanks.

PEARL: Hot

DAHLIA: Lol

PEARL: Can I tempt you to sneak away at some point in the next few days? Without pissing off the fam, of course

DAHLIA: Possibly...I have like 40 cousins, so no one would even notice I’d gone

PEARL: Fan fucking tastic

PEARL: Hey guess what?

DAHLIA: You’re horny and wanna fuck?

PEARL: Yes

DAHLIA: Patience, darling

PEARL: But also...it’s midnight. Merry Christmas.

DAHLIA: Shit, I missed mass again!

DAHLIA: For the 7th year in a row!

PEARL: Hahaha

PEARL: Oh god. My roommates are singing happy birthday to Jesus.

PEARL: With a fucking cake and candles

DAHLIA: LOL, HBDJ

***

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I don’t know what to do. I think I might be falling in love, if that’s even possible. I’d given up on love. I mean, does it truly exist? Forever? My life experience tells me it doesn’t and yet, here I am. I’m gonna call him J, but I promise he’s not the same J from my previous letter to you. So please don’t get them confused. And I’m sorry that I’m writing a novel, but there’s just so much to say. I hope you read this. I hope someone understands.

I met J at my birthday party back in February (it was a combined party with my best friend A). I didn’t have much interest in J at the time. Sure, he was nice enough and we chatted a little. He took some pictures for me with the photo booth props, too. So that was cool. But I was too obsessed with the fact that the previous J hadn’t shown up at the party to even truly notice him. (Pathetic, right?) Also, he ended up getting really sick and was throwing up in the only bathroom for HOURS. I really had to pee, so needless to say I wasn’t too happy with him at the time.

Anyway, we added each other on Facebook and I donated a little bit to his graduate research project (I felt obligated to after A directly asked me). I saw him again over 2 months letter at A and C’s wedding. (J is best friends with C and I’m best friends with A.) I was the maid of honor and he was the best man. That’s when everything really started.

A and C got married on a farm and it’d been raining for a few days prior to the wedding so the ground was still pretty muddy in some parts. J said he’d carry me if needed. I told him I’d be fine. Well, we were walking down there (along with R, the man of honor), when we came to a big mud puddle and some really wet grass just beyond it. So, like he said he would, J picked me up and carried me over it until we found dry grass again. At first, I felt a little awkward with him picking me up so I didn’t ask for him to carry me again when the grass was getting wet later.

After the ceremony, we stopped for pictures by the lake. J wanted pictures of me and him, so we did. To my surprise, he randomly picked me up! I was giggling the whole time, partly because I wasn’t expecting it. But, to be perfectly honest, those turned out to be two of my favorite pictures.

When we were done with pictures, J lingered behind with me. He waited for everyone to get in front of us and told me to get on his back so he could carry me back without me stepping in the mud or wet grass. He said he didn’t want anyone to see my undergarments if they were behind me.

Eventually, we left the farm to go to the bar for the reception. J happened to be parked right behind me and asked if he could follow me there. I said that was fine. He ended up turning off the highway with some other people from the wedding and got there before me. (I only knew the longer way because I’d never come from that direction before.)

At the bar is where we really started to hit it off. And how fitting is that? A and C met at that bar, which is why their reception was there. J bought me a drink instantly and we started talking. J seemed very interested in what I had to say and it was so easy to talk to him. It’s hard for me to find people I feel comfortable with like that. I’m very shy. I think it helped that no one else I knew had arrived yet. If they had, I don’t think I would have spent so much time with J. It especially helped that R took so long to show up. Because even though A and C were eventually there, I didn’t want to be a leech around the newly wed couple.

I don’t even remember everything J and I talked about. There were so many different topics. I recall some of them, but I don’t think it’s necessary for me to list them here. You get the idea. At one point, C’s sister yelled at J to stop flirting with me, which embarrassed me so I went over next to A for a bit. Eventually, J and I found each other again and resumed our conversation.

Later, J, R and I were playing pool. J kept coaching me to tell me what shots I should take. He said he wasn’t going to stop playing til me and him had a chance to play each other (we both kept losing against R). Finally, I beat R on a technicality and so J and I played against each other. Despite this, J was still coaching me on what shots to take. It was a close game, but I got the 8 ball in first so I won. Oh, and at one point while I was playing against R, my hair kept getting in my face. R suggested I braid it and offered to do it, but I said I could do it myself. I was standing next to J and trying to braid it and commented that I was harder to separate because of the curls. So, J offered to braid it for me. I hesitated because I’d just told R no, but I kinda wanted J to do it so I let him. He even got a hair tie from A to hold it together (since he couldn’t find one in his camera bag). Is it lame that I cherish that hair tie? I haven’t returned it to A and I use it almost daily because it reminds me of J.

J and I spent pretty much the entire reception together. At one point when J was outside smoking and I went inside, R commented that I like J and I tried to deny it, but I was blushing as he said it. I told R I just came in because my stomach was hurting and he teased me about butterflies.

Later on, R, J, and I were sitting together. I was next to J and R was across from us. Somehow, R got ahold of my phone and started sneaking pictures of me and J. Some turned out kinda good. R caught one of me glaring at J while we were looking at pictures on his phone because he’d taken a bad one of me and J was smiling his adorable crooked smile. R also caught one of me looking at J’s phone and smiling (J was showing a hint of a smile, too). Then, we noticed R taking pictures so we posed for some. I wonder if R knows how much those pictures mean to me… probably. He did guess pretty quickly how I feel about J…

Eventually, we left. I don’t know exactly how long later, but maybe about a week later, A asked me what I thought of J. I was embarrassed to say I liked him (he has a girlfriend). I didn’t want her to think I was trying to steal him from her (which I’m not. I want them to break up naturally and then get my chance after some time has passed). Well, A mentioned that J had been talking about me a lot, especially about how cute I am. She wanted to know if I thought J was hot. I wouldn’t answer at first, but finally admitted he’s attractive. I think she could tell I liked him, but she wasn’t going to say for sure. She said she was neutral in this, comparing herself to Switzerland.

More time passed. J came into my classroom to do science experiments with my students and answer some of their science questions (he offered to do this at the reception). He even suggested the kids write letters to him with their questions before he came in, so they did. The kids LOVED having J there. I loved having J there. It was so amazing watching him with my students. He was incredibly patient with him. He did an excellent job of breaking down things so they could understand and re-explaining it to them if needed. J said that he’d love to come into my classroom again and that next year we should make it a regular thing. (Off topic, but I also learned that J is color blind and that he likes the color yellow best because he can actually see it… how perfect is it that my hair is blonde? I’m also trying to buy yellow clothes now…even though I hate the way yellow looks on me because I know he loves it.)

J stayed til the kids went home at 12 (I only work part time). Then, we went out to lunch at Panera. I wanted to pay for J’s food as a thank you for coming to my classroom, but J refused. He insisted on paying for both of us, saying that he’s weird about letting girls pay. I thought about that little detail for DAYS afterward, wondering if it meant this was a date and wondering if it meant he liked me, too. But, A later insisted that J is just old-fashioned that way and that it probably didn’t mean anything.

While at Panera, J sat across from me. He looked deep into my eyes the entire time that we talked. I could tell he was incredibly interested in everything I had to say, which was refreshing. I’m not used to that sort of thing. I don’t think I’ve ever been with a guy that made as much eye contact with me as he does. It was like he couldn’t get enough of me. He even noticed when I was looking over his shoulder at the woman sitting at the table behind him. He turned around to see what I was looking at. I explained that I thought it was my old professor. He convinced me to say hi.

It was her and we chatted for a bit. How crazy is it that she was my teach science professor in college and J had just finished doing science experiments with my students? Anyway, I digress. She isn’t the main part of this tale.

Eventually, J had to leave so he could get to class. We walked outside together and I tried to convince him to come on a trip with me and A later that month to visit C in Virginia (he’s in the Navy). I pretty much begged J to come. J said he’d try his best. We hugged goodbye. It was a pretty long embrace and I didn’t want it to end. But I knew he had to get to class. He was probably already going to be late as it was. I obsessed for days (maybe longer) over if J liked me or not. The signs were there, but I thought maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see, you know?

Anyway, J wasn’t able to come on the trip with us. He had summer classes he had to go to. But, while on the trip, I texted him some. There was one night in particular where I was worn out from a long day of interacting with people I don’t know (I’m such an introvert) and I was tired and hungry. I also had to drive the rental back to the hotel. The seat wasn’t powered so I couldn’t adjust it enough to see out of it very well (I’m incredibly short). Also, the roads were confusing as fuck. C tried to direct me, but would either give me the wrong directions or I’d miss a turn because of the confusing roads. I couldn’t see to check my blind spots so A and C had to tell me when it was safe to switch lanes/merge. I couldn’t even park when we got to the hotel because too much of the windshield was blocked where I needed to see. When I finally made it to my hotel room (alone), I instantly started crying. I texted J telling him what was going on and he said it sounded like I needed some sleep. I asked him what was wrong with me and he said nothing that he knew of, other than me needing sleep. I calmed down within a few minutes and made my way to A and C’s room so we could eat dinner.

Well, fast forward some. I kind of backed off of J a bit. He wasn’t replying much and I knew he was in a relationship so I figured he wasn’t interested and I didn’t want to push too hard. (Plus my friend D told me to play hard to get and let J chase me.) Anyway, earlier this week the previous J messaged me. We talked for a while and he admitted why he’d stopped talking to me. The details of this aren’t that important, but basically I was considering doing something stupid with him because he said he’d marry me if I was pregnant. And it’s not that I really like him anymore, I just don’t want to be alone and it’d make things easy. Plus, if love doesn’t really exist anyway, why does it matter? But I also knew it went against my morals and that I’d hate myself. I was really struggling with it and texted J saying that I needed to talk if he had some time. It was pretty late and he didn’t respond til the next day. He asked if I was okay and I told him no. So he asked what was wrong, but I said it was too much to explain over text. He said he’d call me later.

He eventually did and then I felt so silly as I was explaining everything. Because I know it’s stupid. I know I shouldn’t do it. But I told him because he is the only one that could talk me out of it. I needed to find out if there was any hope of me and him ever being together because if there was then I wouldn’t do it. But, if not, then I probably would even though it’s a horrible idea. I didn’t explain that reasoning to J at the time, though. I pretty much just told him that I was scared to be alone and that the previous J is the only guy I never dissociated with during sex and what if he’s always the only one?

Then, I mentioned how I only ever like jerks or guys I can’t have. J asked why I can’t have them. I said because they’re unavailable and he said no one is ever completely unavailable, even if they’re in a relationship and that I need to go after what I want. I need to sell myself, like a car. People shop for cars all the time, even when they already have a car. I said that I didn’t want to ruin a friendship by saying anything. J said that if admitting that ruined a friendship, then the person was never really my friend to begin with. He also said that he’s only with his girlfriend for financial security and that she knows that. He’s told her that it’ll end with them breaking up and hating each other.

He had to get back to class, but told me to follow my heart. He asked if I wanted him to call me later and I said I’d like that so he said he would. Then he said he had to go because his professor was yelling at him to get off the phone.

He didn’t call me back til after midnight. His class was a wine tasting class and he was out late with everyone tasting wine. We ended up talking on the phone for almost two and a half hours! I told myself that if he called me back, I’d tell him I like him. So, I did, but it was a lot harder than I thought. J told me he already knew I liked him. I asked him if he liked me. He asked what I think and I said I didn’t know. He said yes, and that it was obvious because he came into my classroom and lunch at Panera and all that. I said I didn’t know if I was just seeing what I wanted to see.

J admitted so much to me on the phone. He said he could tell from the night at the reception that I was looking at him and wondering if he could be the one. He says he knows he could be exactly what I need. And he perfectly explained everything I’m looking for, things I didn’t even know I still wanted because I’d convinced myself long ago that it didn’t exist. He said that if he didn’t need to be with his girlfriend for financial reasons right now, I’d already have a ring (and a rock) on my finger. That really caught me off guard, considering the wedding was less than 3 months ago. I asked if he really meant that and he asked if he would have said it if he didn’t. He’s incredibly blunt and I know that he wouldn’t ever say something he doesn’t mean, so I believe him.

But I’m also confused because he gave me mixed signals… He said later that he doesn’t think he will ever be happy. That he honestly hates himself (I’m the ONLY one he’s ever told that) and that if we kissed, he’d feel emptiness. I told him he can’t know that for sure because we’ve never kissed. He said to prove him wrong the next time I see him. I told him I won’t kiss him if I smell smoke on his breath (he knows I hate smoking). He said he knew and I asked if he’d quit smoking to kiss me and J said he’d do a lot of things if it meant he could kiss me. I tried to ask him what those things were, but he wouldn’t tell me.

The conversation ended with J explaining he had a paper to write and an exam to study for and that I wouldn’t hear from him for a little over a week. But, that Monday (June 25), he’d text me at 12:05, right after his exam and that he might even see me. I told him I’d be on vacation, but he said he’d still talk to me. He told me in the mean time to think about what I want in life and figure it all out.

Well, I already did. I wrote down everything. And ultimately, I want him. Even if it means money is tight for a while (he’ll be pursuing his PhD). Even if it means I have to stay living with my parents until we are married. I don’t care. Because money won’t be tight forever. Because he makes me happy. Because he’s giving me hope about love again. Because I truly believe he could be the one. Because I’ve never felt this way before about anyone. Because if things don’t work out with him, I’m never seeking “true love” again. I’ll either be alone forever (which scares me) or I’ll settle. But I have to pursue this. And he pretty much told me to. He told me to follow my heart. He told me to go after what I want. So that’s what I’m going to do. Am I bad person for doing that? He’s only with his girlfriend for money… Is it really so wrong for me to pursue him?

I’m falling for him. That much I know is certain. God, I hope this works out. I need him.

Thanks for listening to my novel.

Love Always,

A Friend

[moviesmakethegirl]

IT (2017)

Directed by Andy Muchietti, this movie is my favorite movie of 2017. I'm a huge horror nerd, as of lately, and this movie really hit a nerve within me that made each viewing of this movie brand new. Stephen King is a mastermind, and this is probably his most thought out and imaginative of his works that I'm familiar with. I've never read the behemoth of a novel that is IT, but my boyfriend has listened to it and has told me all the difference between the book and the movie and honestly, this remake is pretty true to the book. I love that. So without further ado, let's get started.

This story starts out on a rainy day with the most melancholic piano medley I could possibly imagine. Like, the mom couldn't have picked a more upbeat song to play? It's raining, you have two sons, it's the 80s, play some fucking Ray Charles or something. Bill and Georgie are upstairs making a paper boat. It's adorable because Georgie keeps calling the boat a "him" and Bill keeps correcting him. In my mind, Bill is such a feminist. Bill is sick and doesn't want to go out into the rain to play with Georgie so he takes a literal rain check and sends his little tiny brother out into the world to play all by himself while his mom is still playing that scary ass song on the piano and basically doesn't notice that her son is out in the rain all by himself. DISCLAIMER: FUCK THE PARENTS IN DERRY. So of course like any young lad would, he loses control of his boat and surprise it goes into a storm drain. Unlike every other kid in the goddamn world, Georgie looks into the drain to try and save the boat. Now, who shows up out of thin air? IT aka Pennywise the DANCING clown ahahahahah. Look, yes it's terrifying that a clown just appeared in a storm drain but this clown is played by the not so surprisingly talented Bill Skarsgard. Now, if you're like me, you spend the majority of your adolescence being obsessed with Alexander Skarsgard as Eric Northman in True Blood. So, when I found out his little brother was gonna play one of the most iconic roles in horror history, I was stoked. Talent runs in the veins of all the Skarsgard's who have turned into this generations Barrymore's. SOOOO now Pennywise has been introduced and he's scary as hell. He's drooling, he's smiling all sinister like, and asking Georgie if he can smell the popcorn. I feel like that is strike number 2 on Georgie's part cause even as a kid, you know that popcorn doesn't belong in a fucking storm drain. So, Pennywise is all I HAVE YOUR BOAT and Georgie is all YEAAHH GIVE IT TO ME and Pennywise is like TAKE. IT. (honestly a great line I repeat all the time) an so little naive baby Georgie reaches in and gets his goddamn arm bitten off by an inter-dimensional being dressed as a clown. But see, my biggest issue with this scene isn't Georgie's complete lack of stranger danger that was pounded into my being as a kid, but it's this goddamn old bitch lady who is outside the ENTIRE TIME Georgie is talking to a clown in a storm drain. This bitch sees a young boy talking to a storm drain and shrugs it off. And it's raining, so apparently the sound of the pouring rain is supposed to drown out the noise of Georgie screaming while crawling in the street without an arm? BULLSHIT. This bitch and her dumbass cat do NOTHING and I blame her for every missing kid in Derry. (If some of you reading this have read the book, you completely understand why the elders of Derry are such assholes, but that doesn't make me any less pissed off that all of them are fucking idiots.)

Ok, so now it's the end of the school year. Bill and his bffs Richie, Eddie, and Stanley have officially left their last class of the day and are excited to start summer vacation before the 8th grade. This is my favorite cause these children actors are the best part of this movie. Bill is played by Jaeden Lieberher who is so convincing as Bill that I legit thought he stuttered in real life. Eddie is played by the charismatic and humorous as fuck Jack Dylan Grazer. Stanley is played Wyatt Oleff, who is a very good voice of reason for dumb teenage boys. But the best character and best actor in this movie is Finn Wolfhard who plays Richie. And maybe I'm biased because I'm a die hard Stranger Things fan, but seriously, Richie is a scene stealing character who can only be played by someone as engaging as Finn. Literally, couldn't love a group of actors more than the ones who play the kids in this movie. All of them, pure perfection, nailed their performances, and were the light in such a dark story. So moving on, while the boys are being boys and talking about their private parts and the other missing children of Derry cause yeah, it's totally normal for a town to always have missing kids. So the other main antagonist besides all the adults in this town and Pennywise, is this bully named Henry Bowers and his goons. Now, bear with me here, but this movie would be nothing without Henry. He's your typical small town bully who just pulls backpacks and bless his heart, gave Bill the year off of being bullied since he lost his little brother. But now that the school year is over, Bill is fair game again. Henry's father is the town's sheriff, so there's a sense of "my father is an asshole and all hyper masculine and I have big shoes to fill" blah blah blah bully shit. So after we see the losers get picked on we are then introduced to the CUTE AS FUCK Ben. Ben is played by a boy named Jeremy Ray Taylor and this kid has got such a bright future. I wanna hug and mentor and hang out with this kid so bad. So Ben is the New Kid on the Block who you guessed it, listens to New Kids on the Block. He is approached by Beverly Marsh, who earlier was being bullied herself by the female version of Henry Bowers who honestly isn't super important and I'm not gonna waste any more time writing about her right now. Beverly puts her charm on 10 here and signs Ben's yearbook after finding out no one else did. She gives him shit for listening to NKOTB, which HEY NKOTB is a national treasure and how dare anyone make fun of anyone for listening to them. Ben then walks home with his headphones dragging behind his bike cause he's so enamored by Beverly and it's just CUTE.

Then we meet Mike Hanlon, who we actually probably meet before the last of school. He works on a farm with his grandpa and theres a scene where he has to kill a sheep but can't do it, cause he has HUMANITY! Mike makes deliveries into town and that's where we see him next. He goes into an alley behind the butcher, only for Pennywise to get his kicks. It starts with Mike seeing smoke come out from the door and then burned hands start trying to open the door fully but can't. Then the door is thrown open and there's a silhouette of a clown in chains trying to escape only to STAND THE FUCK UP AND STARE AT MIKE WHILE HIS EYES GLOW. Mike just fucking stands there staring back like RUNNNNN MIKE!!!!!! Thankfully, maybe not, but Henry Bowers and friends pull up and scream at Mike to leave their town and throw their cigarettes at him, but when Mike looks back into the door only the butcher is there asking if he is alright. It's a short scene but by god if I don't scream my little heart out for Mike every single time I watch it.

So now the kiddos, Stanley, Bill, Eddie, and Richie, are all down at the Barren's to try to find where Georgie went missing. Eddie, the hypochondriac, is complaining about the piss water that they are standing in and refuses to go in. Richie makes fun of him and it's honestly, hilarious. I'm gonna use that word a lot. Even though this is a horror movie, it's actually one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. And not in a it's funny because it's so cheesy, it's funny because it's young teenage kids being scared and dealing with that fear by undercutting it with humor. GOD I JUST LOVE IT! Anyways, during this time, Ben is in the library being a little bookworm. The librarian kind of gives him shit for not having friends and he should be playing outside which is bullshit since basically every older woman I've ever met as a kid was always like "you kids need to calm down" and "you should read more" blah blah blah. It just seems like every generation has a problem with a younger generation and honestly, fuck that but that's a conversation for another time. So, Ben starts reading about the history of Derry which is HORRIBLE! There was a huge fire on Easter which killed a bunch of children and he sees pictures of children's heads in trees like, fucked up shit. AND while he is reading all of this, there's another old bitch standing behind him, almost off screen, STARING AT HIM THE WHOLE TIME. The first time we saw this in theaters, David pointed this out to me and I was like "that's creepy" and the more I see this scene, the more it freaks me out. Some people overlooked this part, but it's probably the scariest part of the movie. So now that Ben has unlocked the town's secrets, he is lured to the basement by Easter eggs that are smoking. Down in the archives, he sees someone walking down the stairs and guess what it is? A HEADLESS CHILD cause if children weren't already scary enough, let's just not give them heads, right??? This headless bitch chases him through the archives and then you hear my second favorite line of the entire movie. Whispered is, "HEY EGGBOY." And Ben turns around to find Pennywise chasing him. Ben runs into the old librarian, and then runs away crying and of course, she doesn't ask what is wrong. Poor Ben just can't catch a break cause once he gets outside the library, Henry is waiting for him. The boy band take the sad, scared Ben out to a bridge where Henry says he's gonna carve his name into Ben's stomach, which is so fucked up, but so totally Stephen King, I get it. Of course, adults drive by while Ben is screaming for help and they don't do anything and it makes me want to cut their break lines but whatever. Ben totally escapes though, but not before having an H carved into his little squishy belly, and follows the creek to the Barrens where he finds the other boys. The boys being perfect take Ben back into town to try to clean him up. While they are doing that, Henry and his back up singers are searching for Ben in the Barrens. One of the goons, Patrick, goes into the sewers with a lighter and hairspray, only to find all the dead kids that Pennywise has eaten and then died himself which thank fuck. One down, three more to go.

While Ben is bleeding in an alley, Eddie is complaining about medical questions while Richie won't stop talking about penis'. They run into a pharmacy to get stuff for Ben only to realize they don't have enough money so in walks sweet Beverly who is scared to buy tampons for the first time. She flirts with the old gross man behind the counter and knocks over a tray of something so the boys can run out of the store with their shit. She also grabs a pack of cigarettes for herself cause she's amazing and should be my best friend. The boys thank her, and she becomes "one of the boys." Her home life though, guys. It's horrible. Her father is grade A creep status and is all mad that she is buying tampons cause he wants her to stay his little girl forever and she gets all emotional and cuts off all her hair in retaliation. So, the next day, all the boys are at some cliff about to jump off it into the lake below but are all being chicken about. Beverly comes through in new hair do and jumps off the cliff, showing all the boys up, while Richie yells "FUCKING HELL" and it's comical and amazing and you're lying if you don't think Beverly Marsh is the coolest girl you've ever seen. She also looks EXACTLY like Amy Adams, if Amy was 13. The kids have a fun day in the lake, playing chicken, being young teenagers. Ben then brings up the history of Derry and brings the kids back to his rooms which is covered in old pages of books with old pictures and maps about Derry. There's also a huge NKOTB poster on the back of his door that only Beverly notices. Ben describes the history of Derry to the kids, which is every 27 years a bunch of random kids go missing and no one does anything about it!

Now, each kid has a run in with Pennywise in their own way. And I'm totally going out of order with this movie cause I'm writing this just based off my memory, but somewhere in the beginning we see Stanley trying to memorize stuff in Hebrew. He isn't doing too well so his dad makes him put the book back in his office and go home. In his father's office there’s a scary painting of a woman with a weird shaped head. Stanley doesn't like it, and it falls off the wall. When he puts it back on the wall, the woman is gone. He turns around the woman is standing like 10 feet taller than him and starts to chase him. So, we know that Stanley's fear is definitely this strange painting woman. Ben's is headless kids. Mike's is people burning in a fire, cause we do learn at some point that his parents died in a fire and he tried to save them but he couldn't and that plagues him. Beverly's scene is when she is in the bathroom by herself and she hears voices coming from her sink drain so instead of running the fuck out of the bathroom she grabs her dad's tape measure and pushes it down the drain only for it to come up with blood and hair that then wraps itself around her and sprays blood all over her and the bathroom. When her screams lure her dad into the room, he doesn't see the blood and she's freaking out. I'm assuming that means her fear is blood...but maybe it's just voices of dead kids. So then Eddie is walking home by himself one afternoon and it's his pill time, cause his mom is an overbearing homebody who makes him take pills for everything. He drops his pills because he is walking past a house that is run down and looks scary but has really cute sunflowers in the front yard that make it look kinda kitschy. When he is picking up his pills, he notices a hand helping him and looks up to find basically a zombie leper staring at him. He runs into the front yard of the scary house and is about to leave through a hole in the fence when he notices that a clown is standing with a bunch of balloons by the house. Pennywise shows his face and asks Eddie to play with him, saying the infamous "We all float down here!" Eddie is beyond traumatized and runs screaming through the fence. Eddie's fear being germs and being sick.

So the kids are riding their bikes through the town and notice an abandoned bike off the side of the road next to Henry Bowers' car. They recognize it as Mike's bike and go down to the quarry to find him. Henry and the remaining living boy banders are beating up Mike when Henry gets hit in the head with a rock that we see is thrown by none other than the Queen herself, Beverly fucking Marsh. Richie screams "ROCK WAR" and it starts a very comedic scene of all the youngsters throwing rocks at each other while saving Mike in the process. This then completes the Losers Club: Bill, Richie, Eddie, Stanley, Beverly, Ben, and Mike. MY DREAM TEAM HONESTLY! The most badass group of kids ever besides the Hawkins kids in Stranger Things. They go to Bill's garage where he has slides of the maps of the sewer systems of Derry. The kids are sitting in the dark looking at maps when all of a sudden, the slides start moving on their own and of course Pennywise pops out and terrorizes the kids and audience members by being 17 feet tall. The kids scream and cry until Mike opens the garage door and instead of fleeing for their lives and never talking to each other again like I would have done as a scared teenager, they fucking go to the old abandoned house where the well that connects all the sewers is located. Once there, Bill, Eddie, and Richie go inside the house after Bill gives a huge speech about not being afraid of monsters cause real life is more terrifying than any of that which he didn't stutter at all during and I'm such a proud older sister to all these kids, but especially Bill in that moment. Richie finds a missing kid poster that has his face on it and freaks out, rightfully so. The other boys calm him down and they move on. Eddie gets separated, Bill and Richie are locked in a room with black goop coming out from an old mattress and then Richie gets locked in a room full of clown statues only to have Pennywise jump out and scare him but Bill saves him in time. Pennywise then goes to scare Eddie who passed out from fear and fell through  hole in the ground and landed on a table and broke his arm. He comes out of a fridge and rubs Eddie's face in the style of Heath Ledger's Joker. He's then distracted by Bill and Richie who has escaped their room full of fears above and are screaming for Eddie. They find Eddie underneath Pennywise and of course, freak out. But then, here comes my true savior, Beverly takes an old pipe and enters through the back door and stabs Pennywise in the fucking FACE! GIRL YAAAASSSSS!!!! She's terrified but she saves the day. Richie then tries to pop Eddie's arm back into place which then breaks it even more than it already is and it's a very comical part of such a scary scene. Of course Eddie's mom flips a tit and doesn't let Eddie hang out with the crew anymore. The Losers Club kind of disbands for a bit after Bill and Richie get into a fight about how dangerous all this is. Bill wants to keep going cause the closer he gets to figuring all this out, the closer her gets to finding out what happened to Georgie. Everyone ends up leaving Bill, except Beverly but even then they part ways for a little bit.

When Bill has his Pennywise encounter which is totally before all of the stuff I just wrote, he sees a ghost of Georgie running through his house and then into the basement. He follows him down there only for Pennywise to come out of the water and try to grab him which he gets really close to doing but Bill is fast. NOW, while everyone is doing their own shit, Bill goes over to Beverly's house only to find out that she has been taken by Pennywise. Now, before she was kidnapped, her father was being a real fucking douche bag. He was mad at her for hanging out with boys and was chasing her though their house. She hid behind the shower curtain with the top of a toilet and smacked him over the head and killed him. My angel. Immediately after that, Pennywise took her. So, Bill has to save her. He calls everyone to tell them watch happened and they all meet back at the weird house to go down the well. So, during this time Eddie has realized that his mom was giving him placebo pills. He calls her out on him but he says, and I fucking quote this straight from the movie guys, "They're GAZEBOS. They're BULLSHIT!" And if you have a heart, Eddie becomes the world's best character right in that moment. He also had the bully bitch who was bulling Beverly in the beginning sign his cast and she wrote LOSER in big ass black letters. He then wrote over the S and put a big V on it so it would say LOVER instead. So cute. So pure. Eddie forever.

Now, we're at the climax. (I've skipped a lot of little details because if I didn't this post would be too long.) The boys all get into hero mode while going down this sketchy ass well. Mike is the last one to go down but is stopped by Henry fucking Bowers, who previously to this was targeted by Pennywise but not in a scare to death kind of way, in a recruitment way. Pennywise gave Henry his father's knife to kill his father and then brainwashed him into killing everyone else. He even kills his friends in a deleted scene, fun fact. So Henry, all jacked up on killer clown rage, is trying to kill Mike with a gun that's used to killing sheep by shooting a really big like screw-like bolt into their head. Mike, being the hero we all know he can be, throws Henry off of him and pushes him down the well! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! All while the boys are stuck in the well screaming for Mike. But, good prevails and they all go into the sewers only to lose Stanley who has wandered off cause he hears a woman's voice and thinks it's Beverly but alas it's not! It's that skewed bitch from the painting who wraps her whole mouth around his face and starts to suck. Mike shoots something at the creature and it slinks away into the tunnels as Pennywise. Stanley throws a fit cause his friend's ditched him which they DID NOT HE LEFT THEM but still, he was just getting his face sucked by a monster so he is totally ok to have a meltdown. Bill then sees Georgie in the tunnels and goes running after him who then leads him to where Beverly is. Beverly is where all the dead floating kids are. The boys pull her down before she can truly float and they don't know how to wake her up but Ben steps in and kisses her and IT WORKS! So now all the kids are confronted by Pennywise, who takes Bill and says they can all escape if they leave Bill. Bill begs them to leave but Richie refuses and says "...now I have to kill this fucking clown." So all the kids grab blunt objects and start beating the FUUUUCK out of Pennywise. Pennywise then turns into Georgie and Bill takes that bolt gun thing and shoots him in the fucking forehead, which causes Pennywise to change back into clown form and slink even further into the abyss. THE KIDS PREVAILED! SUCH STRONG ROLEMODLES!!!!!

The end of the movie is the entire Losers Club standing in a field promising each other that if IT ever comes back, they will fight it and kill it for good. They take a blood oath and one by one they all start to leave. Beverly and Bill are the last two and they share a cute, albeit gross as fucking moment by sharing a kiss. It's gross to me cause Beverly has blood all over her hand and she grabs Bill's face and her blood is all over his face it's fucking nasty. But everything is ok at the end, but you know that's only CHAPTER 1!

So, as far as IT goes, it's my favorite because I love the kids in it. The kids are incredible actors. They have the perfect balance of humor and horror and it's not over the top for either of them. The director really let the kids bond before filming and it shows. They are real friends so that friendship perfectly crosses over to the screen. I remember being 12-13, friendship was the most important thing to me. I would have done anything to save my friends from a monster. This story gives life to characters who are damaged and real. Stephen King hit it on the fucking nail with these characters. I'm so happy this movie this exists because it's just the beginning. Chapter 2 is about how IT comes back when these characters are adults, and I can't wait until that movie. If I could cast the adult versions, Patrick Wilson would be Bill, Chris Pratt would be Ben, Amy Adams would be Beverly, Bill Hader would be Richie, and I honestly don't know who would play Eddie or Stanley, but I think that Chadwick Boseman should play Mike. That would be the dream. If you also enjoyed this movie, I'd love to hear who you would like to see cast in Chapter 2 and also hear your opinions on it as well!

AGAIN NONE OF THESE PICTURES ARE MINE. I DO NOT CLAIM CREDIT FOR THEM.