#tagging them bc this conversation started with them but i dont wanna tag everybody

[the-troll-book-of-mormon]

no see the strilondes know about their issues (a good chunk of them, at least) but are terrified of changing and losing the familiarity of whatever pain they're used to. what if the new pain is worse? that, or they're convinced they can't/don't deserve to change. the harleyberts though....... they're scared to even LOOK at themselves.

[human-zim]

ok but like serious question umm? i rlly wanna be/make a zim-related rp blog but i dont exactly know how to start? uh sorry for the dumb question dude but do yall got any advice for me..?

You Cannot BE A ZIM unless you ARE ZIM! Seeing as I am ZIM myself, you CANNOT BE. Unless of course you are a LIAR. To each his own.

Now, ZIM-RELATED you say, is also impossible, as I have no relatives. Unless, of course, I am a LIAR. To each my own.

———————————

(((First of all I don’t want you to be afraid of NOTHIN that comes your way, not fear for the unknown nor fear of interacting with others in a pleasant manner. NOTHING matters if you’re not looking out for the number ONE (you). My advice is to JUST DO IT. That aside, I only got some basic shit to say but HOPEFULLY it will help you to organize your thoughts. This is gonna be long my bad

(1) Personally I think it’s a good idea to start by gathering the general aesthetics you want. Also personally, I tend to leave a lot of that TBD (to be discovered). But while that route offers flexibility, it can also lead to some momentary pursuits that you may regret later. Even the job description “loud and chaotic” has some guidelines.

(2) Idea: Think about how you want to go about characterizing your character. List some vocab words or concepts that reflect your intentions. Ex: Loud or passive? Sexy? Keeps-to-themselves, or assertive? If so, in what affairs? Naive? Pugnacious? Capable? Wordy, or laconic? Do they interact with others, or not much at all? Just keep that in mind as you do what you do.

(3) Idea: Think about what role YOU are going to play. For example, are you gonna break character a lot (y’know in those double parenthesis that people do when they’re just talkin as themselves), in the tags or otherwise? Or are you going to remain gloriously hidden behind the shroud of the screen, making your puppet appear the puppetmaster? The latter was my goal for this blog, I never wanted to get personally involved at all. I hate breaking character in these parenthesis because this is ZIM’S BLOG GODDAMNIT…but i still do it and that’s on me

Also: as it is your blog, think about your limits. If you have any, and if you want to be open about the fact that you exist, then feel free to list them in the bio or just keep them near. One good role that You play if you grant yourself a presence is the ability to moderate how others interact with you, by just lettin them know in the bio or the tags what’s what.

(4) Idea: Get your aesthetics in place! What kind of posts will you reblog - Productive or Puzzling? Visuals or texts? Does it matter? What will YOU post - words, pictures, stories, what? What would your character like? For example, I originally wanted this blog to reblog relevant posts, sometimes about aliens, but nothing good ever came up back then. Nowadays, ZIM here enjoys reblogging weird and out of context things (also Golden Girls) and making solitary textposts that serve as brief glimpses into the life of what must be a maniac. There is some continuity, but most things are said and then forgotten as the ferris wheel of his life whips him around for another go-around. Mostly, there is no logic to the madness. Think about what kind of vibe you want your characterization to give off, and let it develop over time.

(5) Idea: Decorate your blog! Think about what you want to convey. 

Ex: this blog is a HARSH red and purple and a simple, yet awful, icon. The header image is just what it is. the title and whatnot is bullshit. This effect (whatever it is) was better put together when the autoplay (an instrumental of Oingo Boingo’s “Weird Science,” aptly titled “ZIM’s Theme�� on here) was functioning, but the youtube audio that I had used got taken down and this stupid idiot asshole website wouldn’t let me edit the autoplay with the replacement vid back into the html bc it “wasnt compatible” so eat my ass i guess…sorry y’all I miss it too

Note: see a busted ass autoplay could potentially serve a purpose, had i wanted the aesthetic to follow a more twisted, broken, dismissive route, but ZIM here is Cocksure and Loud and SEXY and he’s not broken it is YOU who is the bastard…so yeah don’t be afraid to get metaphorical if you want

(6) Idea: ask others more qualified than I. I’ve seen everybody do it differently. Some people keep a very organized tag system with who they interact with. Others have a specific way that they handle replies (reblogs, start a new post and @ them, reblogs but have a cut-off point…?). Maybe you’d like some extra input on that. Go ahead and ask. They’ll be happy to answer, they’re RPers, it’s their job to reply. Personally, my only limit is to stop the reblog chain when it becomes a burden to scroll past. Then ZIM @’s them if he wants to keep the arguementConversation going.

Note: I never considered this blog an RP blog - in my words, it’s a “shitpost blog” - so I’m sure that there are things (customs, norms, taboos maybe) that I just flat don’t know about, but, maybe not. Regardless, if you’re uncertain, just follow others’ examples. Human-zim counts as an example bc it’s a free internet (for now) and you can do what you want

(7) Idea: Hopefully you know what your intentions (or motives, or reasons) are. If not then find them now I guess. Also, hopefully one or all of them is to HAVE FUN. just show up one day and do shit and make others deal with you. Get comfy while one ancient purple-hued blog with a strenuously grinning icon and a busted autoplay scrolls past all that nonsense on their dash real quick while wondering whether they, too, should make a post that day or not..

also remember that it’ll be rough at the beginning as you’re trying to get a foothold on the blog/character, but you’re free to go in any direction you choose as time progresses. So don’t worry if you hate how you start out, it happens to the best of us.

 thanks for asking and I hope this helped xoxo….if anyone else has any input then don’t be afraid to add-on)))

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[ahgazenmemes]

About me Tag!!

My very supportive friend @ahgase55g7! Thank you for tagging me!

Rules are:

tag the person who tagged you

answer the questions

tag ten people (bro u know i dont got that many friends.

How tall are you?

I’m 5’3, I think. I’m a tiny gal. But I’m still young and growing, especially since I got my period pretty late.

What color and style is your hair?

My hair color is dark, dark brown. And its very straight and it goes right under my shoulders. I don’t like long hair. I’m also planning to get some highlights in my hair so that may change.

What color are your eyes?

Brown. I wish my eye color was more interesting though.

Do you wear glasses?

Nah. My eye sight is one of my good qualities.

Do you wear braces?

Yeah :((. They’re alright, I jusy dont like the way my teeth look right now though, its all crooked and its hard to bite. I wanna get it adjusted so there’d be some improvement.

Whats your fashion sense?

I dont know. My fashion sense stresses me out. It’s everywhere. It’s one of the causes of my mental breakdowns because I’m constantly self consious and never think I look good in anything :))

Full name?

Lol you wish. My first name is Gabie though.

When were you born?

I’m a fetus. I was born tomorrow.

Where are you from and where do you live now?

Manila! And I still live there.

What school do you go to?

Rather not say, it’s a pretty small school so someone from there could find out who I was pretty quickly.

What kind of student are you?

The kind of student everybody hates because they’re annoying but is actually kinda chill when you get to know them haha. I’m also pretty awkward so I guess thats another reason why people think I’m sketchy. BUT IM NOT. I just cant converse.

Do you like school?

It’s meh. I hate everybody in my batch and some of the other batches and the school office. But I don’t really care anymore so everything is just meh.

Favorite subject?

I used to like Science but I started to hate everything this year. Everything sucks.

Favorite TV show?

I don’t watch a lot of tv shows. But I’m trying to catch up on Brooklyn nine-nine. Which I’m absolutely failing at...so....

Favorite movie?

Oh, I like the chill types of movies that doesn’t stress me out. I love Marvel but it isn’t my cup of tea because my butt is clenched the whole time watching their movies. I like “The Little Prince” and “School of Rock”. Weird combo, but I like them.

Favorite books?

I don’t read a lot of books but I like teen romances — SHUT UP. I get it. It’s soft and uwu and wow people that love each other. I really like this book called “The Sun is also a star”. I don’t know why I liked it, I just did, okay?

Favorite pass time?

Sleep.

Do you have any regrets?

Jackson style — no.

(yes. but lets not get into it bc my emotional stability cant handle that, yes? okay.)

Dream job?

Somewhere in the film industry. I don’t know where but hopefully somewhere in that genre.

Would you ever like to be married?

Maybe? I don’t know. It seems like too much of a commitment for me. But I would like to have a significant other one day, did I mention I liked teen romances?

Would you like to have kids?

Hell nah. I love kids and kids love me but I don’t wanna put a kids life in my hands. I’m gonna have to feed and and clean their poop. I’m fine with a dog, thank you.

Do you like shopping?

Shopping gives me anxiety. The clerks are watching you, the prices are doubting you, everyone can see what you’re looking at and doing. Not really, I like looking at stuff on the shelf but as soon as the clerk comes asking if I need help, I stiffle a “no” and leave the store.

What countries have you visited?

A lot. Some places in Europe. A bunch of states in the USA. Hong Kong, a bunch of times. Japan, twice. Australia. Canada, thrice. My family likes travelling, seeing stuff and all.

Scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

One of my biggest fears are pyramids and egyptian stuff. I’m scared of that mummy, cursed shit. Oh no for me. Once I had a dream where I was walking, lost, in a dark pyramid with hieroglyphics all over the walls and tombs and shit. I vaguely remember dragging people with me in the dream too, like they were paralyzed or something and I was the only one unaffected.

Any enemies?

Myself.

Any significant other?

Myself.

Do you believe in miracles?

Not sure, never really thought about it. Yes? I think? I mean Got7 made a song about it so I guess so.

How are you?

I refuse to answer personal questions, thank you.

Tagging only these people because you damn well know I got no friends:

@hyuunwoo, @easybabybird and @soft-hwunjin

[http3w]

Answer 30 questions, and then tag 20 people you’d like to know better! Thanks to @fatbottomedghouls who tagged me. I haven’t done these things in soo long so thank you!

1) Nicknames? Liz. I have more but i’d rather not say due to embarrassment lol

2) Gender? Female

3) Star sign? Aquarius

4) Height? 5'3″ ish 

5) Time?  3:35pm

6) Birthday? isn’t my star sign telling you enough lol

7) Favorite bands?  my all time favourite is definitely the gazette mainly bc i liked them and their music for 7 years and counting lol. Others that I really like but I wouldn’t consider a favourite YET are Ghost, magna carta cartel, motionless in white, code orange, nothing but thieves, against the current, and anadel

8) Favorite solo artists?  come to think of it, i don’t really listen to many solo artists. maybe Axel Flóvent. I just started to get into Steven Wilson who’s pretty good

9) Song that’s stuck in your head? none. but when having a conversation with someone and they so happen to say a title of a song that i know, i start to get that song stuck in my head

10) Last movie watched?  war of the planet of the apes 

11) Last show watched?  the strain

12) When did you create your blog?  sometime in 2012

13) What do you post?  bands, photography, memes

14) Last thing googled?  the solar eclipse times lol

15) Other blogs?  i have two. a gaming one, and one thats more personal  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

16) Do you get asks?  no. so plz fill it up

17) Why did you choose your URL? i really dont know lol i think i changed it 3 times already and im still not satisfied

18) Following?  99

19) Followers?  316. thank you to all those inactive porn spamming blogs

20) Favorite colors?  purple, black

21) Average hours of sleep?  8

22) Lucky number?  i dont have one :/

23) Instruments?  self taught myself the guitar

24) What are you wearing right now? tshirt and shorts

25) How many blankets?  two

26) Dream job?  a job where i’d wake up happy and excited to do what it do. something that will challenge me intellectually as well

27) Dream trip?  Norway, Sweden, and Japan. i wanna learn everything about it.. i mean everything. their culture, food, government, education system..etc 

28) Favorite food? omg i cant choose im srry. im always down for something sweet

29) Nationality? chinese canadian 

30) Favorite song right now? Demon King by MCC Routine by Steven Wilson Everybody lost Somebody by Bleachers

People I tag @kemeritus, @neon-demons, @tybbix, @hobiswhisky, @im-a-geek-normal-person and whoever wants to do this lol