#tag? 0 minutes now lol

[genshin-obsessed]

When Someone Flirts with You! | Honkai Star Rail

Someone saw this coming and I'm very proud of you for figuring it out. Yeah, I've been getting into star rail and I thought I'd just write since I can't really think of genshin things to write right now lol this is barely edited, so have mercy <3 idk tags rn so please help me out :') ✧ Includes: Dan Heng, Welt, Sampo, Gepard, Jing Yuan, Luocha, Blade ✧ Extra: Luocha and Blade might be ooc, I'm not too familiar with them as of right now. ✧ Come one, come all! See what happens when someone flirts with you in front of your men!

Dan Heng

Dan Heng is a really private person, he’s not a fan of showing off everything. So he’s not one to flaunt you around, but it’s not hard to tell you’re both in a relationship. He’s around you like… all the time.

He’s not one to follow around like a helicopter boyfriend, but he’s got an eye on you. If he sees someone bothering you, he’s behind them in an instant.

0/10. Dan Heng’s not super scary so they could ignore him and continue flirting with you. For a moment, he’ll just stand there as he listens to some of the dumb things they’re gonna say. You two make fun of them later for it. But then he hears something along the lines of, “come on, i’ll treat you better.” he don’t like that. 

How is this creep better than him?! They couldn’t even tell you were uncomfortable. Dan Heng will usually place a hand on their shoulder and his grip gets tighter every second the creep is still in front of you. Paired with his glare…

10/10 the creep is gone. You sigh in relief and walk to Dan Heng quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist. He immediately hugs back, stroking your hair a little.

“Let’s go somewhere else. I don’t like it here anymore.” You agreed.

Welt

Well, he doesn’t hang around you 24/7, he’s a busy man. But it’s also not hard to tell you’re dating either. Welt isn’t crazy about PDA, but he’ll give you a quick kiss every now and then and often gives you hugs (per your request).

He believes you’re capable of taking care of yourself, so he’s often not paying attention. That doesn’t mean he won’t look over at you every now and then. This time, he just happened to see some creepy creep trying to creep up on you. 

“Are you ok, (y/n)?” Is the first thing he asks when he walks up to you. He will literally ignore the existence of the creep beside him. Usually what happens here is that you’ll nod and he’ll “accidentally” shove the creepy away and urge you to come talk with him and his friends. The creep is usually so confused they walk away. But sometimes- sometimes- they follow.

Welt does NOT like that. I mean it was one thing to not take the hint from your face, but then to stop you when you’re actively trying to leave?

Welt will turn around and just glare at them. Like that silent, “I will kill you” kinda glare. It’s a staring contest for a moment before the creepy creep just kinda turns away and leaves. Sometimes, Welt does have to smack them with his lil cane. Sometimes.

“Anyway, we’re over here. Would you like a drink?”

Sampo

Sampo is all over you, usually. He loves you and the world should know? Sometimes, he can go too far so just let him know. Anyway, since he’s always over you, people know you’re dating him.

Usually at parties and events, he’s hanging off your arm, but sometimes he’s gotta go talk to some of his other friends and acquaintances. He keeps an eye on you.

Here’s the thing, he’ll come up and flirt with you too but try to one up the creep. “You look fine, darling,” - the creep. “You look so beautiful, every star in the sky and the moons pale in comparison.” - Sampo.

0/10. Of course, the creep gets irritated and asks what the hell Sampo is doing. Sampo just gives him a condescending smile and says, “that’s my partner you’re talking to. I’m not gonna let you just creep up on them.” There’s… a glint in his eyes that’s unnerving. Even you can see it.

69/10. The creep runs off, making some excuse or whatever. Sampo watches them for a minute before turning to you and smiling. You rush to give him a hug and he happily returns it.

“Wanna go home? Seems like that idiot trashed your mood a little.”

Gepard

Gepard is a very shy guy and he’s not one to be all touchy-touchy without you doing it first. He gets all flustered and looks away… but he’ll lean into your touch.

He usually sticks around you, keeping your attention so no creepies come by, but sometimes he gets pulled away. He always lets you know he’ll be right back and leaves for just a few moments. Enough for a creepy to sneak in >:0

When Gepard notices the creep, he wastes no time walking over to you. “Is everything ok?” He asked, looking at you. If you shook your head, that was it. The captain of the silvermane’s came out!

The first glare is usually a 50/50. Sometimes, the creeps acted all annoyed and walk away, pretending they’re not scared but other times… they challenge him. Gepard just places a hand on their shoulder and shoves them back. It’s actually surprisingly strong- they’ll fall over sometimes.

10/10, that usually sends them running. On rare occasions there’s that ONE creepy who just stands up and tries to take him on lmao. You know to take a step back because Gepard kinda skips the arresting and just goes to ass kicking. And he’s the shy boyfriend.

“So… we should go now. Yeah, no, just leave the creep there.”

Jing Yuan

Jing Yuan isn't the most affectionate boyfriend, but he doesn’t mind letting people know you two are together. Depends on your comfort level.

He’s a busy man, so at that fancy event, he can’t always be at your side but he tries to keep you by him. Of course, you decided to go get a drink, he happily agreed. You went off and he kept greeting more officials. You didn’t return, so he looked over and he just saw you turning away from a creep who just grabbed your arm!

Jing Yuan elegantly excuses himself and basically sneaks up behind the guy. He’ll stand there which brings you tons of relief, enough to let the creep ramble and ramble and ramble. “I could take you out to dinner, (nickname you don’t like). I’ll buy you (food you don’t like).” “Actually, they don’t like that. And they don’t like being called that.” The creep jumps away and is standing beside you at that point.

5/10, honestly, some just get scared and leave. There’s the other half though that just kinda scoff and look at you. Before they can even say anything, Jing Yuan grabs them by the shirt and force them to look at him. “Do not speak to them like that. Do not look at them, and don’t even think about them. You leave now or I’ll drag you out myself.”

10/10!!!!!!!!! They are GONE. No sign of them for MILES. Jing Yuan huffs and looks down at you. At this point, everyone’s looking at you two, making you extremely uncomfortable. He’ll stand beside you and pull you close, using that half of his jacket thing to cover you.

“We can leave. I’ll deal with everything else later. Come on.”

Luocha

This man is unpredictable. Sometimes, he’s grabbing your hand to prove your dating, others are just a straight kiss. You don’t mind. Either way, the world knows you two are together.

Luocha doesn’t mind leaving you alone, he’s got confidence in himself and you. That doesn’t mean he’s not there as your backup. Creeps creep on a daily- he’s gotchu. He sees the creep and he’s already walking toward you.

“No!” You exclaimed with a frown, “I'm not interested. Leave me alone.” Luocha didn’t mind scaring the creep off… but it was when they grabbed you that kinda set him off. “Hey.” Is all he says as he grabs their wrist to shove their hand away. 3/10. SOMETIMES people do get scared off by his demeanor. But there’s always that one. Our favorite.

For those guys, he’ll just get physical. There’s just this switch that goes off when it comes to you. 10/10. They’re either gone or out like a light.

“Come, we should go somewhere else.”

Blade

Lol. First of all, people know you’re dating this dude because you’re still alive while hanging off his arm. He’s not affectionate in public other than some sweet words. “You look nice today.” “I think you did well.” Things like that.

Blade can… be a helicopter boyfriend because he just has a 6th sense for creepies. You can be doing your own thing and he’s just standing there. Menacingly. There are days where he’s away from you, but he keeps a sharp eye on you. Then he notices the creep.

“Go away.” You say with a huff as you turn away. “Stop!” You yell, trying to pull your hand away. Suddenly, the creep is silent and frozen. You probably know exactly what happened.

You feel your arm come loose and look behind you to see Blade pointing… well his blade at the creep. He doesn’t say anything and the creep can’t help but just feel the icy fear in their veins. 10/10, Blade doesn’t fail.

“Thank you.” You say with a sigh as you run and hug his arm, looking up at him. Blade sighs and looks down at you, feeling that relief in his chest knowing that you’re fine and right beside him where you should be.

“It’s because you look cute today. Let’s go somewhere else.”

[alelathedragon]

Well ga damn. I hit the big one zero zero.... OVER A MR PUZZLES AU TUMBLR SEXYMAN COMPETITION

I LOVE THIS COMMUNITY

FUCKING WHEEEEEEEEEZE god i dont even know what to say that i havent already said at this point, the small community of Mr.Puzzles lovers is so fucking wholesome and funny, ive made lots of friends. Made new mutuals. Being involved in so many things whether it be simple Answers to my asks, character interactions, drawing war.

Im going to give a quick shout out to my best friends :3

@kizzorelli my wife/playtonic one of the best things to happen to me period. Silly rodent whos art speed is concerning but amazing

@thecourtofinfestation EEEEEEVIL BEST FRIEND literally so awesome, ANOTHER best thing to happen to me in my life period. We're in sync on another level

@mothfoxwastaken bug woman. Zeroist funny person on the planet

@mpc07-foundtheinternet ramble more MORE. I love your ideas and playing with ya!

@infundi360 wife again/playtonic another best thing to happen to me in my life period. Literally how are we friends ur so pog

@your4thwallbreaker i just met you like a month ago but if anything happened to you i would kill everyone on this app and then myself. Youre super cool and i went on a rattle about that but fuck you get rattled again bc my heart is too large

@thestuffiesheadquarters you have wormed yourself into my life and i am attached to you by the hip/playtonic. Silly goober i enjoy holding in my palm

@liliththequeenofdemon you also speedran yourself into my life broda, youre really funny. Silly, and i enjoy your company :3

@alex-dolmatescu2-0 GET OVER HERE MY FELLOW SOCIALLY AWKWARD PLUSHIE!!! I wuv ya and your funnies. Youve been sweet to talk with and also just a large help with the sexyman poll i cant thank u enough like goddamn

My new mutuals!!! HIHIHI!!!

@the-masked-astro

How the FUCK do you keep track of all your characters and give them all the screen time they deserve you absolute MADMAN/pos. I always admired your artwork - but i have the funny ADHD so everytime i liked one of your posts or reblogged them... And MEANT to follow you.... I got sidetracked immediately 😅 BUT I FIXED THAT NOW!!! literally youre a god of some assortment for being able to give all your fellas screentime and awesome writing. SMG4 wishes he could do that

@michealscorneroftheinternet

Youre TEHCNICALLY my mutual now!! Following my holiday smg4 account that ive been working on slowly. And like i think you deserve to be shouted out anyways. Me when i look at your posts for literally 20 minutes picking out the smallest details and thinking about them. Me when im constantly looking forward to the next drop and all the nitpicks i get to do, it's like a gift basket to my eyes i love biting onto your content with my jagged teeth and ripping it to shreds. Even though ive never commented on your Change In Script. Know that im looking at it a normal amount and thinking about it on the regular. Same for The Fallen one you and Dorro are making. Im happy to see them here for Change in Script!!

@theclosetcreature

I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH YOUR ART TICKLES MY BONES. the way you DRAW GAW DAMN. It's so crunchy and delightfully pleasing to my soul. I have to restrain myself my reblogging every single damn post you've ever made period. Going through your entire blog and reblogging every single one type of deal lol. Ur chill. Happy to have you :3

@fenicearts420

DRAGONNNNNNS DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAAAAAAGOOOON

Ive expressed how much i love your HTTYD content BUT FUCK YOU WERE DOING IT AGAIN

THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT AND SKILL IN YOUR HTTYD ARTS BLOW MY MIND, MAKE ME KICK MY FEET, GIGGLE, RUN AROUND THE ROOM, CRY AND GIGGLE AGAIN

YOU SHOULD BE A HTTYD CONCEPT ARTIST SAVE THE SERIES. S A V E IT FROM LIVE ACTION HELL PLEAAAAAASE *cough* ahem

Your self ship dynamic is very silly and wholesome at the same time. Critter and sophisticated man dynamic my beloved. You're charming and i like seeing the tags you put in your reblogs.

I feel like im missing someone so i might come back and edit this later

Oh yeah and btw im going to be a stinky fucky little cheater and just say the tumblrsexyman competition is my 100 follower special 👊✌️👉👉👉 suck it /silly

[als-basement]

I'll share one of my unpopular opinions so we're equal:

I can't like funnybunny, abstragedy or royalteeth(yes some of the most popular ships)

funnybunny is more confusing to me because I can't imagine what their dynamic is like. For royalteeth ig I just don't get old man yaoi...

(sorry abstragedy shippers I'm gonna dunk so hard on your ship don't take this personally😭🙏)

But abstragedy for me feels like a ''half-baked'' ship with no real substance (not the art). It literally came from a background dialouge that most ppl missed, normally its not really a problem since I'm mostly alright with ships that had absolutely no build-up and interactions. I usually save the judgement until I see the fan stuff but it didn't really help. Since all the other popular characters are taken by ships like bunnydoll, showtime, etc. , so everyone just kinda hastily shove these two together and went: '''yup there we go, that's good enough :D''. Felt forced and neglects some type of actual reasoning behind it than just shipping for the sake of it.

P.S. yes ik shipping is just a fun and harmless indulgence it just makes my smooth brain agitated for some reason. This is coming from a ribbun shipper btw

so take this with a grain of salt, I’m just a lil’ hater

*Update* (after ep4): well crap

i guess ill jump into a ditch now

Yall ever see something that you personally CANT STAND even though its harmless like a ship or theory or something but the world makes you see it anyway?

Just me?

Okay Ill leave.

[fivewholeminutes]

I apologize if this comes across as rude but im really interested to know what sleep token twitter yall stumbled upon...? because im there as much as i am on here and ive literally seen people openly drop names in the main tag here, while on twitter you can have a private accound and.... ive only seen past projects discussed there? not even pictures or names (at least from the ones i follow) Unless what youre talking about is older st tweets from their account, then yes, some assholes with like 0 followers did drop Vessels name a couple times from what ive seen, but i have yet to see a name drop or something simmilar by someone who has more than a fart for a follower (meaning it doesnt show up on the tl if they post, and if its in someones replies the poster can hide it) I feel like the problem with it is the same as its on here, ocassional name or face drop that cant really be stopped, and its always from someone who, like i said, probably has 0 followers and made that throwaway to fuck with people. As unfortunate as it is. Again, sorry if it came across as rude, but like... no need to ward people off twitter for no reason lol, its pretty welcoming there as somene whos been in the fandom since 2022 🤷‍♀️

Hey anon, you're not rude at all, dw!

The aversion to sttw is a common thing here on tumblr, trust me. I'm glad to hear you managed to have a good twitter experience, cause damn. That is a gem. I'll tell you my personal experience with twitter. It's all from around spring-summer 2023, more or less.

I wasn't an active member of the st community there, i was only lurking, mostly in the search tab. Looking for words "sleep token" for the very first time made me reluctant to be a part of that community in the first few seconds of my search lmao. That venture into the search tab happened on a day the band was literally a few minutes from starting their set on one of the festivals. Some users were discussing the band being 30 min late, which is a completely normal thing, especially during festivals, when the scene is not free for a whole day for the band to set up their stuff. Those users were complaining that vessel most likely is getting drunk before the set, or is too drunk to get on the stage and this is totally why the band is late. Not accepting any other explanations. Many others were agreeing with them, joking about it and so on. 30 min is really nothing. The starting times for any concert of festival are almost never the actual times the sets begin.

Apart from that, my searches usually had a "true" metal fan revealing their names every 10 posts or straight up showing me cryptocurrency posts, just because they had the word "token" in it. That was tiring. Again, that two aspects are not really sttw community's fault, but they made my experience worse.

And hey, maybe if i started following a few people and kept my sttw experience only to them, it would be better. We'll never know now tho and frankly. I couldn't find anyone who would post there stuff i was interested in enough to follow.

The assholes with 0 followers were commenting on random sttw people's posts too, resulting in no post being safe from seeing their names. The boom after the band became popular bc of the summoning blowing up was luring those bastards in like moths to a lamp fr. Every time i tried to look for some cool st-related stuff i was stumbling upon a dozen of those people.

And then. I remember a drama where more "popular" sttw accounts started to have a war with some other account about god knows what. Don't remember the details, but like. The attacked account dared to comment on something the more "popular" accounts said and then that account and all their friends and minions started a bullying campaign against that one person. That was very distasteful for me. Especially that it wasn't something bad, they just didn't agree with the "popular" account about something.

So, sttw was always kind of a clique that would send hounds after you if you weren't thinking exactly like them. I think that drama ended up with the "popular" account being driven away from twitter, because people started standing up to them and a lot of nasty stuff they were saying about other people was revealed. Man, it was almost 2 years ago, i don't remember the details well. But in general, when fandoms have "popular" accounts/blogs that are worshipped almost as much as the actual thing the fandom is about, nothing good comes from that, ever.

Then there was a drama about one user who was claiming they're iv girlfriend. With some personal photos of iv being sent to that person's friends and stuff. Another red flag for me.

I left twitter shortly after, due to whatever the musk rat was doing with it, not necessarily because of the st community.

Now i only hear about yet another stupid take or drama from there from my mutuals on tumblr who for some reason still have more patience for twitter than me.

The one about "uwu don't draw vessel with his scars, because we don't wanna see them but also bc uwu we care about him" was the latest spectacular fuck up on sttw's part. I won't go into detail about this one, i covered it before and i don't want to go back to that one, cause the "art should be comforting" stuff and treating vessel like he isn't a grown ass man still makes my blood boil.

There was also another drama recently that got talked about here on tumblr, but i forgot what it was about, oops.

So. That'smore or less why twitter community is being frowned upon here, anon. There is just Always Some Stupid Drama there.

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [14]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 15,441

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, mentions of abuse, description of withdrawal, mentions of scars, jason's self-hatred, hurt/comfort, a little blood

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Because I decided to start fixing things last chapter, I had to rewrite this entire chapter lmao so I'm sorry it's late!! I also split this chapter into 2 parts because it was over 30k words please help lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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The next morning, Jason shoots awake from a nightmare but outside of the initial panic and rumbling heartbeat he almost feels too accustomed to, he’s confused. His eyes are on the dresser on the opposite wall and it takes him a minute to process how he even got here. The last clear thing he remembers is choking and not being able to breathe because Crane drugged him. Jason sucks in a few breaths, brows pulling together as he shakes the nightmare away and tries to piece together details from last night.

It’s all a little foggy and jumbled but he remembers being duct taped and Crane saying something about destroying the Titans and then you. Then he remembers the pump station, being tied up there. Then, he remembers you completely suited up and your hands on his cheeks, panic in your eyes.

Jason’s heart thunders again, realizing it was you that brought him back here.

You came to find him.

His head feels like it’s going to explode. A migraine is kicking in his skull as if it’s armed with a battering ram. The more he tries to remember details, the more his head hurts but he tries away. And he looks down, realizing he’s not in the Red Hood gear anymore but he has no memory of changing. Something about missing large pieces of time is scary and frustrating. So much could have happened and he just has no memory of it. And he’s thinking something went wrong, maybe he did or said something because you aren’t here and he knows what happened with you two. But, if you showed up to save him, you wouldn’t just leave unless you had a good reason. You’d always stay to make sure he were okay and then you’d probably tell him off and leave. But, you're not here.

What did he do now?

He puts his head in his hands, groaning loudly. His head starts to spin and his stomach cramps into knots. It twists and turns sending him into a nauseous spin. His bones feel wrong, like they want to vibrate out of his own skin and he feels sweaty but he’s cold. He’s frustrated and alone and devastated and going through withdrawal and everything sucks. He really had to go fuck it all up. Nothing was really all that bad, not compared to how it is now and he’d do anything to go back there. At this point, he might even take the paralyzing fear and panic attacks.

Jason sucks in a breath, lifting his head before he looks to the side of the mattress to try to will himself to get up but that’s when he sees a piece of paper. He plucks it up, unfolding it.

“Kidnappers: 0 You and me: 4              - Y/n <3”

Jason’s chest feels warm as a small smile starts to tug at his lips. Of all the things you could write in a note, it would be that. His eyes stay on the note and maybe you did have to go for another reason. If you were that mad at him, you wouldn’t leave him a note, not this note anyway. So, Jason folds it into a small square and puts it into the pocket of his sweatpants before he wills himself to get up.

Jason makes his way down the large staircase as his head feels like it’s wobbling. He knows withdrawal is tortuous. He knows that but he really didn’t expect it to feel like this. As much as he tries to not think about it, the only thing he wants is the drug. It’s the only thought that’s coming through clear as day, taunting about how much better he’ll feel if he just takes it. His head won’t feel like it’s exploding and he won’t want to peal his skin off of his bones. The cramps will vanish and he won’t feel the shaking in his hands anymore, just like old times. The back cramp will go away and his leg won’t be in pain. Jason knows it’s a bad idea, based on last night, but it’s growing more and more tempting with every step he takes down the stairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.”

Jason jumps as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, eyes shooting up to the bench in front of the end of the staircase. You're lying there, your phone above your face and your knees are bent, feet planted on the bench.

You didn’t leave?

“Fuck you.” Jason mutters, brows knitting together as he tries to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Why didn’t you leave?

You glance back to him from the corner of your eyes and he does look terrible. The dark circles are back, more prominent than they were the other night. The light in his eyes is gone and he’s really pale. He looks like he might actually be sick and you think his cheeks look a little more hollowed than they did before. His hair doesn’t even have the same volume that it normally does and it breaks your heart.

He’s going through it now and this time there actually might be nothing you can even offer to do to help. At least before, you could just offer to listen and be there for him. That was always something but this is different. He’s just going to have to ride it out and you feel horrible for it.

You grin softly to yourself, typing away at your screen before you sit up, planting your feet on the floor. “It’s true.” You shrug your shoulders. You bend down, sliding a white box out from under the bench before you pick it up. “Got donuts, picked up a few of your favorites.” You hold out the box for Jason but his stomach just twists at the thought of food.

“Not hungry.” He nearly grimaces as he looks to his own shoes.

You nod, rolling your eyes. “Yeah, it’s called withdrawal. You should eat anyway. You need some sugar, hence donut. Plus, dough is filling. It might help.” You extend your arms further. “Eat.”

Jason hesitates, looking to the right before he hangs his head, letting out a sigh and then walks over to you. You're one of the most persistent and persuasive people Jason has ever met and he is under no condition or mood to try and even argue with that. You’ll win anyway. You always win in some way. He sits beside you while you open the box, giving him one of the four donuts that are left. Jason raises a brow, wondering if you've eaten.

“Here.” You grab a bottle of water from the side of the bench and hand that to him. “You also need some water.”

Jason takes it from you slowly as he grows more and more confused. What the ever-living-fuck happened last night that he does not remember? The last thing he knew, you two were not speaking. You might have rescued him but this is weird, even for you. You're sturdy in your beliefs and sturdy in your own words. You're being awfully nice and it’s freaking Jason out. He’s starting to think he might be running a fever and maybe this is all just a very vivid dream. You have no reason to be this nice to him at the moment.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You question, your brows furrowing together as Jason just looks at you as if you're some sort of math problem he can’t figure out.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jason finally asks, looking at the donuts and then back to you.

Your heart skips a beat and you knew he’d be confused. That’s a little bit of why you're doing it. A little bit of payback for the hell he’s been putting you through. But, if you wanted to be brutally honest, the guilt of saying you were giving up him is eating at you from the inside out. It is one of the only things you think about because it doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean it because Jason thinks you do. Why wouldn’t he? You literally said it out loud. And then he got kidnapped and drugged. You don’t want to abandon him, drug or not. And last night you got to see a part of the old Jason you thought maybe didn’t come back when he came back to life. You thought maybe, the pit kept a part of his soul. But, last night, he was him. Drugged and high, but him. The Jason you know and love. So, you're here, being nice and making sure he’s eating and getting water because he should have someone in his corner anyway.

Last night, Dick said you and Gar did a good job and you suddenly understood Jason’s entire motive. The weight of the world was placed on his shoulders by Bruce and made worse by being a replacement to Dick. That wasn’t Dick’s fault, but he could have done more. And it was never about having someone to help him lift the weight, it was always about Jason needing to find his own footing outside of the approval of who he looked up to most. That’s just…a lot easier said than done. He needed the one person who gave him everything, not to abandon him but he did anyway. You understand his motive and you're thinking, abandonment is the worst possible option for him. It always was. And you should have known, because it was always the worst option for you, too.

You offer a cheeky smile, faking it entirely. “Is it freaking you out?”

“Yeah, kind of.” Jason snips.

He’s thinking he’s either running a fever, he’s hallucinating, he died again, or he’s in some type of coma thanks to the drug Crane gave him. This whole thing just feels weird and the you he knows would be telling him off and calling him a shithead for getting himself into this mess and then immediately saying it wasn’t actually his fault. Jason knows it is. But, you always tell him it’s not. This time though, you're just offering him food as if nothing happened the last few days. He would love if you two could just move on as if nothing happened, but the reality is that it did happen. Last night and the night before happened. You aren’t nearly as forgiving as he is.

You let out a laugh, leaning your head back. “Good.”

You do not want him to know how worried you are about him or about your own guilt. He’s already going to have a rough few days getting the drug out of his system and you don’t want to make it any worse. At this point, the only thing you want is for things to go back to some type of normal. You know you have to talk and sort it out but you want to feel normal, without all the weight, for just a few minutes even. You want a break from everything. And Jason was always your safe haven when things got too heavy and too loud. He was always good at carrying the weight that didn’t belong to him and blocking out the noise.

Jason's face drops but a smile slowly creeps onto his face. “Are you fucking with me?”

You snicker softly. “I mean, you do need food and water, but yeah.” You nod your head. “I’m always fucking with you.” You say softly as you roll your shoulders.

Jason’s entire chest starts to swarm with a vibrating warmth. “Fuck you.” Jason quips, a gentle smile on his lips before he picks up a donut, eyeing it softly. The last thing he wants right now is food.

“Just eat it, Jay. It’ll help.” You say softly, seeing the hesitation on his face.

Jason shakes his head and he needs to do anything else and not eat, or at least try to distract himself to eat. He can’t concentrate on much but he’s curious enough as to why you're still here. You're fucking with him as usual, but he does not deserve your kindness or you trying to take care of him. He should be doing it on his own, after everything he did. To all of you. This isn’t right. Yet, you're still somehow here.

“Have you been here the whole time?” Jason asks.

“No.” You answer simply, swinging your feet slightly. “Gar came to bring me clothes so we went to get some food down the street real quick and got extra for you. Came right back though just in case you woke up.” You explain, looking back to him with a soft smile.

You didn’t want to go far. You didn’t want Jason to think you would just up and leave again. It has to be different this time. Jason was an apologizing mess last night and being held captive is traumatic. You were never going to leave without making sure he was okay and seeing if he did want to have that conversation for real. It might be heavy but maybe it’ll make things kind of, sort of, normal again. But, Gar insisted on breakfast and you weren’t going to disappoint him again.

“Why the fuck did you come anyway?” Jason asks before he finally gets the courage to take a bite of the donut. “You said not to contact you and shit.”

He doesn’t say it out of spite this time. He says it because it’s true and as mad and as hurt as he was, he also gets it. Now that he’s sober, he doesn’t even blame you. He thinks you should have done that from the start, even if it’s killing him on the inside. The last good thing about him was you and he destroyed every part of that. You don’t deserve that but you're here anyway. Offering him food and acting normal. One of the things he always really liked about you is that he could never really figure you out.

You turn your full attention to him, your heart sinking with any hope of having that conversation today. If he doesn’t remember anything, he doesn’t remember what you said or you seeing his scars or helping him or him asking you to stay. It’s not that you want him to remember any of it. In your opinion, he’s lucky not to remember most of it. Maybe he won’t see it that way, but you do. Even if it doesn’t quite work out for you.

“You don’t remember much of last night, do you?” You ask and Jason shakes his head shamefully. “I’ll always come find you.” You say casually but your voice is just above a whisper. “You’d do it for me.” You shrug easily and your words make Jason look to your neck where he can see the silver peaking out from under your hoodie. “You, uh, you said to bring you here so I did. You asked me to stay so I did. You, uh, you….you were apologizing a lot so I said we could talk later if you still wanted to.” You tug your sleeves over your hands.

Jason nods his head, slowly making his way through his food with a few sips of water. That explains a lot actually. He isn’t sure exactly what he was like last night, but he’s imagining it wasn’t too pretty if he had to ask you to stay. And maybe having a conversation is why you stayed, a sense of hope, maybe. If you're willing, he’d love to talk about it for once but his head also hurts and his spine feels like it wants to crack out of his back. The withdrawal is making it hard enough to even have this conversation with you. He thinks if you’ll talk, it should be when he can actually participate properly. You deserve that much.

“Thanks for staying.” Jason says quietly. “Don’t fucking deserve.” Jason lets out a scoff as he shakes his head.

You furrow your brows as you turn to face him, pulling your knee on the bench so the bottom of your shoe rests against your other leg off the bench. “You know, you should know by now that I think you deserve the world, Jay.”

“Why?” Jason huffs and a part of him is getting pissed that you even think that. Do you not understand the gravity of the things he’s done? “Look at what I’ve become!”

“It’s not really you.” You say softly. “And I know you know that.” You nod your head quickly. “But you never thought you deserved better. I know shit gets bad for you and always has been. But, that shit never mattered to me. You did.” You say and Jason thinks he just swallowed his own heart. Did? “Do.” You state firmly. “You do. Anti-fear drug you isn’t the real you.”

Maybe the anti-fear drug version of him isn't really him but Robin wasn't either. Living in a fancy mansion with money and everything he could have wanted. Following directly behind Bruce and Dick, trying to fill their shoes when their viewpoints are so wildly different. Bruce can try all he wants but Batman was born from vengeance. He got to go home to a cave underneath his fancy mansion with all of his tech Jason couldn't even dream of touching before. Bruce was raised by a fucking butler that was still on Bruce's payroll. Batman was born because Bruce's rich parents were killed in cold blood. And Bruce had all of the means to make Batman happen. That's great, Jason fully believes that's great, but it's different.

Bruce didn't see the dealers or sex workers or the pimps or addicts or traffickers in the flesh. Bruce didn't see that some of those people "breaking the law" were just doing what they had to do to survive because the system was never meant to help them. Jason might have some resentment towards his dad for everything, but he also knows his dad was trying because job after job didn't work out like it should have. He was down and out, but he tried. He was an asshole and he was abusive, but maybe some of how he ended up like that was circumstances. It doesn't make it right, but maybe that's part of it. Jason understands his dad was trying to provide in some way and it turned him into an abusive prick and then it got him killed.

Jason knows his mom's addiction didn't help and it didn't make her the best mom. But, he also knows that that was her way of trying to provide because she used to use to function and the addiction set in. She took them to survive in her own way. His uncle drank to survive. That's how it is sometimes. And that's what he saw, everyday, and not just from his own family. It's what he knew and he also grew up knowing, no one is going to help them. Not even Batman. They are on their own.

Jason grew up knowing sometimes people do "bad" things in order to survive and provide, but Bruce never saw that first hand so his morals on Batman are entirely skewed and bias for the sake of upholding the law and putting "bad people" away. But, Jason's views were always landing in a grey area that not all "bad people" are actually bad and deserve to be thrown away. Robin gave him magic but he also had to give up some of his own morals and beliefs in order to wear the cape and mask.

Robin was never really him, either.

“Robin wasn't the real me either.” Jason scoffs.

Your eyes narrow softly at him because it's such an odd comment coming from him. Robin was everything to him before and maybe you do get it. It got him killed, it's different now. There's a lot of bad blood stained over Robin but...you don't entirely think that's true.

“That’s not true. The whole, mansion shit, yeah.” You laugh softly. “But, wanting to be the voice for people who get left behind? Yeah, that’s still you, Jay.” You shrug your shoulders. “You always liked kicking ass, people who deserve it because they did something wrong. Not because you like to fight. I mean, you’re argumentative as fuck, but physically violent, not so much. It’s a misconception that you play into because it’s easier than letting people see the real you or whatever. Robin let you be this hero and you had to roll with Batman and shit, but…you got to help people.” You shake your head. “Like me.” You clear your throat. "That's you." You offer a soft nod at him, chewing the inside of your cheek.

As far as Jason can see, he's never really helped you. Not really. He thinks he's only made everything worse. Between getting kidnapped and making you lose sleep and dying and now everything else. He's pretty sure you were always better off without him. How the hell do you think he actually helped you?

“How the fuck do you figure I helped you?” Jason shakes his head and he definitely is not well enough to be having this conversation.

You think of every way Jason has saved your life, some of the times a little too dark to share with him at the moment. But, you think about them and you think about all the other times where he's helped you, even with small stuff like getting something down from a cabinet. You've never told him but you think one of the reasons you are who you are today is because of him.

You pull the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands. "I felt like maybe the stuff with Jerry was my fault. Spent a lot of time thinking that but...one of the first things you told me was that he was a piece of shit and I didn't deserve it. You didn't even know me. But, it helped and you never made me feel like what happened to me was ever my fault. And uh, you trained me so I wouldn't be scared to leave the tower. Maybe the knives is a thing...or maybe it's because you trained me. Sparred with Gar the other day, I still won. Because you trained me." You suck in a shaky breath, pausing softly. "Um...and I just...I'm alive today because of you." You nod at him once, seeing Jason's face wanting to twist to question it. "So, maybe Robin wasn’t completely the real you, but Robin was enough of the real you. You put yourself into Robin. And you can put yourself into Red Hood. Without Bruce. Without Batman.” You rush your words, making sure Jason can't get a word in. “So, I guess, I’m just saying that you always deserve better, even if you don’t believe me. And I just hope you understand that one day, Jay.”

“Why didn't you ever tell me any of that before?" Jason asks, turning to match your position as his right shin touches yours.

Truthfully, it all seemed too honest. A little too scary to tell him what kind of impact he had on you. It’s more than that, there’s more you haven’t told him as a way to protect yourself and maybe even him. You always felt if you told him those things, maybe it’d change. Maybe it would change how he viewed you and maybe it would change how you felt he viewed you. Maybe he’d feel some sort of obligation and you hate when people feel obligated to you for something. You should know Jason never does something for someone strictly out of obligation, but you feared it anyway. And if you told him, what happens when he doesn’t come home?

Saying everything out loud makes it real. And he didn’t come home anyway.

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know.” You keep your thoughts to yourself, knowing if you think too much about everything, the tears will start again. “Uh…I’ll always stay if you ask me to.” You nod your head softly.

Jason watches you carefully and he could always tell when there was more on your mind but it looks like it is physically paining you to even talk about it. The guilt starts to take over and Jason wants you to not be in pain anymore. He'll take it if that's what he has to do, he doesn't care anymore.

“You really shouldn’t.” Jason nearly mutters the words.

You know him better than anyone and that was always what he feared. You know him better than anyone which means he’s more susceptible to getting hurt. He’s already hurt himself enough for the both of you but then everything with Excellent Gotham happened and now you're the one torn between him and everyone else. He’s hurt because you're hurt and that’s all this is turning into.

Maybe a small part of him regrets the two of you, as thankful as he is you're here. As much as he appreciates your company and your kindness, he has crossed the line and maybe had you never gotten together, you wouldn’t be the one in pain. Maybe had you not gotten together, this whole thing would be easier for him. He wouldn’t feel like he let another person down and pushed them to their very brink of existence. He wouldn’t feel like he exposed himself too much to the elements. He’d still feel safe in his bubble of self-destruction and self-hatred. It wouldn’t hurt you.

You're too good anyway.

So, he pushes out of some painful mix of self-preservation and self-destruction.

“You know, uh, I think about that…night with Deathstroke.” You swallow thickly. “Not…not the kidnapping so much anymore but…after.” You stress, looking to your leg and picking at the hem of your pants. “In the bathroom and I don’t know. You pushed and gave me every reason to, uh, to run like I usually do and I know…we did do what we do best in the end but…not…ya know?” You shake your head, looking back at him. “You pushed and I stood there anyway and told you that you matter to me. And it was like…the first time I ever felt like I could stay…if you’d have me.”

Jason’s heart starts to ache from inside of his chest like he’s just been stabbed. Did he make you feel unwanted? That was never it. He was just scared and pushing always seemed easier and you never put up a fight about it. He thought you were on the same page of pushing and running. You both did it until you couldn’t. The risk of everything you both ever feared didn’t seem to matter anymore so you both decided to stay and Jason can’t decide if that was for better or worse. But, he’s looking at the distant look in your eyes and he’s thinking maybe it was for the worse for you. You always made him better.

“Even as a friend. Like I said, I agreed with you and we did what we do best.” You shake your head. “And you did.” You nod your head. “You showed up to my room the next night and I just…” You suck in a deep breath, looking up to the ceiling and back to him. “I knew I could stay. I didn’t have to run from you.” You tug your sleeves over your hands. “So, um…I know you want to,” You nod your head with understanding but your heart is breaking with every second that passes. “But, can…can you please not push me away this time? Please, Jay.” You offer him a sad and weak smile as the lump in your throat starts to grow. “I know things are complicated right now but you’re my best friend and I really miss you.” Your voice cracks as water starts to brim your eyes.

Even after everything, you have a way of getting him to cave. Pushing has always been his best defense mechanism. It has always worked and it has always been easy. It has always hurt him, which was fine because at least it was self-inflicted. But, you make the whole thing hard because it doesn’t just hurt him. It hurts you, too. And Jason knows how badly it hurt when you left. Maybe part of making amends is letting go of bad coping mechanisms. Maybe it’s doing things that hurt and are scary. He does love you and he does miss you, too. He’s tired of being alone and he’s tired of being in pain. And he's tired of putting you through pain. So, he nods.

“I miss you, too." Jason's voice is rough and low but honest and sincere, earning him an almost relieved sigh from you. "I just fucked everything up this time.” Jason says quietly. “Really fucked it up.” Jason nods. “With you and the Titans. How the fuck do I come back from that?”

“You apologize and get clean.” You shrug. “I mean, I’m the only one who really understands it so you just…have to try.”

“That’s it? I try and they welcome me back with open arms?” Jason scoffs at the thought. It’s never that easy. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”

"I mean, I'm still welcome to be a Titan and I'm killing people. All of you almost killed Gar." You nod your head quickly. "So, they have to welcome you back because otherwise they're just hypocrites." You offer him a cheeky smile. "You just have to try, Jay. And if that doesn't work, then fuck em." You shrug your shoulders sarcastically. "You still got me and you got Gar." A genuine smile comes to your lips as you rest your hand on top of his.

Jason thinks the simple act alone just lit his entire body on fire so he smiles back, subtle but there. "Yeah, alright." Jason manages a soft chuckle as he shakes his head. “When are you going back?” Jason asks softly, not really wanting you to leave.

“Oh…uh, well, you were just drugged so I thought…I’d hang around if that’s okay.” You chew the inside of your cheek as you pull your hand back into your lap.

Liar.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” Jason asks bluntly. “Don’t pull that bullshit about how you’re just worried about me or whatever. Something’s going on.” Jason can always tell when you're lying and he swears part of that is because you almost never do.

You chew the inside of your cheek and he’s right, something in going on. You've been thinking a lot about how you finally understand it. The whole Bruce and Dick thing. You finally get it and you actually hate it. Of course, understanding Jason is always nice but you hate that you feel that way. Every day since you've watched Jason deteriorate over Robin, you swore you would never be like him or Dick and yet here you are. In the same damn position. And you won’t let that happen. And the more you sit and the more you think about it, the more you wonder if the reason you threw in the towel over Jason is because of your obligation to the Titans.

You have a bigger obligation to Jason and yourself but maybe that played a little bit of a hand. Maybe your loyalty runs a little deeper than you thought because Dick saved your life and brought you into this world. But, you don’t want that. Something has to fucking give and you're not sacrificing your views or your morals anymore. Maybe it’ll be for the better and maybe it’ll be for the worse, but at least you know you're doing something you can live with. At least you're doing it because it’s what you believe in.

You're also still a little mad that Dick was willing to sacrifice Jason if last night wasn't a trap and Crane went off the deep end. There is still that.

“I am, uh, mad at Dick. Shocker, I know.” You crunch your nose before rolling your eyes. “But, um…he said we did a good job last night and I just…felt so validated and I hated that. Because it was more than just being validated, it was being validated by him. And he said it could have been a trap and he's right but he didn't fucking stop me from going. It could have been a trap and I could have been killed, blah blah blah, right? Well, he let me fucking go alone. He didn’t pressure Gar for information. So, I just…I don’t wanna go there. It doesn’t even feel like home anymore fucking anyway. So…yeah.” You rush your words, trying to play it off because you don't particularly want to talk about it.

“So…you’re mad at Dick so you’re just...switching sides?” Jason questions, not really sure he understands why you would do that. "And what the hell would you have done if it were a trap? Hate fucking saying it, but he's kind of right." Jason nearly grimaces at the thought of agreeing with Dick, but it could have been a trap for the Titans. You had no way of knowing otherwise.

“Was I ever really not on your side?” You quip. “No, it’s…” You suck in a breath and you shrug your shoulders. “I know that if you stay off of the drug then you’re you again. That’s where I want to stand and I want to be here when you are clean. You’re where I always want to be.” You nearly whisper. "And, if it were a trap, I knew that if I showed up, you'd do everything in your power to get me out of there. It would never be a trap for me, just the Titans. So, I wasn't worried. I know Excellent Gotham was an accident. Shit happens, but I'm almost always safe with you and I know that." You offer a soft but closed smile. "You and me."

Jason pauses and he thinks back to the day he walked onto the roof. He thinks he’s starting to feel that way again. Worthless, useless, damaged, broken, unloved, unworthy, filled of poison. Everything comes back to him. But, he’s sitting next to you and he also remembers you that day.

You were the only one that stood up for him and you were the only one who came out to the roof to try to talk him down. You're always the only one, if he has no one else, he has you. And he remembers you literally telling him that if you're alive, he’ll never have to be alone. You broke up with him and he’s still not alone. Maybe you're crazy for it but Jason knows in order for you to still be with him, in any context, you're having to sacrifice a lot. In order to make sure you keep that promise to him, you're the one sacrificing yourself and your friends. For some reason, you believe in him so maybe it’s time Jason takes a step back and starts sacrificing, too and believing in himself. If you can, he owes it to you to try, too. It’s supposed to be him and you.

"I'm still really sorry for that." Jason lets out a breath. "But, next time, can you bring someone with you in case it is a trap?" Jason lets out a soft laugh. "I'd never let some shit happen to you but, just in case." Jason nods head quickly, the white streak flopping around slightly.

You let out a laugh as you look down and then back to him. "Yeah, okay because you asked so nicely." You say sarcastically.

Jason shakes his head but his chest is starting to feel a little better. “I’m gonna make it up to you, alright?” Jason says sternly. “Don’t know how yet, but I’m going to. I fucking owe you.”

You offer a soft smile. “I expect a lot of homecooked meals and for you to drive me around.” You nod as a cheeky smile starts to come to your face.

Jason lets out a soft laugh, tilting his head down before he looks back you. “I’m not your personal fucking chef or your chauffeur.”

“Could be so fun, Jay.” Your eyes widen as you shake your head teasingly at him. “Um…” Your brows furrow. “Withdrawal sucks and I know you know that. So, um…if you want to go to Crane and try to get one or two inhalers so you can ween yourself off instead of cold turkey, I get it.” You nod your head. “Um…I mean, I can help if you want.”

Jason nearly does a double-take. “This whole time you’ve been telling me to get off of it and now you’re telling me you’ll help me take it?”

“I also don’t want you miserable.” You state. “I can like hide the inhalers for you and monitor when you get more.”

Jason pauses for a second and maybe it’s a bad idea. The drug makes him a skeleton of who he really is but this is torture, just sitting here. He’s not really sure how he’s supposed to deal with feeling like this for days or maybe weeks. He doesn’t know how long this withdrawal is going to last. All he knows is that it is fucking exhausting and painful. But, maybe if you can help, he won’t fall back into Crane’s hands. If you're willing to stay, he can try.

“Yeah, then I'll be fucking done with his psycho ass.” Jason clears his throat. “Feel like fucking shit.” Jason scoffs. “Meet back here then?”

You nod your head softly. “Yeah, I gotta get back and let Gar know what’s going on, I guess deal with Dick. Blah blah blah.” You laugh softly. “Just…text me if something happens.” You get to your feet. “Don’t do anything fucking stupid until I get back.”

“Don’t do anything fucking stupid while you’re gone.” Jason quips. “Ya know, like using the R blades to kill some fuck.”

You gain a cheeky smile. “Hey, you’re still wearing a bat symbol.” You point at him. “I’m just being an asshole, just like you. Learned from the best, bAbE.” You snark right back at him as you watch him gain that half-cocked, toothy smirk that always made you feel alive. “I’ll be back and try not to take it until I get back.” You nod once at him, keeping your own smirk before you turn on your heels and head for the exit.

You head back to the manor, knowing Dick and Kory will want to know where Jason and Crane are. If you were being honest, you're surprised Gar has been able to keep it a secret. You know it’s a very big ask for him not to tell Dick where or the password into the tablet which you had Gar bring you when he came by just to be sure Dick didn’t get into it while Gar was gone. Letting them know where Crane is, is all fine and well, the issue comes to Jason.

While you appreciate that Dick thinks you and Gar did a good job, there is still a bitterness hugging your chest about the whole thing. It shouldn’t have been up to you. You said you were done and you should have been able to be done but not when no one else is going to do something. You know you never would have taken a backseat anyway, not with Jason being kidnapped and held hostage, but it should have been an option. Jason was in trouble and it was Dick’s responsibility to do something about it. You don’t know where Dick’s head is with Jason now so the last thing you want is for him to know where Jason is hiding out and where Crane is. The last thing you want to do is even work side-by-side with him anymore and if you were a worse person, you’d just kill Crane now and get it all over with. Dick could deal with the cleanup if there is any to be had.

You stop right into your room as soon as you get to the manor. If you're going to help Jason and you're going to stand beside him, you want to be physically there. If you're ditching the Titans, then staying here isn’t really an option. So, you pack a bag with clothes and a charger for your phone before stopping by Jason’s room and picking a few of his favorite pieces of clothes and books. Once you have everything you need, you make your way to the Batcave to grab the case for your suit and extra knives and blades.

Dick, Kory, and Gar are all in the Batcave when you make your way down there. They’re surrounded by the Batcomputer, coming as no surprise to you. But, then they all turn around, eyes landing on you and you tug your backpack harder over your shoulder.

“Yes?” You ask softly.

“How is he?” Gar asks, hope in his eyes as he spins in his chair and gets to his feet.

“Going through withdrawal, looks like shit.” You huff before sucking in a breath. “Got him to eat a little bit though.” You offer a soft smile.

“Does that mean he’s done?” Dick questions.

“Done with the drug, Crane, or Red Hood? Because I’m thinking those are three different answers.” You quip, holding a bit of snark in your voice.”

“All three.” Dick’s voice grows defensive and you were fine last night. Suddenly, you hang out with Jason for one night and you have an attitude again? Seriously?

“No, yes, and probably not. Didn’t talk about Red Hood.”

“Wait, he’s gonna keep taking it?!” Gar practically yells in confusion.

“No.” You answer simply, shaking your head. “He’s just getting a few more inhalers so he can ween off it instead of cold turkey. Withdrawal is bad enough.” You look to Dick who looks like he’s about to have a stroke. “It was my idea if that helps.”

“What?!” Kory and Gar yell at the same time.

“Why would you encourage him to keep taking it?” Dick grabs the bridge of his nose and he's thinking you should have come with migraine medication when he found you in the alley.

“Because quitting some drugs cold turkey can kill you and I don’t know if Crane’s drug falls into that category or not and neither does he. I’d rather we not find out the hard way.” You answer simply, rolling your shoulders.

Gar finally notices the backpack and his heart starts to sink. He’s really hoping you're just bringing Jason some of his stuff and you're not leaving. They’ve already lost so many people, he doesn’t want someone else walking out on them. He knows it has to be really hard for you, but it’s hard for everyone.

“Why do you have a backpack?” Gar asks cautiously.

You tug it over your shoulder a bit more. “Um…I’m gonna stay with Jason for a bit.” You chew the inside of your cheek. “I promise, I was not leaving without telling you. I’m just trying to make sure he’s gonna be alright.” You roll your shoulders and a part of you almost offers to let him come with.

It could be just the three of you again but you would never put Gar in a position where he feels like he has to choose between you and Jason and the Titans. Inviting him, feels like it would put him in that position. And you have no idea what Jason would think of it anyway so you bite it back.

“Are you sure?” Gar asks.

You nod your head softly and you don’t want Gar in the middle of your annoyance with Dick. You know you’ll get over it eventually anyway. “Yeah, maybe I can get something out of him anyway, about if Crane is planning something big and if so, what.” You play it off, realizing this does give you that opportunity.

Dick nods once. “You could just tell us where he’s hiding out and where Crane is.” Dick states simply.

“No.” You shake your head as you start walking over towards the display case where your suit is still in the suitcase beside it.

Dick turns to face you, annoyance written on his face.”Excuse me?”

“I said no.” You say simply. “If you want to argue about it, argue with yourself cause I'm not anymore.” You shrug your shoulders.

Dick sucks in a breath and he can’t believe you’re really doing this again. “Fine, can we speak privately?” Dick asks.

“Come on, Gar.” Kory walks up to Gar, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s go find Conner and Blackfire.” Kory offers a soft smile before they walk off.

You grab the suitcase, walking back towards Dick and then past him. You're ready to get out of here and you know this is going to cause more problems than it’s maybe worth. But, at the end of the day, you swore you’d protect Jason at all costs. Too many people left him exposed to the elements, and you're not going to do that. Dick had his chance to help, too and he left the both of you in the pouring rain and wonders why you’re feeling abandoned.

“I thought you were on our side.” Dick shakes his head. “What’s going on? Did something happen?” Dick asks, this time his voice sounding a little bit more concerned and you almost feel guilty.

“Dude, come on.” You scoff. “I’m on whatever side gets Jason home and safe. You should know that. Nothing happened I just….” You shake your head. “You could have fucking helped last night and you didn’t. For all we knew, Crane could have lost his shit and was gonna kill him.”

“But that didn’t happen.” Dick states. “You said last night he was just tied to a chair and you got him out of there. You and Gar worked together and you both did a good job last night. You didn’t need help.”

“It’s not about if I needed it!” You yell in desperation. “I fucking found his body! Do you really think I’m just fucking fine with that now that he’s alive? Do you really think I want to find him like that again? On my fucking own? That’s what you set me up to do last night. Yeah, he was 'just' tied to a chair, but I also know that fucks with your head, too. He’s your brother who needs fucking help but the only people who are willing at all costs are Gar and me. So, no.” You shake your head. “I’m not gonna tell you until I know he’s safe. You can figure it out and I’ll talk to him anyway. But, I’m not telling you.” You look to the right and then back to Dick. "Did you ever think that he just needs you to show up for him and not out of obligation? Bruce isn't here and this wasn't your fault like Deathstroke. Jason Todd is not hard to figure out."

Dick hangs his head for a second, realizing maybe you make a good point. You shouldn't have had to be the one to go alone. But, Dick didn't even think of the possibility that Jason could have been in real danger. He didn't think of what would happen if he was and you were the one to find him again. Dick's realizing maybe, just maybe, Crane might have had a point a few days ago. Maybe he did abandon Jason.

“I’m sorry.” Dick admits, catching you off-guard. “You’re right. It shouldn’t have been up to and I didn’t think about that.” Dick looks to the ground and back to you. “We’ve all been under a lot of stress lately and we’ve all been through a lot. This is hard for you. We all just want this to be over. I should have gone with you.”

"Thank...you?" You question, a little confused where this version of Dick is coming from. "Look, I think any risk is worth saving him. Last night, though, you made me think that isn't the case for you. So, I can't tell you in order to protect him. But, I'll try to get information about Crane anyway and tell you." You nod your head, swallowing your own pride. "I still want Crane dead and you want him brought in, so we're on the same side there." You start to walk towards the stairs. "Anything else or...can I go?" You ask, feeling, for some reason, obligated to.

"You can go." Dick lets out a sigh. "At least keep up with Gar, he's worried about the two of you." Dick warns, having to suck up his pride, too and put some trust into you this time. You offer him a closed-mouth smile before giving him a thumbs up and heading back upstairs.

Jason is making his way to the pump station where Crane is setting up for their next steps and his teeth grind while his heart races. He swears he has to be running a fever with his head feeling warm, heavy, and cloudy. He isn’t sweating but something about his skin feels like it’s almost been dunked into a pit of oil and it makes his skin crawl. There’s an ache in his back that isn’t painful but isn’t uncomfortable like it’s on the verge of a paralyzing cramp that just won’t come. His hands are starting to shake and the only thing he wants is the damn drug.

There’s a bit of worry in thinking about the drug though. He can’t be who he has been over the last week. He cannot go back to that but he is desperate and scared. Everything is in agony and the guilt is starting to weigh his feet down. The regret feels like cinderblocks resting on his heart. He’s scared he won’t be able to stop and he’s scared if he goes right back to the drug, Crane will get him right back under his wing. He finds himself thinking maybe that’s why you offered to help anyway. So, Crane couldn’t manipulate him anymore. If the only person he’s talking to is you while he’s high, then he doesn’t have too much to worry about. You're not going to manipulate him into killing innocent people. That’s all Crane. So, he sucks up his fear and walks right in, ready to nearly demand the drug from Crane.

Crane has a jackhammer in hand, trying to get through the concrete on the floor. Jason watches him with more aggravation starting to flood into his system. Jason walked in with a mission, sights set on getting one or two inhalers and that’s it. But, he’s standing here and all he wants to do is scream. The anger side of withdrawal is peaking through and he’s thinking he’s going to finally snap if Crane doesn’t hand over an inhaler. The jackhammer is making the headache worse and the shaking starts to intensify. He doesn’t really care about anything else as desperation starts to take over.

“I need more!” Jason yells over the sound of the jackhammer. He thinks his head might explode if Crane doesn’t knock it off.

Crane stops and rests the jackhammer on the ground before looking up to Jason. He gains a delighted smile as he walks closer to Jason, stretching his arms out to his sides.

“You’re back.” Crane says before gesturing his arms inward. “Come on, bring it in.”

The last thing Jason wants to do is hug him. This insane psychopath kidnapped him, drugged, and held him hostage. Jason’s ex-girlfriend had to rescue him. And Crane thinks Jason wants to not only be around him but hug him? He’s lost his fucking mind.

“I need another inhaler, Crane.” Jason demands, keeping his footing a few feet away from Crane.

“Well,” Crane starts as he plops his arms back to his sides. “You’re gonna have to cook it yourself. I’m fresh out.” Crane states as he goes to turn around.

Jason's heart plummets and he’s desperate for more. Crane just can’t be out. He’s the one that’s been having cooks make it. How the fuck is he out? He can’t just be out. So, Jason starts walking closer, spotting a large drum barrel.

“What about that?” Jason points to it.

“That…is too concentrated.” Crane states. “Deadly in its uncut form.”

Jason can feel himself growing more and more aggravated and panicked. It’s more than just the fear creeping in but instead, it’s the fear of withdrawal and the idea of never having the drug again. That’s what he’s starting to panic about. He knows he’s getting off of it. He has to if he wants to get some part of his life back. Crane isn’t stable and while he’s helped him this far, last night happened. Jason needs to get off the drug but he really doesn’t want to do it cold turkey. This is literal hell right now.

“This is a fuck show.” Jason lets out an annoyed sigh as he starts walking closer to Crane to pass by him and leave.

“Jay.” Crane states but it’s more in a warning tone. Jason wants to combust, the nickname sending the anger from the withdrawal into a spin. No one calls him that. “Jaydog.” Crane lifts his voice this time as Jason turns around to face him. “Take heart, my friend. We are just a few swift strokes away from the sweetest comeback the world has ever seen.” Crane leans over on the jackhammer, a menacing look in his eye. “I mean, they’re gonna make a biopic about us. How we met, our ups, our downs…”

“How the Titans wiped us out?” Jason cuts him off knowing the Titans are coming after them and Crane doesn’t seem to be much help.

You can say whatever you want but right now, he’s still being targeted by the Titans because he’s spent the last week targeting them. Jason doesn’t think for a second he can come back from that. That’s why you're suddenly with him through this. A barrier against the Titans.

“Do you remember why we’re here?” Crane asks.

“The details are hazy, Crane. You zombified me, remember that?” Jason quips back and that part is biting at the back of his head.

Crane didn’t have to do it but he did it anyway. He drugged him, held him hostage, then kidnapped him and brought him here. He didn’t even offer a good explanation. But, Jason falls back on him stealing the inhalers from Crane and maybe he deserved some part of it.

“I do remember.” Crane states simply as he furrows his brows. “Well, um, quick refresher course. So, this pump station is perched directly above Courtland Valve station, which controls all of the water supply for all of Gotham. I take my little friends there and I dump it into the water supply and…” Crane states as he fires up the jackhammer again but as he does, he loses control and it goes sputtering to the floor.

Jason bursts out laughing, enjoying the look of shock on Crane’s face but his laughter starts to die down when Crane also starts laughing. Something about the look he gives Jason and the way he laughs, it almost reminds of him Dr. Light when Jason had him pinned. When Deathstroke held a sword to your face. And suddenly, he’s worried again.

“You think that’s funny?” Crane asks through his laughter. “Just wait until you see what we’re gonna do to Gotham when we’re done here.” Crane says as he circles around Jason, standing behind him and wrapping an arm around his neck as he chuckles. “Gotham is going to destroy itself.” Crane boasts as he walks back over to his place by the jackhammer. “House by house, family by family.” Crane laughs and Jason doesn’t want that.

It was never supposed to be about destroying Gotham. It was about protecting Gotham. Doing the things Bruce would never do and couldn’t do and refused to do. It was about actually taking care of the people in the city who aren’t on Bruce’s radar, the people who get left behind by the GCPD. It was supposed to be about them, not this. This isn’t what Jason wanted to do.

“This plan is a fucking joke, Crane.” Jason states. “And so are you.”

“Me?” Crane questions and Jason thinks he might sound a little hurt. “But I reached over to the other side, dragged you back to the living…” Crane states and you were the one who said Crane was using him. Maybe you're right.

Up until this moment, Jason thought that couldn’t be true. Why would Crane use him? Crane’s been telling him this whole time he cares about him and he wants to help him in the way Bruce and Dick refused to help and couldn’t help. They could be a team, better than Batman. But, if Crane wasn’t really using him, why would he bring up bringing him back from the dead? Which Jason never fucking asked for anyway.

“So you could use me.” Jason states a sort of venom in his voice.

“Yes, so I could use you.” Crane answers nonchalantly as if Jason should have known the answer.

And Jason’s heart sinks further. It was never about helping him. It was about helping Crane help himself. You were the one who was right this time. Crane has been using him this whole time. Jason’s been a pawn in his game and it stings. It’s the same story over and over. Jason gives him all to someone and something and it all ends up backfiring, they use him and throw him away like he’s trash. Just like this.

“Life is transactional, my dear boy.” Crane states. “Well, I gave you life. You gave me secrets about Batman and Dick Grayson and the girlfriend, er, ex-girlfriend? And uh, what was his name? Hank?”

Jason has had it. Today is not the day to mess with him and Crane bringing up him betraying everyone for him is setting him off. It never should have had to be transactional. Yes, Jason should have known better. He knew the exchange was secrets for the formula. It was the drug and then they’d work together. Jason knew that part of it but he didn’t think his life was a part of that transaction. He doesn’t want his damn life to be transactional. He doesn’t want to sell himself for a drug and secrets and the destruction of Gotham and the Titans. That’s not who he is and that’s not who he wants to be. On top of that, Jason’s sick and tired of Crane thinking he can just bring up his one line and get off. You were always supposed to be off limits anyway and everything is sending Jason right over the edge.

Jason grabs Crane by the collar and spins them around, slamming Crane’s back against a few boxes as he holds him there. He’s done working with Crane and letting Crane think he’s the one running the show. Jason is not going to be his pawn anymore. If he wants to take down Gotham, that’s on him. Not Jason.

“I’m done telling secrets!” Jason yells, jaw clenched and knuckles turning white. “Done being fucking used!” Jason yells as he punches Crane in the face twice and then lets him go.

Crane looks up at him, something menacing and bored in his eyes. “You done?” He asks as he spits blood onto the ground.

“Almost.” Jason states plainly. “Bring her up again and I’ll fucking kill you.” Jason says harshly, his jaw squaring and a burning hatred washing over his usually bright eyes. Crane opens his mouth to say something but Jason moves forward and uses most of his strength to take another hit to Crane’s face, this time the hit is enough to knock him unconscious. “Now, I’m done.” Jason says as he leaves Crane on the ground and heads out, desperate to find something that’s going to take the edge off of everything that’s clouding him right now.

He’s supposed to meet back up with you, but at this point, he’s not sure he can stomach it. In the moment, it seemed fine. It was nice not to be alone and to not feel so alone. But, right now, it’s as if he swears it’s the only thing he really deserves with the withdrawal kicking in full force. You will try to make it all better and he knows for a fact he doesn’t deserve for it to be better again. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do and how. How he’s going to come back from everything. You just said he had to try but he doesn’t know how to try. What he’s become goes against everything that’s been engrained into him over the last few years.

Bruce swore killing was wrong and using excessive force was wrong. But, now Jason is the one with guns killing people and decapitating them just for extra threatening measure. Maybe he didn’t always agree with Bruce’s point of view but that’s what a hero, a vigilante, Robin was supposed to do. Not kill. Not use excessive force. There was one way and one way only. Jason was murdered anyway and he thinks maybe, this isn’t all wrong because it is for the greater good of Gotham. But, it haunts him anyway because of how he got here, what led him here. He was murdered and Bruce couldn’t kill the Joker for him and his death was preventable. His death was preventable in every way but he died anyway. He’s the one left with those physical and mental scars, not Bruce.

Jason thinks it’s different when death happens to you. But, Jason didn’t go after Two-Face. He didn’t go after Mr. Freeze or Penguin or Bane or the Riddler. Jason went after the drug side because of Crane. Maybe he would have done it anyway, but it was because of Crane so Crane could run his own drugs without them getting in the way. It wasn’t about protecting people. It was about distribution. So, he thinks about his younger self. The younger self that took care of his mom and didn’t entirely hate his dad for everything. And he wonders how much his younger self would hate who he’s become.

His younger self would hate the killing and the drugs and the betrayal. He’d hate turning from a hero to a villain and he’d hate how he went and fucked up such a good thing with so many people. Sure, the Titans weren’t always nice or understanding, but they had smoothed things out. And things did feel okay with them. And he was safe and warm and healthy and he had someone, he had people, who cared about him and tried their best to take care of him, something his younger self would have loved to have even if he never admitted it. Jason could have had it all but it just wasn’t enough. He was selfish and entitled and impatient, just like Dick and Bruce said. He was hard-headed and stubborn. It got him killed and it got him put in this position and he thinks his younger self might think he were better off staying dead.

Maybe he would be.

So, he digs out of his phone and sends a quick text to you. And then he waits.

An hour later, Jason sees you walking towards him as snow starts to fall from the gloomy sky. He swallows the lump in his throat as you get closer. You offer him a soft smile, hands dug deep into your pocket once you close the distance between you.

“You know it’s freezing, right?” You quip, seeing your breath in the space between you.

He didn't say much in the text. It was just that he didn't want to sit around the hideout and he needed to be out. He followed that text asking if you'd want to walk with him for a while.

“Yeah, and I’m still fucking sweating.” Jason rolls his shoulders, shaking his head.

“Ew.” You laugh softly. Jason’s eyes narrow at you as you shrug, a gentle smile on your lips. “Thanks for texting me.” You nod your head once.

If you were being honest, you're surprised he did. A very large part of you expected him to not come back to his hideout and avoid you. You really would understand if he did at this point. It has to be really difficult for him, especially coming down from both the anti-fear drug and whatever Crane gave him last night. But, you're really glad he texted anyway.

Jason lets out a breath, a cloud leaving his lips from the cold air. “Thanks for coming.” Jason nods.

“What’d Crane say?” You ask hesitantly, seeing the brown paper bag in his right hand.

“That he’s fresh out.” Jason scoffs. “Load of shit, obviously.”

“What a piece of shit.” You scoff right back. “He fucking sucks.” You roll your eyes, split between worried something bad is going to come from cold turkey withdrawal and relieved the risk of him falling back into Crane's hands is gone.

“Yeah.” Jason nods his head in agreement before the two of you start walking with no destination in mind.

“He say anything else?” You ask.

Jason bites back the pain in his chest and the burning of his eyes with your words. It’s a harsh reminder that he was never brought back because he was wanted. He wasn’t brought back because he was loved and cared about. He was brought back to be used and it was all always conditional. There were conditions to his life. His own breath was traded for secrets and death and betrayal. How can he live knowing his life is now tainted with innocent blood?

“Yeah.” Jason gets a distant look in his eyes as he brings the covered bottle to his lips and takes a drink.

“Which was…?” You ask softly, almost afraid of what Crane could have said.

“That he was using me the whole time.” Jason spits the words out and you swear you can see his eyes start to water against the city streetlights. “You were right.”

“For the record, I really wish I weren’t.” You scoff. “What? He just he was using you…just like that?” You question and you know Crane is a prick and he uses people. But, Jason really believed in him and that's the part that hurts.

“Pretty much.” Jason shakes his head, sucking in a deep breath as if the cold air biting his vocal cords will make it easier to talk. “Bringing me back was transactional.” Jason’s voice goes quiet and you think you heard his heart break.

You knew before, but this is further confirmation that Jonathan Crane is a monster. You're looking at Jason Todd who always just wanted to be enough and just wanted to be loved and Crane weaponized that just like Bruce. But worse. You knew Crane didn’t bring Jason back from the dead out of the kindness of his own heart but you're furious and devastated to be right. You're pissed that he would even tell Jason that.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him.” You mutter, looking forward which earns you an immediate glance from Jason.

“Why? He didn’t do anything.” Jason nearly mocks the very idea.

“Because he just told you that the reason you’re alive is because he needed something from you.” You bite back, a venom and fury in your voice as you look at Jason. “That’s fucked up. I don’t care if it’s true. You don’t tell someone that. And I wanna kill him anyway for everything he’s done to you. But, that’s a good enough reason to me.” The anger in your voice actually surprises Jason. Of course, he's hurt by the ordeal, but he's watching you grow more and more angry over it. He's never had someone be like over something someone else did to him.

“I don’t know why it even fucking matters anymore. I did all of this shit for him.” Jason huffs taking another drink. “How it always is anyway, right?” Jason lets out a hollowed chuckle. “Like I told you, people always want something in exchange for something else.” Jason mutters and he thinks Crane has a point. Life is transactional, he just wishes his literal life wasn’t.

You stop walking, Jason walking a few feet in front of you. You hadn’t thought about that conversation in months. It was the first time you ever promised him something. You promised you’d never make a promise to him you couldn’t keep and you’d never make one just to get something from him. Then he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone about the boot print bruise on your back. Things did not seem so simple then, but they sure as shit do now. And your heart starts to break even more, realizing that he really, truly trusted Crane. You have no idea why but he did. That’s not for you to judge but he trusted him and Crane only brought him back because he needed something from him. He is just another person that has made Jason Todd feel like there is some sort of condition to his love. And that’s just not fair.

“What?” Jason asks, turning around to look at you.

“You know I love you still, right?” You ask quietly.

Jason shakes his head in confusion, eyes darting up the sky and then back to you. He isn’t sure exactly how to respond to the question. You told him you do. That’s not the same as him believing you though. It’s hard for him to feel like anyone actually loves him right about now. He doesn’t even like himself right now. And with everything Crane just said to him, he’s thinking that maybe you're just saying it so Jason doesn’t walk onto a roof.

“Jay?” You ask quietly. “You know that, right?” Your eyes scan over his face but you don’t see any sign of him acknowledging the question. “Okay, well, I still love you.” You nod your head with confidence. “And if I would have known how to bring you back, I would have done it. Because I love you and I care about you and you deserve to live.” You close the distance between you. "And...you don't owe me shit for it, either. I don't expect anything from you. It's not conditional or transactional for me, okay?"

The last thing you want is for Jason to feel like he's unloved. It's messy as fuck right now and he has a lot to make up for but he's loved anyway. Crane loves to manipulate people and make them feel like they're alone. You can't imagine what the fuck telling Jason he wasn't even wanted back would do but you have to believe Crane had a fucking purpose. So, it doesn't matter where you and Jason stand or what's left of you. You will stand here in the freezing cold all night with him and tell him you love him. Because on days when you felt unloved and unlovable, you had Jason who always countered those thoughts without ever knowing. So, you will always do the same. He deserves it.

Jason’s breath starts to shake as he looks down at you and his chest hurts. He thinks someone might as well be reaching through his ribs and squeezing his own heart until it explodes. You're the only one that has ever made him feel wanted and loved without conditions.

“After everything?” Jason almost scoffs but he can’t quite bring himself to. You look desperate. “Fucking why?” The question almost comes out as a plea.

“Because loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.” You nod your head once and this is different than the first time you said it. 

The first time was on accident and you were very clearly terrified. It was something you never intended to ever tell him but it slipped out in a fit of desperation so he’d stop beating himself up. This time though, it is said with confidence and reassurance as if the words were almost meant to leave your lips for only him. And it starts to defrost Jason’s heart, the pain easing in his chest because he knows you mean it.

Jason rests his forehead against yours, his eyes closing and it’s like it's easier to breathe again. He wants to kiss you again. It’s never easy for him to say what he thinks or what he feels but he’s always been able to show it with you. This time though, that is no longer his place. It doesn’t matter that you love him because you are broken up. He can’t overstep that line even if he wants to. The most he can do is rest his forehead against yours and that’s always been just enough.

A smile pulls at your lips before you wrap your arms around his shoulders, moving your head to rest in the crook of his neck. Jason’s hands come to your hips and suddenly, it’s like the first day of spring. The air isn’t suffocating or painful. It is fresh and clean, smooth and soft. It’s easy to breathe again and the suffocating coldness lifts from your chests. All it is is warm and welcoming. Just like home.

“Thank you for coming.” Jason mutters into your neck.

“You and me.” You mutter right back, Jason’s hands squeezing around you just a little tighter.

You pull away first, a loving smile on your lips and for just a second as you rest your hand on his cheek, you almost forget you ended things. This, right now, feels like it did before he died. And you almost forget and you almost kiss him to make it all not so heavy. But, it’s just a second and then you remember which means that isn’t your place anymore and you don’t know if it ever will be. So, you drop your hand, the smile falling slightly. You look to your left, sucking a breath but then your brows furrow.

“Is that Dick?” You question, bursting the bubble between the two of you.

Jason turns, following your stare. “Fuck.” Jason groans just as Dick seems to spot the two of you, too because he lifts the face shield of his helmet.

“We should get out of here.” You reach down for Jason’s free hand, interlocking your fingers with his.

“Yeah, fuck that.” Jason nods quickly in agreement as the two of you start to walk away but before you could get far, Dick tries to run the red light after you only to get hit by a car going through the green.

You and Jason look between each other before you both let out a breath and start your walk over to Dick to see if he’s okay. You both walk over as Dick rolls over to face you. You roll your eyes and grab your phone from your pocket to call an ambulance while Jason looks down at him. He finds the whole thing a little ironic. Dick is on the ground, clearly out of it and hurt and he could kill him right now. He’s been trying for a week to kill Dick and now is the perfect opportunity but the only reason he’s even thinking about it is because of the irony. He doesn’t even really want Dick dead. Not when he’s clean.

You kneel down, putting a hand on Dick’s shoulder. “Ambulance is on the way, I texted Kory and Gar to let them know. You’re an idiot.” You nod at him.

“What…?” Dick asks, looking from you to Jason and then back to you. Dick knows he has a concussion but he’s lost on why Jason is just standing in front of him and why you don’t even seem mildly concerned about what’s going on. What the hell is going on? “Jason?”

You look behind you and Jason’s heart sinks. “Yeah?” You question, looking back to Dick. “You ran into oncoming traffic.” You state sternly as you hear sirens starting to approach. You can see the lights just down the street. “Don’t do anything drastic like die on the way to hospital.” You say softly before you get back to your feet and walk back to Jason. “Let’s go.”

“What? You’re gonna leave him like that?” Jason asks with surprise, that’s unlike you.

“The ambulance is right there.” You point to the flashing lights. “He’ll be fine.” You nod your head once, reaching down for Jason’s hand once more, this time Jason takes it carefully before the two of you head off in the opposite direction.

The two of you get back to Jason's hideout, not having said much to each other on the cold walk over. You both convince yourselves it was all out of self-preservation rather than self-destruction. You follow Jason to the room he led you to last night where he plops down on the mattress still laid out on the floor.

Something about it feels weird because feelings are out in the open unlike before. They were said last time and something came from it but this time, they're words hanging in the air, following them back. Jason doesn't know what to say anymore and you think you've exposed yourself too much again. Nothing can happen between you now, not with everything going on and even if you both want something happen, is that for the best?

It's like something should be happening in the space between you but nothing does because it's all been said and done before. Neither of you quite know where you should stand or where you should lay your hearts to rest. So, it feels weird and it's quiet, both of which are things neither of you like very much between each other.

You shift on your heels, looking around the room. "I, uh, I brought you some more clothes and...stuff." You say softly, nodding towards your backpack near the dresser. You had dropped it off earlier when you were supposed to meet back here.

"Oh, uh, yeah no thank you." Jason nods his head at you and the awkwardness makes him want to chew his own arm off.

"You're welcome." You suck in a breath, looking around the room some more. "Not quite Wayne Manor, huh?" You ask, looking back to Jason.

"It's a roof." Jason shrugs a shoulder casually.

He should have said it back and he knows he should have. But, the words stick to the back of his throat, holding his vocal cords captive. While he gets it, he is still hurt by you leaving him. He knows he deserves it and you had every right to. You should still be gone. He gets it. But, he can still hear the heartbroken laugh you let out echoing in his head and the words that followed and it fucking hurts. He's forgiven you already but...the pain is there anyway. Jason knows he'll get over it but he isn't there yet so the words choke his vocal chords and the air is stiff and awkward between you.

"Yeah." You nod your head before you look back at him. You cannot take this anymore. It has almost never been awkward between you and you can't stand it. The whole thing would be easier if it were easier to just talk about everything. But, that seems too heavy right about now. So, you walk over to your backpack, plucking it from the ground. You walk in front of Jason and crouch down, unzipping your backpack before you pull out a book. "I thought it might help." You hand it over, your hands shaking slightly.

A soft smile starts to pull at Jason's lips as he takes the book from you. "Raided my whole room, huh?"

You grin, mostly to yourself. "Yeah, kind of." You laugh softly. "Brought these, too." You smile widely, pulling out a few more books and handing them over.

Jason looks over his favorite books, you picking up Pride and Prejudice and Frankenstein for him of course, but the pick of The Fellowship of the Ring does not go unnoticed. Jason really likes it, sure, but there are other books he's read more around you. He almost laughs at you grabbing this one. And something about the whole thing, makes him feel loved again.

He looks back to you and your eyes are bright just as they always were around him and your smile is turning into something cheeky, as if you know you've just won something Jason isn't aware of. You say loving him is easy and he always finds it so hard to believe, especially right now. But, he looks over the cover of the books and then back to you, and it really is just that easy to you. And while you may need to talk eventually and this whole thing is fucked up and messy, maybe some sort of feeling of how it used to be, would be nice.

He always felt loving you was the easiest thing he'd ever done, too.

So, he smirks back at you.

"You don't have to try so damn hard." Jason quips. "Fucking try-hard."

Your jaw drops as you let out a laugh. "Fuck you! Look who's talking! You're the biggest fucking try-hard I ever met!"

"Bullshit!" Jason laughs. "You were the one who told me with Deathstroke that I wasn't trying hard enough!" Jason fires right back, hoping he can get you to keep laughing. He's really missed your laugh.

You burst into a fit of laughter, almost forgetting about that comment he made. You told him he was the one that needed to get laid and he told you he'd been trying. The comment was never brought up again. Partially because Jason was dropped fifteen stories and partially because it wasn't worth the risk of bringing up if it was a serious comment or not. But, you find the whole thing funny now.

"Well, it was true!" You bite back. "You were an asshole half the damn time!" You know, asshole or not, all Jason had to do was ask and you would have gotten right into bed with him without a second thought. Not that you will ever give him the satisfaction of knowing that though.

"Playing the long game, babe." Jason defends his stance, a smirk dancing over his face as he gestures his hand out to the side.

"I'd fucking say!" You let out a chortle.

"Worked for a while, didn't it?" Jason says and it almost grows sour on his tongue but that's not how he meant the comment. "I mean, had you practically begging a few times." The smirk switches into something sinister and teasing. The confidence radiates off him just like it always did before and you think you could go back and forth like this all night and maybe it would fix everything.

You feel heat start to rise to your cheeks. "Okay listen."

Jason bursts into a fit of laughter and you think it's still the most beautiful sound you've ever heard. "Uh-huh. I'm listening, babe. All fucking ears." Jason nods his head quickly, knitting his brows together but the smirk is practically glued to his face as if he knows he's just won.

"Fuck you." You nod your head quickly, shrugging your shoulders. "I fucking won! Remember that? I do so everything else, bullshit. I won." You cross your arms over your chest.

Jason's smile starts to soft and tender as he nods his head. "Yeah, guess you did." He says softly.

This feels normal. It feels like it did before, just joking. Sure, being together was better because you could joke and know something else was on the other end of it. The joking as friends was always just fun and that's how this feels again. Fun. And warm. It doesn't feel so heavy at the moment and neither of you feel so alone and you can see it in the way he looks back to the books. You can hear it between the lines of his words because Jason Todd doesn't take losing lightly. You don't particularly want this moment to end. Instead, you want to push it a little bit. Letting him know silently that if even a small part of him is willing, maybe there's hope to get back to how you were before.

"Exactly." You match the softness of his voice. "And you know what, I bet I could get you to cave again." You hold your head with confidence.

Jason pauses for a second, narrowing his eyes at you, unsure if this is a trick. "You really sure about that?" Jason challenges, taking the bait as he leans forward towards you slightly. He, for one, is not going to risk this getting heavy again and you always had a habit of backing out when he actually challenged you.

It's not just you who's been craving this. He has, too. Your game always made him feel wanted and loved and cared for, even before he realized it. That's part of what made it fun for him. And maybe it's too soon to jump into it and maybe you have other things you need to sort out first, but that's not a tonight problem. Tonight's problem is finding a way to deal with the withdrawal and self-hatred burying itself into his bones. Tonight is just about existing with each other for the first time since he's been brought back.

You meet Jason right in the middle, closing most of the distance between you. "Positive." You nod just once.

Jason glances to your lips and then back to you. "I'll take that bet."

You shake your head as a soft laugh escapes your lips. "Alright, Jay. Bet's a bet." You roll your eyes, sticking out your hand and Jason shakes it. "I will never let you win because you will be surely insufferable."

Jason lets out a booming laugh. "Absolutely. I'll never let you live it down. Glad you understand that."

"Shut the fuck up." You lean back on your hands as you roll your eyes. You pause, watching him take a drink from the bottle he's been nursing. He doesn't look too uncomfortable now and the awkwardness has evaporated into ease and comfort. "Hey, Jay?" Sam calls softly.

"You told me to shut the fuck up." Jason quips, not missing a single beat.

"Insufferable." You repeat casually as you nod your head quickly.

"What?" Jason asks softly.

"Wanna read to me?" You ask as hesitance starts to take over your voice. Jason's smile turns soft as he looks to the bottle in his hand and then back to you. He knows he will always read to you whenever you ask. "I mean, if you're up for it. I know you said you feel like shit. I can...try to read to you instead, if you want."

Jason almost forgot he felt like shit. You have always known exactly what to do to distract him from everything horrible going on. It makes him feel even worse over the whole ordeal because while a distraction isn't always the best coping mechanism, it would have been better than everything else he ever did. You always knew how to make the world not feel so heavy and you do it even now and Jason doesn't even think you realize you do it. You just do as if it's in your nature. And he feels better. Somehow.

"Come on." Jason jerks his head towards the bed as he puts the bottle off to the side before grabbing one of the books. He slides himself back until his back hits the cool wall.

"Really?" You ask with hope in your eyes.

"I owe you, yeah. I can read to you." Jason nods his head once before he opens the book, trying to play off how fast his heart is starting to race.

You smile widely before you climb onto the bed with him, sitting right next to him on your knees. You hesitate for a second because it's not like it was before. Before, you were friends. You were at least friends. And maybe you're friends now, but you're also exes and that feels like it makes it complicated. Last night, Jason was high and devasted. That was different than this. This suddenly feels personal and vulnerable again and you aren't sure you're supposed to be here like this. Not when you broke him.

"You gonna just sit like that or?" Jason questions, a tint of hope in his words because he wants you closer, he's just not sure if that's too invasive now. So, he plays it off just as he's always done as if that's a signal to you that it's okay because you always understood that part of him. "Not gonna fucking bite you." Jason quips, a tint of sarcasm in his voice. "That's your thing."

You shake your head, doing a double take. "Um, last time I checked, you were into it." You blink at him just as Jason looks back to you. He gains a shit-eating grin, shrugging his shoulder slightly. "Yeah, exactly. And you fucking branded me once, remember that?" You point out the time Jason littered you in hickies.

Jason's head hits the wall behind him as he lets out a booming laugh, the sound reverberating off the walls. His nose scrunches and you think he's never looked more at peace right now. It's as if he is so proud of himself.

"Yeah, and you were into it, too." Jason lets out a scoff and you want to both kiss and bite the smirk off his face.

Jason looks back to you and you're sitting close, faces just inches from each other. You're looking at with him the fake scowl you always did when you knew you wouldn't have any type of comeback and you'd have to cave and tell him to go fuck himself. But, then Jason sees the corner of your mouth twitch into something cheeky and taunting. And he swears he has never been so captivated by someone before.

"Yeah, I was." You nod your head, throwing Jason the bone as you laugh.

"Fucking exactly." Jason's voice is low this time, brows pulling together.

You glance to his lips and you almost just bite the damn bullet. But, that might ruin what you're doing right now, so you roll your eyes. "Fuck you." Sam scoffs as Jason gains his signature triumphant grin.

"Time and place, babe." Jason beams right back at you.

"Insufferable." You repeat as a warm smile replaces the smirk. "Okay," You suck in a breath. "So, we lay like we always did before?" You ask, chewing the inside of your cheek as your eyes widen slightly with hope.

It hurts a little bit that you're hesitant and Jason knows that's on him. You've never been hesitant in showing him physical affection. Even the first night he read to you, the only reason you stood there is because you were confused as to what Jason was doing. But, the second he asked you to sit, sarcastically with a  bite in his voice, you went right to him and cuddled into his side. It has always been that easy and that simple. It should be that way, still. Regardless of everything that's happening. You both can keep that part of you and him.

So, he extends his arm.

"You don't have to ask." Jason states simply and casually because it should always be that simple.

"I just don't want to overstep." You mutter softly, dodging his eyes.

"You can't overstep." Jason almost whispers right back, no sarcasm or bite or snark in his tone.

Things might be hard and Jason might want to push and run and scream and break. He might feel far too exposed again and scared of getting hurt again and scared of everything, but you're the one person who can never overstep. You can do whatever you want and say whatever you want and ask whatever you want.

You give him this genuine and joyful smile as your face softens. "You can't either." You nod your head softly. You scoot down so you can rest your head on his shoulder, placing your arm over his stomach and you feel him relax right under you. He still feels warm and safe, just as he did before.

Once you're comfortable against him, Jason swears this is the safest he has felt since coming back. It is the most comfortable he has felt. He doesn't remember what it was like last night but tonight, he knows he can just exist with you. There are no obligations to anyone or anything. And relief fills his blood, his entire body falling into a state of relaxation and he hadn't even realized he hasn't relaxed at all since coming back. Maybe this is what you both really need. Just one night of normalcy for you both and comfort and safety. Just him and you.

"Thanks again for coming." Jason whispers above your head.

"Always." You whisper right back, running your thumb along the fabric of his hoodie covering his torso. Jason sucks in a breath, running his hand along your hoodie-covered shoulder before Jason's voice about Bilbo's birthday starts to fill the room.

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Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5 // @killxz

[sealofarchives]

Can you create a headcanon for ROTTMNT’s Raph who is secretly in love with a female reader? She is an antisocial, hot-headed, and fearless woman who excels in combat and prefers to solve her problems with her fists. She embodies the typical ‘tough girl’ stereotype, and she has no idea that Raph has feelings for her

Headcanon: GN!Reader who fights like an absolute beast. And unaware of Raph's crush on them.

(Requested prompt but can be read with she/her pronouns.)

Warnings: A brief vomit mention

A/N: Heavily recommended to have “Crash Addiction from Yakuza 0” playing as background music for this (because this is what I thought of after seeing this request in my inbox lol)

You stood there with wide eyes at an alligator snapping turtle mutant. Who shyly asked if you needed some extra help carrying a few packages. While the bad guy in the background struggles carrying his injured lackeys to safety. (Heavily regretting picking a fight with you, near a place now scattered with pieces of broken motorcycles by the empty alleyway.)

You still glared at the turtle wearing a red bandana but, didn't want to waste more time for another fight.

"Just don't drop the merch! I'm on a tight schedule trying to deliver these figurines on time!"

As you said that, Raph almost dropped it. Causing you to let out a sigh while the turtle carefully stacked the small pile of fragile boxes in his arms.

Ever since that day, you became aware of him and his family.

Donnie very much keeps his distance. Especially after collecting some data of your past fights. The one that almost made him throw up was, a thief lucky to survive stab wounds above the stomach area. From you, utilizing a traffic cone connector snapped in half as a temporary dual-wield weapon.

No chuckling response was enough for Leo to know that. He needed to cool it with some jokes at your direction. Its one of the few times he'll be serious because he got tired of Raph being lovesick around you.

Mikey made some decent progress being your friend but, still carefully waits for the right timing to talk to you. Usually when you have a decent day or during laidback movie nights.

If you tag along during any of the night patrols, Raph is usually the one that patches you up.

- You sometimes do a double take because, at least one of the bandages near your wrist will be tied into a ribbon. (Mostly noticing it until you get back home)

The boy is very eager when you teach him some new fighting moves. However, it always devolves into absurd antics that spiral out of control.

- One of the few times, you had to swallow your pride and call Leo for help. Because the snapping turtle thought it would be a cool idea to impress you by lifting a nearby outdoor electric panel box. As a new object to throw at opponents. Nope, he passed out within 3 minutes.

"I mean that's not the first time he passed out.

"Like, he tried to lift a school bus that guarded a pet cat that's part praying mantis."

"At least two times before we parked the bus back in its place."

"..."

"A lot of thieves rarely scope out that place. Now that the cat is trained to guard Repo Mantis' junkyard."

"???"

Any accidental physical contact between you two will make that red bandana turn pink.

- You used to reply with an angry 'watch it!!!' but, with how many times he had a sincere sorry paired with the most gentle toothy smile. Its just a hum, too tired to get mad at him for that.

Bonus:

The mini scuffle he had with himself (namely mind raph and his angry counterpart) was enough for you to show some concern. Before you could ask if he was okay, the blurted words of a confession to his new feelings to you. Finally dented a crack to your tough persona attitude. Which immediately dropped your guard with you blushing at him. The big guy snapped out of it as both of you awkwardly stood there.

"Uhhh, how much did you hear?"

"A bit of everything but..."

"Your family will absolutely kill me if I just spat and toss away your feelings in the trash."

"And I have no intentions of doing so because..."

"I wish there were more guys who acted like you."

"Because I can finally take it easy and relax thanks to your kind nature..."

You gave a kiss on his forehead causing him to almost melt from the touch.

Two of the three brothers breathed a sigh of relief while restraining an annoyed Mikey who whispered.

("I still think a matchmaking date would have easily solved 'Raph having a crush on (Y/N)' situation...")

You shook your head but, still amused at the his brothers. Their company also grew on you. Brightening boring delivery days to eagerly visiting the graffiti filled lair.

[xplrvibes]

Thoughts on episode 2?

It was fine.

I just answered an ask where I kind of touched on the Cody and Satori thing, but it bares repeating - the more I see of that, the more I side eye the entire thing.

It's interesting, but I just...I don't know.

I will say that I find the Abigail ghost, whether real or made-up, to be the sweetest thing on earth with her little excited dances and her whole "yea, I'll protect you guys!" routine.

And, you know she's down to ride for these boys for life after she got hit with the full offensive of the Colby Brock Patented Charm™️, lol. "I know you're the protector of the house, I know you're the matriach, and we want to consider you that as well," with that intensely earnest stare right at where he thinks this ghost is standing.

Like, fuck yea, I will catch a paranormal grenade for you now, you are now my soul child for life.

The Estes Method is always fun, but it's less fun when you've now got TWO people who won't stop bombarding with the questions and the on-the-spot dot connecting. We need less of that. I would love for them to do the old school Ghost Hunters method of just doing this shit and then reviewing the footage later to connect the dots after the fact. I feel like it would be less chaotic and honestly, they'd probably see better results at the end of the day.

Couple of random things that I'll mention, but don't want to dive too deeply into:

Something is severely wrong with their core body temperatures if they can go out into the woods of Rhode Island in August and sleep bundled up like they're in Alaska in December.

The dancing on the grave thing - I feel like doing something like that is way more likely to get you cursed than looking at a factory manufactured reproduction of a doll, but what do I know (I'm sorry Robert, for speaking about your reproduction dolls without your permission).

The REM pod at the door of the library...honestly, I think even when they were standing way far away, it was picking them up. Colby closes the door, and it immediately ceased. I mean, come on.

It was cool that they caught the door opening on camera from two different angles. Getting it from one angle is one thing, but getting it from both sides of the door makes it so much more impactful. Multiple camera angles, boys. More of that.

Oh! The names in the sand thing. I can't believe they are still trying to push that as having been paranormal in nature. It pissed me off when they did this in the video from last year (for that review, feel free to browse my "snc video review" tag, I'm almost positive i talked about that one), but to bring it back and use the people who work in the house and their sort of sus knocking method to "confirm" that this was some lonely soldier ghost who wanted to get with Amanda? No. 0/10 right there.

To end these bullet points on a positive...the Josh shirt pulling thing was pretty cool.

So, the last 30 seconds of this video is not something I am going to discuss, because trust me when I say you guys do not want to hear my opinion on that. You won't like it, I won't like hearing about how you won't like it, and honestly, I don't even want to talk about it. Just know that it deflated my balloon, and let's leave it at that.

But, commenting on the 5 minutes before the last 30 seconds - if anyone ever comes in new to the snc world and asks for a summation of who snc are and how they function as a duo, I'm sending them the clip of Sam deciding to summon every the basement demon to the upstairs and Colby just giving him the most deadpan, "I'm gonna kill you when we get home" look and then popping out from behind a wall (when did he even get there) to start a "I told you not to do that!" argument with Sam right then and there. That was the most long-suffering married couple interaction I've seen them have in a long time.

And then Colby turned into a theater kid there for a few seconds, with that whole dramatic diatribe on the steps about the Perrons. That was...a choice he made, lol.

And then yea, the video ended right when Colby rolled under the table to sleep (cause that won't end with a concussion when you wake up in the middle of the night lol) and I left happy. Nothing happened after that. That's where the whole screen goes black.

I'm giving the video (minus the last 30 seconds that don't exist in my mind) a 6.9/10. It was fun at parts, there was some good evidence, I enjoyed it...but there were some things that didn't hit for me.

Anyway, reminder to all that the preceeding was MY OPINION, and MY OPINION IS NOT LAW.

[miasanmuller]

So @acrazybayernfan came up with this absolutely incredible tag game and I'm 100% here for it so let's go:

What is your top 10 most memorable Bayern’s matches?

In no particular order:

Well needless to say: 8-2. I mean... it's just too iconic to not mention lol.

I also can't not mention Robert Lewandowski loses his motherfucking mind scores 5 times in 9 minutes against Wolfsburg in 2015. I mean, it's historic.

2015 UCL, the second leg against Porto during quarter-finals. That was the time I learned the valuable lesson of never giving up and to keep believing in the team and in this club. That game was insane and we ended up winning 6-1 and securing our place in Semi-finals when we died a horrible horrible death but anyway. I remember watching that game and feeling so much pride and joy of being a Bayern fan, I get emotional just to remember it lol

Now this one is really special to me for an unusual reason, I guess: home game against Bremen during the 2014-15 Bundesliga. We won 6-0, it was the second highest score we got that season I think (if I remember correctly we went on to win against H*mburg 8-0, or was it before? whatever). I remember this game bc Fips scored a brace and it was just LEGENDARY bc you wouldn't expect him to score let alone score twice in a single match. I remember screaming like crazy when he scored the first and then just dying when he did it again lmao it was fun

Another one from the 2014-15 season (this was my first season around so I remember a lot of stuff): away game against Mainz, we won 2-1. I'm not exactly sure if it was Basti's first game since he came back from injury (after the WC) or if it was one of the first games... in any case, he scored an insane goal (which to this day is one of my favorite Bayern goals ever) and I screamed like crazy and I was watching it back in my parent's house and my dad walked in while I was screaming lmao

2015-16 UCL, 2nd leg against Juve in Round of 16. We desperately needed to win and we begun losing and no one really expected us to make it through. I remember this one bc I actually didn't watch it: I don't remember exactly if I couldn't find a stream or what, but the best I could do was read live updates on a website and pray. It was one of the most stressful experiences of my life and I remember abandoning my phone at one point bc I was sure we wouldn't win. And we did. Lmao.

2019-20 Bundesliga. Away game in Frankfurt, the infamous 5-1. This one was during a time where I drifted away from Bayern due to depression and stuff and I didn't feel as connected to the team as I used to and then I remember seeing the scoreline and just... dying inside. Feeling like something was very, very wrong with the world. I can't remember the match exaclty, but I have never let go of it since then and to this day I loathe Frankfurt for this specific match.

This year's Pokal match against Freiburg in April. That was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life as a Bayern fan. It was our second game with Tuchel and I was already feeling that I would want that man's head on a silver plate (and I still do).

Another one (last one) from the 2014-15 season bc this one is really really special: our friendly against MLS All-Stars before the start of the season. Which we lost. It's special bc it was the first Bayern match I actually watched!!! I remember feeling very happy when I found a channel that was showing it and I was very excited even though the WC guys wouldn't play (I think they ended up being subbed in in the 2nd half? I don't remember exactly). Everybody was talking about Lewandowski and I was all ?????!!!! bc I had no concept of anything. It was an awful match but a very fun experience lmao

And last but not least: our UCL win against PSG in 2020. It wasn't the way we all wanted it to be, but since I was just coming back from my "fan retirement" I remember exploding from joy after that game and throwing myself on the floor and rolling around and idk it was priceless. Making P$G fail and Neymar cry has got to be some of the best things we do every now and then lmao thanks for that Bayern

I know a lot of you have already been tagged (I didn't check if any of you already did it lmao) but I'll tag anyway bc I'm just like that. I tag @thomas-mvller @thomats @probayern @miss-i-ship-it @fabioquartararhoe @smolnerdz @smilesleepandspeak and @leongolretzka (but please don't feel pressured to do it ^^)

[6okuto]

EEEP i have not checked in on my precious niapia in a minute… someone kill me guys T^T /j ANYWHOSIES !! i have questions that need answers i must know i fear…

what do we think… about akaashi’s hair ?? :0 does he like it being played with… do you put hair clips in his hair… bows… headbands… messing it up and he just sits there like “ what the hell are you doing… why do i like it” my thoughts are all over the place… </3

HAII LENE!! ^___^ always nice 2 hear from u!! and 2 talk about akaashi. i'm gonna small font this bc talking abt self ships is always a bit embarrassing 4 me 🥲🫨🫠

the answer to all of these is Yes. i wanted to draw him but i've been so sleepy If i ever draw it i will tag u! 🫡 like keiji loves having his hair played with omg 🥹 at the beginning he feels too awkward to ask so it's more me reading his body language... like if i'm playing with it and stop, or i'm detangling it and then move away he kinda deflates bc :(. so i go back to playing w it HABDJSJ but now he'll just ask me to play w his hair while he rests against me 🥹🥹🩷🩷

and ohmygoddd i wrote a oneshot abt. keiji asking if u think he should cut his hair and u being devastated but um. i never posted it & idr if i deleted it LOL but !! when his hair gets long he'll tie his bangs back and have a little sprout pony on top of his head 🥹🥹🥹 and i 'sneak up' from behind and put a ribbon through (he is fully aware and smiling even though i can't see) 🥹 (also got him a little crochet sprout for his headphones bc of this. PLEAAASE U HAVE 2 IMAGINE IT 🫨🫨🤯🤯)

& i don't rlly use hair clips but i do like ribbons!! i tie his hair and loop in some bows and make him look all pretty!! 🙂‍↕️ i think i'd also get him a headband for when it gets long... a basic one and a cutesie one 🙆🏻‍♀️

in the beginning it IS Soo much more of that What are you doing? but atp he's comfy liking it/fully resigned to any time i mess w his hair. on the couch or in bed or w shampoo in the shower when i give him little horns. and it's that endeared rolling of his eyes or tilting his head like ? are you enjoying yourself? and i'm very brightly like Yes.!!! :3 and he laughs and starts to do it to me too WAAAAGHHHHH AKAASHI😭😭😭😭

[longeyelashedtragedy]

how did u fall into lamps

O gather round children, it's a longer story than some may think

the date was july 16, 2022, the place baltimore maryland, the event arsenal vs everton. i went with my friend nina, and while we were waiting for granit and the gang to come and warm up, i messaged our group chat with our mutual friend who was like, a hardcore liverperson from the gerlonso days, to tell her where we were, and when hearing we were seeing everton she said something along the lines of "oh, Fat Frank the Tory!" i was like oh...there's definitely some backstory and some lore here that i have no knowledge about and now i'm amused and intrigued/

right before the game started, the coaches came out, and i was struck stupid by mikel in his all black shortsleeves hairy armed top energy off the charts charisma passionate glory. we weren't sitting that close to the pitch, but it was still so easy to pick up on his vibe. it was clearly not "just a friendly" to him.

i was then kind of just as struck by the contrast in the two uh gentlemen who'd just come out. mikel in the sleek black, lamps chonky in the weirdly overly casual everton summeroutfit. the contrast was immediately appealing and so were the aesthetics. (i'm so consistent--we all know as far as looks go everton franko is my favorite franko lol) exhibit a:

we beat everton 2-0 and the whole time mikel was passionately charging around as he does and lamps was just sitting on the bench looking so annoyed and so defeated and i was like who is this chonky sadboy...i'm Fascinated and Pleased. like honestly, being the football toddler that i am, i knew very little about him. HOWEVER that didn't stop me from bringing him up frequently enough in conversation to nina that she was like FYI you talk about this man a lot!

but let's fastforward to one of the most distressing months of my life AKA may 2023. granit transfer rumors were ripping brutally through my life and they really seemed real and as we all know i was crying about it literally every day! i think by some point my brain was just in desperate need of something else to think about, and conveniently, i saw the god amongst fic authors @protect-daniel-james 's fic "Just," and not gonna lie, just the summary alone got me, but the fic finished what the summary started and i read it like 7584930 times, plus a couple others that had popped up in the tag after that (shoutout to @new-berry 's "Proud of heart (pride of London)" which was a fantastic twist on their relationship and ends with a BIBLE VERSE). then i read the NYCFC-related interview with him where he mentioned that one of his favorite NYC restaurants was this one that's like a 5 minute walk from me, and the very crude foundation of what turned into Digestif started forming in my mind. my summer vacation started just a couple weeks later, during which i did the world's fastest speedrun of a Person, and the Lampardverse began to gather strength.

the rest is Long Eyelashed History!

[kaiboone]

for the ask game you just reblogged

all of them

every question

:)

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH this is literally a dream come true I love talking abt myself

1) phones Lock Screen: a drawing of myself and one of my main F/Os :3 art by @4i-i0v3-y0u!! One of my best friends here on tumblr :0

2) cheese or chocolate: cheese!! I love cheese soooo much

3) nicknames: just from my math teacher, which is kind of embarrassing— he calls me Kai Guy

4) last song: love me, normally

5) have I ever written fanfiction: yes! I have written LOTS of fanfiction. I even have a fanfiction request blog, @randoms-fandoms!

6) discord: nope! Not on discord. It’s kind of a not fun subject to talk about actually— not for any bad reason, I just got so heavily excluded by all my irl friends on there that I decided to leave

7) piercings: nope :0

8) what says the most about a person: compassion and patience for others.

9) cookie: cherry 🍒

10) dog person!

11) headphones!

12) last thing I said out loud: “we’ll go on an adventure later,” because I was going to take my dog out to get French fries with me but I called ahead and the cook was out for another thirty minutes, so we’re waiting now.

13) a weird fact that I know: horses can move their skin independently from their body, to an extent

14) I am a night owl

15) favorite place to nap: my moms bed lol

16) are you queer: yes, rn I ID as trans, arospec, achillean, and bisexual

17) three words I would use to describe myself are: thoughtful, caring, and morose

18) sweat pants!

19) whatever seasonal drink they have— like lemonade or cocoa :) I don’t drink coffee

20) a color I can’t stand is gray

21) prized possession: just a silly little stuffed animal I got as a gift from my mom

22) tea!

23) aquatic dinosaurs— i dont know which one but I like them all!

24) I’ve been on tumblr for six years :)

25) desert island item: I’ll chose another one this time— a comfortable bed :)

26) my aesthetic kind of varies depending on my mood— but generally i like a subtle lovecore academia vibe, if that makes sense? When I’m manic I like kidcore though

27) dream job: in home caretaker or nurse for a nursing home

28) relationship status: single, but I’m having fun (selfships)

29) my favorite outfit is when it’s wintertime and I can wear my cute pink terry cloth sweatpants and a sweater— along with my cow hat of coarse, and a scarf because I get coooold 🥶

30) a song I know all the lyrics to is Bennys Dispatch from in the heights— my favorite theatrical production!

31) my hair is brown, but since I’ve been on T it’s actually darkened to almost black

32) I do talk to myself— mostly people ignore me because they know what I’m doing, but recently I was on a camping trip with my school and my teachers kept overhearing and responding to me, so that was kind of embarrassing

33) I do not wear makeup

34) best compliment ever? Probably just my grandma telling me that I’m the best at taking care of her

35) my favorite blog— outside of friends, it’s got to be @earththings! I love scrolling through their blog whenever I feel stressed or sad, it always cheers me up ❤️ (sorry for the random tag btw)

Thanks for the ask miles, I feel like you already know me so well bc I really do love answering questions haha

[wh0lemilk0vich]

tag game! Tagged by @creepkinginc thx nosho

rules: go to pinterest, search "[your name] core aesthetic" and create a moodboard from the results.

I had to fudge it a bit or else I only got pictures of Misha Collins

Lots of get to know you stuff under the cut

about

you name: Misha (any spelling or variation of Michael except "Mike")

age: 29

starsign: Taurus Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising

your first language: English

second language: German/Russian

(third language: Polish)*

(fourth language: Irish)*

favourite lip product: I let God decide what happens to my lips.

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: I can make a pasta sauce out of basically any vegetables and some meat. I also cook pretty decent Korean food.

if you drink tea, what kind?: herbatki "Malwa" z suszu owocowego, either czarna porzeczka or owocowa.

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get?: I don't drink coffee, and haven't had caffeine in 2 years.

favourite thing to watch on youtube right now: God, these days Minecraft or other video game let's plays, game streams, comparative mythology, or world building videos?

favourite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: I absolutely could not tell you. What did annoying theatre kids watch in 2012?

favourite item of clothing right now: I have a couple dresses and sweaters I love.

favourite item of clothing in 2012: lololol probably the American Eagle button down shirts I insisted on wearing with a vest and blazer, but then for some reason boot cut jeans.

* I had to rep for USAmericans who are multilingual

fandom

three movies you recommend: Morozko/Ivan Vasilievich Back to the Future, Stardust, The Lord of the Rings.

your favourite concert: i really don't like concerts haha.

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?: not really.

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans?: not really, I still feel like I'm trying to enter them tbh.

the best tv show you watched last year: honestly probably Shadow and Bone or House of Dragons (it's probably been longer than a year but I mean writers strikes and stuff, I don't remember seeing a good show) or Gilded age! Nothing happens in Gilded Age and I love every minute of it.

do you have a fancasting you just can't let go of?: I don't think I picture actors or types in my head when I watch or read things.

a ship you've abandoned: none they're always bouncing around there and can always be reactivated. Especially if you can give me a juicy crossover, make it supernatural/fantasy, or make one of them chubby.

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history?: oh lol, I was about to say pretty open but then I remember some of the stuff I read so hard 0.

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?): no and don't think I want one, but I have tattoo ideas

what fandom do you wish was bigger?: I'm honestly not sure maybe Magicians, I get intimidated by big fandoms haha.

has a finale ever ruined a show for you?: the last season of game of thrones was abysmal.

have you …

... swam in an ocean?: yes, as it happens.

... ever been vegan/vegetarian?: nö.

... gone skinny dipping?: no, but I would with the right people.

... gone skiing?: never and no desire.

... been to a convention?: a couple academic conventions.

[myimaginarywonderland]

This is going to be different than my usual posts but it has to be said especially now that I am coming up on 500 followers (can't believe that so many of you guys would willingly listen to my takes lol.)

I am not big. In the grand scheme of F1 or even motorsport content creators, hell even Tumblr blogs I doubt I would be anywhere close to the top 1000.

But I have people that do follow me and that listen.

And so has anyone who has even just 10 followers.

Your voice matters.

Someone hears what you are saying.

Someone might be helped by you even reblogging something without any tags or more in depth research.

Motorsport is growing , becoming more mainstream like every week. Content creators for it are growing.

However what has sadly not evolved yet is the mindset of silence that surrounds it. F1 has sadly made 0 progress when it actually comes to standing up as a sport. Every act that could be seen as activism gets immediately shut down. I know that there are individuals that are trying to move us forward, that are trying to lend their voices but the number is so small and the actions often sadly the bare minimum.

But because of how F1 is becoming more involved in social Media and how fans are being more accepted, we now have to lend our voices. We can not continue to stay silent in an environment that is already silencing most small actions.

It is on us as fans now to make sure that if the drivers will not speak up, if the organisation will not make a stance, that if no one is taking action, that we do.

We have to be better and not let that blanket of silence fall on us too.

We life in an age of digitalisation. We life in a time where any of us can check information, can confirm via multiple sources or can form our own opinions.

We life in a world that still hasn't learned from history. We live in a time period where the consequences of capitalism, racism etc. are now more open to see than ever before.

You can not say you didn't know. You can't say you aren't informed enough.

You are lazy. If you can not spend a few minutes, even seconds just reading up on some of the things that are happening you are staying willfully ignorant.

I know how hard it is to try to talk about everything that is going on in the world or to even know about it. I know how difficult it can be to unlearn a western perspective on some things, to realise how much out media here still is biased. I know how draining it can be to see all the suffering.

I know.

But that is never an excuse.

It is never an excuse to not put in effort, to at least even try, to lend your platform to just one voice that deserves to be heard. It is not an excuse when you can just turn off your electronic devices and have silence while the people in Palestine, Sudan, Kongo etc. can't because it is their life, their reality.

I am not perfect. There are many conflicts I am not fully educated about and probably never will be. There are many conflicts that I am just learning about because anything about them gets immediately shut down or black listed etc. I am for from a good source of information.

But I am big enough that my posts will reach people. Even if it's just one person.

I am big enough that people have reached out. I will never stay silent, I will never let a voice go unheard.

I will always need to do better.

But at least I won't rest in the knowledge that I haven't tried. And neither should you.

[jams-sims]

Hi hey hello, re: Cellbit (As an english speaker but like. Primarily a Cellbit viewer usually?? My work schedule lets me catch Cellbit's streams way easier than phils LMAO)

Cellbit's not a regular agent. He's not deliberately workin with the Feds- they tricked him. He was convinced- all of US were convinced- that all the little black boxes were puzzles that had something to do with the code, or some other anti-Federation entity, and it's just like. I think the entire tag was in a state of shock for like a solid 15 minutes. It's been two hours and I still have a little bit of "what the Fuck" numbness from "That's cucurucho this is a Federation building what the hell happened"

None of this is like angry or upset or "arugh that's My Guy I Must-" white knighting or whatever I just figured we could swap info (You're primarily Philza, I'm in for the late-night Brazillians, what's Phil been up to? /genq most recent I had heard on anything philza related was like. code kids at the dinner.)

Ayo no problem!! I know Cellbit isn't an actual agent that he was being played. The post I made was less of a "lore break down" an more of a- I just woke up went into the tags to see why we were trending. Just got unloaded on with just a bunch of lore. Bro I went to bed a couple of hours ago and nothing had happen. I wake up and shit is on fire. So it more of an a emotional response and not an analytical expression. (Its not gonna be like accurate)

Me

I would love to have someone who is a cellbit viewer. Our timezones basically means I will never catch this man live ever. So to have someone dedicated to feeding me Cellbit lore i would be grateful for! An I welcome!

BRO being a Philza viewer is a blessing and a fucking curse. Lore wise nothing is happening, he is taking care of his eggs and is staying out of EVERYTHING dealing with the Feds and The Election. He made his statment that he wants nothing to do with anything that could give the Feds an upper hand on him. So his stance is to stay out of it ALL. (It tracks with both his hardcore playing and the other smp he was in.)

(This biggest mystery so far is why is he being targeted. Why is it specifically his eggs showing up as codes. We are assuming it because A anytime he sees them its like- ITS ON SIGHT. He does not fuck around nor is he scared by the code. Also we/Philza believe it because Tallulah wouldnt hurt a fly so people put their garud down around her. Which maked them disguse as her a lot.)

Philza streams are mostly, Tallulah and Chayannr lore. Tallulah had her emo arc last night/yesterday. She is really missing her father (Wilbur) which we are all collectivly worried about. Even though Tallulah has deemed Philza her father for now. (Personal stresser is that if Tallulah doesnt see Philza 100% as her dad how safe is she really. Also Wilbur is just anti minecraft in the way hes bad at playing. So its a fear of her dying after seeing him again or dying before she can see him.)

Fit told him about how hes a janitor for the Feds now.

Other than that we are big chillin! LOL. If you are Philza veiwer you have like 0 stress because mans stays to himself.

It makes for like great character analysis for Philza when it comes to his relationships, child rearing skills, and the egg lore.

[mistresspandorawritesthings]

Stats tag game

@narastories tagged me and this seems like a fun way to procrastinate for a few minutes 💖. (Also please go to Nara's post and read those fics of hers! You're in for such a treat, seriously.)

I'm limiting my answers to my Outlander fics. I haven't removed my old SPN stuff, but we don't need to talk about them.

most hits (15,878): Whatever it Costs, co-authored with @iihappydaysii, which is a multi-chapter Jamie/John canon divergence, so yeah. It's the most hits BY FAR. My solo fic with the most hits is More Eloquent Than Words (number 2 on my stats page) and has 6,725 hits.

fewest hits (89): Hot Patootie, from my Songs about Getting By series. Huh. That one is kind of a surprise.

most kudos (515): Whatever it Costs, again by a country mile. My solo fic with the most kudos is No More Should, (255 kudos) which I gotta say is a little surprising that it's that high up the list, but it makes me happy that that one got so much love.

fewest kudos (6): With Kaleidoscope Eyes, which is a drabble from the Songs About Getting By encore set.

most comments (259): Take a Sad Song! Now, it might be because that's my fic with the most chapters and some very wonderful readers commented on more than one chapter.

fewest comments (0): With Kaleidoscope Eyes again, not surprising. It's a drabble, there's not much to comment on lol.

most bookmarks (162): Whatever it Costs

fewest bookmarks (0): The Bard and Lady Fair. 😂 What, no one wants to come back and revisit Harry Quarry/Benedicta Grey? I can't imagine why not

most words (105,980): Take a Sad Song, my chonky baby

fewest words (100): Friends Can Kiss, officially, based on sorting my stats page. I have a bunch of drabbles though, which are all 100 words precisely and in this series.

Zero pressure tags for: @meditating-honey-badger, @iihappydaysii, @saltybenchday, @faccal, and anyone else who'd like to play 💖

[starlightsearches]

Valentine's tag game 💗

thanks for the tags @theold-ultraviolence and @waywardrose, and happy valentines day loves!!

The most painful love crush/disappointment in life?

I've never cared that much about romantic relationships, so definitely the most painful disappointments have been from friendships breaking down. I had a very close friend for more than 10 years, and the end of that friendship was so incredibly hard on me, although I'm much better now :0)

What was your first real date like/what do you imagine your first real date like?

I went to prom my Sophmore year of high school with a boy I had maybe said 10 words to total before he asked me to prom. "Promposals" were really big at my school at the time, and I had to have a friend ask him if he actually was asking me to prom because the way he did it was kind of convoluted. The actual date wasn't so bad, although we did find a dirty diaper on the dance floor???

What would be the most awkward situation for you on a date/has happened to you while dating?

I had a friend who asked me on a date and I was pressured to go, but I did not want to. It ended up being a group date with a mutual friend of ours (the one who pressured me to say yes) and her boyfriend.

Like an hour before we were supposed to go on the date, the boy who asked me called me up and said that nobody could get into contact with our mutual friend and asked if I had heard from her. After like an hour she finally picked up her phone and did not get what the big deal was that she made us an hour late and also did not answer any of her texts or calls. We went to this art museum exhibition, but because we were so late it was super crowded and we could hardly get around. I was sick to my stomach the entire time and counting down the minutes until I could go home.

In the end we went back to his place to watch Spirited Away and my friend and her boyfriend fell asleep on his floor. We didn't finish more than like half of the movie before he asked me if I just wanted to go home.

What was your first kiss like/what do you imagine your first kiss to be like?

I'm part of the never-been-kissed club, but at this point it's gonna be something silly and casual with a friend ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you have any sexual quirks that others would find strange/is there anything you would never do when it comes to sex?

lol my friends and I all took the BDSM quiz and they were all surprised that I scored so high on bondage, so that's one. Voyeurism is hot to me, too.

And I'm really not into pet play. Collars and leashes are cool, but that's about where I tap out.

Kinkiest thing you've done/could do with a partner?

Literally a straight man's dream because I'm super in to anal. I'm also gonna steal Irma's answer and say using a double-ended dildo 👀

The most romantic thing ever?

hmmmmmmmm, i don't know. just having somebody who wants to be around me :0)

Tagging: whoever wants to join!