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dayseedrawz2 · 1 year ago

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Okokok, Its time to stop mentally preparing... (for Pomni AND me in this case cuz I sorta regret doing this-) this part is probably gonna be longer than the first

[also tagging @sm-baby again. I'm sorry if I'm infiltrating you notifications but if I tagged you in the first it makes sense to tag you in the rest of the parts]

Here is part one of the Fic:

Okay now here we go again...

PART 2 OF:

☆Settings for two☆

Pomni, not having much to do while waiting for Caine and the others, just sat on the floor on the stage. Letting herself stare off into space, with the thought of escape still circling her head.

Caine was gone for a bit longer than she thought he'd be. She thought he would just snap his fingers and bring the cast out against their will. Ya know, like the oblivous AI that he is. Or at least he appeard to be to her... Then she heard the distant bustling and chatting of the others getting closer:

"Do we really have to do this for her??"

"I guess so. But I don't quite mind."

"Yeah, whatever. I just think it's stupid that he's involving us..."

"The only thing stupid about it is that he's involving you, Jax."

"Oh, settle down, guys! I think it's really sweet of him!"

"Shut up, Dollface!"

"C-can you guys stop arguing..?"

"Oh! Of course! Sorry, Gangle."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever..."

"Let's just get the day over with..."

Pomni got up as they all lined up side by side in the center of the room. But She was still a bit confused...

"What on earth were they talking about..?"

The thought lingerd with her, but it didn't invade her mind as much as the inevitable effect of her plan. But her train of thought again was interrupted by the voice of Caine bursting into their muffled conversations:

"Good morning again, my superstars!"

He swooped around the corner, approaching from the direction of the hallway.

"I hope you all are excited for today's adventure! This one is sure to be a doozy!"

He began to explain the rules of the adventure. "Something Something, the grounds, blah blah blah, Something about the Carnival? Or perhaps it was the Lake?" Not like she would know. She wasn't paying much attention. Again, all that was on her mind was the idea of leaving. When finally she tuned back in to Caine as he wrapped up his speach:

"Alright everyone! I hope you all enjoy the adventure! Stay safe and have fun!"

*Snap!*

And POOF! Caine and the others was teleported to who knows where.

Execpt, for Pomni?

She started to panic a bit:

"Im still here!? Should've known not to get my hopes up... Maybe he set that door there as a trap like the others..."

Well, at least she was alone...

*Poof!*

"Pomni!? What're you still doing here!?"

"Oh God..."

He snapped in attempt to fix what he thought was some sort of bug on his end.

Nothing happened.

Another snap.

Nothing.

He began to grow visibly frustrated, continually snapping as he spoke:

"M-my apologies, dear! There seems to be something wrong with-"

He turned to see the blue door slightly open. Pomni grew worried:

"Oh god... Did he see me in there?? Is he gonna do something to me??"

To her surprise, upon connecting the dots, he simply laughed it off:

"Haha! It appears someone got into the old settings room!"

"..."

"I told Bubble to quit messing with code without permission! I'll be giving him a stern talking to later..."

Though still tense, she let out a releived sigh:

"Sorry again, my dear! I guess this means you'll have to sit out of today's adventure!"

"I-it's fine, Caine. If that's all, I'll just head back to my room now-"

"W-wait!"

His response was a bit more panicked than usual:

"I-I'm afraid you can not go to your room at this time..."

This, of course, alarmed her:

"Wh- I- why not..?"

"You should be in the adventure right now, so even if you tried, the place would glitch like crazy!"

"Oh... well, uh- now what?"

"I... I'm not sure. This hasn't really happened before..."

"Mhmm..."

"Yup..."

It was a bit off-putting seeing Caine this quiet. Normally, he's always bugging her and the others with his antics. Not that she would prefer if he did, just- it didn't feel right that he wasn't.

Caine to must have realized just how akward it felt. He attempted to continue the conversation:

"Ya know, lately a lot of things have happened here that haven't happened before since you got here! It's pretty funny now that I think about it!"

"R-really? Like what..?"

"Well, if I knew, I would tell you! Haha!"

She wasn't quite sure what he was implying. "Was it some sorta joke? A reference?"

"S-sorry, what? I don't quite get it..."

"Well, as a not human being, I have been trying to learn as much as I can from you humans! I want to make sure that this place is as normal and comfortable as it can be!"

As he continued, he seemed more down to earth than he usually was:

"I tried to ask everyone for information about the human world, but either they say they don't remember or they just don't answer me at all."

This answer from Caine caught Pomni very off guard. She didn't expect him to open up to something like this. Especially to her.

"Gee, well- I-"

"But the feedback you gave me this morning, It made me realize. Perhaps I have been asking the wrong questions?"

She wasn't sure how to answer. Never has she been good at giving good feedback, but still she decided to give her best- "advice" You could say.

"You mean you should ask more about their personal issues with the place? Well- it might be different for everyone, but it might give you at least a few of the answers you're looking for? I-"

She was cut off by Caine rapidly shaking her hand:

"Why thank you again, my dear, for your feedback! Hopefully, this will improve everyone's stay!"

The rapid hand-shaking continued:

"Y-you're welcome?"

The shaking finally stopped, making Pomni almost fall forward:

"Well then, I suppose we should wait for the others' return."

"Yeah... I guess we'll be here for a while, heh."

He checked his WackyWatchTM:

"My! It's already almost over! They will be here any minute now!"

"Wait, really?"

"If my WackyWatchTM is right! It's as if it only started not even 5 minutes ago! Ha! That's one more odd thing that's happened since you've been here! Care to explain that one?"

Pomni had to think about that one for a moment. She hadn't had this sort of experience for a while:

"Well, if i remember, humans usually are unaware of time when doing something fun or being around someone that they enjoy being around."

This answer seemed to peak his interest even more:

"I am surprised that you are even willing to share this information with me! Is there anything else?"

As their conversation continued, Pomni thought:

"Huh... maybe this guy really does have good intentions..."

And there! Cut! End part! I can't write anymore-

Stay tuned for the third and final part!

(It is 1 am for me rn and I started at like 10 or 11 oh my goodness)

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc caine #caine #showtime #tadc pomni #tadc showtime #caine x pomni

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kamil-a · 11 months ago

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if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

742 earthstained notes

🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

#BIG THANKS 2 FWIENDS the thoughts n ideas of lea oz gracie and jay are stewing in here #most directly that i remember speaker water is directly from jay; the post by url tycho is a reword of leas dm #sayer podcast #sayerposting #this is just yuri of absence 2 huh #note that pov you follow speaker #and 1 other user just so u could see their response in the thread lol. and also user tycho. <3 #fun fact most note counts were done by closing eyes picking random numbers #tho the more general amounts were decided purposely #ok i need to stop explaining or we'll be here forever. enjoyyyy

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dio-the-thot-exterminator · 4 months ago

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whats the tumblr accounts of some of ur fav ocs like

I wanted to come up with actual usernames for them but some were taken and that's kinda awkward uhhhhhh

Becky Maurice

“You have tumblr? Ew grosss”

I love Becky but she wouldn't be caught dead on tumblr

She's a Instagram tiktok girl sorryyy

If we are being sillay then she’d have a secret acc prlly one of those girly coquette blogs or a stan blog for cupcakke whaaaaaa

Definitely just something with aesthetic photos and gifs.

Also Becky does editing as a hobby so she might post some of her videos

If she were to interact/collab with someone it would be like those giant editing videos

(i guess this might be an instagram thing but when a lot of amv editors come together and slay)

She would only post edits that are relevant to the aesthetic and theme of her blog

also she'd delete asks and dms (if its not about collabing)

Jia

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my--"

I used an old photo i alr had oof

I don't even know but she would send a lot of hate anon

Like her whole blog is just her arguing with people.

She sends it off anon first but if someone stops replying or blocks her

She makes an another acc and goes on anon to terrorize people.

She's deff the person on live telling the opps to pull up and it's like 4 am

She got a job (a literal warrior princess) but she behave like she unemployed so she on here 24/7

I don't wanna say her blog would be like a thirst trap blog but...

if she's not arguing with ppl she's flexing on them and posting like insane workout videos.

Or sparring sessions.

or thirst traps but in a way to piss people off

She’d prlly post some sort of art too but the replies and reblogs are turned off cuz she fight with too many people hahhhhh

She’d also have to remake her blog so many times cuz she gets reported a lot

Jelly

"Actually now that i think about it she'd send anon hate too"

Jelly wouldn't use social media cuz she doesnt know what it is

But if she was stalking really liked someone she’d join.

Deff one of those accs that look like a bot

no header no pfp no posts no likes no titles or anythin

she just lurks

or sends weird anon asks

Rurue

"I draw her too damn much she doesn't need an image"

pink with glitter and its kinda tacky lookin with clashing colours

Her tumblr would be kinda a fandom blog?

About all her little shows that she fw

reblogging and likin everything hahaha hits the post limit everyday

she's one of the people that goes crazy in the tags

Rurue would post her fandom ocs awwww its gonna be so cute.

Also just post images of her toys and little crafts then fucking randomly a image of her killing someone.

She gets away with it because people think it's a fake

She also doesn't know how to take good pictures so the victim is not identifiable

Octavia and Debbie

"Debbie doesn't look like that i was having trouble with her face so i covered one eye and yassified her..."

I'm grouping them together because they’d have very similar blogs.

(they are literally connected)

they are both kind of self loathing so they’d never post anything directly about themselves.

ooo Becky would prlly find Debbie's blog and put her on blast -

"Uh look at the stupid shit debbie is posting on tumblr lets all make fun of her"

"Wait a minute becky…how’d you find that?”

“.......”

“What are YOU doing on tumblr???”

The blogs would be a mix of like a rant vent #depression and like those early 2010 cringe like

The main difference is that debbie would be posting shit like this

and like those black and white images of crying anime girls.

Octavia would be reblogging historical art and photography etc etc

Ok thats it. Ahaha i spent to much time on this, sorry for typos <3

#bobs answers #bobs looseleaf #beastly bordello #becky maurice #debbie smith #octavia #jia #rurue #jelly #im not proof reading this #enjoy

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superciput · 11 months ago

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Hello RMA! First tumblr post on this semi active tag :D

Hello hello! This is my first time using the rma tag in tumblr so hii!! let me intoduce myself properly:

1. My name is Superciput but you can call me lilac

2. I have a wattpadd book that is a rma fanfic named "Running Man: Revolution" its on hold rn cuz im busy

3. I like the leo tribe and i'm a sucker for rex, HE GOT SO MUCH POTENTIAL FOR ANGSTT

4. I got a lot of rma OC but most of them are just BG characters

5. I have a RMA AU that is connected towards why other AU'S, i know its confusing i even had a hard time explaining it both in text and speaking

6. Im in a lot of fandoms besides than RMA

7. Gonna post art about my au and the canon!

Thats all about me! Now i shall be posting my new art i just made after this post! Nice to meet you all!!

#running man animation #nice to meet ya #about myself #Confusing AU'S #my au

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n-anon · 2 years ago

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Anti’s Connection to the Septic Eye (A Theory)

A little boy gets hit with a football, and ends up infecting his eye, it turns septic, it recovers but the name Jacksepticeye persists with him until he begins his YouTube channel.

We all know that story at least, but what if I told you Anti was always connected to the septic eye, even in his early infancy of just a small comment or word from Jack.

To specify, I'm going to go back way to RYC number 48 in which Jack answers the question of 'Jack why are you Everywhere' with the following quote:

'Its cuz I have the septic eye! It spreads, it bounces around in it's septic tank and infects everybody else!! You're all gonna get it eventually!'

Now see this really could've been a funny joke, at the end of the day, and it probably is, but I sometimes think about it, and it reminds me heavily of Schneeps quote in KJSE, 'Once one goes down, they all go down'.

The thing about a septic eye is that it's an infection of the eye, a small virus, can be easily cured if you let the eye heal. It shouldn't be able to cause everything Anti does yes, even if most of his appearances cause a very seen again and again symptom of bleeding eyes (This is just four examples)

But while a septic eye itself is small virus, sometimes viruses mutate, they lay dormant in a system for years, adapting to the immune system and even copying some of it in better to survive, and that's what I'm proposing Anti is. Plague reminded me that viruses can mutate, and develop new symptoms on their own such as insanity, destructive tendencies, nose bleeds, possibly eye bleeding too. It's not that hard to put that connection on the table.

In this universe, C!Jack might've not even gotten the septic eye, I don't know, maybe he got it a different way then the story we know, but you can't deny the connection. Anti's connection to eyes and causing nosebleeds as well as bleeding eyes is just one example of this, which is where the IRIS connection comes in, and I've been thinking about this for a bit as well, but we've seen that IRIS has no qualms with exposing anomalous properties to someone they find a useful subject in some way, and while I don't know if they experimented on c!Jack directly it's possible that Jack was exposed somewhat accidentally, when Arins character mentions the slab that causes headaches, nosebleeds and various other symptoms it's possible that they didn't extract ALL of it, and maybe c!Jack stumbled on it somehow but that's just my two cents on the matter.

I just wanted to get my thoughts on this down-(so sorry if it's a lil rambly) and explain my thoughts on why I find this theory so compelling out of all of the ones I've seen over the years (imo anyway shdhdhy)

Imma tag a few theorists, just in case the tags decide to be stupid again

@fear-is-nameless @isas-theory-wall @vixthefantheorist @tracobuttons

#jacksepticeye #antisepticeye #N theorizes #suspeesh

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steviecrowdude · 1 year ago

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Im starting to get followers now! Yaay!

Edit: im just gonna put a read more cuz this is a lot and i hate scrolling through it to see my blog. This is about me :) im not editing the full thing but i might at some point.

I reblog whatever i see that i wanna reblog. I may forget to tag things, but i try to if i have enough energy and it really needs tagging. This includes memes and funny stuff, but also just stuff i find important.

I am a trans man. Binary trans man (edit: to yall at least, behind the curtain I'm fuckin around with gender). No connection to womanhood other than the fact i dont publicly pass. He/him. If theres anyone out there who decides to come here and try and tell me im a sad woman or something, no. You dont know me, i know myself. Welcome to my blog.

I dont do that trans gatekeeping stuff. You fuck with gender? Ya trans (if you want. We also love gnc people here. Also you dont need to id as trans.) Neopronouns and xenogenders are amazing, and contradictory labels are cool as shit. I feel sad i need to clarify that but i do want to.

Im also Aroace and sex repulsed, dont know about the romance repulsed part, but it sounds right. What those things mean to me are private to me.

If you dont have sex, me too dude hell yeah. If you do? Hell yeah dude have fun. I want people to be happy and safe (whatever that means to you) and if youre consenting to it, then i cant think of anything better. (All that to say, dont fuckin, use sex repulsed people to be antikink or something, like c'mon)

Oh, im also autistic, and i have a medley of other mental stuff and neurodivergencies that i have yet to be diagnosed with.

Edit: im also definitely chronically ill in some way so i reblog about physically disabled stuff too

Edit again: i have fibromyalgia so you'll see me reblogging about that

Im gonna reblog things that have to do with that stuff.

I also reblog things i think are important, such as bipoc rights and safety, disabled rights, intersex rights and queer rights in general, safety for everyone, religious freedom and human rights. (Im white, dyadic, and nonreligious, so do tell me if i reblog something thats iffy. Ill be happy to delete it.)

Edit as of January 9th 2024: i feel like i should clarify just because of the rise in antisemitism in the us especially; i dont tolerate that type of stuff. If your support of palestine and people in gaza comes at the cost of your support for jewish people you can leave cuz i dont wanna interact with you. I will advocate for the people in gaza being killed and attempt to uplift their voices, but i will not tolerate antisemitism in the same breath.

Like i mentioned before, if i reblog something and someone following me feels like its fucked up, ill delete it.

I mostly reblog memes and things i find funny.

A lot.

I dont tend to interact with fandom spaces much. But i do enjoy the funny from fandoms, and i reblog fandom content.

Thank you for reading :)

#thisll be my pinned post

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nozomijoestar · 2 years ago

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Hey. Lili as well

The Lili De Rochefort Case File

The Asuka Essay

My first impression of them

A bitch. Buffoon. Loved the self-assured and calculating vibe; Karin Kanzuki in Tekken but make her overtly fruity and even more commanding. Even if she dangles whether or not she's gonna help someone, she ultimately still helps. GirlBoss attitude you either love or hate. Like Asuka I saw her for the first time in the SFxT trailer and I was so confused as to why she left Asuka behind after she did get serious helping her; I thought she'd be a backstabbing villain. By extension if Lili was a villain maybe Asuka was also since they were a team, or maybe Lili was blackmailing her or something. I wanted to play her for the drama jskdfjak Looking back now that trailer is still gay from her perspective; I love the little smile she throws Asuka's way when they pair up to go 2 v 2.

When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

Like Asuka the SFxT gameplay sealed the deal for me. I had to play them both or pair one with Ibuki whenever I wasn't pairing her with Sakura, cuz I hated that Rolento was Ibuki's official tag partner so I never used him. I saw Lili's super finisher and her Pandora form in YT videos and it made her look even cooler. (For fun here is Asuka's and Ibuki's - Asuka reacts to Lili dying then her receiving uncontrollable power that hijacks your mind like OOOH I Get to go All Out Now! whereas poor Ibuki is like It's no use, I can't control it!) To my surprise Lili wasn't a villain at all in the story mode she was just cunty and silly. She wants the Pandora Box just because its status might benefit her Dad despite having no idea what it does, and her devotion to achieving her goal was magnetic.

I also loved how she was ready to fight Asuka for the Pandora Box but the minute they lose it because of her own nonsense she just cries so pathetically jsfksdjf But unbeknownst to her Pandora would have made them kill each other like the other teams. I went back to Tekken 6 to learn more about her there too, and that's when I saw the extent of her connection to Asuka.

To this day I can't play her well in Tekken itself at all, but I used to have so much fun playing her rushdown style in SFxT. A lot of her new Tekken 8 moves look like they gave her back some SFxT stuff so that she plays faster now; I'm hoping she'll be easier for me to use.

A song that reminds me of them

Amel Bent - Pardonnez-Moi

Clara Luciani - La Grenade

How many people I ship them with

Her lame boyfriend, her equally rock headed "Mon Coeur"

My favorite ship of them

AsuLili Nation Rise!!!

THEY CANONICALLY MET ONLY THREE TIMES LOLLL

I have to start by outlining how I see Lili's arc as a coming out narrative. She has a childhood where she fits into what's expected of her and within her family. Then during the start of adolescence, she has an experience (getting kidnapped for ransom in this case) that awakens a feeling she's never known before but it's thrilling, it feels part of her and it changes her outlook, her desires. This puts her at odds with her family and those old expectations, because this new desire clashes against their principles. She has to hide what she is in order to keep fitting in, because she still loves her family and wants to keep her position. She thinks she can have both if she keeps them separate and secret from each other.

Then she meets someone who can be open about sharing the same desire she does. And this person isn't just open about it, they embrace it and thrive in a way she feels she can't. There is jealousy and shock but also joy and exhilaration. There's finally someone who gets her, who's made of the same core she is in the drive they share. The pull is so strong eventually she leaves what's old and having to hide behind her to be around what allows her to embrace her true nature.

That is Lili's relationship with awakening to violence and martial arts, her relationship to Asuka, and the hiding it all from her father because of his disapproval. It shares the same beats LGBT stories face. She's gone from "in the closet" tip toeing around her father so she can fight, to "on the fence" meeting and having her perceptions shattered by Asuka, to "out" by leaving Dad's influence to fully embrace fighting and Asuka. It's not just about the homoerotic tension from fighting each other, it's also gay by how it aligns the situation into likely an unintentional allegory for LGBT experiences mixed with coming of age. So I don't think it's reading too much into it to say Lili is homosexual if you just go by what is in the Tekken games; to say nothing of how much gay material they put her in for crossovers or spin offs. Whether it was done on purpose or not, her narrative itself is gay.

And going by that it doesn't take much then to view her as being infatuated with Asuka. Not only as a fighter but physical attraction and from clashing against her personality. Asuka is special to her for being the one who finally broke her "perfect" world. By that metric alone Lili is not letting anyone harm or get in Asuka's way because in her eyes that is now someone important- like her Father or Sebastian.

I say this because like I mentioned in the Asuka essay, it feels as if her theatrics moving into Asuka's house and fixing her dojo is in fact a cover. We have prior history showing Lili despises Mishimas. It makes sense from many angles to stay close to someone your enemies can use as to block them off. It would mean they can't make a move on that person without you knowing immediately. It would mean if something does happen you can respond on the spot and at least put up a fight.

Not a single Mishima finger will touch Asuka Kazama nor will anything inconvenience her without Lili having the chance to intervene. She could care deeply for Asuka and her infatuation, or she could be simply saying 'My enemies won't take what she brings away from me'. More than likely it's both. In the worst case scenario which doesn't look like its gonna be canon to be honest, it could even mean 'I will humiliate her before the Mishimas can'. But again I don't think that makes sense and there's no solid indication for it. If she truly viewed Asuka as a "thing" she would discard her the same way she does her father's material gifts.

If she didn't like her on some level she would either ignore her or seek to eliminate her, given what she's done in T5 & T6 as well as her vengeful sadist streak against those she hates in 6. People who think Lili is hating Asuka did not pay attention to how she views Jin, or how she treated Lars. That is her hate at most and her venom at least. Asuka would already be dead or Lili would die trying if it was hate. She wouldn't make such an effort to act generous or playful/teasing at ALL; and as implied in her T8 machine translated bio, (from which I can confirm it does still say she bought the dojo with pocket money in JP) do so without telling her father yet again. Asuka is deathly important to her for one reason or another regardless of how you view her methods. Her "affections" as Sebastian points out are very clear.

Their three meetings so far were like trial runs. Lili gets a feel for Asuka and keeps being drawn to her over and over. She's attached and she attaches easily because she has no non familial company she doesn't pay to be around her. She may not even have entirely admitted it to herself yet (because of the problems recognizing her feelings much less exposing them), which may be controversial to say. But she's pulled by the drive to bond with her. It is still at the border between infatuation and falling in love, in my opinion. Lili views Asuka through the sense of what purpose they have in common, what ways Asuka will thrill her, through excitement and fascination. She hasn't seemed to realize she doesn't properly communicate with or understand Asuka as a full person.

So she chases that high of their similarities and first impressions and invests her strong emotions down that perception for now. I think though, given how loyal she is to loved ones, once she listens to and understands Asuka she will connect fiercely. The passion of the infatuation stage boils over to intense love and devotion. Lili is like a kicked puppy looking for meaning she's never had. To be seen in a way she's never been. I'm not surprised she doesn't know how to handle this situation in a normal way.

At least I hope repair and honesty is the angle the writers take. Otherwise this is all for nothing and wouldn't just waste the character, it'd drag Asuka's arc down further. There'd truly be no justification for Lili's character and why they bothered tying her to Asuka in the first place. There'd also be no way for Lili to redeem herself and the stress she's caused.

Though if I'm being fair to her, she has been remarkably mild actually. As far as canon goes all she's done is show up for one unofficial rematch, which is annoying but understandable. She goes home. Then when the Mishima's terror on the world grows too strong, when her own family is weakened by them, she goads Asuka to meet her through the only outlet they've had so she can announce the world is going to shit, Asuka could be forced into it, and she is here to give aid and stick around just in case. That's it.

The motives don't justify her manipulating Asuka (very poorly anyway) into the 7th Tournament; the methods and desires do have clear boundaries though. She's not trying to live up her ass 24/7 or constantly seeking to humiliate her every waking second. Fans are the ones who made that shit up and don't bother thinking about evidence. It's like talking to a wall and the wall can't fucking read anything other than a toddler shapes book. I can't tell how much is ignorance, stupidity, or actively projecting maliciousness (and their homophobia), but people twist their relationship to reactionary extremes that make little to no fucking sense. Or they interpret it entirely through exaggerated memes and surface impressions. Or some are just pedophiles fixed on porn of them. It's extremely frustrating.

EDIT 11/15/2023: I have been further vindicated on this!!!! Harada revealed Lili's mother is an awful person who treated her like shit and influenced Lili's personality. She modeled love and affection as something to be dangled and twisted.

Of course Lili treats Asuka the way she does and struggles giving her straight answers. Nobody ever did that for her. No one ever showed her love as something more than not being listened to and not doing much listening. She would ask for anything and get vague responses that barely matched what she expressed. Her voice was ignored and turned on her. This still doesn't excuse her!!! But now we can better understand everything she's done. It gives new subtext. This was a big reveal that explains so much and can help predicting what'll happen next.

Anyway AsuLili Gay Tom and Jerry, recognition of the self through the other, the homoeroticism, the repression, the stubborn draw toward one another. They have all that. They're so funny when you put them in a situation but under everything they'd complete each other. I said what I needed to say on that in Asuka's analysis. I hope Lili drops her entire guard around Asuka and leans on her, asks to be leaned on in return. Vive le sex gay etc etc.

The only thing that can match a gorilla is another, equally crazy gorilla. Their enemy is the same. And they'll regret ever fucking with them.

ALSO! DO NOT FORGET THAT LILI'S HIDDEN AFFECTION MECHANIC IN TT2 MEANS SHE'S INSTANTLY PISSED WHENEVER ASUKA TAKES DAMAGE!!!

I love you Netsu System <3

EDIT: I have to add that just as I said the same thing in my Asuka essay, nobody told Lili to do what she does. Nobody ever asks her to attempt looking out for them, her dad never says he wants her to fight to protect, avenge, or honor him. She does the exact same thing Asuka does; gives in to her emotions and uses them as an excuse to do what she wants. They are the same character lmao

My least favorite ship of them

I have seen people take her with Ganryu seriously...people would rather be homophobic and pedophilic just to put a girl with a man for any reason

A quote of them that you remember

"You surely don't believe you can beat me?"

(Tekken 8 has the BEST line read for that yet by far)

Your favorite outfit of them

Walk walk fashion baby

Your least favorite outfit of them

What the actual fuck was this; gross on every level, even Asuka doesn't want to look

Describe the character in one sentence

The Squall.

What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?

My old friend, that bitch. 💖

Sexuality hc!

D SLUR D SLUR D SLUR D- (Lesbian, have you seen this bitch) QUEEN F*GGOT

If it's not that for whatever reason then it's Oui, avec des hommes...des femmes...avec d' autres...

Your favorite friendship they have

Lili technically has no friends per se. Sebastian works for her so there's always that hierarchy between them. Asuka is the closest thing she has to a friend if only because they keep each other's company among other things, but they don't talk about or do activities the way normal friends do. I do love the way Sebastian supports her no matter how ridiculous she gets, even against her Dad. She's like his child too in a way, that might be part of why he dotes on her aside from fulfilling the loyal butler trope. Lili not having friends despite being a trust fund baby though? What a loser! jdfikajdasj Pathetic little Minou; I'm sure this is contributing wonders to her psyche. The closest other person I can think of is when they paired her with Leo for the non canon online comic. Every time I've seen art with them together its always funny, so there's that lol.

Best storyline they had

It hasn't happened yet in my opinion, Tekken 8 feels like she's finally gonna get a proper plot and I'm hoping they give her something to shine in. I say that because like Asuka she doesn't really have a storyline, she's a character who makes one off appearances to serve as a convenience (giving Lars his SUV in 6) or is the one off rich girl trope. This is of course whenever she's not involved with Asuka- I find it so funny they've canonically only met three times??? Three times! Once when Asuka first beat her, again at Asuka's school to fight her then run home, and again at the 7th Iron Fist tourney. Outside of that she's twice tried to stop Mishimas from stressing her dad out but when it doesn't work she immediately gives up. That's pretty much it. She has a handful of events that happen to her worse than Asuka's track record for the same thing.

Worst storyline they had

Nothing applies because I feel like everything she's gotten has either built implications about her relationship to her father or her relationship to Asuka, or both. Or it builds on her disdain for Jin and Mishimas. The only possible exception is that comic where she moved in with Asuka, but that's moreso her poor characterization rather than the gag plotline itself. Speaking though of bad canon characterization, whatever hardcore sadist shit they were going for in T6 makes me uncomfortable whenever I see things from Scenario Campaign. It's very one note, too edgy, and she's 16 in that game so trying to make her sound like a violent killer crossed with a dominatrix who is practically **cumming** mid threatening dialogue is especially gross. It was her first game after T5 so they probably were testing what direction to take her character. I'm glad they moved away from that angle to be honest, but we can keep her hate for Jin, it's understandable and adds to her. A lot of that T6 dialogue makes her seem shallow and its hard to sift for what's insightful.

A childhood headcanon

Did not eat worms or take risks and tussle outside all day long. Wished she could though beneath conforming to normalcy, and that subconscious desire for something daring became her drive for battle when it awakened.

What do you think their first word was?

Money, unironically, because she'd heard her dad use that word enough times coming home from meetings. Everyone looked at her and went Oh look she's truly his little heiress already thinking of business! sjfkjfksjf

How do you think they were as a kid? (Like, were they shy, noisy, wild, etc)

Spoiled little shit getting lots of material things, having her way as long as she could still look perfect for her family, and being doted on in the sense of a show dog. Also already proud of what her family is supposed to represent with their status even if she's too young to understand it, because adults keep telling her how successful the De Rocheforts are. More than likely acted out often for attention whenever trying to be perfect didn't get her affection she wanted.

I imagine her parents were busy with the business, especially her Dad since she's constantly trying to do things that he'll praise and notice her for. Rather than spend much quality time he tries buying her off with expensive things she doesn't care about. He probably does love her for her to have that attachment at all (or she thinks being given the slightest of his attention is enough to make him great in her eyes because that attention is so rare), but because he's busy and strict about what values she should have, he's distant and can't connect to who she is as a person due to his own morals.

As a kid she wouldn't understand all this, so it created this crisis of trying to please others while being herself, thinking she has to do something great or extraordinary to have value. It's not enough for her to exist and be loved, love has to be earned by increasingly drastic acts. If she proves herself over and over then finally she'll be worth accepting and staying around for.

The isolation, expectations, and perfectionism that fuck her up later would start early. Sebastian would've been the only adult she could count on for unconditional familial-like love; but because she internalized not expressing care directly she doesn't always know how to express that back to him the way he does for her.

The most random ship you've seen people have with them

JIN? HELLO? JIN? THE GROWN MAN SHE HATES FOR A VARIETY OF REASONS? THAT JIN? JIN?

A weird headcanon

Collecting dolls and plushies itself is not weird, but she arranges her collection in dioramas and protection circles around her room and bed. Every day and night. Walking into her room is like having an army stare you down; she's overly attached to them in this sense because she has no human friends. When she initially moved in with Asuka in my fic, Asuka had her sleep in a futon on the floor; the plushies guard that thing 24/7. She's still quite childish and lonely like that.

When do you think they were at their happiest?

Every time she sees Asuka; every time she thinks about Asuka the longer they know each other. Briefly whenever she succeeds in getting her father's positive attention. Every time Sebastian has looked out for her before she realized she needed the support. She appreciates him enough to have taught him some of her fighting style for Tag 2 if I remember right. I'm sure even if she doesn't always say it, she's happy when she feels he understands her.

When do you think they were at their lowest?

Also Tekken 6 like Asuka, but I want to extend this to include the short time gap before T7. She has already failed at winning any glory for her father in a pathetically short lived attempt during T5. Asuka is fixed in her mind not just for revenge but because failing to advance thanks to her, meant failing the father she loves when she wanted to do good by him. Then suddenly the Mishima Zaibatsu takes everything from them. Effectively holds them hostage to use their oil for their global wars over utter bullshit they can't resolve between themselves. Lili is rendered powerless once again at helping her father, even his health fails. Consumed with rage she runs off to stop at nothing to kill Jin if he will not relinquish what he's stolen. Again she fails.

There's no hope left and no way out, except for one last bet. If she can't yet save her father she can still do something for Asuka Kazama. Thus starts Tekken 7 with a Lili who's probably holding back all that rage and fear to look cool in front of the one person she thinks she has left to impress.

If T6 Lili sounds familiar to Asuka's arc, I really think they did that on purpose. Make them lose everything over and over; render them powerless despite their might. Drain all happiness save for the will to meet tomorrow.

Future headcanon

Does not succeed the Rochefort empire but passes that role on to someone else so she can stay with/around Asuka and help her. She still technically has access to the family money but she uses it to fund whatever Asuka needs, for philanthropy, and invests that further into supporting martial arts which is her true calling. Succeeding her father's position is never something she actually seems to care about as opposed to maintaining his health and honor. If she fights for the company it's only because she cares about him not the business itself. And because their morals and philosophies are at odds, Lili would probably think it better for her father's legacy if someone else who could do the job right took on his burdens. As opposed to her, who loves him but doesn't see eye to eye with him including professionally. Despite their differences she'd want him to be comfortable in retirement.

I think eventually she expands her fighting style moving from jetting to street fights and tourneys into formal training. She hops around from school to school devoting years to different styles- Feng Wei but without the need to conquer other dojos and become the most powerful ever. Sebastian of course is there serving and helping until whenever he would pass on, because he cares for her personally. If she and Asuka aren't married or a couple then they still remain in touch, still rivals but out of mutual affection and testing each other's skill this time. She loves pop music too so maybe using her nepo baby status to snag a recording gig and see if that fits her lol.

What do you think is a secret they have that they never told anyone?

Like Asuka, any time she doubts or is afraid because she's just as proud and will rebuke anyone coming close to guessing her true feelings. Also secrets like how much she loves those close to her, the full details of her feelings on them.

When do you think they acted the most ooc

That entire online comic where they originally had her move in with Asuka. Horrid. Completely tipped her character over to the creepy irredeemable controlling stalker who sexually harasses Asuka and gropes her because Haha She's Gay And Lesbians Prey On Women! They don't know what No means! Everything about her was stripped back for the sake of a homophobic stereotype as a punchline. And the assault "gags" weren't even attempting to be darkly funny gags they were just creepy; then on top of all that they still found a way to sexualize Lili with things like explicit crotch shots and shit. When I see people like it just because Lili does overtly gay things I throw up in my mouth a little, how do you not think when looking at it eugh. Lili is not in the right for pestering Asuka but she still has her limits and straightforward reasons for it, rather than being a complete caricature.

When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?

The short conversation about her "affections", Asuka's T7 ending, complimenting Sebastian, all of her T8 trailer interactions counting her intro (it was cute seeing her try to dismiss caring for Salt when she faces her opponent, as well as her little smile and the subtle shift in her eyes when taunting Asuka- it feels affectionate rather than intimidating), threatening to kill Lars if he doesn't kill Jin, being sad she couldn't fight Asuka in T6, and demanding Jin restore De Rochefort Enterprises. All of these involve her guard being lowered and her emotions coming out away from her Cool Sassy Bitch demeanor. The front has been fun but I want to see more of this heart on her sleeve Lili in the future, at least around those she cares about.

The look I give girls when I "hate" them and don't want to tongue them silly and am NOT in love with everything about them and I would HATE if I showed them La Petit Mort because I don't want her carnally and I'm NOT thinking about taking her last name in sickness and health:

Side note do you think one of Lili's moments in T8 is gonna be asking Lars why the fuck Jin isn't dead yet, when she EXPLICITLY asked that twunk be obliterated. I want to see it.

If they could meet a character from another show/movie/etc, who

would be the most fun for them to meet?

Ok I feel bad but I can't think of anyone I may edit this answer

The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

BLOWING UP A LIMO TO REJOICE IN THE GLORY OF COMBAT

How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)

That child is getting spoiled their entire life; even long after they're an adult what Lili sees first is her cute little baby. She buys them things but emotionally she's also got a pretty overbearing streak with wanting them safe and happy. She doesn't read it as this or see the problem it can be though until it makes her kid lash out and feel suffocated. I feel like even with Asuka if you were to point out to Lili her overbearing side when it comes to caring for others, she takes it as a personal attack/failure because to her it's like, "Well would you rather I not care about you? I care so it justifies most of my behavior." She doesn't quite understand yet that's not how that works. People need independence and are allowed their own responses to your actions. That you can hurt people by not allowing them control over themselves.

It's difficult for her to remember moderation. It would be easy to see where this comes from because on one hand she grew up at odds with her father so she doesn't want to repeat that. On the other hand she also grew up wanting his affection and approval for many things, so she thinks she'll receive that same loyalty by being so dedicated on her end. She's doting in a very lofty sense and her child's honest perspective would need to bring her back down to earth when she gets to be too much. They'd be closer once she accepts not smothering them.

But also I think Lili would be perfectly fine raising a cat or two with Asuka, rather than them having a baby necessarily so it can go either way lol Realistically they probably do just stick to pampered pets, like Salt. Lili's attitude then would be something like "Why do we need children when we have sweet angels right here!" *hugging the life out of all their pets*

She tries to convince Asuka they can take care of a bear once; Asuka nearly has a heart attack. They do not get a bear.

The funniest scene they had?

All of it. She's a professional clown. BUT my favorite is her T5 ending. "I have protected Daddy's earnings by destroying his competition!" *triggers an economic collapse bankrupting her family*

#tekken #lili de rochefort

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berlinbisque · 2 years ago

Text

Proud Reject (Part 1)

I’m literally blind my eyesight has deteriorated further everything’s blurry the day starts in bed & ends like that too no sunlight no connection with the outside world no one to talk to just my phone and my thoughts & loads of tears… that’s how everyday begins and ends. Its not self imposed, this happens when you are isolated by people. I can’t type but I wanted to write this… I love this mini story or script more than my next book even though the book’s more interesting but out of personal choice I like the story which I’ll be sharing tomorrow more than that, it’s not on any professional level it’s just something I would’ve discussed with a friend and laughed ie. if I had friends, something started that particular “topic” and I couldn’t help wondering… what if?

My heart was in my mouth again cuz I received a reel on FB which had his friend Aditya (he was either pretending to be him in 2016 or he himself inspite of being engaged was interested idk) they were dancing like most tv ppl and I got another panic attack… my mother was already torturing me, I woke up with high fever I still have fever headache it’s been there since a week I’m getting wheezing due to continuous crying and I realised that he wants someone famous to make such videos too. Someone rich and famous like that. Even in abroad there’s no pressure, over there all those celebs (who are are much more popular) even the ones in their early 20s when they make videos that too just one or two out of fad, they film it on their cheap phones they don’t care about the blurry quality they are not trying to sell it, they just don’t care about all that and those who are of my age (still nowhere close to Aditya, he was older than Harsh also) some of them, even if they have all those pics that I personally like (with their boyfriends - trekking or at the lake, casual everyday candid shots) they still find it hard to cope with social media and they eventually take a break from it, had they been in my position they too would’ve ended up like this out of all that pressure. I can’t keep up with your life. Few things that I’ll like to share before starting with my story, A - the sketches I’m sorry if he was hurt. I had not made them, my book wasn’t like Rupi Kaur’s either it never had those intimate doodles. I think my mother stalks me (I don’t want to write about her publicly but I have to share all this please don’t judge me by her) and she has taken advantage of a lot of things and also challengingly said “Did anyone come to help you? Everyone hates you and no one pays attention no one cares, everyone wants you to die and you will die alone like this” she has also told me a lot of hurtful things related to that guy, taking advantage of that as well and and the problem is (my hands are cold n numb lifeless rn) I can’t convey my feelings directly through some app or something so I have to rely on these public posts NO MAILS he ain’t some God or Celebrity (being a celebrity means being celebrated not deprecated) I’m not some groupie or teenager to mail my fav celebrity crush and he doesn’t belong to any boy band. What’s in it for me? Will I be rescued from my mother or helped with my health issues which started DUE TO HIM? Or is he just gonna sit there reading my mail, getting happy with all the validation after which he’ll ignore it. Am I that? Hahaha I’m not into human worship. We are more focused on our lives… especially those like me in my position. She has told me several times that I’m a “sl-u-tt” for being in LOVE or for falling in love. She also came up with the forcer tag even thought it was torturous for me and I kept crying and saying STOP stop stop cuz for us as girls rape or force is worse than murder, I never wanted him to marry me just to take responsibility for his actions I never wanted to punish him with myself and I always respected him and I’ll continue to do so I’m not his fans to write cheap comments like I saw in that dancing video (they were writing about his shirt). That tacky shirt made the whole video even more disturbing, and I didn’t see the entire thing I was in the middle of a panic attack, I just saw one shot then I died. After that I vomited, my pressure was falling rapidly and I kept crying for days cuz you know what right… (25th Oct) anyway I never shared this (one more reason/aspect) like that Chote Pandit tells Ruhaan or Ruh Baba “Aap par aise chichore kapde jajte nahi hai” I was like aah that is what they call it… anyway haha but I don’t want anyone who is being an “eye candy” for other females on television, they come and hit on him in comments that too cheap comments. Yes everyone’s doing it but that’s why we are so depressed and you are anyway not with me I don’t even get a fraction of your day or time.

My mother used that word force several times (she has said other unimaginable offending things too) cuz I was crying and it was triggering me, she said it because I wanted him to say something (but we weren’t even discussing that) for talking or communication cuz I just wanted his OCD to break. It started within 24 hours and not how you might think we met on 2nd Oct then 2 years later 2nd April and I know that we all feel jaded to text sometimes or keep the conversation going, we might not feel enthusiastic anymore after that initial excitement or whatever but it wasn’t like that, if it would’ve been that I wouldn’t have even taken so much stress. We’ve all done that at some point in our lives, internet makes us lethargic, we also get addicted to more exploration or finding new people to talk to… we feel like we can do better or take our time to choose whoever’s the most ideal for us, but his case was totally different.

At some point we would all respond or say something maybe after a week or even after getting let’s say - reconnected after losing contact or reaching a temporary impasse. We wouldn’t hold on to any grudge or some kind of a “promise” he swore never to talk to me, there was nothing to be mad about, he just decided that we will never have any direct contact his parents also said “We don’t want to keep any talukaat (contact) particularly with your daughter” he kept liking my pics BUT not replying to any of the texts (when he started liking my photos religiously I texted him on FB messenger because I thought maybe my texts weren’t getting through and I wasn’t receiving his due to some glitch but he READ those FB texts and still didn’t respond) and even after that he was liking the pics then when I told him “Are u feeling sorry for me, why do you keep liking the photos, is it the BB pin what you wanted, I even gave you a reason that too it was all funny and I gave it the very same night as soon as I woke up in the middle of it I gave it” he removed me from the list after that. I am getting wheezing I can’t get overwhelmed I had shared the exact thing which I told him when he was asking for my pin (long ago) I can’t keep reiterating everything everywhere. He then kept blocking and ignoring my real account but speaking to the fake ID

The coincidences and those premonitions in my dreams had already started which made me more curious about his behaviour so I tried talking to him but that fake ID like I said was for my school friend who was also stalking me with her fake ID. And I would not see his stories or anything, I was playing her Snapchat story but his was queued so it started playing by default where I saw that training session. When I tried speaking to him using my real acc… he not only blocked me AS SOON AS HE HEARD MY NAME (like I said he wanted no “direct” contact between me and him) he also made his account private. He made me feel like a stalker, I had already started getting panic attacks and I had stopped watching TV it has been off since then (2015 Sept) I tried moving on in Aug itself but I told you what happened over and over again, same old story repeated heartbreaks… cuz they only wanted girls like me as a call girl and according to them only pageant winners or models, fair and rich or extremely famous girls even those with notoriety (nothing worth all that attention) who were out of their league were all meant for dating. I never fell in that category. Eventually they ended up with actual call girls. I have seen their pics and I’ve seen some in real life too. All those other girls whom they were chasing would treat them like “fans” karma. Not only actors everyone these days does that and then girls of my level (caliber) get married to roadside romeos and illiterate creeps/pervs cuz all those men also want someone out of their league and they prey on us… this is a common problem in India. Anyway like I said I just wanted to see if he still remembered me by the end of that year and if he still hated me (for no reason) I had not added him to view his stories but he blocked me and made everything private. I’m twitching it affects me subconsciously now… my mother also makes me feel like this after years of (weird) coincidences which were linked to him and all that insensitivity (the story escalated he never made peace his behaviour only got worse along with all that humiliating ignorance) since she called me a “sl-tt” for falling in love with him I eventually ended up telling her that her marriage was literally arranged it wasn’t a love marriage but yet she got prégnant so many times so was that out of love or lust? I never wanted to get on such terms with her but she would keep torturing me (she had thrashed me ruthlessly even after getting fibromyalgia several times cuz I have no one in this world to support me or tell her anything) she has in fact told me a lot of harmful and offending things (out of gloating) “Dekho kuch aur kabhi koi nahi mila iss aurat ko yeh akeli hi reh gayi” and laughed (I was 25) I’ve been getting addressed as aurat or woman ever since I was 12. I was told I should’ve drowned during 26th July floods and never returned from school I would sit on the stairs with my heavy bag famished and parched everyday after coming home for 2-3 hours cuz my mother would not leave keys for me, and then get tortured at home for another one hour, I would keep telling myself one day someone will come and all this would end but I ended up being bed ridden because of whoever came and it continued for many more years to come, all my youth and adulthood.

I was never a likeable girl whom you could fall in love with, I never had those superficial attributes (white complexion, money, fame etc. they would only try to treat us like call girls that’s why I’m a lip virgin) . When I said about love and arranged marriages she said she had every right cuz she was legally married and I’m a forcer rapist (for wanting to know the reason behind his sudden silence and that absurd behaviour) she keeps saying or blurting these things out because of unrequited love cuz no one likes or wants me, it’s perceived as a social stigma in India. Cuz there’s nothing from the opposite side not even care or basic concern as a Co-human literally how can someone be so insensitive? She says all that derisively, again out of gloating and competition just to pull me down as another female. Today things were worse even though I had wheezing and I’m still getting it + fever and headache. I’m gonna cut it short now I’ve written a lot…

So coming back to the OCD or whatever part where he had made a rule that there would be no direct contact - he would either speak to my fake ID or use his own friend’s ID but one of us had to be someone else. Go through this link: https://www.lilacnights.com/post/surprise The other day I murmuring in my sleep I was so disoriented I kept saying “Aditya came with his gf Aditi… God knows for what, Harsh was also 10 kms away Aditya had said he would go to some bakery in Kandivali for evening snacks Kandivali is where they would reside he was at his house even though he would always be 6 kms away which is Malad” then I said to myself “No wake up it’s Tanvi not Aditi obviously”

I had told you, the Devil or angels all these entities in fact can probably read our minds and you know when I was browsing certain quotes it’s as if they were talking to me… one of them reflected exactly what I was thinking a few days back - Since I had seen his house in 2015-16 I knew he wasn’t rich and like I said he wasn’t even that big on Instagram or FB no blue tick and 2500-3000 followers with 250 likes, from his (natural) pics I thought he wasn’t that good looking or fair (it’s just that he wasn’t very photogenic) and so I fell in love with him but then some tarot reader told me (I had to rely on all that cuz he was not saying anything) that he was reluctant cuz he thought I was like a gold digger so I started cutting down all my expenses worked on several articles for my blogs back then, I was 20 but I was trying to be as understanding as possible… I started buying things on Sale literally if you’ve noticed for 100s-1000 all these years because of my panic attacks I never saw him after 2016 Feb and I thought maybe that is what he wanted there was anyway no hope from the others, and I had coincidences or signs here so I thought I’ll do this and then I realised it was all futile, all the selflessness and altruism it just wasn’t worth it. I even wrote a letter and clarified/acknowledged that it could be one sided while also sharing my feelings for him cuz I thought he would also cut down on his expenses because his brother was jobless like mine. That’s why I hate today’s generation they ruin everyone’s life along with their’s but I’m from Gen Z I’m actually younger than his younger brother it’s just that they are always like that, they have no pressure or expectations. I poured lots of love in that letter for this part but he hated me and then he had that stage show with her which broke my heart and I never gave it and my mother also was about to hit me again cuz she secretly read that (it had nothing which could’ve made her that livid or furious not even like a proper I love you or anything) she just said “Stop trying to look great or good” I saw the Devil’s numbers so I’m guessing it was him you had read my mind when I was telling myself that it was all wrong, I shouldn’t have ever tried being ideal for someone like that when he was already well off or rich or good looking he never needed love like me that’s why he never even understood anything, I don’t know why his house looked like that or if like ppl say Gujjus actually hide money but it was all deceptive, he was already too good he never needed love he was in a way better position. I kept saying I should’ve enjoyed and loved my life instead of getting bed ridden and cutting down everything, living on that bare minimum stuff c’mon… he showed a quote which had the exact same emotions and it was talking about all this too.

Then there were more quotes again with my thoughts but with answers this time - As a piece of advice *clears throat* the Devil’s like “Times change, we change, our choices change too… maybe you should just live out your dreams now” the background images everything all the signs suggested/reminded me of the rest of the stuff, let’s say he wants some tv actress to make those stupid immature dance reels (remember what had happened last time right? Two of them in their 40s made a misogynistic video where he was liye talk throwing her around and getting abusive and for some reason that was supposed to be funny and then that guy that “actor” he actually slammed her head against the wall in real life cuz he was having an affair) the fortune telling app said he wants someone “talented” to make those reels and earn money ummm seriously? You are going to hold auditions and another Swayamvar for this? You actually need talent for such stupid ass videos? Really? 😂🤣🤣🤣 He reminded me of my dreams (ironically the Devil not him) and he’s right here so if he is “rejecting” me for these reels like overage teenagers then even I will say - I want some NRI who stays abroad and who will take me away from all this (I gave examples of so many famous celebrities from MY age group all these ppl making videos are older, those celebs they don’t do all this and even if they do it cuz it’s a fad now it’s shot on blurry pixelated quality for fun not money and some of them they take all those cute casual pics and use Instagram like a digital album like some of our Indian Bollywood celebs and that’s it, they don’t turn this into a career that too most of it is just for attention) so yeah he’s right if he’s rejecting me for that especially after I’ve become conscious I don’t even look good so yeah I’m not suitable for the camera I have become agoraphobic I haven’t left my room since 2017 I’ve become bed ridden and he is still thinking selfishly about his own life then I also want a rescuer an actual hero who will take me abroad because why is he even staying India? Just got fame right? You hardly get anything here, we needed something for our living room and bathroom some important fixtures and even there there’s literally no choice or even proper functionality. If you see the state of our roads or the air quality outside you’ll literally feel like shifting there… it’s getting worse day by day, we hardly get any quality product here, prices are getting hiked and unlike abroad there are no alternatives, I keep getting cheap ads from “homegrown businesses” in India who are busy making Sx toys, the land of superficial Kama sutra and Chappis or pervs what else do you expect? Indians don’t need beautiful cosy homes or designer spaces (that too in a budget) or other things such as good quality food or air or any kind of consumption like that cuz they are only good at fcking and having kids. Our population shows that there are literally no brains here… my head is paining.

My mother would never believe or support me when I would say I’m always about to face molestation in the school bus cuz I’m my stop was last and I would be the only girl left everyday I would force myself to somehow keep away my head wud keep banging against the window cuz I would get drowsy, they (driver and cleaner) didn’t even spare a KG toddler, I eventually took things into my own hand and the cleaner’s frustration was evident that day and when I grew up I saw smother school bus’s driver ogling me (when I was a teenager) in my car, I immediately looked behind to see if they were being accompanied by a teacher cuz that was a new rule but the teacher was sitting obliviously completely ignorant to that in her own sweet world… (Jamnabai Bus) another toddler’s case came on tv that year where they parents had paid 10k for her picnic where she was raped and the teacher kept threatening and manipulating and raping her repeatedly he was a sad case my hands are again I’ve cold I had to mention all that this is one more reason why I don’t want kids anymore and this country it’s unlivable. I can’t stay here. All my school friends are married to NRIs, and I don’t want to stay here either… in fact considering my thoughts and everything I should’ve been the first to move. All my school friends would think I was from there… Someone had even told me that I was too sophisticated to be here when it saw my old website (I don’t have it now) he was surprised it was made in India. We asked about the bathroom hardware btw, I just received a response and as guessed they’ve shifted everything to exports inspite being an Indian brand, all the good stuff is reserved for Dubai and other places… people who don’t deserve to be there (cheap bimbos) have already shifted, for me I just fell short of the mark because of my looks ur complexion I don’t know what to blame. Look at these beautiful velvety chenille cushions with all those intricate designs (traditional + Aztec) I have studied all this on my own… you don’t get this stuff in India btw, we get nothing here.

I somehow got those items, it’s me Zara after all I can’t keep something ugly or bad in that bathroom, there has to be congruity like everything else I’m always in sync with the universe. We felt like thieves though to buy things made in Rajasthan as if it was all smuggled. In India girls develop a defence mechanism from an early age, it might sound like really dreary and lascivious if I’ll keep bringing up this topic but in this particular article I feel like I’ll have to discuss it not explicitly but I’ll have to make you understand why as girls or more precisely as ineligible (darker toned females who don’t have a rich father to buy a bridegroom for her, who won’t be able to afford any dowry you might think times have changed BUT I literally heard someone in my own family shouting and saying “My best friend’s girl has several hotels at her name her father is a business tycoon and look at me I can’t woo anyone like that, where am I? Uske gf ke baap ki itni saari hotelein hai dekho and wht about me?” He doesn’t even want to get married. That same gf was so weird she had a deviant personality she locked him from outside while they were on a trip God knows for what reason and kept him under lock and key. He woke up locked in that room.

We deal with lecherous men from the age of 10-11 and all these educated men who are supposed to take care of us are feeding us to the wolves I wanted someone of my caliber to talk to who would understand my thoughts, who would’ve able to keep up with me and my conversations someone who himself is fathomable and not some illiterate incoherent cheap vulgar man like that creep from Bhopal YET I WAS FORCED to talk to him, they left me with no choice until I blocked him and he kept coming and harassing me, he was a perv and you know his story. Is that not FORCE? In fact it’s all UNFAIR it’s the other way round… I have dealt with married creepy ugly men touching me by taking advantage of the crowd on school trips - we feel molested and exploited we feel like killing ourselves, and when a girl gets rejected for no reason she didn’t even like got chance to probably get liked for her personality or other things (we put make more efforts than all those good looking fair rich girls hoping we’ll get chosen by someone or the other) but at the end we get rejected not only for love or CARE, (every girl’s fav word) but also for emotional, financial and physical security, we are deprived of that too. We can’t depend on our old parents when we are surrounded by so many pervs who are getting further encouraged by INTERNET. Now all the pseudo feminists will be like - “You can’t learn Judo Karate (some of us have certain illnesses and unfortunately the ones triggered by stress are skyrocketing amongst girls that too chronic destabilising ones like Lupus (systematic disorder) Fibromyalgia, Hashimoto’s syndrome, Neurasthénia which I got after fibro due to cov & 5th Mar stress ) They will say “You can’t learn kick boxing? Karate? Pork chop? Use pepper spray…?” At the risk of what? Incurring their wrath & getting acid thrown at our face? “You can’t ask for a raise?” They sometimes pay more to men cuz they are the sole bread winners in some families and at times single girls and boys BOTH are given a smaller paycheck. There are places where they do add more zeroes for men but even after bringing up that topic things haven’t changed for us… next “Why can’t you work during your pregnancy why take a maternity leave? You are a woman we are strong invincible we don’t need that, how old fashioned? Why take an epidural? Why Caesarean? Why can’t you juggle work life and kids both? Why have children? Too primitive? Why can’t you have kids? Too ambitious? (Well there are several other reasons) Why be a homemaker? Why become a working girl? Be modern we don’t work 9 to 5… Why can’t you just party, booze and smoke and then grow your own weed, sell it & become an entrepreneur… like a female Pablo Picasso… why can’t you? Is it only for men?” All these pseudo feminists will immediately ask these things, the moment you talk about being deprived of emotional, physical or financial security which is like the need of the hour right now for females they’ll start asking such nonsensical questions that you’ll feel like pulling a trigger in your mouth instead of answering them. But what I meant to say is that is what rejection is for us. We have no hope left and our future becomes uncertain and scary. Speaking of wanting to move somewhere abroad… I would’ve probably stayed back if I had someone here, you stay for people you love… I have no one to keep me here, they actually all want me to die they are waiting for that. No one cares about my life or me…

Considering everything that I had to hear… (my head is paining so please ignore all the errors/typos) and how people have behaved with me especially him and my mother, I don’t want that forcer chaser tag anymore so if you are ready to accept me only then you can approach or if you want be friends then I’m also cool with that but don’t be fickle like him, if you are not sure then either stay away or be honest… if you don’t want me but still want to be around and if you are okay with risking your integrity although I’m very good at keeping secrets then we can have a half open marriage like I had suggested earlier. I had written all this long ago…

Girls like me who are considered “untalkable” can only dream of a platonic relationship… in my dreams sometimes I have someone by my side holding my hand when I feel like I’m dying during those convulsions or tremors and violent jerking/twitching throughout my body, I get wheezing too and even my heart muscles go through that; having said that in real life it involves romantic feelings minus intimacy and it’s unimaginable to think that someone would like us, we can use the other house mates alternative which again considering how he has made me… ugly and all and how much my mother hates having me around, I feel it would be difficult for someone to put up with me in the same environment, she keeps praying for my death cuz she “cannot stand me” (just like the guy I loved the most) and ego would want to hang around? I always wanted to be with him, watch TV, shop together, put my arm around his neck, talk, do fun things like sharing those interesting or unbelievable bizarre stories (well I have a lot now) build our home, decorate it and spend our life together, now that life is gone along with 8-10 years of my youth, I could never be with him. When they create characters like us on screen they show us like psychos, one sided forcers, they do cover these things like watching tv or preparing breakfast but we are still shown as some creep who is forcing someone to be around & craving for their presence, fighting for their time and attention. They depict us like those psychos and we end up feeling more scared 😱 hence we never talk about this. Speaking of mutualism, well maximum of these stories start off as not only mutual but also with loads of attention from the opposite side, they lure you and then humiliate. Also, who would want to watch TV with me? I can crack jokes and make you laugh if you want to be House Mates, you won’t get bored and if you aren’t like my mother then you’ll even get used to my appearance and it won’t bother you after some time. Platonic is where you can watch movies or tv together, as house mates we can use the living area as a common room apart from that we will have our own space where we can stay separately, My head is paining a lot and I have a lot of fever so I’m gonna continue the funny story tomorrow…

Gn Zara Sauleh

Coincidences - www.lilacnights.com/post/stupid-cupid

My Dream Life 👇🏻

Just so you know… this is My Dream Life. This is what I want, a warm cosy home, sunsets by the lake, Amsterdam canals & rivers, round windows, quaint little shops, egrets & ducks, some puppies, warm amber lights, 90s vibes, freshly baked viennoiseries 🥐 and love + a little bit of tranquility. Credit for videos - | utrechtalive | & | elbgestoeber | (couldn’t tag cuz I’ve seen some bloggers asking ppl to take down their videos so didn’t want to tag them I have added their usernames)

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