#taevld

[vldeunyoung]

If there was one clothing brand you could work with, who would it be and why?

“bottega veneta. what other brand did you expect me to pick apart from my favourite clothing brand? you’re one funny person if you think that i’d choose anything else than bottega veneta.” 

[vldjungwon]

. danger danger

@taevld

debuting with honestly more stressful than he thought it was going to be. he had thought that it would be like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, and in a way it was, but then there was all the added stress which came with it. worrying about the packed schedules of music show performances and filming other videos for promotional purposes. struggling to get a sleep longer than 3 hours before you had to get up and start all over again, the worries niggling at the back of his head that he was letting the team down. after nine years of struggling as a trainee, you would think finally getting debut would have at least made him feel marginally better about things. 

though 4am had only made their debut a couple of weeks ago (man, time really did fly when you were busy), he did have to set his mind on another individual who would be going through all he was in a short while. 

“so,” he smiled at the younger kmg trainee, holding out the iced coffee towards him, having managed to grab about an hour to catch up before he had to be running off to another practice. oh yes, even though they were in the middle of promotions you could never get in enough practice. “how are you holding up? your debut is coming up soon, yeah? you... doing okay?” jungwon knew it was like, the pressure starting to built, the anxiety that you weren’t ready yet, all the worries that everything was going to fall through out of nowhere, that you would flop, that no one would even care about your group. so he hoped he might be able to give the younger male a bit of a confidence boost as someone who was in the same shoes only weeks ago. 

[noahvld]

not being the only member in kostion to seemingly constantly crave physical affection was nice, especially when words failed him. the members had spent the last little while watching taewoo’s emotional roller coaster and, even though a part of noah was still worried about the leader, he wasn’t sure how to voice that. instead of trying to find the right words, noah did what he did best — plopped himself down on taewoo’s bed and cuddled up against him, silently watching him play.

“hyung.” he broke the silence softly, turning his head slightly to look up at the blue haired man. taewoo meant the world to noah and it showed, even just in the way he looked at him. “are you just going to stay in bed all day?” not that he was complaining — if anyone deserved a break, it was the leader. if he did, noah would happily stay by his side, offering silent companionship. “have you eaten? i can order, uh... chicken.” he finished in italian, not bothering to scratch his brain for the proper word, especially in a casual setting like this. ( @taevld​ )

[sebinvld]

kostion’s dorm  — tae & sebin’s room with @taevld. early august, 2020. noon. 

jung sebin was in no way a handyman. there were many things that contributed to this — his inability to follow directions, his immediate desire to give up on anything that proved to be difficult and his overwhelming belief that everyone else on planet earth is wrong and only he is right (even on matters that he knows nothing about) just to name a few. he wasn’t sure that taewoo would be any more proficient than he was, but he figured that the leader was his best bet and even though he wouldn’t admit it, he really did want to get the storage cabinet (or whatever the hell it was) built. not that they needed any more storage; it’s just that it was a gift from seyeon—the first one he’d received in years—and maybe he was really happy about it or whatever.

at least, he had been. but now, staring at the rather intimidating array of unassembled pieces and the minimalistic instructional guide, he felt a little sick. “so, uh... i bought wood glue. i don’t think we have to use it, but i heard that ikea furniture isn’t really stable and a bunch of people online said that it’s a good way to make sure it doesn’t fall apart. not that i... think it would fall apart.” sighing heavily, he knelt on the floor and set the tube of glue down near the pieces. in retrospect, maybe he should’ve bought more.

“is this even worth it? should we do this or should i just take this back? i have the receipt.”

[minkyuvld]

hello my loves ! i will be phasing out event replies in favor if the plot drop. i’ve plot with some of you but not most just yet, so please like this if you’d like me to jump into your ims/dms for a plot drop thread ! if you don’t know, i also play taewoo/taevld, hyunsik/hyunsikvld and bandit/banditvld. also, please let me know if there’s an event thread you’d like to keep and i’ll make sure i still reply to it (:

[vldeunyoung]

How well do you deal with crowds and attention on you?

“what do you mean deal with the crowds and attention on me? its not as if its a crime for them not to notice me. in contrary, i think its much of a crime for them to notice me. after all, i fucking shine. i want that attention. it drives me and anchors me. get that into your head and nothing otherwise.” 

[vldeunyoung]

If you could splurge on one new piece of clothing, what would it be and why?

“gosh, you don’t know how much i want a isabel marent suede mini dress. it would have been so much better if it wasn’t suede and was just satin. imagine how much that would fit smoothly against my perfect skin. that’s the only purpose that clothes should ever have, the very purpose of making those that wear them even more terrifying in terms of beauty.”

[noahvld]

     officialkostion  who falls asleep while eating gummies?? only best leader does. #noah

@taevld

[sebinvld]

“dark side, i search for your dark side, but what if i’m alright right here? i cut off my nose just to spite my face, then i hate my reflection for years & years.”

tl;dr:  sebin puts his feelings on paper. featuring:  @taevld​, @vldgeonwoo​, @ryunhovld​, @vldhyunjun​. wc:  1,953.

the simple truth: sebin is an inconvenience.

it isn’t something that very many people have outright told him, but it’s a conclusion that he can easily come to on his own. his impulsive actions and persistent enmity always come back around to hurt not only him, but those closest to him, too; he has a hard time controlling himself, and because of it, everyone suffers. 

and someone who makes others suffer definitely isn’t convenient to have around.

but as self-aware as sebin is, the awareness isn’t enough to silence the monster that makes apologizing so hard — pride. to apologize means to admit that you’ve done something wrong, and to admit that you’ve done wrong means that you’ll have to try to be better. sebin doesn’t want to try. maybe he would’ve wanted to try years ago, but not now. he’s grown into his sardonic persona; it’s comfortable for him, safe.

unfortunately, comfort doesn’t erase guilt, and sebin is just as susceptible to guilt as anyone else is. it’s because he tries to mute the guilt that it stings so intensely; especially late at night, when he’s trying to sleep. it becomes an acid that eats away his insides, making him feel rotten and empty.

it’s the reason why he’s still awake right now: the digital clock on his desk tells him that it’s a little after 4am, and he knows that he shouldn’t be awake. his body knows it, too, because his eyes keep closing in somnolence. but he refuses to give in because for the first time in years, he’s attempting to do something that’s never been easy for him: express his feelings.

he’s been trying for hours now, and all he has to show for it is a trashbin full of crumpled pages, ink stains on the side of his left hand, and one lousy phrase.

                    FOR HYUNJUN.

he had thought that this would be easy. starting out small. the members of danger are far from being the only people he’s ever done wrong, and admittedly, he hasn’t been half as cruel to them as he’s been to some others, so he doesn’t have near as many things to apologize for. but maybe it isn’t even the apologies that are making this so hard. he doesn’t want to leave it at just apologies, he wants to show his gratitude for them, too, and that’s something that might be even harder for him than apologizing.

he isn’t sure why.

if you care about someone, you should let them know before it’s too late, and sebin constantly feels like he’s running out of time. not because of any real time constraints, considering how many years of their lives they’ll be spending together and have already spent together, but because he has a tendency to push his luck, and no one has a bottomless well of patience.

the sun doesn’t have patience either, and sebin knows that if he doesn’t get these letters written soon, the daylight will steal his time and he’ll never get them written at all. so, he puts his pen down to crack his knuckles, picks it back up, and then starts writing again.

                    FOR HYUNJUN.

the most dedicated person i know.

i’m sorry for making fun of your anime collection. i know that part of friendship is making fun of each other, but i always go too far, and i don’t really know why i do that. i don’t really want to hurt your feelings, but it seems like that’s what i aim for, huh? i’m going to try to stop doing that.

i think it’s really cool that you’re so dedicated to it. you must be really passionate about it, and i can’t even imagine what it’s like to be so into something. maybe that’s why i feel obligated to make fun of you for it. because i don’t know what it’s like.

anyway, i’d like it if you could send me a list of animes to watch. i can’t promise that i’ll actually watch them, but i’ll give it a shot. maybe then we can have something to talk about.

i know it’s been years now, but i don’t think i’ve ever apologized for the way that i treated you when we first met and the way that i still am sometimes. i’m sorry.

you’re a very warm person, hyunjun. i respect you a lot, even though it doesn’t always seem like it. i’m glad to spend my youth with someone like you.

one letter written. it’s brief, but it says everything that sebin wants to say—everything he can think of in the moment, at least—and besides, it’s better than the blank page that he’d had before. if he thinks of anything else that he wants to say later on, it’s not like he can’t write another letter.

he opens the left drawer of the desk, grabbing a roll of tape and the kakao friends keychains he’d bought. they aren’t anything special, but he hadn’t wanted to spend a lot of money on a plan that he might not even follow through with. plus, even though they had been cheap, they do all remind sebin of his members, in some way or another.

he folds up the letter and attaches it to the keychain of ryan with a piece of tape, then rips another piece of paper from his notebook and begins the next letter.

                    FOR TAEWOO.

the most patient person i know.

your patience used to irritate me, to be honest. but i’m sure you know that already. but i’ve grown to respect it a lot.

i wasn’t always kind to you, and i’m still not. i’m sorry for all of the times that i’ve lashed out. i’m sorry for all of the times that i’ve made you feel annoying. you aren’t annoying!!! read that, and then read it again. lock it into your brain. i know how terrible it is to feel annoying, and i want you to know that you aren’t.

thank you for being kind to me when i don’t deserve it and thank you for believing in me when i find it hard to believe in myself. you’ve made the past few years so much easier than they would’ve otherwise been. i could never thank you enough for that.

oh, and thank you for making me laugh. they say laughter is the best medicine, so i feel pretty lucky to have you around.

i think you might be the nicest person i know. i admire your kindness and i hope that i can learn from it in time. the idea of debuting doesn’t seem so terrible since it’s with someone like you.

the second letter is finished and for a second, sebin lets himself feel happy about it. but then he glances towards the window and sees the sky changing from black into medium blue — the sun is beginning to rise. he guesses that he could skip his morning run to finish the letters, but he doesn’t want to. sighing, he grabs the keychain of tube and quickly attaches the folded up letter to it.

immediately, he has his pen in his hand again and he’s writing—trying to, at least, but he finds that all of a sudden, it doesn’t want to write. he scribbles harshly in the upper corner of the paper, to no avail. he’s just about to search for another pen when he realizes the cap is on it. that’s the only reason it hasn’t been writing. “fucking idiot,” he mutters passively, removing the cap.

                    FOR RYUNHO.

the funniest person i know.

i just want to say thank you for every single night you’ve ever spent with me. i love our convenience store trips, late night adventures and ridiculous conversations more than you could ever know.

before i met you, i didn’t really know much about friendship. it’s not like i didn’t have friends before, but i never had any that i was particularly close to. i guess the situation that we’re in is what made us so close, and as much as i hate training, i’m glad that it made our paths cross.

i’m really proud of you. you’re one of the coolest people i know (even though you’re a fucking nerd), and i can’t wait to brag about you to anyone who will listen. god knows you won’t brag about yourself, you humble little goblin, you.

i think you and i are on the same wavelength. i’ve always felt far away from other people, but not from you. thank!!! you!!! for being you!!!

my attitude’s kinda terrible sometimes, and i’m sorry for any of the times that you’ve had to witness it (or were a victim of it). i’m going to try to be better.

i’m so excited to debut with you!!!! life is a highway and i’m glad we’re in the same car.

he isn’t sure when it started, but he realizes that he’s crying when one of his tears slips from his cheek and onto the paper. he tries to dab it away, but it smears the last word. “are you fucking kidding me?” he huffs under his breath, scratching the word out completely and rewriting it after the horrible blob of mess. he raises one hand to rub his eyelids in hopes of ending the tears at once, then folds the letter and attaches it to a keychain of muzi.

only one more to go. undoubtedly, it’ll be the most difficult to write.

                    FOR GEONWOO.

the hardest-working person i know.

i know we’ve never gotten along, and although all the blame doesn’t belong to me, i know that a lot of it does. i’ve always been harsh towards you. i’m sorry.

i know that you probably won’t believe it. you might even think that i’m joking. but i know that the way i treat you isn’t fair, and i know that it must be difficult to deal with since you’re trying to chase a dream. you shouldn’t have to share a dream with someone who makes things so difficult.

i think it’s really cool that you worked so hard to get to where you are. you have a lot of dedication, geonwoo, and that dedication will get you so far in life. i know it will.

i want you to know that i don’t really think that you’re a nobody. maybe what i think means nothing to you, but you’re just as good as any of us. i’m not embarrassed to share a stage with you.

i’d like to say that the future will be easier for us, but i can’t promise that. i want to be completely honest in this letter, so all i can say with certainty is that i am sorry.

i’m looking forward to seeing who you become in the future.

just as he writes the last letter, he realizes that the sun is almost completely up. luckily, it’s still early enough that he can go for his run and be back by the time that the others are waking up (maybe a little after), but he’s still shocked that he spent the entire night working on these letters. what a joke.

he attaches geonwoo’s letter to a keychain of apeach, then stands up for the first time in hours. he leaves taewoo’s letter on the desk in their room, then takes the others and slips them carefully under the doors of the other members’ rooms.

he tries not to overthink the decision — before he can, he goes to get ready for his run and leaves, only hoping that the letters will be read before he returns so that he doesn’t have to feel the embarrassment firsthand.