#t-shirt says ‘all i do in my life is disappoint people around me on a daily basis’

[kan-be]

Hey! Love your art! I’m curious, where are you from? You just said ‘not France’ XD

hello! thank u 💕 I’m pretty sure i’ve mentioned it somewhere before but here is my country 😇

[musicforastylesrestaurant]

Sky High.

(pilot!harry x airhostess!yn)

masterlist || ask me anything <3

my blurb masterlist is here x

in which, your an airhostess for british airways, and harry’s been a pilot for british airways for the last four years, and your both working on the same a380 to the big apple.

word count - 2.8k

"So, which lucky city are you off to today?"

Cabin crew had always been a passion of yours since you were a child.

When you were young, you used to adore gazing at the impeccably dressed flight attendants as they moved gracefully through the aisles of the plane. That longing to be among them, to embody the essence of professionalism and hospitality, never wavered, even as you grew older.

So when you turned eighteen, and were fresh out of college, you signed up for flight attendant school and not once have you looked back.

The course took ten weeks and they were the best of your life, because at the end of it, you gained your wings and was ready to fly.

That was when you met Samia, your bestest friend, the two of you were in the same cabin crew training classes and had practically been inseparable ever since, it was a friendship that was made to last.

You and Samia make your way through the bustling terminal of Manchester Airport, where families were executed to finally have a nice holiday that they had waited all year for and people who were solo-travellers ready to embark on a boring old work trip.

With a grin, you respond, "New York, simply feels like forever since I’ve been there.”

Samia feigns a dramatic sigh, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "Ugh, why do you get all the fun flights? I'm just headed to Dublin."

You chuckle at her mock disappointment. "Hey, Dublin's pretty great too!”

She rolls her eyes playfully. "I guess you're right. But next time, I'm definitely snagging that New York flight!"

You nudge her teasingly. "Deal!

As you and Samia continue your leisurely stroll through the bustling terminal of Manchester Airport, she suddenly stops in her tracks, a perplexed expression crossing her face.

"Wait, did you say you're heading to New York?" she asks, a hint of disbelief in her voice.

You nod in confirmation, a smile playing on your lips. "Yeah, I've got a three-day layover there before heading back. Why? What's up?"

Samia's eyes light up mischievously as she leans in closer. "You know who the pilot is, right?"

You shake your head, curious about her sudden intrigue. "No, who is it?"

With a smug look on her face, Samia leans back, relishing the moment before dropping the bombshell.

"Captain Styles," she says, her voice laced with amusement.

Just like that, your eyes widen.

The dim lights of the party cast a warm glow over the room as chatter and laughter filled the air. You stood at the bar, holding an almost empty drink, observing the festivities around you. It was a celebration for the graduating pilots and cabin crew, and the excitement was palpable.

Suddenly, a voice broke through the noise, and you turned to see a handsome young man approaching you. His brunette hair had a slight curl to it, and he wore an open t-shirt with only the bottom buttons done up, showcasing his tattoos along his chest and right arm. He flashed you a charming smile that set your heart racing.

"Hey," he said, his voice smooth and confident. "M’Harry. Can I get you another drink?"

His flirty demeanor caught you off guard, but you couldn't help but be intrigued by his confidence and his striking appearance.

With a smile, you accepted his offer. "Sure, that would be great. Thanks."

As he ordered the drinks, Harry leaned in closer, his playful banter making your heart flutter. "So, what brings you to this party? Celebrating y’graduation as well?"

You nodded, feeling a rush of excitement at his attention. "Yeah, I just finished my cabin crew training. It's been quite the journey."

Harry nodded, his gaze lingering on you. "Well, congratulations. Y’must be excited to start flying high."

You chuckled at his pun, feeling a warmth spreading through you at his flirtatious remarks. "Thanks. And what about you? Are you one of the graduating pilots?"

He grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Guilty as charged. But tonight, M’more interested in getting to know you."

As the night wore on, the energy of the party only seemed to intensify, fueled by the pulsating rhythm of the music and the electric chemistry between you and Harry.

With each exchange, the attraction between you grew stronger, igniting a fiery passion that neither of you could ignore.

Before you knew it, the party had come to an end, and Harry suggested continuing the festivities at his place. Eager for more time together, you eagerly agreed, your heart racing with anticipation as you made your way to his doorstep.

As Harry fumbled with his keys, his lips found yours in a heated kiss, igniting a firestorm of desire that burned hotter with each passing second. The world around you faded away as you lost yourself in the intoxicating embrace, the hunger for each other driving you forward.

Finally, the door swung open, and Harry pulled you inside, the heat between you reaching a fever pitch. With a sense of urgency, you stumbled into his apartment, the desire to be close to him consuming every fiber of your being.

And as the door closed behind you, the outside world ceased to exist, leaving only the two of you entwined in a passionate embrace, lost in a whirlwind of desire and longing.

As you approach your gate, you come to a halt, a wave of anticipation washing over you. Turning to Samia, you give her a final hug, the warmth of her embrace a soothing balm to your frayed nerves.

"I'll see you soon," you say, your voice tinged with both longing and determination.

Samia returns the hug with equal fervor, her support unwavering.

"Text me when you land, just so i know that you got there safely." she tells you you, her words a comforting reminder of your shared journey and the strength you draw from each other.

"Take care up there, and don't forget to enjoy New York," she says, her voice tinged with a hint of excitement. “You deserve it.”

During the embrace, your gaze drifts past Samia, and that's when you spot him. Captain Styles, striding confidently towards the gate, his navy blue pilot uniform impeccable, a pair of sunglasses shielding his eyes from the fluorescent airport lights.

The women around him stare in awe, admiration evident in their eyes as they admire his striking looks and commanding presence.

As Captain Styles catches your eye amidst the throng of admirers, a smirk tugs at the corners of his lips, sending a shiver down your spine.

You swallow harshly, feeling a sudden rush of nerves at his knowing gaze, his presence commanding attention even in the midst of the bustling airport terminal.

As you bid farewell to Samia and take a step towards the bridge leading to the plane, your heart pounds with a mixture of excitement and nervous anticipation.

Captain Styles stands nearby, engrossed in conversation with the gate control personnel, his commanding presence unmistakable even from a distance.

As you approach the bridge, you catch Captain Styles' eye, and he immediately breaks off his conversation, his gaze fixed on you as he strides towards you with purpose.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't m’favorite cabin crew member," he says with a playful grin, his tone laced with flirtation.

You can't help but return his smile, the familiar spark between you reigniting with each step closer.

Ever since that night you spent together four years ago, the two of you have sort of started an arrangement, when one of you needs the other your there and vice versa.

But your feelings grew above just meaningless hookups.

His as far as you were concerned didn’t.

"Captain Styles, always a pleasure," you reply, your voice tinged with a hint of amusement.

He falls into step beside you, his presence magnetic as he matches your stride.

"So, headed to the Big Apple, are we?" he asks, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

You nod, a surge of excitement coursing through you at the prospect of flying to New York with Captain Styles as your pilot.

"Yep, three days of layover in the city that never sleeps," you say, unable to contain your enthusiasm.

Captain Styles chuckles, his charm on full display as he leans in closer, his voice low and intimate.

"Well, if you need a tour guide while you're there, y’know where t’find me," he says with a wink, his flirtatious demeanor sending a thrill down your spine.

You play along, matching his flirtatious energy with a playful smirk of your own.

"I might just take you up on that offer," you tease, the familiarity between you sparking with every word exchanged.

As you reach the entrance to the bridge, Captain Styles stops, his gaze lingering on you with a mix of intensity and longing.

"Until we meet again, m’cloud member," he says, his voice husky with promise.

You meet his gaze, the unspoken understanding between you hanging heavy in the air.

"Until next time," you reply, your heart racing with anticipation as you step onto the bridge and make your way towards the plane.

Standing at the entrance of the plane, you greet passengers with a warm smile as they board, checking their tickets with practiced efficiency.

Beside you stands Suzie, a petite blonde cabin crew member from France, her cheerful demeanor adding to the welcoming atmosphere of the aircraft.

"Bonjour! Welcome aboard," Suzie chirps in her melodious French accent, her eyes sparkling with genuine hospitality as she assists passengers with their carry-on luggage.

You nod in agreement, echoing her sentiments with a friendly greeting of your own.

"Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen. If you could please have your tickets ready, we'll get you settled in no time," you say, your voice projecting confidence and professionalism.

As passengers file past, you and Suzie work in tandem, ensuring a smooth and efficient boarding process. You exchange glances and quick smiles as you assist travelers with finding their seats and stowing their belongings in the overhead compartments.

"Next please," you say, gesturing for the next passenger to approach, your attention fully focused on providing top-notch service to everyone boarding the aircraft.

Suzie chimes in, her cheerful demeanor infectious as she assists an elderly couple with finding their seats.

"Right this way, monsieur et madame. Allow me to help you with your bags," she says, her gentle touch earning her grateful smiles from the passengers.

As the last few passengers board the plane, you and Suzie share a brief moment of camaraderie, a silent acknowledgment of a job well done.

As the final passengers settle into their seats and fasten their seatbelts, you and the rest of the cabin crew begin to make your way down the aisle, ensuring that everyone is safely secured for takeoff. With practiced ease, you exchange reassuring smiles and nods with passengers as you pass, checking seatbelts and offering assistance where needed.

Once you confirm that all passengers are securely strapped in, you make your way to the front of the cabin, ready to perform the mandatory safety demonstration. Standing in the aisle, you and the other cabin crew members demonstrate the proper use of seatbelts, oxygen masks, and life vests, your movements fluid and precise as you emphasize the importance of safety during the flight.

As the plane taxis towards the runway, you continue the safety demonstration, pointing out the locations of emergency exits and demonstrating the brace position in case of an emergency landing. Your voice is calm and reassuring, your demeanor projecting confidence and competence to the passengers seated before you.

Three hours into the flight, you find yourself in the crew mess area, diligently preparing warm nuts for the passengers as part of the in-flight service. The gentle hum of the aircraft fills the air, a comforting backdrop to the routine tasks at hand.

Suddenly, the sound of the call button interrupts the steady rhythm, prompting you to glance up from your task.

With a quick exchange of glances with your fellow cabin crew members, you make your way towards the source of the signal, ready to assist the passenger in need.

Approaching the row where the call button was activated, you find a mother and her little girl, the child looking pale and visibly uncomfortable.

Concern washes over you as you inquire, "Is everything okay? How can I assist you?"

The mother looks relieved at your arrival, her voice tinged with urgency. "My daughter isn't feeling well. Do you have a sick bag?"

You nod empathetically, understanding the urgency of the situation.

"Of course, let me grab one for you right away," you assure her, before swiftly making your way back to the crew mess to retrieve a sick bag.

Returning to the passenger's row with the sick bag in hand, you offer it to the mother with a sympathetic smile.

"Here you go. I hope this helps. Is there anything else I can do to assist you and your daughter?"

The mother gratefully accepts the sick bag, her expression conveying a mix of relief and gratitude.

"Thank you so much. This should do the trick. We'll let you know if we need anything else," she says, her voice soft with appreciation.

You nod, reassuring her that you're available should they require any further assistance.

Just under four hours into the flight, you find yourself tasked with delivering the pre-ordered meals to the cockpit crew. Carrying a tray with their dinner selections, you make your way to the front of the aircraft, where the cockpit door awaits.

Taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, you knock lightly on the door before pushing it open, revealing the familiar sight of Captain Harry and First Officer Max at the controls.

"Dinner delivery," you announce with a smile, stepping into the cockpit.

Harry looks up from the control panel, his eyes lighting up as he sees you. "Ah, if it isn’t the queen of the clouds herself," he says, his tone playful yet subtly flirtatious.

Suppressing a smile, you approach him with the tray, presenting him with his sushi and a glass of apple juice.

"Here you go, Captain Styles. Enjoy your meal," you say, your voice steady despite the flutter of excitement in your chest.

You bend down in front of the captain, knowing that it will simply drive him crazy, and because we’ll….your a little tease, your skirt isn’t that short, because it’s not aloud to be but it certainly does the trick, because you softly hear him take a small intake of breath which has you trying to surpress your smile.

You then stand back to a normal height and give the first officer his choice of food for the night.

Max looks up from his own console, offering you a polite nod of acknowledgment.

"Thank you," he says, his tone professional as he accepts his lasagna and a glass of milk.

You return his nod with a polite smile, acknowledging his presence before turning your attention back to Harry.

"Is there anything else I can assist you with, Captain?" you inquire, trying to keep the conversation light and professional despite the underlying tension between you.

Harry's gaze lingers on you for a moment longer than necessary, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I don’t think there is no." he replies, his tone teasing yet filled with underlying sincerity.

As you turn to leave the cockpit, you catch Harry's gaze and offer a sheepish smile.

"I should probably go wash my hands," you say, feeling a sudden need to break the tension in the air.

Harry chuckles softly, his eyes crinkling with amusement.

"Of course, can't have our cabin crew getting their hands dirty," he teases, his tone light yet tinged with a hint of flirtation.

You laugh along with him, grateful for the playful banter that eases the atmosphere.

"Exactly," you reply, eager to retreat from the intimate confines of the cockpit before things become too heated.

You make your way towards the bathroom as you had initially intended. Pushing open the door, you step inside, grateful for the momentary solitude the confined space offers.

Turning on the tap, you let the water flow over your hands, the cool sensation refreshing as you lather them with soap. With practiced efficiency, you scrub your hands clean, ensuring every trace of dirt and germs is washed away.

Once satisfied with the cleanliness of your hands, you rinse off the soap and reach for a paper towel to dry them.

As you pat your hands dry, you take a moment to glance at your reflection in the mirror, adjusting your uniform and smoothing down any stray hairs that may have escaped your notice.

As you are preparing to leave the bathroom, the sound of the door opening behind you catches your attention, causing a slight flutter of nerves to rise in your stomach.

Without turning around, you sense someone entering the small space, their presence filling the air with an unspoken tension.

Gulping nervously, you finally muster the courage to turn and make eye contact with the newcomer.

The sight of the familiar uniform and the commanding aura that surrounds them leaves you momentarily speechless, your heart pounding in your chest.

You swallow heavily.

“Hello, Captain.”

[mattitties]

Boyfriend, pt 3 - matt sturniolo

smutty smut smut!

part 1 part 2

“How was the date?” my roommate asks as I go into her room.

All I can do is smile. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy in my life. “I love him,” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh jesus. Okay, come sit, tell me everything.” 

I sit on her bed and recount the whole night, from him picking me up at the door, to listening to Taylor Swift with me, to me never feeling a moment of awkwardness, and finally, to him kissing me outside the apartment. “Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a boyfriend so any ounce of actual romantic attention is a dream come true but I genuinely think he’s perfect for me,” I tell her.

“He does sound pretty perfect for you…”

“See!”

“But slow ya roll! Take it easy, just don’t rush into anything.” I nod in agreement. I know that there’s still so much to learn about him, but I just feel like I already trust him with my life. It takes me a long time to feel truly comfortable with anyone, but there’s just something about him that makes me feel like I’ve known him forever.

I wake up the next morning later than usual, and to my surprise, I already have a text from him. 

Good morning! I had a lot of fun last night :) 

I’m about to respond when another text comes through.

Would u wanna grab lunch today? I can pick u up again

I smile to myself and start typing.

good morning!! i had fun too, and i would love to get lunch! what time?

I can get you around 2?

sounds good see you then 😁

I look at the time and panic when I see it’s already 12:30. How the fuck did I sleep so late? I get ready and before I know it, it’s 1:55 and he’s texted me that he’s here. I have to applaud his punctuality, it’s hot as fuck knowing that he actually cares enough to be somewhere on time. God, I really need to raise my standards.

I head downstairs and he’s in the same spot by the door, smiling shyly when he sees me. His fashion sense is immaculate: today he’s wearing black cargo jeans, a black T-shirt, and a white long sleeve underneath. I’m disappointed that he’s not showing off his sleeve of tattoos like last night, but I still can’t stop staring at him. 

“Hi,” he smiles, giving me a hug. He smells good, like warm vanilla, and his hug is the most comforting thing in the world at this moment. 

“How’ve you been in the last… 12 hours since I saw you?” I ask as we head to the car.

“Oh you know, just been sitting at home twiddling my thumbs until I could see you again. We’re at a three day streak now!” he tells me as he opens the door for me. 

I laugh and can’t take my eyes off of him as he makes his way to the driver’s side. “Why’d you wear a long sleeve today? I miss your tattoos,” I fake pout and play with his sleeve.

“Ohhh, you can see those whenever you want, don’t you worry.” 

God, he makes me fucking crazy. We start driving, talking about mindless things, and end up at a little diner not too far from my apartment.

“My brothers and I go here all the time, their food is so good,” he tells me as we go inside.

Once we’re seated and have ordered our food, our conversation flows just the same as it did last night, except today we’re talking about stuff that it usually takes me at least a few weeks of knowing someone before I share about. I tell him about my family, he tells me about his and how he’s never been away from his brothers for more than 24 hours, while I tell him that my brothers and I are more like acquaintances and I only ever talk to them about surface level stuff. 

“I couldn’t imagine,” he says. “Nick and Chris are like my safety nets. To be honest, tonight and today are the first time I’ve actually gone out to a restaurant without at least one of them in like… 3 years.”

“Really? I actually don’t mind doing stuff alone. I know people hate going out to eat by themselves, but I think I just grew up so independent that I’m comfortable with it. Like, my favorite thing ever is going to the movies, but if I don’t have anyone to go with I’ll just go by myself. I find it peaceful,” I tell him. 

“I love going to the movies too, but I could never go by myself. That sounds fucking terrifying,” he says, laughing a bit as he talks. 

“I get it,” I say. “Well, would you ever want to go to a movie together? It’s not alone and we both like it, so…”

He smiles. “I would love to. But if you talk in there, I’m out. We’re done. No movie talkers in my presence.”

I shake my head very seriously. “Oh no, absolutely not. Trust me, you won’t hear a peep.”

By the time we finish lunch, it’s only 3:45, and neither of us are ready to go home yet. 

He turns to me when we get in the car. “What do you think about that movie right now? I have nothing else going on the rest of the day.”

We arrive at the theater and just pick a movie at random. Neither of us have any real interest in seeing any of the ones they’re showing, but it gives us something to do together. We’re pleasantly surprised when we walk into an empty theater, so we take our seats and make fun of the trailers until the movie starts. 

About 30 minutes in, I realize that I have no idea what’s happening in the movie. I’ve been glancing at Matt the whole time, trying to pretend like I don’t see him glancing at me too. I can tell that he wants to hold my hand, wrap his arm around me, just touch me in some way, and I want to just scream at him to do something. It’s all I can think about. I shift up a little in my seat and look at him slightly. He looks at me. Without saying a word, we both know what the other wants.

He takes my cheek softly in his hand and kisses me. I immediately fall into it, our lips moving together effortlessly, our tongues colliding. But I want more. I need more. 

“Matt,” I say between kisses. “Can we go back to my place?”

“But the movie isn’t over yet,” he breathes into my mouth.

I pull back slightly and look at him with the same eyes I gave him two nights ago. “Matt. My place. Please?”

His eyes widen. “Oh. Oh.” 

I nod and giggle as he grabs my hand and rushes me out of there and back to his car like his life depends on it. Luckily the movie theater is about 5 minutes away from my apartment, and even more luckily my roommate is at work. The tension in the car ride home and in the elevator is so thick I can hardly breathe. As soon as we open the door to my room, his hands are all over me. We’re kissing messier than before; our teeth are clashing, our tongues fighting one another. He walks us towards my bed, dipping his head so his mouth reaches my neck as he begins to kiss, nip, and suck. 

“Matt,” I whine.

“Hmmm,” he hums in response, sucking a spot right under my ear. I begin to play with the bottom of his shirt, signaling that I want it off. He smirks and unlatches himself from my neck just long enough to pull it off his body before going back to what he was doing.

“God you’re so hot,” I half whisper as my hands run down from his chest to his happy trail. I grab his face in my hands and kiss him hard, then sit down on the bed and look up at him. 

“What do you wanna do?” he teases, knowing exactly what I want. I pull my shirt off, leaving me in a black lace bra, and begin to undo his jeans as he stares down at me. 

“Is this okay?” I ask, pulling his zipper down painfully slow.

“Mhm. Yeah, no it’s, um, it’s good,” he says, clearly flustered by what’s happening. And I can’t get enough.

I pull his jeans down and almost drool over his black briefs. I look up at him again for a moment, then palm over his bulge, earning a low groan from him.

“Fuck,” he mumbles as I tear his briefs down as well, and I need to control my face when I see his dick.

It’s not huge, probably about 6 inches, but it’s genuinely perfect. I never thought I’d say that about a dick, but no, it is perfect. 

He inhales sharply as I wrap my hand around the tip and begin to work him, my thumb running over his slit every so often. I spit directly down on him as my hand moves down his shaft, and he groans again, pulling my hair into a loose ponytail. 

That’s my signal to wrap my lips around him and suck.

“Ohhhh, fuck,” he says, closing his eyes and tilting his head back for a moment before looking back down at me. My mouth takes him deeper and deeper with each suck, and his hips begin to buck toward me. 

He didn’t strike me as someone who would be very vocal during sex, but he’s consistently groaning and letting out soft curses.

After just a minute or two of this, he pulls my head off of him. 

“Lay down before I cum in your mouth,” he tells me as I move myself back towards the head of the bed and sit back on my elbows. He crawls over me, kissing my neck, chest, and stomach. “This is all I’ve been thinking about for the past 2 days. Can I take this off?” he asks, referring to my bra.

I nod. 

“Words, baby.”

“Please take it off,” I whine. He undoes the clasp and tosses it aside, taking a moment to stare before dipping his head back down and starting to suck on my left nipple. 

My breathing picks up as he starts to kiss lower and lower, not breaking eye contact when he removes my skirt and underwear at the same time.

He stares down at my dripping pussy, and although I’m extremely turned on and want nothing more than to fuck him right now, I’m reluctant to open my legs as the reality sets in of what’s happening.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, looking up at me with concern in his eyes.

“I just… haven’t done this in a while. I think I’m nervous,” I tell him quietly.

“I’ve got you, I swear. And if you wanna stop just tell me, okay?”

I nod. I can tell he’s being genuine; he’s not just telling me what I want to hear so he can fuck me. He really cares.

I watch as he opens my legs and hooks them over his shoulders. “You’re drippin for me, huh?” he asks, kissing my inner thighs.

“Mhm. I’ve wanted you so bad,” I barely even have time to finish my sentence before he’s putting his tongue inside my pussy. I gasp and grab his hair, my back arching which only makes him go deeper.

He moans repeatedly as he tongue fucks me, sending vibrations through my core. I’m a moaning mess, my heels are digging into his back, and it only gets worse as he brings his thumb to my clit and starts circling lightly. 

“Matt,” I’m on the verge of tears. “Fuck, don’t stop, please, oh my god— “

My orgasm rips through me with no warning, and I’m cumming on his tongue. He doesn’t give me any time to come down before he’s leaning over me, pushing my legs up so my knees are by my face. 

“Do you have condoms?” he asks, pushing my hair back.

I shake my head. “I’m on birth control. I’m clean, obviously.”

“So am I,” he says, running his leaking tip over my clit. 

I almost scream, I’m so sensitive. He looks so fucking good leaning over me. I grip his arm as he pushes into me. There’s a moment of pain as he fills me up, but it quickly turns to pleasure when he starts thrusting into me.

“Is this okay?” he asks, noticing my face and the tight grip I have on his arm.

“Yeah, just hurt for a second, but please keep going,” I breathe, pulling his head down for another kiss.

His thrusts get harder and faster with each passing minute. He fills me so perfectly, I never want this to end. I feel the coil tighten in my stomach yet again, and my moans get louder and needier.

“You gonna cum for me baby?” he taunts.

Baby. I clench around him and nod. “Uh huh.”

“Ohhh, good girl, keep squeezing my cock like that,” he groans. His thrusts are getting erratic, and his dick begins to twitch inside of me.

I chant his name like it’s the only word I know how to say as another orgasm hits me, and I’m squeezing him hard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, ohhhhh fuck,” he groans as his own orgasm hits him, and I feel him release inside of me, his head collapsing into my neck.

We stay just like that for a few moments, him inside of me, us both half dead and breathing heavy, before he pulls out, picks me up bridal style, and sets me on the toilet.

“It’s peepee time!” he says excitedly while clapping his hands softly, causing me to crack up.

“You just fucked me and came inside of me and now you’re saying ‘it’s peepee time’? You’re such a freak,” I tell him.

After I finish, we take a quick shower to clean up, and I get unreasonably sad as he starts to get dressed.

I walk him to my front door and he kisses me again. “Let me know your work schedule this week. We’re going out again.”

“Okay, I will,” I smile and nod as I watch him leave.

I’m definitely falling for this guy. 

-----------------------------------------------

this was ridiculously long. i did not intend for that to happen. i really have no intentions of making this a full length series because i have other stories i wanna do and i have a few requests sitting in my inbox, so as the author i am telling you that they lived happily ever after yayyyyy

[cillianmesoftlyyy]

Cut the Shit-Delusion, Sweetheart | Cillian Murphy x fem!reader

summary: A young actress confesses her feelings to Cillian Murphy, this is how he responds.

warning: This is a much different story than I usually write but I think it's one that we all need in moments of pain and loneliness; to allow ourselves to feel sad and disappointment and hurt. We use people like Cillian to comfort ourselves and give ourselves reasons to be happy and sometimes we need moments to be sad. I was inspired by Fleabag (of course) and an AI edit I saw of Cillian where he turns someone down and its really sweet even though it breaks my heart lol. Age-diff, 1 noncon kiss, talk of infidelity.

word count: 1791+k

Blue Light- Mazzy Star 🎶

Don't interact if you're a Yvonne-hater, please and thanks <3

She hesitated before she knocked on the side-door of Cillian’s trailer. This desperate feeling overwhelmed her and she knew that she couldn’t sleep unless she went to him and confessed how she felt. She’d been plagued by dreams of them together, these beautiful, perfect dreams that poisoned her sleep like melatonin. She loved him and whether or not he felt the same way, she needed to tell him. She exhaled shakily as she dropped her arm back to her side. She was wearing her normal clothes, out of costume finally after a long day of shooting. She lost her sense of security behind the battlements of her gowns and numerous frilly things. She couldn’t hide her feelings behind her character anymore. 

The door opened and Cillian leaned against the doorframe in a casual greeting. 

“Don’t tell me we have a late night call time tonight, I’m fucking exhausted.” He smiled with his lopsided grin, his wide lips framing his teeth.

“No, but there is some business I need to attend to. May I come in?” She returned his smile and mirrored his posture. 

“Sure, come on.” He stepped aside and raised his arm in a welcoming gesture for her to pass through the door. She nodded in silent thanks and stood awkwardly in his trailer which was simple and quaint. Except for the unmade bed, the trailer was neat and orderly. 

“Oh fuck I’m sorry, were you asleep when I knocked?” She blushed and squeezed her palms together in an anxious gesture. 

“Nah, I was just reading the script for a movie my agent wants me to do next.” 

“Oh,” she nodded and turned her attention to the rack of costumes his character wore, “is it any good?” 

“It's definitely interesting but I don’t think it’s t’e right film for me.” He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. Cillian was wearing a plain t-shirt and pajama pants, and seeing the innocent-intimate side of his life made her want so desperately to kiss him. She sat on the small couch he had in the trailer and tried to smile. 

“That’s too bad. Is it anything I’d like?” She joked and he nodded seriously. 

“Actually, yeh. I’ll send it over once I’m through. I’ve been re-reading it.” He moved his hands through the air as he spoke, so unlike his characters. She almost laughed and he smiled. 

“So, what can I do for you? You said you had some business to attend to. Sounds serious. Should I be worried?” He raised his eyebrow and crossed his legs, his hands cupped around the edge of the mattress. She tried to speak and immediately failed. Frustrated and embarrassed tears filled her eyes and she hid them by looking up at the ceiling. Cillian furrowed his brow, concerned. 

“What’s wrong?” He leaned forward on the bed and she shook her head, laughing lightly at herself. 

“I feel so incredibly stupid now for coming here.” She looked away and the bed squeaked softly as Cillian stood and joined her on the couch. She scooted over to give him some room and picked at the skin on her hands. 

“You can always come to me. Whatever it is.” He said softly and the air around them stilled with anticipation.

“Oh don’t say that, Cillian. You’re so kind…” she started to cry and tried to hide her face. 

“Fuck, I hate tears, please don’t cry! Did somet’ing happen?” He raised his hands helplessly, holding them over her without being sure what to do with them. She nodded her head slowly and hiccuped pitifully. 

“You’ll have to forgive me for my comforting abilities. I’ve never been good on t’at front and I have boys so I’m better at comforting members of the male species.” He shrugged and smiled, trying to lighten the mood. She laughed despite herself and wiped her eyes. She stood and paced the front of the trailer, knowing that it was now or never. 

“Cillian, this is such a horrible way to end your nice evening but I can’t continue on set without getting this off my chest. I hope you’ll forgive me.” She dared herself to look at him and he met her eyes, holding her eye-contact with mature resolve. 

“Of course.” He nodded softly, wrinkling his forehead, now more concerned with what his costar was going to tell him. He was naive. He assumed she was going to tell him that she couldn’t work with him anymore or that something had happened in their scenes that had made her uncomfortable. He shifted uneasily on the couch, watching her. She tried to speak a few times but exhaled and shook her head. Cillian stood and met her where she was standing. He was a good few feet taller than her and so much older, but having him there beside her made the feelings she wanted to tell him about so much stronger. 

“Cillian, this isn’t easy to say,” she looked down at her hands and then up into his clear blue eyes. “I have feelings for you, more than our professional relationship can offer. Working with you on set all this time has… it’s made my feelings so much harder to ignore, Cillian.” 

He froze and remembered to breathe, drawing in a startled breath. 

“T’at wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.” He ran his hand over his mouth and looked away, his blue eyes moving through his hidden thoughts. 

“I know you probably don’t feel the same but I just… it’s driving me mad, Cillian. It’s becoming a form of method acting that isn’t fun anymore.” She tried to laugh lightly but grimaced and put the backs of her hands against her burning cheeks. 

“Yeh…” he nodded and sighed, his eyes wide. 

She groaned and returned to the couch, sitting on her sweaty hands. 

“I can go, Cillian. I can leave if you don’t want me here anymore.” She whispered, tears pooling in her eyes. 

“No, no. We need to talk t’rough this.” He said calmly, slowly, and covered his mouth with his freckled hand. 

“Oh God, I’ve gone and fucked everything up. I’m sorry Cillian. I knew you didn’t feel the same but I still let myself go to you.” She leaned back against the couch and pulled her hands through her hair and pulled the skin back from her face. 

“Stop it. Don’t say t'at.” Cillian snapped not unkindly but sternly and took a deep breath. “See, we need to talk about t’is so we can still work together, eh?” He ran a hand through his own dark hair and looked at her for a moment, thinking. 

“How, Cillian? If you knew how I felt about you… it’s maddening. I can’t sleep, Cillian. You’re all I think about as pathetic as it sounds,” she took a deep breath, “I love you. And now you’ll hate me.” She continued and moved her hands, clasped together between her knees.

Cillian sighed and moved abruptly to her side on the couch, opening his body towards her. 

“Don’t talk for me, eh? Look, I understand. It’s hard to not develop certain er… feelings when we do what we do, right?” He cocked his head to the side and licked his lips awkwardly.

“I know I’m childish, Cillian, but I can’t help it. I’m suffering without you… without more from you, more than we can do on set.” She whined and rubbed her shoulders as if she were cold. “Can you indulge me? Do you feel even a little of what I do?” She whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. He said nothing for a second before running his hands up and down his face, exhaling loudly into his palms. He put his hands down and leaned towards her on his elbows. 

“I’m married, sweetheart. Yvonne is my wife and I love her.” He whispered softly, his hands splitting the space between them. 

“But I love you.” She whispered back and leaned in to kiss him. He allowed her to kiss him once and when she pulled away, dejected, he took her chin gently. 

“Cut the shit-delusion, sweetheart. You’re young… far too young for me. You may t’ink you love me but you don’t know me.”

He took her face in his hands and smiled sadly as tears rolled down her pink cheeks. 

“I know you’ll find someone who truly loves you. You’re a beautiful young woman who has her entire life ahead of her. I’m flattered t'at you feel t’at way about me but we can’t, I can’t. If the roles were reversed and we were married and Yvonne approached me, wouldn’t you want me to stop t’ings before t’ey went too far?” He supported her head as she dropped it slightly to the side. She felt empty of words and so he continued. 

“You’re a darling girl but you know we can’t do t’is.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb and wiped away her tears. “You need a boy your age who knows how to love you in the way you need to be loved. I only know how to love my wife… and she’s the only one who knows how to love me.”

“I could have loved you in whatever way you needed.” She whispered weakly and he smiled softly. “I know, sweetheart,” he soothed her like a father, “but you wouldn’t have been happy wit' me. You’re out of my league and you would have gotten bored of me.” He joked lightly and she allowed a pained smile to form on her lips. 

“I’m sorry, Cillian. I feel like such a fool.” She closed her eyes and he hugged her close. 

“Nah, you’re still a kid. You’re many t’ings but foolish is not one of ’em.” He squeezed her tightly and kissed her head affectionately. “You’re a good kid and a great actress. We’ll be fine, the two of us, eh?” He pulled away and she wiped her eyes dry. 

“I’ll try.”  

She kissed him briefly on the cheek and rose to her feet. She walked to the door and looked back at the actor with a small smile, the door open in front of her.

“Goodnight, Cillian.” 

He nodded from the couch. 

“Y/N?” 

“Yes?”

Cillian stood and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears. 

“You weren’t the only one.... That is, you weren’t the only one who felt…” he broke off and cleared his throat, “but it's better t’is way, yeh?.... It’ll pass, love. It’ll pass.” 

He met her eyes one last time and she nodded sadly yet full of a completeness found in their mutual understanding. 

“Goodnight, Cillian.” She said again and closed the door behind her and left the trailer, walking with her back to the wind. Cillian collapsed back on the couch and looked at his watch, wondering if Yvonne was awake. She always answered his calls. She put up with everything, God bless her. She was everything and more than he deserved. He rang her up and she answered after the second ring, her voice ringed with sleepiness.

"Heya, love." He whispered with a smile, "No, everyt'ing's fine. I just wanted to call you. I miss you, girl. Yeah, yeah. Put them on."

[girlwithamissingpearl]

I understand things have been dry in Outlander land but even desert dry has me smh. Ladies, if you have to try that hard to shit all over SH, I’m not saying it makes you a hater but it sure as shit doesn’t make you a liker.

Back after a bit- admit it, we all need to occasionally take a break- I feel I needed to pace myself during the drought. But after a bit of scrolling, I felt compelled to dive right in. Isn’t this fandom about fun, entertainment and guilty pleasure? That’s why I’m here. So why the endless posts from the SH haters? Do people dislike SH, enjoy the snark or just think the man is stupid?

So just for fun (or insomnia) I thought I would play a short game of SH: Stupid, Smart or just SMH?

1. SH and Cons/Private events for $

Why do people have such a problem with SH trying to make a living? Most if not all actors part of a series or movie franchise participate. In my opinion SH is doing it now, so he won’t need to in his 60’s to pay the rent. While most fans are priced out of the more exclusive events, all I can say is the paying fans are the only ones that never complain. Supply and demand. If any charitable component is part of the deal, great. So can we finally put a line under this?

Verdict: Smart as hell

2. SH always “Shilling” SS to his Fans and on SM

Uhm, he is the brand. It’s his company. Can it be a bit much? Yes. Promotion to the fan base and the use of sm is marketing 101. In order for people to try the product they need to know about the product. We can disagree as to his methods or success to date, but fans are not the only ones buying bottles. As for the constant and consistent presence of AN with SH during events? Suddenly they are a couple? WTF. AN is a business partner. He owns part of the business. They both work hard promoting SS, and so far it looks like they will continue to release more SS. Ladies, don’t put your lawn chairs away yet!😉

Verdict: Smart

3. SH and boundaries with his fans

Regardless of the letter you attach to SH, he is a recognized actor around the world. Definitely a people pleaser, in imho, he will happily take a selfie with anyone. Obviously, he never wants to disappoint any fan, but his lack of boundaries and security at events can be cringe worthy at times. If a female actor was touched, mauled, or asked to sign fans boobs or t-shirts it would be a #me too moment. Someone, anyone in security or a handler needs to be bad cop if he won’t. How far is too far?

Verdict: Stupid with a side of SMH

4. SH as a Philanthropist and Charitable Causes

This one really bugs me. MPC has raised over $6m for charity. SH’s name attached to any cause raises awareness and $. The BS from the haters who discount this based on the fact SH apparently never donates his own money is petty nonsense. Gentleman’s ride is one example. Agree it was his female fans that made it happen. And? This is my only fandom but SH is held to an impossible standard. Apparently he is a hypocrite in his support for clean oceans because someone on his team had a catered lunch using single use plastics. Great topic for discussion, but the man didn’t throw the containers in the ocean. Also let’s not judge a person’s commitment based on sm posts. SH can literally, yes ladies literally never win. Thankfully the causes he supports do. I dare you to disagree.

Verdict: Smart

5A. SH’s dating life

According to an extremely ardent part of this fandom, SH has dated😉 every fit blonde 👱‍♀️ within a 250 mile radius of everywhere. I wish that someone would keep track of all the mysterious initials and lack of any literal proof of these women. This is where I separate the snark from the hater’s. While I’m in owe of the investigative skills of some, and enjoy the gossip-even though mom thought gossip was a sin, sorry mom- not all women aka initials welcome the attention. Any woman save CB that SH is remotely warranted or not attached to, has an avalanche of hate comments and 💩emoji in their future, welcome or not. Personally, I believe SH, goes out of his way to protect the people he cares about, and perhaps even those he may not. I think we can agree he is not a monk. However an actor is entitled to privacy. Ginger Jesus included.

5B. SH ‘s Sexuality

From the beginning, 3 years for me, I’ve read posts about someone who knew a friend of a friend of a bartender’s friend who knew for a fact SH had a boyfriend. WTF. You know the drought is real when this bullshit gets recycled. We all know the question has been asked and answered by SH. More than once. Next.

Verdict: SH keeping his private life private: Smart as hell.

6. SH and the use of all things Outlander related

If you don’t get it, I don’t have the time and am too lazy to explain it to you.

Verdict: Smart. Smart as hell

7. SH and CB

The only real problem here is obvious. And I don’t know why the fans or even the haters- btw, I use the term haters like I do profanity- perhaps not the best word, but like GFY, FU, MF, C, etc. I’m lazy and it saves time and no confusion to whom I address. So where the actual f&ck is the audition tape we all want to see? You know the part of which I speak. If only the fandom investigators could put aside any petty differences and uncover the SH, CB chemistry kiss tape? I’m not saying it will be a unifying and CTJ moment, but it would give SH fans something to make the drought less….thirsty.

No verdict necessary. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨😚😉

And last but definitely not least…

8. SH and Thirst Traps

Ladies, because of Outlander and all things Outlander related, we’ve had the pleasure to observe SH from every view and lovely angle. Come on, if you 👀 closely it’s all there. Why the actual f&ck people in this fandom have a problem with his shirtless posts is beyond me. Not only is he promoting the results a good fitness regime can produce, he is literally, yes literally giving his fans something they want. And don’t even try me with- you’re treating him like an object. This is a 100% consensual relationship. And if the word “hater” seems harsh about the same gang that complains and shits all over his shirtless thirst traps, then please find me a better name.

Verdict: Smart as hell and thank you

So for those who may not get it, this post is silly and something for my handful of friends or any SH fan to have a laugh. If anyone has the patience to read the entire thing😉 So any comments are welcome, but to the people or person sending awful and cowardly anon messages: save your time. Or GFY. See what I did there?🤓

[babygirlmurdock]

Unexpected Connection

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your friend convinces you to go to a singles event only for you to meet Hell’s Kitchen infamous lawyer.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: mild swearing, alcohol

a/n: heyyy lol so this is my First piece of fiction. i’m trying to get better at writing fiction and this actually came to me when something like this was actually brought up to me recently lol so i thought hey why not try to write something about it?

——————————————————————————

You’ve been single for quite some time now. Your last breakup was nasty, left your heart shredded; you weren’t too sure when you’d be truly ready to date again. Your friends have been helpful, pushing you to get out there and meet new people. Get your mind off your ex, y’know?

Swipe after swipe. Messages that are painfully one sided. Or men that just want to hook up or want something casual.

“Ooh, I just got this advertised to me on Instagram,” Jill says to you. Jill is a coworker turned friend. You perk up from your desk to see what she was talking about, “a meet and mingle this Saturday at the Refinary rooftop. We should definitely go!”

“Ugh, I just don’t know Jill. All men have done is just disappoint me and nothing has compared to Jam— ”,

“James. I know. But maybe the guy that is way better than James will be there. Your soulmate could be here and you would never know! C’mon it’ll be fun, I think. Plus meeting people in person is way better than on the apps,” she leans up against your desk. You worked as an editor at the New York Bulletin. It was an internship turned full time position after you graduated college. You dreamed of New York one day, and it still feels surreal that this is your reality.

You are sure your friends were tired of you sulking about James. It’s been well over 6 months and he’s probably already moved on while you’re stuck in this trench of dating.

“Okay. Fine. I hope there’s good drinks because Lord knows I’ll need that liquid confidence.” You scrubbed your face.

Jill squeals, “I’m so excited!! It starts at 7.”

——————————————————————————-

“Matt! It would be so fun, talking to beautiful women all night and who knows, maybe take one home!” Foggy hints to Matt about this meet and mingle.

“I’m really not in the cards to be dating right now, Foggy,” Matt says, shuffling through some papers. The mid-afternoon sun beamed through Matt’s office as Foggy stood in his doorway. Matt was trying to get through the last of this litigation before the end of the week and Foggy was not making this easier.

“This might be the opportunity that you meet someone who is actually normal! Not some psycho chick that almost got your ass expelled back in law school. That’s how long it’s been, Matt! Do you know how long ago law school was?” Matt lets out a small laugh at Foggy.

“Yes, Foggy. I was there, I know how long ago it was.”

He never understood why Foggy was so adamant on him meeting someone. Now that the firm is getting some business and he’s gone out more times than he can count as Daredevil, he just doesn’t have the time to commit.

“I’ll go only for an hour,” Matt sighs and Foggy lets out a cheer.

“You’re not gonna regret this, Murdock!”

————————————————————————

Saturday night rolls around. You and Jill are about to head to the singles event.

“I hope I meet someone rich,” Jill says, applying her lipstick. “I just don’t want to work again, y’know?”

“Tell me about it. I just hope nobody is too much of an asshole. I don’t know if I can take another person mansplaining what investing is and why I should do it,” You shouted from the bathroom, spraying some hairspray in your hair. You came out of the bathroom wearing jeans and a plain black t-shirt.

“Whoa girl, what are you wearing? You can’t wear that!” Jill said from your living room.

You eye yourself in the mirror, “what is so wrong with jeans and a t-shirt?”

Jill says your name sternly, “everything? You might meet the love of your life! Show some more!”

“You’re ridiculous. You’re lucky I’m going to this in the first place! Would it make you happier if I changed my top?” You say, taking off your shirt to dig for something she deems more appropriate.

“Atta girl, show the goodies,” Jill says, shimmying her chest. “Uber is downstairs, let’s get going.”

——————————————————————————

You arrive at the venue and make your way upstairs to the roof. It was decorated with greenery and twinkle lights. The place was lit just enough to make it romantic but not where you couldn’t see anyone. Not even 15 minutes into the event, you lose Jill in the crowd already talking to people. You make your way to the bar to order yourself a drink.

“Dirty martini, gin, please. Thanks,” you stand at the bar while you wait for your drink and hear a smooth voice next to you.

“Whiskey, neat, please. Thank you,” you peer over and your eyes meet a beautiful man wearing red glasses. You take a moment to read him a little bit. Gorgeous side profile. Your eyes make their way down to his hands, and meet with a cane. Blind?

“Dirty martini & a whiskey neat.”

“Thank you,” you both say in unison. “I suppose we should cheers?” The man says to you.

“Oh, uh sure, cheers,” You clink your glass against his and a smile breaks out on his face as the glass meets his lips. God damn, this guy looks like the next coming of Christ. He was so unreal looking. He had the jaw sculpted by God himself, decorated with just the right amount of stubble, and his lips. They were so pink and full. The thoughts of kissing him already danced in your head. The faint smell of his cologne twirled around in your nostrils.

“So let me guess,” you take a sip from your drink, “your friend basically dragged you here too against your will even though you told them you were over dating?”

“Wow,” his eyebrows perked up as he took another sip, “how did you guess?” he says, sarcastically.

“Well, considering you look like that,” your hand vaguely gestured to his body, “and women aren’t at your beck and call, I had to assume.”

“Look like what? Oh God, did I forget to put on my pants? You’d tell me that I’m pant less right?” He says frantically, trying to hide his laughter.

“Ha ha, very funny. But was I right?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“You’re not too far off. It’s hard to do modern dating when everything is on dating apps and eyesight helps that. Phones can only be so accessible. I’m Matt by the way, Matt Murdock.” He sticks his hand out for you to grab. You give him your name as you shake his hand. You notice some bruising on the knuckles and wonder what that could be about.

“Wait like, the lawyer?”

Matt sheepishly nodded in agreement, “that would be me.”

“Where were you when I told a cop to fuck off because I didn’t like how he was speaking to my friend?” You take a big swig of your martini hoping the alcohol would hit you sooner rather than later.

“My law partner must’ve missed the call from the woman brave enough to tell a cop to fuck off,” Matt smirks at you. Butterflies erupt inside you and your heart beat jumps.

————————————————————————

As the night goes on, and after a couple more drinks, conversation between you and Matt flows effortlessly. You two made your way over to a couch to sit and talk. The crowd ebbed and flowed throughout the night. People left, more people showed up, but it never got too crowded. It honestly felt like you and Matt were alone, like the world stood still.

“So you mean to tell me he took your furniture outside?” You laugh at the thought of his college roommate moving all of Matt’s furniture outside.

“Yeah, it was kind of rude of him to do that to a blind guy. He thought it was hilarious though,” Matt smiles at you.

“You guys seemed wild in law school. I bet campus police weren't too thrilled with your shenanigans,” you rest your chin on your hand as you lean a bit closer to Matt.

“Foggy actually got into some trouble with them because he was breaking the school's disability rules. Nothing too major, he just had to volunteer as a part of campus police to pay his dues.”

You laugh at Matt, and briefly look around and notice you and Matt seemed to be two of the other five couples that are still there.

“So, I have a question for you…” you trail off, debating on asking this question.

“No, I haven’t been blind my whole life,” Matt states.

“How did you know I was going to ask that?” your voice has an edge of surprise to it.

“It came in the pamphlet when I lost my vision. Don’t worry about it though, it doesn’t bother me when people ask,” Matt reassures you. “It’s been 20 years at this point.”

“Oh wow, so you had to adapt and relearn the world without your eyes. That’s insane, it must have been tough for you,” you rest your hand on Matt’s bicep. What business does he have to have this much of a defined arm?

“It took some adjusting but my other senses were…” Matt stops mid sentence before realizing what he was about to say.

“What? Like sensitive? I’m sure your other senses had to compensate now that your eyes were out of commission.”

“Yeah, you can say sensitive in a way,” Matt sighs. Silence falls between you both. You fiddle with your glass for a moment until he speaks up, “what do you say we get out of here?”

“Oh, um,” you look around in hopes of finding your friend because you’re still nervous about potentially going home with somebody new. No matter how gorgeous the man is. “I–“ you stammer.

“I don’t want to give the wrong intentions. What I mean is maybe go to another bar. There’s a place two blocks over that we can go to. If you’re up for it,” Matt gave you a small smile of reassurance.

You think for a moment, staring at his face while your heart feels like it’s going to leap out of your body. What the hell, why not? “Sure, I’d like that,” you smile and get up. You let Matt grab onto your forearm for guidance as you walk to the bar to close out. After he graciously also paid for your tab, you walked with him to the elevator.

“What’s this place called? How do I know you’re not going to murder me? You are still a stranger by the way,” you ramble on. Matt laughs at your nervousness.

“It’s called Josie’s. I’ve been going here since I was in law school. And if I were going to murder you, I would have done it already,” Matt leans into you playfully.

“Ah yeah that makes me feel so much better, thank you, Matt,” you joke.

—————————————————————————

The walk to Josie’s is mostly silent, but not awkward. You feel at ease around Matt. His energy is soothing, it feels like you’ve known him for ages. He asked about your upbringing, what brought you to New York. Your typical “getting to know someone” questions.

As you approach the bar, your nerves dissipate as you recognize this is a dive bar. “You seem less tense,” Matt said to you, his hand lightly placed on the pulse point of your wrist.

“Yeah, I love a good dive bar. It’s charming in a way,” you breathe out, leading the way into the bar. You find a seat at the bar for you and Matt to sit. You look around the bar, and notice the pool table in the back. There were old beer signs all over the walls. The lighting was dim and moody. Classic rock was playing over the speakers. Matt must’ve waved down a bartender while you were distracted because two beers are placed in front of you as you sat down next to him.

“I love how you assumed I liked beer,” you tease, taking a sip from your bottle.

“I can order something else if you’d like me to,” Matt's voice breaks a bit.

“I like beer, don’t worry,” you reassured him, “so what are the odds a blind man knows how to play pool?”

“I’ve played. I can’t promise I’ll be any good.”

Your drinks start to hit you more as you speak, “Do you want to make a bet?”

“Betting against a blind man? Low blow,” Matt sucks his teeth teasing you a bit. You giggle, “Fair point, Matthew. Fair point. C’mon, do you need guidance to the table?”

“No thank you, I know this place like it’s my own home,” Matt smiled at you as you both made your way over to the pool table.

You rack up the balls and Matt grabs some cues. “Do you want to break the triangle?” Matt asks.

“Sure, why not,” You bend over, lining up the cue ball with the tip of the triangle. Your heartbeat quickens as you feel Matt’s gaze upon you. You know, for someone who is blind, you sure can feel like his eyes were all over your body. The loud crack of the ball break snaps you out of your train of thought. “Do you, um, do you need help lining up the cue?”

“Actually yes, that’d be helpful.”

You make your way to Matt’s side, telling him solids were his and what balls were lined up with which ones. To your shock, he nails two solids into the sink holes. “I’ll be damned. Blind man is good at pool.”

Matt’s voice is low and husky when he says, “there’s a lot of secrets about me,” which gives you full body chills.

“Well, okay then, I—” you stammer trying to collect your tipsy self. You take your shot and, “God damn it, missed. You’re not hustling me, are you? You said you weren’t good!” you protest.

“Ehh, lucky shot, I guess,” Matt laughs, taking a swig of his beer.

The round of pool goes at a good pace, flirty innuendos fly off the walls. At this point, Matt’s jacket is off and the sleeves of his dress shirt are rolled up showing his forearms. Every passing hour, you feel more and more attracted to him. And you only hope he feels the same.

“Alright, 8 ball is up. Absolutely no fucking way I’m about to lose a game of pool to a guy who can’t see,” you said competitively.

“Well to be fair, you have been helping me line the cues up, you could’ve hustled me and lined up with your balls.” He suggests with a shrug.

“God damn it, you’re so right. Holy shit why didn’t I think of that?!” You line the cue up to the ball and take your shot...and miss. You let out a gasp as you just lost this game of pool.

“That didn’t sound like a good gasp,” Matt teased.

“You’d be correct. Good game, Matt.”

“Good game,” he said your name back to you.

You looked at your watch and realized it was almost midnight. “It’s getting late, I think we should head out. That sound okay to you?” you say, even though you secretly don’t want this night to end.

“Yeah, do you want me to walk you home?” Matt asks you, with a shy smile secretly hoping you’d say yes.

“That’d be really lovely, thank you. I’m just 5 blocks up actually.”

————————————————————————

“Alright, this is me,” you halt in front of your building’s entrance.

“Are you sure it’s not up one more block?” He flashes you a cheeky smile.

“Unfortunately, it is not. I had a really good time tonight, Matt,” you step closer to him, inches away from his body.

“I had a really nice time tonight, too,” Matt’s voice just above a whisper. God, that register in his voice practically made you fall to your knees.

You and Matt are still standing dangerously close to each other as both of your body’s heats mingled together, practically begging for some physical touch. “I should, uh, get upstairs. Goodnight, Matt.” As you are about to turn away, Matt pulls you in closer as your chests nearly touch. Lips hovering over one another as your breath intertwines with his. Your brain is barely forming coherent thoughts, until you whisper, “I think this is the part where you kiss me.”

“I was waiting for the words,” Matt’s hand snakes up to gently rest on your jawbone as he tilts your head up. His lips meet yours with the tenderness and sweetness that you crave so desperately. He pulls away and you both sigh. “That was—”

“Really nice. You’re an excellent kisser by the way,” you let your inside thoughts exist on the outside now. “That was meant to stay inside my brain, oh my god….” You buried your face in your hands as you pulled away from his embrace.

Matt laughs, “I appreciate the compliment, thank you.”

“Let’s do this again, next week? You owe me a rematch in pool.”

“Next week sounds fantastic. If the pool game went anything like it did tonight, it won’t be much of a rematch,” Matt banters with you. You gasp at his remark which makes him laugh. “I’ll call you sometime this week to set something up, okay?”

“Do you mind if I put my number in your phone? I figure that’d be easiest maybe,” You suggest.

“Oh yeah, that’d be great,” Matt said pulling out his phone. You grabbed it and put your name and number in there and handed it back to him.

“Okay,” you smile at him, “I’ll be anticipating your call.”

“Goodnight,” Matt whispers your name, dripping from his lips like honey. You kiss his cheek and head upstairs. As you close the door, you squeal in excitement.

Matt stood outside your building for a moment, listening to it shut to ensure you made it in okay. As he was about to step away, he heard you squeal to yourself in excitement, which made him laugh to himself.

[g4yforethan]

always forever

pairing: tate langdon x gn!reader

summary: reader moves into the murder house and encounters tate who is curious of the new owners

warnings: cursing, kissing

a/n: tate is not a criminal in this story i just find evan peters hot ! also i love y’all smmm!

you and your family had moved to los ángeles after a fire engulfed your previous house in flames. you never found out the cause of the fire but your mom put the blame on your dad for "leaving the stove on at night." you were also sad that you were going to leave your hometown and all of your friends but stayed optimistic for a new beginning. when you arrived at the house, you felt an energy. a strange energy. the house was victorian style and had lots of space. you could see why your parents chose it in the first place. after getting all your things inside, your parents went out on a date to celebrate the new move. they had invited you but you were too tired to go out and decided to stay in and order a pizza instead.

after getting into bed and watching a movie you hear a thud in your closet. you were scared but courage ran through your body and quickly opened it. there was a boy inside. you screamed for him to get out. "wow wow relax. i was just trying to see what cds you have here." he said as you back up from him scared. "first of all who are you and how the hell did you get into my house?!" you could've sworn you had locked all the doors so it was impossible for him to have snuck in. "let's just say i know all the ways to this house. i live right next door to you and seen plenty of people move into this house." "okay well then what are you doing in my room? and you never told me who you are."

"i told you i'm just tryna see what kind of albums you got here. not good ones though. and my name is tate. what's yours?" he got closer to you and now you could see he had blonde hair and soft skin. "i'm y/n. we just moved here today." tate started to move around your room and noticed some your posters that you had hung up on the wall. "mhm scary movies huh? i'm a big fan of friday the 13th." you laughed and found his sense of humor entertaining. "same the sequel's better to be honest. well my parents are coming home soon so maybe you should go." he gave a disappointed look at you. "sure i can't spend the night here? we could listen to some cds and maybe have a quick make out session or something?"

you were taken back by what he said but you couldn't deny the fact that he was exactly your type. "i mean we could listen to an album or two." his face lit up with excitement. the two of you sat on the floor listening to a rock album while tate discussed his life and asked you about why your family moved. "it was just a lot. i mean we never knew what caused the fire but we basically lost everything. i'm just nervous for this new part of my life and meeting new people and-" you started to tear up and tate took note of this and started to hug you. "hey hey. everything is gonna be okay alright? i mean it's gonna take time but at least you got me here so." you smiled and found comfort in tate. with his arms wrapped around you, the two of you locked eyes as your lips met his.

the two of you kiss for what seemed to be hours but it was a good 5 minutes of kissing. tate began to kiss your neck as you ran your hands through his hair. he lifted your shirt and placed his hands on your waist. “god you’re so beautiful.” he whispers in your ear as your face warms up and your cheeks turn red. he lays you on your back and starts to leave kisses and hickies on your chest and belly. his soft lips leaves you wanting more and more of his touch. his hands start to reach your zipper. “can i?” he asks you. you nod and he smiles and starts to unzip your pants.

all of a sudden, a knock on the door interrupts you two. “hey y/n we’re back home!” your dad yells outside from your room. you look at tate in fear while tate has a calm look on his face. “oh my god you have to go now!” your dad starts to open the door and you close your eyes and cringe in fear. “hey honey is everything okay?” you open yours eyes and look around your room. tate was gone. he was there just a second ago. “uh yeah i just woke up right now.” your dad asks you to come downstairs for leftovers. you agree and look around your room. how did he do it? you look in front of you. “boo!” it was tate. “oh my fucking god tate! how did you hide so quickly?” “let’s just say i know this house a little too well.” he leans in for a quick kiss before disappearing again into thin air.

[klaprisun]

One Sunny Day

(Stardew Valley) (Haley x Female Farmer)

Chapter 5

TODAY is the day I am going to get groceries and seeds. Unless for some reason he is closed Thursdays now as well.

I lay in bed for a few more minutes before getting up and notice how sore I am already feeling. I groan and rise slowly out from the comfy blanket. I get up for another day of farm life and throw on the same. Exact. Overalls. I really need another pair or two if this is going to be my standard fit. However, I put on an old, red t-shirt which is more of a tank top now since I ripped the sleeves off in high school. I didn't like the way the sleeves constricted my biceps. I throw on a red ball cap to cover my unwashed hair that I threw back into a loose ponytail.

I begin my walk to town square once again. My legs are going to be ripped from all this walking. Scratch that, all of me is going to be ripped from the work I'm doing.

I slept in today, which means Pierre's should be open. I triple check the sign next to the door before even trying the door.

"It says it's open today. Hopefully my timing isn't wrong or something." I yank the handle of the building once again. This time, it opens.

I waltz inside and take a glance around. Shelves are jam packed in every spot you could put one without completely overlapping the other. The aisles are just big enough that nearly two people could fit back to back.

"I take it you tried to come here yesterday, Danny?" Gus chuckles as he heads over to me. "I noticed you triple checked the hours of operation."

"I sure did. Out of all the days I decided to come here it was on a Wednesday," I roll my eyes and smile.

"Happens to me all the time. I lose track of the days and bam, I show up on a Wednesday. But what can ya do? Allows me to get a good walk and keep these legs in shape," Gus looks down at his legs and back up at me. "You have a good day, now," he nods his head and exits through the glass door.

Carefully, navigating through the aisles, I begin to grab items I'll need for the farm. I had made sure to grab a basket from the stand near the entrance before so everything had been piling up in it.

My basket consists of parsnip, cauliflower, and potato seeds. As well as some bean starters.

"This should be enough to get me started," I mumble.

I saunter over to explore the groceries, filling my basket with everything I think I'll need in the next few days.

"Ugh, you again?"

The sudden voice causes me to spin around so fast I almost gave myself whiplash. It was Haley.

"Yes, me again. Can I not shop at Pierre's?" I snap back.

"I didn't say you couldn't. I'm just disappointed I have to see you again." She rolls her eyes and struts down the aisle closer to me.

Suddenly, I'm feeling flustered and forget what I am looking for. There is a long, awkward silence between us as we both scan the opposite shelves of the aisle. Oddly enough, she doesn't walk away.

"You look like a plumber by the way."

I snap my head back to look at her, "What does that mean?!"

We both start looking over my outfit. I don't know what part of a red shirt, red hat, and blue overalls is giving "plumber".

"Are those the same overalls from the last several times I have seen you?!" she gasps in disgust, turns her head, and pretends to gag.

"Yeah and what about it!?" I poke back childishly. I adjust the basket I'm holding to my other hand. Haley's eyes seem to light up as she seemingly watches my arms as I transfer the basket between hands. Her eyes flicker back up to meet my gaze and she blushes and turns away. I look at my arms to see if I have dirt or mud on them. There is not even a speck.

She sheepishly turns back to the shelf once again. I continue to forget what I am looking for and scan the shelves up and down until I find whatever it is. I hear a few noises from Haley fumbling with the items on the shelf behind me. That is, until I hear a can hit the ground and notice it roll to my feet in front of me.

When I turn around this time, her feet are stepping on the lowest shelf while her one hand is stretched upward to the top shelf. She senses me looking at her in confusion and turns to get down too quickly. Her ankle rolls as she tries to step off the bottom shelf which causes her to stumble and nearly fall. Actually, she would've fully fallen if it wasn't for me standing nearby. She involuntarily latched onto my arm to stop herself from falling all the way to the ground.

Haley realizes what she is doing after a moment and shoots right back up. To save face, she shoots me a scowl and just says, "ew," while brushing her hands on her pink skirt as if I'm just that dirty. To her dismay, her cheeks are flushed pink so anything she is trying to do to insult me is not working.

"Do you need some help there, pretty lady?" I tease. Her cheeks go bright red now instead of just the light pink. It's fun rubbing it in more when she is already flustered.

Since I am significantly taller than the little rat, I reach up to grab the item she was aiming for. She watches in silence with her arms crossed and while tapping her foot rapidly against the ground.

As I toss the item into her basket, I meet her gaze. I am so much taller than her, that she has to crane her neck to look me in the eyes. She is shorter than the average person. I am just sightly above average height.

She squints her eyes in annoyance and looks away. We both go to leave the aisle finally, but walk in the opposite direction of the other. Causing us to crash shoulders.

"Watch it you big lug," She hisses while unapologetically looking me up and down the same way she did in the saloon. My face suddenly goes warm as if I am blushing. I notice her smirk which signals that must be the case.

We try leaving once again, but manage to get past one another this time. She shoots me an unreadable look over her shoulder as she turns the corner to the next aisle.

What is this woman's deal? I say in my head. Shaking my head, I carry on with shopping. I hear the bell above the door ding meaning Haley must've just left. I walk over to the guy behind the counter with my stuff in the basket and let him start scanning.

"Well if it isn't Miss Danny, the new farmer! I'm Pierre, owner of this wonderful, local general store. I see you've found the seeds! A little agriculture could really inject new life into the local economy. My wife, Caroline, and I have been dying to meet you. We hear you have already met our daughter Abigail?"

"Yeah at the saloon the other day. Her and her friends were hanging out in the arcade when I went for dinner," I reply.

"That's great! I hope you enjoy living here. It may get boring at times, but trust me when I say the next day will be an interesting one!"

Pierre finishes up scanning and bagging my items. After saying my goodbyes, I am on my way back home to figure out what to do with, and where to put all my groceries. I don't exactly have an oven, or fridge...or a kitchen in general.

[farity]

Obsession, part 13

"I'm so glad you're going to be there, I never know what to say to people."

You smiled at Helaena. "People like to talk about themselves, more than anything. Just ask them something and let them ramble on."

Helaena ate some of her oatmeal. "I still think they should change the name. Flea Bottom Hospital is rather horrible, don't you think?' she mused. "Maybe it should be Ladybug Hospital, or-"

"Yeah, who the hell names a hospital after an insect's ass?"

You laughed at Aegon.

When Aemond walked in, you rolled your eyes at him. He was wearing the concert t-shirt.

"That's got to be the coolest thing you have ever worn," Aegon commented. "So I'm guessing it's not yours."

"According to my wife," Aemond said, kissing the top of your head, "she buys her concert shirts two sizes too big in case they shrink."

"I do! You never know if they'll be child sized after the first wash."

"Aegon, don't forget the meeting later."

Aegon groaned, "how can I possibly when you add shit to my calendar to remind me every twenty fucking minutes?"

"I do what needs to be done."

* * * * *

The next afternoon you got ready for the charity event, curling your hair, taking twice as long with your makeup. You just wanted to be at your best as a representative of the family.

When you were finally satisfied, you put on the earrings and turned to find Aemond staring at you from the doorway.

"Wow."

You made a worried face at him. "Do you think this will be okay? I don't want to disappoint your mother."

He shook his head slowly. "You are not going to disappoint anyone. You look amazing." He peered in at the side of your face. "Are those the Valyrian earrings?"

"Yeah, the shop had these great replicas, I think they look great with the dress."

Aemond smiled at you. "They do. You're going to be great, and mom and Hel will be with you." He leaned down to kiss the side of your neck. "I don't want to smudge your lipstick," he murmured, placing soft kisses on your skin. "You look great. You smell delicious. Go have fun."

You wanted to stay in his arms, to be honest, not completely convinced that representing the family at such a public event was the best idea, but it was one of Alicent's causes and she had asked you to be there, so there you would be.

* * * * *

"The Boltons, the Grimms," Aegon said, "neither can pull off something big, not even joining forces. I mean, the attempt on Helaena was one thing, but neither could have supplied father with that kind of firepower."

Aemond rubbed his eye. "I thought maybe the Martells, but blowing stuff up is not their style. But all signs point to that illiterate fuck in Storm's End."

Aegon's jaw dropped. "Baratheon?"

"He has the numbers, he hates us-"

"He hates you, since you declined to marry any of his daughters," Aegon laughed. "I mean, I don't fucking blame you, but yeah, he'd be up for a little revenge action. But why would father go to him?"

"Who else would he go to? Didn't some Baratheon call Rhaenys "the queen who never was"? That pretty much doomed any goodwill between the Velaryons and the Baratheons. It probably made father happy to hear that."

Aemond tapped his fingers on the desk. "If father wanted to get back at me, he'd go to someone who doesn't use our suppliers, someone who backed him when he became head of the House, and someone who doesn't particularly like me."

"Borros motherfucking Baratheon."

"He's gone quiet since father's untimely death, but I'm keeping tabs on him."

Aegon was silent for a few moments. "So tell me, little brother. How is married life?"

"Fuck off, Aegon."

Aegon laughed again. "I must say-"

"You don't."

"If you ask me-"

"I didn't."

"She's not exactly who I pictured for you."

Aemond raised an eyebrow. "I'm probably going to regret asking, but just who did you picture for me?"

"Some cold hearted bitch who'd walk around covered in diamonds, and once a month you two would have your pre-scheduled sexual congress before wiping off and returning to your separate bedrooms."

"Your imagination is a frightening thing, brother."

"So is your mind, Aemond, but it keeps us safe, so I'm okay with that." Aegon looked at his watch. "Oh fuck off, I know I haven't exercised today. Fuck this tech bullshit."

Aemond took a deep breath. "And on that note, I have to get back to work."

* * * * *

"You look so pretty," Helaena said, sipping at her wine. "Everyone is looking at you."

You blew out a breath. "I'm trying not to think about that. And I absolutely love your dress, Hel," you added, seeing Helaena smiled. She was wearing a light blue dress with tiny embroidered butterflies on it, her long hair parted on the side.

"Well, you look great," she reiterated, "plus you're wearing the Smoke of Valyria earrings. I mean, I think it's been decades since anyone wore them."

You looked at her. "The lady from the shop added them to my bag. They're replicas."

Helaena smiled at you and Alicent came up behind her. "I would like you to meet some people. Helaena, I believe there is someone here to see you."

You glanced quickly to where Alicent was looking and saw Cregan Stark, looking gorgeous in a suit, and gave Helaena a small smile before you followed your mother-in-law over to a table where a couple of older ladies sat.

"Oh, here she is," one of them, a blonde with icy eyes said, "Aemond's bride. And here we thought he'd never marry." You instantly disliked her, but smiled and shook her hand. She began asking you questions about what you did, who your family were, where you'd studied, and Alicent quickly steered the conversation to the woman's older son, who had just been kicked out of yet another University. "It is so difficult to find good schooling, I mean, Joffrey is such a sweet boy, so kind and gentle, why would they ever expel him?"

The woman next to the blonde cleared her throat nervously while the blonde stared daggers at Alicent. "Indeed, yes. It is lovely to meet you, dear, I'm Saera Swyft. We are sending you and Aemond a wedding gift, I hope it's to your liking."

"What is it, a barrel of corn?" The blonde snapped, laughing to herself. "Maybe you should have your granddaughter sing for them."

"We are very proud of our girl," Saera said. "I must say, those earrings are breathtaking on you."

The blonde stood, and as she walked past you, she whispered, "singers are barely better than whores."

You smiled at Saera. "She really has some great songs."

* * * * *

"I met Cersei Lannister," you said as you took off the heels in the walk-in closet you shared with Aemond. The man had so many clothes it was ridiculous. Who needed over twenty white dress shirts?

"And you survived," he said sarcastically from the door frame, "the woman is a nightmare. Come here," he added, his voice turning soft.

You turned, having changed into pajamas. "What?"

He reached out, grabbed you and pulled you to him. "I said, come here." He kissed you, lips lingering over yours, and you smiled. "I didn't want to mess up your lipstick earlier."

You laughed as he lifted you up, walking over to the sitting area facing the fireplace and then sat with you on his lap.

"I hear you were splendid, everyone was taken with you."

You shrugged. "I don't remember half the names, other than Cersei and Lady Swyft."

"They don't matter," he added, pressing another kiss to your jaw. "I'm proud of you," he murmured. "I know this has been a lot of change in a short amount of time."

"Thank you. That means a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me," he said quietly, and pressed his forehead against your temple.

You said nothing, letting him hold you, your emotions swirling inside you as you sank against him, enjoying his warmth and strength.

* * * * *

The next day you had to pick up your stuff from work. Your boss was surprisingly accommodating, but told you she wanted to do your exit interview in person, and you felt you at least owed her that, given that you hadn't given her any notice.

You asked the two guards to wait in the car for you and walked in to the building, heading straight to your boss's office. There weren't many people in the office, which was pretty normal, and when you walked into her office, having texted her to verify what time you were meeting, there was a man sitting across the desk from her.

Your boss looked terrified, and you immediately took a step back.

The man turned, holding a gun aimed straight at you.

"Well, hello there. I'm Ramsay Bolton."

* * * * *

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[severalforraelee]

Positive Part 7: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Photo credit to Jackson Lee Davis / Netflix

Word count: 2,060

Written by raelee / Posted June 12

Masterlist

Outerbanks Masterlist

Positive Masterlist

The words on the computer screen start to blur as I read them over and over again in an attempt to process what they’re saying.

I know they’re here before I see them. JJ never shuts up and Pope isn’t too quiet either while he tries to shush the blonde.

“She’s over here,” I hear Kiara’s voice.

“Hey big mama,” someone suddenly says right next to me.

I look up, glaring at JJ for his words. I’ve been wearing baggy T-shirts and sweatshirts, despite the blazing North Carolina summer heat, trying to keep this pregnancy a secret for as long as I can. It’s not out of disappointment or shame of being a teen mother- it’s disappointment and shame for when I’ll have to tell people who the father is.

Luckily, my bump is still small. This baby is tiny.

“What are you doing?” John B rests his hands on the side of the wooden chair that I’m sitting on, leaning forward to look at my computer screen.

“Applying for jobs.”

“Oh really? Is this all that you’ve been doing for the past two weeks?” JJ snarks.

I glare at him. It’s true, for the past two weeks I’ve been distant from the pogues. Part of it has been because I’ve been so busy searching and applying for jobs. Seriously, I think I’ve applied for every part-time job on the island. But the other part of it is because of what happened between Topper, Rafe, and Pope. I can’t help but feel insanely guilty that Pope got dragged into this mess, even though I know that if he knew that I felt this way he would tell me to stop.

I can’t help my negative emotions. If I wasn’t pregnant with Rafe’s baby, Rafe would have less of a reason to interact, much less mess around, with the pogues. I’m the one who brought us all into this mess and now, because he is the father of my child, he’ll be in my life and my friends lives forever.

It’s not just the pogues that I’ve been avoiding, though. I’ve been leaving home less in general because the less places I go, the less of a chance I have running into Rafe.

“Pretty much.” I turn back to the computer screen, skimming over the words again.

“Are you sure that now is the best time to get a job?” Pope asks, nervously glancing down at my stomach.

“I need money, Pope.”

“Where have you been staying these last two weeks?” Kiara asks with concern.

“With a friend.”

“What friend?” John B questions.

“Rafe?” JJ says what they’re all thinking.

“No, not Rafe,” I scoff, uploading my resume. “A friend from Spanish class. You guys don’t know her.”

“At least you’re maintaining some of your friendships,” JJ comments.

I whip my head up, glaring at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“JJ, don’t,” Pope warns at the same time Kie and John B groan.

“Why can’t you stay at John B’s house like the rest of us? Or hang out with us, or I don’t know, let us know what’s going on with you at all?” He snarls.

A librarian hushes him.

“I’m not doing this,” I mumble, closing the tab and logging off the computer with shaky hands.

“Are you even going to ask what we’ve been up to?” JJ doesn’t even bother to lower his tone.

“Okay, fine,” I rise from the chair harshly, raising my voice to his volume. “What have you been doing?”

“We went out to find the Royal Merchant-””JJ, seriously, lower your voice,” John B warns, looking around nervously to see if anyone heard our friend.

“And?” My eyes are wide as I look between the four of them. “Did you find anything?”

“No,” Pope grumbles, “So someone already got to the gold or it was never there.”

I sigh, imagining the defeat that my friends must have felt once they made this discovery. I know this time away from them was needed for my growth and development, and to prove to myself that I can rely on myself, but it’s hard to know that they went through this struggle without me.

“I’m sorry, you guys.”

We stand around in an awkward silence, unsure of what to say or do. Finally, JJ wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. “We know you’re so overwhelmed right now.”

I know the hidden meaning of his words. No matter what, don’t forget that we’re all here for you.

“If you want, I can see if I can get you a job at The Wreck. I was going to offer earlier but you didn’t seem like you wanted the help,” Kiara suggests.

I pause, considering her suggestion. “That sounds great, Kie. Thank you.”

She gives me a soft smile.

~

I manage another week without having to see Rafe.

He corners me at the grocery store while I’m getting food to make dinner at my friend’s house.

“I thought about what you said.”

I jump at the voice suddenly speaking next to me, looking up and making eye contact with crystal blue eyes. My body freezes at the close distance between me and him. It’s unnatural to me, since I don’t know him that well and I don’t feel comfortable with him because of what I’ve heard about him from my friends.

The only time that I was really this close to Rafe was when we had sex. And I was blackout drunk that night.

“What did I say?” I inquire, setting the bag of carrots into my basket.

“About me being more involved with the baby,” he moves closer, if that’s even possible. “And I decided that you’re wrong.”

I blink. “Excuse me?”

“I will be involved with this pregnancy,” his tone of voice makes my stomach churn. “And with this baby. I’ll spend all of the time in the fucking world with this baby and there’s nothing that you can do about it. You know why?”

He looks so smug now, and I’m terrified by his proximity and body language that I can’t find it in myself to want to punch that smug smile off his face like I normally do. I just feel fear right now.

“Because I’m a Cameron, so I can do whatever I want. Oh, and tell your buddy, Pope, that he owes us, and soon.”

He backs up, giving me one last smirk before walking away. I carry on grocery shopping with a lump in my throat, looking over my shoulder every five seconds. I can still feel his breath on my neck, eyes looking darker as he glares into mine. With Rafe’s family’s power, I don’t disbelieve his words.

Of course I had to sleep with the one man who would make my life miserable if I had his baby, and a man who changes his mood at the drop of a dime.

~

John B convinces me to move back in with him, not that it was that hard. I was starting to feel guilty for crashing at Cadey’s place so much that it was kind of a relief to get out of there, no matter how much her parents reassured me that I wasn’t intruding.

While John B is off to who knows where, the rest of us decide to go to the movie playing in the park.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to get you a chair?” Kie asks worriedly as JJ rests a hand on my back, the other hand wrapped around my wrist as he helps me to the blanket on the grass.

“I’m sure, I want to enjoy the movie like old times,” I reassure her.

“I’ll go get us some snacks.” She’s not gone long, only five minutes at the most, but when she returns it’s as if she’s seen a ghost.

“Are you okay?” Pope questions with concern.

“Um,” she takes a deep breath, “Y/N, Rafe is wondering if you passed his message on to Pope.”

I freeze, glancing over at the concession stand where Kiara previously was. Rafe is leaning against it, his eyes already on me, trademark smirk on his face as Topper and Kelce joke and push each other around in front of him. I quickly advert my eyes.

I did not pass on his message. I’ve been trying to forget about that entire encounter, so I pushed Rafe’s words to the back of my mind and honestly forgot about them. Plus, I kind of brushed them off. I figured Rafe would be more focused on trying to involve himself in mine and the baby’s life than trying to get revenge on Pope for whatever stupid thing happened, so I just didn’t tell Pope about what Rafe said.

“Um,” I cough awkwardly, “Pope, Rafe says that you owe him. He didn’t say what for, I assume you already know.”

“What did you do?” Kie groans.

“Don’t blame me, it was him,” Pope points at JJ.

“Oh, so it’s my fault now,” JJ scoffs.

“Yes, you took advantage of me in a moment of weakness and-””Come on, man, don’t make it sound like that-””Shut up, it’s starting,” I reach over, halfheartedly swatting at JJ’s chest to get the argument to stop.

We get halfway through the movie before JJ and Pope start whispering furiously to each other.

“Guys, shut up,” Kiara hisses at them once a few people shoot them dirty looks.

“We’re going to go to the bathroom,” JJ informs us, hauling Pope to his feet.

“Together?”

They don’t respond before disappearing behind the screen.

After a few minutes pass by, Kiara gets my attention.

“Huh?”

“Do you think that they’ve been gone a long time?”

“Oh. Maybe.” My eyes are focused on the screen.

“Do you want to go check on them?”

“But this is the dramatic part,” I whine. She gives me a look and I groan. “Fine.”

She guides me to my feet before we disappear behind the screen. I pause, taken aback by the scene in front of me. JJ and Pope stand in front of Kelce, Rafe, and Topper, an obvious tension in the air- well, a more intense tension than normal.

“Hey Pope, do you feel good, stealing shit? Is your mom proud of you? Is your dad proud of you?” Topper taunts Pope.

Before Kie and I can jump into action, Pope leans forward, headbutting Topper.

Then all hell breaks loose.

Everyone starts jumping on top of each other, throwing punches and kicks. Kiara runs forward, hollering at Topper and hitting him with her bag in an attempt to get him to stop.

I don’t move.

I can’t move.

My feet are planted into the ground.

I know I should jump in to help my friends, but there’s something holding me back. It could be out of fear to get on Rafe and his friends' bad side- I could definitely see them using it as evidence during a custody battle or just adding more resentment to the relationship. Or it could be fear of not being able to do much. I am twenty weeks pregnant, the bump makes it harder to move around.

But I think it’s out of fear of hurting my child. If someone accidentally hits me instead of someone else, that could land on my stomach, injuring my child. I couldn’t live with the guilt of hurting my child just because of some feud between Pope and Topper that I know nothing about.

I take a step back- to do what, I don’t know. Flee the scene? Get further away from the violence?

And at the same moment, sparks alight. Kiara had taken a lighter out of her bag and set the screen on fire. I watch the fires spread in awe as the fight dissolves in front of me, Rafe suddenly appearing before me.

“I don’t want these pogues anywhere near my child,” he growls, inches away from my face. “And I will do anything that I can to make sure that it never happens.”

He disappears just as fast, laughing with Topper and Kelce as they walk away.

My mouth gapes open as I look between a panting Kiara, Pope trying to catch his breath after being choked, and an unbothered JJ.

“Why can’t we have one nice night?”

taglist: @mrs–barnes @cooper8224 @lieswithoutfairytales @asimpwriter @millavalntyne @hopebaker @rafeseggplant @fredsandlokiswhore @angelreyesgirl100 @dopedaegus @savannah-elliott @yayooooooooo 

[aamalaaa]

sunrises & liquor (m) | myg

all that jazz

pairing: yoongi x reader

series: sunrises & liquor

rating: m(18+); cursing, alcohol consumption, smut, explicit content

genre: bar workers au, barman yoongi au, (kinda) forbidden relationship, angst, fluff, smut

summary: after a failed academic pursuit and a few meaningless and disappointing relationships, you decided to go back to what you never thought you would: the bar industry. There you find a family, friends, heartache, misunderstandings and one particular barman who just won’t get out of your head.

warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption (duh), smut, dom!yoongi, sub/brat!reader, dirty talk, oral sex(m.receiving), unprotected sex(wrap it before you tap it folks), car sex, rough sex, angst, reader has issues bro

a/n: welcome folks, to yet another chapter of s&l! it’s been more than lovely having you around, sharing your thoughts and screaming with me. I appreciate you!! anyhow, this is the longest one yet, my bad, and we’re getting into the final arc of this story, I reckon. I hope you thoroughly enjoy this one<3

//: btw, I listened to ‘Lost’ and ‘Thinkin bout you’ by Frank Ocean, and also ‘Meet me in the Hallway’ by Harry Styles while writing this one, I recommend it.

chapter word count: 8.5k (my bad)

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Today was a long day.

It started well enough, you woke up and ate breakfast with two of your best friends, exchanged a few texts with Yoongi and tried to help Jimin with his Hoseok problem. You even managed to convince him to meet up with the latter.

Turns out it ended up unraveling in the worst possible way and you were left to pick up the pieces of your dear friend’s heart all throughout the afternoon, trying to ignore the guilt gnawing at you in favor of focusing on your friend who really needed you.

Because this isn’t about you and how you feel bad about what happened and the role you played in this whole situation. This is about Jimin and how he just got basically rejected by his longtime crush and friend.

So you lay in bed, staring at the ceiling in an attempt to understand what in the actual fuck happened today and how to help, what to do to make both your friends feel a little less miserable.

And Hoseok may have rejected Jimin, but you know him and you’re sure this whole thing is eating at him, will probably keep him up at night. Hoseok never wants to hurt anyone, on the contrary, he always tries to help people feel a little more hopeful, a little less out of control.

You facepalm yourself and sigh loudly. How the fuck do you always end up all up in everybody’s business, your life is enough of a mess as it is. 

Your phone vibrates and you unlock it, smiling like a whole ass fool as soon as you notice Yoongi’s contact name pop up on your screen.

Love [6:37]: badly, spent the whole afternoon consoling Jiminie

Love [6:38]: I’m so tired

You drop your phone on the bed and head towards the bathroom to take a much needed shower. You stand under the stream of hot water for, well, way too long, before you step out of the shower and wrap a towel around your naked form, blow drying your hair as soon as you do.

You leisurely make your way towards your dresser and slip on a simple black t-shirt. Then, you unlock your cell phone again and try to force down the surge of energy you get when you notice two new messages from Yoongi. 

Music Man [6:41]: shit. poor Chim.

Music Man [6:41]: are you ok?

You sigh contentedly as you type in a response and send it.

Love [7:29]: yeah I am, just need to unwind and go to sleep early.

You start scrolling through netflix, almost settling on a title before you feel your phone vibrate on your stomach.

Music Man [7:36]: wanna come over?

You grin and start typing.

Love [7:37]: mmmhm, idk. that’s at least a 15 minutes drive.

The reply is almost instantaneous.

Music Man [7:37]: I made budae jjigae..

Love [7:38]: say no more

Love [7:38]: leaving in 10

You start getting ready, pulling on some jeans and a coat, then you brush your teeth and grab your purse.

You look at your phone before dropping it in your bag.

Music Man [7:40]: bring overnight stuff [:

“Did you get my last text?”

You push past Yoongi and head inside the apartment.

“I did,” You reply in a monotonous tone.

He closes the front door. “Where’s your overnight stuff?”

You grin and lift your purse up,

“Here.”

“You’re sleeping in… jeans?”

You slip your coat off and hang it, wagging your eyebrows playfully. “Or maybe I’m sleeping naked?”

“Are you trying to be the end of me?” Yoongi groans.

You chuckle lightheartedly,

“Don’t act like you’ve never seen a naked woman before, please.”

“Definitely not, but they weren’t you. I don’t think you realize the power you have over me, love.” He draws closer and engulfs you in a tight embrace, laying a gentle press of his lips on top of your head.

You blush profusely, thankful for the fact that your face is hidden from Yoongi’s scrutinizing gaze. This might be the most romantic and simultaneously arousing thing you’ve ever heard. 

Shit.

“Then you’ll lend me sleeping clothes will you?” You nip at his exposed collarbones.

Yoongi shudders quietly. “So this was your plan the whole time? Make a man weak so you can steal his clothes and why not, his cat too maybe?”

You laugh against the crook of his neck. “Damn, you caught me.”

“That’s cold, angel.”

You lift your head up and your eyes meet an absolutely devastating pout.

“Poor baby,” You coo before cupping his soft cheeks, pressing your lips on his for a few seconds and sighing in absolute bliss, the blond man’s arms tightening around you as you get lost in each other’s taste. You break it off first, parting an inch or two from him and staying there for a short moment, the both of you breathing in each other’s air, eyes closed.

“I just think your clothes smell nice,” You whisper tenderly.

Yoongi hums. “What do they smell like?”

You dip your head down and press your forehead on his shoulder, a light pinkish tint taking over your cheeks, and mumble, “You.”

“So you think I smell nice?” 

You slap his hip and groan in embarrassment. “I hate you.”

“Sure you do.” He chortles, a calloused hand making its way through your freshly washed hair.

You stay unmoving for a few moments, trying to will the heat in your cheeks away and then raise your head, first noticing Cat, laying on the couch and judging the both of you with it’s golden orbs, before catching the spicy scent of budae jjigae for the first time since you came in.

“You actually cooked, like for real.”

Yoongi lets go of his hold on you and rubs the back of his neck. “Well, yeah.”

You approach the stove top, taking  in a deep breath through your nose.

“I thought you were finessing me so I would come over.”

“That’s rich coming from you, clothes stealer.” Yoongi says, a playful indignant tone to his voice.

“Hey! I borrow them, I don’t steal them.”

“Tell that to the hoodie I haven’t seen in the last two months.”

You cross your arms and pout, leaning on the counter. “You gave that to me, meanie.”

“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.”

“That’s not fair,” You squint your eyes at him.

Yoongi chuckles and kisses your temple, taking two bowls from the cupboard and filling them with two portions of the still-warm meal before putting them down on the counter along with utensils and two water bottles.

“Eat up before it gets cold.”

You whine but still sit down at the counter, slurping and munching hungrily at the delicious comforting meal. Yoongi watches you with an amused expression, eating quietly and slowly. Once you’ve annihilated your portion you put your utensils down and quirk a brow at the blond man,

“What?” you take a sip of water.

Yoongi shrugs, a crooked smile on his lips. “Nothing, you’re just cute.”

You choke on the liquid, coughing loudly and bring a hand up to your chest, violently slapping it to help clear your obstructed airways. Yoongi laughs and runs a hand up and down your back in a soothing motion. 

“You’re mean,” You croak out once your fit of coughs settles down.

“I’m sorry,” He massages the nape of your neck, dissipating any feeling of annoyance you might’ve had.

You pout. “Better make it up to me then.”

“Anything you want, love.”

"Anything?" You lift a brow and send him a seductive smile, slowly getting up and wrapping your arms around his neck.

Yoongi’s breath hitches in his throat as he lets out a low, rumbly, “Anything.”

You twirl a blond strand of hair between your deft fingers, a wicked grin lifting the corners of your mouth. “Then I want a massage and cuddles.”

Yoongi huffs incredulously and shakes his head, lightly swatting at your ass. “It would be my pleasure.”

He lends you a pair of black sweatpants and a white t-shirt and you quickly brush your teeth before going to the living room and petting the furry animal, cooing and squealing when it starts purring in content.You then make your way back to Yoongi's room and swiftly slide under the bed’s covers. 

Yoongi enters the bathroom and comes out a few minutes later to find you almost passed out, snuggled in his sheets. He slides under the covers next to you and whispers,

“Do you want to go to sleep now, love?”

You shake your head and blink slowly, meeting deep chocolate-like eyes. Even in complete darkness Yoongi looks absolutely stunning, breathtaking, and you feel so fucking fond and grateful to be sharing a bed with him.

“Nuh-uh, you still have to give me a massage.”

“Alright, on your stomach then,” Yoongi chuckles and tucks a strand of hair beneath your ear. 

You leisurely comply, and give him an expectant look.

“It would be better if I took off your shirt, but it’s all up to you.”

You nod and send him a small smile, giving him permission.

And so Yoongi sits up straight and starts tugging your shirt off, you help him by lifting your torso and arms up. 

Once the garment is off, Yoongi slides his palms up your back with increasing pressure, spurring a satisfied moan out of you. 

“Is that enough pressure?” He whispers in a dark, gruff tone, sending shivers up your spine

You barely manage to whisper the next words, 

“It’s perfect.” 

He continues his ministrations, lingering for a long moment on your shoulders and collarbones, then trailing down to the dip of your back and slowly pressing his thumbs there while you can only let out small mewls of appreciation. 

You slowly slip in and out of consciousness, not even noticing that Yoongi has stopped massaging you until he whispers against your ear,   

“Time to sleep, angel.”

You groan and begrudgingly sit up, tugging the white t-shirt on before slumping down on your side, facing the opposite way from Yoongi. The latter inches closer and wraps a lazy arm around your waist, pressing himself flush against your back.

“Sweet dreams,” He presses a delicate kiss on your shoulder.

You wiggle in his embrace before slurring out a small,

“Sweet dreams Yoongi.”

You tug nervously at the off-the-shoulder neckline of the emerald green, floor length dress you put on merely a few minutes ago.

It’s 7:04, which means Yoongi is late, and Yoongi is almost never late. Which might mean something happened, but it could also just be your anxiety riddled mind making up scenarios to taunt you.

Nevertheless you can’t tame down the bubbling anxiety rising in your chest.

You’re checking your phone for the upteenth when you hear a slightly reluctant knock at your front door.

You swing it open in a matter of seconds, letting out a shaky breath of relief as soon as you see Yoongi’s soft features.

Your relief is short lived though, because his appearance knocks the air straight out of you.

You grip the doorknob forcefully as you take in the fitted black suit Yoongi is sporting, the white dress shirt and black bow, but most importantly his luscious locks of hair. Because they’re not the light, bleached blond you’ve been drawn to since you’ve met him. No, oh no. 

His hair is black. 

Jet black, as dark as a raven’s feathers. 

And if you thought blond was the best color for Yoongi before, you were not prepared for this one. Because holy shit, he’s the most gorgeous man you’ve ever been blessed to lay your eyes upon. 

The night’s announcing itself to be a long one. 

“You look amazing,” Yoongi declares as he tucks his hands in the pockets of his trousers, an awestruck look in his eyes.

“Holy shit,” Is all you manage to say, completely unaware of the compliment he just bestowed upon you.

Yoongi nervously cards a hand through his black hair. “Yeah..”

“Yoongi. Fucking hell. Don’t do that.” Your grip on the door handle strengthens and you take a deep breath, looking anywhere but in his direction. 

“Do what?” He scratches his head in confusion, oblivious to your internal struggle. 

“Your hair, oh my god.” You snap your gaze up, just now noticing how awkward the man looks standing in the doorway. “Umm, sorry, come in.”

You step out of the way and Yoongi slides in through the threshold, closing the door as you make your way to the closet and take out your winter coat. 

“Yeah I was so done with bleaching it, so I just went back to my natural color.”

You hum understandingly and the man leans on the wall, watching you curiously as your shaky hands fumble with the buttons of your black, fake fur coat. 

“Do you like it?” He questions, an amused glint to his tone.

You gulp loudly. “Y-yeah I do.” 

You curse under your breath as you struggle to button your coat, your mind reeling with thousands of filthy images you try to rid yourself of. Crazy how a simple change of hair color can have such an impact on you. 

But you’re only human, and Yoongi clearly is something else, no way a human being is allowed to look like this, like sin incarnated but also a god sent creature. It’s not fucking fair.

Strong, capable hands deftly take a hold of yours and snap the coat’s buttons in place. 

“You like it that much?” He chuckles teasingly.

You send a glare his way, only now noticing how close he’s standing. “How fucking dare you look this good in my house, in front of my fake plants nonetheless!”

Yoongi lifts a brow in amusement before taking a hold of your waist and drawing you flush against his broad chest. “What are you gonna do about it?” 

You gasp and slap his shoulder. “I can’t with you, I swear to god.”

Yoongi laughs loudly, showing off a heart shattering gummy smile that has your heartbeat picking up at an alarming rate.

“Are you actually mad?” He runs a hand up and down your back. You curse yourself for putting on your winter garment, wanting more than anything to feel his fingers on you.

“Yes, I am! How am I supposed to watch the musical when you look like this?” You pout angrily. 

“So dramatic..” 

And just like that he stops you from responding by locking his lips onto yours, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss before biting lightly at your bottom lip, tearing a soft whimper out of you.

He slowly backs you up against the wall, using the surprised gasp you emit to slide his tongue against your own, licking languidly and relentlessly as you try to take charge, failing time and time again.

You slide your hand all the way up to the back of his head, tugging lightly at the soft locks of hair, something you’ve been desperate to do since he appeared at your doorstep. 

Yoongi emits a deep groan, shivers instantly pricking at your skin despite the warm clothing you’re wearing and you slide your other hand up to the button of his jacket, wanting nothing more than to take it off and feel his warm skin sizzling under your palms.

But he parts from your lips just as your hand reaches the obstructing button and chuckles hoarsely,

“We can’t miss this show, love. Tae would be sad and you’d feel bad.”

“Damn, I hate that you’re right.”

Yoongi rests his forehead against yours and lightly shakes his head. “Believe me, I hate that I am too.” 

You stay there, catching your breaths for a few moments before you speak up again,

“Alright let’s go now, otherwise we won’t be leaving tonight.”

You see his jaw twitch as he steps away and takes your hand in his. 

“I’m in pain,” He solemnly declares.

You chuckle heartily,

“So dramatic.”

You arrive at the theater a mere thirty-something minutes before the musical Taehyung stars in begins, the billboard announcing ‘Chicago’ in bright capital letters.

You notice Seokjin and Hoseok almost as soon as you make your way in after dropping off your things at coat check.

They’re leaning against a high circular table and chatting, flutes of champagne in hand.

Seokjin speaks first,

“We were starting to wonder if you guys decided to bail on us to go have sex at Yoongi’s place or something.”

You give him a mortified look while Hoseok loudly chortles, gripping his stomach as he does so.

Yoongi lets out a drawn out sigh. “I need a drink.”

Seokjin perks up. “Let me accompany you! There’s a bit of a line.” 

He downs his own flute in one gulp as Yoongi sends a pained look your way but follows the older man nonetheless, leaving you and Hoseok alone.

The silence that reigns over the both of you feels awkward and strange. You don’t like it, not one bit.

“How is he?”

You snap your gaze towards the red haired man.

“Who?” You question futilely, already knowing the answer.

Hoseok sighs, a downcast look in his eyes. “Jimin..” 

You pick at your nails nervously, unsure if you should be talking about it or not. You ultimately decide it couldn’t hurt to do so. 

“I mean.. how do you think? You know him, he’s taking it pretty badly but he wouldn’t talk about it or what really happened. He’s resilient though, he’ll manage.”

“I know.. I’m just-“ He pauses. “I’m just kinda confused and lost right now? I didn’t expect this, at all. And I’ve wanted him to tell me that he loves me for so long, even dreamt about it. But I met Lia a few weeks ago and it’s going well you know? She’s kind and I know exactly what she thinks and where she’s at..”

You didn’t know about any of this. “Lia?” 

“Yeah, I met her at a party. You’d like her a lot I think.” He shoots you a half-hearted smile, making your heart sink. 

Hoseok doesn’t do half-hearted smiles.

“If you do, I’m sure I would too.”

Hoseok stares at the floor, eyebrows furrowed, like he’s deep in thoughts.

You sigh and ruffle his hair. “Whatever you do, I’ll be happy for you. As long as you know you’re making the right decision for you. Not anyone else.”

Hoseok eyes you almost pleadingly. “But no matter what I do, someone’s going to end up hurting..”

“Yup. That’s just the way things go most of the time.” You try to swallow the uptick of emotions in your throat.

“You’re such a pessimist,” The corner of his eyes crinkle in amusement.

“I have nothing to say in my defense.”

You notice Yoongi and Seokjin coming back your way, holding three flutes of champagne.

You give Hoseok a meaningful look, “Seriously though, think about it. I don’t want you to regret your decision later on, whatever that decision is.”

He nods harshly, just as the two men come up to you. Yoongi hands you a flute.

“Thanks,” You beam at him, touched that he thought to bring you one too.

He snakes an arm around your waist and takes a small sip of the bubbly drink. “Of course.”

“So, what role is Taehyung playing anyway?” Hoseok asks.

You perk up, excited about your friend’s upcoming performance. “Roxie! It’s a gender swapped reinterpretation of Chicago.”

“Damn, he basically got the lead role.” Yoongi whistles, impressed.

You preen with pride for your friend.

“He did,” Seokjin confirms in an adoring tone.

“Sweet!” Hoseok exclaims, drawing in a few pair of curious eyes.

You all drink your flutes pretty quickly and make a stop at the restroom before heading inside the theater and taking your seats.

You sit at the end of the row, Yoongi directly to your left, then followed by Hoseok and Seokjin. You apply a thin layer of lip gloss before tucking the stick back into your purse, only then noticing Yoongi eyeing you, indecipherable emotions swimming in his dark orbs.

You lean closer and lay a hand on his thigh,

“Something on my face?”

Yoongi snorts. “Anything I could answer to that would be corny as fuck.”

You feel your face heat up and look down bashfully.

“Hey,” He lifts your chin up with his index finger. “I didn’t say I was done looking.”

“Oh my god Yoongi, stop.” You squeeze his thigh in warning, very thankful for the low lighting, otherwise you’re positive he would notice the bright red tint spreading all over your face.

“Cute,” He coos softly, caressing your cheek gently before draping his arm around your shoulders, you lean onto him . 

The musical soon starts, and it’s absolutely mind blowing. You don’t remember ever seeing something quite like it. Taehyung adds a lot of flair to it, and you might’ve seen him in other plays before, but this takes home the cake, in your opinion at least. Because he owns the stage, the role, the songs. 

He is the role.

But as much as you try to stay focused, you can’t help but let yourself peer at Yoongi from time to time, getting caught up in the way the light illuminating the stage creates all sorts of shapes and shadows upon his hypnotizing features.

He’s fucking stunning.

You leave your hand on his thigh all throughout the show, rubbing slow circles on his knee with your dainty thumb.

And you’re acutely aware of the occasional shivers coursing through Yoongi as you sometimes let your hand wander a bit further up his thigh, notice the way his jaw ticks when you lightly squeeze the muscular limb. You also notice how your heartbeat picks up its pace the longer you keep testing the man’s patience, as if maybe your little teasing might have even more of an effect on you than on him.

When the last musical number starts, you let your hand venture even further up, your fingers now almost reaching the place you want them to reach the most.

You feel Yoongi‘s muscle strain, almost missing the low groan that reverberates through him when he forcefully grabs your wrist in warning, which automatically sends a rush of heat through your whole body.

You chance a glance at his tense features, his clenched jaw, his eyes staring intently at the stage, and almost pout when he doesn’t give you any attention, simply keeping his steady and forcefull hold on your wrist, making it impossible for you to move your hand in any way. 

The play soon ends and you all get up, Yoongi lets go of your wrist to applaud and once he’s done, he gets a hold of your hand and interwines your fingers, sending you a dark menacing look as he does so.

The four of you quickly make your way to the front hall and you text your friend.

my queen [10:43]: we’re waiting for you in the front hall! you were fucking incredible tae omg

You feel Yoongi’s hold on your hand strengthen as you wait for a reply.

Taebear [10:45]: be there in 15, gotta wait for ppl to leave 

And so you all wait, eagerly discussing and praising your friend’s performance and the musical as a whole between the four of you.

Time goes by so quickly that you yelp in surprise when you notice your best friend making his way towards your group.

“Tae oh my fucking god!” You let go of Yoongi’s hand and run into Taehyung’s arms. “You were unreal up there.” 

You part from him to let everyone congratulate his performance, Hoseok clapping excitedly and crushing him into a fierce hug while Yoongi simply pats him on the shoulder.

“You were born to be on stage sweetie,” Seokjin approaches him and lays a passionate kiss on the younger man’s lips.

They exchange a few words before Taehyung addresses you, his head laying on Seokjin’s large shoulders,

“I know we planned to go somewhere after this but I’m officially drained. Rain check? Y’all still owe me a celebratory meal.” 

You snort loudly. “All good babe. Go rest, you need it.”

Hoseok ruffles Seokjin’s hair. “Can I catch a ride with you?”

“As long as you never, ever, touch my hair again, yes.” 

Taehyung chuckles airily, an endeared boxy grin etched upon his face as he glances adoringly at the older man. 

And so you all say goodbye and head towards your respective cars. You slump down the passenger side’s seat and tug your coat off, waiting for Yoongi to start the ignition. 

He drives out of the parking lot and onto the highway, glancing at you from time to time, not saying a single word. You feel anxiety bubbling up your chest and decide to break the tense silence,

“Are you dropping me off at home?” 

Yoongi chuckles almost menacingly. “Oh no, we’re sleeping at my place tonight.” 

“Umm.. since when?” You give him a quizzical look.

He clenches his jaw before replying,

“Since you decided to play a game you know you can’t win.”

Oh.

You slide a hand up his thigh, your fingers brushing over his crotch, and relish in the sharp intake of air that reaches your ears. 

“What game?” You tease.

“Angel,” Yoongi rasps through gritted teeth, his hands gripping the wheel so forcefully that his knuckles turn white.

And you might be liking this a bit too much, but it’s way too fun to stop now. 

So you repeat the motion, sliding your hand up and down his thigh, brushing over his crotch again.

“Yes?” You flutter your eyelashes innocently. 

You barely even notice Yoongi taking the next exit and driving down small deserted streets until the car stops in a small parking lot next to the water.

You don’t recognize the public park in which you now find yourself in. 

“Uh, Yoongi? This isn’t your place as far as I know.”

The man lowers the backrest of the car seat to a more comfortable position, unfastens his seatbelt and grabs your hand, pushing it against the growing tent in his trousers, electrifying arousal growing sharply in your abdomen as he does so.

“Well, it seems like you couldn’t wait to be home to act like a brat. So go ahead, do what you want.”

You swallow thickly. “Here? What if someone walks past us?” 

Yoongi smirks and closes his eyes before bringing his arms up and slipping his hands behind his head. “Didn’t seem to bother you one bit earlier.”

And maybe it shouldn’t, but the thought of maybe getting caught, coupled with the alluring confidence emanating from Yoongi casts a hazy cloud in your mind, making you want to please the man more than anything in the world.

And so you unfasten your seatbelt and lift your skirt up to straddle the man easily. But he stops you before you can climb him,

“No.”

You stare at him in sheer confusion. 

“That’s not what you were trying to do earlier. Use your hands angel, then we’ll see if you deserve more.” 

You all but shudder and nod weakly. Yoongi might’ve been a bit dominating before, but it was nothing compared to this. The confident, authoritative glint in his voice sends your mind into a frenzy, you want to get to know this side of him better.

He quirks a brow at you and closes his eyes again,

“Well?” 

You snake a trembling hand up to the zipper of his trousers, struggling a bit before sliding it all the way down. You can feel how aroused he is, how hard his thick, warm length feels under the thin material of his underwear. It gives you a major boost of confidence, knowing how eager Yoongi actually is to feel you.

“Can you um..lift your hips,” You bashfully ask.

Yoongi blinks and chuckles amusedly before lifting his hips up and tugging his boxers and trousers halfway down, liberating his warm cock from the confines of his clothes. 

He watches carefully as you bring a hand up to your mouth and spit on it, his eyes darkening as soon as the thick saliva trickles down your palm.

His gaze only falters for a few seconds when you wrap your hand around him, and focuses again as soon as you start pumping him in slow, drawn out motions.

He stays silent, though immensely focused when you start going faster, swirling your wrist from time to time and applying a little more pressure when you reach his reddened tip, only to dive down again and again. 

His ragged breathing is the only thing that cues you in on how much he’s actually enjoying this and so, you ask with a tiny, shaky voice,

“Can I umm..”

The words don't come out. It’s not that you’re shy about doing it, It just feels weird to say out loud.

“Can you what?” He asks with a gravely low voice that sends a wave of shivers up your spine.

You look at him with pleading eyes as you continue sliding your hand up and down his length. Yoongi simply quirks a brow at you, refusing you mercy. 

“Can you what, love?”

You take a shallow breath and whisper, 

“Can I suck you off?”

You can almost sense the moment he breaks, it feels like the air inside the small car gets even more suffocating, making you lightheaded.

“Fuck, yeah, go on.”

A pleasurable knot forms itself in your stomach as you eagerly dive down to leave a teasing lick on the tip of Yoongi’s cock, the salty taste of precum coating your tongue deliciously.

You flick your tongue against the slit of his girth, smirking when you feel Yoongi jolt and moan quietly. He pushes away the strands of hair dangling in front of your eyes and grabs the rest of your hair in a messy bun, holding it in a firm but gentle grip.

He groans lowly when you slowly wrap your lips around him and slide down his length, pressing your tongue along his frenulum as you do so, and repeat the motion a few times, hollowing your cheeks to coax as much pleasure as you possibly can out of him. 

You come up for air for a few seconds before spitting on his cock and taking him back in your mouth, feeling every protruding vein on his thick member as you swirl your tongue around it. You rapidly pick up a faster pace, bobbing your head up and down as you hear a myriad of curses escape Yoongi’s lips.

It only makes you grow bolder and bolder and so you dive down lower, only stopping when your nose brushes against soft skin. You gag lightly and repeat the motion a second time, to the man’s greatest pleasure, if his choked guttural groan is anything to go by.

As soon as the tip of his thick length hits the back of your throat, you feel Yoongi bucking his hips forward, making you gag and cough loudly around him, saliva trickling down your mouth filthily. 

“Fuck I’m so sorry,” He tugs on your hair and lifts you up, the sharp sting sending a shock of pleasure through you.

You gasp for air and feel drool sliding along your throat, all the way down to the neckline of your dress, a few teardrops escaping your eyes.

“It’s ok.. I like it,” You rasp out as soon as you can breathe somewhat normally.

Yoongi groans. “Fucking hell, yeah? You like choking on my cock, angel?” 

You mewl in response, feeling a familiar wetness in between your legs slowly spreading to the inside of your thighs. 

“Can I fuck your mouth, mmhm? Can you do that for me?” He tilts your head upwards and brings you closer, his face now a few inches away from yours.

You nod frantically, more than excited by the prospect of Yoongi fucking into your mouth aggressively, using you as he pleases to get himself off. There’s nothing quite as tempting in the whole world. At least at this moment.

“You sure?” He wipes drool off your chin and gently strokes your flushed cheek with the back of his hand.

“Yes, please..”

“Begging to choke on my cock, for fuck’s sake.”

Yoongi bruisingly crashes his lips onto yours and devours your mouth with unbridled passion, instantly and greedily swallowing your whimpers as they reach your throat. 

He disconnects your mouths and breathes out unevenly. “You ready?” 

You nod eagerly and Yoongi guides you back to his painfully hard erection. You instantly wrap your lips around him, sighing in relief as soon as you do.

He growls mutedly. “Squeeze my thigh if you ever feel uncomfortable and want me to stop, ok angel?”

You hum and tantalizingly lick the side of his length, which only makes him tighten his hold on your hair. 

He starts bucking his hips forward, and it’s slow at first, as he drags the tip of his erection against your warm tongue numerous times. But he soon picks up his pace, snapping in and out of your mouth rapidly before engulfing himself far down your tight throat, only stopping when he hears you gagging around him. 

Then he picks up an unhurried pace again and alternates between slow and fast, aggressive and gentle. You feel dizzy and completely fucked out, your underwear completely ruined by sheer arousal. You don’t think you’ve ever been this turned on in your life.

You squeal in surprise when Yoongi lifts you up swiftly and kisses you feverishly, as if trying to taste each and every corner of your mouth with the help of his skilled tongue.

A thick trail of saliva connects both of your mouths when you part for air. Yoongi cups your cheeks and leaves a soft peck on your swollen lips, it has you seeing stars, your heart growing bigger in size at the care he exudes through his actions.

“Such a good girl for me.” 

You smile shyly at him and nuzzle the tip of his nose, pride blooming in your chest as you realize how good you’ve made him feel.  

“Come here angel.” 

He skirts your dress up to your hip bones and helps you straddle him, holding you in place as you settle somewhat comfortably on his lap. Your legs tremble furiously when you try to hold yourself up and you whine pitifully.

“Yoongi, I don’t think I can move my legs for long.”

He leaves a sweet peck on your lips before murmuring,

“I got you.”

Your heart soars as his words register and you dive down to the crook of his neck, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses as you get rid of the bow around his collar. 

When the accessory is finally off, you leisurely unbutton his dress shirt, your fingers lingering longingly on the small expanse of his chest, now available to your rapacious hands.

You're thrown off guard when Yoongi drags the tip of his fingers against your covered core, spurring light jolts out of you as he teases you mercilessly for a few interminable seconds.

“Yoongi, please, I need you..” You sob out, your legs now shaking uncontrollably. 

“Just-, Give me a minute to make sure I don’t hurt you alright?”

“But I’m ready, please.” You plead brokenly, completely unbothered by how fucking needy you sound.

He takes a deep inhale, holding your waist with one hand before pushing your underwear aside and sliding two digits into you, his fingers meeting no resistance whatsoever.

You moan softly, and you think you could come just like this with how fucking aroused you are. 

“Fuck, you are ready.” 

Yoongi thrusts his fingers in and out of you, dragging them along your walls before slipping them out of you, much to your disappointment.

You whine and pout deeply. “I told you.”

“I know baby,” He soothes as he lightly slaps your cunt, making you shudder in his hold. 

He grips his own veiny girth, pumping it a few times while simultaneously holding your panties to the side before aligning himself with your entrance.

Your pout slowly morphs into a gasp when you feel his throbbing length sliding into you in one smooth motion, stretching you nicely around its circumference. 

“Oh fuck,” You harshly breathe out, your eyes rolling to the back of your head before coming back to focus on Yoongi’s.

The black haired man brings one hand to your hip and the other up to your throat, squeezing lightly as he steadily holds your gaze, burning lava swimming in his dark brown orbs. 

And that’s exactly how your whole body feels as Yoongi picks up a long languorous pace. Like lava, malleable, pliant and hot to the touch, like the only thing capable of laying a hand upon you would have to be something equally fiery. 

You always thought that Yoongi shared a lot of similarities with burning coal. Intoxicating, warm. Like if he wanted to, he could make you burn alongside him.

Though, if you’re being honest, you think you’ve been burning for quite some time.

You snap out of a daze like state when you feel Yoongi’s grip on your throat tightening and mewl loudly as he starts rapidly thrusting into you. He swirls his hips up and down and you can only hold on to his broad shoulders, gripping so harshly you might have left marks if it wasn’t for the jacket that the man hadn’t bothered to shrug off.

Then he slows down again, his shallow breath fanning over your face over and over again as you peer deep in his eyes, the knot in your abdomen tightening exponentially with every sharp thrust of his hips. 

You feel deft fingers crawling down your side, unzipping your dress in one quick motion before they tug the upper part of the garment down, your breast now bouncing up and down as Yoongi keeps fucking into you. 

He tweaks one of your pert nipples and latches his mouth on the other one, flicking and nibbling teasingly at it while you can only shiver in pure ecstasy.

A wanton moan slips past your throat when he suddenly picks up an unrelenting pace and you instinctively arch your back, deepening the angle at which he rams into you at full speed.

“Yoongi..” You whimper, bringing your forehead against his and the man soon cradles the side of your face. 

“Y-yeah?” He chokes out unevenly. 

Your vision focuses onto him as the rest grows blurry, you feel your orgasm at the tip of your fingers, tingling all over the extremities of your limbs, like a dam ready to burst at any moment.

“Don’t stop, fuck-“

Your head falls down on his shoulder and your peak washes over you in overwhelming waves, blinding you for a few moments as you hold onto his strong frame for dear life. You convulse and pulse steadily around him, clenching and unclenching while he continues his ministrations, his cock throbbing around your swollen folds.

“Babe-“ Yoongi starts, out of breath. “You need to get off, I’m gonna cum-” He rasps out, sinking his nails into the supple skin of your thigh.

And so you muster all the strength you can gather and lift your hips up, setting them back down as soon as you feel him slip out, much to your dismay.

He tries to grip himself but you beat him to it, pumping his veiny length fast and hard as Yoongi moans hoarsely and comes undone, spilling all over your hand in thick spurts of unrestrained pleasure.

You look into his eyes and bring your sticky hand up, licking away all traces of his white release while thoroughly maintaining eye contact. Yoongi stares at you with his mouth agape, breathing heavily and swallowing thickly.

“What are you doing to me,” He blinks and cards a trembling hand through his jet black hair, the other one softly caressing your bruised thigh.

“And what are you doing to-“ You abruptly stop, noticing light coming your way through the fogged up window. “Holy shit, someone’s coming!”

Yoongi sends you an alarmed look and lowers the backrest of his seat all the way down, making you lose your balance. You plant your hands on both sides of his body to try not to crush him under your weight and hide your face against his chest. 

“Are they close,” He whispers as he tries to cover your bare ass by laying a coat on top of your frame.

You roll your eyes against closed eyelids,

“I don’t know, I’d have to be able to see to tell you that.”

Yoongi swallows down a chuckle. “Fair enough.”

“Shhhh!” You whisper aggressively.

You both stay silent for a minute or two, your heart rates picking up when the light gets so close you can see it behind closed eyelids. But no one comes knocking on the window, and after a minute or two you lift your head up and tentatively take a peek outside.

“Oh my fucking god it was the cops, they didn’t see us,” You clasp a hand over your mouth and look at Yoongi with a mortified expression. “Can you imagine if they got here a few minutes ago.”

He glances at you with wide eyes before bursting into laughter, a wide grin appearing on his face. And you can’t help but follow suit, throwing yourself back against his chest as you both giggle endlessly.

“Oh shit, that was such a close call,” He wipes at the corner of his eyes.

You slap his chest playfully. “What a bad idea.”

“You weren’t complaining earlier,” He teases as he pulls your dress up and zips it back up, taking the opportunity to draw shapes along the expanse of your collarbone. 

You lay a long, soft kiss upon his pillowy lips, sinking into his hold for a few moments before murmuring against his lips,

“Let’s go home before someone else comes, yeah?” 

And he gives you such a tender look that you can’t help but feel so many things, things you don’t want to feel, things you’re scared of and can’t even mention out loud.

But you feel them still, simmering in your stomach comfortingly despite the terror lurking in your mind like a shadow.

“Yeah, let’s.”

“How are we this late?” 

Yoongi shoots you an unimpressed look.

“We’re late because someone decided to lay on the ground and cuddle Cat for at least a good ten minutes.” 

“Hey!” You yelp indignantly. “Cat looked like it needed cuddles.”

Yoongi slips his hand in yours as you both walk rapidly towards the bar’s main entrance.

“Cat always needs cuddles.”

“Ooo, reminds me of someone.”

The look of disgust on Yoongi’s face sends you into a raucous fit of laughter.

“Says you.”

You click your tongue, “Oh but I’m not afraid to admit it. You, on the other hand, will pretend you don’t want cuddles and affection, but you so do.”

“I’m leaving you on the side of the road tonight,” He deadpans, letting go of your hand and walking faster ahead. 

“That’s mean!” You holler and quicken your pace, grabbing his arm and leaning your head on his shoulder as the man wraps an arm around your waist.

You stop just a few feet away from the door and tug on his arm. “Yoongi.” 

“What is it?” He lifts his hand up to your cheek, carefully cradling it.

“Kiss me?” You give him your best puppy eyes.

Yoongi rolls his eyes but still leans down to lay a chaste (but fatal nonetheless) kiss upon your lips, stroking your cold cheek with the back of his thumb as he does so. 

You chase after his plush lips once he parts from you, earning you a low chuckle from the object of your affection, “Greedy.”

You pout, “So what.”

The barman shakes his head fondly. “Nothing, you’re just cute.”

“Well-,”

“You guys coming in or?” 

You both simultaneously turn towards the disruption, annoyed, just then noticing Namjoon holding the door open from the inside of the establishment.

The doorman shrugs and gives you a dimpled smile. “It’s freezing, I’m not gonna hold it forever.”

“Yeah we’re coming,” Yoongi mumbles as he slips his hand in yours and walks through the threshold.

You follow him as he steps up the stairs, an impish smile on your lips. “You’re holding my hand again.” 

He gives you a questioning look. “So what?” 

“You and Cat share a lot of traits, that’s all.”

“Oh fucking hell.”

Saturday night ends up being a pretty busy night, as usual, and so, time goes by so fast you barely have time to blink before the night is over.

You’re probing through your purse in the employees lounge when Yoongi’s voice reaches your ears, making you still in your movements instantly.

“I mean what do you want me to say Joon? I thought it might’ve been something special, but turns out it was only physical attraction and sex. I realized that not too long ago.” He sighs. “I feel fucking awful, but it is what it is.”

And if you thought you’d known heartbreak before, nothing could prepare you for the painful manner in which your stomach churns as Yoongi’s words sink in, or the way your heart feels like it’s been ripped from your chest, only to be aggressively stepped on again and again.

You don’t understand, can’t comprehend, how Yoongi can act the way he does when he’s with you, only to then say that the connection you share is merely physical, replaceable. 

You fight back tears as you make your way behind the bar, staring intently at the back of Yoongi’s black head of hair. 

“I mean it can be pretty hard to tell the difference between lust and love, I get it. They’re both so intertwined together most of the time.” Namjoon explains matter-of-factly.

“I mean what I did still sucks-“

“Yoongi..” You croak out, trying to the best of your abilities to keep it together, though you feel like you probably won’t succeed in doing so.

Both men turn around and look at you in surprise.

“I thought-“ Your voice cracks under the weight of overwhelming emotions tearing through your chest and up your throat.

You feel like throwing up, actually throwing up.

Yoongi’s surprised expression morphs into one of immense concern, he furrows his brows and steps closer.

“What’s going on?” He asks with urgency.

You shake your head frantically and step backwards as a teardrop rolls down your cheek treacherously. “I thought-“ You stop again. 

“I don’t.. I don’t know what I thought, it clearly doesn’t matter.” You turn on your heels and head back to the employees lounge, taking your purse and coat as Yoongi follows you and grabs your elbow, making you swivel around in a dizzying motion.

“Talk to me angel, what’s happening? What are you talking about? You’re scaring me..”

“Yeah well, maybe if you told me I was only a good fuck from the moment you figured it out, we wouldn’t be here right now.” You sneer angrily, hurt and shame engulfing you in a red fog of anger

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “Woah, what are you talking about? I’m confused as fuck.” 

“So am I! I can’t talk to you right now Yoongi, I’ll take a cab home.”

You shrug his hands off and storm out of the lounge, not even noticing your friends' shocked stares as you almost run to the exit, too ashamed by your emotions to let them see you like this. 

Swinging the door open, you step down the street, only stopping in your tracks once you remember your car isn’t here and you need to order a cab.

And so you open the uber app and book a ride, ignoring a notification from Jimin as the screen informs you that your driver should be here in five minutes. You exhale sharply and close your eyes, reminding yourself to take deep breaths. 

Your heart almost leaps out of your chest when you hear a door being thrown open and footsteps inching closer to you.

“Angel what the fuck is going on, talk to me. I don’t understand, fuck, you know I don’t see you as just a good fuck I-“ Yoongi’s pleading voice tugs viciously at your heartstrings, tears now streaming down your face in an unrestrained manner.

“I heard you talking to Namjoon just now, Yoongi..” You hiccup brokenly.

Yoongi cups your face delicately and you avoid his troubled gaze, opting to look at the ground instead.

There’s a thin layer of snow glistening on the concrete. You hadn’t even noticed it had been snowing until now.

“Look at me please.” 

You shake your head no, knowing you would probably break down and full on sob if you did.

He brings his forehead against yours, his hold on both sides of your face steady and so comforting it only amplifies your confused state. 

“Look at me..” 

And you can’t ignore the way his voice breaks, so you sniffle loudly and slowly lift your gaze up, meeting teary dark pools of gloom as you do. 

“I wasn’t talking about you just now, Namjoon-ah asked about Sam.. You know I think so much more of you, why would you even think I’d treat you like this..”

A sob racks through your whole being as you shakily exhale and squeeze your eyes shut. “I didn’t- I’m sorry I just assumed the worst I-“ 

“Shhh, hey, it’s ok.” 

“But it’s not ok Yoongi.” You blink a few tears away and hold his gaze. “You give me absolutely no reason to doubt you, and yet.”

You inhale deeply before speaking again, your voice tiny and feeble, unfamiliar to your own ears, 

“How is this supposed to work -us- if I can’t bring myself to trust you?”

“Woah, what are you even saying? We’ll figure it out.” Yoongi soothes, a hint of anxiousness in his warm tone.

“No, you’re not listening. You deserve better than this, than me.” 

“That’s not true.”

Yoongi’s eyes glisten with unshed tears and you just know, at that exact moment, that you really do not deserve him. Because anybody responsible for this man’s tears and pain isn’t deserving of him, plain and simple.

A black car enters your field of view and halts in front of the bar’s facade, a few meters away from you and Yoongi. You recognize the little taxi sign on top of it.

“My cab is here,” You whisper, as you peck his cheek one last time and start heading towards the cab, walking away from a dejected Yoongi with a numb mind and shattered heart.

You want to go back to his arms, let yourself be happy and content in his secure hold. But you can’t, because you feel so much for him, too much. Too much love, admiration and affection, and you can’t hold him back.

You won’t.

-

-

a/n: im not crying it’s fine, we’re good. ok ok.. I’m sorry, I love you<3 as always your feedback and comments are ALWAYS appreciated, thank you<3

// to be added to the sunrises & liquor tag list click right here and interact with the taglist post, thank you for reading <3

taglist: @knapris @tarahardcore @tea4sykes @bonitaangel @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @princesspiineapple @funkylittlebisexuall @kikaninchen-2 @diorjgguk @purplelo @lil6nmrll @perfect-bae @bxcndd @funsizemarsbar92 @kookoo-kachoo @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @glowunderthemoon @idkjustlovingbts @minijagiya @bwormie @fragmentof-indifference

[hay1ock]

Episode 4 of Only Friends

Well, that was quite the episode. I’m going to be discussing stuff that happened, so if you’re aware of anything in the episode that upsets you please bear that in mind. I don’t intend to be all in your face about it but people have different limits. I myself was fine with the episode on first watch, but the second time it really hit me how there are certain things about Ray I relate to and I had a bad time for a little while. But *deep breath* it’s all good now and I’m ready to ramble. Also, I feel like my thoughts are going to be bouncing all over the place with all the various moving parts and stuff that happened this episode.

So, might as well get straight to it, the big one, Ray (+ Mew + Sand). Ray, the human version of the Poor Boy t-shirt. His whole breakdown in the bathtub about being unloved, unwanted, how he ruined his mom’s life, man Khaotung delivered. I’m guessing it might be a case of his mom getting pregnant was unplanned/inconvenient - like his mom had to give up her career, or maybe having him trapped her with a man she didn’t love or in a bad relationship, which in turn led to her drinking and ignoring him, and ultimately to her death. Based on the younger version of Ray, he was what? Mid teens maybe. He said high school so maybe 14-16 range. Was his mom like that since his birth or did it start later, she slowly began resenting him?

I’m glad Mew had enough about him to go round and check on Ray. (I know his friends get some crap - Boston rightly so - about not caring about him, but there is only so much they can do if Ray isn’t ready, as he needs to be willing to help himself) Ray’s little face and his voice when he saw Mew had come though… “You’re here?” Surprise/relief that he’d put his faith in the right person. Mew really had answered his cry for help. Ray deserves a big hug. It’s not hard to see why he cares about Mew, why he answered his phone, why he would support Mew’s relationship with Top even though he dislikes Top, and yes, I’m sure jealousy is part of it, but there is genuine concern about the kind of person Top is, and if he’s good enough. But yeah, whether it’s romantic love or something else, I’m not sure. I imagine it’s a bit of a mix. He sees Mew as having saved him so there’s probably a bit of seeing him as his hero, the only person who, up to that point (or that we know of), had shown any affection or concern for him and it might be those feelings warped into a romantic love, or maybe it’s just the desperate need to keep Mew close, keep that one ‘good’ relationship and person at his side and he has mistaken his feelings for love beyond that of friendship. Ray is a whole bag of emotions and trauma, and untangling those for him to explore his feelings about both his past and what’s happening now will be hard and most likely hurt him and people around him (and me!).

I’m glad we got to see what happened regarding the video and the kiss and well, to say I’m disappointed in Boston and Top is an understatement - will talk more about them later. Also, I know Boston is a bad friend, but seriously, knowing everything about Ray and still messing with his head last episode and even calling Ray a burden back in episode 1, Boston you are the absolute worst lol.

But anyway, the kiss, the one in the past. I’m sad Mew couldn’t return Ray’s feelings and it must have been hard to hear that he was perhaps the only thing that was keeping Ray from hurting himself. 2 years ago, so he’s 19/20 yrs old, being told that must have been rough and a lot of responsibility, and then the fear of what Ray might do if Mew rejected him. That change in music seems like a reflection of Mew’s anxiety of the situation. I do like Mew and that from what we’ve seen he is pretty straightforward and honest. He kissed Ray back, but as he’s said, up until Top, no one had been able to make his heart tremble. I wonder how things might have changed if he had felt something. Would Ray have been able to get a handle on his drinking? Despite 2 years passing, he’s still in the same place, maybe worse where his drinking is concerned. Could he have changed? Or would he just have made them both miserable? Guess we might end up finding out as him and Sand get closer.

Skipping back to the present and ahhhh Ray nooooo. I don’t agree with him kissing Mew and am glad he was called out for his behaviour, but I do feel like I understand why he did it, or at least see why he might have. First, we had Boston messing with him, bringing his feelings of ‘love’ back to the surface and also adding fuel to his worries about Top - don’t be a side character, do something before it’s too late, ie save Mew from Top. We also have Mew, he’s told Ray he phoned Top for help first and he’s also trying to push Ray’s feelings towards Sand (I believe Mew was doing so with good intentions, wanting to see Ray happy and have someone now Top has taken a chunk of his time), but I feel like Ray pushed back against that. I believe he has been feeling something for Sand, even if just out of curiosity, but in a way that’s a betrayal to his feelings for Mew, the person he literally owes his life to. I imagine he’s confused and desperate to reaffirm that Mew is the one he loves. Mew is telling him to be with someone who loves and takes care of him and for Ray that person is Mew. So, I get it, but don’t agree with it. Glad he apologised again at the end and I’m glad Mew was able to accept the apology. I feel like he backed down from pressing Ray further about the ‘why’ behind the kiss, maybe not wanting to distress Ray who looked to struggle when Mew asked. I hope they can maintain their friendship. I know Ray can’t change how he feels about Mew overnight. Whether Mew fully knew about Ray still liking him, I’m not sure, but either way, it’s all out there now, so hopefully, Ray can move forward.

And talking of where he should be heading in his attempt to move on, him and Sand. I don’t know if it’s because it’s First and Khaotung, or just the way they are portraying the characters, but they have the most ‘romantic’ chemistry at the moment for me (Nick and Boston has so far been more primal, sexual, and then Mew and Top… I don’t even know what theirs is, it’s mostly anxiety inducing is what. I don’t know how to explain it but it’s like my stomach drops and both characters give off vibes of wanting control).

I love seeing Ray and Sand together. I love Ray’s puppy eyes. I love that Sand can’t say no to Ray’s puppy eyes. Sand seems a pretty strong-willed guy so if he really didn’t want to do something I’m sure he would say so. He had no problems communicating to Ray about how he felt at the music store and I’m glad he didn’t actually scold Ray and call him any names. There was just this strange sadness when Ray said ‘Burden on Society’. I don’t know if Sand sensed anything, but I think him discussing his boundaries, like with Ray wanting to buy him things, and that he isn’t something Ray can pick up to play with when he’s lonely to then forget about until the next time, I think Ray needs that. Other than money, we still don’t don’t know what kind of relationship he has with his father, or if he had any positive role models/relationships growing up that would help him learn about things such as boundaries and making real connections with other people, not just by throwing money around. I do believe Ray cares about Sand’s feelings, not necessarily because he sees him as special or for romantic reasons, but Sand is a person in his life now and it feels like Ray doesn’t intend to upset people on purpose, he wants to be cared for but also wants to be able to care for others, even as far as to ‘save’ them. I like that Ray is able to realise when he’s in the wrong and apologise, he did it in episode 1, and a couple of times in this episode. People make mistakes, not everyone can admit to them and apologise.

The record store scenes were lovely. The conversation about music. The suggestion that Ray is stuck in the past with his mother’s music and his trauma, and with his feelings for Mew. That discovering new bands brings Sand happiness and the implication that Ray should do the same, step outside that damn room that he’s surrounded himself with his mom’s records and find something new to explore. To find himself a little bit of happiness. I loved the small smile from Ray as he seemed to be considering Sand’s words. Chronologically, we then have them listening to music and staring and hand touching. The way Sand looks at Ray *dreamy sigh*. It was nice to see Ray in a moment of peace, at least that’s what it felt like. A moment to just pause the world and as Sand said “let music do the work.” And so, after going to Mew’s to apologise, we’re then back in a bath tub, bookending the episode nicely. That flashback though, yet again, can not blame Ray for clinging onto Mew and what feelings he had for him. Ray of sunshine *cries* I interpret the end as him making peace with his feelings, or at the very least, realising that no matter what, nothing more can ever come from them and so it’s time to move on, even if he just takes a tiny step in the direction of the owner of the Poor Boy t-shirt. I really hope that no matter what heartbreak lies ahead, these two find a way to a happy ending together, even if it’s Ray goes to rehab, gets some therapy and we skip ahead however many months, and they meet up again afterwards. So a fresh start and we’re left hopeful they’ll work things out.

Okay, that first part might have been way too long, but I’m bias towards Ray and so… that’s how I roll lol. The next bits might be shorter, or they might not lol. Next the Boston and Nick and Top (+ Sand) mess.

Boston, you are the worst. I mean, I kind of get filming your friends in a ‘haha look at these idiots, I’m so teasing them tomorrow’ kind of way, but still, dick move. And you know what another dick move is? Screwing with your friend’s kinda boyfriend (still confused on how long it’s been - under 3 months based on what Boston said last ep - and what Top and Mew consider themselves to be, as Top kept referring to Mew as his boyfriend last ep and this one and Mew complained about Top not introducing him as his boyfriend to Beam at the silent disco), and then for his ultimate dick move, we have Boston forcing himself on Top. I’m glad Top actively pushed Boston off him this time and told him a few home truths. I said before it feels more about Boston’s pride and some weird one-sided rivalry/jealousy. Like even in the flashback, he seemed to be competing with Ray, but also dragging Mew into the conversation with Cheum. Like ‘I can’t beat Ray, but what about Mew? I’m sexier and a better option than him right?’. Honestly, I feel like, if gmmtv would let us have nice things and let Neo and Khao out of the friends zone for a minute, Boston would be that guy to comfort Ray and maybe makeout/sleep with him just to show he was that little bit better than Mew - ‘at least I fucked ya’. He seems to have no remorse over anything at the moment. Whether he grows as a person or is a dick until the end, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. We got a nice bit of info about his dad if anyone was looking to really mess things up for him. Not looking at anyone in particular… Nick.

So, Nick. Boston really should have changed his passcode after Nick fixed his phone lol. He is walking a dangerous line of obsession and I’m not sure exactly where he’ll fall by the end. He was like a smitten kitten in the first couple of episodes, and he looked at Boston with hope and adoration, but there was a significant difference in how Boston’s words worked (or rather didn’t seem to) this episode when they were together. It currently stands as him wanting to get Boston, for them to be in love, but, depending where both his and Boston’s games take them, I feel like it might just come down to him wanting to ruin Boston in the end. You don’t love me? Well sucks to be you. I am here for Nasty Nick and his obsessive listening to Top and Boston moaning (poor Sand though - he did not need to hear that lol) And then he brings Top into it, and in turn Sand (and we find out Top stole Sand’s ex - gonna assume that person will pop up at some point). Well, everybody will know about Top and Boston but Mew at this point. I have this horrible feeling when stuff comes out Ray will find out Sand already knew and that might be one of many reasons they have problems.

So Top and Mew. Their relationship is the strangest to me. It might be because as the audience we know more of what Top’s been doing behind Mew’s back, see more of his smug smirky face that I want to punch occasionally, whereas we don’t know that much about Mew as an individual, but I don’t know… *stares at them*. I know Top got Mew’s heart all a flutter but sometimes, I’m left questioning what Mew sees in Top and does he actually like him? They can have some ridiculously cute moments, the disco, the Photo Booth, in the shower. Then they have some really off feeling and tense, challenging each other moments, Top coming off as possessive and pulling him away from his friends, the reset scene at laser tag, the scenes at the end of this episode. I like that Mew isn’t a pushover but getting with Top seems exhausting to me.

Another thing I like is that Mew doesn’t judge Top based on his past or who he’s slept with. Like I said Mew seems to be honest and straightforward and he wants Top to be the same with him. And I’m very much a judge you by what you do now not your past kind of person myself (obviously there are some exceptions to that). The plane in Top’s room got me curious. Is there a Boeing? I assume so as even before he told Mew and the only B I could think of at the time was Boston, I was like, surely not. Boston doesn’t seem in the least bit sentimental and not sure what a plane has to do with anything, but I did have second thoughts as the camera lingered and shifted focus from the plane to the model car that looks very much like Boston’s behind it. It might mean nothing, or maybe ‘Boeing’ will show up, the shot is framing two issues that can come between Top and Mew in the future - Boston and this Boeing person.

Top keeps pulling me in and has me thinking, okay maybe he is trying to be a better person, he just keeps fucking up, you know, like people do, and then just as quickly, I’m screaming trash at him. Where as Boston falls on the love to hate him side of villainy, Top keeps sticking his head over the line into just hate him territory. We’ll have to see where things go. I did think he’d called Beam over for sex at first, but not seeing the scene play out I wondered if it was something else - like just hang out, drink and sleep, as Top was clearly feeling guilty thinking back to moments with Mew and Boston, so I thought he might have trouble sleeping. As it was it was drugs. One way to knock yourself out I guess… whether it’s always just been drugs with Beam, looking back at the conversation at the silent disco, who knows, and I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, as I do want to believe he wants to change, but he’d already got arsey over Ray, Mew’s friend, being there and apparently not happy that he got his knickers in a twist over a kiss from 2 years ago, so was doubting Mew when he said it stopped at the kiss, and THEN initiated some weird deal for him stopping drugs. Again, we know more stuff than Mew, but with that music choice too, it felt all kinds of sleazy to me. If I was Mew I would not have been in the mood for sexy shenanigans, but hey, you do you, and hand jobs don’t have to be that deep. Fucking loved it when Mew said no penetration, take it or leave it lol.

OKAY. I think I’m done. There were probably other things I wanted to comment on, but the rambling was strong with this one lol. Looking forward to Episode 5.

[ask-spider-punk-13666]

Second Chances

Previous

Word count: ~870

⛧ ────── ⟨ ⚛ ⟩ ────── ⛧

“Did you really hate it? Hanging out with those boys?” Tommy finally asks after the silence has dragged on for a few seconds too long.

Alex makes a bitter, laugh-adjacent noise. “Absolutely. I still hate it. They’re all so shallow and self-obsessed. They couldn’t have a meaningful conversation if their lives depended on it and they’re only happy if other people are miserable. It’s so—” He waves his hands around, searching for the right word. “—draining.”

“Then why do you still hang around them?”

“I can’t just leave. You don’t know what my dad is like. Besides, even if I could, where would that leave me? It’s not exactly an improvement if I end up completely alone, is it?”

“You could always come hang out with me, again.” The words are out of his mouth before he can think about them, but when he does, he realizes they’re true.

“What?” Alex’s voice is small with disbelief as he looks Tommy in the eyes for the first time since the alley. He looks strangely… fragile, and Tommy doesn’t know how to feel about that.

“Look, I sorta owe you one,” Tommy says, gesturing to his bandaged wounds, “and you’re maybe not as big of an asshole as I thought. So, if you wanted to try being friends again, I guess we could give it a shot.”

For a few seconds, Alex does nothing but stare, before abruptly standing and walking out of the bathroom without a word. Tommy’s face burns, humiliation and outrage making his head spin as grapples for what to do. Apparently he was fucking wrong about Alex, which is just his goddamn luck, honestly. How could he be so fucking stupid!? Of course—

His spiraling anger comes to a screeching halt as Alex steps briskly back into the room, thrusting something into Tommy’s face. It’s a t-shirt and a bag of peas of all things.

“Here. For your face and your…” Alex gestures vaguely in Tommy’s direction, staring resolutely at the floor. “...modesty,” he explains. His voice is tight and his eyes redder than when he left the room, and Tommy’s anger fizzles out as quickly as it came.

He doesn’t say anything as he puts the peas against the worst of the swelling, but he does raise a pointed eyebrow when he realizes the shirt is a Yankees’ jersey, the number “31” stamped on the back and the bottom edge curling where the hem was haphazardly cut off. He wonders if Alex actually even likes baseball, or if it’s just another thing his dad pushed him into. He doesn’t try and pull the shirt over his head just yet.

“I’d like to be your friend again, too,” Alex says slowly, like he’s still sorting through his thoughts as he puts them into words. “But I’m not like you, Tommy. I can’t just change everything about my life overnight, even if I want to.”

Tommy just looks at him.

“And I know that’s not fair, especially after everything you went through, after everything I let them put you through,” he rushes to amend, “I guess you were right. I am a coward. I’m sorry…”

Tommy wishes he could be angry, but hearing his own words echoed back with that self-deprecating tone just makes him feel… sad.

“Fine,” Tommy sighs. “If you’re not ready, then we can keep it between us, for now. I won’t wait forever for you to grow a spine.”

Alex nods quickly, eyes suspiciously glassy. “Of course. Yeah, I pro—”

“Don’t,” Tommy interrupts. He’s had enough empty promises for a lifetime, and as much as he wants to believe Alex will keep his word, he really can’t handle another disappointment.

“Sorry,” Alex mutters.

A few seconds pass in tense silence before Tommy awkwardly clears his throat, slowly getting to his feet and pulling Alex’s shirt over his head. Thankfully his vest was spared, but his costume is a lost cause. He’ll have to stitch a new one.

“I should get home before my uncle starts to worry,” he says.

“Yeah, probably,” Alex says, standing aside so that Tommy can get out the door.  He trails behind as Tommy makes for the fire escape. “Are you sure you should swing in your condition?”

Tommy snorts, pulling on his mask. “Absolutely not. I’ll be taking the subway as soon as I’m ground level. And I’m taking your peas with me,” he says, stuffing the frozen veggies in his pocket to free his other hand.

Tommy’s halfway out the window when Alex stops him, a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, Tommy?”

“Yeah?”

“I missed you.” He says it with so much sincerity that Tommy is suddenly very glad he’s wearing a mask. ‘I missed you too,’ he wants to say. The words are right there, climbing up his throat and sitting behind his teeth, but he swallows them back down. There’s only so much vulnerability he can handle in one night.

“When you’re ready, there’s a spot at the freaks’ table with your name on it,” he says instead.

Alex nods. “I’ll keep that in mind. And, uh, if you ever need patched up again, you know where to find me.”

“Yeah. Goodnight, Alex.”

“Goodnight, Tommy.”

[spnhunter4life]

So Long Version 2 Chapter 3

Word Count: 3.6k

A/N: A little bit of a shorter one this time. This is the first thing I wrote for this story. Here's the day Jenna turned 16. Enjoy!

Series Masterlist

Ages 16 and 17 June 25, 1996

I woke up, not exactly expecting to feel different, but maybe hoping. Today I would find out who my soulmate was. At least, I’d get a first name. Even though I knew it was stupid to get my hopes up, I couldn’t help but secretly want it to be Dean’s name. I was also nervous. Did I really want to know? If it wasn’t Dean, how would I deal with the disappointment? But if it was Dean, how could I possibly approach a subject like that? And even then, it wouldn’t mean it was Dean Winchester I was meant to be with. There were other Deans in the world. And wouldn’t he have said something by now if my name was tattooed on him somewhere?

Taking a deep breath, I looked over all of the skin currently exposed by my pajamas. Nothing on my arms or legs from the knees down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 9:30. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long, that my dad had let me!

I jumped out of bed, grabbing my towel and clothes for the day, heading straight for the shower. I’d made one friend in this small Louisiana town, a very outgoing girl I’d bumped into while getting groceries with Sam and Dean. She’d been excited to meet someone new, saying all of her friends were on vacation for the summer, and she and I were supposed to meet up soon to spend the day together.

I started the shower to let the temperature adjust and then started the process of removing my clothes, checking each inch of revealed skin for a name. Nothing yet, then. Supposedly, the name showed up around the time of day you were born. I had no idea what time that was, so I would let Alyssa distract me for the day and check again tonight.

When I came out of the bathroom wearing shorts and a t-shirt with my hair in a ponytail to combat some of the summer heat, my dad, Ben, was just closing the door, chocolate chip muffins, my favorite breakfast food, in his hand.

“Happy birthday,” he smiled. “How does it feel to be 16?” He asked this question every year, but this was the big year, and it held a little more weight behind it. 

“It feels… pretty much the same as every other year I guess,” I told him honestly. Other than my nerves being slightly on edge with the upcoming soulmate reveal, it felt like any other day. “What are you still doing here? I thought you and John would’ve left by now.”

“That was the original plan, but I couldn’t leave without seeing my daughter on her birthday. I wanted to have the chance to eat breakfast together. The case can wait a couple hours,” he told me, sitting down at the table.

“Where are those two shadows of yours?” He teased as I took a seat across from him and grabbed a muffin. I knew he wouldn’t ask about my tattoo. He didn’t like people prying into his life and he didn’t pry into mine. He knew I’d tell him if I wanted to.

“I have no idea,” I replied as I peeled the wrapper off my muffin. “I haven’t seen either of them, but I just got up. Thanks for letting me sleep in by the way.”

“I figured one day can’t hurt. But don’t think you can go slacking off. It’s back to morning runs and training after this,” he said before taking a bite of his own muffin. “I still don’t understand why those boys aren’t here. You three make such a big deal out of each other’s birthdays, I half expected them to break down the door,” he mused.

“Maybe they forgot. And we don’t make ‘such a big deal’. One present and a movie night isn’t too much to ask. Besides, it’s mostly Sam. Dean always made a big deal about his birthdays growing up and so Sam learned to do the same for us,” I told him.

“Yeah but a bunch of kids scrounging up enough money to get those presents for each other is a big deal,” he said with a fond smile. Taking the last bite of his muffin, he stood and grabbed something off of the counter. “Speaking of presents,” he said as he handed it to me.

“Dad, you didn’t have to,” I told him as I grabbed it. 

“I know I didn’t, but it’s not every day your baby girl turns 16. It’s not much, but I thought you would enjoy it,” he replied a little awkwardly.

I grinned and wrapped my arms around him, Backstreet Boys CD clutched in my hand. I had found them on accident really. It was all Alyssa’s fault. I generally enjoyed the same music as Dean, but she had showed me one of their songs and I couldn’t get it out of my head. Dad had heard me humming it one day which led to an embarrassing confession.

“Don’t tell Dean,” I pleaded, knowing the endless teasing and likely judgment I would be on the receiving end of if he found out. “Oh, I wouldn’t dare,” Dad laughed, pulling away from the hug.

“I should probably go find him though,” I said, glancing at the clock. “I’m supposed to meet Alyssa soon and he said he’d drive me.”

“Have fun!” I heard him shout as I left our motel room. I saw the Impala parked by the room next door, so I knew he was here at least. Since Dean has legally been able to drive, John gave it to Dean and the two of them take either my dad’s truck or the one John had purchased after gifting Dean the Impala. As I raised my hand to knock, the door flew open.

“Oh!” John said, startled. “I was just going to tell your dad we need to get going. I’m glad you’re up.” Then he was in the motel room I’d just abandoned, not waiting for my response.

“Hi to you too.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked through the door John had left open to see Dean sprawled out on the couch. He turned to me when I closed the door and grinned.

“Hey, there’s the birthday girl!” He exclaimed, prompting Sam to run out of the bathroom, dressed and looking fresh from the shower, toothbrush in his mouth.

“Jenna! You’re here! I wanted to go to your room a while ago, but Dean told me to let you sleep. Were you sleeping?” Before I could answer him, he rushed on. “He told me you’re going to spend the day with your friend, but we’re still going to have our movie night, right? We have to have our movie night. It’s our tradition!”

“Breathe, Sam." I chuckled. “Of course we’re having movie night. It wouldn’t be a birthday without it. Now how about you go finish brushing your teeth before you start drooling on the floor.” Content with my answer, he hurried back to the bathroom, hand cupped under his chin where toothpaste bubbles were trying to drip down.

“So,” Dean drawled, getting up off the couch. “The big 16. How’s it feel?” He walked over to stand next to me and, not for the first time, I was struck with how effortlessly gorgeous he was. His hair was tousled and still slightly damp from the shower he must have taken this morning. He wore his usual jeans, t-shirt, flannel, and boots, the amulet Sam had given him hanging around his neck, but somehow, he was the most attractive guy I had ever seen. I knew it wasn’t a biased opinion, every girl in every school always drooled after him.

“I assume it feels the same as you felt a year ago.” I replied once my brain started functioning again. “You still good to take me to meet Alyssa?” I asked.

“Sweetheart, have I ever bailed on you?” He asked, mock offended.

“Well…” I trailed off, remembering the handful of times Sam and I had been left to fend for ourselves while he was off with a girl. When I saw him looking at me expectantly, I sighed. “Not when it really counted, no.” I relented.

“Did you ask her yet?” Sam questioned, reappearing from the bathroom and heading for Dean. Dean sighed and looked at me. “Is it ok with you if Sam comes with to drop you off? I don’t know why he’s even asking. I know you don’t care, but he wouldn’t leave me alone about it this morning.”

“That’s not true!” Sam denied. “He told me I could come if you said yes, and I know you usually don’t care, but since you’re 16 today I thought you might want to talk.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Talk about what?” I asked, brow wrinkled in confusion. There’s not much Dean and I didn’t talk about in front of the kid. I don’t know why he thought there was suddenly a need for privacy or what being 16 had to do with it. “About-” he started, but then cut himself off. “I don’t know.” He continued, head down and shuffling his feet. “Just… being 16?”

I looked to Dean, hoping for some kind of explanation, but he just shrugged his shoulders, although he seemed a little annoyed. I wasn’t in the mood to press the issue though.

“Ok…. Well I don’t have any super-secret conversations that need to be had with your brother, so if you want to come along, that’s fine.” I assured Sam. 

“Good! When are we leaving?” He asked excitedly.

“If Dean’s ready, then right now would be good.” I replied, looking to Dean. He answered by shrugging on his leather jacket, plucking the keys off the table and holding the door open for me.

With everyone piled in the car, Dean started toward the mall where I was supposed to meet Alyssa. It was a typical car ride, Sam chattering away in the back, and Dean humming along to Led Zeppelin. I told Dean where to park. Alyssa wasn’t there yet, but I was content to sit and wait with the boys.

“I thought we might have to wait until tonight to give this to you, but I’m glad we don’t have to.” Sam said excitedly, pulling a box out of his jacket pocket. “It was my idea to get this kind of present for you, but Dean helped me pick it out.” He looked to his brother with a proud smile before handing the box to me.

I was a little nervous to open it. Sam was so excited that I really wanted to like whatever it was. Although he’d never say anything, I could tell Dean was a little nervous too by the way he tensed his shoulders and bit his lip. I carefully opened the box and gasped.

Inside was a bracelet made from ribbons of silk. It was twisted around so that it looked like four different strands. The top and bottom of each ribbon was an olive green while the middle was mulberry. One of the ribbons wrapped through a gold button that was used to adjust the size. I couldn’t believe something so beautiful was for me.

“I love it!” I told them as I took it out of the box to place on my left wrist. I noticed Dean’s quiet, relieved exhale and turned to hug him. “Thank you.” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around me before mumbling a quiet “You’re welcome,” into my hair.

“And thank you too!” I said, pulling away from Dean to face a fidgety, giddy looking Sam in the back. He flung his upper body over the seat to get a hug of his own. “You’re gonna have a pretty hard time topping this one.” I informed him as I sat back. Sam just grinned.

“My friend at the last school had a bracelet that she wore all the time and I asked her if that was a good idea for a 16th birthday present for you,” he explained. “She said if you like jewelry it was a good idea, and I know you like Dean's amulet, so I told him about my idea and he said we’d keep an eye out for anything you might like. There was a lot of stuff I thought you would like, but Dean kept saying they weren’t right.” I glanced at Dean and saw a slight blush gracing his freckled cheeks.

“He liked that one as soon as he saw it. I didn’t know why you’d like it any better than any of the ones I pointed out, but I know you guys know each other really well so I just told him to make sure you knew getting a bracelet was my idea,” he finished, slightly out of breath.

Before I could say anything to assure Sam I appreciated his efforts and relieve Dean of his embarrassment, there was a knock on my window. Startled, I jumped a little before facing the window where Alyssa stood waiting. Turning to look at the boys, I thanked them again for the amazing present and then opened the door to get out of the car and say hi to her. As I was closing the door, I heard Dean say my name.

“Just a second.” I said to Alyssa before opening the door again and sticking my head in. “What’s up?” I asked.

“I was just wondering when and where I should be picking you up,” he replied. “Oh, right. I didn’t even think about that.” I said, turning to Alyssa to figure out the details. “Clearly.” He teased. I looked back at him, sarcastic comment at the ready, but I saw the twinkle in his eye and knew he was just joking. I shushed him and closed the door, turning to once again face Alyssa.

“I can drive you back, it’s no problem,” she assured me. 

“Are you sure? Dean doesn’t have anything else he needs to be doing, and I know he likes to do it anyway. He’s a bit protective like that. The first time we dropped Sam off at a friend’s I thought he was going to sit outside the house the whole time.” I told her, smiling at the memory.

“It’s really no problem. I don’t have any definite plans for the day so I wouldn’t know what to tell him anyway,” she said. 

“Ok…” I trailed off, giving her one last chance to change her mind. She gave me a look, clearly stating that she wouldn’t so I passed the information on to Dean.

“You don’t even have a guess about when you’ll be done?” He asked. I knew he liked to have a timeline so if someone wasn’t back when they were expected he would know something was wrong. If he didn’t have any schedule to follow, he’d spend the whole time worrying, unsure if something had happened or we just weren’t done yet. 

“Well I have to be back in time for movie night,” I reminded him with a wink in Sam’s direction, “so I won’t be gone any later than… say 8:30? That should give us time to watch a couple of movies before Sam passes out.”

“Yeah, ok.” Dean relented, slightly less on edge. “Have fun,” he smiled. I closed the door and watched them drive off.

“Are you ready to do some shopping?” Alyssa asked with a grin.

~~~~~

“You have to have a swimsuit!” Alyssa insisted as we walked by racks of them at Kohl’s. 

“Not if you never go swimming, you don’t.” I countered.

“But what if you do go swimming? What are you going to wear then?” She argued. 

“I don’t know. I’m sure if the opportunity came up, I’d just go buy one.” I told her. 

“Then why not buy one now?” She asked.

“Because,” I sighed. “We move around a lot. We’re not exactly hitting up five-star hotels with pools or renting homes that have one. I think the last time I went swimming was when I was 12 and the house we were renting had a pond.”

“Ok, well I have a pool, it’s the middle of summer in Louisiana, and I might invite you over to swim sometime. Besides, I’m buying so you can’t really argue that much.” She said, flipping her strawberry blonde hair as she turned and pulled me towards the swimwear.

“That’s a nice bracelet,” she commented, looking at my wrist where I was half-heartedly searching through a rack of one-piece swimsuits. 

“Yeah,” I smiled. “Sam and Dean gave it to me for my birthday.”

“It’s pretty. I didn’t think boys were any good at finding decent jewelry.” She said as she moved on to the next rack. She didn’t like the one-pieces anyway and had only been humoring me, ironic since I was only humoring her about the swimsuits in general. 

“I swear Dean has some sort of sixth sense for what people will like. Well,” I corrected, “not people. But me and Sam.”

“This one! You have to try this one!” Alyssa said excitedly, breaking me out of my thoughts. I looked to where she was holding a white and blue two-piece. “I know you didn’t want a two-piece, but this isn’t a bikini. It doesn’t show much more than a one-piece would.” Seeing my hesitation, she continued. “Just try it on. If you hate it, we’ll put it back.”

“Yes!” She cheered, seeing my resignation. She handed the suit to me and led the way to the changing rooms.

It was definitely a nice-looking suit, I’d give her that much. The top piece was thick enough all the way through that there was no danger of anything showing. It had a clasp in the back and three strings to tie around my neck, two white and one robin’s egg blue. The bottom piece started like a normal bikini bottom, but thicker. Above the hips it cut in to cover only the front of my torso, leaving my back and sides exposed, and went up to the bottom of my ribs. There were three strings encircling my back, keeping the material up. It was decorated with flowers in shades of blue, and as much as I liked it – although I’d never admit it to Alyssa – I didn’t think I would be comfortable wearing it in public.

“Are you ready yet?” I heard her ask through the door.

“Kind of. I have it on, but I don’t know if I want to come out,” I admitted. 

“Come on, you can’t look that bad,” she said.

“It’s not that.” I told her. “I’m just not comfortable showing this much skin. I live in jeans, you know. The only reason I’m wearing shorts is because I might actually die from this heat.”

“Just come out. No one’s going to see you. I promise there’s no one else around,” she encouraged.

I sighed before opening the door and peering my head around. I was met with an unimpressed look. “Alright, I’m coming.” I relented. I stepped out of the changing stall and was greeted with a wolf whistle from Alyssa. “Cut it out!” I blushed.

“Why? You look great!” she exclaimed. “As much as I like that bracelet, it really doesn’t match the-” she cut off. 

“What?” I asked nervously.

“Umm… did you find your tattoo yet?”

I was a little shocked. It was an awfully personal question to be asking someone you’d only known for a couple of weeks. “No. Why?” I asked a little defensively. She nodded toward my left side where my hand was hanging by my hip. I impulsively lifted it to my face, scanning for the name. 

“Not your hand," she said.

I slowly looked down to my left side just above my hip where, just as she said, I could see the top of thick black letters peeking over the swimsuit.

~~~~~

“Alright, what’s wrong?” Dean asked, pausing the movie. We were halfway through our second movie of the night, Mission Impossible, and while I was enjoying it, I couldn’t seem to sit still. I was sat between the two boys, Dean’s arm resting on the back of the couch behind my head, our usual seating situation on movie nights. Sam was slouched over, starting to drift off. He could never seem to stay awake for more than one movie.

“What? Nothing’s wrong. Why do you think something’s wrong?” I asked him. 

“Well, you haven’t sat still for more than five minutes at a time and I can see the wheels spinning in your head. You know you can talk to me about anything right?” He sounded genuinely concerned. 

“I know,” I sighed.

“Nothing happened, right? You’ve seemed a little off since you got back.” He pushed, not for the information he knew I wasn’t ready to give, but for assurance that I was alright. 

“I’m fine,” I told him honestly. “It’s just… I found my tattoo while we were trying on clothes. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, figure out how I feel,” I confessed.

“Oh.” Was his only response. I could tell he wanted to press for more information, but he stayed quiet.

~~~~~

“I can’t look at it. I don’t want to know what it says. What do I do?” I asked. My breath was coming faster and I was starting to panic.

“Hey. Hey! Jenna! Look at me. Deep breath.” Alyssa calmly instructed, demonstrating and breathing with me until my breathing was back to normal. “You’re going to have to see it sometime. It’s unavoidable. Right now, it doesn’t change anything. It just gives you a name. You can do whatever you want with that name once you have it. It doesn’t decide anything for you.”

I knew she was right and steeled myself to look at it, Alyssa waiting patiently. Carefully, I pushed the swimsuit strap down just enough to reveal the name underneath.

DEAN

Chapter 4

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 6 ("Presenting Lorelai Gilmore") Part 1

Read all previous commentaries here. Jess is here. And inside that comically large sack of stuff he bought in, he is carrying The Agonies. Okay, let's not panic, we have some breathing room in early season 2, because in some of the early Jess episodes it looks like they weren't quite sure what to do with him yet and would just kinda stick him in the first or last minute of the episode showing him wiping down tables at the diner and stuff. But The Agonies are coming. Rory: In the future am I going to be working at CNN or just walking around their offices carrying a basket of sandwiches? That second thing.

Swing and A Miss, Netflix Captioner. Jessay! "I'm sorry I'm late to work Uncle Luke but since you're apparently in no rush to to give me my own bedroom this is the only time of day I get a chance to jerk off." Lorelai: Gross t-shirt. Nobody asked you. We see Emily gossiping with her DAR biddies. There's a chill in the air. Evil is afoot. Rory shows up at the Biddy Conference to pick up a book from Richard, blissfully unaware of the hell that will soon be unleashed upon her. The biddies descend on Rory, and our sweet, naive summer child has soon voluntarily accepted to "come out" at the debuntate ball.

Good for you honey. Does Paris know? Lorelai: Rory, do you know what a coming out party says? It says "Hi, I'm Rory, I'm of good breeding and marriagable age and I will now parade around in front of young men of similary good breeding and marriagable age so they can all take a good long look at me. Like animals being up for bid at the county fair." Dean & Lane got married (and pregnant) when they were 19 and Logan proposed to Rory when she was 21 so being a breedable marriagable teenager is kind of par for the course in The Hollow. A bridal auction sounds like an idea right up Taylor Doose's alley, don't give him any ideas. Rory: It says your father is supposed to present you at the ceremony. Aw, god damn it! I was fully prepared for Forrester being an intregral part of this episode but I once again did not anticipate the arrival of CrustyPher and the horrors are flooding back. It's going to be an AssClown Double Feature!

Pictured: The Horror. Is this a cosmic joke, a curse upon me, for saying "Thank God Lorelai didn't call Christopher again" at the end of my last review? Christopher makes a joke that Lorelai called him because all of her "976 numbers were busy". Okay, that joke even went partially over my crusty Millennial ass at first because I've only ever heard of people saying "900 numbers". He meant a phone sex hotline. The gymnastics that AmyShermanPalladino performed to insert subtle dirty jokes into this show under the radar are nothing short of breathtaking. Is that why Lorelai doesn't pay Luke for her coffee? Because she's in debt over over a crushing phone sex hotline addiction? Miss Patty entertains the gents who call the Stars Hollow phone sex hotline and Kirk is for the ladies.

I'm sorry I'm just trying to distract myself from the Upcoming Horrors. Lorelai: This is very important to your daughter and she has never asked you for anything, and although your constant non presence in her life and your lack of ever showing up when you promise to be there or calling when you say you're going to call or basically doing anything you promise to do would tend to indicate that you owe her big time, and before you say no, I want you to take a minute to remember you have a great daughter and she has a mother who will hunt you down like a half price Kate Spade purse if you disappoint her. Wow that is so terribly sad. Rip him a new asshole Lorelai!

Not this assclown smiling clownily while the mother of his child rips into him for being a shitty father. Crustypher blows Lorelai's mind when he actually agrees to escort Rory to the cotillion. The hilariously vague Netflix description of this episode reads "Lorelai finds herself attracted to a changed man." I'm nervous. The Horrors, they are upon us now.

Oh hey there's Dean's self portrait behind the couch. And now for your favorite game and mine, "Bargaining WIth Buttheads."

Prince Charming here didn't have his nap and bottle today so he's having a widdle shitfit. He's gonna give Wory a widdle utlimatum before he agrees to escort her to the ball.

This seems like a bizarre, lopsided compromise. He'll dress up in a coat and tails and go to a frigging cotillion as long as she watches some dumb tv show with him for the next month...? You held all the chips in this bargain, buddy. You could have asked for a handjob. At least a handjob. Maybe even two. Maybe DURING Battlebots. Maybe then you wouldn't be so cranky. I'm spearheading a new initiative called Handjobs For The Hollow. More handjobs all around for the men in The Hollow to mellow them out.

I'm not a religious person, but leave poor God out of this.

Rory:"Is it a sack filled with 16 years of back child support payments?"

Rory needs to take that thing, bludgeon Crusty, then go inside and bludgeon Dean. An opportunity like this rarely presents it self more than once.

I'm just saying, Jack Pearson died saving his family from a house fire.

Me: Lorelai, you're going to end up the subject of a true crime podcast. Lorelai: What's a podcast? Me: Nevermind...

Oooh, shopping bags. Looks like someone Escaped The Hollow And Visited The Real World™ Swell, even Richard is being a dickhead too. Get your peanuts, get your popcorn, It's a Three Ring Butt Circus and all the clowns are present and accounted for.

It's the Waltz Of The Sugarplum Buttheads.

Oh please do go on Crusty...Enlighten us with your crusty widsom...so, yeah while you're doing that, I'm just going to be...over here. Doing...stuff.

He always looks chronically constipated. Someone had to say it.

This cannot be good.

As always, Miss Patty has no chill. She is my hero.

Please tell me she poisoned his latte when he had his back turned. Lorelai: Asking Luke to make a chai anything is insane. Crusty: I think he just threw a cinnamon stick in some tea. Lorelai: It wasn't a cinnamon stick. Ah, so Luke poisoned his drink. My good man.

Damn. So close :(

Fascinating. Just fascinating. Do go on. I'm just going to be over there...buying some popcorn... Crusty sits Lorelai down to mansplain what a job is. See, it's this thing where you go to the same place every day, and then at the end of the day you feel like you've done something and earned something. My man Crusty here didn't think he'd like having one of these job things, but shucks, he was pleased to discover that he "quite enjoys the stability." Jack Pearson also went back into a burning house to save the dog. I'm just saying.

Lorelai and Crusty turn around to see Dean about to hurl Rory to the ground inside Miss Patty's.

He can't kiss, he has no rhythm, he's not attractive, he's dull, he's mean, and he's not very smart, but damn, the ladies love Dean for some reason, especially Rory's mom.

Crusty and Dean searching for their reflections in the mirror and coming up empty because they're ButtVampires.

Tie it nice and tight, Crusty. Lorelai, mocking high society debutantes: Idk how Rory is ever going to make it in society! She's going to get a job and only get married once! Well, Lorelai is no Miss Cleo, that's for sure.

Lorelai: My parents are openly fighting. They've never done that before. What should I do? Crusty: Move to California, that's what I do when my parents fight. That sentence doesn't make any sense. Sounds like The Male Gilmore Girls Characters California Wormhole (which has at one point or another swallowed Max, Jess, and Dave Rygalski) sucked up another victim but unfortunately It didn't like how he tasted and spit him back out to Connecticut.

But just like your promises to your daughter, you didn't keep your word and let us all down by not having one. Crusty: I have to stay up to do work. Lorelai: *laughs* Sorry, I keep forgetting that's not a joke anymore. Jack Pearson served in Vietnam, I'm just saying.

[therogerclarkfanclub]

thanks for the tag @coping-via-clint-eastwood

What book are you currently reading? None. Though I probably should. Problem is, don't even know where to start, I don't even have a favorite genre.

What's your favourite movie you saw in theatres this year? Not much of a theatre goer but I did see Black Panther 2 and I thought it was pretty good

What do you usually wear? Jeans and T-shirts or Polo shirts

How tall are you? ~168 cm

What's your Star Sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or a historical event? Taurus. My b-day is the same as Jeffrey Dean Morgan's

Do you go by your name or a nickname? Name.

Did you grow up what you wanted to be when you were a child? Nope. Far from it. I wanted to be a chef as a child and I'm not particularly good at cooking but I'm not terrible either , people do eat what I make, on the occasions I actually cook. I mostly eat out.

Are you in a relationship? If not, who is your crush if you have one? I'm in a fake relationship with a man who's already happily married and all I'm doing is running this blog pondering about the possibilities.

But in all seriousness, no. No relationships.

What's something you're good at vs something you're bad at? I'm a bit technically minded. I enjoy building PC's thought I don't get to do it as often as I'd like. I'm bad at drawing, I'm envious of anyone with any type of artistic skill b/c I'd like to draw and I can't even draw a strick figur e to save my life.

Dogs or cats? Cats. But I'm not against dogs either

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favourite picture/favourite line/favourite etc. from something you created this year? Nothing really. I really only create GIFs for this blog but I wouldn't say they're anything groundbreaking. These are some of the ones I've made.

I FECKIN' LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH

What's something you would like to create content for? I want more content for this blog because there isn't enough of Roger to go around

What's something you're currently obsessed with? ROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGERCLARKROGER

I mean what else was anyone expecting??? 😂 I have a one-track mind.

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? New Year's. There's some family drama happening in the background and I spent New Year's without my family. I mean, my friends were there but it's not quite the same.

What's a hidden talent of yours? A lot of ppl don't think I can cook 😂 I mean I'm far from being a professional chef but I won't starve either.

Are you religious? Yeah you could say that, but this is hardly the place or blog for me to start being preachy nor do I have any interest, I follow my religion for myself but that's it.

What's something you wish to have at this moment? I wish my family drama would resolve. 😥