#t: You Come Back Wrong
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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gang I'm not sure I have the courage to come out to my boxing coach
#I need to do some sort of physical activity and that always felt good#but it has always been deadname and women's locker room#then big hiatus from my part#and now I'm back again. again with the deadname and women's locker room#but it feels so wrong#and today I felt like shit because there was people in the locker room#but what is the solution?#to come out ?#they'll laugh.#I don't pass#I never pass#I think people at university don't misgender me only because they're kind#but I don't pass#maybe they'll even nod solemnly and say ok we accept you#but we all know they'll never not see the hips the chest the face the high pitched voice#and I have been stuck here since forever#everyone I know. EVERYONE#is now either on t or can pass#even people who've idk started after I was already going to the therapist because of it#and yes everyone has their own oath and yadda yadda yadda#but why I'm stuck?#I don't understand why I can't go on.#I feel like shit#and mother is ok with it but I know she still hatesthis whole thing#I gave her time I swear#but I miss her#and I tried telling her this and she. she doesn't want to hear it#because in her mind “if you really want it you do it”#like I could pass by sheer willpower#personal
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Almost immediately his face twisted into a sneer, his green eyes rolling, a scoff leaving his mouth.
“I’m not scared of some old rich white guy, Joanna. Hans tried to d r o w n me when I was three. I won’t be here long anyway so this will be quick.”
Something about him was… Different, his voice & features were the exact same ones he’d left with but his energy, the whole LOOK of his posture was off, the coldness in his gaze as she approached him, something had obviously C H A N G E D him on tour. He looked like he was slightly pained about… Something. The hand she was clinging to Gods had she always been this clingy & he just never realised? was limp in her grip, the sentiment of affection unreturned.
His ENTIRE face screwed up when she kissed him & his hands immediately rose to push her b a c k by the shoulders.
“Look… You really were a great girlfriend & I did love you but… This… We isn’t gonna work out. I’m really sorry but… Turns out I don’t really like girls anymore… But I didn’t only come here for the purpose of breaking up with you, I uh. I figured you should have this. I did buy it for you & even if I’m not… Y’know proposing to you… It’s yours. You should have it,” he sighed, holding out a small black box.
A little christmassy something for @silvcrignis
When she got a text from Ivon saying he was outside she immediately made an excuse to leave the room for a bit, nicked a set of Tywin's keys and headed down through the grounds to the gate. Spotting Ivon, she broke into a big grin and hurried over. Her hand reached through the bars, first to hold his hand then to go up to his face. "I should send you away really, my family will come looking for me soon and if Grandfather finds out about you..."
What would happen? Joanna wasn't sure, it wasn't as though this was the same situation as with her father and mother, but what happened to them weighed heavily on her mind nonetheless. She would never be able to forgive herself if something even fractionally as bad was done to Ivon, and besides she'd rather spare him coming into contact with someone so awful, so she was working hard to make sure Tywin didn't know about Ivon.
She was extremely glad to see him though. "We'll have to keep it quick..." Joanna unlocked the gate and slipped through, happily throwing her arms around his neck and and pressing a kiss to his lips. "Happy Christmas, angel. I love you. I've missed you..."
#amaidasfairassummer#c: Ivon#t: You Come Back Wrong#v: Repeat Stuff#x: Beep Beep! (Mobile)#((I’m only a lil sorry bc honestly he came back soooo fucked up in the head that this is for the best))#((Also idk he came back like. Homosexual idek what that was about.))#((& no he did not cheat on her even as evil as he’s become he would never do that))#WELL IF YO U WANT IT NOW
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Everytime I think about how terrible I am at drawing clothes I remember this conversation with my parents which I half feel like I hallucinated but which I'm pretty sure actually happened where I was drawing someone wearing a collared shirt for a school project (I think) and I complained about how bad it was coming out and they were like well maybe if you wore other clothes than t-shirts this would not elude you. Absolutely eviscerated like I can't complain about this anymore because every time it's like well have you changed your ways? and the answer is always no.
#thinking about how much i'm struggling with dk clothes worldbuilding which is why i never want to draw anyone ever#and it's like oh you would say that wouldn´t you t-shirt boy#literally i have worn the exact same sort of clothes since elementary school. t-shirt and jeans babey you can't go wrong#except when it comes to drawing things and then you're useless#perce rambles#this was such a bizarre conversation though. no memory of the context it just comes back to bite me every time i have this thought
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perhaps fumiya hoshikawa for drawing requests?
ITS FUMIYA (good) FRIDAYYYY
#t-u-i-t-c#fiveman#had to get this guy done today on account of its friday and what am i gonna do post fumiya on a saturday??? i dont think so#fumiya my boooooooooooyyy everyone go watch fiveman right now everything you've heard about it is wrong it is in fact top tier#i love you visible weapon holsters please come back visible weapon holsters#2024 art tag#little guy requests
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Blocking the sheith tag for my mental health i saw an insestuous/adultery sheith comic and im going to throw up im truly sick of them. I thought i was over voltron and that 'ship' comes back and makes me want to throw up and fills me with rage each time bc what the actual fuck
#imagine raising a child with your fiance (adam pov) and he dissapears for years and comes back fucking him 5alking abt soulmate shit#its a good thing adam died i wouldve joined in to kill them both what he fuck is wrong with yall#sh31yh shippers see an adult man raising a 12/14 yr old qnd say shipping them later is fine because#looks the kid went through a time portal and now theyre the same age so its fine! IM KILLING YOU#THE AGE IS NOT THE ONLY ISSUE IM STABBING AND MAIMING#Cant event look for adashi in peace w/o a she1-t comic w/ incest and adultery as the main plotpoint and sheithers cheering in the comments#taking a break to hurl and cleanse
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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
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Been thinking about my body a lot
#Sel talks#Listened through Fat Talk by Virginia Sole-Smith which talked a lot about how bodies are tools#And the way she talked about how thin-ness shouldn't be something we strive for#And I can't help but draw parallels between my own desire to go on t? I don't know. Been having too many thoughts stewing#I keep coming back to isabeau's line of “maybe it was easier to change into someone I could love than to learn how to love how I was”#And I had drawn both hrt and diet culture back into this; but. Neither of them are from self love?#It's. Idk; a friction? On how you perceive yourself and how the world perceives you?#Or. Idk idk. It's hard to articulate now that I'm trying to get it down#If I remember right; one of the messages of fat talk was how bodies should be for function first and foremost; and should hardly-if ever-#Considered for aesthetic. And yes- trying to loose weight is one of the most damaging aesthetic changes you can do-#Idk! I feel like I'm looking too far into it#Something something you're not happy with how your body looks/is perceived so you want to change it#Whether that's influenced by society; loved ones; or something biological; it's still a desire to change your body#Although one is vastly more accepted than the other#Trying to become thin is trying to make yourself more comfortable in a vastly fatphobic world; to placate the people think they have say#Over your body; make yourself more palettable to the world around you.#Which I guess is an important distinction#Becoming the person you want to be even through everyone telling you that it's wrong or disgusting#But a part of me can't help but think a part of the reason I want to do hrt might have something to do with our male centric society?#I'm too tired to elaborate any further but I feel less busy now that I have it out
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i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
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SERVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!!!!!
#;ooc#ooc#I LOVE HER SOOOOOOO MUCH!!#i just finished her companion quest#AND AJRGHGRGHRHGRGHGRAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the second pic is me at g.epard btw#DONT GET ME WRONG I love him so much and i think his actions and words made a lot of sense and came from a place of#genuine concern over his sister and lit wanting the best for her#BUT ALSO AGHRHGRGHRGHRGH!!!!!#i know it wasnt his intention but im left with that lingering feeling of#u know when someone asks u 'are you SURE you want this-' and it keeps going on until u waver-#and i knowwww it wasnt his intention at all; just lemme ramble o k#I KNOW SHE HAD TO FACE HER PAST and it is fundamental#bc otherwise its like how they said; she'll keep 'running' from situations/the past but I wished they further expressed that-#-if she -still- wants to travel the galaxy; she -can- whenever she wants to/feels ready to#that yes there is still a lot she can do to help the people in b.elobog but also that#she won´t be selfish if she wants to go;#she can always come back; or help from wherever she is;#im a sucker for characters that have such a strong independence; not in the sense of not relying on others#but in the sense of; they will fight for what they believe in; their dreams; their aspirations; their curiosity; their wish to keep growing#bc sure she fixes stuff and all; but there's that other side of her that is fascinated by machines and researching#and i get her position and all; BUT!! HER RESEARCHER HEART MAN-!!! ITS IMPORTAN T TOOOOOO#s.erval nameless N O W#going emo over fictional characters again
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"Makeup is literally the best part of being a gi-" no. please leave my house.
#jesus fuck i hate twitter so much#do you not see how harmful this rhetoric is. do you not see how sad it is that youve decided#making your face look appealing to another should NOT be the best part of being a giel#it's not fuckjng t*rf rhetoric to say sit back and examine where your fixation on looking flawless comes from#if you truly are doing it only for yourselr#why do you not do it when you're home alone#why do you do it differently/to varying degrees based on who you're hanging out with#why do you not do it when you're depressed?#there's absolutely nothing wrong with make up but it's worth examining why choice feminism seems insistent#on taking the onus off women in liberation. taking the onus off women to introspect and work on internalised misogyny#patriarchy isn't just within men it's within me and it's within you#i do my makeup every morning before college. nonetheless i recognise where this comes from and I dont consider it the best part of#being feminine#there are much better parts to being feminine#even as a joke. it's fucking stupid.#''best part of being a girl is when my man tells me what to do'' see how that sounds
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↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*
#gamer txt.#i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard#zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread?#well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming#ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment#well i mean. until now#i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing#it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit#and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to#ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this#i really dony know if i can xome back fron this#ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again#but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take#it would be stupid#no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life#but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice#that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me#i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself#but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne#i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up#someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been#something that will fight me when i obviously lie#but theres no way for me to get that#im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way#what the duck an i meant to do?#im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone#ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been#and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim#even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either#so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it
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Honestly, even when I add a new verse for the oc(s) and work them into a still-expanding canon, I like to think their presence in the area/time of the narrative is best justified as essentially them running a B-plot in a sitcom to the main quests/protagonists' journeys. Or like. Half the shit Team Rocket gets up to in the movies-
#v; intertwined fates (genshin verse)#So it’s—Mondstadt: Dani & the gang grapple w customer service while running a money laundering business that STARTED as a bit#Clowning hilichurl camps cuz sb lost a bet & attempts at raising property value–is tHAT A FUCKEN DRAGON???#Doin in-city heists & thievery–WHY’S there a masked weirdo out patrolling? WHY’RE the cats EVIL? Abort mission; abort; aBORT-#Liyue: One of the friends got Homesick & there happens to be a BIG FREAKIN ARCHON EVENT goin on so let’s go for a vacation#Before the Rite begins time to gather things for Dani’s pet projects–shit; wait; there’s Fatui; oh god there’s Fatui everywhere what the fu#Dani & co take crash courses in geovishaps–literally#Wandering the Adeptal Zone– 🎶 don’t be suspicious; don’t be suspicious 🎶#Okay made it to the Rite; now there’s–what the fuck; he’s DEAD??? Dammit; time to clown the Millelith to avoid questioning#Now for a Mora heist & for the corpse; that could be useful–What the fuck; a Harbinger??? Wait–WHY is the overlord of the Vortex here???#Inazuma: Dani&co almost freakin died on the way bc Dani wouldn’t let up; but at least they got there yay; time to clown Fatui for disguise#Dani has a Bad Time currently Thnks t th Mmrs; but it’s okay–she can have dango milk in these trying times. Also commit Violences#Loaches are fucken evil#The gang got so caught up in the wonders of sightseein; local specialty huntin & wild new cuisines they forgot there's a Vision Hunt goin o#Oh okay; bad time to be Fatui; bad time to be foreigners; sHIT–oh; gods; wHY did they even come here–oh nvm; it’s cool again#Sumeru: One of the friends got Homesick 2: the electric boogaloo–what do you MEAN like half the lot are Wanted here???#Dani has a Bad Time currently 2: The electric boogaloo–except now bc she can’t find her brother where she last abandon–sorry; LEFT him#Jade has a Bad Time currently: The spinoff–her family wants her back; but they're looking for the wrong person there so it’s cool#Time to scam clowns & waste all their hard earned Mora–the gang gets Political & starts a bar fight over Eremite rights to Education#Dani is actually Excited to see something for leisure for once–the fUCK DO YOU MEAN THE FESTIVAL IS CANCELED#Only Eliza; Oz; Da; Jade & Dani had terminals so they go thru the Terrible No Good Disappointing day loop while Durene has Peace for once#No she didn’t notice anything was wrong in the slightest; not even while Tua went awol. With errbody awake now; time to Desert#Dani&co get clowned by shrooms & Jadeplumes–what do you MEAN there was a staged coup???#Invading the House of Daena; time to look for smth to help out Eliza...WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE HAS A VISION NOW?#Fontaine: The gang go on vaca to see an exclusive magic show; Dani's illusions of the Archon are shattered. also THERES A MURDER @ THE SHOW#'With this candle; I will...I will set your mother on fire-' faking Family for a prestigious dinner CLEARLY goes off w/out a hitch#Ozzy starts an underground gambling ring—Gone WRONG???#Another trial? REVELATIONS?? A HARBINGER GOT ARRESTED??? ...ANYWHO; time to heist & try not to get arrested#Vivianne of the Lake must be Feared#//Honestly; can’t wait to see what potential plot bunny I get to think up for 4.1 kfjkfjfb
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I ❤️
IN-BETWEEN ARC EPISODES
#shanks!!!!!! always wonder what is wrong with him to be an emperor..... bc big mom is severely strong and powerful and insane since birth#kaido can't even kill himself so same thing. blackbeard has the end all be all of devil fruits and then shanks is just there.#something smells fishy#they spent all the budget on the musical now we are back with this animation ajdhak#well baby luffy cameo.... always thinking about luffy being a good swimmer.... the anchor t shirt is a foreshadowing ajdhskdjks#yasopp talking about his son.... WELL WHERE IS HE????#maybe shanks power is being an alcoholic..... who knows....#luffy calling shanks pathetic is so funny this kid has anger issues.... his powers reveal is so funny ajdkajak to this day....#i was gonna be pissed about the flashbacks but little luffy is too good#this is my fucked up theory about shanks is that he gives up his arm and his hat when luffy eats the fruit.... idk why yet ill figure it ou#lmao but HOW do you leave a kid with a devil fruit just there.... he must have known who his grandpa is or smth.... like garp muat have wen#after him for an explainatiom or smth#shanks doing two 180 spims before putting the hat on luffy... the pizzazz.... the drama.....#well what was i saying.... evil shanks or smth... hidden intentions idk.... why isnt shanks pirate king yet... suspicious....#MAKINO HAS A BABY... and back to ad breaks... another asexual reproduction specimen see.... i know i am right#REIJU GAVE LUFFY A RAID SUIT FOR SANJI AKDHAKDJKS#him wearing black clothes..... like shirt and everything....#sanji saying they already have franky to be weird akdhaks#NAMI KEPT ZEUS!!!!!!!!! FIRST SLAVE AND SANJI IS JEALOUS AKDHAKDHSKSJ 'I WAS THE FIRST SIMP!!'#but with part of her soul being away form big mom.... how.... she is coming back for that#luffy planned everytjing HAHAHAHHAHA oof bonneh on the sidelines of the paper... i know i know....#sanji realising his rep went up bc of germa ajsjahdj where is namis bounty??? and luffys????#back to the reverie.....SHIRAHOSHI IS GOING YEAAAAHHHH (bc luffy might call her weak again no other reason)#crocodile smiling at the paper... i see you#cavendish and barto spreading gossip ajdhak garp must be fuming!!!!#LUFFY IS THE FIFTH YONKOU??? ALREADY!!???? i said he has no territories....but maybe gyojin island counts#just saw a comment saying makinos child is shanks b plan in case luffy fails akdhaksjk#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 878
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Not my usual content, but I made something I wanted to share...
Edit: Now with an ID from @a-captions-blog! Thank you for writing it!
[Art description: A Pokémon-themed comic featuring OP as a Pikachu. Long description follows.
1. The tips of Pikachu’s ears are shown with text that says, ‘I’m a Pikachu / My world is filled with lots of cool stuff. Sometimes it feels like anything is possible!’ Under this is a collage showing a Charizard, a Pidgeotto, a Nidoking, an Eevee, and an Ivysaur, all in the background as the Pikachu looks up in wonder. Text reads, ‘All sorts of types, all sorts of attacks, all sorts of Pokemon.’
2. Text says, ‘But...only two ways a Pikachu’s tail could look.’ Two boxes in the upper corners show the male and female Pikachu tails, respectively. The male has a rectangular end to his tale, and the female has a heart-shaped end to hers. Text continues, ‘So then, what am I?’ A large drawing of the narrator Pikachu is shown, with an arrow pointing to their tail, whose end is split somewhat like scissors and doesn’t match either the male or female drawing above.
3. Text says, ‘Too pointy to be [female], too much of a V-shape to be [male]. I thought there was something wrong with me.’ Under this are three cascading panels showing the Pikachu from below at an angle emphasizing their tail. The second panel shows mel further away, and in the final panel she have disappeared entirely. Text on the panels reads, ‘I felt / very, very, very / alone.’
4. Text says, ‘But then, something happened. I found others like me.’ The art shows the narrator reaching out to another Pikachu. Under this are three other Pikachu. One has a rounded tail, one has a tail that has been stitched up to be rectangular, and one has a tail with a slight spike at the tip.
5. Closeups are shown of each of the tails from the previous panel, with text that says, ‘Round tails, scarred tails, spiky tails.’ Under this is a drawing of the Pikachu all hugging with lightning coming from their cheeks. Text reads, ‘They told me nothing was wrong with me, and I wasn´t alone anymore.’
6. Text says, ‘There are many ways a Pikachu’s tail can look. I’ve heard there’s at least over 30 different variations.’ Under this are two panels. The first panel shows the narrator lying on their back on a background of male and female symbols. Text reads, ‘Some days are still hard.’ In the second panel, the Pikachu with the scarred tail is shown with text that says, ‘My friend tells me her tail used to look just like mine. It was taken from her.’
8. The narrator is shown sitting and looking upwards. Text reads, ‘Some trainers won’t accept Pikachu that aren’t [male] or [female]. They alter our tails without our consent. But things are getting better. We are making change. We’re fighting so that our tails will be left alone.’ Under this is a panel showing the four Pikachu running happily towards the right. Text reads, ‘We’re all on a spectrum. Every tail looks different; anything is possible.’
The final text reads, ‘This is a comic about intersex people.’ The watermark in the lower right says @ PostManic. \End descriptions
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