#syan rambles

[venomous-soliloquy]

I hate being depressed.

It's just a spiral of my brain telling me I want to die and then me doing nothing about it and wallowing in the stupid ass agony.

I don't really want to die.

I just want to be happy.

I want to create. I want people to care.

[syans-fitness-and-health]

It's been a good 7-ish months now, so I guess it's about time for an update with my weight loss and life in general.

Last September 1st, I got married to my lovely wife, Chay. It was a small ceremony with only her close family and a few friends. (All of my family lives out of state) We have plans to do the fully themed ceremony we had planned at a later date. It's just too expensive, and I'd like to be fully transitioned and a much healthier/thinner person by then. We'll treat it as a renewal of our vows.

At any rate, I was about 265lbs at the time of the wedding. I look large in the photos, but not anywhere as massive as I did in 2022.

About a week later, we left to go on vacation/ honeymoon in Ocean City Maryland.

It was fun! Yet, despite all the walking we did and the fruit we often snacked on instead of chips and candy, I actually gained five pounds and came home to the scale around 270 once more.

I knew it was temporary, but it was frustrating all the same.

I came back and immediately was thrown into full time at the job I'd originally been intending to quit. Full time meant more time on my feet, more walking, etc.

By December I was sliding back and forth between 256 and 260, depending on the day.

So you'd think I'd be about 225 now, right?

Well no.

Despite not really eating any more than usual and probably eating a bit less to be honest, my weight maintained in that sliding scale area. One day I might be 257 and four days later 261.

I started to feel hopeless, but I knew that sometimes the body hangs onto it for a while because of all the changes. From December to late February, while nothing seemed to change weight wise, I noticed a few inches gone and I noticed my face thinning down, the double chin disappearing.

Along side that, my back, shoulders, ass, and legs have become more muscular. Part of that certainly has come from the position I have at my job. I'm a manager and I handle the alcohol in the store. While it's not super heavy lifting it is consistent. It's helping.

As of roughly a week ago however, the scale has finally started to budge again!

About five days ago I weighed myself and I was about 254lbs. And as of yesterday I'm about 252lbs.

There's still so much progress to be made and it's not a straight line. My goal weight is 170lbs. Right now though, I'm excited to be nearing my weight of 4 years ago.

As soon as I see 240lbs on that scale again, you better bet I'm gonna be celebrating. That'll be more than 55lbs lost. That's crazy to me. But I'm looking forward to it.

[starspangledprince]

First of all. All of what you guys said, I agree with. And it's one of the reasons why my description on this blog says 'Hey, you hate Steve? Cool, I don't need to know' (It also includes Tony because I manage to find both the Steve haters and the Tony haters very regularly)

When I first joined the Stony fandom back in 2019 (I'd been into the MCU since its inception, but more on that later) I followed back almost anyone I found in the Stony tag. I didn't curate it at all because I was fucking oblivious to the fact that anyone would hate Steve so thoroughly and still consider themselves a Stony fan.

That was a big whoopsie, because it only took a few weeks and suddenly I ran into posts on my dash about hating Steve. I'd start reading fics submitted directly to Tumblr that were about post-Civil War Stony, only to realize that they were in complete bad faith when it came to Steve. Sure, some of them were written well, but they only left me with something close to heartache.

And, don't get me wrong. I'm not going to say I loved Steve from the very beginning. I never hated him, but he certainly wasn't my favorite at the time (that honor goes to Loki). The first Avengers movie just did a poor job of characterizing him well, and I'd had yet to see CA:TFA.

Not only that, but I saw at least one of the blogs who were somehow into Stony, but also anti-Steve/Anti-Team Cap seem to subpost about my blog in particular. And, if not my blog, then someone's cute, innocuous AU. But I remember it still.

'Steve Rogers is not a fucking prince.'

I've theorized a lot about why people hate Steve so much. That perhaps they are holding him to a higher standard, simply because the serum enhanced everything. So, therefore, he should be perfect. Which robs him of all of his humanity. He's a good man, but he definitely ain't perfect, and he shouldn't be perfect. He's still human. He's still allowed to make bad judgment calls. He shouldn't have to know everything anymore, than Tony shouldn't have to. Their both different kinds of geniuses (Steve tactical, Tony technical), but that doesn't make them unable to err.

I wondered if they hated him because of some of the truly atrocious writing in the movies. Because if you don't look at Steve and some of the MCU writing critically whatsoever, he can come off as a sanctimonious prick.

But, regardless, you best bet I promptly stopped following those blogs. I cannot and will not ever understand why you would ship anything when you don't absolutely love and/or adore both sides of the ship.

Not only that, but I enjoy reading fic with either side of Stony with someone else. With Steve, it's relatively easy to do that without running into pure vitriol for Tony. Ships containing Tony though? Jesus Christ. Doesn't matter if it's FrostIron, WinterIron, IronStange, Pepperony, Starker (well I dont read it but still), etc. Most of them go out of their way to hate on Steve. That's not enjoyable. And I'm not reading them to also read about 'how awful' Steve is.

Even out of ship discourse, it's like they forget Steve and Tony are friends.

Both of my blogs (this one and Venomous-Soliloquy) are very Steve centric. I know that makes me wildly unpopular with some people. But, I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my love for him. 💗

So I made the mistake of stumbling onto the NOT STEVE ROGERS FRIENDLY tag today and..

You have to be a special type of delusional to be this obsessed with a character you don't like!??

Over 2k fics have the tag and are almost entirely Tony Stark-centered fics. I'm assuming these are the "fans" who totally buy into the MCU canon and don't know any other Captain America lore outside of what Feige and Whedon have done. Or, they're the "fans" who refuse to understand the politics behind Steve's character and how he was inherently undermined throughout the entire ten years of the MCU by the directors and writers for most of the films.

Because the arguments in most of these fics for being "not Steve rogers friendly" are really surface level shit like:

1) "Steve refused to sign the Accords and broke up the Avengers" (he was right & he didn't break them up, an overemotional Tony did when he refused to listen to Bucky's side of the story).

2) Steve fought Tony and almost killed him (yeah, like Tony didn't blast Bucky's arm off and shoot his repulsor rays directly at Steve).

3)Steve is homophobic (y'all are just making up reasons to hate this man atp)

4)Steve is racist (Steve hated racists & you'd know that if you read the comics, or you guys are just that deluded that you're making Steve racist & trying to project it as canon and therefore a "reasonable" explanation as to why you hate him)

5)Blaming Steve for Rhodey's accident (WHICH WAS TEAM TONY'S FAULT!)

6)YALL, THEY MADE STEVE THE BAD GUY IN A BROCK RUMLOW/BUCKY FIC! I stg I cannot make this shit up💀 Steve's bad for wanting Bucky to be Bucky again, but somehow Brock's the good guy for wanting Bucky to be the Soldier...

Steve left Bucky for Peggy (we'll get to this soon)

There's a hundred more irrational reasons for the Steve Rogers hate, but let me get to the WORST part.

THERE ARE BUCKY STANS WHO ARE ANTI-STEVE ROGERS.

And I'm sorry, no. I don't accept that you love Bucky Barnes but hate the one person he loves the most in the world.

They argued in a couple fics that "Bucky also went rogue after Siberia but he didn't want to associate with Steve, Nat & the rest of the team- WHO HELPED RESCUE BUCKY & EVENTUALLY EXONERATE HIM- but rather, he went off on his own & eventually Tony finds him, they hash it out and become friends to lovers."

Helppp???? Wdym Bucky isn't gonna stick with the one man he's been keeping diaries about to try and get back his memories? But he'll go to the one guy that re-traumatized him by blowing out his arm again?

Not only that, but Bucky absolutely hates Steve in some of these fics and the reason will be, "he left Bucky to go back to Peggy." Like, you cannot be a serious fan if you're still going with the Endgame canon. For a majority of us, we recognize Endgame as being nothing but terrible writing and mischaracterizations. Why are yall not analyzing and interpreting media critically? The MCU has never been on Steve's side and have always diminished his character in an attempt to make Tony the ultimate hero of the OG 6. Don't yall know the discourse? It's embarrassing atp.

And this is my stance on the entire thing: there's nothing wrong with writing fics about characters you don't necessarily like or aren't interested in. It's OKAY if you don't like Steve Rogers- but you've gotta be rational about him, instead of hateful. Most, if not all of these "anti-steve" fics are written in bad faith. Bad understanding of the character and pure, shameless mischaracterizations which just makes these types of fics fickle and weak- hilarious to read though cos that Brock one had me deadddd��💀.

[sposetosides]

I think we're in Spanish. I am not paying attention. Nothing is happening though so that's prooobably fiiiiine. If it isn't, not my consequence! Eh kinda my consequence. The angst duo might beat my ass (Syan and Mattie). They do NOT like me! I don't really get why. I haven't done anything to them. Like sure I guess I'm stealing Mattie's 'thing', whatever that even MEANS. I'm not stealing anything! I'm being me, not my fault I'm also kinda edgy. Plus we're different breeds of angst, so why are they getting so butthurt over it? Am I allowed to ramble like this? Does anyone even see this blog?? Eh who caaaares. Can this thing stop un-extending my words. Leave me to my little quirks autocorrect.

[justsome-di]

The Fairest of All Stars: Chapter 7

Andy didn’t mean to become a pirate captain, but after killing the captain of her ship, she finds herself thrust into the role. Years after the incident, she is fierce and feared and recovering from a tropical fever that wiped out half her crew.

Just as they’re about to dock, they find an injured siren left behind by her choir. Andy, drawn to her, pulls her onto the ship and decides to keep her there until she recovers. But with the Navy hunting for both pirates and sirens, Andy has just made her ship an even bigger target for an iniquitous captain looking for revenge.

Warning for suicidal thoughts and violence. Will contain mature scenes.

Also available for free on Patreon (paid members are five installments ahead and will get exclusive bonus stories) and on AO3. If you enjoy reading Stars please consider leaving a comment on AO3, Patreon, or reblogging these chapters! Follow for more updates!

The sun was setting and, infuriatingly, the meeting looked nowhere close to being over. Andy was going to crawl out of her skin if she didn’t find a way to get out soon.

Tobi rambled on about how vulnerable the crew was now that there was a siren on board. He threw his hands around, his face turning red. With each point he made about Syan needing to be handled strategically and immediately, he grew louder and louder until he was nearly screaming.

Andy leaned back in her chair, legs kicked up on the table in front of her. Tobi’s screaming meant nothing to her. Or anyone, for that matter. Joseph was drinking from his mug. Pinkey sharpened one of his favorite knives. No one was affected by Tobi’s current temper tantrum and, just as usual, were waiting it out.

“If we are already a weak ship,” Tobi yelled, “then why the hell are we digging ourselves into a deeper hole? Are we all willing to die for a siren?”

“She has a name,” Andy sighed. “Call her by it.”

“How do we even know it’s her real name?”

Andy crossed her arms. “Why the fuck would she give a fake name?”

“I wouldn’t be trusting a siren, that’s all I’m saying about it.”

Andy rolled her eyes and sank lower in her chair than she already was. She was exhausted. The day had worn on forever, it felt like, and she was starting to feel achy and feverish. She wanted to sprawl out on her bed. If she had to spend another second in front of Tobi, she would lose her mind.

She pushed herself to her feet. “This was a waste of time. Tobi, you’re the only asshole here who’s so upset by Syan.”

“You don’t know what you’re getting the rest of us into.”

Andy looked over the table before lazily rolling her head to Tobi.

“No, I do. I do understand.” Andy shook her head. “I just don’t particularly care.”

“So you are willing to risk everyone’s lives for your own whimsy?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Andy turned around and waved her hand over her head. “Goodnight. Au revoir. See you in the morning.”

As she walked out, she could hear Tobi smash his mug to the ground and throw a chair. Nothing amused her more.

What a piece of shit Tobi was. He talked about how she was sacrificing the ship when he was willing to toss a sickly siren overboard.

Andy went straight to her room. Syan was already there, combing through the perpetual mess of Andy’s cabin.

It was a spacious room but made to feel cramped from the load of crap all over the place. Syan took interest in each messy pile, in each trophy Andy had collected from Naval officers or from merchant ships. Peeled from injured hands or pillaged from suddenly empty rooms.

Watching Syan pick through her hoards made Andy feel—different. Usually, she didn’t want anyone to touch any of her stuff. Joseph was the only one even permitted into her cabin. But Syan digging through the piles didn’t feel wrong.

It didn’t feel violating. Really, it almost excited Andy.

Syan was holding a broken compass, rolling it around in her hands and watching the loose needle spin around.

“I got that from another pirate,” Andy said. “He was some young guy—really stupid. He was the captain of this shit little boat. But his compass was nice at the time. Until it broke. Until I broke it.”

Syan set it down on the overflowing shelf it had been on. She moved onto the next packed shelf.

“How was your meeting?” Syan asked.

“Fine.”

“Did you talk about how to get rid of me?”

“What? No. Why would you ask that?”

“Before he left to join you, Joseph said ‘Don’t worry. I’ll talk them out of getting rid of you.’”

Fuck Joseph.

“He’s an idiot.”

“So no one wants me thrown overboard?”

“Just Tobi—as usual. Besides, you’re a siren. If we threw you over, wouldn’t you just swim?”

Syan shrugged, distracted. She traced her long fingers along a collection of maps.

“We were mostly talking about what port we’re going into,” Andy said. “And what we need to get while we’re on land.”

Syan picked up a beaten Bible. Andy couldn’t remember where she had gotten that one. She had a whole collection of Bibles, scattered around the room. It felt like holding a little bit of God hostage. She wanted to let him know that one of his good, little disciples had turned to piracy. She hoped he could pass the message on to her mother.

“We’ll be docking very soon,” Andy said. “If you’d like, we can get you a room at an inn. We’ll only be on land for about a week, though. So, if there’s anything you want to explore at the bay, do it in seven days.”

“And then you’re leaving?”

“Pirates don’t tend to stay in one place for too long.”

Syan turned her head to the mess that was on Andy’s desk. She poked at a globe. It had broken a year ago. It no longer turned. It just sat in one position, stuck in its rotation. When Syan touched Africa, it swayed precariously on the stack of books it sat on top of.

“I‘ll stay at the bay with you,” she said. “But I won’t get back on this ship.”

Andy didn’t breathe for a second.

“That’s alright. You probably want to get back to your choir or whatever, right?”

Syan pulled a journal off the desk. Andy couldn’t remember where she had pilfered it from. The pages were nothing but romantic twaddle from some Naval officer. It wasn’t worth keeping as anything but a trophy to commemorate that Andy had successfully drowned a Naval ship only a few weeks into her captaincy.

Finding nothing of interest in it, Syan sat it down and moved on to the next book. She opened it to a random page and was greeted with a sketch of two women wrapped in an intimate moment. One’s face was obscured between the legs of the other—whose head was thrown back in ecstasy. Hands gripped sheets. Hair was pulled back off foreheads, over shoulders.

“I drew that myself,” Andy said, briefly forgetting the conversation.

“Interesting.”

Syan’s fingers lingered on the page, tracing the figures of the women.

“Inspiration from real life?” Syan asked with a cheeky, quarter-of-a-smirk. It was perhaps the most expression Andy had seen from her.

“Oh, you know. I don’t mean to brag, but yeah.”

“Hmm.”

Syan closed the book and set it down.

“Anyway, thank you for the hospitality, I suppose. I was pleasantly surprised to not be skinned or sold while I was here.”

Andy remembered what they had been discussing just moments ago. She didn’t want Syan to go, but what else was she supposed to do? Keep her prisoner? Lock her up in the bedroom and tie her to the bed? Alas, such things were only tempting as a sort of sexy roleplay. Actually keeping Syan as a prisoner was wrong.

Syan, after all, was a free being. Who might have the ability to kill every person on board. Andy didn’t want to witness her amazing killing skills if they did exist.

“You know,” Andy said. “Any other pirate probably wouldn’t have treated you as nicely as I have.”

“I’m aware.”

“I think I deserve a reward.”

Syan looked down at her. “And what would that be?”

Andy tapped the sketchbook Syan had just held. Syan rolled her eyes.

“You’re a pig,” she said.

“It was a simple request. You can say no if you want.”

“No.”

“And I will honor that. See, not such a pig, am I?”

Syan only shook her head. She squared her shoulders and straightened, making herself look taller.

“I really do have to go,” she said. “I’m not meant to be on a ship.”

“Of course. You’re a sea monster.”

Syan crossed the room to the fainting couch that had become her bed. Sitting on it, she stretched down and ran her hands over her legs. They must have been sore or cramping or tense. Syan dug her fingers into her calves.

“Does that upset you?” Syan asked. “My leaving?”

“Why would it upset me?”

Syan looked at her long and hard, her eyebrows (which, Andy thought, looked like perfect triangles) oh so slightly pulled inward.

“It shouldn’t,” Syan said. “Pirates don’t get attached to people or things, do they?”

Except Syan didn’t know just how normal her presence had felt on the ship. Almost like she had been there the whole time. And she didn’t know about all the pirates who kept little pets or bonded here and there with crewmates.

Though, pirates weren’t out there raising families or entering monogamous relationships. Their lives didn’t necessarily allow for it. On the ocean, morals shifted, changed, bent. Attachment looked different.

“No,” Andy lied. “We don’t.”

[gal-vanized]

since im on a ramble about knights in souls, the knights of syan in ds2 piss me off. not cause they're tough or anything, honestly i find them easy to deal with.

no, they bug me cuz their shields are mismatched. they only use the tower shield... even though the greatshield of glory (which mentions being syan's in the item description) is in the game, but wielded by completely different knights. you can tell it was meant for the syan knights because of the shape of it, but the color is off completely.

(left is the tower shield, right is the greatshield of glory)

[uozlulu]

Going to stick these here for now in case I lose the file or need it to be easier to search or something.

Notes on the ES21 soulmate mark AU fic I was rambling about in this post. Just kind of organizing things so when it comes time to write it I can hopefully write it quickly. 

Some characters might not show up, others might get added to the list. Those missing so far are characters I either felt like I didn’t have confidence in writing or didn’t really remember since it’s been over 10 years since I finished the manga. Also trying to keep the cast of active characters on the small side even though a lot of characters will be there if only in general. All flashbacks/scenes/etc...will need proper fleshing out and so forth of course. These are all just my initial ideas, which are highly likely to evolve as I go as all my fics tend to do. 

Probably going to wait until I finish watching the anime before writing it. Kind of tried to be canon compliant but also didn’t want to spend oodles of time tracking down details, so just kind of setting the goal as having fun with the AU and letting it do what it wants to do

Headcanons: 

The World Bowl VI was Sunday, August 2, 2020. (It’s where the top football teams from around the world kick off the football season with a three week tournament started in 2015). The rehearsal is Friday, August 7, 2020. The wedding is Saturday August 8, 2020. Everyone goes home sometime Sunday, August 9, 2020. They have the ranch from Tuesday, August 4, 2020 – Monday, August 10, 2020.

High school football players form Japan, pro players from around the world, friends from school, friends from college are all invited along with their spouses, partners, significant others, and kids. Family members include Tetsuma’s mom who looks like him and their Seibu high school coach.

Sena –34 in December, played for Enma University from 2005 – 2009, been with the Seattle Superstars since 2009. Starting to contemplate retiring. The Seattle recruiter saw Sena’s tryout back in high school and tracked him down to beg him to sign with Seattle when Sena finally cashed in his NFL draft invitation from the Youth World Cup. Officially been in a long-distance relationship with Panther since 2010, but really they’ve kind of been a thing for longer than that.

Hiruma – 34 since February, plays for the San-Antonio Armadillos since 2006, likes to say he won’t retire until his age is his jersey number (55). Has been living with Mamori since 2006. They’re not married, but their daughter was born in 2017.

Kurita – 35 since July, played with the Tokyo Stallions, played from 2008 – 2016, works at the temple now.

Monta –34 on August 31, played for the San Antonio Armadillos from 2008 – 2013, having to retire after a career-ending injury at the start of the 2012 – 2013 season. Married Suzuna in 2008. They have a daughter born in 2010 and a son born in 2012. After retirement, he returned to Japan and he’s been coaching and teaching at Deimon ever since.

Juumonji –34 in October, Kuroki 34 on September 1, Togano 34 in October – all went on to have fairly normal jobs (banker, office worker, advertising). Kuroki is married with a kid or two, Juumonji is gay and has a partner who works the same bank and is his “roommate,” Togano is still single.

Yukimitsu – 34 since February, never played football again after high school, became a veterinarian.

Komusubi – 33 since January – never played football again after high school, became a personal trainer.

Ishimaru – 35 in October, never played football again after high school, went on to run in the Hakone Eikoden in university, has a normal job

Taki – 35 since April, played with the Orlando Divers 2004 – 2008 and then was traded to the Nashville Fighters where he’s been since 2008. Never married. Does he date anyone? Who knows. “My brother,” “my niece,” “my nephew.”

Musashi – 35 since Apirl, been playing the the Takekura Construction Babels since 2004, still working construction, personal life is pretty private, but does have a son who plays elementary school soccer.

Mamori 35 in November, ENL teacher to small children, still helps strategize football, been living with Hiruma since 2006 and had a daughter in 2017, living her best life

Suzuna 33 since March, married to Monta since 2008 with two kids, first of the group to get married, part-time matchmaker, has a decent success rate. Hiruma = You-nii, Juumonji = Monjii, Kuroki = Kurokki, Togano = Toga, Komusubi = Kamusubicchi, Yukimitsu = Yukki, Ishimaru = Tet-chan, Musashi = Musha-syan, Mamori = Mamo-nee, Kid = Kiddon,” Cereberus = Ceru, Sena has no nickname

Kid (Mushanokoji Shien) – 35 in November, comes from a noble line, at odds with parents over lifestyle choices and is now estranged, played with the Takekura Construction Babels from 2004 – 2005, played with the Tokyo Stallions from 2005 – 2010, played with the Houston Fishermen from 2010 – 2020. Started Sports Club with Tetsuma in 2012, which is a revitalization of the Boys and Girls Club concept. Hopes to keep working and growing the club in retirement. Been with Tetsuma since 2006. Wanted to enjoy being married so that’s why they waited until they were retired from pro ball.

Tetsuma – 35 since May, his mom looks just like him, played for the Tokyo Stallions from 2004 – 2008, played for the Dallas Titans from 2008 – 2020. Helps Kid run Sports Club, very good at organizing and budgeting.

Riku – turned 34 in April, played with Enma Fires from 2005 – 2009, played with the Yokohama Belugas from 2009 – 2015, still wears the team’s squid hat merch when it’s cold outside. Retired after a horrific injury which he still uses a cane for. Runs a pet bird store. Dated lots of people, still hasn’t settled for anyone.

Buffalo – 36 in October, got rid of the dreads soon after graduation in a bid to try and fit into Japanese society, now his hair is just long. Moved to the US in 2005 and ended up doing stuff like MMA, Ninja Warrior, and UFC. Has an American wife and three daughters (ages 12, 9, and 7).

Horide – no canon age, so let’s assume he’s roughly like late 50’s – early 60’s by 2020, still coaching football, but considering retirement, proud of all the kids who have ever been on his team. He’s pretty much in a parental position in the audience seating, and treated as one might treat a dad during such an event

Saba –mid-30’s, no real wiki info, became an office worker, has one child, didn’t play football after high school.

Aiuchi Hina – mid 30’s, not much wiki info, head cheerleader, Miss Seibu, probably married to an unnamed former teammate, and probably has at least one kid

Shin – 35 since July, played for Ojou Silver Knights 2004 – 2009, played for the New England Musketeers since 2009, has many Super Bowl wins, a true legend in both the US and Japan. Ignores tabloid rumors about him dating models and singers so he can enjoy some privacy with his partner, an indie rocker who preformed the half time show in 2013. They’ve been living together out in the middle of nowhere upstate New York since 2016 in a modest house that no one really would think celebrities owned. Has a condo near the Musketeers’ training facilities.

Sakuraba – 34 since March, played for the Ojou Silver Knights 2004 – 2009, played for the Seattle Superstars from 2009 – 2018, retired because he wanted to do something else with his life. Has gone on to play in a local band that’s had moderate success around the Pacific Northwest touring clubs, lounges, and bars. Keeps his private life very private.

Panther – probably 34 (no birthday given), likely graduated high school in 2005 like Sena, so probably met Sena the summer before sophomore year at high school, maybe has a summer birthday and was already 16 when they met. Nasa Aliens/Shuttles was a travel team he was in from 2001 – 2005, also played high school football with his local high school from 2001 – 2005, played with the San Antonio Armadillos since 2005, took business courses online and has a degree since he thought that might help him keep from falling into pitfalls other pro-athletes fall into with money and retirement. Didn’t have a cellphone when he met Sena, but they exchanged e-mail addresses. When Sena went to Notre Dame High School, they exchanged AIM handles and got to talk to each other more often since they were on the same time zone. Eventually exchanged numbers once Panther got a cellphone after graduating high school. Kind of were rocking the long distance relationship chic before it was an official relationship.

Jeremy – probably 34 or 35, the kid with the glasses, still close friends with Panther. Played at Stanford from 2004/2005 – 2006/2007, knows multiple languages for fun so he’s still not the best translator. Continued his degree while playing professionally because he promised. Played with the New England Musketeers since 2006/2007 and retired earlier in 2020. Has a son and daughter (ages 6 and 9). His wife is a teacher.

Homer – probably 34 or 35, the kid with the long hair, also still close friends with Panther and Jeremy, chose to go into the NFL draft upon graduating high school. Played for the Nashville Fighters from 2004/2005 – 2010/2011, and then got transferred to the Chicago Gangsters in 2010/2011 and retired in 2018 back to Houston where he helps run a charity that picks up the slack across Texas after disasters when FEMA can’t get its act together to help people. He’s currently trying to build the charity up so it can function in multiple states.

Big Brother Gonzales – probably 36 maybe about to turn 37, biggest guy from the travel team and probably the oldest member. Played with the University of Kentucky from 2002/2003 – 2006/2007, played for the Denver Pumas from 2006/2007 – 2010/2011 when he had a career ending injury. Had his kanji tattoo covered up and started collecting more tattoos. Has also gotten the correct kanji tattooed on him at some point.

Little Brother Gonzales – probably 32, never really got as big as his brother so he never played football after high school. Had a few tattoos including the dumb one from high school.

Vague Summary:

Sena/Panther soulmate fic in which Kid and Tetsuma’s wedding brings most the gang and more together. Kind of a choose to stick together thing? Idek. See where it goes. Think of it like a romcom movie maybe?

Soulmate Concept:

In this world, soulmates are considered near-extinct but they really aren’t. Lots of people have a wide variety of soulmates, it’s just that their soulmarks aren’t very obvious. For example, Mamori and Hiruma both have a splattering of freckles on their hands that are actually a continuation of each other’s pattern, but it’s too subtle and freckley to really realize what it truly means. Other people might have birthmarks that fit together or have moles placed in the exact same places or mirrored places, etc…However, there’s a subclass of soulmate marks for those who have a truly deep bond. Those marks have a more distinct look to them. Sena has what looks like roses cascading down his Soulmate marks tend to start developing upon meeting your soulmate and evolve as your relationship deepen, so Mamori and Hiruma upon meeting in first-year were probably like huh freckles, and by second year it’s like lots of freckles but who cares it’s just mysterious high school freckles.

Flashbacks:

Panther and Sena: 

2002 – Hanging out by the river bank after practice before Panther has to regroup with the others where they’re staying. Sena’s soulmate mark is on his right leg and  looks like cascading roses except more impressionist since the mark is still forming. Panther’s looks like chrysanthemums following a similar pattern on his right leg. At the time they think it’s kind of weird, but don’t over think it. Sena’s dad told him that most people develop one in high school and he has something like he and his best friend have stuff like that on their arms.

2002 – Sena asks Panther for his number after the cat incident, but Panther doesn’t have a cellphone yet. He does have e-mail and AIM, so they exchange e-mails because Sena doesn’t have AIM. By this point, their soulmate marks seem more like flowers than birthmarks, but they’re still underdeveloped.

2009/2010 – Panther and Sena meet up to celebrate New Years and Sena’s belated birthday since they’re finally both living in the states now (even if it’s an almost four hour plane ride apart), end up deciding that they’re dating. They have a good idea what they’re getting in though because they’ve been long distance friends with a fourteen hour time zone difference so at least now they can more feasibly see each other when they don’t have football commitments

Kid and Tetsuma

2006 – Kid, being the only son of a noble family was going through arranged marriage hell. Texted Tetsuma, “Save me,” both kind of half jokingly, half for serious. So Tetsuma shows up in nice clothing (because Kid’s always talking about how people get overly dressed up to come over to their estate) and kind of just showed up during a marriage prospect meeting, held Kid’s gaze a long moment, bowed on his knees to Kid’s parents like a good wedding prospect, and then promptly slung Kid over his shoulder, and rescued him. They’ve been together ever since. Honestly probably would have dated in high school but social pressure got in the way.

Venue:

It’s a large, sprawling ranch/inn in Wyoming. It’s large enough to accommodate everyone. There are horses to ride, a functioning farm, and a view of mountains in the distance. Everyone chipped in money to secure it not only because it was in a location the press wouldn’t bother all of them, but also because it sounded like a fun time no one could pass up. Kid and Tetsuma helped organize the whole thing so nobody would be priced out of coming especially if they had to fly from Japan or elsewhere to come.

Wedding:

The wedding is set up outdoors with everyone gathered around the altar so it’s les syour side and my side and more umbrella shaped. Kid and Tetsuma enter together, Tetsuma breaks off at a full run and Kid quick draws the bouquet, shoot it towards Tetsuma, who catches it and holds it through the whole ceremony. The ceremony is kind of a mix of typical American wedding stuff said by the ordained and then the vows are Shinto, though there is no sake. Kind of a mix of Kid and Tetsuma’s love of the wild west and their commitment to each other which follows more of a  love, respect, console, help, and protect than a love, honor, cherish, and obey.

Reception:

It’s in the great hall of the ranch/inn. Lots of wild west/ranch/cowboy chic happening. Variety of food, mix of American and Japanese traditions. Kid tells the flashback about Tetsuma rescuing him from an arranged marriage. Reception ends at sunset and they ride off into the sunset together, heading to a nearby campsite to kick off whatever their honeymoon will be.

[ryansfabray]

Painting | Syan

subsilask‌:

Silas wasn’t sure that this painting would solve anything between them, but he had to try. Silas held the painting out after his rambling explanation. She was smiling, so that had to be good, right? “I could help you..hang it, I mean. Your welcome. I had meant to get it to you sooner but can’t rush art, right?”

This was the most they’ve talked in days and Ryan wanted to keep the momentum going. “Alright, yeah, I’d like that. Do ya have time to hang it up now?” She asked before setting it down and completely getting up from the bed. With all of the play room stuff out, it made the room feel very empty but hopefully this painting would help with that a little bit. “I guess we could put back some of the hooks and nails that feel when we moved the playroom stuff out of here?” 

continued from [ here ] @subsilask

[venomous-soliloquy]

Checking in. I'm still around and trucking on, just working two jobs and don't have a lot of free time to create like I want to.

How are you guys? ♥

[syans-fitness-and-health]

Yesterday, I came to a realization about myself and my weight and general feelings about my body. Specifically, why I allowed myself to reach almost 300lbs just a couple of years ago.

I'm pretty sure it was a 'survival' instinct from previous trauma.

Two years ago I was 295-ish, last year I hovered around 292 - 288lbs. I broke my ankle in late December and was forced to not move much at all for just around 3 months.

In March I was finally allowed to start moving around fully and got a job. Then I also got hired at my old job. Since then, I've been working two jobs (soon to be quitting one).

I end up walking a lot between both jobs.

Since then, between not eating as much (I just can't) and walking so regularly, I've lost weight and inches and fat. I am now hovering around 269 - 267lbs, and working to drop more of that fat for muscle and drop more inches.

I'm feeling more and more happy in my body and more comfortable with myself.

But in the past few weeks, I've noticed something at one of my jobs, and it's been making me feel progressively more uncomfortable.

In the past few weeks, some of the male customers have been more flirtatious or outwardly 'interested'. And, while I could probably take it as a compliment, at the same time, it constantly makes me feel put on the spot. And then further uncomfortable because I know they are perceiving me as a woman.

I do find men attractive, of course, just as much as I find women attractive. The issue isn't so much that they are men, so much as the fact that they are strangers and they are doing these sorts of things when I have no choice but to be congenial with them.

And it made me come to the realization of why I started packing on so much weight, even around the age of 12. Back then I was very purposefully eating fat too much. Partly because I was being called fat at school and partly because I was already being looked at by much older people(mostly men). I'd had an early puberty and was very developed by age 11/12.

I'm pretty sure I packed on all the extra weight in an effort to make myself feel less attractive and unappealing. So I'd be ignored or left alone.

And now I'm fighting that urge all over again, because I just want to be healthy.

[venomous-soliloquy]

I'm working on a multichapter fic, and I'd like to start publishing it soon, but I'm having a bit of an existential crisis.

It's been suggested that a beta could be useful and I agree with that, though I feel at a loss of how to find one. I'd like someone who could point out issues with phrasing, word usage, who could tell me if i need to include a bit more clarity or if I'm getting a little too verbose, etc.

At the same time, it'd be nice to have someone to talk to about the fic, maybe fling some ideas for plot points around a bit with, etc.

I guess I'm a little intimidated about asking anyone for help as a beta, though, since this would be a fairly long term project until I'm ultimately finished with it.

I guess I don't want anyone to feel obligated to have to put in so much effort for me. 🥴 IDK

[venomous-soliloquy]

My life outside of work feels like a constant decision between drawing and writing, desperately wanting to do both, and ultimately doing neither.

[venomous-soliloquy]

Shout out to the person on TikTok who told me my art was worth the money, but no one would buy it at the prices I'm charging.

3 of 5 slots filled! 😝

[venomous-soliloquy]

Gotta love when the WIP of an image gets more attention than the finished piece lmao Making me wonder if I should bother to post WIPs.

Like, I dig that you like it, but imo the finished image is 10 times more interesting to look at.

[venomous-soliloquy]

How many chapters of a multi-chapter fic should i write before I start publishing it?

And... do I really need a beta reader, or naw?

[syans-fitness-and-health]

In December I broke my ankle. It thoroughly pissed me off that it happened because I'd just jumped back onto the saddle with losing weight.

I was basically bed-ridden and unable to move around much for 3 months.

At the end of March I started a new job.

In the past 3.5 months I've officially lost 15 lbs.

When I started the job, I was about 285.8lbs

Last time I weighed myself, I was 270.6lbs

Still another 100lbs to reach my first goal! I'm looking forward to busting into the 260s soon. Now I just need to buy some new clothes at some point. all my old stuff is starting to fit way too big.