#swiftmas eve

[asteracaea]

my violet vinyls are on the way 🥳🥰

[gublernatural]

Slut! ❆ Joel Miller

☃︎ SUMMARY: the ladies of Jackson are not very kind, but Joel always is

☃︎ WARNINGS: small age gap (eight years), immature old ladies, mentions of drinking, kind of ooc!joel, joel being very sweet

swiftmas masterlist!

.｡❅⋆⍋∞｡∞⍋⋆❅｡.

Everyone wants him, that was my crime. The wrong place at the right time. 

By now, you had thought you’d grown used to the way people’s eyes drifted to Joel when he entered a room. You thought the hushed whispers (that had continued to grow in volume over the months you’d been together) about him had gone in one ear and out the other. But you were wrong.

Party planning had never been your thing. It wasn’t very fun to sit around with the other ladies of Jackson wasn’t exactly how you wanted to spend your Saturday night, especially when there was about a twenty-year age gap between yourself and the next youngest person attending, besides Maria. But, Maria was Joel’s brother’s wife and you felt an obligation to her. So, you wiggled your way into the empty bar, claiming a spot in the very back, hoping to fly under the radar.

Of course, nothing ever goes to plan. As soon as Maria had spotted you, she was summoning up to sit with her, to help her lead the discussion for the Christmas Eve community event. 

You heard the whispers before you even had the chance to lift yourself from your seat. “That’s Joel’s new girlfriend.” The white-haired lady a few rows ahead had said. You’re sure she thought she was whispering, but anyone in the back few rows could hear her indignant remarks about your age and your relationship. You chose to ignore her, keeping your head up as you made your way to the front.

“Thank you for joining me,” Maria smiled as you claimed the chair next to her. You just threw her a kind smile. You spent the meeting only speaking when prompted and not really offering any opinions. It didn’t seem worth it to try and improve their Christmas party when all they'd ever done was chastise and disclude you.

You opened the door to your and Joel’s shared home a little after 9, and you were completely emotionally exhausted. He was sitting on the couch, lazily strumming on a guitar. “Hey, darling,” he smiled up at you. With a huff, you plopped yourself down next to him. “Rough meeting?” You just nodded. He moved the guitar off of his lap, pulling you into his side. “’m sorry,” he mumbled with a delicate kiss on your head. You just nodded, basking in his warmth.

You two sat like that for a while before heading up to bed.

The Christmas Eve party arrived quicker than you hoped it would. You had thrown on a cute little sweater dress, with a pair of tights underneath. It was a cute outfit that radiated Christmas vibes and kept you warm as you, Joel, Ellie, and her friends trekked through the Jackson snow to get to the Church.

One of your hands clutched the dish Joel had made, some kind of potatoes, and the other held his. He held the door for you and your group and wiped the snow from the back of your dress when he stepped through the door. “Look who decided to show up!” Tommy called to your group, making you laugh. “You know it takes Joel forever to get ready,” you teased. “Yeah, he moves ridiculously slow,” Ellie added, "even for an old man."

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go sit this down,” Joel groaned, not enjoying being the center of attention. He scurried away to the buffet table, sitting down the dish and observing the selection of food. You stayed behind, allowing Maria to fill you in on how the party was running. You didn’t really care, but you knew she did and you wanted her to feel like she had you in her corner, cheering her on.

By the time your conversation with Maria had wrapped up, both Ellie and Joel had disappeared into the crowd. You looked around, trying to find them, but the crowd had grown and there was no way to see through it. With a sigh, you made your way to the makeshift bar, knowing you’d need a drink to get through the night without them.

It wasn’t that everyone in Jackson hated you. As far as you were aware, you had never wronged anyone. You showed up at the daycare when you were scheduled, you took excellent care of the children you watched, you contributed to patrols just as much as the next guy, and there had never been a job or favor you turned down without a reason. No, the only wrongdoing you had committed was falling in love with Joel Miller.

There was some kind of jealous air that followed the ladies (and a few gentlemen) around when you were with Joel. It was as if they deemed you unworthy of him, thinking they were all better suited for your lover. They never said it to your face, but they never went out of their way to cover their whispered insults or dirty looks, either.

You assumed that’s why the lady standing in front of you now was so comfortable being in your personal space. She was relatively new, a newfound family member of a couple who had been residing in Jackson for a while. They’d connected over the radio, and she made her way to the settlement, establishing a home and a life. You were pretty sure her name was Tammy, but you wouldn’t put any money on it.

You tried to wiggle your way past her, not wanting to engage in any kind of way. She’d never been particularly kind to you, and, recently, her snooty group of friends had been contributing to the nasty whispers about you. No matter how much you wanted her to, she just couldn’t ignore you as you passed by.

“Y/N!” She practically squealed, “It’s nice to see you dressed up, we know it doesn’t happen often.” She was faking kindness, pulling you into her group so they could bombard you with backhanded compliments and subtle insults. “Yeah, that’s what happens when you contribute to the town!” You smiled, hoping to dish it back to them.

“Oh, we know you contribute,” One of the other ladies said. You didn’t recognize her, but here was, being a condescending bitch anyways. “Someone’s gotta keep the older men happy.” She giggled. You knew what she was implying, but you wanted to hear her say it. “I’m not sure what that means, considering I watch the children,” You said, attempting to take a few more steps toward the bar.

“Oh, you know,” Someone else jumped in and you couldn’t help but feel attacked, knowing you were cornered, “being the town slut, hooking up with older men, like Joel Miller. They gotta let out their frustrations somehow.” She took a sip of her drink while the women surrounding you let out a laugh.

And, I break down, then he’s pulling me. In a world of boys, he’s a gentleman.

Your heart started racing as they laughed at you. You knew how childish this was. How these grown women were acting like teenage girls at a sleepover, gossiping about people they knew nothing about. Yet, their nasty words were getting to you. As tears began to prick at your eyes, you replied with the only thing you could think of.

“Fuck you guys!” You were pretty much yelling as you stormed away, keeping your head down as you walked out of the church. The tears were falling as you walked, not really sure where you were going. I should be used to this by now, you thought, but it’s all becoming too much. Every mean word, every nasty glance, every assumption about you or about your relationship was weighing on your heart, sending you spiraling.

You were ugly crying when you heard his voice. “Y/N!” Joel yelled, jogging to catch up to you. You stopped in your tracks but didn’t turn to face him. “Hey, hey hey,” he speaks softly as he pulls you into his chest. No words are exchanged between you, but, at this moment, there doesn’t need to be. All you need is Joel and his arms around you and the warmth radiating from his body and his head resting on top of yours.

It wasn’t until you stopped heaving and wiped the snot away from your face when Joel spoke. “You wanna tell me what happened?” He asked, keeping his hands on your waist. You nodded, “the ladies, uh, Tammy, and her friends, were just saying stuff and I kinda blew up.” Joel let out a hum, knowing the kinds of things people said about your relationship with him. Rumors that you were using him because of his relationships with Maria and Tommy, or talks of him only being with you because he was attracted to younger women.

None of it was true, you were just two people who had fallen in love. The age difference wasn’t too bad, only around 8 years, and you had long established your own relationships with the people in town before you and Joel got together. Everything about your relationship was founded on love and trust, and no words from anybody could talk that away.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that,” he spoke as he brushed your hair out of your face. He meant it, too. People were scared of him, so no one spoke ill of him when he was around, and certainly not to his face. But, he’d deal with it every day if it meant they’d leave you alone.

“It’s not your fault,” You shrugged. You’d never hold any of it against him. You wanted to be with him, so you’d deal with the consequences. He pressed a kiss to your forehead, “Let’s go home.” You nodded against him and he pulled your hand into his. “You cold?” He asked, pulling his jacket off before you could even answer. You thanked him, slipping it on quickly, wanting to return your hand to his.

“I love you,” He mumbled into the frigid air. “I love you too,” You replied, giving his hand a tight squeeze. “All the time, no matter what anyone says.” You nodded at his words, knowing he meant every single one of them.

[xxvalkyriesxx]

The flashes of memories through Nesta's and Cassian's lives. Inspired by Taylor Swift's final mashup on the Eras Tour: Long Live, New Year's Day, and The Manuscript. Happy Swiftmas and Angstmas. This one hurts a lot. Happy New Year's Eve Eve.

Read now on AO3 or Below

CW: Major Character Death, Slight smut at the start

You held your head like a hero / On a history book page / It was the end of an era / But the start

of an age

December 27, 2014

A tired sigh left Nesta as she sat down in the armchair near the crib. The hosting stressors had whisked away after the final guest left the night before. She placed her feet on the matching ottoman, hissing slightly at the sight of swollen ankles. 

Nesta knew all of the tall tale signs of the final trimester as Feyre was pregnant almost three years ago with Nyx, and Elain last year with her daughter, Autumn. Yet no amount of preparation could help the eldest Archeon in her first pregnancy.

Rising her gaze, Nesta glanced around the room, a small smile appearing on her lips. The nursery was finally finished, with the walls painted a light gray that seemed almost dream-like. Along the trim of the walls were white swirls of stars, ivy, and flames. An ode to her and her sisters, who through the darkest of times, found their dreams.

Rubbing soft partners on belly over the black nightgown, Nesta tried to relax herself and the baby. However when her eyes glanced over at the calendar that marked the due date a week before, she couldn’t help but grimace a little. “You’re not even here yet, and you’re already having your father’s bad habits.”

“What bad habits am I giving our child now?” A voice called from the threshold of the door. 

Standing in the doorway was Cassian, joggers on, well they were the only thing on. Playfully rolling her eyes, Nesta tried to fight the blush that crept into her face. They’ve been together for almost ten years now, four of them as husband and wife, yet she blushed like she was still fifteen and he was seventeen when he tutored her in biology. Amazingly his deployment ended right before Christmas, making it the first holiday they’ve spent together in person in three years.

“She’s late. Seems to be a habit in our growing family.”

Cassian shrugged. “What can I say? Always be the unexpected, that’s how you get them.” He flashed his signatured grin at her before walking in to sit on the ottoman. Taking her feet into his hands, Cassian began massaging the swollen muscles. Nesta bit down on her lip, trying to keep the noises at bay.

“Don’t be shy, Nes. Ten years, and I can never get enough of you.” He kissed her ankle before placing her feet onto the floor as he pushed the ottoman away from the chair. His knees wound up in the space between her feet, settling into the carpeted floor. Trailing his mouth from her ankles to her inner thighs, Nesta hitched a breath, her legs naturally widening their stance. One of her legs was already draped over his shoulder.

“Nothing underneath?” Cassian smirked. “Did I miss a spot last night?” 

“I think you missed quite a few actually.” Nesta tried her best not to sound too breathless. “I want to issue a complaint.”

Cassian hummed. “We can’t have that now can we? Let me take a taste and see what I can do.” Before she could retort anything more, Cassian’s tongue traced her clit.

~*~

December 30, 2014

“Fuck, Cassian!” Nesta shouted from the passenger seat in agony. “Can’t you drive faster?”

“We’re almost there, Sweetheart.” His hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Just hang on.”

Nesta moaned in distress, the contractions lasting for almost a whole minute. The intense waves tightening inside her seemed to have grown worse since she first experienced them earlier. Reaching over to the cupholder, Nesta grabbed Cassian’s phone, dialing her OB.

On the second ring, the phone picked up. “Berdara speaking, what’s going on.”

“Hi Gwyneth, it’s Cassian Archeon. My wife, Nesta–”

“Cassian, I know who you and your wife are. How is everything–”

Nesta screamed in pain, her face flushed with tears surfacing in her eyes.

“What are your contractions, Nesta?” Gwyn asked, going right to business.

Nesta gasped in pain, her hands on her belly. “The pain is lasting at least a minute, and there’s not–” She cried out. “There’s not much time in between them.”

“Cassian, how far are you from the hospital?”

“It’ll be another ten minutes, doc.”

“Nesta doesn’t have ten minutes. You’re going to have to pull over and help her deliver the baby.”

He went white as a ghost. “E-excuse me?” Flashes of every combat-like training created a montage in his mind. His palms were clammy as his grip loosened slightly. 

“You have to do this, Cassian. Once the baby is born, come to the hospital. We’ll have a wheelchair waiting outfront for Nesta and get her and the baby in a room to check their vitals.”

“Doc, I, I don’t know if–”

“Cassian!” Nesta begged. “Please, we can do this. Gwyn, can you stay on the line?” She whimpered.

“I’m not hanging up until you guys are at the hospital.” Gwyn assured them.

He nodded. “Okay, okay.” Putting on his hazards, he drove their car onto the shoulder before turning it off. “Gwyn, the car’s off and we’re on the shoulder.” He took a deep breath. “Tell me what I need to do.”

~*~

“She’s the spinning image of you, Cas.” Nesta said, her voice tired and hoarse. She settled against the pillows of the hospital bed while Cassian sat on the bedside next to her, looking at their daughter in the hospital provided crib. She seemed so small, but all the nurses said she was big for a baby at almost nine pounds. Her warm skin and pink cheeks matched her tiny pink hat and swaddle.

Nesta recalled the moment she held her daughter she sobbed, holding the tiny girl with black hair. Never before had she seen anyone more beautiful, more precious. Mumbling underneath her breath that her words didn’t hover over daughter’s cries, Nesta made a vow. 

“I will not be like my mother. I will love you until my dying breath, and even then death can’t take my love for you.”

The door to their room opened, both of her sisters walked in, not a child in sight. Feyre raced over to Nesta, kissing her on the cheek. Her youngest sister was a little out of breath, her face pink. “We ran as fast we could once we got here.” Feyre said, trying to catch her breath. “How are you doing?”  She turned to Cassian. “And you?”

Cassian waved her off. “I’m fine, Fey. I just drove like a mad man.”

Nesta shook her head. “You did more than that, and you know it.”

“We heard.” Elain said, coming up behind Feyre, grabbing Nesta’s hand, squeezing gently. “Cassian called Rhys when Lucien and I took Dahlia to their house since Feyre needed help on a few things, and of course Rhys and Lucien wanted to watch the game.”

Nesta looked around for her niece and nephew. Catching her glance, Feyre smiled softly. “The kids are with Rhys and Lucien in the waiting room. Probably starting a ruckus if I had to guess.”

Elain peered over the hospital bed, getting a glimpse of the crib. “So, did you two finally decide on a name?” She circled around to the crib, cueing at the newborn that laid asleep. The couple looked at each other before Cassian picked their daughter up and gently placed her in Nesta’s arms.

“As you guys know, we had a very long list of names.” Cassian started.

“But we wanted to confess something actually.” Nesta couldn’t help the smile grow on her lips watching her husband.

“We only did the long list of names for the dramatics. We’ve had the name picked out for months now.” Cassian grinned. 

Feyre playfully rolled her eyes. “Of course you did.”

“Well, what’s her name then?” Elain pondered.

“Irene.” Nesta spoke in almost a whisper. “After Cassian’s mom.” She smiled at her daughter, gently kissing her head.

Hold on to the memories / They will hold on to you / And I will hold on to you // Please don't ever

December 30, 2024

“Mama, hurry up! We’re going to miss the call!” Irene yelped as the newly ten year old grabbed their two fluffy cats and sat down on the couch, the laptop already open on the coffee table.

“Irene, calm down. We’re not going to be late.” Nesta called out, grabbing the plate with a cupcake and a number ten candle in the chocolate frosting. Coming from the kitchen, Nesta sat down next to her daughter, turning on the video call, knowing full well that it was in the middle of the day for Cassian, but as always, he had given the heads up he would be free.

The call dialed until the familiar man appeared on screen. Clean shaven in his standard uniform, just how he was a few days ago on their last call. Cassian smiled brightly at the two from his camera.

“My favorite girls in the world!”

“And your favorite sons too!” Irene exclaimed, still holding onto their cats somehow. Cassian grimaced and tried to laugh it off. If there were one or two things he didn’t miss during his deployment, Nesta could probably guess, with a tiny smirk on her lips that was just for him to see.

“Ah yes, my favorite boys.” Cassian said, almost like a robot, his displeasure of the animals trying not to seep through. “Bryaxis and Balthazar…” The cats meowed before wiggling out of the young girl’s grasp, running off. “Anyway, this call isn’t about them, last time I checked.” 

As if on cue, both Cassian and Nesta held up similar cupcakes with candles in them. The chocolate frosting over a chocolate cupcake. Although Cassian had to go the extra mile and have sprinkles. 

With the candles lit, Cassian spoke. “Alright, you know the drill.” And sure enough Nesta knew it down to the bone. She and Cassian sang happy birthday in sync although it was probably very off key, but that didn’t stop Irene from sharing her bright smile, conducting them with her fingers.

“Make a wish with Mama first, Irene.” Cassian said gently. 

Nesta held the small plate over to her daughter who blew out the candle before clapping her hands. “Alright, dad. Now it’s our turn!” Leaning over to the laptop screen, Irene blew on the camera while Cassian blew out the candle from his side.

“I can’t believe my big girl is already in double digits. Can’t you go back to when you were like two?”

“And lose all of this perfection? I just made the all-principal honor roll, Dad! No thanks!” Irene said, taking a large bite out of the cupcake. Chocolate cake crumbs and frosting laid on her lips and cheeks. Cassian watched and did the same, the two mirrored images of each other, minus their eyes.

While everything in Irene screamed Cassian, her eyes were Nesta’s. The stormy blues that, as Cassian said, were the same ones he fell in love with over twenty years ago. Smiling softly, she tucked some of her daughter’s hair behind her ear. 

“I can’t believe Mama let you stay up past your bedtime. She doesn’t let me do that when I’m home.” Cassian pouted, eating away at the dessert.

“Maybe if you did better in school she would’ve let you.” Irene replied with the sass laid out on every word. Nesta held back a small grin as Cassian’s jaw dropped a little. “Oh, little sassy are we? Maybe you should go to bed.”

Irene’s eyes widened. “Without opening your letter first?! Not a fat chance.” Dusting her hands off before wiping her face with a nearby tissue, Irene turned to Nesta. “Mama, can I have this year’s birthday letter?”

Glancing at her daughter, she pretended to think for a moment, making Irene scowl. 

‘I now understand Cassian’s reasoning by naming my glare, ‘I will say my enemies’ look’. Nesta thought, reaching into a nearby bag from the floor and taking the old envelope out. 

Before Irene was even born, Cassian had already managed to write their child at least thirty letters.

“You don’t even know what she’s going to be like! Or what her hobbies will be, or what she’s busy doing!” Nesta exclaimed, six months pregnant, lying in their bed.

Cassian looked up from the papers that scattered his desk, glancing at his wife in the laptop camera. “It’s the thought that counts, Nes.” He glanced down at the letter he was currently writing. “Besides I’m not sure where I’ll be if I’m still in the Navy on any of her birthdays.”

“I want her to always have a piece of me every year she turns older, no matter what.” It laid unspoken, the possible death at their fingertips every time he went overseas. Nesta could only nod in agreement, trying to suppress the dark emotions that tried to erupt. 

With the letter in her hand, she ripped open the envelope, pulling out the piece of paper. Irene began to read outloud.

“Dear Irene. It’s daddy, but seeing how this is your tenth letter, I’m sure you know this by now.”

Irene looked up from the letter, Cassian’s signature grin on her lips. Cassian nodded his head. “Keep going.”

“I’m not sure where I am at this moment in time, I could be with you right now, or I could be deployed. Maybe I’m out picking up your favorite thing for dinner if I’m home, and if not, maybe we’ll talk at some point today over the phone.

Either way, I know we haven’t met yet, but I’m so proud of you. Ten is a big deal, but I’m sure you know that. You’re almost done with the fifth grade and soon enough my baby is going to start middle school.

I hope you know how much your mother and I love you. We wouldn’t trade you for the world. I hope you enjoy this day with many desserts, you probably love chocolate cake as much as your mother.”

“I don’t know about that one.” Nesta said taking a piece of the cupcake, a small smile appearing from the taste of chocolate.

Irene pouted. “Get your own cupcake.”

Nesta wrapped her arm around her daughter. “Not a chance.” Before she went in for a second bite. Irene yelled trying to save her cupcake. The two shrieked and laughed then eventually came down from the high. Cassian’s eyes were watery, his cheeks wet.

“Daddy, is everything okay?”

“Of course, pumpkin.” He sniffed. “Finish reading the letter.”

Picking up where she left off, Irene started speaking again. “I know every letter so far has been similar, but it’s kinda hard to write future milestones that I’m not sure have happened or not. Hopefully you’re like your mother and you're doing well in school.

There isn’t much more to say right now. Your mother is six months with you and she’s currently curled up in bed, wondering what her husband is doing this late on a Sunday night.

I love you, Irene. Enjoy your tenth birthday!

Love, Daddy.”

Reaching over, Irene put the letter on the table. Her eyes were pink with tears dripping down her cheeks. Nesta bit the inside of her cheek, trying to hold back her own tears.

“When are you coming home, daddy?” Irene mumbled. Her sleeves were covered in snot. Nesta leaned over, kissing their child on her head. She rubbed her back, trying to soothe the young girl.

“I’m almost done, pumpkin. I’ll be home hopefully before the snow goes away. So that way, you and I can enjoy sledding one last time before spring.”

“Promise?” Irene asked, her face now flushed with sadness.

“Promise.” Cassian echoed.

“Why don’t you clean up, Irene. It’s past midnight already, and we have a big day with your cousins tomorrow for New Year’s Eve.”

Irene pouted. “Mama, can’t I stay up longer with Daddy?” Nesta shook her head. “It’s late, you need to rest. We’ll talk with him again soon.” 

“Mama, please!” Irene begged.

“Listen to your mother, Irene. It’s way past your bedtime.” Cassian’s voice chimed in through the laptop speakers.

She groaned, stomping her foot before standing up. Nesta spoke softly. “Tell daddy you love him.” Irene turned to the laptop and didn’t try to hide her disappointment. “I love you, daddy! I’ll see you soon!” 

Then Irene left, walking to her bathroom. The steps of her small feet padded against the wooden floors in sync to the drum protected by Nesta’s ribcage. Sighing gently, she turned her attention back to the screen. The ache of a missing “I love you” threaded her bones with invisible string, grasping at nothing.

“I still can’t believe you wrote so many letters to her.” Nesta said gently.

“We’re not promised tomorrow, Nes. I wanted to give her something in the event that fate would step in.” He wiped his eyes. “Force us into a goodbye we never want.”

“I can’t wait until you're here again, Cassian.” The walls crumbled, her shoulders sank. “It’s been really hard.” Nesta squeezed her eyes tight, trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Almost twenty years we’ve been together, Nes. You can cry in front of me, you know.” Cassian smiled sadly. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you look when you cry?” Nesta hiccuped, the tears spilling. She wasn’t sure if she choked down a sob or a laugh.

“I’ll be home before you know it, Sweetheart. Then I’ll retire, and we’ll take the longest vacation ever. Just you and me for a bit, get your sisters to watch Irene, then fly her out to us, wherever we are.”

“Where would we go?” She asked, blowing her nose.

“Anywhere you wanted. We could visit every romance bookstore in the world, if you wanted. Enjoy a piece of chocolate cake from every continent.”

Cassian looked at Nesta, with love in his eyes. “I’d go anywhere with you, Sweetheart.”

“Likewise.”

~*~

March 18, 2025 

Ironically there were no clouds in the sky, and the rays of the sunlight gave everyone a little warmth in their black dress clothes while catches of breaths could be seen in the mid-morning air. The grass was slowly coming back to its bright green while tiny sprouts on trees could be seen overhead. Spring was almost here on their doorsteps, filled with new beginnings.

On top of the casket, lay the orchid arrangements. The petals were white in contrast to the dark clothing worn. They were her favorite flower, so when the funeral home asked about lilies or roses, Cassian put his foot down.

“My wife loves..loved orchids. I want those to be at the funeral. She would hate the lilies and roses.”

A small hand held his that kept him anchored to the ground that Nesta would be lowered into in the coming hours. Irene’s face hid in his side as she cried out for her mother. The sunlight reflected the badges of honors Cassian earned in the almost two decades of service. His sisters-in-laws on either side of him and Irene, trying to keep their tears in for the family.

“What dies, doesn’t stay dead.” The pastor said gently to the friends and family that came to the burial. “Nesta lives on through all of you. Her spirit is bright and full with the memories that you hold onto. In return, they will hold onto you in your darkest hour.”

He stood still, the tears dripping down his cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Out of the two of them, he was going to die first. The risks he made, the life he lived, the service he attended, it was all there. The letters to Irene until her fortieth birthday because he had the feeling he wouldn’t live to see them pass her teenage years in fears of his death approaching closer and closer.

Instead, Nesta was laid peacefully in the casket. Her body looked almost magically healed that no one suspected she was in a fatal car crash. But there was no god-like cauldron or spiritual mating bond that kept her soul tethered to Cassian to bring her back to him. 

One by one the guests paid their final respects before leaving. The sea of black migrating out of the cemetery. Elain and Feyre held each other as the youngest Archeron fell to her knees. The ground staining her stockings. Rhysand and Lucien stood with their children, their own eyes misty. Irene wailed for Nesta to come back. 

“Mama come back. Please come back!” She sobbed. “I don’t hate you. I didn’t mean it. Please Mama. Come back. Daddy’s back now. We can be all together again.” The casket went unmoving.

Eventually Cassian was the only one left, alone to his thoughts. “Nesta, what am I supposed to do?” He asked quietly. “Nesta, Nesta please.” He hiccuped. “I can’t do this without you. I can’t do any of this without you.” 

He screamed. “Wherever you go, I go. And yet you left me for a place I can’t touch or see or even taste. All I have are my dreams and nightmares that haunt my mind.” 

“I have no regrets in my life, but this…” His voice horse through the cries. “That I did not have the time with you, Sweetheart.”

Ironically, it was a perfect day for rain.

And at last / She knew what the agony had been for // The only thing that's left 

December 25, 2045

“Merry Christmas, Dad!” Irene shrieked as she walked into the living room of his house.

The mix of grays and blacks in his hair and beard stood out to the ugly red sweater he wore every year. It was three sizes too small, but not once did Cassian care if it didn’t fit him like he was a kid again.

“Merry Christmas, Irene.” He said happily. He gazed down at the sparkle on her ring finger, knowing his only child would have a family of her soon.

“How is Elena?” He asked, the picture of his future daughter-in-law flashed in his mind. She had made Irene so happy over the last several years.

Irene sat down on the sofa next to him. “She’s good. She’s visiting her parents for the morning as well.” The woman leaned down to a nearby bag and pulled out a rectangle box wrapped in pretty paper. Cassian sighed, a smile on his lips. “I told you, no gifts.” Irene raised an eyebrow. “Well then dad, no gifts.” She nodded over to the present on the table that was addressed to her.

“That’s different. You’re my child.”

“And you’re my dad. It’s not different. It’s family. Our family.”

She pushed the box more into his lap. “Open mine first.” She smiled sweetly. “Please.” Cassian rolled his golden hazel eyes before unwrapping the box from the paper. The festive colors scattered on the carpet like fallen leaves. Taking the lid of the box, Cassian lifted and tilted his head. In the box laid a sweater, and on it seemed to be house keys.

“You’re getting older too, Dad. We have the room for you. I want to provide for you.” She sniffed. “You did your absolute best when I was a kid. I don’t like the idea of you being alone.” She sucked in a breath. “I know it’s a lot to think about, but it would give me some peace of mind.” 

Cassian’s lips trembled just slightly as he tried to say something. Taking a moment, he grabbed the keys, then looked at his daughter. “I’ll think about it, but I do find it weird how my daughter will be my roommate.”

“It will be like old times.” Irene said gently. The two chuckled before embracing one another in a hug. Cassian pulled away, smiling as leaned down to Irene’s present.

“This is for you.” 

“What did you get me this time?”

“...It’s not from me, but your mother.” 

Irene’s hands froze, the paper fell to the ground. An uncovered small box was left in her lap. Cassian sniffed, wiping his old eyes. “I wrote letters for your birthday, but your mother, she wrote you one, for when  you found your person.”

Her body began shaking, the lid opened to a folded up piece of paper. “D-dad why didn’t you tell me this?”

“I swore I wouldn’t say anything when she wrote it. You were like seven making heart eyes to some kid down the block.” He hiccuped. “Your mother was a romantic at heart, so she couldn’t help herself.”

“You read it.” Irene handed him the letter.

Cassian furrowed his brow. “Why?”

Irene’s eyes were red when she shook her head. “I just want to listen for now.” Her voice was quiet. He nodded, understanding the emptiness that never filled their hearts after Nesta passed. Clearing his throat, Cassian began.

“Dear Irene.

You can’t read this until you have found the one who you will spend the rest of your life with. If you haven’t found them, save this for that day.

But if you have found the one, I’m so happy to hear, my sweet girl. I know they will treat you so right, because you deserve the whole world. You’re only seven when I’m writing this, but I know even when you’re reading this at twenty-five, please don’t be younger than twenty, I might have to kick your ass, and your fiance’s too.

Love.” He choked on a sobbed. Irene held his hand in her own, encouraging him through her tears.

“Love has its ups and downs, your father and I know that our whole lives. There have been days where we’ve woken up not liking one another, but we made it work. We listened, and we communicated. It’s going to be rough, Irene, but I know you also have me in your blood. If I could survive being married to your father, giving birth to you in a car, and somehow still getting my law degree, I know you’ll only be able to top that.

I’m so excited to meet this person. I…I can’t wait to go wedding dress shopping with you. I would offer you my dress, but it was more cost effective to just rent one at the time. So when you’re ready, let me know. I want to buy your dress for you.

I love you so much–”

Irene sobbed through the letter. Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks as he gathered her into his arms. “It’s okay, I’m right here.” Cassian said, not believing his own words. The two cried, tears collected onto their sweaters. Irene took the letter, tracing her mother’s handwriting.

“You kept this for so long.” Irene mumbled.

“It’s what she would have wanted. You know how particular your mother was.”

His daughter snorted, the first sign of not just crying in minutes. “You can say that again, Roomie.” The two laughed as Cassian stood up, the coffee ready.

October 13, 2004

She looked down at her watch, the tutor was late. Nesta groaned, leaning back in her chair. Her silver razr in her hands, receiving a message from Elain. Rolling her eyes, she pressed the numbers to achieve the letters needed before answering her.

“Nesta Ackeron?” A voice called out behind her.

Setting her phone on the table, Nesta turned around to see none other than Cassian Knight, the star linebacker of the highschool football team.

“It’s Archeron. What do you want?” She glared at him.

He blinked. “You’re here for the biology tutor sessions?”

She blinked back. “Oh, the tutor is late.” 

Silence met her before Cassian erupted in laughter. He slapped his knee as tears streamed down his face. Flushing red, she stood up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh sweetheart, can’t you read? I’m your tutor.” He flashed her a grin. “And I’m going to love these sessions.” 

Rolling her eyes, Nesta sat back down, Cassian sitting across from her. Golden hazel meeting blue gray face to face. She would be lying if she said her heart didn’t squeeze at his words. 

She wasn't sure // And the years passed / Like scenes of a show

May these memories break our fall // Will you take a moment? / Promise me this

You and me, forevermore // Don't read the last page

[houseofccards]

day 11 is TTPD! this album is poetic in so many ways, and i couldn't stand all the hate it was getting when it was first released (but of course, everyone is entitled to their opinion and not everyone likes taylor's style). one more day until we finish the 12 days of swiftmas, so merry christmas eve everyone!

[jordynlwymmd]

merry swiftmas eve♥️✨👻🎄❄️ @taylorswift @taylornation

[iknowplaces4life]

Merry swiftmas eve💌🎄⛄️

@taylorswift @taylornation

[mariasabanahabanabana]

Baby? I'm kinda starting to feel worried abt you, where'd you go?

I'm back bae, I'm back... mama is back... At least for now... please don't worrying, It kills me to know that you're like this for me 🥺🫤☹️😞

I'm sorry for having worried you abt my disappearance, it wasn't in my intentions and Most of all cus "I've never" (and this is 4r) had this level of interaction with someone, so, that's why disappearing out of nowhere was a mundane event, Of course, I met you... Which is something I am deeply grateful for...

Btw, How've you been?!? Eve's okss? Ready 4 Swiftmas? We seriously need to catch u!!!

[swiftie4evr]

👋

Fave swift albums?? And merry swiftmas

my fav is midnights!

merry swiftmas eve!

[everfolk]

hi clara:)

happy secret swiftmas opening dayyyy whoop whoop!!!

so happy i got matched with you!! you blog looks so cool i love love love it!!

are you excited for the holidays? how are you celebrating:)

omg hi hi!! 🤩 im excited for the holidays although this year is probably the most different it has ever been for my family. im also making my brother a custom gift which i am pumped about. i have a retail job so im pretty sure i'll have to fly home on christmas day 😶 IDK YET but im VERY excited to spend new years eve with my friends ive made in my new city. what are you excited about for the holiday season?

[emileeprater917]

Going in a getaway car to Atlanta only 250 more miles to go. Super excited to finally take both my girls to see Taylor swift together!! I only watched 800 videos to get tickets the day they went on presale 💕 @taylorswift @taylornation

[ixchelservinn]

[asteracaea]

my sntv cassettes are on their way 🥹

[ispywithmylittletiredeye]

I’m literally so emo right now I love @taylorswift with all my heart. Swiftmas eve

[mysoulismylighthouse]

♫ Under the mistletoe, watchin' the fire glow, and tellin' me I love you ♫

[sophisticatedswifts]

Merry Swiftmas Eve!

I hope all of your Swiftmas dreams come true

[katieparimango]

Merry Swiftmas! I love my new matching sweatshirt and socks. The best outfit to chill and listen to Christmas Tree Farm in! 🥰❤️🎄 @taylorswift @taylornation