#svtnhoshi

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐓𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐨 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐌𝐞? 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐉𝐢𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐅!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐒𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐖 : 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 ; 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 ; 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 ; 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬 ; 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 𝟔.𝟏𝐤

It’s not that you needed the attention, honestly you didn’t. It wasn’t something that you desperately sought after, especially not from him. You were fine being on your own, something that you found yourself being a lot more recently. His job required a lot of his attention, and you were fine with him shifting his focus entirely on his work. Late nights spent with him working and you falling asleep in a queen sized bed, his side often untouched until the early hours of the morning. It was fine, everything was fine. You kept telling yourself this, over and over, things are just fine with the relationship. It had become a mantra to you as you walked around the empty apartment that he and you had shared for the last two years. Things were perfect, you continued to remind yourself every time you passed a picture of the both of you that was sitting on an end table or hanging on the wall. There was no reason for you to think that anything was wrong. He still came home to you at night, and on rare occasions you’d get a swift kiss on the cheek before he’d run out the front door, disappearing again for god knows how long. Things couldn’t be better… How many more times would you tell yourself that?

The sound of the bedroom door creaking open had your eyes opening just enough to see his silhouette in the doorway, outlined by the soft yellow glow of the light in the hallway. It was burning out and you made a mental reminder to change it in the morning. You stirred slightly, a movement that he noticed immediately. “Sorry…” He mumbled quietly, quickly shutting the door behind him and stepping further into the room. “Are you sleeping?” He whispered, the mattress shifting slightly as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Letting out a soft hum, you let him know that you were, waiting for him to continue, but an awkward silence filled the room instead. “We don’t have to talk right now. I know you’re tired.” You murmured, rolling over so your back was toward him and pulling the blanket up to your chin, letting your eyes close once more. The bed shifted once more and you heard his footsteps as he made his way to the bathroom, closing the door before turning on the light.

Were things always this awkward between the two of you? You couldn’t really remember. Things had seemed so perfect for so long, you couldn’t remember the last time the room felt so tense when you were both in it. You listened for the sound of the sink and the soft sound of scrubbing as he brushed his teeth. You knew that you had said that the conversation didn’t have to happen now, but you were wide awake now, you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep beside him.

Attention was never necessary in your relationship, but you at least wanted to feel like you were important to him, you wanted to feel like your relationship meant as much to him as it did to you. As much as you wanted that to be the case, you had come to the painful conclusion that it just… didn’t. You weren’t mad at him for it though, how could you be? You knew how tiring his work was, and you knew that it took top priority over anything else in his life. You knew these things, but he knew them too. Neither of you should have jumped into this relationship, neither of you should have allowed things to go on for so long under the facade that things were alright.

“You’re not sleeping in here?” His voice startled you as he stepped out of the bathroom. You were collecting the pillow from your side of the bed and grabbing the spare blanket from the end of the bed, ready to head to the living room to sleep on the couch. He needed his sleep, and you knew that he wouldn’t be able to get it if you were beside him. “Is something wrong?” It hurt way more than you thought it would that he still didn’t know what was wrong. He didn’t know at all, he didn’t remember, and it just begged the question of… What was the point? What was the point of staying with him?

Simply shaking your head and forcing a small smile that you knew he wouldn’t be able to see in the darkness of the bedroom, you walked to the door. “It’s nothing. Just… Not tired. You can have the bed tonight.” You quickly stepped out of the room, not even bothering to look back at him as you did. It felt almost pathetic that a part of you was hoping that he’d come after you or call you back, that a part of you was hoping that he’d catch on and care enough to ask, but that hope quickly died out when you heard the box spring under the mattress squeak softly as he climbed into the bed. He didn’t care, or maybe he didn’t notice… Maybe he just didn’t care enough to try to notice.

The smell of coffee and glass cups being moved around in the cabinets had you stirring, rolling over to face the kitchen where Jihoon was moving around as quietly as he could. Was he doing it to be considerate to you or was that just how he moved in the mornings? You couldn’t have known considering he was usually up before you, slipping out of the bed and getting ready for work before you woke up. “Was the couch comfortable?” He asked, turning to face you, leaning over the island that separated the kitchen from the living room, his eyes glued to you as you slowly sat up.

“It worked.” You grumbled, stretching your arms above your head and letting out a quiet yawn before pushing yourself up off the couch. “The bed is pretty big when no one else is in it, right? Thought you might want to experience it for yourself.” The sass that sprinkled your words was immediately picked up on by him, his head tilted and his eyes narrowed, following you closely as you made your way into the kitchen.

The silence dragged on for a few seconds, almost a minute before he cleared his throat, the sound masking the clinking of his cup as he set it down on the counter. “I’m sorry I came in so late last night. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I thought I’d be able to sneak in like I usually do.” You bit your tongue, trying to turn down the flame of irritation that was burning inside you, trying to soothe the anger that was boiling your blood.

He didn’t get it at all, he still hadn’t realized, still hadn’t remembered. You weren’t even sure why it upset you as much as it did at this point. You weren’t sure why you expected him to remember something as seemingly pointless, at least that’s the way it seemed to him. You weren’t sure where it came from… It could have been the fact that it had been building up inside you for so long, that hurt, that desperation to be loved by him even half the way that you loved him, the anger that you continued to bottle up from every missed date, every forgotten day, from feeling like you were being pushed further and further away. How long were you expecting yourself to keep it bottled up before the cap burst and everything spilled out? “Like you usually do… Right. Because yesterday was just another normal day… right?” His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes moving sporadically as if he were trying to figure out what you were talking about, but after only a second he merely shrugged his shoulders. “Right… Well, happy two year anniversary to you too, Jihoon.” You snapped, grabbing your water bottle out of the fridge and making a b-line straight to the bedroom and slamming the door.

There it was again, that glimmering hope that maybe he’d care enough to come after you, to follow you into the bedroom and apologize, to prove to you that he really did love you and that he was just really bad at expressing it. You fell down onto the bed, your eyes glued to the small gap between the floorboards and the bottom of the door, your fingers childishly crossed, hoping that you’d see the shadow of his feet through that gap, but that glimmer of hope burnt out when you heard the front door open and close, signaling that he had left. He had left after that, without even saying goodbye, without a single apology. The final straw had been plucked a while ago, you had just been foolishly waiting for the straws to be refilled. You were tired of waiting though, you were done.

Being with Jihoon for so long had opened the door to many friendships. You had been around the members many times, and you had, over time, gotten close to many of them. There was one member though, the one who had run to you the first time that Jihoon had brought you around all of them, introducing himself to you with such a bright smile that you couldn’t help but smile back at him. He had eased all of the anxiety that you had felt almost immediately, pulling you away from Jihoon and showing you around the studio and introducing you to the other members as Jihoon sat back and watched with a sheepish smile.

He had become your best friend, and you usually found yourself going to him whenever you felt upset or anxious, knowing that he’d be able to ease your mind and calm you down. He was the first person that you thought to go to now, and while you had never gone to him when it came to your relationship problems, you felt like he was the only person you’d be able to talk to, the only person who’d try and be able to cheer you up.

There was that hesitation though, a feeling in your chest that you couldn’t quite name that made you question whether you should. He knew Jihoon, they were friends, they were in the same band together. The last thing you wanted to do was create waves or create tension between the two of them, but you didn’t know who else to go to. Anyone else would tell you that maybe you were overreacting, that you shouldn’t be so upset about it because Jihoon is a busy man and a lot of guys forget anniversaries. You didn’t want to hear that, you didn’t want to hear the slew of defenses that would be laid upon you by the other members or by your other friends. You needed to feel important, you needed to know that your feelings were valid and that someone understood, and there was only one person who you could go to for that.

“Soonyoung?” You whispered his name once the ringing came to a halt, biting your lip nervously as you held the phone up to your ear, staring at the empty, pillowless spot on the bed that you had left last night. “Are you busy right now?” Your voice shook with your nerves, a pang of guilt making itself known in your stomach as you waited for him to respond.

“Never too busy for you.” He joked, and his voice was like a breath of fresh air. He always sounded so happy, and you could imagine the smile on his face as he said it. “What’s up? You sound upset… Do you want me to get Jihoon? He just came in to-” The sound that left your parted lips had him going quiet, and you were worried for a moment that he was going to get Jihoon anyway, but then you heard the sound of a door shutting, and the hum of activity that had once filled the space between his words was now gone. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t sound as lively as before, a hint of worry lacing his question. It was strange how he seemed to worry more about you, to care more than your own boyfriend did. “I just really need to talk to you…” You held back the sniffles that were threatening to make themselves heard as the lump in your throat swelled. “I won’t… I won’t hold you up too long.”

A scoff of disbelief and the quiet sound of shuffling was heard from his end before he spoke again. “Y/N, seriously… What’s wrong? You don’t have to be quick.” He said, his voice holding an urgency that you hadn’t heard before when it came to you. The guilt of talking to him about one of his other members quickly changed to a sense of guilt for worrying him. “Talk as much as you want.” The sound of a car door being shut punctuated his sentence, and then the engine being turned over as the keys were turned.

“Are you… coming over?” You muttered, in a state of shock at the mere thought of him leaving work just to make sure you were okay. He grunted softly in agreement, and the feeling of guilt only grew stronger. You were pulling him away from work, not that you had asked him to come over in the first place, but he was coming just to check on you… He cared enough to do that. “You don’t have to… I just wanted to talk.” You said quickly, not wanting him to get reprimanded for just leaving without giving any notice to the others.

He scoffed once more, letting out a small chuckle. “I hate talking on the phone.” He said it as if that were reason enough for him to be doing what he was doing right now. “Plus, you’re obviously crying. You kind of suck at hiding it, so… I’m gonna stop by the convenience store and pick up your favorite ice cream and snacks, and then we’re going to sit on your bed and chow down while you tell me exactly what’s wrong.” It wasn’t an offer, he was going to come over anyway.

Twenty-five minutes later there was a knock on your door, a knock that had you jumping off the bed and running to the door, almost slipping on your way over before throwing the door open. Soonyoung stood proudly with rows of convenience store bags up his arms reaching his mid bicep. “Are we having a party?” You asked, the giggle that escaped you sounded more like a sob as you stared at the bags, trying to make out what exactly was inside each of them just from the top of the snack bags that were poking out from the top of the bags.

“You’re damn right. Party of two, and I’m cheering you up.” He moved past you, slipping his shoes off and heading straight to the bedroom and you quickly followed behind him. “But first, you’re telling me exactly what’s going on because I hate hearing and seeing you upset. This is the first time it’s happened, but I already hate it.” He let the bags slip off his arms into the center of the bed before jumping onto it, smashing Jihoons pillows under his butt in the process. “Wasn’t it yours and Jihoons anniversary yesterday? I thought you’d be in a good mood after that.”

Even Soonyoung remembered. You let out a humorless snort of disbelief as you sat on the bed across from him, shaking your head as you looked through the bags, not wanting to look at him when you told him. “He forgot… And I know he’s busy but… I just thought that it would be important enough to remember.” You clicked your tongue, trying to figure out how to tell him what was going on without creating problems between him and Jihoon. “I thought that he’d remember it this morning… But he didn’t. I slept on the couch last night because I didn’t want to get into an argument with him about it in the middle of the night. I kind of snapped a little when I told him this morning… But I thought he’d at least apologize for it, but he just walked out and went to work.” You took in a shaky breath, quietly sniffling and quickly wiping away the tears that had yet to fall before they even could. “I just thought he’d care… you know?”

He was so quiet, and his silence had you looking up at him through your eyelashes, trying to read his blank expression. This was the first time you saw him without a smile on his face, and that worried you. “He didn’t remember your anniversary?” He questioned, but you knew that you didn’t need to answer. It was a rhetorical question, and it almost seemed like he was asking himself the question. “How could someone forget that? I mean… I’m busy too, and I remembered.” He shook his head, a look of disappointment flashing across his face. “I even remember our friend-iversary, and your birthday.” He held his arms out, a playfully smug expression replacing the disappointment on his face as he looked at you. “I’ll celebrate your anniversary with you for him… So what are we doing? Ice cream and movies? Video games? It’s up to you… Actually!” He quickly got up off the couch, the sudden movement had your head whipping up to watch him as he snapped his fingers and pointed at you, that all too familiar playful smile returning to its rightful place. “There’s a fair going on right now. Come on, we’re going. We’re gonna get on the rides, and I’ll get you a bunch of stuffed animals from the games. It’s the anniversary you deserve, and we’re celebrating our friend-iversary early.”

Your head tilted questioningly, your eyes blinking rapidly as you watched him do a little dance in the middle of the bedroom. “Oh… You’re not joking.” You said when he didn’t retract what he had said, his head falling back with laughter as he reached out to grab your hand, pulling you off the bed. “You really don’t have to… You should get back to work…” You tried to object, but his laughter only grew loudly as he towed you to the front door.

“If you had the choice between the fair and going to work… I’m sure you’d pick the fair too.” It’s not that he was wrong, it just felt wrong. Not only because he was practically skipping work to hang out with you, to cheer you up, but also because Jihoon knew nothing about it. You didn’t know how he’d react when he found out, and that had your nerves on edge as you reluctantly slipped your shoes off and let Soonyoung drag you out the front door. “We’re gonna have fun, don’t worry.”

The end of the bed was covered with all the stuffed animals that Soonyoung had won for you. Of course he had chosen only the biggest plushies whenever he won, and by the end of the day, both of your arms were full of them and you both ended up just walking around the fair talking about anything and everything. It had taken your mind off of everything that had happened earlier in the day just as he had planned, but you knew that at the end of it all you’d have to go back to the apartment and face it all again.

Your phone vibrated on the nightstand, pulling your thoughts away from the memories of the lights that illuminated the fairgrounds, the joyful screams of the people on the rides, and Soonyoungs smile that seemed brighter than all of the lights combined. “Goodnight, bestie. If you need me, just text me. I’ll wake up for you.” The text read, a soft smile breaking across your face as you read it, your heart pittering in your chest.

“Who’s that?” Jihoons voice startled you, your phone dropping on your lap as you looked up at him standing in the doorway, but he wasn’t looking at you, he was looking at the cluster of plushies that were taking up the bed. “Where’d you get those?” He pointed to them as if you didn’t know what he was talking about.

“I went to the fair today.” You said nonchalantly, quickly picking your phone up off your lap and turning off the screen. He seemed to blank out for a moment, a look of deep thought contorting his features. “I’ll move them when I go into the living room.” You said, already shifting to get up off the bed, but he held his hand up, motioning for you to stop.

“You went with Soonyoung… didn’t you?” You couldn’t read his face, it was completely expressionless, but as worried as you were about how he’d react, you weren’t going to lie to him. You nodded your head in response, leaning back against the headboard and waiting for his response. “Why? If you wanted to go to the fair, we could have planned something.” Jealousy wasn’t a usual trait in him, but you could tell that he was feeling it now, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

You couldn’t help the eyeroll and snort of amusement that left you though. “We could have planned something… And then I’d spend the day getting ready just for you to forget all about it just like everything else that we plan together. That’s what you meant, right?” His eyes closed, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip, and you wish that you could know what he was feeling right now? Was it guilt? Shame? Or maybe he was just irritated that you were calling him out on it. “It wasn’t even planned anyway… He was just trying to make me feel better.”

His head nodded slowly, but you could see his jaw clenching, his body stiffening in response to what you had said. “Because you sprung it on me in the morning right before I had to go to work. We could have talked last night, but you decided to sleep on the couch. You know that I’m busy, Y/N…” His eyes finally opened and it looked like they had grown about five shades darker as he glared at you. “I can’t just leave work to take you to the fair because you’re upset.”

While your words had annoyed him, his words were like a knife into your heart, and his dark stare just had the knife twisting and pushing even deeper. “You wouldn’t leave work if I was dying.” He scoffed loudly, his head falling back against the door frame, a smirk of annoyance replacing the thin line that his lips had been pulled into. “This isn’t just about you forgetting our anniversary, Jihoon. You forget about me, and I knew that you were busy when we first started dating, I just thought that maybe at some point I’d be a priority even if just for a day. That’s never going to happen… And you know that it won’t.”

The smirk on his face faded just as quickly as it had appeared, his head rolling forward to glare at you once more. “What… So, you’re breaking up with me? Is that what this is?” His question threw you for a second, because honestly, you weren’t really sure what this was, but you were pretty sure that he was on the right track. “Couldn’t have picked a better time to hit me with that news though… You wait until I come home from work.”

You groaned with annoyance, pushing yourself up off the bed and brushing past him to go to the front door. “There’s never a better time with you, Jihoon. I guess I should have texted you, ask you to pencil me into your schedule for the breakup.” You retorted, opening your phone to text Soonyoung, hoping that he wouldn’t be in a deep enough sleep, that he’d hear his phone go off with your text.

2 Months Later

“Come to the studio and watch me dance, pleeeeease~” Soonyoung teasingly whined as he reached across the table to grab your hands, the dramatic pout on his face earning him a joking eye roll and a soft giggle from you. “I can take you out to eat during my break. You know I like having you there with me while I practice.” He gave you his best puppy dog eyes, brushing his thumb over your knuckles as he waited for your agreement.

With a sigh of reluctance, you nodded your head. “Fine. Fine, I’ll go. But we better be going out to eat. I don’t want to eat lunch in the company cafeteria.” He snickered quietly, shaking his head before letting your hand gently drop to the table, pushing his chair back and getting up. “Is uhm… is he going to be there?” It was the main reason for your reluctance to go there. You hadn’t seen him since the day that you left the apartment, the anger and upset that he had caused you made you avoid him as best as you could, not wanting those memories to be stirred back up just at the sight of him.

Soonyoung had been there for you the entire time you were going through all of the emotions of the breakup, texting you nonstop even when he was at work, calling you during his breaks, and rushing back to his apartment that he had offered up for you to stay in until you were feeling better, making sure not to stay too late, and if he had to stay late, he’d call you to let you know. He was perfect, something that you were given the opportunity to realize first hand, day after day.

The relationship had started up out of nowhere really, you hadn’t been expecting for him to ask you out, you hadn’t even assumed that he liked you that kind of way. He was always a good friend, a great friend, and that’s all you thought he felt for you, but then, one morning, he had asked you. “Do you want to go out?” You could laugh about it now, and you often did laugh about it with him now, but at the time you had been so clueless, you had asked him where he wanted to go out to. You could remember his laughter at your question, the way his head fell back and his shoulders shook, the sound filling the room, bouncing off the walls and back into your ears. “Not like that, silly. I mean… Do you want to go out… with me? Like… my girlfriend…”

Two months of dating him, and it was almost like nothing changed from the friendship. The both of you were perfectly content around each other, perfectly comfortable, all laughs and smiles. There was the added bonus, the perk of being able to curl up against his chest at night and kiss him before he left or when he came home from work. You never needed to wonder whether you’d get attention, whether you’d be notice by him, he always made sure to give you the attention he thought you deserved, to make you feel loved, to make you feel important.

It was a complete 180° from your relationship with Jihoon, it was enough to give you whiplash. Soonyoung was the complete opposite of Jihoon in the relationship aspect, it was like a breath of fresh air. You didn’t know how you had gotten so lucky, but it seemed like fate had set it up for you, that you were always meant to end up with him.

Most of the other members already knew that Soonyoung was dating you, and after thoroughly explaining what had happened, they all seemed to be okay with the relationship. Jihoon was the only one who didn’t know about it, something that Soonyoung made sure of because he didn’t want to cause any problems. There was a point where he’d find out though, and Soonyoung thought that it would be better if he found out from Soonyoung and you rather than from the other members potentially slipping up around him.

“We’ve got a spectator today!” Soonyoung called out, pushing open the door to the practice room and pulling you along behind him. You felt so small standing behind his back, your stomach twisting in knots as you tried desperately to control your nerves. “She doesn’t judge, so don’t worry.” He joked, tugging you into the room and moving you to the far wall so that you’d get the best view of everyone. “Plus I’m sure she’ll be looking at me the entire time anyway, so don’t feel nervous.” His teasing had half the members chuckling, shaking their heads as they got into formation for their first routine.

There was one member who kept staring at you, his eyes never leaving you as he dazedly moved into his spot. This was the exact reason why you were so hesitant to come today, it was something that you didn’t want to face, you didn’t want to face him.

The song started up and everyone began to move, you kept your eyes glued on Soonyoung, not wanting to glance at Jihoon who was still staring at you, his eyes like lasers burning straight through you. Soonyoungs eyes were glowing, a deep contrast to how Jihoon most likely looked, beaming proudly at you as he danced with every ounce of energy in him, wanting to give you a good show.

“I need a break.” Jihoon said loudly in the middle of the song, stopping abruptly and moving to the other side of the room, sliding down the wall and dropping his head to his knees that were pulled up against his chest. The other members moved to console him, trying to figure out what was wrong, although you were sure that everyone knew what was really going on.

Soonyoung moved over to where you were sat, squatting down in front of you and grabbing your hands that were folded on your lap. “Are you okay?” He asked softly, bringing your twined hands up to his lips to kiss along your knuckles.

You hummed in false agreement, but you didn’t feel okay. It felt like you were going to throw up. “I shouldn’t have come today. It’s messing up your practice.” You mumbled, but he quickly shook his head, leaning in to kiss the top of your head before standing up and pulling you up to your feet to stand with him just as Seungkwan came over.

“He wants to talk to you. Both of you.” He said sheepishly, his thumbs rolling as he nervously looked between you and Soonyoung. “Out in the hall though…” He looked back at Jihoon who was still sitting on the floor, his look of anger dissipated to one of sadness.

“Right… okay.” Soonyoung said, wrapping his arm around your waist and walking with you out of the practice room and waiting in the hallway for Jihoon to come out.

Your nerves were shot, it felt like it took forever for Jihoon to come out even though you knew it had only been a few seconds before the practice door swung open. “Are you doing this to mess with me or something?” Were the first words that left his mouth as soon as he stood in front of you. “Are you trying to hurt me? Piss me off?”

Soonyoung shook his head, tightening his hold on you and pulling you closer to his side. “You know that I wouldn’t do that to you. Not on purpose, obviously. I just didn’t want to leave her at the apartment alone today.” He squeezed your side lightly causing you to jump just enough for Jihoon to notice. “I was going to take her out to lunch during our break today, it’s easier if she’s already here with me.”

Jihoon huffed loudly, running his fingers through his hair, the aura of annoyance radiating off of him was so thick, it blanketed you. “What are you trying to prove? You knew how upset I was… you knew… I went to you about it because I trusted you. All of that, and then I find out that you’re dating her. I should have never introduced you to each other… if I would have known…”

Soonyoung sighed, but you could feel his muscles tensing up, he was getting just as pissed off. “Why? So she could be alone with everything? So she could still be stuck in a one sided relationship?” Jihoons eyes narrowed at the jab, gritting his teeth to hold back his anger. “You’re my brother, you know that… but I care about her, I love her, I always have… You should be happy that she’s finally happy.” You were focused on his words, or better yet, the three words that he had said, the three words that you had never heard from him before in such a serious manner. He loves you, and while you knew from his actions and expressions that that much was true, it still sent your heart racing to hear it from him so boldly.

“How am I supposed to be happy?” Anger subsided to sadness once again, Jihoons eyes dropped to the floor. “I know that I messed up… I know that I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her. I wasn’t there, I didn’t treat her the way that I should have, I didn’t show her how much I loved her…” He was talking to Soonyoung as if you weren’t right there beside him, and maybe he was doing it because he was just too scared to actually acknowledge you, to tell you specifically how he felt. “I was working on that, I was working on myself. I was trying to figure out what I could do, I wanted to show her… I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to come back to her, I just needed the time to figure myself out because I didn’t want to put her through that again… I didn’t want her to feel that way again.” He took a shaky breath, finally looking up from the floor, but now his eyes were on you, glassy as small tears began to fall from the corners. “Falling asleep in an empty bed, coming home to an empty house… I hate it. I hate not having you, and that sounds so selfish coming from me because I know that you went through the same things when we were together, but it’s true.” He sniffled loudly, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. “I guess I’m too late though.”

There was still a part of you that loved him, a part of you that cared about him deeply. That part of you would never fade away because he was your first real love, the first person that you dreamed of spending the rest of your life with. It hurt to see him upset, to see him crying, it was a sight that you saw so rarely that it affected you much more than it would with anyone else. Even with all that though, you loved Soonyoung and he made you happier than you had ever felt before and you weren’t going to give that up. “I’m sorry, Jihoon… I love you, I always will… But I’m not going to spend my life waiting to be a priority to you. I’m sorry.” Your words were choked off at the end and you felt Soonyoungs eyes on you as you spoke. He was the only one keeping you from breaking down right now, from running into Jihoons arms and throwing yourself back into the one sided relationship that you had just got out of. Soonyoung kept you from hurting yourself once more.

“I’m really sorry, Jihoon… I hope that one day you’ll be able to accept it, to accept us…” He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he nodded his head. “One day you’ll find someone who makes you as happy as Y/N makes me, and I wish that for you. I really do.” Jihoon grunted in disregard, clearly not wanting to believe or listen to Soonyoungs words, his eyes rolling in response. He would never accept it, because in his eyes Soonyoung had stolen you away from him, he had ruined the relationship, and as much as he hated Soonyoung for it, he hated himself more because he had introduced the two of you to each other and he had pushed you into Soonyoungs arms.