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thedragonnerd · 4 years ago

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Rayaari headcanon - let us be sad with some angst and hurt/comfort

(inspired by a lovely anon)

With the rebirth of Kumandra and the return of their lost loved ones, everyone tries to sweep away the last six years, in a desperate attempt to move on with their lives and not waste any more time dwelling on the past.

But the scars, both physical and mental, still remain, and trauma endured cannot simply be washed away. There is a disconnect between people now - especially between those who had to endure the threat of Druuns hanging over their heads for years, and those who have awoken to a new world and changed people.

The most heart-wrenching discovery for Raya is that she doesn't always know what to say to her own Ba. It's been so long since they spent a lot of time together, and she is a very different person now compared to the 12-year-old little girl he threw into the water. Sometimes, she's worried he won't like the person she has become.

She also has more arguments with him than before, especially whenever he treats her more like a small child than the young woman she is today, who has survived hardship he never wanted her to experience. They don't always see eye-to-eye with each other regarding trade, politics and what is best for Heart, with his optimism and her realism clashing. If they don't resolve their disagreement quickly, Namaari will find Raya crying softly in their bedroom; she hates fighting with her Ba.

Raya sometimes sees children from her past, who were turned to stone in the original Druun attack and been frozen in time until now. It feels a lifetime ago that she was the right age to play with them, and when she sees them laughing and playing games, she wonders was I ever really that young?

She carries a weapon on her at all times, unable to shake off the feeling that something might go wrong. She learnt this the hard way when she was thirteen: a market deal in Talon had gone wrong, and she was attacked by two large men when she was only a child and without a weapon or knowledge how to fight back. Her ability to run fast had saved her that day. Since then, she has vowed never to be caught weaponless again.

One morning when Namaari tries to wake her, she accidentally pulls a knife, holding it up to Namaari's neck. Raya is almost sick with the idea that she could have seriously injured Namaari just through instinct, but Namaari just holds her hands until she calms down, rubbing her thumb back and forth. 'I trust you with my life,' she tells Raya.

Raya also still has moments where waves of anger wash over her, striking her unawares and in an uncontrollable manner. One time, Namaari makes an innocuous comment about Benja that sets Raya off, words of anger and blame falling from her lips with malicious intent. She feels awful after having done it - she never meant for Namaari to become the target of her bad emotions that day, and she can see how far it sets back their fledgling relationship. Namaari spirals into several days of guilt before they reconcile again.

For Namaari sees the trauma Raya carries, and can't help but feel responsible. She adds this to the weight of the guilt she has already carried for the past six years, and then bottles it up inside, with the opinion that she doesn't deserve Raya's sympathy, or indeed sympathy from anyone.

She has been raised to place the safety of her people before herself, growing to accept and embrace the risk to her own life every time she had to go out on a mission beyond the Fang borders and into Druun territory. It is something she has always been willing to do if it means keeping the rest of Fang safe, and in this new, safer world it is difficult to shake off these feelings of self-sacrifice being a worthy endeavour.

Indeed, she sometimes thinks that it would have been nobler to have turned to stone herself at some point over the years, but she is also too pragmatic to believe that would absolve her of her sins.

Her way of trying to atone therefore is to help as many people as possible now. Her self-sacrificing thoughts are channeled into working herself to exhaustion, as she tries to juggle fixing Fang's city and palace, expanding her citizen's homes back out into their previously Druun-infested lands, and offering up her services to any of the other lands who need extra support in rebuilding.

All of this responsibility and guilt weighs her down enough that she sometimes gets hit with extreme panic attacks. She manages to get herself to a private location the first few times it happens, but then it strikes in the middle of a sparring session with Raya, and she just sinks to the floor and covers her face with her hands.

She can faintly hear Raya asking 'what's wrong?' and feels a hand being placed on her trembling shoulder. She opens her mouth to tell Raya to go away, but instead chokes out 'Please stay?' It is the first time she has managed to ask for help.

Both of them have scars scattered across their bodies, each with a different story to tell, and some even caused by the other person. Raya is concerned at first that Namaari will find hers ugly, but Namaari soon puts those fears to rest by peppering them with tiny kisses. A couple of Namaari's old injuries give her trouble still, so Raya returns the favour by giving her massages when the pain behind those scars grows too much.

Trauma and loss is not a new concept to either of them, even before the arrival of the Druuns. At night, sometimes Raya sings a song that she can remember her mother using as a lullaby. Namaari doesn't like to discuss her father, but occasionally, safe in the dark, she will mention a story about an adventure they had together.

Over a long period of time, they are both able to release themselves of some of their fears and traumas; others, they learn to live with, or learn how to help the other cope. The most important thing, they find, is being together through it all.

#rayaari #raya and the last dragon #raya and namaari #raya #namaari #ratld #more h/c will be on the way since i had a sick/injury prompt!#so was aiming more for just angsty vibes with this one #although I couldn't let our girls *just* be angsty #had to have some comfort at the end #lots more angst stuff to come #but gotta balance that with the fluffff #all the headcanons #can't stop won't stop

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itsmoonpeaches · 4 years ago

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Raya and the Last Dragon: The Importance of Water in Southeast Asia

Disclaimer: The following is from the perspective of a Filipino SEA. Please feel free to add or edit from other perspectives. There are *spoilers* below.

Though Raya and the Last Dragon has its flaws, what it did well, it did really well. Out of every cultural reference that I spotted in this film, the one that stood out the most was the portrayal of water.

In the end credits song, Lead the Way, originally sung in English by Jhené Aiko, there is one lyric that stands out as a nod to this culture of water:

There's an energy in the water There is magic deep in our heart There's a legacy that we honor When we bring the light to the dark Whatever brings us together Can nevеr tear us apart We becomе stronger than ever

There are beautiful views of bodies of water in the movie, and scenes that deliberately look over them. But, it’s much more than that.

The geography of SEA is already so rooted with water. The lands that make up the region are either located on a peninsula and cut through with rivers, or made up of hundreds of islands in the middle of the ocean.

So, let’s talk about water in SEA and in this movie. Below is an in-depth analysis of the cultural significance of water whether it is rain, rivers, oceans, or mythological aspects alluded to in the film.

Nagas and other myths

Let’s start with mythology because this is the basis of much of Raya and the Last Dragon. I want to first point out that this is not an opinion post, so I will not be touching much on my opinions on how the dragons looked like. (TLDR: Disney could’ve done better.)

So many myths in SEA are connected to water besides the dragons, but let’s focus on those.

I did mention briefly about naga and water dragons in my long analysis post on the final international trailer. However, I will go in a little deeper here.

Naga The dragons in this movie are based on the SEA version of a dragon. More specifically a sea serpent or a water serpent. They don’t breathe fire. In fact, they have nothing to do with fire. Their powers all influence water (and sometimes create earthquakes). Their powers include typical influence over water, creating rain, causing winds, and shape-shifting. They are incredibly powerful and revered. Sometimes they are even seen as deities like the Bakunawa in the Philippines. In RATLD, these nagas have a long horn at the front most prominent in Thai and Laotian versions of nagas. They are scaly and might have a kind of crown on their head, or gold jewelry around them. In most portions of SEA, nagas don’t have legs. It looks like the dragons here were partially inspired by an East Asian dragon or maybe the Vietnamese dragon. Other depictions can have them with multiple heads. Nagas also appear in South Asian culture. Here’s a quote from my initial long analysis post to add to this:

Naga are so important within SEA cultures that we have multiple places (and a river) named after them all over SEA and particularly a few times in the Philippines.

What I can tell you is mostly the Philippine version, but a naga is a serpentine creature that lives deep in the ocean, and are often associated with water. Sometimes they are depicted as having the upper half of a woman.

...

In the southern islands of the Philippines, depictions of naga are seen carved throughout buildings, particularly on roofs. A typical dance movement where you keep your hands curved and your fingers bent toward yourself is called “naga hands” and is supposed to be reminiscent of a naga’s graceful claws.

Bakunawa Just to highlight why nagas are so revered, I’m going further into the myth of Bakunawa. Specifically, the Bakunawa story comes from around the Visayas and Bicol regions of the Philippines which is south of the main island of Luzon. Bakunawa is said to be a giant sea dragon with a mouth as large as a lake. It lives deep in the ocean and has influence over the sea and earthquakes, in the depths of the underworld. There are a few versions of the story including that the Bakunawa is a naga that was enthralled by the beauty of the 7 moons and ate them until there was only 1 left. In some versions the god Bathala stopped Bakunawa from devouring the last moon. In other versions, the people down below made loud noises with pots and pans to scare Bakunawa from eating it. There are also another version in which the Bakunawa was once a beautiful goddess. It is also known as a man-eater in other tales. There are similar versions of a giant serpent or dragon-like bird causing eclipses (whether lunar or solar) in other parts of the Philippines.

Rain

I can’t tell you how important rain is in SEA. It’s not that it never rains, but that it rains a lot. Much of SEA is rainforests, which is an attribute that contributes so the rich biodiversity.

In RATLD, rain is depicted as a positive event...because it is. Raya and her friends are shown happy and laughing when Sisu makes rain. Sure, rain can be bad. Too much of it comes with typhoons and floods, but rain means a lot more than the bad things.

But enough rain means that the rivers aren’t dried out. Take the desert region of Kumandra for example. Raya goes there to the end of a dried up river. At the end when the dragons all come back, rain falls and the river is alive again. The people in that region can prosper again.

Rain symbolizes new life Now, this story I’m about to tell you is completely from oral tradition and was passed down to me by a culture bearer from from the island of Mindanao in the Philippines. This person said that when they were young, they did not have to worry about buying food because it was always available around them. If it rained, that was a good thing because it meant that the next day when the grass was damp, there would be mushrooms sprouting that they could pick. (There is an umbrella dance coming from this region that depicts mushrooms popping up after a storm.) If it was windy from the rain, it meant that there were fruit that would shake out of the trees. Rain also means food will grow. Staples like rice need a lot of water. Rice paddies need to be to be constantly flooded so that they can grow, and water means food whether it is in the form of rain, rivers, or the ocean. It means fresh drinking water and abundance.

Nagas and rain Remember how above I said that nagas can influence rainfall? Well, Sisu does just that in this movie. She says that one of her siblings originally had this power, and Sisu gained it because she came into contact with a piece of the dragon gem. This adds to the positivity of rain because nagas are already so revered because of the magic they can do in the movie (and in mythology), that the people that witness it are in absolute awe.

Rivers

Besides the ocean, rivers are the heart of SEA. From the Mekong River that runs through 5 SEA countries including Vietnam, Myanmar, Laos, Thailand, and Cambodia, to the UNESCO site of the underground river in Palawan, Philippines...rivers are just part of the lay of the land.

They are shown to be all of those things in RATLD. There are streams and tributaries that flow into mountains and underground where the dragon gem was originally hidden in Heart. Additionally, there is the incredibly long river that separates the land in the shape of a dragon that flows through all the regions of Kumandra, reminiscent of the Mekong. Rivers are so important that there is even a region in the Philippines called Pampanga that is named after the Tagalog translation of the word “river” seen in the first part of the region’s name, “pampang.” They are the people of the river.

There are whole fishing villages throughout SEA that are built on a river. In fact, there’s one in RATLD.

Rivers are a source of many things, including food and drinking water. When there is a flood during wet season, the land will be full of silt, making the land prime for planting.

I don’t have to tell you how important a water dragon is at this point, but the fact that the movie chose to have that be the shape of the river is significant because nagas live in rivers too.

Transportation This should be a no-brainer, but in case you forgot, rivers mean boats. Boats mean people will want to get around and trade. And, boat culture is so important in SEA. There are all kinds of boats in the region from the huge deep-water kind, to the fishing boats, to thin canoe-like ones, to coracles. You can see them especially showcased in the river town in Tail in Kumandra.

Oceans

Honestly, there wasn’t much about the sea in RATLD, but it’s important to note because nagas in and of themselves have origins in the ocean as well.

The sea is another very important core of SEA culture. Its waters are more unforgiving than rivers, and more unpredictable. Magical, mythological sea creatures tend to be more violent here, and will only be kind to those who are kind first.

In island nations like the Philippines and Indonesia, the people rely on the ocean for so many things. Especially if they live right on the water, some can be fantastic swimmers and can dive and fish for their own food. The ocean is respected, and it is feared.

Though there is no explicit ocean in RATLD, there are elements from port cities and towns that exist including the deep-water boats. In the movie and in SEA, seafood is important.

There’s a scene where Raya and Sisu meet Boun and he offers them shrimp congee. Shrimp is a popular food in SEA, and can be seen in many dishes besides congee or any rice-based dishes.

In the river town, we also see elements of passing fish baskets through the water after a day of fishing, and eating and buying fresh foods to cook later in a water-side market.

Irrigation

It’s pretty obvious that water is needed for irrigation, but just think about how earlier I pointed out how deeply water is utilized. Much of the food in SEA needs water to survive, a lot more than in landlocked countries.

Rice terraces Remember rice? It needs a heck ton of irrigation in order to survive. This means a lot of rain and a lot of soil cultivating. If you take a look at the rice terraces that surround Fang, and even the picture of more overgrown terraces next to the river in the transportation section of this analysis, you can see that rice paddies are supposed to be flooded. Rice terraces are all over Asia, but there are so many of them in SEA that are ancient and still work including the Tagalalang rice terraces in Bali, Indonesia and the Banaue rice terraces in Banaue, Philippines. Honestly I could talk about the importance of rice and water for ages. Sure, rice is a staple in all of Asia, not just in SEA, but in East Asia as well. However, I would argue that it is even more of a staple in SEA. Sure, there are noodle dishes, and bread, but rice is so ridiculously important that in the Philippines, it’s not considered a real meal if there is no rice. There is even a word for food eaten with rice, “ulam.” In fact, in the entire movie, I don’t think I can recall one eating scene in which the characters are not also eating rice with their food. Unless of course, it’s just a snack like fruit. (Maybe there was a stew only scene?) There is a scene towards the beginning of the movie when Raya asks Namaari, “Stew or rice?” when asking which she would prefer. Namaari never answers the question, but she says that it is her first time eating rice in a while. Though it’s never explicitly said, it could be implied that it is because they did not have as much rainwater for irrigation at the time.

Protection

I’ve talked about rivers and the ocean, but I haven’t talked about water as a barrier. Though water as a barrier isn’t an infallible one, it is still important to note.

Protecting from intruders SEA is separated by water. It is also a region that had wars within their own countries in pre-colonial times, and of course, when they were colonized. (Though shout out to Thailand for being lucky in that regard. It remains the only country in SEA not colonized by Europeans.) There were wars between chiefs in the Philippines, and often they had to traverse the ocean or cross bodies of waters to get to the lands they needed to fight on. It ended up becoming a process with a lot of planning. Though SEAs are people of the water, they obviously can’t breathe under it. Nagas here are also important because in RATLD they are seen as powerful, respected protectors. And of course, they are borne of the water.

If you take a look at the picture above, it shows that part of the movie when the water starts disappearing because Sisu disappears. As the last water dragon, her connection to the water was keeping the land alive. With Sisu gone, so was the water, and therefore the protection for the people. The Druun spirit came in with no more hindrances because there was no water to stop them.

The power of the water and the magical energy of the water dragon really showcased itself here.

Interconnectedness

SEA used to be an interconnected region that traded with each other. Of course, not that SEA countries don’t trade now, but it isn’t at the same level as before. The borders now were created after centuries of colonialization.

Water is what connected all the countries of SEA.

Just take a look at the map of SEA above (in red). There is no other region of the world that’s quite like this, except maybe Oceania and around the Mediterranean. It’s relatively easy for these countries and people to trade and share cultures and traditions with one another. Manila, Philippines and the Tondo region was once one of the most frequented ports in SEA. Trade was done with China, India, Africa, and the Middle East. The same kind of trade occurred in other SEA countries as well.

Because of the history of trade over water that is rich in its pre-colonial past, SEA shares many similar cultural aspects and even similar words in languages. Though of course, though there are similarities, there are a lot of differences as well. SEA is not a monolith.

If you want to think of it this way...that Korea, China, and Japan share so many things with each other including having a history of being able to share Chinese characters (the different names including hanzi, kanji, hanja), but that each country and culture is very different...that is what SEA is too.

This aspect of interconnectedness, yet with differences is emulated in RATLD. In the lore for Kumandra, the movie notes that all the regions were once one, but were separated after something broke them (that something being the malice of the Druun spirit). Yet, if they worked together they could become Kumandra once again.

It is shown in RATLD that the best way to make the spicy stew that is pops up multiple times, is to add all the spices and ingredients from all the regions of the land that was once Kumandra. This showcases that just like SEA, Kumandra was once a land of incredible interconnected communication and trade.

Kumandra wasn’t colonized, but it was separated by 500 years of land. The people didn’t use the water the same way. SEA was colonized (and actually, 500 years to the date on March 15, 1521 to March 15, 2021—the Philippines was “discovered” by the Spaniards so I wonder if that was a conscious choice on Disney’s part), and broken apart. I’m sure that without European colonialization, SEA could’ve been one huge interconnected country. Or bigger countries with different dialects.

Spirituality

Lastly, let’s talk about the spirituality of water. In RATLD, there are no other spirits besides the Druun which is made of discord and malice created from human malcontent. Yet, the Druun cannot go near water. I don’t know the exact reason for why it can’t or if it was inspired by a piece of mythology from an SEA country, but that is significant. (If you do know the reasoning behind this, please feel free to add onto this.)

SEA is full to the brim with myths and legends of nature spirits. From spirits that live in trees, to spirits that live in the water. And yes, they are spirits. They can be spirits of ancestors too. The way Chief Benja pours a bowl of water on Raya’s head as beads of it float into the air...it is a great touch to highlight the energy that water just inherently has in any SEA tradition.

Though it’s probably a little reaching to point this out, the fact that Sisu was said to be washed to the end of a river is so interesting when Raya is looking for her. This is because in some SEA myths the river takes your spirit to the underworld. Raya finds Sisu at the end of a river and she is made of stone, her spirit stolen until her power is unleashed again with the dragon gem.

Floating flowers Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of the movie and as it relates to water is the fact that the animators made a conscious choice to show so much imagery of characters making flowers float upon water. And of course, to use floating flowers as decoration. Characters like Raya, Boun, and Sisu float flowers that look like orchids or jasmine flowers to remember their lost loved ones. The choice of flowers is significant too. These are flowers that are native to SEA. There are flowers everywhere and that is so pretty and so accurate. To have them used as decoration floating in pools is also so nice too, because it is something that is done in households and not just in a palace. You can float a gardenia flower in a bowl of water to make the scent spread in a room, and it makes the flower last longer.

End

I’m sure there is a lot more I missed or things I got wrong. If you see anything you want to add or fix, please feel free to write it in any future reblogs!

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chaiteahd · 3 years ago

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New chapter from @shy-peacock’s fic “Surviving Kumandra City (With Sisu the Supposal Dragon)” got me feeling like

#raya and the last dragon #ratld #namaari #dep la #rayaari #raya #atitaya #BESTIE STOP #ATITAYA NEEDS A BREAK #MY GIRL ATITAYA #Atitaya Ratld

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luquinhaadx · 3 years ago

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shy-peacock · 1 year ago

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I commissioned the super cool @teabeeart to draw rayamaari with my OC child for them CHAU!!! (From my fic- Surviving Kumandra City)❤️

Look at thee boy 😭 he’s so cute and little!

This was so nice to receive today!! Thank you so much my dear friend!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #ratld #raya and the last dragon #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #ratld au #SKC #surviving kumandra city #skc universe #oc:chau #Chau

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shy-peacock · 1 year ago

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Rayamaari fam as tiktoks pt:problem

(Setting- Namaari having a one on one discussion with their daughter after Linh misbehaved)

Namaari: So Linh, are you gonna be a part of the problem are a part of the solution…?

Linh, pouting: IM GONNA BE THE WHOLE PROBLEM- 😒

#y’all know Linh is 100% this video and Raya is exactly the same #oc: Linh #rayaari #rayamaari #raymaari #ratld #raya and the last dragon #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #princess raya #lmao #surviving Kumandra city #SKC universe #my fic #princess namaari

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shy-peacock · 1 year ago

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Rayamaari + kiddos pt 876??? (Context- they’re out taking a walk together.)

Chau: (holding both his moms hands when he’s sees a bug zapper)

Chau: Mommy, what is that machine doing?

Raya: Ah- it’s getting rid of the moths, honey..😅

Chau: where they taking them??? 🤔

Linh, walking ahead: Hell. 😐

Namaari: Don’t say that, Linh 😩

Linh: Oh, I’m sorry- not hell…Mexico 🫤

#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #ratld #raya and the last dragon #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #princess raya #princess namaari #Surviving Kumandra City #SKC universe #oc: chau #oc: Linh

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shy-peacock · 2 years ago

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Rayamaari kids/teens as TV Quotes (pt have I done this??)

Linh, whining: MOM- please don’t make us go!? 😩

Chau: PLEASE-?!? 😫

Namaari: No.

Chau and Linh: BUT-?!?

Namaari: No, stop trying to figure a way out of this- the answer is no. I don’t want to hear another word about it!

Namaari: (walks away)

Linh: (begins signing ASL)

Linh: She won’t have to hear another word because we’ve mastered the American Sign Language. 😏

Chau, also signing: Ha ha ha 😆

#Raya: STOP BEING SMART #Chau and Linh: ???????#Raya: -ER THAN YOUR PARENTS #Chau and Linh: oh…#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #ratld #raya and the last dragon #raya x namaari #surviving kumandra city #skc universe #oc:linh #oc:chau #ITS STUPID I KNOW #FROM FAMILY GUY

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shy-peacock · 2 years ago

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Random rayamaari HC nobody asked for.

I know we all joke and say Namaari would be super mom while Raya would be a bit of the crazy one. But I have this HC where while they are both good parents, Raya has this like- insane instinct something isn’t right with her kids and goes all like “spidey senses” about it (especially in the SKC AU I wrote). So it goes like-

Raya and Namaari: (chilling/cuddling on the couch, watching tv)

Raya: (suddenly sits up straight) 😐

Namaari: hm? 😟

Raya:…..😐

Namaari:……what’s-😟

Raya, getting up: Chau’s crying 🏃‍♀️

Namaari: wha-???? How do you-??? 😨

Chau, bursting into the door: MOM, I FELL OFF MY SCOOTER AND SCRAPED MY ELBOW!!!! 😭

Raya: awww, come here 🥺

Raya hugs him while Namaari is still on the couch like- ???????

#meanwhile Linh is halfway down the street on her bike and doesn’t even realize he fell #she like ?????? where did he go????#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #skc universe #surviving kumandra city #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #ratld #raya and the last dragon

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shy-peacock · 2 years ago

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Rayamaari as parents as tiktoks pt: deedle dee

Raya is the blue hoodie - Namaari the one trying to stop her 😂😂😂😂😂 (any universe- but in SKC it’s definitely Chau and he’s laughing the entire time)

#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #ratld #skc universe #surviving kumandra city #oc:chau #oc:linh #rayamaari parents #rayamaari children #princess namaaari #princess raya

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shy-peacock · 2 years ago

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Rayamaari kids as TikToks pt 35421

Just pure LINH energy- with Namaari 😂

#rayamaari au #rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #ratld #surviving kumandra city #skc universe #SKC #oc:linh #princess namaaari #namaari #ratld namaari #namaari x raya #raya x namaari #raya and the last dragon

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shy-peacock · 2 years ago

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Could you right a sequel to that pregnancy scare fic— maybe with namaari meeting link and raya finally and no longer worried like before😭

Sure thing ❤️ rated G and I wrote this awhile ago and forgot to post 😂🥲 Enjoy 👍

It’s hard to believe people can start off so small. Eight pounds, hardly anything, or less in Linh’s case.

Fragile and tiny, just barely here for even a week and she’s already caused her family to have a massive amount of concern for her and her Mom.

Namaari hoped that this meant years and years of peace for them in regards to Linh’s health, never to worry about losing her like they nearly had the other day. Getting over the big “bump” that was her birth, moving now to a simpler, easy times with their child’s health from there on out.

A ridiculous idea- as all children get sick, yet Namaari hoped for it all the same. Her stomach still in knots about the whole ordeal, unable to feel at ease until Raya and Linh were home and life was back to normal.

On doctors orders- that didn’t seem like any time soon.

“She’s doing quite well-“ the Doctor had mentioned, keeping a warm smile on her lips. “It’s all protocol, we just need to make sure she and Raya have regained their strength before they head home.”

“The holidays are approaching…” Namaari’s Mother pointed out then, who was there in the room as they spoke, “will they be home by then?“

Namaari knew the answer before the doctor even spoke, empathy all over her face.

“Soon after- they will more likely be home before New Years at best..”

Namaari put on a brave face for Raya when the news was delivered to her, holding her close when eventually the tears began to fall. Knowing she missed being home, being with Chau, and the comfort of having her own space while she healed- a sort of grounding point for Namaari as she knew that whatever she was feeling, as hard as it was, Raya was going through far worse.

Overall Namaari had the choice to leave- Raya did not.

Nor did Linh, who loved when Namaari came to visit her in the NICU, and was devastated whenever she had to leave. Expressing emotions the best way her tiny mind knew how, crying the moment Namaari’s touch left her. Responsive, curious, and relaxed in her Mother’s arms when she could stay.

Namaari would spend moments with her till the nurses came to tell her it was time to leave, talking with Linh about anything that came to her mind. About Raya, about her brother Chau, and all the family that was waiting for her outside the hospital walls. Encouraging her to keep growing stronger, to keep getting better and healthier so that they could take her home.

When she had her time with Linh, she’d spend the rest with Raya. Keeping her mind busy, playing board games or talking about each other’s day. If the nurses allowed it, Namaari would walk her to see Linh or take her by wheelchair out for some fresh air. Knowing what a little sunshine could do for the soul, Raya’s mood lightened almost immediately the moment they stepped outside and the cool air blew through her hair.

It took this for Namaari to realize how difficult this was to Raya. Yes, she missed her family, but this was also one of the rare times Raya was forced to stay within the boundaries of her hospital room and bed. She had always been a free spirit, always wanting to move and go and do as much as she could. This being the first time in her life that she was not physically capable of doing the average day to day tasks- let alone come and go as she pleased.

So Namaari did what she could. She continued to visit Raya as often as she was allowed, her Mother and Raya’s Father filling in the gaps between the days she couldn’t. She had Chau on voice calls and video chats often, sent pictures of him playing so that she wouldn’t feel like she was missing out on his fun. She spent hours with Linh, days visiting her again and again. Bringing her to Raya, bringing Raya to her. Making sure that they were the happiest they could be in this situation.

Namaari wanted to make her feel better, knowing she would not physically be better for a time. Her reward being her wife’s smile or Linh’s sigh of relief when at last she was in her arms. Perhaps this is why she didn’t notice the way her body held her emotions deep inside herself, pushing it all away to deal with on another day.

However Raya did.

It was late, she was helping Raya move from the wheelchair to her bed. Propping her up on the edge of it, while Raya held her shoulders for balance. Her slipper fell off in the transition and Namaari knelt down on her knee to retrieve it, placing it back for Raya before her wife even noticed it was gone.

In the exchange, Namaari felt Raya’s hand leave her shoulder and come then to her hair. Running her fingers through it, pushing it back and tucking it behind her ear as Namaari looked up at her. Accepting the token of affection as Raya’s hand cupped her cheek and the other continued to play with her hair, rubbing it gently.

“Namaari…” she spoke then, “are you okay?”

Namaari chuckled, softly, confused by this question.

“Yeah-…why?” She questioned, “is everything okay with you-…are you hurting?”

“No-…” Raya laughed, shaking her head, “I am fine, dep la..” she continued reassuringly, “but you- I’m worried about you.”

Namaari smiled, only later realizing she was forcing it through.

“I’m fine, Raya.”

“I can tell you’re not though…” she confirmed, “I can see you’re overwhelmed.”

Namaari felt her body pause at the comment, her brain scanning every inch of her before shaking the thought away. Noting that twist in her gut, the way her skin felt itchy in discomfort, knowing she was upset but trying to push it aside.

“I-…Raya, I’m fine, I just wanna take care of you-“

“And I wanna take care of you.” She insisted, “and right now, I’m okay…so you don’t have to worry about me, let me worry about you.”

Namaari scoffed, playfully, her mouth opening to dismiss this again. Only now she felt her throat was tightening and her eyes burned as tears neared. She pushed it back, tried to force it back down again, but it was too late. It was already rising, her body felt it from deep within her to the very edges of herself. Before she knew it, she was sobbing. Voice cracking as she tried to speak.

“I’m f-ine…I’m fine..” she tried to laugh, her head burying itself into Raya’s lap. Feeling then as her wife bent, wrapping her arms around her. Rubbing her back, leaning her head against Namaari’s as she comforted her. Making her cry even more.

“I’m…not fine..” she cried, “I-“

“It’s okay,” Raya soothed, “I know-…”

“I almost lost you and Linh…” she sobbed, “I was so afraid-“

“I know-..”

“I couldn’t do anything..I couldn’t help you, I just had to wait and hope you made it through!”

“We did, Namaari…we’re safe now and you did everything you could.”

Namaari broke down into her arms, laying herself completely into her lap as she cried and sobbed and spoke every last fear she had into the room. Raya listening to every one, soothing her, letting her sadness empty from her body at last. Namaari had kept it in her for days now, weeks even. Her emotions of that day, her absolute devastation at her worst nightmare coming true. The trauma of sitting in a room while your loved one was dying in the next, unable to do anything but wait. It had made her feel useless, unable to save the people she loved from this terrible pain. Reason why she had pushed herself to continue on, wanting to do as much as she could now to make up for how she had let them down. Namaari explaining this all to her wife while she listened.

“You never let me down-…it was a tragic incident, Namaari.” Raya continued to assure her, “it could have happened to anyone…it could have happened to you during Chau’s birth..! But we survived and we are okay-…all that matters is that you are here now.”

And Namaari knew that. She knew it mattered more that they were all safe, that they all were here now as a family. As the doctor said, Raya and Linh were both going to be just fine. But hearing it from Raya had her relaxing into her embrace, her tears still falling with ease but a peace overcoming her as well. Truly believing it now, truly knowing they would be just fine.

~~~~~~~

For such a little thing, she truly has a big personality. A big mindset. A big world to take on whether the world was ready for her or not.

Her teachers say she’s a genius, her coaches say she’s the best player on their team. She skipped a grade because she was bored with the lessons in second grade and stood her ground against the bullies in third that tried to make her feel bad about her amazing mind.

Namaari knows she’s strong, smart and- even more than that, she’s kind. Maybe not to her brother most times…but kind where it matters. Kind even when it’s easy not to be so.

It’s wild to think she’s still so young, her whole life ahead of her that Namaari can’t wait to see unfold. She often thinks back to her birth, the scariest day of her life, a pride filling her at how much she’s accomplished since then. Physical therapy, several doctor visits to ensure her health was progressing well, and extra time working on her speech when she was unable to speak the words she needed to say. All which she went from struggling to catapulting into a master sort of skill level, outdoing herself and the goals they had provided for her.

Proving to the universe that although her start was on shaky ground, Linh steadied herself and took off with life at a racing speed.

Ready for anything that comes her way.

#rayamaari #rayaari #raymaari #ratld #raya and the last dragon #raya x namaari #namaari x raya #surviving kumandra city #oc: Linh #skc universe #IF YOU SEE SPELLING ERRORS NO YOU DIDNT

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