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latinasforace · 3 months

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Hidden feelings

A/N: update!!! ngl i hate being the reader & having to wait for an update haha so i’ll try to be quick with it. Also cuz i enjoy writing this. FORGOT TO MENTION. THIS AU & SOME OF ITS IDEAS ARE HEAVILY INSPIRED BY ARTIST @/_ceceru ON TWITTER. So definitely check your their school au one piece art to get a visual of the story :D it’s so cute. also ignore the shit editing i’m not use this tumblr stuff…

warnings: none as of yet..?

pairing: Luffy x Fem Reader

WC: 4.8k

part 1 here!!!!!

Chapter 2: Flow

The morning sun rays went through the curtains of your room, gently waking you from her sleep. You rubbed eyes and stretched, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. Today was Friday, and it was the day you planned to return Luffy’s hat.

You got out of bed and started with your usual morning routine. You brushed your teeth, washed your face, applied your usual makeup, and dressed in your school uniform. As you fixed up your hair for today, you glanced at Luffy’s yellow hat resting on your desk. You had spent a good part of the previous evening mending it, making sure it looked as good as new.

With a deep breath, you picked up the hat and placed it carefully in your bag. You went downstairs, had a quick breakfast, said goodbye to your family and headed out the door to catch the bus to school. The streets were bustling with students and commuters, and the atmosphere was lively, everyone excited for the weekend ahead.

At school, you went through your usual day. You attended her classes, took notes, and did your best to focus, but your mind kept drifting to the certain yellow hat in your bag. During lunch, the cafeteria was buzzing with activity. You spotted Luffy sitting with his friends, the Straw Hats club, their table lively and full of laughter.

You took a deep breath and started walking towards them, but as you got closer, your anxiety took over. The thought of approaching Luffy in front of all his friends felt overwhelming. You turned around and went to by your lunch mate’s table instead. They greeted you with kind gestures but didn’t bother you throughout the period, sensing your feelings of frustration and irritation.

Throughout the day, you tried to find the right moment to approach him, but he was always surrounded by people. Each time you gathered the courage to walk up to him, your nerves got the better of you.

Finally, the last bell of the day rang, signaling the end of school. Students started to disperse, eager to begin their weekend. You gathered you belongings and decided to make one last attempt. You walked through the emptying hallways, your heart pounding.

Near the bathrooms, you saw Luffy standing alone, adjusting his backpack. This was your chance. You took a deep breath and approached him, your hands nervously trembling slightly.

"Uh, Luffy?" you called out softly.

He turned around, his usual grin lighting up his face. "Oh, hey, Y/N! What’s up?"

You reached into your bag and pulled out his signature yellow hat. "I, um, found this yesterday. It was under a bench in the courtyard, so I took it home and fixed it up for you. It was really teared up from the cap part.”

Luffy’s eyes widened in surprise and delight. "No way! You found it? Thank you so much!" He took the hat from your hands, examining it closely. "Wow, it looks brand new!"

You smiled, feeling a sense of relief. "I’m glad you like it."

Luffy looked at you with genuine gratitude. "You’re really amazing, Y/N. Hey, how about I get you a drink from the vending machine as a thank you?"

Before you could respond, he continued, "Actually, you know what? Let’s go grab something to eat. There’s a small restaurant near the school, you know the pirate seafood themed one. My friends kinda busy right now, so it’ll be just us."

Your eyes widened in surprise. "Um, that sounds great, but—"

Luffy didn’t wait for you to even finish. "Awesome! Meet me there in about an hour, okay?" He gave you a quick wave and jogged off, leaving you standing there, stunned.

As you made her way home to drop off your bag, change out your uniform and freshen up, you couldn’t believe what had just happened. You are going to have dinner with Luffy, alone. A mix of excitement and nervousness filled you, but you knew this was a chance to get to know him better and maybe even become friends.

The sun was setting as you walked to the restaurant, a tiny spark of hope igniting in your heart.

You arrived at the small seafood restaurant near the school a little early. It was a cozy place with a warm, welcoming atmosphere. The soft hum of conversation and the scent of delicious food filled the air, making you feel slightly more at ease. You chose a table by the window and sat down, nervously fidgeting with your hands.

After a few minutes, the door swung open, and Luffy walked in, his usual bright smile on his face. He spotted you and made his way over, waving enthusiastically. "Hey, Y/N! Thanks for waiting."

You smiled shyly. "No problem, Luffy. I just got here myself."

Luffy plopped down in the seat across from you, looking around the restaurant with curiosity. "This place looks great! I’ve always wanted to try it."

You nodded. "Mhm, it’s really nice. I’ve heard their food is amazing."

A waiter came by to take their orders, and Luffy, with his usual enthusiasm, ordered a variety of dishes, making you chuckle. You opted for something simple, feeling a bit more relaxed as she watched Luffy’s excitement.

As you both waited for their food, Luffy leaned forward, his eyes shining with curiosity. "So, Y/N, tell me about yourself. I mean, I see you around school, but we’ve never talked at all.”

You felt a bit nervous but was glad for the opportunity to share. "Well, there’s not much to tell. I like reading and studying. I like to hang out with my friends after school, uh.” You slightly lied, not finding the correct answers that will please him so you made something up.

Luffy nodded, listening intently. "That’s cool. I like hanging out with my friends too. We have a LOT of fun together. Hmm do you have any hobbies?"

You thought about it for a moment. "I like drawing and painting. It’s a nice way to relax and express myself."

Luffy’s eyes lit up. "That’s awesome! You should show me your drawings sometime. I bet they’re really good."

Your face slightly warmed at the replied, feeling flattered. "Maybe I will."

Your conversation flowed naturally, with Luffy sharing funny stories about his friends and their adventures, making you laugh. You found yourself feeling more comfortable, enjoying his company and the way made you feel at ease.

When your food arrived, you both dug in with enthusiasm. Luffy’s excitement over the dishes was contagious, and you couldn’t help but smile at his reactions. You shared bites of your meals, laughing and talking about their favorite foods.

As you finished your meals, Luffy leaned back in his chair, looking content. "This was really fun, Y/N. I’m glad we did this. And we ate really really good.”

You nodded, feeling a warm sense of happiness. "Me too, Luffy. Thank you for inviting me."

Luffy grinned. "Hey, anytime! We should hang out more often. You’re really cool, Y/N.”

Your heart fluttered at his words. "I’d like that."

You both split and paid the bill and then left the restaurant, walking side by side under the evening sky. The streets were quiet, and the stars were just slightly starting to appear, creating a scenery.

As you walked, Luffy turned to you. “Thanks again for finding my hat and fixing it up. It really means a lot to me. Like a lot. It’s from a special someone, you know.”

You smiled. "It was my pleasure, Luffy. I’m glad I could help."

You reached the corner where you guys would part ways, and Luffy stopped, looking at you with a sincere expression. “You know, you’re kinda cute, Y/N.”

Luffy gave you a quick, friendly hug, catching you even more off guard and rushing to this way. Before you could even respond, he turned and sprinted towards the bus stop that was different from yours, waving as he went. “See you tomorrow, Y/N! Oh wait— Cya Monday!”

“And don’t forget to meet my friends soon!” He yelled out from the distance before slowing down and riding on his bus home.”

You watched him run off, feeling warmness in your chest. This evening had been more than you could have hoped for. You had spent time with Luffy, shared laughs and stories, and felt a connection growing between you both.

As you made your way home, you couldn’t stop smiling. This was probably just the beginning, and you looked forward to what the future held. For now, you cherished the memories of your first little dinner together.

The weekend flew by in a blur of activity. You spent Saturday shopping with your siblings, trying to find clothes that suited your style. You had experienced a small crisis last time, picking out an outfit when you went out with Luffy, and wanted to be more prepared in the future. As you browsed through racks of clothes, she visualized different outfits, hoping to make it easier to plan ahead. You also were in need of some makeup products to try out new looks and enhance it. Your siblings also offered their opinions, turning the shopping trip into a fun bonding experience.

Sunday was a mix of chores, homework, and relaxation. You tackled your assignments in the evening, making sure everything was ready for the upcoming week. Despite the busyness, you still felt a warm, happy glow from Friday’s dinner with Luffy. The memory of your time together lingered, making you smile every time you thought about it.

Monday morning arrived, and you went through your usual routine. You got dressed in your uniform, and applied your makeup, doing a little more than usual going out for a different makeup style. You felt more confident about your appearance. The school day began like any other, and you headed to your locker to gather your things for class.

As you were busy organizing your books, you heard commotion down the hall. It was Luffy was running around, fooling with his friends Usopp, Chopper, and Sanji. Their laughter echoed through the corridor, and you chuckled at their antics.

Suddenly, Luffy came barreling towards you. Before you could react, he ran into you, knocking you to the ground. Your books scattered across the floor, and you looked up in shock. He had clearly seen you in the hallways so you didn’t think you would get caught up in the commotion or be in the way, and left completely caught off guard.

Sanji immediately rushed over to you, scolding Luffy. “Oi, Luffy! Watch where you’re going! You can’t just run into a lady like that!”

He offered his hand to help you up, his expression full of concern. “Are you okay, Miss? That was quite a tumble.”

You nodded, accepting his hand and getting you to your feet. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.”

Luffy scratched his head, looking sheepish. “Sorry about that, Y/N. I didn’t mean to knock you over.”

Sanji continued to fuss over her, making sure she wasn’t hurt. “You need to be more careful, Luffy. You could’ve seriously harmed such a beautiful girl.”

Luffy grinned, seemingly unfazed by the scolding. “Hey, guys, this is Y/N. She’s the girl I told you about from Friday.”

Usopp’s eyes widened, and he elbowed Luffy playfully. “Oh, so this is the girl you went on a date with?”

Luffy laughed, waving off the comment. “It wasn’t a date, Usopp. We just had dinner together.”

Usopp smirked. “Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Luffy.”

Luffy turned back to you, introducing you to his friends. “Y/N, this is Usopp, Chopper, and Sanji. Guys, this is Y/N.”

They all greeted you warmly. Usopp gave you a friendly wave, Chopper smiled shyly, and Sanji bowed slightly, his demeanor polite. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

Usopp grinned. “You should sit with us at lunch, Y/N. It’ll be fun.”

Chopper nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, you should! We’d love to get to know you better.”

Luffy didn’t wait for her to respond. “Yeah, come sit with us! Uh you usually sit with Vivi right?? She’ll be okay with it.”

You felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. You had always admired the close-knit group of friends from afar and now had the chance to join them. “Okay, I’d like that.”

Luffy’s grin widened. “Great! See you at lunch then.”

As they went their separate ways to class, you couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement. You had just been pulled into Luffy’s world, and the prospect of getting to know his friends better made your heart race. The morning had started with a bit of chaos, but it was turning out to be an unexpectedly wonderful day.

The day flew by and when lunchtime finally arrived you made your way to the cafeteria, your heart pounding with anticipation. You spotted the usual table where Luffy and his friends gathered, filled with laughter and lively conversation. Taking a deep breath, she approached the table.

Luffy waved over at you enthusiastically. “Y/N! Over here!”

You walked over, feeling a mix of shyness and excitement. The group made room for you, and you sat down next to Luffy. “Hi, everyone.”

Most of them greeting you with the kind smiles.

The table was full of energy and chaos. Luffy and Usopp were animatedly discussing their latest adventure, while Chopper listened with wide-eyed wonder. Sanji was busy serving the cafeteria line, his duty as a volunteered chief in the school.

Y/N also noticed Nami and Robin sitting together, engaged in conversation. Franky was tinkering with something, his mechanical hand making small adjustments, while Brook strummed a soft tune on his guitar. Zoro, as usual, was napping in his seat, his head resting on his folded arms.

Nami looked up and smiled warmly at Y/N. “Hi, Y/N. I’m Nami. I’ve heard from you before from Vivi.”

Robin nodded in agreement. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Robin. You seem like a very interesting person.”

You felt herself light up under their attention. “Nice to meet you both.”

Sanji, ever the gentleman, made his way to the table and placed an organized and appetizing plate in front of you. “Here you go, Y/N. Enjoy!” While motioning over

to Nami and Robin’s side and also placing their plates down with utensils.

“Hmph. No fair Sanji only bothers to serve the girls.” Usopp grumbled while getting up to line up for a plate.

Luffy and Chopper running behind him as well while chanting “food! food!”

As lunch continued, you felt herself becoming more comfortable. The infamous friend group included you in their conversations, making you feel like part of the group. You laughed at Usopp’s exaggerated stories, listened to Chopper’s excitement about his latest medical class studies, and even joined in when they talked about their favorite foods.

Luffy was his usual cheerful self, making sure you felt included and comfortable. He talked about his friends and the soccer team, explaining how much he loved the sport. “Soccer’s the best! You should come watch our game sometime.”

You smiled. “I might just do that then.”

Luffy’s eyes lit up. “Ahaha. You should meet the rest of the team too.”

The bell ring and as they all got up to head to their next classes, Luffy turned to you with a grin. “See? Told you it’d be fun. You should sit with us every day.”

You smiled back, feeling grateful for his kindness. “Yeah, it was. Thanks, Luffy.”

You headed to class and continued on with your day. Even if before you had noticed some of Luffy’s friends in your classes, you had never approached them. Since you didn’t know them and they didn’t know you, they were just any other classmate although you observed them more than others.

However, now that you were introduced to his gang, some of them now approached you in class. Starting with Nami, whom you have majority of classes with.

It was during AP Geography and Human Studies, that she approached you first. “Hey Y/N. Let’s sit together from now on. I don’t really like the people I sit with in this class.” She mentioned while taking a seat to the always empty chair next to you in class.

“Ah okay,” You replied softly. You didn’t mind her sitting with you at all, infact you hoped she would now that you both know each other. You always had a feeling you would get along with Nami, you were intrigued and inspired by her fashion and her beauty. Alongside her leadership skills and her intelligence. She’s the smartest student in this class, geography being her strongest subject probably.

“You know, you don’t have to be so tense with me. You’re always so quiet and keeping replies short. You can losen up around me. I promise I won’t judge. I want to be your good friend as well.” She motioned, with a gentle smile on her. Her pretty and expressive brown eyes gazing, seemingly analyzing you.

You shy away from her stare and replied, “Mhm okay. Thank you Nami. I want to be your good friend as well. I really admire you, especially your looks.” You hummed softly.

“Aw really? Thanks. I try you know. If you need any tips just let me know like…” She listed some out and you listened attentively. Afterwards, Mr. Cobra, Vivi’s father, made his way to his desk and settled down the class to begin the lesson. Nami and you stopped your conversation and quickly opened your notes to begin.

After the bell rung and the class period ended, you said your goodbyes to Nami for the day since you won’t be seeing her in your last few classes and rushed out to reach the PE locker room before the warning bell rings.

After changing out of your regular uniform and on top your PE one, you made your way to the gymnasium.

You usually just wandered off, never really grouping with other students and letting Mr Shanks just group you in with anybody.

You were standing there, distanced away from others as Mr Shanks explained the rules of the game you’ll be playing today.

You heard noise behind you and look back to see Zoro slowly walking to the circle formed of students in the middle of the gym. He nodded at your direction, his way of greeting and got back to listening to Shank’s instructions.

Zoro was in this class as well, however he was often very late, due to getting “lost” on the way here. You had no clue how he would get lost, sure, the school was fairly big but there was clear signs everywhere of where everything was and directions given out. It was almost halfway through the school year already. Either way. Mr Shanks always left him off the hook and consequence of getting a tardy since Zoro has a defense position on the soccer team, which Shanks coaches.

You hoped you both can get along later on so you won’t feel as alone as you feel in this class, having no companions to practice with and in general, talk while working out. You have observed Zore before and he isn’t really one to talk unless he feels comfortable around you like you seen when he walks with Luffy and Nami in the hallways, fooling around and bickering.

Shank’s whistle broke your train though and signified to get in positions for the game for today. You joined your classmates on the side of the gym, ready to give your best effort. Shanks had a way of making every activity feel like an adventure, his laughter echoing across the gym building as he encouraged everyone to push their limits and have fun.

The day flew by in a blur of lectures, assignments, and fleeting interactions. You navigated your classes with a focused determination.

As the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, you mentally reviewed your upcoming challenges. Tomorrow was going to be a kinda busy day, with a presentation for Biology with Mr. Jinbei and a chemistry quiz for Mr. Caesar Clown. You felt a familiar twinge of nervousness but also a sense of readiness. You had prepared thoroughly, and while the thought of presenting in front of the class made you stomach flutter, you knew she could handle it.Gathering your things, you made your way to her locker and then we’re ready to go home.

You exited the school building, your backpack feeling heavier than usual with the chem book in there needed for future later today. The day had been long and stressful, filled with classes and looming quizzes. You put on your headphones, scrolling through your playlist and settled for a soothing track to calm your mind. While you like to observe your surroundings and take in all visual and sound, you also often needed music playing in your ears to ease you up.

Lost in your own thoughts, you didn’t notice the group of your newly made friends gathered near the school entrance until you heard your name being called.

“Y/N!” Luffy’s voice was unmistakable, full of enthusiasm. You turned to see him jogging towards you, his friends following closely behind.

“Hey, Y/N!” Nami waved, her brown eyes sparkling with excitement. “We’re going to get boba drinks. Wanna join us?”

“It’s all last minute,” Luffy added, grinning widely. “Nami was craving it, and now we’re all going together.”

You hesitated for a moment, your initial instinct to retreat into your comfort zone fighting with the opportunity to spend more time with them. But the inviting smiles on their faces made the decision easier.

“Okay, I’d love to,” you replied, a small smile tugging at your plumped lips.

The group walked to the nearby boba shop, the lively chatter making you feel a part of something special, again. You noticed Zoro trailing behind, looking half-sleepy, while Sanji animatedly discussing some food recipes with Robin, who listened with her usual calm and attentive demeanor, with Franky’s hand in hers. Brook and him engaged in a playful debate about music, and Usopp was excitedly talking about a new gadget he was working on.

Your back also felt lighter than before. Before making the sightly distanced walk to the boba shop, Sanji had offered to carry your backpack, carrying his and Nami’s as well. You were about to declined until Luffy just snatched it off your back and carried it for you, grinning cutely at you.

Continuing, he walked alongside you, chatting about his upcoming soccer match this weekend. “Shouldn’t you be practicing today? I thought practices was required every day after school.” You asked curiously.

“Oh yeah, we did but Shanks had something after school. So practice was cancelled today.” Luffy replied.

“You should come watch us practice tomorrow tho! And come to our game this weekend. Shanks always takes us out to eat if we win, and i’m sure we will so i’ll sneak you in with us.” Luffy added on, with his signature mischievous grin on his face and a little twinkle in his eyes.

“Mhm, i’ll be there. I’ll have to ask my parents for permission if it’s during the weekend tho.” You replied back, with more confidence than usual that ignited from his invitation. Your heart felt light and bubbly.

At the boba shop, you all crowded around the counter, each of them choosing their favorite flavors. You, feeling a bit overwhelmed, let them decide for you.

“Get her the taro milk tea,” Nami suggested. “It’s a safe choice.”

When their drinks arrived, they found a large table to accommodate everyone. The conversation flowed effortlessly, with Nami and Robin making sure you felt included. The group’s dynamic shone through. Luffy, being his usual playful self, grabbed a handful of boba balls and stuck them to his teeth, making silly faces. Nami and Usopp laughed, quickly snapping pictures with their phones.

“Hey, Y/N, you’re gonna love this,” Luffy said, his voice slightly muffled by the boba balls.

You chuckled softly, feeling a warm sense of belonging. Despite the chaos, there was a sense of harmony among them, and you felt yourself relax.

“So, Y/N, what do you think?” Nami asked, gesturing to the taro milk tea.

You took a sip, the creamy sweetness spreading across your tongue. “It’s really good,” you said, smiling.

As you continued to chat and enjoy the drinks, Luffy and Usopp started a mini food fight with the boba balls, much to Sanji’s chagrin. Zoro, who had snapped off his sleepy mode joined in, adding to the chaos. Franky laughed, encouraging their antics while Robin watched with an amused smile and Brook laughing with his silly ‘Yohoho’ echoing throughout the shop.

You found yourself laughing along, your earlier stress melting away. The group vibrant energy and camaraderie were infectious, and you felt grateful to be a part of it.

You noticed Chopper beside you had pulled out his chemistry notes, flipping through them with a determined look. You seeing this, decided to join him, grabbing some of your notes and reviewing for the quiz.

“You’re really serious about this,” You remarked, impressed.

“Of course! I want to do well,” Chopper said, his eyes shining with determination.

You nodded, feeling a kinship with the little brown haired guy. As you both studied, the others continued their lively conversations, occasionally glancing over and offering their good-lucks for tomorrow’s quiz.

After a while, Usopp pulled out his phone, scrolling through the pictures they had taken. “HA, send me that one. Luffy looks so stupid.”Nami laughed, while pulling out her phone, which you noticed had a clear case and a small polaroid of Vivi decorated with hearts.

“Hey, Y/N, wanna be in your group chat?” Usopp asked, turning to you.

“um yeah,” you softly replied, nodding your head.

“Give me your account info then ,” Usopp said, grinning. “I’ll add you to it. We use it a lot to keep in touch and plan stuff.”

Feeling a bit overwhelmed but touched by their inclusiveness, you gave Usopp her details. He quickly added you to the chat, and soon enough, her phone buzzed with new notifications.

“Welcome to the crew!” Usopp announced, giving you a thumbs up.

As the evening progressed, the boba drinks were finished amidst laughter and animated conversations. Nearly three hours had passed in the cozy boba shop, and outside, the sun had begun its descent, casting a warm glow over the autumn-colored trees.

With the daylight fading, the group started to gather their things, mindful of the time. Nami and Robin, ever the nurturing duo, insisted that you don’t take the bus home with the evening growing late.

“It’s not safe,” Nami stated firmly, her concern evident in her expression.

“I agree. Let us get you an Uber,” Sanji chimed in, offering his phone.

Luffy, who had offered to walk with you part of the way to the bus station, looked slightly disappointed at the plan changing.

“Aw, c’mon guys, she’ll be fine,” Luffy protested, though his concern was genuine.

“It’s better this way, Luffy,” Robin reassured him with a gentle smile. “We’ll make sure she gets home safely.”

Reluctantly, Luffy nodded, understanding their point. Sanji ordered an Uber for you, ensuring the destination was set correctly before you handled the phone back.

“Make sure you get home safe, okay?” Luffy said earnestly, his usual carefree demeanor momentarily replaced by a more serious tone.

You nodded, touched by his concern. “Thank you, Luffy. I had a great time today.”

“Me too!” Luffy grinned, his usual cheerfulness returning. “You better come next time we go out again.”

With a wave to the others and a final thank you, you stepped into the waiting Uber. The ride home was quiet, the events of the day replaying in your mind. You felt a warmth in your chest, a mix of happiness and gratitude for the new friendships that was forming.

Arriving home, you settled into her room, feeling content. changing to your pijamas and climbing to your bed. You just layed down, enjoying the silence that your home offered as late night approached. Until you felt vibrations coming from your phone, notifications from the LINE app popping up. It was the group chat Usopp had added you to.

You browsed through the messages, saving the silly pictures Usopp took of Luffy earlier. Giggling at some of their funny remarks and insults to one other. You sent Sanji a quick thank you text for the uber he ordered for you earlier, and receiving a corny reply, ‘Anytime Y/N gorgeous 😍!’ followed by a long lines full of hearts and more romantic emojis.

Then Nami complained to shut up because she needs to sleep. You turned off your phone and settled it down, while going to the washroom and starting your night routine of skin care and brushing your teeth. Afterwards, you tugged into your bed and attempted to close your eyes and fall into sleep.

Your mind drifting back to the whirlwind of events that had recently brought you closer to Luffy and his friends. Reflecting on the day, it had been filled with laughter, camaraderie, and unexpected moments—a day you will fondly recall as you drifted into dreams of your subconscious.

a/n: is this too corny or too slow? 😣 Feedback pls except don’t be too mean yall. Also will try to have more longer updates!!! just cuz. Thank you!

#monkey d. luffy #monkey d luffy x reader #luffy x female reader #luffy x reader #one piece fanfiction #one piece fanfic #i love luffy #cute #series #high school au #fun #one piece #one piece work #part 2

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actualbird · 2 years

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I DID NOT REALIZE THE UPDATE WAS ALREADY OUT. I told myself it released on the weekend bc otherwise I wouldn't be able to focus on work and. And. Raven mode Luke? Makes an appearance?????? I'm going to go feral

-🌕Moon

hi moon!! and omg yea it's out!!!

phase 3 of the event dropped yesterday in the morning (philippines time, idk how else to articulate this cuz timezones will never cease to confuse me) and the whole sott event has been out since last friday!! so theres a lot to enjoy now if ur just getting started >:D

YES, RAVEN MODE LUKE MAKES AN APPEARANCE!!!! it was short but it surprised the hell out of me and delighted two times the amount of hell out of me, i just love seeing him go batshit protective,,,,thats a guard dog full of love, your honor //SOBS

#AND OH FUCKFRHFK PERSONAL STORY 3 DROPPING IN //COUNTS. IN 4 HRS I THINK??? AAAAAAA #moon!anon #asks

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vertanimeni · 4 years

Text

the ice will start to break, the day will fade away (11/18)

Summary:

“Have you heard? The Elephant of Caocin has committed high treason!”

From Trikru’s most reputable war hero to Trikru’s most wanted traitor, Kova found themselves stripped of their titles and trapped between a clan that wants them dead and a camp of invaders - the same ones who kidnapped and tortured their brother.

But Kova was willing to do anything to stay alive and keep their family together.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake/Grounder OC

Word Count: 3,888

TW: Canon typical illness, food

A/N: Hi again!! I had to break this chapter into two parts lol I might?? Update sooner than Friday because of that :D If you’re reading through my blog, the read more does not show up due to Tumblr’s new formatting, so please click on the post itself. As of right now, I will be updating every Friday at 4pm EST. (Today is just an exception cuz this past week was hectic lol) Enjoy :D

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xi. inimical.

“They’re back! Open it up!”

Head shooting up, Bellamy looked between Harper and Miller, sharing bewildered looks with one another. "Who just gave that order?"

"No clue, I—"

The loud creak of the wooden gates opening interrupted her. Leaving her and Miller behind at the table, Bellamy jogged towards the entrance. Luckily, the three had just wrapped up their discussion with the other delinquents working on the final touches of the wall, but unluckily, the sound of the gates opening distracted the workers, and while Bellamy ran alongside the wall, they all leaned over to see of what was going on.

"Get back to work!" He called out with a swing of his arms. "I'll deal with it, get back to work!"

The delinquents did, although begrudgingly.

'If they start slowing down, the wall will never be finished at this rate.' His thoughts grew bitter, a scowl creasing his eyebrows. 'I specifically told the gate workers not to open up the gates until I came to check the group out, so why— Unless Clarke—?'

His thoughts broke off once he reached the gate, blood boiling, hands balled up in anger, fury-driven eyes seeking Kova's—

—Only to pause in his steps.

With Kova at the front leading the group, calmly carrying two baskets, Monty, Fox, Zoe, Finn, and Drew stumbled into the camp behind them, their bodies forced into an awkward angle until they could drop the baskets safely in the camp. The heavy baskets caught his eyes — fish, fruits, vegetables, and not a single turnip or onion in sight, and as if someone injected cold water in his veins, the thrumming of his pulse slowed down, and his anger-induced headache ebbed away.

The delinquents, already curious at what could have made their short-tempered leader speechless, dropped down from the wall where they had been hammering and fixing wooden planks, and murmured their astonishment, interests piqued at the sight of moss-wrapped fish and dirt-speckled vegetables.

“Get back to work.” Bellamy ordered, half-heartedly, but the delinquents were more interested in new food rather than the wall. They gathered around the group, blocking Bellamy's view, and pointed and exclaimed their awe.

“Is that a carrot?”

“There’s brown stuff on it, though…”

“I think that’s just the dirt?”

“And that stringy thing attached?”

“Wah, look at that one, it’s so fuzzy—!”

The chatter died quite abruptly to Bellamy’s alarm, and the delinquents took a step back as if startled, clearing the way just in time for him to see Kova pushing their mask up to sit on top of their head, sweat beading at their forehead and dripping down their collarbone. Either unaware or ignoring the stares, they turned to their scavenger group, the corners of their lips quirked up ever so slightly with endearment and familiarity. “Call out.”

“Herbs!” Drew, Monty, and Fox called out.

“Fish!” Zoe raised her hand with a bright grin.

“Veggies and fruits.” Finn said.

“Great. Fish, vegetables and fruits.” Kova themselves announced, setting down their baskets. “Who’s in charge of what?”

“I can bring back the herbs to the dropship. I wanna check up on Emmie.” To Bellamy’s shock, Fox spoke first, all hints of her nervousness and stutter long gone. What the hell happened on this trip?

“Sounds good. Carry the one you already have. I’ll bring the other two shortly.”

Fox nodded and hefted the basket over her shoulder again. Just before she passed Kova, she sent them a smile and mouthed, ‘Thank you’ before running off.

Ducking their head, Kova turned back to the group, their smile a little more prominent, a little more easier to catch. “Great. Who’s in charge of fish?”

“I know how to cut them up.” Finn offered.

“Remember not to throw away the moss. I can handle that part, if you want.”

“Monty,” Kova said, a surprised tone in their voice. “You… like horticulture a lot, no?” ‘After all, he wouldn’t stop talking about plants on the way back… and the different uses for certain mosses and mushrooms…’

“Well, yeah, I mean. I guess you could say plants are my thing…” Monty gave Finn, Drew, and Zoe a look. The four of them laughed.

Eyes flickering between the four, Kova figured they were laughing at an inside joke. They looked down and shook their head, hiding their smile. “Either way, you’re right. Remember what I taught you.” They addressed Finn as they took a fish and acted as if the side of their hand were a knife. “Slice the fish up, but don’t cut off the head or fins yet — save that for when you actually cook it. You should cook most of it by tonight, or they’ll spoil fast.” They turned to Monty, dropping the fish back into the basket. “Dampen the moss again, wrap them up, then wrap the entire thing with a cold cloth. When you’re done, if possible put the piles in different places.”

“Why?” Drew asked.

“Anyone remember?” Kova looked around, encouraging the rest of the group to speak up, like some sort of mentor.

Bellamy had half the mind to remind the delinquents just who and what Kova is.

“Rot and flies, right?”

“Good, Zoe. The bugs around here will smell and swipe them before anyone can get a bite. Once they start rotting, the whole pile is at risk.” They turned to Zoe and Drew. “Same applies to you two,” They paused, “if you don’t mind handling the vegetables and fruits.”

Zoe locked arms with Drew, and the two nodded. “We can do it!”

“Remember, don’t put them in direct sunlight, but not somewhere dark, either.”

“Yup, got it!”

“Alright. That should be everything.” They took in a deep breath. “Any questions? Yes, Drew?”

“Will you still teach us how to climb trees?”

Halfway through Kova’s fish cutting technique explanation, Bellamy had chased off the surrounding delinquents back to work. Just as he was coercing the last ones to the wall, Drew’s question brought not only his, but the others', attention back. His head snapped up, quickly enough for Kova to hear a pop of a joint. “No. No way—”

“I will have to talk to Clarke first,” They interrupted, words barely on the polite side. “But if she gives the go ahead, then I can.” When they noticed the delinquents on the wall listening intently, they added, “I don't mind teaching anyone who wants to learn. But only after all of this is over. Go back to work, please.”

To their honest surprise and petty delight, the delinquents listened, and when Bellamy turned two different shades of anger and annoyance, it only made their spite sweeter. But they refused to let it show on their face, and instead turned back to their scavenger group with the most neutral face they could possibly forge. “Then, I’ll return to the dropship. Shout if you need anything.”

"Yup, see ya!" Fox called out while the others waved their goodbyes. They hauled off the baskets, but Kova could still hear them throw friendly jabs at one another.

And then Monty said, "Man, this trip was actually fun."

Warmth bloomed in Kova's chest — a feeling they hadn't felt in a long time. The rest of the group agreed, briefly talking about what they enjoyed before their voices faded out with distance. They hid their growing smile behind a curtain of dreads as they reached down for their baskets. With one already strapped across their shoulder, the tips of Kova’s fingers barely made contact with the strap of the second basket when a hand snatched it out of their grasp. They raised their gaze slowly, finding their annoyance reflected in Bellamy’s eyes, and perked up an eyebrow — a question all on its own.

He ignored it and asked, “What’s in this one?”

"Spices. Ginger and clover." With a curt response, they reached for the basket again, only for Bellamy to pull his arm back. They sent him a flash of sharp eyes before lunging forward, but he swung the basket out of the way, thankfully not spilling the contents.

Still holding the basket away, he said, "You kept them out for four hours."

"And?"

“You put my people at risk.”

For some childish reason, Kova desperately wanted to respond with something that would hurt, something like, 'Were they not at risk of dying from disease and malnutrition?' Instead, they shot back with, “Clarke said to return before sunset. I'm early.”

His expression pinched, jaw tensing, and he had to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Bullseye.

After all, there was very little that could hurt more than poking into whatever resentment Bellamy had for his co-leader. As soon as they saw him open his mouth to speak, Kova spun around and walked in the direction of the dropship, sending him a dismissive wave. "You best follow," They said, "or she'll get annoyed with you for the delay." Pausing in their steps, they glanced at him over their shoulder, one corner of their lips quirking into a far too smug smirk. “Or, even more annoyed with you, I’m assuming.”

His blood skipped simmering, straight to boiling. They assumed wrong — Clarke had actually been furious for Bellamy’s interference earlier (he could still hear her shouts ringing in his ear), but there was no way in hell he would admit it, not when Kova had that look on their face. In his anger, he gritted out, “Fuck off. Don’t think you’re suddenly on everyone’s good side. You’re still just a grounder to them.”

Damn, alright. That felt bitchy, even for Bellamy. But a petty ego in him flared when Kova's smug look dropped and they faced forward, away from his sight.

“Were your ancestors not grounders?" He heard them say, saw their fists clench. "Did they not live here, just as mine and I do?”

Before he could retort—

“Kova!” A voice called out. The two broke out of their argument and turned together, as if preparing for some sort of disaster. Instead, it was just Drew and Zoe, running up to them, each holding a cucumber. “Oh, hi Bellamy.” She added in passing. “Sorry for bothering you, but which one is a zucchini and which one is a cucumber?”

Bellamy noted Kova's face had grown stoic with Bellamy's words, but with Zoe's question, the corners of their lips quirked up in a fond matter. “Both of them are cucumbers. Cucumbers are dark green with no stem. Zucchinis are yellow-ish green with a wood stem.”

“Dammit.”

"So I was right! Thank you.” Drew smiled brightly, but Zoe grumbled under her breath, glaring at the cucumber as if it were her fatal enemy.

Kova, without hesitation, placed their hand on Zoe’s head, playfully rubbing their knuckles against her scalp. “Don’t worry. You catch on quick — I'm sure you’ll get the hang of it in no time.”

Knowing Zoe’s tendencies, Bellamy half expected the girl to bite their hand off. Imagine his surprise when instead, she sent them a small smile, a hint of an embarrassed flush on her cheeks from the praise.

All of a sudden, she pushed Drew with a balled up hand and sprinted away, yelling, “Race you back!” Leaving Drew with complaints of cheating as he tried to catch up.

The two were left alone, and while he pointedly didn't look at Kova, Bellamy could see from the corner of his eyes how their fond smile grew into the same smug look from before, just to a lesser degree. They merely said, "Not on their good side?"

With a scoff, he turned and made his way to the dropship.

Neither acknowledged the basket strapped alongside his chest.

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The crunch of footsteps on dry leaves stopped.

By the time he realized, Bellamy was already a few steps ahead. He rolled his eyes, and with a snide comment ready to strike, he turned around—

The words died in his throat when he saw Kova's wide eyes, the slight part of their lips, the grit of their jaw. Their hands tightened around the strap of the basket, enough to pale the skin of their knuckles.

He followed their shocked gaze to the dropship, where two masked delinquents carried a body down the ramp and dropped it alongside the cadavers lined up against the side of the dropship, each with a cloth covering their faces.

Truthfully, Bellamy hadn’t visited the dropship since the last time he tried to check on Octavia. Clarke had pushed him away, claiming that her patients were finally getting the rest they needed, and that she couldn’t have him disrupting their peace. Instead, he ended up fretting over Octavia’s well-being, to the point where Miller had to distract him with more wall work and the preparation for the return of the scavenger team.

‘But now,’ His eyes raked over the lined bodies — not too many compared to Clarke and Wells’ predictions, but enough to make him also stop in his tracks, ‘Now I wish I had come by sooner.’

How many? How many graves will he have to dig up? At this rate, he will certainly have to make extras—

Crunching leaves turned into metal thumps, breaking his train of thoughts. Next thing he knew, Kova had already made it to the top of the ramp by the curtained entrance, where Wells and Clarke had been in a deep discussion until they interrupted. They hooked their wooden mask to their belt loop and replaced it with the cloth Wells provided. The three talked, too far for Bellamy to hear, but he could see Clarke and Wells gesture to the sturdy basket held between Kova’s arm and waist with interest.

“I got everything.” He heard Kova’s voice as he moved closer. He nearly hip-checked a delinquent rushing down the ramp. “Monty and Finn have the meat, Zoe and Drew have the vegetables. Bellamy has the turmeric and tea plants…”

“Perfect. Will you be…”

Kova and Clarke's voices faded out, muffled by the curtains as the two entered the dropship.

“Hey.” Wells greeted him, holding out a cloth similar to the one he gave Kova. Bellamy gestured that he didn’t need it and tried to walk in, but before his fingers could even brush the curtains back, Wells placed a hand across his chest, shaking his head. “Nope, Clarke’s orders. No one comes in or out without one.”

He raised an eyebrow.

Wells raised his own in response.

With a heavy sigh, Bellamy tied the cloth across his face.

"Good." Wells pulled back the curtains. "Come in."

“…and you’ll be teaching me how to make the medicine, right?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy had the absolute pleasure of walking in to see Kova's stoic face falter out of nervousness.

"…Yes.” Their words were slow, hesitant, and their eyes flickered around the room. “But like I said previously, I…" They cleared their throat. "I am not… I am not exactly the best at making medicine. I can provide the instruction, but you’ll have to make it yourself.”

“Don’t all the grounders make medicine? How can you be bad at it?” Bellamy sneered, crossing his arms. “Lincoln had, like, twenty bottles of shit in his pouch.”

As if someone had smacked them upside their head, Kova bent over, shoulders shaking, and spluttered out a full blown embarrassed laugh. After all, Bellamy wasn’t the first person to say something along those lines — they used to get a lot of shit from other ‘grounders’ for brewing medicine so terrible it would poison rather than cure someone, while Lincoln and Nyko were absolute prodigies of medicine and potion classes.

But the fact that Bellamy out of all people called them out for it—

Their laughter died abruptly. Crinkled eyes turned into a sharp glare. Face suddenly severe, they turned to Bellamy and hissed out, “Keep his name out of your mouth.”

He was already in shock from seeing even a hint of a laugh from Kova, let alone a full blown one, but their sudden change in behavior felt like they had poured cold water down his back. Tone defensive, Bellamy fixed his expression and said, “Don’t tell me you’re still angry about that.”

“About what? You torturing my brother?” They bit out, coldblooded, eyes sharp, every couple of words punctuated with a step closer. Wells and Clarke stood near Bellamy, ready to intervene in case they snapped. “I’m furious about it. And if you were not Octavia’s brother, I would have already sought vengeance on his behalf. But unlike others,” They eyed him up and down, “I don’t let my emotions act as a barrier from being civilized.”

“This is what you call civilized?” He scoffed, standing to his full height, stubbornly making eye contact despite forgetting the fact that he was still an inch shorter than Kova. “Well, knowing you grounders, sounds believable.”

“Can y’all… not do this right now?” Came Wells voice, his eyes flickering between the two with a look neither could decipher.

Both Bellamy and Kova switched their gazes to Clarke, who held disapproval in her eyes.

"My bad."

"My apologies."

The two sent sharp, piercing glares at one another, but with one stern look from Clarke, Kova cleared their throat and turned away, pursing their lips slightly, and Bellamy looked to the side, his scowl ever so prominent.

Suddenly, he looked up. Clarke reached out her hand—

“Octavia, you okay up there?”

Finger curling, Clarke's expression pinched. Wells and Kova, confused, looked at each other, then up at the ceiling, wondering why Octavia hadn’t responded yet. To their surprise, Bellamy narrowed his eyes at Clarke and took a step towards the ladder—

"Wait." Clarke sighed, pinching her nose bridge. "She’s not there. I sent her to Lincoln.”

Any negative feelings Kova might have had towards Bellamy crumbled away with a flurry of expressions; Comprehension, betrayal, worry, anger. Eyes widening, he took a step back, shoulders slumping, a hand suddenly tightening around the railing of the ladder.

They felt sorry for him. Logically, they knew no harm would come to Octavia if Lincoln could stop it. But the sole fear of a little sibling being in danger—

Well, was this not a play by play reflection of themselves?

Kova took in a sharp breath at this realization, catching Bellamy's attention. Anger flared behind those narrowed eyes, pinning Kova as if they were the sole cause of all these problems. Shaking their head, they crossed their arms into an 'x' shape, as if to say, 'Hey, don't look at me, I didn't know either.'

"Lincoln? Why?" Wells asked. It seemed that he didn't know about this, either.

“If there’s a cure, he might have it.” Clarke continued. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t want her to go.”

That, on its own, sparked someone else's anger. "I already told you there was no cure," Kova's words cut through the conversation, a frown creasing their eyebrows, "so where is this really coming from?"

"I needed a second opinion."

Kova heard, 'I still don't trust you.'

“If anything happens to her," Bellamy interrupted, pointing at Clarke, "you and I are going to have some problems.”

He stalked off, ignoring Clarke's calls. She turned back to Kova and Wells with a helpless look, but before she could even open her mouth, Kova also walked away. They could hear Wells berating her in the background, but they tuned it out. They needed a second to calm down. Maybe Emmie wouldn't mind some company—?

Distantly, they heard Bellamy snap at some poor delinquent.

And then came the screams.

Kova instantly changed directions and ran out the dropship, only to find absolute chaos. One of the delinquents, a young teenager, sat on the floor as if someone had pushed them. Blood dripped from his eyes, and he let out a soft, pained moan as he pressed the heels of his palms against his head.

The other delinquents huddled away from him, and some of them had ran off to wash their hands thoroughly in one of the open barrels of water. To Kova's shock, one of the delinquents aimed his gun at the young teenager, yelling at the others, "Nobody touch him! Move back!"

“Get to the dropship, now.” Bellamy ordered, and the young teenager stumbled his way up the ramp, almost shoulder-checking Kova.

In the huddled group, Raven noticed a girl swaying back and forth by her side. “Hey, are you okay—?”

The girl toppled over. Two boys close by caught her before hit the ground, and as payment, she coughed up blood, spreading it across their faces. The boys cried out and dropped her, wiping at their faces and stumbling about. Kova jogged down the ramp and guided the three up the ramp as quickly as possible, but it was too late. The entire camp threw itself into chaos. Delinquents pitted against one another, gunners threatened the infected—

Two gunshots rang out.

Everyone ducked and swiveled to the origin. Clarke stood at the ramp, her rifle pointed straight up in the air. “Can’t you guys see that this is what the grounders want? They don’t have to kill us unless we kill each other first!”

Feeling bold, a gunner stepped up in front of the group, aiming his gun at her chest. “They won’t have to kill us if we all catch the virus, so get your ass back in the damn dropshi—!”

The gunner stumbled back and collapsed to his knees, heaving loudly as he held his stomach in one hand and his chin in the other. Bellamy had grabbed his gun and butted him up the jaw while Kova had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him close, kneeing him in the solar plexus, and throwing him down. Bellamy held the end of the gun to the floor and, to Kova's surprise, nodded at them. They were still angry and, dare they even think it —hurt— but, they nodded back. They didn't risk their life at the bridge just for Clarke to die at some trigger-happy fool.

“Not to state the obvious, princess," Bellamy addressed Clarke, "but your quarantine isn't exactly workin…" His words died out, and he lunged forward, even though he was no where near the ramp.

Clarke didn't realize she had fallen over until Finn caught her, swinging her into a princess carry. “Hey, let me go. I’m okay.” She muttered, trying to tumble out of his grasp.

“No, you’re not.”

"It's fine, Octavia will come back with a cure."

A familiar voice called out, “There is no cure!”

'What a surprise,' Kova thought, turning to see Octavia push her way through the crowd. All eyes landed on her.

“The grounders don’t use the sickness to kill.” Octavia said.

“Really? Tell that to them.” Bellamy gestured to the dead bodies lined up. “I warned you about seeing that grounder again.”

"Yeah? Well, I have a warning for you too." Octavia spun around to the crowd. “The grounders are coming! And they’re attacking at first light.”

Needless to say, the delinquents' gaze switched to Kova, and all were surprised to see them equally as shocked as everyone else. Everyone's hushed mumbles grew, and Octavia used the distraction to tap Kova's arm, gesturing to follow Finn inside the dropship.

Bellamy reached out, as if about to grab her, but Octavia avoided his touch like the plague and dragged Kova without another word.

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#the night our stars aligned (and our breaths touched)#bellamy blake x oc #bellamy blake x grounder oc #bellamy blake #The 100 #bellamy blake imagines #the 100 fic #bellamy blake fic #my writing #writeblr #my wips

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rezilient-m3 · 4 years

Text

February 19

Wow, it's been awhile since I've written anything. Tbh, I've been putting it off. So much has happened...

I'll start off with my sister S, the one that had liver failure. She passed on Feb 11. What a week it has been. Before that tho, she came stayed with me. Her and her daughter came to my house, late on the 2nd, and surprised me. I wasn't expecting it, and to be completely honest, I was annoyed. Not at her directly, just at them not preparing me for the chaos and who's gonna sleep where and dealing with an even fuller house lol. (There was me, my 4 kids, nanny neph, sis, niece, her bf and kid.) They all stayed until Thursday. (I won't get into Wed night, when they all went out and left me and my sick sister with her 2 yr old. I wouldn't have minded, but I had work and wouldn't leave that little girl with my sister, cuz my sister was sick and could barely go up and down my stairs.) Anyways, my sister stayed when her daughter and family left. So, that's Tuesday to Friday I had with her. And I barely spent any time with her. I was working, then I'd come home and do the usual (cook, clean, kids), and she was always in bed. Now, looking back, I regret not just laying there with her. I had that chance to just be there and chill. But how was I supposed to know that would have been my last time with her?

Friday, my mum and our older sister, R, show up. I did not know, at the time, that their main reason coming to the city was to spend time with me and my kids. Anyways, they came and took 2 out of 4 kids, to go swimming at the hotel and spend the night. Cool, right? So, I'm sitting here, wondering what my plans should be. Then it hit me, I should go home to visit my dad, since he's practically home alone. It was already 430, and it's a 4 and a half hr drive, but I still decided to go. I had to ask my sister R if it was alright that I leave her with the 2 kids she had and asked my twin brother to come house sit. Then, it was set. I didn't end up leaving until 6 ish. Anyways, point being, my sister S was going to stay here with our brother, but decided, last minute, that she'd just go home for the weekend and come back with us on Sunday.

We drove, and she's talking, but I can barely hear her. But stuff about her accident. Blaming the ppl that were involved. I always wanted to tell her she shouldn't carry that shit in her heart. It was nobody's fault that she drank that day, nobody's fault they got kicked out of that party at the cabins, nobody's fault they rolled that day, and nobody's fault that she took Tylenol since to help with the pain she had afterwards. (Well, I can see how she could blame some things on some ppl, but realistically, she drank to be in that accident and she took those pills to accelerate her inevitable liver problems). But I couldn't tell her these things to sound like I don't care, or to further make her feel worse than she already did. Idk. I stayed quiet. About an hour away from home, we stopped in a town to pick up drinks and whatever. She was texting her friend and decided to stay with her. I didn't question anything, cause the drive alone seemed unbearable to her. She was nauseous and in pain. So, I took her there and that would be the last I got to hug her and tell her I loved her. I left.

Fast forward to Sunday, I didn't think anything of her not coming, I figured if she wanted to come, she would have called to make sure I picked her up. Plus, she probably wasn't feeling her best. All I texted when I passed that town was, "I love you". She wrote back, a few hours later, "I love you too my bean". And that was it.

Monday morning I had a missed call and voicemail from the friend I left her with, and a few msges from our sister R telling me S was in the hospital again. I didn't check the voicemail. All I thought was, "good, she can try get better again." And went to work. Later on my break, I got updates from R saying it wasn't good. They were allowing her and our mum to visit, but nobody else because of covid. Understandable. I still didn't think anything of it. But, I kept getting updates from R, of how worse she was getting. She said the Dr's were consulting with the hospital in the bigger city to see if there was anything they could do for her, or if she should stay there to be closer to family... They kept her. Plus, Monday night would be the last time she had a conversation with our sister. She'd now be on morphine to make her comfortable, which didn't help her be aware of anything. Now, it's Wednesday morning. I'm at work, on my first break I get all these msges saying she got even more worse and they were going to start allowing family come see her 2 at a time. This is when I knew it was really bad. I cried a bit in my car, msging Alex about how my sister might be dying and I didn't know what to do. I actually thought I'd finish the rest of the day and call in for the last 2 days. But, when I went in class and tried telling my teacher what was up, and her hitting me with that sympathetic "omg, are you okayyyy?" look, with the rubbing my arm thing, I teared up and shook my head no. She told me it was okay with her if I left. But I also had to go talk to the principal about it too. I cried in his office as well. But they were very understanding and gracious. Blessed for that.

Alex decided to leave work. I had a sitter to stay with kids, since they still had school. But he said he'd come anyways. I told him not to worry, but how could he not, right? I was glad he did, in the end, cuz he was what I needed later. So, I left, without getting to see him, cuz I was going the 3 hrs to get to the hospital, and he was coming the 7 hours home.

Anyways, I get there. All our family were taking turns going in to her room to see her. She wasn't awake. It was weird cuz her eyes would open, and be looking, but it was like she wasn't seeing. If that makes sense. That night me and my sister R spent the night with her. When we walked in, she was very agitated and restless. She was crying, hurting, and obviously very uncomfortable. She wanted to sit up, lay down, and scratching everywhere. It was very hard to watch. It scared me. Once the morphine kicked in, I seen her body just relax. The, sitting there talking about her, and her life, what we thought, we both said it would be better if she just let go. She was suffering and we just wanted the suffering to end. But it sucked cuz that's our sister. We weren't ready to lose her. But what could you do? She noticed that her breathing was a little raspy and her feet were cold. She said those were tell-tale signs that the end was near. Sad. Next morning, we leave cuz our mum wanted to come in. We went. All the family was back to taking turns visiting. This time it took me longer to get my turn, cuz more people were showing up. We all just stayed in the parking lot all day. I went back in about 230 or 3. She was obviously worse. I was hoping her hand and tearing, saying, "I'm going to miss you. D's gonna miss you." As soon as I said his name, she squeezed my hand and her bottom lip quivered like she wanted to cry. Then I said, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to make you sad. Don't be sad. We'll be okay. Don't be scared. I love you so much." And kissed her. Now, I was in the room with one of her daughters, and I could tell her couldn't really say want she wanted cuz I was there. So, I gave her time alone. Mind you, I was still thinking ill be back later anyways to spend another night with her. That didn't happen tho.

She took her last breath at about 4. I was sitting in the back of my dad's truck. My dad, my twin brother, and my mum were in there. Nobody showed any kind of reaction. I was crying. Frantically typing to my bf. Then, my niece J, opened the door and asked if I was okay. I get out and immediately started hyperventilating. I was crying, ugly crying. In shock. Standing there not knowing what to do, I sat in my vehicle, that was next to my dad's. Still felt weirdly uncomfortable cuz my nany neph was in there not saying anything, too. My best friend, A, came out of nowhere and I broke down again in her arms. I calmed down, and laughed in that moment cuz I seen one of my nieces bf wipe out lol. Good timing. Anyways, my friend said she was going to take her husband home and be right back. I ended up sitting in her truck for the next cpl hrs. I realized way later that I didn't even go hug any of my siblings lol.

We got to see her body one last time before they took her to the funeral home. I was one of the last people to get a turn, and I went in with one of her sons. I thought it was gonna be horrible, and I'd break down over her body. Instead, my dumb ass started laughing. Lol. Her one eye was open and looking right at me, and she looked like she was smiling. I apologized to her son about laughing. And him and I just talked about before, about him as a baby. My sister didn't raise him since, and I was always with her before, so we knew that about each other. Guess that was all we had in common with his mom; my sister.

So, when all was said and done that night, everybody went to the hotel. I just dropped off everyone who was in my suv and said I was going to go home to my dad's. He was the only one who went home that evening, so I knew he was home alone. So, I left. I wanted to be alone, and I wanted to just sleep in his house, where I felt safe. Before getting there tho, I tried so hard to cry. I felt like I wasn't experiencing her death like how I thought I would. Like, yes, I cried, but not like how I thought I would. That bothered me. Still kinda does. I listened to sad music. Got some tears, then thought, I probably looked stupid and just laughed again. Idk what's wrong with me hahaha.

Before getting home, tho, I msged my son and said I was going to stop at his house and hug him. I had to make sure he was okay. My sister was his Godmother, and although they barely had a relationship, I still had to make sure. Plus, it felt nice to just go be with him for a few minutes.

Next day was funeral home. The last drive home, with her down the highway. The wake. I made her a wreath. That was fun. Got crafty at the wake super late that night lol. But the flower shop in that town couldn't make enough, because there's a lot of families within our family and everybody wanted one done. So, I made my own. That was special.

Alex and kids came Saturday morning to be with me at the funeral. (I forgot to mention that this was the sister he was with first before me). Plus, this was also his first funeral experience with how we do funerals. They don't do wakes, or last goodbyes, or church.... The last goodbye I broke. I cried ugly and loud. He cried too. It was a sad day.

I didn't really feel anything afterwards. It still bothered me that it didn't affect t me like how I thought it would. Not until last night. I always loom at my fb memories, and she was all over my old posts, liking them, hearing pictures, commenting. Then it hit me, that she'll never do that again. I cried. Then, I went on her timeline to see what would be the last posts she wrote, or shared. They were from last summer. Mostly, obvious drunk posts, where she would be misspelling and not making much sense. I go to comments and there's me giving her shit. Wow, I thought. But then I remembered always being disappointed and let down. Those times I'd get upset was because she'd promise me to be sober, to visit, but turn around and drink anyways. That would offend me. Cuz I missed the sober her. I missed just hanging out with her. I hardly got that in our last few years, especially since I had quit drinking. I was sad. The thing that really hit home was seeing a post she shared, "All I need is for one person to not give up on me." Like hf. That hit hard, cuz I immediately felt guilty. Why couldn't I be her person? Why would I just easily give up on her when I knew she'd always choose to drink over me? I resented her. I was mad at her for it. So, I wouldn't try. That sucks.

But that is my next thing. I know I can't hold onto negative feelings like that. I can't regret anything. Anything and everything that happened, happened already, and for whatever reasons. She's gone. But most importantly, she's not suffering. Maybe witnessing her being in that much pain helped me be more okay with her dying? Cuz I wouldn't want her, or anybody, to go through something like that. It was horrible. I need to work on letting her go, in a way that I'm happy with the memories, and all that crap people say you should be doing lol. Idk. I will. But for now, I'm sad. I will miss her. Especially for the big things in my life. I'm still going to think of her, for the big events I'd know she would have been there for me. Sad. ~Rip S. I love you.❤

Anyways, another big thing happened for me right after the funeral. A happy thing. That is why that day was bitter sweet for me. But I won't get into that rn. I'm tired and it's late. I will be back soon. Plus, court happened today. That's another thing to get into. 😒 Nothing really happened there. But, as always, I will be back.

Until then. ✌

P.s sry if there's any mistakes in any of my posts. Not going to go over and read everything. This was a long one too haha.

#hugyourfamtight #sisterlove #ripsis #allofme #mystory #sadpanda

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