#sure the circumstances were specifically very bad but he is a TOUCH AVERSE and VERY PRIVATE person who remained a virgin

[llycaons]

fanfic authors will put the most monogamous man in fiction into sex clubs to fulfil whatever fantasies they think are hot won't they....

[otg2012]

These are questions asked about my writing by a few readers. 

I’m OnTheGround2012 on AO3 and I make reference to different stuff I’ve written that can be found here:

Teen Wolf: All I Saw Was You | What If It's You? | Throw Your Weight On Me

Eyewitness | Black Sails | Medici: The Magnificent | The Red Line

* DO NOT READ question 9 (the last one) unless you have read chapter 79 of "All I Saw Was You" because the question is a spoiler.

1 . "All I Saw Was You" is set in several timelines. Do you have any diagram or something that helps you not to get lost in it?  

No, I don’t have any timeline. I usually re-read any chapter/s if I have any doubt about some detail, especially if I write a flashback and I think it makes reference to something specific that may have been mentioned before. I think that having a timeline wouldn’t help with those things anyway. I guess that for me, things like their ages and what happens to them at that time is clear and it’s easy to remember.

2. Do you make any notes to not forget what happened in previous chapters?

I have a page where I add any new chapter I write and I edit the position on the list when it’s posted since I don’t post in the order in which I write (which I have mentioned in the notes a few times because sometimes I post years after I’ve written it). I write the title, the characters and a very short description of what it deals with. I also point it out if it’s a flashback and if it’s finished or not.

3. The relationship between Jackson and Stiles is emotive and obviously passionate, however, you do not explore their physical relationship. Is that a conscious choice or are you averse to anything that may change the rating from "G"? (This is curiosity only, no judgment!)

It is very conscious. Writing sex is truly complicated and I think I’m pretty bad at it. It is not something that everybody can do, so I don’t think it’s because of the language. I don’t see myself writing any sex scene in Spanish either.

When something is so hard to write, it becomes a waste of time because I don’t want to write something that is gonna be awful to read… the only thing I’ll achieve is to fuck up the chapter.

That being said, I also hate writing kissing but since it’s important in some scenes, I have read a lot about it and I have worked hard on many chapters to try to write some decent kissing. It has meant hours of work but I’ve done it in many chapters. I have also written some sexual situations (which were also difficult for me) because they were important for the plot, and I wrote an explicit sex scene in chapter 75.

I don't think that you need to write something explicit for people to understand how they feel about each other. I think there are other ways to do it and that's what I always try to do.

4. Why Jackson and Stiles? Or to expand, what is it about this pair that you thought would provide enough tension and interest that their story arc spanned years of effort on your part?

Firstly, Jackson is my favorite character and I hate how people write himmost of the time. I don't recognize his voice or the character's personality.

And from the start, I saw tons of chemistry between Jackson and Stiles. I watched season 1 and half of 2 (up to where it was airing then) before checking the fandom and what people were writing and it blew my mind that people saw any chemistry between Stiles and Derek… it is something that I will never understand because I don’t see it at all.

Then, I was sad to see that my ship had very few fics and they were all terrible and I had nothing to read. (But I must say that later I found a few good writers who wrote stackson and did a good job… so yeah, there are at least three or four people out there whose writing I enjoy).

Besides, the relationship between Stiles and Jackson was always this terrible "I hate you" thing that I don't give a shit about. It's always boring and terribly written. People just don't write plots that are interesting to me... and usually their voices are very bad too, which doesn't help either.

So, yeah, I decided to start writing because of all those reasons.

Basically, I thought about writing a scene I imagined like a challenge to try to write them the way I see them. It was both about their voices and their relationship. That scene was Stiles in a hospital bed looking at a ring that he doesn’t recognize. (I think it was his father who tells him to look at the ring).

5. I am not a fan of the other universes you write in so I have not read those stories. However I noticed that the TW universe has gotten the majority of your creative juices - the sheer number of stories far and away strips that of any other universe. What is it about the TW that sparks your creativity?

Well, what happens is that TW is the fandom where I have been longer. Writing the voices is easier and I also have more ideas. In the other fandoms, I have problems like not feeling confident to write the voices of the characters. Sometimes it can be because the show was very short (like Eyewitness or The Red Line) and I’d have needed more episodes to catch the voices, and in other cases, the historical style of the writing is an added challenge. That is why I’m very proud of the few things I’ve written for Black Sails or The Medici—because I didn’t think I could actually do it and at least I tried my best and accomplished to show what I had in mind.

6. Which do you prefer, fandom or Original works? And why?

I only have written fanfiction and the reason is that you write your story with characters that people know… so hopefully, it’s easier to have feedback about it. I do have original characters so they are an original work in a way… and I like writing them but not more than writing Stiles or Jackson.

7. What do Ilya and Kyle have in common? (This was asked in a chapter)

I think Ilya and Kyle have in common that they are survivors of difficult circumstances. Both of them have been affected by society in different ways when they meet. Ilya has been bullied and, as he says, deaf people think he can hear and hearing people think he’s deaf. He’s in the middle of both worlds.

And Kyle has been damaged by the foster system and doesn’t feel like he belongs anywhere. He’s probably been bullied too and he has trusting issues.

8. Can explain your writing process, is it touch and go, sit down and all at once, etc?

I never write a chapter in one day. I’m not a fast writer, so it takes time and it's a lot of work. At least I need 2 or 3 days for something that is around 1200/1500 words… so, if it’s longer, it will take more days. Besides, that is the first draft. I always edit it another day and I usually change and add lines before sending it to my beta.

Most of the time I have a simple idea of what it is about (like “Jackson is going to Chicago and he’s packing and frustrated”) but many times the dialogue takes you in a very unexpected direction and the first idea I had becomes something different. And many times I don’t know how to end the chapter and, in that case, I spend a lot of time thinking about it or I write something that I end up changing later.

Sometimes when I have an idea I can only write about 300/400 words before I get tired or before I don’t know how the hell to continue the dialogue, so that is why many times, it’s good to stop and continue another day because usually, something comes to me that allows me to develop the story and finish it.

Other times, things are more complicated when you have a very simple idea like “they are kidnapped in a basement” and you have to consider where you want to go and what they have to say and in what order to get there. In a case like that, I try to do a mental list of the main topics that I want them to speak about and obviously, when I edit it, I can change the order of the things if it doesn’t feel right.

With the stories which require a certain style/way of talking like with Black Sails or The Medici, I made a lot of questions to my beta about the use of many words and expressions and I made a lot of mistakes—because it’s not only what they say, but also how they say that matters.

Sometimes I have an idea that I think it's gonna take like a couple of chapters like "What If It's You?" and it ends up needing five because it becomes longer than you expected. And later, it has grown even more when I had ideas to continue the story.

SPOILER IN 9:

(SPACE just in case)

9. Why did you decide to write Ilya deaf?

As far as I can remember, even before I knew his name, I knew he was deaf. I didn’t think I’d ever actually mention it or write him, but I knew that nonetheless. Sometimes you know something because you imagine/feel it that way and there is not a specific reason.

That being said, I think in the back of my mind I had two reasons. Firstly, that for me it’s important to include people with disabilities if I can because it saddens me that they get forgotten so often on television, etc… and I also think they bring realism to the story and, as consequence, it is richer and more interesting. For example, later, it allowed me to talk about bullying and that is something else I never had in mind to do in this series.

Secondly, it could be a consequence of the accident and the trauma that Jackson went through, but at the same time, many times there is not a reason, so they don’t know the cause and it’s something that they will never know for sure. And of course, the fact that this happened to Jackson is also important because of his personality. It brought more angst because Jackson felt guilty and that also has a consequence on his relationship with his husband.

(If anybody has any other question, you can ask it at any time.)

[scripttorture]

I have a bit of a situation in a fanwork I'm writing, one of the characters (H) has undergone a weeklong period of isolation. For most of that time he is isolated, and for the first few days he's been deprived of food and water. However, midway through this, H had a biological cycle happen that made the people holding him deeply uncomfortable. In this universe, people form strong emotional bonds to each other (which these characters have) and are incredibly reluctant to hurt another (1/?)

(2/?)and these characters, who were already questioning this decisionimmediately feel uncomfortable. L doesn't want to stop the tortureitself but does want to to d it down in severity (H had tried tomutiny against them and severely injured a non bonded crew member soshe wants information) but D thinks they should stop it as much aspossible. L puts D in charge of bringing him rations and eventually Dsympathizes with H to the point where he convinces L to stop itentirely, but because(3/?)of H's bad self esteem in regards to said biological process, he'saverse to people touching him during this time and literally screamsat D to leave him alone on multiple occasions and nearly cries at onepoint. This biological process is also usually a sex trope, and Hends up kissing D a short time afterwards but freaks out the secondhe starts thinking clearly and threatens him with a weapon. It is ofnote that they've had a fight over H and his position in society b4,but grew(4/?)past that and were close friends up till H attempted to mutiny. Thisis based off of events in canon, and given the organization they workin (and the fact that there's multiple mutinies handled this way) Isuspect that isolation is protocol. H has worked for thisorganization for awhile and would know this, and even be equipped forhandling aftermath as a medical officer. Given his position in it hemight also know how to handle aftermath on himself (if possible). Myquestion is(5/?) how would this affect H (he has previous trauma andis naturally untrusting and has difficulty making significantrelationships), as well as the relationship between the characters,given that they end up having to deal with far worse people who endup torturing L, H, and another character again. (L goes through whatH went through for the most part, poetically). It is also notablethat D offers to stop the isolation earlier but H tells him to fuckoff and leave him alone to handle it himself bc of how much beingaround other people upsets him during this time (during previouscycles, he has intentionally isolated himself for long moments oftime), and D does so up to a point when he can't follow through withthat anymore

Myability to answer this is hampered by the fact that a central themeis a pseudo-biological cycle that’s outside reality.

I’veleft this for quite some time because I’m honestly not sure how tobalance the fantasy elements with reality. In this case I think thefantasy elements are too big of an influence for me to really….knowwhat’s ‘realistic’ in this situation.

Allthe research I’m drawing from doesn’t have anything even close tothis pseudo-biological cycle.

So-I’m not sure how much I can do with this. You’ve constructed thecharacters in a way which means they don’t behave like normalpeople any more, they no longer have human brains.

Ican talk about the effects these techniques would ordinarily have andgive my opinion of the responses you’ve planned for the characters.But I’m going to have to completely ignore a central element of thestory to do so and….I’m not sure how helpful the answer is goingto be as a result.

Thetime frame you’ve got for isolation and starvation seems reasonableand wouldn’t be life threatening to most healthy people. It wouldleave the victim physically weakened and with a longer reaction time.He’d also be starting to show the psychological symptoms ofstarvation and solitary confinement which youcan read about here andhere respectively.

Ifthis system of neglect and isolation is routine in the setting thenthe character mighthavea good idea of what care should look like. But that doesn’t meanthat knowledge would be helpful or that he’d be able to apply it tohimself.

Hemight, for instance, be able to consciously recognise that much ofwhat he’s feeling is influenced by not having enough to eat. Hemight even be able to pinpoint particular feelings and behaviours asbeing caused by starvation. But that won’t make the feelings goaway.

Bothof these tortures are depriving someone of a thing they need tosurvive. Recognising the symptoms won’t fill that gap. I think thatthere would be a limited amount he could do for himself beyondacknowledge that these states are temporary and he could recoverlater.

Myown experience of mental health problems is that it’s perfectlypossible to know whysomething you feel is irrational or unhealthy and be unable todistance yourself from the feeling anyway. I think when the feelingswe’re talking about are physiological responses to very specificbodily needs (ie food and water) then it would be even harder toachieve that distance.

Ifhe was starved over a more prolonged period I think that effect wouldbe even more pronounced. As it is- well the time frame makes it lesslikely he’d be outright irrational, but irritable, aggressive,depressive, apathetic and suffering from mood swings- well thatsounds likely.

Ifyou’re writing the pseudo-biological cycle as a way ofstrengthening social bonds in a group (ie it generally makesindividuals closer whether they’re having sex or not) then I thinkit would make sense to show the symptoms of solitary confinementhitting the character harder. Because if the idea is the turn theprocesses that help us bond socially up to 11 then I think it wouldmake sense that depriving someone of those bonds would have a moreacute affect.

Inthe same way that depriving children of food has a more profoundeffect on them physiologically, stunting their growth andintelligence and possibly having epigenetic* effects that are passedon as far as their grandchildren.

Asfor the character’s responses. I think H’s response, these moodswings and aggressive pushing away of the abusive character, works.Both of these symptoms can be caused by starvation and solitaryconfinement and they tend to persist for a while after a starvingperson has enough to eat.

Invictims who are confined for longer periods it’s pretty common forthem to act aggressively towards other people when they appear. Partof that is the natural antagonism torture victims feel towards peoplethey blame for their suffering (a category that can encompass morethan torturers).

ButShalev suggests that it’s also to do with getting a responsehowever negative. People insolitary confinement quickly ‘learn’ that behaving well doesn’tget them the human contact they desperately need. Some people canrespond to that by behaving ‘badly’ instead, vandalising theircell/furniture, making a mess and insulting or attacking guards.Because they’re so desperate for human interaction that evennegative reactions and violence seem preferable to being ignored.

Whenit comes to writing relationships I try to stick to howrealistic/reasonable I think an interaction/progression is orsuggesting possible alternatives. I personally dislike the style ofwriting advice that tells people what they ‘must’ do.

Idon’t think there’s any one formulaic way to write anythingcorrectly. What’s right for your story and these characters will bedifferent to what’s right for other works. The effects torture hason survivors are highly individual and complex. So are therelationships that survivors have with other people. Ithink having that variety and nuance in fiction is important.

So-I’m not going to tell you how these relationships ‘should’ bewritten. What I’m going to do is unpack what I see you describingbehaviour wise and how realistic/reasonable I think that is. I’llalso talk a little bit about some of the options you have here.

Generally-you seem to be leaning in to the idea of H being particularlyantagonistic towards D. I think that makes sense, especially since Dis the character he has most contact with. Despite D’s intentionsto end the abuse it would make sense that H could see D as theprimary abuser.

The...individualsand circumstances traumatised people latch on to and come toassociate with abuse are not necessarily logical. Antagonism canextend far beyond the people directly responsible for abuse,encompassing a whole group of people with perceived similarities (ienationality, race, gender).

Survivorscan also latch on to the peoplethey see every day even if they know logically that these peoplearen’t wholly responsible for the situation. A guard who hands outreduced rations could easily be hated and blamed for a prison-widepolicy of starvation. The guard is responsible for going along withand enforcing the policy as an individual, but probably didn’tpersonally ensure it was implemented and wouldn’t be able to carryon enforcing it without wider organisational support.

SoI think the way you’re highlighting this antagonism on H’s partmakes sense.

Butthat does affect where H’s future relationship with D can go. It’sperfectly possible for H to reach a point where he can acceptlogically that D was doing the ‘best he could’ in an awfulsituation while stillfeeling extremely antagonistic towards D and finding positiveinteraction difficult/impossible.

Ifyou wanted to move their relationship beyond that I think it wouldtake a lot of time, patience and compassion. It would require H tohave a strong desire to get past this, which he may not necessarilyhave.

@scripttraumasurvivorshas written quite a few useful posts on tackling the relationshipbetween abusers and survivors if/when abusers ‘get better’.

Thetrauma H associates with D is unlikely to go away. That isn’t tosay that their relationship can’t get better than it currently is,but I think you need to think carefully about how good it couldreasonably be with all this baggage. It’s also important toconsider at every step whether the narrative is straying towardsexcusing D’s complicity in the abuse H suffers.

SinceH has been traumatised before and generally finds trust difficultthen I think this series of incidents (because you seem to bedescribing two counts of torture here, one at the hands of L and Dand another later on where L is also victimised) would hugely impacthis recovery. H is probably going to feel as if he’s steppedbackwards and ended up in the same place he was when he wasoriginally traumatised or somewhere worse. Any difficulty he hasrelating to other people or trusting them is likely to be magnified.

Hissymptoms (which ever ones you’ve picked for him) are going to getworse. He may acquire new symptoms, new expressions of old symptomsand new triggers. That will make dealing with his symptoms moredifficult because old coping strategies may no longer work.

Fromthe way you’ve characterised him so far I think he’d find it verydifficult to accept help from others and impossible to seek it out.It seems likely that he’d come out of these incidents furtherisolated.

Ifthere are characters that you think he’d feel safe around and beable to accept help from it’s likely he’d still struggle withbasic social interaction. You’re describing a pattern of moodswings and aggression that- well basically a lot of people finddifficult to deal with and patterns of behaviour like that can bevery difficult for survivors to recognise and break. Especially inthe immediate and short term aftermath of a traumatising event.

Ifeel like I have less of a clear idea of L than I do of H and D.You’ve described both H and D in so detail and their interactions,whereas L seems to have been mostly characterised by sticking rigidlyto this idea that torture is an essential response to treachery.

Lseems to be responding to the situation involving H with a mindsetthat seems very typical of a torturer. D isn’t. To me that seems toimply that L has been torturing for longer and could therefore havemore symptoms than D at the outset.

Aswith H another traumatic event (being tortured later) is only goingto worsen those symptoms. It’s likely L would gain new symptoms.

Forboth H and L post traumatic stress disorder is more likely becausethey’ve both been traumatised multiple times.

Ithink depending on the symptoms you pick and the amount that H hascontact with L while being abused by L and D- you could potentiallywrite them with a more positive relationship than H and D. It’sstill likely to be incredibly complicated and not necessarilyhealthy.

Ithink the deciding factors are likely to be how much H blames L forbeing tortured and how much he sympathises with L when both of themare being tortured. No contact when L is responsible for H’s abuseand a lot of contact when they’re both being abused by someone elsecould result in a more ‘positive’ outlook from H’s side. It’sstill not likely to be hugely positive though.

FromL’s side a lot is going to depend on how much they cling on to theidea of H as a traitor who ‘deserves’ punishment. From what yououtlined I think you could reasonably write L lashing out towards Hwhile both of them are being tortured. If L sees H’s actions asabsolutely inexcusable then torture is not going to change that viewpoint and make L suddenly more sympathetic to H’s plight. They mayeven respond with a knee-jerk ‘well you deserved it but I don’t’sort of response.

Whichis unlikely to result in positive interaction.

Combiningall of these complicated layers of antagonism, symptoms and responseswith the pseudo-biological cycle in your story could result in somevery interesting relationships. From your outline it sounds as ifyou’ve got a group of characters who are all likely to have somesort of severe mental health problem and are largely antagonistictowards each other. But at the same time their ‘bond’ could bedriving them to stay close to each other, seek out each other’scompany and perhaps even attempt to protect each other.

Tome that sounds like a very interesting set of internal conflicts evenif it is pretty far from reality.

Italso seems like a reasonable way of blending fantasy and realitywithout falling into torture apologia. The unrealistic elements arevery clearly tied to the fantasy biology.

Overall,I think this has the potential to be really good. A lot is going todepend on the execution and how you balance the different elements inthe story. The emotional elements across the different characterscould be especially challenging. Sticking to one first personnarrative point view might limit your ability to explore theemotional conflict you’ve set up in the other characters. Multiplepoints of view or a third person overarching narration may be aneasier approach.

Ihope that helps. :)

*Epigeneticsare a sort of rewritable code on top of DNA. They’re instructionsto the body to turn certain genes on or off, expressing them inparticular places to different degrees. The body rewrites them inresponse to environmental stimulus. Some of them seem to be heritableand in rats certain diets during pregnancy have been shown to change epigeneticmarkers in mothers vs their children (ie both have a particular gene but itis expressed in the parent and ‘off’ in the offspring).

Disclaimer

[titanheadcanons]

If the war was over (and every main vet was still alive) what would they do with their lives after the Titans/Marley was defeated? What jobs do you think they would do/want? Would they have families? Would they go be a hermit in the woods and shun the world for the rest of their days? Specifically Erwin, Mike, Hanji, and Levi. Thank you so much!

While Erwin could definitely settle and rest more easy, his job is still not entirely done. It’s probably only just starting, there’s a lot of work waiting for him. Having to organize and take care of files, all the cadets and what not, for example.

He’s still in a pretty high position in society, a politician you could almost say (he’s definitely still in a leading position, in a sense) and probably strives to work towards finally making humanity’s life easier through helping making certain decisions about for example expanding cities.

There’s just habits that don’t go away with ease. He remains to work hard and will likely always strive for more. As long as there’s something to strive for, he’ll aim for it.

Probably for the first time ever the thought of a family crosses his mind. He wouldn’t be averse to it with these circumstances. In fact, he’s relieved that from now on there’s the possibility to offer the kids a much more secure and happy life.

I once read a very cute fluffy ficlet of Erwin having a crush one a barmaid during his times in the training, but always aware of the responsibility he carries and knowing a relationship isn’t realistic for him. If something like that actually was the case, he’d definitely be a sucker for the romance and go for what was impossible in the past.

– – –

Mike is the one to party the heaviest and for a goddamn good reason, too! Still, certain military groups might still be existing, like the Police Military. He still wants to put his skills to good use.

He’s the most likely to build up on his personal life, including a family of his own.

Just imagine the epic stories he could tell his kids and how proud they would be of their dad for quite literally saving the world.

I think he’d settle somewhere and rest. He’s seen enough of the world, including its horrors. But getting to enjoy it without fear is something new to him and he tackles it slowly.

He would set a goal to travel around more and experience true freedom over time though. He’s not been working on this for so long to not get the most out of it!

Especially with his children. The thought of them being the first generation to roam around freely and without the previous danger fills him with pride.

– – –

Hanji will feel the most nostalgic at all times. She cherishes the memories, good and bad, and is thankful for the experience life as a soldier offered her.

She’s going to say that if it were for her she would’ve continue fighting for hundreds of years, if necessary. She wouldn’t have minded, if it had been the thing she would’ve done for the rest of her life.

But obviously, she too is glad it’s over. It doesn’t fully sink in at first and she’s still ready to get to work whenever she wakes up, but there’s excitement in so much sudden open chances, too.

Similar to Erwin though, her work isn’t entirely done. She wants to continue being a scientist and wants to continue learning about the meaning of it all.

She wants to share her knowledge too and make sure the efforts don’t go unnoticed. History needs to remember everyone’s deeds, so she’d love to teach children in school about it.

She’s the one to always order meetings of the old groups on a regular basis. She wants to keep in touch with all of them and never miss out on a chance to celebrate their success.

– – –

For Levi too, it probably doesn’t ever fully sink in. He didn’t think he’d experience the day the soldiers would win or if that day in fact would ever actually really come.

At first he likely helps Erwin with all the leftover files and last things to clear up and get done, but eventually there’s nothing left to do and it’s probably only then that he realizes he’s completely free and it’s something he’s not used to at all.

He’s never really known what it’s like to have nothing to do (and it’s not like there’s solely good things about that. Levi understands pretty quickly that he needs to keep himself occupied with something to at least some extent and that just resting isn’t for him) and he probably switches from small job to small job.

He tries out different things, helping to build houses (still aiding humanity, since it’s just what he’s used to) is one of them.

But ultimately, I think he’s a man of habit. Like previously mentioned, there’s still the Military Police, I think Levi would make a great trainer.

If he were to have a family of his own, it would definitely not have been planned. The thought likely still doesn’t cross his mind, but sometimes things just happen and fall into place and it’s not like he’d immediately say no to it.

[vortaesthetic]

Jake had always wanted a sibling. It had been lonely growing up as the only child of a Starfleet captain touched by the hand of celestial gods. All of his friends either grew up too fast or got lost in the rush of it all. He was both surprised and delighted to hear about Kasidy and Benjamin's news that they were expecting a little girl. He may be a very big brother to her now, but he would do anything to protect her and love her, as a big brother should. He already did.

He was even more surprised to learn that baby Becca wouldn't be the only new addition to the family. He'd been en route to DS9 rom Utopia Planitia when Ben had called him up to tell him the news-- he had adopted one of the young Vorta from the Rondac Disaster. Jake knew what Benjamin had diplomatically left out of his announcement: the children that had come out of those ruins were often said to be troubled and haunted. It was reportedly very difficult to find homes for them, due to their unique circumstances. Benjamin would certainly have his hands full with this one, and though part of him questioned why on Earth his father had been compelled to do this, he never bothered to answer out loud. He knew why-- his father cared, and he was a man of action. He wanted to help these children and he took it upon himself to steward one.

That hardly compared to actually meeting him, however. All he'd known coming here was that the boy was nine, he was very quiet and diligent and he enjoyed puzzle games, so he'd brought a Vulcan slide puzzle with him as a get-to-know you gift.

...and he almost dropped the damn thing when he had come face to face with a small Weyoun dressed in the plain shirt and jacket favored by the Bajorans that lived here. Benjamin had smiled--had gotten a kick out of the Twilight Zone reaction he'd had, he knew that look-- but pushed the quiet Vorta to greet him and accept his gift. The tiny Weyoun was very polite, but he behaved as if he wasn't sure how to talk to others, so he chose not to, generally. He had warmed up to Jake pretty swiftly that night, excitedly showing him how to solve the different puzzles on his toy. It was charming.

That night, he heard the sobbing through the walls. Heard that familiar, tired voice of his father trying to coax the boy from out of the cupboard at 2:14 in the morning. "No, I don't want to hurt you. Weyoun, please come out, I promise, it's safe."

"You hated me too," the boy cries, and at that moment, Jake realizes this boy remembers everything.

"I don't now," was all that was said back. He can smell the hot chocolate wafting from the replicator and he can feel the weight of the silence.

Later in the morning, as Benjamin watches over the boy slumbering on the couch, Jake joins him. They talk in hushed tones about the goings on in Jake's own life. About his latest novel. About Kasidy's trip to visit her family.

"Dad...how much does he remember?"

"Everything," he'd said. "He remembers everything. He only understands parts of it. There are eight deaths in that little head, Jake. A man that drank poison and spit lies is in there, sharing a headspace with a little boy. I can't blame him for being terrified."

"What happens now?"

"I wake him up in an hour, get him ready and send him off to school. Like any other day."

"Why does he need to go to school? Doesn't he have hundreds of years' worth of memories in there?"

"...he's a little boy, Jake. He needs to make memories of his own."

--

His adopted little brother (a Weyoun!) was quirky, to say the least. He had a touch aversion to his neck and ears. He played with his food often, as children do--but it was his habit of sprinkling cryptic or unusually specific, accurate things from past lives in with his child-chatter that was always a little disconcerting.

He cheerfully informed Jake over home-cooked steak and eggs that he was aware that Willie Mays is not, in fact a time traveler. He also informed Jake he was never allowed to lie again, because he was bad at it. Then he'd segued off into a kiddish conversation about Captain Proton and the child had come to the fore once again. He takes a shine to Jake in particular, perhaps because he was one of the few people that had tried to get along with the Vorta way back when.

--

It is usually in the night that he is reminded of how delicate the situation is. He is screaming tonight, hiding in that cupboard. He won't come out at all, not for Ben or Jake or hot chocolate. He is inconsolable and all Ben can do is tuck his blanket in there for him to have something warm to cry himself to sleep in. He watches as Ben holds a bleary-eyed vigil over the child. He wonders how long the child will last under the weight of all that came before him.

--

He is very upset when Jake leaves to head back home. He ruffles the kid's hair like Ben does and tells him he will write a story just for him soon, which buys him glowing smiles.

He was not sure what to feel about having a Vorta as a little brother. A little brother that was simultaneously much older and much younger than he was. But as time went on, the shock of it blunted and Jake began seeing him as just a quirky kid that liked to eat pizza with chopsticks and collect things. He had old eyes sometimes, but he was harmless and eager and desperate for love.

And if that was his hunger, Jake thought as they all sat down to a family dinner light-years away from each other, sharing smiles and stories over subspace, there was simply no better place to be.

This fic is based on this post here.

The feral child creeps close, eyes narrowed nearly into slits at Kira, who inhales sharply. This one can’t be more than six, rail-thin and cautious.

“You must be hungry,” Odo rumbles, trying to keep himself quiet, not wanting to startle the Vorta. Odo reaches into his pack, showing the little Vorta the package of field rations. “Come here.”

The Vorta watches the way Odo’s limb stretches, morphing. That and the gentle command make the feral Vorta child come closer, snorting at Kira.

“This one’s so … little.”

Odo nods, the Vorta child crawling into his lap, stuffing its face. The Changeling corrects, “Slowly.”

The child whines, but eats slower, watching Odo for approval.

This is the eighth one they’d gathered this week and it’s starting to become more dire. They’re younger the deeper into the ruins of Rondac they go. Kira worries they’re going to find toddlers in the ruins.

Odo stands, holding the feral child close.

“Founder?”

Odo turns. There’s at least three more behind him. The leader it seems, is a girl, maybe ten, and she looks up at Odo with a sort of reverence.

“You’re taking him?” she asks.

Odo nods. “You can come too.”

She hesitates, glancing nervously at Kira. Turning to the ruins, she whistles, piercing and sharp. Another few Vorta creep out of the shadows.

“You can feed them all, right?” the girl asks.

“We can,” Odo assures her.

“Take them first,” she tells him. “They’re really hungry. I’ll get some of the others.”

“Wait,” Kira says, handing over her bag, packed full of field rations. “You look hungry.”

The girl hesitates, looking at Odo as if to ask if it’s okay. He nods and the girl takes the pack, tightening the strap. She bows before darting off into the ruins, winding her way through the metal and shadows.

One of the Vorta children limps. Gingerly, Kira picks them up, the feral child on her hip.

“Do you think we can save them all?” Kira asks Odo.

“Not at all,” Odo says. “But we have to try.”

Keep reading

[squirenonny]

7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14. Voltron and/or Mistborn.

[Autistic character ask meme]

Voltron (Keith, Pidge) first, then Mistborn (Steris, Vin, Spook) below the cut because this got really long haaaa these aren’t special interests at ALL

Voltron

7. what calms them down?

90% of the time Keith calms down with some kind of physical activity (i.e. training). Mostly stress builds up as a restless kind of energy, paired with frustration that very easily turns to anger, and fighting is just… the fastest way to get it out. Plus, training is totally acceptable for a paladin, so there’s that. Other forms of physical activity that Keith finds calming: hiking, cave diving, jogging, pacing. (The other 10% of the time, he calms down by being incredibly still–star-gazing with Shiro or Pidge are favorites, but he’ll also sometimes just…. lie on his bed and let his mind wander.)

Pidge calms down by getting tf away from people. Normally that means going to work on robots/computers/other random projects down in Green’s hangar (or in their bedroom back on Earth), but it could also mean reading, listening to music (or intergalactic transmissions), or watching a movie while wrapped in the biggest blanket they can find. I also like to think Pidge sketches a lot. Mostly technical drawings, but sometimes just random things. (I mean. Voltron with a flaming sword + ladybug + whatever else ended up on their notepad.)

8. Do they know they’re Autistic? if so when & how did they realise?

Pidge absolutely knows they’re autistic. They were diagnosed relatively young, probably in elementary school, after a teacher noticed Pidge’s social and communication difficulties and talked with the Holts. So in a way it feels like they’ve always known. Certainly as long as they’ve been aware of people outside their family, they’ve known they were different, and they had a word for that pretty early on.

Keith doesn’t know he’s autistic. Maybe he’s very early in the process of self-diagnosis: getting to know Pidge brings him past the ‘all I know about autism I learned from Hollywood’ stage, and he’s started to identify with certain autistic traits, but he hasn’t had more than the occasional flash of ‘maaaaybe I’m autistic??’ followed immediately by that kind of embarrassed denial so many of us get. (That, “Come on Keith, get over yourself, you’re just an introvert, stop trying to be a special snowflake.”) We’ll get there.

11. how do they prefer to communicate? are they non verbal/have periods of being non verbal? do they use sign language? do they talk? do they prefer text, etc?

Pidge tends to be hyperverbal and doesn’t usually have difficulty with spoken language, but they do find typing to be more efficient. They’re less likely to ramble that way, and they feel more in control of their words when they can edit them before they send the message.

Keith is partially nonverbal. He goes nonverbal when he’s stressed or angry, and when he’s tired/confused/otherwise emotional or low on spoons, words can be hard to come by or get mixed up. (Also, regulating tone is just. The worst.) He doesn’t have a preferred alternate form of communication, mostly because he’s never thought of it, secondarily because he’s self-conscious about communication issues and would rather just be the “brooding emo silent one” than call attention to it. (I do think that eventually he and the rest of Team Voltron would start to develop a kind of sign language–probably a mix of military handtalk, ASL, and Altean Sign Language, because I doubt anyone else in the castle is fluent in any form of sign language.)

12. Is there any senses they struggle with particularly? (hearing, taste, etc)

Pidge has texture sensitivities, especially in clothing and food, but otherwise their hearing is the most sensitive. Buzzing/beeping/humming/other “white noise” gets on their nerves VERY quickly. They use their noise-cancelling headphones a lot even when they aren’t listening to transmissions or music.

Keith is touch-averse. There are certain people/circumstances that don’t bother him (shoulder-touching, Shiro in general, honestly Hunk most of the time, because Hunk gives such tight hugs that it’s deep pressure, which is nice.) Glancing/incidental/light touches–especially when unexpected–are the main issue.

13. their special interests?

Pidge: computers/robots/programming, conspiracy theories, especially aliens. All sorts of creative things–mechanical projects, crafts, legos, building card towers?? Basically anything where they put stuff together to make other stuff. Pidge is a beast at McGuyvering shit.

[Keith’s SIs answered here]

14. are they open about being autistic or do they prefer to keep it to themselves?

Pidge is open about it with friends. It’s not something they would want classmates or acquaintances knowing about, but they tell the other paladins pretty quickly, and they have it in their About on Tumblr and Twitter.

Keith still isn’t even convinced he is autistic, so Pidge (and a little later, Shiro) are the only ones who know he’s even questioning it.

Mistborn

7. what calms them down?

Steris: The biggest way for her to calm down is to be in control in whatever way she can. That might mean making a schedule, organizing a room, or just researching something related to her current project. Being proactive in general helps–she doesn’t really unwind, per se. She can *be* relaxed, but taking a break for the purposes of stress-relief is counter-productive if she hasn’t already de-stressed to a certain level.

Vin: Physical activity, having a set routine or at least a stable set of rules she can live by. Tactile stims are also good–cuddling with Elend, petting TenSoon, letting her mistcloak drift around her. She finds the mists especially calming because it’s the right combination of control, activity, solitude, and low-level sensory stimulation.

Spook: Being in a social situation without necessarily being expected to interact is very relaxing–he likes to have people around, though for most of the series conversations/remembering social norms is more stressful than it is helpful. He like observing–observing his friends or keeping watch. There’s something soothing about looking out through the mists and listening to background noise (the things that aren’t important enough to focus on).

8. Do they know they’re Autistic? if so when & how did they realise?

Spook and Vin for sure no. I highly doubt the Final Empire has a concept of autism or… anything, really. I feel like Steris is aware that she’s neurodiverse, even if she doesn’t have the words for it (or the same words we do…) I guess it would be the equivalent of self-diagnosed. She realized growing up that she was different and sought out other people (or their writings) who had similar experiences. She’s identified where she struggles and developed coping mechanisms in the interest of control.

11. how do they prefer to communicate? are they non verbal/have periods of being non verbal? do they use sign language? do they talk? do they prefer text, etc?

Vin doesn’t have any specific communication issues as far as forms of communication. She is reluctant to share things about herself, and she struggles with code-switching (living on the streets vs. joining a crew vs. mingling with the nobility), and is cautious with her words when she doesn’t feel safe, but it’s not because of a specific difficulty with verbal communication.

Spook has occasional nonverbal episodes–which were much more pronounced when he had the added anxiety of only speaking Eastern Street Slang. He doesn’t pick up languages quickly, and he has a considerable amount of social anxiety centered on the way he talks, which provoked quite a few nonverbal episodes early on in his time with Kelsier’s crew. They diminished as he learned the language. Social anxiety plus his sensitive hearing (tin + autistic sensory issues = augh son your poor ears) means that I imagine Spook having a tendency toward sign language.

Steris, like Vin, doesn’t have specific problems with verbal communication, but she does find written communication to be more precise than spoken word. Speaking is more convenient, so it’s her default, but she very much enjoys writing letters.

12. Is there any senses they struggle with particularly? (hearing, taste, etc)

I don’t see Vin having any particular sensory issues. She’s pretty adaptable, so when she does have issues it’s because something’s new and she’s hyperaware of it–i.e. longer hair, formal gowns, ect. Mostly tactile issues when it’s anything.

Spook. (Spoooook.) Okay, full disclosure: blame Hero of Ages for this, but I headcanon Spook having a lot of sensory issues even before he snapped. He’s big on control and focus because he has to be. Tin is useless to him if he can’t learn to block things out because it’s so easy to push him into overload. And most of the time he’s fine. Unless he’s low on spoons–then things get iffy. Sound is particularly bad, and bright lights.

I think a lot of Steris’s sensory issues are food-related. Nothing is particularly bad, so she mostly just deals with sensory stuff, but she has strong preferences regarding taste and texture, so she likes to be in charge of the menu as much as possible.

13. their special interests?

Vin: Vin has been so focused on survival for so long that she doesn’t have special interests in a traditional sense, but she does get hyperfocused on things–learning the rules of her current surroundings, learning how to use metals, fighting, ect. She goes all-out and gets obsessed with things once she’s put her mind to learning them. The mysteries surrounding the mist spirit and the Well of Ascension were sort of SIs in their own right (though, again, partially born of necessity.)

Spook: people. He spends so much time observing that he tends to develop special interests for people or places. That slum down the block from the safehouse where he knows everyone’s name and who just had a baby and what the current biggest threats are. That noble family he’s supposed to be watching and their staff and their schedule. Vin was a special interest when she first arrived, and that flared into a crush briefly before the hyperfocus eased and their relationship became more natural.

Steris: Politics is the biggest. She knows everything because of long, intense study. Who’s who, the major rivalries and alliances, expectations and common missteps. How to say what she wants without saying it outright. This extends into history and law a little bit, but it’s very much focused on the interactions between the major Houses and other players.

14. are they open about being autistic or do they prefer to keep it to themselves?

Doesn’t really apply because I don’t think Scadrial really has a concept of autism yet (especially in the original trilogy era). Steris is pretty much “This is who I am, deal with it.”