#supernatural fans please have some self respect I’m begging you

[superdaisypowerhour]

I say this as a former supernatural fan, maybe destiel would be winning that poll if it wasn’t a fifteen year long queerbait from a show that sucked ass for the last ten seasons it was on air. The vast majority of this website was not keeping up with the Winchesters by choice, I’ll tell you that for fuckin free.

[poisongirl18]

Worth it

Kylie X Jensen

Thank you to the readers! I appreciate you! I have grown a small following over the past couple of days and I decided to write this one for myself! If you would like to be added to my tag lis or want to request a one-shot yourself just let me know! Thanks!

Worth it

Words: 3524

JensenXPlusSizeReader

 Fluff, slight smut, depressed reader

When Kylie has to film a long awaited intimate scene with close friend Jensen, she goes to extreme lengths to make sure she has the perfect body

 Today was the day that the Supernatural fans have been waiting for, hell it was the day I was waiting for.

The sex scene.

I joined the cast of Supernatural around ten years ago, figuring that I would be killed off in a few short episodes turned into ten years of love and laughter. The fans seemed to like me, and the producers said that I just brought a type of femininity to the show. My character had a certain relationship with the Winchester brothers, but there was always something about her and Dean that had the fans quaking with excitement. The constant questions were when my character and Dean were finally going to be together, and that day was today. I was excited, I mean who wouldn’t be, I got to be with a semi-naked Jensen Ackles who I had grown very fond of over the decade.

Unfortunately, there were not many, but a handful of fans that just did not like my character with Dean. Their claims were that Dean Winchester would never be with a ‘plus-size’ girl. Now, I never considered myself fat by any means, but I was definitely bigger than the girl that Dean or Jensen would go out with. Each criticism over the years was like a slice to my heart and it even pushed me to start numerous diets and even hire a trainer despite Jensen’s many pleas to see how beautiful I was.

I wanted to believe him, I truly did, but I knew what I saw in the mirror every morning and I saw the number on the scale every time I stepped on it.

The producers had come up to me a few months ahead, warning me of the upcoming scene and making sure I was comfortable with. I knew that they cared and knew I had a hard time with my body imagine since starting the show. My chest had begun to hurt when they told me, and the room had begun to spin as my anxiety took over, but I had to say yes. If I had said no there would be girls’ miles long that would say yes, and my career as an actress would come to end. So, I pushed myself harder than I had ever done before and even managed to shed a few pounds, but now that the day has come, I wish I had loss a few more.

“You look nervous.” Jared teased as he had taken a seat next to me on set.

“I think I’m going to die.” I admitted, watching has he bit his lip to try and stop his smile which he failed miserably at.

“You’re not going to die.” He reassured me, putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s a just a scene.”

“A sex scene.” I let out, a little louder than I wanted. “With Jensen.”

Jared had known of my crush with Jensen, and although he constantly teased me about it, he respected my wishes in keeping it quiet. “You’re going to be fine.” He promised again. “The fans are going to love it, and you are going to be great.”

I watched as the crew scurried around setting up the scene that I was going to perform in. “What if all they see is a fat blob.” I whispered, trying not to tear up and ruin the make up that someone had spent and hour working on. “What if Jensen is just . . . disgusted with me.”

Jared let out a sigh. “Kylie,” He let out softly, “You are not a fat blob and you are not disgusting.” He paused for a moment. “Why don’t you turn down the scene, maybe they can change it and-“

“No.” I let out sternly before glancing at him, his face softening. “If I turn it down then my career is over.”

“No, it’s not.” He rolled his eyes. “We can just talk to-“

“Hey! Are you ready?”

My eyes moved up to a smiling Jensen, who looked way to excited for this scene. I bit my lip and looked at Jared who was shaking his head at me.

“Of course, I am.” I forced a smile. “The question is are you ready?”

Jensen scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Please, everyone has been waiting for this for the past ten years.” He smirked. “You just better watch that you don’t fall in love with me.”

Too late.

I licked my bottom lip and rolled my eyes before standing up, adjusting my black shirt so it was not so tight against my belly. “Please don’t flatter yourself.”

He threw an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. “You know, we should get some food before the big scene. Make sure we’re well nourished.” He wagged his brows.

“No.” I let out quickly, the last thing I needed was a bloated tummy for our scene which is why I had been fasting all day. Nothing but water for me. “I need to go over lines.” I tried.

Jensen’s green eyes crinkled and looked over me worriedly. “Are you alright?” He asked gently. “I mean, I know this scene is awkward-“

“It’s fine.” I let out and pulled away from him. “Seriously, what does everyone keep asking me?” I shook my head and began walking away from the set, and away from the men that I had grown to love over the years.

“Kylie!” Jensen called but I kept walking.

Everyone was so concerned about me doing the scene, but I don’t think they were concerned for me. I think they were more worried about their fat friend on screen, ruining the eyes of all the fans.

With all the anger that was plummeting through me, I had to stop walking to get the room around me to stop spinning. I sucked in a deep breath and listened as my stomach growled loudly begging for the food that it obviously didn’t need.

“Kylie!” I heard the voice of a familiar crew member call before she was grabbed and my hand and pulled me back towards the set. “We’re ready for you.”

“Already.” I sighed but continued to walk, stepping up on the bunker set and directly in front of Jensen whose eyes continued to look concerned.

“Kylie,” Jensen let out as the crew members continued to run around us, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“I know.” I nodded, standing in my spot in front of Jensen who now wore a flannel on top of his black t-shirt. He was dressed head to toe in Dean Winchester wear, and I was dressed differently for my character. My flannel was replaced with a tight black V-neck shirt with ripped jeans and her classic black heeled boots.

“You’re going to be great.” He smiled, putting a hand on my arm making me swoon.

“I hope so.” I forced just as I heard the director quiet the set.

Action!

“You can’t- you can’t do this to me Dean.” I shook my head, my eyes tearing up slightly not only for the scene but because of the emotions I was feeling.

“Why not?” Dean let out angrily. “Don’t you understand! Anyone I get close to dies!” He shook his head. “And I just . . . I can’t lose you.”

I cupped Jensen’s cheek, taking the moment to trail my thumb over the stubble. “Listen to me Winchester, I am not going anywhere.”

Jensen’s eyes teared up slightly as he looked over me before he took the opportunity to lean down and kiss me.

My heart pounded in my chest as Jensen’s lips met mine, it was all that I expected it to be and more. He was soft, but needy. His hands went directly to my hips as I backed up into the table, letting him pick me up behind me thighs to place me on it.

I was surprised that he could lift me, but that thought was long gone when he pulled the flannel from his body followed by the black t-shirt. I couldn’t help but run my hands along his chest, hoping that it fit well with the scene.

Jensen reached for the ends of my black shirt, looking at me, not my character but me, for permission. I forced a smile and nodded. He pulled the shirt from my body before taking a step back to admire me. Immediately I felt self-conscious especially as the camera zoomed in around me.

He bit his lip, and I worried that he was going to be disgusted, but then he muttered a word that wasn’t in the script that I had read over a thousand times. “Beautiful.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine in a heated kiss. I cupped his cheeks and wrapped my legs around his waist pulling him towards me as his hands roamed my body.

I let out a slight breath around his lips as he used the opportunity to slide his tongue in, surprising me. He let out a growl as he laid me back against the table, climbing on top of it to mount me. His hand immediately went to the straps of my bra where he pulled them down revealing my shoulders.

I let out an accidental moan and clawed at his back, feeling the muscles tense behind me as he pushed his cloth covered groin into mine. For a moment, I could almost feel a hardening sensation underneath his jeans.

“And cut!”

Jensen continued to kiss me, deepening the kiss and exploring my mouth with his tongue as his hands continued to slide down the curves of my body.

“Cut!” I heard again in a slight concern voice, opening my eyes before pressing on Jensen’s chest. He pulled away ever so slightly, looking down at me with shock and concern.

“Jensen?” I let out, licking my swollen lip.

“I-I’m sorry.” He let out, immediately getting off me. “I didn’t mean to.”

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I hopped off the table, my hands immediately going to my body covering myself from the world. “Don’t apologize for being in the scene.”

“No, it wasn’t that.” He said, bending down to grab his flannel, handing it to me.

I quickly put it on and swayed slightly as the set swirled around me, my vision becoming slightly blurry.

“You guys did great!” I heard Jared’s voice, and suddenly he was in front of me.

How did he move that fast?

“Uh, yeah.” I let out, rubbing the back of my neck.

“You good?” Jared asked as he placed a hand on my shoulder.

I felt my eyes become heavy and my body become weak. “Yeah, I just need-“

“Woah Kylie!” I heard the panic in Jared’s voice as I dropped to the ground, my body becoming too weak to stand up anymore.

“Ky? Ky?” Jensen called as I felt his calloused hands touching my face.

“Can we get a medic over here?” Jared called as I opened my eyes, seeing my co-stars faces full of concern.

“No, no, I’m okay.” I tried to sit up, but Jensen held me where I was.

“Just lay back and relax, okay?” He nodded, running his fingers through my curls. “We need to get you checked out.”

I felt hot tears of embarrassment fill my eyes as crew members surrounded me, making sure I was okay. I tried to reassure everyone I was okay but could not seem to get the words out as the medic came and looked me over.

“Your blood pressures low.” The medic commented as he took the cuff off from around my arm. “Have you eaten at all today?”

I looked around the group of people who were around me, all of which I considered my family and friends who I knew were all going to be ashamed of me. “No.” I let out quietly.

I listened as Jensen sighed with frustration. “I’ll get her something to eat.” He said simply.

“Let’s get her to her trailer.” Jared offered as he helped me stand.

Jensen shook his head when I got to my feet and took ahold of me. “I got it.” He let out quietly. “Kylie and I have to talk.”

I gulped audibly as he helped walk me through the crowd of people who were all staring sadly at me. He continued to stay silent and hold onto me as we made it outside, but instead of going to my trailer we went to his.

He set me down on his soft leather couch as he went to shut and lock his trailer door, pausing and letting out a breath.

I squeezed the pale leather beneath my hands nervously, not knowing what Jensen was going to say or do. “Je-“

He shook his head, silencing me as he moved to stand in front of me, his hands on his hips as he stared down at me. “You did it because of this scene.” He said not as a question. “How many times have I told you that you didn’t have to do the diets or the hour-long trips to the gym? That you’re perfect the way that you are.” He shook his head. “And now this? Jesus Kylie.”

“I know, I know.” I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “But this was different, this was a scene where people were going to see me without my clothes.”

“I don’t care!” He raised his voice, shutting me up.

I shifted in my seat and looked down at my feet as he let out sigh.

“I don’t care.” He let out softly this time. “I care that your healthy, and this, this is not healthy.” He sat down next to me and grabbed my hands.

The tears began to flow from my eyes as I broke down in sobs. “I just want to be beautiful.”

“Oh Kylie.” He let out before pulling me to his chest, running his fingers through my hair. “You are beautiful. You are so damn beautiful that I can’t even stand it sometimes.” He tilted my chin up so that my red eyes were looking at him.

“I’m not . . . I’m just not.” I admitted as he smiled sadly at me.

“Kylie, do you know the first time that I saw you, you took my breath away.” He let out as he cupped my cheek, wiping the tears away. “Do you know that I was so scared to talk to you when I first saw you?”

“You don’t have to lie.” I let out, trying to pull away from him but he held me still.

“I’m not lying.” He said gently. “You can ask Jared. There is nothing more that I wanted than to kiss you today.”

I blinked a few times, this time sitting up fully to look at him. “W-what?”

He brought his lip in between his teeth as he looked down nervously at his hands. “I’ve been in love with you Kylie since the first time I saw you ten years ago.” He glanced up. “When I began kissing you today, even in front of all those people and that camera I couldn’t stop.”

“I-I-“ I stuttered like the dumbass I was.

“You don’t have to say anything.” He said with an awkward chuckle.

“Oh Jensen.” I couldn’t stop myself from smashing my lips to his in a needy passionate kiss. He instantly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest so he could run his fingers through my curls. I pulled away slightly. “I love you too.” I said softly before kissing him again.

He pulled back this time, blinking in shock. “Y-You do?” He stuttered in shock.

I let out a soft chuckle and nodded. “I have, for ten long years.” I smiled. “But you were with a girlfriend at the time, and I knew I would never compare to her.”

He shook his head. “You are so special to me Kylie. I just thought you would never see me that way.”

I leaned back against the couch, running my fingers through my hair with a small smile on my face. “We’re so dumb.” I let out a little laugh.

“We are.” He nodded joining in on my laughter.

After we calmed down, I looked up at him with awe. He was just so beautiful; I couldn’t believe that he was interested in me.

“So, what do we do now?” I asked once we calmed down.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, looking at me nervously.

I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. “I want to be with you.” I paused. “Do you want to be with me?”

“More than anything.” He smiled. “I would give up everything for you.” He leaned in and kissed me quickly.

“Then we should be together.” I grinned. “But maybe we should keep it on the low down for a while?”

“Just for a while.” Jensen winked.

------------------------------

2 months later.

“I am here with one of the stars of Supernatural Kylie.” The reporter smiled as she sat comfortably in her seat. “How are you doing today?”

I on the other hand was uncomfortable, I didn’t like interviews especially ones that I had to do alone. “I am doing great. How about you Sara?” I asked trying to stay calm.

“I am great, so happy to be here with you.” She nodded. “I heard you heard a little accident while filming a few months ago. Anything serious?”

I forced a smile and waved my hand. “Oh no, no, no I just didn’t eat enough that day and my sugar dropped. I have to be careful now, and Jared and Jensen are constantly making sure I keep my sugar up.”

“Are you diabetic?” She asked, looking over her note cards.

I bit my lip at the question not sure if I was ready to talk about an important moment in my life that had happened only a few weeks ago. “No, well not really.” I chuckled. “I was diagnosed a few weeks ago with PCOS, poly cystic ovarian syndrome.” I nodded.

“Can you discuss this more?” She asked with a raised brow, intrigued.

“Sure, it’s common. Most women have it and lead normal lives, but it is a hormonal disorder and along with some female fertility issues, there can be an imbalance in some metabolic areas.” I explained.

Jensen had made me go to the doctors after the incident, just to make sure I was healthy. One of the things we talked about my weight and my trouble losing. Once we did a few tests, we quickly discovered that I had PCOS and although not life-threatening, it still worried me, so I’ve done extensive research with the help of Jensen.

“Well I do hope you are doing well.” Sara nodded.

I glanced behind her where Jensen stood giving me a thumbs up. “I’m doing great.” I let out, giving him a bright smile.

“That’s wonderful! We are all excited to see the new season of Supernatural. Anything you can tell us?”

I let out a slight laugh and nodded. “I think it’s going to be something different, ones the fans aren’t going to suspect.”

“Are we going to see a love connection between your character and Dean?” She wagged her eyebrows.

“Well,” I bit my lip, “I guess you’re just going to have to watch and find out.”

She frowned but nodded her head. “What about you and Mr. Ackles? Any love connection there? There’s been multiple reports of you and him going out to local restaurants together.”

I bit my lip and glanced at Jensen again who was smiling proudly. He wanted to let our secret relationship out to family and friends, but I had been pushing it off, not ready to our us to the world.

“Jensen and I have always been close friends.” I nodded. “Our relationship has grown over the years and he always been my biggest supporter in everything I do.” I smiled. “Our relationship has recently grown from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend.”

The reporter grinned at the news and nodded. “That is wonderful to hear! Congratulations! Thank you for talking with me, we cannot wait to see what Supernatural brings this season.” She turned to face the camera. “Be sure to watch Kylie on Supernatural on Mondays at 8 o’clock.”

“And cut. That was perfect.”

I stood up from my chair thanking the reporter before going to Jensen who was grinning from ear to ear. “I love you.” He said wrapping his arms around.

I rolled my eyes playfully and placed my hands on his shoulders. “You know Jared and Gen are both going to murder us when they see this right?”

“Totally worth it.” He grinned before pressing a passionate kiss to my lips.

[homodnp]

individuality and relationships

i’m not gonna lie, there are a lot of underlying attitudes and assumptions in the phandom that kinda worry me. the main one is that apparently people can’t be in a healthy, committed relationship and have individual projects/interests at the same time...

cus spoiler alert: being in a relationship does not mean you must give up your entire time and personality for your partner(s). in fact, it is bad to do that.

i see that attitude come around both when discussing dnp, and when phannies who are in relationships are told that they as someone in a relationship should not be in a fandom.

and it’s all bullshit. it’s absolute bullshit.

expecting someone to give up their personalities, their passions, their quirks for love is not healthy love at all. it is control. a relationship is supposed to help you be a happier person. it is not supposed to define or control you, and it certainly is not supposed to be one person submitting themselves to another. YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON WHATEVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

dan and phil are their own people who have their own projects and interests AND they have been partners for ten years who also have joint projects. these facts are not mutually exclusive, they coexist to form the dynamic between them that we respect so much.

anyone in this fandom (or any other) can be passionate for a hobby AND passionate for a significant other. these facts are not mutually exclusive, they coexist.

want examples? okay, fair game.

figure 1: again dan and phil, self-proclaimed soulmates, life companions, best friends. they’ve stuck together for ten years now, very happily as far as we can see. i wouldn’t call them the same person by any means, because they are not. dan leans towards things like monochrome aesthetics, formula 1, stand-up comedy, activism and politics, has a complicated relationship with the definition of the word ‘gay’, and for the most part does not have any spiritual beliefs; phil likes horror (specifically stephen king) and colourful aesthetics, couldn’t really care less about sports, finds activism and politics stressful, knew he was 100% attracted to men and 0% attracted to women from a very early age, and very much believes in fate and the supernatural. they’re different people, and that’s okay. they might not have all the same quirks, traits, interests, but that doesn’t make them incapable of spending time together; it’s the complete opposite. they rejoice and take great interest in each other’s quirks and are very happy together. you should never have to choose between your own individual traits and a happy relationship. you can and should have both.

figure 2, to get a bit personal: my parents. i’ve rarely known a more toxic or unhappy marriage, and that’s because my dad has always expected my mum to place him before everything else in her life. up until i was in my mid-teens he expected her to do all her bidding, and she had to go along with it lest they separate and make things harder for the children. but it was around then that she started to find herself again and reassert some independence by doing what she loved - gardening, writing, drawing, watching tv shows she liked which he had no interest in - and because he had always been so used to exerting dominance over every aspect of her life, he hated it. my last few teen years were hell at home because there was this constant push and pull between them. my parents are very fundamentally different people: this in itself is not the issue, the issue is that there was this expectation for my mum to give herself up completely for my dad, and it ultimately made both of them miserable. giving up your individuality is what leads to a toxic relationship, not the individuality itself.

individuality and relationships should not replace or cancel each other out. any healthy relationship is a balancing act, and any relationship which requires you to tip that balance or give up who you are is a toxic one. individual interests are good and healthy. repeat it with me. individual interests are good and healthy.

i don’t know why this is such a recurring thing in the phandom. maybe it’s because of age (or is that too stereotypical and assuming?), or maybe it’s because of the image that dnp are one and the same because they spend so much time together and their shared interests are normally most obvious (they really aren’t the same but again that is good), or a multitude of other factors. but my point stands: nobody should take dnp’s recent talks of individual ideas as a negative indicator for their relationship, because their own ideas do not replace their relationship in any capacity whatsoever.

if you read through all this and still think for some peculiar reason that absolute self-sacrifice is somehow romantic or necessary between partners, reevaluate your life. i’m not even trying to be patronising, i’m begging you to look through your life experiences and environment and figure out where you got such twisted perceptions on relationships from.

TLDR: relationships, despite what mainstream media has often implied for het men’s benefit cus that’s the nature of patriarchy, should not restrict you in any way so please stop forcing that assumption, whether on dnp’s dynamic or on the dynamic between a fan and their partner(s)