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glitxhwayventeen · 2 years ago

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The Confused One

Ten

Characters: Ten x male reader

Warnings: anxiety to the maximum, questioning of sexuality i guess, controlling and manipulative parents, existential crisis mentions, sex mentions/implications but nothing too serious, bad influence Ten, mentions of cheating (though the couple doesn’t really care for each other anyways so🤷🏻‍♀️), mentions of forced/arranged marriages, crying and couple fighting, i think that’s it but let me know if i missed anything!

Author’s Note: the ending is kinda word vomit so I’m gonna go back through it in a few days when i have time. Other than that, what do you guys think?

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Watch It All Burn Masterlist

The Confused One: Part 1

Mostly anxiety and 🥀 with a teeny tiny bit of 💋 if you squint.

Bold= Korean Dialogue Italics= Thoughts Pink= Cantonese Red=Mandarin Green=English

Tag List-

‘Am I making you feel good?’

Truth be told, you felt terrible. You felt like a horrible person. You felt like you were just another guy letting his dick do the thinking instead of his head. But you couldn’t admit that to him out loud.

‘Fuck- yes!’

The dry chuckle you heard from the boy behind you made you feel like you needed to throw up. This wasn’t you. It couldn’t be you. But it was.

‘I know baby.’

His words sent shivers down your aching spine. Every part of you yearned for him. Every cell in you wanted him to want you the way you wanted him. But that was wrong, so so fucking wrong.

‘Are you close?’

You couldn’t help it. Your girlfriend hardly gave you the time of day. You tried to be understanding and rational given your situation with her. But you needed the release she so frequently denied you and he was willingly dangling it in front of you, it was yours for the taking.

‘I- I need to come!’

Waves of lightning shot through every one of your veins deliciously as you felt your body shake back your orgasm. You'd never been touched the way he was touching you. You’d never been used the way he was using you. You'd never felt the way you felt with him. You knew you shouldn’t give in. But you just couldn’t stop yourself.

‘Of course you do love.’

Part of you hated how sweet he sounded. The butterflies fluttering throughout your belly at his sentence should’ve made you hate yourself. But it only made you like him even more.

‘Now, are you gonna be a good boy and come for me?’

You wanted to cry. The pleasure he was forcing on you and the guilt your mind was making you feel was all too much for you to handle. You shouldn’t have been there. You should’ve been at home studying. But you chose to be with him instead.

Though, just as you felt your body start to convulse in the constant jolting it so desperately craved, an all too familiar sound started buzzing through your ears and your eyes you’d thought you’d closed due to the pure ecstasy you’d been enduring shot open in shock.

The all too familiar decorum of your boring beige room cascading throughout your line of sight had begun being a painful reminder of just how much you’d wished your dreams were real.

“They could be,” Ten had promised you when you mentioned your secret shame to him during one of your many midnight rendezvous, “You just have to say the word.”

You rolled your eyes at the burning memory and the charming boys' tempting words. As if you’d ever get the option to back out of your sad sham of a life you were living.

But that was Ten, the ever so care free and unpredictable boy who changed the course of his own destiny on the turn of a dime. He’d never understand why things had to stay the way they were for you.

Then again, he lived a completely different life than he lived. Not just because you were a goody goody and he just, well, wasn’t. But because he had different problems than you did. After the two of you had gotten together, you began corresponding with one another daily. After months of confiding in each other over just about every thought, feeling, and experience you had, he eventually told you he was a werewolf.

Of course you didn’t believe him at first. And Why would you? It sounded ridiculous at the time. It even sounded ridiculous when he took his contacts out to show you his strangely inhuman eye color. It wasn’t until he actually shifted in front of you that you had actually come to terms with what he said being the truth.

Not that the truth changed much. You needed a little time to get over the idea of fairytales and fables possibly being true but once you had, you realized he was still the same Ten you had come to know and love.

He was still kind and caring, still funny and charming. He still made you smile in a way you weren’t sure you ever did before he came around. He still lit up your world in a way no one else ever seemed to be able to. He still made you feel things no one else ever had or probably ever would. And he still made your pathetically dull and plain life worth something for the first time.

Everything with him was so simple. His chaos was the perfect fit to your calm. His crazy was steadied by your levelheadedness. He brought fire to your life and you brought water to his. Being with him would be as easy as breathing. But it just wasn’t meant to be.

Sure, in a perfect world you’d love to be with him. But your parents would never allow your little affair to continue if they knew it existed. Not only did Ten bring the exact opposite of everything their plans for you represented, he was also untouchable in their eyes for people like them.

Ten was a practicing Buddhist foreigner from Thailand. He was in the right economic class as you which might have helped when it came to him being a foreigner to your snotty parents sure. But even if his family did have a pretty big privy purse to match the extravagant scenery his country was known for, it didn’t change two simple facts: 1. He was a boy and 2. Your parents were freakishly religious Christians.

They would rather be killed than let their only beloved son be with a non-christian, non-Korean, party boy. You could almost hear the disapproval dripping from their voices as you thought of what would happen if you told them what you really wanted of your life.

‘No son of ours will make a mockery of this family by being with the likes of him.’

You felt massively naive for not realizing how ridiculously uptight and homophobic they were when you were younger. The reality only dawned on you when you realized just how much more you liked being with Ten than your own girlfriend, something you tried to keep under wraps as much as possible.

But you were positive the fact became apparently to her the first time you had all hung out together when you brought her new ‘friend’ over for a project and she noted just how quickly you became friendly with the Thai boy, a rather odd occurance considering how painfully shy you were by nature.

Still, she said nothing and pretended to see nothing. All the nights you snuck out to see him, all the times you left the room to take a call so you could hear his voice, all the hurried messages you’d type and send to him throughout the day while blocking your phone screen from view. She acted as though she hadn’t noticed your growing affections for him and that all was going on as normal with your relationship.

You weren’t too shocked by the move. You had both realized long ago that you weren’t in love with each other but rather created a compromised friendship in the hopes of making the best of a bad situation. If you weren’t weary about whether or not she’d break your big secret to either of your parents accidentally, you would’ve openly even told her about it. You hated lying and sneaking around her back because you knew it wasn’t respectful. But you felt you just didn’t have another choice. You just couldn’t risk it.

So, like many morning before your current one, you quickly got up from your bed, your girlfriend still snoring softly from her side of your shared mattress, and bolted to the bathroom to clean yourself and your shame up.

As you washed away the sticky substance that had accumulated against your abdomen while your shower head pelted your body with hot divets of water, Ten’s words kept playing through your mind like a broken record.

‘You just have to say the word.’

If only your life could be that easy.

——

“Oh,” Your girlfriend, Hae, groggily spoke from bed while rubbing her eyes as you emerged from the bathroom of your apartment with your towel draped across your waist, “You’re up already.”

You gave her a polite, albeit awkward, smile and nodded, “Yeah, I uh- woke up early again and figured instead of sleeping I should just try to get a fast start on the day, you know,” You lied, going to your dresser to rummage through it so you could find yourself some clothes to wear.

She bowed her head in understanding as she watched you go about the room so you could get ready. Observing you was something she did a lot, it was another reason you just knew she already knew about you and Ten, but that didn’t mean it made you any less nervous.

Being around her, even when you were children, had always made you nervous and on edge. Then again being around people usually made you feel that way. Well, people aside from Ten that is.

“We’re supposed to have dinner with your parents tonight,” She reminded you, breaking the uneasy silence that had rested throughout the air causing you to jerk your eyes away from buttoning your pants and bringing them up to look at her in horror.

“D-Dinner? W-What dinner?” You stuttered.

She mumbled something about you never remembering anything before she exhaustedly ran her fingers through her hair, “The dinner your mom texted you about the other day. You know, the one where she said they wanted to talk to us about something important? Ring a bell?”

Your eyes widened even further. It did ring a bell. Mostly because you remembered sheer panic spreading through your body as you received and read the message. Your parents hardly ever actually saw you except on holiday breaks now that you were in college. So when your mother texted you out of the blue and requested the four of you have a meal together, you couldn’t help but be so worried about what their intentions were for the dinner that you forgot all the details you had discussed.

“O-oh yeah,” You thickly swallowed the whine ready to pass through your throat, “Y-Yeah I remember. But- uh remind me again what time it was scheduled for exactly…?”

Hae rolled her eyes at you in disbelief, clearly no more excited for the event than you were, “It’s at 6pm ____. And you know if we’re late there’ll be hell to pay,” She added with a raised brow, getting up out of bed to throw on her own clothes for class, “So you need to make sure that whatever it is you were planning on doing at that time tonight gets moved to another time okay?”

Okay, you were 100% positive she knew about what you had been up to considering you had originally been planning on seeing your secret boyfriend at that exact time later.

“Yeah,” You tried to play it cool, “yeah of course. I won’t be late I promise.”

You truly meant what you said. You didn’t want her to be stuck stalling with your annoyingly boring and judgmental parents while you went out and had fun. If she knew about your little other life and was willing to keep it mum, then you figured the least you could do was have her back when it came to dealing with them.

“I hope not. Because if I have to listen to your father talk about the importance of cosmetic surgery as you age again I’m gonna throw myself out the second story window,” She laughed, causing you to force out a small chuckle of amusement as you planned out how you were gonna tell your boyfriend you couldn’t meet up with him because you and your girlfriend were going to meet up with your parents, who’d never approve of him and could never know of him, for dinner.

——

“Seriously?” Ten practically growled through gritted teeth as you sat and ate a very late lunch across from him on a patch of grass that was just out of view from your university’s campus.

To say you felt bad was a bit of an understatement. You had originally just decided it was best to just tell him you had to reschedule your little date, if you could even call it that, for another time because something came up. But, as he always seemed to have a way of getting you to open up about any and everything, you ended up telling him the whole story.

You told him you had forgotten about dinner with your parents, that they would probably hate him if they knew he existed or was in your life in any capacity let alone a romantic one, that you didn’t want to go but had to because you didn’t want your girlfriend to suffer through it alone, and that your girlfriend seemed to already know about the two of you being together and didn’t seem to care. And of course as you originally assumed, he was pissed at the explanation you gave.

“If she already knows about us then why are you still even with her?” He quizzed with a hint of venom lacing his tone, his true eye color beginning to seep through his fake contacts.

All you could do was let out a deep sigh, “You know why.”

But your answer only seemed to aggravate him more. He stood from his cross cross position on the grass and stared down at you with now fully crimson eyes, this time with flaring nostrils, claws beginning to elongate from his fingers, and a jaw so clenched you were sure his teeth would break.

“No I don’t know why!” He protested, clearly doing what he could to contain his anger for your sake, though you also knew he couldn’t help some of it.

After you had come to terms with werewolves being real and with actually knowing one, Ten answered just about every question you could think of involving them.

He practically gave you lessons on imprinting and mating. He talked about a really weird time when wolves got super sexually aggressive called rut. He had you meet his pack and disclosed to you how pack business and connections worked, that’s also when you found out your favorite student was not only in said pack but also mated to Ten’s baby sister along with another one of their ‘brothers.’

But most importantly, he told you all about shifting. You realized his claws and teeth could grow whenever he wished and that his body even rejected the contacts he used to cover his eyes so often he had to change them multiple times in a day to keep people from seeing their true color. He explained the whole ‘changing during a full moon’ thing was complete horse crap and that they could change at will, at least, most of the time.

You knew when he got too emotional, whether it was good or bad emotional, he could end up shifting out of instinct. And he cautioned you that people could get hurt when that happened, much like his sister Minnie apparently had when her mates fought over her and lost control. Though he swore he would do whatever he could to keep a similar situation from happening to you, not that you were ever really worried about it considering Ten was the only person in the world who made you feel safe and secure.

But as he towered toward you, part of you did start to get a little worried, even if it was only for a moment, he could turn into a super strong giant animal after all while you were just a weaker than most human he could crush with one paw.

As angry as he had worked himself up to be and as much as you tried to not show your fear, he noticed you shrink into yourself and turned away from you to collect himself. He may have been mad and hurt, but he didn’t want to scare or frighten you.

Truthfully, you didn’t understand why he was so upset. Sure you were still in a relationship, but what did it really matter to him if you were or not?

You always thought you had felt for him maybe a tad more than he felt for you anyways. Thanks to your newfound werewolf knowledge, you figured it was because at any moment he could imprint on a passerbyer and he’d have to dump you so he distanced himself. It stung, really stung actually, but it was what it was and you knew that.

You thought you both did. That’s why whenever he talked about wanting you to give up your current life and try for a new one with him you didn’t really entertain the idea much at all, even if you really wanted to. You were just a human who had trouble controlling emotions and severing ties and he was a werewolf who’d have no control over who fate decided to pair him up with.

Having to reschedule sucked yeah, but it wasn’t like the love of his life was blowing him off for someone else and telling him they could never be together.

Ten never told you he imprinted on you. He figured it was a lot for someone as nervous as you to take in all at once. So he decided to wait until he thought you were ready for it.

He always figured once you told your girlfriend or she found out about your little affair, the two of you would finally get to be together fully. But he was wrong.

Now you didn’t know you blowing him off for someone else and telling him you could never be together was crushing him. You didn’t know the reason tears were now flowing freely down his face was because it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest at your so nonchalant refusal to leave your girlfriend. You didn’t know you were the love of his life.

“I don’t know why it has to be like this and i don’t think it’s fair for it to be happening,” Ten said just above a whisper, barely audible to your human ears.

You called his name to get his attention, but he seemed cemented in his place and wouldn’t move. You tried once more and received no response once more.

So you eventually got up from your spot on the ground hesitantly and gently laid your hand on his shoulder, “Ten?”

Finally, he turned himself around to face you. That’s when you saw his tear stained cheeks and pulled him in for a hug instinctually and without thinking.

He was quick to return it, wrapping his arms around your waist as he buried himself against you and sobbed ‘it’s not fair’ over and over in English.

Ten hadn’t meant to start crying in front of you. Even if he had, he wouldn’t have so easily let himself be wrapped up in your arms. But he couldn’t stop himself once the pain of you basically telling him you wouldn’t leave your girlfriend even if she knew the truth.

Because it meant he’d still have to share you. He’d still only get partial moments with you and not full ones. He’d still have to restrain himself from grabbing your hand and lacing his fingers between yours in public. You’d still be saying goodnight and good morning to someone else that wasn’t him. You’d still be sleeping with and sharing the same bed with someone who wasn’t himself.

You acting like your girlfriend knowing about the two of you changed nothing meant he’d have to keep living a hallow life in the shadows while your girlfriend got to keep living a filling life in the light with you. It hurt him in a way he wasn’t ready for and so he broke down. And instead of pulling away from you like he should’ve if he had been stronger, his heartbroken inner wolf yearned for your touch and gave in to you holding him.

When he was upset normally, you were who he’d turn to to comfort him. Now that he was faced with the harsh reality of having to hide your love from the rest of the world, you were the only person that could make him feel even remotely better.

——

After about half an hour of crying and sobbing, Ten eventually calmed down enough to relax back down to your original spots. You apologized for having to see each other again at another time and promised to make it up to him, something he unconvincingly responded to with ‘okay.’

And, while it made your chest hurt to know he was still so upset over something you really had no control over, time had gotten away from you and you soon had to leave him to get ready for dinner.

And dinner was going okay enough. You had arrived together with Hae on time, dressed sharper than you had been earlier in the day as per your parents usual dress code. Even though the food you knew there was no way either of your parents cooked was good, the conversation was as dull as the day was long. That is, until desert came and your father halted everyone from digging in to their treats.

“____, I’m sure the two of you are wondering why your mother and I wanted you and Hae over today,” Your father accurately pointed out, taking another sip of his brandy with a light hiss.

You cleared your throat to keep your voice steady after having it go unused for most of the evening due to your parents obsessing need to talk about themselves, “Yes father, I suppose we are.”

Truthfully, you didn’t even really like your dad all that much. Even more truthfully, you didn’t really like either of your parents all that much, but you disliked your dad’s personality more than your mother’s.

Sure, your mother had no idea what quality family time or house work/chores were, she had maids and nanny’s hired especially for all that, but at least she put in the effort to send you a text message every now and then to make sure you were still alive. You were pretty sure you’d never once received any form of distant communication from your father.

So listening to him go on and on about his work and how all your friends must’ve been jealous of you for how much money your parents made really made you want to cave into your seat and disappear.

Your father was quick to glance over to your mother, who strangely gave him a nod of approval before he continued on, “Well ____ my son, your mother and I, as well as Hae’s parents, believe it time the two of you finally get married and start a family.”

Hae, who had just been in the middle of swallowing some much needed wine, began coughing aggressively while you stared up at your beaming parents in pure confusion.

“W-What…?” You barely murmured out just as your girlfriend managed to get her coughing under control and began to question ‘come again?’

Your father let out a hardy laugh while your mother mustered a strangled giggle, “Marriage son. Then children. Just as we planned remember?”

You shook your head as if to shake out all the unpleasant feelings beginning to build up in your stomach, “N-No. W-We planned for later father. Much much later.”

“Yeah. We weren’t supposed to do any of that till after we both graduated and had our careers where we needed them to be.” Hae confirmed.

But it seemed it didn’t matter much to your parents what had been originally scheduled anymore, “Yes we know that children,” Your mother ever so nonlovingly replied with an eye roll, “But the plans have changed.”

The fact that she said something so life changing so casually and finished her sentence by taking another rather chill sip of her expensive wine only made your stomach churn that much more. That meant they had already had their mind’s dead set on the idea.

They went on to explain that your maternal grandfather was getting sick, very sick. And it seemed that his dying wish was that his only grandchild be settled down and married, hopefully with a child on the way, before he passed. Which meant your parents had to have their plan jump started a little, or you would say a lot, sooner than anticipated.

Your father told you that the two of you would be married as soon as your mother could put together a lavish enough wedding to impress their friends and that afterwards, you would switch universities to one closer to the house they would get ready for you and you would finish your degrees there. He also stressed the need and want for a child as soon as the two of you were happily, though not by either you or Hae’s standards, married.

You were unsure of what was going on for the rest of the night, but you could guess based on where your parents' statements were heading. You started to feel dizzy and flushed and essentially blacked out the remainder of your visit with them so you wouldn’t burst into tears right then and there. It wasn’t until you and Hae managed to get to your car that you finally broke down.

Part of you expected her to be upset with you for not at least pretending to be happy when the two of you were together. The other part thought she might even be pissed at you for doing something as childish as crying. But to your shock, when you looked over to your right, she had the same drops of despair rolling down to her chin.

The two of you stayed like that for what seemed like forever, just staring off into the distance as tear after tear was shed in mourning of your previously mediocre lives. You never know what you had until it’s gone.

“What in the hell are we going to do?”

——

“No! You can’t!” Ten declared loudly with a stomp, almost as if the small childlike protest would help change what was to come.

But, as much as you wish it would, you knew that it wouldn’t change a thing. Your fate was set in stone long ago.

You let out a long winded sigh and ran a shakey hand through your hair while you tried to find something to focus on to ground your never ending nerves, “I don’t have any other choice Ten.”

After having fallen asleep after a night’s worth of dry heaving and silent sobbing, you called him the next morning to tell him you needed to speak with him about something important. Once you’d met up in your usual spot in the woods just off your university’s campus, you told him all about the previous night and what had happened with your parents at dinner. And he was clearly taking the news about as well as you and Hae were taking it.

“There’s always a choice!” Ten practically yelled at you, doing his best to hold back both the pathetic whines threatening to spill out of his mouth and the burning tears trying to pour past his waterlines, “You can tell them no! You can say-say you don’t want to! Y-You can call it off!”

You still didn’t fully understand why he was so upset over you having to get married and break things off. Sure you’d been sleeping together and all, but it wasn’t like you’d be together forever. You both had known that since you’d started your little hang outs and midnight rendezvous.

He’d eventually have broken up with you when he found his mate and you’d eventually have had to cut contact with him when you got married. That was just how it was and you thought you’d both been pretty clear about that.

Even though part of you never wanted to leave his side and would’ve preferred to at least keep him in your life once you’d had to get married, you could never do that to your girlfriend.

Hae was many things, but a bad person wasn’t one of them. She didn’t deserve to have an unfaithful husband or to be reminded of his past infidelities by having your ex-lover brought around all the time.

Still, seeing Ten so hurt broke a piece of you. You had fallen for him the night of the party and ever since seeing him in any sort of distress made you went to smother him with kisses and cuddle him until he felt better.

So the only thing your heart could think to do was apologize to him, even though you hadn’t actually done anything to him to warrant one in the first place, “This is just the way it’s supposed to go. I can’t do anything about it. I’m sorry.”

Ten just scoffed at you like you had just spit in his face directly.

“No, don't you get it?!” He tried to question with an angry tone, but really it came off as more desperate sounding if anything, “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to go!”

The statement caught you off guard. You were standing in the middle of a forest clearing doing your best to hold yourself together to break things off with the guy you had such strong feelings for you couldn’t separate yourself from him for much longer than a few hours. You were trying to do the right thing by being nice and apologetic while he started freaking out on you. Like he was the one who got the short end of the rotted stick that was your life.

How was that fair? You were the one who had to marry someone you didn’t love. You were the one who had to give up the one good thing you’d managed to ever find in your life. You were the one who had to be a stand up guy, a good son.

If you were anyone else, you’d have been able to pick your own friends growing up. If you were any other kid on the block, you wouldn’t have been forced into an arranged marriage. If you were like any other college student, you’d have been able to pick your university or your own major. If you had been literally any fucking body else in the world, you’d be able to fall in love with someone and stay in love and with them for as long as you lived. So how was any of what he was saying fair to you?

You could see why he would maybe be a little bummed, hell, you could maybe even see him being a bit sad you’d have to break things off. But why the hell was it supposed to just be so cool that he could pretend you were being the bad guy and deny what you were saying?

You’d tried being kind and you’d attempted being amicable and understanding. But his sentence ran through your heart quicker than a damn bullet train. ‘This isn’t the way it’s supposed to go.’

As if he knew anything about what life meant for you going forward.

Why did he get to stand there and act like you were the bad guy? Why should he get to pretend you got a choice in anything? Why was he able to question you or make you feel bad? What was he losing? He’d eventually get a happily ever after, you wouldn’t. He’d get to live the life he wanted, you wouldn’t. He’d get to grow old with the love of his life, you would never get that.

“And how do you know that?” Your demeanor changed from your usual passive self to a rather defensive one as your hands closed into a fist and clenched tightly, “You’re the one that doesn’t get it!” You chuckled dryly, leaving Ten dumbfounded as you towered over him, “I don’t like this anymore than you do!” Your voice began getting louder and higher pitched the more you spoke, “And neither does Hae for that matter! But there is no calling it off!” You finished, your body beginning to tremble in aggravation and frustration as you stared down your boyfriend.

It only took glaring at him for a few seconds for you to notice that he’d semi-sunk into his shoes at your new found sudden confidence to speak your mind. He almost looked rather… frightened that you’d finally managed to obtain a backbone.

But as overwhelmed and overworked with the situation as you were, you couldn’t let someone you cared so much about stay so obviously worried over your current state and not at least try to hold back some of your rage.

So you managed to turn yourself around and sit your lanky figure down on a fallen over tree log to calm yourself down, or at very least make yourself look less menacing. Not that you probably were to him in all reality since he was a werewolf that could rip you to shreds easily if he wanted to after all. But you wanted to show him it was your life you were truly mad at, not him.

“Not all of us have a plan literally designed by fucking date to give us happiness like werewolves do,” you whispered as you threw your head into your hands, “Us humans get whatever the fuck life throws at us and unfortunately for me this is it,” you began to muffley sob behind your hands, unable to keep your true emotions back any longer, “I don’t get a mate like you and your friends. I don’t get to be happy with one person i love for the rest of my life like you. I get whatever my parents plan for me or I’m fucking screwed,” after that, you cried hard over and over about life being unfair and how you didn’t want it anymore than he did until your throat hurt.

You couldn’t help it. Your life as you knew it before him was already intolerable and the one good thing, the one fucking thing you’d managed to find to bring some happiness to yourself was being taken away from you because you had to be a decent human being. You were close to having a full on mental breakdown at that point. And because he just happened to be around you, your boyfriend had to be the one to listen to you choked wails and curses as you cracked at the seams.

It wasn’t until you felt Ten’s nimble hand lay against your back and his warmth sit still next to you that you began to collect yourself enough to speak like a regular person again, “I hate fate for putting me in this position! I hate my parents for forcing shit on me I don't want!” You whimpered in a pout, Ten drying your eyes with the pads of his thumb before shushing you and bringing your head into the apex of his neck to comfort you.

Not that it helped much, because now that the flood gates were broken, you couldn’t help but vocalize everything that had been truly bothering you since you’d met him. It also didn’t help that the angle he had you in was also a bit awkward due to your height difference, which meant you were a little uncomfortable when you breathed too hard and jerking in his hold.

“A-And I hate you for dangling happiness right in front of my fucking face knowing i can’t do shit about it! I hate myself for fucking letting myself fall in love with you w-when i can’t fucking have you!” You turned and sniffled to look into his shoulder, too ashamed to hold your face against him while you told him how you really felt, “I fucking hate this whole situation more than you or my parents or Hae or anyone else will ever know,” you let the now tired tears slide down your cheeks and chin onto his nicely ironed dress shirt.

As you let a deafening silence fall over you because Ten didn’t react to your confession, you couldn’t help but think how you always liked when he dressed up even nicer than he usually did when he saw you. It made you feel like he wanted to put in the extra effort to be even more presentable for you and gave you the most ecstatic butterflies in your stomach thinking the man you loved cared that much about you.

Though in the current moment, it only made your chest ache even more knowing you’d probably never get that feeling again, “But it doesn’t fucking matter! None of that fucking matters because my life as I know it is o-over and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it!” You stuttered as you exhaustedly cried against the smaller boy like a defeated child.

You clung to Ten like you were going to fall away from the earth if you let go of him. You didn’t know when or even if you’d ever be able to hold him so tightly again. So you refused to release him from your grip even when you began letting the tired sobs wreck through your weakened body.

But after a few minutes of you hiccuping and whining, the small Thai boy finally pulled together enough courage to speak, still keeping you tight against him as he spoke softly, “Y-You love me?”

What kind of dumb ass question was that? You couldn’t help but push yourself off his shoulder and jerk back to stare at his face, your own no doubt red from the constant tears and hyperventilating, “Oh fuck off!” You used language you wouldn’t have normally used to show him your annoyance at his statement, then again, you weren’t normally in the position to lose someone you loved as much as you loved Ten, “Don’t act all shocked now! If you didn’t notice it before then you’re as big a moron as I am for letting myself get caught up with you!”

You never really meant to be so informal or improper, it just wasn’t how you were raised to be. Even when you were upset, though you’d let out a few swear words out of frustration, you’d never actually told someone to fuck off. Nor had you ever called someone as impolite a name as moron before.

But Ten had a way of bringing out a side of you you had never thought existed before. It’s one of the things you’d grown to love about him. And one of the things you’d miss the most about him.

Barely above a whisper, you heard Ten stutter, “I-I though- I mean, I- I didn’t know…”

You used the sleeves of your cardigan you had thrown on before you left your house to wipe off your face in an attempt to look a bit more presentable and stable, not that it worked much considering how roughly you had been crying only moments prior. But you had to try.

“Well now you do, happy?” You asked rhetorically, looking down to the forest floor at your feet as you tried to figure out what to do now that you had let your true colors show.

Though once an awkward and slightly uncomfortable silence, something you’d never experienced before with Ten as you’d never ran out of things to say with him before, took place for longer than a minute, your body went into survival mode and did what it always did when things got awkward: ramble.

“It’s not like it changes shit for you anyways,” you tried to half heartedly joke to lighten the mood, “You still get to imprint and love and be happy and ride off into the sunset and all the bullshit I read about in books.”

Learning was always a love of yours. You and the others around you considered yourself a bookworm for it. Some of your favorite stories involved good ending romances. A small part of you had secretly hoped that maybe your relationship with Ten would receive the happy ending you in your stories that you so deeply craved. But fairytales were just make believe. Your own current desperate situation was living proof of that.

“I don’t because I have to get married because a forced arranged marriage is the best thing someone like me is ever gonna get,” You sighed, picking at your finger nails out of nervous habit while trying to keep the once more burning feeling in your eyes from making matters worse as you let out the words.

Because admitting it all out loud stung almost as much as keeping it all in. Really, what other choice did you have but your arrangement with Hae? Even if you somehow managed to convince your parents to call it off, you just knew you’d never find someone you’d love as much as you’d come to love Ten. So it was your only real option at that point anyways.

Ten nearly immediately started shaking his head at your sad words, “No, it’s not.”

But it was. And that was probably what hurt the most. The best you could get was a set up arrangement by your parents to some girl whereas the guy you really wished you could be with would end up loving someone the way you loved him.

You’d just be a distant memory to him then. He’d get to find someone the universe deemed fit enough to be his soul mate and he’d probably forget you even existed. Then it hit you: He’d forget you one day.

He’d forget you and even if he did care even the slightest bit enough about you to remember some part of you and what you had together, he’d probably only remember the bad things.

Humans always remembered the stuff that hurt. And one of the last few memories he’d have of you was you yelling and crying at him, making it seem like the whole situation was because of him.

You’d told him you hated him for god’s sake. Surely he’d remember that if he remembered anything about you at all.

“Fuck I’m sorry,” You winced, hoping he wouldn’t be able to see the sorrow and the new tears building up in your eyes as the pain in your chest grew worse with each passing thought, “Ten none of this is on you and none of it is your fault.” You hated how sensitive you got sometimes because it meant crying over and over was something you did frequently, and you were sure he must have hated it too, “I’m just… upset and depressed. You should just probably leave because I don’t see it stopping anytime soon and I don't want to upset you or say anything else I don't mean to say.”

You sniffled, attempting to steady your breathing so the Thai boy could leave your line of vision in peace without being disturbed by your waterworks. Then you could break down all you wanted.

But instead of seeing his figure walk off into the distance, you heard him voice out the word, “No.”

“W-What do you mean no?”

“No, I'm not leaving. No, i won’t be happy. No you’re not a moron and no neither am i.” Ten simplified, taking your large hand in his smaller one as he forced you to turn your glossy eyes to look at him and sighed, “____, I imprinted on you the first day I saw you. I just never told you because…” He breathed deeply, though you could really only focus on his confession, “Because I didn't think you could handle it at first.”

While you were beyond confused and bewildered, most of what he had said had been blocked out by the sudden racing pulse sound ringing in your ears.

He admitted he had imprinted on you. Which meant you were his mate. Your strong feelings for a man you hadn’t known nearly as long as you felt like you had all now made sense.

Before you met him, you were content with just playing the role your parents had given you your whole life without fighting it. But after you met him, you started to see just how colorless and emotionless it all truly was because he brought an instant connection to your life you had never had before.

“Then when i did want to tell you you basically told me you were staying with your girlfriend even though she knew we were fucking and i figured that meant i needed to just leave you be because that meant some part of you wanted to be with her,” Ten shrugged as he uncomfortably shifted his weight on the log.

He had done exactly what you had done. He assumed you liked someone else deep down the same way you assumed he’d find someone else and leave you anyway. You both really were the world’s biggest morons.

“I was just gonna keep doing whatever it was you wanted to do no matter how much it hurt because I just… wanted you to be happy,” Ten admitted rather sheepishly while scratching the back of his neck with his hand that wasn’t holding yours, “But marriage is permanent and babies are permanent and I don't want you to be stuck in anything that permanent with anyone unless it’s with me because I love you.”

You assumed as a werewolf he would have because, if you were his true mate and if what Ten had told you about werewolves was true, he must’ve instantly felt love for you the second he laid his eyes on you. But still, hearing him say those three little words practically took the breath out of you as you never expected to hear them from him even though you felt them for him.

“Y-you love me too?” You stuttered, your brain barely able to form a sentence because of all the new information it had been flooded with.

Ten smiled earnestly and his eyes glistened with what you could now place as fondness, “Of course I do. You’re my mate.”

And before you could even think of a proper reply back, you realized your body seemed to have had other plans as, you found your lips quickly connecting with his own and your hands flying behind his head to weave into his soft black hair to pull him closer to you.

The kiss was beyond electrifying as it finally confirmed your real feelings for each other. It made you feel like something other than a puppet of your parents. As Ten’s own hands found purchase on either side of your face to deepen the kiss further, you realized being with him made you feel human, maybe for the first time in your life.

Eventually, the molding of your bodies had to end and someone had to break the ice in starting a conversation, “I know you’re scared of your parents and it goes against everything you were taught and told and all, but can you please for the love of god call off that stupid wedding so I can hold your hand in public and not be called an adulterous homewrecker?” Ten joked with his forehead resting against your own, finishing his sentence by pecking your nose gently.

You couldn’t help but smile like an absolute idiot while taking your boyfriends hand with a nod and tears in your eyes.

Were you still scared of your parents? Yes absolutely. Were you even slightly worried they might try to fleece you for your actions? Sure. But we’re you worried about your future or your happiness being put at stake? No.

Because with Ten by your side, it didn’t matter to you that your parents didn’t accept you. It didn’t matter that you’d lose all their ‘love’ and financial support. It didn’t matter that all, if not most, of your friends and family would turn their backs on you.

Because with him by your side you knew you’d forever be in love and be loved back by the only person that’s opinion actually truly mattered to you.

(Last Edited: 3/14/23)

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