#super bakla moment

[daneol]

Idk where to post this, it was supposed to be innocent n' normal at first but then something else inside me took over 🙏 anw this goes to the lesbians and anybody who enjoys mad moxxi here ya go

[inseomermaid-blog]

An Inner Circle First-Timer’s Concert Experience In Seoul [#WINNEREverywhereTourinSeoul]

So. If you tell me freakin’ one year ago if I’d be flying to Seoul for a Kpop concert, I’d smack you for slander.

Buuuuut here we are, a week after WINNER’s Everywhere Tour in Seoul :))))) I’ve just begun to recover. Literally, it took me a week to get through the stages of mourning and to accept that it’s over HAHAHUHU

Anyway, here’s my (and Liz’s) experience in attending a concert in Seoul!

---

Why we wanted to see them in Seoul (when it was sure they were gonna go to MANILA anyway):

1. It’s Liz’s annual bday trip gipp!! Or idk, this is part of the rationalization we thought of AHAHA. Initially, we were set for Singapore as it would be way cheaper for sure, but another reason came up....

2. We wanted to see them in their most “comfortable” version - Not sure if comfortable is the word, but I guess we wanted to see them how they were in their home country?? Speaking comfortably in Korean and all? We were anticipating that for other countries it would probably be just Yoon speaking most of the time (not that it’s a problem with us HAHA), and we wanted to see all them four being their natural makulit presence on stage (without them thinking about the language hinderance--even if kami yung hindi makaintindi sa kanila :)))) I know it’s a weird reasoning but :)))) And it’s been a long time since they’ve done a full concert in Seoul! We just wanted to be there in the kickoff concert. I mean, if we were willing to fly out to see them, o di todo na namin diba? Seoul it is!

--

How we got the tickets:

Here’s the thing: this is not our first rodeo. We’ve already successfully watched Coldplay in Singapore last year after (WHAT I THOUGHT WAS ALREADY) a bloody online ticketing war. Coldplay tickets were wiped out in 20 minutes, I think? But I was able to secure 7 tickets (3 VIP standing, 4 upper box tickets) after much death and resurrection.

We thought we were prepared for a WINNER ticketing war lol. We were not. Everything (or at least the seats we targeted) was more or less gone in less than 4 minutes.

There were two waves, one week apart. Both of them were intense :)))) I guess our third-world country internet cannot compete with their 5G data network?!

A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to Cams and Dianne for basically hand-holding me throughout the entire process of securing tickets from Seoul!! T_T Without them, we probably wouldn’t have gotten tickets. All transactions were smooth and hassle-free. There were a lot of K-ICs who also wanted G-ICs to attend the Seoul concert and thus were purchasing tickets so scalpers can’t get to them first. They also helped me with tips and advice on where to stay, where to go, etc etc as it was our first time in Korea. Sobrang bait and helpful nila as in! T_T

---

Of course that was only half of the problem:

In less than a month, we had to book flights (ANG MAHAL NA NITO SIYEMPRE), book hotel (Thank you Agoda for your occasional flash sales) and of course, VISA. We highly recommend TravelPros for your Korean visa processing needs! We spent around 700 pesos for this, and we got the visa in exactly 6 days. Super fast. Pero may drama pa kami dun sa visa requirements LORD HAHA pero hindi ko na kwento haba na nito. BASTA when we got the visa I wanted to throw a fiesta, ganung level =))

---

CONCERT D-Day~~~

We wanted to get in early-ish because we were anticipating the DVD / merch line.

The train was a bit confusing for this stop!! We knew we were not the only ones because some of the Koreans were also confused where to get off haha

This ad greeted us before the exit!

Entering the Olympic Park Stadium~

Sure enough the line was at least 500m already when we arrived at around 10:45.

AAAAAND YES I lined up for 2 hours for the DVD 0_0 Under the heat of Korean summer 0_0 

Questions in my mind while in queue:

1. why does everyone look so fresh except me

2. how to spot foreigners: they use umbrellas for the heat

3. Don’t be weak

4. why am I doing this again

Anyway, tada~

Let’s just ignore the part where if we waited until 3pm, or at least when the line tapered off, I could have gotten it without the sunburn on my batok but where’s the fun in that no?

Liz and teh boyfriend lined up for merch (mercifully it was shorter) and they were able to buy 2 lightsticks (OUR FIRST ONES YAY! Hirap daw lagyan ng battery lol) and shirts (X and XL lang ang available sizes but it still works out!?? What is this Korean sizing sorcery?!)

---

All the cafe / restos were full (Mamamoo was also having a concert that day!) so we had to settle for convenience store food :))) It wasn’t bad!

Met Cams and lots of other PH-ICs who travelled from MNL! You can check out #ICsPHGoesToSeoul to see what everyone was up to while in Seoul.

We got a lot of fans (as in pamaypay) from different fansites (and thus we didn’t have to line up, yay!) and actually saw the faces behind big accounts* HAHA it was surreal.

Actually, the whole thing was pretty surreal (YA THINK) in a good way. Since it’s our first time to attend a KPop concert, we didn’t know a lot of things. One of those was... lining up for freebies given by fansites. 

Girl, INTENSE. As in,  pila kung pila ang mga bagets and not-so bagets. Paano naman kasi ang cute ng freebies! Fans, stickers, photocards, etc. Looking back feeling ko dapat pumila/bumili kami BUT holehhhshit it was really so hot, and after lining up for 2 hours we wanted to just save our energy. 

Super tita namin right?! 

Also most of the masternims who were offering their freebies were all speaking in Korean (malamang) so we didn’t know if it was free or for sale... AH BASTA MAGULO isip namin hahaha yeaaaah looking back we should have at least tried BUT yun nga, it was really too damn hot to walk around talaga. Maybe next time!! (next time talaga?!)

Kill time! We just randomly sat anywhere we could #ifItfitswesits 

At some points, we could hear the sound check so medyo spoilery siya (we heard Jinwoo’s solo performance HAHA) at the same time we were like OMG 0_0

---

FINALLY TIME TO ENTER! 

Our seats were 2F (as in second floor). We were initially planning to aim for 1F but giiiiiirl waley. 2F wasn’t that bad! Ang nasa isip ko MOA Arena levels where it’s too high up. This was okay (as if may choice kami HAHA). 1F would be the best seats talaga. Standing is a gamble because there’s a chance you won’t be able to see anything BUT the interactions that WINNER made with the standing group was really worth it :))))) WATCH THE FANCAMS IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I MEAN

I tried to use MIXLR for the first time pala, since I wanted to kinda pay it forward. The first time I “experienced” a WINNER concert was through Cami’s Fukuoka?? mixlr concert and back then I thought, it’s amazing that someone would really try to share this experience with us that can’t make it to the concert. 

(Now that I’m replaying my mixlr, I AM SORRY FOR THE THOUSAND OMGs I SAID =)))) I swear I’m more coherent than that--except when you know, Mino was body rolling live, Hoony was lifting his shirt to reveal his perfect 6-pack abs, Jinwoo with his ethereal voice and stage presence, and Yoon’s powerful vocals and performance. Wala na talaga ako masabi kung hindi OH MY GOD =)))) So I’m not sure if I’ll ever mixlr again hahaha kasi marami naman who does it and is more pro about it??? let’s see :)))

Here are some notable thoughts I remember from the concert (sorry more Tagalog here because all the feels)

1. ANG GWAPO NILANG LAHAT. I mean, fo sure I didn’t stan them for visuals (promise talaga! It was really about the music. Sawain ako sa visuals actually) BUT hooooshit. They are different irl. I’ve seen them before in NAIA airport for like.... 10 seconds and like I knew they were really good-looking. BUT ON STAGE. IN FULL PERFORMANCE GLORY. THEIR VISUALS ARE INSANE. 

2. SOLO STAGES. WHERE TO BEGIN. I didn’t know I’d see Mino perform Body live ever (I thought he had retired the song and I’ve accepted it) BUT GOOD LORD. The “mashup” for Body and TOTL was just made to be together. The stage and performance was oozing with sexiness and charisma and my mind was just a puddle at this point. Mino doesn’t do full-on sexy very often (am I right? It’s like between deliberate sexy and swag, he’d go for more swag) so when he did this... live... the body rolling... the kinda grinding.... we died. 

3. JINWOO. Jusko. Where to start with Jinwoo. I’m rewatching our fancam of his Untitled 2014 performance and it’s the only one who made me feel goosebumps. Especially the part where he went up the stairs and the spotlight was on him, and he was singing so passionately and the audience was just in complete awe. IT WAS A MAGICAL MOMENT I CAN’T EXPLAIN. It’s like as he walked up the stairs and sang, it was like he was taking his rightful place as a superstar. Jinwoo is not even my bias but I super kaduper want him to succeed and become more confident with this abilities (I am speaking from someone who watched Who is Next haha). After his solo stage, my immediate first thought was: JINWOO IS READY TO HAVE A SOLO ALBUM.

4. YOON’S SOLO STAGE. Lol I cried. Ever since I’ve heard It Rains (his solo song), I’ve wanted to hear it live, but I didn’t expect that he’d sing it ever again--maybe he’d sing Wild and Young but not It Rains. The arrangement was “simple” but the experience was HOLY. As in, it was like angels were singing. His clear and strong voice filled the whole arena. The adlibs he did were insane. Literally it was like going to church. The lights and the background visuals were stunning. Sobrang full on drama / rocker Yoon mode! It is something to behold live. Also... INSTINCTIVELY. I also never thought I’d see Yoon perform with a guitar ever again. (Ang drama?? never talaga?? hahaha but I never know with Yoon kasi! He’s so experimental with genres that when he’s already done something already, it might take a long time for him to comeback [in this case, to his rocker roots]). When he took off his blazer... BAKLA SIGAW TALAGA AKOOOOooooo =)))) Looking at him perform like this, I can’t believe he didn’t go solo. I know he’s happier with a group (and I am thankful) but his presence as a solo artist is still very much there. I hope Yoon can release his solo album soon because Liz and I will definitely fly again to Korea when that happens!!! :)

>>>[OPEN FOR A SURPRISE]<<<

Grabe thissss pic.twitter.com/AvxeuT4Xoh

5. HOON. How so even begin writing about Deputy Lee’s stage. He performed Ringa Linga (modified with Hoon’s rap which was a cool touch I think) and Serenade (EVERYONE’S WAITING FOR THIS). I don’t know where haters get the idea that Hoon can’t dance. Like... are you guys BLIND?!?!? He’s one of the most naturally gifted dancers I’ve ever seen--because he dances to feeling**, not with just choreo. Ringa Linga was a perfect choice for him because he was able to showcase his vocals, dancing prowess and abs all at the same time. The dance breaks were insane. AND MY GOD, Hoon’s body is perfection. His arms, torso, legs... ART. 

6. The costumes, lights (LIGHTS), pyrotechnics, over-all stage design was just A++++. I don’t know why I thought it was going to be a much simpler stage but they really went all-in with everything.

7. The nebula ocean was beautiful. I keep saying in the mixlr... “I’ve never seen so many Inner Circles in my entire life” because it’s true! For some reason there is a notion that we are a small fandom and maybe that’s true compared to others... but we are not less powerful. At least 99% of seats were taken, the standing was packed. Everyone was doing the fanchants. Almost everyone had the lightstick. It was humbling and inspiring to see all the fans who love WINNER come together in one venue, screaming their voices out and singing to the songs (while still being respectful and attentive to each stage performance).

4winner 4ever 💙💙💙💙#WINNEREverywhereTourInSeoul pic.twitter.com/dKXYst03v4

8. The boys really love each other. As in, you can feel their chemistry and their teamwork onstage. Of course, I don’t understand the ments while it was going on (by now I’ve seen the translated fancams of course) but I can definitely tell from their body language and the way they regard each other that they are brothers. And they were just so happy! Running to and from the stage, taking fan’s phones, they were on FULL-ON fanservice. I could feel the love from where I was sitting.

9. I want to pick my favorite stages but I don’t know how. It was surreal to shout “Neol johahae!” for REALLY REALLY and answer Hoon’s pizza pasta so so with “YUM YUM!” =))))) Sobrang surreal na nangyayari siya sa harapan ko at hindi sa Youtube (with subtitles). Love Me Love Me stage was super cute, Moviestar was tear-inducing. Speaking of Movie Star, the fan event was so funny! They were really surprised because it happened right smack in the middle (usually it happens at the end, but they were expecting it kasi). All four of them were very confused and I feel like they really didn’t see the video as much because they were busy being... confused with what was happening. But when they understood they look like they were touched and slightly cross that we were able to fool them HAHA.

Also:

MINYOON MINYOON MINYOON

10. There were many cute moments of ICs that I witnessed. Like, before the concert started, they were playing WINNER songs on the screen. Then suddenly, Body was played. Inner Circles all screamed =))) BASTA SOBRANG FUNNY. During Mino’s kissing scene, half of ICs were turned on, half were saying “Nooooo” =))) Then during encore, we were supposed to sing We Were (as in the whole song). When it was already the second stanza, the singing became softer and softer, because it was apparent that ICs haven’t memorized the lyrics. Everyone laughed hard. IT WAS SOOOOOO CUTE T_T

BONUS:

After the concert, we kinda rushed to the back exit to wait for WINNER. Lol it took more than an hour for them to come out (of course lots of picture-taking, maybe even speeches for the team, etc etc). We saw Yang Hyun Suk (ICs began to chant his name too #insidejokefromtheconcert and sure ako labas sa ilong yun hahaha), PO, Jinwoo’s dad, Yoon’s mom, most of the dancers (Gahee my love were you there) to name a few.

Again, it was a tender moment because the van was supposed to “cover” their exit from the door, but the fans cried “Noooo” and begged security to let us see them :)) So after a few minutes, the van adjusted its position, so WINNER could walk out and wave to the crowd outside. They looked very very very happy and thankful to see us. <3

---

We met with some of the PH-ICs again to talk about the concert IN TAGALOG PARA TODO YUNG FEELS :))) I can’t wait to see everyone again in November!

---

Aaaaand by 12 am we were back in our hotel after getting lost in Dongmyo exit HAHA. Can’t blame us, all our braincells were left in the Olympic Park Stadium :)) It was really a memorable experience that we hope we can repeat for sure on November (WHICH IS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH). Aiming for nearer seats this time, but let’s see what the universe will give us. 

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I thought if I finally see WINNER live I’d be finally scratching an itch--like I’ve already see them live and that’s that. But NOOOOOooooooOOOOOooo. It’s completely the opposite. Now YouTube and mixlrs are not enough anymore T_T When you’ve seen them live... you just want to repeat the experience over and over again.

To all Inner Circles still reading up to this point: CONGRATS and THANK YOU:))

 Also, my god. You can forget everything you’ve read up to this point but just remember this.

SEE

THEM

LIVE.

See them live.

I am not kidding around. You should, at least once in your life. Even if it’s just General Admission ticket or the farthest seat***. It’s different when you are in the same venue and you see them performing LIVE right in front of your very eyes. In my opinion, Yoon’s voice is 10x better live---recording absolutely does not do him justice. Same with the Mino, Jinwoo and Hoon. Their vocals, dance skills, over-all charisma cannot be simply captured by the camera. YOU HAVE TO SEE THEM LIVE TO KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WHY I’M SO ADAMANT ABOUT THIS :)))) I’ve seen performers that are exactly the same live as they are in YouTube or sound the same like Spotify but I can say with complete confidence: not WINNER. I can say their true strength is live performance.

I’m sure I’ve missed a lot but this is becoming a research-paper already HAHA so I’d end it here. SO glad we pushed for this trip, so blessed that everything worked in our favor (we were the last flight out before the NAIA airport incident happened huhu) and we’re already looking forward to November in MNL****! :)

till then bye~

P.S. If you want to chika more or need me to translate the Filipino bits lol just hit me up on teh Ask :)

*we saw at least 2 big Yoon masternims that we avidly follow talaga, 2 european ics we follow (lol “european” what is dead giveaway lol) and 1 of the 3 japanese KSY fans we also like HAHA so cute T_T

** I’m not a dancer, but my boyfriend is, and I remember him saying that personally he has more respect for dancers who dance according to what he feels--because it’s one of the highest forms of expression (as opposed to just relying with choreo). It’s a testament to a dancer’s ability that he/she is able to catch the beat without “thinking” about it too much--so the dance becomes the story of the dancer, not the choreo. LOL I think I’m botching his explanation about it but it’s just I remember Hoon whenever my boyfriend and I talk about freestyle dance.

*** Of course it you can’t make it due to various reasons that’s okay, but if you have a chance to make it happen, don’t hesitate. I’d say it’s worth every penny you’d spend to see them live.

[pagesoflauren]

Without You (Fionn Whitehead x OC) - Chapter 2 “Starlit Nights”

Summary: Fionn comes over to Arlene’s for a party, triggering suspicions and some unwanted suggestions.

A/N: This chapter has some Tagalog in it! If you don’t speak the language, Google Translate is your friend! 

Song Inspo: “Starlit Nights” by AJ Rafael

Previous Chapter Masterlist

“So, about you coming on Friday…” “Leenie, I told you that’s the only time I can go! After that, I’m swamped with fittings and script readings—“ “No, no, don’t worry about that, you can still come over. It’s just…well,” I said, my fingers twiddling as I tried to find a way to put the news lightly. “My family’s coming. My extended family.” Fionn laughed. “So? Why’s that a big deal?” “You don’t know my family. They’re a bit…um, crazy.” “Leenie, based on how your parents are, I highly doubt that.”

. . .

“Arlene! Get the door, I think that’s Fionn!” I heard my mum call. I avoided looking into any of the eyes that darted in my direction. “Who is Fionn?” my aunts said, mischievous looks on their faces. I could already see them leaping to conclusions. “You’re about to meet him, don’t worry,” I said, trying to dodge the question.

I opened the door and he stood there with a plate of cookies.

“Mum said I should bring something, so I baked these.” “Oh, you didn’t have to,” I said, thankful I was wearing makeup or else my flush would’ve been obvious, “There’s plenty of food.” “S’alright. I know how much you love them.” “Right, well, come in. And be ready to memorize a lot of names.”

I shut the door as he walked in, my aunts and uncles swarming us as he took his shoes off.

“Who is this?” was the main question, along with, “Is this your boypren?” “No, no, it’s just Fionn. He’s my friend. He’s just come over for the adobo since he’s going away for a bit.”

I began introducing him, all my relatives smiling and waving as I said their names.

“I’m gonna say hi to Auntie Joyce and Uncle Jeff,” Fionn said, disappearing into the kitchen to greet my parents. Tita Charice was the first to grab me. “He’s cute, you should date him.” “Ay, no, Tita!” I said, “He’s…he’s a friend” “Oo, pero you would make a good couple!” “Tita, please. Siya lang ang kaibigan ko! He’s just my friend!”

“Okay then,” she smirked, winking at me. I rolled my eyes, knowing she was going to start gossiping with everyone else.

Mum called me into the kitchen to help with putting the food out for serving, Fionn pitching in like the cordial person he is. We blessed the food and thus began the assembly line of people grabbing plates and utensils, spooning heaping amounts of rice, adobo, kare-kare and a plethora of other Filipino traditional foods. We stood by, waiting for the line to dwindle to ensure a quick trip through the buffet line.

“Hoy, Chunky, come eat! And bring the white boy! You’re both so skinny, you need to eat more!”

I shut my eyes in embarrassment; Fionn and I were close, but he didn’t know about the nickname my family had oh-so-lovingly given to me as a baby when I had a lot more layers of insulation on my body.

“‘Chunky’?” Fionn asked, “Who’s Chunky?” “Oh, not me or anything,” I laughed nervously, hoping nobody would use it again. “Well of course you’re not Chunky anymore,” Tito Marcus said, “You lost so much weight! What, they don’t feed you in university?”

I held my face in my hands before looking at Fionn, who was using all his effort to hold in a laugh. “I was a big baby, okay?” “The heaby weigh’ champion ob the pamily!” my Lolo called. “Yes, thank you, Lolo, but he doesn’t need to know—“ “She weighed almost nine pounds! Bigger than all her Kuyas and Ates!” “And you haven’t told me this because…?” Fionn asked, finally letting a small laugh out.

I despise him when he laughs. He’s too cute.

“It never came up. Anyway, there’s your favorite at the end, go on,” I said, handing him a plate, spoon and fork.

Fionn didn’t know everything set out, so I explained the unknown dishes to him while my aunts cooed.

“Aww, look at her, teaching him all the foods, huh? It’s so sweet.”

Fionn shot me a look and I shook my head, signaling for him to just ignore it.

“So,” I heard Tita Mel begin as she stood on the other side of Fionn while we continued to get food, “You have girlfriend?” “Huh?” Fionn asked, clearly alarmed by the random question. I knew exactly where this is going. “No, I haven’t got a girlfriend,” he eventually answered, confused. “Why don’t you date my niece, then! She’s very smart and sweet, no?” “Oh, well, Leenie and I are just friends.”

I watched Tita Mel eye him with a suspicious look before looking at me.

“Siya ay bakla?” My eyes shot open wide. “What, no! Why would you even think that?” “What’d she say?” “Nothing, nothing, let’s just go,” I said, pulling him away from the kitchen into the sun room. The sky was clear tonight, allowing a nice view of the stars. “Sorry about them, they’re a little overbearing and…invasive. They like to gossip and stuff.” “It’s alright. Gives me proper practice for when I become super famous, won’t it?” he chided, smiling as he began to eat. “Or you could be a one-hit wonder that flops after his debut as a telepathic teenager that has constant nosebleeds.”

He shot me an offended look, I only laughed as I fed myself a spoonful of food.

The night continued with everyone insisting we eat more despite being full, copious amounts of dessert, karaoke and listening in on the latest gossip in the family from my aunts. When the night came to a close around midnight, Fionn kissing all my aunts on the cheek and shaking hands with my uncles and Lolo. I walked him out as he waited for his dad to pick him up.

“It’s not gonna be like this anymore, is it?” I asked, “You’re gonna have chauffeurs now, ready with limos stocked with beer and snacks for you.” “Nah, that’s not me, Leenie.” “Well you can’t have sports cars, you can’t drive.” “I’ll learn…eventually.” “Right. Till then, I’ve gotta shuttle you around,” I said, giving him a smile. He returned it, slinging an arm across my shoulders. “Wouldn’t have it any other way, yeah?” he asked, squeezing me close. “Yeah,” I agreed, a small ache pinching my chest, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

As much as it ached, hearing him talk about me in such a platonic way didn’t completely wound me. Standing here, seeing him so happy with me at his side under the stars sparked a small flame of hope within me. It was probably bad I felt this way. But I was falling hard and an overwhelming part of me was wishing he’d catch me.

“Sorry about them, they’re a little overbearing and…invasive,” Leenie apologized as she began pushing her chicken and rice into her spoon, “They like to gossip and stuff.”

I began following her example, always needing to watch her first before imitating. I wasn’t used to eating with a spoon and fork, but I was still better than my parents at it.

“It’s alright. Gives me proper practice for when I become super famous, won’t it?” I smiled, shoveling a spoonful of adobo and rice into my mouth. “Or you could be a one-hit wonder that flops after his debut as a telepathic teenager that has constant nosebleeds.”

I stopped mid-chew, my cheeks puffed out with food, scowling as she laughed before taking a bite.

Dinner was mostly uneventful, mostly me occasionally getting updates from Sophie about costuming, transportation and lodging for the film. I told Leenie what I could, part of myself feeling bad for somewhat neglecting her in favor of my agent.

“Don’t worry about ignoring me,” she said when I apologized, “It’s important to you and I’m really happy you got the role.” “Thanks. I mean, I probably wouldn’t have gotten it without you.” “Without me? I’m not the one who taught you how to act,” she laughed. “You believed in me whenever I was struggling.” “Oh, I mean, I wouldn’t really give myself that much credit,” she said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. She always did that, even when we were kids. “Again, it was all you.” “No, I don’t think you understand. You’re my best friend,” I said, reiterating a fact we both knew well, “And I’ve always needed someone like you to keep me going.”

The corners of her lips quirked up in a small smile, eyes drifting to the floor in what I assumed was modesty. I don’t think she’ll ever know how important she is to me, and I wonder if she thinks me just as important.

. . .

When the party ended, I made my rounds, saying goodbye to everyone and giving Auntie Joyce a big hug.

“You come visit us when you can, okay?” “I will.” “And bring your parents, too! We don’t see them that often.” “I’ll let them know, maybe we can all get together before I leave.” “Yes, please! Let us know!”

Like Leenie predicted, her mum sent me away with a small tupperware of adobo to eat in my last week in the UK, promising to cook more when I was done filming. Coming out with me, Leenie waited for my dad to pick me up, just like I’d always wait for her to get picked up at school.

“It’s not gonna be like this anymore, is it?” she asked, “You’re gonna have chauffeurs now, ready with limos stocked with beer and snacks for you.” “Nah, that’s not me, Leenie,” I replied, shaking my head and wrinkling my nose. I had no interest in fame, I just liked acting. “Well you can’t have sports cars, you can’t drive.” “I’ll learn…eventually,” I shrugged. “Right. Till then, I’ve gotta shuttle you around,” she said, craning her neck to look up at me and smile. I looked down and returned it, ever thankful that she was my friend. “Wouldn’t have it any other way, yeah?” I asked, slinging an arm around her shoulders and bringing her close. “Yeah,” she nodded, pausing for a moment as she broke eye contact with me and looked forward, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Dad came minutes later, rolling his window down to say hello to Leenie.

“Hey, Ari!” he called, smiling wide. “Hi, Tito Tim,” she waved. “Did Joyce give him leftovers again?” “Of course she did.” “Is there enough for me and your mum?” he asked, pointing the question to me. “No,” I answered immediately, shaking my head for good measure. “Of course not,” he laughed. “Listen, Ari, Linda and I were wondering if you’d like to come drop Fionn off at the train station, maybe get breakfast with us beforehand?” “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” she said, eyes going wide as she tucked her hair behind her ear. “You wouldn’t be intruding,” I said. “You wouldn’t, don’t be silly! You’re practically family. It’ll be great!” “Well, okay,” she conceded, fiddling with her fingers. “Great,” I sighed, giving her a hug, “I’ll see you then, Leenie.” “See you then, Fionny.”

I waved goodbye again before getting in the car, shouting farewells before my dad drove off and turned the corner.

“Sweet girl,” dad commented. “Dad, please, we’ve been over this—“ “I know, I know. You’re just friends. Just saying, Fionn, not everyone has a best friend like her.” “No, they don’t,” I said firmly, “And I’m very lucky that I do.”

He gave me a knowing glance, turning his head only slightly to look at me before focusing on the road again. He didn’t say anything else, so it seemed like he dropped the subject.

When we got to the house, he brought it up again as we sat in the garage, the lights of the car still on as we unbuckled our seat belts.

“Fionn,” he began, “I’m just saying, your career is taking off. Your mum and I couldn’t be more proud of you. But after that, it might be hard to find someone who likes you for you. And Ari knows you well and she’s very nice—“

“Dad,” I said, my head falling back against the headrest of passenger’s seat, “she’s my friend. That’s all she is. Nothing more. You think if I liked her I’d let it go on for this long without telling you? Or mum? Or Maisie? Or Hattie? Or Sonny?”

He sighs, knowing his argument is falling on deaf ears like it had been for years.

“We’re just friends, dad. That’s all we’ll be.”

Tagging: @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff :)

[aestheticdj-blog]

Most Embarrassing Moment

Hi future Dra. Bacay!

Ano ba kapag sinabing embarrassing moment ng buhay? yun lang naman yung mga pangyayareng talagang nakakakilabot isipin. Tipong kapag naalala ng kung sino man, minsan ang sarap magtakip ng muka at magpalamon na lang sa lupa. Ganyang ganyan kasi nararamdaman ko sa twing maalala ko ang bagay na talagang hinding-hindi ko malilimutan and I will share it to you.

Last April 15, 2017 nagkayayaan kaming magpipinsan na magswimming since its a long week vacation para saming lahat. So we grab the opportunity para naman makapag enjoy after ng mga stress sa trabaho nila. My mom decided na gawin na din yung celebration para sakin since with honors ako ngayong taon. Super biglaan lang mga friend actually kasi gumising kami ng 6:30. Diba nga mas natutuloy daw ang gala kapag di planado. So si ako naman sobrang excited nagprepare agad ako ng susuotin ko after swimming, may shades pang kasama. Bandang mga 8 nakaalis kami ng bahay dahil nagluto pa ng binaong pagkain sina Mama e para daw dina bumili. Ayos naman ang byahe papuntang Calatagan. Walang traffic tapos kasama pa yung pamangkin ko sa pinsan na nagpapasaya ng byahe namin.

Pagkarating namin ng resort although medyo matao bawing bawi naman kasi ang ganda nung lugar. May beach na malinis then kapag inikot pa ang ibang part nung lugar may pool. Since nakalimutan namin na magdala ng sun block no choice kami kahit gustong gusto namin na sa dagat magtampisaw e super sikat na sikat ang araw dahil bandang mga 12 na kami nakarating kaya sa may pool kami maglalangoy dahil don may puno tas di masyadyo mainit. Dahil nga masyadong excited ang mga bakla kain na agad kami ng lunch namin tas diretsyo kami sa pool. Hindi naman sobrang dami ng tao ang nandon, sakto lang. Dali-dali agad kaming tumalon sa may part na abot pa naming dalwa ni ate. Feel na feel namin yung malamig na tubig, yung lilom na gawa ng puno tapos may palangoy langoy serena pa kaming nalalaman HAHA! Tapos sa kalagitnaan lang naman ng aming pagsasaya biglang lumapit yung life guard. Ganda pa ng pormahan ni koya e nakashades then fitted and damit hahaha cutie! “Ma'am? pasensya na po hindi kayo pede nmagswimming sa pool. Hindi po appropriate suot nyo. May bilihan po ng Rushguard blah blah blah….” sa dami ng sinabi ni Kuya life guard wala na akong naintindihan kasi super nakakahiya talaga. Imagine, asa gitna kami ng pool tas bigla kaming sinabihan ng ganun. Kung pede lang talaga lamunin ng pool.

nung mga sandaling yon no choice talaga kami ng kapatid ko kundi dahan dahan na umalis ng pool. Alam nyo yung nasa tubig ka pero pinagpapawisan ng inam. Ghad, thats the most embarrassing moment of my life. Napatingin kasi samin yung ibang guest pati ibang nagswiswimming. Though may mali din namin kami kasi di man lang namin napansin na lahat na pka swimming attire at kami lang ang hindi lol. Lesson? wag na wag maeexcite sa isang galang di planado kasi may mga bagay na kahit napakasimple lang pwedeng makaapekto talaga. Anyway, no hard feelings kami kay Kuya kasi maayos naman ang pagkakasabi nya samin.

Hope to meet you soon.

[nothin---g]

Alam niyo ba super lupet ni Vince. Naramdaman ko sa kanya yung 'friendzoned' at ngayon naman yung feeling na magkagusto sa bakla. Gago, nakakamanhid. Sige kwento ko kung paano ko naconfirm. Napanood niyo na ba yung Call Me By Your Name? Thursday non, sabi nung friend ko panuorin daw namin yun sa room nila kasi maganda raw. Yung mga kaklase nilang natira sa room sabi ba naman "ate kio seryoso kayong dito niyo papanuorin yan?" "iiyak kayoooo" alam niyo yung gandang-ganda sila so tumaas expectations ko. Pagkauwi ng bahay, nasaktuhan na napastalk ako sa twitter ni Vince at nag tweet siya abt dun sa movie na nakaramdam daw siya ng lungkot, saya at sakit. NACURIOUS AKO. Imbis na Coco ang panuorin, inuna ko ang Call Me By Your Name. Ang ganda ng setting. Ang ganda ng cinematography kahit na madalas ang daming dull moments PERO SHET GUY TO GUY. VINCE SERYOSO GUY TO GUY????????? Sa mga nakapanood, ALAM KONG ALAM NIYO YUNG SCENES. SHOOKT AKO. Yes, naging judgemental agad ako and nabother so tinanong ko yung dalawa kong guy friend patungkol dito. Kinwento ko sa kanila yung malulupet na scenes at sila na mismo ang umayaw. Ayaw na raw nilang panuorin. Sorry sa iba pero ayun nga nandidiri raw sila. IMAGINE-IN NIYO NA LANG na habang pinapanuod ko yon, iniisip ko yung tweet ni Vince at kung bakit siya nasaktan, nasiyahan at nalungkot unless?????????????? Nakita ko rin kanina na nakaapat na siyang panuod! Ang tindi! So tinanong ko yung dalawa kong guy friend sabi nung isa, hindi naman daw maiiwasan yung judgement pero yung isa ko pang friend ang the best sabi niya feeling niya raw "namulat" ako. Tinanong niya pa ako kung nahurt raw ba ako. Sabi ko, "ubos na" ata yung tamang term. Natouch naman ako sa reply niya!!! Sabi niya strong girl naman daw ako ALAM NIYO YON YUNG FEELING NA MAY NAGTITIWALA SA'YO NA KAYA MO YON KAYA AYON FIGHT LANG ULIT.

[christienity]

THE 2017 RECAP

Hey Guys! It’s me, Christienity! (Char! For sure narinig niyo na ito, o kaya pag hindi pa, manuod na kayo sa YouTube Channel ko. Dejk. Bale, guys, binabalaan ko na kayo na baka maging conyo or taglish or ewan ito, no labay yo manpangasinan tini! Joke labat)

Pero guys, eto seryoso na nga. Magkakaroon lang naman tayo ng 2017 Recap, ‘yung as in lahat ng mga memories na naalala ko sa 2017, ibubuhos ko na dito. So, ano? G?!

So... The story telling begins here...

JANUARY 2017

MISS BNHS 2017

First month palang ng January, naging busy na ako. More like productive, kasi guys... Nagpaka-bakla ako nung mga araw na ‘yun?! Charot! Kasi ‘yung time na ‘yun, Miss Bayambang National High School talaga kinaharap ko. HAHA.  

Search for Mr. & Ms. BNHS 2017 Campaign Poster:

Mga panahong kailangan naming mag-room to room campaign for the Popularity Award:

I even uploaded a video for it! Effort na effort ang ate niyo para sa Social Media Campaign. HAHA.

Watch it here!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyfC5mGKKyA

Ito ‘yung busy - busyhan talaga kasi ‘di ako nakapagpa-adjust ng braces ko, at sobrang awkward kasi black ‘yung rubbers ko. I KENNAT. HAHAHA.

Ito yung sa Field Demo. Hehe. Di kami sumayaw eh.

Ito ‘yung super supportive ng friends ko, lalo na ng mga classmates na Ruby! Miss you guys, so much!

So, ayun nga po ano, naging 1st Runner Up ang lola nyo kahit papano. Tas, nakuha ko rin Minor Award na Miss Globe and ‘yung sa Popularity Contest. Kasi parang hindi din talaga ako makapag-decide kung sasali talaga ako, tas ayun, biglang nakita ko na lang sarili ko na sumali na pala ako. Dejk. Pero alam niyo yung feels ko nun? Sabi ko, Lord, kahit top 5 lang, at kahit makasagot ako ng maayos, okay na sa akin ‘yun. Bahala na po kayo sa placement. And tadaaaaah! Wala akong regrets kasi nag - surrender na ako sa will ni Lord, bago pa iannounce ‘yung winners. Hehe.

MISS UNIVERSE 2017

Nanalo ako ng ticket sa PLDT! LOL

FEBRUARY 2017

Uhm, walang masyadong ganap ng February, pero for sure, minamaximize namin ‘yung oras naming magkakasama ---

Joke lang, may ganap pala!

SSG COMELEC

Ito ang aking 2nd term bilang SSG Comelec Chairman, at as usual, nailabas na naman ‘yung best side ko when it comes to leadership. At sobrang na - challenge din ako kasi nung una, gusto nila ako patakbuhin bilang isang SSG Officer, kahit na anong position daw. Tas napag - isip - isip ko, parang ayaw ko. Okay na ako sa SSG Comelec. Pamilya ko ito eh. At namimiss ko na sila. (Alam ko sa mga Grade 10 SSG Comelec, may utang pa akong libre sa inyo, natatandaan ko ‘yan, diba sabi ko ipag - anniversary natin? Haha.)

MARCH 2017

Junior - Senior Promenade 2017

Our first - ever JS Prom! Pinaglaban talaga namin ito, kaya less than a week lang preparation tas biglang Anchorwoman pala ako. HAHA. Emcee naman sila James and Ellyn. Tas kami ‘yung Team Stage. Hindi talaga kami nakasayaw masyado kasi nga... “Baka may biglang ipa-announce”

March din ako nag - Youth Encounter.

SOBRANG. WORTH. IT. AT. UNFORGETTABLE.

Shout out sa Batch 58!

APRIL 2017

First time umattend ng Color Run, at nag - enjoy naman!

P.S. Kasama itong picture na ito (or yung isa yata) sa 2018 Calendar ng Balon Bayambang.

COMPLETION RITES 2017 (Good bye JHS! Hehe)

Completed JHS - With High Honors!

Plus I got Leadership Awards in different clubs.

Naging Associate Editor din ako ng The Leader (2016 - 2017 pati 2017 - 2018) at naging Chief Girl Scout Medalist nung 2016.

WATCHED THE FINALS GAME 1 of UAAP Women’s Volleyball

ADMU vs DLSU

(ANIMO!)

May selfie ako with Ricci, Ara, Aby, Jeron, Jeanine, Cha, Cyd, etc.

Archdiocesan Youth Day 2017 (St. Joseph Husband of Mary Parish, Malacanang, San Carlos City, Pangasinan)

MAY 2017

Flores de Mayo 2017

Nag - Reyna Elena (uli) at nagka-mini photo shoot sa kakahuyan dahil sayang ang pinang rent ng gown dejk

JUNE 2017

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Hello STEM, SHS Life!

Attended the SHS Orientation and SHS Talent Week!

JULY 2017

Career Guidance Week

INTRAMS 2017

Nag - emcee akoooo (uli!) hehe

I love candid photos so eto nalang:

HAHAHA

AUGUST 2017

Celebrated my 16th birthday (with a cry cry moment kasi gusto ko talaga pumuntang Manaoag nung time na ‘yun pero di po kami nakapunta. Pero naintindihan ko naman kahit late na. LOL)

INTERCLASS DEBATE 2017 (& BUWAN NG WIKA 2017)

SEPTEMBER 2017

Had my first - ever Marian Youth Vigil experience! (walang pic na maayos, puro selfie lang)

-

Start ng Journalism Days, nag top sa News Writing sa School Based. HAHA.

-

Itong month din ata inaward ‘yung certificate namin, and naging With High Honor ako, kahit papano.

-

Decided to leave the choir (for good or for now) Still praying for the Lord’s guidance!

OCTOBER 2017

Preparation for Journalism, TV Broadcasting na kamiiii!

Our family went to McKinley Hill, BGC, Taguig, at ang ganda. Sobra.

Nanalo din pala ako ng M&G Ticket para kay Maureen Wroblewitz pero di ako nakapunta so yeah.

NOVEMBER 2017

Over - all 1st Runner - Up TV Broadcasting (English)

Area 2, Pre - Division Schools Press Conference 2017

Received the With High Honor Award for 1st Sem!

Over - all CHAMPION TV Broadcasting (English)

DSPC 2017

DECEMBER 2017

Had my first - ever RSPC! And I’m currently missing the Journalism Hype. :--(

Placed 4th in the RSPC  2017 at San Carlos City, Pangasinan.

---

Bittersweet NYD 2017 kasi may nalaman ako dito (Lol), memorable Christmas Celebration with the STEM - Wisdom,  attended a Winnie Roast Party for the first time, natuloy ang Pampanga Trip with the ANUNA Squad, had a chance to bond again with my Choir Fam (2017 Year - End Party), at marami pang iba.

---

So that’s just the overview of my 2017, and guys, sorry sa mga typo, wrong grammar, etc. Ipproofread ko ito kapag may time. Naks. Proofread. Sobrang rush ko lang nito na ginawa. At nakakainis kasi 2nd day ko pa ngayon LOL. Basta guys, thank you thank you thank you ng sobra! 

Thank you sa mga taong laging andyan na gumagabay sa akin, sumasabay sa kalokohan ko, nandyan sa tuwing feeling ko worthless ako, at sa mga taong napag-kikwentuhan ko, salamat.

Sana makasama ko pa kayo sa 2018, more memories pa sana. Ngayon ko lang sasabihin ito, pero guys, wala akong regrets na hindi ako lumipat for SHS, thank you sa mga taong nakasalamuha ko. Kayo ang may dahilan kung bakit ko nasabi ‘yan. Sobrang daming new experiences, sobrang daming unexpected na mga taong naka-close, basta sobrang thankful ako! My heart is full, 2017! Thank you for bringing out the best and the worst in me.

 2018, I’m ready! I’ll do my best, and I know, God will do the rest.

P.S. Scrolling through the pictures, I can’t help but notice how my hair grows fast. HAHA. Nagpa-short hair na na humaba rin agad.

With love,

Christienity

[leonnotes]

Life Evaluation 1.1

Summer 2017. It's April. Freakin hot, eh?

I planned a couple of times to do life evaluation pero it turned out na sobrang tamad kong gawin ito. Anyways, here it is! After a year of coming out, ang dami daming struggles, "what ifs", wag na lang kaya moments ang hinarap ko. I know, although I did know in the first place since I was a kid na ganito ako pinanganak, still I denied it 'till I was 17. Hay buhay. Paano ba naman kasi, I lived in the world na para bang epidemya o malalang sakit ang pagkakaganito. I lived in this family, although there were evidently existing "ka-feds" still cannot accept them, as they are (for consistency rules, I used "them" pero "we" talaga yan 😉). Mocking such as "'bat kaya dumadami ang mga bakla, e hindi naman sila nanganganak?".

What I know for sure is that there really is something sa pagiging tulad namin. Some says you are born with it, and some says influence daw talaga e. Well maybe they're right. Some theories can defend both parties. Pero in my case, I'm born with it. I knew it when I was still young. Naalala ko pa noong bata ako I always wonder why does my 'thing' harden and lengthen whenever I watch krystala fighting with guys, or watching "Super Inggo" dahil inaabangan ko lagi si Derek Ramsey as "Machete". No wonder he's my first ever crush!!! As innocent as I am back then, I asked my mom why does the 'thing' get hard? Her answer was "naiihi ka niyan kasi."

Naku ewan ko ba bakit ganito kagulo ang mundo para sa akin noon. With bones so lamya, and balat sibuyas, everyone can easily say na I am "BAKLA". Yes. Caps lock para intense, kasi ganiyan nila sinasabi yung word na yan e. Pasigaw, o kaya painsulto tone. Masakit sa akin noon. Kaya I kept what I feel sa sarili ko lang. Whenever I feel that 'kilig' or a "puppy libog", it wouldn't reflect yung affect ko.

Kinaya ko naman. Then technilogical advancement took place sa house namin. Nagkalaptop kami, kahit gradeschool pa'ko and I get to access the internet pa. Dangerously, I explored so many videos sa youtube. And my fetish since I was stillt this little kid is nipples. Yes! I touch them especially when i feel cold. And I have fhis weird obsession sa pagtouch ng sides ng unan, panyo and etc. hahaha I know it's embarassing. I started watching youtube videos of muscled men. I kissed the laptop screen, and touch my nipples as I watch them flexing their huge guns. Yun lang naman noon. Then come High School, first year. Medyo gumrabe na. I started watching kissing scenes. Tapos I really can't forget how my first masturbation took place. Hay. It was Zeb Atlas that released the white demons out of my thing. That happened kasi before I am to review for our periodical exams, baka I felt horny (this time I really can't remember). Afraid that I am, trembling and smelling the first release of my life, syempre tumakbo ako sa banyo. And felt really really scaaaaared. Scared that I even thought of not doing that again ever. Pero come Xmas vacay eto si Daniel Marvin. He's the second one 😉 haha u know it!

So much of those nasty things. It continued on and on. I spent so many years of watching gay porn believing that I am still a straight guy. Niloloko sarili ganon. That's also when I started falling to the wrong guy. Dahil lang idol ko siya magdoodle, drawig and shit, nagustuhan ko siya. At nandidiri ako till now thinking why was I so crazy about him loool. Ayokong pagusapan to!!!!

Nothing really significant event regarding this matter took over until I was second year college (2nd sem). Ay mali. Nainlove pala ako sa isang straight guy. His name is Kit loool. It's significant kasi he knew I have crush on him 😂 oh my gad. Those were the days. I can't explain how crazy I was din that time. Come second yr, second sem i have this classmate na gay din. Gwapo siya. Talented. Matalino. Kaklasi ko siya nung first yr hanggang second yr pero noong second year kolang siya napansin talaga. Kasi nagusap kami every night. Aminado din ako na binibigyan ko ng meaning lahat ng sinasabi niya, kaya nafall talaga ako teh. Grabe talaga. Pero hindi naman kasi niya ako gusto kaya nagmove on din. At nakapagmove on na. Pero it's him I thank the most kasi siya ang nagpush sakin to do what i have to do, along with Gab (bisexual friend ko din). It started sa mga "kwentuhan mo nga ako" antics ni Zsan. I was wondering why he's asking such. Pero I suspected na rin at the same time. I finally made kwento when this Gab said she knows who my crush is (Kit). Sobrang nagulat ako non kasi it's the first time someone told me that they know my crush and of course by that, they knew what I really am. And the plan for a change took place.

Ang dami kong kaartehan. Dumating sa point na medyo pasuko na si Zsan sa akin. Na susuportahan na lang niya ako sa pagsisikreto ko (which I thank the Lord did not let it happen). At ayun nga. I started coming out. Chatting my friends, of course andiyan ang best friend kong si Dhey to check me out always. That's where we become really really close.

I've had a lot of crushes. Till now jusko. Lahat ata ng "unknown followings" ko sa instagram at facebook ay crush ko. Napakaunreachable pa. Ang taas kasi ng standards ko nakakainis hahaha. Kaya hanggang dun lang ang lahat. This is also the era where I first tried apps like Hornet, Grindr, and Tinder. Tapos nitry ko din si Blued. Every little app is the same as the others. Wala akong makikitang kaforever ko don haha. It's hard na mas mahirap pang humanap ng love sa mundong pinili ko. Kadalasan pantawid gutom ang hanap nila e. Which, I am still not ready para doon hehe.

I always ask God for a wish kapag nakukumpleto ko yung simbang gabi ganon. O kaya sa simple prayers. I was always asking for "honors", "medals", "awards", "high grades" kasi yun lang naman pinagkakaabalahan ko e. Dun ako nageexcel. I am the achiever type of a person. Pero this year, 2017, I made a general wish and just let God give me what he thinks is the best for me to receive. Naghiling ako ng "Happy 2017". Masayang 2017 lang. Siya na bahala what is that "happiness" he will give me, kung academic excellence ba, love, financial (lol), uhm family happiness (coz you know laging may issues), friendships, etc. Well happy naman ako e. Kaya lang inaamin ko di pa ako kuntento. I've always been the best student since I was first year college. Sana hanggang ngayong third year. I would be very happy if I will be.

[sandyrella]

happy birthday bakla! sorry if wala pa sa kalingkingan ‘to compared sa mga efforts na nagawa mo sakin through the years super sabog ko lang talaga. pero thank you kasi with all my kasabugan moments, my downfalls, my triumphs.. nandon ka for me. i super super love you the same way my fam does.  sana matupad natin yung mga pangarap natin nang sabay dahil walang iwanan dito. yung laban mo, laban ko rin. nandito lang ako palagi sayo chat mo lang ako because i dont sleep especially now. thanks for gaining the trust of my family <3 you’re one of my constants and im beyond grateful for that im super bless that i have a friend, a sister, and jowa all at the same time hehehe <3 happy birthday, i hope you feel extra extra special today and for the rest of your life. we love you so much our dear sandyman. 

[benefits1986]

Jiggle Bells, Jiggle All The Way

Interior  Bike Cafe Shop  Midmorning, South 5ever  Bacon, Coffee, Sinangag with Doggos 

Tatay (T): Anak nga kita.  Anak (A): Aga-aga. Ano na namang drama ‘yan?  T: Parehas nga tayo.  A: (laughs dryly) Saang banda na naman? T: Alam mo ba? ‘Yung una kong crush tomboy pala.  A: Ang aga-aga talaga, dad. Nakinig ka na naman kay Kaye Cal ‘no?  T: Totoo nga. Niligawan namin ng sabay ‘yun noong kababata ko. Tapos, sabi nung crush namin sa amin, ‘tol ‘di tayo talo.  A: Kaya pala gusto mo si mommy. Feisty.  T: Ganun na nga. ‘Yang si Kaye Cal, ang ganda niya.  A: Hindi siya maganda. Gwapo siya. Ano ba? Nangaagaw pa ‘to! May jewa ka na nga diyan e.  T: Ay, waw. Sorry ha?  A: Nakakaloka ka. Ano pang pasabog mong revelation?  T: Ah, gusto mo talaga?  A: E ang saya mo e.  T: Sa bagay, pagkatapos mo nga aminin anong dahilan ng first ever total car wreck mo e, matinde ka talaga, anak.  A: So, ano na nga? Bago pa ako mawala sa mood na naman.  T: Na-try ko na.  A: Ang ano? Drugs?  T: Hindi. Guess pa more.  A: Ah, bayarang babae.  T: Hindi naman revelation ‘yun.  A: Sa bagay.  T: Part of growing up ‘yun, ‘nak.  A: Lalaki?  T: Kasi naman ‘tong Bohemian Rhapsody.  A: Nanisi ka na naman.  T: (laughs and pauses)  A: Shit, dad. Bakla ka ba? Are you outing yourself ATM?  T: ATM?  A: At. This. Moment.  T: Uh...  A: Tangina, dad. Okay lang naman. Kaso, please be safe lagi. Alam mo na!  T: Baliw ka.  A: Alam mo dad, okay lang.  T: Anak...  A: Dad, kaya pala sobrang chill mo lang sa gender preference ko. Maliban sa trip mo mga tomboy e mas malaswa ka pa sa akin. Jusko.  T: ‘Di ako bakla.  A: So, ano? Bi ka rin? Ganun? Nakikiuso ka.  T: ‘Di pa uso ‘yun, na-try ko na.  A: Ang? Top or bottom? Alam mo ba ‘yun?  T: Oo.  A: Dad, ‘di ko na naman kinaya. Pero, kung parehas mo na-try, verse tawag sa’yo.  T: Verse?  A: Versatile.  T: May paganun-ganon pa talaga kayong mga kabataan.  A: Para may label. Para malinaw. Para hindi magulo.  T: So, anak...  A: So, ano na dad? Mag-anak ka na lang.  T: Gusto ko ng apo, kahit walang ama.  A: Ako na naman. Matres ko na namang nananahimik ang isasangkalan mo.  T: Gusto kong makabawi sa apo ko.  A: Tapos, magkaka-jewa ka ng lalaking bata? Tapos bahay-bahayan mode kayo? Ganun ba?  T: Puwede.  A: Gagu ka.  T: Pinoo-push mo ako e.  A: Dad, kung saan ka masaya, game. Basta, healthy ka at mamamatay kang matanda. Ganun lang covenant ko kay God.  T: Sinong God ‘yan?  A: God of Light, dad.  T: Pasensya ka na sa tatay mo ha?  A: Maliit na bagay. Been through worst with you, so let those bells jiggle all the way, in all ways!  T: Galing talaga palaki sa’yo ng nanay mo.  A: Si mommy na naman may kasalanan?  T: Miss ko na siya.  A: Dad, tama na. Okay na e. Bacon pa? Sinangag pa? Coffee pa?  T: Sige, tara!  A: Fearless forecast ko, dad?  T: Ano?  A: Magiging kayo ni Ninong. Finally. Kaya ba sobrang grabeng affected niya nung sinabi mong may jewa kang super bagets?  T: Dami mong alam. 

[benefits1986]

Siargao Draft 006

So, before going back to the grind officially because I need funds to keep the trips and tralalas going, eto na naman ako. Eto siguro ang pinaka heartbreaking na kwento mula sa Siargao Visit 001 ko. I will park my “it’s their story to tell” mode ko as well kasi I want to capture a reality na taboo in all levels. Matindeng birthday ender mga mumshiebelles and beshiekeyks! 

Since wala akong tulog at biglaan ang invite ng lovebirds na na-meet ko sa isla, hindi ko na rin matandaan ‘yung name ni Kuya MMK (KM). Sa umpisa, hindi siya masyadong nagsasalita. Nanonood lang siya sa amin nung kakwentuhan ko. Sinimulan niyang maki-join by asking us if we want anymore beer or drinks or food or yosi. We politely declined kasi ako 5 PM pa lang ang saya ko ng umiinom at the only yosi the bar has is Marl, so I tried my best to lessen it, but syempre I failed miserably but whatever. Red yosi nila so I just went to the counter and got myself a pack of Ice Blast. Nga pala, best na magbaon na lang ng yosi bago lumipad to IAO kasi mahal ang mga yosi. 110 to 150 per pack. Or kuripot lang ako sa mga ganitong bagay. Anyway, ‘di ko magets why he insisted many times na ilibre kami. ‘Di naman sa ayoko pero we just met and we have not talked in spite being on one table for some two hours or so. 

He tried to weave his way to our kwentuhan pero hirap siya e. Hindi makasabay. He tried talking about Duterte and we told him that politics is the least thing we’d want to delve into at this point in time. He tried talking about faith and again, we shut him down because that topic is tricky especially when booze is already raging. He got us drinks so no choice. We had to let him indulge. Hindi naman sa pagiging mean and snob, pero damn, dude. I mean this person obviously needs company pero masaya ang kwentuhan namin nung kasama ko, so I was like okay-fine-go-na-brother. 

And these are the storylines that he bared to us: 

Dati siyang entertainer sa Japan. Nag-tourist muna siya doon tapos kumabit sa babae, sa lalaki. Inisip niya all the while ‘yung future ng family niya since siya lang ang may lakas ng loob at angking galing to help them get by. Naging construction worker din siya tapos kinuwento niya ang hirap ng trabahong ‘yun. So bumalik na lang siya sa pagiging entertainer. He then went to details na sa Japan pera ang katapat ng lahat. Isang hawak additional bayad agad. Isang paraos is all a customer gets. So totoo pala ‘yung glory hole. Sabi niya parang morbid pero mas protektado sila and all the more, mas malaki bayad sa kanila. Tanong ko naman paano nila nalalaman na tama ‘yung napili nila. Sabi niya, may pictures na titignan ‘yung guest tapos ‘yun na ‘yun. Nag-share pa siya ng sex tips para makuha ‘yung babae. Sabi ko, bi ka ata. Sabi niya, parang ganun na nga. Hindi siya apologetic about whatever he shared. Sobrang explicit considering first time ang usap namin. ‘Yung kasama ko ‘di ko sure anong feels while listening to him pero sure ako na medyo turned off siya kasi nga naman island vibes and too much drama vibes is okay up until a certain level. ‘Di kami prepared sa MMK levels ng kwento. Then again, I felt that he was aching for a chance to be heard, so sige lang kuya. In fairness, grabehan ang feels ko kasi isa sa mga dream places ko ang Japan. Girl, kawawa talaga ang mga Pinoy at Pinay sa usapang abroad. Kahit ‘yung friend ko na mataas na ang position sa isang Asian country nasabihan na ‘yung sweldo niya kahit parehas sila ng work load and designation nung co-workers niya. White-collared job sa isang “diverse” at Fortune 500 na company pero tangina lang trato sa Pilipino. Sabi sa kanya ang reason na hindi parehas sweldo nila kasi Pinoy siya. Sigh with a big high five sa mga mukha ng mga taong ‘yun.  He continued his tale by telling us na ngayon lang siya nakapag-travel and inggit daw siya sa amin kasi bata pa kami and napush na namin to explore PH and some places outside it. Sabi niya, pera ang nagpaikot ng mundo niya para sa sarili pero higit sa lahat para sa pamilya. Girl, nastress ako and I died inside. Sinabi pa niya na feeling daw niya mamamatay na siya ng wala man lang masabing kinasaya niya with all his heart and soul. Pero bawi naman niya na kasi nga pamilya ang mas matimbang sa kanya. Sabi ko naman, baka naman he made them too dependent on him. Natahimik siya. Napa-hunch ‘yung shoulders. I felt badly but I had to let that out. Hindi siya omnipotent at he ought to know that. Iniisip niya kasi walang hahatungan ang pamilya niya ‘pag hindi siya kumilos. Sabi ko naman, look where it got him. Malayo narating niya pero it got him nowhere based sa kwento niya. Hindi ko naman sinabi sa kanya ‘yung previous statement. Lerkzzz in all levels, beshiekeys. Nakakabasag-puso. Nakakaabala ng kaluluwa. Napagusapan din namin ‘yung getting tested. Tanong niya sa amin noong kasama ko e kung hindi raw kami mao-offend kung hilingin ‘yun ng partner namin. Sabi ko, I do not sleep around so okay lang. Walang masama. Basta parehas kaming magpapa-test. ‘Yung kasama ko naman napagdaanan na ‘yun. Straight relationship pa sila partida pero okay lang sa kanya kasi culture ng girl ‘yun (she’s from another country kasi). Sa punto de bista naman ni KM, mao-offend daw siya kasi dapat daw may trust. Dapat daw hindi na umabot pa doon. Syempre wala naman na kaming imik after except for the line of reasoning na to each, his/her own. Siguro iba ang takbo ng utak ng generation namin at generation nila. Parang late 40s na ata kasi siya but I did not ask his age. 

Inalok niya na naman kami ng drinks and everything kasi iniisip ko aalis na ako to squeeze in some nap time. Pero sabi niya, ‘wag daw muna. Ngayon lang daw siya nakakilala ng tao na sobrang upfront. Natawa ako at sinabi na isa ‘yan sa gift and curse ko. There’s so much lying and pretending in the world so ‘pag kausap ako very polarizing. Either you like me or abhor me. Hindi ko alam kung bola lang sinabi niya or totoo. Wala rin naman akong paki. Basta I am speaking my truth always and 5ever. Sayang oras ‘pag pa-impress ka lang or nakikiayon ka lang sa usapan kasi gusto mong maka-belong. Longing to belong at the expense of denying one’s truth no matter how controversial, questionable and even uncalled for --the world’s serial silent killer ‘yan in my book. 

Sabi ni KM gusto pa raw niyang mag-explore sa bansa. Sabi ko naman try niya humanap ng mas maraming friends na puwede niyang kakwentuhan. Sabi niya first time niya mag-open up like fudge. Sabi ko baka dahil sa dami ng alak. Sabi niya batak naman daw siya doon. Sabi ko kasi baka hindi niya kami kilala kaya no judgement. Sabi niya, hindi rin kasi all his life he is being judged harshly kasi nga sa mga rakets niya. Sabi ko, damn KM, inom na lang natin ‘yan. Sabi niya one round pa. 

Napunta naman ang usapan sa implants niya sa face. Jeskeeellerrddd. Hindi pa tapos. Hindi ko naman napansin unless nung sinabi niya though na-notice ko uneven ‘yung eyebrow and forehead area niya. Maganda kutis ni KM at hindi mo siya aakalaing bakla at first sight. Tinuro niya ‘yung mga pinaretoke niya. Actually ‘yung ilong niya ‘di mo aakalaing pinagawa. Sakto lang e. Hindi pilit. Hindi siya gwapo pero pleasant ‘yung features niya.

Bumalik siya sa usapang sex. Hindi pa rin tapos besh. Why? Pero sige game. Paalis na rin ako ng isla, so support natin. Sabi niya sex is just sex. At wala na raw siyang affinity sa deed. Kasi pare-parehas lang naman daw ang mga babae at lalaki. ‘Pag nairaos na, ‘pag nabigay na, ‘pag sumabak na, tapos na. Hindi raw ‘yun ang batayan ng true love. It’s just part of the big picture. Ang hirap daw sa mga bata ngayon e go-to ang sex in search for love that lasts. ‘Yung ‘di lang daw mapagbigyan e akala mo grounds to cheat na. Very virgin siya doon ano po? Pero kidding aside, bakas sa mukha ni KM na gusto niyang i-share ang wisdom na meron siya, whether he knows it or not. Marami na siyang naging karelasyon at ‘yung ilan long-term pa, pero wala daw talaga e. Single siya ngayon pero hindi naman siya naghahanap kahit may mga foreigners na naghi-hit sa kanya and we are egging him to join them. Hahaha. Matibay na ang dating marupok! Nice one. 

As always, my stand when it comes to sex is that it is a philosophical pursuit. Hindi sa dami or dalas ‘yan. Nasa pagbaon at paghugot mula sa kaibuturan ng kasama mo or mga kasama mo sa moment na ‘yun. Call me friggin’ fudge pero naniniwala akong it should be a venue for you to be exposed and to expose the other. Okay lang naman ‘yung casual sex or sex like there is no tomorrow, basic instinct ‘yan e. Pero ‘wag kang mag-expect na ikakagaan ‘yan ng pagkatao mo. Iba ang pagpaparaos sa pagtutuos ng utak, emotions, and most importantly, your soul/spirit. Ke totoo or hindi ang soul, aminin natin, may something sa loob natin na naa-awaken or napupudpod everytime we indulge in the deed. It’s not about being a virgin or being a fuck boy or fuck girl. It’s about why you do the deeds you do. Ano bang nagpapa-indulge sa’yo? 

Anyway, back to KM. Sabi ko I really need to go kasi baka hindi ma-cancel ang flight and hindi na naman ako nakapag-web check in, kahit alam ko dapat ‘yun lalo na ‘pag nasa isla ka. Sabi niya, baka raw gusto ko ng umagahan. Sabi ko no need na. Baka matae ako lalo. Natawa siya. So nagpaalam na ako. Nagpasalamat siya. Sabi niya payakap naman daw. Sabi ko okay. Nadali ng introvert mode bigla kaya nag-alangan ako. I should have given him a super tight hug pero damn, dude, island vibes so chill hug lang. Gusto ko pa nga siya ipag-pray. Hahaha. Hindi ako preachy pero shitballs lang. Daming struggles ni KM. As in. Hindi na lang talaga kaya ng oras ko kasi I wanna check that I packed everything and I wanted to squeeze in view of the sunrise in IAO para may pa-prod in a payak but pak levels ang Day 001 ng Chapter 32 ko. 

Lesson Learned: Ubra talaga sa akin ang digital detox so alam na next time. Palit sim ‘pag nasa isla. Joke. Iwas phone lang at all times kasi madali lang din naman since mahina Globe doon. Yes to more analog time tayo!