#sunless lives arc 3

[whump-card]

Sunless Lives Part 25: I Will Wait

~1580 words

CW: drugging, noncon undressing, nonsexual nudity, noncon touch, medical whump, forced institutionalization, ED mention, negative self-talk

First, Previous, Next, Masterlist

~~~

DR MANDAL: I’d like to know how you like the staff and faculty here so far.

M BECK: Oh, they’re great. Everyone’s been wonderful.

DR MANDAL: No trouble at all?

M BECK: None.

DR MANDAL: That’s good to hear. What about the other patients, do you like your roommates?

M BECK: Sure, they’re alright.

DR MANDAL: No issues?

M BECK: We all wake up with nightmares, so it’s not like it’s fair to complain about that.

DR MANDAL: So no issues, but do you like them?

M BECK: I think so. I think everyone here hates themselves so much, it’s hard to connect with other people.

DR MANDAL: That’s very observant. Would you include yourself in that?

[0:26]

M BECK: Yeah.

~~~

The intake process was terrifying. Whatever drugs he’d been given had worn off enough for Simon to be awake, but not enough for him to resist as he was manhandled by orderlies out of the car and into a hulking rock of a building - the title of Fort wasn’t just for show. He didn’t have much time to look before he was inside, lifted onto a gurney and wheeled through a dizzying maze of hallways and into a cold room. Broad-shouldered orderlies leaned over him, and started taking off his clothes. One unzipped his coat, while another sat him up. The coat was jerked over his shoulders and off, and dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Then his turtleneck was peeled off, his arms gripped and guided by strong hands. He whimpered and flinched when they touched his skin directly for the first time, and he distantly registered a laugh. His upper half was dropped back onto the gurney and they set to work on his lower half. Someone pulled off his boots and socks while someone else started unbuttoning his jeans. This sent a shock of panic through Simon, he wanted to tell them to stop, but he couldn’t form the words. He couldn’t form coherent thoughts either, instead his head was overtaken by wordless waves of fear and shame and embarrassment as they pulled his pants and underwear down. A hand briefly grabbed his ass but Simon couldn’t tell if it was on purpose or not. Tears slipped out and ran down his temple and into his ear. He couldn’t even move to brush them away, much less stop anything that was happening. Someone whistled when his thighs were revealed.

“Bloodbag.”

“Yup.”

“Fuckin’ idiot.”

A vague figure ran a hand over his ribs.

“ED watch?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll be deciding that.”

The orderlies backed off, and a gray-haired man in a doctor’s coat took over, briskly taking Simon’s vitals and shining lights in his eyes, ears, and mouth. He manually pulled at Simon’s eyelids and jaw himself, and didn’t address Simon as he worked. Then, Simon could only lie there and watch as the worst happened: the doctor received a camera from an orderly and started taking pictures. His face. His scars. The bites. The flash of the camera left Simon blinded and dazed. The doctor barked at the orderlies to flip him over and Simon heard the camera click as he captured his backside as well. Then he was dropped onto his back again, a sheet was thrown over his lower half, and the room was suddenly quiet and empty.

His head flopped to the side on the thin padding of the gurney, mouth agape. Tears and drool slowly leaked out, out of his control. He felt disgusting. Violated. Scared. This had to be some sort of mistake. There was no way Chris would send him to someplace like this. Your boss and your friends were so very worried, Kelly had said - Gina, Amber, and Devon had had a hand in this as well. He needed to talk to Chris. This all had to be some horrible misunderstanding. It had to be.

He wanted Matthew.

He wanted to go home.

Maybe you made a mistake.

Simon drifted in and out of consciousness for a while, but was finally brought back by his stomach growling loudly. He’d lost a lot of his appetite over the last month, but even he could only go so long without eating. He found he could move his arms, and legs, and even slowly sit up. He discovered some thin, scratchy clothes folded at his feet: a long sleeved t-shirt and elastic-waisted pants, both a sickly shade of green, and started the laborious process of putting them on. He felt sick, dizzy, cold, and hungry, and his limbs moved half a second slower than he wanted them to. He had just pulled up the pants and was standing unsteadily against the gurney when the door opened. He flinched back, grabbing the gurney for support. The large redheaded orderly that entered looked him up and down.

“McKenna?”

“Yes?” Simon breathed.

“With me.” He stepped aside and held the door open. Simon tentatively scooted through under his gaze.

“Where-?”

“Left,” the man ordered.

Simon started walking to the left down the hall, but his legs wobbled under him and he staggered into the wall. The large man caught his upper arm, gripping it hard enough to bruise, and dragged him along.

“That hurts, you’re hurting me,” Simon pleaded. No response. “Where are we going?” Nothing. They passed by more doors and under more fluorescent lights, as well as beady-eyed cameras mounted in high corners. The surveillance reminded Simon of Lara’s house, and his heart pounded. He stumbled to keep up. “I haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday, can -”

The orderly abruptly stopped and slammed Simon into the wall, pinning him there with an arm across his chest that knocked all the air out of Simon’s lungs.

“Don’t ask me for shit,” he growled, “Don’t ask anyone for shit, just do what you’re told, and shut the fuck up.”

Simon nodded, gasping for air. The orderly held him there for a long, threatening moment, clearly enjoying the power trip. Then it was back to being dragged.

After a few more confusing turns, they passed through a heavy security door and into an open room with round tables and scattered chairs, occupied by a handful of other people in the same green outfits as Simon. Orderlies were dotted around the room, observing as patients drew in coloring books and played checkers. It reeked of mildew and sick. Cameras stared from every corner.

“Don’t make any friends,” the redhead whispered in his ear, and released his arm. Simon staggered a couple steps forward, clutching at his aching bicep. Some of the other patients turned in their seats to watch him with languid curiosity.

Simon hugged himself tightly, breathing fast. He didn’t know what the orderly’s warning meant. He didn’t know what to do. He looked around the room in desperation and his heart leapt when he saw the back of someone in pink scrubs - a nurse, not a patient or orderly. The pink reminded him of Tammy at the clinic, and how kind she’d been. He wove through the tables to where she was talking to another patient.

“Excuse me,” Simon tapped her on the shoulder, “I just got here, I don’t know what’s going on, can you help me?”

She turned around slowly, her thin eyebrows high.

“Okay, number one, do not touch the faculty or staff,” she lectured.

“Oh, sorry, I -”

She snapped her hand closed in front of his face.

“Ah-ah! I don’t want to hear it. Who did your intake?”

“I didn’t - I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Do you know your room number?”

“N-no.”

 She huffed.

“Fine, I’ll look everything up for you. What’s your name, do you at least know that?”

“Simon. McKenna.”

“Thank you.” She strode away, ponytail bouncing, and exited through a security door that she opened with a keycard. Simon watched her go, pressing his knuckles to his mouth.

“That’s Linda,” said the patient she had been talking with - a very tall, very skinny man hunched over a hand of cards. Two others sat opposite him, an older man with a significant tremor and a boy younger than Simon, barely an adult.

“You don’t want to mess with her. I’m Chett, you wanna play cards with us?” the skinny man twanged, and grinned black and yellow teeth in an eerily familiar way that made Simon shrink back.

“S-sorry, no thank you,” he stammered.

“C’mon, sweet little thing like you needs friends!” Chett cajoled, but Simon was already backing away. He found a mercifully empty table and slouched down in the slippery plastic chair to wait for Linda. His heart thrummed and his eyes darted around the room at the other patients still giving him sidelong glances. None of them looked particularly friendly. The orderlies, on the other hand, looked downright hostile. They were all large men, some even larger than Matthew, and they glowered down over the patients like a bank of storm clouds.

Matthew. Simon felt tears spring to his eyes again. Hopefully wherever Matthew was sent was better than this. He put his head down on the table, sheltering under his arms. His mind replayed his last moments with Matthew. Their last kiss.

I’ll come get you.

Only a little while.

It’ll be okay.

You fucking idiot.

Regret started to bubble up in his stomach.

Shouldn’t have gone to the clinic.

He winced at the thought. Matthew, the real Matthew, was back and alive, and he was regretting that?

Worthless.

You deserve to be here.

~~~

First, Previous, Next, Masterlist

Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

[butterfrogmantis]

Dirt Boi Committee! + Timber bcuz Miner’s bf. Minus Farmer because my human design is well established. 

Honestly for once I’m actually really happy with all 6 of these designs?? Asdjk the historical bros are especially cool for being bg characters. Anyway, notes!

-Miner has long standing Irish heritage and is pale anyway but coupled with spending half his time in sunless mines as soon as he emerges he blinds everyone in a 3 meter radius. You can use him as an emergency flashlight on dark nights /j However despite being pretty slim in order to fit down mineshafts, he’s far stronger than he looks and can wield a pickaxe like no other Smurf.

-Timber is the 180 body type. Tanned, buff and beefy and hairy. A bear, basically, with large arms for swinging that axe. Excellent hugger, if you don’t mind a couple of cracked ribs /j

-Cockney lad Sweepy! Born and raised in London, refuses to watch Mary Poppins on account of DVD’s bad accent, although does often sing Chim Chimney to himself, he can’t help it. Very lithe and small, one of the shorter men of the village, has to fit down chimneys of course.

-Sloppy, the bane of Tracker’s existence. Tho he’s doing better these days hygiene wise you’ll be pleased to know. That being said he’s essentially works as the village binman so everyone’s rubbish gets collected on time and disposed of properly and he still doesn’t mind being covered in it but he IS to take an immediate shower if he’s to step foot in Sweepy’s house. Owns a black shih tzu called Fly.

-Archie and Pal the reight northern blokes. Nowt they won’t discover and dig, aye. Like all northerners, they’re immune to cold and will be seen in shorts during midwinter. Archie is far more extroverted and Pal is a bit more socially awkward, but both can be very excitable when dealing with their points of interest in history. 

Now for mini doodles

-Not entirely sure what’s going on with Skelly and Archie. Are they friendly rivals, besties, vitriolic best buds, lovers, mortal enemies, a combo of all of the above? Who knows but whatever it is is hilarious. Having dedicated his entire life to the study of ancient Smurf history, to randomly one day have a living ….. uhhhh …. Reanimated ancient Smurf walking around is kind of a big deal to Archie!!

-Self-explanatory Sloppy redemption arc headcanon

-Yay angst w/ Roseate. She’ll be fine, albeit paralysed knees down. Song is ‘Not While I’m Around’ From Sweeney Todd which ironically is also sung by a cockney boy in that show.

-Archie and Pal employee the otherworldly skills of Nova on the frequent. That doesn’t stop them arguing about their finds tho.

Miner, Timber, Sweepy, Sloppy, Archie and Pal (c) The Smurfs

Skelly, Roseate and Nova are mine

[bidaubadeadieu]

Ten Favorite Fictional Characters

I was tagged by @skullhaver​ who chose some rlly choice people. We love so many of the same characters, for so many of the same reasons, but for the sake of fun, I’ll try to pick ones that don’t overlap theirs, or pick some characters off of the beaten path. I find this prompt a little tricky because I tend to fall in love more with worlds than characters. Sunless Skies and Dark Souls jump out to me as worlds that I really like but with no characters that I was really able to latch onto.

1. Rose Quartz, Steven Universe I love Rose Quartz’s selfishness. She spends the whole show kind of oblivious to the way she’s hurting people, although I think she is good of heart and intention. I think her deep empathy for other people manifests as this weird projection where by getting what she wants she genuinely thinks she’s helping others, and has no understanding that other people may not benefit from this. I like the way the narrative slowly reveals more about her, and it was a really exciting mystery to uncover, and to go, like Steven, from kind of revering her, to kind of resenting her, to kind of finding a middle path and acknowledging her complexity. Honorable mention goes to Stevonnie, also from Steven Universe, who is some great nonbinary rep.

2. Satine, Moulin Rouge! When I was in high school, I might have put Satine’s love interest, Christian, on this list, but thanks to gender discovery, I have been able to radically shift the way that I interpret romantic pursuit and seduction. I don’t think this was the intention of the writers, but I think there is ambiguity to be had in Satine’s character. Christian is charming, and the duke is rapey and awful, so I think the audience is supposed to feel that it’s obvious that she will fall for Christian, and of course her appeals to the Duke are only for show, but yet the only thing we know about Satine’s past is she has had a lifelong struggle for security, and I think the choice she is making is a real one. In my read of her character, Satine is like, actually so distant from her own emotional needs that she is not ready to fall in love, and I think she could find Christian’s in-touchness with his aesthetic ideals perturbing and alienating.

3. Karin, Naruto: Shippuden I have to love Karin because no one else will. She is not a good character; the writers make her fawn over Sasuke like 5 years after they should have realized that trope was dumb and juvenile, they gave her a shitty biting-linked power purely to titillate the audience as fanservice, and she gets treated like a punching bag. She’s like literally Naruto’s fucking cousin and they’ve never talked in canon. She represents every missed opportunity that show ever had, and is a perfect example of the way that misogyny hurts worldbuilding. In the New Era, she is kind and gentle with Sarada. Gay aunt vibes. Honorable mention goes to Orochimaru (Boruto only, when he’s in dad-mode) as questionable nonbinary rep, and honorable mentions go to to the rest of the Akatsuki for being absolute freaks, great villain writing, and finally honorable mention goes to Rock Lee for inspiring in me a certain kind of motivation and drive when I need it.

4. Iroh, Avatar: the Last Airbender Legit what is there not to love about this guy? His comic relief holds up after a decade, his wise and compassionate guidance helped foster one of the greatest redemption arcs of all time, and his physical prowess makes from some extremely well-choreographed fights. He really has the range.

5. Clare, The Nightingale (2019) This movie is far more violent than I usually enjoy, but there’s something about Clare’s descent into madness that was done really well. So many people talk these days about “feral women” but like, Clare, she’s feral, in the worst and ugliest ways. Her vengeance is completely justified, and its a rare story that while watching it I find myself thinking “yeah. i want her to commit murder. she deserves it :)” This is Rosemary’s Baby if Rosemary was a Tasmanian tiger.

6. April May, An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (2018) I bet you didn’t know this, but I like shitty, selfish women with hubris. I think they’re good characters. At least April, by virtue of being a protagonist, gets a serious growth arc the the second book, which none of the other characters above are afforded because their writers didn’t take them serious enough.

7. The Biologist, Annihilation (2014) Hey, I bet you didn’t know this, but I resonate with cold women making difficult decisions in survival situations. She is savvy and mostly self-aware, but still struggles with being out of her depth, and I resonate with the the way she is somewhat alienated from her past and her regrets.

8. Zaroff, The Most Dangerous Game (1924) It’s silly, and oversincere, and tropey, but I love the vintage horror of a lawful evil guy who hunts humans for sport. I like his weird period-appropriate racism. I like his faux-sophistication and worldliness. I find him oddly realistic. See also: my love for the Akatsuki, mentioned above.

9. Konata, Lucky Star I haven’t watched this show in over a decade, and I don’t want to, I am positive that it won’t hold up and it’ll be major cringe, but the fact of the matter is that Konata’s personality of gamer grrl, small-titty (because it’s fkn anime so that’s a personality I guess) innuendo-ridden persona despite deep naivete, it all left an indelible impact on my psyche. For better or for worse.

10. Viren, The Dragon Prince We love a power-hungry villain who is like, low-key a freak! We love somebody who sacrifices their humanity to get what they want! I love the way that Viren lies to his son, I love the way he and King Harrow were definitely gay for one another, I love the way that he takes advice from a magic caterpillar that lives in his hear. Honorable mention for Aunt Amaya, who is just wonderful, and we love the lady knight tropes she’s bringing

I will tag: @kit-kaboodle @theclockistickingwrite @fairy-creed @wymanthewalrus @soldier-author-batman @colcoction and you know, anybody else who wants in on the fun

[noblecrumpet-dorkvision]

Dungeon Narrative Checklist

Partly for myself but also for you guys, here's a list of 15 questions to ask while you are designing a dungeon.

Narrative Impact

1) How does the dungeon impact the campaign narrative?

As the players make progress in the dungeon, what new information do they learn about the overarching story? Will this dungeon lead them to the next one somehow?

2) What is the players' agency for going through the dungeon?

What reason do the players have to enter the dungeon other than XP and loot? What are the stakes and how important are they?

3) What moral questions are brought up in the dungeon?

How will the dungeon affect the players themselves? What choices must they make in order to succeed? Will the players be changed by these choices?

4) How are expectations subverted in the dungeon?

What makes dungeons exciting is turning things on their head. Whether it's what you normally expect a certain creature to do or look like or where you expect traps to be placed, changing it can make the dungeon memorable, fun, and challenging for the players.

History of the Dungeon

5) Why was the dungeon created?

Who built the dungeon? Was it a fortress? Temple? Prison? Mine? What groups originally inhabited it? No one (except maybe Acererak) makes a dungeon for just giggles. It either serves defensive, offensive, religious, residential, or commercial use. Maybe the reason isn't immediately apparent from its complexity.

6) How is the dungeon being used now?

Part of what makes a good dungeon is the passage of time. How are its latest inhabitants using it? Maybe a castle is being mined for materials, or maybe a mine has been turned into a defensive castle. Keep in mind the original purpose of the dungeon and reflect upon that. Both purposes should be obvious to the players after some time in the dungeon.

7) What rumors have spread about the dungeon? How did they spread?

Players need a way to be drawn to the dungeon, and this happens through rumors. How has the dungeon's presence affected nearby areas? What creatures are known to inhabit it? What treasures were lost inside? What evils must be slain within? Furthermore, think about how rumors get out. Did some adventuring parties fail before you? Did something escape the dungeon?

Dungeon Denizens

8) What cultures exist in the dungeon?

Who or what lives in the dungeon and how do they cope with their environment? Do they have a structured society? Do they practice a religion? What art items do they create? What are they famous/infamous for?

9) What factions exist in the dungeon and what motives do they have?

Do those that live in the dungeon interact with each other? How do they get along? Why do they or don't they get along? Some groups might not be on good terms with others, which can let the players take sides. A good example is the Sunless Citadel where the kobolds and goblins are enemies in the same dungeon.

10) What is day-to-day life like in the dungeon?

On a daily basis, what do its inhabitants do? Do the orcs have a patrol route? When do the kobolds reset traps? What time of day does the basilisk search for food? You don't have to go into great detail, but it will help you when figuring out how the players meet the denizens. Except for maybe undead/oozes/plants, monsters don't tend to sit in a room and wait for intruders. They have better things to be doing!

Dungeon Design

11) What is the story arc of the dungeon?

What is the beginning, middle, climax, and resolution of your dungeon? How does the dungeon change as the players progress? Things that change could include the environment, terrain, creatures, setting, or mood. Even the players and their goals can change midway through a dungeon. Maybe the dungeon denizens that were initially friendly hide an unforgivable evil in the dungeon. Now the players have to stop their initial allies.

12) What are the story beats of the dungeon?

Break down the individual story elements into one-sentence beats. Make sure they vary in drama, intensity, comedy, and length. In a dungeon setting, an easy way to do this is with the dungeon's rooms. You can control everything the players encounter when separated into sections like that. And never underestimate the importance of empty rooms.

13) What is the expected path for the players to take?

How do you expect your players to traverse the dungeon? Where do they enter and exit? Which rooms do you believe they will investigate first? If you know their path, you can create more interesting encounters through a controlled setting. That being said, make multiple paths to get around the dungeon. Let some be secret and some out in the open. Let players thoroughly explore the space. But manufacture important story moments at "funnels" in the dungeon map where the player can only come from one direction.

14) Which rooms are optional and which are mandatory?

Players don't have to explore every room or find every secret, but reward them with promising loot (potentially guarded by unique threats) if they do explore them. Know which rooms are absolutely necessary for completion or progression and make those rooms enticing to help ensure the players explore them.

15) Is each room and encounter unique?

Make sure the players have a decent variety of enemies to fight, or at least something that makes each fight unique. Equip similar enemies with different weapons, make one into a spellcaster, or include an environmental feature. Alter the shapes of rooms and pathways to add variety. Give each room a unique purpose, when applicable. The only times I might make rooms look the same is for dormitories or cells, in which case I would treat an entire hall as a "room."

[eggoreviews]

Viddy Games Monthly #1 - February 2019

Is this really late? Sure Is!

Here's something new I'm trying! In this 'issue' (lol):

NEW RELEASES - A look back at everything exciting that dropped this month, from Resident Evil 2 to the new 2D Mario!

NEWS - January is usually pretty dry for viddy games, but there's some interesting stuff still!

Release dates, updates and more!

NEW RELEASES

Fitness Boxing (RD: January 4th - Nintendo Switch)

And here we have Nintendo’s first real attempt in this console generation to draw in the fitness crowd they catered to so well with the Wii. Except, Fitness Boxing feels a lot more technical and niche than those other titles from a decade ago. Fitness Boxing’s main draw is teaching you how to improve your boxing form, meaning it’s definitely not one to play with the family unless you’re all die hard boxing fans. But if you’re less interested in picking up the technical aspects, Fitness Boxing works just as well as a fitness companion, coming packed with its own motivational trainer (I haven’t picked this game up purely because it would feel like I’m cheating on the Wii Fit Trainer. Plus this basically dashes all hope of Wii Fit Switch so I’ll need to mourn that for a hot minute).

Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story + Bowser Jr.’s Journey (RD: January 11th - Nintendo 3DS)

As the 3DS reaches the end of its lifespan and its screentime in the Nintendo Directs gets shorter, this Mario & Luigi title could well be one of the last RPGs we see on the system. In this enhanced remaster, the worlds of turn based RPG and 2D platformer collide and, coupling this fact with some odd setpieces including Bowser’s literal stomach, also make for one of the weirdest games on the system. Despite this, there’s no doubt that it works. With the addition of the Bowser Jr.’s Journey expansion, there’s undoubtedly a wealth of content to explore here, especially if you’re new to this oddly charming RPG spin-off.

New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe (RD: January 11th - Nintendo Switch)

The latest in a long line of Wii U ports, Nintendo has bundled up Mario U and Super Luigi U and released it yet again on the Switch. This is by no means a bad thing, as we had yet to see a 2D Mario on the system, but the general consensus seems to be that the play time is much shorter than the price would have you believe. Of course, if you’re a die hard Mario fan, there’s no doubt you’ve already picked this up and it’s definitely worth a go if you didn’t have a chance to play on Wii U. Alongside this, new features include new playable characters and helpful items for if you’re like me and are terrible at platformers (I welcome these changes). But really, I think the talk of the town was the fact they patched in Blue Toad before release when everyone got sad that he was absent. Thanks Nintendo.

Tales of Vesperia: Definitive Edition (RD: January 11th - Windows, Xbox One, PS4, Switch)

An enhanced port with updated HD graphics to celebrate the 10th anniversary of this beloved entry in Bandai Namco’s Tales series. This edition comes packed with a beefy selection of new content, including all that was exclusive to Japan at the time of the PS3 port’s release. Generally, this game scored high at the time of its release, being cited as an interesting and unique JRPG that was made all the better by its trademark combat system that has been carried throughout the series.

The Walking Dead: The Final Season - Episode 3: Broken Toys (RD: January 15th - Windows, Xbox One, PS4, Switch)

Against all the odds, the critically acclaimed Walking Dead game series has somehow survived the closure of its creator, Telltale Games, continuing under Skybound Entertainment. The series continues to shine in critic reviews, which thankfully continues into the penultimate episode, Broken Toys. With a firm release date of the final episode being March 26th, we won’t have to wait long to finally witness the end of Clementine’s story.

Travis Strikes Again: No More Heroes (RD: January 18th - Nintendo Switch)

The third entry in the No More Heroes series has finally arrived 9 years after its second effort, though this time to mixed reviews. The gameplay fans of the series are used to has been totally overhauled this time around, instead throwing Travis into a possessed game console containing six wildly different, self-contained video games. This time, the gameplay is entirely from a top-down perspective. Some enjoyed this radical change of pace for the series, but other fans of Travis believed the drastic change was a little too jarring to enjoy in contrast to this entry’s predecessors.

Resident Evil 2 remake (RD: January 25th - Windows, PS4, Xbox One)

The highly anticipated remake of Capcom’s horror classic finally dropped this month, and let’s be honest, it’s everything fans wanted. The controversial move to ditch the usual fixed camera the early RE games are known for so the game could be built in Capcom’s home-grown Resident Evil 7 engine was what made the game so immersive and genuinely terrifying. With tons of gameplay tweaks, Capcom managed to tread the line between creating a fresh experience and staying faithful to the original game. Entirely different puzzle solutions, new dialogue and a whole new playable character in Sherry Birkin ensures that those who know the original inside out will still have more to discover, but the return of each horrifying boss and setpiece in glorious HD puts the nostalgia into overdrive. Plus, the tofu block came back so really there’s nothing to gripe at.

Kingdom Hearts III (RD: January 29th - Xbox One, PS4)

Here it is. The game fans have been waiting 14 years for. The one that ties every character and confusing plot arc together and says ‘Merry christmas, Baymax is in this game now!’

With a few fan favourite worlds returning among a handful of new ones, Kingdom Hearts has finally launched itself into the current gen with a heartfelt tale of friendship and big hair. There really is very little to say about this, because we all knew it was going to be good.

Also out this month:

First person shooter Bright Memory released this month to positive reception, despite controversy around the stolen assets used by the devs.

Charming adventure game Vane dropped this month, allowing players to explore a beautiful world as a boy who can turn into a bird.

Ace Combat 7: Skies Unknown, the critically acclaimed combat flight sim series, released for PS4 and Xbox One, with some great VR content.

Life Is Strange 2 Episode 2 - Rules released this month, continuing the heartfelt tale of two brothers on the run

Gothic Indie RPG Sunless Skies released at the very end of January, showing a detailed focus on narrative and exploration

NEWS

What’s been happenin’? Probably a lot, but this is what I picked up on!

Metroid Prime 4 has gone a bit wonky

As everyone has probably heard by now, the long awaited Metroid Prime 4 has officially been halted and restarted, as announced in a commendably transparent video Nintendo published on their YouTube channel last month. Basically, they weren’t happy with how development was going so they’ve gone back to square one, this time with the help of past Prime developers Retro Studios. Honestly, this is a really good sign, as it shows how committed Nintendo are to creating a solid game to stand next to the other three. Plus, this makes a Prime trilogy switch port way more likely in my eyes, so hooray for that.

Piranha Plant got here early!

At the tail end of January, those who redeemed their plant boi codes turned on Smash and suddenly got the gratefully received ‘Piranha Plant joins the battle’ message! I can confirm I made a bit of a weird dolphin noise when I saw he’d turned up before the estimated February release. In another post, I’ll be breaking down his moveset in a bit more detail, so keep an eye out for that if you’re a fellow plant connoisseur!

Sony patents retro back-compatibility for PS5?

A new patent Sony put through last month that they tried to sneak by us MAY hint at retro back-compatibility for their next system, spanning all four of their home consoles. If this news is true, this could give Sony a massive edge in the next console gen, as remasters and retro games become increasingly popular, as well as the fact that people are unlikely to want to leave the considerable PS4 library behind. So at the very least, we can hope for PS4 games to be playable on the PS5.

Cross platform achievements could be a thing!

A since removed GDC listing teased the possible integration of Xbox Live onto iOS, Android and, interestingly, the Nintendo Switch! At a base level, this would very probably mean that achievements between these two consoles would be cross compatible, or at least viewable on either console. While nothing is confirmed just yet, this could be a sign of the growing partnership between Microsoft and Nintendo.

Nintendo is really lovin’ their mobile games!

With Switch sales beginning to level out ever so slightly, Nintendo seems to be turning to the mobile market. A mobile Mario Kart was announced a couple of years ago, but now it finally has a name, Mario Kart Tour. It’s now slated for a Summer 2019 release. Alongside this, Nintendo have announced Dr. Mario World for mobile, as well as rumours bubbling under that Dragalia Lost could be seeing a localised port for Canada and Europe.

New Nintendo Selects for the States!

Super Mario Maker, The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask 3D and Star Fox 64 3D have arrived in America as Nintendo Selects, thankfully proving that Nintendo aren’t quite willing to let the 3DS die just yet. Not to be that guy, but Majora’s Mask over in Europe as a select would be pretty great. Pls.

Indie Highlights

And finally, Nintendo has dropped another Indie Highlights on us, featuring the likes of Wargroove, When Ski Lifts Go Wrong, Forager and the (long awaited?) Goat Simulator port. Worth a look if you’re looking for something a little wackier to play this month!

That’s all the headlines for this month!

FREE VIDYA

Are you subscribed to whatever online service your console has? Then oh boy, you got some free stuff!

NES Nintendo Switch Online - Blaster Master & Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

This month, Nintendo added the ever wonderful and upsettingly hard Zelda II to their retro lineup, along with lesser known run-and-gun platformer Blaster Master.

PlayStation Plus - Steep & Portal Knights

It’s a good month for snowboard enthusiasts over on the PS4 this month, as Ubisoft’s open world sports game Steep joins the lineup. Alongside this, the artistically charming RPG Portal Knights was free last month. January also marked the final month of PS Plus support for the Vita and PS3, with Fallen Legion: Flames of Rebellion & Super Mutant Alien Assault joining the Vita lineup and Zone of the Enders HD Collection and Amplitude free for PS3 owners

Xbox Game Pass

January was a hecking good month for members of the Xbox game pass, with the entire Life Is Strange saga joining the service, along with other quality games such as Just Cause 3, Farming Simulator 17, Absolver, Aftercharge and ARK: Survival Evolved.

RELEASE DATES

Yoshi’s Crafted World

Nintendo released a story trailer for Yoshi’s creative new outing, showing off Baby Bowser and Kamek as the game’s villains. The release date set for this uniquely cardboard platformer is March 29th, so fans won’t have to wait long!

Kirby’s Extra Epic Yarn

Breathing new life into the 3DS is this enhanced port of Kirby’s Epic Yarn, which originally released on the Wii in 2010. Featuring all new content that wasn’t available the first time around, fans of the Kirby series will be able to pick this up from March 8th.

Final Fantasy remasters

After the exciting announcement in September that beloved Final Fantasy games would be coming to other consoles in 2019, Square Enix have finally announced release dates for a couple of these titles. Final Fantasy X/X-2 HD Remaster will hit the Switch and Xbox One on April 16th, while Final Fantasy XII: The Zodiac Age arrives on both of these consoles on April 30th.

RUMOURS

Welcome to probably the most controversial segment of this, the rumour-y bit! Just a pre-warning that nothing talked about here is by any means confirmed, so keep your expectations tempered.

SNES for Switch Online?

A recent datamine into the NES Switch Online app has apparently revealed a list of 20 SNES games in the code that could be coming to the system in the future, including Mario World, Kirby Superstar, A Link to the Past and Super Metroid. I’m hesitant to say this is true because nothing has been said on Nintendo’s end yet, but considering the lack of content for Switch Online as of yet, I’d say it’s fairly likely in any case. If this is true, we can all hope for DK Country and EarthBound also because pls Nintendo.

Smash Ultimate Fighter Pass Leak

There have been two notable datamines in the past month that could reveal our four remaining DLC fighters for Smash Ultimate. The first uncovered three names in the coding for the game, Plant (obviously referring to Piranha Plant), Jack (Likely Joker from Persona 5) and Brave (Speculated to be Erdrick from the Dragon Quest series). The reason why Brave is so heavily speculated to be Erdrick is because, in Japan, the hero class Erdrick belongs to in Dragon Quest is called ‘Yusha’, which translates to brave in English. Alongside this, one of the heads of development for Smash Ultimate, Shinya Kumazaki, recently posted a photo of the iconic shield from Dragon Quest with the caption ‘the brave’s shield’, which naturally sent the internet into meltdown. Personally, I think Erdrick is pretty much a dead cert for the DLC roster at this point, especially after that Instagram tease.

Thanks for reading!

In the next issue, most likely in the first week of March, I’ll be reviewing the likes of Jump Force, Metro Exodus, Far Cry New Dawn and Anthem, plus giving you a rundown of anything game-y that happens in February! Plus, the new game of the month feature will begin next time, as I explain my choice for January’s best game. Have a fun day. Stay hydrated.

[kickstarter]

Happening: The saga continues

Today’s Happening is brought to you by John Watson, co-founder of the independent game developer Stoic and technical director of an RPG trilogy about Vikings that we bet you’ve heard of: The Banner Saga. Watson began programming at age six and has since delved into professional game development and science-related engineering. Banner Saga 3, the third and final chapter of the story-driven game, is live on Kickstarter through March 7.

From Banner Saga 3

Lately I’m really inspired by: High-quality television — this longform storytelling format has really come into its own. In particular, I like series that take a deliberate approach to creating story arcs, like Stranger Things, Fargo, and True Detective.

Right now I’m reading: The Autobiography of Malcolm X. Reading biographies and historical nonfiction creates new mental connections between myself and the past and stimulates speculative extrapolation into the future.

My dream creative collaboration would be with: Cartoon Saloon, on a Banner Saga animated series.

Three projects I love

I’ve spent so many hours absorbed in the world of Sunless Sea

I'm immediately attracted to any game resembling a Southern Gothic story

Swans can be a musical experience of epic intensity, and their story is a fascinating one

Links I like

An homage to one of the best TV series of all time

Stephen Hawking provides a stark warning and a message of hope

A critically important part of the world seen from an amazing viewpoint:

As the Voyager spacecraft exited the fringes of our solar system, this is what it saw

Etc.

Lost in light

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Sunless Lives Part 28: I Will Not Bend

~1380 words

CW: forced institutionalization, threatened noncon, drugging, force feeding, attempted murder, character thinks they’re going to die but they don’t!

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~~~

M BECK: I’ve decided something.

DR MANDAL: Oh?

M BECK: It’s not the preybonding. Ever since I was cured I was scared it was just the preybonding. But I don’t think it ever was. I love him. I always did.

DR MANDAL: Does this change your plans for your relationship?

M BECK: It means I have to do what’s right for Simon, whatever that may be.

~~~

“Is Matthew out yet?”

Simon asked that every time Christian visited, roughly every three weeks.

“No.”

The same answer as always.

“I want out.”

Christian’s response to that was the same every time too.

“I’m still working on your list, kid.”

Simon’s eyes darted up and around the visitor’s room. It was far nicer, far cleaner than the rest of Fort Summerwhite. The chairs were comfy. The table was unscratched. The lights worked.

It was a fine facade, and with an orderly watching him from the corner, there was nothing Simon could do to crack it.

He’d tried, the first time Christian had visited. He’d aired his ills until he was in near hysterics, and had been dragged away to a horrifying week in solitary. When he got out he’d groped and clung to Chett for days. The second time Christian visited Simon tried to talk about it, but received a threatening stare from the observing orderly and the distinct impression from Christian that he thought Simon had lost it. He’d taken a tour of the facilities, he said gently, everything seemed so nice.

You don’t need to lie to me to get out of here sooner.

So their visits went nowhere. Christian chatted brightly about how he was rebuilding the team, but never said why Gina and Devon were gone. He talked about how he was taking down the vampires on Simon’s list - he really was doing that, at least, which brought Simon some small relief. He talked about the VIU’s new director; someone had leaked Yarl’s dealings with vampire compounds, and he had to step down. Georgia Dune had replaced him, and was breaking apart compounds with a vengeance.

Simon tried to suggest that he return to work for the VIU, knowing Dune had a soft spot for him, just Christian shut him down.

“You’re still… You need to get better,” Christian said.

Better than what?

He felt fine. He only ever felt strange when Reeder slipped up and he was forced to take some unnamed, unknown medication. Otherwise, he felt sharp as ever - he was eating healthily. He'd blown through all the novels and puzzle books kept in the common room. He needed out. He needed Matthew.

He needed his goddamn phone call.

~~~

He expressed his need to Reeder, the next time he was pulled into the storage closet. It was just the two of them that evening, which wasn’t unusual - Hahns only participated half the time.

“It’s been weeks,” Simon said, doing his best to keep his voice sweet and hopeful rather than the angry snap it wanted to be. “You said you'd see what you could do.”

“I will, I will,” Reeder brushed him off, as usual. He stepped up close to Simon, which was not usual. Simon stepped back, and Reeder followed, until Simon’s back was pressed against the wall.

“What are you doing?” Simon asked, no longer sweet.

“I was thinking, now that you’re not skin and bones anymore, your body’s pretty hot. I thought we could take things to the next level.” Reeder’s hands slid over Simon’s hips. Simon knocked them away.

“No,” he said firmly, “That’s not part of the deal.”

“But it could be.” Reeder pressed his hands to the wall on either side of Simon’s head, boxing him in.

Get out, now.

“Nope.” Simon ducked under Reeder’s thick arm, but Reeder caught his shoulder and slammed him back into the wall, pinning him like he had that first day.

“I think you’re forgetting who’s in charge here,” he hissed.

This is bad.

Maybe we -

No. Not this time.

Matthew wouldn’t want you to.

Simon jerked his head forward and slammed his forehead into Reeder’s. Reeder stumbled back with a sharp cry. Simon tried to dart around the large man but he caught Simon and shoved him back towards the wall. 

“Stop fighting me, you stupid fucking -”

As Reeder hurled slurs and curses, Simon tried once more to push past him. This time Reeder grabbed his shirt, lifted him up, and slammed him into the ground.

Too close to a shelf.

The clang of his skull hitting the bottom shelf of the unit reverberated through Simon’s entire body, stealing his breath, his thoughts, his sight. His head pulsed and pounded as it rolled limply to the side. He saw his own hand twitching uncontrollably through darkened tunnel vision, and Reeder’s feet stepping back and forth. Simon could distantly hear him, swearing and apologizing, then - he was gone. The door was closing.

Simon wasn’t sure how long he laid there, or if he was even conscious the whole time, but Reeder returned eventually. He dropped some things to the ground with a clatter and Simon saw a pill bottle roll into his line of vision. Then a hand turned his face upward and he saw Reeder leaning over him, pill chute in hand.

No.

Reeder pried open Simon’s mouth with ease and shoved the plastic cylinder in, hard and deep. Simon gagged, but had no strength to expel it. He moaned, the plastic in his mouth giving him an eerie animalistic sound. He heard the rattle of the pill bottle, and Reeder’s frantic mumblings.

“It’ll be okay, it’ll all be over soon, don't worry.”

Simon managed to lift a hand towards the chute in his mouth, but Reeder seized it and pinned it down under his knee.

“No no no no no, just hold still!”

He upturned the pill bottle over the chute, and Simon choked and teared up when he felt the pills hit the back of his throat. Then he heard the crinkle of a plastic bottle, and he had only a second to brace before his mouth and throat were flooded with stale water. He gagged and sputtered, sending water up his nose and down the wrong pipe, prompting uncontrollable coughing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

Reeder ripped the pill chute out and clamped his hands down over Simon’s nose and mouth. Simon convulsed on the floor, eyes rolling and free hand grabbing weakly at Reeder’s sleeves. The back of his head screamed white-hot where it was being pressed into the floor. The pills and the water swirled in his mouth 

“Swallow!” Reeder ordered, as he had many times before, “Just swallow, fucking stupid!”

Eventually Simon obeyed, swallowing painfully with a full-body shudder. Reeder lifted his hands and allowed Simon to gasp and choke for air.

“Reeder,” Simon croaked between coughs, “Reeder, please…”

“Shouldn’t have fought me. Dumn fuckin’ bloodbag,” Reeder said, breathing heavily. He stood, the pill chute clutched in a white-knuckled fist. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m really sorry.” He even sounded like he meant it a little.

“Reeder!” Simon rasped, but Reeder was gone. Simon was alone.

Get it out get it out get it OUT.

It took three tries for Simon to roll onto his side, still coughing and gasping. He felt blood creeping through his hair in hot rivulets. He brought a hand to his mouth and pushed his fingers into his bruised and battered throat. He hadn’t had to force himself to puke in a long time. It was - who was it? - Gloria. He had to empty his stomach after each of her visits. He’d gotten good at it. This would be easy.

But as his fingers weakly prodded and pressed, he only hacked and gagged, nothing more. He reached out, felt around, and found the discarded pill bottle; but his vision was so narrow and blurry he couldn’t read the label. The bottle dropped from his hands as it hit him.

I’m going to die here.

He reached for the door, but he didn’t have the strength to pull himself towards it.

I’m going to die here.

“Help.” His voice was a strangled whisper. No one would ever hear him.

I’m going to die here.

I’m going to die.

I’m going to die.

I’m going to die.

~~~

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Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

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Sunless Lives Part 24: I Will Not Go

~1320 words

CW: conservatorship, loss of rights, drugging

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~~~

M BECK: I’m just worried about my possessiveness. I don’t know how I’m going to treat him if I’m around him again. I don’t want to be controlling.

DR MANDAL: You’re using two different words here. Possessive and controlling. I think they’re a little different. Do you think both are true?

M BECK: I don’t know.

DR MANDAL: Let’s talk about possessiveness first. Do you want to possess Simon?

M BECK: Not really. Or, in a way. I guess I do want to but I know that that would be bad.

DR MANDAL: Why would it be bad?

M BECK: I don’t want to own him. That’s what the vampire wanted. That feels dehumanizing. But I do want him to be mine. But I want him to be his own person, too.

DR MANDAL: Matthew, I’m going to be honest, that sounds like a healthy level of desire for another person. You want him, but you still want him to be his own person. I think that’s normal.

M BECK: Oh.

DR MANDAL: Have you had many serious relationships before? Where you were as in love with someone else as you are with Simon?

M BECK: No.

DR MANDAL: So this level of desire is new for you.

M BECK: I guess.

DR MANDAL: Love can be scary.

[0:38]

DR MANDAL: Do you want to talk about feeling controlling now?

M BECK: Okay.

DR MANDAL: What makes you want to control Simon?

M BECK: I think he makes bad decisions sometimes. He has trouble taking care of himself.

DR MANDAL: What are some examples?

M BECK: Staying with the vampire. Or the way he lets Isles treat him.

DR MANDAL: Anything else?

M BECK: Um.

DR MANDAL: Those aren’t very many bad decisions. Can you think of some good decisions that he made, or times that he took care of himself?

M BECK: Yeah. Yeah. He knew that victim protection wouldn’t keep him safe, after Lara, and he was smart enough to tell Isles that. He’s always reading self-improvement stuff. He convinced me, um, the vampire, to get the cure. He opened up to me when he needed to after Finch. There were a couple times when we were dating too where he really clearly told me when something bothered him, and I appreciated that. Um. I know there’s more.

DR MANDAL: Sounds like he makes more good decisions than bad.

M BECK: Yeah. You’re right.

DR MANDAL: So if he makes good decisions and takes care of himself most of the time, maybe you can let go of that need to control.

M BECK: Oh.

DR MANDAL: Can you trust him to take care of himself?

M BECK: Yeah. I think I can. God, I can’t believe I called him an idiot. Do you think I’ll be able to call him soon?

~~~

Simon stepped out into the hallway of the clinic, blinking hard and gripping his coat tight. Amber and Christian were talking to each other in hushed tones that fell silent when they saw him.

“Ready to go?” Amber asked. Simon flinched a little at her loud voice, remembering her gun. Remembering that she’d almost shot Matthew. That she still might, if anything they did antagonized him.

Simon nodded quickly, not trusting his own voice.

“We’ll walk you out,” Christian said, smiling at him. It wasn’t comforting. They started walking through the clinic, back out the way they came in. They passed through the waiting room and came to the front doors.

“Put your coat on, it’s cold out.” Christian ordered.

Still a little dazed, Simon pulled on his coat and struggled with the zipper. 

“Let me.” Christian butted in and zipped it up for him. Simon opened his mouth to complain, but thought better of it.

“Listen.” Christian settled his hands on Simon’s shoulders and looked him in the eye. “You’ll only be at Fort Summerwhite until I get your list squared away. After that… we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. Okay?”

It was very much not okay, but Simon was too afraid of what Matthew might do if he put up a fuss. Of what Chris and Amber might do to Matthew in turn. So he nodded, and let Christian guide him by the arm through the doors, past the police officers standing guard and onto the sidewalk. There was a car waiting, a gray sedan. Christian opened the backseat door for him, and Simon got in, heart pounding. Two men sat in the front. A tall woman sat on the other side of the back seat, smiling at him.

“Hello there, you must be Simon! My name is Kelly, I work for Fort Summerwhite.”

Simon jumped when the door slammed shut. They were just putting him in a car, with strangers, to be driven off to God-knows-where.

This never ends well.

He could only barely see through the tinted windows as the car pulled away and Christian waved at him from the sidewalk. Kelly rambled on about Summerwhite’s amenities and how much he was going to love it there, but Simon couldn’t focus. He hadn't even found out exactly where Matthew was going. How would he know where to go, where to call? He needed to call Gina, and Matthew’s dad, and find out where they were too. 

Matthew had told him to go to Summerwhite, to get better, and Matthew was always right, but… Simon could get better on his own. He always had before. He knew how to take care of himself. He could do it, without being locked up by strangers.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he said loudly, interrupting Kelly’s pitch. “I don’t want to go. If you could pull over and let me out, please.”

Kelly sucked in a breath, hesitating.

“Simon, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“What? No, just pull over here, and…”

“Simon,” her voice was firm, “Do you know what a conservatorship is?”

He didn’t, but something about her change in tone froze him with dread.

“Your boss and friends were so very worried about you,” she continued, now condescendingly sweet, “And they felt like you couldn’t take care of yourself. So your boss, Cristian Isles, had a court place you under a conservatorship. It means you don’t have to worry about making any tough decisions for a while. You can just rest and be taken care of by everyone at Summerwhite.”

Simon still didn’t fully understand, but he knew it was something bad.

“No, no, I’m not consenting to treatment. I don’t want to be in this car anymore, you have to let me out or it’s kidnapping. Pull over.” His voice wavered with uncertainty.

“It’s actually not, Simon,” she said slowly, “Captain Isles is your conservator, and he has placed you in our custody, and we’re taking you to Fort Summerwhite for your own safety.”

“No, you can’t…” The car slowed at a red light, and Simon unbuckled his seatbelt and yanked on the door handle. It was locked.

“Let me out!” he shouted, searching for the lock, running his hands over the door to no avail.

“You need help, Kelly?” the man in the passenger seat asked.

“Let me out!” Simon leaned forward to yell at the driver.

“Yes, I think so,” Kelly frowned at Simon, “But be careful.”

“You can’t do this!” Simon insisted, “This is kidnapping, I don’t want to be here -”

The man in the passenger seat took something out of the glove box and as the car fully stopped at the light he got out and opened Simon’s door. Simon leapt at the chance and tried to jump out past the man into the street, but the man easily caught him around the waist.

“Help!” Simon screamed, shoving and clawing at the man, “Somebody help!”

But strong hands twisted his arm and slammed him against the side of the car, and a sharp sting in his neck made him cry out. His words fell apart into a jumble, then his thoughts, then his sight.

Then nothing.

~~~

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Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

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Sunless Lives Part 22: I Will Hear From You Soon

A slow, melancholy chapter.

~1630 words

CW: medical setting, forced institutionalization

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~~~

There was blood on his hand.

Matthew realized it suddenly. Had it been there the whole time? He flinched at the memory: he’d bitten Simon’s hand. Then Simon had held his hand when he was… not scared, vampires didn’t feel fear. But it was something, something that spurred him to reach out to Simon for comfort in his last moments of vampirism.

Now there was a red smear across his palm, already dark as it dried and oxidized. It stood out against his pale skin like a burn. Like a curse.

He really wanted to lick it.

He jumped up and ran to the sink, turned on a torrent of hot water and pumped out a flood of soap from the dispenser. He kept scrubbing his hands together long after the mark was gone. When his skin was red and raw he finally shut off the water, and patted his hands dry on his sunflower-patterned hospital gown. He realized Simon had never made a single comment about how silly he must look. For someone who wore the same thing every day like a cartoon character, Simon could be remarkably opinionated about fashion. Or at least, he used to be. Had he made a comment about the vampire’s appearance, and been shut down? Matthew didn’t want to delve into his memories to check. He didn’t want to think about any of it, didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to go to ‘rehabilitation,’ didn’t want to be alone.

He sank down to crouch on the floor and sobbed as he realized he wanted his dad.

He wanted to go home, not to his nice apartment outside DC or to his and Simon’s Boston studio but to the little Baltimore house on the corner with the basketball hoop and the blue door and the upright piano and his childhood bedroom and the twin bed that was definitely too small for him now.

He hadn’t seen his dad in four months. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to go through with his plan if he said goodbye to his dad in person, so their last contact was a cryptic voice message that Matthew had left him at 2 AM on a hot August night before meeting up with a vampire who promised to turn him for cash. He’d never bothered to check his messages when he got his smartphone back from Gina, just retrieved the information he’d needed and chucked it.

A knock on the door startled him out of his spiral. He stood too quickly, causing a wave of nausea and lightheadedness. He grabbed the counter to steady himself.

“Come in.” His voice was hoarse.

Tammy entered, and didn’t react at all to his disheveled, red-eyed state. She carried a stack of gray clothing, which she set on one of the chairs. Simon’s chair.

“I’m going to give you a quick physical, then you can get dressed in these and a shuttle will take you to Philadelphia. They’re nice and comfy for the long ride.”

Matthew looked around, suddenly aware that his own clothes were nowhere to be seen. Isles had sat in the chair Matthew remembered putting them on. Only his winter boots remained, tucked under the chair. Anticipating his concern, Tammy provided an explanation.

“Your personal things have been collected and logged and will be returned to you when you leave rehabilitation.”

“How long?” Matthew asked, “How long will rehab take?”

“We’ve only been doing this for a couple weeks,” Tammy said, sounding like she’d said this a lot, but still maintaining a professional level of kindness. “We don’t know how long it will take, but we do know it will be different for every individual.”

“Is there somewhere I can call my dad?” Matthew’s voice cracked.

Tammy’s lips pressed together.

“I’m very sorry, but VIU regulations prevent us from letting you have any contact with anyone outside the system from this point forward.”

“Seriously?” Matthew felt anger flare in his chest. “Just a five minute phone call, surely -”

“I know it’s hard,” Tammy raised a calming hand, “But you should know that he’s been notified that you’re here, and that you’re safe. And with all likelihood you’ll have contact with your loved ones at a later time during your rehabilitation. Okay?”

It was not okay, but Matthew was too exhausted to argue any further.

He cooperated with the physical: sitting down, breathing deep, looking into the light, lying down, relaxing his stomach. The routine normalcy of it, even Tammy’s professionalism, felt strange. Shouldn’t she be scared of him? Shouldn’t he be locked up? Tammy announced he had passed with flying colors and earnestly wished him well, and shortly after that Officer Thomas was escorting him through the morning snow flurries into a long Ford transit van. This felt more in line with what he expected. Thomas closed the van door and slapped the side without saying goodbye, and Matthew had to scramble to a seat as the vehicle started moving. The driver was separated from the back by a metal grate, and Matthew briefly caught her cold stare in the rearview. There was one other passenger: a middle-aged woman with gray sweats that matched Matthew’s. She stared out the window, her cheeks damp and her eyes glazed.

Matthew took the opposite window seat, and watched the world pass by as they drove further and further away from Simon.

Only a little while.

Only a little while.

~~~

He didn’t learn the name of the facility where he’d be staying until they were pulling up to it, over five hours later: Fontaine Fields, read a decrepit sign. BLOODSUCKERS! was spray painted over it in dripping red paint. The building itself looked two steps away from abandoned; it was a massive early 20th-century brick and concrete structure, with a towering main building in the center and two shorter wings on either side. Ivy had overtaken the left wing, and as it was leafless in the winter it looked like gnarled gray hands were clawing up the walls. 

The inside, Matthew had to admit, was much more welcoming. It was clean and bright, and smelled of fresh paint. The thick glass around the receptionist’s desk had paper snowflakes and Christmas cards taped to it. The receptionist herself wore a Santa hat, and smiled at them as she instructed them to trade in their winter boots for flat gray slippers which were - like their gray sweats - surprisingly cozy. Then Matthew and his van companion were guided by orderlies into the right wing - the east wing, they were told - up a wide creaking wooden staircase, through a heavy modern door one orderly had to open with a swipe card, and into a door-lined hallway. They were each led into a small room with four single beds, and little else. Once inside Matthew was told to knock if he needed the bathroom, and that he’d be collected for dinner at five. A little clock bolted high on the wall read 2:09. Starving at this point, Matthew had to speak up.

“Actually, I haven’t had anything to eat or drink since last night. It was a long drive here, I came from Boston, I…”

To his surprise, the orderly actually stopped and listened to him, nodding understandingly. He was a broad man, a little bigger than Matthew, probably in his forties.

“Of course, I’ll see what I can do.”

Ten minutes later the orderly observed as Matthew wolfed down a sandwich on a paper plate and chugged a water bottle, sitting on the edge of one of the beds.

“Thank you,” Matthew said for perhaps the tenth time as the orderly collected his trash.

“No problem,” the orderly replied, folding up the paper plate, “My name’s Bev, by the way.”

Matthew flushed, embarrassed that he’d forgotten basic social skills in his hunger.

“Sorry, I - I’m Matthew.”

“Matthew.” Bev looked at him with the steady gaze of someone experienced in his field. “You should know, everyone here wants you to be well. We’re here to take care of you, and get you back out there so that you can live your life. So always tell us when you need something, alright?”

“When can I access a phone?” Matthew asked quickly. Bev sighed.

“We’re working on that. The VIU thinks no news is good news, and if no one can talk then there’s no stories to tell. But we’re wearing them down.” He smiled, a hint of mischief in his eye.

“I just -” Matthew’s throat grew tight, “I really need to call my dad -”

He was fully sobbing before he could stop it. The weight of the day had finally broken him. He wanted his dad. He wanted Simon. He wanted Gina. He didn’t want to be trapped, alone in this place.

Bev stood quietly, letting Matthew cry it out with a sliver of dignity. He waited until Matthew’s breathing leveled out a bit to speak again.

“I promise you, the people here are good. Everyone’s here because they think this work is important, that you’re important. We will get you back to your people, I promise.”

“Thank you,” Matthew sniffled, “Thank you.”

After Bev left, locking the door behind him, Matthew laid down on the bed and stared at the freshly-white ceiling. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he’d get to talk to everyone soon - his dad, Gina, Simon.

Simon… Matthew shouldn’t have blown up at him like that. God, I called him an idiot, how…? He needed to apologize properly. Surely Simon would be allowed phone access at - what was it? - Fort Summerwhite. Yes, the VIU would get this stick out of their ass eventually and Matthew would spend every minute he could on the phone with the people he loved.

He’d hear Simon’s voice again soon.

~~~

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Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

[whump-card]

Sunless Lives Arc 3 contains themes of forced institutionalization, medical abuse, psychiatric abuse, and suicide. Because these are such common squicks and triggers amongst the whump community, I will be providing a surface-level summary of what happens chapter-by-chapter for anyone who needs to skip parts or the whole arc.

This post will be edited to add the summary of each part as I publish them, and I will reblog the updated version after each Sunless Lives post.

Take care!

Summary below the cut.

Part 21: I Will Get Better - Matthew wakes up, cured of his vampirism. He is at first mad at Simon for staying with him while he was a vampire, and they argue before coming to an understanding. Captain Isles and Amber show up. They want to send Simon to a psychiatric facility. Simon doesn’t want to go, but agrees when Amber implicitly threatens Matthew. Simon leaves with Isles and Amber.

Part 22: I Will Hear From You Soon - Matthew is alone at the clinic. He misses his dad. He goes through a physical, and asks how long vampire rehab will take. They don’t know. He is taken in a van to Fontain Fields. It’s surprisingly nice inside. A kind orderly gives him a pep talk.

Part 23: I Will Get You Out - In a therapy session transcript, Dr Mandal asks Matthew questions about the emotions he experienced as a vampire. Back in the present, Matthew gets out of Fontaine Fields around Easter. He reunites with his dad. Gina and Devon are there, and inform him that Isles has placed Simon under a conservatorship, and that Simon has attempted suicide.

Part 24: I Will Not Go - In a therapy session transcript, Matthew worries about being possessive and controlling when he’s around Simon again. Dr Mandal suggests that the possessiveness is a natural level of love and desire, and that Simon is competent enough that Matthew can let go of the need to control. Now we jump back to follow Simon right after he left Matthew. Isles and Amber put him in a car. Simon realizes he doesn’t want to go, but the woman in the car informs him that he’s under a conservatorship and doesn’t have a choice. Simon attempts to escape, but is drugged.

Part 25: I Will Wait - In a therapy session transcript, Matthew struggles with some self-hatred. Simon arrives at Fort Summerwhite, half-conscious from drugs. The intake process is violating and humiliating. He is pushed up against a wall by an orderly. A nurse is hostile to him. He meets Chett, a scary patient.

Part 26: I Will Make You Better - In a therapy session transcript, Dr Mandal suggests that Matthew consider his own health and safety, not just Simon’s. Simon has a session with Dr Deckard. Dr Deckard does not believe that Simon is not suicidal, asks invasive questions, and drives Simon into a panic attack. Simon learns Isles told the doctor personal details about Simon. Simon’s only comfort is that when he leaves the session, Chett is there - not so scary after all.

Part 27: I Will Be A Good Boy - In a therapy session transcript, Matthew talks about an altercation he had with another patient because he misheard the man’s name as Bowers. In another session with Dr Deckard, Simon has grown numb. Dr Deckard believes he is irrational, and threatens him with solitary. When he gets out of the session he is alone; Chett has been released, but not before warning Simon that he’d been keeping Simon safe, and Simon should be careful now. Soon after Simon is spooked by Reeder, the redheaded orderly, and he uses Simon’s reaction as an excuse to drag him away to a storage closet, along with another orderly, Hans. They proposition Simon for oral sex in exchange for favors, with no option of refusal. Simon makes a deal with them to get his own room and to stop being medicated. Afterwards, Simon asks them for a smartphone, thinking he can use it to find Matthew’s dad’s number. Reeder says he’ll see what he can do.

Part 28: I Will Not Bend - In a therapy session transcript, Matthew decides his attraction to Simon has nothing to do with the preybonding. Isles visits Simon, and is useless. The next time Reeder pulls Simon into the storage closet, Reeder demands sex. Simon tries to get away, but Reeder throws him down and his head hits a shelf, nearly killing him. To make it look like a suicide, Reeder force-feeds Simon pills and leaves him there.

Part 29: I Will Take You Home - Matthew confronts Isles about Simon. Isles surprisingly agrees to take Matthew to see him. They go to Fort Summerwhite. Dr Deckard complains that Simon shouldn’t see Matthew. Isles overrules. Matthew finally sees Simon, and he looks okay, but is heavily sedated and his hair has been shaved in order to treat his head injury. Simon apologizes to Matthew for cheating on him, and Matthew demands to know what he’s talking about. Dr Deckard tells them that Simon lies constantly. Matthew convinces Isles to take Simon home. They take Simon to Isles’ house, but once there Isles has a change of heart and kicks Matthew out, threatening to have him arrested.

Part 30: I Will Not Let You Do It Too - Isles tells Simon that Matthew doesn’t want him anymore. Simon is devastated. Isles takes Simon everywhere with him, and generally treats him like a child and a danger to himself. Simon knows he didn’t attempt suicide, even though that’s what everyone says, but he doesn’t remember exactly what DID happen. No one will believe him about the sexual abuse, either. After three weeks of living with Isles, Isles comes on to Simon. Simon goes along with it, thinking it will just be kissing, but Isles escalates and doesn’t stop when Simon asks him to. Simon smashes a lamp over Isles’ head and escapes the house. He runs through the city, eventually spotting/being spotted by a woman who directs him into an LGBT community center. The people there take care of him before leaving him alone with a phone. With no one to call, Simon dials Lara’s old number, then his mom’s, getting the disconnected message each time.

[whump-card]

A spoilery note about the suicide content warning for the third arc of Sunless Lives.

There is no suicide. No character contemplates, attempts, or commits suicide. HOWEVER, there is a murder attempt that is framed as a suicide and some of the ways it is portrayed and discussed may still be uncomfortable for some readers. Take care!

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Sunless Lives: Arc 3

Here begins the third arc! In a world with vampires and a government agency that hunts and studies them, a cure has been found. Ex-vampire Matthew wakes up as a human and finds Simon by his side - but their reunion doesn’t go as expected.

Once again, this arc is a shade darker than the previous two. Watch out for doctor whumpers, forced institutionalization, conservatorships, explicit onscreen noncon, and suicide (SEE THIS SPOILERY NOTE if suicide is a trigger/squick for you).

Let me know if you want on/off the taglist!

Sunless Lives Part 21: I Will Get Better

~2310 words

CW: description of underweight person, forced institutionalization, medical setting, emotional whump

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~~~

A hand in his.

Hold it. Grab at it.

I need it.

“I’m here, Matthew.”

A voice. That voice.

His limbs were leaden. He needed air. He sucked it in and his lungs felt like they were fully inflating for the first time. They ached; his whole body ached. He cracked his eyes open and they were stung by the bright lights above him.

“Hey there, I’m here.”

Matthew Beck turned his head towards the voice, his neck protesting. The person next to him was blurry, but familiar.

“You’ve been in and out for a while, are you really awake this time?” He sounded hopeful. Excited. He reached out a hand and stroked Matthew’s face.

Matthew blinked, and his bedside attendant slowly came into focus.

He recoiled.

Simon McKenna looked awful. His cheeks and eyes were sunken into his face, nested in dark shadows. His hands, one clutching Matthew’s and the other hovering uncertainly outstretched, were near skeletal. His previously warm light brown skin now looked cold, gray and lifeless. His hair hung in dull curls. He wore a tight black turtleneck that accentuated his bony shoulders and arms. Even his eyebrows looked thinner than they used to as they pinched with worry at Matthew’s reaction.

“Matthew?” He dropped his hand onto Matthew’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?

Matthew could only stare at Simon as the memories came flooding back. The capture. The trade. The sacrifice. Matthew had turned himself into a vampire to save Simon, he’d gotten him all the way home, he’d been safe, he was with Gina and Isles, and then -

And then -

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Matthew whispered.

His words froze Simon in place.

“Huh?” was the only sound Simon could make.

“You… You stayed with me?” It came out as a croak. Matthew’s lungs heaved as he breathed too fast too soon. A blue tag rose and fell on his chest. The walls of the clinic room felt tight and oppressive. “You chose to stay with a vampire?”

“I - I told you, I couldn’t go back to the VIU, back - back to the basement,” Simon stammered, “and I helped you, you needed help, you wouldn’t have known what to do without me,” he gripped Matthew’s hand with renewed vigor, “And I kept you from hurting anyone, you never drank from or killed a human, you never hurt anyone, so -”

“I hurt you!” Matthew raised his voice, as best as he was able, “You let me hurt you!”

“No,” Simon shook his head sharply, “No, that’s different, I knew what I was doing -”

“You promised!” Matthew’s voice was beginning to fill out, and he forced himself upright and knocked Simon’s hands away from him. “You promised you wouldn’t let me hurt you!”

“This was different,” Simon’s voice grew in volume too, and he hugged his arms around himself. “I needed to keep you from hurting innocent people, I couldn’t let you -”

“I did hurt an innocent person!” Matthew yelled, “I hurt you, you fucking idiot!”

“I knew what I was doing!” Simon insisted, his voice wavering, “And I had just lost you, Matthew, I thought you had just died!”

“So you fucked my dead body?!” Matthew bellowed.

His words petrified Simon once more. He sat there for a moment, his chest heaving and his eyes brimming with tears.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think it mattered anymore, I thought…”

“If you thought I was killing myself for you,” Matthew spat, “The least you could do was stay with Isles where it was safe.”

Simon shook his head, suddenly angry.

“I didn’t ask you to rescue me!”

“Well, I didn’t ask you to rescue me!”

“That was different, that was for the team -”

“Oh, everything’s ‘different’ there’s always something -”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” Simon shouted, jumping to his feet, “I’m not fucking stupid! I know what I’m doing! Every decision I made was one I thought was for the best! I was trying! Matthew, I was trying so fucking hard -” His words broke down into sobs and he pressed his hands to his face.

Seeing Simon cry did something terrible to Matthew’s insides. Anger fell away from him in sheets and was replaced by crippling guilt that sank its claws deep into his stomach.

“Simon, I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it, please stop crying!” The desperation in his voice caught them both off guard.

Simon’s hands slid down his face, revealing his eyes, red and wet. They bored into Matthew for a moment before he spun on his heel and went to the little counter on the corner, where he snatched up a tissue from a tissue box. He blotted his eyes and blew his nose, keeping his back to Matthew.

“Simon, I’m just..” Matthew searched for the right words, but all he could settle on was his initial pain. “You let me hurt you. I hate that I hurt you.”

Simon gradually turned around, fidgeting with the tissue in his hands, not looking up.

“It wasn’t really you, Matthew,” he said, taking shuddering breaths.

“I know, but,” Matthew choked on his words, “I remember it.”

Simon looked at him sharply.

“You remember everything?”

Matthew nodded, unable to speak around the lump in his throat.

“Everything I told you?” Simon whispered. He looked scared, suddenly.

“Yeah,” Matthew managed to choke out, “Everything.”

Simon ran a hand through his hair, looking away, his mouth twisted. Matthew hated his hair long like that - it looked wrong.

“I’m sorry,” Simon said eventually, “You shouldn’t have to carry all of that.”

“Neither should you.”

Simon grabbed the whole tissue box and returned to the chair. He offered the box to Matthew, who gratefully took a tissue and pressed it to his own eyes.

“I still love you,” Simon said gently.

“I love you too, Simon, I really do.” The words poured out before Matthew could stop them.

The doctor said the preybonding has lasting effects. What if…

I can’t say that to Simon. Not now.

Simon’s shoulders sagged with relief and he laid his head down on the bed. Matthew reclined back on the pillows, settling a hand on Simon’s curls. As soon as he did so he was assaulted with memories of grabbing Simon’s hair, pulling it, dragging him around. His hand flinched back and came to rest on his chest, fiddling with the blue tag there. If Simon thought the brief touch was odd, he didn’t react.

“What happens now?” Matthew asked.

“They’ll examine you, then transfer you to rehab.”

“No, I mean with us.”

Simon lifted his head to look at him, his eyes big.

“I won’t be able to see you for a while. I asked, they don’t allow visitors where you’re going.”

Matthew felt sick at the thought.

“Do they know how long this rehabilitation will take yet?”

“No.”

“But what about you, don’t you need… help?”

Simon waved the question away, forcing on a smile.

“I’ll be fine.”

There was a light tap at the door. They exchanged a glance, and a nod, then Simon called out.

“Come in!”

Isles entered the room first. Simon cried out with joy, leaping up to hug the captain. Jealousy flared in Matthew’s chest, but he tamped it down.

Preybonding, it’s just the preybonding.

Isles was closely followed by Amber, who Simon hugged in turn. The Captain and Amber both wore blue tags around their necks. Isles leaned over Matthew, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Back from beyond!” he laughed, a bit forced, “How’re you feeling?”

“Pretty shit,” Matthew admitted, and the Captain chuckled a little more easily this time.

“Where’s Gina, and Devon? Matthew’s dad?” Simon asked eagerly.

“I’m sorry, kid, they couldn’t make it,” Isles said, taking a seat in one of the chairs, “It was all we could do to get ourselves here in time.”

Simon returned to the other chair, eyebrows pinched.

“But this is their only chance to see him, we don’t know how long Matthew will be gone.”

“They’ll be right there when he gets out,” Isles said reassuringly, “I promise.”

Simon didn’t look satisfied, but Isles moved on.

“I actually need to talk to Matthew about how all of that’s going to work, and Simon, Amber needs to talk to you as well. Do you want to go out in the hall?” It didn’t sound like a suggestion.

Simon looked at Amber, then to Matthew, his brows still drawn. It took Matthew a second to realize he was waiting for his permission.

“It’s okay,” he reached out to touch Simon’s emaciated shoulder, “You can go.”

“Okay.” Simon stood, giving Matthew’s hand a quick squeeze goodbye. He and Amber filed out into the hall. Matthew watched them go. It felt terrible to have just a door between them, he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be separated for weeks - maybe months. He shook his head - he couldn’t believe how possessive he was being. Simon needed to get away from him. He couldn’t even have a conversation with a friend without Matthew’s say-so.

“I really fucked him up, didn’t I?” he murmured, tears welling up in his eyes again.

“Yeah, you did,” Isles said grimly.

Matthew turned his head to look at the captain.

“What’s going to happen to him?”

“He’ll be well looked after, I promise. And so will you. I’m making sure you’re going to one of the best facilities the VIU has.”

Matthew frowned.

“Really? Why?”

“Because you’re one of my best agents!” Isles scoffed. “What, you think I don’t like you or something?”

“Yeah.”

“For what?”

The tears returned and overflowed.

“Cap, I ruined him,” Matthew whispered.

“No,” Isles pressed a hand to Matthew’s shoulder, “No, Matthew, he was already -”

“Matthew!” The door was flung open, and Simon rushed to Matthew’s side. “Matthew, they want to send me to a psych ward, I don’t want to go, Matthew, tell them -”

“Slow down,” Matthew said, and Simon was immediately silenced. “What’s happening?” He sat up, holding Simon’s hand, his own tears forgotten. Whatever was wrong, he had to fix it.

“We want Simon to recover safely, at the best psychiatric care facility we could find,” Amber said, “He’ll have the best, but it is inpatient.”

“No,” Simon shook his head vigorously, “I’ll see a doctor, whatever you want, but I don’t want to be locked up again.”

“Simon,” Isles stood up, his voice firm, “Many of the vampires on your list are still out there. We’ve taken down some of them, now that we have the cure, but it will be a while before you can safely live alone. Fort Summerwhite is literally a fortress, you’ll be completely safe -”

“I don’t care! I’m not living in a prison again!”

“Simon, please -” Amber started.

Matthew had heard enough. He pulled Simon down to sit on the bed behind him, and slammed his feet down on the linoleum floor, standing up and putting himself between Simon and Amber.

“I think Simon has made himself clear, don’t you?” he snapped, the volume of his voice surprising even himself. Amber’s hand flew to the back of her belt, and Matthew realized she was reaching for her gun. So did Simon, and he stood and grabbed at Matthew’s arm.

“Matthew, stop, please don’t, I’ll go, it’s okay!” he pleaded.

Matthew was suddenly hit with another wave of memories, of Simon begging him to stop, to calm down, to get off of him. Nausea bubbled up in his stomach and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

“It’s settled then,” Isles said quickly, not letting the moment go to waste. “Simon, you’ll go to Summerwhite. There’s a car out front, ready to take you.”

“Right now?” Simon looked between Amber and Isles, clinging to Matthew’s arm tightly.

“Right now,” Isles confirmed, “Wynn will walk you out.”

“Can we at least have a minute to say goodbye?” Matthew demanded, as his nausea abated.

Isles nodded.

“Wynn and I will wait in the hall.” He ushered Amber out. She didn’t look so sure, her hand moving away from her gun very reluctantly as they walked out.

Once they were alone Matthew turned around and pressed his forehead against Simon’s. His possessiveness had gotten the better of him, but he knew what needed to be done.

“You have to go,” he said softly, “They’re right, I can’t keep you safe from other vampires anymore. And… I want you to get better. Simon, you can’t see yourself right now. It’s bad, you need help.”

Simon sniffled.

“You’re right, I know you’re always right, I just don’t want to be locked up again.”

“You heard what Isles said, they’re actually taking down some of those vampires they couldn’t before.” Matthew knew many of their names now, and what they had done - he suppressed a shudder. “You can do this, it’ll only be for a little while,” he encouraged. He had to be strong, for Simon.

“Only a little while,” Simon echoed.

“Yeah,” Matthew said, and against his better judgment, he tilted his head and kissed Simon. Simon kissed back desperately, lapping at Matthew's lips and cupping his face. Matthew felt his hands sliding over Simon’s hips, and he broke away. He couldn’t let himself go any further, not with Isles and Amber waiting just outside. Simon seemed to understand this, and stroked a thumb across Matthew’s cheek, gazing up at him.

“I’ll be waiting for you when you get out.”

“And I’ll come get you if I get out first,” Matthew replied. “It’ll be okay.”

“Promise?” Simon searched his eyes.

“Promise.”

Simon gave him a quick peck on the lips, scooped up his coat, and darted to the door, as if he left too slowly he wouldn’t be able to. He glanced back once, then slipped out. Matthew watched the door close behind him, sinking back onto the bed. A part of him already regretted letting Simon leave his sight. It was a hungry, gnawing part of him that wanted to run out into the hallway, grab Simon tightly and… do something. Not feed. Not fuck. But something.

It scared him.

~~~

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Taglist: @flowersarefreetherapy, @pigeonwhumps, @sunshiline-writes, @seasaltandcopper

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Sunless Lives Masterlist

This is a long-form story with 36 parts and 68k words. It’s about a team working for a government agency that is tasked with hunting and capturing vampires, the Vampire Investigations Unit, or VIU (said like ‘view’).

When a captured vampire escapes and attacks researcher Simon McKenna and their team captain wants to cover it up, agents Matthew Beck and Gina Ruiz must help Simon recover alone, and in the process uncover his dark past. And that's just the first arc - things get wilder from there! This story contains NSFW elements.

Arc 1:

Part 1: I Should Have Seen This Coming

Part 2: I Should Have Known

Part 3: I Should Do It

Part 4: I Shouldn’t Have Scared You

Part 5: I Should Have Trusted You

Part 6: I Should Apologize

Part 7: I Should Tell You [NSFW]

Part 8: I Shouldn’t Have Pried

Part 9: I Shouldn’t Take Advantage

Part 10: I Should Try Again [NSFW]

Arc 2:

Part 11: I Can’t Hear You

Part 12: I Can’t Kiss You

Part 13: I Can’t Give It Back

Part 14: I Can’t Die Here

Part 15: I Can’t Resist [NSFW]

Part 16: I Can’t Stay

Part 17: I Can’t Do This [NSFW]

Part 18: I Can’t Lose You

Part 19: I Can’t Tell You [NSFW]

Part 20: I Can’t Kill You

Arc 3:

Part 21: I Will Get Better

Part 22: I Will Hear From You Soon

Part 23: I Will Get You Out

Part 24: I Will Not Go

Part 25: I Will Wait

Part 26: I Will Make You Better

Part 27: I Will Be a Good Boy [NSFW]

Part 28: I Will Not Bend

Part 29: I Will Take You Home

Part 30: I Will Not Let You Do It Too [NSFW]

Arc 3 Summary

Arc 4:

Part 31: I Need to Leave

Part 32: I Need to Be Quiet

Part 33: I Need to Survive

Part 34: I Need to Apologize

Part 35: I Need to Be With You

Part 36: I Need to Be Without You

Interludes (short additions, canonical but not super plot relevant, number indicates where in the timeline they fall or when they can be safely read without spoilers):

Interlude 10.1: He Was A Joth

Interlude 10.2: Elevator

Interlude 21.1: Candy and Cameras [NSFW]

Sequel/Epilogue

[whump-card]

So I really want to talk about the eight years thing. Warning for sappy, personal shit - and vague Sunless Lives spoilers!

Simon was first born as my character in a story my best friend and I wrote together as teenagers. He was whumped to hell and back in that story, too, before I knew what whump was. I used Simon to express and process a lot of pain that I was experiencing at the time. Unfortunately, towards the end Simon was stuck in a toxic relationship with my friend’s character, just like I was stuck in a toxic friendship with her in real life. When our friendship inevitably blew up, Simon was trapped. I actually went back and wrote a very bittersweet ending for him by myself, but it really wasn’t enough. I never stopped thinking about him, never stopped coming up with ideas for him, but I never wrote anything. I didn’t write seriously at all, for eight years. Eight years.

Then I found you guys. The whump community. 

Knowing there was a place for the kind of dark story I wanted to tell, I found the motivation to write again. I finally got to ‘see’ Simon again, and set him free - or at least, a new version of him. And I’d like to hope that at this point if I ran into my ex-friend again, we’d be able to forgive each other. I know I’ve already forgiven her, but I wasn’t great to her either. Troubled teens do as troubled teens are. 

So the eight year split was really important to me. Also, to talk shop, I didn’t want to just… repeat the first arc? I’d already written a good dose of Matthew taking care of Simon. Simon needed to grow on his own - and you might see some of that soon!

To wrap my sob story up: I want to thank the whump community for being so welcoming, encouraging, and inspiring. You all reawakened the dream of becoming a writer that I had from as soon as I was able to write at all (seriously, I still have ‘picture books’ I made when I was six stashed somewhere).

So, thanks. <3