#sun-coded as a raging fury of passion and burning bright but being self-destructive is so matthew it's unbelievable

[clockwork-carstairs]

matthew and james as the sun and moon

“Tell me, Matthew,” he said. “Tell me the name of the shadow that is always hanging over you. I can become a shadow. I could fight it for you.”

[the-lady-amphitrite]

actually. i want to expand on my tags for this post

why do i want to expand on this? because just saying which one i associate them with is such a non-answer because the reason i do is actually layered and kinda complex for each of them.

this ended up very long so its under a readmore. i will not apologise, these three mean Everything to me

Nehiri: The Sun

okay so, i ended up touching on this a wee bit while writing IN DARKNESS I'LL FALL, especially as i was fiddling around with the second fic. this interpretation is built off this tumblr post

in the first fic, she's hiding behind a mask nearly the entire time up until the goblin camp is finished and the Grove is safe. she's sunny in the sense that she's cheerful, and always smiling, and encouraging, and kind.

when Nehiri lets that drop away in the goblin camp, everyone assumes she's donning a mask. that she's playing the part of someone who doesn't care and is pretending to push people (mostly the goblins) around to get what she wants (a little with using the tadpole, but also through pure deception as well).

but there's a few other moments where the other half of what being a sun character shows through outside the goblin camp. the self-destruction and the fury that comes with having so much of her life ripped right from under her. from again and again trying to do the right thing only for it to burn her and ruin her.

the first moment is the conversation with Zevlor. it's mostly private, without the others listening to how she coldly turns down helping him and the others. the only part they hear is after she sees some of the tieflings and realises there's people here that she knows and that she cared about from Elturel. they only hear her tell Zevlor she'll help.

another is when she speaks with Kagha. she comes into that moment ready to fight, and even pulls out her title among druids to get what she wants - Arabella safe and free. the moment Arabella is? Nehiri uses that moment to pull Kagha aside, with that false sunny mask on. but the moment they're alone, it's gone. she's power and authority and rage, and she's far from being above using any of that. yes, she agrees to get rid of the obstacles that prevent the tieflings from leaving the Grove, but she uses her authority as a green regent of mielikki to put a pause on the rite until she's done so because she can't get Kagha to agree to stop entirely (and then uses that pause to expose the truth about the rite to the rest of the druids in the grove).

a third moment is the bite scene. because of her training as a monster hunter, Nehiri's known since that first day that Astarion is a vampire. she never says anything because she's certain he'll kill her for knowing, and the more she learns about him before the bite scene (he's Cazador's spawn, the way he deflects about the boar, the outright murder of the Gur in the swamp) the more sure she becomes that he will. but this is a moment of self-destruction. her near-death that night is something she lies about the reason for to Astarion. and it isn't until much later - when they've left the monastery for the Shadowlands - that she tells him the truth.

i think the most obvious moment to everyone in the party is the moment they come back to the Grove after defeating the goblin camp. when they find Jace and Kraan amongst the refugees and Nehiri flat out punches Jace in the jaw without warning and then refuses to explain to the others why.

Nehiri's whole journey through this fic is about shedding who she built herself as, who she was, and finding out how much power she truly holds. how bright she burns. because she never stops being sun-coded. she doesn't lose that fury, that passion, that stubbornness; people just learn to love that about her.

Zamrie: The Stars

having Zamrie associated with the stars is because what are stars but suns? she is, by all accounts, somewhat a sun-coded character. definitely leans more toward the ray-of-sunshine version of a sun-coded character though rather than the rage-of-suns version that Nehiri leans towards.

Zamrie is cheerful, inquisitive, and ever-eager to talk the ears off of anyone around them (especially when it comes to the art of necromancy, but they're also just prone to rambling in general). but they're a character who has many masks to fit many different situations, and the only real constant between those masks is that ray-of-sunshine bit. the part that lights up rooms with her laugh, who brightens up the darkness of the people she cares for. Zam does have a bit of that rage-of-suns when it comes to defending those people, but it's vastly outweighed by the ray-of-sunshine.

Zamrie shines brightest in the darkness. when things look hopeless in the party after they meet Zam, they're there to make the darkness look a little less bleak.

Zamrie also comes across as kinda of one-note to those who don't know them. bland and not really that complex. but if you get to a point where you really look, you'll find someone who's more complex and intricate than you realised. who has so much more to offer than most realise.

Amaliya: The Moon

associating Amaliya with the moon is actually very fun in my opinion. she's my first Dark Urge, and comes with that whole complicated series of stuff with a resisting Dark Urge.

part of this association is built of these tumblr posts

Amaliya is lonely, but by all accounts she's extremely lovely (both physically, and personality-wise). she shines, but in a far more subtle way than most of the party. she's always at the back of the pack, never really drawing attention to herself outside of rare moments.

and yet she shines brightest in the moments Nehiri turns her attention on her. Nehiri is quickest to realise that, even though Amaliya's memories are basically non-existent and she's plagued by headaches, Liya is the sharpest among the party. (her INT is a 19 before any bonuses in game. yes i did that intentionally).

and for all that Liya is a (resisting) Dark Urge character, Nehiri is always the first to side with or defend her. when Nehiri hits her lowest point emotionally just before the creche, Liya is the one who brings her through that raw darkness (though not without taking the heat of Nehiri's temper as well). when Nehiri has a moment of crisis in act 3 after a certain event, Liya is the one who reminds her ('reflecting back' on her) the conviction Nehiri had that they were strong enough to do this without the help of any tadpole.

and Amaliya falls turn for turn with Shadowheart and Gale. both for different reasons (though the crush on Gale is unrequited), but admittedly she falls harder for Gale than for Shadowheart.

Gale gives her kindness and understanding first. he's the first to offer comfort when she confesses (to him alone) in whispers about feeling out of control. about the blood-hungry thoughts that constantly plague her mind.

even after Liya has resigned herself to the fact Gale will never return her feelings, there's that very specific flavour of heartbreak she endures when Gale ascends. when she meets Gale at the party, it's unsettling for her. he's not Gale, not the one she knew, the one who gave her that kindness and understanding she needed in the beginning when she still had no idea what was wrong with her brain. she knows rather easily that this Gale would never give her that.

Amaliya's suns are Nehiri and Gale, and she watches them both destroy themselves. while Nehiri does it in a way that is shedding her old masks to embrace who she has always been and it's a positive thing, Gale does it in a way that literally destroys all that was loved about him to become something else entirely.

and can i add: neither of them ever realise how lonely Amaliya feels. she shines for them because she reflects them, but when they're turned away they don't realise just how much the darkness in her is there.

Shadowheart does.