#summer camp counselor leon has me on my knees fr

[withonly-sweetheart]

looks at myself again.

i just finished epic for the first time and i thought of this immediately; specifically no longer you. please help... I HATE MYSELF WHY DID I BOTHER TO WRITE BEST FRIEND ANGST WHEN IM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND???

its not real... thats the problem if i actually knew how heart-wrenching that actually feels then i would convey it correctly but rn he's gone and we were never friends in the first place?

kms rn help

Just Our Summer

You and Leon have been working at the same summer camp as counselors for four years straight. Now you're going off to college.

a/n: i was reading pjo (fans anyone???) and i needed to write angst because percabeth was so cute. that explains why this is very rushed and not proofread i just needed it out of my system after reading amazing fluff

tw: angst. and i mean i guess theres no happy ending but that depends on your idea of sad and happy endings !! enjoy 🥰🥰

wc: 2.8k

The sun dips low behind the trees, bathing the lake in burnished tones, heat lingering on your skin.

The waters hide what you truly desire.

You dangle your legs off the edge of the pier, feeling the jagged wood, splintered from so many years of kids coming here to mingle, fish and swim. Four years and nowhere else quite calmed you than the pull of the lake's algae-covered floor, the cool contrast against the humid air, and the sight of dusk slipping beneath the horizon.

You hear soft footsteps behind you. A smile absently flits across your face as you lean back onto your palms lying flat on the planks, shifting your weight to make room for the person you already know is behind you.

Leon Scott Kennedy. More often than not you didn’t know how to explain your relationship. You just knew that you wanted it to be something for just the both of you.

Just your summer. The thought sends a lazy memory across your mind, like the sunny skies and puffy clouds and scorching days were rushing by faster than you could imagine, a clock ticking down to what you so desperately wanted to avoid.

You met Leon in your first year. The week will always be a vivid memory in your mind. It had started with awkward, shy glances to each other, wanting to reach out but afraid of rejection. Eventually you mustered up the courage to exchange a simple pleasantry, and from there everything went uphill. You both did everything you could to be put in the same batch, same kids to counsel each year.

He sits beside you now, your friend of four years, in what should be six months because you only see him in the summer but feel like you've known him all your life. He hunches forward slightly, face contorted in confusion as he twists to glance at you. His dusty locks fall in his eyes as tilts his face, looking somewhere between your nose and lips.

“So,” he begins, voice timid, something you don’t expect from him, “last year, huh?”

“College acceptances are out,” you mumble in response, trying to sound more excited than you feel. Something tugs in the pit of your stomach, forcing you to stay, forcing you to confront this moment and live for the future.

“Did you get into your dream college?” He exhales sharply through his mouth, breath wavering. “With the scholarship?”

“The story was great,” you reply, relaxing your shoulders to turn and face the sunset, vibrant shades of auburn, copper and lemon blooming across the still lake. “They thought so too.”

“So… Minnesota, huh?” he whispers, a faraway look in his eyes. “That’s… a long drive from here.”

“It’s longer from my hometown,” you attempt, making your tone as light as you can. “I’ll be packing this time tomorrow.”

“That’s nice.” Leon doesn’t sound like he means it.

“What’s up with you?” you groan, sitting up straight, nudging his shoulder in exasperation. “You’ve been moody all week!”

“What do you think is ‘up with me’?” he retorts with just as much frustration. “Do you know how fucking hard it is for me to accept that you’re leaving and I’ll never see you again? To know that you’ll be miles and miles away and…”

“And what, Leon?” you ask, voice pitched feather-soft. He makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, and just when you think he’s about to respond, he shoots to his feet, dusts his pants off, and storms away.

His heavy footsteps linger in your mind for the rest of the evening.

<><><>

When the kids are all asleep, when you’re sure you hear soft snores from each and every bed, you slip from underneath the comforter onto the floor, tugging on your sneakers.

You go back to the pier. It's louder at night, louder than when the kids rushed to clamor at schools of fish leisurely swimming along, louder than Leon's lesson under the stars about the origin of the camp that he chose, of all people, you to sit through.

His face was set in determination to be heard over the kids’ frequent giggles, often using absurd methods to get them to be quiet.

“Waterfall, waterfall?” he had asked.

“Shhhh!” the kids hissed in reply.

“The passage now states,” Leon began for what feels like the seventieth time, “the pair were lost in the shadows together, their lips entwined.”

But the kids never understood the deeper meaning. For them, ‘lips entwined’ meant just a kiss, when it's really so much more.

You held a hand up to your face, a smile gracing your lips at the poor attempt as Leon rubbed the back of his neck and frowned at the laughing crowd.

He saw you smothering a grin and the corner of his mouth quirked. He made a valiant effort to impress you with quips from the passage, sappy lines at the supper table, a cheesy quote before the curfew buzzer sounds.

It seemed as if all traces of your mishap earlier left his brain, but they were still planted deep in yours.

And there they are now, as they've come to manifest as do all your stress nightmares. The goddamn shadows.

You stand this time, leaning against the columns supporting the dock. Slanting more and more to the side, the wood scratching your skin, you gaze up at the cloudless sky, no sign of time passing evident.

“What's got you up so late?” You hear the voice from the shadows and hate the way you recognize it.

“Couldn't sleep,” you offer as a weak response. It wasn't a lie, per se, just a placeholder for everything you really wanted to say.

“Really?” He strides to stand beside you, hands brushing. You force yourself to move away, to not notice the hurt that washes out the circles under his eyes.

You don't say anything in return, but you hear his breath hitch. A firefly blinks in front of you, vanishing into the still night.

You don't know what spurs him to do it. You aren't expecting him to either, but your body allows him to maneuver around you, push you hard against the wood, hand curling around the small of your back to protect you, and kiss you fiercely.

At first your mouth goes slack, adjusting to his lips, but then something clicks and you lean into him, suddenly hungry for something you knew you could never have.

Someone. Leon's other hand is cupped around your cheek, fingers pressing into the corner of your eye. Your hands tangle themselves in his hair, tugging softly, and when you hear yourself make a sound in the back of your throat that you can't stop, Leon pulls away.

He doesn't move, though, and you realize you're quickly hurtling towards something neither of you have the courage or maturity to stop, and that sends fluttering thoughts of anxiety to your mind. Leon rests his forehead against yours, as if to absorb some of your tension.

“And for now, in each other's presence under careless stars,” he recites quietly from the passage, iridescent eyes peering into yours, as if the words themselves are a burden, “all else ceased to exist beyond this hallowed cove where two souls met.”

<><><><>

“ A whisper of breeze stirs pines guarding this sacred space, where yearning blooms in starshine's soft veil. All around, night quiets cricket songs to tender silence befitting tender confessions unwound in ink for questioning eyes.

And they stand together, hand in hand, soul in soul, because although they are not tied to the red string of fate, they are more exposed to each other than they ever have been. ”

“Here.” You hand him the open computer after scrolling up from the last two paragraphs, the cursor blinking on the screen. Leon looks up and tries to suppress a giddy smile.

“You, uh, you’re letting me read it?” His tongue darts out to wet his lips, gazing at your own.

You like the attention he gives you. But you aren't supposed to, so you shrug. “Yeah.”

You watch the play of lamplight on Leon's profile, etching bronze into marble, highlighting each flicker of his face, catching every expression, however small.

You want to lean down and press a quick peck to his cheek, almost grinning madly at the thought.

And the problem is, you almost do.

Almost.

You force a smile of your own before turning away, trying to match your steps to the steadily increasing pound of your heart.

Leon asked to read your college admission last year. That was the year you fully acknowledged your love for him wasn’t just platonic.

But before you could say anything, you found out about the girl back home, and even though it tormented your heart at night to beam and nod to every flushed story Leon told about her, you couldn’t stand letting him down.

Then they broke up, and by the next summer, he was over it.

“We weren't meant to be,” he had insisted. “I know that.”

“But how?” you pressed, trying to get an answer from him.

Leon smiled. “When you figure out how, you'll know the answer.”

“What?!”

So, you figure letting him read the story about the two of you couldn’t hurt, right? You had already kissed once, and you knew Leon, as mysterious and cryptic as he could be, was pretty dense, so he probably couldn’t figure it out.

And with that vague assumption, you curl the blanket around your fingers and force yourself to sleep.

<><><>

A gentle hand shakes your shoulder, but you feel the subtle trembling. Immediately assuming it’s a kid with night terrors, you shoot up in bed, head grazing the wood of the empty bunk bed above you. You allow yourself a moment to collect yourself, wiping the hazy corners of your eyes.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” You stretch, feeling your arms burn from the strain.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Leon whispers, but his words cut sharply through the roar of rain, deeper than any blade ever could. Weary, you shrug off his touch, walls rising anew against the hurt you know is coming.

You sit up straighter, pulling your covers closer to your body and keeping your eyes half closed in a lazy wish to be allowed to go back to sleep quickly.

“Tell you what?” you say, a yawn slipping between your lips.

“That you… liked me back,” he blurts out, stammering, and lightning flashes outside your window. A crack of thunder sounds, fully illuminating Leon’s silhouette.

“There's nothing to tell," you reply softly, gaze steadfastly averted. Thunder rolls in answer to your answer, as if the heavens scorn such lies spoken between souls once so close.

“I kissed you,” he retorts flatly. “Not once, but twice. I swear, you’ll be the end of me.”

You tilt your head, intrigued. “You read the story?”

Leon flushes, ears twinged with red. “Of course I read the story,” he sighs, sitting down at the edge of your bed, placing a tentative hand on your leg. “It’s us, isn’t it?”

“How’d you know?” you drawl sarcastically, hoping it can mask the hint of nervousness and embarrassment in your voice.

“You don’t have to do that with me,” he falters. “You don’t have to be defensive with me.”

“Who said I’m being defensive?”

“You’re shaking,” he murmurs, pressing his fingers further into your leg, which is still masked by the thick comforter. “And you’re sweating. Do you have a fever?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, feeling the crimson rushing up to your ears. “I feel fine.”

“Do you?” His eyes shine, like he’s expecting something, but instead of feeling sweet and melty, you feel panicked, like the bed’s about to collapse on you.

You throw the covers off, feeling hot but not in a good way. Leon flinches and shifts his body so you sit side by side, facing the window as flashes of white light up the dark pine trees.

“Leon…” you start, digging your nails into the space between your fingers. “You’re a great guy, really.”

“But?” he adds, gently. It makes everything worse, because you know he’ll accept whatever you have to say, even if it breaks his heart.

“I have to go. It’s what’s expected of me.”

A beat of silence.

Overthinking is something you’re prone to, but right now, your mind is clear.

He exhales steadily, laying his hand on top of yours where it rests on your lap. “I know. I’m going to lose you. But I love you either way.”

His fingers curl around yours and lift them to his mouth, where his lips press a soft, calculated and restrained kiss to the back of your hand. His eyes lock onto yours before they flit away.

“Get some sleep,” he suggests. “You have a long drive tomorrow.”

The charming interlude ends with a soft, somewhat gray look in his eyes as he rises, bed shifting to accommodate for the loss of his weight.

<><><>

Leon lugs the last suitcase into the trunk of your car, then slowly pulls the door closed. It chirps as you lock it, stuffing the keys back into your pocket.

“So…” What's meant to be a smile, you think, spreads across his face, but his eyes are puffy and red, tears welling quickly.

You wrap your arms around him, his warm puffs of breath in your ear, your face nuzzled into the corner of his neck. His arms hug you back, tightly, as his tears wet your shirt.

“Sorry,” he mumbles as you pull away, sniffling.

“Stop crying,” you instruct. “If you ever feel lonely, you know who to text.”

Leon nods, and in that beautiful velvet moment, both of you bathed in the growing daylight, a bittersweet farewell passes between you in the breeze rippling the dark, dew-spotted land below.

Dawn steals the road as you drive away, away from what your heart desires, away from what you know is true. Its rosy fingers reach out to you in an attempt to comfort your grief, but you force your mind to wish for the sweet release of night’s veiled embrace.

All that remains is one last goodbye on the wings of retreating rain.

<><><>

Two weeks into college, and you finally realize what the lake was hiding.

Vividly, you see cobalt eyes glistening like the first stars. Tawny locks woven like a tapestry of warmth. Rosy cheeks that make raspberries seem pale and lips sweeter than spring rain on strawberries.

And dawn. The beauty of the sun rising and who it reminds you of.

So, out of breath, you sit at your porch and savor the quiet as fireflies wake one by one, small lights to guide you through the gathering dark until another dawn.