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zodiyack · 4 years

Text

Lost On You

Requested by @jenepleurespasbaby: LP- Lost on you with Bill Skarsgard (angst) please! ❤️

(She changed her request to Tommy!)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, drinking, suggested smut, mature themes

Song: Lost On You by LP

Note: Lyrics = Bold + Italic | Memories Emphasis (just for this fic) = Italic

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace, @captivatedbycillianmurphy, @stydia4ever

masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

When you get older, plainer, saner, When you remember all the danger we came from. Burning like embers, falling, tender, Long before the days of no surrender, Years ago and well you know.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, 'Cause it's going down, All I ever wanted was you. I'll never get to heaven; 'Cause I don't know how.

At first, Thomas seemed like a tough nut to crack. Probably someone who thought they were “too good” for a love life, to tough for soft and romantic moments, too good and perfect for any of that shit. But Y/n soon changed her mind when she was the one locking lips with Thomas Shelby. She was the one sitting on his lap at the Garrison. She was the one breathing heavily and cuddling into his side as soft aftercare once he came home for the betting shop.

He called it official.

He said it would last forever.

He said he loved her more than anything in the world.

Key words are important ya know. Said? That’s the key word here. He said all of those things, but failed to live up to them. Failed to keep them true.

It was a childish love to be honest. She was living the life of crime with him, and crime should never have a place in a child’s life. They grew up. Saw the things their child-like-admiration hid from them. She realized the wrongs that she let him get away with, though she loved him anyway, it was only when he ended it that she finally thought about any of it with her full mind.

The times she could’ve been killed. Just by associating with the man. But being his lover? Far more people wanted to kill her. But they couldn’t. They couldn’t touch Tommy’s woman or else he’d make sure half of fucking England would hear of a new death.

He called her his angel.

Told her he was the most beautiful woman he’d ever layed eyes on.

“Looks like your angel decided she’d rather journey to Hell than return to Heaven.” John joked, pointing to Y/n holding a gun to another man’s head as she winked at him seductively. He waved his extra glass to the woman, “Oi, Y/n!”

She walked over to them, tucking her gun away and clicking her tongue at the sight of Tommy with a new woman. She took the drink, downed it and smirked, “What? He was hiding things, and I wasn’t about to let my heart break...again.”

The woman furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head at the sudden eye contact between Y/n and Tommy. The woman in front of her was absolutely gorgeous, flawlessly created, just as she really had been some kind of angel. She didn’t know how this woman was, or why she was staring at Tommy like she wanted to rip his head off, but her experience with Tom told her to ignore that pull of curiosity.

“I’ll be taking my leave now. Thanks for the drink, Johnny-boy.” And with that last drawled sentence, she walked out the Garrison and returned each night with even more beauty than before.

At least in Tommy’s opinion.

Let's raise a glass or two! To all the things I've lost on you, Oh oh! Tell me are they lost on you? Oh oh! Just that you could cut me loose, Oh oh! After everything I've lost on you! Is that lost on you? Oh oh! Is that lost on you? Oh oh! Baby, is that lost on you? Is that lost on you?

“Y/n.”

“Tommy.”

She came, expecting John to give her a usual drink, but this time it was just Tommy. Both their jaws clenched, they attempted to keep their composure.

“You’re an asshole, you know?”

“For what? Go on, darling, tell me how you’ve ruined every one of my relationships by coming here and giving me looks of hatred. Tell me how you flirt with my brother to get free drinks. Tell me how you can’t seem to get over m-”

She broke the glass in her hand with how hard she was gripping it. “You fucking bastard.” Her head lifted, Tommy finally able to see the puffy red eyes and shivering mouth she was hiding. “I lost everything. On you. I lost my ability to love myself. Because Tommy fucking Shelby stopped loving me. I lost my virginity to you asshole! I lost everything! And seeing you with new girls, I think I damn near lost my sanity.”

Tom couldn’t speak, not with how fast Y/n was to interrupt him.

“And you think, just for one fucking second, I’m ruining anything? I give you those looks because I long to be each woman who sits next to you in this bloody place. I don’t flirt with John. He fucking gives me free drinks because I told him what happened. I can’t seem to get over you because it’s true, I really can’t. You- ...you were my everything Tommy. And I lost my everything on you.”

She slammed the broken pieces of her shotglass onto the counter and flipped Tommy off, muttering a final, “Go to hell, you prick” and leaving the building, picking shards of glass out of her hand.

Wishing I could see the machinations, Understand the toil of expectations in your mind. Hold me like you never lost your patience, Tell me that you love me more than hate me all the time, And you're still mine.

So smoke 'em if you've got 'em, 'Cause it's going down. All I ever wanted was you. Let's take a drink of heaven, This can turn around.

She still returned to the bar.

Why?

Tommy didn’t know.

But she continued to return and return. However, this time? She was drunker than she’d ever been. Tommy was still left with the thoughts of their last conversation. It made his heart ache. And seeing her drunk out of her mind made it so much worse.

“T-Tom. Tommmyyy. Thomas. Y-you’ve got preeeeeetty eyes.” she drunkenly drawled. “Would you ple-please hold me?” Ju-just like you did before you decided I was t-too much.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You s-said I t-took up too much of y-your time and that you didn’t have e-enough patience for my shit.”

Flashbacks to their last day as a couple swarmed Tommy’s mind. He realized how harsh and how much of an asshole he had been. He realized how wrong he was. He realized how in love with her he still was.

“So could y-you hold me? And m-maybe tell me that you love me, even i-if it’s not true. But please...please make it true Tommmmyy.”

Drunken words were sober thoughts.

But was she being honest?

Or was she sober saying random bullshit just to rub his mistakes in his face?

“Y/n...”

Her eyes glanced up to his, and her eyebrows furrowed with curiosity. “Yes Tom?”

He had so much on the line. He could lose everything. But... She said she lost everything. So why not make it up; by risking his everything. He decided “fuck it” and grabbed her chin, stealing a kiss from the pretty pump lips he never knew missed so much.

Their lips danced together. A dance they knew all too well. Her pink lips fit just perfectly with his. Soon it became heated; one tongue swiping another, hands where they would never be soberly, hidden feelings being revealed thanks to the drink of Heaven Tommy called Y/n’s lips.

Let's raise a glass or two! To all the things I've lost on you, Oh oh! Tell me are they lost on you? Oh oh! Just that you could cut me loose, Oh oh! After everything I've lost on you! Is that lost on you? Oh oh! Is that lost on you? Oh oh, oh oh! Baby, is that lost on you? Is that lost on you?

They pushed through Tommy’s bedroom door, lips still connected. His hands remained on her hips, while her hands explored his hair. Call it hate sex if you want, but both of them admitted that they missed it and would do anything to experience it again.

After desperate grinding groping and pulling, Y/n pushed Tommy away from the dresser he sat her on. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Tom... I can’t. Not if you don’t feel the same way. I’m not about to lose my fucking reputation on you too. There’s no way I’m gonna lose anything else to your beauty and charm.”

“W-what do you mean?” He was still catching his breath, standing only in his boxers and socks, admiring the sight of Y/n, barely even covered by her undergarments.

“This! I can’t fuck you and have you throw me to the side again. So if you want this as much as I do, then make sure you actually love me. Make sure I didn’t actually lose shit on you. Prove to me nothing’s actually lost on you.”

The man in front of her looked down at the floor, itching the back of his neck with a gaze that searched the floor for a few more seconds. Y/n sighed and got ready to hop of the wooden surface, spotting her dress and knowing it was her new mission to grab it and never see Tommy again.

That was.

Until he redirected the ship’s course back to him.

He grunted as his lips pressed to hers again, his tongue fighting for and winning the dominance he knew he already had. Y/n let out a small moan and Tommy ate it right up. His hands gripped the underside of her thighs, surely going to leave bruises, but this time, Tommy wasn’t gonna let anyone else see them. This time, the only bruises people would be able to see, were the ones those perfect lips of his leave on her neck. The only bruises other women would see, were the matching ones Y/n left behind on his.

Let's raise a glass or two! To all the things I've lost on you, Oh oh! Tell me are they lost on you? Oh oh! Just that you could cut me loose, Oh oh! After everything I've lost on you. Is that lost on you? Is that lost on you?

Their giggles rang through Tommy’s room as their heads hit his pillows. The room around her quickly became a place she was comfortable in, and being in Tommy’s arms quickly made her go through the memories they had together. “Tommy?”

“Yes?”

“Tell me, are they lost on you?”

He took a second, possibly to think, and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. “No. No they’re not. I fucking love you Y/n L/n, and I’m such a dumbass for ever hurting you or thinking that it was you who made me be the one to lose everything.”

“Thomas Shelby were a virgin and you just didn’t want me to know?”

“I-”

“You really were!”

“Still. Y/n, I thought I’d lost it at the wrong time...that was until tonight. I really do love you. I wanted you for a while too... All I ever wanted was you.”

“That’s my line, asshole...but I love you too. I always have...”

“I know.”

“Asshole.”

“I know that too.”

“I love you, even if you bully me...I think it’s cute.”

“I love you too. Now sleep, my sweet angel. We have a lot of catching up to do.”