#stupidest show on earth (affectionate)

[running-in-the-dark]

Dan talked about fountain pens for literally 5 seconds and I'm just like 😍😍😍😍😍

[banishmentplanet]

The Empire never cared about Earth.

But they found one use for it- a dumping ground. A place to send their very own that they didn't kill but simultaneously never wanted to see again. To be sent to Earth was to be abandoned, discarded. An Irken exiled to Earth would never be heard from again.

They were far from dead, though.

⭒ Welcome to Banishment Planet! ⭒

This is my big headcanon heavy Invader Zim AU. It is a two parter technically, which I'll explain below! For easy access, here are the main tags of this blog:

#alaart : For all art, including things not related to any story.

#artist support : For reblogged IZ art.

#banplanau : For all posts regarding the main AU, not necessarily specific to either half of the timeline.

#tow : For the Zim and Dib focus precursor story, 'Treading Open Water'.

#banishmentplanet : For the second part of the timeline and the story involving my original characters, Navic and Itsuki.

#ao3 : To easily find AO3 links and excerpts I post here.

#scpiz : My side AU for funsies, explorations of various SCPs with these two nerds as the leads.

#boarderiz : Another side AU, focusing on deep space adventures between a Zim and Dib who meet for the first time as adults in space.

What is Banishment Planet?

Banishment Planet is both the name of the AU and, depending on the context, a specific part of the overall timeline. It is preceded by 'Treading Open Water', the story arc focusing on Zim and Dib's own character growth. 'Banishment Planet' takes place a few years later, featuring both them and original characters. Namely, an exile by the name of Navic and a home-planet Irken named Itsuki.

Headcanons? What are those?

By the nature of the IZ universe (cough cough, Jhonen has given us so little), headcanons are a huge thing for us. It's my favourite part of this fandom, seeing how differently these same characters and setting can be expanded upon and interpreted. And because of that there will always be headcanons you don't like as much as others. If my angsty mushy interpretation of these idiots isn't your flavour, just trot off and leave me to it :]

That being said, this fandom, for twenty years, has been rife with some of the stupidest discourse surrounding the vagueness of the canon. Here are my hard rules:

1: Don't even start- Zim and Dib are the same age. Show material calls them both children multiple times and any comment on age by creators is inconsistent. So over two actual decades the lot of us have just decided on what we like better. I think it's funnier if they're the same age.

2: Here, they are queerplatonic. In short, this refers to people who are close and affectionate in ways western culture wouldn't consider just friends, so hush.

What about the cool stuff?

In terms of the world, I wanna keep that up to natural reveal! To lay it all out in a text post most people won't read is boring and doesn't exercise media analysis and creative thinking skills. Read the stuff, look at the art, find things out for yourself!

[crumbledpizza]

Leshy and P03 hanging out over night. You know, da usual, and before Leshy can fall asleep, P03 taps him on the shoulder and shows him the stupidest fucking meme on god’s green earth and is then murdered.

(Affectionately.)

[quelleworld]

The Day The Man I've Pined Over For 3 Years Said He Loved Me 28/02/2023

The funny thing about this title is that I still don't believe him. The man I've been pining over for 3 years said he loved me. The man that has hurt me emotionally more times than I can count, loved me. What did I do? Why does he feel this way? Is he being genuine? Do I love him?

The answer to these questions lie in this simple fact. He can't be with me. He wants to? I don't know. But he can't. God have mercy! I spent a whole year thinking something was wrong with me. Like I was the dumbest, ugliest, stupidest thing to have ever walked the earth. Unloved and unwanted. 'I can't be with you because...' has become the bane of my existence. Sometimes I want to scream 'YES YOU CAN!' at the top of my lungs but I know deep down its futile. Now he's pushing me into the arms of another man. Why?? Why say you love me but isn't fighting to be with me? I would fight bears bare handed to have just one 24 hours with you. Being truly and fully loved.

What to do when you've been told you're loved by the person you've wanted for so long? If I'm being honest with him my friends have been telling me for years that he does like me. Funny right? Well he likes me and I'd like to run my fingers through his soft hair and scratchy beard again. Smell his spicy scent. Feel him pull me in close and snuggle my neck when we hug. Hold my hand a second longer when we touch. He said he loved me but is it like a friend or a potential lover/partner? I have so many questions! Why make me doubt when my heart wants to soar?

All in all, I want him. I crave him like I crave my next breath. But I'll never tell him that. I'll never tell him how I cry myself to sleep because I can't hold him. How my eyes fill with unshed tears because he always lay out reason by reason why we can't be together. How I want to touch him so badly my fingers itch. How I don't care about his curse that I'd brave any stupid storm if it means I can be near him.

How I believe in us but I'm afraid of losing him to someone else. The day he's with someone else I don't know what I'd do. He said that day we went out for dinner was the happiest he's been in a long time. Does he know how that day I could only see him? My entire vision was him. No one existed in my world but him. I wanted nothing more that day than to be his woman. I would have given him all of me had he asked. He was so beautiful with that stupid hat. God please help him. Help him be happy.

My romance books prepared me for him. But they never prepared me for the visceral feeling of longing. I long to be held and kissed and talked to by him. I want to see his smile and make him laugh. I want to be affectionate with him and show him how I feel through my actions. God please help him! Even if I can't be with him at least I'd know he's better. I don't want to die and not be with him if only once in a lifetime...

Holy shit. I think I love him.

[clovd-9]

... as your boyfriend : oh sehun

*pops every single knuckle at once* bf sehun time - sorry for typos - also definitely making a part 2

How you met:

You were a friend of one of the other members

And instantly, he grew a little crush on you All the members knew before he said it

Bc he would get flustered and quiet around you, but would also try to be cool™

Eventually, the closer you both got, the more he'd kinda just chill and be the real (michevious) Sehun

And he wouldn't make moves unless he was 110% sure you had feelings for him as well (which had to be confirmed by at least 3 of his hyungs)

From there, your relationship would bloom

It would be quite innocent and sheepish at first with him, but his true crackhead form would start to shine

Especially on your first date, when he went into deep description as to why Vivi was the most important thing to him and not even you could replace him

Which you completely understood, you would feel the same about such a precious pup, but you couldn't help but laugh at how much of a human Sehun saw his dog to be

Relationship headcanons:

Your first kiss was very sweet, he felt obligated to make it special, so he had planned take you to a fancy restaurant,,, until it was suddenly raining buckets upon buckets of water and he found himself wet as a dog on your doorstep

So,, with that plan cancelled, a movie marathon was in order,, and in all honesty, it felt almost childish how your hand snuck into his, smiling when he incased your much smaller one in his own, lacing his fingers with your own

And halfway through the second movie (he wasn't even paying attention to the first one or this one due to the overwhelming anxiety looming over him,, bc what if he messed up? Or what if you didn't even want him to kiss you? What if?) he finally decided to turn to you with all the courage in his body,, but little did he know you had the same idea in mind,, which lead to you leaning forward quickly,, pressing a soft kiss to his lips

He would gently incase your head in his hands, kissing you back while smiling,, because heck yeah,, you actually did like him

And honestly, that's how everyone saw you: the sweet couple with looks that could kill

And that was proven when he took you to one of his Louis Vuitton fashion shows and you two immediately were the center of attention

'Power couple of the decade' is what everyone called you

And the adoration he held for you would show in the little things he did (alone or in public)

Like how he wrapped his arm around your waist, or reached for your hand in a large crowd, or kissed your forehead sweetly every single day he got off of work, or when he woke up, or really anytime because he really loves kissing you

He wouldn't be insanely clingy, but he would constantly want to be around you,, but can you blame him though?

Ideal dates would be simple, like aquariums, museums, and maybe some fancy places, but in all honesty, his favorite thing to do would just lay in bed with you in his arms, talking about the most random of things

He would constantly act like a child, pouting when he asked you to do something or giggling while shaking his whole body when he finally got it

But he would also treat you like a baby, making sure you were constantly content (even if he complains about it,, he lives doing it,, well, taking care of you, that is)

Fights really wouldn't be common, maybe the rare bicker, but he hates confrontation and would never purposefully hurt someone he loves

But, with that being said, you both would debate over the STUPIDEST things

Like- is the earth round or cone? Is ice cream actually even good? What would happen if the sun suddenly went out?

Your relationship would be pretty chill, affectionate, and playful

Small things:

Wear his clothes, he loves it and will probably look at you like you're his whole universe

PLAY WITH HIS HAIR!! It'll make him melt instantly

Dancing with him at 3am in his studio and laughing when one of you messes up

Kisses, kisses, and even more kisses! He loves them so much and will place them all over your body! Your neck, cheeks, lips, forehead, ears, hands, collarbones, literally anywhere

Just being with the sweetest, most sympathetic little bub out there

I love and miss you oh sehun :( uwu real soft sehun hours for me

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p21 reaction

So, Dave, huh?

Doesn't seem as if Dirk is expecting him to fall unconscious too from the looks of it.

But that doesn't mean that he might not. It depends on who's really behind the condition, Dirk or Alternate Calliope.

You'd think Dave might get called by Roxy when they can't wake Jade up, but that might happen in the latter half of the page.

It's notable that Dirk even as almost omniscient narrator seems harried to continue acknowledging certain scenes. As if he fears he might be influenced.

"DAVE: holy shit thats disgusting KARKAT: DON’T BE A FUCKING XENOPHOBE DAVE: im not being a xenophobe" Yeah Dave, be more sensitive towards the people whose body image is celestial. :P

"Karkat doesn’t respond immediately. He shuffles his feet to the edge of the outcropping they’re standing on and stares down at the brood pit, where the Mother Grub of Earth C is squelching out unfertilized jelly." :O They actually left their hive! And they're meeting up with Kanaya! So... yeah, didn't think we'd require further indulging into the reproductive cycle of trolls, we had TMI already, but here we are. :P Jelly to go into the slurry, unfertilized like fish eggs. Joy.

"No answer. This silence makes Dave actually back up for three seconds and think about what the hell just came out of his mouth." Karkat's just distracted, thinking of something else or looking for Kanaya, I suspect, but Dave goes reading too much into it.

"Dave could definitely be handling this situation with a certain measure of restraint or grace. But he’s got my genes, so he decides to handle it a different way than that." Well, Dirk did say he owned his own faults. He wasn't lying.

"DAVE: but im almost as passionate about this troll speciesism thing as i am about the economy which you may not have known is my number one" Heh, Dave's really getting worked up about this, assuming he came over poorly.

"Karkat still doesn’t answer. He’s staring real intently at the jelly." He doesn't spot any mutations, by chance?

"KARKAT: HEY DIPSHIT, SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE. KARKAT: I’M NOT IGNORING YOU BECAUSE I’M MAD. DAVE: what DAVE: that wasnt what i KARKAT: I KNOW THAT YOU PERISH LIKE A DELICATE LILAC BLOOM IN THE FUCKING DESERT IF NOT SHOWERED WITH MY VERBAL ATTENTION AT ALL TIMES. KARKAT: BUT I’M KIND OF WITNESSING THE REBIRTH OF MY ENTIRE FUCKING SPECIES RIGHT HERE. KARKAT: YOU EVER THINK THAT THIS MIGHT BE A MONUMENTAL MOMENT FOR ME?" Wow, this is actually really much more like the Karkat we're used to hearing rants from.

I can definitely understand he feels some very heavy feelings right now, since everything that happened in the A2 session and after has lead to this moment. So I'm definitely allowing Karkat a measure of solemnness, and perhaps even feeling proud and aloof at the achievement.

"Dave comes to the edge of the outcropping, standing shoulder to shoulder with Karkat as he too observes the majesty of translucent goo getting birthed out of an alien asshole." So majestic. I'm definitely getting "Mufasa showing Simba the Pride Lands" vibes from this scene. :P

"KARKAT: WHAT PART OF THIS IS DISGUSTING? KARKAT: IS IT THE SLOW DEFLATING OF ITS DISTENDED ABDOMEN? KARKAT: THE SOUND OF DOZENS OF SEGMENTED LEGS CLACKING AGAINST ITS EXOSKELETON? KARKAT: THE UNFERTILIZED SLURRY BEING SLOWLY SQUEEZED FROM ITS OVIPOSITIONAL SPHINCTER? KARKAT: IS THAT IT? IS THAT DISGUSTING TO YOU DAVE? DAVE: kind of KARKAT: ... KARKAT: YOU’RE RIGHT KARKAT: IT’S HORRIBLE" You know when people sum up three items, the third one is often the most important one. :P And yeah, I figure Karkat can still see how horrific this is even as a troll himself. We know how much he could get grossed out by Equius' sweat and strongly voiced his dissent, and this is a whole new level of excrements.

"KANAYA: Im Sorry But I Can Hear You From Down Here" Kanaya has excellent hearing, being able to discern their blabbering from all the squelching and clacking. It might the rainbow drinker abilities.

"She’s glowing. Her skin, I mean." Yes, we already established she and Rose would adopt, if they'd ever go for progeny, if Rose can be convinced. :P

"Kanaya steps out from beneath the canopy where she was doing grub science, wiping her hands on a silk cloth." It's cool to see Kanaya do such a Jade-like activity! It's actually quite logical that her kind would be well versed in biology, given their strong dependence on the grub for (biological) reproduction.

"Her mood can be politely described as pensive." ... Something might be bothering her. A lack of donations, so far? It's not as if the imperial drone system will be set again, right? Depends on how they did things on Beforus, which she might shed light on. ... Figuratively.

"DAVE: whats shaking sis KANAYA: Must You Always Call Me That DAVE: nah but it does feel pretty rad to say DAVE: like wow my sister in law is an alien how" Pffff, yeah, that's right! Well, that's the first time someone besides Calliope (and Joey) is called sis! What'd that make Karkat to Rose? :P Since he has ties to both Kanaya and Dave.

"DAVE: i love our awesome planet where everyone is free to form xenophilic family units without fear of government interference or reprisal" That's an odd thing to say, but okay.

"Karkat pauses to imitate a very common Davism that involves two hands and a double-wrist swivel. It’s an incredibly good imitation, because he sees this particular bit of body language like ten times a day." ... Does Dave make a jazz hands signal when he's trying to change the subject? :D

"KARKAT: IT’S THE STUPIDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN AND YOU DO IT LIKE TEN TIMES A DAY." ... Is Karkat picking that up from the narration, unconsciously?

"DAVE: im dropping a beat DAVE: like im using a turntable and scratching one song into another" ... Well then, less dorky and more related to his interests than I thought.

"KARKAT: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO FOLD LAUNDRY YOU FORGOT TO IRON." At this point both he and Dave have forgotten Kanaya's presence. :P

"KANAYA: So This Is About The Election KARKAT: AH." She was expecting them. I wonder if they'll get as much an evasive answer as Roxy and Calliope gave Jade.

"KANAYA: I Do Get The Internet Down Here" Pretty good reception though! 'The Internet', such a Kanaya-ism.

"KANAYA: I Am Impressed That You Managed To Be Seen In Front Of That Many People Without Spontaneously Bursting Into Flames" So he gave a public statement! Nice.

"KARKAT: WOW THANKS, ANOTHER VOTE OF CONFIDENCE FROM ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS." Yeah, well, your speeching days are kind of behind you, and even then it was only in front of 12 people, she may or may not have a point.

"KARKAT: THIS CONDESCENSION IS REALLY RICH COMING FROM THE PERSON WHO DECIDED HER NARCISSISTIC OBSESSION WITH BEING THE ONE TO HATCH THE MOTHER GRUB WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN NOT SEEDING OUR PLANET WITH A STOPGAP SYSTEM OF REPRODUCTION THAT WOULD CAUSE SYSTEMIC SPECIESISM TO OSSIFY INTO SOCIETY FOR 5000 YEARS." Pfff, Karkat already mentioned he discussed these topics so often with Kanaya over the phone. It'll be interesting to hear her retort.

"KANAYA: But I Do Not Think It Is Productive To Attribute These Resultant Troubles To A Single Decision Or Individual KANAYA: It Stands In The Way Of Our Efforts To Address Them KARKAT: MMNNNRRRGHHH......... DAVE: (shhhhhh)" I like this, Kanaya's right in absolving herself at least in part of the blame for the end result. Karkat is doing wonders in restraining himself from shouting. Dave is shooshing Karkat.

"KAYANA: You Know As Well As I Do That We Must Present A United Front" Yeah, that'd be best to not cause societal upheaval. But they're not doing a good job already of course, running two different campaigns.

"KANAYA: I Have Nothing But The Utmost Faith In You" ... is the new "I believe in you".

"Kanaya reaches out to put a hand on Karkat’s head. He doesn’t duck away in time, and she gives him an affectionate, matronly hair-ruffle between his horns." I love how Kanaya's motherly/sisterly feelings towards Karkat manifest sometimes. :D *pap pap good crab*

"KANAYA: While I Know That It Is Difficult For You To Take A Direct Compliment KANAYA: I Have In The Past Put My Faith In You When The Threat To Our Survival Has Been Immediate And Literal KANAYA: Its Basically Nothing To Ask Me To Do It Again Now That The Threat Is Far More ... KANAYA: *Existential*" Awww. Yeah, she always was one of his closest confidantes. Even going through with the trolling of the kids when she didn't feel like it would be that effective. And she's right, the dangers now are far more vague.

"KANAYA: Is How I Think I Shall Put It KANAYA: If We Are Going To Be Polite" ... And personal, I guess, since they come from within their own group. (Let's be honest, the trolls were a team but not a cohesive one. In that regard, the players on Earth C are far more kin.

"Dave is watching her, but Karkat’s looking contemplatively at his entwined hands. Kanaya’s right: it’s almost excruciating for him to take a completely unironic compliment, especially face-to-face, like what she just said to him. I understand this about Karkat. It’s one of the precious few things he and I have in common." Well, it stands to reason that if Karkat has a lot in common with Dave, he'd have a lot in common with Dirk too! But maybe some of those things are not part of the same set.

"We internalize and project the quality in very different ways, however, which is why I’m going to win." Here goes Dirk again, assuming he's the real leader on his side. He assumes his way of dealing with compliments will make him come off better, but he might just seem arrogant.

"KANAYA: Jane Has Been Here To Speak With Me Recently In Fact" Oh! I actually figured the issue was being discussed over the heads of the actual people impacted by a decision. ... Like is so often the case on our own Earth.

"KANAYA: You Know I Do Like Jane KANAYA: In Some Regards She Reminds Me Of A Friend We Had Who Sadly Did Not Survive Our Time On The Meteor" Feferi?

"KANAYA: She Was Unfailingly Kind To Everyone She Met But She Also Happened To Be The Heiress To The Throne Of A Vast And Bloody Empire" Aww. We didn't have much interaction between them, but it seems she held Feferi in high regard. It would have been a different empire under her. Different from Beforus as well, since the troll race had been influenced so severely by Doc Scratch and )(IC by then already.

"KANAYA: And While She Had A Lot Of Opinions On Reform She Had Already Wrenched Some Of Her Power From Our Last Empress In The Traditional Manner" Via the lusus. That might be her reasoning behind waiting until after the time skip to hatch the Grub. For the bond that would form between troll and grub. Maybe she felt she alone could handle the responsibility, or she craved a little sliver of that contact she lossed with her own custodian.

"Karkat finally looks up at the description of one of their many dead friends." Yeah, this would surely stir something with him as well.

"She rests an ear against the rise of its massive stomach, then taps the shell with two perfectly manicured fingernails." That calls back to when she got the matriorb out from her dead lusus' body.

"KANAYA: By Which I Mean That Jane Is Perfectly Pleasant And I Believe That She Has Only The Best Of Intentions KANAYA: But I Cant Shake The Feeling That Deep Inside Her Lurks The Potential For Despotism" Yeah, we know how it could have manifested in Feferi from Beforus.

"KARKAT: OKAY I GET WHY YOU GUYS KEEP CALLING JANE A CRYPTO-FASCIST KARKAT: BUT FUCKING FEFERI? SHE WAS HARMLESS. KANAYA: These Things Take Time To Gestate Karkat DAVE: damn" Dave is impressed by Kanaya's political analysis.

"KANAYA: Power Corrupts In Small Steps KANAYA: Compromises KANAYA: Concessions KANAYA: Appeasements KANAYA: And Leaders Follow The Example Set For Them KANAYA: Look At What Jane Has Modeled Herself After Already" So maybe the situation on Beforus wasn't Feferi's doing single-handedly, just a situation that grew and grew over millennia. A goal reached by means bartered over, the result corrupted in the process of achieving it.

I don't think Jane really modelled herself after the Condesce consciously, but if it's the only example of a powerful business woman she had, then of course she'd unknowingly copy some bad habits she doesn't think are bad.

"KANAYA: This Is Why I Trust You Karkat KANAYA: Because You Listen To Advice From Below And Beside You Not From Above" Plus, the Sufferer is his precedent, whether he believes in him or not. And yes, Karkat might admire achievements made by what he believes to be his betters (Vriska, Meenah, the Condesce), but he's learned not to copy their behaviour.

"DAVE: so weve got your endorsement then

She laughs, not kindly. KANAYA: Jane Offered Me “A Seat” On The “Board Of Responsible Troll Reproduction” KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DARE SHE! KANAYA: That Is Exactly What I Said" Wow, yeah, that was definitely inconsiderate of Jane. Trolls should be the end responsible of their own reproduction, and if there's a board, there's a chairman, but as long as there's a president above either and she's human, the inequality persists.

"RECREATION SPRAWL" Troll term for park.

"KANAYA: In Case You Cant Tell I Am Actually Fucking Furious About This" Well, thanks Kanaya, I really couldn't!

"KANAYA: Our Reproduction Method Is Alien And Unfamiliar KANAYA: To A Human It Must Sound Monstrous KANAYA: Uncontrolled Even" While it wasn't, of course, there's a rhyme and reason to it. Especially considering the dangers on Alternia, a big pool of spawn to go through the trials is necessary. ... I wonder if they're going to set up new trials on Earth C, in the brooding caverns?

Come to think of it... What the grubs go through... It's kind of similar in a way to how in humans, the male sperm has to survive the trip to the egg cell.

"KARKAT: WHEN I HEAR ABOUT HOW HUMAN GRUBS CHEW THEIR WAY OUT OF THE FEMALE MATESPRIT’S ABDOMINAL HOLE BEFORE CONSUMING THE WOMB MEMBRANE IT MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT." That's... well, a different phrasing but still close to the truth. Makes us sound like birds hatching from an egg, though.

"KANAYA: I Hope That There Is At Least One Principle We Share As A Planet KANAYA: Which Is That We Must All Work To Ensure Equal Dignity And Respect For Every Species" It's sad that in real life, so many people disagree.

"KANAYA: Otherwise KANAYA: What Was This All For

The three of them stare at the floor in adorably cartoonish synchronicity. What was this all for, indeed?" It's almost as if they're looking down to the narration, acknowledging Dirk's presence. :P

"Morality is a cultural construct. It’s pure ego for any of them to believe that their personal interpretation of it will result in the most effective laws." As for your personal interpretation, Dirk? :P

"DAVE: would you be willing to say that exactly but DAVE: like in front of a huge crowd DAVE: and also a television crew or six" She'd actually pull it off better than Karkat. Maybe she could be his press speechperson on troll subjects? :P

"KARKAT: OR MAYBE JUST IN FRONT OF JAKE ENGLISH? KANAYA: Oh Dear Has Jane Recruited Jake" The Jakestakes return. Kanaya also believes in that Jake will sway the vote.

"KANAYA: That Would Be Disastrous KANAYA: He Is Beloved In The Troll Kingdom For His Perky Ass" Why. Of all the universal constants.

"DAVE: seriously? KARKAT: I TOLD YOU IT’S NOT JUST ME! KANAYA: It Has Some Terrible Arcane Power KANAYA: I Have Never Seen Anything Like It" It's like his <3 quadrant, a black hole everything is attracted to.

"DAVE: but jane is one of his best friends so we gotta approach this with a scorched earth policy DAVE: give him a whole cadre of sob stories thatll make him feel all manly and heroic for lending his support DAVE: just gift wrapping babies for him to kiss KARKAT: TROLL BABIES EVEN? DAVE: sure that can be part of the deal he can kiss the first natural born grub right on its gooey lil head" He'd don a mayoral sash, top hat, fake moustache and monocle for the occasion, I can just picture it.

"KANAYA: Have You Spoken To Rose Yet DAVE: uh no DAVE: i mean DAVE: shes

Dave mimes laying down and taking pills. The look Kanaya gives him is neither fond nor patronizing." Very tactful, Dave, real smooth. At least Dave didn't bother Rose while she's otherwise occupied, like during the start of their session. Progress, right?

"DAVE: whats up with that anyway DAVE: are you guys uh DAVE: grub pregnant" Oh, yeah I should have figured Dave would start wildly guessing when not knowing the specifics behind the migraine.

"DAVE: cmon karkat dont you wanna be an uncle to a lil bundle of love and unnatural genetic tampering" Oh, now the baby became a genetically manipulated crossbreed. Jegus, Dave.

"DAVE: ok stop freaking out im just saying from what i understand of troll reproduction it would be technically possible for a troll and human to KANAYA: No DAVE: and with ectobiology anythings possible" Well, it's true the fandom speculated about crossbreeds, but uh, Dave is just approaching the subject from the worst angle.

"DAVE: i dunno its just unusual for rose to brush me off for our annual ecto sibling oversharing session" I would have thought they'd AT LEAST schedule it monthly, not annually. :P

"DAVE: shes been sick for a while DAVE: either shes pregnant or i got reasons to be worried" And NOW we get to the REAL reason Dave's breached the subject.

"DAVE: id be cool with it yknow DAVE: bring on the rosemary combo grubs KANAYA: Rosemary" Hah, nice! Shipping name dropped! Maybe that's what Dave thinks of them in his mind sometimes, like how "Dave and Karkat" became a concept to their friends.

"DAVE: like rose plus your last name which is maryan or something right KANAYA: Maryam" Oh Dave, inconsiderate much? :P

"DAVE: the rosemary babies would have her hair and your horns or whatever DAVE: like when two cartoon animals of different species give in to their lust and have preposterous children" Like what Dirk drew for Jake and Roxy.

"KANAYA: Im Going To Call My Wife And You Are Going To Stop Talking" Oh boy, here we go. Is Dirk going to answer? Making him both narrator and character at the same time? Is he going to impersonate Rose? Or will Rose unexpectedly wake up?

"Dave and Karkat bicker about what their combo kids would look like, in the event that they decided to stop being such laughable wusses" Even Dirk is rooting for them, kind of. And why would they even discuss this subject if the subject of becoming more than friends even scares them so much they don't acknowle- wait I answered my own question.

"Rose’s line rings for a long time. It’s unusual, she thinks. Rose rarely leaves her phone unattended." She rarely leaves an occasion hanging to be able to speak long sentences.

"Rose is in absolutely no condition to be having a conversation with anyone. Not even her cherished bride. DIRK: Hey," Is Dirk going to lie, I wonder. It would just be another mark against him, but a big one, as it'd be a confirmed action of malicious intent.

"Kanaya’s voice turns sharp right away. KANAYA: Excuse Me

She can sense that something’s wrong." Alright! He won't be able to spin the wheel on her, if he'd wish to do so.

"She’s also smart enough, and facile enough in handling questionable men" - right, Doc Scratch.

"to understand that she quickly needs to regulate the tone of her voice for diplomatic purposes. KANAYA: Dirk KANAYA: Is That You" Not fooling him at all, Kanaya, he knows you know it's him. This turned almost into a call with a hostage-holder.

"I don’t answer immediately. I’m distracted by something." His own narration, or something happening to Rose? ... Or perhaps... Perhaps Dirk is making contact with Reload Dirk, if he still exists. It would be something if he lost touch with Earth C for a while.

Perhaps it's more like what Blaperile thinks, Dirk is being distracted by events in the Furthest Ring, leading up to the upcoming perspective switch.

"She really should chill out, anyway. I’ve got everything under control. Not that she’ll ever be able to fully appreciate this." Well that's the understatement of the year. Kanaya would never forgive him, and it's only questionable if a lot of his other friends will. It'll dependent on further developments.

"I don’t have time to explain right now. John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." You'd think that what we last saw, John and the wallet, is where we'd continue his scene. But maybe Dirk fastforwarded his narration of John (he showed off at one point and let him spend a few hours, remember?), and now Rose's timeline caught up.

But this means Dirk's currently not in a state to answer Kanaya, but what does that mean? Is he going to freeze with Rose's phone in hand for a few hours, or has he broken off the call to "write" the narration?

"DIRK: Kanaya, I don’t have time to explain right now." That's not an acceptable answer for her and you know it. Unless he has her fall unconscious, too, Dave and Karkat and her are going to come over!

"DIRK: John’s doing something vaguely important to the plot again." Wow, he actually repeated his narration into the phone. He really doesn't control his situation as much as he thinks.

"KANAYA: Dirk... KANAYA: What DIRK: This is gonna have to wait. KANAYA: Dirk DIRK: I’m putting you on hold, ok? KANAYA: DIRK!" "Putting you on hold", pfffff. It's a personal cliffhanger for Kanaya. At least he's partially outed himself to the other people now. Unless he can continue his conversation with her with a 'reasonable' delay of only a few seconds from her perspective, and then proceeds to smoothly talk around what he told her, with his narration powers influencing her to drop the subject.

[genocidershodan]

Someone on this Star Trek group posted a thread “Name 8 things you thought was wrong with the new Star Trek movies and explain why”.

A lot of you have probably heard me mention that I really hate Into Darkness, but I don’t know if I’ve really talked about why.

Everyone's got their opinion so here's my version.

Basically, Beyond was great, and 2009 was ok. It failed at Star Trek but at least was able to be a good space adventure film. My big problem lies with Into Darkness, which fails miserably at being Star Trek, problems carried over from 2009 and amplified, and fails miserably at being a film.So for the purposes of this exercise I'll focus on Into Darkness but boy oh boy is there so much more than this.

1. MILITARY EMBLEMISM IN MAH STARFLEET. Not much more to say really. It's pretty self evident, the grey uniforms everyone has with the shoulder ranks. Starfleet is not a military organisation, and Gene Roddenberry wanted to completely disassociate Starfleet from military. In designing the uniforms he wanted them to not be recognisable as any type of military uniform, and the command structure of Starfleet is modelled after the Merchant Navy instead of any military.

2. A PORTABLE DEVICE THE SIZE OF A SUITCASE THAT CAN WARP KHAN FROM EARTH TO QO'NOS. This is the dumbest world breaking device I've ever heard of. I don't need to even describe how much this breaks the Star Trek universe.  And the only real function this can seem to serve is so they can have Klingons which leads me right into...

3. A PLOT DRIVEN ENTIRELY BY CONTRIVENCES BUILT AROUND MAKING AS MANY REFERENCES AS POSSIBLE. There's nothing of substance here. It's a revenge story. There's no character arcs, dropped plot threads, nonsensical series of events. During my first viewing of this movie I found myself continually asking "What are you doing? Why are you going there? What is happening?", and 90% of the time the answer is because the plot says so. And the whole thing is jam packed with vapid moments and shout outs. Urgh, why did they copy the kirk/spock hand on glass scene without understanding why it was such a powerful moment. But they screwed it up by reversing the script. (I suppose they thought it was a twist). It's so much more meaningful that Spock put his Vulcan salute against the glass first and then Kirk puts his hand against that, but they fucking screwed it up.And then they just pull a rewind and bring him back because they decided to, for some ungodly fucking reason, test the blood on a bloody tribble. What the fuck is a tribble doing just sitting on the enterprise having random blood tested on it for fucks sake? How the fuck could Khan from the 1990's help starfleet build more advanced ships? Why did they bring back Leonard Nimoy just so he could tell Zachary Quinton that Khan is not a cool guy. god damnit I hate this fucking movie.

4. CHARACTERS STRIPPED DOWN TO THEIR POP CULTURAL OSMOSIS This is usually the hardest to discuss because to be quite frank there's not a lot to most of the characters. Like nothing much is explained about Chekov's history other than he's Russian. Scotty was the Scottiest Scotsmen that drank Scotch. Uhura was calm and friendly and among the most affectionate members of the crew. But I guess the writers now decided she needs to be a sassy black lady. Spock is now struggling to deal with his human side, and also his unemotional tranquility seems to have translated into some kind of meanness. Kirk? What have they done to you? You know back on the show he was poetic, passionate, professional. He was a very by the book captain. Did you guys know that back in his academy days he was much more akin to a bookish nerd than a jock? He even had an upperclassmen who regularly bullied him.

5. THE USS VENGEANCE This is the stupidest design I've ever seen. Why the fuck is it so big? It's designed to be operated by a skeleton crew and even by 1 person. It's so needlessly big. What the hell is it so big for? All that is doing is providing a larger target and larger surface area that requires maintenance. And it's mostly all just empty space. Why isn't it in a smaller compact design allowing for maneuverability where all the components are more tightly packed together with no weak spots like a real Starfleet warship (see Defiance)Why is the bridge now a weak spot from both the top and the bottom?

6. KHAN NOONIEN SINGH'S ETHNICITY Yep, there we go, why won't you cast Indian actors for Indian characters?

7. THE TREATMENT OF WOMEN Come on guys. If a TV show from the 1960's treats its female characters with more dignity and respect than its counter part made today, you've got a problem. Into Darkness doesn't even pass the Bechdel test. Where's Janice Rand? Where's Christine Chapel? Oh and they totally just decided that she only became a nurse because she was one of Kirk's past conquests. Blah. It seems kinda telling that the female uniforms don't have rank bands. 8.THE WHOLE MARKETING REGARDING KHAN.You know, this one kind of sticks as a sore point for me. Because I was one of those few people who said "No, it's not Khan." in the lead up to this movie. I was actually quite convinced it was going to be Gary Mitchell. And I don't really know why everyone was so sure it was going to be Khan. Maybe I'm too naive and actually believed them when they said that it wasn't going to be him. But I went through the evidence and found more to indicate that he wasn't Khan than that he was. (like his ethnicity, but that's a dead horse now). I remember thinking "If it turns out to be a twist that he was actually Khan, that would be the stupidest thing ever." And then I saw the movie, and the reality was so much worse.

[riverdalefiction]

Anthology of a Kiss

Summary: Five times Archie and Veronica didn’t kiss, and the one time they did.

Rating: T

Genre: General, Alternate Universe, Romance, Angst

Pairing: Archie x Veronica

Word count: 2,025

i.

Everything begins when they’re seventeen. She’s all raven haired brutal honesty and witty comebacks, and he’s redheaded and hot, confused more than anything else.

They’re friends, but he messes up. He messed up, badly.

His fingers rest on her cheek, trailing over the smooth skin as if it were silk. Her eyes are closed and lips parted ever so slightly, taking in long, deep breaths as if she were soaking up her presence. She smells like some expensive perfume and only a touch of the earth’s scent; grounding him.

She’s fragile beneath her fingertips; a masterpiece he’s not worthy of touching. Yet she allows him, fluttering underneath his touch. He smiles at her because she looks like Snow White and only belongs to him. When his lips touch her forehead she releases a soft breath, warm again the tense skin on his neck.

But that’s not what happens. 

His fingers brushes against hers when they sit together for lunch, talking about music. Her hand doesn’t linger on his after everyone leaves, and there is no affectionate gaze in the dark eyes. She waves him goodbye instead of a kiss, and he remains sitting there, lost in his imagination and fantasies.

That time, he lets her walk away. He makes a promise to make it last - a promise he breaks, continuously, four more times.

ii.

She’s broken, crying on his bed after having her heart broken. It’s the first time she allows him to see her upset; with dark mascara smeared across her face and lipstick stained from the very last makeup session she is going to have with Reggie, there is nothing shielding her from him.

He appreciates it. He takes her hands in his, sits beside her as she tells him everything, and holds her in his arms when she breaks. 

It hurts. Something is tugging at his chest, the need to put her to sleep and watch her until she wakes up; to make her breakfast in bed and cater to her until she is well enough to appear before the world. To watch Reggie’s face crumble into pieces after he punches him, doing the only thing that is right.

She trembles in his arms until she doesn’t anymore. They are nineteen and it’s their last summer together, and they never thought they’d spend it like this. The moon is up and his father is asleep and he should go to sleep, too, but he can only admire the way her pale skin glistens in the white of the moonlight.

So he puts her in his bed and lies in the chair next to it, eyes open until he’s made sure her breathing is steady and her face is clean. 

When he wakes up, he finds her smiling at him and that same something tugs at his chest again. She thanks him and he pulls her into a hug, inhaling the earthly scent and feels grounded again. 

He doesn’t feel like he is ever going to let her go. But they part and he does, watching her leave his house with a smile on her face, but purple underneath her eyes. 

He lets her go, again.

iii.

For Christmas, they were supposed to be happy. But her father was sentenced to two decades in jail, her mother is somewhere away and she is alone, with only him to make her company.

She doesn’t cry this time. They get drunk, even though they’re still just nineteen, and his father doesn’t seem to matter. When Betty and Jughead come over, the four of them get drunk even more and in an incredible game of truth or dare, the redhead and the raven haired girl end up in the closet again.

He thinks about kissing her; he’s dreamt of it one too many times. He can almost feel his fingers caressing her cheek and his lips whispering sweet nothings into her ear until she feels loved like never before. His arms holding her steady when she stumbled over her words, over her promises and when she needs someone to hold onto.

He can picture them latching their fingers together walking down the street, and lips dancing before they go to sleep every night. Her fingers tangled in his hair and a smile on her lips, because he could love her like no one else could. 

And he thinks about doing it, but he doesn’t. Because he’s drunk and in love and she’s drunk and in pain and it wouldn’t be fair to put her in a situation like that, not when that’s the one thing he swore to himself never to do.

So instead of holding her and kissing her, he holds her and talks to her until she isn’t scared and lost anymore, and yet again she falls asleep in his arms. He thinks if he’s her safe space just like she is to him, but doesn’t question it anymore.

He makes sure she’s safe and sound before he sleeps on the couch, and when he wakes up in the morning, there is egg and bacon waiting for all four of them. She’s smiling at him and mouths a thank you, receiving a hug in response.

That’s when he lets her go the third time, but she’s still here. They’re holding onto something.

iv. 

Things get difficult when he’s rejected from a label, leaving him with little to no money. His father lost his company and they’re drowning in debts, neither of them able to pay off the debts. It’s a miserable time for both of them and when she comes with a bottle of Jack Daniels and Coke, even though they’re twenty, his father leaves the two without a word.

He rambles about the industry and unfairness of the world and she rambles about her newest boyfriend and there it is again, the need to cup her face and kiss her senseless because the bastard wasn’t treating her right.

And somehow his problems are shaded away because his muse is the one bothered by boys who think they’re men and he wishes she would understand. He thinks about telling her the truth but he can’t, so he takes the guitar and sings a song he wrote for her when they were still teenagers.

He watches her watch him and he thinks he’s never seen someone more beautiful. It’s not just lust anymore, not just desire like when they were younger; he can see that he’s just not ready for anything serious, let alone with someone who means so much to him.

He looks her straight in the eye as he sings to a girl she doesn’t know it’s really her, but he knows and that’s what really matters. This time, he’s letting her go because he understands that that is what needs to be done. Not what he wants, but what he needs. 

What they both need. He knows she’s it for him, but he thinks she doesn’t have to settle for someone like him so early. He wants her to have options. The only thing that is important is that he doesn’t stay out of her life, at any point. 

So he lets her go. And for the first time, he’s okay with it.

v. 

It’s the fifth anniversary of Jason Blossom’s disappearance and the entire town is holding a rally. He sees Betty and Jughead and his mind flies back to her, who’s still in New York because dealing with something so insignificant as this anniversary is nothing compared to the chaos she had at home.

So he joins the pair and they talk, despite the gloomy atmosphere, talk about the days when things were simpler, when they weren’t scattered across the country for colleges and when they’d spend days and nights together.

And she appears out of nowhere, hugging them all but him last and longest and he feels grounded for the first time in months. For the longest time he’s thought he was the one she came to in times of need and he was, but it was nothing compared to the sense of need of her he left at times. She was, more than everything, his anchor and letting her go was the stupidest decision he’s ever made.

When he lets go of her he can see that she’s gotten paler over the summer, with the blue and purple underneath her eyes that she’s stopped trying to hide. Her entire life for the past few months has been a game of truth and lies for everyone and she’s the only one who bared it all.

He wishes he could kiss her softly, on the lips, resting their foreheads together in the middle of the crowd. He wants to show her he thinks it’s okay, what she’s going through, and that she’s being extremely brave and he’s there for her. 

Instead he held her hand, fingers laced together in a soothing manner, because they are both dealing with more crap than either can take. And he can see Jughead watching from some distance, questions in his eyes, to what he answers with a shake of head.

His fingers tighten around hers and he pulls her into a hug, whispering only comfort he could think of in the moment. He tells her the truth, that she’s strong and brave and it doesn’t matter what the world thinks of her, because he knows. 

And when a single tear drops slides down her cheek, he knows that she knows, too. But when the day comes to a conclusion so do they, with each turning back to their own problems, miles from one another.

So he lets her go again, because he knows there’s nothing he can do to keep her.

vi.

They’re twenty four and Kevin’s getting married and they’re all supposed to be there, but she doesn’t come and they haven’t talked in weeks. It’s Betty who tells him she’s had a nervous breakdown because shit has gone even worse, with her mother getting arrested as well and her entire fortune hanging in the air, and her most recent boyfriend, the one he even liked, was a lying snake.

So he says his goodbyes to Kevin, leaves Betty and Jughead there because they came together and she’s his Maid of Honor, and sets for New York. There’s not a penny to his name and even less food or clothes in the trunk, but his friends understand and he doesn’t doubt it for a second.

So when after hours of driving without a stop he arrives at her doorstep, when she opens her door he hesitates for only a heartbeat. Her face looks beaten down and she looks like she’s taken upon herself all the weight of the world, but she’s still as out of this world as he always pictures her, as she ever has been.

Before she can say anything, he cups her face and plants a soft kiss on her lips. His fingers caress her cheeks and he feels her relax into it, before he pulls into the tightest hug. And he doesn’t whisper sweet nothings into her ear, he doesn’t say anything at all because there are no words needed.

He knows and she knows, too. So only when they part he says the words he’s said a lot of times, but never with so much emotion, never like this. 

And he waited. He’s waited for seven years for this moment and when it comes and ends he doesn’t know what happens next, but he knows no matter what, he’s not letting her go.

Not this time. Not ever again.