#stupid brain. im 6 again sokewhere anf 16 again somewhere and 18 again somewhere and its all bad
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#delete later#ibe been too echausted to distract kyself so now im stuck in a memory and im tryingbto go to sleep but the memory#is right yhere and i cab feel nyself getting psnivky#when it rains it fuckin pours huh. itd been such a horrible fucking day ajd i dojt want to do another one#i also just hate my birthday. like i always get the runblings of excitement but i akways get overwhelmed and it always makes me think abiut#money problems and how im oldee than i sgould be and how its selfish to try and have my day#its roo much abd it scares me abd makes me upset that im being sekfish and bad#thats why im rly gkad we're not doing snything on yhe day and my oarents can't vall me til late#i can have a morning of just me and bresyhing and rhen prepare for being around ppl later#and obvs i love seeing ppl snd hanging out and hsving fun but theres always the bit that mekes me think theyre only there bc#they have to be. its an old fear but i struggle with it rvery year#and like i do want to celebrate! i do want to get pressies anf smile with ppl. i just feel selfidg that i do want that#stupid brain. im 6 again sokewhere anf 16 again somewhere and 18 again somewhere and its all bad
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